All language subtitles for The Good Ship Murder S02E05

SHIP HORN BLARES

JAMIL: So, if you scan the bar code,

it'll show you all the best places
for dinner.

Hi. Can I interest you in
a once-in-a-lifetime romantic tour?

Hi. Can I interest you
in a once-in-a-lifetime romantic...?

Wow. You are a natural.
Ha-ha, funny (!)

Excuse me.

You look like you enjoy
the finer things in life.

Dusty museums and old statues.

HE LAUGHS,
CLEARS THROAT

That's no way to talk about
the pearl of the Mediterranean.

Save the spiel for the punters.

I'll give it some thought.

Hi.
Thanks.

And speaking of love,
can I get a, "Aw"?

AUDIENCE: Aw!
Yeah.

Sadly, I lost my fiance
a few years back.

Aw.
Yeah.

Ran off with a bingo caller
from Birkenhead.

AUDIENCE CHUCKLES

Anyway, you lot have been
an amazing audience,

and if you're looking
for more entertainment,

then you need to head on down
to the Ocean Room tonight

because have we got a treat
in store for you.

We've got acrobats.

We've got Velma the ventriloquist,

and we've got live music courtesy
of our very own Mr Jack Grayling,

who's gonna be performing love songs
through the decades.

I am swooning already.
Whoo!

Thank you very much.

HE CHUCKLES

How comes I didn't know about
this secret fiance of yours?

It's hardly worth mentioning,
to be honest.

In fact, I think I was more excited

about the idea
of a glitzy wedding than he was.

Anyway, that's his loss.

It just means
when the right one comes along...

Yeah, I'll be ancient.

Probably with jowls
and hair sprouting out my ears.

Anyway, listen,
enough about my tragic love life.

Alexandria!

After all the build up,
it better be good.

It's gonna be amazing.

Hey, we have to hit the souks.

And also the piece de resistance -
La Maison Bleue.

They do the best calamari
on the planet.

You're gonna love it.
Ooh. Oh!

Oh, sorry.
Don't worry, honestly.

Sorry, I should have watched
where I was going. I'm so clumsy.

Don't worry, as long as
he's not got a Ming vase in there.

No, that's back in my cabin.

Again, sorry.

I'm, erm... Colin Smallwood,
cruise director.

And top comedian.

Frankie's me best mate on the ship,
so she would say that.

Nathan Diamond. Interior designer.

Do you, erm...

Do you fancy a drink?

Yeah. Yeah, I'd love to.

I mean, I suppose
I've got a bit of time, you know,

before I need to get back.

Great.

# I'm going on an adventure

# And I got a feeling
The sun's gonna shine

# Shine, the sun's gonna shine

# I'm in love with the ocean

# And I got a feeling
I'm sailing tonight

# Tonight, I'm sailing tonight

# It's because of you
That I'll always remember

# I'm going on an adventure
With you on my mind

# I'm going on an adventure
With you on my mind. #

This was supposed to be
a romantic holiday for two...

but me and my partner broke up.

Still, no point
in wasting a holiday, 'ey?

Why did you split up?

Wow. You get straight to the point.

Huh! Well, at least you know
where you stand.

My ex, he, er... he cheated on me.

Ah... I'm sorry to hear that.

He did it because he was lonely.

I'm a workaholic apparently.

And are you?
Ha!

Well, I do a job
that makes people happy.

So, yeah, I put in the hours.
Never feels like work, though.

Do you know,
I know exactly what you mean.

Another Coke?

Yeah. Go on, then.
But, listen, I'll get it.

No, you got the last ones.

At least let me buy you a drink.

My wallet's gone.

Maybe you've dropped it somewhere.

No, it was definitely
in my jacket pocket.

I've been robbed.

HE SIGHS

HE SIGHS

Nathan's just a guy.

A very gorgeous... single guy.

CLEARS THROAT

A very good morning
to all of our passengers,

and happy holidays.

This is Colin,
your cruise director.

Just informing all guests that our
ship has now docked in Alexandria,

once home to history's most famous
Egyptian queen, Cleopatra.

TANNOY CHIMES

SIGHS

With the recent spate
of onboard thefts,

you're saying 20 passengers
have been affected so far?

And at least a handful of staff.
And yours truly.

And a few people in my Zumba class.

Well, the offender
used stolen key cards

to break into the cabins
and steal even more valuables.

Right, we need
to alert port authorities

and the Alexandria police.

I've contacted
a few other cruise companies.

They reported similar thefts
in recent months - the same MO.

Suspects?
Not yet.

And nothing on CCTV.

We will be offering
a complimentary refreshment

and also a discount voucher to
any passengers who've been affected.

Colin... how much aftershave
have you put on?

Some of us like to take pride
in our appearance, thank you, Jack.

Hey, Jack. Maybe you could
track down these criminals.

I mean, even a disgraced cop
still has his uses.

Don't wanna step on your toes,
Piers.

Ship security's your patch,
unless you need a helping hand.

Oh, for goodness sake.

Anyhoo, I'm gonna have a couple
of hours on shore today

cos I've got some time owing.

You lot have
to sort yourselves out.

Meeting's over, folks.

Keep me posted about
any more thefts.

Thanks.

I knew it.

Big date incoming.
What's his name?

FRANKIE CHUCKLES
You couldn't be any more wrong.

Me and Colin
have got a big day out planned,

even if he is a bit dressed up.

Enjoy.

So... Nathan asked me out.

Oh, Colin. No!

Tell him you got plans.

Well, I would,
but I've already said yes.

SHE SCOFFS

Oh, Frankie, come on.
I'll make it up to you, I promise.

FRANKIE SIGHS

What time are we meeting?

Right, we'll meet at the port
authority office in 40 minutes.

Right.
Nice shirt.

Thank you.

Great news, mate.
The tour is almost sold out.

LATEEF: 'My man.'

Yeah, yeah, just make sure
that my bonus is ready.

'Has Lateef ever let you down?'
I'll see you soon.

'Right.'
Bye.

You know, it's not too late

for you to join
our romantic tour of Alexandria.

Well, you're gonna have
to soldier on without me.

I've hit the jackpot...

and I'll be lazing
on the beach all day,

figuring out how
to spend my winnings.

You'll get a phone call.

I'll get somebody straight down
to the cabin...

This is Nathan.

I've just been showing him
where the security office is.

Hey.
Hi.

That's very kind of you, Colin.

Well, unfortunately,
Nathan's one of our theft victims,

so he's not exactly had
the best start to his trip.

I'm sorry about that.
Yeah, gutted.

They nicked my wallet
and then broke into my cabin.

Take anything else?
My tablet.

I know it's easy for me to say,

but try not to let this ruin
your time here, otherwise they win.

Yeah. You're right.

There's, er...
a lot to look forward to.

Exactly.
I'm sorry, but I've got to shoot.

But I'm wishing you both
a great day.

OK, well, look, I've got
a little bit of admin to do,

but I'll see you in an hour,
yeah, Cafe Cleo?

I'll see you there.

SCANNER BEEPS

Layla?

I know I'm the last person
you wanted to see.

And yet here you are.
Well...

..give me a chance
to make it up to you.

Eight years rotting in a prison cell
because of you.

Layla, I thought about you
every day.

Never looked at anyone else.

Your lies don't work on me
any more.

Get out!

Oh! Sorry. Sorry, I...

Apology accepted!

LATEEF: A queen that my colleague
Jack will tell you about.

One of Alexandria's most legendary
icons was, of course, Cleopatra.

Why am I not surprised?

But Cleopatra
wasn't just a pretty face.

She was a leader - smart and loyal.

After they met,

Antony and Cleopatra cemented their
relationship in this great city.

It was a time of war,
but love always finds a way.

This way, mate.
You don't wanna get lost.

Oh, erm, any chance of visiting
Cleopatra's palace?

Oh, sure, on an organised dive.

There's not much
in the way of artefacts,

but you can still see some columns.

Love your big stick, Jack.

Kate.
Tour guide now, are we?

Oh, no. Jack is just helping out
an old friend.

Lateef Shabori. Local businessman.

Oh. He's all heart, isn't he?

WOMAN SCREAMS

WOMAN: Someone's hurt!

She's just there.

Call the police.

MURMURING

POLICE RADIO CHATTER

JACK: What are the police saying?

LATEEF: Her injuries were caused
by a sharp, thin blade.

A random mugging gone wrong.

Do we have a name yet?
Lisa Charnock, according to her ID.

She's one of the passengers.
I met her yesterday.

I saw her about an hour ago,
tearing through the old town.

She said she was on the way
to the beach, not the old town.

She also had a big bag with her.
It's nowhere to be seen.

That would support
the mugging theory. Mm.

Any witnesses?
Not until she was found.

But look at this place, it'd be easy
for the killer to get away.

Hang on a minute. What's he doing?

How did you know
this was Lisa's bag?

Who's Lisa?
HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

I just thought it was odd,
a bag stashed in the bin.

OK, great. Thank you.

I'll hand this over to the police.

Wait. This is mine.

But how did that...?

Unless...
Lisa's a thief.

Once we match these things
with the passenger's theft reports,

we'll know for sure.

According to Frankie, there was
a lot more stuff than that.

So where's the rest of it?
That's a good point.

And what kind of mugger would leave
so many valuables behind?

This doesn't feel
like a random attack.

Lisa was in a real rush
when I bumped into her.

She was coming out of some kind
of craft shop or something.

Maybe I could go and speak
to the owner,

see if they know anything.

Great idea. Thanks.
OK.

So, Lisa came on shore
with a bag full of stolen items,

which means that she must have
needed to off-load them.

Are you thinking
she knew a pawnbroker?

Or a local fence.
Let me ask around.

Joel constantly slagged me off
for being a workaholic.

But he wasn't perfect himself.

Do you know when people's bad habits
really grate on you?

Mm, yeah. Give you the ick.
LAUGHS: Yeah!

Give you the ick.
He used to do this thing.

He used to smack his lips together
before he'd tell me anything.

You know, like, erm...

Eurgh.
Yeah, used to drive me mad.

Still, I stuck with him...

and he did the dirty on me anyway.

I can't imagine
anyone cheating on you.

And he dropped me right in it.

Still, you know what they say,
when life gives you lemons...

What do you mean?

We bought a place together...

..in France. A chateau.

A castle?
You bought an actual castle? Wow.

How the other half live, 'ey?
Nah, it was a wreck inside.

We were gonna do it up.

Live in one half,
rent the other half out

for things like weddings, parties,
you know.

Hm, sounds amazing.
I'm sorry it went belly up.

Oh, no. I'm still gonna do it.
Uh-huh?

Yeah, I'm selling my flat.

Hopefully, that'll cover my costs.

Have you got any pics?

Have I got any pics?
You are gonna regret asking me that.

BOTH LAUGH

JAMIL: OK, Jack. I'm in.
But what am I looking for?

JACK ON PHONE: 'Lisa had the scam
down to a fine art.

'Steal the goods and off-load them.'
Yes.

They must be here somewhere.

Ah! Yes, I think I've found them.

Wow.

She stole enough things
to open her own shop.

'Let's see if he's drawn a blank
for local fences and pawnbrokers,

'and Kate's checking the shop
that she saw Lisa coming out of.

Wow.
'So what I need you to do is...'

DOOR OPENING

'What is it?'

Someone's just tried to come in.
'Don't let them get away!'

They're close, Jack. Stop!

HE GRUNTS

'Mate, are you OK?'
I'm fine.

'Who was it?'

I couldn't see their face.

I'm sorry.

So, what about you?

I've blathered on about myself
enough.

Who is the great Colin Smallwood?

Well, I'm hardly great.

Basically, I owe my entire career
to the school bully,

a lad called Liam Gillis.

OK. Wasn't expecting that.

Yeah, he was built
like a barn door,

complete with
the standard issue sidekicks.

Yeah, they usually are.
Yeah.

Liam always used to wanna
beat me up, but... I made him laugh.

You know, told jokes about school
and the teachers and all that.

And somehow,
me career in stand-up was born.

So, how did you end up here?

Hm. You mean, why am I not doing
sold-out gigs at the O2?

I love me job.

You know... I actually won
Cruise Director of the Year in 2023.

Yeah, I got a little tacky trophy
and some vouchers.

It's no biggie, really.
Are you kidding?

It's amazing, putting a smile
on people's faces.

Thank you.
WAITER: You're welcome.

It's... It's amazing.

Not everyone can do that.

'Ey, your wallet's been stolen.
I'll get this.

It's OK. I've got some cash.

Oh! Sorry.

NATHAN SIGHS

Everything all right?
Er, yeah.

Absolutely. Erm... let me get this.
Yeah.

What are you doing?

Nathan, sorry. I was just worried
about you, that's all.

So you thought
you'd look at my text messages?

COLIN SIGHS

Why didn't you tell me
your buyer's pulled out?

Because it's none of your business.

All right, look,
you've had a shock, OK?

Why don't you just take a seat
and we can talk about this?

Colin, after everything
I've just told you about my ex,

trust is a massive thing to me.

HE SCOFFS

KATE: Lisa Charnock.

And you're saying
this woman was murdered?

Sadly, yeah.

I saw her coming out
of your shop earlier.

I just wondered if you could
remember anything about her.

Nothing.
So many people pass through.

She was a thief, a pickpocket.

Could she have stolen anything?

I don't see anything missing.

Are you closed every day
between one and two?

For lunch.

And before you ask,
I've been here all day.

I wasn't asking for an alibi...

..but thank you for letting me know.

ANNOUNCER: 'Passengers requesting
a change should contact...'

It could be anyone.

Everything he's wearing
looks ordinary.

And itchy. Look at this.

When I reviewed the tape,
I noticed he was scratching his arm.

Mm.
Thanks, Frankie.

We need to track this guy down.
Mm-hm.

DR TAN: Hm. That's a nasty rash.

I'll prescribe an antibiotic cream
to start off with.

You could have an allergy, eczema,

or some kind of insect bite,
perhaps.

Come back and see me if it
doesn't clear up in a few days.

Will do.

TANNOY CHIMES

'We'd like to remind all guests
that a full list

'of today's onboard events can be
found in your cabin itinerary.'

TANNOY CHIMES

I've got an update on the thefts.

Police found your wallet
in with the thief's belongings,

but no sign of your tablet yet.

Cheers.

Look, Nathan, should we go
for a coffee or something

and talk about what happened?

What happened
was you crossed the line.

Oi! Don't talk to my mate like that.

I'm not the bad guy here.

COLIN SIGHS

What's he on about?
Nice one, Frankie.

Couldn't you have just
stayed out of it?

You've made things ten times worse.

What?

You're looking very polished.

Not that you don't always
look great.

Seaweed facial.

All of the impurities
completely drained away.

I've been meaning
to book one of those forever.

My schedule has just been so busy,
you know.

Well, then, Cassie,
you must stop beating the butter,

as we say in Belgium,
and work on your time management.

Excuse me.

Alexandria Police are returning
the items Lisa Charnock stole.

Good. We're making progress.

I understand Jack
was in the vicinity of the murder.

Don't know about that.
He was, yeah.

He was doing one of those tours.

Why was Jack doing a tour?

Wouldn't know.

Cassie, are you going this way?
I'll walk with you.

Maybe you can tell me more
about Jack's tour.

SHE SIGHS

They start coming down in, like,
half and hour...

Whoever tried to get into
Lisa's cabin had a key card.

The question is
how did they get hold of it?

It could be entirely innocent,

but the intruder ran off
before we could even question them.

Jack, I think you should go
and see Dr Tan.

The scratching, it's quite intense.

It's like you've got fleas
or something.

I do not have fleas.

Do I?
Report from the coroner's office.

Well, that was quick.

Well, my cousin's wife knows someone
who's friends with the right people.

Anything new?

Lisa died from a single stab wound.
No other injuries.

Great. So we still have nothing?
Ah, not necessarily.

The woman you spoke to,
Layla Mahmood.

She did eight years in jail
for handling stolen goods.

The pickpocket in the fence.
Do we think that's a coincidence?

That's what we need to find out.

Cos an hour
after meeting Miss Mahmood,

Lisa Charnock was murdered.

OK, Gareth, so I'm thinking
if you come on from stage left,

get right into this spotlight zone,

you can play it all out
to the crowd here.

Seems like you've been dealing
with dummies all day.

You can take five.

I was out of order.
Yeah, too right, you were.

I was only trying to be supportive,

and you threw it all
back in my face.

I know.

I was an idiot.

I'm sorry, Colin.

Yeah, well,
I've got work to do, so...

Look, if you still want
to make a go of this...

..meet me for breakfast tomorrow?

Ceiling conditions are showing
a low cloud layer at 500 feet.

Fog patches are predicted
off the Libyan coast,

so we are going to have to cut
our speed, AIS and radar.

Still one of the best officers
on the ship.

Are you feeling all right?
That was an actual compliment.

I've always respected your skills.

Just not everyone
you associate with.

Jack was running his own tour...

..in direct contravention
of ship's rules.

He was doing that for a friend,
not to line his own pockets.

HE SIGHS

I'd be grateful if you'd think
about letting that go, please.

The rules are there
to protect us all, Kate.

Passengers, crew.

I have to inform Captain Marlowe
of this as soon as possible.

This isn't about protecting people,
is it?

This is about getting Jack
off the ship.

He's a liability, Kate.

Why do I feel that this is more

about our personal life
than rule-breaking?

If I don't inform Captain Marlowe,
I'm complicit.

Why should I ruin my integrity
because of Jack Grayling?

Integrity?

I thought you said
that we were a team, Piers.

HE SCOFFS

DOOR OPENS,
SLAMS SHUT

Well done.
GIRLS: Thank you!

I really enjoyed it.
It was really nice.

PIERS RANTS
IN OWN LANGUAGE

HE SIGHS

Yoga.

Excuse me?
Good for troubled minds.

You should try it.

What makes you think
I have a troubled mind?

Your aura.

It's tough... being a leader...

..but you are allowed to be human.

Come here.
Oh...

Just, er, into a lunge...

..and arms up.

Yeah...

if you just move your hips forward.

And breathe.

It's not always easy...

..doing the right thing.

But as long
as you have good intentions...

Breathe.

Slowly. Yes.

I'm doing it correctly?

I don't know why I...

DR TAN: Hm. It looks like
an allergic reaction.

Did you come into contact
with any plants, animals?

At the crime scene,

Lisa Charnock's body
was lying next to flowers, shrubs.

What did it look like?

Dark green leaves, white petals,
like...

Shaped like a trumpet. I don't know.

Well, your rash could
have been caused by a plant.

Datura stramonium...
also known as thorn apple,

devil's trumpet.

The sap can cause irritation,
is fatal if you ingest it.

I'll prescribe you some cream.

Have you treated anyone else
for this rash?

Hm?

Well, someone broke
into Lisa's cabin

and was scratching on the CCTV.

If they've got this rash, it
could place them at the crime scene.

There was only one other patient.

Eddie Bridges.

Hey.
What's this big news about the case?

Remember someone tried to
gain access to Lisa's cabin? Yeah.

I think it was Eddie Bridges.

The guy we caught with Lisa's bag?

Dr Tan thinks
that I came into contact

with a plant called the thorn apple.

It causes an allergic reaction.

Right. Where does Eddie
fit into all this?

Well, the guy who tried
to get into Lisa's cabin

was scratching on the CCTV.

Dr Tan treated Eddie
for a similar rash,

which means he must have
touched those same flowers

at the crime scene before Lisa died.

But Eddie was on your tour.
You're right...

but not the whole time.

He disappeared for a few minutes.

So you think Eddie killed Lisa?

LOCK CLICKS SHUT

CLATTERING

I keep telling you,
I didn't kill Lisa Charnock.

But you knew her.

The only place you could have gotten
that rash was at the crime scene.

You were with the tour
the whole time,

except for when you slipped off...

which would have given you ample
opportunity to have killed her.

Was she your friend, Eddie?

Did things go wrong? Hm?

Did you have an argument?

We're wasting our time.

It's Jack. He's with Lateef.
Hi, Jack.

'Kate, Layla's been attacked.
Meet me at the shop.'

Layla's been attacked.
Go. I'll deal with him.

Has anyone called the police?

They won't do anything.

We think that this man
might be your attacker.

Eddie Bridges.
You've got it wrong.

Eddie's my friend.

He came over last night to, er...
talk about Lisa.

So, the three of you
did know each other?

You should report this.
LATEEF: No, Layla's right.

The police won't help her.
Why not?

Maybe me and Layla
should have a chat, yeah?

Just the two of us.

Come and sit down.

Are you OK?

LAYLA EXHALES

You're engaged?

I could have been...

..but I was too angry.

Lisa bought it for me.

You were a couple.

But you couldn't shout it
from the rooftops.

It's not safe here.
I've been attacked before.

That's why there is no point
contacting the police.

Do you think you were attacked
because of you and Lisa?

At first I thought yes.
He was yelling about Lisa.

Something she gave me.

I handed him the ring,
but he slapped it away.

It's not what he came for.

If I'd been nicer to Lisa,
she would have stayed.

She could still be alive.

No. None of this is your fault.

Can you remember anything
about the attacker?

He was scratching his arm.

Thanks for coming.

Yeah, well,
I'm only here for a bacon bap.

Look, you probably
won't believe this, but...

..I don't want this to end.

Look, I'm not your ex, Nathan.

I don't cheat.

You said that you like to know
where you stand, and I like that.

So, cards on the table.

I feel like I've known you forever.

Well, it's good to know
that we've got a connection.

So, why don't you come on this
journey with me? See how we get on.

What about the flat?

It's fine. It's all good.

Er... I need to take out
a few loans, drop the asking price.

In a few months,
I'll be home and dry.

You're still short, aren't you?
Come on. How much by?

That's not your problem.
How much?

Twenty grand.
Oh.

It's fine, I can raise it.

Well, I've got... savings.

No, Colin. Absolutely not.
I don't need your money.

No, we can do it properly, you know,

get a contract drawn up
and all that,

and you can buy me out at any time.

This is not how I wanted
to start our relationship.

Sorry. That was me
jumping the gun there.

No, you're not.

You know...
if this is what you want, then...

I'm in, on the journey, I mean.

We can... live the dream together.

Eddie, you've got to start talking.

Police are gonna go through
your phone records, financials.

You're the only person in the frame
for theft and murder.

Stop going on, will you?

SHE SIGHS

Lisa and I were working together.

Satisfied?

Lisa did all the stealing.
She was good at it.

No-one ever suspected her.

And you?
Back-room boy.

I'd hacked the devices, reset them.
She'd sell them on.

Why were you trying
to get into Lisa's cabin?

I was scared the police
would find my prints, DNA.

I needed to get in there, get rid
of anything linking me to Lisa.

She messaged me
while I was on the tour.

She was all hyped up.

What, you and Lisa met up
the day she died?

She said she'd come up
with a new plan.

We've hit the jackpot with this one,
Eddie.

I've emailed the owner, and they've
agreed to pay five K to get it back.

I think we can get more.

Five grand's good enough for me.

You've got to start thinking big,
Eddie.

Listen, the stuff on this...

..just make sure you keep it safe.
All right?

What was on it? What, mucky photos?

It belongs to Nathan Diamond.

He's got a whole profile on Colin,
including his financials.

KATE: Wait, who's Nathan Diamond?
Colin went on a date with him.

READING:
"Likes to make people happy.

"Cruise Director of the Year 2023...
Single."

And there's dozens
of other profiles on there.

This file was created
eight months ago.

Romance fraud.

Look, Nathan's been lying to Colin
from the minute he came on board.

If this gets out,
Nathan is set to lose everything.

I think this is more
than just fraud. Hm.

I think we've found our killer.

Oh. Sorry.

You should talk to her.
Might be important.

Nah. It's nothing that can't wait.

Anyway, this is our time.

It's nice, 'ey?
Me being here with you.

Plans for the future.
Yeah.

I checked out all the restaurants
on the street.

There's no sign of them.
They could be anywhere in this city.

It's Frankie. Frankie, any luck?
'We were right.

'Nathan's a person of interest
in a series of romance scams,

'and he's been done for theft.

'Did an 18-month stretch.'

Frankie, did Colin mention
where he and Nathan might be going?

'He was gonna take me to, er...
La Madame Bleue.

'I'll meet you there.'

Oh, by the way, I spoke to the bank,

and I've OK-ed
transferring that money.

Colin, I said I didn't want you
to do that.

Yeah, I know.

Right. Will we draw up
a proper legal contract, then?

Unless you're happy to wait.

I'm more than happy to wait.
I just want to help you.

OK.

Well... these are my bank details.
OK.

Colin, no!
What are you doing here?

Look, he's a liar, Colin.

A fraud. He's not into you.

It's your money he's after.
You what?

Frankie!

Lisa Charnock was trying
to blackmail you.

Is that why you killed her?

Who? I've never met a Lisa Charnock.

Well, that's another lie
you've just told us.

Lisa and Eddie
had their own scam going.

They targeted the cruise ships,
stole valuables,

and then Eddie cleaned up
the devices to sell on.

Oh!
Oh, sorry.

Don't worry, honestly.

Sorry. I should have watched
where I was going. I'm so clumsy.

Ah, no harm done,

unless he's got a Ming vase
in there.

NATHAN AND COLIN LAUGH
Again, sorry.

JACK: 'Nathan did his homework
on you, Colin.

'You were his next victim.'

No. Look, you've got this all wrong.

Me and Nathan,
we've got something good going on.

He's been planning this for months.

He knew all about your career
in stand-up

and where you went to school.

They just don't want you
to be happy.

But he didn't factor in
his tablet being stolen

and Lisa extorting cash out of him.

Lisa thought she was smart
when she emailed you

with her blackmail demands,

particularly because she had already
handed the tablet to Eddie.

she tried to extort more
money from you, you got violent.

'Anyone who came into contact
with that crime scene

'had an allergic reaction
to the thorn apple plant.

'Jack when he found the body,

'Eddie when he got the tablet
from Lisa.'

NATHAN: 'Do you see me scratching?'

You're going away
for a very long time.

WOMAN: Oh, my God!

That silly cow
should have taken my deal.

Put the knife down, Nathan.
I'm not going back to prison.

You've hurt enough people already.

Get off me!
Stay down!

Stay down.
OK.

SHIP HORN BLARES

COLIN: Hm.

Look, no-one expects you
to go on tonight.

You could have died.

HE SCOFFS

I've died in worse places
than a fish restaurant, love.

BOTH CHUCKLES

I wasn't suspicious for a second.

Not one second. How gullible am I?
You weren't gullible.

Nathan pressed
all the right buttons.

Hm.

I really saw a future with him.

The guy you fell for doesn't exist.
No.

Anyway... how do I look?

Like a brilliant bloke
who's lovely and kind

and who'll get through this
with his mates beside him.

Aw, thank you.

Right, let's make some magic.
Yeah.

KATE: Hi.

Er, just letting you know
that Nathan Diamond's been charged.

He'll be up in court
in the next couple of days, so...

Kate, are you ever going
to tell me what's up with you?

Well, is there any point?
Nothing ever changes.

Well, not if you don't open up, no.

SHE SCOFFS

OK, but... but what did I do?

What you always do, Jack.
What you always do.

You create havoc.
You break the rules.

Piers knows about the tour.
Yes, of course he does.

And he was going to tell Marlowe
if I hadn't have stopped him.

My career, my integrity.

Everything just laid on the line
for you.

H-Hold on. It wasn't even my tour.

I was just helping out a mate,
you know, cos that's what mates do.

And I don't recall asking you
to bail me out.

SHE SCOFFS

Look, I'm not afraid
of hard work, Kate.

And if I get sacked,
I'll just find another job.

Even if it means leaving the ship?

DOOR CLOSES

So, let's give it up
for everyone's favourite.

He's the man
with the golden tonsils -

Jack Grayling, everybody.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Change your heart

# Look around you

# Change your heart

# It will astound you

# I need your loving

# Like the sunshine

# And everybody's
Gotta learn sometime

# Everybody's gotta learn sometime

# Everybody's gotta learn sometime

# I-I, I-I need

# I-I, I-I need

# I-I, I-I need

# Love

# I need your loving

# I-I, I-I need

# I-I, I-I need love

# I need your loving

# I-I, I-I need

# Like the sunshine
I-I, I-I need

# I need love I need your loving

# I-I, I-I need

# Like the sunshine
I-I, I-I need love

# And everybody's
Gotta learn sometime

# Everybody's gotta learn sometime

# Everybody's gotta learn. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

COLIN: 'Welcome to Saint-Tropez,
on the sun drenched Cote d'Azur.'

I love the south of France.

All those chic women
in their fab outfits.

I can't believe I'm in the same room
as Moonlit Dreams.

We were a band
about a million years ago.

But they also hate each other.
Don't want to start me.

Well, this is a PR nightmare.

Hi, Piers.
I didn't realise you two were...

I'm glad she's happy.

GUNSHOT

This is
down-a-rabbit-hole-level crazy.

'We need to know
who really did this.'

# You thought you'd run away now

# From the troubles in your life

# And watch a new horizon in the sky

# But now the truth's caught up
With you forever

# It's waiting for you

# In the deep blue. #