Original subtitles

'Maybe you're on holiday.

'Maybe you're on a business trip.

'Maybe you missed the last train

Thanks.

'Maybe you're getting married.

'Maybe you had a row with your wife

'Chances are you might end up

Just sign there.

£863? For two nights?

Room charge, restaurant, bar,

How can you justify charging

'OK, it's gonna cost you

'and if this is your first visit,

'but what are you gonna get

'The best view.

'The best service.

'The finest ingredients.

'The utmost discretion.

'But that's not the whole picture.

'What you're really paying for

'to live out your wildest, darkest,

'To be, for maybe

'the person you really want to be.'

I'm not paying it.

Mrs Austin left some personal items

Perhaps on your next visit,

Mrs Austin can enjoy

in our health and beauty spa.

'Whatever or whoever

Thank you.

'..we'll look after you.'

What would you say your

if I gave you the job?

I'd say my number one responsibility

would be to the guests,

to ensure they have

My job is to serve them,

or perverse

PAGER BEEPING

Oh, God. Sorry. Do you mind?

I think I have all the necessary

and I just think the job will be

than working on reception.

Is that a bad thing?

Try using "believe", as in,

"I believe your account

Puts a more positive spin on things.

Let me see. Did we find the finger?

PAGER BEEPING

You have all the attributes

You're polite, handsome, flirtatious

Thank you.

So why would I want to lose

and gain an inexperienced

Come on, out! The honesty bar

Every bloody morning he's here.

Maybe I put some ice

I'll handle this. Thank you, Gino.

Darling, it's gone nine.

Dinner will be on the table

Come on, out.

Imagine your worst day,

and everyone blames you.

That is an average day

Doesn't put me off.

One day, I want your job.

In another five-star hotel,

Don't tell me,

Well, no, what kid grows up

I did. What's in the box, Tony?

Mr Kendal, 302,

I offered him a female escort.

He asked for something

If you'll excuse me,

Any questions?

If a job in management

then why do you do it?

I said it was long hours

There are also a lot of perks.

Like, if you ever get the job,

My last three deputies all quit

None of them were tough enough

I... I believe so.

Good interview, Charlie.

I'll be making my decision

The Saudi gentleman, Sheik...?

He's been waiting around all

personally for your understanding.

BLEATING

The question you've got to

is the job really worth all

It's the best job in the world.

You get rich, beautiful guests

You're surrounded by the best

the tips are great.

Yeah, the tips are good.

The real reason

one day, I want to be able to come

rent the biggest suite,

and money just not be an object.

Never gonna happen.

So surely, the next best thing

is being in charge

You think she'll give you the job?

Don't suppose it'll improve your

for her morning meeting?

No, I'm not the one

Sorry I'm late, Rebecca.

Anything juicy in last night's log?

until Mrs Salcombe in room 706

and discovered this.

A chocolate bar.

You can imagine her disappointment.

Good God, this must have taken

Sorry I'm late, Rebecca.

How much do we charge for this bar?

Arrange for a complimentary

with our apologies. Then find out

Why is a guest perfectly happy

for a room, but they won't pay

Their expenses don't cover the

Oh, please.

The duty manager at the Burlington

if we can accommodate the Junk Dogs.

The Junk Dogs

three nights into a five-night gig

Heavy drinkers?

They'll clear your bar out

JACKIE: Sound like trouble.

I'm expecting a 1796

I can sell it for £600 a shot.

I'll get back to the Burlington,

to welcome the...

..the Junk Dogs.

Excuse me, Rebecca.

but we're already booked 120%.

I'm sure we can squeeze them in

CHARLIE: 'Rockstars love hotels,

'Parties in the suite,

'champagne Jacuzzis,

'The rich, the famous and the

'and we never, ever turn them away.'

Apologies for the inconvenience,

but due to an electrical fault,

We do, of course, only have

Reception will be happy

or alternative accommodation

How are we doing?

Find Jackie.

Why do they need the entire floor

Security reasons.

Oh, Charlie,

I'll be giving your page

Anything they want, any time of day,

Me?

here's an opportunity to prove

You can count on me, Rebecca.

Make them feel comfortable,

Get them into the bar as soon as

Exactly. Oh, I do hope

I hate it when guests

CLEARING THROAT

Oh. Hi.

We're just emptying

You got any chambermaids free?

Was there anything else

We've got a problem with 706.

Right.

MAN: Oh, yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

KNOCKING ON DOOR

I got reception to phone the room,

WOMAN MOANING

MAN: Wait a minute.

Can't we just let ourselves in?

That is the biggest no-no

You never, under any circumstances,

Right. Guest's privacy.

Actually, no,

So how are we gonna get them out?

Morning, men. Can I interest you

MAN AND WOMAN MOANING

This never happened.

MOANING CONTINUES

So how long do we wait?

WOMAN SCREAMING

BANGING

This is a thoroughly regrettable

take care of your expenses

and please allow us to provide you

to the airport tomorrow.

Apologies for the disruption, madam,

at another hotel in the area.

Charlie, can I take a break soon?

I know, but I want to freshen up

Ben, these are hard-drinking

They're not gonna

Sometimes you can be so cruel.

It's for tonight, if that's

I'll look into that for you, sir,

Have you noticed anything odd

No.

It's Friday, and she's wearing

So?

The black Armani two-piece

It's the same suit

I thought you had to be gay

No, observation is 90%

When a woman like Rebecca wears

something isn't right.

I want a receipt.

I'd like to check in.

The Junk Dogs.

Ah, we've been looking forward

Will the musicians

They're doing a sound check.

OK. Right, just need a couple

Can I just say, madam,

to have the Junk Dogs stay here?

I'll pass that message on to them.

They've been working very hard

It's just like flushing a toilet

Vacuum drainage system.

Good for the guests,

Ah, this very powerful shower

two to three people,

What do you care what my thing is?

Your thing is none of my business,

Are you flirting with me?

No, Miss Bailey,

To what? Insinuate that

What next? Are you gonna show up

with a bar of soap?

Morning, my apologies

Rebecca Mitchell, General Manager.

I'm looking after the band through

I hope that my head receptionist

one of the best suites in our hotel.

Then I trust that

Yes, thank you.

It's all OK.

We have the same style of curtains

if that would be more calming.

Very well, madam. If you do need us

Oh, actually, there was something.

Maybe I wasn't looking hard enough,

but I can't remember seeing

Why wasn't there a welcome basket

I assumed housekeeping would do it.

First rule of hotel management,

If you're not doing it yourself,

you can take it for granted

Question, why do hotels

Because they spend lots of money.

Publicity. When the rich and the

they do it under our roof.

Any tabloid article that mentions

must mention the hotel

Got it.

If you're not up for this, Charlie,

I'm up for it.

I put my trust in you.

Jackie's been on the phone.

Ten minutes.

Any paparazzi turned up yet?

What time did you call them

All right, leave it to me.

If you get the deputy manager's

Can I help you inside

I'm helping Mr Matthews now.

Can I help you to the lifts

Very kind of you. Thank you, Peter.

What's she doing here?

Cute. Who is she?

Anna, lovely to meet you.

Would you like to come this way

Brilliant. Thank you.

She's the head receptionist

Well, if she's arriving

then she's either a guest

I'm gonna go and do

You wanted a room inspection?

It's all fine.

Looks OK to me.

Right.

CHANTING: We want the Junk Dogs!

We want the Junk Dogs!

What time are they getting here?

I've also arranged another

Excellent.

Rebecca,

OK, thanks very much.

I didn't know it was your car until

No-one saw or heard anything,

but I've got Mustafa

Forget it. It's probably just kids.

I've got a nephew

He might be able to sort you out

Thanks, Derek.

Good evening, Mrs Rautenan,

Very well, thank you. Yourself?

that your theatre tickets

I'll get them sent up to you, madam.

Come in.

Your tickets, madam.

Thank you,

Will there be anything else?

My hands are busy.

I don't suppose you could...

Thank you.

Have a pleasant evening.

Not even a towel

Nothing.

You're the luckiest son of a bitch

Why does nothing like this

Because you make your own luck

Who is it, please?

Complimentary drinks

One moment. Come on in.

My wife is dressing for the theatre,

but please put the drinks

A coin has rolled under the bed,

If I lift the corner, could you

Car trouble.

I'm afraid we're full.

Charlie,

No, seriously,

Oh.

I can phone round,

What, and give money

Was that Anna Thornton-Wilton

She came in for the deputy manager

I'm sure she's very good,

considering the short amount

Of course, you have an advantage

I do?

You have a chance

For example, by ensuring that

for the arrival of our rock stars.

Funnily enough,

Thank you.

What a day! Flight delayed by three

and then I get a cab driver who

I tell you,

You have a room for me.

Mr Pullins.

Unfortunately, sir, we've had some

CLAMOURING

WOMEN SCREAMING

SHE SCREAMS

We're all very excited

The restaurant's open

and the bar's at your disposal

ROCK MUSIC BLARING ON TV

If you gentlemen need anything,

Switch that thing off!

We had some problems

Can you believe the hotel

tried charging us treble

A mistake like that would never

I've stayed in enough of these

to know how they work.

Biggest money-spinning operation

We aim to provide a good service.

This suite alone

£3,500 a night.

Then you've got the balls

on the pillows

Hello.

Something to do with you?

I took the liberty of organising

for our rock stars, yeah.

I don't think they're gonna be

Why not? Somebody reinvent the

Are you coming to Samantha's

I can't. Got to stick around

You're working a double shift?

I'm on rota

Well, that takes arse-kissing

I really want this job.

Well, if it means anything to you,

wants you to get it.

Yeah, we don't want some hard-arse

Um... People think I'm soft?

Well, I'll tell you what,

I'm gonna be a right bastard

And you, my friend,

That's right, ladies, keep walking.

Back to the filthy London gutters

Do I have to be polite to this woman

Well, if you really

you should've trained to be a chef.

Ta-ra.

'It's funny how busy

'when there's a whiff of celebrity

'Everyone wants to see the room

'or the pop star dangled a baby

'But you're never the same again

'in a hotel.'

How many times have I told you?

'Hello.'

'Yes.'

'Oh, hello. How are you?'

You mentioned on your last visit

that if I ever needed a favour,

Three mentions of the band,

but not one mention

New dress, Rebecca?

If you don't mind me saying so,

you don't appear to be very fresh.

PHONE RINGING

Three peppermint teas

What about the fights, the fire,

the sofa through the windows,

Aren't we supposed to be under siege

I stopped in at the Burlington

Spoke to the concierge on duty.

Looks like the Junk Dogs

which is why those bastards

We emptied an entire floor

I'm sorry, but am I the only one who

to spend an obscene

I don't think it's the band.

You bring her down to me. Three

Let's turn a negative

They're gonna have to eat,

Good thinking, Charlie.

Actually, I've got a new

I could ask if he has any Almas.

And they can smoke.

I have some Trinidad Diplomatics

£500 each.

No disrespect, my darling,

Tell me, Gino, is it really

These beauties were handed out

I have a half-smoked butt

for £5,000, eh?

Mr Matthews, how are you today?

I have a case

I wondered if you'd be a poppet

Certainly, sir.

Too flimsy.

Charlie, could you put this

Right away.

Thank you, Charlie.

Car's waiting for you

a bottle of bubbly in the chiller.

The guy driving Mr Matthews...

Well, let's keep him

Rebecca won't be happy

We'll have a discreet word

Cheers, Derek.

PAPARAZZI CLAMOURING

Ah!

Hi, Charlie.

Hi, Anna.

Oh, I quit last week.

Wasn't getting the opportunities

Which is why you've come here

Uh-huh, yeah, Rebecca called me back

for my second interview

So looks promising.

Wouldn't that be cool,

only me as your boss?

How cool would that be?

And I don't know about you, but I

about that sex that we had.

See, as a career woman,

to have sex with a man

It's only demeaning

Wouldn't you say so?

Oh, Rebecca. Wow, great dress.

Thank you. Little secret,

Oh, you see, on most of us,

Come on through to the restaurant.

Let's have a cup of tea and a gossip

OK, see you again, Charlie.

I haven't heard if our rock stars

for lunch yet.

See, at the Chesterton,

that guests book early for lunch.

It sort of plants the idea

Sorry, that was rude of me

No, not at all.

just need a little encouragement.

Come through.

Ciao, Anna.

One Hawaiian and two vegetarian,

Thank you.

How do you get people to spend money

Simple. You spend it for them.

No way Rebecca's

So what, you're just gonna give up?

if I can't even get

Where's your fighting spirit?

You said you wanted this job.

Yeah, you said to me yesterday

Yeah, well, that was yesterday.

Derek the doorman took a £10 bet.

50-50.

It's between you and the goddess who

Anna?

She ain't all that.

Oh, yeah? Which bits

She's not my type.

That reminds me, I need to keep

You wanted a room inspection?

All good.

Was there anything else?

CROWD CHEERING

MAN: One more! One more!

I'm guessing that you're

so you don't fully understand

So let me start with rule one.

What line?

The line that you never cross again.

Because when a guest

We carry his bags. We take his tips.

Is that clear?

Off you go.

Mr Matthews.

Mr Matthews.

Mr Matthews.

This came for you.

PAGER BEEPING

WOMAN SCREAMING

I was on the next floor up,

YELLING

I thought you were supposed to get

some privacy

I hope this is good enough to get me

Good God, what happened to her?

Which guest?

Was anything broken?

No, I mean fixtures and fittings.

SPEAKING OWN LANGUAGE

Do we need a translator for this?

English.

OK, from the beginning.

I go in to turn down beds.

I knock first. No talk back.

She, bitch,

Powdering her face?

No, the powder.

Like a vacuum cleaner.

Then she go Vin Diesel on me.

Thank you, Tanya.

GRUMBLING TO HERSELF

How would you handle this, Charlie?

I'd attempt to find the band

alternative accommodation

Everybody knows

No other hotel in London

Then I'd ask them to leave.

Tempting, but the answer

We put an extra £50

and we say no more

Sorry...

..but is that one of the perks

You get to shit on your own staff.

You know how I said I wanted someone

This isn't the time.

In your interview yesterday,

you said the role of deputy manager

That's right.

I already employ hundreds of people

Waiters, porters, receptionists.

In management, your number one

and protect the interests

This is a business.

maybe you're not the right person

She's not up there.

Or you can go back home

No-one attacks one of my girls

Jackie, you'll lose your job.

You might be scared of Rebecca,

You've got a child to support.

How do you know that?

Chambermaids will tell you anything

If you want to nail her,

but there's a much better way

I could slam a door on her hand.

If she orders a drink, I'll piss

Right, 8:00 on a Friday night,

boy band, D-list celebrity,

How far down the barrel

Sediment. Let's put out the word

they're throwing

and everybody is invited.

Dave, I want you

Pictures, vases, anything

move it on up to the seventh floor.

What are you up to?

If they ain't going to spend the

How's it going?

The Savoy is sending over

Excellent. Charge it all

One question, Charlie.

Yeah?

Nine. Why?

When Rebecca kills you,

KNOCKING AT DOOR

What... What...

I've taken the liberty

just in case any of the band

Can I offer you gentlemen

We didn't order any of this.

the end of a very successful tour,

And you can take that lot away

Oh, the drinks, madam,

They're for the guests.

Well, you can't have a party without

MUSIC: 'I Predict A Riot'

Wonderful!

If you need anything else,

I want you to put a stop to this

Oh, I'm afraid I can't do that,

I'm in charge of their budget,

and we're not paying

Hey, man, can you send up

Right away, sir.

And some more smokes,

No problem.

Of course, these items have now been

so I will have to charge you.

This is a con!

Madam, we have emptied

We've sent regular paying guests

in order to accommodate you.

I have personally tipped off

to give you your big, warm welcome,

By beating the crap out of a woman

who clears up your shit

And I'm supposed

No, you're supposed to let her

Now, if I were you,

enjoy a couple glasses of Bollinger,

Let's face it, anything that comes

must taste pretty special.

And I'd smoke a lovely

And I wouldn't even think

COUGHING

TUTTING

We're not paying for any damage.

I'm sorry, Rebecca.

I don't know

and I probably don't want to know,

Did they cause a lot of damage?

They're the first rock band I've

IN through the windows.

I appreciate the effort

Go home and get a shower.

And after you've rested, go and see

and get fitted for a new suit.

Savile Row, I can't afford...

Perk number one, the owner of the

He never books.

We scratch his back.

Welcome to hotel management,

As of this moment, I'm going to be

What are you doing here?

Oh, Rebecca called me

and offered me your old

which is better

Plus it means I don't have to do

that the deputy manager

I'm looking forward

That's sweet. Me, too.

Reception.

Mmm-hmm. We have continental,

OK.

Morning, Mr Matthews.

You're very popular with the staff,

Oh, thank you.

But I don't think you are

and guests like you never

How dare you?

I want to speak to the manager.

Sir, I'm pretty sleep-deprived at

so I'm gonna give you a head start.

In five minutes' time,

I'm gonna call one of my colleagues

and I'm gonna ask her to run

and if it turns out that you're not

she'll be informing the police.

Whatever you wish to do

entirely up to you.

Fair game, mate. My briefcase.

Hmm. I don't recall

Right.

Mr Matthews, I can highly recommend

They're often kind enough

Nina, are you OK?

'A good hotel is more than

'When you walk through these doors,

'The important businessman, the

'the adulterer, the celebrity.'

Thanks for the party, man.

Our pleasure, sir.

'Or maybe you just need

Bird shit on your back, Derek.

CAR HONKING

I was sure

I don't know who you've mistaken me

Charlie Edwards, yeah?

I knew it would come to me.

Good to see you're doing

I'll be seeing you.