Original subtitles

"Where you flow away on your long,

distant run."

"Where you find your own shore,

there, on your pilgrims' path, greet the land."

"Ah, beautiful land, land beloved,

my birthing crib and my grave, the mother of mine,

my only home, into my inheritance given,

the broad land, the only land!"

Need a pee break?

Look how beautiful and playful they are… like kids.

Clueless that 20 years ago there was a Communist lockdown here.

Hilarious that the only thing they think they know

is that buses were pulled by cows.

Ease up… Oskar…

I was looking forward to the cows too.

And that we'll wash in a stream and sleep up in beautiful trees.

Okay, I get it.

So, we'll perform only by the bonfire

and wait till the moon's out to begin.

I heard that Czech women are beautiful.

You did? Even more now that you're here!

There's no toilet paper there. What do they wipe their butts with?

With the first gosling waddling by! You should try it!

Welcome home, my love.

The king of clowns is back in Prague.

Oskar Franz and his company LES ORPHELINS perform tonight in Theater Gagman Prague.

It's his first appearance in front of a Czech audience after 30 years…

Hi! Wait! Radek came up with it, not me!

I know they went nuts. I don't get it either!

No, it's been rehearsed they can't budge now!

You know what? They're just testing us.

Call everyone in this afternoon, we'll figure it out.

No worries, I'll work on them, somehow.

You betcha, it'll be fabulous, amazing, the best!

Sorry Karel, another call waiting.

Hello, Doctor,

Max Neumann speaking.

Yes, I'll be there. Thank you.

Go away. You smell like cigarettes.

Your cab, little lady!

-A little longer. -The meter's running!

Let's go, little lady!

Welcome aboard of a sightseeing tour.

The bedroom where Mommy's looking for her panties.

Passing a flea circus.

City Library on your right. The fuses just blew up.

Dad!

Prague Radio on your left

and our sightseeing tour ends at the McDonald's snack bar.

-There you go! -What do I owe you?

A smooch.

-Smacker! -I have to pee!

There you go, little lady!

Maty, let me in!

Tough!

Matěj, let me in!

No way, Jose!

Matso!

Matso, Fatso!

No!

Maty, pretty please!

Is there at least one sane person in this family?

-What's up? -Good!

-I'll drive you. -Nonsense.

I'll take a cab, you take the kids to school.

There you go, sir.

Dammit! Enough! You see where you're throwing it, douchebag?

Wasn't me, it was Parkinson.

-You didn't sleep well? -I didn't sleep at all.

-So, what's yummy here? -Not much.

-You're not eating, Daddy? -I already have.

But you're not eating!

Alright…

Bon appetite!

But really: Bon appetite!

Have I wished you bon appetite?

Just so we'll remember it, okay? Oh.

Backwards, right? One more time. Hopefully it'll work out.

Should I meet you in front of the theater?

I don't feel like going today to be honest.

It'll be sensational, you'll see.

I haven't seen Oskar in years. It'll look stupid if we don't show.

Okay, at seven. But call me! I'll be waiting.

Oskar, you left the country pretty late, in the mid 80's.

Yes, in '85.

You had quite a career going on,

people were lining up for you, even I remember that.

You weren't afraid to start over

especially in France, the cradle of pantomime?

Of course, I was afraid, but…

A mime can talk his way out everywhere.

Besides, I didn't run into the unknown.

I could lean on my friends.

Nothing like those escaping the lack of freedom into the real unknown.

An actor can count on the help of comedians anywhere in the world.

They like each other, most likely.

Not just your audience was left behind but also friends, family, partners…

Didn't it cross your mind the regime would seek revenge on your dearest ones?

Didn't you feel like, let's say, a traitor?

Sure, you feel like a traitor.

And out there like an orphan.

Your beginnings here are tied to a mime group BUSTERS.

In its time a widely popular cult trio. Created by three strong personas:

you, Max Neumann and Viktor Lauber.

Your departure buried any hopes of getting together again.

Didn't you feel you're ruining something significant?

And losing something?

I did. Of course I did.

The time together was ground-breaking for sure.

We learned and grew together.

We wrote together, directed, improvised,

sometimes we nearly fought when we couldn't move ahead,

stole bread in the morning.

But the generational theater is temporary by nature.

Our paths simply split up.

Isn't the artist's duty during the period lacking freedom

to expand the space of freedom? Couldn't it be perceived that you

ran away from this type of responsibility?

With your permission I'll leave the expanding the space of freedom to you.

Our group BUSTERS fell apart

precisely because we couldn't continue to work in the lack of freedom.

Because we were choked up here. I myself for sure!

And your colleagues? Did you keep in touch?

Are you aware of their professional development? What's with them today?

Max and I wrote to each other.

After the Velvet Revolution, we saw each other a few times.

I know he does theater, writes his own plays,

got married and became a "late-blooming" father.

Mr. Neumann.

And Viktor Lauber?

I have no information about Viktor, sadly.

Come.

And you're not interested in him? Wouldn't you want to work with him?

Nothing's impossible. Except for the cooperation.

These days I practice the most difficult of the artistic disciplines

worthy of true Masters.

The art of leaving at the right time.

What do you mean?

You want to see it? It looks like this…

Goodbye!

Oskar!

What the fuck was that? It was supposed to be about the show not an interrogation!

Who cares what happened 30 years ago? Expanding the space of freedom? Come on!

-Oskar! Wait! -What's freedom to you?

Pyjamas party?

I'm done with you! Fuck!

Please, stop. Technically it was alright, but it was just a bit mechanical.

Now, just as an exercise, we'll do our inner monologue.

Whatever we'll do, we'll verbalize.

Here we go: Wow, like in a pig sty, what did I roll in yesterday, I'm all…

Look at the sleeve, what a mess! Unreal!

Jesus, what, what…

What is it? What, what?

Oh, I see. Hello! How could I've missed you? Thank you.

Much obliged.

You can't do this here, please…

Here, take a seat.

Good.

Come on, try it!

-So you don't respect what he does now? -Too commercial.

Really? You and Oskar started together, right?

Back off! Oskar was the best!

-Whatever I know, I know from him. -Why don't you come with us tonight?

No thanks. But you go and see for yourself.

May I talk to you about my thesis?

Jesus, I totally forgot. But you'll have to come to my place.

Great! Doesn't matter. Thank you.

What got into you, writing a thesis about me. How am I supposed to grade myself?

-Think twice! -Well, actually, it's not only about you.

I'm interested in the beginnings of BUSTERS.

And mainly your first show HE WHO LAUGHS LAST.

The period of the three greatest comedy icons working together!

Easy, easy, buddy. Where did you get this?

-Can I speak? -Yes. Thank you.

Say "thank you" one more time and you'll walk.

Sorry. Can we…

Today it's really hard to judge. There were Communists, bans, abuse.

For noncollaborators no salaries!

Everybody faced a choice. And he chose as he did.

In my opinion, and I'm not stuffing it down anybody's throat,

he shouldn't have done it.

Oskar yanked himself from his roots.

Whatever he did abroad was shallow.

Not at first, he ran on our reserves. But then he got dragged

into the teased up diarrhea that even Oskar can't turn into gold dust.

And then he just floated on waves, Oskar-boy.

Something important and substantial for our universe ended with his departure.

We became orphans, not him. He only lost his roots.

His nourishment, his uniqueness.

I know the world shits itself from him,

gives him awards, Legions of Honor, all that bullshit.

It's a consensual bubblegum, it's a hamburger.

It's a pity. I don't want to see it. It would rip my heart out.

No, it wouldn't! It would fuckin' piss me off!

Well, also…

Oskar wants to be loved and admired.

It's his nature, it's like breathing.

He depends on an entourage of crustaceans and pilot fish

that ride him like a whale and feed off his excrements.

He can't see those who just suck him dry.

Like that witless female he performs with!

I'm all choked up knowing what it could have been.

Or when he brought that prick Neumann!

You mean Max Neumann?

"You mean Max Neumann?" You bet I do! Who else?!

See, I still have a memento of Max Neumann!

I've kept it as a reminder of who Neumann is!

Look, if Oskar rings my doorbell tomorrow,

I won't hesitate for a second and go to hell and back with him!

But if Neumann rings, I pull out the shotgun and bang!

Yeah.

Alright…

Come, Sylva, come!

Assholes! They keep stuffing it in here, one would go berserk.

Flyers printed on expensive paper telling us to tighten our belts!

That we should teach for free because nobody needs theater!

We're hostages of technocratic gangsters

who mastered embezzlement in the College of Crooked CEOs!

It's about the ethics of creativity! Thinking through theater!

Otherwise it's just equilibristics, however brilliant.

Let's sit here, I have some photos here.

Do you want something to eat, Sylva?

You'll eat with us.

Do you like Hungarian pörkölt?

Think twice! It's my masterpiece.

Pörkölt.

You know who painted this?

Anna, Oskar's first wife. He crapped on her and their child.

Depressing painting. It's from that time.

I bought it for 3K to help her. Big bucks back then!

This is me by the best theater photographer Mr. Krejčí.

I had my own shows with Sylva, I wrote it, I directed it, quite a success!

Do you have pictures from the time of BUSTERS?

Well, mostly I threw them out.

Neumann stole some of them. He never returned anything.

You know this one.

I was such a dork!

And here, Oskar, the charisma, the aura, the focus!

And Max. What a spaz.

One expression and you see how he pushes everything!

You used to create as a trio at that time, right?!

I was the moving spirit, so to speak.

Oskar was the motor, the machine.

Max dragged behind the cart but stomped that much louder.

I disagree it was an equal collaboration!

When on stage with Oskar, he shines his light on you.

Put a sack of shit up there he'll gift it with a meaning!

He was like King Midas who

by his touch turns everything even crap into gold.

Then Oskar split and what was left? Just the bag. Thinking it didn't stink anymore!

Usurping the right to delight us with its odor!

But people couldn't smell it anymore! And that was Max Neumann!

I see. But I thought… Everybody says…

Who?! Who did you hear it from? "Everybody says"?

Max maybe. He can talk up a hole in your brain. Who else?

"Everybody says!" Self-proclaimed title genius.

He always stormed in… with "Green Sun," for example.

A surrealist wannabe. Stole it from Breton or Éluard.

Bunch of crap about nothing.

Always tangling you up into silk threads of bullshit like a silkworm.

He created a cocoon from that bullshit.

A hollow wrapped in soft silk. That's Max Neumann.

Jesus, pörkölt! Pörkölt!

And one more thing he excelled in: pouring booze into some scribbler,

dictating him what to think about the show.

He presented himself as the group's modest genius

and us as the yes men of his ingenious ideas.

This will be delicious.

Oskar emigrated and Max brought a script.

It was pathetic. Nothing at all!

I was already doing my own stuff with Sylva.

I told him "no way."

He carried it like an oracle… And you know what he did?

He complained to the theater commie directors

and he asked to dismiss me from the company?!

The company of he and I! He and I!

We were to go abroad and he secretly arranged permits for someone else.

Even had my own costume altered! Do you get it?

To steal my props, parts of me and give it to someone else?

That was too much even for me, so I told him what I thought of him.

We fought like dogs. If Sylva hadn't been there, I would've killed him.

Today I'd get the Lifetime Achievement Award for it!

Where would you be now if Max hadn't pushed for you?

Soňa…

You'd still be dragging stage props around!

And you'd still be in a Shrek costume at some fairs!

If Max wanted puppets, neither one of you would be here.

Puppets wouldn't figure out half of the show for him.

I won't simply accept this!

-You want to deny our share? -I won't let anyone steal from me.

Did you hear it, Karel? Who's stealing from you?

You have a contract like no one else, you moron.

And I won't let anyone extort me, Radek.

Who's extorting who?

Good question.

Are you trying to say that you're backing out?

If you don't materialize our share.

-You'll never work again! -Soňa!

Please, stop yelling at us.

I have a contractual option to halt it.

And you bet I will.

Sorry Max. Either the three of you agree or I'll stop it.

Are you cowering to them or what?

What agreement?

The contract is valid, Max is the author and the director.

Dammit, Max, aren't you going to say something?

Not anymore.

You see? Like an insulted despot.

Wait, you get offended and leave?

-I just won't do it anymore. -You can't throw it all out!

Are you aware of your contractual obligations?

That you're legally punishable?

-Yeah, I know that. -So, please, let's work it out in peace.

And I know when the contract automatically loses validity.

Yeah, when? Are you dying or what?

Something like that.

What a retarded joke, you moron.

I was diagnosed with rectal cancer today. So it's all literally up my ass.

It's yours, gentlemen.

Bullshit.

He wouldn't make it up, he's not stupid.

Without us he was nobody, so he wanted to run abroad to Oskar!

But he's a language idiot!

He's always dragged textbooks with him, English, French, German…

He never got past the second unit.

You almost felt sorry for him.

Then someone got suspicious,

the cops took his passport, and he was demoted to a stagehand.

A pretend hero who whined that he missed acting.

Sylva and I already had our own show.

I felt sorry for him. Sylva put in a word-- tell him yourself!

Since he wasn't allowed to act, I offered to do the lights for us.

You know what he did?

The jackass signed a political petition

and we all got fucked. Totally fucked!

Viktor!

Sorry, I'm screaming again. It's all good.

It's all good.

Wow, we gobbled it up already.

So what was next…

Then he did the "apartment theater." Monumental amateurism. I saw it.

I don't deny some political meaning,

but he blew it up into a legend!

Then the Velvet Revolution came,

and in the euphoria he opened a private theater.

Robbed shortly after, he went bankrupt. Ask all those he owes money to even today!

If it hadn't been for his wife and her parents…

It's terribly sad,

but Max is an artistic corpse today.

A dried up snot!

This is my student Adam, you see? Sylva.

Enough for today. Sylva is tired now.

Still want to write the thesis?

-Thank you very much. -Stop thanking and explore, explore!

Would you like to swing a little?

We have a swing in the yard.

Jesus, you'll catch a cold. Put on some socks, Sylva!

If it's raining, I'll lend you an umbrella!

-No thank you, I have a hood. -Yeah.

I'll be right back.

I did my best shows with Sylva.

Oskar put us together. If I owe him, it's for that.

She was a mirage, God-given talent.

But that's a different chapter.

That's worth mapping out, though!

You should have seen her on stage.

I have some videos if you want.

Now… It's hard.

I'm trying to sell this to secure a dignified life for Sylva.

I'm fine with some studio.

Goodbye.

-Who is it? -Some saint.

-What did they do to him? -They shot him with arrows.

-Native Indians? -I don't know.

I could pray for Daddy. Do you know how to pray?

These prayed too, see how they'd ended up?!

-Dad isn't a saint. He's a clown. -That's even worse.

God thinks he's mocking him and he's pissed off at him.

-How are you? -Fine.

-Does it hurt? -Not beyond my age group.

-We're almost done! -I'm sure you are!

Who'll stitch up an old clown?

Who'll make his bath? And give him a nice massage?

No, no massage now! Everyone's waiting for you.

Can you handle it?

I'm going to get ready.

I'll be waiting for you. And I won't be alone.

Well, hi…

Hi!

Jesus Christ, is it possible? Are you Valerie?

This is Valynka?

You've grown so much, I almost didn't recognize you.

More like she doesn't recognize you.

And now?

See, she's embarrassed, doesn't know you at all.

Did Natalie come as well?

-It's so good you came. -Valynka wanted to see the clowns, right?

-And did you like it? -She was afraid a little.

That's not true, Grandma.

You were afraid!

Enough excuses! Let's get some cake!

What we can't eat we'll throw at each other.

Fabienne…

Let me introduce the mother of my daughter and Valerie's grandma.

Anna, this is Fabienne.

I'm happy to meet you!

Congratulations.

I mean to the performance!

Don't be afraid and bite Grandpa's head off!

As it should be, to be consumed by the next generation!

Uranus eaten by his own grandchildren!

That's morbid!

-Is it good? -Especially the filling!

She keeps seeing him and allows him to extort and torture her,

I know it.

How do you know?

She came with a gigantic black eye.

Said somebody threw a glass from the audience.

I know very well who throws glasses at her.

I also know he'll never stop boozing and beating her.

How long have they been with you?

Six months.

At least the little one goes places with me now.

She didn't want to leave the house for two months.

Playground, zoo, nowhere.

She was afraid I would leave her somewhere and split.

Get it?

She doesn't even want to sleep in bed by herself.

Grandma, where are you?

Grandma, where are you?

Grandma, where are you?

-Oskar! -Valynka!

What's going on? Come here!

Sorry, I don't know what happened, she was with ORPHANS.

-She wouldn't calm down… -What is it? Stop crying.

Sylva?

Sylva?

Sylva?

Sylva, I've been looking for you everywhere. I can't take this anymore.

You have to respond, it's a big house!

That was a beautiful show, right?

You looked gorgeous in it.

And how they applauded, remember?

It was beautiful…

Let me comb your hair and let's go lie down.

Time out.

-Are you tired? -Me?!

No.

GREEN SUN CIRCUS

Stop fooling around and let's do it!

Grandma, where are you?

Jesus! How much did you take? Is it in your mouth?

Spit it out!

Spit it out! Dammit!

Spit it out!

Yes, it's Alzheimer's.

I don't know how much she swallowed! If anything!

I just realized I haven't seen Max.

He was invited, like everyone on the list.

He promised he'd come for sure.

I personally gave him the tickets.

His fuckin' bullshit talk about how curious he is!

But you know what?

It doesn't surprise me.

I'm "home" after all.

We were sold out! We'll always be, if only you want to.

Karel, did you see a single old show-biz friend in the audience?

Did any one of them come to see what I do? Where did they disappear?

Did they die?

You know what it is, Karel? A message.

It's a message. And you know what kind?

Fuck you, buddy!

You're a piece of shit to us.

Go back where you came from!

All of them couldn't come to applaud you at the same time.

Viktor Lauber wanted to come.

But I wasn't allowed to invite him.

Dude, when's the last time we had so many young people here?

You know what?

I'm glad I'm done.

I'm old,

tired, cranky

and bored.

It doesn't give me anything anymore. The end, it's over.

Oskar, I didn't want to spoil tonight for you.

I spoke to Max today.

I wanted to tell you tomorrow.

It is tomorrow.

I'll draw the target points on you so we can hit it precisely.

Draw something pretty for good luck. Not a cross!

Better a star. But not a five-pointed one.

And avoid erogenous zones

so we don't smash up this expensive machine.

While we're at it, should I turn on my back?

Just asking.

I see you're in a good mood. Don't move and no worries.

TODAY IS A BEAUTIFUL ORANGE DAY

TODAY IS A BEAUTIFUL BABY BLUE DAY

Excuse me, why is the radio blasting so loud?

So people can't hear your diagnoses.

You don't mind they can see us?

I could teach you to talk with pantomime.

Anytime.

Good. First lesson. They knew this one even in ancient Rome.

Fine. Try to sleep now.

Alone?

Where are we going, Doctor?

Home.

My husband didn't come to get me?

He's waiting for you at home.

Is he alright? My husband?

He's completely alright.

Are you fully convinced, Doctor?

Completely convinced.

Well…

Wait, wait.

-Hey, Mom. -You look awful.

Okay, thanks.

-You went to see him again. -Bullshit, I'm just worn out.

-Where's Vally? Look what I brought you! -Wait. I have to tell you something.

-Something happened? -No, wait.

You got somebody in here?

-I couldn't reach you. -I ran out of credit. Who is he?

Hi, Natty.

I'm glad to see you.

-Wait. -I'd like to talk to you for a moment.

What is he doing here?

Your mother and I met in the theater and she invited me for dinner.

Too bad you didn't make it as well.

-No, not this. -Wait!

You brought something for Valynka! She's waiting for you.

-Vally, Mom's here! -Mommy! I knew you'd come!

I want to show you a magic trick. You'll be stunned!

-Here, sit down, Mommy. -No, I'm not going to sit.

Can't be done standing! Grandpa, turn the lights off.

-Grandpa? -Look!

Really beautiful.

I can make a she-dove too!

You're a total magician!

Yuck! Tarantula, a disgusting spider!

I know that one. Let's go!

I just want to talk, nothing more.

-Please take Valynka to the other room. -What?

You're directing it here somehow? You teach the kid some stupid trick

and then you feel entitled to demand obedience?

I don't know at all if I want to obey you!

-Anna, please. -Vally, come.

Ten minutes.

Let's sit down.

Mom says you're in a band again.

I'm interested!

And?

I couldn't have imagined a better start.

Come on! What kind of a clownery are you trying to pull off?

The only thing you've ever cared for is your jacked up ego.

You're right.

What do you mean I'm right?

It's not just about you.

-It's also about Mom and the little one! -How touching.

Mom's desperate seeing how you let the bastard beat you.

You have to cut him off, Natty!

Cut him off?

You know something about that, right?

Who do you think you are?

You impersonate Jesus Christ and want to do good?

You want to heal Lazarus?

You only want to have peace. It pisses you off! It disturbs you.

I only want to help you, Natalie. Really?

And why would you do that?

Is anybody asking you to? Be so kind, don't bother.

You exchanged us like old underwear!

And now you came to preach as an expert?

You're right, but I'd like to help you now. Okay.

But we'll manage even without your intervention.

-Like until now. -I'm buying a flat in Prague

so I have a place to live when I come. You guys can live there in the meantime.

Wait! Stop pretending to be a grandpa.

Being a grandpa means being a father first!

Such things happen, Natalie.

People break up. It's not a crime.

Was I supposed to apologize to you?

I could do nothing else but to wait for you.

-Somehow we still belong together, right? -We sure do.

Tell me about it. Mom and I know a lot about it.

The comrades knew it really well.

Everyone knew you here in this zoo,

they used to go look at you, feed you. And you ran away!

Is that being grateful?

I was only five.

I was five when you left us and ten when you bailed abroad.

They didn't give a fuck you threw us overboard!

It was enough Mom used to live with you and had a child with you.

So stop fuckin' around Valerie

and quit playing the grandpa.

Chop!

Ten minutes are up, the audience is over.

Valerie, pack up your stuff.

Where are you dragging her now at night?

To her daddy!

I told you not to wait for her!

I just wanted to see her since she didn't come.

Now she'll think I'm a traitor!

-I'll go and bring them back! -Sit on your butt and be quiet!

Where do you think she took her? To him?

I don't know! I don't know what goes on in her head.

Natalie? Are you crazy?

If someone snitches on you, the court will take her away!

Father's advice? Great, snitch on me!

Where are we going, Mom?

-Home. -I don't want to go home!

I don't want to go home! I want to go to Grandma and Grandpa!

Can you please open the door? My child ran away!

Open the fucking door, will you?!

Valerie!

Valerie!

Where did she go? Valerie ran away. Where are you?

Stay there.

Anna, wait! Somebody has to wait here if she returns.

-Where is Natalie, Anna? -Up in the park.

-Hey! Let the child go! -Wait, I'm taking her to you!

-Let her go! -Calm down, I'm taking her to you!

Aldo, get back!

I'll make coffee.

Keep sleeping,

I'll get better coffee in the hotel.

I missed your stupid jokes.

Thanks for staying.

Main thing it turned out alright.

How will you explain it?

I don't have to explain anything.

That's good.

Good morning.

I was trying to reach you the whole night, but your phone was off.

You know I was at Anna and Natalie's.

It wasn't easy, trust me.

Fabienne, my phone died. You don't have to leave because of that.

I've changed my mind, I'll go back with the ORPHANS.

I told you my phone died!

I would never let my phone die in such a situation.

What's your problem now?

You're done with theater and you're done with me.

What are you talking about?

My marriage fell apart too!

Like yours!

I found refuge in theater, in work.

Do you realize, Oskar,

I share the care for my son with my mom and sis?

And they both know him better?

At my age I don't have my own flat!

I'm afraid to stay alone.

I…

But I have no guarantees with you.

What can I do now, tell me?

If you'd written at least one text message.

Fabienne…

My phone died!

I went through some insane stuff, this is not the time!

You can't live with another person. You're a soloist.

So…

we're breaking up again?

Take one, I stole them from you.

Can I have one too?

Here.

You're such a bastard.

Hey!

Who are the orphans here?

This is total babble and lies!

I won't allow for anything like this to appear in the text!

Did you get that from Neumann, "The Golden Mouth"?

But I didn't talk to Mr. Neumann at all!

-You didn't go to see Neumann? -I did, but I only spoke to his wife.

I don't know her, she knows nothing.

She said I couldn't talk to him.

I'm not surprised.

Apparently Mr. Neumann's fallen seriously ill.

For sure.

She promised maybe later. When he's done with the chemo.

But…

Apparently, he's really tired.

Then who did you talk to?

That's bullshit! I was the one who tore his eyebrow

and he can feel lucky 'cause Max tore us apart.

It doesn't matter now.

But remember, without Max Neumann there would be nothing!

You couldn't wear him down, piss him off, stop him.

He walked around all those demeaning approval committees,

which none of us would have done,

bargained, evaded, charmed.

Max maybe raped grannies in the subway,

but he's always been a sacrificing, honest hard worker,

the body of our gang.

If Max was the body what was Viktor?

Maybe the reason.

No, the intellect.

And you?

I don't know.

Maybe the heart?

With a double bypass!

One thing's for sure. If I really missed someone when abroad,

it was Max and his invincible faith in what we did together.

And we stole that from him.

If I ever felt like a traitor it was because of Max.

It's beautiful here, right?

You like it here, I can see it.

They have azaleas here,

they're your most favorite, if I'm not mistaken.

I told you they have a greenhouse? You can grow your own flowers?

Matěj, are you hungry?

Mommy, he can't eat now. I'll be operating on him.

Mr. Neumann, get ready.

First, I'll use radiation.

-Matěj, where's the flashlight? -Leave me alone.

Mr. Neumann, we'll shine at you and the cancer will fly to hell!

See? It's flying away!

What a retarded game.

-Are you sleeping? -No.

IDIOTS

We're going out tonight?

'Cause you look so beautiful.

It's for you.

You need anything?

You're here. I have everything.

Herbs?

Oh, I see!

Finally some strong herbs!

You are so cunning.

No worries, I'll take these regularly!

Mom called…

-She said she knew some healer. -Matěj, come out now!

Some kind of a railroad man, but…

Max…

Mommy! Matěj doesn't want to play with me!

He locked himself up in the bathroom. Can you hear me?

What's the stench? Daddy, you pooped yourself, right? It's okay.

Here's a diaper. Come on, let's go.

But, Mr. Patient, why are you running away? I wanted to help you!

Mr. Patient, come back.

Matěj, please open up. I need to get in there.

Matěj! Open up!

What's this locking yourself in all the time?

-Yuck, again? -You should be ashamed!

Me? Why should I be ashamed?

-Mom? -Yeah?

Yes, Matěj?

Matěj?

He won't die, right?

Of course not.

Don't you know him?

That's true.

Thank you.

Tomorrow I'll get at least three sets of new sheets.

Get them in brown.

Nicely… pre-crapped.

I'm sorry, it really tickles.

You see this fir twig?

He said how many times per week we're supposed to perform this fir bath?

Just because of the trees.

Soon enough we'll be surrounded by a plain.

Thank God nobody saw us.

How do you know that?

You mean the hag who went by?

She was happy to see at all.

I can just see the headlines.

Odd couple, night after night, steals trees.

Do they need it? Max, what are you doing to us again?

Instead of weed they puff on pine!

You should call your mom. She'll get a kick out of it.

Sylva?

Sylva!

That's pretty.

You're so cold.

Come on, slip in.

Viktor.

You have it tough with me, right?

Don't be silly.

I have it beautiful with you.

-I hope it's fine I'm early. -We expected you.

I'll snap some pictures from the outside first…

Is there a problem?

-No. I just have to… -Go ahead.

I'll come to get you and you'll show me around.

Then we can discuss the price.

-Snap away. I'll make coffee. -You're so kind.

Kind. That's what I am.

We'll drink it in the garden.

-This is my wife Sylva. -Hello.

You know, sir, that after the golden hour comes the blue one?

Sorry, I haven't introduced myself, Štýbr, real estate agent.

-She's talking to me. -She calls you sir?

Sometimes she sees different people in me.

Father, brother, different classmates.

-Yesterday I was Ringo. -I see.

Sit down here, it's not covered by angels' crap.

You take cream?

Yes, I'd like cream, thank you.

Thank you.

Do you mind if I smoke?

Feel free. We'll take a shower later.

They want to buy it and tear it down?

What will be here instead?

My clients are purchasing all the surrounding properties.

I'm sorry, but…

Your wife… she's climbing a tree.

We can join her, it's it cozy up there. She was a tight rope walker.

I see.

I see you!

Do you mind if I use your bathroom?

Sure. Inside, up the stairs and to the left.

Yeah, I'll push it down as much as possible.

Yeah, they do need cash.

Yes, the roof is falling on their heads.

I don't know who he is, some circus guy.

He has a kooky wife who climbs trees.

Yeah, fine. I'm okay!

It's a home run.

I'll be in touch.

You've read the offer. It's very decent under the circumstances.

I'm sorry. I haven't smoked in years. But I feel like one now.

Of course.

Thank you.

Excellent! Look, Mr. Štýbr.

You think I'm a freak.

But you're not the only buyer. And they offer twice as much.

You need to buy it, I don't have to sell it.

We freaks like it here.

Maybe we misunderstood each other, let's review it point by point.

Your competition is here in twenty, I can introduce you.

Can I make a call?

No need to go to the bathroom because of that.

Have you seen them?

They were just here.

They were just here!

-Have you seen them? -What?

What, what…

They were just here.

What are you looking for?

Hair!

At least I'll reminisce.

For you?

Still hopeful?

But you'd like to reminisce, right?

We all have a perm now!

Drop it! It's a serious thing!

I…

I wanted to talk to you before your wife comes to get you.

It seems the prognosis looks good, we intercepted it and stopped it.

Ninety percent of the tumor is practically gone.

To be ninety nine percent sure that we're in the clear,

as you know, there's the surgery option.

Let's recap the positives, Doctor. You'll stitch up my butt

and make a hole in my belly with screw-on threads.

Are you going to tell me not to take it lightly?

You're free to do anything, Mr. Neumann.

And the negatives?

Most likely it will mean the end of your sex life.

Look. It's a delicate place and the intervention is drastic.

It doesn't have to happen…

Hi. Hello.

Hello.

Are we going home?

Max, I don't care where you have what hole. I love you.

-I just had to say it out loud. -You didn't have to say anything.

You're thirty five.

I'm almost sixty.

-We went through this in the beginning! -That was different.

What do you want me to do? I have two kids with you, Max!

I knew what I was doing, I figured it out long time ago.

That's what you think now.

What are you hinting at?

It insults me! And who knows what's going to happen to you?

In the prognosis report.

I don't give a damn about prognosis reports, you know!

You'll miss it and you'll be ashamed of it.

I just want you to know you don't have to tell me anything.

I'm sorry.

Don't cry.

I'm sorry.

Wait.

Here it is, here.

-Good evening. -Good evening.

Sorry to raid you unannounced at night.

-It's no problem, come in. -Who is it?

Wow, good evening, Professor.

I feel so embarrassed, but…

I don't want you to write about this.

Of course I can't ban you, but I can ask you kindly.

I know it was a lot of work, but, please,

burn it, destroy it, throw it away and write about something else.

But about what?

I have a ton of interesting material…

Wait, it's here somewhere.

Here! For example, Twyla Tharp

or Min Tanaka.

The crap I told you, I just can't sign under that.

We're not critics, we're actors.

And actors have to act!

That's our purpose, right?

Can we see him?

We have a complication.

You said the surgery went without any problems!

Listen, it's a radical intervention into the digestive system.

The body can refuse to accept the colostomy bag.

What does it mean?

-We're trying to stop it. -What?

Hiccups. Trying to stop hiccups. He's under control. He's getting the IV.

You have a problem stopping regular hiccups?

It seems trivial, but it's not. The spasms can tear up the stitches.

-I want to see him! -Your husband is in the ER!

That's it…

Alright.

And now try to hiccup!

I can see the obituary.

After the case of long and malicious hiccups,

we were left abruptly by our beloved dad, grandpa and jackass.

Have you ever heard anything more stupid?

-Hiccupped to death at the age of 60. -But…

Look.

Hey! Are you messing around again?

In the spotlight again? You just have to be the center of attention!

Oskar, you moron.

Where did you come from?

They called me and said they had no clue what to do with you.

That's touching you came to my dernière.

We're still going to raise hell! The world will crap its pants!

Are you hiding behind a merciful deceit?

I swear!

You won't weasel out of this one. I'm taking your word for it.

Alright, shake on it.

You forgot what I taught you?

The best thing for hiccups is to drink a few shots on an empty stomach,

-then stick your finger down your throat. -I keep telling them that.

You think anybody listens to me?

Doctor, one shot for this gentleman!

It's beautiful here, right?

You like it here, I can see it.

It pleases you.

They have azaleas here, they're your favorite if I'm not mistaken.

I told you they have a greenhouse? You can grow your own flowers?

I want to go home!

Hello. My name is Dr. Jílek.

Looking forward to having you! Should we go look at our home?

I hear you like flowers. Do you have a greenhouse?

You do now.

Should we go see it?

Make it shorter.

Make it shorter.

I know.

No.

-What now? -Piano!

Right!

No!

-Excellent! -Beautiful!

Like this, for now.

Who will play the third man?

I could acquaint him with the biological catastrophe.

It ripped off again, I can't act with it.

If it splatters the audience it will be some HE WHO LAUGHS LAST.

Lauber played it then, right? The third man.

-Yes. -I thought Fabienne could do it.

-I'll have to tape this thing. -That's an interesting idea.

It's a necessity!

I mean Fabienne.

-She's too pretty for it. -Thank you.

If she just uglied herself up… Grossed herself up.

Wasn't the poetry in the fact it was played by three guys then?

-Aren't we losing something? -Not at all! On the contrary!

Well, we can try it…

I think you're right. I told him exactly the same thing.

We'll try it!

But it won't be HE WHO LAUGHS LAST.

This is HE WHO LAUGHS LAST, you jerk! We're over sixty!

It's like when they take cigarettes from you.

You lean on a cigarette the whole life,

dress yourself in smoke, cover yourself with it,

hide all your embarrassments and hopes in it.

Suddenly they take them away and you're like naked.

That's how I feel now.

Like naked.

I don't stand behind what Mr. Lauber said about the three of you.

What do you want me to say?

No, that's not what it is?

Lauber is a bitter sour can of poison?

No.

Not anymore.

I heard you're preparing a performance together.

You think Mr. Lauber would crawl up on stage with an artistic corpse,

dried up snot, with a bag of shit?

I know what he says about me.

And I'm not going to counter anything.

I'll just fill in some blanks.

Hi, Viktor.

I just happen to be passing by.

Will you let me in?

The door just happens to be open.

We needed a fairy then.

You want coffee, right?

How did you know?

We performed The Three Brothers Grimm, our last show.

A fairytale, actually, more like a horror story.

Until then we acted the female roles

but we needed a real fairy now.

Oskar brought one to us.

How about some Hungarian pörkölt?

I'll have some.

Haven't had it in twenty five years.

You know, I didn't even miss it.

Then go fuck yourself.

I wish I could.

She'd been dating Oskar for over a year.

Everyone knew. She studied the last year of acting school.

She was dreamy, fantastic.

She sang, wrote poems, walked as if floating ten inches off the ground.

All your dreams personified in her. Everybody was jealous of Oskar,

would have burnt their bridges if only she nodded at them.

Oskar divorced because of her, left his family, daughter, burned all bridges.

Brought her to us and said: "This is our fairy, boys."

We couldn't have had a better fairy. She was amazing,

she would shine.

But during the fifth reprise it ended up with a torn eyebrow.

Crash. The end.

Can I get to know her?

Of course you know her.

She's been living with Viktor Lauber for thirty years.

I see.

What should I do with this now?

You know what? Keep it.

I've already erased it from my computer.

Feel free to throw it away.

Thank you.

Very good year!

-It's Cote du Rhone. -I love Cote du Rhone.

What if we shot it as a film?

Are you nuts?

-Who would play the third man? -Orson Welles.

-Yeah, right. -Who would direct it?

Well, Orson Welles!

Thank you all very much…

Oskar!

Oskar, wait!

-Go fuck yourself! -Oskar, please!

I had one fuckin' condition!

It's been almost forty years! Oskar.

Listen!

Stop messing around.

Oskar! He came to see you.

So what, asshole? Should I crap myself or what?

The prick should go fuck himself. But I didn't expect it from you.

You know what? It's yours. Everything! Go for it!

Oskar! Fuck! Come back!

Eat shit. Eat shit!

-Where is Oskar? -He left.

Max! Are you ok?

It ripped off.

-And it's pouring out. -I'll call a cab.

Bullshit! Can't you smell it?

So… what are we going to do?

-We'll go home. -How?

I don't know. Fuck!

And Oskar? Nothing?

-What's that…? -That's shit, Karel.

Old shit, 'cause we fuckin' shat all over it.

Come, please.

-Okay? Calmly! -Come!

Dignified! Let's go.

Can I get you something?

-No. Thank you, I think I'll go. -No, no, come, join us.

-Maybe for a minute. -Please. It'll be fine.

Come and join us! Vodka?

-Okay, I'd like that. -Three vodkas, please.

Should we walk instead?

Why?

ARIANNA PATISSERIE

…during the music lesson, you see?

Please, nothing stupid now!

-Look, your folks! -Hello!

Hello!

Hi, stinkers.

Don't forget to pick up Vendulka.

-Yuck! The stench! -What's that smell?

Dad.

The stench!

Dad!

That thing came off. It happens to everyone in the beginning.

Really?

Let's go before the teachers show up.

-I'll fan off the flies. -You two were looking for each other.

-But it's heavy-duty, Dad! -Right?!

A real guy is supposed to be ugly, dirty and stinky.

But not that much!

-What do you think, Mom? -It's not that bad, though.

It's like an old, rotten watermelon.

Watermelon maybe, but why old?

Sylva!

Sylva!

Sylva!

It's me.

You can't stay here. Come.

It's cold. Come!

Wait, wait. There we go.

-Who is it? -Max.

Why don't you answer?

Pick it up!

Hello?

It's you, Max?

Sorry, my cell died.

I can hear you.

I wish for you to burn in fire

Sparked from ice

I wish for you to feel the pain

I can't feel no more

That everything you'd started

Ends without a warning

So I can tell you after

Soften your lips and close your eyes

I wish you to be mute

Like a pillar of salt

In loneliness that

Will always embrace you

And you'll suffer from thirst

So bad your head will spin

And then I'll say quietly

Soften your lips and close your eyes

I wish for ships to fly up

That are sinking to the bottom

I wish after your voice

Never to look back

And for you not to find happiness,

Until I step in

And then I say quietly

Soften your lips and close your eyes

Sylva.

It's warm.

Should we go for a little walk?

I have to ask my husband.

Shall we go for a walk?

-Why not? -Good.

Join us.

I'll drive you.

I'll take a cab.

Cut it out and come on.

You think I'll crawl into that piece of crap?

Piece of crap?

He said piece of crap?

Sorry.

Yes, he said piece of crap. I heard it with my own ears!

But this is a French piece of crap!

Well, in that case.

And this is what?

Air conditioning!

Dude!

It'll be here in half an hour.

I'll call a cab, then.

I can take you if you want.

Are you coming with us?

Thanks, I'll wait.

What's it called here?

I don't know, but it's the final stop.

Of what?

Of the three.

No.

Of 125.

I'd like a smoke.

What kind of crap is this?