All language subtitles for St.Denis.Medical.S01E11.1080p.WEB.H264-SuccessfulCrab

All right, Dr. Patel
will be administering

the anesthesia now, so why
don't you count back from five,

and we'll see you
on the other side.

Five, four, three,

two, one, zero.

- Okay, great.
- Now what?

Oh, you're still...
yeah, that's okay.

You know, sometimes
it takes a beat.

Why don't you start
naming some colors for me?

Blue, yellow...

orange.

Uh-huh, that's a good one.

Periwinkle...

sienna, burnt sienna.

Should I keep going?
- Patel, what's the deal here?

Let me just adjust the dosage.

Some patients are
resistant to anesthesia.

It's just a matter of
getting the dosage right.

- Cerulean...
- You can stop with the colors.

All right, we should be good.

Finally.

Okay, let's do this. Gina?

- Nope, I'm still here.
- Jesus Christ!

What is this guy, Wolverine?

Again, no more tilapia
in the microwave, okay?

It smells like a mermaid
gave birth in here,

and I think we all
deserve better.

Now, last item on the agenda...

our operating margins
once again have dipped.

Zero gains... it's like we
might as well not even be open.

To that end, I need
everyone to start

doing a better job
of recommending

additional services
to our patients.

You mean like upselling?

We could push more
plastic surgeries.

A lot of our patients are fugly.

Well, it's not
upselling, per se,

but I would like you
to educate our patients

about scan screenings,
wellness practices,

and then encourage them
to use their insurance.

So upselling... got it.

How are the hospital's finances

even our responsibility?

We're health-care workers,

not a bunch of
sleazy car salesmen.

Oh, maybe we could have,
like, a sales contest.

You know, whoever
upsells the most

could... could win
some kind of prize.

Well, Ron, you are
just gonna love this,

because I was about to announce

that we are having
a sales contest.

Anyone want to take a
guess what the prize is?

Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?

What's that? A T-shirt?

No. No, it isn't.

I think we can do a
lot better than that.

Nobody said T-shirt.

Dakota, start your
rounds, please.

I think that'd be good.

Uh, who would like
to go see "zha"

with some floor-seat
tickets in Portland tonight?

Wait, you got
floor seats to SZA?

That is another way
people pronounce it, yes.

And if you are interested, it
certainly wouldn't hurt you

to start promoting our
brand-new, state-of-the-art

luxury VIP patient
recovery suite.

I'm sorry.

Why are we spending
money on a VIP suite

when this hospital is
literally falling apart?

I mean, there's been a
leak by Zone B for, what,

like, three weeks now?

It's been 19 days.
Stop being so dramatic.

I'll follow up with maintenance.

In the meantime, I want you
to go out there and just...

- Upsell.
- It's not upselling.

This is gonna be a big draw

for our more
discerning patients.

All the linens are
pure Egyptian cotton.

Mm, It's like cool
mayonnaise to the touch.

And we've got
wall-to-wall 5G Wi-Fi,

which is the strongest kind.

Drives marine life
nuts, apparently.

Hey.

Well, the doctors
didn't find anything,

and all your vitals
are within range.

So the bad news is, you
know, I hate to say it,

but without a specific
illness or injury,

I... I can't keep
you here, Ruth.

I'm so sorry.
- I figured.

My cough always
acts up in the cold.

I'm sure it'll go
away eventually.

Ruth's what's known
as a frequent flyer.

She's a nice person, unhoused,

just looking for a
break from outside.

I really wish we
could do more for her.

I just think, God,

what if that were my
grandmother in there,

you know?

I mean, I guess then
we would be like,

"Ah, zombie!"

"Who did we bury?"

Sorry. Sorry.

No, it's... it's
not... it's not funny.

Do you think I
could get a blanket?

That wind is just nasty.

- Of course.
- I'll bring it back.

It's yours.

Just be careful out
there, all right?

And I wish we could
do more for you.

I know. If you
could, you would.

Man, what are you doing?

Oh, it seems like a pretty
straightforward job.

I'm thinking saddle clamp,
a little elbow grease.

Yeah, I should be able to
bang this out in no time.

And you're basing this on what?

You have zero training in this.

Oh, come on. Sure, I do.

I mean, what is the human body

but an elaborate
series of pipes?

You know, veins,
intestines... it's all pipes.

People are pipes.
People are pipes.

Man, let the plumbers
do their thing.

Oh, I see.

You don't think I can do it.

I don't care.

And, no, I don't.

But, hey, knock yourself out.

I gotta go.

Somebody stuck a Barbie doll

in one of their pipes.

And Bingo was his name-o.

See, I think the whole
idea of upselling patients

on medical procedures
is kind of gross...

I mean, like, really gross.

It's just not the kind of thing

I'd usually do.
- Yo, dude.

Did you see Paige
and Dakota teamed up?

Yeah, I was just
talking about...

I high-key want those SZA tix.

What if you and I team up,
and if either of us wins,

we split the tickets?

Oh, yeah,

'cause then we'd have them,

you know, like, the
two of us together.

Let's do it.

Great.

Great.

Really, it's all right.
I know my way out.

Yeah, I know.

I just wanted to show you one
quick thing before you go.

And that thing is...

your new digs for
the rest of the day.

Wait.

This is for me?

If I get in trouble,
I get in trouble.

You know, my job
is to help people,

and, uh, I'm doing
the right thing.

So, you know, come at me, bro.

Get comfy, make
yourself at home.

You can take a nap or watch TV

or read a brochure on
coping with lupus...

whatever you want.

Hey, maybe "Shawshank
Redemption" is on.

You know, I think it always is.

I don't even know
how to thank you.

There's no need, truly.

Wow. Egyptian.

It's funny.

This really isn't that
different from the OR.

You know, you mark the
site, use a steady hand,

and make a clean incision.

And...

that's the wrong spot.

All right, well, take two.

How's it coming, Luigi?

That's good.

You see, racist
jokes can be funny.

Well, I've identified
the main problem area.

Just about to attack
the leak head-on.

It just feels good to work
with your hands, you know?

You work with your
hands all the time.

Please.

I don't mean those
soft, fancy-boy hands

you're sporting... no offense.

I'm talking about man
hands, you know...

calloused and sinewy,
covered in grime and grit.

Okay, I'm gonna let you

get back to your
blue-collar cosplay.

Look, I just don't want
to be one of those rich,

spoiled doctors
who always calls up

some grunt to do his
dirty work for him...

again, no offense.

Hiring workers is a convenience.

Obviously, if I had
to do the job myself,

I could.
- Uh-huh.

Hey, could you pass
me that spud wrench?

- Spud?
- The spud, yeah.

Okay.

Uh... spud, right?

- Yeah, it's right there.
- I see it.

I'm gonna
just give you

all these wrenches.

You may want to switch
out from that spud.

Okay. Um...

Up to six hours,
including throbbing

and sensitivity to
light and loud noises...

Hi.

Um, can I help you
with something?

Thanks, but I'm doing great.

Bogs and the sisters
just assaulted Andy

in the furnace room.

I'm sorry, what I meant was,

um, what are you doing in here?

Oh, just resting.

Nurse's orders.

Uh-huh.

Which nurse's orders?

Got a minute?
- Hmm?

Hey, I'm just wondering
about the woman

currently having a spa
day in the VIP suite.

Do you know anything about that?

Yeah.

You know what, Joyce?

I do.
- Mm.

'Cause she said you told
her she could stay in there

without paying for it,
which is the exact opposite

of what I told you to do.

Well, that's right.

I did do that.

I did, because, uh...
because that woman...

Yes?

She's an heiress.

What? Her?

Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah.

She, um...

She comes from a
very, very rich,

very philanthropic
family, the Dusseldorfs.

I'm sure you're familiar
with them, right?

Oh, of course. How could
I... how could I not?

Yeah, yeah.

So I figured, you know,

we're having money problems.

I would just give this rich lady

the red-carpet treatment.

She'd become our golden goose,

uh, but it was
presumptuous of me.

Sorry, I'm gonna
go kick her out.

No, no, no. No. No. No.

You played it perfectly.
- No? Oh.

- Ah, I see you, girl.
- Thanks.

- I see you.
- Yeah.

Um, well, she's not gonna
be thrilled, though,

that I... that I... I outed
her, 'cause she's, um...

she's a really private person.

You know, she likes to blend in.

So... so it might be best if
you just don't mention it.

Oh, I promise I'll be discreet.

Okay. You know how
the super rich are.

Oh, yeah, it's all, you know,

charcuterie boards and
trips to the moon...

just eating little gherkins
in space with the pinkies up.

- I... I meant the anonymity.
- Anonymity, yes.

Yes, that's another thing.

Do I need to wear
it when I sleep?

That's probably a good idea,

at least for the
first week or two.

Great.

But if you're looking to
speed up your recovery,

we do offer in-house
acupuncture sessions.

It's amazing for fractures...

really stimulates
the blood flow.

Yeah, that's not
really my thing.

Totally get it.

Acupuncture has a lot
of side effects...

increased muscle tone,
sexual performance boost.

It's not for everyone.

I think I'm good
with just the splint.

Okay, well, since you're so
obsessed with the splint,

how do you like this idea?

Two splints.

But easily, the most
common reason for a leak

is a loose coupling nut.

If working in a confined space,

a basin wrench is going to
be your best friend here.

You know, it just occurred
to me you might want to try

tightening the coupling nut.

I've had some good success
with that in the past.

You don't think I've
tried tightening

the coupling nut, Ron?

Obviously, that was the
first thing I tried.

Tighten
the coupling nut.

Get serious.

Well, did you use
a basin wrench?

Are you just getting this
from the Plumber Jordan video?

First YouTube result for
"how to fix leaking pipe"?

I came down to your
level, and I hate it here.

I'm going to lunch.

No, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

Ron, Ron, Ron, wait.

Can you hold this
clamp real quick?

Please, just two
seconds. Just hold it.

Right there.

Yeah, that's it.
- Watch my finger.

Uh-huh. Perfect.

Oh, look who's done this before.

Nice.

Yeah, well, that's
what I was saying.

It's about to get
pretty hairy, though.

I can take it from here.

Enjoy your lunch.

Well, I mean, I have
a couple minutes.

Hmm?

I ate a NutRageous
bar a while ago,

so my blood sugar
should still be good.

Ah. Welcome to
the party, Mario.

Knock, knock.

Gosh, I just wanted to
come in and apologize

for being so dang rude earlier.

We lost a patient this morning,

and I was still in that
emotional headspace.

Oh, the patient died
off-site, by the way.

Yeah, no, we, um...
we got him healthy,

and then he went to another
hospital and died there.

Anyway, this is for you.
- Oh, wow.

- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- Thanks.

- Ooh, this looks warm.
- It is.

Not that a person like you
needs more stuff, but...

Oh, believe me, I
always like more stuff.

I am the same way.

Like, no matter how much you
get, it's still not enough.

I am a people person.

I love people.

Do I also love the idea
of a new radiology suite?

Yes.

Robotics platforms in the OR?

You bet.

A big old helipad that sits
atop a surgical amphitheater

that hosts TED Talks
on the weekends,

Portland General
crapping in their pants.

But mostly, I love people.

So you think he's gonna go
out the same way as Brooks,

but then he ends up making
it down to Zihuatanejo.

Incredible. Incredible.

Bit of a spoiler,
but that's fine.

Um, hey, what do you say I
take you on a private tour

of the hospital, show you
what we do around here?

- I got time.
- Okay.

Stella. Stella.

While we're gone, can you
kind of freshen up the bed

and spruce up the pillows?

Thanks, babe.

What do you say we start
in the maternity ward

and see some babies?

Adorable!
- Oh, great.

There's a 14-pounder
in there right now.

- Yikes.
- A real chonker.

When Bruce isn't saying anything

for long periods of time,

he's really not a
bad guy to be around.

Oh, and, look...

it's a callus forming.

Still in the early stages,

but by tomorrow,

coal-miner vibes.

Hey, I brought you some tea...

Hey, do you know where the
lady who was in here went?

Yeah, uh, Joyce went to take her

on a tour of the
hospital or something.

What?

Ooh, that's nice.

Oh, yes, that is one of
my personal favorites.

Ah, of course, it's just
a print, but who knows?

Maybe one day we'll have
a real Monet in here.

- Oh, that would be amazing.
- Wouldn't it be?

Hey. Oh.

What you doing, girlfriends?

What you talking about?

Oh, Ruth and I are
just discussing

our mutual love of art.
- Hmm.

Oh, you must have some
wonderful pieces in your home.

Oh, I don't really have a home.

Oh, yeah, I so get
that, right, you know?

You're coming, and you're going,

and one week you're in Nice,

and one week you're
in Vail, right?

You know, you're everywhere,

and yet you're nowhere, so...

Oh, boy, it has been
such a day, though, huh?

You must be dying to get
back in that big, comfy bed.

This firecracker?
Are you kidding me?

She's got more energy than I do.

In fact, why don't we
go storm the gift shop

and then we'll snag some
brownies in the cafeteria?

They are a triumph.
- Hey, why don't I take her?

You've got important
things to do.

Nothing is more important

than this little
lady right here.

Now, let's get 5 CCs of
brownie into that mouth, stat.

I'm kidding.

5 CCs is barely anything.

Yeah, I'm happy that Ruth is
inside and thriving, frankly,

but I'm a little n-nervous.

Uh, you really don't want to
get caught lying to Joyce.

Uh, just ask Theresa.

But you'd have to ask her
at 3:00 in the morning,

'cause that's when
her shift starts now.

I hear a lot of people saying

that our health-care
system is broken,

but it seems pretty
great, if you ask me.

Nobody even mentions
the brownies.

"If the pipes are
on the older side,

then epoxy putty may be used
to repair any corroded seals."

Interesting.

But that's not gonna work

if you're dealing
with a faulty flange.

Try not moving around, please.

You've got a real
bee in your bonnet

about this flange theory.

I'm not married to the flange.

Maybe it's a press fitting.
- Ooh!

Ooh, ooh, did we try
swapping out the O-ring?

- We're about to.
- Jackpot.

Dakota, can you come in
here and finish this off?

She's much better
than me anyway.

Dakota. Dakota!

So we knock out this wall,

then the whole thing
becomes a courtyard...

topiaries, a koi pond.

I'm imagining your
name on a fountain.

I'm imagining your name on it.

Wow.

How generous is this woman?
- Oh.

Is it okay if I use
the ladies' room?

Oh, sure. You know what?

Use the one in our staff room.

The other one's
for the riff-raff.

It's disgusting.
- Oh.

Thank you.
- Scoot.

Joyce, come on, a koi pond?

It's Japanese for "fish."

I'm saying that if we were
to get a large donation,

we should probably use that
money to buy new Alaris pumps

or hire more patient techs.

Yeah, I love that.
I love that idea.

But I'm saying, lure people
in with the koi pond,

become a health-care
destination,

and then we can hire
an infinite number

of patient techs.

Oh, look at us jammin'.

We're jammin'.

A koi pond? That's
what we need?

People here are burning
themselves out just to...

Sorry, I just remembered that
this is imaginary money, so...

Hmm...

- Is everything okay?
- Oh, yeah, totally.

Just seeing here
that you haven't had

a colonoscopy since... ever.

That can't be right, can it?

Yeah, but I thought you don't
need that until you're 45.

I'm 37.

Yeah, sure, they say 45,

but they also say you
should get your oil changed

every 10,000 miles, when... I
mean, we all know it's 5,000.

5,000, yeah.

Then, one day, bam,
your engine's shot.

Turns out, they were wrong.

Yeah, I'll think about it.

Oh, Gary.

Gary, Gary, Gary.

Either there is cancer
in your colon right now

waiting to attack the
rest of your body, or...

there isn't.

And if you're willing
to wait eight years

to find out which
it is, it's brave.

I guess I could
schedule something.

- Yes!
- Yes!

Let's go.

Sorry, just excited to
keep your colon healthy.

- Matt, super-good liar.
- It's kind of fun.

The key is, as you're lying,

you clench your butt
together super hard,

to the point where it hurts,

and that keeps your mind
off the guilty feeling.

I really thought this would
be a number-one situation.

What are you two doing?

I have a very important
VIP coming through here.

I cannot have my doctors

ripping into the
walls like lunatics.

No, no, no, no,
no, Joyce, come on.

We're right at the one-yard line

with this thing,
really, and I'm sorry.

Are you talking about her?

That's not a VIP. I've
treated her before.

That's just... I don't
know... some lady.

What?

Yeah, what?

Just some lady?

She's just some... some lady?

Are we all just some
ladies to you, Bruce, huh?

I don't think Eleanor
Roosevelt would like that.

- Okay. Okay.
- Yeah. And you know what?

Every patient
matters, all right?

And shouldn't just be
kicked to the curb.

Right. Right.

But especially Ms. Dusseldorf,

who is filthy rich and
is going to build us

a Japanese koi pond
for our new courtyard.

Exactly.

Now make this stuff go
away before you blow it.

- Yeah.
- Dusseldorf?

You try making up a last
name that sounds real!

- Bang!
- We won!

What about Paige and Dakota?

They didn't even check
people's coverage.

Almost every procedure
got rejected by insurance.

That's amazing.

I mean, you know, very
bleak on a society level,

but really good in
this one instance.

So are you gonna go to the show?

Of course, yeah.
What do you mean?

Hey, Gavin.

I sold mine
to Gavin from the lab

for 200 bucks... way over face.

Here you go, boy.

This my date?

Uh, I guess so.

You guys are gonna
have the best time.

Tell me how it is.

So you want to
drive and I drink,

or do you want me to drive
and just roll the dice?

Oh.

Well, Plumber Jordan
would be proud.

- I fixed a leak today!
- Oh, yeah.

And not some run-of-the-mill,

"just swapped out
the O-ring" leak.

Give me a break.

This is a leak's leak, you know,

the kind you tell
your grandkids about.

Oh, yeah.

I also reset a broken neck

and took a battery out
of a kid's esophagus.

- Sure.
- But...

I fixed a leak...

In the wall!
- There you go.

I'm gonna have to get a
whole crew in here tomorrow.

They Mickey Moused
the whole thing.

Who told them to do this?

It's no good.

This was wonderful.

Oh, you guys have the
most amazing hospital.

Well, thank you.

We... we really do have a lot
of good stuff going on here,

but, um, we could
do so much more

if only we had the money.

You have to have the money.

Yes, exactly.

Um, do you... do you
think we'll get it?

I really do.

I know you'll get it.

You'll get the money.

You just made my day with that.

Oh!

The truly wealthy are
a complex breed...

uh, refined yet eccentric,
discriminating yet fickle.

Extracting their money
is a delicate art,

but I have been known to...

Pick
a pocket or two...

right, guv'na?

Am I... am I the gu... oh.

Uh, you
got that right, Joyce.

Just
use your normal voice.

Okay. Um...

uh, Joyce did a
really good job today.

Hello, hello.