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1
00:00:28,244 --> 00:00:31,045
- Immigration?
- Revenue.
2
00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:35,250
Missus Rose! There are people
here from the government!
3
00:00:41,956 --> 00:00:44,543
I've been gutted!
4
00:00:44,593 --> 00:00:46,560
John, I've been stripped
of every morsel of pleasure
5
00:00:46,595 --> 00:00:49,297
I earned in this life!
6
00:00:49,331 --> 00:00:50,631
Well, how do you think I feel, Moira?!
7
00:00:50,666 --> 00:00:53,167
Eli was family, for God's sake!
8
00:00:53,201 --> 00:00:56,469
Leave your finances to me,
he said! Son of a bitch!
9
00:00:56,504 --> 00:00:57,737
Baby, it's crazy, people are just like,
10
00:00:57,772 --> 00:01:00,174
taking our stuff!
11
00:01:00,208 --> 00:01:02,843
I said, they're taking our stuff!
12
00:01:02,877 --> 00:01:05,279
Can you just step out of
the club for a second, ple...
13
00:01:05,313 --> 00:01:07,514
Hold on, hold on! Those
bags are not for you,
14
00:01:07,548 --> 00:01:09,082
my boyfriend bought those for me,
15
00:01:09,117 --> 00:01:11,118
so, theoretically, they are his!
16
00:01:11,152 --> 00:01:13,386
Please sir, can you step aside?
17
00:01:13,421 --> 00:01:16,323
No, you step aside! You step aside!
18
00:01:16,357 --> 00:01:17,724
I'm still trying to wrap my mind around
19
00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:19,659
what kind of a sick
person wants to get paid
20
00:01:19,694 --> 00:01:21,828
to destroy another person's life!
21
00:01:21,862 --> 00:01:25,198
Destroy another person's life!
22
00:01:25,232 --> 00:01:26,633
Where are you taking that?!
23
00:01:26,667 --> 00:01:29,368
My very soul has been kidnapped,
24
00:01:29,402 --> 00:01:32,338
there's no ransom, no
one's coming to save me!
25
00:01:32,372 --> 00:01:33,940
We've got 15 minutes to
collect our personals,
26
00:01:33,974 --> 00:01:36,575
- can we pick up the pace?!
- No, no!
27
00:01:36,609 --> 00:01:38,777
Did you put Kristen with Robin?
They don't like each other!
28
00:01:38,812 --> 00:01:42,581
Nooooo! Nooooo!
29
00:01:42,615 --> 00:01:44,416
Eli really did a number, Johnny.
30
00:01:44,451 --> 00:01:46,719
He took everything.
31
00:01:46,753 --> 00:01:49,054
They're still looking for him,
they think he's in the Caymans.
32
00:01:49,088 --> 00:01:51,089
He was our business manager,
he's supposed to pay taxes!
33
00:01:51,123 --> 00:01:53,359
Hmm.
34
00:01:53,393 --> 00:01:55,927
There is a very small
amount set aside for you,
35
00:01:55,962 --> 00:01:58,397
and one asset the government
has allowed you to retain.
36
00:01:58,431 --> 00:02:01,199
The kids.
37
00:02:01,234 --> 00:02:05,603
The children are dependents, Moira.
38
00:02:05,637 --> 00:02:09,540
You bought a small town in 1991, Johnny.
39
00:02:09,575 --> 00:02:12,710
Yes, I bought that as a joke for my son.
40
00:02:12,745 --> 00:02:15,780
Wait, you actually purchased that town?
41
00:02:15,814 --> 00:02:19,417
Yes, I purchased the town,
how else could I get the deed?
42
00:02:19,451 --> 00:02:22,152
- You could've photo shopped the deed!
- And saved the money!
43
00:02:22,187 --> 00:02:24,756
Why would I Photoshop a deed,
the joke was owning the town!
44
00:02:24,790 --> 00:02:26,090
- Okay, stop.
- That was the joke!
45
00:02:26,124 --> 00:02:27,258
- Oh my God!
- Well, that was the joke!
46
00:02:27,292 --> 00:02:29,627
To Johnny's credit...
47
00:02:29,661 --> 00:02:33,130
This town just might be your
saving grace, at least for a while.
48
00:02:33,164 --> 00:02:34,632
What do you mean?
49
00:02:34,666 --> 00:02:35,933
You can live there for next to nothing,
50
00:02:35,967 --> 00:02:37,701
until you get back on your feet.
51
00:02:37,735 --> 00:02:39,636
I'm sure there's a
penthouse we can move into,
52
00:02:39,670 --> 00:02:42,106
please, there are other options.
53
00:02:42,140 --> 00:02:44,041
Well, homelessness is still on the table.
54
00:02:58,222 --> 00:03:01,691
The whole time I was surrounded
by old women wearing visors,
55
00:03:01,726 --> 00:03:04,528
who smelled like yams!
56
00:03:04,562 --> 00:03:07,030
There was nowhere to lie down!
57
00:03:07,064 --> 00:03:08,731
There was nowhere to lie
down, there was no bed!
58
00:03:08,765 --> 00:03:10,466
There was no kitchen.
59
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:12,535
I know!
60
00:03:12,569 --> 00:03:15,238
No.
61
00:03:15,272 --> 00:03:16,505
I don't know what to
tell you, there's like,
62
00:03:16,540 --> 00:03:19,342
cows all over the place, like, everywhere.
63
00:03:19,376 --> 00:03:21,510
I don't know if there's even a station,
64
00:03:21,545 --> 00:03:23,446
I don't know what's happening!
65
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:27,483
Johnny Rose!
66
00:03:27,517 --> 00:03:29,752
Roland Schitt.
67
00:03:29,786 --> 00:03:31,687
Oh, you're the mayor
we're supposed to meet.
68
00:03:31,721 --> 00:03:33,789
That's right, I'm the mayor,
69
00:03:33,824 --> 00:03:35,658
so if you're looking for
an ass to kiss, it's mine!
70
00:03:38,495 --> 00:03:41,930
Oh, this is my family, my son...
71
00:03:41,965 --> 00:03:43,265
Let's get you all squared away
in the office there, Johnny,
72
00:03:43,299 --> 00:03:45,334
okay, the gals can grab the bags,
73
00:03:45,368 --> 00:03:46,668
you follow me, all right, right this way,
74
00:03:46,702 --> 00:03:49,037
watch it, honey, here we come.
75
00:03:49,072 --> 00:03:50,839
The "Cheaters" marathon
we watched, it's like that.
76
00:03:50,873 --> 00:03:52,774
Children, keep an eye on these bags.
77
00:03:52,808 --> 00:03:56,678
Apparently in hell, there's no bellman!
78
00:03:56,712 --> 00:03:59,013
- David, what are we...
- Shut up!
79
00:03:59,047 --> 00:04:00,748
- You shut up!
- You shut up!
80
00:04:00,783 --> 00:04:05,487
- Um, you shut up!
- You shhhut up!
81
00:04:05,521 --> 00:04:07,622
The name is Rose.
82
00:04:07,656 --> 00:04:10,458
I don't see a reservation under that name.
83
00:04:10,493 --> 00:04:12,927
It's okay, Stevie, I set
aside two rooms for them.
84
00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:14,962
Well, there's nothing here.
85
00:04:14,997 --> 00:04:16,763
Well okay, fine, just
book 'em in with two rooms,
86
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:19,066
these people own the
town; They're big deals.
87
00:04:19,101 --> 00:04:20,934
We'll need three rooms, minimum.
88
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:23,237
Ooh, no can do, honey.
89
00:04:23,271 --> 00:04:25,939
Look, we have a one room comp policy here,
90
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:29,076
and I am personally throwing in an
extra room out of sheer decency, so...
91
00:04:29,111 --> 00:04:31,144
What about suites? Do you
have a couple of suites?
92
00:04:31,178 --> 00:04:32,479
This guy!
93
00:04:32,514 --> 00:04:34,180
Um...
94
00:04:34,215 --> 00:04:37,784
No, this is a motel,
95
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:41,287
so we cater more to off road
truckers and drunk teenagers.
96
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:44,357
Please, someone just
give me a key, to a door,
97
00:04:44,392 --> 00:04:47,793
to a room any room! I just want a bathtub,
98
00:04:47,828 --> 00:04:50,963
and a long extension cord, please.
99
00:04:50,998 --> 00:04:53,166
There you go, ma'am.
100
00:04:58,205 --> 00:05:00,206
It smells like a gym bag.
101
00:05:00,241 --> 00:05:02,608
Does anyone else feel light headed?
102
00:05:02,643 --> 00:05:06,211
Oh my God, this takes
me back to high school.
103
00:05:06,246 --> 00:05:09,715
You know, I did the deed in just
about every room in this place.
104
00:05:09,750 --> 00:05:12,184
Yep, if a forensic team came in here
105
00:05:12,218 --> 00:05:14,420
with one of those blue lights,
this place would just light up!
106
00:05:14,454 --> 00:05:16,656
Okay, that's good.
107
00:05:16,690 --> 00:05:18,457
- Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!
- Oh my God. Oh my God!
108
00:05:18,491 --> 00:05:20,859
Oh hey, chief, the other
room's right through there.
109
00:05:20,893 --> 00:05:22,461
Here you go.
110
00:05:25,765 --> 00:05:27,766
And there's the bed,
111
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:32,037
I should probably pull off
that cover, and... burn it.
112
00:05:32,072 --> 00:05:34,540
All right.
113
00:05:34,574 --> 00:05:38,743
Good, Roland, thank you very
much, appreciate everything, uh...
114
00:05:38,778 --> 00:05:39,778
... Have a ball in the land down under!
115
00:05:39,812 --> 00:05:41,345
Ever wanna ride a kangaroo?
116
00:05:41,380 --> 00:05:44,082
Okay.
117
00:05:44,116 --> 00:05:46,918
Okay.
118
00:05:46,953 --> 00:05:50,455
- Okay.
- Oof!
119
00:05:50,489 --> 00:05:52,591
Okay, okay.
120
00:05:52,625 --> 00:05:54,892
Okay, okay, okay.
121
00:05:54,926 --> 00:05:58,662
Okay. Okay.
122
00:05:58,697 --> 00:06:01,165
Okay. Okay!
123
00:06:04,936 --> 00:06:08,372
Okay. Okay. I love you!
124
00:06:08,407 --> 00:06:12,876
Oh, okay, well, it looks
like you got all the channels
125
00:06:12,911 --> 00:06:15,813
except for Channel 19 for
some reason. I don't know why.
126
00:06:15,847 --> 00:06:17,748
Well, the thing is we won't be
watching a lot of television,
127
00:06:17,782 --> 00:06:20,484
but again, thank you,
128
00:06:20,518 --> 00:06:23,020
I don't want to keep you,
I know you're a busy man.
129
00:06:36,334 --> 00:06:39,136
Whoa!
130
00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:44,173
Hi.
131
00:06:44,207 --> 00:06:46,308
Can I help you?
132
00:06:46,343 --> 00:06:47,910
I'm looking for an extra towel, Okay...
133
00:06:47,945 --> 00:06:49,612
And this might be a stupid question,
134
00:06:49,647 --> 00:06:51,648
considering the state
of the rugs in our room,
135
00:06:51,682 --> 00:06:56,119
but do you have a business centre here?
136
00:06:56,153 --> 00:06:59,421
Yes, we do have a business center.
137
00:06:59,456 --> 00:07:01,323
You can find it right outside
the doors to your left,
138
00:07:01,358 --> 00:07:04,960
right beside the hammam spa.
139
00:07:04,994 --> 00:07:06,228
Would you like me to book you
a treatment while you're at it?
140
00:07:06,263 --> 00:07:08,197
Thank you, no, just the towel, thanks.
141
00:07:08,231 --> 00:07:10,132
I'll get those right out.
142
00:07:14,371 --> 00:07:16,237
Well Roland, once again,
thank you for giving us
143
00:07:16,272 --> 00:07:17,806
the lay of the land here,
144
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:19,908
but we have some serious unpacking to do.
145
00:07:19,942 --> 00:07:22,544
- Oh, sure!
- If you don't mind.
146
00:07:22,578 --> 00:07:25,113
No problem there, Johnny,
I don't mind helpin' out.
147
00:07:25,148 --> 00:07:27,515
Listen, one thing before I go here, um...
148
00:07:29,752 --> 00:07:31,586
Do you mind if I use your toilet?
149
00:07:33,922 --> 00:07:37,992
Is it absolutely necessary?
150
00:07:38,026 --> 00:07:40,361
Uh, yeah, I would say
it's absolutely necessary!
151
00:07:42,665 --> 00:07:43,964
Excuse me.
152
00:07:43,999 --> 00:07:45,933
Absolutely necessary.
153
00:07:45,967 --> 00:07:48,203
Yes, that train has left the station,
154
00:07:48,237 --> 00:07:50,237
if you know what I mean!
155
00:07:53,141 --> 00:07:56,043
- I need that bed.
- Why?
156
00:07:56,078 --> 00:07:57,377
- Because I need it.
- Why?
157
00:07:57,412 --> 00:07:58,913
Because if someone were to break in here
158
00:07:58,947 --> 00:08:00,081
in the middle of the
night wanting to murder us,
159
00:08:00,115 --> 00:08:01,448
they would attack this bed first,
160
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:04,118
so I need this bed.
161
00:08:04,152 --> 00:08:06,653
So you're saying that you
want me to get murdered first?!
162
00:08:06,688 --> 00:08:08,722
In front of you? And
then what would you do?
163
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,591
Would you just run away
and leave me to bleed out...
164
00:08:10,625 --> 00:08:12,392
On the floor?!
165
00:08:12,427 --> 00:08:15,562
Uh, sort of, that was the plan, yeah.
166
00:08:15,597 --> 00:08:18,064
Okay. Well, you can have
the bed when I leave.
167
00:08:18,099 --> 00:08:20,634
Well, where are you going?
168
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:21,935
Stavros is flying in to
get me, I told you that.
169
00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:25,105
What do you mean Stavros is com...
170
00:08:25,139 --> 00:08:27,207
What do you mean? When?
When is he doing that?
171
00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:29,242
Like, whenever stupid Mary-Kate
stops hogging his plane.
172
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:32,411
Well, where are we going?
173
00:08:32,446 --> 00:08:36,382
Okay, at present, he's just coming for me,
174
00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:38,251
but then I figured that
we would just come back
175
00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:41,287
and grab you guys at some point.
176
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:44,523
What kind of sociopath abandons her
family in some vomit soaked dump,
177
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,629
to gallivant around the world
178
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:51,664
with her dumb shipping heir loser boyfriend
179
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,199
she's known for three months?!
180
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,869
Um, David, it will be
four months next month!
181
00:08:56,903 --> 00:08:59,204
Oh my God!
182
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:02,407
And he just told me that he
could potentially see himself
183
00:09:02,441 --> 00:09:03,842
considering saying "I love you"
184
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,178
at some point sometime soon, so...
185
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,746
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
186
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,581
I'm telling mom. I'm telling
mom and dad, have you told them?
187
00:09:09,615 --> 00:09:12,284
No! No David, I'm waiting
for the right opportunity.
188
00:09:12,318 --> 00:09:14,319
Okay, otherwise dad's gonna cry,
189
00:09:14,353 --> 00:09:16,187
and mom's gonna do that thing
190
00:09:16,221 --> 00:09:17,889
where she pretends that nothing's wrong,
191
00:09:17,923 --> 00:09:19,257
and then just doesn't
talk to me for five months,
192
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:20,325
and I don't want that.
193
00:09:20,359 --> 00:09:23,828
Well, I need this bed! I need it, so.
194
00:09:23,862 --> 00:09:26,063
You know what, David?!
195
00:09:26,098 --> 00:09:28,099
You get murdered first for once!
196
00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:30,201
No, you get murdered first!
197
00:09:30,235 --> 00:09:32,503
David, you get murdered first!
198
00:09:32,537 --> 00:09:34,638
No, you! You do it!
199
00:09:34,673 --> 00:09:37,008
Yes, you get murdered first!
David, you get murdered first!
200
00:09:48,787 --> 00:09:51,254
I actually think this place is kinda cute.
201
00:09:51,289 --> 00:09:53,390
Did you say cute?
202
00:09:53,425 --> 00:09:56,893
No Alexis, Martha Stewart's
Hampton home is cute.
203
00:09:59,197 --> 00:10:01,198
Where's that weird man?
204
00:10:01,232 --> 00:10:04,267
Where?
205
00:10:04,302 --> 00:10:05,836
He's in the bathroom.
206
00:10:05,870 --> 00:10:08,138
He... he won't leave!
207
00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:10,040
Well, he's been in there
for a very long ti...
208
00:10:10,074 --> 00:10:13,043
Oh my God! Oh my God!
209
00:10:13,077 --> 00:10:16,379
Jeez. Um... Boy.
210
00:10:16,413 --> 00:10:17,913
Remind me to get that window fixed.
211
00:10:17,948 --> 00:10:19,949
It will not open.
212
00:10:19,983 --> 00:10:21,751
Roland, listen, thank you very much,
213
00:10:21,785 --> 00:10:23,653
but I appreciate everything you've done,
214
00:10:23,687 --> 00:10:27,289
we need a little private
time now, as a family.
215
00:10:27,324 --> 00:10:31,293
Sure, well actually, those
curtains do close there so...
216
00:10:31,328 --> 00:10:33,996
Oh, look! You've got Channel 19!
217
00:10:34,030 --> 00:10:37,499
Roland, could you get the fuck out?!
218
00:10:37,533 --> 00:10:40,236
This latest model is a
revelation in innovation.
219
00:10:40,270 --> 00:10:42,738
I am not lying folks, it's
gonna last you a lifetime.
220
00:10:42,772 --> 00:10:46,708
You are gonna thank...
221
00:10:46,743 --> 00:10:50,545
That was an overreaction.
That was uncalled for.
222
00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:53,281
It's just... you know,
we're a little tired,
223
00:10:53,315 --> 00:10:55,817
it's been a long day,
224
00:10:55,852 --> 00:10:58,820
there's a pharmacy worth
of drugs wearing off
225
00:10:58,855 --> 00:11:00,889
on most of us right now,
and I just think as a family,
226
00:11:00,923 --> 00:11:02,957
we just need a little time to chill.
227
00:11:02,992 --> 00:11:06,227
Johnny, please, you
don't have to apologize,
228
00:11:06,262 --> 00:11:07,862
and you really don't have
to hit me over the head
229
00:11:07,897 --> 00:11:09,730
with this sort of thing, I get it,
230
00:11:09,765 --> 00:11:12,133
you need your little family
time and all that, I'm sure.
231
00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:14,102
No problem.
232
00:11:14,136 --> 00:11:16,871
You know what I'll do, I'll um...
233
00:11:16,906 --> 00:11:20,141
I'll just get the fuck out of here.
234
00:11:34,596 --> 00:11:36,397
Ugh, we have to eat in here?!
235
00:11:36,431 --> 00:11:39,066
I think it's kinda sweet.
236
00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:42,169
Alexis, what's going on with you?
237
00:11:42,203 --> 00:11:45,039
- What do you mean?
- Seriously?!
238
00:11:45,073 --> 00:11:47,174
The room was "cute," this place is "sweet."
239
00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:49,276
I am personally offended by this place,
240
00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:51,912
I don't know what you
think is nice about it.
241
00:11:51,946 --> 00:11:55,782
The town is disgusting. It is gruesome.
242
00:11:55,816 --> 00:12:00,487
It is charming, it is quaint,
it's like out of a storybook.
243
00:12:00,521 --> 00:12:04,457
Alexis, what the hell
is the matter with you?!
244
00:12:04,492 --> 00:12:08,495
Okay... Stavros is flying in to get me,
245
00:12:08,529 --> 00:12:10,597
and I am going to go live
with him for a little bit.
246
00:12:10,631 --> 00:12:12,899
Well, that is not happening.
247
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:15,034
And I am appalled that my baby girl
248
00:12:15,069 --> 00:12:17,804
has turned into a
selfish, duplicitous whore!
249
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:19,939
Oh, hello!
250
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:22,675
Hi, I'm Twyla. I'll be your waitress today.
251
00:12:22,710 --> 00:12:25,477
Anyway, I read about you guys,
252
00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:27,914
and everything you've gone
through, it sounds super crappy.
253
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,881
Super crappy?
254
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,750
I had a second cousin in Elmdale
255
00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:34,253
who did telemarketing,
he made a ton of money.
256
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:35,787
It turns out his entire
business was illegal,
257
00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:37,289
and he lost everything.
258
00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:39,925
Hm... not quite the same.
259
00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:42,628
Yeah, no, he went to prison,
which is terrible, but...
260
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:46,231
But he is learning
Spanish, no mas, le duele!
261
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,299
I think it means, "stop, it hurts."
262
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,602
Oh, wonderful anecdote.
263
00:12:50,636 --> 00:12:52,070
Could you give us a moment please?
264
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,472
Whenever you're ready,
I'm just right over here.
265
00:12:54,506 --> 00:12:57,209
I forbid you to abandon our family.
266
00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:59,144
I am a grown woman, mother.
267
00:12:59,178 --> 00:13:01,046
This is an act of a spoiled child!
268
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:04,315
I think it's unforgivable!
269
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:05,617
I think that you're just super jealous,
270
00:13:05,651 --> 00:13:08,286
'cause I'm getting out of here!
271
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,555
Also, you have a big thing
of dandruff on your eyebrow.
272
00:13:10,589 --> 00:13:12,323
- Don't do that!
- Kids, stop, stop!
273
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:14,225
The world is falling apart around us John,
274
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:16,628
and I'm dying inside.
275
00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:18,829
Well, I'm feeling a little queasy myself.
276
00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:21,498
Oh, brisket!
277
00:13:21,532 --> 00:13:23,100
- Give me... some spale!
- David!
278
00:13:30,341 --> 00:13:32,977
John...
279
00:13:33,011 --> 00:13:34,811
- Oh my God!
- Umm...
280
00:13:38,983 --> 00:13:41,618
These rooms did have doors, didn't they?
281
00:13:41,653 --> 00:13:43,320
Yeah, it's a hotel, they're hotel rooms!
282
00:13:43,354 --> 00:13:46,122
It's a motel! These are motel rooms.
283
00:13:46,157 --> 00:13:48,224
What if they took our stuff?!
284
00:13:48,259 --> 00:13:49,926
What stuff? There's no stuff to take.
285
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,227
I have stuff!
286
00:13:53,430 --> 00:13:56,232
Son of a bitch!
287
00:14:02,472 --> 00:14:03,840
Yeah, I've got a problem.
288
00:14:03,874 --> 00:14:05,875
If this is about doors...
289
00:14:05,910 --> 00:14:07,576
Yeah, it's about doors,
yeah, my doors are gone,
290
00:14:07,611 --> 00:14:10,045
my front door, somebody stole my doors!
291
00:14:10,079 --> 00:14:11,980
Yeah, you're gonna have to
talk to Roland about that.
292
00:14:12,015 --> 00:14:13,783
He lives just down the street,
you make a left out of the motel
293
00:14:13,817 --> 00:14:15,718
and then another left.
294
00:14:15,752 --> 00:14:17,687
It's a house with a truck in the driveway.
295
00:14:17,721 --> 00:14:22,358
There's a bumper sticker
of a naked Helen Mirren.
296
00:14:22,392 --> 00:14:27,095
Oh my God, no! No! No!
297
00:14:27,130 --> 00:14:29,731
- What?!
- Ah! My earrings! They were there.
298
00:14:29,765 --> 00:14:31,133
- They're not there!
- Where did they go?
299
00:14:31,167 --> 00:14:33,435
I don't know!
300
00:14:33,469 --> 00:14:35,337
I don't know! First you
threatened to abandon me,
301
00:14:35,371 --> 00:14:37,706
and now my precious diamonds are gone!
302
00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:39,975
Okay, you are super dramatic right now.
303
00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:43,010
Shut up and look for them!
304
00:14:52,221 --> 00:14:55,890
Get open!
305
00:14:59,761 --> 00:15:02,696
Roland, I see you behind the truck!
306
00:15:02,731 --> 00:15:04,698
Yeah, of course you see me.
307
00:15:04,733 --> 00:15:06,167
I'm looking at my gravel.
308
00:15:08,570 --> 00:15:11,072
Gravel these days, what are you gonna do?
309
00:15:11,106 --> 00:15:13,841
- Yeah, it's gravel.
- Yeah, it's gravel!
310
00:15:13,875 --> 00:15:15,942
Hey, good news for you.
311
00:15:15,977 --> 00:15:18,345
I talked to a guy about
that bathroom window.
312
00:15:18,380 --> 00:15:20,714
That's the least of my concerns right now!
313
00:15:20,749 --> 00:15:23,917
Oh really? Well, why don't
we address your concerns?!
314
00:15:23,951 --> 00:15:27,220
The doors! I want my doors back!
315
00:15:27,255 --> 00:15:28,321
- Oh!
- Before it gets dark!
316
00:15:28,356 --> 00:15:30,623
My son is afraid of moths.
317
00:15:30,657 --> 00:15:32,525
Oh, hmm. Well, here's the
thing about that Johnny,
318
00:15:32,559 --> 00:15:35,095
you see, you did a bad thing.
319
00:15:35,129 --> 00:15:37,463
You disrespected me in
front of your family!
320
00:15:37,498 --> 00:15:38,631
And now they think less of me.
321
00:15:38,665 --> 00:15:41,467
I doubt that's possible.
322
00:15:41,502 --> 00:15:43,370
And to be honest, you were
kinda breathing down our necks
323
00:15:43,404 --> 00:15:45,671
a little bit back at the motel.
324
00:15:45,706 --> 00:15:48,608
Johnny, when I was a kid
and I did a bad thing,
325
00:15:48,642 --> 00:15:51,277
my father took the doors off my room.
326
00:15:51,311 --> 00:15:55,347
And he said to me,
"Roland, privacy is earned."
327
00:15:55,382 --> 00:15:58,384
I am having a tough time following that.
328
00:15:58,419 --> 00:16:00,252
What the hell does that
have to do with privacy?
329
00:16:00,287 --> 00:16:03,622
Nothing. I just got mad,
and I took your doors.
330
00:16:03,656 --> 00:16:06,191
Look, if you took
offense to anything I said
331
00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:09,061
back at the motel, just
know it wasn't personal.
332
00:16:11,564 --> 00:16:14,566
All right, apology accepted.
333
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:15,767
Well, that was less of an apology,
334
00:16:15,802 --> 00:16:17,269
and more of an explanation.
335
00:16:17,304 --> 00:16:18,270
Nevertheless, I accept your apology.
336
00:16:18,305 --> 00:16:20,371
Which it wasn't!
337
00:16:20,406 --> 00:16:23,141
So thank you again for that apology.
338
00:16:23,175 --> 00:16:24,776
Well, there was no apology,
and I can't do this anymore!
339
00:16:24,811 --> 00:16:26,778
You said you're sorry in a
very sweet and humble way,
340
00:16:26,813 --> 00:16:28,613
and that takes a big man to do that,
341
00:16:28,648 --> 00:16:31,516
and that's what Johnny
Rose is! A big man! Ooh!
342
00:16:36,055 --> 00:16:38,622
Oh!
343
00:16:38,657 --> 00:16:41,926
Hello! Hello!
344
00:16:41,961 --> 00:16:44,628
Hi, hello, come here, please.
345
00:16:44,663 --> 00:16:49,267
I don't suppose you saw
any hobos or crackheads
346
00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:51,836
loitering around the hotel today?
347
00:16:51,870 --> 00:16:54,672
No crackheads, no...
348
00:16:54,706 --> 00:16:57,475
While the rooms were exposed to
the world like a Moroccan fair,
349
00:16:57,509 --> 00:17:00,578
someone got in here and stole my earrings.
350
00:17:00,612 --> 00:17:04,648
But it was just... but it
was just you here today.
351
00:17:04,683 --> 00:17:07,718
- It was.
- It was.
352
00:17:07,752 --> 00:17:11,021
I'm assuming you were the only
one here on the premises today?
353
00:17:11,055 --> 00:17:13,556
I think I know where
you're going with this.
354
00:17:13,591 --> 00:17:17,961
No, I'm simply confirming
that you alone were here
355
00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:20,197
when the earrings were stolen.
356
00:17:20,231 --> 00:17:21,164
Are you asking me if I stole your earrings?
357
00:17:21,199 --> 00:17:24,267
No, I would never, please!
358
00:17:24,302 --> 00:17:27,370
But I also would certainly
never press charges
359
00:17:27,404 --> 00:17:30,239
if my earrings were
suddenly to be returned.
360
00:17:30,273 --> 00:17:33,275
If they suddenly reappeared,
361
00:17:33,310 --> 00:17:35,244
if you gave them back I
would not press charges,
362
00:17:35,278 --> 00:17:37,480
I would look the other way.
363
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:39,281
Okay, you know what? I gotta run.
364
00:17:39,316 --> 00:17:41,484
'Cause I wanna hit the
pawn shop before it closes.
365
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,652
I owe my crack dealer a ton of money, so.
366
00:17:43,686 --> 00:17:46,555
You seem like you have
this under control, though.
367
00:17:46,589 --> 00:17:48,224
What just happened?!
368
00:17:48,258 --> 00:17:50,726
David, I politely asked that concierge girl
369
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:53,429
if she had stolen my earrings,
and she turned ice cold,
370
00:17:53,463 --> 00:17:55,464
and now she's on her way to a pawn shop!
371
00:17:55,499 --> 00:17:57,900
What?! I need a towel!
372
00:17:57,934 --> 00:18:00,135
Hello, hi.
373
00:18:00,169 --> 00:18:02,504
Hi, I am sorry if my mom accused you
374
00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:04,640
- of taking something.
- It's fine.
375
00:18:04,674 --> 00:18:06,642
Okay, but does this mean that
when you're cleaning our rooms,
376
00:18:06,676 --> 00:18:08,476
you're gonna put weird stuff in
our beds out of spite, or something?
377
00:18:08,511 --> 00:18:10,078
I won't be cleaning your room.
378
00:18:10,112 --> 00:18:11,647
Okay, can I ask you a question?
379
00:18:11,681 --> 00:18:13,749
Shoot.
380
00:18:13,783 --> 00:18:14,816
I think you're kind of rude!
381
00:18:14,851 --> 00:18:17,118
Is that a question?
382
00:18:17,153 --> 00:18:20,255
I have asked you thrice now for a towel,
383
00:18:20,289 --> 00:18:23,058
so that I may wash this town off my body.
384
00:18:23,092 --> 00:18:24,325
Do you think I wanna be here?
385
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:26,061
Do you think I wanna be here?!
386
00:18:26,095 --> 00:18:27,762
I don't know what you want,
387
00:18:27,796 --> 00:18:29,864
you've given me one word
answers since I got here!
388
00:18:29,898 --> 00:18:31,799
So if I get you a towel you'll
stop following me to my car?
389
00:18:31,893 --> 00:18:35,796
Yes! Yes!
390
00:18:35,831 --> 00:18:38,432
Fine, but I'm only doing this
because you called me rude,
391
00:18:38,466 --> 00:18:40,635
and I take that as a compliment.
392
00:18:40,669 --> 00:18:42,803
The man is a lunatic!
393
00:18:42,838 --> 00:18:44,404
What the hell happened here?
394
00:18:44,439 --> 00:18:46,807
We've been robbed.
395
00:18:46,842 --> 00:18:50,110
Right now some local is
pawning my earrings for crank.
396
00:18:50,145 --> 00:18:51,911
- Your diamonds?!
- Yes, my diamonds,
397
00:18:51,946 --> 00:18:53,880
the one thing I could hide under my tongue.
398
00:18:53,914 --> 00:18:58,385
Moira, I took your earrings out of here,
399
00:18:58,419 --> 00:19:02,222
and I put them in my shoe. For safekeeping.
400
00:19:02,257 --> 00:19:06,192
No! No!
401
00:19:06,226 --> 00:19:08,928
Stavros just texted me.
402
00:19:08,963 --> 00:19:11,264
And he ended it, he's not coming!
403
00:19:11,298 --> 00:19:12,732
He said he doesn't have
time to come and get me,
404
00:19:12,767 --> 00:19:16,069
because he already rsvp'd
to Diddy's white party,
405
00:19:16,103 --> 00:19:18,538
and doesn't have time to do both!
406
00:19:18,572 --> 00:19:20,373
But I was supposed to be
his date to the white party!
407
00:19:20,407 --> 00:19:24,644
Alexis, he was never my favourite Stavros.
408
00:19:24,678 --> 00:19:26,279
I've hated that guy ever since he asked me
409
00:19:26,313 --> 00:19:28,548
to do lines with him at my sixtieth.
410
00:19:28,582 --> 00:19:30,949
Just out of sheer curiosity,
411
00:19:30,984 --> 00:19:33,786
um, where do you stand now
412
00:19:33,820 --> 00:19:35,721
on whether or not you
think this motel is cute?
413
00:19:35,755 --> 00:19:36,822
Like, is it still cute, or is it...
414
00:19:36,856 --> 00:19:38,857
You're a dick, David!
415
00:19:38,892 --> 00:19:40,659
Oh, I'm a dick!
416
00:19:40,694 --> 00:19:42,561
Okay, did I dump you for a party?!
417
00:19:42,595 --> 00:19:43,929
David, help me with the doors.
418
00:19:43,963 --> 00:19:46,131
No I can't, I just got out of the shower.
419
00:19:46,166 --> 00:19:47,299
- I need help with the doors.
- Oh my God!
420
00:19:47,333 --> 00:19:49,001
David, help him with the doors!
421
00:19:49,035 --> 00:19:50,703
- You help him with the doors!
- No!
422
00:19:50,737 --> 00:19:51,837
David, could you help me with the doors?!
423
00:19:51,871 --> 00:19:53,405
It's air drying!
424
00:19:53,439 --> 00:19:56,007
Pick up a hammer, and
nail this coffin shut!
425
00:19:58,654 --> 00:20:00,300
As if I didn't see this coming.
426
00:20:01,058 --> 00:20:04,494
He's broken up with me five times already.
427
00:20:04,528 --> 00:20:07,930
Like, there was that time
that he never met me in Rio,
428
00:20:07,965 --> 00:20:09,431
and remember that time that he gave me
429
00:20:09,466 --> 00:20:12,335
his ex wife's engagement ring?
430
00:20:12,369 --> 00:20:14,737
And then, last summer,
431
00:20:14,771 --> 00:20:16,873
that time that he left his Molly
432
00:20:16,907 --> 00:20:18,640
in my glove compartment,
and then I got arrested?
433
00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:21,310
Oh my God! Can you do me a huge favour?
434
00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:24,045
And never repeat this to
anyone that you respect, okay?
435
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:27,115
- Okay? Okay.
- Okay.
436
00:20:27,149 --> 00:20:29,418
Kids, we just came in to say good night,
437
00:20:29,452 --> 00:20:33,154
and to remind you that we
will get through this...
438
00:20:33,189 --> 00:20:34,690
- Okay, good night!
- As a family...
439
00:20:34,724 --> 00:20:37,125
Warmest regards to you both.
440
00:20:37,159 --> 00:20:41,196
And that will end up
on our feet in no time!
441
00:20:41,230 --> 00:20:43,131
Of course, by then our
feet will be shoeless,
442
00:20:43,165 --> 00:20:45,200
and filthy and mangled,
443
00:20:45,234 --> 00:20:48,937
from walking on cigarette
butts and broken beer bottles.
444
00:20:48,971 --> 00:20:52,707
So, seriously Alexis, enough about Stavros!
445
00:20:52,741 --> 00:20:56,778
I'm sorry if I am going
through something right now!
446
00:20:56,812 --> 00:20:58,045
You're going through something?!
447
00:21:08,557 --> 00:21:11,091
- Good night, children.
- Good night!
448
00:21:11,126 --> 00:21:13,627
- Good night.
- Good night.
449
00:21:13,661 --> 00:21:14,895
Let's all pray we don't wake up.
450
00:21:14,896 --> 00:21:20,503
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