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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:24,779 You wished to speak to me, Doctor? 2 00:07:24,946 --> 00:07:27,365 Have you seen Mrs. Vogler yet, Sister Alma? 3 00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:28,491 No, not yet. 4 00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:30,701 Let me explain her situation 5 00:07:30,827 --> 00:07:34,455 and why you've been hired to care for her. 6 00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:37,917 Mrs. Vogler is an actress, as you know. 7 00:07:38,042 --> 00:07:41,420 In the middle of her last performance of Electra, 8 00:07:41,921 --> 00:07:46,134 she fell silent and looked around as if in surprise. 9 00:07:46,259 --> 00:07:48,886 She was silent for over a minute. 10 00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:04,318 She apologized to her colleagues afterward, 11 00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:07,155 saying she'd felt a sudden urge to laugh. 12 00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:09,657 The next day the theater called 13 00:08:09,824 --> 00:08:12,577 to ask if she'd forgotten about rehearsal. 14 00:08:12,702 --> 00:08:16,330 The maid went in her room and found her still in bed. 15 00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:19,750 She was awake but wouldn't answer questions or move. 16 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,754 This condition's gone on for three months now. 17 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:26,632 She's been given every conceivable test. 18 00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:28,843 The result is clear: 19 00:08:28,968 --> 00:08:32,471 She's perfectly healthy, both mentally and physically. 20 00:08:32,597 --> 00:08:36,309 And it's not a question of some hysterical reaction either. 21 00:08:36,434 --> 00:08:38,895 Any questions, Sister Alma? 22 00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:43,107 If not, you can go see Mrs. Vogler now. 23 00:08:51,157 --> 00:08:53,201 Hello, Mrs. Vogler. 24 00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:56,662 I'm Sister Alma. 25 00:08:56,787 --> 00:09:00,291 I've been hired to take care of you for a while. 26 00:09:02,460 --> 00:09:05,463 Perhaps I should tell you a bit about myself. 27 00:09:05,588 --> 00:09:08,216 I'm 25 years old, and I'm engaged. 28 00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:11,677 I got my nursing certificate two years ago. 29 00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:15,056 My parents have a farm in the country. 30 00:09:15,890 --> 00:09:19,435 My mother was a nurse too, before she got married. 31 00:09:21,145 --> 00:09:24,899 I should go get your dinner tray... fried liver and fruit salad. 32 00:09:25,107 --> 00:09:27,151 It looked quite good. 33 00:09:27,902 --> 00:09:31,822 Shall I raise this end up? Are you all right like that? 34 00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:42,041 Sister Alma, what's your first impression? 35 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,670 I don't know what to say, Doctor. 36 00:09:46,087 --> 00:09:49,507 At first her face looks soft, almost childish, 37 00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:51,968 but then you see her eyes... 38 00:09:52,510 --> 00:09:54,929 Her expression's so hard. 39 00:09:55,805 --> 00:09:57,807 Perhaps I shouldn't... 40 00:09:57,932 --> 00:10:00,101 What were you going to say? 41 00:10:00,393 --> 00:10:02,937 I was thinking I should turn down the assignment. 42 00:10:03,062 --> 00:10:05,606 Why? Did something frighten you? 43 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:07,858 No, not exactly, 44 00:10:07,984 --> 00:10:11,696 but perhaps Mrs. Vogler should have an older nurse, 45 00:10:11,821 --> 00:10:13,864 one with more life experience. 46 00:10:13,990 --> 00:10:17,285 I might not be able to manage. - Manage? In what way? 47 00:10:17,410 --> 00:10:19,620 - Mentally. - Mentally? 48 00:10:20,246 --> 00:10:24,083 If she's made a conscious decision not to speak or move, 49 00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:26,627 which must be the case, since she's healthy... 50 00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:28,379 Then? 51 00:10:28,504 --> 00:10:31,716 Then that shows great mental strength. 52 00:10:31,841 --> 00:10:33,843 I may not be up to it. 53 00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:38,514 I thought you might want to see the twilight. 54 00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:40,683 I can draw the curtains later. 55 00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,688 Shall I turn on the radio? 56 00:10:45,938 --> 00:10:48,190 I think there's a play on. 57 00:10:50,026 --> 00:10:52,653 Forgive me, darling. 58 00:10:53,112 --> 00:10:55,948 You must forgive me. 59 00:10:56,115 --> 00:10:59,869 All I want is your forgiveness. 60 00:11:01,245 --> 00:11:05,499 What are you laughing about? Is the actress so funny? 61 00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:10,254 What do you know of mercy? Well? 62 00:11:11,756 --> 00:11:14,258 What do you know of mercy? 63 00:11:19,263 --> 00:11:22,141 I don't understand those sorts of things. 64 00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:25,102 I enjoy films and the theater, 65 00:11:25,227 --> 00:11:27,855 but I'm afraid I don't go very often. 66 00:11:28,022 --> 00:11:31,025 I have tremendous admiration for artists. 67 00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:35,780 I think art is enormously important in life, 68 00:11:35,905 --> 00:11:40,034 especially for those struggling for one reason or another. 69 00:11:41,452 --> 00:11:46,123 But I'm skating on thin ice, telling you about such things. 70 00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,793 Let's see if I can find some music. 71 00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:51,879 Is that all right? 72 00:11:54,673 --> 00:11:56,967 Good night, then. Sleep well. 73 00:13:48,204 --> 00:13:50,080 Damn it. 74 00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,715 It's funny. 75 00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:02,968 You can go about as you please... 76 00:14:03,719 --> 00:14:06,055 doing almost anything you please. 77 00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:12,645 I'll marry Karl-Henrik and we'll have a couple kids, 78 00:14:12,770 --> 00:14:14,813 whom I'll raise. 79 00:14:15,773 --> 00:14:18,859 It's all decided. It's inside me. 80 00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:22,238 I don't even have to think about it. 81 00:14:23,364 --> 00:14:25,616 It's a great feeling of security. 82 00:14:26,742 --> 00:14:29,912 I have a job I like and enjoy. 83 00:14:31,205 --> 00:14:32,915 That's good too... 84 00:14:33,666 --> 00:14:35,751 but in another way. 85 00:14:36,627 --> 00:14:38,379 But it's good. 86 00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,381 Yes... 87 00:14:42,258 --> 00:14:43,884 it's good. 88 00:14:51,392 --> 00:14:54,478 I wonder what's really wrong with her. 89 00:14:57,398 --> 00:14:59,400 Elisabet Vogler. 90 00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:43,504 Mrs. Vogler, would you like me to open the letter? 91 00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,429 Shall I read it? 92 00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:00,437 Shall I read it to you? 93 00:17:08,946 --> 00:17:10,739 "Dearest Elisabet, 94 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:14,702 since I'm not allowed to see you, I'm writing instead. 95 00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:18,664 If you don't wish to read my letter, you can ignore it. 96 00:17:20,541 --> 00:17:25,212 But I can't help trying to contact you this way, 97 00:17:25,379 --> 00:17:28,716 as I'm tormented by a persistent question: 98 00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:31,552 Have I done you harm in some way? 99 00:17:31,677 --> 00:17:34,638 Have I unknowingly hurt you somehow? 100 00:17:35,514 --> 00:17:39,560 Was there some terrible misunderstanding between us?" 101 00:17:45,691 --> 00:17:48,152 Should I really go on? 102 00:17:56,535 --> 00:17:59,747 "As far as I know, we've been happy recently. 103 00:17:59,872 --> 00:18:01,874 Surely we've never been... 104 00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:04,418 so close. 105 00:18:05,961 --> 00:18:08,589 Do you remember saying, 106 00:18:08,881 --> 00:18:11,175 'I'm only just beginning to understand 107 00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:13,552 what it means to be married'? 108 00:18:13,677 --> 00:18:15,679 'You've taught me...'" 109 00:18:16,346 --> 00:18:18,432 I can't make it out. 110 00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:22,102 "'You've taught...'" Now I see. 111 00:18:22,478 --> 00:18:25,981 "'You've taught me that we must see each other 112 00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:29,026 as two anxious children 113 00:18:29,151 --> 00:18:33,155 full of goodwill and the best of intentions 114 00:18:33,864 --> 00:18:37,576 but gov...'" Now I see. 115 00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:42,122 "'...governed by forces we can only partially control.' 116 00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:45,459 Do you remember saying all that? 117 00:18:46,919 --> 00:18:49,296 We were walking in the woods, 118 00:18:49,421 --> 00:18:52,341 and you stopped and grabbed the belt of my coat..." 119 00:19:00,516 --> 00:19:03,477 There was a picture with the letter. 120 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:07,981 A picture of your son. I don't know if... 121 00:19:08,941 --> 00:19:11,026 Do you want it, Mrs. Vogler? 122 00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,197 He looks awfully cute. 123 00:19:47,479 --> 00:19:50,399 Elisabet, I don't think there's any point 124 00:19:50,524 --> 00:19:52,943 in your staying here in the hospital. 125 00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:55,237 It's just hurting you to be here. 126 00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:57,531 Since you don't want to go home, 127 00:19:57,656 --> 00:19:59,825 I suggest you and Sister Alma move out 128 00:19:59,950 --> 00:20:02,035 to my summer place by the sea. 129 00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:06,540 You think I don't understand? 130 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,835 The hopeless dream of being. 131 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,254 Not seeming to be, but being. 132 00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:18,302 Conscious and awake at every moment. 133 00:20:19,553 --> 00:20:22,723 At the same time, the chasm between what you are to others 134 00:20:22,890 --> 00:20:24,933 and what you are to yourself. 135 00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:28,312 The feeling of vertigo, and the constant hunger 136 00:20:28,437 --> 00:20:31,064 to be unmasked once and for all. 137 00:20:31,857 --> 00:20:35,235 To be seen through, cut down... 138 00:20:36,028 --> 00:20:38,238 perhaps even annihilated. 139 00:20:39,698 --> 00:20:43,201 Every tone of voice a lie, every gesture a falsehood, 140 00:20:43,327 --> 00:20:45,370 every smile a grimace. 141 00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,665 Commit suicide? 142 00:20:49,124 --> 00:20:51,919 No, too nasty. 143 00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:55,088 One doesn't do things like that. 144 00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:58,592 But you can refuse to move or talk. 145 00:20:58,842 --> 00:21:00,969 Then at least you're not lying. 146 00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:04,514 You can cut yourself off, close yourself in. 147 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:06,850 Then you needn't play any roles, 148 00:21:06,975 --> 00:21:09,895 wear any masks, make any false gestures. 149 00:21:10,020 --> 00:21:12,022 So you might think... 150 00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:14,942 but reality plays nasty tricks on you. 151 00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:18,278 Your hiding place isn't watertight enough. 152 00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:21,281 Life oozes in from all sides. 153 00:21:24,576 --> 00:21:26,703 You're forced to react. 154 00:21:27,913 --> 00:21:31,041 No one asks whether it's genuine or not, 155 00:21:31,166 --> 00:21:33,877 whether you're lying or telling the truth. 156 00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:37,089 Questions like that only matter in the theater, 157 00:21:37,214 --> 00:21:39,257 and hardly even there. 158 00:21:40,550 --> 00:21:42,636 I understand you, Elisabet. 159 00:21:42,761 --> 00:21:45,889 I understand that you're not speaking or moving, 160 00:21:46,473 --> 00:21:50,477 that you've turned this apathy into a fantastic setup. 161 00:21:51,353 --> 00:21:53,814 I understand and admire you. 162 00:21:55,107 --> 00:21:59,152 I think you should play this part until it's played out, 163 00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:02,239 until it's no longer interesting. 164 00:22:02,364 --> 00:22:05,993 Then you can drop it, just as you eventually drop 165 00:22:06,827 --> 00:22:08,954 all your other roles. 166 00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:16,294 Thus, at the end of the summer, Mrs. Vogler and Sister Alma 167 00:22:16,420 --> 00:22:18,839 move out to the doctor's summer house. 168 00:22:19,006 --> 00:22:23,051 The stay by the sea agrees very well with the actress. 169 00:22:23,719 --> 00:22:26,054 Her crippling apathy at the hospital 170 00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:29,057 gives way to long walks, fishing excursions, 171 00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:32,269 cooking, letter writing, and other diversions. 172 00:22:33,186 --> 00:22:36,023 Sister Alma enjoys the seclusion of the countryside 173 00:22:36,148 --> 00:22:39,192 and tends to her patient with utmost care. 174 00:23:21,234 --> 00:23:24,571 Don't you know it's bad luck to compare hands? 175 00:23:43,131 --> 00:23:45,050 Elisabet... 176 00:23:45,175 --> 00:23:47,636 may I read you something from my book? 177 00:23:47,761 --> 00:23:49,721 Or am I disturbing you? 178 00:23:49,846 --> 00:23:51,556 Here's what it says: 179 00:23:51,681 --> 00:23:54,392 "All the anxiety we carry within us, 180 00:23:54,768 --> 00:23:58,772 all our thwarted dreams, the inexplicable cruelty, 181 00:23:58,897 --> 00:24:01,108 our fear of extinction, 182 00:24:01,358 --> 00:24:04,319 the painful insight into our earthly condition 183 00:24:05,028 --> 00:24:10,450 have slowly crystallized our hope for an other-worldly salvation. 184 00:24:10,992 --> 00:24:13,787 The tremendous cry of our faith and doubt 185 00:24:13,954 --> 00:24:16,081 against the darkness and silence 186 00:24:16,206 --> 00:24:20,043 is the most terrifying proof of our abandonment 187 00:24:20,168 --> 00:24:23,296 and our unuttered knowledge." 188 00:24:25,340 --> 00:24:27,634 Do you think that's true? 189 00:24:31,638 --> 00:24:33,807 I don't believe that. 190 00:24:34,975 --> 00:24:38,645 To change... but I'm so lazy. 191 00:24:39,062 --> 00:24:41,398 And then I feel guilty about it. 192 00:24:41,523 --> 00:24:43,900 Karl-Henrik scolds me for not having any ambition, 193 00:24:44,025 --> 00:24:46,236 for going around like I'm sleepwalking. 194 00:24:46,361 --> 00:24:48,196 I think that's unfair. 195 00:24:48,321 --> 00:24:50,866 I graduated highest in my class. 196 00:24:50,991 --> 00:24:53,243 But maybe he means something else. 197 00:24:55,954 --> 00:24:58,456 You know... Oh, sorry. 198 00:24:58,582 --> 00:25:01,334 You know what I think about sometimes? 199 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,379 At the hospital where I took my exam, 200 00:25:04,504 --> 00:25:06,673 there's a home for old nurses 201 00:25:06,798 --> 00:25:10,302 who were nurses all their lives and lived for their work 202 00:25:10,427 --> 00:25:12,762 and were always in uniform. 203 00:25:12,888 --> 00:25:14,973 They live in their little rooms there. 204 00:25:15,098 --> 00:25:17,976 Imagine believing so strongly in something 205 00:25:18,101 --> 00:25:20,020 that you devote your entire life to it. 206 00:25:20,145 --> 00:25:23,106 Having something to believe in, working at something, 207 00:25:23,231 --> 00:25:26,026 believing your life has meaning. 208 00:25:26,193 --> 00:25:27,903 I like that. 209 00:25:28,403 --> 00:25:31,531 Holding on tight to something, no matter what... 210 00:25:31,656 --> 00:25:33,575 I think that's how it should be. 211 00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:36,536 Meaning something to other people. 212 00:25:36,703 --> 00:25:38,788 Don't you agree? 213 00:25:42,751 --> 00:25:46,338 I know it sounds childish, but I believe in that. 214 00:25:47,881 --> 00:25:50,217 What a downpour! 215 00:25:51,635 --> 00:25:54,429 Oh, yes, he was married. 216 00:25:54,721 --> 00:25:57,098 We had an affair for five years. 217 00:25:57,224 --> 00:25:59,809 Then he got tired of it, of course. 218 00:26:00,227 --> 00:26:03,855 I was terribly in love, and he was the first. 219 00:26:04,231 --> 00:26:07,442 I remember it all like one long torment. 220 00:26:08,985 --> 00:26:12,280 Long periods of agony, and brief moments when... 221 00:26:13,782 --> 00:26:16,826 Your teaching me how to smoke reminded me. 222 00:26:16,952 --> 00:26:18,954 He smoked constantly. 223 00:26:19,621 --> 00:26:22,040 In hindsight it all seems so dreary. 224 00:26:22,165 --> 00:26:24,417 A real dime store novel. 225 00:26:26,461 --> 00:26:29,756 In some strange way it was never quite real. 226 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,426 I don't know how to explain it. 227 00:26:33,843 --> 00:26:36,763 At least, I was never quite real to him. 228 00:26:37,931 --> 00:26:40,976 But my pain was real, that's for sure. 229 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,605 But that was somehow all a part of it 230 00:26:45,730 --> 00:26:47,816 in some nasty way, 231 00:26:47,941 --> 00:26:50,694 as if that's how it was supposed to be. 232 00:26:51,569 --> 00:26:54,239 Even the things we said to each other. 233 00:27:01,121 --> 00:27:04,499 Lots of people have told me I'm a good listener. 234 00:27:04,624 --> 00:27:06,459 Isn't that funny? 235 00:27:06,584 --> 00:27:09,379 No one's ever bothered to listen to me. 236 00:27:09,504 --> 00:27:12,465 Like you're doing now. You're really listening. 237 00:27:12,632 --> 00:27:16,469 I think you're the first person who's ever listened to me. 238 00:27:16,636 --> 00:27:18,805 It can't be at all interesting. 239 00:27:18,972 --> 00:27:21,266 You could be reading a good book instead. 240 00:27:21,391 --> 00:27:23,977 How I'm going on! I hope I'm not irritating you. 241 00:27:24,561 --> 00:27:28,440 It feels so good to talk. It feels nice and warm. 242 00:27:28,565 --> 00:27:31,901 I've never felt like this in all my life. 243 00:27:34,154 --> 00:27:36,156 I've always wanted a sister. 244 00:27:36,281 --> 00:27:38,867 I have loads of brothers... seven. 245 00:27:38,992 --> 00:27:41,077 Strange, eh? Then I came along. 246 00:27:41,202 --> 00:27:44,706 I remember being surrounded by boys all my life. 247 00:27:45,498 --> 00:27:47,500 But I like boys. 248 00:27:47,959 --> 00:27:49,836 But I'm sure you know that, 249 00:27:49,961 --> 00:27:52,881 with all your experience as an actress. 250 00:27:53,423 --> 00:27:56,092 I like Karl-Henrik so much, 251 00:27:56,718 --> 00:27:59,679 but you really only love once. 252 00:27:59,804 --> 00:28:01,848 I'm faithful to him. 253 00:28:01,973 --> 00:28:05,977 Opportunities come up in this line of work, I can tell you. 254 00:28:09,022 --> 00:28:12,567 Karl-Henrik and I rented a cottage by the sea once. 255 00:28:12,901 --> 00:28:16,071 It was June, and we were all alone. 256 00:28:17,572 --> 00:28:19,991 One day, when Karl-Henrik had gone into town, 257 00:28:20,116 --> 00:28:22,327 I went to the beach on my own. 258 00:28:22,702 --> 00:28:25,330 It was a warm and lovely day. 259 00:28:27,123 --> 00:28:29,667 There was another girl there. 260 00:28:29,793 --> 00:28:32,754 She'd paddled over from another island 261 00:28:32,879 --> 00:28:36,549 because our beach was sunnier and more secluded. 262 00:28:37,926 --> 00:28:41,721 We lay there sunbathing beside one another, completely naked, 263 00:28:42,055 --> 00:28:45,934 dozing now and then, putting suntan lotion on. 264 00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:51,481 We had those cheap straw hats on, you know? 265 00:28:52,732 --> 00:28:55,652 I had a blue ribbon around mine. 266 00:28:58,113 --> 00:29:01,282 I lay there peeping out from under my hat 267 00:29:01,574 --> 00:29:05,578 at the landscape and the sea and the sun. 268 00:29:05,912 --> 00:29:07,956 It was kind of funny. 269 00:29:13,586 --> 00:29:17,882 Suddenly I saw two figures leaping about on the rocks above us. 270 00:29:19,926 --> 00:29:22,679 They would hide and then peek out. 271 00:29:23,763 --> 00:29:26,808 "There's a couple boys looking at us," I told the girl. 272 00:29:26,933 --> 00:29:28,935 Her name was Katarina. 273 00:29:29,936 --> 00:29:33,940 "Let them look," she said, and turned over on her back. 274 00:29:35,358 --> 00:29:37,944 It was a strange feeling. 275 00:29:38,445 --> 00:29:41,406 I wanted to jump up and put on my robe, 276 00:29:41,531 --> 00:29:43,950 but I just lay there on my stomach 277 00:29:44,117 --> 00:29:46,244 with my bottom in the air, 278 00:29:46,369 --> 00:29:49,789 not at all embarrassed, completely calm. 279 00:29:52,459 --> 00:29:55,378 Katarina lay there next to me the whole time, 280 00:29:55,503 --> 00:29:58,506 with her breasts and thick thighs. 281 00:29:59,048 --> 00:30:02,469 She just lay there sort of giggling to herself. 282 00:30:05,472 --> 00:30:07,682 I noticed that the boys had come closer. 283 00:30:07,807 --> 00:30:10,894 They just stood there looking at us. 284 00:30:11,895 --> 00:30:14,689 I noticed they were terribly young. 285 00:30:16,065 --> 00:30:19,986 Then one of them... the more daring of the two... 286 00:30:20,778 --> 00:30:24,616 came up and squatted down next to Katarina. 287 00:30:25,325 --> 00:30:29,954 He pretended to be busy picking at his toes. 288 00:30:32,665 --> 00:30:34,876 I felt so strange. 289 00:30:37,212 --> 00:30:39,839 Suddenly I heard Katarina say, 290 00:30:40,381 --> 00:30:43,760 "Hey, why don't you come over here?" 291 00:30:44,677 --> 00:30:46,679 She took him by the hand 292 00:30:46,846 --> 00:30:49,265 and helped him off with his jeans and shirt. 293 00:30:49,390 --> 00:30:51,684 Then suddenly he was on top of her. 294 00:30:52,477 --> 00:30:55,980 She guided him in with her hands on his behind. 295 00:30:57,565 --> 00:31:00,693 The other boy just sat on the slope and watched. 296 00:31:01,861 --> 00:31:05,698 I heard Katarina whisper in the boy's ear and laugh. 297 00:31:06,866 --> 00:31:09,869 His face was right next to mine. 298 00:31:10,703 --> 00:31:13,456 It was red and swollen. 299 00:31:16,292 --> 00:31:18,503 Suddenly I turned over and said, 300 00:31:18,628 --> 00:31:21,256 "Aren't you coming over to me too?" 301 00:31:22,090 --> 00:31:24,968 And Katarina said, "Go to her now." 302 00:31:25,134 --> 00:31:27,303 He pulled out of her 303 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,598 and fell on top of me, completely hard. 304 00:31:30,723 --> 00:31:32,767 He grabbed my breast. 305 00:31:32,892 --> 00:31:34,894 It hurt so bad! 306 00:31:36,813 --> 00:31:39,566 I was ready somehow and came almost at once. 307 00:31:39,691 --> 00:31:41,568 Can you believe it? 308 00:31:42,110 --> 00:31:46,864 I was about to say, "Careful you don't get me pregnant" 309 00:31:46,990 --> 00:31:49,200 when he suddenly came. 310 00:31:49,951 --> 00:31:52,870 I felt it like never before in my life, 311 00:31:53,246 --> 00:31:56,249 the way he sprayed his seed into me. 312 00:31:56,749 --> 00:31:59,794 He gripped my shoulders and arched backward. 313 00:31:59,919 --> 00:32:02,255 I came over and over. 314 00:32:05,675 --> 00:32:08,052 Katarina lay on her side and watched 315 00:32:08,177 --> 00:32:10,722 and held him from behind. 316 00:32:13,099 --> 00:32:16,311 After he came, she took him in her arms 317 00:32:16,436 --> 00:32:19,063 and used his hand to make herself come. 318 00:32:19,814 --> 00:32:21,441 When she came, 319 00:32:21,608 --> 00:32:23,818 she screamed like a banshee. 320 00:32:29,782 --> 00:32:32,869 Then all three of us started laughing. 321 00:32:32,994 --> 00:32:36,664 We called to the other boy, who was sitting on the slope. 322 00:32:36,789 --> 00:32:38,791 His name was Peter. 323 00:32:43,004 --> 00:32:45,131 He came down, looking all confused 324 00:32:45,256 --> 00:32:47,550 and shivering despite the sunshine. 325 00:32:50,178 --> 00:32:54,015 Katarina unbuttoned his pants and started to play with him. 326 00:32:55,224 --> 00:32:58,478 And when he came, she took him in her mouth. 327 00:32:59,729 --> 00:33:02,482 He bent down and kissed her back. 328 00:33:03,232 --> 00:33:06,069 She turned around, took his head in both hands, 329 00:33:06,194 --> 00:33:07,904 and gave him her breast. 330 00:33:08,029 --> 00:33:12,033 The other boy got so excited that he and I started all over again. 331 00:33:13,159 --> 00:33:15,328 It was just as good as before. 332 00:33:18,289 --> 00:33:20,958 Then we went for a swim and parted ways. 333 00:33:21,084 --> 00:33:24,921 When I got home, Karl-Henrik was already back from town. 334 00:33:27,590 --> 00:33:31,344 We ate dinner and drank some red wine he'd brought. 335 00:33:33,721 --> 00:33:35,765 Then we had sex. 336 00:33:36,766 --> 00:33:40,269 It's never been as good, before or since. 337 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:42,021 Can you understand that? 338 00:33:42,772 --> 00:33:45,608 I ended up pregnant, of course. 339 00:33:47,068 --> 00:33:49,195 Karl-Henrik, who's studying medicine, 340 00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:53,366 took me to a good friend of his, who performed an abortion. 341 00:33:53,700 --> 00:33:57,537 We were both relieved. We didn't want children. 342 00:33:57,912 --> 00:34:00,206 Not then, anyway. 343 00:34:06,629 --> 00:34:09,048 It doesn't make any sense. 344 00:34:09,799 --> 00:34:12,301 Nothing fits together. 345 00:34:13,261 --> 00:34:16,431 And the guilty conscience you feel over little things. 346 00:34:16,556 --> 00:34:18,558 You understand? 347 00:34:18,725 --> 00:34:21,978 And what about all the things you'd decided to do? 348 00:34:22,103 --> 00:34:24,897 Don't you have to do them anymore? 349 00:34:26,566 --> 00:34:28,526 Is it possible to be 350 00:34:28,651 --> 00:34:31,654 one and the same person at the very same time... 351 00:34:31,779 --> 00:34:33,823 I mean, two people? 352 00:34:33,948 --> 00:34:36,117 God, I'm being silly! 353 00:34:36,451 --> 00:34:39,746 Anyway, there's no reason to start blubbering. 354 00:34:40,663 --> 00:34:43,082 I'll get a handkerchief. 355 00:35:04,562 --> 00:35:06,522 It's almost morning... 356 00:35:07,523 --> 00:35:09,901 and it's still raining. 357 00:35:16,616 --> 00:35:19,243 I've been talking nonstop 358 00:35:19,368 --> 00:35:21,454 while you've just listened. 359 00:35:21,579 --> 00:35:23,372 How boring for you. 360 00:35:23,498 --> 00:35:26,501 What could possibly interest you about my life? 361 00:35:27,168 --> 00:35:29,462 People should be like you. 362 00:35:30,922 --> 00:35:33,007 You know what I thought 363 00:35:33,132 --> 00:35:35,802 after I saw a film of yours one night? 364 00:35:35,968 --> 00:35:38,805 When I got home and looked in the mirror, I thought, 365 00:35:38,930 --> 00:35:40,932 "We look alike." 366 00:35:41,933 --> 00:35:44,352 Don't get me wrong. You're much more beautiful. 367 00:35:44,477 --> 00:35:46,479 But we're alike somehow. 368 00:35:46,646 --> 00:35:50,900 I think I could turn into you if I really tried. 369 00:35:51,317 --> 00:35:53,319 I mean inside. 370 00:35:55,154 --> 00:35:58,324 You could be me just like that... 371 00:35:59,617 --> 00:36:02,078 though your soul would be far too big. 372 00:36:02,203 --> 00:36:04,664 It would stick out everywhere! 373 00:36:08,125 --> 00:36:10,169 Go to bed... 374 00:36:10,294 --> 00:36:13,005 or you'll fall asleep here at the table. 375 00:36:26,519 --> 00:36:29,063 I must go to bed now 376 00:36:29,313 --> 00:36:31,524 or I'll fall asleep at the table, 377 00:36:31,691 --> 00:36:34,068 and that would be rather uncomfortable. 378 00:36:37,864 --> 00:36:39,365 Good night. 379 00:39:39,837 --> 00:39:41,547 Elisabet... 380 00:39:44,258 --> 00:39:46,719 did you speak to me last night? 381 00:40:18,167 --> 00:40:20,753 Were you in my room last night? 382 00:41:03,337 --> 00:41:05,673 Shall I take your mail too? 383 00:41:07,007 --> 00:41:08,884 Let me have a taste. 384 00:41:10,803 --> 00:41:12,263 See ya. 385 00:42:19,121 --> 00:42:22,082 "Dear friend, I could live like this forever. 386 00:42:22,208 --> 00:42:25,169 The silence, the seclusion, reducing my needs, 387 00:42:25,294 --> 00:42:29,215 feeling my battered soul finally start to straighten itself out. 388 00:42:34,553 --> 00:42:37,890 Alma pampers me in the most touching way. 389 00:42:39,934 --> 00:42:43,896 I think she's actually enjoying it here and that she's very fond of me, 390 00:42:44,021 --> 00:42:47,983 perhaps even a bit smitten in a charming, subconscious way. 391 00:42:48,108 --> 00:42:51,737 In any case, it's a lot of fun studying her. 392 00:43:00,996 --> 00:43:03,999 Sometimes she cries over past sins... 393 00:43:04,124 --> 00:43:07,211 an orgy with a strange boy and a subsequent abortion. 394 00:43:07,336 --> 00:43:10,130 She complains that her notions about life 395 00:43:10,256 --> 00:43:13,008 fail to accord with her actions." 396 00:48:57,436 --> 00:48:59,605 I see you're reading a play. 397 00:49:00,063 --> 00:49:03,400 That's a healthy sign. I'll tell the doctor. 398 00:49:06,737 --> 00:49:08,822 You think we should leave here soon? 399 00:49:08,947 --> 00:49:11,158 I'm starting to miss the city. 400 00:49:11,658 --> 00:49:13,368 Aren't you? 401 00:49:29,051 --> 00:49:32,095 Would you like to make me really happy? 402 00:49:33,305 --> 00:49:36,975 I know it's asking a lot, but I could use your help right now. 403 00:49:37,517 --> 00:49:39,102 Nothing dangerous. 404 00:49:39,227 --> 00:49:41,980 But I do wish you'd talk to me. 405 00:49:42,105 --> 00:49:44,316 Doesn't have to be anything special. 406 00:49:44,483 --> 00:49:47,986 We could talk about anything... what to have for dinner, 407 00:49:48,111 --> 00:49:50,739 whether the water's cold now after the storm, 408 00:49:50,864 --> 00:49:53,325 whether it's too cold to go swimming. 409 00:49:53,492 --> 00:49:56,578 Just talk for a few minutes. One minute. 410 00:49:56,703 --> 00:49:58,997 You could read to me from your book. 411 00:49:59,164 --> 00:50:00,582 Just say a few words. 412 00:50:03,543 --> 00:50:05,671 I have to try not to get angry. 413 00:50:05,837 --> 00:50:07,964 It's your business if you want to keep quiet. 414 00:50:08,090 --> 00:50:11,093 But I need you to talk to me now. 415 00:50:13,720 --> 00:50:15,555 Can't you just say 416 00:50:15,681 --> 00:50:17,224 one word? 417 00:50:19,851 --> 00:50:21,937 I knew you'd refuse. 418 00:50:23,146 --> 00:50:25,357 You can't know how I feel. 419 00:50:26,983 --> 00:50:29,361 I always thought great artists 420 00:50:29,528 --> 00:50:32,447 felt this great compassion for other people... 421 00:50:33,156 --> 00:50:35,909 that they created out of great compassion 422 00:50:36,034 --> 00:50:38,036 and a need to help. 423 00:50:38,203 --> 00:50:40,205 That was silly of me. 424 00:50:43,875 --> 00:50:46,753 You've used me. For what, I don't know. 425 00:50:46,878 --> 00:50:50,382 Now that you don't need me anymore, you toss me aside. 426 00:50:50,507 --> 00:50:54,219 Yes, I hear perfectly well how phony that sounds! 427 00:50:54,344 --> 00:50:56,805 "You've used me, and now you're tossing me aside." 428 00:50:56,930 --> 00:51:00,058 But it's true... every word. And these glasses! 429 00:51:09,067 --> 00:51:11,069 You've hurt me badly. 430 00:51:11,862 --> 00:51:14,531 You've been laughing at me behind my back. 431 00:51:16,408 --> 00:51:18,869 I read the letter you wrote to the doctor. 432 00:51:18,994 --> 00:51:23,081 It wasn't sealed, and I read the whole thing. 433 00:51:25,041 --> 00:51:27,294 You got me to talk, 434 00:51:27,419 --> 00:51:29,755 to tell you things I've never told anyone. 435 00:51:29,880 --> 00:51:33,008 Then you go and pass it on. Great study material, eh? 436 00:51:33,133 --> 00:51:34,718 You're not... 437 00:51:34,968 --> 00:51:36,970 You're going to talk now! 438 00:51:37,095 --> 00:51:40,348 If you have something to say, by God... 439 00:51:53,612 --> 00:51:55,280 No, don't! 440 00:52:07,167 --> 00:52:09,628 Scared there for a minute, weren't you? 441 00:52:11,463 --> 00:52:15,342 For a second you were genuinely scared, weren't you? 442 00:52:15,926 --> 00:52:18,470 A genuine fear of death, huh? 443 00:52:19,054 --> 00:52:21,640 "Alma's gone crazy," you thought. 444 00:52:21,807 --> 00:52:24,392 Just what kind of person are you anyway? 445 00:52:25,268 --> 00:52:28,855 Or maybe you just thought, "I'll remember that face, 446 00:52:28,980 --> 00:52:31,691 that tone of voice, that expression." 447 00:52:31,817 --> 00:52:34,319 I'll give you something you won't forget! 448 00:52:56,174 --> 00:52:58,009 You're laughing, are you? 449 00:52:59,761 --> 00:53:02,180 Things aren't that simple for me. 450 00:53:02,722 --> 00:53:04,683 Or so funny either. 451 00:53:05,767 --> 00:53:08,019 But you always have your laugh. 452 00:54:33,355 --> 00:54:35,607 Does it have to be like this? 453 00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:42,489 Is it really so important not to lie, to tell the truth, 454 00:54:42,614 --> 00:54:44,950 to speak in a genuine tone of voice? 455 00:54:45,951 --> 00:54:49,287 Can a person really live without babbling away, 456 00:54:49,454 --> 00:54:53,500 without lying and making up excuses and evading things? 457 00:54:54,793 --> 00:54:57,379 Isn't it better to just let yourself 458 00:54:57,504 --> 00:55:00,340 be silly and sloppy and dishonest? 459 00:55:02,092 --> 00:55:06,304 Maybe a person gets better by just letting herself be who she is. 460 00:55:10,141 --> 00:55:12,143 No, you don't understand. 461 00:55:13,228 --> 00:55:14,980 You don't understand what I'm saying. 462 00:55:15,146 --> 00:55:17,190 There's no reaching someone like you. 463 00:55:17,315 --> 00:55:19,275 The doctor said you're mentally healthy, 464 00:55:19,401 --> 00:55:21,486 but I wonder if your madness isn't the worst kind. 465 00:55:21,653 --> 00:55:23,321 You act healthy, 466 00:55:23,488 --> 00:55:25,991 and the worst thing is, everyone believes you. 467 00:55:26,116 --> 00:55:29,327 Except me, because I know how rotten you are. 468 00:55:35,709 --> 00:55:37,502 God, what am I doing? 469 00:55:41,006 --> 00:55:43,133 Elisabet, forgive me. 470 00:55:43,258 --> 00:55:45,218 I'm behaving like an idiot. 471 00:55:45,343 --> 00:55:48,972 I don't know what got into me. I'm here to help you. 472 00:55:49,097 --> 00:55:51,683 It was that awful letter. 473 00:55:51,891 --> 00:55:53,852 I was so disappointed. 474 00:55:54,019 --> 00:55:57,439 You asked me to talk about myself. 475 00:55:58,023 --> 00:56:00,650 It felt so good. You seemed so kind and understanding. 476 00:56:00,775 --> 00:56:02,861 I'd had a lot to drink, 477 00:56:03,028 --> 00:56:05,488 and it felt so good to talk about it all. 478 00:56:05,613 --> 00:56:07,949 And I suppose I was flattered 479 00:56:08,074 --> 00:56:11,536 that a great actress like you would bother to listen. 480 00:56:11,703 --> 00:56:14,289 I even thought it would be nice if what I said 481 00:56:14,414 --> 00:56:16,708 were of some use to you. 482 00:56:17,208 --> 00:56:20,712 But that's awful, isn't it? Sheer exhibitionism. 483 00:56:20,879 --> 00:56:23,882 Elisabet, I want you to forgive me. 484 00:56:24,049 --> 00:56:27,260 I like you so much. You mean so much to me. 485 00:56:27,385 --> 00:56:29,304 I've learned so much from you. 486 00:56:29,429 --> 00:56:31,306 Let's not part as enemies. 487 00:56:54,412 --> 00:56:58,249 You won't forgive me because you're too proud! 488 00:56:58,374 --> 00:57:02,253 You won't stoop to my level because you don't have to! 489 00:57:02,420 --> 00:57:05,423 I won't... 490 01:01:11,461 --> 01:01:13,504 ...we don't speak... 491 01:01:13,671 --> 01:01:14,881 ...don't listen... 492 01:01:15,006 --> 01:01:16,716 ...can't understand... 493 01:01:21,471 --> 01:01:23,139 ...what means... 494 01:01:23,264 --> 01:01:25,641 ...to persuade... to listen... 495 01:02:09,143 --> 01:02:11,979 When you sleep, your face goes slack... 496 01:02:14,857 --> 01:02:17,527 and your mouth is swollen and ugly. 497 01:02:20,571 --> 01:02:23,241 There's a nasty wrinkle on your forehead. 498 01:02:31,499 --> 01:02:34,252 You smell of sleep and tears... 499 01:02:38,256 --> 01:02:41,008 and I can see the pulse in your neck. 500 01:02:42,260 --> 01:02:45,304 There's a scar there that you cover with makeup. 501 01:02:51,436 --> 01:02:53,479 He's calling again. 502 01:02:55,022 --> 01:02:57,525 I'll find out what he wants from us... 503 01:02:58,526 --> 01:03:01,529 far away out here in our solitude. 504 01:03:28,681 --> 01:03:30,808 Sorry if I frightened you. 505 01:03:32,059 --> 01:03:33,895 I'm not Elisabet. 506 01:03:34,270 --> 01:03:36,689 I'm not here to make demands. 507 01:03:37,148 --> 01:03:39,275 I didn't mean to disturb you. 508 01:03:39,484 --> 01:03:41,569 You think I don't understand? 509 01:03:41,694 --> 01:03:44,489 The doctor explained everything. 510 01:03:45,823 --> 01:03:49,619 But the hardest part is explaining to your little boy. 511 01:03:49,744 --> 01:03:51,787 I do the best I can. 512 01:03:53,331 --> 01:03:57,210 There's something deeper down, hard to get a grip on. 513 01:03:58,669 --> 01:04:02,298 You love someone... or rather, you say you do. 514 01:04:03,216 --> 01:04:07,094 It's something tangible... at least, as far as words can be. 515 01:04:08,513 --> 01:04:12,016 Mr. Vogler, I'm not your wife. 516 01:04:12,183 --> 01:04:14,393 And you're loved as well. 517 01:04:14,519 --> 01:04:16,521 You build a community. 518 01:04:17,063 --> 01:04:19,148 It gives you security. 519 01:04:19,524 --> 01:04:22,151 You see a possible way of enduring, don't you? 520 01:04:25,238 --> 01:04:29,367 How can I say everything I've thought without getting lost... 521 01:04:29,700 --> 01:04:31,869 without boring you? 522 01:04:39,710 --> 01:04:43,381 I love you as much as ever. 523 01:04:50,429 --> 01:04:53,266 No, don't worry, my love. 524 01:04:53,766 --> 01:04:57,061 We have each other. We have faith in each other. 525 01:04:57,186 --> 01:05:00,273 We know each other's thoughts. We love each other. 526 01:05:00,398 --> 01:05:02,483 That's true, isn't it? - Yes. 527 01:05:02,858 --> 01:05:06,862 And it's the effort that counts, not what we achieve, right? 528 01:05:09,490 --> 01:05:11,325 To see each other as children, 529 01:05:11,450 --> 01:05:14,161 tormented, helpless, lonely children. 530 01:05:16,706 --> 01:05:20,334 Tell our little boy Mommy will be back soon, 531 01:05:20,876 --> 01:05:24,547 that Mommy's been ill, but she longs for her little boy. 532 01:05:24,797 --> 01:05:27,758 Remember to buy a toy for him. 533 01:05:27,925 --> 01:05:30,344 A present from Mommy. Don't forget. 534 01:05:30,469 --> 01:05:32,847 I feel such great tenderness for you. 535 01:05:36,767 --> 01:05:38,936 It's almost unbearable. 536 01:05:40,354 --> 01:05:43,190 I don't know what to do with my tenderness. 537 01:05:45,067 --> 01:05:47,653 I thrive on your tenderness. 538 01:05:49,280 --> 01:05:52,491 Elisabet, is it good for you with me? 539 01:05:53,075 --> 01:05:55,077 Is it good for you? 540 01:05:57,288 --> 01:06:00,583 You're a wonderful lover. You know that. 541 01:06:00,708 --> 01:06:02,293 Darling! 542 01:06:04,128 --> 01:06:06,213 Give me a sedative. 543 01:06:06,339 --> 01:06:09,634 Toss me aside. I can't go on! 544 01:06:09,800 --> 01:06:11,052 My darling... 545 01:06:11,177 --> 01:06:12,595 Leave me alone! 546 01:06:12,720 --> 01:06:14,889 This is shameful, all of it! 547 01:06:15,473 --> 01:06:17,141 Leave me alone! 548 01:06:17,308 --> 01:06:19,935 I'm cold and rotten and indifferent. 549 01:06:20,853 --> 01:06:23,648 It's all just a sham and lies! 550 01:06:33,199 --> 01:06:34,867 What have you got there? 551 01:06:35,660 --> 01:06:38,162 What are you hiding under your hand? 552 01:06:38,329 --> 01:06:39,914 Let me see. 553 01:06:43,167 --> 01:06:47,505 It's the picture of your little boy, the one you tore up. 554 01:06:47,630 --> 01:06:49,715 We have to talk about this. 555 01:06:57,682 --> 01:06:59,850 Tell me now, Elisabet. 556 01:07:01,102 --> 01:07:02,978 Then I will. 557 01:07:04,271 --> 01:07:07,316 It happened at a party one night, didn't it? 558 01:07:07,858 --> 01:07:10,444 It was late, and the party was quite rowdy. 559 01:07:11,612 --> 01:07:14,782 Toward morning someone in the group said to you... 560 01:07:15,449 --> 01:07:17,910 "Elisabet, you have practically everything 561 01:07:18,035 --> 01:07:20,037 as a woman and as an artist, 562 01:07:20,204 --> 01:07:22,498 but you lack motherliness." 563 01:07:24,375 --> 01:07:27,378 You laughed, thinking it was ridiculous, 564 01:07:28,087 --> 01:07:32,091 but later you found yourself thinking about what he'd said. 565 01:07:33,884 --> 01:07:36,178 You grew more and more worried... 566 01:07:37,012 --> 01:07:39,765 so you let your husband get you pregnant. 567 01:07:39,890 --> 01:07:42,059 You wanted to be a mother. 568 01:07:43,394 --> 01:07:46,897 When you knew it was definite, you became afraid... 569 01:07:47,022 --> 01:07:50,025 afraid of responsibility, of being tied down, 570 01:07:50,151 --> 01:07:52,528 of leaving the theater behind, 571 01:07:53,154 --> 01:07:55,781 afraid of pain, afraid of dying, 572 01:07:56,031 --> 01:07:58,659 afraid of your body that was swelling up. 573 01:07:59,869 --> 01:08:02,371 But you played the part the whole time, 574 01:08:02,496 --> 01:08:06,041 the part of the young, happy, expectant mother. 575 01:08:07,126 --> 01:08:09,462 Everyone said, "Isn't she beautiful now? 576 01:08:09,587 --> 01:08:11,922 She's never been so beautiful." 577 01:08:14,759 --> 01:08:18,179 Meanwhile you tried several times to abort. 578 01:08:19,722 --> 01:08:21,599 But you failed. 579 01:08:22,391 --> 01:08:24,602 When you realized it was inevitable, 580 01:08:24,727 --> 01:08:27,021 you began to hate the baby 581 01:08:27,146 --> 01:08:29,857 and hoped it would be stillborn. 582 01:08:33,235 --> 01:08:36,197 You hoped the baby would be dead. 583 01:08:38,407 --> 01:08:41,118 You wanted a dead baby. 584 01:08:45,956 --> 01:08:48,834 It was a long and difficult delivery. 585 01:08:48,959 --> 01:08:51,128 You were in agony for days. 586 01:08:52,505 --> 01:08:55,049 The baby was finally delivered with forceps. 587 01:08:55,174 --> 01:08:59,470 You looked with disgust at your squealing child and whispered, 588 01:08:59,595 --> 01:09:02,348 "Can't you just die? Can't you die?" 589 01:09:04,809 --> 01:09:06,727 But he survived. 590 01:09:08,312 --> 01:09:10,981 The boy cried day and night... 591 01:09:14,026 --> 01:09:16,070 and you hated him. 592 01:09:16,904 --> 01:09:20,407 You were afraid. You had a guilty conscience. 593 01:09:22,660 --> 01:09:24,995 In the end, some relatives and a nanny 594 01:09:25,120 --> 01:09:27,164 took care of the boy, 595 01:09:27,289 --> 01:09:31,293 and you could leave your sickbed and return to the theater. 596 01:09:34,129 --> 01:09:36,507 But the suffering wasn't over. 597 01:09:37,633 --> 01:09:39,677 The boy was seized 598 01:09:39,844 --> 01:09:42,596 by a vast, unfathomable love for his mother. 599 01:09:42,972 --> 01:09:44,932 You resist. 600 01:09:45,057 --> 01:09:47,393 You resist desperately, 601 01:09:47,768 --> 01:09:50,646 because you feel you can't return that love. 602 01:09:50,771 --> 01:09:53,148 You try and try... 603 01:09:54,358 --> 01:09:58,153 but your encounters with him are cruel and awkward. 604 01:09:58,279 --> 01:10:00,030 You can't do it. 605 01:10:00,155 --> 01:10:02,199 You're cold and indifferent. 606 01:10:03,242 --> 01:10:05,369 And he looks at you. 607 01:10:05,536 --> 01:10:08,455 He loves you, and he's so soft, 608 01:10:08,581 --> 01:10:12,042 and you want to hit him for not leaving you alone. 609 01:10:13,127 --> 01:10:17,131 You find him repulsive, with his thick lips and ugly body 610 01:10:17,256 --> 01:10:19,884 and his moist, pleading eyes. 611 01:10:20,009 --> 01:10:22,553 You find him repulsive, and you're afraid. 612 01:10:23,762 --> 01:10:25,806 What have you got there? 613 01:10:26,181 --> 01:10:28,726 What are you hiding under your hand? 614 01:10:29,059 --> 01:10:30,603 Let me see. 615 01:10:34,982 --> 01:10:38,736 It's the picture of your little boy, the one you tore up. 616 01:10:38,986 --> 01:10:41,196 We have to talk about this. 617 01:10:49,872 --> 01:10:52,166 Tell me now, Elisabet. 618 01:10:55,085 --> 01:10:57,004 Then I will. 619 01:10:59,757 --> 01:11:02,509 It happened at a party one night, didn't it? 620 01:11:03,344 --> 01:11:05,679 It was late, and the party was quite rowdy. 621 01:11:07,514 --> 01:11:10,851 Toward morning someone in the group said to you... 622 01:11:11,393 --> 01:11:14,063 "Elisabet, you have practically everything 623 01:11:14,188 --> 01:11:16,315 as a woman and as an artist, 624 01:11:16,523 --> 01:11:18,943 but you lack motherliness." 625 01:11:20,736 --> 01:11:24,031 You laughed, thinking it was ridiculous, 626 01:11:25,115 --> 01:11:29,119 but later you found yourself thinking about what he'd said. 627 01:11:29,453 --> 01:11:31,789 You grew more and more worried... 628 01:11:32,581 --> 01:11:35,334 so you let your husband get you pregnant. 629 01:11:37,086 --> 01:11:39,254 You wanted to be a mother. 630 01:11:41,715 --> 01:11:45,219 When you knew it was definite, you became afraid... 631 01:11:46,136 --> 01:11:49,890 afraid of responsibility, of being tied down, 632 01:11:50,015 --> 01:11:52,309 of leaving the theater behind, 633 01:11:53,018 --> 01:11:55,562 afraid of pain, afraid of dying, 634 01:11:55,980 --> 01:11:58,691 afraid of your body that was swelling up. 635 01:12:01,026 --> 01:12:03,487 But you played the part the whole time, 636 01:12:03,612 --> 01:12:06,991 the part of the young, happy, expectant mother. 637 01:12:08,325 --> 01:12:10,536 Everyone said, "Isn't she beautiful now? 638 01:12:10,661 --> 01:12:12,663 She's never been so beautiful." 639 01:12:14,248 --> 01:12:17,751 Meanwhile you tried several times to abort. 640 01:12:18,627 --> 01:12:20,587 But you failed. 641 01:12:22,214 --> 01:12:24,675 When you realized it was inevitable... 642 01:12:26,301 --> 01:12:28,721 you began to hate the baby... 643 01:12:30,681 --> 01:12:33,434 and hoped it would be stillborn. 644 01:12:36,812 --> 01:12:39,815 You hoped the baby would be dead. 645 01:12:44,028 --> 01:12:46,655 You wanted a dead baby. 646 01:12:50,951 --> 01:12:53,829 It was a long and difficult delivery. 647 01:12:54,496 --> 01:12:56,749 You were in agony for days. 648 01:12:58,042 --> 01:13:00,711 The baby was finally delivered with forceps. 649 01:13:01,378 --> 01:13:05,674 You looked with disgust at your squealing child and whispered, 650 01:13:05,799 --> 01:13:07,926 "Can't you just die? 651 01:13:08,052 --> 01:13:09,887 Can't you die?" 652 01:13:10,554 --> 01:13:13,182 The boy cried day and night, 653 01:13:13,307 --> 01:13:15,392 and you hated him. 654 01:13:16,101 --> 01:13:19,563 You were afraid. You had a guilty conscience. 655 01:13:21,732 --> 01:13:24,068 In the end, some relatives and a nanny 656 01:13:24,193 --> 01:13:26,195 took care of the boy, 657 01:13:26,320 --> 01:13:30,240 and you could leave your sickbed and return to the theater. 658 01:13:32,284 --> 01:13:34,161 But the suffering wasn't over. 659 01:13:36,622 --> 01:13:38,665 The boy was seized 660 01:13:38,791 --> 01:13:41,710 by a vast, unfathomable love for his mother. 661 01:13:42,211 --> 01:13:45,005 You resist desperately, 662 01:13:45,130 --> 01:13:48,342 because you feel you can't return that love. 663 01:13:48,467 --> 01:13:50,761 You try and try... 664 01:13:51,804 --> 01:13:55,474 but your encounters with him are cruel and awkward. 665 01:13:55,599 --> 01:13:57,434 You can't do it. 666 01:13:58,102 --> 01:14:00,562 You're cold and indifferent. 667 01:14:01,438 --> 01:14:03,524 And he looks at you. 668 01:14:03,774 --> 01:14:06,610 He loves you, and he's so soft, 669 01:14:06,860 --> 01:14:10,447 and you want to hit him for not leaving you alone. 670 01:14:11,323 --> 01:14:15,285 You find him repulsive, with his thick lips and ugly body 671 01:14:15,452 --> 01:14:18,038 and his moist, pleading eyes. 672 01:14:18,163 --> 01:14:20,749 You find him repulsive, and you're afraid. 673 01:14:28,841 --> 01:14:30,342 No! 674 01:14:31,802 --> 01:14:33,804 I'm not like you. 675 01:14:34,138 --> 01:14:36,473 I don't feel the same way you do. 676 01:14:37,099 --> 01:14:40,602 I'm Sister Alma. I'm only here to help you. 677 01:14:40,894 --> 01:14:42,938 I'm not Elisabet Vogler. 678 01:14:43,063 --> 01:14:45,232 You're Elisabet Vogler. 679 01:14:45,649 --> 01:14:47,776 I'd really like to have... 680 01:14:49,069 --> 01:14:50,988 I love... 681 01:14:53,323 --> 01:14:54,825 I haven't... 682 01:15:29,026 --> 01:15:31,111 I've learned quite a lot. 683 01:15:45,834 --> 01:15:48,212 Let's see how long I can hold out. 684 01:15:54,343 --> 01:15:58,222 I'll never be like you. I change all the time. 685 01:15:58,347 --> 01:16:01,225 You can do what you want. You won't get to me. 686 01:16:35,467 --> 01:16:37,261 Say nothing. 687 01:16:38,387 --> 01:16:40,264 Cut a candle. 688 01:16:40,389 --> 01:16:42,349 A kind of otherness. 689 01:16:42,557 --> 01:16:45,102 Not now. No, no. 690 01:16:46,478 --> 01:16:49,147 Warning and outside time. 691 01:16:49,273 --> 01:16:50,816 Unforeseen. 692 01:16:50,941 --> 01:16:54,778 When it was supposed to happen, it didn't, so... failure. 693 01:16:54,945 --> 01:16:56,863 You stand there, 694 01:16:56,989 --> 01:16:58,949 but I should do it. 695 01:16:59,116 --> 01:17:00,993 Not inward, no. 696 01:17:01,118 --> 01:17:03,370 Say collect and advise others. 697 01:17:03,495 --> 01:17:05,831 A desperate maybe. 698 01:17:11,044 --> 01:17:14,798 I take, yes... but what is closest? 699 01:17:15,507 --> 01:17:17,551 What's it called? 700 01:17:17,676 --> 01:17:19,303 No, no, no. 701 01:17:19,761 --> 01:17:22,681 Us, we, me, I. 702 01:17:22,806 --> 01:17:25,267 Many words and then disgust, 703 01:17:25,392 --> 01:17:28,854 unbearable pain, the nausea. 704 01:19:00,904 --> 01:19:03,240 Try and listen to me now. 705 01:19:03,949 --> 01:19:06,243 Repeat after me. 706 01:19:10,622 --> 01:19:12,207 Nothing. 707 01:19:15,752 --> 01:19:17,254 Nothing. 708 01:19:18,630 --> 01:19:20,465 No, nothing. 709 01:19:27,431 --> 01:19:28,932 Nothing. 710 01:19:30,434 --> 01:19:32,018 That's it. 711 01:19:32,394 --> 01:19:34,104 That's good. 712 01:19:34,229 --> 01:19:36,273 That's how it should be. 713 01:23:51,319 --> 01:23:56,533 DIGITALLY RESTORED IN 2011 BY SVENSK FILMINDUSTRI 53579

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