Original subtitles

CHARLIE: 'When you make

'you need to know

'which is why every hotel

'One star, you get a bed

'Two stars, you get the bed,

'you get the toilet

'Three stars, you get the bed,

'the telly and room service.

'Four stars, you get the bed,

'the telly, room service,

'Five stars,

'Want us to turn your room

SPEAKING JAPANESE

'Want a massage that goes that

'Want cocktails served on the roof

'Consider it done.

'For five stars, nothing is beyond

# Rock a bye baby on the treetop

# When the wind blows

# When the bough breaks

# And down will come baby

SMASH

Great.

BABY BAWLS

"Were you offered any form

"Was your bed turned down

"Did staff initiate conversation?

"Were food and refreshments

"Room for improvement!"

Every single one of you,

If we lose a star because of this

If we drop our rates,

And you lot are first

Oh, shit.

Nobody leaves this meeting

PHONE RINGING

Thanks, Ben. She knows I'm here.

Any of that coffee going spare?

Adrian, this is a surprise.

Tony. Charlie. Jackie.

I'm not familiar with you.

Anna Thornton-Wilton, our head

European Director

Now, despite the recent setback,

I know this hotel is worthy

but I do want you all

to ensure that we breeze through

And if nobody minds,

just to see for myself

Er, that's about it really.

Thank you, Adrian.

It's always a pleasure to have you

Right. Reservations to be aware of,

better known to you and I

Mr big movie action man?

Oh! I'm a big fan

He's over here on a publicity junket

Autograph books away,

Let's give him some peace and quiet.

Also arriving today for

the Nanec Computer Training Course.

Quick as you can, delegates, please.

Up the stairs to the conference

We've got a lot to get through

Orange and lemon squash

Geeks.

One other guest to be aware of

who will be in

Never heard of him.

Well, that's because he isn't famous

The gentleman will be appearing

and he will be guarded by armed

How long is his stay?

As yet, undecided.

could be for the duration

He is a high-security risk

will be closed and off limits.

What kind of trial is it, Rebecca?

I mean, he's not some sort of

No. If they're putting him up here,

That's correct, Tony.

So, armed police,

Do we know enough about this guy?

We are saying this Mr Wiltshire

I have served a lot

Heavy-weight people.

I don't imagine Mr Wiltshire will

considering his circumstances.

Maybe not him, but the people

What?

That's not funny, Gino.

I will order in some more grappa,

Any queries or issues

should be directed to Charlie.

You're OK to handle this one

Yep. Sure.

Employee life insurance

does take care of this kind of

If you're uncomfortable

you should have refused to do it.

Not a good career move,

especially with the European

What's he doing here anyway?

It's a chain of command thing,

After a bad inspection, the manager

and the European Director

Well, he's not gonna get rid

This Adrian chap,

Don't even think about it, Anna.

So, what would you

What are you proud of?

Oh, Rebecca.

Dwayne Johnson has cancelled.

I'm afraid we've lost The Rock.

Oh, his publicist said they got

Word gets out

this sort of thing can happen.

Did you see that?

Maybe he was deciding

If anyone's going to get fired

it will be you.

I've been working here

Yes, but I have

I'm better at dealing with

OK, well, we'll just let Adrian

Hi.

Good morning, madam.

Sorry, gentlemen. We have a policy

If there's anything unsatisfactory,

Trust me.

he won't be complaining

You do know he's been in prison

Clearly I wasn't made aware

Let's not take any chances

PHONE RINGING

Three. Four.

No, leave it. Five, six.

Good morning. Reception.

We hope you enjoyed your stay.

Thank you.

Anna, why are we not

Normally we do,

but I decided to make an exception

Wasalam... Wasalamundida...

Wasalamu...

Wasalamudiyanse.

Thanks, Ben.

Let's see if we can answer the phone

Obviously, security is your

which is why we've allocated you

The added bonus being, of course,

that you get to enjoy

Is there anything else that I can...

All clear?

Then get out of my room, filth.

We're gonna be stationed

Any danger of getting us

You can stand for all I care.

You don't frighten me, Grandad.

Coffee, anyone?

What are you doing up here?

So what's he like,

Mr Wiltshire?

Well, let's just say I wouldn't like

or a brightly lit one, actually,

Well, I have a surprise

A little two-month anniversary

Two months.

Yeah, well, it is when you haven't

I know loads of stuff about you.

What's this surprise, then?

Give us a clue.

Would it kill you

That's not a good choice of words,

Hmm.

Please tell me

I was just tasting it

I've never heard of a barman

before he sends them out.

The chef put his dirty, grimy finger

Nobody makes a complaint about that.

Say what you like about me,

You're supposed to know

Yeah, this is something new

Well, if an inspector catches you

that's a point against us.

PAGER BEEPING

It's been such a pleasure

We can't wait to see you again soon.

23 to me, 14 to you.

You're keeping score?

Well, I think Adrian

who is the most productive member

You want a war? I'll give you war.

Hi. Looking for a room?

Hello.

Hi there.

Hello?

I need it. Give me that.

I'm planning on going through

the customer satisfaction reports

Can you stay late to help?

I'm sorry, I have plans.

It's our anniversary this weekend.

Mark and I have agreed to spend

I suppose I could make a call.

OK. Let me see.

Is that what I think it is?

Mrs Thompson, I assume?

I think it's time we had

Hmm. I'm looking forward

Hang on a minute.

Just making sure it ain't poisoned.

Mr Wiltshire, lunch is served.

I'll set your lunch up

What have we got here?

Dover sole a la meuniere.

I can arrange for something else

if you'd like.

Did they spit on it?

The filth in the corridor.

No, sir.

Positive.

I'm not used to...

..posh cutlery.

Napkin in the collar.

What's your name, son?

Charlie, sir.

Charlie Sir?

Nobody's called me "sir"

Very well, Mr Wiltshire.

Mr Wiltshire ain't my name,

If you don't wish for me to call you

then... what?

Bones? As in...

He's a pussycat.

Yeah, but Wiltshire's

These are the guys

The ones he's stupidly

Well, he's been inside for a decade.

His life. If he's been inside

why has he suddenly decided

I don't know. Redemption?

These guys are coming to get him.

One hour for lunch, everybody.

Don't want to interfere with those

ALL LAUGHING

Can you sign this for me, Tony?

Thank you.

It's gangland code.

They know Wiltshire's here

Impossible.

just to help out in the restaurant.

But we can't move him.

He should be back in prison,

not living it up

I agree with you, shorty,

but the deal is he gets a reduced

for the duration of the trial.

and without his evidence,

Your call.

Mr Wiltshire has rented

albeit at the taxpayers' expense.

If we have to bump him

we'll never fill

He stays.

You paged me?

Your poo-in-the-bed-lady,

You wanted to know

I'm going to enjoy this.

Madam, this is

so I'll come straight to the point.

My chambermaids are refusing

If it's a medical condition,

but I don't think that's

You know what I'm saying?

That's not Mrs Thompson.

Charlie.

Jackie wanted a room inspection.

Hmm.

Oh, sorry. Um...

I thought I'd bring you

You asked to see them.

You'd better come in.

You know, I must have been

..and I still don't know

So, how's Paris?

Not renowned

I have to be there next week to

I didn't know

He's been poached.

No point in offering you

I'd bite your hand off.

Sorry, no.

Six weeks, then.

I'll advertise for someone

and you can join me in Paris.

I don't think

Well, it is our flagship hotel,

and a second ago,

It was an involuntary reaction.

My life is here in London,

KNOCKING

Tanya.

This is probably

Is this really a good idea,

Don't worry about Adrian.

For the first time ever, when we're

We've got the whole night.

I got a discount. Might not

but it's good enough for us.

Room service?

'Consider the average

'In just five years, it will support

'It will have three bodies

'And it will endure an average

'For this reason alone,

'hotels choose their beds

'You'll notice there's never

'I don't know what it is,

'they like to have sex.

'Maybe it's a feeling

'A break from routine.

'Or maybe they just think

No, wait. I can't do this.

'I understand why you're angry.'

You vandalised my car.

I'm sorry. You decide what you want.

What have I told you

I didn't know who else to tell.

Mr and Mrs Szabados in room 806

There's water streaming in

So call maintenance.

The water's coming from the ninth

Great.

Sir?

Oh, Charlie.

Your bath's overflowing.

It's dripping

Have they come yet?

Yeah, my friends. You know,

It'd be great to catch up.

This water's stone-cold.

I need to get you out

Oh, God.

Charlie, when they come,

send them straight up with

Yeah, everybody likes crisps.

Yeah. It'll be... It'll be all

They're friends. Yeah.

It... It won't be...

Won't be... Won't be a problem.

Good morning.

Breakfast is served.

Good God.

Would you mind putting that

Imagine starting every day

Together?

What must it be like to wake up

every day of your life?

Ah, you'd get bored of it.

Wake up and smell

If that's the life you want,

Are the staff always this rude?

but, Jackie, you have a delivery

and, Charlie, there's

that requires your urgent attention.

What? And no tip? Bloody peasants.

I'll be in the shower

And you'd better want me.

Miss Mitchell.

I was just delivering some

He's handsome man.

A little old for me, but for you,

Nothing happened.

And I'd appreciate it if you said

What do I have to gain

Exactly.

What interests me is what

Perhaps a few shifts

where the big money tips are.

Good morning.

I hope I didn't

I talked to Tanya.

No, I mean about the Paris job.

But Mark's work is...

I'm pretty certain

It's not a decision

It would be quite an adventure.

Are you?

Erm, not that one.

Can I ask you a question, Mr Bones?

There's something about your stay

Go on. Go ahead.

Why a hotel?

The guy outside

if you could stay

Well, you know,

I tried to think of it like this.

The space, the cleanliness, the...

Well, if you ever do time,

I might not have done ten years,

Oh.

I bet you keep that

I've made my fair share of mistakes,

I mean, it just seems to me

like you've moved

TONY: If we don't make our feelings

I suggest that we go to Rebecca,

What ultimatum's this?

Either Wiltshire goes,

And you all feel this way, do you?

Last time I look at my wages, I

So you're gonna go on strike?

This really is the worst possible

Surely you can see that.

We could be getting downgraded

and to top that, we've got the

But, hey, if you all want to be

then go right ahead.

Let's not forget Rebecca's position

Same as everyone else's here.

This is where we should be showing

not stab her in the back.

Tony.

What's this?

In light of the concerns

I'm giving one to all

BEEPING

one person pushes the button,

I remember them from the Bush visit.

Will that go some way

It's a start. When's he leaving?

When he's satisfied

I don't need to remind you

of the financial implications

The inspectors caught us

If we did lose a star,

Work day and night

You wouldn't jump ship

My loyalty is here.

What's all this?

Oh, I just thought they might

Good idea.

What do you think?

Are you OK with me being here?

Well, the last time I came,

You've been here for 24 hours.

That's the first time

I was waiting for you

Adrian, a lot's happened

Mark and I have

I know the deal.

Which is why I left you alone

Is there a chance?

Like you said.

If it was the other way round,

You'd leave

I'm confused.

Look, the last time I was here,

Well, that definitely

The stupid thing being I didn't

I don't want to

ALARM BLARING

Ladies and gentlemen,

If I could I ask you to quickly

Thank you very much. Through

I'm sorry, sir. Nobody is allowed

But my laptop. I need my laptop.

It's for your own safety, sir.

I don't like the look of this.

Do you think Rebecca is testing us

Either that,

I'm gonna go check on Mr Wiltshire.

What's the alarm for?

It's a fire alarm.

but we need to

Maybe you can take the gun

He's refusing to move,

Why don't I try talking to him?

What happened to knocking?

I'm afraid we have to move you

I don't run or hide from anyone.

This isn't your battle,

I think they might be

Yeah, good. So be it.

This is what you wanted to happen,

The pills in the bathroom...

You've not come here for the trial.

You've not come here

You've come here to die.

Cheers.

Out of the building, please!

Now!

Everybody out!

OK, it's all clear.

Yeah. We should get out, too.

Adrian.

The Paris job.

Why did you offer it to me?

So if I was to say yes to the job,

That's what I want.

But it's not down to me, is it?

I'm coming with you.

No, I mean

Are you sure about this?

Our system was hacked into.

Somehow they found a way

Back to work, delegates. We have

Do you think our computer friends

could have had

Well, we have no proof.

Just reassure people as best you can

Oh, it's not working!

System support won't be here

Maybe we won't

I think I see

I knew you could fix it.

I was drawn to you in the lobby, and

Yeah, the doctors have given me

I always thought I'd die of

but what can you do?

How accurate their timescale

but you know the legal process,

and with a tasty lawyer,

And never tell them

Very clever.

What happens if your friends turn up

Well, you gotta die sooner or later,

I mean, you can't control

but you do have some say

In a stinking prison cell, or...

..a nice five star hotel?

You've been inside, Charlie.

KNOCKING ON DOOR

Boss, you're needed.

Tony, whatever it is, I'm sure

I think you'll want to see this.

Mark! What are you doing here?

I got a call. Someone said

Happy anniversary,

Two Alaskan Pigmies.

As enjoyed on your honeymoon

Mmm. Just as I remember it.

Vodka, lime, grenadine,

the pulp of an acerola and just

Three days to find the recipe.

Mr and Mrs Thorne.

You arranged this?

Have you seen this menu?

I thought you'd know it

This is the exact same menu

Well, whatever you're paying

Are you OK?

Yeah, I'm just surprised,

I take your order now?

I'd like the guinea fowl.

Are you sure you make

Why? What's wrong with it?

Are you sure

Yes, that will be two guinea fowl.

'AS TIME GOES BY' PLAYING ON PIANO

Isn't that the song that was playing

But there's no way

You'll be amazed

Rebecca looks so busy,

I bet we could sneak off work early

I like the way you're thinking,

I'm just gonna go and check up

I'll catch you up later.

I don't get it.

He's really not such a bad old boy.

to be locked in a room

What does that mean?

We've been together two months now,

And you don't look as if

so there's probably a few things

Now I'm worried.

I'll tell you everything later, OK?

Charlie. Tony.

Could you call the...

You're booked on the next flight

It's almost as if

We never like to see

Call the airline back.

Check if there's any empty seats

Adrian!

I've booked a car to the airport

This is Mark Thorne, my husband.

Adrian McBride, my...

Well, my boss.

Happy anniversary. Please, sit.

Where are you flying to?

Have you been?

But we're not very keen

So why are you leaving so soon?

I thought you wanted to see

I think I've seen enough.

Ah, you'll breeze through

The hotel is a credit to you,

The hours she puts in,

If you've got any changes to make,

I'll go along

Enjoy your meal.

Oh, that was great.

I only wish I could

Maybe I won't sack them all

Hey, let's have another few drinks

Listen, I really need

Of course.

Look, why don't you go and order

and I'll come and join you

Don't be long.

KNOCKING ON DOOR

Won't they be missing you

Oh, that's OK. I finished my shift

Look, Charlie, I...

You know, I appreciate

but you won't be safe here.

Well, actually, inside a hotel

is probably one of the safest places

Each room's fitted with a smoke

double locks, reinforced doors,

emergency exit signs that light up

Even the glass, that's bullet-proof.

I'd challenge you

'Hello.'

You have a reservation for me.

Certainly, sir. If I could just

Of course.

Were the conference facilities

Oh, yes, thank you.

Hope we didn't cause too much mess

You know how raucous

Yes. They were quite a rowdy bunch,

Just in case you ever need anything.

a weekend at a Trekkie convention...

Thank you, sir. I shall keep it

Left a couple of bags upstairs.

I deserve at least two stars for not

Your room is on the fifth floor,

Thank you.

Would you like assistance

This is all I have.

Scores?

Call it a draw?

Could you spare us

Of course.

We have some security issues

and we're asking guests

if they can help us

Anything I can do to help.

Where's the briefcase?

HE GRUNTS

ALARM BEEPING

Come on!

Charlie!

Charlie.

'The definition of the word "luxury"

' "Something that is an indulgence

'Personally, I think indulgence

'If you never indulge yourself,

'you'll never know what it is

'To be pampered.

'To be spoilt.

'To be inebriated.

'To be flattered.

'And this should not be exclusive

'Whoever you are

'every now and then,

'and let someone else

'You owe it to yourself.'