Original subtitles

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Whoa.

Oh my.

I'm smiling.

Is this yours?

Yes.

Frankly, it won't fly.

I have a couple lined up...

40ish, married, kids, fulltime jobs. Solid stuff.

We're getting married, so that's no problem.

Maybe not right away.

Pretty much right away. Like in six months.

Not my business, but why 2 bedrooms?

With your income, smaller is better.

I have a great offer in a Renewal Zone.

The idea is to have a child pretty fast.

Yeah.

A child when you both work part-time or freelance?

Sounds absurd, I know, but we're clear on "fast,"

before we go thinking up names,

choosing a buggy, wallpaper color...

Vincent!

She's stubborn.

Take your time, I won't keep you.

Thank you.

No, wait!

We told a pack of lies.

Vincent saw the apartment with another girl.

His ex. She dumped him brutally.

After 5 years together, it was...

We met at college.

She's...

Thanks, Vincent.

- True love! - Yeah.

Whatever.

So, as his best friend, I suggested we move in together.

So what, miss? I can't rent you an apartment

just to help your friend through a bad patch. Get me?

Mr. Petament, everybody who comes in here

is on a charm offensive.

Nobody dares tell the truth.

Are you sure that couple is more stable than us?

Who says they won't crash and burn?

Vincent and I...

Our advantage is rock-solid friendship.

We intend to enjoy, independently,

a rocking sex life.

Never winding up home alone at night.

No lies, no constraints.

Lots of tender loving care.

If we offered you that life,

would you say no?

I said yes.

(GIRL)FRIEND

Look!

- A huge time-saver. - The boxes are done.

Watch. Ready?

- Ok? - Shoulda filmed it!

- What's all this racket? - Nothing.

What? We're moving in and we...

Moving in there?

You'd better keep the noise down. That's a no-no.

Of course, absolutely no problem.

I smashed my stupidass elbow.

This is Nefeli.

Morning, ma'am!

Befli, did you say?

Almost.

Her dad's Greek, that's why.

Fine. As I was telling your boyfriend,

you can't make such a racket.

- I get migraines. - Of course. No worries, ma'am.

Thing is though, with Vincent, he howls in orgasm.

Don't you, sweetie?

Outrageous.

Rest assured, I orgasm very rarely.

You never said.

- We can fix that. - We'll talk it over later.

Cut that out now. I'm on the residents' committee.

Respect for your neighbors is my prime concern.

And rarely orgasming, sir, is no excuse to disrupt the building!

- We'll be happy. - Take a look?

Happy means no freaking out.

Sure.

No freaking out

means no more Mina.

Facebook stalking, shortcuts past her building,

endless debates about how come she dumped you...

- All over. - Yes.

Above all,

forget that code to access her voicemail. Got that?

What code?

- You don't check her messages? - No.

Well, don't.

Love's a fool's game.

No more, I'm through with it.

Bullshit.

Straight up.

I'll never fall in love again.

- You swear? - Yes.

Spit.

It only works if you spit.

Fuck love!

I want the other room.

How are you?

- You ran? - Sprinted to see my mother.

What are you drinking?

Thanks.

Orange juice, please.

That is so dull.

It's 11 am.

It's pinot.

It's light, goes down easy.

- How was Papua? - Awesome!

I brought this back for you.

I know you love apes.

And humongous dicks.

Honestly, I saw it, and you popped into my head.

- You didn't order that. - No problem.

Come off it!

Excuse me?

Sir?

Mom, it's fine. I'm happy with my coffee.

Sir!

Mom, knock it off.

All the shit he cops, why'd I bug him about juice?

It's his job, Vincent.

There! Case closed.

Shit!

You're a real moron.

It was relatively scalding.

I'll give you some money.

So you give me money now?

My treat.

- Here. - Thanks.

That's way too much.

Consider it a helping hand.

- Why'd you leave it? - Too much to carry.

- What are you doing? - Repacking it.

It's fine, dad.

No, it rattles.

Look at how you wrapped it!

Your mother has a thing for apes.

- And red wine. - Vincent!

See you, son.

- You'll be ok? - Why wouldn't I?

If there's an issue, call me.

Alright? I'll drop by from time to time.

Hold on, you have something there.

Kiss!

See you, old fella.

Don't get up to anything!

It's crawling with chicks. Go for it.

No, I come into my element late in the evening.

Sure, the cleanup crew.

I'm in preparation.

Meaning?

Toning my perineum to control ejaculation.

For real. I tone it up.

Anytime, anywhere.

For instance, I'm toning it up here.

- Right now? - Toning.

- You're... - Toning that baby.

My wang is just so toned.

- I hooked up on Tinder. - Yeah?

A butcher.

I meet her.

We get coffee.

I pay the check, go home...

What does she send?

Check this out.

Isn't that nuts?

The chick takes calves' heads home.

- Why? - No idea.

I don't know if it turns me on or off.

It's gross, dude.

Harsh. I'm not sure where I stand.

It's kinda gross but I've got wood.

It's gross.

Thank you, guys!

What for?

- Rocking the party. - Not kissing you?

Rocking the party's not our style.

I rock the party.

In my family up north, at my mom's for New Year's and stuff,

we do a thing that kinda slays us.

We hurl chairs at each other's heads.

Right in the mug.

It's such fun.

- Sounds great. - Really slays us.

Hey, little sons of bitches!

Hi, motherfuckers!

Hey, Vincent.

- How are you? - Good, and you?

- Thanks. - From all 3 of us.

For a wannabe old couple, the perfect gift.

A goldfish!

It won't survive in hostile...

- What are you doing? - Baptizing it!

I love crazy chicks!

Ok, drink!

Kill it, daddy!

Kill it!

I didn't get one.

Didn't get one.

Shit!

What's going on?

I dreamed of her. I wanted to hear her voice.

I also checked her messages.

Listen.

Mina, this is Hugo.

At the movies, waiting for you. Love ya!

And?

Love ya. You heard!

Love ya, love ya...

An asshole's love-ya, honestly!

Seriously, you worry me. Move on!

I was caught in the sun

Caught in love, caught in I-love-you

Don't know how...

Same thing every morning. It's a living hell.

It's mega-beautiful.

I'll make love to you,

like no one ever made love to you.

- Really? - Yes!

Yes, please!

Please!

Please, do it.

I was caught in the sun

Caught in love, caught in I-love-you

Don't know how, I'll remember...

I've grasped the meaning of life.

Where you going?

Work.

- Where are you, counsel? - My new office.

Shit, I'm bored.

For Séverine's farewell gift.

It's dumb, I really liked her.

You put in how much?

You didn't.

I did.

- You really, really liked her. - I hit on her, she blew me off.

I didn't want to come off as bitter.

You'll come off as a genius.

10 bucks. You tightwad!

Like I give a shit about Séverine.

- Can you set me up with a chick? - No.

Like Nefeli. The chair, dude. She was blown away.

- No? - I'm not so sure.

- Love your robe. - It scored me a new client.

You want her?

You want her for yourself?

No.

Roommates!

Extra special roommates!

Shut up!

Set me up.

- I have blue balls! - No.

Yes. Blue balls!

You ever had blue balls?

No, it's barely two months since I broke up with Mina.

Two months?

Two months is long, dude.

Your wang drops off.

You what?

You lose your wang.

Bullshit!

It's true.

Not.

Come on...

How about I buy you lunch?

The Chinese all-you-can-eat?

Can't. I'll grab a bite with Nefeli.

That's 3 times this week. Give yourselves some space.

Living together, eating together...

Besides fucking, you do everything together. We get it.

Sure. I can't leave her all alone.

But me, you can?

Dude, it's different. You're self-sufficient.

- Sure. - See!

Zoom in, she's flashing her panties.

I am appalled, man.

- Don't judge me. - Respect yourself.

- I'm doing my best. - We're working!

Switch it off!

What's going on?

Check this out.

Again?

Yeah, it's unbelievable.

That's physically impossible.

The chick's gotta be invertebrate

or some kind of reptile.

Whatever, it's sublime.

I think it turns me on.

It leaves me stone cold.

How come?

My libido went south with Mina.

There's nothing.

Hold on.

What are you saying here?

No boner in months?

Yes.

This is serious. Very serious.

You gotta get hard.

It's cool...

No. Boners are life.

Boners are like breathing.

Boners connect with the cosmos.

To raise the sexual organ skyward

is to feel alive and give thanks.

Look.

You do not refuse beauty, you pay tribute.

No leaving here without an erection.

I'm not springing a boner in front of you.

Why not?

We're friends, Vincent.

I can't do it.

Backing out is not good for you.

They drop a triple Lutz.

- Really? - Yeah, amazing.

Shit, I missed it.

So we're not buying food? That's our decision?

One...

Two...

Pass!

Fuck!

I'm so sorry!

Sorry!

You maniac!

I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?

I'm fine, just fine.

Sorry, I got a fright.

I apologize, it was an accident.

It's all good.

So long!

If I were you...

- If you were me what? - I'd give it a shot.

- Contact was made. - Literally.

Make the most of it.

Never on Mondays.

Seriously? What's the worst that can happen?

- Exactly. - What do I say?

- "Hello." - That's all?

It's plenty, believe me.

She's not bad.

Look what she's buying. Totally single.

Do it.

No.

What?

Back off. I'll do it.

Pain in the butt!

Hold on, let's run a...

C'mon.

He's single, I think.

Hello.

Goodbye.

Seriously, I can't let you...

I can't approve these groceries.

You approve people's groceries?

Sure, somebody's gotta do it.

With all that, in 10 years, obesity, seizure, stroke...

Esteem issues, depression...

The whole shebang.

Yes, and physical decrepitude.

A pity, frankly.

Who says it's not the aim?

Seriously, I have to invite you for dinner.

It's my humanitarian duty.

Another time maybe.

It'll be too late.

You can't refuse the power of quinoa.

Coming?

Yeah.

Fuck!

Hey, guys.

Whoa, horny little pony, aren't you?

I thought it could be agreeable.

No.

Alright,

like not on the first night?

It's 2017. Nobody's like not on the first night.

It's just I'm frazzled.

Kerbazzled?

I'm frazzled.

Now you're frazzling me.

I was on duty 48 hours straight. Give me space.

I can be quick, if you want.

What?

I mean, I can go slow too.

Sprint or marathon, I'm your man.

That feels so good.

Am I interrupting?

What's up?

Contains jojoba oil.

Thanks.

Something wrong?

It's just that you...

You soap yourself up so well.

I do?

It's dangerous, it being constantly like that.

He likes you a lot and he wants you to know it.

Despite the health risk.

- And then? - The magic of sex!

Insane. Fireworks.

A nuclear explosion.

And her southern accent, from Toulouse, is super sexy.

You get off on accents!

A total flop, your trick.

It works. I saw it on internet.

It's a more rounded movement.

Look. Don't you have a card?

Sure, but it's less fun.

Less fun? Sure.

Come on, last time.

C'mon, Vincent, think circular.

Circular.

Go for it!

Harder!

Gotcha!

Great, the broken one.

It's what they call karma.

Waves and shit, you know.

- What are you doing? - Getting mine.

Rock-paper-scissors.

Hardly gallant, but you'll lose.

I am unbeatable.

And that is?

The starting point.

That's not in rock-paper-scissors.

Get you!

One,

two, three!

Paper.

Alright.

Go fuck yourself!

You'll see her again?

I don't know.

Fuck love. But not really.

You're way off. I didn't spit in my room for nothing.

This chick's just a hookup.

Badass, right!

Yeah, badass!

Michel Petrucciani?

It's a guy.

In a bad way.

Anne Frank?

A runner. Simone Biles?

Cyrano de Bergerac?

It's a chick!

- Hillary Clinton! - One at a time.

That's three at once.

- Catelyn Stark? - Kylie Minogue?

Richard Wagner?

Wagner? Fuckwit!

- Chill! - It's a girl.

That's fine. Let's go.

Wagner wasn't a woman!

Cher? The singer!

Older!

- Nails? - Amy Schumer?

- Romy Schneider? - Paul, concentrate!

Philip Roth?

Bill Cosby?

Horny pony, see you soon?

Like now?

Kamala Harris?

Michel Houellebecq?

Time's up!

Done.

Cheating's bad.

Paul, the point is to win, get it?

Whatever you do, keep doing it.

I gotta go.

We only just began. Where?

If we don't win, where's the fun?

- I'm going to see Fred. - Invite him over.

Don't take it personally but...

He wants me to meet someone, a chick.

He doesn't know any, except family.

Good point. I'm looking at a chair in the face.

Tell me all about it?

Yeah, absolutely.

I dunno, open your senses. Open your chakras.

There's interference.

So long, peeps!

Bastard, we're having fun.

So who was it?

- Katie Couric. - You're kidding me.

You don't know her, do you?

- Do you know or not? - You have no idea.

My turn?

- Yo, dawg! - Bad time?

No, dude, I was working out.

- You gotta cover for me. - You messed up again?

You're too good to be true. You have that glint in your eye.

I just slept with Julie.

Supermarket Girl?

Yeah. I told Nefeli I was with you.

If you run into her.

You won't tell Nefeli?

Not now.

In other words, never.

I want to see if this is serious. She's fragile.

Nefeli fragile?

Good one.

Yes, fragile.

I don't want a two-night stand to fuck up our friendship.

But you'll tell Supermarket Girl?

No!

If I do, she'll want to meet her.

I'll resist, she'll insist, I'll give in,

and Nefeli will find out the truth.

You think of everything.

You evil genius. Scary.

Now you're taken, set me up with Nefeli.

- Seriously. - I'll call you back.

Don't hang up on me.

Don't leave a bro in shit, dammit!

Fucker!

Need some help?

Just great.

Magnificent.

This is one huge mess.

Don't do this to me!

Don't do it.

What the fuck are you pulling?

You scared the shit out of me.

About what?

You were underwater.

I was taking a nap in the bath.

It's easily misunderstood.

Hi.

Where can I find a mug?

Under the sink.

Can we make coffee, kitten?

Sorry, didn't see you there.

Thomas. Nice to meet you.

- Coffee? - Sure.

Want one?

No, thanks.

No? Tea?

- He's making tea. - For sure.

- Great tea. Want one? - No.

He doesn't drink tea either?

Is he on edge?

Is something wrong with him?

You had breakfast?

Let's go!

He wasn't ugly.

Was.

He had a non-standard body shape.

You're right. Hot guys are a pain.

Where are you at?

Me, the non-hot guy?

Vincent's been going on sleepovers.

He has?

That's a good sign.

I wasn't sick, you know.

No, but if my son's fulfilled in his sex life, I'm happy.

It's important to explore one's libido.

Thanks.

With Christophe, we're experimenting.

Out of our comfort zone.

Can we change the subject?

That's your garage face.

No, it isn't.

It is. It's your garage face.

Right, Christophe?

What's his garage face?

You don't know it?

I'll show you.

Don't show her anything.

I want to see.

Don't laugh. It's not funny, seriously.

Mom, stop.

For his 8th birthday, we organized a costume party.

Vincent decided to dress up as a house.

- Very original. - And my mother the comedian...

decided...

to make the garage door my fly.

Jesus! The look on your face!

That's his garage face.

Now you know, you'll see it often.

One garage, ten years in therapy.

You were the star of the party.

You kissed all the girls.

Not true.

One girl kissed me 'cause she felt sorry for me.

I'll spare you the nickname that haunted me.

It's cute. Garage Bang.

It gets my vote.

No, that wasn't so great.

Very good wine.

I'm glad you like it. The vines grow on rhyolite.

You've no idea what it is.

It's volcanic rock.

The plus point is,

at night it diffuses the heat that it absorbs during the day.

It's very, very fruity.

Cut to the chase.

Yes, well,

it's a wine the Romans made in the days

of the Romans from Rome.

The Romans in the days of Rome...

So...

We're getting married.

No way?

That's great!

Yeah!

Marriage is good, right?

So your father and I are divorcing.

That's funny?

It's 18 years since we separated.

- What's dad say? - He's delighted.

And you have a lawyer?

We'll take care of that.

Great! I'm available.

Sure, divorce isn't my specialty,

but it seems straightforward and we'll have fun.

Garage face.

And I own it. Can't I have garage face if I want?

Sure.

So where's the problem?

- We just pointed it out. - It's all mine.

Can I get a refill, Christophe?

Vincent, let's go.

Now this is a whole different mindset.

Big fruit.

A thirst quencher.

But really very good.

Very well made.

Near yours. Can I see the batcave?

Call you back.

Vincent!

Can you come here, please?

What's up?

How's my son?

Fine, not bad.

You know, this wedding is for Christophe.

So he'll be financially secure.

And I'd like to help you start out in adult life,

so I drew up these documents, you see?

And I'd like you to sign them.

A trust fund?

Weddings, divorces, now trust funds?

It's just in case.

In case what?

She's as funny as ever, Nefeli.

In case of what, mom?

I did some tests. The results aren't great.

They don't know, there are doubts...

It could be nothing,

but I'm going in for more tests, and possibly a biopsy.

How long have you known?

At the café, the check. This explains it.

Why didn't you say?

I wasn't sure, didn't want to worry you.

Initial every page and sign there, there and there. In triplicate.

Why did you lie to me?

- I didn't lie. - You said nothing. Same difference.

Sorry, I'm doing my best.

It's new for me, too.

I have to learn to live with it.

Please.

Behave like an adult for once.

How can I behave like an adult if you treat me like a child?

Vincent, wait!

Smoke?

You ok?

I'm here if you want to talk.

Sure you're ok?

Yeah.

Winter gets me down, too.

Know what'd do us good?

A good hot bath.

As my place only has a shower...

Why are you obsessing about my apartment?

6 weeks together and I never saw it.

I already told you, dammit...

It's dark, low, not big.

A bit like you.

C'mon, please!

No.

I promise, your place is better.

You have another chick?

No, rest assured.

I have monogamous tendencies.

You're complicated.

There's no other chick, Julie.

I really care about you.

Shit!

Hey, a problem?

Don't you ever call back?

I've got bad reception.

You're at a chick's again.

No.

I'm...

At a club.

So why are you whispering?

I'm on the toilet.

Dude!

It's not even midnight.

What's going on?

You know how I like...

I like going to clubs early.

There's less noise. You can talk with people you meet.

Enjoy the club!

Hold on, it's...

Fred asked me to come with him.

Again?

Like he does every night.

You know what?

I think he's in depression.

No way! Fred's IQ is below the depression threshold.

The dictionary definition of "happy idiot" is his photo.

No kidding.

Vincent? Who are you talking to?

No one.

Can you hear me?

Can you go? If you stand there, I can't do it.

- You ok? - Totally great.

You have the runs?

Jeez, you're hard work.

I'll be right there in...

In one minute.

Fuck!

Hi, you've reached Nefeli's...

Fuck it!

Don't give me the silent treatment.

Come and join us.

Absurd.

Drop the address!!!!

I'm in hell.

I gotta get home.

At midnight?

I have a crucial meeting tomorrow for my career and I...

I totally forgot about my presentation.

Get up early.

If I don't do it now,

I'll stress out and won't be able to sleep.

Work here.

I don't have my laptop.

I want to sleep next to you.

Same here. For sure.

I'll call you a cab. Get your laptop and come back.

Please!

Yes.

It's mad, Fred taking off!

The girls are so hot tonight.

Like I said, he was pooped.

Wanna dance?

- Come on. - Already?

Thank you!

We had a great time. See you soon?

C'mon, let's move it.

I watched a webinar on stealing Citicars. Wanna try?

No, I'm going straight to work.

It's 4 am. You're a baker now?

I have a crucial meeting tomorrow for my career.

See?

A meeting?

A work meeting?

Are you for real?

Where did you get to?

I was here.

I was here all along.

Practicing break dancing.

I don't feel like laughing.

I'm really sorry, honestly.

I type so loud, I didn't want to...

You could have called. I was worried.

I was concentrating so hard I didn't see the time go by.

Sorry.

Where's your laptop?

My laptop! I forgot it!

Are you drunk or what?

No.

You're drunk.

You stink of vodka.

I admit it, I had a drink or two to...

I work better uninhibited.

Seriously?

I'm dating a wino!

A tired wino.

A wino who woke me up

and needs to get his mojo working.

How come?

No.

Yes.

Door!

Hit the button.

It's you. Why didn't you hit it?

No time.

You ok?

You have the mask of death.

Go easy, dude.

Honestly, dating does wonders for you.

You don't have your laptop?

Yeah, yeah.

Last guy looking that bad wound up on the cross.

Your lover's the one you sleep with or live with?

Honestly?

Dude, the sandwich is delicious.

That little spicy touch nails it.

It must be harissa sauce.

Come on,

it's serious with Julie.

Introduce them to each other.

No, it's easier this way.

It's easier this way?

Seriously?

You mean...

Easier like catching a train on your birthday

rather than choose who to celebrate it with.

That kind of easier?

I'm going to pretend.

- What? - I won't catch the train.

You booked a ticket, right?

It's a fake business trip, Fred.

You said I could sleep at yours.

Yeah, yeah.

- I can? - Sure, no sweat.

Call you tonight.

- Have a great day, baby. - I'll see you to the train.

It's a special day.

Hold on, isn't it...

a cliché, the train station farewell?

I promise I won't cry.

Come on.

What's up?

Here we are. That's...

That's my car.

My car.

Go on, you'll be late.

You gotta run.

I didn't give you your present.

No worries. We'll celebrate when I'm back.

Go!

Last one.

An inflatable dick!

An inflatable dick.

Go on.

The door's closing.

Hurry up!

I made the train.

Superb.

Beat it!

- Happy Birthday! - Thank you.

She's terrifying. Adorable,

but terrifying. She won't go.

She just won't go.

Go on, scram, beat it. Vamoose!

I love you, dammit! Fuck, yes!

Damn, shit, fuck!

Love ya. Shit!

Damn! Damn!

- Excuse me. - Hello.

- Where's the train going? - Belfort.

I see.

- How long is it? - A 4-hour trip.

Shit!

- With no stops? - Straight through.

Of course.

Thanks.

Can I see your ticket, please?

Naturally.

I don't have one.

You'll have to pay a fine.

Stay here while I get my machine.

I'll sit on the floor meantime.

That's not it.

Ponies!

Howdy!

What a fairy!

Ladies and gentlemen, a power supply issue

means our train is currently running 2 hours 40 minutes late.

We apologize for any inconvenience.

Enjoy your day, sweetheart.

Thanks, mom.

Two fingers!

One bed.

Lampatoflex systems. Italian.

40 years' experience.

After pasta, it's their best export.

You'll love it.

Something wrong?

Something wrong.

Want to sleep with me?

Buddy.

No, the sofa bed's great, honestly.

Pajama bottoms?

You'll feel great.

No.

You wear pajama bottoms?

I love 'em.

- Some bellota? - No.

Finely sliced.

I'm not hungry. I'm not...

Well, here we are.

At least, the lie is intact.

That's the most important thing.

- Happy birthday, Vince. - Thanks, dude.

- Kill the lights? - Yeah.

- Goodnight. - Sleep well.

Fire!

Help, someone!

Fire!

What's going on now?

You run a drug factory?

Don't worry, I'm on it.

I can't take any more!

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Nefeli!

You ok, Vince baby?

What are you doing?

Cooking.

Why?

For your birthday.

I didn't know beef bourguignon took so long.

Pain in the ass, cooking! I don't see what folks get off on.

I thought I had time for a shower, but that's tightassed,

so I opted for a bath.

By the time it ran, foamed,

and I had a couple glasses of wine to relax, look!

Look!

It burned!

Don't cook.

Ever.

Your big welcome home, and I blew it.

Are you ok?

Yes.

Beef bourguignon! Stupid bitch!

Happy 25th!

Hold on, I am starving.

You're sure the bourguignon is inedible?

Can't we turn it into beef carbonnade or something?

Fred?

How'd you know?

Lucky guess?

Vincent, I know.

I know...

I'm not always a good friend.

Really, truly, I know...

I'm invasive and I can be full of myself.

I'm demanding and I understand if you need space sometimes.

We need food.

Seriously, are you happy with me?

Obviously. What's gotten into you?

I don't know.

I'm delighted to be living with you.

Straight up.

You're awesome. We have so much fun.

It's just, sometimes I think...

Maybe you need more, you see?

I don't want to lose you.

What was that?

Let's do it.

Pardon me?

Look...

Maybe I underestimated my feelings for you.

I mean,

we get on so well,

we know each other by heart.

It's unique.

Wait...

We're buddies, right.

Why not try?

Could be, that's a real couple.

Just two friends that sleep together.

Hold your horses.

Timeout.

Let's take a walk, get some air...

It's a huge call, right?

I really want to.

Don't you?

Don't you wanna take off...

Your shorts?

Could be more practical.

Sure, yeah.

Of course.

We count down and take them off together. On three?

Yeah, good idea.

One...

Two...

Turn around maybe?

- Back to back? - Yeah.

- I think. - In any case, we...

Hold on, first.

You don't want to.

Sure, I do.

Sure, I really want to.

Totally.

It's just...

I need to...

I need to warm up. I can't...

I'm slow out of the gate.

Blood flow issues.

Jeez, I don't feel good. I'm gonna puke.

Four bottles, just the two of us.

- Can you leave me alone? - Sure.

I'll close the door.

How about that ride?

Cutesy couple does the fairground? No, thanks.

Take this, Larry David, and chill out.

You do drugs?

I'm a hospital intern, Vincent.

It's coursework.

It'll all be fine.

It's not dangerous?

No.

Don't worry, folks! I'm insured, no problem.

Don't worry, baby.

What a cutie!

He needs a big hug. He's so lonely.

Roll up, roll up.

There's your Larry David.

5 euros.

Feeling lucky?

Great shot!

I didn't fire it.

Super strong, your pill.

No, you're super strong.

- You ok? - Fuck!

I'm so sorry.

I aimed for the head.

Are you nuts?

Hey, Julie.

Delighted to meet you. Vincent told me all about you.

You know her?

She's my roommate.

Your roommate?

Just your roommate?

Not last night's near-hookup?

What? No!

Nothing happened.

Because I kicked you out.

If I insisted, it was on.

And all that for what?

To protect your lameass lie.

What are you talking about? What is this shit?

Stop!

Julie, wait!

Too bad. The girl had style.

The light's on.

I know you're home. Open up.

I can explain.

Shit, here we go.

Great.

- My love, let me explain. - Forgot this.

Thanks.

Pleased with yourself?

Is it me or is that the smell of defeat?

What are you doing?

You had to wreck everything to teach me a lesson?

You're annoyed by your own mediocrity.

You'd know about mediocrity. Look at you!

Without me, you'd be in the gutter, boozehound!

Without me, you'd be snooping on your ex and sobbing.

I have a life!

You have no man, no job, no commitments.

So no pain and no feelings.

You're scared you'll get hurt.

When do you commit?

Scared of everything, confronting nothing.

Not even your mom's illness.

One day you'll wake up in your pissy yellow cardigan

and find everyone gone.

You'll wind up alone.

All alone.

With your dumbass hangover.

Shut the fuck up!

Why'd I ever meet you?

What are you doing here?

Now, we're quits.

There's no w.

ASSWHOLE

Now, we really are quits.

Bonehead!

What are you doing?

You're out of your mind. No!

Not the vinyls. Stop!

We're good. Stop now.

Stop that!

- Here. - You know how much that's worth!

Go fetch!

You're pissing me off. What?

- My ear! - Who's the boss?

Who's the...

Nef, are you ok?

I'm really sorry.

Sorry.

What are you doing? Stop!

I hate you!

- Stop. - You're stuck.

I'll crush you!

Think I'm scared of you? Your shittyass ponies...

I smash your shittyass ponies.

You fucker!

What happens now? Will they move out?

The apartment will be sealed until a court decides.

So I'll have no neighbors?

For a while to come.

Thanks to them, I'll be left in peace.

That's marvelous.

Marvelous!

Thank you!

Thanks for everything, Vincent.

They often watched me.

Watched me making love.

It was awkward at first.

But I have to admit, gradually I...

I began to enjoy it.

I dialed it up to surprise them.

I wanted to be creative.

I tried to come up with new positions, like maybe do this...

Never the same show twice.

So they'd see...

I invent new positions.

Over there? No, here.

You know how it is. Girls talk.

Their friends are intrigued, so they come by.

"Pascal, I'm downstairs. I know so-and-so."

Social media...

Like I'm all alone, girls. It's only me up there.

Actually,

in a few months I really improved.

I improved out of this world.

In my new discipline.

No, seriously...

You have one talent, you have another, and me...

Me, well, I bust booties.

Alcohol? Nefeli.

Party Animal? Nefeli.

Tender Loving Care?

TLC? Stay with me.

We have the room 10 minutes. TLC, who?

Julie.

Great. Julie scores a cross.

Next, Cleanliness?

A no-brainer.

Julie.

Just like I thought.

Texture? As in texture of the skin.

Satin, caress. How soft it is.

That's not how it works.

Sure, it is.

It's how I finally chose between Christian and you.

- Christian? - Yes, Christian.

From Accounts.

You couldn't decide, me or Christian?

Exact. I couldn't decide between you.

Want to know why you won, why we became friends?

No.

- You don't want to know? - No.

Your breath.

I didn't want to know.

I told you so just before.

Your breath is summer sun.

It's the smell of rain on asphalt.

During a heatwave.

It's strong, it's refined.

It's powerful.

Thanks.

Who do we choose?

Julie? Nefeli?

I don't know.

Christian? Going for lunch?

Wait for me.

You really want to know why I became your buddy?

Even when you made bad choices or messed up,

it was with panache.

At least there was something there. Spirit.

For two weeks, you've been moping.

You're the shadow of your former self. Unrecognizable.

Do something. It's getting to me now.

See you later.

"Life is a horse.

"A furious horse, a mischievous horse.

"A docile horse.

"Take your pick, but to advance, saddle up."

What's she doing?

She's coming down, I think.

Great recital, dude.

Let's get outta here.

And we're off.

Hold on! Help!

You gave it a shot.

Do you mind if I keep them both?

Why?

I'm going to see Isabelle.

- Who's she? - The butcher.

The butcher with the calves' heads?

I'll ask her to move in together.

She loves animals, so I thought, something special.

I'd no idea.

You were kinda busy.

Sorry, dude.

You know, life's a horse.

Shut it.

Life is a horse!

Did you take time to look at the ads I sent you?

I'm not kicking you out but...

I'll get on it.

I opened a great wine.

A drink will do you good.

Cheers.

It's not easy, saying things.

Don't worry. I don't plan on staying indefinitely.

Sure. You know...

I've been seeing someone.

Laurence. She's wonderful.

It was complicated, telling her I wanted us to live separately.

But she took it well.

Telling the truth is a commitment.

I committed when I said I wouldn't live with her.

It'll be fine, Vincent.

If you're sad, smashing stuff helps.

Your mother taught me that.

Don't you want to try?

There are more.

Hey, good-looking.

- How are you? - Glad you made it.

Dad said you were going to the hospital this week.

Can I come with you?

Thank you, son.

Don't I get a hug?

You're jealous.

What's that?

Les Bleus . Zizou.

3-0. 1998.

The year mom and I separated.

He even cheapens our divorce.

It's lucky Nefeli added some class.

My name isn't your name anymore. It's over.

A selfie?

- You're too old for that. - Come on!

Here, I'll take it.

Or it'll all go belly-up.

Let me. You get in the photo with them.

Sure.

Come on.

Cut it out!

I lose.

Let's see.

Me too.

Explain maybe?

We'd bet on you giving garage face.

So you had a kid just to make fun of him?

Can you take another? With my best garage face.

Stand in the middle.

Thanks.

- I have to go. - Thanks for everything.

You're welcome.

Keep in touch.

See you.

- A drink? - Sure, but not here.

There's a great café around the corner.

- Not here. - Why not?

It's depressing.

Where do you want to go?

Can we save that drink for later?

Wait!

You maniac!

Since my best friend fridged me, I have a screw loose.

- Your best friend? - Yes.

My best friend.

The person I'm so happy I met.

Maybe she was showing her love.

You know...

By fridging you.

One thing's for sure,

she is so sorry.

I am so sorry.

I hate myself for it.

I did some messed-up shit.

I was scared you wouldn't come to court.

And miss my chance to check you're a real attorney?

You fucker!

Julie?

It's hopeless.

You love her?

Yes.

You told her?

I tried.

Meaning?

I stood outside her window on a pony.

Seriously?

I got them from a ride operator in the park.

She blew me off.

No kidding. If you love her, cut the pranks.

Go see her

and tell her she inspires you, mesmerizes you, turns you on.

When you see her, you want to cry, laugh. You feel alive.

She makes you tremble and drives you crazy!

What are you doing?

Taking notes. That's not bad.

I'll take you to Julie.

In the basket?

- Yes. - No!

Maybe it would be faster to take the tram.

Not a chance!

You're sure?

Super sure?

I told you, she won't open up. Let's go.

Hold on, it's open.

Seize your destiny, Vincent.

Meaning?

She won't open the door? Go through the window.

Go!

It's really high up.

I'll push you.

Ok, let's see...

Jesus!

Plump rump here.

Comfort food.

That's good.

It is a long way up.

Don't slip.

Shit, I can't do this.

Why do I listen to you?

I was happy at dad's, sobbing in the shower.

Hurry! Talk to her.

Julie, I messed up.

I don't want to lose you.

I lied like a jerk. I was scared.

I thought I had to choose you or Nefeli.

I want you both in my life.

Nefeli's my best friend, my soulmate.

I can't live without her. She's part of who I am.

And you, Julie...

I won't lie. Honestly, I'm making no promises.

Whatever happens next, all I want is to be with you now.

To share it all. Bad, sad

or extraordinary.

Please...

Come back into my life.

A yes brings you down?

We're here, Vincent.

(GIRL)FRIEND

Subtitles: Simon John

Subtitling TITRAFILM