All language subtitles for Baby Daddy - 5x12 - Ben-semination.HDTV.x264-FLEET.en

Hey, Riley.

Coffee?

Is there something different?

Give me a minute, I'll figure it out.

I've decided that it is a
brand-new day for Riley Perrin.

That's right, when Riley Perrin
takes a punch to the heart,

she doesn't just hit
the mat like a loser.

No, no. Riley Perrin gets
up and she starts fresh,

starting with her living space.

Do you like it? Riley Perrin loves it.

Well, tell Riley Perrin that I
came by to bring her some coffee

and offer my support while she
and Danny work through their...

...issues.

"Issues"? Really?

Is that what he said, that
we're just having some issues.

Oh, okay. Well, if issues means putting
his issue into someone else's issue

and lying about it for seven
years, then yeah, it's an issue.

And I think you've
already had enough of this.

Sorry.

Oh God, I'm just... I'm
not myself right now.

You know what would be so great?

A whole five minutes without
having to think or talk about Danny.

You got it.

Riley, I heard all about you and Danny.

But don't worry. Mother's here,
and everything is going to be okay.

We are going to go over
every heart-wrenching detail,

over and over and over again.

Then we'll talk about some of
your other poor life choices...

like your hair...

and why you're still
hanging out with losers.

Hey, Ben.

Hey, Mrs. Perrin.

♪ It's amazing how the unexpected ♪

♪ Can take your life
and change directions ♪

- Sync and corrected by TheDelta -
- www.addic7ed.com -

I'll take that.

Your change. I hope
you enjoyed your lunch.

And please remember for your next visit,

we have several exciting
items off the menu,

but on the Benu.

By the way, I'm Ben.

Aw, you're adorable. Not happening.

- Tucker?
- Giselle. Hey, girl.

Nice to see you.

Thanks for the lunch recommendation.

- See you next week?
- I will be there.

Dibs! I saw her
first! No, I saw her first!

She's mine. All right?

Her name is Giselle, and
I met her over a month ago.

And you're still at "Nice to see you"?

You've passed your sexpiration date.

What? It's kind of tricky. All right?

She works at a clinic
I've been going to,

and I only get a few minutes to
talk to her before my appointment.

A clinic? Man, are you sick?

'Cause I accidentally used
your toothbrush yesterday

I've had a sore throat ever since.

No, man. I'm not sick. All right?

And it's actually more
of a bank than a clinic,

where you make deposits into little cups

and your ATM card is in your pants.

Are you sure you're not sick?

'Cause you kind of
sound like you are to me.

She works at a sperm bank.

I started to go 'cause I
needed a little extra money.

Do you know they pay
almost 200 bucks a deposit?

Oh my God! I'd be a millionaire by now.

Yeah, but they only
let you go once a week.

Wait. Hold up.

I can't go again, but you can.

Yeah, and while you're
there, opening up an account,

I can get some quality
time alone with her.

What do you say?

So you want me to leave
work at peak business hours

to go across town to do something I
can pretty much do anywhere at anytime?

Yeah, you're right. Never mind.

I'll be at the bank!

All right!

Who's buying me lunch today?

Eenie-meenie-miney... mo.

Not now, Mom. I'm trying to focus.

Good idea.

Last time you got
distracted doing push-ups,

you broke your nose and we had
to retile the kitchen floor.

No. I'm focusing on not
thinking about Riley.

Sixty-six! Sixty-seven!
Sixty-Riley!

Damn!

Why can't she just forgive me?

I mean, it happened seven years ago,

and more importantly, I didn't lie.

And, of course, his whole
defense is that he didn't lie,

but we all know what I was asking him.

Semantics. It all
comes down to semantics.

Well, let's hope you didn't
use that two-dollar word on him

'cause I'm pretty sure he'll
be about a buck 98 short.

Mom, how can I ever trust him again?

Oh, honey. When it comes to
being a couple, trust takes time.

Time for the woman to realize
you can never trust a man.

And don't worry, honey.

It's easy to win back someone's trust.

What's hard is trying to act like you've
never met him when he's with his wife.

But don't worry.

This will all blow over
once she starts to miss you.

Well, it's going to be
hard for her to miss me

since we're throwing that stupid
engagement party for our stupid friends.

Rhonda and Jeremy. I
mean, we're the ones

who stupidly set them
up in the first place.

Hopefully, after they get
married, they'll move away

so I won't have to see her stupid
cheerful face at work every day.

I mean, it's like, we
get it... you're happy.

Riley, you have to
get ahold of yourself.

I mean, look at you. You've
clearly hit rock bottom.

- But, Mom...
- No. Don't "But, Mom" me.

While I have never been
a fan of the Wheelers...

and please note I just said
"Wheelers" without dry heaving...

somehow, you bagged the good one.

And if you're not going to talk
some sense into him, then I am.

- Mom, no!
- Look, I'm sorry, honey.

But you two belong together,

and I'm not going to
take no for an answer.

Jennifer.

Bonnie.

You know what, Danny? Some
things aren't worth fighting for.

Pumpkin, you're still young,
you'll find someone else.

Here you go.

I wasn't sure, so under "sex,"
I put "as much as I can."

All right.

If you want to come around here,

I can just take a quick picture
for your profile and we'll be done.

If you want to wait until after,
I'll probably be smiling more.

So, you're in room three,

just follow the
instructions posted inside.

Make yourself comfortable and
take advantage of the visual aids.

I'm good.

So, Giselle, that's a beautiful name.

Hold on!

I'm just kidding.

You guys chat. I'll get back to work.

Okay. We'll have everything
set up at the bar by noon.

Can you order the champagne?

Or will that just be
something else you forget

and I'll have to hear
about it seven years later?

Nice shot, honey.

Something Danny's coach has never said.

The champagne will be
ready. You want to know why?

Because you specifically
asked for champagne

and not whether I had
feelings for champagne.

Don't be afraid to take
a shot at the mom too.

Okay.

Do you guys mind?

We're kind of in the
middle of something here.

Yeah, Jennifer. We're trying to
plan an engagement party here.

If you want to help, why don't
you call the party planner

and ask him to fill a
truck of tables and chairs

and then run you over with it.

Mom, please, just stay out of this.

It's already going to be hard enough

with everyone at the party
asking why we broke up.

Which is why we're not telling anyone.

So, bring your happy face. Got it?

Oh. I'll bring three happy faces.

'Cause I'm pretty sure,
you'll make the first two mad.

Oh God. Oh God, it's Rhonda. Happy face!

Rhonda, hi!

We are so excited about the party.

Aren't we, honey?

We sure are... monkey pants.

Just checking in to make sure
everything is going according to plan.

Couldn't be going better.

Oh my God. You guys are so cute.

I just hope Jeremy and I
are as happy as you two are.

You've really been such
an inspiration to us.

Okay. Bye, guys!

- I should probably...
- Yeah, and I need to get...

Oh my God! Did you see that?

Rhonda's hair? Whoa!

No. Danny and Riley. They're
so caught up in fighting,

they can't see how much
love that is still there.

Yeah. I don't know where
they get their tempers.

Stop calling me!

My mother.

If we could just get
them to have a moment,

maybe they could build on that

and start forgetting
why they hate each other.

Oh my God. You're right.

We need to work together.

We have to be a team.

Yeah. We're a real Thelma and Hitler.

To be clear, you're Hitler.

Done. And I believe that was

my favorite visit to the
doctor's office, ever.

Actually, that's not true.

Dude! Dude, it worked.

Giselle and I are
getting together later.

Hey, I don't know how it would come up,

but if you ever need me to
do that for you, I'm there.

Wait, dude. I think that
couple is picking a donor.

- What if they pick me?
- Come on.

Do you really think
anybody's going to pick

you over the hundreds
of other choices?

Come on, man. I'm in there too.

All right. That's true.

It was hard, but I
think we made a decision.

- Right, honey.
- We did.

We'd like donor 4-11-17
to help us become a family.

Sorry, I'm late. Work was crazy.

Is it wrong I don't want
to hear about your day?

Oh, but one fun thing happened.

And I'm hearing about it anyway.

Your friend, Ben, he got picked.

He was barely out the front door.

But don't tell him, it's
totally against policy.

Oh my God. No, yeah. Hey, hey...

I would never betray your trust.

Would you excuse me for a moment?

Ben, you're going to be a father.

What?

Yeah, Ben. Giselle just told
me that a couple picked you.

Tucker, you said I wouldn't get picked.

Yeah, well, I didn't
realize there'd be a run

on single-father,
college-dropout sperm.

I might've embellished
my profile a little.

Harvard med student, Olympic
athlete who plays the drums?

Damn it! Even I want to
have a kid with that guy.

You know what? Don't
worry about it, okay?

This is not even a big deal.

Hey, Ben. I'm putting this
case of champagne in the walk-in

for that stupid engagement party.

Didn't you just put one in there?

Yeah. This one's for Mom.

Danny, can I ask you a quick question?

You ever think about
donating your sperm?

Oh my God. Why would you say that?

You think things are never
going to work out with Riley?

You think I'm never
going to meet someone?

You think I'll never
be able to have kids?

No! No. No. I just donated

and I'm kind of having
some second thoughts.

Well, you should.

I can't believe you of all
people, who's got Emily,

would be willing to bring
another kid into the world.

Not knowing who the
parents are going to be

or how they're going
to raise your child.

Just hope nobody picks you, man.

Wow. I was kind of hoping
this would be one of those,

"Hey, little bro. Don't
worry about it" moments.

Anytime, man.

- This is nice, isn't it?
- Mm.

Celebrating young love that's embracing
all their differences to become one.

Nothing makes me happier.

It's so true, Jennifer.

Only that sweater you're
wearing makes me happier.

I just love how it hides everything.

Thank you.

Danny, why don't you hold that ladder
for Riley so she doesn't get hurt.

Oh okay. Because I'm a girl and
I can't do anything by myself?

No, because you might fall.

Oh!

Thank you.

Anytime.

Aw!

This just reminds me of you
guys up in that old tree house.

You two would just spend hours up
there, just giggling and gossiping.

Yeah, that old tree house.

Spent a fortune on her broken wrist,

but you can't put a
price on their happiness.

Twelve-hundred dollars.

Well, when that much weight falls,

something's going to shatter,

including a brand-new lounge chair.

Forty-nine dollars.

And isn't it ironic that
those stairs were so rickety,

considering the man of the
house was a supposed contractor?

Oh, that's right. He was actually
sleeping with the contractor.

Aha! For your information,

he was sleeping with the gardener!

Well, I see where you get it.

Where I get it? More
like where you get it.

- Oh, nice comeback.
- Oh, your mom.

Now see what you've done?

I'm just going to go take
this into the walk-in.

No, I'll take it, since
I'm not sure you know

this is just a punch bowl and
not just a really big glass.

I've got two words for you: nose job!

Hey, hey, hey! Put it down!

You two are acting like children!

Hey. Why don't you wring
that out right in here?

Ah. The Old Woman in the Shoe.

It's a good one.

Speaking of too many kids,

I may have just made one of
the biggest mistakes of my life.

Oh, I don't know. Maybe it'll be fine.

Fine? Let's
see how fine you think it is

when I grow up and accidentally
date my own brother.

Nice going, Dad.

Hi.

Tucker! We got to get my boys back!

I've invested a lot into
making this relationship work.

I have never been so dehydrated.

Giselle. Hey, me again.

Look, I'm really sorry to bother you,

but I kind of left a little something
here yesterday that I'd like to get back.

Oh, that's okay. It
happens all the time.

Really? Oh, wow. Thank you.

Uh... I was actually
talking about my sample.

I forgot I already promised
it to somebody else.

I'm sorry, but you relinquished all
rights when you signed the contract.

Yeah, um, what if you
happen to lose that contract?

Then I lose my job and you lose a date.

You signed a contract, man. I...

I'm sorry, but I have
to get back to work.

Mr. and Mrs. Miller?

Oh my God. That's the couple
that was here yesterday.

Dude, I bet you that's
the couple that...

Ben?

Yeah. I can really see
us growing old together.

It's almost like I
can't wait till we die.

Enjoying the free show?

Speed it up, kid. Okay?

You're welcome.

Oh good. Are we going to make a toast?

No. I'm going to make a toast.

You are going to stand there
slack-jawed and make me look good.

I'm gonna remind Danny and Riley
how much they love each other.

Everyone!

I'd like us all to raise a glass to...

him and... that girl!

But more importantly,

to Danny and Riley whose own
love brought them together.

And we should all
remember that we're here

because of Danny and Riley.

That's exactly what I just said.

Well, I...

And here's a little advice.

Never go to bed angry...

even if your partner is
a judgey, holier-than-thou

know-it-all who never
lets anything go.

But she won't have to be judgey,

if her husband-to-be can
remember to keep it in his pants.

And if he's taken it out,

he might want to mention that now.

I'm starting to think
your mom didn't get

the beer with the
sleeping pill in it.

I know how we can put an end to this.

Hey, Riley!

You idiot! You locked us in here!

How do you know it wasn't Danny?

Because my son loves me.

Yeah, it was probably Danny.

- Hello.
- Hi.

I'm Doctor...

I'm the doctor,

and I'll be performing
the procedure today.

We're so excited. Should I
put my feet up in the stirrups?

Oh God, no!

Uh, not until I've done the final test

on the sample in question.

Do you have it?

No. Isn't that your job?

Yes, of course. Sometimes
people like to bring their own.

Though we do charge a corkage fee.

- Oh, here it is.
- That's my coffee.

Good, 'cause the steam
was starting to worry me.

Uh, I'll just... need
another minute here.

We just have to get
along for two more hours

and then we don't have
to see any of these

stupid people's stupid
faces ever again.

Hey, Nathan.

Excuse me.

If we can please have
everyone's attention.

Jeremy and I want to
take a moment to thank

our dear friends, Danny and Riley,

for hosting such a
beautiful party for us.

Can you give Rhonda a mic
and turn on the sound system?

Thank you.

So what I
was saying...

If you could've just
shut up for two seconds...

Me? It's not my
fault Danny and Riley broke up.

This engagement party is a disaster.

Who cares? They're
never going to make it, anyway.

Riley told me everyone
thinks Rhonda is a lesbian.

I... I said
thespian!

You are terrific actress, Rhonda.

Dude, shut that off.

You know
what the worst part is?

If Danny and Riley can't
make it work, who can?

I just know that they're
going to get through this.

I've never seen two people
more perfect for each other.

Honey, I swear, she's just my roommate.

Rhonda!

- I'm tired of fighting.
- Me too.

How do we get through this?

We just have to figure out
a way to make this work.

That's what I want too.

But... I mean as friends,

not together.

For now.

If you add "for now," I'll be cool.

For now.

Ben!

- Ben, where are you?
- Tucker?

What are you doing back here?

I'm looking for you.

Hey, look, I just wanted to apologize,

for Ben, and maybe, uh,

maybe you can let me make it up to you?

It's okay. A lot of
first-timers freak out.

- But I get off at 5:00.
- Is that Ben's...

little Bens?

You know I can't tell you that.

I know. I know. I'm teasing.

- So you get off at 5:00?
- Mm-hmm.

- Did you say you like sushi?
- Tucker!

Oh, my God.

Pay no attention to this
woman, she's posing as a nurse.

That's our donor.

Our doctor's our donor?
Oh, that doesn't seem right.

He is not a doctor.

I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Miller,

but the insemination won't
be taking place today.

I can't keep doing this.

Maybe it's time to stop trying.

If anyone's destined
to be a mom, it's you.

Wow.

Never knew how hard some people
have to work to make this happen.

Never realized what a lucky guy I am.

I don't know what I'd
do without my daughter.

Honestly, you seem like
you'd be great parents.

You know what? I'm going
to help you start a family.

The donation was destroyed.

Oh, pfft! That's okay. I
can totally make some more.

It just takes two
seconds. What do you say?

I think you should call the police.

- Already dialing.
- Already going.

You know, I never got my 200.

Just keep it. Keep it.

Do you really think
Riley should forgive him?

Mm. Look, I will defend
my son to the grave.

But honestly,

you do the crime, you
got to do the time.

Really? I mean, I love Riley,

but, good God, it was seven years ago.

It's not a donut, let it go.

I'm really glad to hear you say that.

I slept with your husband in
high school before you did.

What? How could you?

Oh, now look who can't let it go.

But I'm telling you, when
he got off the bus that day,

he was a man.