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1
00:00:01,252 --> 00:00:03,379
My daughter Danuta...
2
00:00:03,379 --> 00:00:05,840
is missing!
3
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:09,343
Mrs. Tenuta, it's okay.
I'll tell them the story.
4
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,929
The last time
I saw Danuta
was yesterday.
5
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:13,806
See, a few months ago,
6
00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:16,559
Danuta joined
the Bazooka Sharks Babe
cheerleading squad.
7
00:00:16,559 --> 00:00:18,310
I've been driving
her to practice
8
00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:20,438
because her car
is infested with
pantry moths.
9
00:00:20,438 --> 00:00:22,648
{\an8}But something
was eating at her.
10
00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:25,359
Danuta said the organization
was hiding something.
11
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:28,446
She didn't go
into details
because, well...
12
00:00:28,446 --> 00:00:29,613
I said I wasn't interested
13
00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:31,323
and that cheerleaders
were fake as hell.
14
00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:33,451
Not my most sensitive moment.
15
00:00:33,451 --> 00:00:34,910
Sorry.
16
00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:36,704
The Babes
do this version
of a pyramid
17
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:37,997
that they call the Shark Fin.
18
00:00:37,997 --> 00:00:39,999
So stupid.
19
00:00:39,999 --> 00:00:43,127
Danuta was always
proud to be at the top,
for some dumb reason.
20
00:00:43,127 --> 00:00:45,963
But at yesterday's practice
she never came out
of the locker room.
21
00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,965
They looked everywhere for her
22
00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:50,384
but the only thing they found
was her scrunchie.
23
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:53,512
The official line
from the Babes is
that she ran away,
24
00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:56,140
but there's this thing
that Danuta used to say,
25
00:00:56,140 --> 00:01:00,060
"The only reason
for being missing
is being kidnapped."
26
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:03,522
Something about that
makes me think
she was kidnapped.
27
00:01:05,316 --> 00:01:06,650
Don't worry, Mrs. Tenuta,
28
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:08,652
these guys'll
find your daughter.
29
00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:09,779
They're professionals!
30
00:01:10,613 --> 00:01:11,614
Hi.
31
00:01:11,614 --> 00:01:13,073
We're in a garage.
32
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,034
I'm sitting on a box of
33
00:01:15,034 --> 00:01:17,661
"Southwestern
table decorations"?
34
00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:20,456
It doesn't feel like
a pro operation.
35
00:01:20,456 --> 00:01:22,666
Would non-professionals
do this?
36
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:42,478
Hey, where did
Danuta's mom go?
37
00:01:42,478 --> 00:01:43,979
She thought it'd be
more productive
38
00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:46,065
to stand in front of
the White House with a sign.
39
00:01:46,065 --> 00:01:48,984
You did the right thing
coming to us
instead of the police.
40
00:01:48,984 --> 00:01:50,110
Oh, we tried them.
41
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,071
But because of budget cuts,
42
00:01:52,071 --> 00:01:54,490
they won't investigate
a missing person until
they've been gone six months.
43
00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:56,700
Three if you buy tickets
to their pancake breakfast.
44
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,328
Pancakes, that's a clue.
45
00:01:59,328 --> 00:02:02,373
- I don't think it is.
- Well, I'm glad you have
such strong opinions.
46
00:02:02,373 --> 00:02:04,625
You're gonna need them
as part of the investigation.
47
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,919
You want me to be part of it?
I'll do anything!
48
00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:11,090
- We need you to go undercover
as a cheerleader.
- Immediately, no.
49
00:02:11,090 --> 00:02:14,134
The Bazooka Babes are holding
tryouts to replace Danuta.
50
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,054
She'd said something shady
was going on over there.
51
00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:18,430
And if you can make the team,
52
00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:20,349
we'll have someone
on the inside.
53
00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:22,142
Okay, fine! I'll do it.
54
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,435
I'll try out too,
55
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:25,896
just in case they're looking
for somebody sexy.
56
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:32,236
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
57
00:02:32,236 --> 00:02:35,865
♪ I got a feeling
That it's gonna be
A wonderful day ♪
58
00:02:35,865 --> 00:02:38,659
♪ The sun in the sky
Has a smile on his face ♪
59
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:42,371
♪ And he's shining a salute
To the American race ♪
60
00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:48,419
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
61
00:02:48,419 --> 00:02:50,796
{\an8}♪ Good morning, USA ♪
62
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:51,881
Ah!
63
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:56,510
{\an8}♪ Good morning, USA ♪
64
00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:05,102
{\an8}Roger, you still have a beard.
65
00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:06,562
{\an8}It's Legman who's undercover.
66
00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:08,022
{\an8}I don't even know
who Roger is.
67
00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:10,232
{\an8}While you guys are
looking into the team,
68
00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:12,401
{\an8}I'll be investigating
the organization,
69
00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:15,738
{\an8}as their new
junior senior accountant.
70
00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:17,323
{\an8}Nice! How'd you get that?
71
00:03:17,323 --> 00:03:21,243
{\an8}AI-generated recommendations
and a great attitude.
72
00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:22,661
{\an8}Shit, I'd rather do that!
73
00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:24,371
{\an8}Do they want someone sexy?
74
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,624
{\an8}Hey, so what'd
you guys find out
about the squad?
75
00:03:26,624 --> 00:03:28,918
That's Kashara,
Pauline and Carly.
76
00:03:28,918 --> 00:03:30,628
{\an8}jealousy.
77
00:03:30,628 --> 00:03:33,589
{\an8}They all wanted
to replace Danuta
at the top of the pyramid.
78
00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:35,132
{\an8}Carly got it.
79
00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:38,719
Over there we got
Coach Tammy and Jill,
Carly's mom.
80
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,429
{\an8}She's a former Bazooka Babe
81
00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:42,264
{\an8}and current president
of the booster club.
82
00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:43,682
{\an8}Both suspects.
83
00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:45,392
{\an8}jealousy.
84
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,269
{\an8}Of what? Or who?
85
00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:49,772
{\an8}Careful, Hayley.
Now you're sounding jealous.
86
00:03:49,772 --> 00:03:51,482
{\an8}We have to keep an eye on you.
87
00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:53,567
{\an8}Wheels, get my little gun
from the van.
88
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:57,279
{\an8}Up there is Cyrus Mooney Jr,
team owner, suspect.
89
00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:58,864
{\an8}Why is he a suspect?
90
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:00,157
{\an8}From the top of the pyramid,
91
00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:02,034
{\an8}Danuta could see
into the owner's box.
92
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:04,870
{\an8}Perhaps she saw something
she wasn't supposed to.
93
00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:06,163
{\an8}Ooh, that's interesting.
94
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:08,040
{\an8}- Yeah, I hope
it's that one!
- Me too.
95
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:11,502
{\an8}Let's agree to favor
any evidence that makes it
look like that.
96
00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:12,920
That creepy guy!
97
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,546
{\an8}Who is he?
98
00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:16,548
That's Dominic.
Team stalker.
99
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:19,468
{\an8}100-times convicted felon.
Obsessed with Danuta,
100
00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:20,970
{\an8}couldn't stop
writing her notes.
101
00:04:20,970 --> 00:04:22,054
{\an8}Not a suspect.
102
00:04:22,054 --> 00:04:23,722
{\an8}- Why?
- Oh, it's too obvious.
103
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,975
{\an8}I mean, just the day
before she disappeared,
104
00:04:25,975 --> 00:04:28,268
{\an8}he said he was gonna take her
away from all this.
105
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,271
{\an8}Tell you what, if it's him
I'll eat my sequined bodysuit,
106
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,649
like a billy goat
on Liza Minnelli's farm.
107
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,153
Welcome to tryouts.
108
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,822
Now let me say right up front,
109
00:04:39,822 --> 00:04:42,116
we are body positive Babes
110
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:45,202
and nobody is gonna
be asked their weight.
111
00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:49,707
But, if you
accidentally step on
one of the many scales
112
00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:52,543
hidden
throughout the field,
that's on you.
113
00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:54,044
I'll hand it over to Jill,
114
00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:57,673
president of
the Bazooka Babes'
booster club.
115
00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:00,551
Well hey, girls!!
116
00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:02,177
I see your shocked faces,
117
00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:04,430
you can't believe
I'm Carly's mom
and not her kid sister.
118
00:05:04,430 --> 00:05:06,682
Don't make that face, Carly,
you'll get frown lines.
119
00:05:06,682 --> 00:05:08,350
- Mom!
- Don't call me that!
120
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:10,269
Treasure these
moments, ladies.
121
00:05:10,269 --> 00:05:12,062
You never know when
you're gonna be 29
122
00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:13,897
and wake up one day
and turn 30,
123
00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:16,900
kicked off the team
because of an arbitrary
age cut-off.
124
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,528
Even though all my veins
were still non-varicose.
125
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:23,824
But now
it's my daughter's time
to live my dreams.
126
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,075
Um, quick question.
127
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:27,536
Uh, what's your policy
on disappearances?
128
00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:31,165
Like, if I went missing,
would you try and find me
or just cover it up?
129
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:34,001
We have a strong
no cover-up policy here.
130
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,753
Good question.
No more questions.
131
00:05:35,753 --> 00:05:37,588
Anyone care for a scone?
132
00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:40,549
That's a trick,
the scone might make you
one ounce thicker
133
00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,009
and that won't work for us.
134
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,178
The girls who asked
for the scone are cut.
135
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,973
Now let the tryouts begin!
136
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,725
How am I supposed to compete?
137
00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:52,519
This clearly isn't
anyone else's first day
of cheerleading.
138
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,980
Don't worry, I've got
a few tricks up my sleeve
139
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:57,274
to tip things in your favor.
140
00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:59,985
♪ She got a body
Like an hourglass ♪
141
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:04,073
♪ But I can give it to you
All the time ♪
142
00:06:04,073 --> 00:06:06,366
♪ She got a booty
Like a Cadillac ♪
143
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:10,162
♪ But I can send you
Into overdrive, oh ♪
144
00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:12,915
♪ You've been waiting
For that ♪
145
00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:14,666
♪ Step on up... ♪
146
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:16,668
- Ooh, damn.
147
00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:18,170
You're cut!
148
00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:21,757
- You're cut!
149
00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:25,135
Thank you, NSYNC's absolutely
miserable halftime show.
150
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,098
The way
she's pumping her arms,
151
00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:30,766
it's unrelenting,
152
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,559
defiant even.
153
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,853
There's a little
Paula Abdul in it too.
154
00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:38,023
Diane, you're the
sparkle consultant.
What you think?
155
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:39,691
I'd like to see more.
156
00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:43,195
♪ Back seat of my car
I'll let you have it... ♪
157
00:06:43,195 --> 00:06:44,905
I'm out, Hayley!
158
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:48,617
I just had
vaginal reconstruction.
I can't blast it like that.
159
00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:50,786
Farewell, my coochie!
160
00:06:50,786 --> 00:06:52,204
None of them sparkle!
161
00:06:52,204 --> 00:06:53,580
Who are you?
162
00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:56,500
I'm Kitty Kittington,
the new sparkle consultant!
163
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:57,835
What happened to Diane?
164
00:06:57,835 --> 00:07:00,754
Oh, she had to attend
to a personal matter.
165
00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:08,262
They look great from here.
166
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:10,514
But let's see how they look
on the Jumbotron.
167
00:07:12,975 --> 00:07:16,311
Hmm. I don't love that.
168
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:20,232
It's four dollars per day,
but this Donkey Face app
was so worth it.
169
00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:22,943
And to think
I almost canceled it
a couple years ago!
170
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,362
We have chosen the final two.
171
00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:27,573
It's Hayley and Barbara Ann.
172
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,117
Wait! One more cut.
173
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:32,119
Barbara Ann,
you got the weird knees.
174
00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:37,708
Barbara Ann,
please put on pants
and go directly to hell.
175
00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:39,334
- I made it?
176
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,378
Okay, okay, personal space!
177
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:43,922
If you didn't hear
your name called,
you didn't make it.
178
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:47,176
There's a list in the office
if you want to know
how badly you did.
179
00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:50,512
Christina,
I'll save you the walk,
you were dead last.
180
00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:56,393
To be clear, you're a 10-99
contractor with no benefits.
181
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,061
Okay,
you're in the door.
182
00:07:58,061 --> 00:08:01,023
Now it's time to start
our investigation proper.
183
00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:03,192
Start? What have
you guys been doing?
184
00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:04,526
The longer Danuta's missing,
185
00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,361
the higher the odds
we'll never find her.
186
00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:09,114
- I'm hearing,
"words, words, words."
187
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:12,367
But I should be hearing is,
"sparkle, sparkle, sparkle!"
188
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,453
It's important
we maintain our covers.
189
00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:17,748
But even I, Legman,
think Barbara Ann
was better than you.
190
00:08:17,748 --> 00:08:19,458
Come on,
Mr. Accountant.
191
00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:25,297
"Brr, it's cold in here.
192
00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:28,383
"Stop poking 'round,
or you'll be dead I fear."
193
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:31,220
Wait,
this is a cheer threat!
194
00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:33,263
One of the Babes
must've written this!
195
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:34,598
But which one?
196
00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:39,895
Bad Dominic!
You cannot be in here!
197
00:08:39,895 --> 00:08:41,480
But he's a suspect too!
198
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,190
Suspect?
199
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:46,860
What I meant to say
is he's sus...
200
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,487
and pectoo...
201
00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:51,156
which is, of course,
a Peruvian bird.
202
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:53,992
Quite beautiful.
203
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:55,953
Not a lot of meat, though.
204
00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:59,331
Please don't ask me
about the bird in the future.
The bird is quite real.
205
00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,585
Someone in this organization
206
00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:05,587
is involved with
Danuta's disappearance
207
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,547
and now they're
threatening my life!
208
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,758
And with a glitter pen,
no less.
209
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:12,010
Yes! Who uses glitter pen?
210
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:14,846
{\an8}Ugh. Everyone
in the organization, unfortunately.
211
00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:16,431
They all use glitter pens,
212
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:18,642
and they all reek
of artificial peaches.
213
00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:20,185
Let's check it for DNA.
214
00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:23,188
Hayley, that was
a rookie mistake.
215
00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:25,065
You're the one
who sneezed on it.
216
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:28,026
And you're the one
who made us stop at Hardee's
for French toast sticks
217
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,903
that I love
and am allergic to.
218
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,656
"Brr, it's cold in here..."
219
00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:35,951
Its! The author
used the wrong "its"!
220
00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,411
Wrong-Its?
221
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:39,579
That's the Kroger brand
knockoff of Cheez-Its, right?
222
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,457
I prefer them.
A stronger
cardboard mouthfeel.
223
00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:45,252
No, whoever wrote this
forgot the apostrophe.
224
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:48,297
We just have to find out
which of these girls
doesn't know her grammar.
225
00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:50,674
Based on these contracts,
that could be hard.
226
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:54,219
Kashara spelled her name
with a five and a pentagram.
227
00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:02,894
Come on, Carly!
228
00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:05,230
You really got to
throw that kiss to Cyrus!
229
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,732
Mwah! Mwah!
230
00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:08,817
He comes out of
his luxury box for this!
231
00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:11,486
He doesn't like to come out!
Make it worth his time!
232
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:12,821
Mwah!
233
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,990
- Whoa!
234
00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:16,408
Let's take a little break.
235
00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:18,368
You guys can
all share that banana
236
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,828
I left in the locker room.
237
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,080
Yay.
- Dibs on the peel!
238
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:27,669
Hey girly... goos.
239
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:30,339
I wrote a cheer.
240
00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:32,507
- Can I teach it to y'all?
- Yeah!
241
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:34,384
- Let's do it!
- I love cheers!
242
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:37,637
What the hell do you
think you're doing, Hayley?
I write the cheers!
243
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:41,683
Kitty, I'm investigating
my creativity.
244
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:42,768
Oh, right, right.
245
00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:44,978
But I'll be watching
your every step.
246
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,897
Hovering over you
like an alien.
247
00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,482
I... I mean, I'm not an alien.
248
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:52,110
Don't mind me,
I had one too many
Celsius Grape Rushes!
249
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:56,531
It's Shark time!
250
00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,283
You had to write that down?
251
00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:00,118
Do you all know what this is?
252
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,620
Dry erase marker?
253
00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:05,415
Sure. But, um,
does anyone know
what an apostrophe is?
254
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,042
I think everybody knows.
255
00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:09,044
That's when something
terrible happens.
256
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:11,004
You mean a catastrophe?
257
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,756
Yeah. Those are bad.
258
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:14,383
Really, really bad.
259
00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:15,884
We should erase that cheer!
260
00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:17,677
Erase it now!
261
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,764
But initiative like that
will put you at the top
of the pyramid one day.
262
00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,808
Or take you
to the White House.
263
00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:24,559
But not both. Don't be greedy.
264
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:26,061
I could be a topper?
265
00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:28,688
Praising these girls
is not the way
to motivate them!
266
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,650
You're lucky I don't send you
downhill in a grocery cart--
267
00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:34,236
That's just a Southern saying.
Nothing more.
268
00:11:34,236 --> 00:11:36,822
- Good job, babe.
- You're doing great!
269
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:49,292
Oh, so right after
they're super nice to me,
270
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:51,378
they sneak off to
some mysterious closet
271
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,754
where they probably
have Danuta
272
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:55,632
chained to a water heater,
drinkin' her own piss.
273
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:58,301
Gotta play this
real cool and subtle.
274
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:01,721
Don't show my hand.
Keep it casual.
275
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,766
Closet, closet, closet!
I saw you go in the closet!
276
00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:06,685
What are you even
talking about?
277
00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:08,228
Come on everyone but Hayley,
278
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,688
let's go eat
boiled chicken breast
279
00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:11,356
and look at pictures
of cookies.
280
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:14,943
They all went into this closet
281
00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:17,112
and when I slyly
asked them about it,
282
00:12:17,112 --> 00:12:18,822
they were so weird.
283
00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:30,041
School zone, watch your speed!
284
00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:31,543
Oh, good looking out.
285
00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:34,337
I'll take my foot off the gas,
that should slow us down.
286
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,047
No need to use
the brake at this point.
287
00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:37,757
Love that. Save it
for when you need it.
288
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,259
When you can
rely on it to work.
289
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,178
Ooh, can we drive
past the kindergarten
290
00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:43,430
as all the kids are being
walked across the street?
291
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,890
Sounds wonderful.
292
00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:46,725
I'll pull
right up close to them
in my two-ton van
293
00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:48,477
so we can see
their sweet faces.
294
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,858
The brakes are out!
295
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,111
Jello factory!
296
00:13:05,535 --> 00:13:07,871
I thought the jello
would provide a cushion
297
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:09,581
but it was just
factory equipment
298
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:11,208
and a bunch of sugary powder.
299
00:13:11,208 --> 00:13:14,836
The people
make the jello at home,
you idiots!
300
00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:16,254
Someone tried to kill us!
301
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:17,923
It's getting
too scary, Hayley.
302
00:13:17,923 --> 00:13:20,217
Okay, I think
it's for the good
of the case
303
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:23,303
that we take
a nice, long break,
come back fresh.
304
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,804
I like a cold case.
305
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,890
Like cold noodles,
cold pizza, it's better.
306
00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:28,642
No, we can't give up!
307
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:31,520
And I just can't be
swinging from jello factory
to jello factory
308
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:32,979
looking for your dead friend.
309
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,231
You think she's dead?
310
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:35,482
That's your question?
311
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,651
Nothing about Steve
liking cold noodles?
312
00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:39,611
You gotta focus up, Hayley.
313
00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:45,867
Our brakes were cut
right after I asked
about the storage closet.
314
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:48,787
Wherever Danuta is,
the answer is in there.
315
00:13:48,787 --> 00:13:51,998
Kashara always
has the key to it
on her ankle.
316
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,417
She's on the third level
of the pyramid.
317
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:57,546
If I can make my way up
to the second level
of the pyramid,
318
00:13:57,546 --> 00:13:59,881
I can grab that sweet ankle.
319
00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:02,634
While you do that,
I'm gonna go over
the team's I-9s.
320
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:04,469
Cool! How is that helping us?
321
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:06,471
When Danuta's found,
it would be nice
322
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:09,391
if there was a fiscally sound
organization to return to.
323
00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:10,684
If she's found!
324
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,978
- How is that helping us?
- It's not!
325
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,401
Great hold, Smith!
326
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,695
You're moving up
to tier two after lunch!
327
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:23,280
You'll be right under Kashara.
328
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:26,408
Oh, yeah! Kashara!
329
00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,076
Don't take it weird, Kashara.
330
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:31,997
I just can't wait to get
ahold of dem sweet,
sweet, sweet ankles.
331
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,501
- Whoa!
- Will you sign your
pom poms for me?
332
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,878
- What?
- Didn't they tell you?
333
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,630
The team generously donates
334
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:43,508
their signed pom poms
to the kids.
335
00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:46,803
Why do they let you
hang around here?
336
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,972
What a rude question.
337
00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:52,892
And I was gonna offer
to lick the jello powder
off the bumper of your van.
338
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:57,731
- Where'd you go?
- Yeah, we're gonna
beat your face.
339
00:14:57,731 --> 00:15:00,483
- What?
- With makeup!
340
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:01,735
Makeover time!
341
00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:20,503
I'm so sorry!
That was my fault.
342
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,589
Don't worry,
we all make mistakes.
343
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,132
I blew my basket toss today.
344
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:25,634
I clapped on the seven-count.
345
00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:27,135
I got really high once
346
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:29,554
when I was babysitting
my kid brother
and he drowned.
347
00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:34,059
Wow. This is a really
supportive group.
348
00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:36,770
Well, let them support you
at the top of the pyramid
349
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:39,022
'cause that's where
I'm putting you!
350
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,440
Why would you do that?
351
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,775
Oh...
352
00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:43,443
I have my reasons.
353
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,780
As the sparkle coach,
I demand to know your reasons.
354
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:49,240
My therapist told me
I need to take more risks.
355
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,659
My speech therapist.
356
00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:53,036
She gives me tewible advice.
357
00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:54,913
We're running out of time
to find Danuta,
358
00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:56,373
and I haven't gotten
the keys yet!
359
00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:57,749
But you did get topper!
360
00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:59,793
I say we drop
the investigation
361
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:01,836
and see where this
cheerleading thing takes you!
362
00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:05,090
Unhelpful. Steve,
please tell me
you have an idea.
363
00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:08,385
What? They keep
food concessions
separate from beverages?
364
00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:09,886
I can't reconcile this.
365
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,180
Danuta, you morons! Ugh!
366
00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:14,057
I'll have to get into
that closet myself.
367
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:24,859
Ha, the jig is up, ladies!
368
00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:27,737
It's Hayley! Run!
369
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:29,698
It's time to come clean.
370
00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:31,700
Hayley, our secret is,
371
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:36,204
we can't afford to give
all our fans authentic
Babes pom poms.
372
00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:38,873
So we buy these knockoffs
on Alibaba.com
373
00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:40,583
and give them away instead.
374
00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:42,168
This is your big secret?
375
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,921
You must think
we're monsters.
376
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:46,339
No, you're not.
377
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,758
This whole time,
you were acting so weird
378
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:51,261
but you're all so innocent.
379
00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:53,847
Wait, who's not here?
380
00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:57,684
- Carly! It was you!
- I don't kn--
381
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,477
The note, my brakes,
382
00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:02,397
it all happened
as I went up the pyramid.
383
00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:03,857
You were trying
to scare me off
384
00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:05,400
because you thought
I was a threat!
385
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,485
Brakes? What are you
talking about?
386
00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:10,280
I just wrote you a note
because I know something
weird is going on
387
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,698
and I don't want you
to get hurt.
388
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:14,325
So you don't know
where Danuta is?
389
00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,911
- No! I have no idea!
But I know!
390
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:19,414
Carly,
cheerleader to cheerleader,
you gotta tell me.
391
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:21,583
Do I have time to turn around
and see who this is?
392
00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:23,752
Or is my head about to be
covered with a big sack?
393
00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:25,545
Sack attack!
Called it.
394
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:27,964
- Hayley! Are you okay?
- Danuta?
395
00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:30,967
You're lucky,
I had to eat my way
out of my own sack.
396
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:32,469
Danuta, thank God!
397
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:34,596
- Who put you here?
I did.
398
00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:36,848
Carly?
399
00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:38,808
I didn't say that,
my hands are tied.
400
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:40,769
Carly's mom?
401
00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:42,145
Why are you doing this?
402
00:17:42,145 --> 00:17:43,938
I was a great cheerleader.
403
00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:45,106
I was a topper!
404
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:47,442
It was my whole life
until that bitch
405
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:50,153
Cyrus Mooney Jr
said I was too old to cheer.
406
00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:52,530
- But I'm not too old to kill!
- Us?
407
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:55,074
No, I just needed
all potential toppers
out of the way.
408
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,785
Now if you'll excuse me,
409
00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,745
I have to go put on
my daughter's uniform,
410
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,455
climb to the top
of the pyramid,
411
00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:03,249
and when Cyrus
comes out to catch a kiss,
it'll be a kiss...
412
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,417
of death.
413
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:06,836
Kiss of death, y'all!
414
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:08,755
This is bad.
415
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,965
Why are you wearing
a cheerleading uniform?
416
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:12,926
I went undercover
looking for you.
417
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:16,846
And I gotta say,
I take back everything
I said about cheerleaders.
418
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:18,389
To your face
and behind your back.
419
00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:21,267
You might not believe this,
but in high school--
420
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,561
- You were bullied
by a cheerleader?
- Yeah.
421
00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:25,688
- Can you believe it?
- Yes.
422
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:28,233
Excuse me, Wheels.
Let me just fart
in here real quick
423
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:29,692
and then we'll resume
the search--
424
00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:32,362
Oh, hey, ladies!
You're rescued!
425
00:18:32,362 --> 00:18:34,531
Thank God!
How did you find us--
426
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:35,615
- Oh, no!
427
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:38,910
Jill was trying
to get reimbursed
428
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:41,204
for an unbelievable
amount of mileage,
429
00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:43,706
so in my capacity
as team accountant,
430
00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:45,250
I put a tracker on her car.
431
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:47,585
While I ate
four dozen deviled eggs!
432
00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:49,254
Now let's go, girls.
433
00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:53,883
Which one of you prisoners
has the key to this door?
434
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,761
- Damn it!
- Did someone say "Dominic"?
435
00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:58,346
No, get out of here, ya creep!
436
00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:00,056
No, wait, help us, you creep!
437
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:01,808
We gotta get out of here
and stop Jill!
438
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:02,976
Did you bring your rope?
439
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,728
Why do people always
think I have a rope?
440
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,484
Ew. Your hands are so clammy!
441
00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:15,196
And now,
our halftime performers,
442
00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:17,282
the Bazooka Shark Babes!
443
00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:20,285
Due to an uptick
in uninvestigated
disappearances,
444
00:19:20,285 --> 00:19:23,830
today's topper
will be... Carly!
445
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,582
Jill, what are you doing?
446
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:27,292
No, it's me, Carly.
447
00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:30,128
You're confused because
I look just like my young mom.
448
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,469
You want your kiss
don't ya, Cyrus?
449
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,768
Pucker up and eat this!
450
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:51,232
Old face, meet young foot!
451
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:53,902
So close.
452
00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:59,616
Gorilla Stars rule,
Sharks drool--
453
00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:04,787
'Zooka Sharks.
454
00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:08,625
Well, we did it again, Wheels.
455
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:10,209
Case closed, Legman.
456
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,003
Couldn't have done it
without you.
457
00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:14,589
What exactly did you guys do?
458
00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:16,841
Well, maybe this wasn't
our best work.
459
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:18,843
Maybe we've lost
a step, Wheels.
460
00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:20,803
I don't like
that expression.
461
00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:22,388
How insensitive of me.
462
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:28,561
Jill's going away
for a long time.
463
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,521
And Danuta'll be back
on top of the pyramid!
464
00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:32,941
{\an8}You know, I think
I'm hanging up
my pom poms.
465
00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:34,901
{\an8}The abduction
was really traumatic
466
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:38,029
{\an8}and I feel I need
to be in therapy
for a good long time.
467
00:20:38,029 --> 00:20:39,447
{\an8}You don't need therapy!
468
00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,950
{\an8}Therapy is for people
who couldn't be cheerleaders.
469
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:43,242
{\an8}Thanks, Hayley.
470
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,953
{\an8}I can't believe you did
this all by yourself.
471
00:20:44,953 --> 00:20:46,037
{\an8}I had a little help.
472
00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:48,957
{\an8}Very little.
473
00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:51,626
{\an8}- Is she still looking?
- I don't care anymore.
474
00:20:51,626 --> 00:20:52,961
{\an8}As far as I'm concerned,
475
00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:55,296
{\an8}we're the only two people
in the world.
36361
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