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1
00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:07,000
So... Nina
tells me
2
00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:08,800
that, uh, your
friend Todd
3
00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:10,670
from film school
is lighting a fire
4
00:00:10,810 --> 00:00:12,310
under you as a director?
5
00:00:12,410 --> 00:00:14,480
Yes. Yes, sir. That is true.
Hmm...
6
00:00:14,580 --> 00:00:16,280
Good, good.
Oh.
7
00:00:16,380 --> 00:00:17,910
Well, I, uh,
8
00:00:18,010 --> 00:00:19,650
wanted to see you
outside of the office
9
00:00:19,750 --> 00:00:21,520
because I have
some great news for you.
10
00:00:21,620 --> 00:00:22,690
As you know,
11
00:00:22,820 --> 00:00:25,050
uh, I have wonderful contacts.
12
00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:26,360
Um, one
of whom,
13
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,690
my friend Gregory, is a billy.
14
00:00:28,790 --> 00:00:30,460
Oh, wait, so his name is Billy?
15
00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,530
It's so obvious
you don't have money.
16
00:00:33,660 --> 00:00:35,360
No, he's a billionaire.
17
00:00:35,460 --> 00:00:38,270
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
18
00:00:38,270 --> 00:00:39,340
So that makes you a milly?
19
00:00:39,470 --> 00:00:41,000
Yes.
And that makes me...
20
00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:42,770
A disappointment.
21
00:00:44,270 --> 00:00:45,370
Anyway,
22
00:00:45,470 --> 00:00:47,110
he's invested
in my foam company,
23
00:00:47,110 --> 00:00:51,050
and he's very keen
to invest in a film company.
24
00:00:51,180 --> 00:00:53,220
Oh. Why?
Because he's
a billy
25
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,720
and he always has to
find new ventures...
26
00:00:55,850 --> 00:00:59,220
So he doesn't become a milly?
Stop being silly.
27
00:01:01,260 --> 00:01:02,790
Anyway, um, I told him
28
00:01:02,790 --> 00:01:03,860
I had a son-in-law.
29
00:01:03,990 --> 00:01:05,030
I, um,
30
00:01:05,130 --> 00:01:06,290
purposely omitted the words
31
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,800
"I don't like him."
32
00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:09,030
Thank you.
33
00:01:09,130 --> 00:01:10,870
Actually, I lied.
I led with that.
34
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:14,200
But I did tell him
that you were very talented
35
00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:17,140
and that you, uh,
directed a wonderful commercial
36
00:01:17,140 --> 00:01:18,470
for my newest foam product,
37
00:01:18,570 --> 00:01:19,640
and he wants
to see it
38
00:01:19,740 --> 00:01:20,780
this weekend.
39
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,110
Wait a
minute. Uh,
40
00:01:22,210 --> 00:01:24,350
I never directed
a commercial for you before.
41
00:01:28,820 --> 00:01:30,020
You're scaring me.
42
00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:31,750
Good.
43
00:01:31,890 --> 00:01:33,520
Why are we laughing?
44
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:35,960
I don't know.
Oh.
45
00:01:36,060 --> 00:01:37,060
But you better get started
46
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:38,490
because you have
exactly two days
47
00:01:38,490 --> 00:01:41,130
to make my latest invention
a household name.
48
00:01:41,230 --> 00:01:44,570
Behold, the travel roller,
49
00:01:44,670 --> 00:01:48,240
aka the mini.
50
00:01:48,340 --> 00:01:49,840
Oh.
51
00:01:49,940 --> 00:01:52,480
Uh... that looks
like it's, um...
52
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:53,440
For carpal tunnel.
53
00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:55,040
Yes, and
for reaching
54
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:57,350
tension in isolated
areas of the body.
55
00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:58,610
The best part--
56
00:01:58,710 --> 00:02:00,150
it vibrates.
57
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,920
Okay, now I know
I've seen that before.
58
00:02:05,020 --> 00:02:06,960
No, you
couldn't have.
59
00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:09,790
This is a brand-new,
patent-pending invention.
60
00:02:09,890 --> 00:02:11,260
And here's
another thing.
61
00:02:11,390 --> 00:02:13,530
I want you
to convince
62
00:02:13,530 --> 00:02:17,430
your father to be
the spokesman for the mini.
63
00:02:21,970 --> 00:02:23,470
I'm dead serious.
64
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:24,770
Oh.
65
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,810
So, Dad, um,
I need your help
66
00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:30,110
to introduce
the world
67
00:02:30,210 --> 00:02:32,180
to JJ's revolutionary
new product.
68
00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:34,150
It's really
not that new.
69
00:02:34,250 --> 00:02:36,120
I've had one
since college.
70
00:02:37,220 --> 00:02:38,950
Uh, it's
completely new,
71
00:02:39,050 --> 00:02:40,460
and I will
demonstrate.
72
00:02:40,590 --> 00:02:41,820
You just turn it on,
73
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,430
you roll it along your forearms.
74
00:02:44,430 --> 00:02:45,660
Feel the tension
75
00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:46,930
leaving my body already.
76
00:02:47,030 --> 00:02:49,330
Wrong isolated area.
77
00:02:50,630 --> 00:02:52,100
So, I think
we need
78
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:53,370
to get on
the same page.
79
00:02:53,470 --> 00:02:54,770
And I have exciting news
for you, Dad.
80
00:02:54,770 --> 00:02:55,970
Oh.
JJ has
81
00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:58,110
chosen you
to be the spokesperson
82
00:02:58,110 --> 00:03:00,180
for this innovative
new product.
83
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,550
Okay, before I tell you where
you can put that thing...
84
00:03:03,310 --> 00:03:05,080
...I want to ask you
a couple of questions.
85
00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:06,320
Okay.
Firstly,
86
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:08,350
how much
is he paying me for this?
87
00:03:08,450 --> 00:03:09,750
Uh, nothing. It's pro bono.
88
00:03:09,750 --> 00:03:11,320
It sure is.
Huh?
89
00:03:11,420 --> 00:03:13,220
What?
90
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:14,690
Second question is:
91
00:03:14,790 --> 00:03:16,620
how much is he gonna
pay you to do this?
92
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:20,160
Same as you, but I am willing
to split my pro bono with you.
93
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:22,530
It's known as a semi-bono.
94
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,500
All right, son,
my last question is:
95
00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:27,700
is there a commission?
96
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:28,870
Uh, no, Dad, this is
97
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,340
a opportunity for you.
98
00:03:30,470 --> 00:03:31,740
No, this is
an opportunity for JJ
99
00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:33,440
to take advantage of both of us.
100
00:03:33,540 --> 00:03:34,540
See, that's why
101
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:35,940
I don't like him or his stupid
102
00:03:35,940 --> 00:03:37,010
foam roller product.
103
00:03:37,110 --> 00:03:38,410
Because he wants to make a fool
104
00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:39,920
out of me and you.
105
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:40,980
So that's a maybe?
106
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:42,020
No, that's a no.
107
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,220
Hmm, okay, cool,
108
00:03:43,350 --> 00:03:44,350
so I'll just,
uh, leave it here.
109
00:03:44,490 --> 00:03:45,690
You can play
around with it
110
00:03:45,790 --> 00:03:47,220
and, um, give me
your decision tomorrow.
111
00:03:49,190 --> 00:03:51,890
What part of "no"
don't you understand, boy?
112
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,730
I'll give it a look-see.
113
00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:00,570
Oh, yeah.
114
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,070
♪ Poppa's ♪
115
00:04:03,170 --> 00:04:05,070
♪ House ♪
116
00:04:05,170 --> 00:04:06,380
♪ Yeah. ♪
117
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:09,280
This whole
advertising game
is one big racket.
118
00:04:09,380 --> 00:04:10,410
They like
to use
119
00:04:10,550 --> 00:04:11,610
celebrities to get you
120
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:12,850
to buy their crappy products.
121
00:04:12,950 --> 00:04:14,220
If they could,
122
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,750
they'd have Robert De Niro
selling phones.
123
00:04:16,850 --> 00:04:18,920
Be like, "You talkin' to me?"
124
00:04:21,020 --> 00:04:22,830
"You talkin' to me?
125
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:26,090
You can't be talkin' to me
because you're out of minutes."
126
00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:31,370
Okay. Poppa, what's with
the sudden rant?
127
00:04:31,370 --> 00:04:32,500
It's my son,
128
00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:33,940
who's a pretty good artist--
129
00:04:34,070 --> 00:04:35,600
he's whoring himself out
130
00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:38,440
for a man who's not even gonna
pay him for his hard work.
131
00:04:38,540 --> 00:04:40,610
Tell me, Poppa,
you never even once
132
00:04:40,740 --> 00:04:42,540
sold yourself out a little bit
133
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:43,750
to get where you are now?
134
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:45,380
Yeah, once,
but they didn't have
135
00:04:45,380 --> 00:04:46,510
the Internet back then.
136
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,950
And thank God
I destroyed that tape
137
00:04:49,050 --> 00:04:51,920
and it'll never see
the light of day.
138
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,420
I have so much
I could say to you right now,
139
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:56,690
but since I'm in
140
00:04:56,790 --> 00:04:59,260
an incredibly
relaxed mood...
141
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,470
...I'm just gonna let it go.
142
00:05:04,570 --> 00:05:06,840
So, what did your father say?
143
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,300
Uh, he's
not convinced.
Oh.
144
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:11,310
Yet. So I
wrote a script
145
00:05:11,410 --> 00:05:12,410
that I know you're gonna love
146
00:05:12,510 --> 00:05:13,640
'cause you're a Shakespeare guy.
147
00:05:13,740 --> 00:05:15,440
It's a parody on King Lear.
148
00:05:15,540 --> 00:05:17,150
King Lear?
149
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:19,650
Really? For... for foam?
150
00:05:19,780 --> 00:05:21,420
Yeah, makes it regal. Like you.
151
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:22,880
You had me at "regal."
152
00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:26,290
I'm listening.
153
00:05:26,390 --> 00:05:27,260
All right.
154
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:28,590
"King Lear,
155
00:05:28,590 --> 00:05:30,630
"muscular and youthful,
156
00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:32,160
"sort of a Junior type,
157
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:33,660
"enters
his palace
158
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,670
and unsheathes a foam roller
mini like a sword."
159
00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:40,230
"Hark. Attend, good folk,
160
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,670
"and mark well
this strange device.
161
00:05:42,770 --> 00:05:45,810
"'Tis none other than
the foam roller mini,
162
00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:48,940
"a staff most wondrous,
for in my days,
163
00:05:48,940 --> 00:05:51,850
"when battles sore,
my wrists grow weary
164
00:05:51,950 --> 00:05:53,120
from smiting thine enemies."
165
00:05:55,950 --> 00:05:56,990
"But lo,
166
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,920
"this cylinder can bring relief
167
00:05:59,020 --> 00:06:01,190
where naught else
might suffice."
168
00:06:03,390 --> 00:06:05,860
"For if a king may find
sweet solace here,
169
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:10,770
then so, too, might his maiden."
170
00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:15,270
Boop.
171
00:06:17,670 --> 00:06:19,110
Well?
172
00:06:20,210 --> 00:06:21,640
Oh.
Bravo!
173
00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:22,880
Thank you.
I like it.
174
00:06:22,980 --> 00:06:24,180
And we don't need your father.
175
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:25,780
I shall play King Lear.
176
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,720
Oh, uh, well, uh, it says,
"muscular and youthful,
177
00:06:28,820 --> 00:06:30,120
uh, sort of a Junior type,"
178
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:31,950
so I was, I was thinking
maybe I could play...
179
00:06:31,950 --> 00:06:33,220
The jester.
180
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,120
You shall play
the jester to my Lear.
181
00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:36,360
Good, good.
182
00:06:36,460 --> 00:06:37,490
Great idea.
183
00:06:37,590 --> 00:06:39,860
So, I shall go
learn my lines.
184
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:45,230
♪ And I know it's gonna be ♪
185
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,640
♪ A lovely day ♪
186
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:52,210
♪ Lovely day, lovely day,
lovely day... ♪
187
00:06:52,310 --> 00:06:54,040
Hey!
188
00:06:54,140 --> 00:06:55,580
What the hell are you doing?
189
00:06:55,710 --> 00:06:57,050
Why are you
talking about me
190
00:06:57,180 --> 00:06:58,710
on your
stupid podcast?
191
00:06:58,810 --> 00:07:00,420
Oh, hey,
that's my show.
192
00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:01,720
I talk about my life.
193
00:07:01,820 --> 00:07:04,220
So talk about your life,
not mine,
194
00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:05,720
not my family's, okay?
195
00:07:05,820 --> 00:07:07,490
Your show turned us
into a meme
196
00:07:07,590 --> 00:07:09,160
on social media.
Look at this.
197
00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:12,390
Right?
198
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,760
It's not funny.
199
00:07:15,230 --> 00:07:16,360
Dad, you questioned my integrity
200
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:17,630
in front of the world.
201
00:07:17,730 --> 00:07:19,230
Now I feel like
I can't even, like,
202
00:07:19,330 --> 00:07:20,600
say anything to you
in confidence
203
00:07:20,700 --> 00:07:21,740
without you blabbing about it
204
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,070
on your stupid podcast.
205
00:07:23,170 --> 00:07:24,340
Look, what do you want from me?
206
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:25,840
An apology.
207
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:26,910
On air.
208
00:07:27,010 --> 00:07:28,010
Yeah...
209
00:07:28,010 --> 00:07:30,180
that's just not
my brand, though.
210
00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:31,610
Your brand?
211
00:07:31,750 --> 00:07:32,920
Yeah, I'm unapologetic.
212
00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:34,580
That's what the people
love about me.
213
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,390
Yeah, well,
I'm not "the people."
214
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:38,690
Okay? I'm your son.
215
00:07:38,790 --> 00:07:40,120
And if you don't
feel the need
216
00:07:40,220 --> 00:07:41,920
to say you're sorry
about calling me a whore,
217
00:07:42,020 --> 00:07:44,330
then I don't feel the need
to ever speak to you again.
218
00:07:44,430 --> 00:07:45,790
Oh, well, when does
219
00:07:45,930 --> 00:07:47,960
this vacation begin?
220
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:50,470
Right after I call you
a big, fat jerk,
221
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:53,700
you big, fat, stupid, bald jerk.
222
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,770
What did you say to me?
223
00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:08,650
"Up yours."
224
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:11,120
Okay.
225
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:23,330
Now, this person--
I won't name names,
226
00:08:23,430 --> 00:08:24,730
'cause he'll get
all mad at me,
227
00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:26,970
but he lived
in my house
228
00:08:27,070 --> 00:08:28,570
he ate all my food,
229
00:08:28,670 --> 00:08:30,810
and if you sprinkle
a little gray in his beard,
230
00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:32,610
he looks just like me--
231
00:08:32,610 --> 00:08:34,080
that guy
232
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:37,180
has decided he's never
going to talk to me again.
233
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:38,950
Well, I don't
blame him.
234
00:08:38,950 --> 00:08:40,580
I mean, you called
him a whore.
235
00:08:40,580 --> 00:08:41,780
And he is your son.
236
00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:44,550
Now the secret is out.
237
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:47,250
Everybody's gonna
know who it is.
238
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,190
I was trying
239
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:50,160
to respect his privacy.
240
00:08:50,290 --> 00:08:52,900
Listen, I agree with Junior.
241
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,430
You should apologize to him,
242
00:08:54,530 --> 00:08:56,870
and then maybe he'll start
speaking to you again.
243
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,330
I don't care
244
00:08:58,430 --> 00:09:00,670
if the whole world
stopped talking to me.
245
00:09:00,770 --> 00:09:01,870
Really?
Yes.
246
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,710
What if I stop speaking to you?
247
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:04,610
No,
248
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:06,840
please don't make my ears happy.
249
00:09:08,510 --> 00:09:09,780
Okay. Done.
250
00:09:09,780 --> 00:09:12,620
I'm gonna join Junior
in his silent protest.
251
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,050
Chatty Cathy,
252
00:09:14,150 --> 00:09:16,890
you couldn't last
five minutes without talking.
253
00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:18,320
Want me
to prove it?
254
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:20,460
I'll do the podcast
by myself. Both roles.
255
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:21,460
Poppa,
256
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:23,190
you need to respect
257
00:09:23,290 --> 00:09:24,460
his boundaries.
258
00:09:24,460 --> 00:09:26,490
Oh, hush up, woman.
259
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:27,960
That's my son.
260
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,600
He needs to learn how
to accept criticism.
261
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:33,300
Oh, P-Bear,
262
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:34,800
when you say it like that,
263
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,470
it makes all the sense
in the world to me.
264
00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,650
You are a big, fat jerk,
265
00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:45,510
and I'm never
speaking to you again.
266
00:09:45,510 --> 00:09:48,780
Less than 30 seconds.
267
00:09:52,020 --> 00:09:57,860
For if a king might find
sweet solace here,
268
00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,930
then so, too, may his maiden.
269
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:06,940
♪ There once
was a king ♪
270
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,570
♪ With a sword
of foam ♪
271
00:10:08,670 --> 00:10:09,910
♪ He had a lot of words ♪
272
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,070
♪ But he said them wrong ♪
273
00:10:11,170 --> 00:10:12,840
♪ Fa-la, la-la-la, la-la-la... ♪
274
00:10:12,940 --> 00:10:14,280
Cut,
cut, cut!
275
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:15,680
What are you doing?
276
00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:18,150
You're dancing
around me like a fool.
277
00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:20,950
I'm the jester.
That's what we do. We jest.
278
00:10:21,050 --> 00:10:23,520
No, you're a fool.
279
00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:24,920
And what
is she doing?
280
00:10:25,020 --> 00:10:27,820
There were no cell phones
back in olden times.
281
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:28,960
What do you care?
282
00:10:29,090 --> 00:10:30,430
I literally have nothing to do,
283
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:32,760
so I figured
I'd just get some work done.
284
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,960
Work? Arrest
this woman.
285
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,600
All right, all
right, guys. Look,
286
00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:39,400
honey, please
put the phone away.
287
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:40,940
We're gonna go
from the top,
288
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,440
pick up the pace.
289
00:10:42,540 --> 00:10:44,940
All right? And...
290
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:46,240
action.
291
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:47,940
Hark.
Cut!
292
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:50,280
Why am I saying "hark"?
293
00:10:50,380 --> 00:10:51,680
I mean,
everyone knows I'm there.
294
00:10:51,780 --> 00:10:53,720
I mean, wh-what is my motivation
for "hark"?
295
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,320
You're saying "hark"
so people pay attention, okay?
296
00:10:56,420 --> 00:10:57,850
All right.
From the top.
297
00:10:57,950 --> 00:11:00,520
On my "action."
298
00:11:00,620 --> 00:11:01,660
Action.
299
00:11:01,790 --> 00:11:02,960
Hark. Cut.
300
00:11:03,060 --> 00:11:04,290
Damn it.
No, no.
301
00:11:04,390 --> 00:11:05,760
How about, how about this?
How about this?
302
00:11:05,860 --> 00:11:07,630
What if my daughter
said something like,
303
00:11:07,730 --> 00:11:10,060
"Hark, the king
has arrived," hmm?
304
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:11,730
Uh, all right, ready?
305
00:11:11,830 --> 00:11:12,970
Action, she.
306
00:11:14,570 --> 00:11:15,740
Hark.
Cut.
307
00:11:17,270 --> 00:11:19,010
She wouldn't say that.
In fact, she wouldn't even be
308
00:11:19,110 --> 00:11:20,310
allowed to speak back then.
309
00:11:20,410 --> 00:11:21,840
I-In fact, to be honest,
I-I think
310
00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:23,480
we should be burning her
at the stake.
311
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,720
And action.
312
00:11:28,820 --> 00:11:29,820
Line?
313
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,490
"Hark."
Cut.
314
00:11:32,590 --> 00:11:34,260
That's lunch.
You don't say "cut."
315
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:35,820
Okay?
316
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,030
I am the director,
so I say "cut."
317
00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:39,760
And I did not say
you can go to lunch.
318
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,930
I'm paying for all this.
Dad,
319
00:11:42,030 --> 00:11:44,570
you put Junior in charge,
let him direct you.
320
00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:49,500
But I do-eth not respect-eth
his vision-eth.
321
00:11:50,340 --> 00:11:52,670
You see,
this is why I wanted to play...
322
00:11:52,810 --> 00:11:53,780
The fool?
323
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:55,410
Because that's what you are.
324
00:11:55,510 --> 00:11:56,810
I am not the fool.
325
00:11:56,910 --> 00:11:58,050
And I'm smart
enough to know
326
00:11:58,150 --> 00:11:59,680
that you are a terrible actor
327
00:11:59,780 --> 00:12:02,150
and an even worse spokesman
for your own damn product.
328
00:12:02,150 --> 00:12:05,790
And for those reasons,
you, sir, are fired.
329
00:12:05,790 --> 00:12:06,890
Well.
330
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:11,230
Until you bend the knee to me,
331
00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:13,860
I will not speak to you again.
332
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,930
I shall nay bend the knee.
333
00:12:16,030 --> 00:12:19,070
Then good hark.
334
00:12:20,770 --> 00:12:22,070
What are you doing?
335
00:12:22,170 --> 00:12:24,470
You just fired my dad
from his own commercial.
336
00:12:24,570 --> 00:12:26,740
I don't like the way
he speaks to me.
Neither do I,
337
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,640
but I think you're mad
at the wrong dad.
338
00:12:28,740 --> 00:12:31,010
He won't apologize,
so I'm not speaking to him.
339
00:12:31,110 --> 00:12:32,210
But you have to.
340
00:12:32,310 --> 00:12:34,320
Look, I know
your dad can dish it out
341
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:35,480
but he can't take it,
342
00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:37,590
so why don't you give him
343
00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,250
a little taste
of his own medicine?
344
00:12:39,390 --> 00:12:41,460
Interesting.
345
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,520
Or another angle...
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
346
00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:45,230
...we all know my dad
can dish it out
347
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,500
but he can't take it, right?
348
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,870
If you say what I just said...
349
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,570
He can dish it out
but he can't take it,
350
00:12:51,670 --> 00:12:54,970
so why don't I give him
a taste of his own medicine?
351
00:12:58,670 --> 00:12:59,710
What are you,
what are you doing?
352
00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:01,780
Lighting myself on fire.
353
00:13:07,350 --> 00:13:08,380
You know, I don't think
354
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:09,480
women understand
355
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:12,250
the value of silence
to a man.
356
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:14,820
You could actually give him
a piece of quiet
357
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,290
for an anniversary gift,
358
00:13:16,390 --> 00:13:18,560
and he'll say,
"Thank you, baby."
359
00:13:18,660 --> 00:13:19,660
But don't ruin it
360
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,630
by going, "You're welcome."
361
00:13:23,530 --> 00:13:25,470
What, nothing? Still noth... Oh.
362
00:13:25,570 --> 00:13:28,000
Well, well, well,
look, we have another
363
00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:31,340
silent but deadly guest here.
364
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:32,980
I'm not gonna be silent anymore,
365
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,980
because I found the Achilles'
heel on your club foot.
366
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,950
That's funny, I like that.
367
00:13:38,050 --> 00:13:40,150
You can dish it out
but you can't take it.
368
00:13:40,250 --> 00:13:41,480
A sentence
I came up with
369
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:44,120
all by myself
without the help of my wife.
370
00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:46,920
Really? Son, have a seat.
371
00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:48,860
There's nobody
sitting there anyway.
372
00:13:51,860 --> 00:13:53,500
But let me tell you
something, Junior.
373
00:13:53,630 --> 00:13:55,630
There's nothing that can
come out of your mouth
374
00:13:55,630 --> 00:13:59,500
that will ever make me feel
even an ounce of shame.
375
00:14:01,940 --> 00:14:03,940
Oh, Dad.
376
00:14:03,940 --> 00:14:06,340
I thought you might say that,
which is why I brought
377
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:08,040
a taste of your own medicine.
378
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:13,380
Open wide, 'cause here comes
a big old fat spoonful of Mom!
379
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,390
Wait, no fair.
You can't bring your mother in
380
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:18,520
to fight your battles.
381
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,290
This is between me and you.
382
00:14:20,390 --> 00:14:22,090
Oh, he is my son.
383
00:14:22,190 --> 00:14:23,790
Now, I spent 36 hours,
384
00:14:23,890 --> 00:14:27,060
27 minutes
and 14 quite painful seconds
385
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,430
birthing him into this world,
so I refuse
386
00:14:29,530 --> 00:14:33,900
to let a man who lost his hair
at the ripe old age of 23
387
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,940
publicly humiliate him.
388
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,510
Did you just call me
a fat spoonful?
389
00:14:38,610 --> 00:14:39,810
Of sugar. To help
the medicine go down.
390
00:14:39,910 --> 00:14:41,040
Thank you.
Focus, Mom.
391
00:14:41,140 --> 00:14:42,950
Catherine,
what are you doing here?
392
00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:45,580
I thought you couldn't come out
in the daylight.
393
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:47,880
I have stories to tell.
394
00:14:47,980 --> 00:14:49,750
I know where all of
the bodies are buried
395
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,250
and I brought my shovel.
396
00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:55,060
And you know the first thing
that I dug up
397
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,830
for your streaming audience
is this.
398
00:14:57,930 --> 00:14:59,390
Does this look
familiar to you,
399
00:14:59,490 --> 00:15:02,260
Mr. Integrity?
400
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,000
Not at all.
Mm.
401
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,500
Okay, well, then,
let me refresh your memory.
402
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:07,700
The year:
403
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:09,240
1989.
404
00:15:09,340 --> 00:15:11,940
We were still living in that
small apartment in Harlem,
405
00:15:12,070 --> 00:15:15,410
and we were three months behind
on the rent when you said
406
00:15:15,510 --> 00:15:20,120
you had no choice but to do
this little commercial.
407
00:15:23,550 --> 00:15:26,450
You wouldn't dare.
408
00:15:26,590 --> 00:15:28,360
Oh, I certainly would.
409
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:29,320
Because I...
410
00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:32,390
just so happen to have this
411
00:15:32,490 --> 00:15:34,430
VHS player.
412
00:15:35,860 --> 00:15:38,200
You left it to me
in the divorce.
413
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:39,870
Catherine, you better not.
414
00:15:39,870 --> 00:15:42,600
What you gonna do?
Divorce me? Again?
415
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:56,950
Yo, what's up?
416
00:15:57,050 --> 00:15:59,820
It's your boy Sweet D-D-D
417
00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:02,160
in the place to be, be, be.
418
00:16:02,260 --> 00:16:04,060
When I'm not putting down
the sounds,
419
00:16:04,060 --> 00:16:05,730
I'm spinning round and round,
420
00:16:05,730 --> 00:16:09,130
cleaning up
what y'all been putting down.
421
00:16:09,930 --> 00:16:11,830
And if you hate those stains,
422
00:16:11,970 --> 00:16:13,340
you want 'em unseen,
423
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,400
you better get some
squeaky, squeaky, squeaky,
424
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,140
squeaky clean, clean, clean,
425
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:19,970
clean, clean, clean.
426
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:23,210
Ooh!
427
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:27,920
That's right, it's only $4.99,
428
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:30,850
and if you tell them
you heard it from me, Sweet D,
429
00:16:30,950 --> 00:16:32,550
you get this flush brush
430
00:16:32,650 --> 00:16:36,020
for free, free,
free, free, free.
431
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,990
Well, I got to go,
get back to my flow.
432
00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:40,430
Now you know.
433
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,870
Look, I had to do that.
434
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,670
The bills were due,
you were pregnant.
435
00:16:50,770 --> 00:16:54,340
A-And they said that was only
gonna air in Istanbul.
436
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,340
That sounds like
a lot of excuses.
437
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:59,050
Look, Dad, I don't judge
you for that, okay?
438
00:16:59,150 --> 00:17:00,450
You did what
you had to do
439
00:17:00,550 --> 00:17:02,450
to take care of us
and start your career.
440
00:17:02,450 --> 00:17:04,220
Okay, so what do y'all
want from me?
441
00:17:04,350 --> 00:17:05,850
An apology.
442
00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:07,060
Okay.
443
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,190
I'm sorry.
444
00:17:08,290 --> 00:17:09,360
For what?
445
00:17:09,460 --> 00:17:10,790
That I left you that VHS player
446
00:17:10,890 --> 00:17:11,890
in the divorce.
447
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:13,500
Okay? Fine? You happy?
448
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,800
No. We want our own
individual apologies.
449
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,470
Fine. I'll start with the person
I hate the most.
450
00:17:19,570 --> 00:17:21,800
I'm listening.
Okay.
451
00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:24,970
Catherine, I'm sorry that
I talked about your son
452
00:17:24,970 --> 00:17:26,270
to the point where you felt
453
00:17:26,370 --> 00:17:28,240
you had to come here
and defend him.
454
00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:29,910
Thank you.
455
00:17:32,110 --> 00:17:33,010
Ivy,
456
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:36,580
I apologize for being slightly,
457
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,050
maybe a little offensive to you,
458
00:17:39,190 --> 00:17:40,150
and doing
459
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,590
this podcast by myself sucks.
460
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:45,090
You had me at "Ivy."
461
00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:46,560
Thank you for that.
462
00:17:52,900 --> 00:17:57,110
And most of all,
I apologize to my son Damon Jr.
463
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,210
for publicly humiliating you.
464
00:17:59,210 --> 00:18:00,910
It's...
465
00:18:01,010 --> 00:18:02,610
how I was raised.
466
00:18:03,410 --> 00:18:05,510
You know, I wanted
to be a DJ
467
00:18:05,510 --> 00:18:07,150
since 14 years old.
468
00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:09,350
But my father thought
it was a stupid idea,
469
00:18:09,450 --> 00:18:11,750
so he made me work with him
at the supermarket.
470
00:18:11,850 --> 00:18:14,490
I remember one day,
I'm in the back,
471
00:18:14,590 --> 00:18:17,890
telling my coworkers about
my dream of spinning records
472
00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:19,560
at the Audubon Ballroom.
473
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:20,760
My father walks in
474
00:18:20,860 --> 00:18:22,100
and says,
475
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:23,930
"How you gonna fill up
a ballroom
476
00:18:24,030 --> 00:18:26,270
"when you can't even fill up
a soda display?
477
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,170
"You ain't
gonna be no DJ,
478
00:18:28,270 --> 00:18:30,340
you lazy bum. Get back to work."
479
00:18:31,340 --> 00:18:32,840
And I was hurt.
480
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:34,880
So I confronted him.
481
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:37,280
And as punishment,
when I got home,
482
00:18:37,410 --> 00:18:39,850
he threw away
all my DJ equipment.
483
00:18:39,950 --> 00:18:41,480
Records, everything.
484
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:45,850
So I left home at 14
485
00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:47,220
to prove him wrong.
486
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,020
I didn't know any of this.
487
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:50,990
Yeah.
488
00:18:51,990 --> 00:18:54,730
There's a lot
you don't know about me, son.
489
00:18:54,730 --> 00:18:56,500
But I, uh,
490
00:18:56,630 --> 00:18:58,530
only want what's best for you.
491
00:18:59,570 --> 00:19:01,840
And I hope you forget
that commercial.
492
00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:04,840
What commercial?
493
00:19:05,810 --> 00:19:07,480
Come here, man.
494
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,280
Love you, Dad.
495
00:19:10,380 --> 00:19:11,480
I love you, too.
496
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,480
The foam roller mini,
497
00:19:15,580 --> 00:19:18,550
a staff most wondrous. Ah...
498
00:19:18,650 --> 00:19:19,820
For in my days,
when battles sore...
499
00:19:22,090 --> 00:19:24,290
...my limbs grow weary
with smiting mine enemy.
500
00:19:24,290 --> 00:19:27,700
But lo, this cylinder
can give relief
501
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:28,830
where none else might suffice.
502
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:29,900
♪ Ah, la, la ♪
503
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,200
♪ Ah, la-la-la. ♪
504
00:19:31,330 --> 00:19:33,870
For if a king might find
sweet solace here,
505
00:19:33,970 --> 00:19:37,210
then so, too, may his maiden.
506
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:41,880
And the maiden
will like it, too. Ha, ha!
507
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,890
I love it.
508
00:19:57,020 --> 00:19:58,430
You were right, JJ.
509
00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:02,160
This kid's a star,
and your Lear was hilarious.
510
00:20:02,260 --> 00:20:04,700
Oh, Gregory, thank you
for believing in me,
511
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:06,570
thank you for investing
in my company.
512
00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:08,140
Well, you are proven.
513
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,810
But I'm looking forward
to working with this one.
514
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,340
I mean, this
515
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:13,640
is a billy in the making.
516
00:20:15,210 --> 00:20:18,480
Got the time frame on
me being a billy or...?
517
00:20:29,390 --> 00:20:30,390
Marker.
So, Dad, I need your help
518
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:31,730
to introduce the world to...
519
00:20:31,830 --> 00:20:33,190
So, Dad, I need your help...
520
00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:34,360
Mm.
All right, Dad,
521
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:35,530
stop having pity on me.
522
00:20:35,530 --> 00:20:37,270
Can I have the...
Just say my line,
523
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:40,740
he's like, "It's okay.
You'll get there, little baby."
524
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,440
What are you doing?
I'm about to light
this thing on fire.
525
00:20:43,570 --> 00:20:44,770
Give me a match. Come on.
526
00:20:44,870 --> 00:20:46,410
Or...
Mm-mm.
527
00:20:46,510 --> 00:20:49,010
...why don't you light yourself
on fire?
528
00:20:49,110 --> 00:20:52,650
Hark.
529
00:20:52,780 --> 00:20:56,050
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
530
00:20:56,050 --> 00:20:58,750
and TOYOTA.
531
00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:03,020
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
36090
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