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1
00:00:01,906 --> 00:00:03,508
The adventure begins.
2
00:00:03,510 --> 00:00:05,202
Previously on "You Me Her"...
3
00:00:05,491 --> 00:00:07,395
Were you drunk this time?
4
00:00:07,481 --> 00:00:08,731
- No.
- Me neither.
5
00:00:09,161 --> 00:00:10,411
My November rent.
6
00:00:10,504 --> 00:00:12,104
Only fair, 'cause I didn't
give you any notice.
7
00:00:12,105 --> 00:00:13,166
No.
8
00:00:13,168 --> 00:00:15,261
Hope it works out for you,
rebound girl.
9
00:00:15,402 --> 00:00:17,473
Yeah, you better fucking run!
10
00:00:17,541 --> 00:00:19,543
She wasn't my first girl.
Or my second.
11
00:00:19,545 --> 00:00:22,258
Well, she seemed pretty eager
to get back on that bike, didn't she?
12
00:00:22,260 --> 00:00:23,566
I thought I lost you.
13
00:00:23,634 --> 00:00:27,243
My brilliant wife
has just accepted a seat
14
00:00:27,245 --> 00:00:30,668
on the prestigious
Hamilton School Alumni Board.
15
00:00:30,670 --> 00:00:32,537
- Mom?
- I don't know what you think you heard.
16
00:00:32,539 --> 00:00:34,578
We got some negotiating
to do, don't we?
17
00:00:34,580 --> 00:00:37,475
LORI: This whole "niece
that fell from the sky" issue
18
00:00:37,477 --> 00:00:39,129
continues to bother me.
19
00:00:39,131 --> 00:00:41,246
AVA: Lori has assigned me
to use the interwebs
20
00:00:41,248 --> 00:00:43,258
to find out whether Izzy
is or isn't your niece.
21
00:00:43,260 --> 00:00:46,086
- Shit.
- She knows I can do it. I can do it.
22
00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:48,407
- EMMA: We got the theater project.
- JACK: That's so great.
23
00:00:48,408 --> 00:00:50,513
Well, everyone says
I'm gonna get partner.
24
00:00:50,515 --> 00:00:52,560
[Doorbell rings] CARMEN: You do
remember we're having everybody over
25
00:00:52,561 --> 00:00:53,637
for the game tomorrow, right?
26
00:00:53,638 --> 00:00:56,282
- We're doing this.
- We are?
27
00:00:56,331 --> 00:00:57,895
Fuck yeah, we are.
28
00:00:58,309 --> 00:01:00,573
This is our choice,
and this is what we want.
29
00:01:00,575 --> 00:01:01,981
Do it.
30
00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:05,170
[Rap music playing]
31
00:01:08,978 --> 00:01:10,117
♪ What's up? ♪
32
00:01:10,119 --> 00:01:11,611
♪ What's up, what's up? ♪
33
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:12,656
♪ What's up? ♪
34
00:01:12,658 --> 00:01:14,713
♪ What's up, what's up? ♪
35
00:01:14,779 --> 00:01:16,008
♪ What's up? ♪
36
00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:21,384
[Indistinct rapping]
37
00:01:21,386 --> 00:01:22,417
[Music stops]
38
00:01:22,419 --> 00:01:24,419
subtitle by peritta
39
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:32,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
40
00:01:33,522 --> 00:01:36,468
[Exhales]
41
00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:46,945
[TV chatter]
42
00:01:47,611 --> 00:01:49,814
What are you fucking doing?
43
00:01:50,881 --> 00:01:52,703
Don't fucking do it.
44
00:01:52,705 --> 00:01:54,509
♪
45
00:01:54,511 --> 00:01:56,244
Don't fucking...
46
00:02:00,891 --> 00:02:01,892
She knows.
47
00:02:01,926 --> 00:02:03,928
I'm trying to save you
from yourself, dipshit.
48
00:02:04,084 --> 00:02:05,494
Yeah, well, maybe you should try
49
00:02:05,496 --> 00:02:07,431
and save yourself
from that -- that...
50
00:02:07,498 --> 00:02:09,233
God damn it, you look super cute.
51
00:02:09,235 --> 00:02:10,199
Really?
52
00:02:10,201 --> 00:02:11,279
- [Chuckles]
- Thanks.
53
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,465
So you'll help me with the toast?
54
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,837
Nah, I think I'll let you tie the noose
55
00:02:13,838 --> 00:02:15,840
and kick out the chair.
56
00:02:18,168 --> 00:02:19,252
Great party.
57
00:02:19,254 --> 00:02:20,578
Hey, Gabe.
58
00:02:22,228 --> 00:02:24,229
- Hey, little brother.
- Hey.
59
00:02:24,601 --> 00:02:27,264
What in the Sam fuck are you doing?
60
00:02:28,167 --> 00:02:29,791
You know what?
Not now, Gabe, okay?
61
00:02:29,793 --> 00:02:31,246
- Mm.
- What are you doing?
62
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:34,687
- What was that about?
- Mm.
63
00:02:35,008 --> 00:02:36,859
- Again.
- Ohh!
64
00:02:38,448 --> 00:02:40,666
You cheering against the Ducks?
Is that what's happening?
65
00:02:40,667 --> 00:02:43,319
- You ready?
- Everyone has drinks.
66
00:02:43,407 --> 00:02:44,849
Okay, let's do it.
67
00:02:46,658 --> 00:02:47,805
[Clears throat weakly]
68
00:02:48,172 --> 00:02:50,370
MAN: Yes! Oh! Beautiful.
69
00:02:50,372 --> 00:02:52,476
- JACK: [Clears throat]
- IZZY: Yo.
70
00:02:52,543 --> 00:02:54,081
[Indistinct conversation]
71
00:02:54,083 --> 00:02:57,759
Uh, can -- can someone pause
the game for a second, please?
72
00:02:58,616 --> 00:03:00,535
- Don't do this.
- I have to.
73
00:03:00,537 --> 00:03:02,867
- Don't pause it.
- Yeah.
74
00:03:03,231 --> 00:03:06,508
Okay, could everybody...
raise their glasses?
75
00:03:06,703 --> 00:03:07,858
Drinks up.
76
00:03:07,892 --> 00:03:11,313
We have some very exciting news
we want to share with you
77
00:03:11,315 --> 00:03:14,896
because, really, we're more like
family than neighbors.
78
00:03:16,342 --> 00:03:18,041
♪
79
00:03:18,043 --> 00:03:19,512
Aren't we?
80
00:03:19,770 --> 00:03:22,006
When you really think about it?
81
00:03:22,449 --> 00:03:23,584
♪
82
00:03:23,688 --> 00:03:25,480
Yeah, we are.
83
00:03:26,217 --> 00:03:27,886
Okay, um...
84
00:03:28,790 --> 00:03:30,448
I'm Izzy.
85
00:03:32,018 --> 00:03:33,419
This is Izzy.
86
00:03:33,584 --> 00:03:36,063
She just said that.
87
00:03:36,065 --> 00:03:38,456
I'm sorry. I don't understand
what's going on here.
88
00:03:38,458 --> 00:03:40,297
Why -- why are you
presenting your niece
89
00:03:40,299 --> 00:03:41,972
like it's her
coming-out party?
90
00:03:42,685 --> 00:03:44,020
It's act-- [Chuckles]
it's kind of funny
91
00:03:44,021 --> 00:03:47,183
you used the phrase
"coming out," um, because...
92
00:03:48,102 --> 00:03:51,844
Because, um, I'm not their niece.
93
00:03:52,603 --> 00:03:54,138
- WOMAN: Oh.
- MAN: Um...
94
00:03:55,206 --> 00:03:56,724
We're together!
95
00:03:57,834 --> 00:03:59,505
We're a throuple.
96
00:04:01,078 --> 00:04:02,880
[Murmuring]
97
00:04:03,316 --> 00:04:05,808
We're living together,
like romantically.
98
00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:07,284
Mm-hmm.
99
00:04:07,351 --> 00:04:09,283
[Murmuring]
100
00:04:09,435 --> 00:04:12,126
Yeah, so cheers, everyone, okay?
101
00:04:12,128 --> 00:04:15,025
- Cheers. - Cheers.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
102
00:04:15,092 --> 00:04:17,798
[Chatter]
103
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:19,866
- Keep Portland weird.
- Keep Portland weird.
104
00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:20,988
- Oh, my God.
- [Cellphone clicking]
105
00:04:20,989 --> 00:04:22,735
A third --
what's that called? Polygamy?
106
00:04:23,033 --> 00:04:24,209
- Polyamory.
- Polyamory.
107
00:04:24,211 --> 00:04:25,987
So Emma's bisexual now?
108
00:04:25,989 --> 00:04:28,124
Yeah, yeah.
I guess, yeah.
109
00:04:28,126 --> 00:04:29,413
We both are.
I'm bisexual.
110
00:04:29,415 --> 00:04:30,702
Sorry, I --
111
00:04:30,714 --> 00:04:32,177
H-Hang on.
112
00:04:32,409 --> 00:04:34,951
Um, Ava, you're the one
113
00:04:34,953 --> 00:04:37,638
who showed me
Jacqueline Isabelle's profile.
114
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:39,716
What?
115
00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:42,586
I-I-I don't...
116
00:04:42,653 --> 00:04:44,167
Oh.
117
00:04:44,304 --> 00:04:47,725
The Trakarskys
and -- and the Amaris
118
00:04:47,792 --> 00:04:50,664
are scheming against me once again.
119
00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:53,496
Only this time, they've
recruited my own daughter
120
00:04:53,498 --> 00:04:56,303
to cover up
their degenerate sexcapades.
121
00:04:56,606 --> 00:04:59,737
You know, wow, really does sound
tawdry the way she says it.
122
00:05:00,261 --> 00:05:01,741
And, little Missy,
123
00:05:01,917 --> 00:05:05,062
you can say bye-bye
to that shiny new 3 Series.
124
00:05:05,064 --> 00:05:08,279
No, no, no.
I earned that car.
125
00:05:08,345 --> 00:05:09,897
I'm gonna be class president.
126
00:05:09,899 --> 00:05:11,034
Mm.
127
00:05:11,264 --> 00:05:13,617
Ava, not to pile on,
but that deal's off the table
128
00:05:13,619 --> 00:05:14,962
now that I don't work there anymore.
129
00:05:14,963 --> 00:05:16,406
You were also bribing her?
130
00:05:16,408 --> 00:05:18,281
God damn it, we really
should've brought notes.
131
00:05:18,283 --> 00:05:22,556
Yes. Yes, they --
they tried to bribe me.
132
00:05:22,672 --> 00:05:25,870
And Emma threatened to break
my leg if I didn't help them.
133
00:05:25,872 --> 00:05:29,300
- [Murmuring]
- I was so scared, Mommy.
134
00:05:29,366 --> 00:05:31,235
"Mommy," really?
135
00:05:31,302 --> 00:05:32,703
Seriously?
136
00:05:32,770 --> 00:05:34,804
Okay, you know what?
Everybody calm down.
137
00:05:34,806 --> 00:05:38,103
While certain elements
of what Ava said are true...
138
00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:40,046
Yeah, let's --
let's stick to the facts, Ava.
139
00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:43,220
I threatened to hurt her
if she told her mother,
140
00:05:43,222 --> 00:05:44,447
not to make her help us.
141
00:05:44,449 --> 00:05:45,472
Oh, well...
142
00:05:45,474 --> 00:05:47,209
- Emma.
- [Murmuring]
143
00:05:47,211 --> 00:05:50,423
Then suddenly our lives became
a suburban revival of "The Crucible."
144
00:05:50,425 --> 00:05:55,964
This deviant relationship --
I-it might be official now,
145
00:05:56,673 --> 00:05:59,416
but your contract
with the Hamilton School is not.
146
00:05:59,418 --> 00:06:01,513
And I promise you the Alumni Board
147
00:06:01,532 --> 00:06:04,092
are gonna find this new information
148
00:06:04,434 --> 00:06:05,567
very interesting.
149
00:06:05,667 --> 00:06:07,603
- [Chuckles]
- You're awesome.
150
00:06:08,138 --> 00:06:10,171
[Murmuring]
151
00:06:10,173 --> 00:06:11,109
Em --
152
00:06:11,111 --> 00:06:15,279
♪
153
00:06:27,169 --> 00:06:28,170
EMMA: It's all cool.
154
00:06:29,118 --> 00:06:31,332
Everybody just --
you guys relax.
155
00:06:31,334 --> 00:06:32,896
Don't look so worried.
156
00:06:32,963 --> 00:06:34,541
It's fine.
157
00:06:36,025 --> 00:06:37,234
We're so fucked.
158
00:06:37,852 --> 00:06:39,103
No.
159
00:06:39,169 --> 00:06:40,653
No, we are so fucked.
160
00:06:40,655 --> 00:06:42,782
I'm gonna lose my promotion, and...
161
00:06:42,784 --> 00:06:45,057
I mean, what was I thinking?
What was I thinking?
162
00:06:45,059 --> 00:06:46,805
Who threatens
to break a little girl's leg?
163
00:06:46,980 --> 00:06:48,462
- We're gonna lose everything.
- No, we're not.
164
00:06:48,463 --> 00:06:49,583
- Yeah, we are.
- No, we're not.
165
00:06:49,584 --> 00:06:50,571
Yeah, we are.
166
00:06:50,573 --> 00:06:52,348
- We're gonna lose everything.
- Emma, no, listen to me.
167
00:06:52,349 --> 00:06:53,508
Yes, listen, you don't have a job.
168
00:06:53,509 --> 00:06:55,865
- I'm gonna lose --
- Listen to me, okay?
169
00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:57,227
Kiss me.
170
00:06:57,257 --> 00:06:58,366
Kiss me
171
00:06:58,734 --> 00:07:00,700
like you saw my plane crash,
172
00:07:00,896 --> 00:07:02,649
but you didn't know I parachuted out
173
00:07:02,889 --> 00:07:04,994
until I came up behind you
and tapped you on the shoulder.
174
00:07:04,995 --> 00:07:06,599
- Okay.
- Okay?
175
00:07:11,201 --> 00:07:14,099
Okay, s-so that's, like, a thing
with you guys.
176
00:07:14,805 --> 00:07:17,207
Well,
I -- I can do that.
177
00:07:17,274 --> 00:07:18,542
Watch this.
178
00:07:18,575 --> 00:07:21,407
Kiss me like I just went
Uma fucking Thurman
179
00:07:21,409 --> 00:07:23,571
on 40 ninja assassins,
180
00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:26,062
and -- and zip-lined you
to safety.
181
00:07:26,150 --> 00:07:28,449
[Both chuckle]
182
00:07:33,847 --> 00:07:34,924
All right, my turn.
183
00:07:34,926 --> 00:07:35,957
Kiss me
184
00:07:36,143 --> 00:07:38,730
like we're two astronauts,
185
00:07:38,732 --> 00:07:41,098
and there's a comet
headed for the earth.
186
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:43,493
And we mount it,
we manage to divert it,
187
00:07:43,495 --> 00:07:45,719
but at the last second,
your boot gets stuck.
188
00:07:45,721 --> 00:07:46,959
- Oh.
- Right?
189
00:07:46,961 --> 00:07:49,104
And I'm like,
"I'm not leaving you, honey.
190
00:07:49,173 --> 00:07:50,904
No way," right?
191
00:07:51,067 --> 00:07:53,230
And then the Aerosmith song
starts playing,
192
00:07:53,232 --> 00:07:55,274
and we stop bickering just long enough
193
00:07:55,276 --> 00:07:56,737
to grab each other --
- Sorry.
194
00:07:56,739 --> 00:07:58,158
Um...
195
00:07:58,526 --> 00:08:00,985
So, it's not so much kissing
as it is like --
196
00:08:01,251 --> 00:08:03,878
like knocking visors.
197
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,141
We're about to die anyway,
so we take off our helmets.
198
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:07,794
Just grab each other by the face.
199
00:08:07,796 --> 00:08:09,752
Well, yeah, but at which point,
your head would, like, explode
200
00:08:09,753 --> 00:08:11,422
because you're hurtling through
space at like a million miles --
201
00:08:11,423 --> 00:08:13,596
- Oh, just kiss me.
- Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
202
00:08:13,598 --> 00:08:14,924
I mean, I won't even ask
203
00:08:14,926 --> 00:08:17,576
how two people can possibly divert a...
204
00:08:17,578 --> 00:08:19,881
You know what?
I-I've got a good one.
205
00:08:20,070 --> 00:08:24,608
Kiss me like I built a time machine
206
00:08:24,636 --> 00:08:26,321
and I went back to the night
207
00:08:26,323 --> 00:08:28,258
that Lori Matherfield's parents met,
208
00:08:28,260 --> 00:08:31,637
seduced her father, married him,
209
00:08:32,067 --> 00:08:34,093
devoted five years making sure
210
00:08:34,095 --> 00:08:36,945
that no version of Lori
was ever conceived,
211
00:08:36,947 --> 00:08:40,881
built another time machine
in our basement
212
00:08:41,697 --> 00:08:44,500
with, like, crude 1970s technology,
213
00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:46,789
then finally made my way to you.
214
00:08:46,791 --> 00:08:48,770
Oh, that is good.
215
00:08:48,905 --> 00:08:52,375
That is so, so good.
[Chuckles]
216
00:08:53,697 --> 00:08:55,579
Not as good as the astronaut one.
217
00:09:01,690 --> 00:09:04,045
Okay, can you guys...
disengage?
218
00:09:04,047 --> 00:09:05,104
'Cause it's my turn.
219
00:09:05,377 --> 00:09:07,027
- Kiss me like --
- You know what?
220
00:09:07,029 --> 00:09:08,230
I'm gonna need a tongue break.
221
00:09:08,232 --> 00:09:10,438
- She's done.
- No, you -- you guys were great.
222
00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:11,888
- Yeah, awesome.
- Thanks.
223
00:09:12,083 --> 00:09:13,090
Okay, but just for the record,
224
00:09:13,091 --> 00:09:14,860
- I had a really good one, so it's gonna be...
- Hey.
225
00:09:14,861 --> 00:09:16,479
...clearly the best of the night.
- It's not --
226
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:17,864
Guys, it's not a competition.
227
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:19,225
- Of course it's not.
- No.
228
00:09:19,712 --> 00:09:21,245
No, it's about you.
229
00:09:21,696 --> 00:09:23,120
But if it was...
230
00:09:24,235 --> 00:09:25,495
- I would've won.
- ...I could --
231
00:09:25,496 --> 00:09:26,715
Uh, guys.
232
00:09:27,628 --> 00:09:29,006
It's a tie.
233
00:09:29,072 --> 00:09:31,715
I declare this a tie, so thank you.
234
00:09:31,717 --> 00:09:33,356
- Okay.
- And thank you.
235
00:09:33,358 --> 00:09:34,437
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
236
00:09:34,621 --> 00:09:36,556
I can live with that.
237
00:09:36,652 --> 00:09:37,801
I can totally live with that.
238
00:09:37,802 --> 00:09:39,403
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
239
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:43,630
Deep down,
you'll always know that I won.
240
00:09:43,632 --> 00:09:45,173
- Oh, come on. She --
- You know what?
241
00:09:45,175 --> 00:09:47,101
You were great.
You were great.
242
00:09:47,367 --> 00:09:51,028
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
243
00:09:51,428 --> 00:09:53,497
♪ Round and round,
round and round ♪
244
00:09:53,530 --> 00:09:56,614
I can't believe they used our party
for their dumbass announcement.
245
00:09:56,633 --> 00:09:58,448
Should we start watching
our language around Callie?
246
00:09:58,449 --> 00:10:00,517
- Why?
- Gonna go to pre-pre-school next year
247
00:10:00,519 --> 00:10:01,737
and tell everybody to suck her dick?
248
00:10:01,738 --> 00:10:04,177
- I think we're fine. Ah-om!
- Mmm.
249
00:10:04,179 --> 00:10:06,266
Have you even told Jack what
massive cock-turd he is yet?
250
00:10:06,267 --> 00:10:07,837
Honey, it's 7:40
in the morning.
251
00:10:07,839 --> 00:10:10,444
I will give him a thorough
castigation when I get to work.
252
00:10:11,091 --> 00:10:12,572
Should we have their backs
on this thing?
253
00:10:12,573 --> 00:10:14,765
- Hey, hey.
- No, of course not. That's stupid.
254
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:17,083
Freaking out is totally
the appropriate reaction to have
255
00:10:17,085 --> 00:10:20,166
to your best neighbor friends
pulling a permanent threesome.
256
00:10:20,168 --> 00:10:21,703
Hello, Dave?
257
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:22,724
Oh, I'm sorry.
258
00:10:22,726 --> 00:10:24,327
I thought you were doing
a rhetorical monologue --
259
00:10:24,328 --> 00:10:27,048
kind of a one-woman show thing.
There some in there?
260
00:10:27,050 --> 00:10:28,509
I just can't help but feel
a little bit...
261
00:10:28,510 --> 00:10:29,515
Open, open.
262
00:10:29,517 --> 00:10:30,776
...I don't know --
Lori-esque.
263
00:10:30,778 --> 00:10:32,167
Like, maybe we've become...
264
00:10:32,169 --> 00:10:34,100
- Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba.
- ...uncool.
265
00:10:34,805 --> 00:10:36,236
Uncool?
266
00:10:36,557 --> 00:10:38,445
What are you talking about?
I smoke weed.
267
00:10:38,447 --> 00:10:41,367
A-And I stay right on top
of my Spotify Discover Weekly.
268
00:10:41,369 --> 00:10:43,262
I mean, lately it has been
recommending the Fray
269
00:10:43,264 --> 00:10:44,297
based on artists I like,
270
00:10:44,299 --> 00:10:45,972
which is, uh, a little unsettling.
271
00:10:46,237 --> 00:10:47,505
You know, we say smoke weed,
272
00:10:47,507 --> 00:10:49,039
but when was the last time
we actually did it?
273
00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:50,874
When was the last time
we did something sexual
274
00:10:50,876 --> 00:10:53,189
anyone would find
remotely disturbing, even Lori?
275
00:10:53,191 --> 00:10:54,398
When was the last time
we even just --
276
00:10:54,399 --> 00:10:55,531
Okay, I get it.
So, you're saying
277
00:10:55,532 --> 00:10:56,840
that we're provincial
and we're judgmental
278
00:10:56,841 --> 00:10:59,071
because what, we're --
we're not cool anymore?
279
00:10:59,073 --> 00:11:00,542
We're too uncool?
280
00:11:00,690 --> 00:11:02,430
Does that matter to us?
281
00:11:04,826 --> 00:11:06,216
No. [Chuckles]
282
00:11:06,218 --> 00:11:07,972
No. No.
283
00:11:08,357 --> 00:11:10,113
Oh, okay, 'cause I was gonna say yes.
284
00:11:10,115 --> 00:11:11,643
- Fuck, I knew it.
- Fuck.
285
00:11:15,043 --> 00:11:16,951
Maybe we start to
clean it up a little bit.
286
00:11:16,953 --> 00:11:20,023
♪
287
00:11:31,496 --> 00:11:36,701
[Indistinct conversation]
288
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:41,982
[Telephone ringing]
289
00:11:43,107 --> 00:11:44,509
Hey, Dani.
290
00:11:44,575 --> 00:11:46,110
How's it hangin', boss woman?
291
00:11:46,177 --> 00:11:47,645
[Chuckles]
292
00:11:47,647 --> 00:11:48,971
Sorry, that was --
that was dumb.
293
00:11:49,595 --> 00:11:51,195
Well, hey, what a surprise.
294
00:11:51,197 --> 00:11:52,850
Yeah, so...
295
00:11:52,917 --> 00:11:54,768
Uh... Wait, why?
296
00:11:54,770 --> 00:11:56,161
Come on in, have a seat.
297
00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:57,961
Okay. Um...
298
00:11:58,567 --> 00:12:00,981
There is a little situation
299
00:12:00,983 --> 00:12:02,895
that I kind of want to get in front of.
300
00:12:02,897 --> 00:12:05,063
You're referring to
your new domestic arrangement?
301
00:12:05,129 --> 00:12:06,648
Uh...
302
00:12:06,650 --> 00:12:08,840
Very progressive, so cool,
303
00:12:08,842 --> 00:12:10,619
all about it, or don't give a shit.
304
00:12:10,621 --> 00:12:12,019
Whichever, pick one.
305
00:12:12,885 --> 00:12:14,816
[Chuckles] Wow.
306
00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:17,780
Phew. You -- You don't know
how relieved it makes me
307
00:12:17,781 --> 00:12:18,826
to hear you say that.
308
00:12:18,828 --> 00:12:21,236
Please tell me
that you did not threaten
309
00:12:21,238 --> 00:12:23,767
to break the leg of a Hamilton student.
310
00:12:24,349 --> 00:12:27,401
It was just a misunderstanding, right?
311
00:12:27,483 --> 00:12:28,651
Um...
312
00:12:30,378 --> 00:12:33,747
Well,
I -- I wouldn't categorize it
313
00:12:33,749 --> 00:12:35,659
so much
as a misunderstanding --
314
00:12:35,661 --> 00:12:36,919
- Fuck a puppy!
- What?
315
00:12:36,921 --> 00:12:38,363
No!
No puppy fucking.
316
00:12:38,365 --> 00:12:40,098
We -- We were under
a lot of stress.
317
00:12:40,562 --> 00:12:42,263
Did you know
that she was blackmailing us?
318
00:12:42,265 --> 00:12:44,479
Honestly, this Lori person
sounds like a real cunt.
319
00:12:44,577 --> 00:12:45,854
Yes, she is.
320
00:12:45,856 --> 00:12:47,397
She really is a...
321
00:12:47,731 --> 00:12:49,521
Are -- Are we
using that word now?
322
00:12:49,523 --> 00:12:50,624
We're owning it.
323
00:12:51,453 --> 00:12:53,992
Look, everyone is
scared shitless of her,
324
00:12:53,994 --> 00:12:56,607
and she has threatened
to send out a blanket e-mail
325
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,392
to all of the Hamilton parents
326
00:12:58,394 --> 00:13:00,337
if they didn't
take this issue seriously.
327
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:03,426
We're gonna have to deal with it.
328
00:13:03,839 --> 00:13:05,440
Okay.
329
00:13:07,811 --> 00:13:11,122
Well, by "deal with it"
you mean you've got my back.
330
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:13,363
Right, Dani?
331
00:13:13,365 --> 00:13:14,722
Of course.
332
00:13:14,941 --> 00:13:16,751
We're just going to
delay the announcement
333
00:13:16,753 --> 00:13:18,765
of your promotion a couple of weeks.
334
00:13:19,077 --> 00:13:20,204
[Chuckles]
335
00:13:20,881 --> 00:13:22,673
I see.
336
00:13:25,059 --> 00:13:26,237
You know,
337
00:13:26,530 --> 00:13:27,614
Danielle,
338
00:13:27,995 --> 00:13:29,635
you have been dangling partner
339
00:13:29,637 --> 00:13:31,596
over my head for three years now,
340
00:13:31,598 --> 00:13:34,145
always just jerking it
out of reach at the last minute.
341
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,743
But instead of complaining --
instead of complaining,
342
00:13:36,745 --> 00:13:39,475
I keep grinding, and I nailed
that Hamilton School --
343
00:13:39,477 --> 00:13:41,719
Dangling, jerking,
grinding, nailing --
344
00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:45,163
I'm gonna stop you right there
before this turns into a porno.
345
00:13:45,229 --> 00:13:46,782
[Sighs]
346
00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:49,033
We're also sliding you off Hamilton
347
00:13:49,035 --> 00:13:50,681
and onto the PBJ project.
348
00:13:51,035 --> 00:13:52,570
What the fuck is PBJ?
349
00:13:53,104 --> 00:13:55,729
Overpriced clothing
for rug rats to vomit on.
350
00:13:56,158 --> 00:13:58,406
Wait, it might be one of those
granola grocery stores
351
00:13:58,408 --> 00:14:00,869
where you're never really sure
what they do or don't have.
352
00:14:00,871 --> 00:14:02,113
Thanks, Danielle.
353
00:14:02,879 --> 00:14:04,164
So much for women helping women.
354
00:14:04,166 --> 00:14:05,495
I'm not a woman.
355
00:14:05,719 --> 00:14:06,918
I'm an architect.
356
00:14:07,516 --> 00:14:08,586
Are we good?
357
00:14:08,653 --> 00:14:09,672
We're great.
358
00:14:09,674 --> 00:14:10,994
We're amazing.
359
00:14:15,487 --> 00:14:18,796
I'm really digging this new look
you got going on here.
360
00:14:18,863 --> 00:14:20,635
You're like that suburban mom
with five kids
361
00:14:20,637 --> 00:14:22,798
who just wakes up in the
morning, just like, "Fuck it."
362
00:14:23,204 --> 00:14:24,444
Did you drive you minivan here?
363
00:14:24,914 --> 00:14:26,204
Is that a no?
364
00:14:26,661 --> 00:14:28,029
Are those slippers?
365
00:14:28,031 --> 00:14:30,446
Yep, they're indoor-outdoor,
okay?
366
00:14:30,448 --> 00:14:31,727
I've been unemployed for like two days.
367
00:14:31,728 --> 00:14:33,320
Will you let me enjoy a few more
368
00:14:33,322 --> 00:14:36,496
without any belts
or zippers or shoelaces?
369
00:14:36,498 --> 00:14:37,882
Mm-hmm.
370
00:14:37,915 --> 00:14:40,754
That was quite the performance
you three put on at the Amaris'.
371
00:14:40,756 --> 00:14:42,220
- Oh, God.
- Oh, yeah.
372
00:14:42,286 --> 00:14:43,659
What?
373
00:14:43,698 --> 00:14:45,489
No, it's nothing.
It's all good.
374
00:14:45,888 --> 00:14:47,623
Oh, really?
It's all good, is it?
375
00:14:47,653 --> 00:14:49,219
- Mm-hmm.
- Please.
376
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,996
You guys were like
a slow-motion train wreck
377
00:14:50,998 --> 00:14:52,396
I couldn't seem to look away from.
378
00:14:52,430 --> 00:14:54,126
Like, when did you and Emma
actually decide to make
379
00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:55,854
that fucked-up decision?
'Cause last I remember,
380
00:14:55,855 --> 00:14:57,513
- you ended it.
- Hey.
381
00:14:57,515 --> 00:14:58,736
You want to know what I think?
382
00:14:58,738 --> 00:15:00,863
No.
Absolutely not.
383
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,491
There's literally no part of me
384
00:15:02,493 --> 00:15:03,735
that wants to hear what you think.
385
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,229
I think it's entirely possible
386
00:15:05,608 --> 00:15:08,404
that you just introduced your
first wife to her first wife.
387
00:15:09,780 --> 00:15:10,924
Okay, you know what?
388
00:15:10,926 --> 00:15:12,616
This -- this has happened
our whole lives.
389
00:15:12,618 --> 00:15:14,416
The more you talk,
the less sense you make.
390
00:15:14,418 --> 00:15:16,053
I'm just gonna get up, walk away
391
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,303
before you start yelling out
random word combinations.
392
00:15:18,305 --> 00:15:19,857
Blender, vagina, fullback.
393
00:15:19,924 --> 00:15:22,050
Yoga, pistachio. Buttplug.
394
00:15:22,571 --> 00:15:23,847
Fucking unbelievable.
395
00:15:23,849 --> 00:15:25,358
- I don't want to know.
- Hey.
396
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:26,452
I'm gonna quit my job.
397
00:15:26,454 --> 00:15:28,425
You know, maybe --
maybe not today,
398
00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:31,202
maybe not tomorrow,
but real God damn soon.
399
00:15:31,269 --> 00:15:32,480
[Gabe laughs]
400
00:15:32,482 --> 00:15:34,648
That's awesome.
That'd be great.
401
00:15:34,650 --> 00:15:35,986
You know, unemployed polygamists?
402
00:15:36,064 --> 00:15:37,817
Oh, yeah. You should
just shave your heads
403
00:15:37,819 --> 00:15:39,624
and get, like,
crazy tribal face tattoos.
404
00:15:39,626 --> 00:15:41,345
You know, just fuck it, right, cuz?
405
00:15:41,412 --> 00:15:42,540
- What do you think?
- Yeah.
406
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:43,527
Be good for you?
407
00:15:43,529 --> 00:15:45,929
Can we talk somewhere a little
more, you know, private?
408
00:15:45,950 --> 00:15:47,430
Sure, yeah, that's where I was going.
409
00:15:47,472 --> 00:15:48,460
I'll leave you with this
410
00:15:48,462 --> 00:15:50,650
because it's suddenly taken on
greater relevance.
411
00:15:50,981 --> 00:15:52,172
I got a connection at Griffin College,
412
00:15:52,173 --> 00:15:53,957
and it seems they're expanding
their psych department.
413
00:15:53,958 --> 00:15:56,894
So I will get you a meeting,
little brother.
414
00:15:56,961 --> 00:15:58,896
Okay?
Got some sauce right there.
415
00:15:58,898 --> 00:15:59,933
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
416
00:15:59,935 --> 00:16:00,965
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
417
00:16:01,032 --> 00:16:02,566
That's a good one.
418
00:16:02,633 --> 00:16:04,173
Did I hear you say
that you were --
419
00:16:04,175 --> 00:16:06,213
I hate my boss,
and I want to quit my job.
420
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,294
Yeah.
421
00:16:07,779 --> 00:16:11,383
[Chatter]
422
00:16:11,509 --> 00:16:14,245
♪
423
00:16:30,561 --> 00:16:32,096
Hello.
424
00:16:32,098 --> 00:16:33,799
Hello.
425
00:16:40,338 --> 00:16:44,075
♪
426
00:16:47,984 --> 00:16:49,747
You're such a gaping asshole.
427
00:16:49,814 --> 00:16:51,812
You're a walking tourist attraction.
428
00:16:51,814 --> 00:16:53,884
The world's largest asshole.
429
00:17:01,292 --> 00:17:02,960
So, what now?
430
00:17:03,391 --> 00:17:04,915
Duh -- pizza.
431
00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:06,809
How are you not obese?
432
00:17:07,297 --> 00:17:09,233
Uh, well, it's genetic.
433
00:17:09,678 --> 00:17:13,112
From the aliens
that my ancestors mated with
434
00:17:13,114 --> 00:17:14,247
thousands of years ago.
435
00:17:14,249 --> 00:17:15,973
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
436
00:17:15,975 --> 00:17:19,082
Just to make sure -- you do
remember that I quit my job, right?
437
00:17:19,084 --> 00:17:21,327
Well, that firm
has been ass-fucking me
438
00:17:21,329 --> 00:17:22,436
for three years now.
439
00:17:22,438 --> 00:17:23,932
- MAN: Wow.
- Sorry.
440
00:17:23,934 --> 00:17:26,061
Not literally.
That would be horrible.
441
00:17:26,063 --> 00:17:27,264
Not to mention actionable.
442
00:17:27,969 --> 00:17:29,520
Is "ass-fucking"
an industry term
443
00:17:29,522 --> 00:17:30,684
for "made you partner"?
444
00:17:31,005 --> 00:17:32,387
Yeah, well, that's
445
00:17:32,849 --> 00:17:34,543
kinda, sorta been retracted.
446
00:17:35,059 --> 00:17:36,927
What? Seriously?
447
00:17:36,929 --> 00:17:38,262
I'm so sorry.
448
00:17:39,056 --> 00:17:41,732
You know how long I've wanted
to start my own firm?
449
00:17:42,571 --> 00:17:44,164
Honestly, I don't remember
you ever saying that before.
450
00:17:44,165 --> 00:17:46,367
Yeah, I mean, Dani's --
Dani's trying to shove me out,
451
00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:48,005
so maybe I turn this into a leap.
452
00:17:48,007 --> 00:17:50,074
You know?
A -- A leap into my bliss.
453
00:17:50,076 --> 00:17:51,115
A bliss leap.
454
00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:53,176
I'm gonna make this into a bliss leap.
455
00:17:53,437 --> 00:17:54,725
Wait, are you high right now?
456
00:17:54,727 --> 00:17:56,182
No, I -- I don't know
what I am.
457
00:17:56,184 --> 00:17:59,014
I -- I just, like --
I just...
458
00:17:59,016 --> 00:18:00,125
Listen.
459
00:18:01,112 --> 00:18:02,420
Take it easy, okay?
460
00:18:02,486 --> 00:18:04,755
- Kiss me like we're...
- Jack.
461
00:18:05,249 --> 00:18:06,957
You don't need to do that.
462
00:18:07,024 --> 00:18:09,427
Just tell me it's all gonna be okay.
463
00:18:09,493 --> 00:18:10,515
It's gonna be okay.
464
00:18:10,570 --> 00:18:13,006
We're gonna be okay.
I promise.
465
00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:14,877
- We are, right?
- Yeah.
466
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:19,236
[Rap music playing]
467
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,965
So, I got a job at Shaun's bar.
468
00:18:22,394 --> 00:18:24,411
That's why I wasn't in class.
469
00:18:24,990 --> 00:18:27,304
So you dropped out of college
to pursue mixology?
470
00:18:27,511 --> 00:18:29,442
Respect.
Good call.
471
00:18:29,444 --> 00:18:31,859
I switched my class, smartass.
472
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:34,369
- Mm.
- But the point is...
473
00:18:34,371 --> 00:18:37,601
[Sighs]
I got a real job.
474
00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:40,244
So you quit escorting.
475
00:18:41,699 --> 00:18:42,958
For Andy.
476
00:18:43,046 --> 00:18:44,962
Whoa, Nellie.
477
00:18:44,995 --> 00:18:47,790
Just, you know,
pump your brakes, Speed Racer.
478
00:18:48,019 --> 00:18:49,844
Mnh-mnh, no.
479
00:18:50,518 --> 00:18:53,121
So you're seriously falling for him?
480
00:18:53,404 --> 00:18:54,605
I'm scared shitless.
481
00:18:54,672 --> 00:18:55,713
I can't sleep.
482
00:18:55,715 --> 00:18:57,217
I'm...
483
00:18:57,645 --> 00:18:59,814
Do you really think
that I'm rebound girl?
484
00:19:00,022 --> 00:19:01,357
Well, that's...
485
00:19:02,284 --> 00:19:03,741
Okay -- I mean...
486
00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:07,759
define "rebound,"
because in basketball...
487
00:19:07,761 --> 00:19:09,329
- Oh, God.
- Okay.
488
00:19:09,331 --> 00:19:11,390
Nin, I just don't want you to get hurt.
489
00:19:11,822 --> 00:19:15,122
I just broke up with him
like five minutes ago.
490
00:19:15,334 --> 00:19:16,907
So maybe it's love,
but honest --
491
00:19:16,909 --> 00:19:17,854
No, okay, I know.
492
00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:19,040
It's like, um,
493
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:22,396
eight years
of suppressed Valentine's Days,
494
00:19:22,398 --> 00:19:24,166
all the 1980s Rom-coms,
495
00:19:24,168 --> 00:19:26,991
and every fucking
Jane Austen novel collided
496
00:19:26,993 --> 00:19:28,506
and became a super ovary.
497
00:19:28,572 --> 00:19:31,909
[Music continues]
498
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:34,481
Listen to me,
499
00:19:34,483 --> 00:19:37,168
'cause I need to be
very super fucking clear.
500
00:19:37,170 --> 00:19:40,106
Do not say the "L" word to him.
501
00:19:40,328 --> 00:19:41,559
- Okay.
- Not yet.
502
00:19:41,627 --> 00:19:43,533
- Not yet.
- I can do that.
503
00:19:43,974 --> 00:19:46,131
I mean, not do that.
504
00:19:46,133 --> 00:19:47,369
- Okay.
- Okay.
505
00:19:47,556 --> 00:19:49,525
Do you even want to be
a college professor?
506
00:19:50,152 --> 00:19:51,177
I don't know, to be honest.
507
00:19:51,178 --> 00:19:52,234
I hadn't really thought about it.
508
00:19:52,235 --> 00:19:54,063
I mean, 'cause I don't want
to push you into anything.
509
00:19:54,064 --> 00:19:55,171
Pbht.
510
00:19:55,230 --> 00:19:56,551
What's that supposed to mean?
511
00:19:56,571 --> 00:19:58,409
- Pbht?
- Oh, it's just...
512
00:19:58,411 --> 00:20:00,167
[Cellphones chime]
513
00:20:03,060 --> 00:20:05,596
- Carmen and Dave.
- Yeah.
514
00:20:05,810 --> 00:20:07,497
Apparently, they want to
go on a double date
515
00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:08,875
with me, you, and Izzy.
516
00:20:09,020 --> 00:20:11,177
Seems like they're making an effort
517
00:20:11,179 --> 00:20:13,157
not to find us
self-destructive and moronic.
518
00:20:13,159 --> 00:20:14,877
- [Chuckles]
- I mean, that -- that's something.
519
00:20:14,878 --> 00:20:16,270
Yeah, here's to something.
520
00:20:16,272 --> 00:20:18,032
- Here's to something.
- [Cellphone chimes]
521
00:20:18,689 --> 00:20:21,072
Apparently, I have an interview
at Griffin tomorrow.
522
00:20:22,892 --> 00:20:24,028
Hey.
523
00:20:24,030 --> 00:20:25,685
I mean, how bad can that be, right?
524
00:20:25,687 --> 00:20:28,134
It's not like you're working
the late-night drive-through
525
00:20:28,136 --> 00:20:29,753
at Taco Bell or anything.
- Mm-hmm.
526
00:20:30,046 --> 00:20:31,481
I mean,
if -- if you want to,
527
00:20:31,483 --> 00:20:32,957
'cause, you know, I don't want
to push you into anything.
528
00:20:32,958 --> 00:20:33,852
- No.
- No.
529
00:20:33,854 --> 00:20:34,889
- Please don't.
- I would not.
530
00:20:34,890 --> 00:20:36,893
I'll just push you
in this doorway right here.
531
00:20:39,799 --> 00:20:41,735
[Cellphone ringing]
532
00:20:42,434 --> 00:20:44,175
Oh, it's Emma.
533
00:20:44,915 --> 00:20:46,194
Just take it.
534
00:20:46,196 --> 00:20:48,156
I'd hate for you to
get in trouble with the wifey.
535
00:20:48,695 --> 00:20:49,789
[Cellphone beeps]
536
00:20:49,799 --> 00:20:51,121
Hi, monkey.
537
00:20:51,188 --> 00:20:53,310
- [Door opens]
- ANDREW: Hello.
538
00:20:54,191 --> 00:20:55,659
Oh.
Oh, hey.
539
00:20:55,861 --> 00:20:57,461
'Sup?
540
00:20:59,030 --> 00:21:01,387
IZZY: No, it's just, uh...
541
00:21:01,775 --> 00:21:03,680
It's surprising.
542
00:21:04,843 --> 00:21:06,511
Stop that immediately.
543
00:21:06,513 --> 00:21:08,114
Where do they want to go?
544
00:21:09,078 --> 00:21:11,386
No, that's -- I'm in.
545
00:21:12,810 --> 00:21:14,597
Nope, it's all good.
Bye.
546
00:21:14,811 --> 00:21:16,686
[Clears throat]
Andrew.
547
00:21:16,695 --> 00:21:18,586
- Isabelle.
- Okay, this is still weird.
548
00:21:18,588 --> 00:21:20,750
Well, doesn't help when you
braid tongues in front of me.
549
00:21:20,751 --> 00:21:22,753
I got to skedaddle anyway.
550
00:21:23,196 --> 00:21:25,351
Emma and Jack are picking me up.
551
00:21:25,353 --> 00:21:26,750
- Aww.
- Aww.
552
00:21:26,976 --> 00:21:29,902
For a double date with Carmen and Dave.
553
00:21:29,904 --> 00:21:30,923
Oh.
554
00:21:30,925 --> 00:21:33,990
Amaris have chosen the venue --
China Girl.
555
00:21:33,992 --> 00:21:34,986
China Girl?
556
00:21:34,988 --> 00:21:36,654
Oh, my God, they did that for you.
557
00:21:36,656 --> 00:21:38,836
They want you to think
that they're, you know, cool.
558
00:21:38,838 --> 00:21:39,865
It's pretty cute.
559
00:21:39,867 --> 00:21:41,037
- Yeah.
- Okay, wait.
560
00:21:41,039 --> 00:21:42,571
You have to promise me
that you're gonna get video
561
00:21:42,572 --> 00:21:44,009
of the
30-somethings dancing.
562
00:21:46,295 --> 00:21:47,843
[Laughs]
563
00:21:47,845 --> 00:21:50,283
You're a horrible person,
but of course I will.
564
00:21:51,115 --> 00:21:52,440
Bye, Boo.
565
00:21:52,583 --> 00:21:54,860
[Door opens, closes]
566
00:21:54,862 --> 00:21:57,134
[House music playing]
567
00:21:57,136 --> 00:21:58,856
[Cheering]
568
00:21:58,922 --> 00:22:01,725
[Chatter]
569
00:22:30,212 --> 00:22:31,788
You chose this place?
570
00:22:32,106 --> 00:22:33,640
Not me, this one.
571
00:22:33,642 --> 00:22:36,579
I Googled
"coolest Portland dance club."
572
00:22:36,629 --> 00:22:38,680
You sure you didn't accidently type in
573
00:22:38,682 --> 00:22:41,752
"greatest concentration
of assholes in one place"?
574
00:22:41,792 --> 00:22:44,528
I might quit my job
and start my own firm.
575
00:22:44,799 --> 00:22:47,326
- That's fucking awesome.
- I know. Can you believe it?
576
00:22:47,328 --> 00:22:49,357
- Yeah.
- Is it raining in here?
577
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:50,734
I keep feeling
these drops of --
578
00:22:50,736 --> 00:22:52,230
I think it's sweat, babe.
579
00:22:52,232 --> 00:22:53,537
Oh, God.
580
00:22:53,616 --> 00:22:56,352
Em, I just took a giant shit
in my pants.
581
00:22:56,354 --> 00:22:59,204
I know, right?
This place is amazing!
582
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:00,842
We can say anything.
583
00:23:00,844 --> 00:23:03,580
Okay, guys, dance time.
584
00:23:03,916 --> 00:23:05,550
- Dave?
- DAVE: Oh.
585
00:23:05,552 --> 00:23:07,054
Uh, I'm okay.
586
00:23:07,056 --> 00:23:08,920
I-I'm just gonna do like
a little shoulder thing
587
00:23:08,921 --> 00:23:10,701
here in the dark if that's okay.
588
00:23:10,703 --> 00:23:12,349
Emma, don't do it. Remember last time?
589
00:23:12,351 --> 00:23:14,849
Yeah, but I'm so much drunker
this time.
590
00:23:15,581 --> 00:23:17,791
Stranger sweat in my eye.
591
00:23:17,793 --> 00:23:19,582
- Honey --
- Stranger sweat in my fucking eye.
592
00:23:19,583 --> 00:23:21,327
Okay, okay.
All right, don't -- careful.
593
00:23:21,329 --> 00:23:22,970
Don't touch anything in there!
594
00:23:22,972 --> 00:23:24,620
- ♪ Givin' it up for free ♪
- Jack.
595
00:23:25,409 --> 00:23:26,749
Come on, Jack.
596
00:23:26,898 --> 00:23:29,167
♪ For free ♪
597
00:23:29,947 --> 00:23:32,628
♪ Givin' it up for free ♪
598
00:23:34,418 --> 00:23:36,869
♪ For free ♪
599
00:23:37,626 --> 00:23:39,562
♪ Givin' it up for free ♪
600
00:23:39,564 --> 00:23:43,101
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
601
00:23:43,103 --> 00:23:47,240
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
602
00:23:47,242 --> 00:23:50,846
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
603
00:23:50,848 --> 00:23:53,585
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
- Come on.
604
00:23:53,587 --> 00:23:58,058
[Laughs]
605
00:23:58,060 --> 00:24:02,064
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
606
00:24:02,066 --> 00:24:05,803
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
607
00:24:05,805 --> 00:24:07,273
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
608
00:24:07,728 --> 00:24:09,530
♪ Givin' it up for free ♪
609
00:24:10,300 --> 00:24:12,401
[Laughter]
610
00:24:12,723 --> 00:24:16,336
[Indistinct conversation]
611
00:24:16,463 --> 00:24:17,508
Whoa.
612
00:24:17,510 --> 00:24:19,446
That's, uh --
that's romantic.
613
00:24:20,004 --> 00:24:21,656
We tried.
Fuck this hell hole.
614
00:24:21,658 --> 00:24:22,965
Oh, there's my girl.
615
00:24:22,967 --> 00:24:25,204
What were in there for?
Four or five hours?
616
00:24:25,692 --> 00:24:28,299
It was, uh, 27 minutes.
617
00:24:28,495 --> 00:24:30,829
- Did we ever go to places like this?
- I don't know.
618
00:24:30,831 --> 00:24:32,440
I have a vague recollection,
but I can't tell
619
00:24:32,441 --> 00:24:34,656
if it was a fever dream
or a horror movie we saw.
620
00:24:34,658 --> 00:24:36,541
Think they even noticed that we left?
621
00:24:36,609 --> 00:24:39,361
Oh, is this about the thing
I said about the bike?
622
00:24:39,363 --> 00:24:40,522
What bike?
623
00:24:40,524 --> 00:24:42,151
You know, the one that Emma remembered
624
00:24:42,153 --> 00:24:43,997
how to ride really fast.
625
00:24:43,999 --> 00:24:45,100
Hold on.
626
00:24:45,852 --> 00:24:48,430
Are you saying
y-you don't think Emma's bi?
627
00:24:48,432 --> 00:24:50,579
You think she's just, like, gay?
628
00:24:50,581 --> 00:24:52,264
I don't know what I think,
Carmen, okay?
629
00:24:52,490 --> 00:24:53,965
It's a lot for me to process,
630
00:24:53,967 --> 00:24:56,089
a lot of new information
coming at me about my wife.
631
00:24:56,567 --> 00:24:57,726
It feels like just yesterday,
632
00:24:57,727 --> 00:24:59,795
I found out she even kissed a girl.
633
00:24:59,797 --> 00:25:01,387
Pretty much was yesterday.
634
00:25:09,053 --> 00:25:11,451
Uh... Well, look at that.
635
00:25:11,453 --> 00:25:13,695
- Yeah, I had no idea.
- It's, uh, time for us to be
636
00:25:13,697 --> 00:25:16,241
anywhere else in the known universe.
- It's -- Mm-hmm.
637
00:25:16,243 --> 00:25:17,238
The sitter --
we only had her
638
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:18,800
for like 45 minutes tonight.
639
00:25:18,802 --> 00:25:20,871
Okay. Okay.
640
00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:23,861
You guys got to talk.
641
00:25:24,929 --> 00:25:26,219
You know? I mean, all three of you.
642
00:25:26,220 --> 00:25:29,290
Don't just let it
gurgle around in there.
643
00:25:30,633 --> 00:25:31,597
Yeah, you're right.
644
00:25:31,599 --> 00:25:33,658
Okay.
You're right.
645
00:25:33,660 --> 00:25:34,676
Okay.
646
00:25:35,005 --> 00:25:37,755
- Come on, let's go.
- Okay.
647
00:25:38,126 --> 00:25:41,374
♪ Well, I've known
since the beat ♪
648
00:25:41,376 --> 00:25:45,314
♪ That I'm no measure
in this song ♪
649
00:25:45,460 --> 00:25:49,131
♪ Just the rest ♪
650
00:25:52,758 --> 00:25:55,894
♪ Well, I've known
since the beat ♪
651
00:25:55,896 --> 00:25:59,533
♪ That I'm no measure
in this song ♪
652
00:25:59,756 --> 00:26:03,825
♪ Just the rest ♪
653
00:26:03,827 --> 00:26:05,525
[Snoring]
654
00:26:07,883 --> 00:26:09,630
[Snoring]
655
00:26:13,083 --> 00:26:14,818
[Clears throat]
656
00:26:15,826 --> 00:26:17,025
Water.
657
00:26:17,814 --> 00:26:20,072
Dear God, why isn't there water?
658
00:26:21,816 --> 00:26:23,198
Maybe there was water,
659
00:26:23,384 --> 00:26:25,083
and karma took it away from you.
660
00:26:25,085 --> 00:26:26,131
Huh?
661
00:26:26,133 --> 00:26:27,806
What's that supposed to mean?
662
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:30,161
Are you mad?
663
00:26:30,658 --> 00:26:32,126
Mad?
664
00:26:32,174 --> 00:26:33,305
Why would I be mad?
665
00:26:33,603 --> 00:26:35,956
Who doesn't love
a spirited public cuckolding?
666
00:26:36,072 --> 00:26:37,607
Seriously?
667
00:26:38,202 --> 00:26:40,871
We asked you to join us.
668
00:26:41,361 --> 00:26:42,739
Right?
669
00:26:43,202 --> 00:26:45,744
[Snoring]
670
00:26:46,402 --> 00:26:48,990
Okay, on your side here, Snuffles.
671
00:26:49,460 --> 00:26:50,928
Mm.
672
00:26:51,483 --> 00:26:54,426
We just paid
three 20-buck covers
673
00:26:54,428 --> 00:26:56,550
to share the ninth circle of hell
674
00:26:56,552 --> 00:26:59,320
with a bunch of sweaty,
annoying hipsters.
675
00:26:59,607 --> 00:27:01,765
Now this one is laying between us
676
00:27:01,767 --> 00:27:04,265
snoring like an obese octogenarian.
677
00:27:04,764 --> 00:27:06,782
Am I the only one questioning
our life choices right now?
678
00:27:06,783 --> 00:27:08,022
Okay, I hear you.
679
00:27:08,414 --> 00:27:09,906
But there is a small war
680
00:27:09,908 --> 00:27:11,653
going on inside my head right now.
681
00:27:12,257 --> 00:27:14,597
Can we possibly do this in the morning?
682
00:27:15,202 --> 00:27:16,755
Sure, why not?
683
00:27:16,757 --> 00:27:18,158
I love you.
684
00:27:18,642 --> 00:27:20,632
I'm sorry for being insensitive.
685
00:27:21,048 --> 00:27:23,905
Vodka got up in me
before knew what was happening.
686
00:27:24,787 --> 00:27:26,035
Okay.
687
00:27:27,917 --> 00:27:29,385
I love you.
688
00:27:29,530 --> 00:27:31,397
You already said that.
689
00:27:32,457 --> 00:27:35,420
I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you.
690
00:27:40,516 --> 00:27:42,699
- [Snores]
- Jack.
691
00:27:42,701 --> 00:27:44,666
You have to say it back.
692
00:27:46,750 --> 00:27:48,190
I love you more.
693
00:27:48,191 --> 00:27:50,002
subtitle by peritta
694
00:27:50,003 --> 00:27:52,191
[Snores]
695
00:27:52,193 --> 00:27:55,263
♪ But love is trippy like that ♪
696
00:27:55,265 --> 00:27:58,601
♪ Sometimes you think
that you've got it ♪
697
00:27:58,603 --> 00:28:03,942
♪ Nobody's gonna trick you
outta this one, baby ♪
698
00:28:04,351 --> 00:28:07,687
♪ But love
will slip through your hands ♪
699
00:28:07,754 --> 00:28:12,692
♪ You never know how to hold it,
control it ♪
700
00:28:12,694 --> 00:28:16,765
♪ You're gripping,
it's tripping you up ♪
700
00:28:17,305 --> 00:28:23,179
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