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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,361 (MUSIC PLAYING ON TV) 2 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:37,521 (SINGING) Happy birthday to me Happy birthday to me 3 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:41,523 BRIDGET: How in hell did I end up here again? 4 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:43,121 Ugh. 5 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:44,685 Fuck off. 6 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:46,846 (MUSIC STOPS PLAYING) 7 00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:47,961 (CHANNEL CHANGES) 8 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:52,409 (RAP MUSIC PLAYING ON TV) 9 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:09,368 (MOUTHING LYRICS) 10 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:56,447 BRIDGET: My birthday actually began the way of all my birthdays. 11 00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:58,723 (CELLPHONE RINGING) 12 00:02:58,880 --> 00:02:59,881 (SIGHS) 13 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,647 MUM: Hello, darling. Just ringing to wish you a happy birthday! 14 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:12,524 Mum? It's 6:00 a.m. 15 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,364 MUM: I'm doing the FaceTime. 16 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,329 Una taught me. It's really marvelous! 17 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,811 Mum, the point of FaceTime 18 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,531 is that you haven't got to put the phone to your ear. 19 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,204 MUM: Oh! Silly me! 20 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:23,441 Oh! There you are! 21 00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:26,166 This time, 43 years ago, 22 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:29,642 I was having a lamb biryani in an attempt to coax you out. 23 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:33,490 Twenty-three hours of labor. Never been the same down there. 24 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:35,683 It's a miracle, the gift of childbirth. 25 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,001 BRIDGET: Here it comes! 26 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:40,721 Penny Husband-Bosworth's son sells his sperm on the Internet! 27 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:42,803 You don't even need a man, Bridget. 28 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,291 Some people have marvelous lives 29 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:45,646 without them! I mean, look at you. 30 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:49,521 A nice flat, a lovely job. Nice flat! 31 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,001 I'm putting the phone down now, Mum. (BLOWING KISSES) 32 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,804 MUM: Oh, um... Say happy birthday to Bridget. 33 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,001 Colin! 34 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:57,889 Happy birthday to Bridget. 35 00:03:58,520 --> 00:03:59,681 Thank you! 36 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:02,282 MUM: I love you, darling. Now don't forget, 37 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:05,011 I'm counting on you to head up my media campaign. 38 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:09,051 It's the parish council elections, Mum. Not the US Primaries. 39 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:10,321 (SIGHS) 40 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,602 BRIDGET: Annual phone call from Mum reminding me 41 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:16,365 to take my ovaries out of retirement. 42 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:17,931 The truth was that by now, 43 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,401 I thought I would have had a little baby to love 44 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,687 with the chisel-jawed love of my life. 45 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:26,486 But sometimes, life gives you shallower compensations. 46 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:28,449 And at least I was finally down 47 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:30,522 to my perfect weight. (WHISTLES) 48 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:32,851 Buongiorno, Miss Bridget. 49 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:34,446 (WAITER SPEAKING ITALIAN) 50 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,329 BRIDGET: There was life in the old dog yet. 51 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:40,125 Hadn't exactly been put out to grass. 52 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:42,210 (GASPS) Ding dong. 53 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,529 But this year, all these things 54 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,409 were brought into sharper focus 55 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:51,530 by an event I hadn't expected to attend quite so soon. 56 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:53,926 (INDISTINCT MURMURING) 57 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:05,081 Hi. 58 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:08,881 (CLEARS THROAT) 59 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,080 So, how are you feeling? Are you okay? 60 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,685 Mmm. Yeah. 61 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,603 Just can't believe he's gone, really. 62 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,527 His death seems to have hit the Eastern European 63 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,285 teenage modeling community particularly hard. 64 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:42,731 (MUFFLED LAUGHTER) 65 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:46,842 They found the flight recorder, but still no bodies. 66 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:51,003 Strangely fitting that he should have died going down in the bush. 67 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,121 (LAUGHS) 68 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:54,681 Shh. 69 00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:57,047 Sorry. Oops. (CLEARS THROAT) 70 00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:00,727 PRIEST: We are gathered here to celebrate the life 71 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,964 of Daniel Vivian Cleaver. 72 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:09,731 Daniel was a kind and wonderful son. 73 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,168 (WHISPERS) Fuck. What the fuck is he doing here? 74 00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:14,203 PRIEST: A loving uncle and brother. 75 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:17,967 Oh, you know what he's like, wanting to do the decent thing. 76 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:19,366 Is that his wife? 77 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,481 Mmm. 78 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,205 BRIDGET: Did I ever get over losing Mr. Darcy? 79 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,801 Was he my Mr. Right? 80 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:28,405 Oh, Christ. 81 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:33,726 PRIEST: A man of outstanding charm and charisma. 82 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,246 Just a bit emotional. 83 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:40,167 PRIEST: I would like to invite his loved ones up to share 84 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:43,762 some of their memories of Daniel. 85 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:46,845 BRIDGET: Daniel could be very sensitive. 86 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,570 Make you feel like you were the only woman in the world. 87 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,125 I first met Daniel in Moscow. 88 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:56,046 He once took me rowing on the Serpentine and quoted Keats by heart. 89 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:57,360 He could quote Keats by heart! 90 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:00,091 "Where be ye going, you Devon Maid? 91 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:03,449 "And what have ye there in the basket?" 92 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,090 "And what have ye there in the basket? 93 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:10,243 "Ye tight little fairy just fresh from the dairy, 94 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,840 "Will you give me some cream if I ask it?" 95 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:14,001 (MUFFLED LAUGHTER) 96 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:18,526 He did it to everyone. 97 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:22,568 Would anybody else like to say a few words? 98 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:24,284 Say something for his mum. 99 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,205 (WHISPERS) Get up, go on. 100 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:31,601 (CLEARS THROAT) 101 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:39,841 Um... 102 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:44,081 Daniel was a man 103 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:50,765 who touched many of us here today, including me. 104 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:53,401 (INDISTINCT MURMURING AND LAUGHTER) 105 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:55,807 Oh, dear. 106 00:07:56,960 --> 00:08:00,123 This is when Daniel would say, "Shut up, Jones." 107 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:04,729 And he would be right because all I really need to say is, um, 108 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:09,606 dear Daniel, I will miss you terribly. 109 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:11,760 We all will. 110 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:18,971 JUDE: Give you a call? BRIDGET: Yes, very good. 111 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,451 Bye, Bridget. Bye. Bye. 112 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:22,006 Oh! Bridget. 113 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,081 Mark! 114 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:24,847 This is Camilla. 115 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:25,967 Hello. 116 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,923 Bridget. An old friend. 117 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:31,442 Well, less old, more childhood! (CHUCKLES) 118 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:36,409 So, nice memorial, 119 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,126 as memorials go. 120 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,441 Almost makes one look forward to one's own. 121 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:43,281 (CHUCKLES) 122 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:45,645 Yes, well... 123 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,401 Goodbye. 124 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:49,445 Goodbye! 125 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:56,163 BRIDGET: Maybe that's the reason Mark Darcy and I never made it. 126 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,891 I always felt like a verbally incontinent old maid 127 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:00,564 even when we were together. 128 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:03,851 Still, I wasn't going to dwell on the negatives. 129 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:07,129 At least no one at work knew it was my birthday. 130 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,567 Or, indeed, how old I was going to be. 131 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,087 ALL: Surprise! 132 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,685 (ALL CHEERING) 133 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,489 WOMAN: Happy birthday, Bridget! Gosh! 134 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:17,483 BRIDGET: Or so I thought. 135 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,164 Who told you? 136 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:22,487 It's so hot. So many candles! 137 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:27,244 (ALL SINGING) Happy 43rd birthday to you 138 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:30,523 Happy 43rd birthday to you 139 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,322 BRIDGET: Isn't there some sort of statute of limitations 140 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:35,562 about the number of sodding candles on a cake 141 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,404 once you get to a certain age? 142 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,482 Josh, I need you to see what Reuters 143 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:42,728 is saying about the attacks on Ramallah. 144 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,609 We might need a live link. 145 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,161 BRIDGET: I may have been another year older and still single, 146 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,163 but I could always take consolation 147 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,163 in my job as top news producer. 148 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:54,409 So, how will I be changing the world today? 149 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:57,404 Well, our main feature is the exclusive interview 150 00:09:57,560 --> 00:10:00,530 with the Foreign Secretary about NGochi. 151 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,205 OMG. How did you do that? 152 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:04,169 NGochi. NGochi. 153 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:05,367 You're good at that! I know. 154 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:06,851 I've been practicing. NGochi. 155 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,041 NGochi. 156 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,247 NGochi. NGochi. 157 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:10,721 (CLICKING TONGUE) 158 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,281 NGochi? It's harder than you think! NGochi. 159 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,761 BRIDGET: Plus, have great new 30-something work colleagues 160 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:18,241 who are not obsessed with children and marriage. 161 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,402 How do we plan on celebrating tonight? 162 00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:22,369 Well, night out with the gang. 163 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:24,204 Please say that involves group sex. 164 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:25,566 Gang bangs? 165 00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:26,966 Ooh. We like to do that. 166 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,287 I know a smashing little club round the back of Berwick Street. 167 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:30,891 BRIDGET: Chance would be a fine thing. 168 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:34,203 I'm beginning to think I've passed my sexual sell-by date. 169 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,404 No! There are names for women like you now, Bridge. 170 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,449 You're a cougar. You are a MILF. 171 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:41,568 I'm not a MILF. I'm not even a mum. 172 00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:45,127 I'm a spinster. I'm a SPILF. (LAUGHS) 173 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:46,486 Three minutes till we're on air. 174 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,322 It's called Voyeurz, with a 'Z'. 175 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:50,925 You tell them that Cathy sent you. 176 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:52,923 And if you go on a Thursday, there's a Chinese buffet, 177 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,764 all you can eat, as it were. 178 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,243 BRIDGET: But whose advice was, nevertheless, 179 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,084 sometimes a tad too modern for me. 180 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:03,681 It's me. Checking talkback. MIRANDA: Yep. 181 00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:05,444 You didn't freeze your eggs by any chance, did you? 182 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:08,843 No. I imagine they're hard-boiled by now. 183 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,923 You know what, Bridge? This weekend, 184 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:14,607 you and me need to go out and get stuck into some serious... 185 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:18,446 (BELL TOLLS) Binge drinking, a dangerous scourge on society. 186 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,204 Is new legislation needed? 187 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,843 Bridget, Miranda. I've told you, don't talk between the bongs. 188 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:27,761 Stick to the questions on the cue cards. 189 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:28,841 DIRECTOR: Miranda, cue. (BELL TOLLS) 190 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,441 The Foreign Secretary will be live in the studio 191 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,285 to talk about the looming crisis in Muribundi. 192 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,287 You could always try online dating again. 193 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,966 The other night I was on Tinder. Half an hour later, 194 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:41,645 I'm having a three-way with... DIRECTOR: Miranda, cue! 195 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:45,447 Prince Andrew, the Royal Special Representative for Trade and Investment... 196 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:46,846 You did that on purpose. 197 00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:49,241 ...has just written his first children's book. 198 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,004 He had a massive cock. 199 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:52,161 (CHUCKLES) 200 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,243 Live in the studio, I'm joined by Foreign Secretary, George Wilkins, 201 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:59,125 who has just returned from war-ravaged Muribundi... 202 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:00,845 Miranda, I'm in your ear. Just follow my lead. 203 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,163 ...where the assassination of bloody dictator, Charles NGochi, 204 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:06,561 has resulted in civil war. One take. 205 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:07,687 Come back to four. Four. 206 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,330 MIRANDA: Minister, was this a military coup? 207 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,642 Well, the signs are that NGochi's own generals 208 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:12,721 did take him out in a rather bloody way. 209 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:14,325 (WHISPERS) Hi, Tom. Can't talk. 210 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:15,686 TOM: How was Daniel's memorial? 211 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:19,409 It's just sad. I can't believe he's gone, actually. 212 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:21,807 It's just sad. I can't believe he's gone actually. 213 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:23,605 Uh... 214 00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:27,490 I don't think there was any particular sadness in his passing. 215 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:30,922 His persecution of the Unbutu people amounted to genocide. 216 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,843 That is well documented. 217 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,160 I know he had his faults. 218 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:35,401 Well, I know he had his faults. 219 00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:39,565 He could be a massive arsehole. 220 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:44,890 But I miss him. We all do. 221 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,925 WILKINS: Well, he was certainly a very colorful character 222 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,411 on the world stage, Miranda. 223 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:51,686 I grant you that. 224 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,250 But I think the genocide resulting in 225 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:55,209 the deaths of over 10,000 of his own people, 226 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:56,361 men, women and children, 227 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:58,568 probably did rather put him on the wrong side of history. 228 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:00,722 At least he was never boring. 229 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,689 Well, at least he was never boring. 230 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,201 DIRECTOR: One, two and three. Clear. 231 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:07,651 Do you think a spirit of democracy 232 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,643 can carry over into West Africa 233 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,290 now NGochi's dead? 234 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,886 Do you think, Minister, that the spirit of democracy 235 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:17,249 can carry over into West Africa now that NGochi is dead? 236 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:19,602 Now that is an interesting question. Finally. 237 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,643 WOMAN: Running out of time here. DIRECTOR: Miranda, wrap it up! 238 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:22,721 Briefly, please, Minister. 239 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:24,803 It is a complicated issue. Yes or a no? 240 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:26,891 Miranda, make it the last answer. 241 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,246 Let's hope so. 242 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,641 I'll take that. Thank you for joining us on the sofa today. 243 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,125 DIRECTOR: Stand by. Toby on one. Over to you, Toby. 244 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:35,284 TOBY: And now, what if a man was to experience labor? 245 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,442 Well, thank you, Miranda, Bridget. 246 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,329 You couldn't just behave yourselves 247 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:40,561 when the new management team were here? 248 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,324 They're the new management team? 249 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:45,563 That is Alice Peabody, new Brand Manager. 250 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:48,809 Apparently, Hard News is too old-fashioned, too serious, 251 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,962 and she is the smiling assassin 252 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:53,088 brought in to sack anybody older than her. 253 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,125 Everybody's older than her. 254 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:58,011 I've got tins of soup in my cupboard older than her. 255 00:13:58,160 --> 00:13:59,764 Look at them all. 256 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:03,766 With their apps, and their ironic beards. 257 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,769 Maybe one of them could give Bridget some sex. 258 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:06,841 What? 259 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,001 Does Brid... Do you need sex? 260 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:09,690 No! Yes! 261 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,002 Which is why I'm taking her on a girls' weekend 262 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,202 to beat all girls' weekends. 263 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:15,487 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 264 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,123 Bridget, isn't it? 265 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:19,361 Yes. Nice to meet... 266 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:23,331 Team meeting tomorrow morning. We can do introductions then. 267 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:31,727 (BRIDGET YAWNS) 9:00 a.m. 268 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,961 We should all start an hour earlier from now on. 269 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,480 You think she saw that? 270 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,688 Uh, quite possibly not. 271 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,531 And you're sure you don't wanna come out with me and my crew? 272 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:44,601 Mmm-hmm. 273 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,967 Thanks, but can't let the old gang down. 274 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:50,249 They're stay-at-home mums now. They'd be disappointed. 275 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:51,481 (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Ooh. 276 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,001 (CELLPHONE CHIMES) 277 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,331 (CELLPHONE CHIMES) 278 00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,401 Hmm. 279 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,526 (CELLPHONE CHIMES) 280 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:02,965 Huh. 281 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,163 Thank God for the gays! 282 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:07,770 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 283 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,890 TOM: Now whatever fears you're bringing in the room with you today, 284 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:14,769 I want you to take those fears 285 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:17,400 and I want you to tell them to fuck the fuck off! 286 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,011 (ALL CHEER) TOM: Yeah! 287 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,010 Are you ready for this? Are you ready for this? (ALL CHEERING) 288 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:27,362 Then ride, you sexy bitches. Ride! 289 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:30,160 Ride! 290 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:33,081 Look, I'm so sorry, Bridget, 291 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,328 but I'm actually gonna have to blow you out, too. 292 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:36,641 Oh! 293 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,202 I didn't wanna have to tell you this today, 294 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,364 but Eduardo and I are adopting. 295 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:43,606 "Adopting"? 296 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:45,486 What, a baby? 297 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:47,483 Yes. A baby. (CHUCKLES) 298 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:49,929 Or gayby, in our case. 299 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,882 That's fantastic news! 300 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,007 Tom! 301 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:55,127 Yeah. I'm going to Bogotá tomorrow 302 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,770 to start the paperwork, so I've gotta go and pack. 303 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,569 Wonderful! Go! 304 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,042 Happy birthday. Have fun. (KISSES) 305 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,281 Congratulations! 306 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:03,361 Thanks, darling. Bye. 307 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,008 BRIDGET: Fucking excellent. 308 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:11,403 And that was how I wound up back here again. 309 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:14,564 The last barren husk in London. 310 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:16,643 And of the two loves of my life, 311 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:20,247 one is married, and the other is dead. 312 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:25,005 Right. New birthday resolutions. 313 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,731 I, Bridget Jones, am done with affairs of the heart 314 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,925 and dedicating my autumn years to the pursuit of hedonism. 315 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:35,084 Will hang only with new, free-spirited friends like Miranda. 316 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,004 And when the going gets tough, 317 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:40,004 the tough go on a luxury spa weekend! 318 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,490 What the fuck? 319 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:44,601 (LAUGHING) 320 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:46,446 MIRANDA: Love the shoes. 321 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:47,971 (LOUD MUSIC PLAYING) 322 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,764 MIRANDA: I didn't tell you because you wouldn't have come! 323 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,769 Seriously, it's been five years. 324 00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:07,604 You gotta shake yourself out of this 325 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,489 self-imposed purdah you've been in 326 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,771 ever since you split up with your precious Mark Darcy. 327 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,922 Rubbish. I barely think of him. 328 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:17,082 MIRANDA: What you need is a good shafting. 329 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:18,730 You need some good old-fashioned, 330 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,121 lie-back-and-think-of-England bonking. 331 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,931 And festivals are sexual free-for-alls. 332 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,924 Like Sodom and Gomorrah, with tofu. 333 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,124 First man you meet, you gotta sleep with. 334 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:30,247 First man? 335 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:31,930 I'm not taking no for an answer. 336 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:34,128 I'm gonna find our backstage passes. 337 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,765 You get the maps. 338 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:36,841 (HUMMING) 339 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:39,481 (EXHALES) 340 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,491 VOLUNTEER 1: Wanna know where you are? 341 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:42,561 Maps! 342 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:44,489 BRIDGET: I may be old and inappropriately dressed, 343 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,404 but at least I look fucking amazing! 344 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:48,481 (EXCLAIMS) 345 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,090 (WOMAN GASPS) 346 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,161 Oh. 347 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,091 That's exactly why I didn't wear my heels. 348 00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,969 BRIDGET: Ding fucking dong! 349 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,401 May I? 350 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:03,561 Uh... 351 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,001 Ah. 352 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,170 Um... Uh... 353 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,001 (BOTH GRUNT) 354 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:13,366 (GRUNTS) Ooh. 355 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,530 (BOTH GRUNTING) 356 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,011 Thank you. 357 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,686 Oh! (CHUCKLES) 358 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:23,961 JACK: Ah. There you go. 359 00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:25,360 It fits. 360 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,407 (CHUCKLES) 361 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:31,205 MIRANDA: Bridget! 362 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:33,601 Bridget! 363 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,045 Is that your wicked stepmother? 364 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,326 Yes. 365 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:41,166 I'd better go before she has me sweeping fireplaces all day. 366 00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:44,724 Thank you. You're welcome. 367 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:48,211 BRIDGET: Ah-ha. Birthday resolution number two. 368 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:49,964 Must remember the way to a man's heart 369 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:51,565 is not through beauty, sex or love... 370 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:53,161 It's Jack. 371 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:57,041 BRIDGET: ...but merely the ability to fall arse over tit in the mud. 372 00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,051 By the way. 373 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:01,727 Right. 374 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:03,205 Which one's ours? 375 00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:05,203 Uh, let's try up here. 376 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,724 And anyway, it's not camping. It's glamping. 377 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,163 BRIDGET: Putting a "GL" in front of it doesn't make it any better. 378 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,571 Calling him Gladolf Hitler 379 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:17,122 wouldn't suddenly make you forget all the unpleasantness. 380 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:19,561 (BRIDGET GRUNTING) 381 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:25,765 Oh. Fuck me! 382 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,331 BOTH: NGochi! 383 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,649 (BRIDGET AND MIRANDA LAUGHING) 384 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,370 BOTH: NGochi! 385 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,366 BOTH: NGochi! 386 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,329 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 387 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,364 It's 2:30 in the afternoon! 388 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:52,363 I should be hoovering! 389 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,163 (CROWD CHEERING) 390 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:09,651 This is incredible! 391 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:11,245 We've got to get a photo! 392 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:13,440 Excuse me? 393 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,406 Do you mind if we ask you to take a photo of us? 394 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:18,324 Yeah. Sure. BRIDGET: Thank you. 395 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,564 All right. You ready? Hey, what are you doing? 396 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,961 I was taking a photo. I thought you guys wanted a photo. 397 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:27,650 Yeah, we do. Of us. 398 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:28,807 Yes. Terribly sorry, 399 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,565 but we thought it would be really fun to get a photo of us backstage 400 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,324 among all these glamorous people. 401 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,647 I think that's the guy from Bargain Hunt. 402 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:37,609 It would be great if you could get him in the shot. 403 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:39,001 Quick, quick, quick! 404 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:40,605 So, you don't want me in the photo at all? 405 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:42,848 Oh, God. You can lose the attitude, babes. 406 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,604 Is it really that difficult? 407 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:48,169 God. They let any old riff-raff backstage nowadays. 408 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,766 I don't know. I thought he was kind of cute. 409 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:52,486 But he looks familiar. 410 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:56,968 I think he works at the Starbucks in Balham! 411 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:00,210 (CROWD CHEERING) 412 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:05,520 Here we go! 413 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,523 One, two, three, sing! 414 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,844 (CROWD SINGING IN UNISON) 415 00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:16,681 Oh, my God! 416 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:18,920 I know! 417 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,968 It's the guy from Starbucks! 418 00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:22,121 MAN: Crowd-surf! Whoo! 419 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:31,366 (BRIDGET LAUGHING) 420 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,130 Miranda! 421 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,291 (SOFTLY) Miranda! 422 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:49,651 Miranda? 423 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:51,881 Shit. 424 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:55,126 Hey, Miranda. 425 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,163 Oh, God! 426 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:00,041 (EXHALES DEEPLY) 427 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,729 I have to admit that was fun. 428 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,330 And you're right. 429 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:10,406 What I need is a good shafting. 430 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:16,007 Some good old-fashioned lie-back-and-think-of-England 431 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:18,440 bonking. 432 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,240 Well, sign me up. 433 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,081 (GASPS) Oh, my God! 434 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,764 What are you doing in my yurt? 435 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:32,888 With all your clothes and luggage and possessions. 436 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:36,084 Yeah. It's as if I've come in, made it my own. 437 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:37,601 Wait, it's you. 438 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,125 The creature from the Black Lagoon. 439 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,124 Oh. Yes. Sorry. 440 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:42,770 Well, you don't really expect me to believe 441 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,122 that you accidentally crashed into my yurt, do you? 442 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:46,441 Oh! 443 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,604 Since you're here, maybe I could help you. 444 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,169 BRIDGET: Well, he is the first man I met. 445 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,284 And his yurt is one heck of a lot nicer than mine. 446 00:22:58,280 --> 00:22:59,566 Bridget! 447 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,564 Where the fuck are you? 448 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:03,881 Bridget! 449 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,805 I'm so pissed! 450 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:08,883 (SINGING) 451 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:53,401 MIRANDA: Bridget! 452 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:58,600 I'm zorbing with Ed Sheeran! 453 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:00,526 (WHOOPING) 454 00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:04,043 (SHRIEKS AND LAUGHS) 455 00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:27,128 BRIDGET: Oh, God! I've just slept with a complete stranger! 456 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,320 I'm nothing but a feckless prostitute. 457 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,528 No, no. I'm an elegant older woman 458 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,682 taking men for my own pleasure. 459 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,247 Or am I just a deluded, middle-aged fool? 460 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:47,891 Fuck it! 461 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:50,721 Miranda. 462 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:53,845 Good morning. 463 00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,201 SHAZZER: So, it lasted six hours? 464 00:24:58,360 --> 00:25:00,601 What lasted six hours, Mum? 465 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,889 Um, a puppet show that Auntie Bridge went to. 466 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,842 Six-hour puppet show? 467 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:08,921 Hello. 468 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,765 So, tell me, were they little puppets or... 469 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:13,808 Very nice-sized puppets. 470 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,931 And did he put his puppet in your mouth? 471 00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,567 God! I feel like my days of puppet shows are behind me. (SIGHS) 472 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:31,804 I've had finger puppets. 473 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:33,326 (LAUGHS) 474 00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:36,120 And has he called? 475 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,362 Well, it doesn't work like that anymore. 476 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,967 You just hook up with rugged troubadours at music festivals 477 00:25:42,120 --> 00:25:43,645 and there are no strings. 478 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:45,929 Puppets with no strings. 479 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:47,286 (LAUGHING) 480 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:49,403 Take the wings off. They're for little girls. Come on. 481 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,642 BRIDGET: Hello? Where the fuck are you? 482 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,404 Speeding through lovely countryside 483 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,721 on our way to your christening. (CARS HONKING) 484 00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,280 No, we're not. Why is Auntie Bridget lying? 485 00:25:58,360 --> 00:25:59,361 Shh. Shh. 486 00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,366 Bridge, I thought you should know after Tom dropped out, 487 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,124 Giles asked Mark to be the godfather. 488 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:06,009 What? He did what? 489 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:07,810 Yes, I know. He really is a useless cock. 490 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,764 Did it without asking me. 491 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,370 (HORNS HONKING) 492 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:12,646 BRIDGET: Oh, my God! 493 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:14,808 Mark Darcy again. 494 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:19,649 Twice in the space of a week, I turn up at church as rent-a-spinster. 495 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,085 Where the fuck were you? (PEOPLE GASP) 496 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,686 Sorry. Sorry. 497 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:35,966 Sorry. 498 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:40,087 PRIEST: Good morning, and welcome. 499 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,248 BRIDGET: Well, this isn't embarrassing at all. 500 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:45,051 Mark Darcy and I at the altar with a baby. 501 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:47,326 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) PHOTOGRAPHER: That's lovely. 502 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,368 Okay, now. Nice big smiles. Looking at me. 503 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,682 Thank you. Lovely! (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 504 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,480 Okay. Can I just get the godparents now, please? 505 00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:56,881 So, how are you? 506 00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,044 Very well, thank you. How are you? 507 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:00,690 Well. Thank you. Mmm. 508 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,807 Are you here with your wife? I can't remember her name. 509 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:08,566 Camilla. No, she, uh... No, she couldn't make it. Ah. Mmm. 510 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:09,801 You with anyone? 511 00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,201 No, no. Not today. No. 512 00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:14,164 Come on. It's not a funeral. (CHUCKLES) 513 00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:16,644 Can I get a couple of smiles out of you two, please? 514 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:18,802 Maybe give her a little kiss? You know, on the forehead there. 515 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:22,890 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 516 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:24,325 Uh... I was talking about the baby. 517 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,085 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) Lovely! 518 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:32,811 All right. 519 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:33,887 I'll see you later, I shouldn't wonder. 520 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:34,961 BRIDGET: Yeah. 521 00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:37,401 Unless I make a break for it with this thing. 522 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:41,124 BRIDGET: Could this day actually get any more awkward? 523 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:45,242 Just keep walking, keep walking, keep walking, keep walking! 524 00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:46,601 (SIGHS) 525 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,250 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 526 00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:58,402 Hello. 527 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:00,241 How are you? 528 00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:02,250 Very well, thanks. How are you? 529 00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:03,561 I'm fine. 530 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:05,290 So am I. 531 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:08,091 Well, goodbye. 532 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:09,685 Goodbye. 533 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:11,850 A glass of wine. A whiskey, please. 534 00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:13,610 Big. Big glass. Double. 535 00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:14,886 Thank you. 536 00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:20,890 (POP MUSIC PLAYING) 537 00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:21,961 (LAUGHTER) 538 00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:23,967 (WHOOPING) 539 00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:26,805 (LAUGHTER) 540 00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:38,565 (WHOOPING CONTINUES) 541 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:51,241 I'd ask you to join me, but I'm pretty sure 542 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:54,369 you're not a big Gangnam Style kind of guy. 543 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:56,085 I was only there very briefly. 544 00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:57,127 Where? 545 00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:58,486 Gangnam. 546 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:01,650 What are we talking about? 547 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:03,570 Gangnam. Dancing. 548 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:04,687 Ah! 549 00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:06,331 Not the suburb of Seoul. 550 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:08,007 No. 551 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,367 Not familiar with Gangnam, the suburb. 552 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:12,682 It literally means "South of the Han River." 553 00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:18,725 It was inhabited as early as the Paleolithic Period. 554 00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:21,770 Suddenly seems so much less catchy! 555 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:24,161 (MIC FEEDBACK) 556 00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:26,363 Now something for you lovers out there. 557 00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:28,648 We're entering "the erection section." 558 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:30,848 Don't say fucking "erection" at a christening! 559 00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:32,650 (ROMANTIC SONG PLAYING) 560 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:34,201 Oh. 561 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:38,924 Would you like to get some air? 562 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:43,682 I mean, some more air. 563 00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:46,325 Sure. 564 00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:57,968 I don't suppose you happen to have a cigarette? 565 00:29:58,120 --> 00:29:59,121 No. 566 00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:03,002 Gave up 1,891 days ago. 567 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,323 Not that you're counting. 568 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:07,050 Since when did you smoke? 569 00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:10,244 I don't. It's been a tense time. 570 00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:13,484 Maybe I'm nervous. 571 00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:16,241 Why? 572 00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:20,243 You have a train in your hair. 573 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,485 I'm aware of that. (CHUCKLES) 574 00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:27,245 Courtesy of one of my many godchildren. 575 00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:34,604 Seems to be stuck. 576 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:36,321 (NERVOUS CHUCKLE) 577 00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:37,925 And this would be... 578 00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:40,081 Cake? 579 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:41,366 Profiterole. 580 00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:44,808 It's technically more of a dessert than a cake, I suppose. 581 00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:52,849 What are you doing? You're married. 582 00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:54,126 No, I'm not. 583 00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:58,410 I mean, I am. I'm getting a divorce. 584 00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:00,369 That's why she's not here. 585 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:06,367 Weren't you together at the memorial? 586 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,082 No. She was just being supportive. 587 00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,125 She's gone back to The Hague, where she's now living and I'm not. 588 00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:15,370 Oh, I'm so sorry, Mark. 589 00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,484 Right at this precise moment, I'm not sorry at all. 590 00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:33,764 (ROMANTIC SONG PLAYS) 591 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:36,282 How the fuck am I supposed to get in here? 592 00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:38,488 (BOTH LAUGH) 593 00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:49,166 Again? 594 00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:51,484 Mr. Darcy. 595 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:52,561 Wow. 596 00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:56,761 Bridget. 597 00:32:57,560 --> 00:32:58,561 Mmm-hmm? 598 00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:02,209 God, I've missed you. 599 00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:05,931 (ALARM BEEPING) 600 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:10,563 Are we on schedule? 601 00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,001 I have a flight to Khartoum tomorrow. 602 00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:34,445 (BIRDS CHIRPING) 603 00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,204 BRIDGET: I'm so sorry, Mark. Had to leave. 604 00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,443 Probably sounds pathetic, but I got scared. 605 00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:00,251 The fact that we went round and round for the best part of 10 years 606 00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:04,246 without ever making it across the finish line leads me to think 607 00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:07,449 we did the best thing by ending it when we did. 608 00:34:09,240 --> 00:34:12,961 Sometimes it feels scary still being on my own at 43, 609 00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,361 but you and I have been here once before. 610 00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:20,408 We always loved the fantasy of us, 611 00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:21,971 but the reality, as we both know, 612 00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:23,570 is quite different. (CAR HONKING) 613 00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:25,521 Ta-da! 614 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:35,163 We could both come up with 100 reasons why we didn't make it. 615 00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:36,446 But in the end... 616 00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:41,003 I always felt that you were never there and I was mostly alone. 617 00:34:53,240 --> 00:34:56,130 No, can't go back and keep making same mistakes. 618 00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:59,529 Must keep moving forward and make new ones. 619 00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:03,363 And will launch myself into frenzied keep-fit regime. 620 00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:06,649 Am allowing four weeks to reduce thigh circumference 621 00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:10,322 in order to squeeze lardy arse into teenage skinny jeans. 622 00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:13,644 Obviously not meant for women of a certain age. 623 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:18,647 BRIDGET: All this bloody cycling is pointless. I'm putting on weight. 624 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:20,524 Let's rule out some of the other options, shall we? 625 00:35:20,720 --> 00:35:22,324 You're not pregnant, are you? 626 00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:24,211 Of course not. 627 00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:26,682 A lady is always prepared. 628 00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,320 And I always carry these in my handbag. 629 00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:32,046 SHAZZER: Oh, God! You didn't use those? 630 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:33,850 The vegan condoms? 631 00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:36,048 "Biodegradable and dolphin-friendly." 632 00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:39,727 If I'm going to be slutty, it's nice to think I'm helping the environment. 633 00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:40,801 SHAZZER: Christ. 634 00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:44,044 Bridget, I remember when you bought those! 635 00:35:44,240 --> 00:35:45,810 That was decades ago! 636 00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:48,361 Sell-by dates don't mean anything. 637 00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:50,561 Do they? 638 00:35:50,720 --> 00:35:52,006 (TELEPHONES RINGING) 639 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:53,081 MIRANDA: They were a gift. 640 00:35:53,240 --> 00:35:54,526 Don't ask. 641 00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:58,004 Tumbling rapids, 642 00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:00,401 frothing waterfalls, 643 00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:02,801 a babbling brook! (IMITATES URINATION) 644 00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:07,603 Oh, come the fuck on, Bridget. 645 00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:10,921 (PEE TRICKLING) 646 00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:18,090 (TOILET FLUSHING) 647 00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:22,442 How long do you think it takes? 648 00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:27,286 I think that's a positive result. 649 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:30,243 (BRIDGET GASPS) 650 00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:32,726 I'll just make sure. 651 00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:34,928 Oh, don't shake it. You'll hurt the baby! 652 00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:37,361 The baby's not in the stick, Bridget. 653 00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:42,771 I think this is when you're meant to jump for joy. 654 00:36:43,720 --> 00:36:44,960 Oh, my God. 655 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:46,610 Oh, my God. You're pregnant. 656 00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:48,046 I'm pregnant? 657 00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:49,611 You're pregnant. 658 00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:51,645 I'm pregnant. 659 00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:53,768 You're going to have a baby. 660 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:56,491 (CHUCKLING) I'm going to have a baby. 661 00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:03,050 I'm going to have a baby. 662 00:37:03,240 --> 00:37:04,241 ALICE: Yeah. 663 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:12,007 If you've got footage of her punching a horse, I want it. 664 00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:14,004 Bridget, do you want a baby? 665 00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:16,731 I don't know. (CHUCKLES) 666 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:18,643 I mean, I'm 43. 667 00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:22,205 It might be the only chance I'm going to get. 668 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,524 Look, one broken, out-of-date condom 669 00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,682 I might have believed was an accident. 670 00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:29,641 But two? 671 00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:32,891 You wanted it. 672 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:35,725 Maybe I did. 673 00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:37,081 (WINCES) 674 00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:38,281 Ooh. 675 00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:40,365 Can we get a medic, please? 676 00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:48,526 BRIDGET: Oh, my God! I'm pregnant! 677 00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:50,964 This is it! 678 00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:54,683 More to the point, whose is it? 679 00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:59,041 This is not how I thought this moment would be. 680 00:37:59,720 --> 00:38:04,487 Always imagined myself in OK! magazine with the man of my dreams. 681 00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,730 Oh, Christ. Too many dilemmas to ponder. 682 00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:12,204 Not least of all, who was that man I shagged in a tent? 683 00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:17,330 DR. RAWLINGS: And so, your age will be 43? 684 00:38:17,720 --> 00:38:18,721 Mmm. 685 00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:21,161 Huh. 686 00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:27,282 So, um, which of the times with my wonderful man 687 00:38:27,720 --> 00:38:29,563 do you think we got pregnant on? 688 00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:31,171 Does it matter? 689 00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:35,006 Well, yes. It's such a special moment. 690 00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:37,845 We'd like to know which one it is, so we can treasure it. 691 00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:40,042 Can't you treasure both of them? 692 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:41,121 Oh. Yes. We will. 693 00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:42,281 I mean, we do, 694 00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:46,570 but surely one of those dates is more likely than the other? 695 00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:53,005 Uh, well, actually, day 10, which was his birthday, is a little early. 696 00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:55,924 And day 16, which was the... 697 00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:57,081 Anniversary dinner. 698 00:38:57,240 --> 00:39:00,449 Ah, yes. The osso buco, I recall, is a little late. 699 00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:04,047 Are you sure there wasn't another treasurable occasion in between? 700 00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:07,769 Yes, I'm quite sure. He was away. 701 00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:11,647 So, which of the two would you go for? 702 00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:13,484 Couldn't say. They're both equally likely. 703 00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:15,364 It could've been after the events because as you know 704 00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:17,761 sperm can live for several days after ejaculation. 705 00:39:18,240 --> 00:39:20,607 Couldn't you just have a guess for me? No. 706 00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:22,086 What about the first scan? 707 00:39:22,240 --> 00:39:24,447 Would that show when conception took place? 708 00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:26,921 No. Ring this number to fix a date. 709 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:30,766 And do bring along the father if you can work out which one he is. 710 00:39:32,240 --> 00:39:33,446 Right. 711 00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:35,890 Right. Um... 712 00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:37,641 Just out of interest... 713 00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:38,961 Mmm? 714 00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:43,405 If someone did have an element of confusion about the father... 715 00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:45,801 Well, you can get a DNA sample at the amniocentesis. 716 00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:49,680 And I do recommend that you have the amniocentesis 717 00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:51,842 because there are always more risks with a geriatric mother. 718 00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,001 (LAUGHS) 719 00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:55,486 "Geriatric"? 720 00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,324 Mmm. That's outrageous. 721 00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:58,641 Indeed. 722 00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:02,362 Unless you can sign on for your child support 723 00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:04,522 and pension at the same time. (CHUCKLES) 724 00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:07,450 That's hilarious. 725 00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:09,081 (HORN BLARING) 726 00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:12,206 It's called "news" 'cause it should feel new. 727 00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:15,204 Otherwise, it would be called "olds." 728 00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:16,681 Sorry. 729 00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:20,042 Last night, top stories. 730 00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:21,326 Earthquake in Asia. 731 00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:22,601 Seen it before. 732 00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:25,160 Car crash on the M5, blah, blah, blah. 733 00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:26,486 We are making olds. 734 00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:29,329 We need to flip the switch, mix it up. 735 00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:31,050 I want to NutriBullet the shit out of the news. 736 00:40:31,240 --> 00:40:33,527 She's on the warpath. Susan the Floor Manager's gone. 737 00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:35,842 (WHISPERS) She's six months pregnant. 738 00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:37,684 ALICE: We've got to grab the attention! 739 00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:39,490 Get the eyes on the screen! 740 00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:44,282 I want to see headlines like "Is your sofa bed giving you cancer?" 741 00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:47,491 "Is your freezer giving you Alzheimer's?" 742 00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:49,205 Oh, my God. Are they? 743 00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:51,647 Literally no evidence whatsoever, but you're missing the point. 744 00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:53,080 You're intrigued, aren't you? 745 00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:58,211 I want to re-launch Hard News with a clear new objective. 746 00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:01,409 We have a presentation in 12 weeks at the London Media Show, 747 00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:05,605 and I am looking for someone dynamic, innovative, focused, 748 00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:08,368 to lead the charge. Any volunteers? 749 00:41:08,720 --> 00:41:11,371 BRIDGET: Whatever happens now, must hold on to job. 750 00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:14,569 Must prove to fascist boss that I may be single mother, 751 00:41:14,720 --> 00:41:17,610 but am willing to roll with the ironic-bearded hipsters. 752 00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:18,841 Anybody at all? 753 00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:21,765 Do you need the loo, Bridget? 754 00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:24,730 No. I want to volunteer. 755 00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:27,568 #Let's do this. 756 00:41:29,240 --> 00:41:30,730 (CELLPHONE RINGING) 757 00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:38,644 MIRANDA: It's me, it's me. Turn on your TV now. 758 00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:41,041 Look at your TV. Now! Now! Now! 759 00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:42,765 Turn on Channel 4. 760 00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:45,081 (TV SWITCHES ON) 761 00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:50,086 Bridget, I found him! He's the dating website guru! 762 00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:52,686 See, you have to trust the science. 763 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:54,364 Algorithms don't lie. 764 00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:57,489 You only slept with a fucking billionaire! 765 00:41:57,560 --> 00:41:58,800 (SCREAMING) 766 00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:02,562 TOM: So, tell us, Bridget, um, 767 00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:04,564 what was it that initially attracted you 768 00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:06,290 to the billionaire, Jack Quant? 769 00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:07,965 Was it his face or his body? 770 00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:09,041 Yeah. Well, I'd do him, obviously. 771 00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:10,087 Big dick? 772 00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:11,844 TOM: If I were you, I wouldn't tell either of them. 773 00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:14,800 All you need's a DNA sample from one of them. 774 00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:17,930 And then you can eliminate the other one from your enquiries. 775 00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:20,082 What would I say to Mark? 776 00:42:20,240 --> 00:42:22,481 "Hello, Mark. I know I just left you asleep, 777 00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:24,125 "but I don't suppose you've got any blood, 778 00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:26,487 "sperm, or old fingernails lying around?" 779 00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:28,569 But how would you even get in touch with Jack? 780 00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:31,160 Yeah. 781 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:35,646 He is a bloody mogul. Can't just ring him up. 782 00:42:35,720 --> 00:42:36,721 (NERVOUS CHUCKLE) 783 00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:38,081 Oh! 784 00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:41,921 BRIDGET: May have just worked out how to win favor with new boss 785 00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:44,930 and eliminate one father from my enquiries. 786 00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,368 I have to say, Bridget. 787 00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:50,000 I'm actually excited about this next guest. 788 00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:52,322 Relevant, relatable, 789 00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:55,167 extremely fuckable. Good work. 790 00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:58,529 BRIDGET: Welcome to CSI Hard News. 791 00:42:58,720 --> 00:43:00,165 WOMAN: One minute left on the VT now. Out on Simon. 792 00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:02,322 DIRECTOR: Bring in next five, stand by. Thank you. 793 00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:09,724 Thank you, my love. If you could just fuck off, 794 00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:11,404 that would be great. 795 00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:13,365 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) 796 00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:19,321 Jack, this is Cathy. She'll get you ready. 797 00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:20,686 JACK: Hi, Cathy. CATHY: Jack. 798 00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:22,171 Nice to meet you. I was just thinking 799 00:43:22,240 --> 00:43:23,730 like a simple magenta eye-shadow. 800 00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:26,724 Make your eyes pop, and little bit of rouge, maybe? 801 00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:29,249 Kidding. (LAUGHS) 802 00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:30,487 You're funny. 803 00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:31,561 Yeah, but you do happen to have 804 00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:33,369 a little stray gray hair there. 805 00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:35,369 There we are. Ah! Jesus. 806 00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:36,646 That's it. 807 00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:39,201 Actually, there's a whole gray patch up there. Shall I just... 808 00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:40,770 Yeah. Let me see. Let's just get in there. 809 00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:42,126 Yeah, my hair is full of gray hair. 810 00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:43,247 That's it. I've sorted it. 811 00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:44,646 Okay. 812 00:43:44,720 --> 00:43:46,131 Jesus Christ. Okay. 813 00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:48,441 All gone. Yeah, that's lovely. Oh. 814 00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:51,685 These fingernails on this silver fox 815 00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:53,489 could do with a bit of a trim, couldn't they? 816 00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:57,808 These hands haven't experienced much manual labor, have they? 817 00:43:57,880 --> 00:43:59,245 No. I'm a mathematician. 818 00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:00,731 They're silky soft. 819 00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:02,524 Tell me, Jack. 820 00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:05,967 Do you happen to like Chinese food? 821 00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:09,124 (GASPS) Jack. Let me take you to set. 822 00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:10,281 Great. Thank you. 823 00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:12,090 I do, sometimes. Yes. Thank you. 824 00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:13,884 JACK: I don't think she put any makeup on me. 825 00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:16,042 RICHARD: It's fine. You look radiant. 826 00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:22,281 Okay. Coming out of VT in five, four... And remember the gear shift. 827 00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:23,680 And Miranda, cue. 828 00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:26,366 But now, though, I'm joined by Jack Quant. 829 00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:28,284 Raised by a single mother in Baltimore, 830 00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:31,491 he created the matchmaking website, Qwantify, 831 00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,962 and he claims to have found an algorithm for love. 832 00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:38,408 And he's here today to tell us all about his number one best-seller 833 00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:39,881 Qwantum Leap. 834 00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:44,210 It is absolutely wonderful to have you on our sofa today. 835 00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:45,281 Thank you. It's great to be here. 836 00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:48,251 Now, we'll talk all about your new book soon. 837 00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:49,401 Obviously. Yes. 838 00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:51,050 But first, let's talk about romance. 839 00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:54,045 Qwantify has found true love for millions. Mmm. 840 00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:56,129 DIRECTOR: Coming to two. Has it worked for you? 841 00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:59,011 Now if I answer that, can we go back and talk about the book? 842 00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:00,491 Maybe. (BOTH CHUCKLE) 843 00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:02,881 Can you please try not to shag him on air. 844 00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:05,088 This is dynamite. Tell her to flirt with him more. 845 00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:09,364 Some people had their first crush on Farrah Fawcett. 846 00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:12,166 My first crush was an algorithm. 847 00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:14,448 And we've lost them! If he carries on talking about algorithms, 848 00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:16,887 I'm cutting to the VT of cats who look like Hitler. 849 00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:18,086 DIRECTOR: Back to four. Love it. Thank you. 850 00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:20,845 He's avoiding the question! Get him off maths. 851 00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:23,287 Ask him if he's with someone now. 852 00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:26,807 For someone so good at matchmaking, 853 00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:30,085 is there a special someone in your life? 854 00:45:30,240 --> 00:45:32,846 Apart from Lady Mary on Downton Abbey? 855 00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:34,371 Now, can we go ahead and talk about the book? 856 00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:35,601 Cue Hitler cats! 857 00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:36,727 Don't be evasive. 858 00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:38,285 Oh, don't be evasive. 859 00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:40,408 Uh, it's apparent you have everything. 860 00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:42,323 Why have you chosen to have no family... 861 00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:44,528 Why the decision to have no family and... 862 00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:45,840 No children? 863 00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:47,686 And no children? 864 00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:49,884 Brilliant. Zoom in on four. 865 00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:51,281 Go on four. Love it. 866 00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:53,410 JACK: Look, I love kids. 867 00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:56,246 But I've always found the idea of being a father 868 00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:57,970 myself kind of petrifying. 869 00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:01,082 Which is why I've been drawn to algorithms. 870 00:46:01,240 --> 00:46:02,844 Cue Hitler cats! 871 00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:05,685 They're rational, reliable, predictable. 872 00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:08,322 Everything a kid isn't. 873 00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:09,960 So, can you have children? 874 00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:11,850 And can you have children, though? I mean... 875 00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:16,763 Are the soldiers working? 876 00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:17,927 (MOUTHING) What? 877 00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:20,561 Well, I believe so. 878 00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:25,168 The barracks are in pretty regular use. 879 00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:26,606 Really? Really? 880 00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:27,847 Yes. 881 00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:30,321 Because for someone with a supposed algorithm for love... 882 00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:32,687 Isn't it odd that you've never found it? 883 00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:34,928 Well, I think in order to find something, 884 00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:36,570 you have to be actively looking for it. 885 00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:38,688 I've just been too busy, so I haven't. 886 00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:41,241 What about the Quant family bloodline? 887 00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:42,851 And what about the Quant family bloodline? 888 00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:45,207 Are there any skeletons in the closet? 889 00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:48,369 Sexual deviants? 890 00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:51,444 I'm sorry. I don't know where we're going with all of this, 891 00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:54,649 but I have to tell you, I can attract the wrong type of women. 892 00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:56,007 (JACK LAUGHS) 893 00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:59,562 That's really great. Thanks for sharing that with us. 894 00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:01,641 (GASP) Fuck. 895 00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:03,529 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 896 00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:04,806 Bridget, what are you doing? 897 00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:07,531 You wouldn't believe some of the weirdos that cross my path. 898 00:47:07,720 --> 00:47:08,721 MIRANDA: Really? 899 00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:10,165 RICHARD: Get up! Fuck, fuck. 900 00:47:10,240 --> 00:47:11,321 ALICE: Can you tell me what she's doing? 901 00:47:11,840 --> 00:47:13,251 Ask him something about algorithms. 902 00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:15,410 DIRECTOR: This has to be the last question. Has to be. 903 00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:18,208 MIRANDA: Lastly, algorithms. 904 00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:22,451 Yes. What first attracted you to them? 905 00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:23,931 The logic, and... Wonderful. 906 00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:26,686 Jack Quant, thank you for coming on my sofa. 907 00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:28,524 I hope you've had as much fun as I have. 908 00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:29,567 Jesus. 909 00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:31,608 That's it from me. Goodbye. 910 00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:35,001 That was great. 911 00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:38,004 You look really familiar, outside of being on the show. 912 00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:39,207 Are you on Tinder? 913 00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:40,281 What? 914 00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:42,323 Then we won't have met. No. Okay. 915 00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:43,601 (GATE LOCK BEEPS) 916 00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:49,125 Well, hey! How about seeing you here. 917 00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:52,250 Hi. (NERVOUS CHUCKLE) Great to see you. 918 00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:53,447 Great to see you, too. 919 00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:55,961 I was going to come and find you to say hello, 920 00:47:56,040 --> 00:47:58,930 but you know how live TV can be so chaotic! 921 00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:00,968 Well, you know there are easier ways of getting in touch with me 922 00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:04,886 than inviting me on national TV and asking me about my sperm. 923 00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:07,930 (STAMMERS) No. That's not what... No. 924 00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:10,367 I would have liked to have heard from you. 925 00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:14,725 I was disappointed when I came back that morning and you'd gone. 926 00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:16,206 You were? 927 00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:18,328 We had an amazing night. 928 00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:20,725 And I thought you were great. 929 00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:22,370 At least I did until I became a clip 930 00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:25,683 of the 50 most embarrassing chat show moments of all time. 931 00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:30,083 Really sorry about that. Yes, that, um... 932 00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:31,161 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 933 00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:35,206 I don't know how to, uh, explain. Um... 934 00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:42,685 I'm pregnant. 935 00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:45,924 Wow. Okay. 936 00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:51,402 That's so much better than you being mentally unbalanced. 937 00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:54,723 I'm about 12 weeks. 938 00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:00,248 Oh. Right. Wow. 939 00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:05,001 So, you mean it's the music festival. 940 00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:06,201 Yes. 941 00:49:06,720 --> 00:49:09,041 I know, it's quite a surprise! (CHUCKLES) 942 00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:10,921 Yes. Um... 943 00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:12,361 But, um... 944 00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:15,242 I'm fine. 945 00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:18,608 And you should know that I don't... I'm not... 946 00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:20,921 I'm not looking for anything from you. 947 00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:23,122 Well, except for a complete DNA check 948 00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:25,202 and review of my medical records. 949 00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:27,768 Well, the thing is that I didn't mean 950 00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:30,684 for you to find out about this yet. 951 00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:35,210 And I'm feeling, um, a bit foolish right now. 952 00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:39,001 Mortified, actually. Yes. I'm mortified. 953 00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:44,885 And, um, I'd like to just retreat gracefully. 954 00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:47,162 FEMALE FAN: Mr. Quant, will you sign my book? 955 00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:48,761 Um... Please. 956 00:49:48,920 --> 00:49:50,365 BRIDGET: Oh, God. 957 00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:53,490 I didn't even tell him he may not be the only daddy. 958 00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:55,006 I love this book. 959 00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:58,368 Hey, Katie Couric! I need to talk to you! 960 00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:02,006 BRIDGET: What if this DNA turns out to be Jack's? 961 00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:03,844 Do I want the father to be Jack? 962 00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:05,729 I don't even know Jack. 963 00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:07,684 And what if it's Mark Darcy's? 964 00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:09,763 Christ. I'll have to confess to him 965 00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:11,683 I've been a whore with dolphin condoms. 966 00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:12,761 Good. 967 00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:14,566 So, the baby's okay? 968 00:50:14,720 --> 00:50:15,721 Perfect. 969 00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:18,166 See? 970 00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:20,968 (GASPS) Oh, my God. Is that it? 971 00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:22,446 DR. RAWLINGS: Mmm-hmm. (BRIDGET GASPS) 972 00:50:27,040 --> 00:50:28,565 And it's all right? 973 00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:31,286 Sound as a bell. Cooking nicely. 974 00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:33,161 Have a listen. 975 00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:36,849 (HEART BEATING) (CHUCKLES) 976 00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:37,921 (CHUCKLES) 977 00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:42,883 There you are. I've recorded that for you. 978 00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:44,121 You can watch that for a moment. 979 00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:49,446 So glad you've decided on the amniocentesis. 980 00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:53,883 Hello, you. 981 00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:57,369 Is that your ear or your foot? 982 00:50:58,280 --> 00:51:00,726 You have got very big feet. 983 00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:05,643 Oh, and look at you, waving already. 984 00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:07,001 Hi. 985 00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:15,331 You're the best thing I've ever seen. 986 00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:22,323 I promise I'll try my best. 987 00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:27,604 So, you just stay safe and snug in there 988 00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:31,251 while I try and sort the mess out here. 989 00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:33,204 And hopefully... 990 00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:36,051 What the fuck is that? 991 00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:38,489 Um, it's the amniocentesis needle. 992 00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:42,646 We just pop it in, take a little amniotic fluid, test it for any abnormalities, 993 00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:44,450 and also the DNA sample that you require. 994 00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:47,524 Now, there is the slightest risk of miscarriage. 995 00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:49,210 So, you'll have to stay very still indeed because 996 00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:50,691 we don't want the needle to come into contact... 997 00:51:50,760 --> 00:51:53,047 What? No, no. 998 00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:56,085 I'm not taking that chance. And it's enormous. 999 00:51:56,240 --> 00:51:58,049 It'd go straight through the other side. 1000 00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:01,040 Come on, I'm taking you home. 1001 00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:05,361 (SIGHS) 1002 00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:07,689 Your mother will be over the moon. 1003 00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:11,561 Will you promise not to tell her? Just not yet. 1004 00:52:11,720 --> 00:52:13,882 No, no. Of course. No, no. I promise. 1005 00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:16,010 Really sorry, Dad. 1006 00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:18,523 Not to know about the father. 1007 00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:20,849 Don't be daft. 1008 00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:23,401 I know dozens of people who could have been anybody's. 1009 00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:26,127 So, you're not disappointed? 1010 00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:28,681 You don't think I belong on Jerry Springer? 1011 00:52:28,880 --> 00:52:30,962 Not a bit. I'm thrilled. 1012 00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:34,168 Actually, I'm not sure if you're mine, 1013 00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:37,927 or that nice Lieutenant Colonel's who ran the bowls club. 1014 00:52:38,080 --> 00:52:39,081 Hmm. 1015 00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:42,290 Only joking. You've got my feet. 1016 00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:44,483 I've always had very dainty feet. 1017 00:52:47,080 --> 00:52:49,128 Just tell the truth, Bridget. 1018 00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:52,001 Can't go too far wrong telling the truth. 1019 00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:06,164 BRIDGET: "Mark, I have some exciting news." 1020 00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:09,363 "Mark, I have the funniest story to tell you." 1021 00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:11,488 "Mark, I'm up the duff." 1022 00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:14,089 MARK: My Lords, my Ladies. 1023 00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:17,449 There is only one fraud committed here today and it is this. 1024 00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:22,083 To use the laws of one country to destroy the freedom of speech of another. 1025 00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:24,809 A cynical political expedient to take away 1026 00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:26,564 the right of these brave young women 1027 00:53:26,760 --> 00:53:30,162 to speak the truth about the country they love. 1028 00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:33,924 Now you may not like their music. 1029 00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:36,642 And for that, I cannot blame you. 1030 00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:40,442 They may not have mastered the fundamentals of melody, 1031 00:53:40,600 --> 00:53:42,807 or even the most basic tenets of musicianship. 1032 00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:47,682 But this is the land of Shakespeare, Orwell, Lawrence. 1033 00:53:48,440 --> 00:53:51,205 BRIDGET: Oh. I'd forgotten just how hot he is in that wig and gown. 1034 00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:52,885 ...to any country, 1035 00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:56,243 any ruler, any despot, that here, in the United Kingdom, 1036 00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:59,370 we will always defend and protect women such as these 1037 00:53:59,520 --> 00:54:02,524 who have selflessly and courageously risked their liberty 1038 00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:04,728 and quite possibly their lives 1039 00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:08,084 to tell the truth. 1040 00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:11,050 The court will now adjourn and judgment will be given in due course. 1041 00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:13,401 Poonani! Poonani! Power to the Poonani! 1042 00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:14,521 ALL: Poonani! 1043 00:54:14,640 --> 00:54:16,768 Christ. I'm looking forward to going back 1044 00:54:16,840 --> 00:54:18,569 to some good old-fashioned genocide. 1045 00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:22,523 MAN: Silence! Silence! 1046 00:54:22,840 --> 00:54:24,001 (WOMEN CONTINUE "POONANI" CHANT) 1047 00:54:27,480 --> 00:54:29,608 BRIDGET: Right. How to do this? 1048 00:54:29,760 --> 00:54:31,125 I wasn't expecting to see you again 1049 00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:32,770 after the events at the christening. 1050 00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:34,251 BRIDGET: Crap. He's dived right in. 1051 00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:37,210 No. Right. I understand. 1052 00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:38,925 BRIDGET: Okay. Maybe flattery will work. 1053 00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:40,764 You were very impressive in there today. 1054 00:54:40,960 --> 00:54:42,200 Thank you. 1055 00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:44,570 Although dealing with them over the last month 1056 00:54:44,760 --> 00:54:47,570 has given me a certain amount of sympathy for the totalitarian dictator 1057 00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:49,364 who wants to silence them. 1058 00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:53,569 BRIDGET: Okay. Jokes. Will laugh harder next time. 1059 00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:56,566 There's only a certain number of times one can listen 1060 00:54:57,000 --> 00:55:00,846 to the resolutely un-catchy Menstruation, Castration, Liberation. 1061 00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:02,481 (BRIDGET LAUGHING) 1062 00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:03,766 Mark. 1063 00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:06,651 That's hilariously funny. 1064 00:55:06,720 --> 00:55:08,006 (CONTINUES LAUGHING) 1065 00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:14,321 Please. 1066 00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:24,481 So... 1067 00:55:25,360 --> 00:55:27,408 So, Mark. (CHUCKLES) 1068 00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:28,521 Yes. 1069 00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:32,884 The gardens look lovely. 1070 00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:34,121 Autumnal. 1071 00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:35,361 Yes. 1072 00:55:35,480 --> 00:55:37,323 Is that a conker tree? 1073 00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:38,891 Bridget. 1074 00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:43,401 (DEEP BREATH) 1075 00:55:44,400 --> 00:55:45,401 I... 1076 00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:48,323 Am pregnant. 1077 00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:52,001 Right. 1078 00:55:53,280 --> 00:55:55,009 Congratulations. 1079 00:55:56,040 --> 00:55:57,166 How can I help? 1080 00:55:58,920 --> 00:56:00,570 I'm three months pregnant. 1081 00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:04,361 Oh. 1082 00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:07,371 You mean the christening? 1083 00:56:09,640 --> 00:56:10,971 Right. 1084 00:56:14,240 --> 00:56:15,765 Would you excuse me for just a moment? 1085 00:56:16,640 --> 00:56:17,641 Mmm. 1086 00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:18,961 (MARK CLEARS THROAT) 1087 00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:21,921 (DOOR CLOSES) 1088 00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:23,641 (BELL TOLLING) 1089 00:56:33,360 --> 00:56:34,646 (DOOR OPENS) 1090 00:56:39,080 --> 00:56:40,445 I think that this is quite possibly 1091 00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:41,965 the most wonderful piece of information 1092 00:56:42,040 --> 00:56:44,805 I have ever received in my entire life. 1093 00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:46,641 Oh! 1094 00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:49,290 Okay. 1095 00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:51,091 Of course, I've got no expectations 1096 00:56:51,160 --> 00:56:52,400 for how things should work out. 1097 00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:54,767 I just thought you should know. 1098 00:56:54,880 --> 00:56:56,006 No, of course. 1099 00:56:58,440 --> 00:57:00,442 I mean, how do you feel? Are you happy? 1100 00:57:00,800 --> 00:57:02,802 Yes, I am. 1101 00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:05,970 But so much has happened in the past 10 years. 1102 00:57:06,120 --> 00:57:09,363 A lot has changed. I mean, you've been married, 1103 00:57:09,520 --> 00:57:14,447 and I've been on a number of long-haul holidays. 1104 00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:16,001 But, um... 1105 00:57:16,360 --> 00:57:17,441 BRIDGET: So here goes on Jack. 1106 00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:19,409 And, I mean... No, I know that. 1107 00:57:20,600 --> 00:57:22,125 It's just, right now, I can't quite 1108 00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:23,690 bring myself to feel gloomy about it. 1109 00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:40,961 BRIDGET: (GROANS) How can I tell him now? 1110 00:57:45,360 --> 00:57:47,567 State of emergency, cannot sleep. 1111 00:57:47,720 --> 00:57:49,210 Looping thoughts going round and round in head. 1112 00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:52,929 It's surely weird that you can do something as complicated and important 1113 00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:54,650 as growing a baby or invading Iraq 1114 00:57:54,720 --> 00:57:56,210 without any instruction at all. 1115 00:57:57,040 --> 00:57:58,690 Keep thinking all the alcohol I've drunk over the years 1116 00:57:58,760 --> 00:58:01,240 will give the baby fetal alcohol syndrome. 1117 00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:02,765 These are the things I could do. 1118 00:58:03,440 --> 00:58:04,726 Tell Mark about Jack, 1119 00:58:04,880 --> 00:58:07,247 but risk hurting him so badly, I couldn't live with myself. 1120 00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:08,970 Not tell Mark about Jack? 1121 00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:10,610 But I'd never be able to go through with it. 1122 00:58:10,760 --> 00:58:12,728 Tell both of them the other one is the father, 1123 00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:15,366 and then if the one who isn't the father is upset about it... 1124 00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:17,408 (DOOR INTERCOM BUZZING) 1125 00:58:18,200 --> 00:58:21,568 Oh, Christ. Tell no one and make a run for it. 1126 00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:23,801 Hello? 1127 00:58:23,880 --> 00:58:26,121 JACK: Hey! It's the father of your child. 1128 00:58:27,120 --> 00:58:28,167 Jack? 1129 00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:29,651 Yeah. Who else? 1130 00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:31,880 Come up. 1131 00:58:32,640 --> 00:58:33,766 Okay. 1132 00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:34,841 (BEEPS) 1133 00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:38,681 BRIDGET: Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. 1134 00:58:38,760 --> 00:58:42,970 He's probably employed a team of Google Earth detectives to find me. 1135 00:58:43,080 --> 00:58:45,003 Okay. Just act naturally. 1136 00:58:50,760 --> 00:58:52,967 Hi. 1137 00:58:53,440 --> 00:58:54,566 Come in. 1138 00:58:54,760 --> 00:58:55,761 Okay. 1139 00:58:58,800 --> 00:59:00,962 (LAUGHS) You found it. 1140 00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:02,770 Try it on. See if it fits. 1141 00:59:06,080 --> 00:59:07,081 Wow. 1142 00:59:09,520 --> 00:59:11,443 I didn't expect to see you. 1143 00:59:11,600 --> 00:59:15,650 I wasn't expecting to come. I'm not used to being rejected. 1144 00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:17,121 Twice. 1145 00:59:19,920 --> 00:59:22,287 I hope you've got cake in that bag. 1146 00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:29,041 (CHUCKLES) 1147 00:59:29,120 --> 00:59:30,770 I've been doing a lot of thinking. 1148 00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:35,969 Bridget, this whole baby situation threw me initially. 1149 00:59:36,120 --> 00:59:38,851 We squashed an entire relationship into one night 1150 00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:42,209 and skipped straight to starting-the-family phase. 1151 00:59:42,360 --> 00:59:45,250 We never even had a real second date. 1152 00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:46,321 (CHUCKLES) 1153 00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:48,166 Just so you know, if we did, 1154 00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:52,120 I would have taken you to Ottolenghi. Oh. 1155 00:59:52,200 --> 00:59:56,171 You would have had the grilled salmon and pine-nut salsa. 1156 00:59:56,520 --> 00:59:59,046 Unbelievable and healthy. Oh. 1157 00:59:59,240 --> 01:00:04,690 And we would have come back here, had incredible sex, 1158 01:00:04,800 --> 01:00:09,010 spent the next couple days sending each other filthy texts. 1159 01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:11,241 (MESSAGE TONE) 1160 01:00:11,520 --> 01:00:12,521 (CELLPHONE CHIMES) 1161 01:00:18,840 --> 01:00:20,001 (CELLPHONE CHIMES) (GASPS) 1162 01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:23,685 I would not have let you do that on a second date. 1163 01:00:23,840 --> 01:00:26,571 Why not? You let me on the first. 1164 01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:30,770 And then we'd go on a naughty weekend to the seaside, 1165 01:00:30,920 --> 01:00:35,369 and I would prove my manliness by winning you a cuddly toy. 1166 01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:37,408 Aw. At the pier. 1167 01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:39,289 But I really wanted the giant Scooby-Doo. 1168 01:00:39,440 --> 01:00:42,250 Oh, nobody wins those. Coconuts are glued on. 1169 01:00:50,280 --> 01:00:51,486 (GASPS AND LAUGHS) 1170 01:00:51,560 --> 01:00:52,721 What are those for? 1171 01:00:53,120 --> 01:00:54,884 JACK: To apologize. 1172 01:00:55,040 --> 01:00:56,610 We had our first fight. 1173 01:00:57,200 --> 01:00:59,407 I was not flirting with that waitress. 1174 01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:02,291 She means nothing to me. 1175 01:01:06,960 --> 01:01:07,961 And then, 1176 01:01:09,400 --> 01:01:11,801 I would have bought 1177 01:01:12,600 --> 01:01:14,887 Swedish furniture for us to make. 1178 01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:16,400 (LAUGHING) 1179 01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:20,201 If we can get through this, we can get through anything. 1180 01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:22,049 Anything. 1181 01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:24,051 I'd find it adorable how your neck 1182 01:01:24,120 --> 01:01:25,451 gets all blotchy when you get nervous. 1183 01:01:26,440 --> 01:01:30,604 And I know you'd be the greatest possible mother to my child. 1184 01:02:02,680 --> 01:02:03,681 BRIDGET: Oh, no. 1185 01:02:03,840 --> 01:02:06,923 Cannot fall in love with shiny new American. 1186 01:02:07,080 --> 01:02:09,970 I'll tell them both tomorrow. Definitely. 1187 01:02:11,840 --> 01:02:12,841 Hi. 1188 01:02:12,920 --> 01:02:14,251 So, I just wanted to connect 1189 01:02:14,320 --> 01:02:16,288 to check how the presentation is shaping up. 1190 01:02:16,360 --> 01:02:20,160 Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Totally on top of it. NutriBullet-ing the shit out of it. 1191 01:02:20,360 --> 01:02:22,010 I'm relying on you, Bridget. 1192 01:02:22,160 --> 01:02:23,685 I need you to get this right. Do you understand? 1193 01:02:23,880 --> 01:02:26,531 100%. You can count on me. (CHUCKLES) 1194 01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:28,207 Great. 1195 01:02:31,200 --> 01:02:32,201 (VOMITS) 1196 01:02:33,120 --> 01:02:34,121 You all right? 1197 01:02:34,440 --> 01:02:35,601 (BRIDGET COUGHING) 1198 01:02:35,680 --> 01:02:37,170 I'm fine. 1199 01:02:37,320 --> 01:02:39,163 Big celebration. 1200 01:02:39,480 --> 01:02:41,403 I so glad to see you back together, huh? 1201 01:02:41,560 --> 01:02:42,721 Certainly is, Gianni. 1202 01:02:42,880 --> 01:02:44,041 Wonderful news, huh? 1203 01:02:44,120 --> 01:02:45,281 (SPEAKS ITALIAN) 1204 01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:47,570 I was thinking about "Jack." 1205 01:02:48,160 --> 01:02:49,161 Huh? 1206 01:02:49,360 --> 01:02:51,203 If it's a boy, after my grandfather. 1207 01:02:51,360 --> 01:02:54,330 It's a good strong name. You can rely on a Jack. 1208 01:02:54,640 --> 01:02:56,722 Yes. One for the list. 1209 01:02:56,880 --> 01:02:58,245 To Jack. To Jack! 1210 01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:01,001 Oh! 1211 01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:02,525 So, this is Dad, I presume. 1212 01:03:02,680 --> 01:03:03,886 So glad you could be here. 1213 01:03:04,040 --> 01:03:06,520 This is a unique and wonderful moment. 1214 01:03:06,720 --> 01:03:07,721 Dr. Rawlings, 1215 01:03:07,840 --> 01:03:11,287 I wonder if you could maybe do me a little favor? 1216 01:03:11,360 --> 01:03:12,361 Mmm. 1217 01:03:13,080 --> 01:03:15,367 So, this is Dad, I presume. 1218 01:03:15,560 --> 01:03:18,040 Pleased to meet you. I'm so glad you could be here. 1219 01:03:18,200 --> 01:03:22,728 This is a unique and wonderful moment. 1220 01:03:23,160 --> 01:03:25,845 Before we start, would you like to know the sex? 1221 01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:27,161 Maybe we should be prepared. 1222 01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:29,050 You know, I'm not sure. It's a boy. 1223 01:03:29,240 --> 01:03:30,321 Oh. A boy! 1224 01:03:30,400 --> 01:03:31,526 A boy! A boy! 1225 01:03:31,880 --> 01:03:33,166 A boy. A boy! 1226 01:03:33,240 --> 01:03:34,241 MARK: Aw. BRIDGET: Aw. 1227 01:03:34,880 --> 01:03:36,484 My boy. 1228 01:03:38,960 --> 01:03:40,086 BRIDGET: Okay. Right. 1229 01:03:40,240 --> 01:03:43,164 This time, I have to tell them. Will start with Jack. 1230 01:03:43,560 --> 01:03:45,483 Have invited him to big scary work presentation. 1231 01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:48,040 And will explain all afterwards. 1232 01:03:51,040 --> 01:03:52,371 Welcome. 1233 01:03:52,440 --> 01:03:55,967 In a digital age where every cell phone is a camera, 1234 01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:57,804 we are all broadcasters. 1235 01:03:58,200 --> 01:04:00,885 Hard News is partnering with the London Media Show 1236 01:04:01,040 --> 01:04:04,123 so that you will be able to use your smartphones 1237 01:04:04,280 --> 01:04:06,886 to create your own news broadcasting channels! 1238 01:04:07,440 --> 01:04:10,284 Simply download the new Hard News app 1239 01:04:10,440 --> 01:04:12,727 and broadcast directly to our studios 1240 01:04:12,880 --> 01:04:18,091 where Miranda is waiting for our first ever live simulcast. 1241 01:04:18,240 --> 01:04:22,290 And hello, everyone, live at the London Media Show, 1242 01:04:22,440 --> 01:04:27,128 and welcome to the new look of Hard News studio. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 1243 01:04:28,120 --> 01:04:29,610 We are now live! 1244 01:04:29,800 --> 01:04:32,804 And yes, our viewers are broadcasting. 1245 01:04:33,440 --> 01:04:36,284 MIRANDA: Right. Let's now go to the Grampians 1246 01:04:36,440 --> 01:04:40,331 where Adam Wollaston is leading a team of Venture Rangers 1247 01:04:40,520 --> 01:04:42,522 to the top of Ben Nevis. 1248 01:04:43,160 --> 01:04:45,447 Hello, Adam Wollaston! 1249 01:04:45,960 --> 01:04:48,122 MEN: (IN UNISON) Hard News sucks balls! 1250 01:04:48,200 --> 01:04:50,123 (AUDIENCE GASP AND LAUGH) 1251 01:04:51,080 --> 01:04:52,081 Jesus! 1252 01:04:52,280 --> 01:04:56,410 Oh, dear. Well, let's put that news story firmly behind us. 1253 01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:57,481 (GASPS) 1254 01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:01,567 (SIGHS) 1255 01:05:01,640 --> 01:05:03,290 (CLICKING) (HEMING AND HAWING) 1256 01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:06,843 Technical glitch. (CHUCKLES) 1257 01:05:07,240 --> 01:05:08,287 (DEJECTED SIGH) 1258 01:05:10,160 --> 01:05:14,484 Of course, it's never been easier to email or text the show. 1259 01:05:14,680 --> 01:05:16,728 Just search "Hard News," 1260 01:05:17,520 --> 01:05:20,000 or simply, "H." 1261 01:05:20,280 --> 01:05:21,281 Because... 1262 01:05:21,520 --> 01:05:22,521 Uh... 1263 01:05:23,120 --> 01:05:25,282 Because... 1264 01:05:25,480 --> 01:05:27,801 Holy fuck! What's he doing here? 1265 01:05:29,160 --> 01:05:32,528 Because at Hard News, we believe... 1266 01:05:34,000 --> 01:05:38,005 We believe that we are ready and on the frontline, 1267 01:05:38,360 --> 01:05:41,648 asking the questions the world wants answers to. 1268 01:05:41,720 --> 01:05:42,721 (COMPUTER CHIMING) 1269 01:05:42,800 --> 01:05:43,847 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 1270 01:05:44,480 --> 01:05:46,960 (AUDIENCE GASPS AND MURMURS) 1271 01:05:49,360 --> 01:05:50,361 (MOUTHING) Turn around. 1272 01:05:50,680 --> 01:05:53,001 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 1273 01:05:53,720 --> 01:05:54,721 (GASPS) 1274 01:06:01,640 --> 01:06:02,641 Thank you. 1275 01:06:03,360 --> 01:06:06,011 BRIDGET: Okay. Career down the toilet. 1276 01:06:06,080 --> 01:06:10,449 Both men in the same room. What could possibly go wrong? 1277 01:06:12,080 --> 01:06:13,081 (SIGHS) 1278 01:06:14,720 --> 01:06:17,087 I hope you don't mind my just showing up and surprising you. 1279 01:06:17,280 --> 01:06:18,611 No. 1280 01:06:18,680 --> 01:06:20,250 Anyway, well done. It was very... 1281 01:06:20,440 --> 01:06:21,441 Yes. 1282 01:06:21,520 --> 01:06:22,567 JACK: Hey. (BRIDGET GASPS, MENTALLY) 1283 01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:24,440 ...technically adroit. 1284 01:06:25,280 --> 01:06:29,001 Mark, I would love for you to meet... 1285 01:06:29,800 --> 01:06:30,847 Uh... 1286 01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:41,404 Ari Yaratra Sitharamthanthan. 1287 01:06:41,600 --> 01:06:47,084 Ariyaranta is the Area Manager for DTC Technological Solutions. 1288 01:06:47,600 --> 01:06:50,604 Aren't you, Ari Sinatra? 1289 01:06:54,320 --> 01:06:55,810 Hi. Hello. 1290 01:06:55,880 --> 01:06:56,881 Hey. 1291 01:06:58,920 --> 01:07:00,604 What the hell was that? 1292 01:07:01,040 --> 01:07:02,087 What were you thinking? 1293 01:07:02,320 --> 01:07:05,164 I've got four voice mails from David Cartwright on my phone 1294 01:07:05,240 --> 01:07:06,890 that I dare not listen to. I'll be right back. 1295 01:07:07,080 --> 01:07:08,605 You call that a presentation? 1296 01:07:08,680 --> 01:07:10,091 I don't know if I've got the right people around me 1297 01:07:10,160 --> 01:07:11,161 because you're not... 1298 01:07:11,240 --> 01:07:13,049 Alice, I'm so sorry, but... 1299 01:07:13,120 --> 01:07:14,485 ALICE: Sorry doesn't cut it. Excuse me. 1300 01:07:14,640 --> 01:07:15,846 Look at me when I'm talking to you. 1301 01:07:15,960 --> 01:07:16,961 Excuse me? 1302 01:07:17,120 --> 01:07:19,088 I'm so sorry, but I really... 1303 01:07:20,760 --> 01:07:21,807 What? 1304 01:07:22,680 --> 01:07:25,524 Bridget, I'd like you to meet Jack Quant. He's rather extraordinary. 1305 01:07:25,680 --> 01:07:27,921 I was just reading a profile of him in The New Yorker. 1306 01:07:28,080 --> 01:07:29,969 Right. Yes. We actually know each other. 1307 01:07:30,120 --> 01:07:31,485 Yes. We certainly do. 1308 01:07:31,640 --> 01:07:33,608 Good job. Why didn't you introduce me to this man before? 1309 01:07:33,760 --> 01:07:36,969 He's brilliant. You know, he represents the punk-rock band that's being extradited. 1310 01:07:37,120 --> 01:07:38,121 That's right. 1311 01:07:38,320 --> 01:07:39,810 Yes, yes. I knew that, too. 1312 01:07:40,440 --> 01:07:42,966 Hi. We met fleetingly before as well. 1313 01:07:43,160 --> 01:07:46,164 I'm in charge of data management for most of Daventry. 1314 01:07:46,440 --> 01:07:47,441 Oh. (CHUCKLES) 1315 01:07:47,560 --> 01:07:48,971 Well, um... 1316 01:07:49,520 --> 01:07:52,046 I must say it's fantastic that you're getting on so well 1317 01:07:52,200 --> 01:07:53,964 because you have a lot in common. 1318 01:07:54,480 --> 01:07:58,485 Shall we get out of here and find a place a bit quieter? 1319 01:07:58,640 --> 01:08:00,290 Uh, yes. Why not? I booked Gianni's. 1320 01:08:00,440 --> 01:08:02,522 Great. That sounds lovely. 1321 01:08:03,320 --> 01:08:04,321 Oh. Um... 1322 01:08:04,640 --> 01:08:08,531 You might have to sit this one out, Ari... 1323 01:08:08,680 --> 01:08:09,841 I'm sorry. 1324 01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:18,571 MARK: So, do you actually believe that mathematics can... 1325 01:08:18,720 --> 01:08:20,324 How did you put it in your book? 1326 01:08:20,480 --> 01:08:23,211 "Help us analyze behavior previously invisible to science"? 1327 01:08:23,680 --> 01:08:25,603 Well, my dating algorithm is to help people 1328 01:08:25,680 --> 01:08:27,682 find love, not necessarily replace it. 1329 01:08:28,200 --> 01:08:30,202 Oh, no. Is incredible idea. 1330 01:08:30,360 --> 01:08:32,840 Have you ever tried it out? 1331 01:08:34,680 --> 01:08:36,091 You're single, right? 1332 01:08:36,880 --> 01:08:38,370 MARK: Well, I'm... 1333 01:08:38,520 --> 01:08:40,249 Yes, I suppose so. 1334 01:08:41,040 --> 01:08:42,565 And how did you two meet? 1335 01:08:43,160 --> 01:08:44,446 (NERVOUS LAUGHTER) 1336 01:08:44,520 --> 01:08:46,363 Oh. (CHUCKLES) 1337 01:08:47,120 --> 01:08:48,121 Yeah. 1338 01:08:48,200 --> 01:08:49,406 (LAUGHTER) 1339 01:08:49,520 --> 01:08:50,521 BRIDGET: It's, um... 1340 01:08:52,360 --> 01:08:55,728 It's sort of a funny story. Sort of. 1341 01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:57,040 (LAUGHING) 1342 01:08:59,680 --> 01:09:02,286 You see, um, a few months ago, on the fourth of the month, 1343 01:09:02,440 --> 01:09:04,727 I met Jack at a music festival. 1344 01:09:04,840 --> 01:09:05,841 Right. 1345 01:09:06,000 --> 01:09:08,002 And we got on very well. 1346 01:09:08,200 --> 01:09:11,841 And sort of had, um, relations. 1347 01:09:12,240 --> 01:09:16,211 And the next week, that is to say, on the 11th of the month 1348 01:09:16,360 --> 01:09:18,522 at Jude's baby christening to be exact, 1349 01:09:18,680 --> 01:09:20,921 uh, following the consumption of quite a lot of alcohol, 1350 01:09:21,080 --> 01:09:24,163 Mark and I, well, we had similar relations? 1351 01:09:25,920 --> 01:09:28,924 And this is the funny part, I suppose. 1352 01:09:29,080 --> 01:09:31,447 Owing to these relations, 1353 01:09:31,640 --> 01:09:34,120 uh, the resulting life form currently residing in my tummy 1354 01:09:34,280 --> 01:09:37,284 could actually, in fact, be either of yours. 1355 01:09:44,360 --> 01:09:45,361 (CLEARS THROAT) 1356 01:09:46,560 --> 01:09:48,881 BRIDGET: I know I should have told you both before. 1357 01:09:51,240 --> 01:09:52,924 But I just didn't. 1358 01:09:54,760 --> 01:09:56,285 You both seemed so happy. 1359 01:09:56,920 --> 01:09:58,126 So, correct me if I'm wrong, 1360 01:09:58,200 --> 01:10:00,441 but did you just say that the baby could be either of ours? 1361 01:10:04,240 --> 01:10:08,723 So, you have no idea which of us is actually the father? 1362 01:10:10,280 --> 01:10:11,486 (EXHALES) 1363 01:10:12,280 --> 01:10:14,487 I know, it's all very confusing. 1364 01:10:16,120 --> 01:10:18,248 I'm sorry. 1365 01:10:20,360 --> 01:10:23,648 So, however we choose, uh, to do this, 1366 01:10:27,480 --> 01:10:29,642 the most important thing now is this. 1367 01:10:29,800 --> 01:10:31,086 Is this. 1368 01:10:34,480 --> 01:10:36,960 Okay, Bridget, I'm not gonna pretend this isn't a shock. 1369 01:10:39,000 --> 01:10:42,800 But I want you to know, whatever the circumstance, you're right. 1370 01:10:44,000 --> 01:10:46,082 The most important thing is the baby. 1371 01:10:47,320 --> 01:10:49,368 Who knows, this could be a great adventure. 1372 01:10:50,480 --> 01:10:53,609 I'm afraid you're going to have to excuse me. I have a meeting. 1373 01:10:55,120 --> 01:10:56,121 Oh. Uh... 1374 01:10:59,160 --> 01:11:00,207 I'm sorry. 1375 01:11:00,400 --> 01:11:01,526 Mark. Um... 1376 01:11:08,520 --> 01:11:10,249 Gianni, can we have the bill, please? 1377 01:11:10,400 --> 01:11:11,401 (SPEAKS ITALIAN) 1378 01:11:20,280 --> 01:11:21,964 BRIDGET: And if I thought that was tricky, 1379 01:11:22,040 --> 01:11:23,849 how would the news go down at Mum's 1380 01:11:23,920 --> 01:11:25,649 parish council election campaign? 1381 01:11:26,240 --> 01:11:29,210 Honestly, we started half an hour ago. Where have you been? 1382 01:11:29,360 --> 01:11:30,725 You said it was an emergency? 1383 01:11:30,800 --> 01:11:32,802 Well, The Gazette wants to take a family portrait. 1384 01:11:32,880 --> 01:11:33,881 What are you wearing? 1385 01:11:36,200 --> 01:11:37,565 Oh, my God. Bridget, are you... 1386 01:11:37,720 --> 01:11:38,881 Yep. (NERVOUS CHUCKLE) 1387 01:11:39,520 --> 01:11:40,601 Oh! Yeah. 1388 01:11:41,240 --> 01:11:43,083 Why didn't you say anything? 1389 01:11:44,400 --> 01:11:45,765 Well, didn't want to upset you. 1390 01:11:45,920 --> 01:11:47,524 Well, why would you? 1391 01:11:48,400 --> 01:11:49,561 Oh, no, Bridget. 1392 01:11:49,720 --> 01:11:50,846 Who's the father? 1393 01:11:51,520 --> 01:11:53,568 It's not Mark, is it? Oh, do say it is. 1394 01:11:53,720 --> 01:11:55,609 Well, there's at least a 50% chance. 1395 01:11:55,760 --> 01:11:57,250 "A 50% chance"? 1396 01:11:57,400 --> 01:11:59,607 Mark or this really nice American called Jack. 1397 01:11:59,760 --> 01:12:03,560 No, Bridget. An American? Did you have a three-way? 1398 01:12:03,680 --> 01:12:04,681 (GASP) 1399 01:12:04,760 --> 01:12:06,046 PHOTOGRAPHER: Mrs. Jones. 1400 01:12:06,320 --> 01:12:07,321 (MUMBLES NERVOUSLY) 1401 01:12:07,960 --> 01:12:11,282 Here, take this and pretend everything's fine. 1402 01:12:11,400 --> 01:12:12,401 Everything is fine. 1403 01:12:12,760 --> 01:12:14,250 PHOTOGRAPHER: Mrs. Jones. Can we... 1404 01:12:14,680 --> 01:12:16,762 Look, here's a lovely place for you to stand. 1405 01:12:20,920 --> 01:12:21,967 Are you ashamed of me? 1406 01:12:22,080 --> 01:12:24,651 No, darling. It's just the circumstances. 1407 01:12:24,800 --> 01:12:27,724 I'm running for high office, you see. 1408 01:12:28,400 --> 01:12:30,562 (BRIDGET READING) 1409 01:12:30,640 --> 01:12:31,766 So long. 1410 01:12:32,440 --> 01:12:34,886 It's not the 1950s. 1411 01:12:35,440 --> 01:12:36,566 Look around you. 1412 01:12:36,640 --> 01:12:40,326 Two lesbians have just adopted at number 32. 1413 01:12:41,120 --> 01:12:42,690 If you don't change the way you look at things, 1414 01:12:42,760 --> 01:12:44,967 you're going to lose your precious election, 1415 01:12:45,640 --> 01:12:47,563 and perhaps your daughter. 1416 01:12:50,280 --> 01:12:53,090 Bridget, so lovely to see you. Are you... 1417 01:12:53,240 --> 01:12:55,242 Yes. I am. (CHUCKLES) 1418 01:12:55,400 --> 01:12:59,246 How wonderful. We thought you'd just got all fat again. 1419 01:13:00,880 --> 01:13:01,881 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 1420 01:13:03,000 --> 01:13:05,128 BRIDGET: I'm now the Mary Magdalene of Middle England. 1421 01:13:05,440 --> 01:13:07,807 Have alienated Mum and Mark Darcy. 1422 01:13:08,080 --> 01:13:09,809 Am like tropical female insect 1423 01:13:09,960 --> 01:13:12,088 that shags men to impregnate self, then eats them. 1424 01:13:12,480 --> 01:13:13,561 The question is, 1425 01:13:13,640 --> 01:13:16,962 will Mark even turn up and engage in our polyamorous family? 1426 01:13:25,000 --> 01:13:26,001 Hey! 1427 01:13:26,080 --> 01:13:27,081 Hello! 1428 01:13:27,880 --> 01:13:29,325 First prenatal class. 1429 01:13:30,480 --> 01:13:31,606 Exciting, huh? 1430 01:13:31,800 --> 01:13:32,847 Yeah! 1431 01:13:33,360 --> 01:13:34,361 Wow. 1432 01:13:35,000 --> 01:13:36,570 You look great. 1433 01:13:43,320 --> 01:13:44,651 Hello. Hello! 1434 01:13:46,040 --> 01:13:47,724 Oh, I'm so glad you came. 1435 01:13:47,880 --> 01:13:49,370 Yeah, me, too. 1436 01:13:49,520 --> 01:13:51,409 Brought you an iced tea. Oh, well! 1437 01:13:51,560 --> 01:13:52,686 Thank you. 1438 01:13:54,920 --> 01:13:56,490 It's awesome to see you, man. 1439 01:13:57,000 --> 01:13:59,526 But there's a heck of a lot of caffeine in that tea. 1440 01:13:59,720 --> 01:14:03,042 I brought you a super juice. 1441 01:14:03,120 --> 01:14:04,121 Oh! 1442 01:14:04,320 --> 01:14:05,321 Thank you! 1443 01:14:07,680 --> 01:14:08,886 Um... Shall we go in? 1444 01:14:09,040 --> 01:14:11,168 Why not? Sure. Let me carry that for you. 1445 01:14:11,240 --> 01:14:12,526 Oh. Thank you. 1446 01:14:12,680 --> 01:14:14,523 Can I carry your phone for you? 1447 01:14:15,240 --> 01:14:16,765 Okay. 1448 01:14:18,760 --> 01:14:19,886 Thank you. 1449 01:14:20,920 --> 01:14:23,048 And who do we have here then? 1450 01:14:23,240 --> 01:14:27,325 I'm Bridget and this is Jack. 1451 01:14:27,880 --> 01:14:30,565 And this is Mark. 1452 01:14:31,480 --> 01:14:33,642 (GASPS) Oh! 1453 01:14:33,720 --> 01:14:34,926 Lovely. 1454 01:14:35,120 --> 01:14:37,521 You're our second same-sex couple today! 1455 01:14:37,960 --> 01:14:39,246 (CHUCKLES) (APPLAUSE) 1456 01:14:41,200 --> 01:14:42,725 Uh, no, actually, we're... 1457 01:14:42,880 --> 01:14:44,041 Absolutely! 1458 01:14:44,120 --> 01:14:47,647 We just need the gift of a baby to make us feel complete. 1459 01:14:48,240 --> 01:14:49,446 You must be the surrogate? 1460 01:14:50,280 --> 01:14:51,645 Exactly. Yes. 1461 01:14:51,720 --> 01:14:55,088 Just helping this wonderful couple make their dream come true. 1462 01:14:55,240 --> 01:14:56,969 See, Mark is very nervous about all this. 1463 01:14:57,120 --> 01:14:59,566 It's all new to you, isn't it, lamb chop? 1464 01:15:01,880 --> 01:15:05,646 BRIDGET: Like all visionaries, we'll encounter bumps along the road. 1465 01:15:05,920 --> 01:15:08,605 How would you like to give birth to your placenta? 1466 01:15:08,760 --> 01:15:09,921 Quickly! 1467 01:15:11,640 --> 01:15:12,641 (LAUGHS) 1468 01:15:13,160 --> 01:15:14,161 (COUGHING) 1469 01:15:34,920 --> 01:15:36,445 Are you okay? Are you sure? 1470 01:15:37,120 --> 01:15:38,645 DAISY: And of course, massage can have 1471 01:15:38,760 --> 01:15:40,842 many benefits throughout pregnancy. 1472 01:15:41,000 --> 01:15:42,161 Can we name some of them? 1473 01:15:42,320 --> 01:15:45,130 Yes. It relieves stress and promotes feel-good hormones. 1474 01:15:45,280 --> 01:15:47,328 And is also to be avoided in cases of high-risk pregnancy. 1475 01:15:47,520 --> 01:15:49,648 For example, when there is a geriatric mother. 1476 01:15:49,800 --> 01:15:52,849 DAISY: Right! Excellent. Someone's been reading up. 1477 01:15:53,000 --> 01:15:54,126 Would you like to have a go? 1478 01:15:54,320 --> 01:15:56,004 No, I think I'll let Jack get on with it. 1479 01:15:56,080 --> 01:15:57,764 I think he seems to have it covered. 1480 01:15:57,920 --> 01:16:01,208 That's very sweet of you. That's why I love you, my little teacup. 1481 01:16:03,720 --> 01:16:05,529 JACK: (THROUGH SPEAKERS) What if we asked the right question 1482 01:16:05,600 --> 01:16:07,329 and applied the laws of mathematics 1483 01:16:07,480 --> 01:16:09,767 so that the science of courtship could be quantified? 1484 01:16:19,280 --> 01:16:20,520 Uh-oh! 1485 01:16:27,280 --> 01:16:28,520 (KEYBOARD CLACKING) 1486 01:16:33,040 --> 01:16:34,246 Yippee! 1487 01:16:34,360 --> 01:16:35,566 It's a match! 1488 01:16:46,000 --> 01:16:47,001 (EXHALES DEEPLY) 1489 01:16:48,160 --> 01:16:49,161 Oh. 1490 01:16:56,240 --> 01:16:57,969 (WINCES AND GROANS) 1491 01:17:03,520 --> 01:17:04,851 (PHONE RINGING) 1492 01:17:07,360 --> 01:17:09,089 May I please make an application 1493 01:17:09,160 --> 01:17:10,844 for leave to appeal in the case of 1494 01:17:11,000 --> 01:17:14,049 Her Majesty's Government and Saddiq Al Bashir. (PHONE VIBRATING) 1495 01:17:14,920 --> 01:17:17,844 As Your Lordship is no doubt aware, Mr. AI Bashir lost... 1496 01:17:18,200 --> 01:17:19,531 So, everything's all right? 1497 01:17:19,680 --> 01:17:22,047 Yes, well, it's this combination. 1498 01:17:22,240 --> 01:17:26,689 Gherkins, anchovies, banana juice, and Pringles! 1499 01:17:27,240 --> 01:17:28,969 So, essentially... 1500 01:17:29,080 --> 01:17:30,081 It's wind. 1501 01:17:30,160 --> 01:17:31,161 Huh. 1502 01:17:31,880 --> 01:17:34,406 Right. So, going forward, 1503 01:17:35,360 --> 01:17:38,125 regular Pringles, not hot spicy barbecue? 1504 01:17:38,280 --> 01:17:40,123 Or possibly no Pringles at all. 1505 01:17:40,280 --> 01:17:41,406 Try that. (SOFTLY) Ugh. 1506 01:17:44,600 --> 01:17:47,046 Ah! Is everything all right? Is Bridget okay? 1507 01:17:47,160 --> 01:17:48,605 Yes. Perfectly fine. 1508 01:17:48,760 --> 01:17:49,841 She in there with... 1509 01:17:49,920 --> 01:17:51,763 That's Dr. Pringle. 1510 01:17:52,400 --> 01:17:53,765 He's testing her blood. This is interesting. 1511 01:17:54,080 --> 01:17:56,765 This is a new bedside technique we're testing out of Oslo. 1512 01:17:56,920 --> 01:17:58,001 It's Norwegian... 1513 01:17:58,080 --> 01:17:59,889 It's all right. I know about Jack. Thank you, Doctor. 1514 01:18:00,040 --> 01:18:02,520 Oh, thank goodness. Why didn't you tell me? She's fine. 1515 01:18:02,680 --> 01:18:04,887 He's calmed her down completely actually. 1516 01:18:05,080 --> 01:18:07,481 I'm sorry. I got your messages. I was in court. 1517 01:18:07,560 --> 01:18:08,561 (LAUGHING) Oh. 1518 01:18:10,200 --> 01:18:11,201 Oh. 1519 01:18:11,560 --> 01:18:14,484 Hi. It's all right. Can't be helped. 1520 01:18:15,080 --> 01:18:16,844 (CELLPHONE RINGING) 1521 01:18:18,960 --> 01:18:20,291 You should get it. 1522 01:18:20,440 --> 01:18:22,124 It might be work. 1523 01:18:25,040 --> 01:18:26,769 Don't worry. I got it covered. 1524 01:18:26,880 --> 01:18:28,405 Yes, I can see that! 1525 01:18:29,320 --> 01:18:32,051 Wow. Okay. You need to chill out. 1526 01:18:32,720 --> 01:18:34,290 We have to do this together. 1527 01:18:34,920 --> 01:18:37,400 You know, in Peru, the Um Bat Do consider paternity 1528 01:18:37,560 --> 01:18:39,289 a task shared between the many tribesmen. 1529 01:18:39,480 --> 01:18:41,642 Well, unfortunately, we Um Bat Don't live in Peru. 1530 01:18:41,800 --> 01:18:43,165 I live in Ealing. 1531 01:18:44,320 --> 01:18:47,130 Negative energy is just so bad for the baby. 1532 01:18:47,560 --> 01:18:48,925 (SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE) 1533 01:18:49,920 --> 01:18:52,491 Stop it, both of you! 1534 01:18:52,800 --> 01:18:54,802 This isn't a competition. 1535 01:18:56,800 --> 01:18:58,643 JACK: She's right. 1536 01:18:58,920 --> 01:19:01,924 We should take this toxic energy out of the room. 1537 01:19:10,000 --> 01:19:11,650 I won't be a minute. 1538 01:19:23,840 --> 01:19:25,285 What's up? 1539 01:19:25,360 --> 01:19:26,600 Come on, buddy. 1540 01:19:27,760 --> 01:19:28,807 Why are you so angry? 1541 01:19:30,440 --> 01:19:32,329 You know what? I'm really not your buddy. 1542 01:19:32,480 --> 01:19:35,848 And I don't know about vibes or negative energy or prenatal wind 1543 01:19:36,040 --> 01:19:37,485 and even less about algorithms. 1544 01:19:37,640 --> 01:19:40,530 So, I will confess that the laws of attraction are somewhat beyond me. 1545 01:19:41,280 --> 01:19:44,045 In fact, Bridget defies comprehension generally. 1546 01:19:44,120 --> 01:19:45,849 But despite, or perhaps, owing to 1547 01:19:45,960 --> 01:19:47,325 the bewildering litany of catastrophes 1548 01:19:47,400 --> 01:19:48,765 I've witnessed over the last 40 years, 1549 01:19:48,840 --> 01:19:50,126 I feel I've come to know Bridget rather well, 1550 01:19:50,200 --> 01:19:52,328 and I've spent those years caring for her very deeply. 1551 01:19:52,480 --> 01:19:53,925 And that may defy automated reasoning, 1552 01:19:54,000 --> 01:19:55,331 but there's nothing I can do about it. 1553 01:19:55,480 --> 01:19:56,766 Nothing you can do about it? 1554 01:19:56,840 --> 01:19:58,205 Maybe you should try and stay around a little 1555 01:19:58,280 --> 01:20:00,123 instead of saving the world by cell phone. 1556 01:20:00,280 --> 01:20:01,406 I make her happy, Mark. 1557 01:20:01,560 --> 01:20:03,130 And I suppose your algorithm tells you 1558 01:20:03,200 --> 01:20:04,725 you're destined to be together, does it? 1559 01:20:04,880 --> 01:20:06,120 Actually, it does. 1560 01:20:06,200 --> 01:20:08,407 The fact that you've been trying and failing for the past 10 years 1561 01:20:08,480 --> 01:20:09,481 tells me you are not. 1562 01:20:09,960 --> 01:20:11,007 No. 1563 01:20:11,080 --> 01:20:12,570 I don't want to fight with you. 1564 01:20:15,880 --> 01:20:17,564 We should think about Bridget and the baby. 1565 01:20:18,200 --> 01:20:20,009 For better or worse, fate has brought us together. 1566 01:20:20,080 --> 01:20:22,242 It wasn't fate, it was condoms. 1567 01:20:23,040 --> 01:20:24,041 What do you mean? 1568 01:20:24,200 --> 01:20:25,531 Those ridiculous dolphin-friendly things 1569 01:20:25,600 --> 01:20:27,250 from the bottom of Bridget's bag. 1570 01:20:28,320 --> 01:20:30,209 I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about. 1571 01:20:30,360 --> 01:20:31,850 When Bridget and I got it on, 1572 01:20:32,800 --> 01:20:34,848 I was not dressed for the occasion. 1573 01:21:08,800 --> 01:21:10,529 (CELLPHONE VIBRATING) 1574 01:21:18,040 --> 01:21:19,451 No Mark today? 1575 01:21:19,560 --> 01:21:20,607 No. 1576 01:21:25,760 --> 01:21:27,683 We must thank one person 1577 01:21:27,760 --> 01:21:30,286 who was prepared to fight for us when no one else would. 1578 01:21:30,720 --> 01:21:33,849 And we say to that person with all our heart... 1579 01:21:35,960 --> 01:21:37,564 (CHEERING) 1580 01:21:37,960 --> 01:21:39,485 Free speech! 1581 01:21:39,640 --> 01:21:42,803 (CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING) (CHEERING CONTINUES) 1582 01:21:43,960 --> 01:21:45,803 RICHARD: Bridget. Camera back. 1583 01:21:47,640 --> 01:21:51,087 SHAZZER: I still can't believe Mark ducked out like that. 1584 01:21:51,400 --> 01:21:53,164 BRIDGET: Well, it's not really his fault. 1585 01:21:53,560 --> 01:21:58,122 I suppose we just have to hope it's Jack's, right? 1586 01:21:59,160 --> 01:22:00,650 I mean, let's face it. 1587 01:22:00,800 --> 01:22:04,009 Things could be worse. He is pretty fucking amazing. 1588 01:22:04,160 --> 01:22:07,243 He's richer than God, and he has a very nice-sized puppet. 1589 01:22:07,440 --> 01:22:08,851 He does. 1590 01:22:09,440 --> 01:22:12,171 And we match up very nicely on paper. 1591 01:22:13,360 --> 01:22:14,646 How do you know? 1592 01:22:15,120 --> 01:22:16,531 You just have to have faith. 1593 01:22:16,680 --> 01:22:18,205 You just have to ask yourself, 1594 01:22:18,360 --> 01:22:23,287 "Can I see myself growing old with this guy 1595 01:22:24,000 --> 01:22:25,809 "and not Mark Darcy?" 1596 01:22:28,360 --> 01:22:31,011 There it is. Uh-oh! There we go. 1597 01:22:38,680 --> 01:22:40,728 Oh, hey! Oh. 1598 01:22:41,040 --> 01:22:44,123 You know, first few months, they only see black and white. 1599 01:22:44,200 --> 01:22:46,567 This will help stimulate spatial awareness. 1600 01:22:47,040 --> 01:22:49,202 Or early onset motion sickness. 1601 01:22:50,840 --> 01:22:53,571 I got him one of these. A bouncy chair. 1602 01:22:53,880 --> 01:22:55,405 (CHUCKLES) Ah! 1603 01:22:55,840 --> 01:22:58,730 Not quite sure where we're going to put it. 1604 01:22:59,000 --> 01:23:00,001 Yeah. 1605 01:23:00,200 --> 01:23:01,201 About that, 1606 01:23:02,560 --> 01:23:05,882 uh, it's kind of cramped in here, don't you think? 1607 01:23:08,400 --> 01:23:09,640 It's cozy. 1608 01:23:12,240 --> 01:23:13,924 You know, I've been thinking... 1609 01:23:15,000 --> 01:23:17,526 Might be nice if we moved in together. 1610 01:23:18,240 --> 01:23:20,402 You think we're ready for that? 1611 01:23:20,560 --> 01:23:24,087 I'm just tired of living in hotel rooms and airport lounges. 1612 01:23:25,320 --> 01:23:26,765 We could be a family. 1613 01:23:27,880 --> 01:23:30,042 Me, you and him. 1614 01:23:31,360 --> 01:23:32,691 What do you say? 1615 01:23:32,760 --> 01:23:33,761 (CHUCKLES) 1616 01:23:38,400 --> 01:23:39,765 What if it's not yours? 1617 01:23:40,360 --> 01:23:41,441 What? 1618 01:23:41,520 --> 01:23:44,091 What if the baby turns out to be Mark's? 1619 01:23:49,360 --> 01:23:52,091 Well, I mean, it would certainly change things. 1620 01:23:56,960 --> 01:23:59,361 Is that what you want? For it to be Mark's? 1621 01:23:59,800 --> 01:24:01,040 Oh. Uh... 1622 01:24:02,280 --> 01:24:03,281 (SOFT CHUCKLE) 1623 01:24:05,600 --> 01:24:07,329 Are you in love with him? 1624 01:24:10,760 --> 01:24:12,569 I have been. 1625 01:24:12,720 --> 01:24:14,165 In the past. 1626 01:24:16,600 --> 01:24:17,931 And me? 1627 01:24:20,360 --> 01:24:23,489 I could be one day. 1628 01:24:32,000 --> 01:24:35,482 Bridget, I haven't been entirely honest with you. 1629 01:24:37,120 --> 01:24:38,531 Mark thinks the baby isn't his, 1630 01:24:38,600 --> 01:24:40,921 and I let him believe it was mine. 1631 01:24:41,560 --> 01:24:43,801 That's why he disappeared. 1632 01:24:47,720 --> 01:24:48,801 Why would he think that? 1633 01:24:48,960 --> 01:24:52,567 Because I let him. Because I wanted you for myself. 1634 01:24:54,240 --> 01:24:55,241 Oh. 1635 01:24:56,120 --> 01:24:58,521 We could be so good for each other. 1636 01:25:00,480 --> 01:25:02,369 97%. 1637 01:25:04,720 --> 01:25:06,324 On paper. 1638 01:25:07,000 --> 01:25:09,321 But falling in love doesn't happen on paper. 1639 01:25:11,560 --> 01:25:13,449 Sometimes you love a person 1640 01:25:13,600 --> 01:25:16,888 because of all the reasons they're not like you. 1641 01:25:19,960 --> 01:25:21,007 And sometimes you love a person 1642 01:25:21,080 --> 01:25:23,890 just because they feel like home. 1643 01:25:27,880 --> 01:25:29,803 I've got to find Mark. 1644 01:25:32,520 --> 01:25:33,521 (DIALING PHONE) 1645 01:25:34,360 --> 01:25:35,407 (PHONE RINGING) 1646 01:25:36,360 --> 01:25:39,364 Hello, Pierce. It's Bridget. 1647 01:25:39,520 --> 01:25:40,681 I'm trying to get hold of Mark. 1648 01:25:40,840 --> 01:25:42,524 PIERCE: He just got back from a trip, Bridget. 1649 01:25:42,600 --> 01:25:44,489 He's in a taxi on his way home. 1650 01:25:48,880 --> 01:25:49,881 (SIGHS) 1651 01:25:53,120 --> 01:25:54,167 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 1652 01:26:18,920 --> 01:26:19,921 Hi. 1653 01:26:26,280 --> 01:26:27,281 (CAMILLE CHUCKLING) 1654 01:26:36,560 --> 01:26:37,891 (HORN HONKING) (GASPS) 1655 01:27:04,960 --> 01:27:07,804 Approximately eight weeks to go. 1656 01:27:08,760 --> 01:27:09,761 Mmm. 1657 01:27:13,560 --> 01:27:15,608 You don't really need them, you know. 1658 01:27:15,680 --> 01:27:18,081 All they're good for is fitting car seats and blaming things on. 1659 01:27:18,160 --> 01:27:20,367 They really just get in the way after that. 1660 01:27:21,360 --> 01:27:24,648 You're absolutely capable of doing this on your own. 1661 01:27:26,480 --> 01:27:27,527 I did. 1662 01:27:30,800 --> 01:27:32,325 (HORSE NEIGHING) 1663 01:27:33,000 --> 01:27:35,162 (CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING) 1664 01:27:46,640 --> 01:27:49,928 BRIDGET: You know what? I can do this on my own. 1665 01:27:50,200 --> 01:27:52,328 We can do this on our own. 1666 01:27:52,840 --> 01:27:54,205 One of the perks of being pregnant 1667 01:27:54,280 --> 01:27:57,090 is no longer feel like a tragic, lonely spinster 1668 01:27:57,240 --> 01:27:59,811 because of miniature miracle growing inside. 1669 01:28:00,320 --> 01:28:01,321 Hello. 1670 01:28:01,560 --> 01:28:02,800 Hello! 1671 01:28:05,000 --> 01:28:08,322 Mum's throwing a Christmas party/political rally. 1672 01:28:08,480 --> 01:28:10,721 It's like the G8 summit with Scotch eggs. 1673 01:28:11,280 --> 01:28:13,851 Oh. Be brave. Go in. 1674 01:28:14,480 --> 01:28:16,164 Hello, darling! Hello. 1675 01:28:16,320 --> 01:28:20,006 Sorry, I didn't realize everyone was here. I'll just pop upstairs. 1676 01:28:20,160 --> 01:28:23,369 No, nonsense. Nonsense. (CHUCKLES) 1677 01:28:23,880 --> 01:28:26,611 Una's had all the posters re-printed. 1678 01:28:27,440 --> 01:28:28,930 BRIDGET: Oh. MUM: You've inspired me. 1679 01:28:29,000 --> 01:28:30,650 BRIDGET: It's still so long. 1680 01:28:30,720 --> 01:28:32,722 You were quite right, as it turns out. 1681 01:28:32,880 --> 01:28:35,326 This place is teeming with single mothers, single fathers, 1682 01:28:35,400 --> 01:28:37,482 bisexuals, surrogates, 1683 01:28:37,640 --> 01:28:38,721 and they're all lovely. 1684 01:28:38,880 --> 01:28:40,211 And so normal. 1685 01:28:40,360 --> 01:28:42,362 Do you know, I've even got two homosexuals on the team? 1686 01:28:42,520 --> 01:28:43,521 No, thank you. 1687 01:28:43,680 --> 01:28:45,523 Who knew? Everybody. 1688 01:28:47,440 --> 01:28:49,602 I'm so proud of you, darling, you know that? 1689 01:28:50,080 --> 01:28:51,241 What you're doing is not easy. 1690 01:28:51,400 --> 01:28:53,243 But if anyone can make it work, it's you. 1691 01:28:54,240 --> 01:28:58,165 That child is the luckiest boy on earth to have you as his mum. 1692 01:28:58,320 --> 01:28:59,321 And he's going to have the love 1693 01:28:59,400 --> 01:29:01,846 of a million fathers with you by his side. 1694 01:29:02,040 --> 01:29:03,041 Oh... 1695 01:29:03,520 --> 01:29:06,126 Come on. We've got some campaigning to do. 1696 01:29:06,440 --> 01:29:10,001 Make way, make way. Single pregnant mother coming through. 1697 01:29:11,840 --> 01:29:13,763 Laura, Josh. 1698 01:29:14,040 --> 01:29:17,726 We need to give six minutes to General Lu Tong, okay? 1699 01:29:17,880 --> 01:29:19,530 It's a huge scoop. 1700 01:29:19,680 --> 01:29:21,569 Yeah. Alice wants to pull the interview. What? 1701 01:29:21,640 --> 01:29:24,883 She's got a feature on "Is the world really ending on Tuesday?" 1702 01:29:25,080 --> 01:29:28,402 Well, it may as well if we lose Lu Tong. Lu Tong stays. 1703 01:29:28,560 --> 01:29:31,006 Six minutes. Let's do this. 1704 01:29:32,360 --> 01:29:34,601 General Lu Tong. Hi! 1705 01:29:34,800 --> 01:29:38,566 Sorry it's so chaotic in here today. Thank you for coming on. 1706 01:29:38,720 --> 01:29:40,802 We're on live in two minutes. 1707 01:29:40,960 --> 01:29:42,803 Miranda will probably want to start 1708 01:29:42,880 --> 01:29:45,486 with what's going on in Naypyidaw. 1709 01:29:45,880 --> 01:29:47,848 Miranda, get back on General Lu Tong. 1710 01:29:47,960 --> 01:29:48,961 Keep pressing. 1711 01:29:49,480 --> 01:29:52,290 So, let me ask you one more time, General Lu Tong, 1712 01:29:52,440 --> 01:29:55,523 will you take responsibility for the human rights abuses 1713 01:29:55,680 --> 01:29:57,569 perpetrated by your own government? 1714 01:29:57,720 --> 01:30:00,564 He's on the rack. Tight on four. Get those beads of sweat. 1715 01:30:00,640 --> 01:30:01,641 DIRECTOR: In you go, four, push in. 1716 01:30:01,760 --> 01:30:04,411 I'm sorry. I can't answer that. 1717 01:30:05,240 --> 01:30:07,004 Can't or won't, Lu Tong? 1718 01:30:07,160 --> 01:30:09,162 Can't or won't, General Lu Tong? 1719 01:30:09,320 --> 01:30:11,687 On balance I'd suggest "can't" 1720 01:30:11,880 --> 01:30:14,963 considering I've just found General Lu Tong in the lobby 1721 01:30:15,120 --> 01:30:16,963 and his chauffeur is currently live on-air 1722 01:30:17,120 --> 01:30:19,805 answering questions about Far Eastern geopolitics. 1723 01:30:19,960 --> 01:30:21,849 MIRANDA: No? Any comment you want to make 1724 01:30:21,920 --> 01:30:24,844 about the use of sexual torture by your own military? 1725 01:30:26,520 --> 01:30:28,761 Ask him about London traffic. 1726 01:30:28,920 --> 01:30:32,003 London traffic, General Lu Tong? Anything to say about that? 1727 01:30:32,440 --> 01:30:33,851 No comment there. 1728 01:30:34,000 --> 01:30:35,081 Unbelievable. 1729 01:30:35,280 --> 01:30:36,770 That's it from General Lu Tong. 1730 01:30:36,840 --> 01:30:38,729 We'll see you after this short break. 1731 01:30:38,840 --> 01:30:39,841 Good job! 1732 01:30:43,640 --> 01:30:46,291 Unfortunately, you leave me no choice. 1733 01:30:46,360 --> 01:30:49,842 It's actually illegal to fire somebody for being pregnant. 1734 01:30:50,000 --> 01:30:51,126 I'm not firing her for being pregnant. 1735 01:30:51,200 --> 01:30:52,611 I'm firing her for gross incompetency. 1736 01:30:52,680 --> 01:30:55,047 RICHARD: Bridget is the beating heart of this show. 1737 01:30:55,160 --> 01:30:56,605 How could you want to fire her? 1738 01:30:56,800 --> 01:30:59,451 How about for interviewing a chauffeur instead of a general? 1739 01:30:59,640 --> 01:31:00,926 Using a TV interview 1740 01:31:01,080 --> 01:31:03,651 to determine if a guest might be the father of her child 1741 01:31:03,800 --> 01:31:08,442 and being responsible for the broadcast of six bare arses? 1742 01:31:14,160 --> 01:31:15,321 It's okay. 1743 01:31:15,720 --> 01:31:17,722 It's really okay, Richard. 1744 01:31:18,240 --> 01:31:21,369 I was going to quit anyway. Probably. 1745 01:31:22,320 --> 01:31:26,723 Believe it or not, I was a little like you when I started here. 1746 01:31:26,880 --> 01:31:29,201 A little chunkier, much less make-up. 1747 01:31:29,800 --> 01:31:31,404 But I wanted to make my mark, too. 1748 01:31:32,360 --> 01:31:34,647 But I don't want to be part of your rebranding. 1749 01:31:34,840 --> 01:31:36,569 I haven't got the right haircut anyway, 1750 01:31:36,760 --> 01:31:38,489 and I don't drink cocktails out of jam jars 1751 01:31:38,560 --> 01:31:40,847 or post photos of my lunch on Instagram. 1752 01:31:41,120 --> 01:31:43,600 And I suppose it's become unfashionable 1753 01:31:43,760 --> 01:31:46,161 to care about wanting to make something worthwhile. 1754 01:31:46,320 --> 01:31:50,291 But I would rather be old-fashioned and unemployed 1755 01:31:50,480 --> 01:31:53,165 than part of a show that celebrates the inane. 1756 01:31:54,000 --> 01:31:56,571 Then maybe when my boy is old enough to understand, 1757 01:31:56,640 --> 01:31:59,086 integrity will be fashionable again. 1758 01:32:27,800 --> 01:32:29,484 What have I done? 1759 01:32:40,680 --> 01:32:41,681 Oh. 1760 01:32:43,960 --> 01:32:46,247 It's all very well fighting for your principles 1761 01:32:46,320 --> 01:32:48,687 when there's no food in the fridge. 1762 01:32:53,880 --> 01:32:56,963 BRIDGET: I mean, how difficult can it be to find another job 1763 01:32:57,120 --> 01:33:01,330 when you've just been fired and you're nine months pregnant? 1764 01:33:01,480 --> 01:33:03,164 And whatever happens now, 1765 01:33:03,320 --> 01:33:06,483 I'm going to get you one of those bloody Bugaboos. 1766 01:33:09,640 --> 01:33:11,529 Birthday? (KEYPAD BEEPING) 1767 01:33:14,120 --> 01:33:16,487 BRIDGET: Oh, God. Brain's gone to mush. 1768 01:33:16,640 --> 01:33:18,085 First shag? 1769 01:33:18,160 --> 01:33:19,161 (KEYPAD BEEPING) 1770 01:33:22,720 --> 01:33:23,846 No! 1771 01:33:24,640 --> 01:33:25,641 Ooh! 1772 01:33:26,720 --> 01:33:28,210 Bugger! 1773 01:33:29,120 --> 01:33:30,121 (STIFLED GRUNT) 1774 01:33:33,160 --> 01:33:35,162 I'm really sorry. 1775 01:33:37,840 --> 01:33:40,605 I've gone all crap all of a sudden. 1776 01:33:41,960 --> 01:33:43,007 Right. 1777 01:33:50,840 --> 01:33:51,841 (GASPS) 1778 01:33:54,040 --> 01:33:55,644 No, no, no. 1779 01:33:58,720 --> 01:33:59,926 Oh, fuck. 1780 01:34:06,920 --> 01:34:08,570 (THUNDER RUMBLING) 1781 01:34:16,080 --> 01:34:17,081 (DOORBELL BUZZING) 1782 01:34:19,040 --> 01:34:20,121 (DOORBELL BUZZING) 1783 01:34:23,080 --> 01:34:24,491 (DOORBELL BUZZING) 1784 01:34:25,280 --> 01:34:26,281 (SHIVERING) 1785 01:34:30,000 --> 01:34:31,809 Bugger, bugger, bugger. 1786 01:35:32,560 --> 01:35:35,564 BRIDGET: Okay. New pre-birth resolutions. 1787 01:35:35,720 --> 01:35:40,487 I, Bridget Jones, am going to be the best mother in the world. 1788 01:35:41,200 --> 01:35:43,521 I'm going to try not to leave you in a shop 1789 01:35:43,680 --> 01:35:44,920 or put you in the washing machine 1790 01:35:45,000 --> 01:35:48,083 like that woman in the newspaper with her cat. 1791 01:35:48,600 --> 01:35:50,967 Look, I know I made you a promise 1792 01:35:51,120 --> 01:35:53,885 I would get things sorted before you got here. 1793 01:35:54,040 --> 01:35:56,566 Well, the truth is, I haven't. 1794 01:35:56,720 --> 01:35:59,121 But you and me can do this together 1795 01:36:00,200 --> 01:36:03,886 because knights in shining armor don't exist anymore. 1796 01:36:04,760 --> 01:36:07,809 Or do they? 1797 01:36:23,160 --> 01:36:24,161 Hi. 1798 01:36:26,160 --> 01:36:27,161 Bridget. 1799 01:36:27,480 --> 01:36:28,925 Good God, what are you doing there? 1800 01:36:29,080 --> 01:36:30,161 You're all wet. 1801 01:36:30,320 --> 01:36:31,321 Yes. 1802 01:36:31,440 --> 01:36:33,249 I locked myself out. 1803 01:36:33,400 --> 01:36:37,849 I left my bag, lost my keys, phone, 1804 01:36:39,360 --> 01:36:40,805 my mind. 1805 01:36:41,320 --> 01:36:43,322 What are you doing here? 1806 01:36:44,880 --> 01:36:48,851 Well, it seems I can always find time to save the world. 1807 01:36:49,000 --> 01:36:50,764 But you're my world. 1808 01:36:58,160 --> 01:37:00,731 I thought you were back with Candida. 1809 01:37:01,520 --> 01:37:03,682 You know perfectly well her name is Camilla. 1810 01:37:04,240 --> 01:37:05,366 Camilla. (CHUCKLES) 1811 01:37:07,640 --> 01:37:12,248 I came round your house to find you and she was there. 1812 01:37:12,480 --> 01:37:15,643 She came to collect her bags. Gone back to The Hague. 1813 01:37:16,160 --> 01:37:18,731 I've just taken her to the airport. 1814 01:37:36,920 --> 01:37:38,285 Thank you. 1815 01:37:41,760 --> 01:37:42,761 Bridget, 1816 01:37:44,480 --> 01:37:49,247 you know I find emotional declarations difficult. 1817 01:37:51,600 --> 01:37:53,489 But the truth is... 1818 01:37:59,160 --> 01:38:00,810 Why are my trousers warm? 1819 01:38:04,280 --> 01:38:05,520 My waters must have broken! 1820 01:38:05,760 --> 01:38:06,727 Oh, Jesus. 1821 01:38:06,800 --> 01:38:08,928 So sorry. I'll get a cloth. 1822 01:38:09,000 --> 01:38:11,162 But you're not due for another two or three weeks at least. 1823 01:38:12,120 --> 01:38:13,360 Oh. That's a contraction. 1824 01:38:13,520 --> 01:38:15,010 I think we should get to the hospital quickly. 1825 01:38:15,200 --> 01:38:16,201 Absolutely. 1826 01:38:16,320 --> 01:38:17,606 Let's take your car. 1827 01:38:17,760 --> 01:38:18,966 I came in a taxi. 1828 01:38:19,160 --> 01:38:20,400 Oh, for fuck's sake. 1829 01:38:20,480 --> 01:38:21,845 Well, how was I supposed to know? 1830 01:38:22,160 --> 01:38:23,491 No, not you. The contractions! 1831 01:38:23,640 --> 01:38:24,641 No, we'll take your car. 1832 01:38:24,720 --> 01:38:25,721 We can't! 1833 01:38:25,800 --> 01:38:28,451 The car keys are in my bag with everything else. 1834 01:38:28,520 --> 01:38:29,521 Oh! 1835 01:38:29,840 --> 01:38:31,365 Five, six, seven, eight. 1836 01:38:31,440 --> 01:38:33,647 You just pant and breathe and count. 1837 01:38:33,840 --> 01:38:35,604 Nine. That's what you're supposed to do, isn't it? 1838 01:38:35,800 --> 01:38:37,325 Ten... 1839 01:38:37,400 --> 01:38:38,686 (PHONE RINGING) 1840 01:38:43,520 --> 01:38:44,806 You should get that. 1841 01:38:44,960 --> 01:38:46,689 It might be work. 1842 01:38:48,480 --> 01:38:49,481 No! Don't! 1843 01:38:49,840 --> 01:38:50,841 (CELLPHONE THUDS) MAN: Oi! 1844 01:38:52,360 --> 01:38:53,407 MAN: What the fuck? 1845 01:38:53,520 --> 01:38:54,851 That's really sweet. 1846 01:38:56,120 --> 01:38:57,804 But we've got to call a cab. 1847 01:38:58,240 --> 01:38:59,526 Oh, shit. 1848 01:38:59,840 --> 01:39:01,205 Right. What do we do? 1849 01:39:03,840 --> 01:39:05,330 I'll think of something. 1850 01:39:09,720 --> 01:39:11,563 MARK: Look out! GIANNI: Move, move, move! 1851 01:39:13,200 --> 01:39:14,645 We goin' ospedale. 1852 01:39:14,760 --> 01:39:16,330 We gonna make the baby. 1853 01:39:18,640 --> 01:39:19,641 (WHOOPING) 1854 01:39:19,720 --> 01:39:20,846 (SPEAKING ITALIAN) 1855 01:39:21,200 --> 01:39:22,361 God! 1856 01:39:23,880 --> 01:39:25,086 (HEAVY BREATHING) 1857 01:39:25,160 --> 01:39:29,051 This is really happening! I'm going to be a mother! 1858 01:39:29,120 --> 01:39:30,406 Maybe I'm too old for all this. 1859 01:39:30,560 --> 01:39:31,561 MARK: Wait! 1860 01:39:32,360 --> 01:39:33,600 Why are you stopping? 1861 01:39:34,040 --> 01:39:37,567 A margherita with onion and pineapple, number 17. I thank you. 1862 01:39:48,400 --> 01:39:52,564 Who has onion and pineapple, huh? Some people, they are crazy, no? 1863 01:39:53,400 --> 01:39:54,401 Oh. 1864 01:39:54,920 --> 01:39:55,887 Okay! Yeah. 1865 01:39:55,960 --> 01:39:56,961 Okay. (SPEAKS ITALIAN) 1866 01:39:58,160 --> 01:39:59,525 (SPEAKS ITALIAN) 1867 01:40:02,200 --> 01:40:04,601 Don't you worry, Miss Bridget. We get you there, huh? 1868 01:40:04,760 --> 01:40:07,730 There is no traffic this time of night. It's okay, yeah? 1869 01:40:07,920 --> 01:40:10,651 CROWD: (CHANTING) Poonani! Poonani! Power to the Poonani! 1870 01:40:10,720 --> 01:40:12,449 (GIANNI SPEAKING ITALIAN) 1871 01:40:12,920 --> 01:40:15,844 I cannot believe, it's a bloody women's rights march! 1872 01:40:15,920 --> 01:40:18,400 BRIDGET: Oh, jeez, not now! 1873 01:40:18,600 --> 01:40:20,762 MARK: Christ! It's those women I defended. 1874 01:40:20,920 --> 01:40:22,490 It's those infernal Russians. Just hold my hand. 1875 01:40:22,720 --> 01:40:24,404 We really need to get there. 1876 01:40:24,560 --> 01:40:26,449 We need to get there. (HONKING) 1877 01:40:27,560 --> 01:40:29,005 All right! We're getting out! 1878 01:40:29,120 --> 01:40:30,281 Uh, no, I don't think that's wise. Ready? 1879 01:40:30,360 --> 01:40:31,361 No, Bridget. Bridget! 1880 01:40:34,280 --> 01:40:35,281 Call Jack. 1881 01:40:35,440 --> 01:40:37,761 I come behind with the bags, Mr. Mark. 1882 01:40:37,920 --> 01:40:39,126 And I call Mr. Jack. 1883 01:40:39,280 --> 01:40:40,406 It's all right, Bridget. We'll find a way. 1884 01:40:40,560 --> 01:40:42,289 I don't think I can walk. 1885 01:40:43,640 --> 01:40:45,449 All right. I'll carry you. (WHOOPS) 1886 01:41:07,800 --> 01:41:09,564 (PANTING) 1887 01:41:09,640 --> 01:41:11,529 Good God, Bridget. You're immense! 1888 01:41:11,680 --> 01:41:13,284 I can't help it! 1889 01:41:14,080 --> 01:41:15,241 (CONTINUES PANTING) 1890 01:41:15,320 --> 01:41:17,846 I think my lung's collapsed. But this is not about me. 1891 01:41:18,360 --> 01:41:20,010 (GROANING) My contraction's starting again! 1892 01:41:20,080 --> 01:41:22,003 I'm going to have the baby in the street. 1893 01:41:22,160 --> 01:41:23,286 I'll tell you what. 1894 01:41:23,440 --> 01:41:26,330 We'll rest for 10, and we'll walk for 10. 1895 01:41:26,480 --> 01:41:27,891 All right? Okay. 1896 01:41:29,920 --> 01:41:30,921 (BREATHING DEEPLY) 1897 01:41:43,800 --> 01:41:46,246 It's not much further? 1898 01:41:46,800 --> 01:41:47,881 No. No? 1899 01:41:47,960 --> 01:41:49,564 I think it's about... I don't think... 1900 01:41:49,640 --> 01:41:52,041 ...a mile and a half to go. 1901 01:41:52,640 --> 01:41:55,086 (GROANING) Are you okay? 1902 01:41:56,200 --> 01:41:58,441 It's probably best if I don't talk too much. 1903 01:41:58,520 --> 01:41:59,681 Yes. 1904 01:42:03,520 --> 01:42:06,171 Okay. I'm here. Okay. 1905 01:42:07,520 --> 01:42:09,841 I can take it from here. I'm here. Okay. 1906 01:42:10,400 --> 01:42:11,731 I got this! 1907 01:42:11,920 --> 01:42:13,604 Thank you! I got this. 1908 01:42:13,680 --> 01:42:15,569 (HEAVY BREATHING) Okay. 1909 01:42:16,200 --> 01:42:17,201 Jesus! 1910 01:42:18,400 --> 01:42:19,447 Jesus! 1911 01:42:20,880 --> 01:42:21,961 Jesus! 1912 01:42:22,040 --> 01:42:23,485 I'm here. This is a two-man job. 1913 01:42:23,560 --> 01:42:24,527 Okay. 1914 01:42:24,600 --> 01:42:26,284 JACK: Take her. Take her! MARK: I got her. Got her. 1915 01:42:26,440 --> 01:42:28,568 JACK: Jesus! Don't drop her! 1916 01:42:29,240 --> 01:42:30,969 (PANTING) 1917 01:42:35,680 --> 01:42:37,569 Just go in. Okay. Do you want to go this way? 1918 01:42:37,720 --> 01:42:38,926 Yes. Go there! No, I'll go this way. 1919 01:42:39,080 --> 01:42:40,286 Okay. Go. Go. 1920 01:42:40,440 --> 01:42:42,204 All right. Squeeze in. 1921 01:42:42,360 --> 01:42:44,089 Are we gonna get in? All right. 1922 01:42:44,240 --> 01:42:45,810 Squeeze in. I'm squeezing. 1923 01:42:46,000 --> 01:42:47,081 And, push! 1924 01:42:47,440 --> 01:42:49,010 (GRUNTING) 1925 01:42:51,160 --> 01:42:52,286 No, no, it's fine. 1926 01:42:53,280 --> 01:42:54,770 (GRUNTING) 1927 01:42:55,800 --> 01:42:57,450 We're out. Okay. 1928 01:42:57,520 --> 01:42:58,521 Nurse! 1929 01:42:58,600 --> 01:42:59,886 Carol, Carol, wheelchair, wheelchair. 1930 01:43:00,040 --> 01:43:01,246 One, two, three... 1931 01:43:02,480 --> 01:43:05,290 Yes. Over here, please. Thank you. 1932 01:43:06,240 --> 01:43:07,810 (GRUNTS) 1933 01:43:07,880 --> 01:43:08,881 You okay? 1934 01:43:08,960 --> 01:43:10,610 (HEAVY BREATHING) 1935 01:43:11,120 --> 01:43:12,087 Which of you is the father? 1936 01:43:12,160 --> 01:43:13,207 I am. I am. 1937 01:43:13,280 --> 01:43:14,281 Right. 1938 01:43:14,440 --> 01:43:15,441 (EXHALES DEEPLY) 1939 01:43:18,880 --> 01:43:19,881 (GROANS) Oh! 1940 01:43:19,960 --> 01:43:21,450 Breathe out the pain. 1941 01:43:22,920 --> 01:43:25,446 Oh, good! I was wondering how many fathers we'd get. 1942 01:43:25,600 --> 01:43:28,080 Full house! Bingo! (CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLES) 1943 01:43:28,160 --> 01:43:30,447 Bridget, how do you want to do this? Epidural? 1944 01:43:30,600 --> 01:43:31,601 No, you can do this. (BREATH TREMBLING) 1945 01:43:31,760 --> 01:43:34,809 A positive mental attitude is stronger than any drug. 1946 01:43:34,960 --> 01:43:36,405 Just think away the pain. 1947 01:43:36,600 --> 01:43:38,807 Bollocks to that. No. I want everything. 1948 01:43:38,960 --> 01:43:41,964 Gas, air, injections, morphine. 1949 01:43:42,120 --> 01:43:43,929 Bridget, remember your yoga. 1950 01:43:44,080 --> 01:43:45,764 Fuck yoga! 1951 01:43:45,920 --> 01:43:47,490 DR. RAWLINGS: Oh, I couldn't agree with you more. 1952 01:43:47,640 --> 01:43:49,449 It's supposed to relax one, but I just spend the entire time 1953 01:43:49,600 --> 01:43:51,807 clenching my sphincter in an effort not to fart. 1954 01:43:53,160 --> 01:43:55,640 Now, can we turn you over? I just need to check your cervix. 1955 01:43:56,680 --> 01:43:58,808 Mmm. Mmm. 1956 01:43:59,040 --> 01:44:02,647 You're doing very well. That's it. Turning around to me. Gently. 1957 01:44:03,000 --> 01:44:04,490 Just a little rummage. 1958 01:44:05,320 --> 01:44:08,164 Right. Ready? Rummaging now. 1959 01:44:08,240 --> 01:44:09,241 Oh! Oh! 1960 01:44:09,320 --> 01:44:10,970 (GRUNTING) Ow! Oh! 1961 01:44:11,320 --> 01:44:14,563 Yes. Oh, good, good! You're at eight centimeters already. That's excellent! 1962 01:44:14,640 --> 01:44:16,529 That means you can't have any drugs at all. 1963 01:44:16,600 --> 01:44:17,601 What? 1964 01:44:17,680 --> 01:44:19,808 Yes, you're too far gone. Well done! 1965 01:44:20,160 --> 01:44:21,491 Oh, another contraction. 1966 01:44:23,000 --> 01:44:25,162 I'm not sure how much there is to gain 1967 01:44:25,360 --> 01:44:27,488 from you two being at the coalface, if I'm honest. 1968 01:44:27,640 --> 01:44:30,211 My ex-husband said it was like watching his favorite pub burn down. 1969 01:44:30,360 --> 01:44:31,521 So, your choice. 1970 01:44:33,400 --> 01:44:34,447 (GROANING) 1971 01:44:34,680 --> 01:44:37,889 Maybe Dad should go and fetch Mum a cool flannel. 1972 01:44:39,520 --> 01:44:41,284 (CONTINUES GROANING) 1973 01:44:42,000 --> 01:44:45,800 I know, I know. Okay. It's okay. It's okay. (WATER RUNNING) 1974 01:44:46,240 --> 01:44:47,571 You can do this. 1975 01:44:47,760 --> 01:44:50,366 Okay, just think away the pain. 1976 01:44:50,480 --> 01:44:51,481 (SCREAMS) Oh! 1977 01:44:52,040 --> 01:44:53,530 Motherfucker. 1978 01:44:53,720 --> 01:44:55,484 Just think away the pain. 1979 01:44:55,760 --> 01:44:57,808 Get out, both of you! 1980 01:44:59,200 --> 01:45:00,770 Where are you going? 1981 01:45:03,720 --> 01:45:07,008 (SOBBING) I've changed my mind. 1982 01:45:07,160 --> 01:45:09,891 I've changed my mind. 1983 01:45:12,040 --> 01:45:14,168 (BRIDGET MOANING LOUDLY) 1984 01:45:35,640 --> 01:45:37,005 (SOBS) 1985 01:45:38,960 --> 01:45:41,042 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 1986 01:45:58,000 --> 01:45:59,206 (COUGHS) 1987 01:45:59,280 --> 01:46:01,442 (CONTINUES BREATHING HEAVILY) 1988 01:46:02,240 --> 01:46:03,571 (GROANING) 1989 01:46:05,600 --> 01:46:06,806 You can do this. 1990 01:46:09,400 --> 01:46:11,164 You can. We can do it together. 1991 01:46:11,320 --> 01:46:13,084 Just think what life's thrown at you already. 1992 01:46:13,320 --> 01:46:14,606 (SCREAMS) (GROANS) 1993 01:46:15,040 --> 01:46:16,246 (GRUNTING) 1994 01:46:17,640 --> 01:46:20,086 (STRAINING) You've turned disasters into triumphs 1995 01:46:20,240 --> 01:46:24,609 with your sheer, joyful, indefatigable, infectious lust for life. 1996 01:46:24,760 --> 01:46:27,843 You've managed this entire pregnancy almost entirely on your own, 1997 01:46:27,920 --> 01:46:30,002 despite a lunatic mother, 1998 01:46:30,160 --> 01:46:31,207 repressed men, 1999 01:46:31,320 --> 01:46:33,129 and cheating boyfriends who don't deserve you. 2000 01:46:33,240 --> 01:46:34,321 (GROANS LOUDLY) 2001 01:46:36,920 --> 01:46:38,365 Just the last few moments. 2002 01:46:38,920 --> 01:46:40,365 Just the last few moments, my love, 2003 01:46:40,440 --> 01:46:41,646 and then you'll see your beautiful baby. 2004 01:46:43,680 --> 01:46:45,011 What if it's not yours? 2005 01:46:45,160 --> 01:46:46,491 Then I'll love him anyway. 2006 01:46:46,800 --> 01:46:48,802 Just as I love you. 2007 01:46:49,160 --> 01:46:53,051 Just the way you were, the way you are, the way you always will be. 2008 01:46:54,520 --> 01:46:55,646 (SCREAMS) Ow! 2009 01:46:57,840 --> 01:46:59,763 (GROANING LOUDLY) 2010 01:46:59,840 --> 01:47:00,921 (SIGHS) 2011 01:47:01,640 --> 01:47:03,290 I think you'd better go and have that seen to. 2012 01:47:03,440 --> 01:47:04,487 Thank you. 2013 01:47:04,880 --> 01:47:06,848 I'll handle it from here. 2014 01:47:11,160 --> 01:47:12,730 "Think the pain away." 2015 01:47:12,960 --> 01:47:15,884 You're pushing an entire human being out of your vagina. 2016 01:47:16,040 --> 01:47:18,042 I'd like to see them thinking it away. 2017 01:47:19,000 --> 01:47:20,126 (APPLAUSE) 2018 01:47:20,200 --> 01:47:24,046 And with 367 of the votes, 2019 01:47:24,160 --> 01:47:26,367 the winner is, Pamela Margaret Jones. 2020 01:47:26,520 --> 01:47:28,204 Pamela! Darling, it's Bridget. (PAMELA GASPS) 2021 01:47:28,360 --> 01:47:29,441 Not now, Colin. 2022 01:47:29,520 --> 01:47:30,567 It's about the baby! 2023 01:47:30,720 --> 01:47:34,361 I hereby declare that Pamela Margaret Jones is... 2024 01:47:34,680 --> 01:47:36,091 I'm so sorry. 2025 01:47:36,240 --> 01:47:37,890 You'll have to excuse me. 2026 01:47:38,040 --> 01:47:40,441 We are about to become a grandmother! 2027 01:47:40,520 --> 01:47:41,965 (APPLAUSE) 2028 01:47:42,600 --> 01:47:44,443 Well, that's it for this special 2029 01:47:44,560 --> 01:47:46,847 late-night edition of Hard News. 2030 01:47:47,360 --> 01:47:50,170 WOMAN: Grams going at 25 seconds to off-air, 25. 2031 01:47:50,320 --> 01:47:51,526 Bridget's in labor. 2032 01:47:51,680 --> 01:47:53,887 (SHOUTS) Bridget's in labor! 2033 01:47:54,040 --> 01:47:57,283 Except to say, Bridget Jones is in labor! 2034 01:47:57,360 --> 01:48:00,170 (LAUGHING) (AL CHEERING AND WHOOPING) 2035 01:48:00,240 --> 01:48:01,765 Yeah! Brilliant! 2036 01:48:04,120 --> 01:48:05,281 Run the credits! 2037 01:48:05,440 --> 01:48:07,283 Run it! Run the credits! Run it! 2038 01:48:07,440 --> 01:48:08,851 I hope I'm bloody godmother. 2039 01:48:09,040 --> 01:48:10,451 Cue the fucking weather! 2040 01:48:11,680 --> 01:48:12,681 Listen... 2041 01:48:16,960 --> 01:48:18,928 I owe you an apology. 2042 01:48:20,400 --> 01:48:23,370 I know I haven't behaved very well in all this. 2043 01:48:25,400 --> 01:48:26,765 No, it's okay. 2044 01:48:28,520 --> 01:48:31,171 (DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES) 2045 01:48:34,000 --> 01:48:36,082 (BABY CRYING) 2046 01:48:43,560 --> 01:48:44,846 (LAUGHS) 2047 01:48:46,600 --> 01:48:48,170 (COOING) 2048 01:48:51,480 --> 01:48:52,891 (SOFTLY) Hello. 2049 01:48:55,280 --> 01:48:56,805 (COOING) 2050 01:48:57,640 --> 01:48:58,801 Aw! 2051 01:48:59,120 --> 01:49:00,770 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 2052 01:49:00,880 --> 01:49:02,291 (DOOR OPENS) 2053 01:49:16,080 --> 01:49:19,004 Say hello to our beautiful boy. 2054 01:49:20,920 --> 01:49:21,921 Go ahead. 2055 01:49:22,600 --> 01:49:23,601 Thank you. 2056 01:49:24,000 --> 01:49:25,001 Hi. 2057 01:49:25,400 --> 01:49:26,561 (BABY CRYING) 2058 01:49:27,320 --> 01:49:29,402 (CHUCKLES) (SHUSHING) 2059 01:49:29,480 --> 01:49:31,005 (COOING) 2060 01:49:38,920 --> 01:49:40,365 That's who you are. 2061 01:49:40,520 --> 01:49:41,806 Isn't he perfect? 2062 01:49:41,960 --> 01:49:43,041 Yes. 2063 01:49:43,840 --> 01:49:45,080 (COOING) 2064 01:49:56,120 --> 01:49:57,770 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 2065 01:50:04,360 --> 01:50:05,691 Oh, hello. 2066 01:50:09,280 --> 01:50:11,521 (GIGGLES) I'm so sorry I'm late, Bridge. 2067 01:50:11,680 --> 01:50:13,762 Some lesbians are having a stupid all-night march. 2068 01:50:13,960 --> 01:50:16,008 Actually, they're marching in aid of free speech. 2069 01:50:16,160 --> 01:50:18,401 It's rather important. Oh, my God. Look at him. 2070 01:50:18,560 --> 01:50:19,925 Bridget. Bridge. 2071 01:50:20,800 --> 01:50:24,247 I'm so sorry we weren't here. This unbelievably annoying march... 2072 01:50:24,360 --> 01:50:26,567 Actually, the march is critical to... Can I be godfather? 2073 01:50:26,680 --> 01:50:29,047 Oh, I'm depending on you. (BOTH CHUCKLE) 2074 01:50:29,440 --> 01:50:31,568 Oh, congratulations. Yeah, well done. Well done. Congratulations. 2075 01:50:31,640 --> 01:50:32,687 Thank you very much. TOM: Well done. 2076 01:50:32,760 --> 01:50:33,761 To both of you. To all of you. 2077 01:50:33,840 --> 01:50:34,841 MUM: My daughter! 2078 01:50:35,000 --> 01:50:36,445 Where is she? (EXCLAIMS) 2079 01:50:36,600 --> 01:50:39,649 I'm so sorry we didn't get here on time! Daddy's parking the car. 2080 01:50:39,800 --> 01:50:41,370 There's some march for women's rights. 2081 01:50:41,520 --> 01:50:43,761 I mean, honestly, do we need any more rights? 2082 01:50:44,840 --> 01:50:46,569 Mum, meet your new grandson. 2083 01:50:47,080 --> 01:50:48,286 (MUM GASPS) 2084 01:50:49,240 --> 01:50:52,403 Aw, the darling. He looks just... 2085 01:50:55,320 --> 01:50:56,924 Not that it matters, 2086 01:50:57,920 --> 01:51:00,082 but do we know who the daddy is yet? 2087 01:51:02,760 --> 01:51:04,091 Shall we find out? 2088 01:51:06,160 --> 01:51:08,401 Come on, you two. Time for a little test. 2089 01:51:08,880 --> 01:51:10,166 (CHUCKLES) So exciting, isn't it? 2090 01:51:10,240 --> 01:51:12,288 It's like the final of The X Factor or something. 2091 01:51:12,440 --> 01:51:14,522 Dial 0-1 if you want it to be Mark 2092 01:51:14,600 --> 01:51:16,568 and 0-2 if you want it to be Jack! (LAUGHS) 2093 01:51:17,240 --> 01:51:18,526 (SIGHS) 2094 01:51:25,640 --> 01:51:26,641 (SIGHS) 2095 01:51:27,840 --> 01:51:29,046 (CHUCKLES) 2096 01:51:31,480 --> 01:51:32,481 Oh, good luck. 2097 01:51:32,640 --> 01:51:33,846 You, too. 2098 01:51:36,320 --> 01:51:37,560 (BABY COOING) 2099 01:51:40,440 --> 01:51:42,124 Please. Thank you. 2100 01:51:44,520 --> 01:51:45,760 (DOOR CLOSES) 2101 01:51:46,800 --> 01:51:48,609 (COOING) 2102 01:51:53,640 --> 01:51:55,642 (CHURCH BELLS PEALING) 2103 01:52:28,880 --> 01:52:30,086 (SIGHS) 2104 01:53:03,080 --> 01:53:04,320 You look beautiful. 2105 01:53:04,560 --> 01:53:05,641 Thank you. 2106 01:53:06,320 --> 01:53:08,129 Hello, darling! Hello. 2107 01:53:09,200 --> 01:53:10,361 Hello. 2108 01:53:21,080 --> 01:53:22,286 Hello. 2109 01:53:22,840 --> 01:53:23,887 Hi. 2110 01:53:27,560 --> 01:53:29,324 We're really doing this. 2111 01:53:29,400 --> 01:53:31,846 (INHALES SHARPLY) No going back now. 2112 01:53:32,200 --> 01:53:35,010 PRIEST: We are gathered here to celebrate the union 2113 01:53:35,200 --> 01:53:39,444 of Bridget Rose Jones and Mark Fitzwilliam Darcy. 2114 01:53:42,560 --> 01:53:45,006 And by the powers vested in me, 2115 01:53:45,360 --> 01:53:48,170 I now pronounce you, finally, 2116 01:53:49,160 --> 01:53:51,208 husband and wife. 2117 01:53:51,960 --> 01:53:54,247 (APPLAUSE) 2118 01:53:56,520 --> 01:53:58,124 (ALL CHEERING) 2119 01:54:26,480 --> 01:54:27,891 (LAUGHS) 2120 01:54:30,840 --> 01:54:32,604 (BABY LAUGHING) 2121 01:54:34,280 --> 01:54:37,045 Jack, what on earth are you doing with my son? 2122 01:54:38,120 --> 01:54:39,884 Well, don't leave me alone with him again. 2123 01:54:39,960 --> 01:54:41,724 I have no idea what I'm doing. 2124 01:54:42,320 --> 01:54:44,322 Is he traumatized? (ALL LAUGH) 2125 01:54:48,960 --> 01:54:50,325 (GASPS) Oh! 2126 01:54:51,200 --> 01:54:54,488 Hello, William Jones-Darcy. 2127 01:54:54,640 --> 01:54:56,210 Are you ready? 2128 01:54:58,680 --> 01:55:01,160 Some champagne for you? (GASPS) Yes, please. 2129 01:55:02,480 --> 01:55:09,329 BRIDGET: Dear Diary, and so, I, Bridget Jones, am a singleton no more. 2130 01:55:09,640 --> 01:55:11,881 Married? Yes. 2131 01:55:12,040 --> 01:55:13,326 Smug? 2132 01:55:13,480 --> 01:55:17,610 Well, it's about time, so maybe just a little. 2133 01:55:24,760 --> 01:55:26,125 (WIND WHOOSHES) 2134 01:55:26,360 --> 01:55:27,566 (GASPS) 2135 01:55:33,720 --> 01:55:36,007 (LAUGHING) 155328