All language subtitles for The.Naked.Gun.2.The.Smell.Of.Fear.1991.720p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX].en

Subtitle By---KingJAIN

The honorable Allen D.
and former Mrs. Eastern.

The honorable
William and Mrs. Breslow.

The honorable Nelson
and Mrs. Winnie Mandela.

Ladies and gentlemen, the President
of the United States and Mrs. Bush.

Here's everybody on the list, Barb.
Everybody's here.

Hi, Peter. They let you
out of the office early today.

Jack, glad you could make it.

Hal. Hi.

Hi. Get rid of the beard.
I don't like that, too liberal.

Hi, Frank. Trudy.

Hi, Peter. Glad you could make it.
I like your suit.

- Everybody's here.
- Commissioner.

Thank you very much. Dr. Meinheimer,
I'm glad you could make it.

Ah, here she is. Dear.

Have you met
Dr. Meinheimer formally?

Thank you.

Great Lady down.
Repeat. Great Lady down!

- What happened?
- Easy, watch the table!

Oh, wait. Wait.

- How are you, dear?.
- I'm OK, I'm fine.

Good. Please be seated.

Welcome. Glad
you could all come.

I'm pleased to say
that we're graced for the presence

of so many
distinguished guests tonight.

As we all know, uh, this week
we're celebrating

Law Enforcement Week
all across the country.

So I'd like to turn
the proceedings over

to our own Washington D.C.
police commissioner,

captain Annabelle Brumford.

I'd like now to introduce
a most distinguished American.

This week he is being honored
for his 1,000th drug dealer killed.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
lieutenant Frank Drebin of Police Squad.

Yeah, in-in all honesty, the last two
I backed over with my car.

Luckily, they turned out
to be drug dealers.

- Good.
- Excellent!

Uh, thank you,
commissioner Brumford.

Now I'd like to call upon
my chief of staff, Mr. John Sununu,

to introduce some special guests.

Thank you. Mr. President, tonight I am
extremely proud to welcome

our guests
from the nation's energy suppliers.

First,
representing the oil industry,

head of the Society of Petroleum Industry
Leaders, better known as SPIL,

Mr. Terence Baggett.

From the coal industry, chairman of
the Society for More Coal Energy,

or SMOKE,
Mr. Donald Fenzwick.

Uh, thank you.
Thank you very much.

And from the nuclear industry,

president of the Key Atomic
Benefits Office Of Mankind, KABOOM,

Mr. Arthur Dunwell.

As you know,
for the past three years,

this administration has been trying to
formulate a National Energy Policy,

one that will have a lasting impact
on the way we live

for the next decade
and beyond.

To make sure
that we choose the right path,

the President has appointed
as his top advisor in this area

Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer.

As I'm sure you're all aware,
his reputation in this field is without peer,

and Dr. Meinheimer
will present his recommendations

to the Annual National Press Club
Dinner this Tuesday evening.

Mr. President.

I want all of you here
to be the first to know

that I've decided to base
my administration's entire energy policy

on Dr. Meinheimer's
recommendations.

Now, this issue is too important to be left to
politicians or special interests to decide.

Rather we need an independent
and informed source

on which to base
our future actions,

and Dr. Meinheimer is
the recognised expert in this field.

Mr. President... if I may say so,

I do hope that, uh, Dr. Meinheimer
won't be influen...

influenced by any of the so-called
environmental groups.

Well, we're all well aware of
Dr. Meinheimer's reputation.

I think that perhaps, uh, he is best qualified
to explain his research methods...

- Dr. Meinheimer.
- Great Lady down again.

Ah! This happens every fucking time
when I go shopping!

- Jane...
- Oh, Dr. Meinheimer.

- You're back early.
- And you're here late.

Now, surely,
a lovely young woman like you

can think of something better
to do on a Saturday night.

Oh, oh, oh. I'm sorry, my dear.
I d... I didn't mean to be so blunt.

It's... it's all right, doctor.
It's okay.

You're thinking about him again,
aren't you? What was his name?

- Frank?
- Yes.

You just can't forget
about him, can you?

- Who?
- Frank.

Oh, yes!
No, I-I can't. I... I try.

It's just that... when
you've had that much man...

But then,
you wouldn't understand.

Jane, you mustn't be
so hard on yourself.

You've done a wonderful job
here at the... at the lnstitute.

You're-you're the finest director of
Public Relations we've ever had.

Thank you, doctor,
I... I try my best.

But I see you here
night after night past ten.

You've got to forget about the past.
Go out, see new people, enjoy yourself.

But there is someone I'm seeing,
in fact just yesterday.

I was telling him about the speech that
you were preparing for the press...

- Good evening, Ms. Spencer. Dr. Meinheimer.
- Hello, Norm.

Oh, I completely forgot.
How was the White House dinner?

Extraordinary.
The President promised to implement

whatever recommendations
I make.

Why, that's wonderful!
Then you're going to deliver

the speech that you told me
about last week?

Oh, yes. Every word of it.
I would've given it tonight,

but another guest there made such a ruckus
I don't believe anyone would've heard me.

Hey, Al! Ken!
Look at this.

Found this
in the waste basket.

Hey!
That's a pretty nice clock!

I wonder
why they threw it out.

It's probably because it's
four minutes too slow. Here, let me fix it.

There.

My name is sergeant Frank Drebin,
detective lieutenant, Police Squad.

I was in the middle of
getting my car washed

when I heard the call
over the police scanner.

There'd been a bombing
downtown

and I was on my way
to advise the D.C. police

as part of the President's
"Operation Scum Roundup".

- Hey, you ready?
- Yeah, got it.

As far as police work
is concerned,

every once in a while
something comes up

that nothing quite
prepares you for.

Somehow, some demented madman,
probably full of self-hate,

and possibly a couple of months
behind in his rent, finally snapped.

- I'm glad you could make it, Frank.
- I got here as quick as I could, Ed.

Oh, congratulations, I understand
that Edna's pregnant again.

- Yes, and if I catch the guy who did it...
- Hey, captain.

They just finished
searchin' the building now.

There's no sign of a break-in
and there's no money missin'.

Man this was
one hell of an explosion.

We're still tryin' to figure out
what they used.

- Any other victims?
- Oh, you're standing on one right now.

- Oh, I see...
- Get him out of here.

Ohh, this one's a real mess.

Oh. Hey, everybody. Over here,
Frank found another one.

He had him missing?

- Any witnesses, Ed?
- Well, there's one. A woman.

Said she saw a man leaving
just before the explosion.

Maybe we should
let Nordberg handle this one.

No, I'd better do it
while it's still fresh.

Well, not now, Frank.
She fainted dead away.

She took a nasty knock on the head.
She looks pretty bad.

- I'll handle it.
- Sir...

Excuse me, miss, I'd like
to ask few questions about....

Uh, Frank, not that bad.

She's being questioned over there
by our sketch artist.

I couldn't believe it was her.
It was like a dream.

But there she was,
just like I remembered her.

That delicately beautiful face...

and a body that could melt a
cheese sandwich from across the room.

And breasts that seemed to say
"Hey, look at these!"

She's the kind of woman
that made you wanna drop to your knees

and thank God
you were a man. Yeah...

She reminded me of my mother
all right. No doubt about it.

Frank, snap out of it. You're lookin' at 'er
like she was your mother, for Christ sake.

- Frank.
- Jane. I didn't know you lived here.

I moved here two years ago.

- How are the children?
- We didn't have any children.

Oh, yes, of course.

- How was your prostate operation?
- Fine. Good as new.

In fact, it's... better than ever.

Look, Frank, I...

I know this is awkward, but you're not still
obsessed with our relationship, are you?

Obsessed? Who's obsessed?

Just because you backed out on the wedding
two years ago? I'd forgotten all about it.

Is... ancient history,
like the Democratic Party.

Frank.

He was in tears.
In church, crying like a baby.

- Frank, get a hold of yourself!
- I had to return 13 Quiz Arts.

- That's enough, Frank, really.
- Kept the salad shooter, though.

Oh, Jane, there you are.
Hello, Jane.

Dr. Meinheimer. Frank,
this is Dr. Albert Meinheimer.

- Don't get up. Nice to meet you.
- Likewise, I'm sure.

But I believe we met before,
at the White House dinner?

He never forgets a face.
He has a photographic memory.

It's a terrible thing
that's happened, here, lieutenant.

I really do hope
you find the people responsible.

Well, I'm sorry I can't be
more optimistic, doctor,

but we have
a long road ahead of us.

Like having sex.
It's a painstaking arduous task

that seems to go
on and on forever,

and just when you think things are
going your way, nothing happens.

Now, Jane, about this man
you saw last night... Anything can help.

Yes, sir, I gave the sketch artist
a description.

Eh... Ed!
That'll be all, McTigue.

Why don't we get
that other artist?

You know, the one that never dates,
lives with those two guys...

Yeah, right. Sorenson!

Jane, I'd like to see
the rest of the lnstitute now.

If you don't mind,
Dr. Meinheimer?

Yeah, why, of course.
We should start with the research area.

That's a good idea.
It's right this way.

Uh, Jane, what can you tell me
about this man you saw last night?

- Uh, he's Caucasian.
- Caucasian?

Yeah. You know, white guy.
With a moustache, about 6 foot 3.

An awfully big moustache.
Now, what's this all about?

This is our research laboratory.

There are hundreds
of experiments going on,

all temperature-controlled
by the machinery just below us.

Many of our scientists have spent
years on the experiments

and are just now
making major breakthroughs.

Today, we're going to join together
two compounds that have never before...

Oh, my God!

Well, thank heavens the bomb
didn't damage the research area.

Yes, but I still can't understand
who would do such a thing.

Uh, Jane, I think you ought
to know about something.

- Jane, darling!
- Quentin!

Jane, are you all right?
I was so worried about you.

I'm really okay,
but I'm glad you're here.

Oh, I'm sorry! Frank, this is Quentin
Hapsburg of Hexagon Oil Company.

- Pleased to meet you, Mr...
- Drebin. Frank Drebin.

I believe I've used
some of your restrooms.

I'm... sure you have.

Are you in some way
connected with the Institute?

Well, not officially,

but as a matter of fact
Jane and I have been seeing

quite a lot of each other lately.
How is my little hell cat?

Well, that's great. I've been dating, too.
Nice girl, an author.

She wrote the book on male sexual
dysfunction. You've probably read it.

- I beg your pardon?
- Frank, please...

Oh, it's all right. I'm sure that we can
handle the situation maturely,

just like the responsible adults
that we are.

Isn't that right,
Mr.... Poopy Pants?

- That does it!
- Frank!

Quentin,
maybe you should excuse us.

Anything you wish,
my darling.

Until tonight, then.

- Sir?
- Give me the strongest thing you got.

- On... second thought, how 'bout a Black Russian?
- Very well, sir.

Frank. I thought
I'd find you here.

Ed... Sit down.
Pull up a memory or two.

You left before
I could talk to you.

Ed, is it just my imagination
or is the whole world crazy?

No, it's just a small percentage
of the population, Frank.

Oh, I hope you're right. It's just that...
I don't know if I fit any more.

You're still thinking about Jane,
aren't you?

She's part of my life, Ed.
Always will be.

I think about her constantly.
But it's done.

And when I heard her say "Get out
of my life forever", I knew it will over.

You know, sometimes I think about you
and Edna, that's when I envy you, Ed,

because you have someone. You've had
the same person every day for over 30 years.

You wake up with her,
eat with her, sleep with her...

Make love
to the same woman.

You spend every possible
waking moment together,

while I'm out runnin' around
with some 20 year olds

who just wanna have
a good time and cheap sex.

Sex, sex. Girls who can't
say no, girls that can't get enough.

"More, more, more! It's your turn now
to wear the handcuffs."

I... I just wanna love, Ed.

I'm sure
you'll find love, Frank.

- I already have one.
- It's from the lady.

Go to her, Frank.
Go on!

I'll see you in the morning.

- Excuse me.
- Pardon me.

Sorry.

This isn't easy to say.

I'm lonely, I'm lost,
I need someone to hold, to love.

Frank!

Over here.

Well...

- What are you doing here?
- I called your hotel, got no answer.

Then I tried the station house.
I thought maybe you'd be here.

- Good evening, Sam.
- Mr. Drebin! Jane...

Always nice
to see nice people.

Sam, play our song.
Just one more time.

Of course.

Uh, Sam. Sam. That's enough.
Play, uh, play the other one, please.

You can't let
old hurts die, can you?

You walk out of my life,
no explanation...

- Didn't you get the letters I sent you?
- Every one of them.

Didn't open them.
Tore them up, threw them in the fire.

Then you didn't get the cheque for 75,000
that your uncle left you in his will?

Why are you here?

I remembered something
about the crime.

As I was looking out the window, I saw
a red van parked across the street.

Red van? Oh, thank you,
that'll be very helpful.

So, you said your piece,
you can go now, right?

That's not my only reason
for being here.

- Frank, I want us to be friends.
- Sure, friends...

Bet if I dusted you for prints right now,
they'd be your lover Quentin Hapsburg's.

Ohh, you...!

Well, I see a certain kitten
still knows how to scratch.

I'm sorry,
I shouldn't have done that.

Oh, Frank, we're no good together.
All you ever lived for was your police work.

And you were always busy
tryin' to save the end zone layer.

Ozone layer! Frank,
you never tried to understand.

How can you say that,

when I sank every penny I had into buying
that 1,000 acres of Brazilian rainforest.

Then I had it slashed and burned
so we could build our dream house.

Frank! How could you be
so insensitive?

Insensitive? You think it's easy
displacing an entire tribe?

- You try it sometime.
- I'd better go. This was a mistake.

I don't even know
why I came here.

I was hoping you'd be happy,
that you'd have someone.

I'm single.
I-I love being single!

I haven't had this much sex
since I was a boy scout leader!

I mean, at the time,
I was dating a lot.

- I told you the bombing wouldn't work.
- We had no choice.

Take a look at this headline.

"President to give Meinheimer
blank cheque at Press Club Dinner."

That speech is in two days.

- Don't you think I know that?
- We all know that.

Gentlemen, gentlemen...

I know you're all worried,
and I agree.

There's plenty
to be worried about.

It's like this solar power plant, already
operational outside Los Angeles.

Photovoltaic cells.

They convert sunlight
directly into electricity.

Fluorescents. Last ten times as long
as a conventional light-bulb.

Uses only a quarter
of the power.

Super windows. Insulate
as well as ten sheets of glass.

An electric car,
partially powered by solar panels.

But the truth is, gentlemen,

I'm not worried about
any of these things.

Because no one's ever
going to know about them.

- What about Meinheimer and his report?
- Yes, he's going to tell the President.

Good question.
Why don't we just ask him?

What's goin'...? What...?

- That's kidnapping!
- Good heavens!

What about Tuesday evening
and his speech?

Dr. Meinheimer
will deliver his speech.

It is my view, for now, we must
rely on coal, oil and nuclear energy.

Our Dr. Meinheimer.

- Oh, my God!
- That's incredible!

Gentlemen, meet Earl Hacker,
former arts consultant to Jesse Helms.

And as I explained to Mr. Hapsburg,
my fee is one million dollars,

and, might I add,
I'm worth every penny of it.

But, uh, you gentlemen
don't have any choice.

Do you?

After getting
a good night's sleep,

I decided to head back
to police headquarters.

I figured that if I buried myself
in my police work,

I could forget about Jane
and maybe in the process

catch a vicious killer
before he struck again.

So far we had few clues
and no real leads.

I was hoping maybe the lab boys
had come up with something.

Hey, shut that thing off!

And I want that you pay...

- Just take it easy, man.
- Say your prayers.

- Nice work, Frank.
- What?

Ted, can you show us those lab results
you got back from the Research Institute?

We weren't able to get
any clean fingerprints, captain,

but we did find footprints
outside the Research Institute.

We made plaster casts out of them.
A size 9 1/2 D.

We're running a trace on it now.
But even more interesting, Frank,

we also found
this single dinosaur footprint.

- A major find from the palaeolithic era.
- Anything else, Ted?

Yes, about 20 feet down
from that spot,

we discovered ancient timbers which
we believe may be part of Noah's Ark.

That's great, uh, Ted,
but about the case...

I'll be departing tomorrow for Boston,
where I'll be delivering a major address

to the American Archaeological Society.
And I'm booked on Geraldo next week.

You're going on Geraldo
because of this?

No, my wife is a transsexual
Satan worshiper.

But meanwhile, we'll be continuing
fingerprint analysis,

fiber checks,
DNA breakdown, hair samples...

Then, using the microscopic
dirt particles on this footprint,

it's a matter of getting a geologic
breakdown of the entire city.

- We may not have that kind of time, Ted.
- Well, then maybe this will help.

We found this wallet
on the curb outside the Institute.

We haven't yet had the chance
to examine it thoroughly.

It just came down
from the lab, an hour ago.

"Hector Savage". From Detroit.
Hey, I remember this pug.

Ex-boxer.
His real name was Joey Chicago.

Oh, yeah. He fought
under the name of Kid Minneapolis.

Hey, I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once.
In Cincinnati.

No, you're thinking of Kid New York.
He fought out of Philly.

He was killed in the ring in Houston.
By Tex Colorado.

- You know, the Arizona Assassin.
- Yeah, from Dakota.

- I don't remember. It was North or South?
- North.

South Dakota was his brother.
From West Virginia.

You sure know your boxing.

Well... All I know is,
never bet on the white guy.

You got an address in there?

All I got is a card that says
"Monique DeCarlo,

210 Bleckman Street."

That's the red-light district. Wonder
why Savage is hanging out down there.

Sex, Frank?

Uhh, no, not right now, Ed.
We got work to do.

The address we were given
for Monique DeCarlo

was in the part of town
known as Little Italy.

We proceeded there,
hoping this could be

the lead that would bring us
to Hector Savage

and possibly lead us to a clue
that would break the case wide open.

That's the cops.
You gotta get rid of them.

All right. All right, I'll handle it.
Quick, you hide in the basement.

You'll be safe down there.

- Ed.
- Frank.

- Red van.
- Yes, I know.

Oh, Jane said that she saw a red van
outside the Institute the night of the explosion.

- Ohh... Let's take him down.
- No, he's not working alone.

- Let's bug the van. See where it goes.
- Good thinking, Frank.

- Nordberg!
- No problem.

Lieutenant Frank Drebin, Police Squad.
This is my captain, Ed Hocken.

- Is this some kind of bust?
- Well, it's very impressive, yes,

but we need to ask you
a few questions.

All right, listen. We're looking for
a Hector Savage. Now, where is he?

And why should I
tell you, copper?

Because I'm the last line of defense
between sleaze like this

and the decent people
in this town.

Oh, hi, Frank.
Say, we got that model

D-83 Swedish Sure-Grip
Suck Machine in that you ordered.

It's a gift.

Frank! Come here.
Quick!

It's Savage.
He's on the move.

What? Hey!

Hey! Stop, stop!
I'm a police officer!

Let's go, Ed. Remember,
we can't let him spot us.

Hey! Pull over right now!

Nordberg's bugging device
is right on the money.

I'm not kidding! Stop!

Shit!

He's changing direction.
Stop the car.

Oh, no!

- He's getting closer.
- Good. We should see him any minute now.

Keep your eyes peeled.

Oh, no!

Look, Ed,
he's real close now.

Step on it!

Help! Stop, stop!

Frank, stop!

Stop right now! I've had it!
I said stop!

Oh, no!

Help!

Frank Drebin, Police Squad.
What do we have here?

It's a tense situation, lieutenant.
Savage is holed up in that house over there.

- Says he's got hostages.
- Could be bluffing. Anything else?

Yeah. That red van is registered
to one Quentin Hapsburg.

Well, looks like the cows
have come home to roost.

How you doing,
trooper?

Hey, stop firing!

Hold it! Stop firing!

Stop firing! Stop firing!

All right,
give me the bullhorn.

This is Frank Drebin,
Police Squad.

Throw down your guns
and come on out with your hands up,

or come on out, then throw down
your guns, whichever way you wanna do it.

Just remember
the two key elements here:

One, guns to be thrown down.
Two, come on out.

You just try and take me, Drebin!
I got more if you want 'em, copper!

Looks like he's holding
all the cards, Frank.

- Not all the cards, Ed.
- How 'bout it?

Frank, you can't drive that tank!
You're not checked out on it!

Don't worry, Ed!
Just keep em busy.

All right, Savage,
what do you want?

I want a car out front.
Something fun. A Porsche.

Then I want a plane ticket to Jamaica.
And I want a nice hotel.

No touristy place.

Something really indicative of
the people and their culture.

Can't do that, Savage.
We're calling your bluff.

Now put your hands on top
of your head and come out.

We got you surrounded
front and... hey!

Frank, what are you doing?
Where are you going? Frank!

Frank! Help!

- Your coat, sir?
- Yes, it is.

And I have a receipt
to prove it.

- Telephone call, commissioner.
- Thank you.

Excuse me.

Yes?
He did what?!

How many animals escaped?
Oh, my God!

Good evening, commissioner.
You're looking lovely tonight.

Do you realize that because of you
this city is being overrun by baboons?

Well, isn't that
the fault of the voters?

Uhh... Excuse me.

I'd just like to thank you all
for attending this event

in honor of Dr. Albert Meinheimer,

who tomorrow
will make his historic address.

And along with the President,
I too pledge

to support Dr. Meinheimer's
recommendations,

whatever they may be.

And now,
please enjoy the evening.

Oh, I'll see you later.

- May I cut in?
- Frank!

- What are you doing here?
- I enjoy a good party.

- Why are you really here, Frank?
- I can sum that up in three words.

"Quentin Hapsburg." I never liked him
from the moment I laid eyes on him.

The man is as dirty
as a coal miner’s underwear in January.

Oh, Frank, what's gotten into you?
He's a kind, gentle, concerned man,

who cares about people and is not
as suspicious as some people I know.

Oh, yeah? Why don't you ask him
what his connection is

with the red van you saw
the night of the explosion.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Oh, why don't you ask him if he's pals
with a two-bit goon named Hector Savage.

Frank, stop it! You're just jealous
because another man can give me

the understanding
that you never could.

I just hope you pal Quentin is watching
right now, cause I know he'll be jealous.

And a jealous man
always makes the wrong move.

I'm counting on that!

Mr. Drebin, sir, Mr. Hapsburg
would like you to join him at his table.

- Solitaire is a lonely man's game, Hapsburg.
- Lieutenant!

I don't recall seeing your name
on the guest list.

Nothing to be embarrassed about.
I sometimes go by my maiden name.

Nice party, Hapsburg.
See a lot of familiar facelifts.

- Do you... gamble, lieutenant?
- Every time I order out.

Que sera, sera...

- You do speak French, don't you?
- Unfortunately, no.

But I do kiss that way.

Excuse me! You happen
to be standing in my place.

Oh, Dr. Meinheimer,
you remember Frank?

- Yeah, uh... uh, oh, yeah... Mister, um...
- Drebin, from Police Squad.

You met him at the Institute.

Oh, yes, of course, yes!
Oh, oh, do sit down.

Thank you,
I don't intend to stay.

Let's play another game.
Who's this?

- I wouldn't know.
- He's been a bad boy.

He blew up a building
he shouldn't have

and he's driving a van
that's registered in your name.

We own lots of vans.
One of them was stolen

not more than three days ago.

Look, lieutenant,
I have nothing to hide.

Maybe so,
but I'm warning you, Hapsburg.

If you so much as sneeze, and
I'm gonna be there to wipe your nose.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for
the first door prize of the evening:

an all-expense-paid trip
to the Gilligan Islands.

And to draw the first winner,
we would like to ask our guest of honor,

Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer.

- Here, let me help you with that.
- That really won't be necessary.

No, no, no trouble at all.

I don't understand
what's gotten into Frank.

I'm afraid it's merely
a case of jealousy, my dear.

You're gonna wear
all my gears down.

I'm telling you.
We shouldn't be pushing it like this.

He certain seems
to get around marvelously.

He does.

- Frank?
- Jane.

I... just wanted to tell you that
I-I'm sorry about what happened tonight.

- Oh, Frank.
- Jane, I need to talk to you. May I come in?

Well, okay, but the place
is kind of a mess.

And I was just about ready to make
a protein shake. Do you want some?

No, thank you.

Are you sure?
I'm trying out a new recipe tonight.

Jane, do you know what
Dr. Meinheimer is gonna say

at the Press Club dinner tomorrow?

Yes, he's going to endorse energy efficiency
and renewable energy like solar power.

Who else knew that?

Only me. And of course
I mentioned it to Quentin.

And if the President were to adopt
a national policy of supporting

efficiency and solar energy,
who would be the biggest losers?

Well, coal, oil and nuclear.

- Frank! Frank! Oh.
- Jane. Just one more question.

You once told me that Dr. Meinheimer
had a photographic memory,

yet tonight
he never recalled meeting me.

That's strange, but he has been
under a lot of stress lately.

Does he have any identifying marks?
A scar, a mole, a tattoo,

webbed toes,
a third nostril?

Well, he has a birthmark in the shape of
Whistler's Mother on his right buttock.

I see, well... Have you noticed
anything different about him?

Well, only that he is a foot taller
and he seems to be left-handed now.

Frank!
What are you trying to tell me?

That Quentin has somehow found
an exact double for Dr. Meinheimer

and that tomorrow that double will give
a fraudulent report to the President?

Why, that's brilliant. That's a lot
better than what I'd come up with.

Frank, stop it. This is preposterous!
Is there no end to your jealousy?

Jane, you're hurting me.

- What more do you want from me?
- Can I use your phone?

- Local call?
- Yes.

All right.

If you'll excuse me,
I have to take my shower.

The phone is in the other room.
You can let yourself out. Goodbye.

Uh, give me captain Ed Hocken,
please.

Ed, I'm onto something big.
Gonna need you and Nordberg tomorrow.

What's he doing in Detroit?

Well, send him plane fare
and a new pair of pants.

Frank!

Just as I suspected.

Come on... on your feet.

Jane...

- Jane.
- Hey, what happened to the water pressure?

Jane! Jane!

Jane!

Frank!

Oh, I was so frightened!

- What happened out there?
- It's nothing. It's nothing to worry about.

But if I were you,
I wouldn't leave

until they had a chance
to shampoo the carpets.

- Who would wanna kill you, Frank?
- Before tonight, only the cable company.

But now I'm afraid it's one of
Hapsburg's goons. He was carrying this.

Hapsburg Valdez. Oh, Frank!
I feel like such a fool.

- I should have never doubted you.
- There, there...

You had no way of knowing
the man you were dating

was a vicious murdering sociopath.

Oh, Frank!
We have to help Dr. Meinheimer.

- He's in danger.
- Yes.

They'll probably torture him,
then kill him.

It's all my fault!

They'll probably start by tearing out
his toenails and move on to the nose hairs.

Oh, no!
What are we gonna do?

If my hunch is right,
they're holding him hostage here.

- At the Home Club?
- What? No!

At this warehouse.
I gotta get going to rescue him.

- Oh, you'll be careful?
- Course I... will.

I... will, uh...

I guess
I'd better be on my way.

I promised Nordberg
we'd bake a raisin nut bread tonight.

Oh, I can't fight it
any more!

I ran away from you once. I can't do it
again. Will you stay with me? Please?

Frank, I'm tellin' you, we've got
no business doing this.

All we've got is some dock pass
and your hunch.

Please, mark my words, Ed,
that Hapsburg is up to something

right up to his pretty,
imported shirt collar.

Couldn't have picked
a better day for it.

This fog'll keep us concealed
all the way over to Hapsburg's warehouse.

That's not fog, Frank. The number two
engine's on fire. They're tryin' to put it out.

All right, let's run
through this one more time.

At exactly 3:15, Nordberg will cut
the power lines, knocking out the alarms.

Yeah. Right.

- Nordberg!
- Yeah, got it.

I'll be in the van waiting for your signal.
Are you all wired up?

Yeah. Right.

And when you hear me say
"I love it", you guys move in.

- Check.
- Ready, Frank?

The water's over there,
Frank.

Hexagon Oil commercial
number one.

Piloting today's giant oil tankers
is a big responsibility.

And that's why here at Hexagon's
Tanker Captain Training School,

future captains go through
a rigorous instruction program.

And through a complicated
elimination process,

we weed out those less qualified
for the day-to-day operation

of a half-million-ton
single hull super tanker.

Only the best will be allowed
to take command

of what is essentially
a floating ecological time bomb.

Commercial two.

Ah, just the way I like it!

You know, someday,
way in the future,

the sun may be able
to provide all our energy needs.

But right now,
it gives us a comfortable feeling

to know that our home
is being supplied by nuclear power.

Oh, I know what you're thinking,
but we're not worried.

Because we know
that nuclear energy is safe.

In fact, we kinda think of it
as... our friendly neighbor.

But remember, our friend can't exist
without huge government subsidies.

So, write your congressman and
tell 'im to keep those government dollars

rolling into... nuclear power.

It looks like I'm gonna have
to find another way in, Ed.

They got killer guard dogs here.
You read me?

Loud 'n' clear.
Nordberg, how are we doing?

We're at our destination.

Ed, I'm gonna try the roof.

Ed, I'm gonna try it again.

- Okay, Nordberg, cut the power line.
- Right.

Help! Help!

Come in, Nordberg.
Frank, you better hold on.

We may have a problem here.

Well... it's lieutenant Drebin.

You were supposed to
have been killed last night.

Now I think I'm going to
enjoy doing it myself.

It'll be slow and painful.

- What's that smell?
- Oh, that would be me.

I have been swimming
in raw sewage. I love it.

I love it!

That's the signal,
let's go.

Humbridge, it's stuck.
Give me a hand.

Ed, help me! Ed!

Search him.

I love it!

He's wired!

Tie him up!

You'll never get away
with this, Hapsburg.

- Whatever it is.
- All right, I'll show you.

Let me introduce you
to some people.

Course, you know Dr. Meinheimer.
And you've met Earl Hacker.

Why, you son of a... ow!

And then I'd like you
to meet the Redmans.

Weekend guests
from out of town.

We're going to the Press Club dinner.
Make sure nothing happens

to lieutenant Drebin
until I come back.

Then... I want the pleasure
of killing you myself.

The pleasure is all mine.

See you after the speech,
lieutenant.

- Freeze!
- That's it. Freeze!

Get away. Don't move!

Good Lord! Look at what they did
to Dr. Meinheimer.

You okay, Dr. Meinheimer?

That's okay.
Don't try to talk.

I just can't take this
any more.

Garbage like you
just makes me sick!

- E-Ed...
- Okay?

I'm just John Q. Public now.
It's just you and me.

- Mano a mano.
- Ed...

I'll teach you to pick on
a helpless invalid!

All right, all right,
he's had enough!

Somebody help the captain. We've got
to get to that Press Club dinner.

- Mr. Sununu.
- Any predictions, Mr. Sununu?

I don't think there'll be any surprises
in Dr. Meinheimer's address.

He'll most likely recommend the President
continue our policy of oil dependency,

and more dollars for subsidizing nuclear
power, as I've often recommended myself.

We'll have more on
the Press Club dinner after this.

Also we'll have an update
on the escaped zoo animals.

This is probably the most important
evening of my career.

We can't afford any mistakes.

And if you see lieutenant Drebin or any
of his Police Squad near these premises,

I want them arrested
on sight.

I told Jane to meet us
at the hotel's rear entrance.

- Where's that, Frank?
- In the back.

She's gonna
unlock the doors at 7:30 sharp.

What about Hapsburg, Frank?

We're just gonna have to hope
that she can stay clear of 'im.

Let's go.

Why, Jane!

What are you doing out here?
The party's inside.

Oh, Quentin! I was... just getting
a breath of fresh air.

I grew up on Lake Erie.
There's nothing quite like it.

Well, I'm... quite sure...

But how fortunate to have found you here.
Now you can join me at my table.

Jane! Something
must have happened to Jane.

Hey, Bernardo,
you got the keys?

I have a better idea.
Follow me!

Your attention, please.
Ladies and gentlemen.

Thousand points of... light.
Light, a thousand points of light.

Recession... bad. Recovery... good.
Yeah, I think I got that.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the President of the United States.

Frank, I think we'd better
make our move.

You're right, Ed, I'm thinking of something
a little more up-tempo, like Guantanamera.

No! I mean Hacker. Looks like
he's getting ready to make a speech.

Ohh, right, Ed. I'll intercept Hacker.
You get the doc prepared for his speech.

Ladies and gentlemen...

- Dr. Meinheimer.
- Yes?

- Or should I say... Hacker?
- Drebin!

Look what he's doing
to that man in the wheelchair!

- Can't someone help?
- Yeah. Come on, guys. Let's get him!

- Gimme a shot at him!
- Beat up a guy in a wheelchair, huh?

- We'd better get this man some first aid.
- You sit tight, mister.

Thank you.

I'm pleased and honored to be with you
tonight on this historic occasion.

Tonight, Dr. Albert Meinheimer,
as he looks up to the future,

no doubt he's realized how
our tremendous dependence on foreign oil

has put a stranglehold
on our national budget.

So, a lot of cuts have to be made
and some people are gonna be hit hard.

But we'll just keep cutting
until we have an impact.

And that's the only way
we'll be able to move forward.

Now I present to you
Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer.

Oh, my God! He can walk!

He can walk! It's a miracle!

I can walk!

Get off me, you moron!

Hey, hey, come back here!

Uhh, yes. I see. Everything seems
to be okay now, so without further ado,

I present to you, once again,
the man who needs no introduction,

the esteemed
Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer.

Hold it!
Hold everything!

- Don't listen to this man. He's a fraud!
- No!

- And I can prove it!
- What do you think you're doing?

Because the real doctor Meinheimer
has a birthmark

in the shape of Whistler's Mother
right here!

Obviously, a forgery.
We'll see about this!

Drebin!

Hold it! Frank is right.
There is a fraud in this room,

but it's this man!

And he's just given us this signed
confession, implicating that man!

No, no, no...

That man. Quentin Hapsburg.

- They're gone!
- Let's go!

- Let me go!
- The roof.

Come on, Frank, hurry!
Come on!

Tonight, I intend to share
with you my report

on our need
for a national policy

based on energy efficiency and clean,
renewable energy sources.

Frank, over there!

Frank!

Take cover!

Frank!

Nordberg!
Cover me, I'm going in!

All right.
Where's Hapsburg?

- Where you hit?
- It's not that.

- You're on my groin.
- Oh, sorry.

- All right, now. Where is he?
- You're too late.

Hapsburg has Plan B in...

in... in...

Where? Where? All right.

Who else is almost dead?

Okay, now...

- Talk!
- You're too late, Drebin.

- He already said that.
- Where did he leave off?

Uh, "Hapsburg has Plan B in."

Oh, yeah.
Hapsburg has Plan B in...

- in...
- Where?

Where?
Talk, you low-life scum!

Gee, if that's your attitude,
forget it!

I'm right here, Drebin.

Drop your gun, lieutenant.

I believe you're inquiring
about Plan B.

That's where we detonate
a small nuclear device.

Your Dr. Meinheimer
can talk all he wants to.

No one's gonna be left alive
to hear it.

Detonation sequence activated.

I'm the only one
who knows the abort code.

In exactly ten minutes,
this building and everyone in it

will be reduced
to a pile of rubble.

I'll be safely
on my helicopter.

By this time tomorrow,
I'll be hunting rhino in Botswana.

What do you think of that,
Drebin?

Well, you certainly seem to be
in touch with your anger.

I don't care
what you think, Drebin.

You're not gonna talk your way
out of this one.

Go ahead! Threaten me like you have
the American people for so long.

But it's not gonna work this time.
You're part of a dying breed, Hapsburg,

like people who can name all 50 states.
The truth hurts, doesn't it, Hapsburg?

Oh, sure, maybe not as much as jumping
on a bicycle with the seat missing,

but it hurts.

That's as far as you go, Drebin.
Any final requests, lieutenant?

Yes. Can I have the gun?

Oh, no. I'm not gonna fall
for that one.

Not so fast!

Six minutes to detonation.

All right, now talk!
Give me that abort code.

Okay, okay, I'll talk.

- There's six numbers...
- I'm coming, Frank!

2, 1, 7...

Oops. Thanks a lot.

- You sure you all right?
- I'm fine. Are you okay?

I'm fine, but unless we can
disarm this computer in under 5 minutes,

this whole building
is gonna blow.

- Oh, my God! We gotta warn everyone.
- Yeah, right.

- Jane, you'd better go.
- No, Frank. I'm staying here, with you.

But Jane...

Frank, if you're going to be blown to bits,
I wanna be here with you.

Jane, I promise you,
if we ever come out of this alive,

I'll never let my police work
interfere with our love again.

Frank. Frank!

The bomb. Come on,
Nordberg, let's go.

Four minutes to detonation.

What are we gonna do?

Operator's manual.
See what you can find.

Okay, okay. Let me see here.
Oh, here we go.

"To reset detonation code,
first press pound sign."

Per your command, the speed of
this sequence has been greatly increased.

Detonation now in two minutes.

So, instead of spending
2.5 billion dollars

on research
into nuclear waste disposal,

the Federal Government,
for only 500 million dollars,

or the cost
of one B-1 bomber,

could reduce the price
of solar panels by 90%.

As Albert Einstein once said...

Table... Hey, come on.
Wake up, wake up!

Wake up. For God's sake.
Wake up for the blow! Wake up!

Wake up!
I'll get the lights.

Now, to elaborate on point 102...

Here, read this.
It's an emergency.

"His strong, manly hands

''probed every crevice
of her silken femininity,

''their undulating bodies
writhing in a sensual rhythm

"as he thrust
his purple-headed warrior

"into her quivering mound
of love pudding."

All right. Listen up, everyone.
I want you to calmly file towards the exits.

That's it, that's it. Nobody run.
Just walk... single file...

That's it.
If we just stay calm,

no one's gonna be harmed by
the huge bomb that's gonna exploding.

It's a cookbook,
it's a cookbook!

Twenty seconds to detonation.

- What are you gonna do?
- 15 seconds.

- Hey, it's got my sleeve!
- Oh, no!

10, 9, 8...

- I can't get it.
- Jane, my jacket!

5, 4, 3...

- 2, 1...
- Let's get out!

Frank, look!

You did it!

Thank you, thank you. Thank you,
Mr. President, for those kind words,

but... it's all part of the job.

Frank, I'd like you to consider filling
a special post I'm gona create.

It may mean long hours,
dangerous nights,

and being surrounded by some of
the scummiest elements in our society.

You want me
to be in your cabinet?

No... No!

I want you to head up
a new Federal Bureau of Police Squad.

- That's a great honor, Frank.
- It's what you've always wanted.

Congratulations.

Nice going!

Thank you.
Thank you, Mr. President.

Thank you, thank you.
I'm very honored.

This is something
I've always dreamed of,

but... I'm afraid I'm gonna have
to turn down your offer, Mr. President.

You see, I've learned something
this past week

about the Earth and about love.

I guess love is
like the ozone layer.

You never miss it
until it's gone.

Blowing away a fleeing suspect
with my 44 Magnum

used to be everything to me.
I enjoyed it. Well, who wouldn't?

But now, I wanna be known as
"The Environmental Police Lieutenant".

I want a world where Frank Junior,
and all the Frank Juniors,

can sit under a shade tree,

breathe the air,
swim in the ocean,

and go into a 7-Eleven
without an interpreter.

I want a world where I can eat
a sea otter without getting sick.

I want a world where the Democrats
will put somebody up there worth voting for.

I may not get there with you,
but most of all,

I want a world
where I can wake up each morning

with this woman,
whom I love!

Yikes!

- Frank!
- Jane!

Frank! Frank!

- Jane, will you marry me?
- Yes, of course I'll marry you!

We love Frank! We love Frank!

Okay. One more picture.
Turn around, over here!

Smile!

Help, George!

George!

Help!

Help!

Help!

George!

George!

Subtitle By---KingJAIN

All right, let's see
if I got this straight, now.

Energy efficiency... good.

Drilling in
Arctic national wildlife refuge... bad.

Uh, Mr. President,
everything okay in there?

Yeah, I'm fine, thanks.