Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,200
This programme contains strong
language and adult humour
2
00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:06,400
Oh. You know what, I don't think I
want to go to this party, Jordan.
3
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:07,920
JORDAN SIGHS
4
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:07,920
Come on!
5
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,640
Lorcan's party's the biggest
event of the year.
6
00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:12,080
There's sometimes seven,
maybe even eight people at it.
7
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:15,160
I know! But all it takes
is one faux pas,
8
00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:17,760
and suddenly I'm the talk
of Ballymacnoose.
9
00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:21,040
Yeah, or one cool move
and you're a legend forever.
10
00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:22,760
CALLUM SCOFFS
11
00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,640
I just wish I had your confidence,
man.
12
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:27,800
Look, you want to know my secret?
13
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:29,080
Yes, please.
14
00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:32,159
You see when a thought comes
in my head? Yeah?
15
00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:34,000
I just ignore it.
16
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,920
Good thoughts, bad thoughts,
weird thoughts.
17
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:40,280
All like water off a duck's back.
18
00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,560
That actually explains a lot.
19
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,400
I just do what I want,
thoughtlessly.
20
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:48,920
Is it really that simple?
21
00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:55,000
Would an unconfident guy
wear a shirt as tight as this?
22
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,720
Trust me.
23
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:58,640
We're going to have
a great time today.
24
00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:04,040
Lock up your livestock
around this fella.
25
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:06,840
Dare I say it? There's no beast
this man wouldn't put himself into.
26
00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:09,080
I think you're making a bit
of a jump there, Frank.
27
00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:11,600
I never actually touched
any of your animals.
28
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,080
But you did come in his lake,
Callum.
29
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:16,000
It wasn't on purpose, Gemma.
Remember?
30
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,400
You philander with any of my cattle,
31
00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:19,320
I'll run you through
with a hosepipe,
32
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:20,800
give you a damn good clean-out.
33
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:26,480
Cursed is the man who has sexual
relations with any animal, Callum.
34
00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:27,880
Yeah. Thank you, Mildred.
35
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,039
Frank, Sammy, it's good
to see yous again.
36
00:01:30,039 --> 00:01:32,000
It's really good to be here.
37
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,960
Cheers.
38
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,039
MUTTERING: Fuck off!
39
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:07,440
Hey.
40
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:08,600
Hello.
41
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,600
You're Callum Brown, right?
42
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,520
Yeah.
43
00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:17,079
How did you know?
44
00:02:17,079 --> 00:02:19,720
Oh, Gemma's literally told me
everything about you.
45
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:23,160
Oh, sorry, I should've said -
I'm her big bro.
46
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,760
I'm David.
47
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,400
So what, you didn't fancy it
in there? You weren't vibing?
48
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,040
No, I think...
49
00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:32,480
Look, you don't have to explain
yourself to me, king. I, ah...
50
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:34,720
Look, every time I go to a party
these days, I'm like,
51
00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:37,160
"OK, hmm, which version of myself
am I going to have to
52
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:38,920
"twist myself into tonight?"
53
00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,800
Like, I'm not an Olympian!
54
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,040
Do you know what I mean?
55
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,920
Like, physically.
56
00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:45,760
Or emotionally.
57
00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:47,640
It's like,
"Which shade of Callum Brown
58
00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:48,800
"are you going to be tonight?
59
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:50,880
HE LAUGHS
60
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,480
Yeah.
61
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:58,480
No-one ever realises how many shades
of brown there really are, you know?
62
00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:00,040
What, no-one?
63
00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,280
Beige.
64
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,080
HE LAUGHS AND SNORTS
65
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:04,320
Khaki.
66
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,600
Taupe.
67
00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:08,760
Ah!
68
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,400
Light brown?
69
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,840
It's coming...
70
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,440
Dark brown!
71
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:17,600
Erm, oh, my God.
72
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:18,840
Smokey topaz.
73
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:21,200
Umber. Right back...
Oh, that was good!
74
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,400
That was quick.
75
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:25,240
Well, my personal favourite,
though, is...
76
00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:26,400
BOTH: Tan.
77
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,000
Thank you.
78
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,280
It's my pleasure, Mildred.
79
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:33,240
Do you know, I haven't been to
a party in seven years?
80
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,400
Yeah, I mean, I feel like
there's not a huge amount of
81
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,240
parties in Ballymacnoose. No.
82
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:40,760
No, wait. It was a funeral
I was actually at seven years ago.
83
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:45,000
My Aunt Siobhan got her cardigan
caught in the axle of a John Deere.
84
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:48,680
She was still alive when they found
her 34 ploughed fields later.
85
00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,920
She did die, though.
86
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:52,960
Still, this is nice.
87
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:57,000
Between you and I, I've been really
craving some girl time, so...
88
00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,520
I love Lorcan, I really do,
but we just...
89
00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:03,320
We spend SO much time together.
90
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:06,840
Pre-nuptial mingling is
akin to sodomy in God's eyes.
91
00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,480
No, I know it is, so it is.
92
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,280
Oh, God, I'm doing it again.
93
00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:12,640
Doing what?
94
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,720
It's a real problem that I have,
Mildred.
95
00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:18,480
I'm a very intense kind of cat,
and whenever I get a new boyfriend
96
00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:22,000
I tend to sort of totally assimilate
my personality with theirs.
97
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,840
I've literally only been here
a few weeks, and I'm already
98
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,240
talking like Lorcan.
99
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,720
That's us now.
100
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,040
Oh, dear.
101
00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,840
That's very good.
Yeah. Cheers.
102
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,000
High five.
103
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,120
What?!
104
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,440
Well, I see Callum's taken
a wee notion on David.
105
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,440
I was scared you'd say that.
106
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,080
Look at his jeans.
107
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:46,760
I can't tell what's better,
108
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:49,040
the fit or the bloody legs
underneath.
109
00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:52,880
Oh, come on, J man. Now, you've
a quare set of pins on you too, hey.
110
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:54,320
Yeah, I know I do.
111
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:55,920
There's levels to this, Lorcan.
112
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,080
I don't want Callum to replace me.
113
00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,800
Well, not that I have any personal
experience on the matter,
114
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,400
but sometimes making other friends,
it keeps things fresh.
115
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,280
Like an open friendship?
116
00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:08,800
Aye, I suppose you could add
that prefix if you like.
117
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,360
Mm. Might keep things spicy
in the gaming room.
118
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:14,360
That's it. Bit of space apart
helps all the posies get
119
00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,400
their spot in the sunshine.
120
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,320
What the fuck does that mean?
121
00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:20,720
Well, sun helps plants grow, J man.
122
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,560
Could do us all a bit of good
meeting new people.
123
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,440
But I think...
124
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:38,560
But my favourite is the little pig
and the...horses, but...
125
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:43,920
# I'm scared of losing you... #
126
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:47,120
Great spot for a piss, Caz man.
You nailed it.
127
00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:48,440
Yeah. Uh-huh.
128
00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:53,159
Oh, I am so sorry, mate.
129
00:05:53,159 --> 00:05:55,320
I should've known
you'd prefer to go solo.
130
00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:57,280
You go ahead, man. I'll just...
131
00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:59,120
I'll just air right here.
132
00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:03,960
You know, it's a real sign
of social intelligence, man.
133
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,000
What, airing my nethers?
134
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,280
No, man.
135
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,920
A nervous urethra.
136
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,840
You know, peeing in front of another
guy is the ultimate act of trust.
137
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:17,760
It shows you see him
as part of your tribe, so...
138
00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:20,640
Yeah, I guess that means
I don't have a tribe.
139
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:25,280
Maybe you just haven't
found them yet.
140
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:33,360
Got to say, that's an impressively
long piss you're taking there, D.
141
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,680
Callum...
142
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,760
..I stopped peeing about
20 seconds ago.
143
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,040
I'll leave you to it, man.
144
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:51,480
CALLUM LAUGHS
145
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:54,640
Ah!
146
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,320
Whoa.
147
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,400
Hey.
148
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:03,560
Who are you?
149
00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:05,440
I'm Jordan.
150
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:07,000
Why are you dressed like
a little boy?
151
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,160
JORDAN LAUGHS
152
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:10,520
You must be hanging around
some pretty cool little boys
153
00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:11,960
if this is what they look like.
154
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:13,440
What the fuck did you say to me?
155
00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:15,040
Can I show you something?
156
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,480
Go on.
157
00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:20,720
Shhh.
158
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,280
WHISPERING: Assassin's Creed style!
159
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:27,000
I do actually like those games.
160
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:30,080
I own all of them,
and I'm willing to lend.
161
00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:31,840
Shhh...
162
00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:33,080
To a friend.
163
00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,920
You'd not be able to handle
my banter.
164
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:38,520
Try me.
165
00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:41,680
You've got a fat child's face
on you.
166
00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:43,159
Too much for you?
167
00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:45,720
No. You sure you can handle this?
168
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,360
Because it's going to get
a lot worse.
169
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:48,760
I can handle it. It's great banter.
170
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,280
What's that chirp, dude?
171
00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:51,600
I said, "It's great banter."
172
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,360
Get your belly out. What?
173
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,760
Get your belly out.
174
00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,920
Bit of banter, no?
175
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,000
Look at that.
176
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,320
Like a little baby's belly,
177
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:04,160
full of fizzy orange and rusks.
178
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,440
Bet you've got a tiny little
mickey on you too, do you?
179
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,920
Ah...
180
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,920
LAUGHTER
181
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:15,000
I kind of, like, wish this was,
like, a lake.
182
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:18,040
I know. Like, imagine the skims,
like...
183
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:19,640
LAUGHTER
184
00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:21,040
Ah. I feel loose around you.
185
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,440
I think that's why that's why
my body's opening up so cleanly.
186
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:24,800
Oh, man, don't even.
187
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,840
I feel loose around you too.
188
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,640
Oh, yeah?
189
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:30,560
Hey,
190
00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:33,679
can I share something
kind of embarrassing with you?
191
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,799
Yeah, of course, D.
192
00:08:35,799 --> 00:08:37,200
So I, erm...
193
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:42,000
I have something called, erm,
mild early onset osteoporosis.
194
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,880
Man, I am so sorry.
195
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:47,840
No. My lower bone density means
that I'm at much greater risk
196
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,520
of high impact injuries.
197
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,880
My bones are essentially
like crisps.
198
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:55,000
Like, falling off of this for me
is the equivalent to plummeting
199
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,280
from the top of the Burj Khalifa.
200
00:08:57,280 --> 00:09:00,360
Well, at least it would be,
you know, if my condition
201
00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:02,080
wasn't exceptionally mild.
202
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:03,880
Mm-hm. But still.
203
00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,160
It takes its toll up here.
204
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,960
The Damocles sword
of a mild health condition.
205
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,520
I know it well, D.
206
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,720
Mild hyperhidrosis.
207
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,640
Permanent layer of sweat
on the palms of my hands
208
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,440
day and friggin' night.
209
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,240
I didn't realise...that.
210
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:38,960
Hm.
211
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,320
Oh, Gemma, let me do that for you!
212
00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:45,360
It's fine, Lorcy!
213
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:49,200
I can't be having my wee English
rose wilting in front of the oven.
214
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,160
It wouldn't be very civil of us now.
215
00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:54,320
Lorcy, I said it's fine, so it is!
All right, OK.
216
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:57,000
Let me know the ground rules
and I'll get things going here.
217
00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:00,280
Is it the key's in the hat there,
free play?
218
00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:01,960
And what's the stance on rubbers?
219
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,280
GEMMA SIGHS
220
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,280
It's not an orgy, Mr Boggin,
221
00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:05,440
so it isn't!
222
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:07,640
Is it not?
223
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,040
MUSIC: Let Me Breathe
by Matthew Goodman and Matthew Bento
224
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:11,360
Right.
225
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,440
I'm away to kill a pig.
226
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,000
Enjoy yourselves, folks.
227
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,160
I heard that, Gemma.
228
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:19,600
What? Hi.
229
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:22,120
You're correlating to
our vernacular.
230
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:25,040
What? No... No, I'm not,
so I'm not. I...
231
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:26,800
LORCAN LAUGHS
232
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:30,440
Honestly, darling, hearing
our phraseology through you,
233
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:34,680
it's like hearing a pauper's ditty
sung by the Queen herself, aye.
234
00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:37,240
Yeah... Yeah, it's great. It's...
235
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:38,880
It's really great.
236
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,520
Ah! When two become one.
237
00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,560
# You know your energies get
the best of me
238
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,960
# If you just help me rest
to ease
239
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,400
# Help me breathe... #
240
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:50,720
You know, life's too frickin' short
to not just be wanting
241
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:52,080
to live it to the max every day.
242
00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:57,120
Yeah! You know, like, sod my bones,
sod your sopping hands, like...
243
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:00,200
HE SIGHS
244
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,280
So do you want to get this party
kicking or what? Like...
245
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:06,920
What are those, D?
246
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:08,440
They're just natural vitamins.
247
00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,160
I work for a health start-up
in East Croydon, OK?
248
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:12,400
We granulate them ourselves.
249
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,800
It's part of my, erm,
osteoporosis research,
250
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,680
or whatever you want to call it.
251
00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:19,920
OK, so they're like St John's wort?
252
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,360
Yeah... Yeah.
253
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:23,720
Erm, I don't know...
254
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:28,080
Don't do anything
you don't want to do, like...
255
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:29,800
No, it's, ah...
256
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:34,040
Well, look, I've already pissed
in front of you, D.
257
00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:35,720
In for a penny?
258
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:39,760
In for a pound!
259
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:39,760
HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHTER
260
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,160
Down the hatch. Down the hatch.
261
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,760
Ah! Ah.
262
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:54,160
So how much stronger are they
than St John's wort?
263
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:58,440
MUSIC: Hot City
by Choppersaurus
264
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:06,600
# Oh, yeah
265
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,040
# Ooh, ooh
266
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,120
# Are you looking for some action?
267
00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:24,640
# Well, tonight's
the main attraction
268
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:31,000
# When you feel the heat
269
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,560
# You gotta hit the streets... #
270
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:36,360
You're going to make a fortune
from these natural vitamins, man!
271
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,320
LOUD MUSIC
272
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,320
What's actually in them?
273
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:39,800
MDMA and ketamine.
274
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:50,200
MUSIC BECOMES DISTORTED
275
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,120
# Whoa! #
276
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,320
DAVID GIGGLES
277
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:07,560
Sorry for being so weird.
278
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:09,760
I think it's just the Class-A drugs
that you gave me.
279
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,280
Hey! Yeah.
280
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:13,160
No. No, well, let's...
281
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,840
Well, let's... Just have
a smoke of this. Ah...
282
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,840
And that's going to even you out
real quick.
283
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,080
Mm.
284
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:20,600
Lovely.
285
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,960
Yeah?
286
00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:24,880
How's that feel? Is it, like...
287
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:26,200
..better?
288
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:27,760
Hmm.
289
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:29,080
Erm...
290
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:30,320
Help me.
291
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:32,720
Help me.
292
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:35,280
Yeah. Well, I'm a chemist
by trade, of course.
293
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,280
Oh! And now I realise why
you're having such a bad reaction.
294
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,720
Hm? It's your sweaty hands, mate.
295
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,720
Hyperhidrosis is caused
by an overactive
296
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,040
sympathetic nervous system, right?
297
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:47,280
Hm. OK, so you've ingested
MDMA, ketamine and weed
298
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:50,680
through an already overactive
sympathetic ganglia, OK?
299
00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:53,040
But you need to stop worrying
because I know exactly
300
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,880
what's going to help.
301
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:56,120
Yeah?
302
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,560
We're a tribe, right?
303
00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:00,640
Yeah.
304
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,200
God, that's wet.
305
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,760
God, that's wet.
306
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:07,760
HE HUMS A TUNE
307
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,680
I realised
I'd accidentally inseminated
308
00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:17,960
a Dexter Dwarf with
the jism of a Belgian Blue.
309
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:21,840
The poor girl had to birth a calf
four times her own size.
310
00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:23,280
Gemma, darling... Not now, Lorcy!
311
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,600
So the forceps shattered
under the pressure.
312
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:30,200
And so I phoned my cousin Eugene,
who has famously thin arms,
313
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,680
fetched a bucket
of machine lubricant...
314
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,240
Can I borrow your ear for a wee sec?
315
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,640
Oh, my God, Lorcan, please,
can you just be quiet?!
316
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,960
Yeah. I'm trying to have
a conversation with my friends.
317
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,080
LORCAN SCOFFS
318
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,080
These are your friends?
319
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:45,080
Yes. Lorcy,
you have your friend group.
320
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,760
I have my friend group.
321
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,160
Mildred and I, we're actually...
322
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:50,880
We're going to go Tayto World
next Tuesday, aren't we, Mildred?
323
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,240
I don't want to do that, no.
324
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,080
But, Mildred, I...
325
00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,040
..gave you a friendship bracelet.
326
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,960
Well, what's it doing on the floor?
327
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:04,800
Why...
328
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,600
Why aren't you wearing it?
329
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,560
Mildred?
330
00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,760
Well, it's no Tayto World,
but I might have something else
331
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:13,360
that could cheer you up.
332
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,520
Gemma...
333
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:18,880
..would you make me
the happiest spud in the sack
334
00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:21,360
and accept this key
to Boggin Manor, hey?
335
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:22,400
What?
336
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,960
Well, I know you've been saying
the flat's a bit cramped lately
337
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:28,000
with Georgina and I,
and it's got me thinking,
338
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,880
"There's so much space on the farm."
339
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:30,920
Like, Georgina could be out
340
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,800
having little Charlotte's Web-style
adventures.
341
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,360
Aye, we'd have to keep her away
from certain buildings, like,
342
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:38,920
namely, the abattoir, you know,
and... Lorcan, I...
343
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:40,600
But, more than that, Gemma,
344
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,040
we spend about 18 hours
a day together.
345
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:46,440
Yes, Lorcan,
that is exactly the problem.
346
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,440
Those pesky six hours apart,
347
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:51,160
they're a 'hing of the past!
348
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,240
From now on it's just going to be
me and you, Georgina,
349
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:57,440
my da, all day, every day,
350
00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,040
forever and ever and ever.
351
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:01,640
So what do you say, darling?
352
00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:07,520
Oh, Lorcan, I'm so sorry,
but the answer is...
353
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:08,880
..no!
354
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,480
Intra-anal, er...
355
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:22,280
Intra-anal cannabinoidal
absorption method, yeah.
356
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,720
Intra-anal...
357
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:25,000
HE RETCHES
358
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,720
..cannabidoidal absorption method.
359
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,240
Maybe a glass of water instead,
David.
360
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:35,200
No, no, no, we need that THC
in your vagus nerve, fast.
361
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:39,160
And the quickest way to do
that is through your anus.
362
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,320
Yeah, I'm just not sure.
363
00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:45,640
Caz, I'm going to need you
to relax.
364
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:49,080
Please. OK? Look...
365
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:50,600
I'll tell you something else.
366
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:56,200
You can relax that nervous urethra
and let the floodgates open.
367
00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,600
Because I will never let you
368
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:03,080
get caught with your trousers
around your ankles.
369
00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:05,880
Right.
370
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,160
You're a king.
371
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,520
Am I?
372
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,160
You're a king.
373
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:18,160
HE LAUGHS WEAKLY
374
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:20,599
Hey...
375
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:24,000
You're a king.
376
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:32,440
HE BREATHES SHAKILY
377
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,280
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
It's fine.
378
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,760
I was just doing manly stuff,
379
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,200
like thinking about driving a car.
380
00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:47,720
I'm so jealous of you
and Callum's friendship.
381
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,040
Yeah, right.
382
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:51,600
No, I mean it.
383
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,200
I don't think I've ever seen
two fully grown adult men
384
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:57,200
in such a close relationship who
weren't also sucking each other off.
385
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,560
Do you know what I mean?
386
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,680
I'm going to stop you right there.
387
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,000
We were in such a close
relationship.
388
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,520
He's got new friends now.
389
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:10,280
Well, not even Mildred
wants to be my friend.
390
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,720
She's so boring.
391
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,120
You've already got the golden goose.
392
00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:16,720
I mean, what I would do to spend
that amount of time with Lorcan.
393
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,640
Mm. Yeah.
394
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,120
Lorcan's amazing.
395
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:21,920
He's got great hair.
396
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:23,880
He's so kind-hearted.
397
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:27,800
He's like a...a beefy Jesus Christ.
398
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,480
And he has a massive cock,
so he has.
399
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,840
Why am I not surprised by that?
400
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:34,600
But I need friends, too.
401
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:40,880
Maybe we could be
each other's friends.
402
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,800
WHISPERS: Yeah, right.
Yeah.
403
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:44,080
Yeah, that'd be...
404
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,400
That'd be so great.
405
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:47,840
LAUGHING: Mad.
406
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:48,960
LAUGHING: Yeah.
407
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:52,320
Yeah, I could really use a friend
right now.
408
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,680
As if.
409
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:55,720
BOTH LAUGH WEAKLY
410
00:18:58,240 --> 00:18:59,640
You know, I think this might
be the first time
411
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,400
we've ever
talked to each other directly.
412
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:03,840
Can you make a promise?
413
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:04,880
Yeah.
414
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:11,120
I've never talked to a girl before.
415
00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:13,280
I'm afraid of them.
416
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:14,480
WHISPERS:
Please, don't tell the boys.
417
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,520
WHISPERS: I swear,
I won't tell a soul.
418
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:19,600
Hey, look, give me your hand.
419
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,040
Check it out.
420
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:26,360
Oh... Oh, yeah.
421
00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:27,560
THEY LAUGH
422
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,560
That's so cool.
Yeah, cool, right?
423
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,960
I think I owe you two an apology.
424
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:39,000
For neglecting my brother
while smothering my lover.
425
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,880
I think it's time we got things
back on track around here.
426
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:47,000
What do you say? I think that sounds
like a good plan, so it is.
427
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,680
Hi.
428
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,680
THEY GIGGLE
429
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:51,720
I feel a lot better about losing my
best friend to your brother now.
430
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,480
Yeah, I really wouldn't worry
about him. He is mad.
431
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,440
Aye, he's some character.
432
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,960
No, I mean it.
He's...he's insane.
433
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,440
He's really unwell, actually.
434
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,760
I...I probably should have been
keeping an eye on him,
435
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,440
but I just got caught up
in everything.
436
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,360
Yeah, I think he might have been
giving Callum hard drugs, actually.
437
00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:08,600
Oh, my God.
438
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,040
He's doing it again.
What's that?
439
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:15,840
My brother, he has a very peculiar
and specific obsession,
440
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,600
so he has.
Well, what is it?
441
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,800
We need to go find Callum.
We need to go find him right now.
442
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,560
Come on, come on, come on, let's go.
443
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,760
Thank you.
444
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,200
Callum!
445
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,760
David!
446
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:33,920
Callum! Callum!
447
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:35,760
David?
448
00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:37,400
Callum?
449
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,640
Callum! Callum!
Callum!
450
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,360
David!
451
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:45,080
Callum! Callum!
452
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:46,880
Oh, my God!
453
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,200
Gemma...
DAVID: Incredibly impressed.
454
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:50,400
No...
455
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,040
Fuck's sake, David.
456
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:53,800
CALLUM MOANS
457
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:57,560
You are doing so incredibly well,
it's blowing me away.
458
00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:00,360
It was the one thing
I asked you not to do.
459
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:04,160
Hey. Yeah? Gently inhale
in through your perineum.
460
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,160
Gently, gently.
That's all you've got to do.
461
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,400
I don't know if I can do that.
Of course you can.
462
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,080
I've been so impressed
with you so far.
463
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,440
Just let your sphincter do its work.
464
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,800
I'm trying.
465
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:19,240
HE MOANS
466
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:23,520
Gemma, is that the thing?
467
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:25,320
Yeah. OK.
468
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:26,920
Yeah, that is weird. Mm-hm.
469
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:33,200
HE MOANS AND SOBS
470
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,800
# I'll carry your love
471
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,440
# I'll carry your love
472
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,600
# I'll carry your love
473
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,600
# All the way home. #
54441
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian (Nynorsk)
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof