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1
00:00:08,270 --> 00:00:11,240
Uh, the TA was asking about you
in the chem section.
2
00:00:11,270 --> 00:00:13,340
I said you were feeling a bit
under the weather.
3
00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:15,910
So I got you some, um...
4
00:00:15,940 --> 00:00:17,750
O... What...
5
00:00:17,780 --> 00:00:19,150
Os-Oscillio...
6
00:00:19,180 --> 00:00:22,050
Osclio...
7
00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:24,150
Oc-Occlio.
8
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:26,260
Oak-Oaknium.
9
00:00:26,290 --> 00:00:29,230
Oc-Occlioscosnium.
10
00:00:29,260 --> 00:00:30,430
Osio...
11
00:00:30,460 --> 00:00:32,260
Oscli... uh, Occlioco...
12
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:33,760
Oscillococcinum, that's...
13
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,076
that's the correct
pronunciation, there.
14
00:00:35,100 --> 00:00:37,570
So...
15
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,030
take one of those.
16
00:00:42,770 --> 00:00:44,010
Oh, my God.
17
00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:45,240
Siri,
18
00:00:45,270 --> 00:00:47,110
call 911.
19
00:00:47,140 --> 00:00:49,110
- I'm not sure I got that. Can you...
- Siri...
20
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:51,010
She was fine last night.
21
00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:52,380
And then, this morning,
22
00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:54,450
she asked me to go
get her some NyQuil.
23
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,066
And I said, "NyQuil?
Don't you mean DayQuil?
24
00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:58,050
Because then you're gonna
fall asleep."
25
00:00:58,090 --> 00:01:00,190
She said, "I want
to sleep all day." And then...
26
00:01:00,220 --> 00:01:02,630
and then I ended up getting some
oles-olescoleum.
27
00:01:02,660 --> 00:01:05,360
- Clecleum?
- Do you have a dorm advisor
28
00:01:05,390 --> 00:01:06,630
or someone who can...
29
00:01:06,660 --> 00:01:08,060
What the fuck?!
30
00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:09,600
I thought you said she was dead!
31
00:01:09,630 --> 00:01:11,406
Her vitals were at zero,
I checked them three times.
32
00:01:11,430 --> 00:01:13,270
Oh, my... I-I'm sorry.
33
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,200
I'm so sorry, um...
34
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:18,270
you should bill me because I'm
still on my parents' insurance.
35
00:01:18,310 --> 00:01:20,380
- Uh, ma'am, you were dead.
- I'm fine now, so...
36
00:01:20,410 --> 00:01:21,910
I'm fine.
37
00:01:21,940 --> 00:01:23,450
I still think you should come
38
00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:26,080
- to the hospital, ma'am.
- Oh, no, no.
39
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,480
I'm fine.
40
00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:28,880
Ma'am, you are not fine.
41
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:31,050
("You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing)
42
00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:33,560
♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long ♪
43
00:01:33,590 --> 00:01:36,060
♪ They have no use
for your song ♪
44
00:01:36,090 --> 00:01:38,730
♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead ♪
45
00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,100
♪ You're dead
and out of this world ♪
46
00:01:43,130 --> 00:01:46,170
♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone ♪
47
00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:48,970
♪ You sold out your dream
to the world ♪
48
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,270
♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead ♪
49
00:01:51,310 --> 00:01:53,940
♪ You're dead
and out of this world. ♪
50
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:06,620
Was I disappointed
51
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:09,690
I wasn't turned into a vampire?
52
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,590
Yes.
53
00:02:11,630 --> 00:02:12,800
Heartbroken.
54
00:02:12,830 --> 00:02:15,630
But I think it's because...
55
00:02:15,660 --> 00:02:17,600
I need to learn patience.
56
00:02:17,630 --> 00:02:19,100
And my master's
57
00:02:19,130 --> 00:02:20,700
been really good to me lately.
58
00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:22,870
How is it looking, Guillermo?
59
00:02:24,510 --> 00:02:26,210
It looks like
I'm flying, Master.
60
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:27,780
Woo-hoo.
61
00:02:27,810 --> 00:02:29,310
Woo-hoo!
62
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:31,310
I'm a vampire!
63
00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:32,680
You are not, though.
64
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,620
We have total dominion
65
00:02:34,650 --> 00:02:36,550
from here... to here.
66
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:39,220
So that's two streets.
67
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:41,860
Our street and Ashley's street.
68
00:02:41,890 --> 00:02:44,560
Yes. I lied a bit.
69
00:02:44,590 --> 00:02:46,900
Actually, it's from
there to there.
70
00:02:46,930 --> 00:02:49,900
So we have dominion
over five houses?
71
00:02:52,370 --> 00:02:54,540
We need to reach out
to some other vampires.
72
00:02:54,570 --> 00:02:56,840
Consider joining
dominions to secure
73
00:02:56,870 --> 00:02:58,340
our stranglehold
over the region.
74
00:02:58,370 --> 00:03:01,080
- Yes.
- Yes.
75
00:03:01,110 --> 00:03:02,880
Simon the Devious
76
00:03:02,910 --> 00:03:05,410
is a vampire we have known
for centuries.
77
00:03:05,450 --> 00:03:07,050
Our coffins were all together
on the ship
78
00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:08,850
that brought us over to America.
79
00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,090
We used to hide
down in the hole,
80
00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,220
then whisper jokes
to each other.
81
00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:15,760
Crawl around, tickle each other,
have a lovely time.
82
00:03:15,790 --> 00:03:17,830
And then we would
climb up to the top deck
83
00:03:17,860 --> 00:03:21,060
and just breathe in the sea air
and seduce and kill sailors.
84
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:22,270
We went to Staten Island,
85
00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:24,170
he went to Mana-hatta.
86
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:25,770
And he very quickly became
87
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,600
the king
of the Manhattan vampires.
88
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,670
And he was only 107, which...
89
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:32,380
You know, real boy wonder.
Very clever.
90
00:03:32,410 --> 00:03:33,910
He's not that clever.
91
00:03:33,940 --> 00:03:35,240
Okay, who's cleverer, then?
92
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,050
Stavros the Clever.
93
00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:38,780
He died tripping on his cape
94
00:03:38,810 --> 00:03:41,420
at a wooden stake sale
at the garden center.
95
00:03:41,450 --> 00:03:44,720
Simon's HQ is this
fantastic nightclub
96
00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:46,590
called the Sassy Cat Club
in Mana-hatta.
97
00:03:46,620 --> 00:03:48,360
We used to go
all the time in the '20s.
98
00:03:48,390 --> 00:03:50,890
And we would do the Charleston
99
00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:53,630
and the Peabody, and we'd drink
some very nice blood
100
00:03:53,660 --> 00:03:55,200
from some very nice goblets.
101
00:03:55,230 --> 00:03:56,406
You have to wear
a cape in there.
102
00:03:56,430 --> 00:03:58,930
Yes.
Everyone is in a cape.
103
00:03:58,970 --> 00:04:00,440
And if you don't wear a cape,
104
00:04:00,470 --> 00:04:02,046
you'll look like a
Fuck Me Knee-trembler.
105
00:04:02,070 --> 00:04:03,370
Laszlo!
106
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,910
He's right, though.
107
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:07,010
If you don't, you'd look like
a right little tart.
108
00:04:08,110 --> 00:04:10,250
How's this for the city?
109
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:11,950
Oh, yes.
110
00:04:11,980 --> 00:04:14,780
You look like a beautiful
piece of wallpaper.
111
00:04:14,820 --> 00:04:16,080
It needs a cape.
112
00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:17,720
Hmm? Really?
113
00:04:17,750 --> 00:04:19,290
Yeah.
The bigger the better.
114
00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:21,490
Run.
115
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:23,960
We're going into
the city tonight.
116
00:04:23,990 --> 00:04:26,260
We're going to party and dance
117
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:29,970
and form a power alliance
with the Manhattan vampires
118
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,740
so that we can crush the humans.
119
00:04:32,770 --> 00:04:35,270
No offense.
120
00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:37,410
I found it.
121
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,270
Thoughts?
122
00:04:39,310 --> 00:04:40,740
Looks like it's alive.
123
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,010
Good eye.
124
00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:43,980
It's 100% witch skin.
125
00:04:44,010 --> 00:04:46,320
Simon was always very jealous
of this hat.
126
00:04:46,350 --> 00:04:48,580
I can't wait to see
his face when I walk in.
127
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:50,290
Please don't wear that hat.
128
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:51,990
- Too stylish?
- No.
129
00:04:52,020 --> 00:04:53,460
It's a big,
bloody stupid hat with
130
00:04:53,490 --> 00:04:54,920
a big, bloody stupid
curse on it.
131
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,120
And every time you wear it,
132
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:58,490
something bloody
stupid terrible happens.
133
00:04:58,530 --> 00:05:01,530
- Nonsense. Gizmo likes it, don't you?
- It's Guillermo.
134
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,430
Laszlo's stupid hat.
135
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,330
It's got a bloody huge
curse on it.
136
00:05:05,370 --> 00:05:07,670
I have tried to throw it out
many times,
137
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:09,670
but it keeps crawling back.
Literally.
138
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,310
I acquired this hat
139
00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:14,880
while draining the blood
of a Bavarian Hexenbrenner,
140
00:05:14,910 --> 00:05:16,480
or witch burner.
141
00:05:16,510 --> 00:05:18,610
He must've noticed me eyeing it,
142
00:05:18,650 --> 00:05:20,020
'cause in his dying breath,
143
00:05:20,050 --> 00:05:22,890
he said, "Take my hat, it's
144
00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:24,790
cuh..."
145
00:05:24,820 --> 00:05:26,690
"Yes, it is cool," I thought.
146
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:28,290
Free hat.
147
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:29,660
Even better.
148
00:05:29,690 --> 00:05:31,530
Think of all the things
that have happened.
149
00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:33,530
The potato famine,
that time that that horse
150
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:35,360
knocked you over
and trampled over you.
151
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,170
- No, it didn't.
- Then it started making love to you?
152
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:39,670
I don't consider that a curse.
153
00:05:39,700 --> 00:05:41,700
- It's growing human hair.
- Exactly.
154
00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:45,510
My new familiar, he likes it.
Don't you, Dustin?
155
00:05:45,540 --> 00:05:47,510
- It's Justin.
- Yes, have a touch.
156
00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:52,720
That was our new familiar.
157
00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:55,220
Adieu.
158
00:05:55,250 --> 00:05:57,320
It's that bloody cursed hat,
Laszlo!
159
00:05:57,350 --> 00:05:59,366
It's got nothing to do with
the hat. It's the bookshelf.
160
00:05:59,390 --> 00:06:01,460
Which I charged you to fix.
161
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,700
This hat is not cursed.
162
00:06:08,730 --> 00:06:10,430
Oh, hey.
163
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:13,670
Uh, I-I overheard that you might
be going to Manhattan.
164
00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:16,040
I-I'd love to tag along.
165
00:06:20,710 --> 00:06:22,280
Ooh.
166
00:06:22,310 --> 00:06:25,110
Look at the skyline, Guillermo.
167
00:06:25,150 --> 00:06:26,680
Yes, Master.
168
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,920
Steady, Guillermo.
169
00:06:28,950 --> 00:06:31,290
It's a bit shaky.
170
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,420
I don't want water on my cape.
171
00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:35,520
I'll have a soggy cape.
172
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,460
Why are we stuck
in bloody traffic, Laszlo?
173
00:06:37,490 --> 00:06:38,930
- I don't know.
- Cursed hat.
174
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:41,800
That man on the sidewalk
looks a bit sad. Curse.
175
00:06:41,830 --> 00:06:44,300
Why does this car smell bad?
It's the curse.
176
00:06:44,330 --> 00:06:45,630
Look, you can say that
all night.
177
00:06:45,670 --> 00:06:47,370
I'm gonna be wearing this hat.
178
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,310
I am a bit nervous
about seeing Simon.
179
00:06:50,340 --> 00:06:52,480
In the old days,
it would not have been my style
180
00:06:52,510 --> 00:06:53,940
to make an alliance.
181
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:56,710
I would have slaughtered
my neighbors in battle.
182
00:06:56,750 --> 00:07:00,380
But then you wake up
and you think,
183
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,950
"I've got no neighbors."
184
00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:08,290
What if I want
to borrow something?
185
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:09,930
I'm ready to make a change.
186
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:12,060
My old boar.
187
00:07:12,090 --> 00:07:13,760
Barry.
188
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,960
He's always smiling.
189
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,470
Ready to make
190
00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:20,340
a friend.
191
00:07:20,370 --> 00:07:22,100
I'll do the talking.
192
00:07:22,140 --> 00:07:26,480
I invite you in.
193
00:07:26,510 --> 00:07:28,380
Oh, it's so dingy.
194
00:07:30,310 --> 00:07:32,150
Everyone looks like Billy Idol.
195
00:07:32,180 --> 00:07:34,020
It's a sexy Marmaduke.
196
00:07:34,050 --> 00:07:35,420
This is lively.
197
00:07:35,450 --> 00:07:38,350
We are the only ones
wearing capes.
198
00:07:38,390 --> 00:07:40,360
Shall we look
for Simon the Devious?
199
00:07:40,390 --> 00:07:43,830
Let's mingle
until the others get here.
200
00:07:43,860 --> 00:07:45,330
Mingling...
201
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:46,830
mingling.
202
00:07:46,860 --> 00:07:48,630
Mingling with you.
203
00:07:48,660 --> 00:07:51,470
- Hi.
- I-I'm gonna go look for the bathroom.
204
00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:52,500
Oh, Guillermo.
205
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:55,370
Be careful you don't get... pfft.
206
00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:59,210
Why don't you go and mingle?
207
00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:00,610
Oh, I don't think so.
208
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,950
Uh, my stomach's feeling
a little iffy.
209
00:08:02,980 --> 00:08:04,480
Gas.
210
00:08:04,510 --> 00:08:06,520
So, I think I'll just
stick with you tonight.
211
00:08:07,580 --> 00:08:09,480
Okay.
212
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:12,190
- Laszlo, what is taking so long?
- I say, cabbie.
213
00:08:12,220 --> 00:08:14,360
I've got my cape
caught in the door.
214
00:08:14,390 --> 00:08:16,390
- Well, yank it out.
- What the hell
215
00:08:16,420 --> 00:08:18,460
do you think I've been doing?
216
00:08:18,490 --> 00:08:20,500
Fuck...!
217
00:08:20,530 --> 00:08:22,700
You're fucking kidding.
218
00:08:24,330 --> 00:08:26,370
You stay there.
219
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:27,670
I'll come to you.
220
00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:29,870
- Oh, for fuck's sake!
- Oh, that bloody hat.
221
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,340
Whoa! Fuck me.
222
00:08:32,370 --> 00:08:33,580
Fu...
223
00:08:43,050 --> 00:08:44,990
You haven't tried that?
224
00:08:45,020 --> 00:08:46,860
It's like, one,
then two, then three.
225
00:08:46,890 --> 00:08:49,160
And then you get
where we are now.
226
00:08:49,190 --> 00:08:51,030
But it's...
227
00:08:51,060 --> 00:08:52,930
Yeah.
228
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:55,230
- Hey.
- Hey.
229
00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:57,530
Colby.
230
00:08:57,570 --> 00:09:00,200
Familiar of Xanthos the Cruel
and Radenka the Brutal.
231
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,940
- Ah.
- This is the familiar room.
232
00:09:02,970 --> 00:09:04,270
Yep.
233
00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:07,110
Amalta, Mischa, Jameson.
234
00:09:07,140 --> 00:09:09,440
- Sam.
- O-Oh, Sam is a...
235
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:10,710
Sam's a familiar.
236
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:14,080
Sam's a cat.
Guillermo, hi.
237
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,420
Nandor the Relentless,
so, nice to meet you.
238
00:09:16,450 --> 00:09:18,690
Wait, Nandor the Relentless
of the Upper West Side?
239
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:20,360
No, that's, uh,
Nancy the Relentless.
240
00:09:20,390 --> 00:09:21,796
People think...
W-We're Staten Island.
241
00:09:21,820 --> 00:09:24,190
Cool.
242
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,630
So you know, we have our street
243
00:09:26,660 --> 00:09:28,430
and also Ashley's street.
244
00:09:28,460 --> 00:09:31,030
You know, we've just, uh,
been busy over in Staten Island.
245
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,540
- We're going to form an alliance.
- So tell me.
246
00:09:33,570 --> 00:09:36,200
Are you currently adjoined
to any other vampires?
247
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:38,770
Uh, n-no. No, I...
248
00:09:38,810 --> 00:09:40,416
- Let's just go up to the roof and...
- Hey, hey.
249
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:42,040
Do either of you two know
250
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,550
what this building used to be?
251
00:09:44,580 --> 00:09:46,550
This building used to be owned
252
00:09:46,580 --> 00:09:48,820
by Hescher-Schmitz Farrier.
253
00:09:48,850 --> 00:09:51,820
A farrier deals
with equine foot care.
254
00:09:51,850 --> 00:09:53,590
Kind of a Nike for horses.
255
00:09:53,620 --> 00:09:56,060
Yes, everyone knows that.
Listen, Colin.
256
00:09:56,090 --> 00:09:58,130
Why must you come here
and interrupt me
257
00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:01,330
- when I am talking to...
- Who are you talking to, Nandor?
258
00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:02,600
It...
259
00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:09,000
What did...?
260
00:10:12,110 --> 00:10:13,980
- Fuck has happened in here?
- Oh, my...
261
00:10:14,010 --> 00:10:15,810
This is a travesty.
262
00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:17,580
What took you so long?
263
00:10:17,610 --> 00:10:19,580
His fucking stupid hat.
264
00:10:19,610 --> 00:10:20,980
Why aren't they wearing capes?
265
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:23,820
Looks like anyone can be
a vampire in Mana-hatta.
266
00:10:23,850 --> 00:10:25,590
Look at him.
267
00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:27,590
Sod this, I'm gonna get a drink.
268
00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:29,420
So how long have you
been a familiar?
269
00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:31,160
You don't look very familiar.
270
00:10:31,190 --> 00:10:32,660
Ah.
271
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:35,200
I see what you did
there, but, uh, ten years.
272
00:10:35,230 --> 00:10:37,630
- Ten years? A decade.
- Yeah.
273
00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:40,170
It's considered being
an expert to some people.
274
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:41,976
- All right. Okay.
- Which way is the bathroom?
275
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,610
I'm here for the bathroom.
276
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,040
- You're standing in it.
- Oh, is that what that is?
277
00:10:46,070 --> 00:10:48,980
Oh, the buckets.
They gave them to us when they
278
00:10:49,010 --> 00:10:50,156
thought we were
going to unionize.
279
00:10:50,180 --> 00:10:51,480
Do you not read the newsletter?
280
00:10:51,510 --> 00:10:53,280
There's a newsletter?
281
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,520
- There is a newsletter.
- I can give you my e-mail.
282
00:10:55,550 --> 00:10:58,190
Colby, it's time to leave.
283
00:10:58,220 --> 00:11:00,360
- Oh, those are your...
- Yeah, I'm their...
284
00:11:00,390 --> 00:11:02,066
I'm their familiar.
They're like, 400 years old
285
00:11:02,090 --> 00:11:04,160
but I have to play their parent,
I'm their "Dad"
286
00:11:04,190 --> 00:11:06,800
- so no one gets suspicious.
- Now, Colby.
287
00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:08,530
Y-You better go.
288
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:10,330
Let's go, kids.
289
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:13,000
Daddy's coming.
Let's go.
290
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,640
Oh.
291
00:11:15,670 --> 00:11:17,710
Excuse me, Sam.
292
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:23,410
All right, Big Vlad,
light me up.
293
00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:25,010
Simon! Simon!
294
00:11:25,050 --> 00:11:27,250
This is insane.
Who would do this?
295
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:28,696
- Simon! Simon! Simon! Simon!
- Are you ready for this?
296
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,590
Abbadon, watch.
Are you watching?
297
00:11:30,620 --> 00:11:34,060
Oh, boy,
we are having fun tonight.
298
00:11:35,790 --> 00:11:37,660
Don't look so scared.
299
00:11:37,690 --> 00:11:41,100
Understandably,
life is filled with mysteries.
300
00:11:41,130 --> 00:11:43,000
And for our next mystery...
301
00:11:43,030 --> 00:11:44,870
- Simon!
- Nadja?
302
00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:46,670
Hey!
303
00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:48,770
Nadja!
304
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,610
What a sight for sore eyes.
305
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:53,940
- I haven't seen you in ages.
- Simon.
306
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:55,540
Look at you.
307
00:11:55,580 --> 00:11:58,250
Don't you look wonderful?
308
00:11:58,280 --> 00:11:59,750
Fucking bloodle service.
309
00:11:59,780 --> 00:12:01,750
I wanted this five minutes ago.
310
00:12:01,780 --> 00:12:03,620
I'm talking to Nadja now.
311
00:12:03,650 --> 00:12:04,750
Please, please.
312
00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:07,790
So, what are you up to?
313
00:12:07,820 --> 00:12:10,730
Well, I'm, uh, uh, living in...
on the Staten Island.
314
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:14,260
- Uh-huh...
- And things are going very, very, very good.
315
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,030
- Good? Good.
- Very good. Yes.
316
00:12:16,060 --> 00:12:18,700
Oh, I'm so happy to hear that,
'cause I worry about you.
317
00:12:18,730 --> 00:12:21,570
- Aw...
- Come, come, come, come, come, come, come.
318
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,570
You know, I worry about you
because I hear all these stories
319
00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:28,540
about all these vampires,
and they slowly spiral out
320
00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:32,050
and then they get stuck
in this real complacency.
321
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:35,820
Then, eventually,
they just... fade away.
322
00:12:35,850 --> 00:12:37,820
- But not you.
- No way.
323
00:12:37,850 --> 00:12:40,260
You're-you're in Staten Island.
324
00:12:40,290 --> 00:12:42,160
- Well, yes.
- And Laszlo and Nandor?
325
00:12:42,190 --> 00:12:43,660
Have you spoken
to them recently?
326
00:12:43,690 --> 00:12:46,730
Uh, well, actually,
they're somewhere here.
327
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:48,730
No!
328
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:50,670
- Yes.
- Impossible!
329
00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:52,100
Well, we should
all have a drink.
330
00:12:52,130 --> 00:12:54,010
I would love to catch up
with those two rascals.
331
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,840
Ah, there you are.
332
00:12:56,870 --> 00:12:59,470
Had my eye on you all night,
little one.
333
00:12:59,510 --> 00:13:01,686
- Oh, I-I, I'm just, uh...
- Yeah, whatever it is you're "just,"
334
00:13:01,710 --> 00:13:04,650
you just found it right here.
Sweet release from life.
335
00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:07,780
- Uh, I like life.
- And I'm just, uh... Guillermo.
336
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:10,020
Oh.
337
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:11,750
Something I can
help you with, friend?
338
00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:14,690
Uh, well, not really, but...
339
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,160
Oh, were you gonna...
340
00:13:17,190 --> 00:13:19,360
- No, no, no. No.
- 'Cause I was thinking...
341
00:13:19,390 --> 00:13:21,300
- Okay. Well, okay.
- Yeah?
342
00:13:21,330 --> 00:13:23,630
- I'd prefer it if you didn't.
- Why?
343
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,300
He's kind of my familiar.
344
00:13:26,330 --> 00:13:27,840
- How could I know?
- No, I...
345
00:13:27,870 --> 00:13:29,316
No, honest mistake.
Y-You don't have to apologize.
346
00:13:29,340 --> 00:13:31,516
- I will. I must apologize, I'm so sorry. I-I...
- Fine, honestly,
347
00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:33,510
look, if you really had
your heart set on it,
348
00:13:33,540 --> 00:13:34,616
- don't let me stand in your way.
- Well, I'd love to... What?
349
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,140
Not at all.
This is my discourtesy.
350
00:13:36,180 --> 00:13:38,380
- And I feel bad.
- I mean, I'm okay with it if...
351
00:13:38,410 --> 00:13:40,880
- I mean, you can if you like.
- No. No. No. I do apologize.
352
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,890
- Cheers. Okay? Rock and roll.
- Yes.
353
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:44,820
Wow!
354
00:13:44,850 --> 00:13:47,490
No, I wasn't going
to let him eat you.
355
00:13:50,190 --> 00:13:52,390
Guillermo!
356
00:13:54,860 --> 00:13:57,000
Simon The Devious will see you.
357
00:13:57,030 --> 00:13:58,830
Okay. Great. Uh,
358
00:13:58,870 --> 00:14:00,640
- your hat is bleeding.
- I know.
359
00:14:00,670 --> 00:14:02,140
You must
360
00:14:02,170 --> 00:14:05,240
kill someone in the Hamptons.
It's just...
361
00:14:05,270 --> 00:14:07,180
Laszlo! Nandor?
362
00:14:07,210 --> 00:14:10,680
Aren't you a sight
for sore eyes?
363
00:14:10,710 --> 00:14:12,810
Pleasure to see
you again, Simon.
364
00:14:12,850 --> 00:14:15,350
- And look at you.
- Nadja said you're doing well.
365
00:14:15,380 --> 00:14:17,590
And now I see you in your capes,
366
00:14:17,620 --> 00:14:21,160
and I think "Well, you haven't
lost your senses of humor."
367
00:14:21,190 --> 00:14:24,330
- You're married?
- Yes.
368
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:25,766
Well, your behavior with me
did not preclude you
369
00:14:25,790 --> 00:14:27,270
- to be married.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
370
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:30,730
I had forgotten because of her
physical behavior with me.
371
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,740
Oh, when was the last time
we were all together?
372
00:14:33,770 --> 00:14:36,840
The bicentennial, 1976.
373
00:14:36,870 --> 00:14:41,010
Yes, you told that joke
about that group of sailors.
374
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:42,380
Yes. Uh,
375
00:14:42,410 --> 00:14:45,680
"It's like a virtual
smorgasbord of seamen"?
376
00:14:51,620 --> 00:14:54,160
That's it.
377
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:59,560
But I haven't even introduced
you to my crew,
378
00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:01,300
the Leather Skins.
379
00:15:01,330 --> 00:15:04,100
Of course,
that's Big Vlad behind you.
380
00:15:04,130 --> 00:15:06,270
Abbadon, Empusa.
381
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:08,800
We've got the Freak sisters
over there,
382
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,740
they're two sisters
and they are not related.
383
00:15:10,770 --> 00:15:12,310
That's Little Vlad.
384
00:15:12,340 --> 00:15:13,740
The guy's a fucking maniac.
385
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,980
We've got Mister 50s.
386
00:15:16,010 --> 00:15:19,280
We've got S, and that's because
her name is Sarah.
387
00:15:19,310 --> 00:15:21,220
We've got Evil Steve.
388
00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:23,450
Freakfest Tony. Ah!
389
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:25,990
There he is,
Blavglad the Exsanguinator.
390
00:15:26,020 --> 00:15:29,560
And, of course, The Silent One.
391
00:15:29,590 --> 00:15:30,930
Hey.
392
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,000
We keep going over there,
393
00:15:33,030 --> 00:15:34,830
we've got Asian Mike.
And that's Chunt.
394
00:15:34,860 --> 00:15:37,600
Jane the Soulless, Elgrad the
Fifth, Horvok the Pit Master.
395
00:15:37,630 --> 00:15:41,240
Gonthrapal
and his brother Krylsac.
396
00:15:41,270 --> 00:15:42,840
It's Wesley Sykes.
397
00:15:42,870 --> 00:15:45,910
Desdemona the Shrieker.
398
00:15:45,940 --> 00:15:47,110
Yes.
399
00:15:47,140 --> 00:15:48,110
There's Len, my accountant.
400
00:15:48,140 --> 00:15:49,840
And of course, Count Rapula.
401
00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:53,080
♪ 300 years livin'
in New York, son ♪
402
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:56,150
♪ I didn't start rhyming
till 1991. ♪
403
00:15:56,180 --> 00:15:57,690
Yes, he just started rapping
404
00:15:57,720 --> 00:15:59,750
in 1991.
405
00:15:59,790 --> 00:16:02,920
Yes, well, um, this is our crew.
406
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,160
There's Nandor.
My good lady-wife Nadja,
407
00:16:05,190 --> 00:16:07,860
who you clearly know.
And my good self.
408
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,930
- We like to keep things slim.
- Hi, everyone.
409
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:13,200
I'm... I'm-I'm also with them.
410
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:14,540
- Who is he?
- No one.
411
00:16:14,570 --> 00:16:15,800
I'm with them.
412
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,840
Now, we've all known each other
long enough
413
00:16:17,870 --> 00:16:19,670
to know that this is not
a mere social visit.
414
00:16:19,710 --> 00:16:21,680
You are not wrong.
415
00:16:21,710 --> 00:16:24,350
Um, you may have heard that, uh,
416
00:16:24,380 --> 00:16:27,350
we have the Baron
visiting with us.
417
00:16:27,380 --> 00:16:31,150
The Baron came to visit you
in Staten Island?
418
00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:33,390
Yes. We were thinking,
as we have dominion
419
00:16:33,420 --> 00:16:35,220
- over Staten Island...
- Uh-huh.
420
00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:38,960
And you, Simon, you control
a lot of Manhattan, well...
421
00:16:38,990 --> 00:16:40,560
- I do.
- Yes, uh,
422
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,070
I mean, there's talk we could
possibly join forces,
423
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,700
take the lion's share
of New York City.
424
00:16:45,730 --> 00:16:50,040
Uh, which also includes our
street and also Ashley Street.
425
00:16:50,070 --> 00:16:53,480
So, I would bring Manhattan
to the table,
426
00:16:53,510 --> 00:16:55,880
and you would bring...
427
00:16:55,910 --> 00:16:56,980
Our street and...
428
00:16:57,010 --> 00:16:58,050
Ashley Street.
429
00:16:58,080 --> 00:16:59,880
- ...and Ashley Street.
- Correct. -Yes.
430
00:16:59,910 --> 00:17:01,980
Well, that sounds
very interesting.
431
00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:03,220
Oh, ooh.
432
00:17:03,250 --> 00:17:04,420
So I guess I would begin
433
00:17:04,450 --> 00:17:07,190
the negotiation by...
434
00:17:07,220 --> 00:17:09,360
you giving me that hat.
435
00:17:09,390 --> 00:17:11,760
Oh, I fucking knew
this would happen.
436
00:17:11,790 --> 00:17:13,260
- Absolutely not.
- Laszlo.
437
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:15,430
Simon, you don't want the hat.
It's not a good hat.
438
00:17:15,460 --> 00:17:17,500
-No... -Give him the hat. -No.
439
00:17:17,530 --> 00:17:19,230
I watched you
walk around that ship
440
00:17:19,270 --> 00:17:22,570
always wearing that hat
and thinking,
441
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,010
"This vampire
doesn't deserve this hat.
442
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:26,570
I deserve that hat."
443
00:17:26,610 --> 00:17:28,710
Well, I'll tell you something,
if you want this hat,
444
00:17:28,740 --> 00:17:30,410
you'll have to cut my head off.
445
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:32,780
- Laszlo.
- That's fine.
446
00:17:32,810 --> 00:17:35,680
Big Vlad, right behind you,
has a machete.
447
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:39,190
He could take it, or perhaps
we could get The Silent One,
448
00:17:39,220 --> 00:17:41,720
or Little Vlad,
he's a fucking maniac.
449
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,430
And if we could hit Mister 50s,
maybe he could help,
450
00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:47,100
or the Exsanguinator himself.
451
00:17:47,130 --> 00:17:49,030
Or, let's see,
fucking everybody here.
452
00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:51,570
All right, all right, you've
made your point. Get off me.
453
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,770
Take the fucking hat.
454
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,570
Ah, thank you. Mm.
455
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:57,946
What is it that's
sort of puckering
456
00:17:57,970 --> 00:17:59,940
and sucking
at the back of my head?
457
00:17:59,970 --> 00:18:01,240
It's witch's asshole.
458
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,480
Oh, yes.
459
00:18:03,510 --> 00:18:05,550
Well, now that I've got the hat,
460
00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:08,620
- I can say, um, get them out of here.
- What?
461
00:18:08,650 --> 00:18:11,050
- What?
- You can get the fuck out!
462
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,820
Get out of my club!
463
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,490
- Oh...
- I summoned you here
464
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:19,130
to get your hat, and now it is
time for you to leave.
465
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,660
♪ Hey, yo, it's time to go ♪
466
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:25,500
♪ So hit the exit,
my rhyme flow's so sick ♪
467
00:18:25,530 --> 00:18:27,740
- ♪ It's on some next shit... ♪
- Yeah!
468
00:18:27,770 --> 00:18:31,340
- Humiliating. Thank you.
- Thank you. Thank you.
469
00:18:31,370 --> 00:18:33,980
By the way, we don't
validate parking.
470
00:18:34,010 --> 00:18:35,910
Not that you have a car,
471
00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:38,810
- because you are failures
of vampires -Lazlo, don't...
472
00:18:38,850 --> 00:18:42,250
in your pathetic, lame capes.
473
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,590
This hat... it makes me feel
like Robin Hood.
474
00:18:44,620 --> 00:18:46,450
Big Vlad, my bow.
475
00:18:46,490 --> 00:18:48,320
- Touch the sky.
- Touch the sky.
476
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:49,960
He's a big silly dickhead.
477
00:18:49,990 --> 00:18:52,290
I don't remember him
being so devious.
478
00:18:52,330 --> 00:18:54,130
I mean, he is called
Simon The Devious.
479
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,360
- Shit!
- Shit! Oh, shit!
480
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,030
Fucking hell.
Darling?
481
00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:00,670
- Yes?
- I think my hat's probably cursed.
482
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:04,370
Bat!
483
00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:05,640
Oh...
484
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:11,550
Guillermo.
485
00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:14,980
Guillermo?
486
00:19:19,090 --> 00:19:21,060
You're still angry
about that vampire
487
00:19:21,090 --> 00:19:22,490
who tried to eat you,
aren't you?
488
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,860
- Yes.
- Don't deny it. I can tell.
489
00:19:24,890 --> 00:19:27,660
- I said yes.
- See, I knew it.
490
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,330
Guillermo...
491
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:33,070
I'm sorry for
how I treated you tonight.
492
00:19:33,100 --> 00:19:35,300
I appreciate you.
493
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:36,900
I really do.
494
00:19:38,770 --> 00:19:40,810
Well, you have a funny way
of showing it sometimes.
495
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,410
Thank you.
But...
496
00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:47,050
I'm going to
make it up to you tonight.
497
00:19:53,590 --> 00:19:55,560
This is amazing, Master.
498
00:19:55,590 --> 00:19:58,860
Enjoy it, Guillermo.
You're really flying.
499
00:19:58,890 --> 00:20:01,260
This is the best night
of my life!
500
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:04,730
Oh, that's quite sad,
but also quite beautiful.
501
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:07,570
- I feel like a real vampire.
- Don't push it.
502
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,070
- What's that over there?
- Where?
503
00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:10,710
The Empire State Building,
I think.
504
00:20:10,740 --> 00:20:12,110
Is that it right there?
505
00:20:12,140 --> 00:20:13,540
- What, over...
- Aah!
506
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:15,240
Oops.
507
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:16,910
Shit.
508
00:20:16,940 --> 00:20:18,850
Shh, Guillermo.
509
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,450
Don't trouble yourself.
510
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:22,280
He was fortunate.
511
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,790
A thicket of trees tangled him
up, and then he landed
512
00:20:24,820 --> 00:20:28,120
on the roof
of an abandoned food truck.
513
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,030
I want you to know
514
00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:34,800
that you are my...
515
00:20:34,830 --> 00:20:36,560
friend.
516
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,400
- Hmm...
- Ugh, no, that didn't feel right.
517
00:20:39,430 --> 00:20:41,770
You will forget I said anything.
518
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,110
Shall we?
519
00:20:44,140 --> 00:20:47,910
Hold your Horlicks...
That's my bloody hat.
520
00:20:47,940 --> 00:20:50,240
Is that you in there, Simon?
521
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:53,850
Well, I'm gonna take my hat
back, you crispy piece of shit.
522
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:08,330
Eh.
523
00:21:16,700 --> 00:21:19,640
♪ I like to think when
I'm looking out the window ♪
524
00:21:19,670 --> 00:21:22,640
♪ Step back and maybe look
at the sunrise ♪
525
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,650
- ♪ So remember me ♪
- ♪ Oh ♪
526
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:26,680
- ♪ Another moment that
will never be ♪ -♪ Oh ♪
527
00:21:26,710 --> 00:21:29,680
♪ And take the time
to make some sense ♪
528
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:32,690
♪ And think about
the consequence ♪
529
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:34,696
♪ When I'm looking at you,
when you're looking at me ♪
530
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:37,690
♪ Wonder what it would be,
wonder what it could be ♪
531
00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:40,960
♪ I like to think when
I'm looking out the window ♪
532
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,700
♪ Like to think when I'm
looking out the window ♪
533
00:21:43,730 --> 00:21:46,700
♪ Window, window, oh ♪
534
00:21:46,730 --> 00:21:48,700
♪ Window, window. ♪
535
00:21:51,710 --> 00:21:53,680
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
37953
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