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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:04,107 --> 00:01:06,457 Ho! Ho! Ho! 2 00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:09,199 Merry Christmas! 3 00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:29,219 No, Santa Claus, don't come to town. Aw, no. 4 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:34,485 God, you're killin' me with this Qallunaat shit. 5 00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:36,400 Come on, turn it off, bro. Please? 6 00:01:37,749 --> 00:01:39,708 God. Okay, come on. 7 00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:41,144 Isn't it supposed to be on, like, 8 00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:43,277 police radio or something, Officer? 9 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:45,931 It ison police radio. 10 00:01:45,975 --> 00:01:48,456 Captain Pendleton has dispatch play Christmas music 11 00:01:48,499 --> 00:01:50,719 on Christmas Eve. That's stupid. 12 00:01:50,762 --> 00:01:52,634 It's just one night a year. 13 00:01:52,677 --> 00:01:55,270 Yeah, Christmas maybe, but they 14 00:01:55,710 --> 00:01:56,899 have been shoving their way of life 15 00:01:56,942 --> 00:01:59,249 on people everywhere they show up. 16 00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:03,340 You know, they want me to live my life off of three wise guys 17 00:02:03,384 --> 00:02:08,258 who followed a star to a barn to find some magic kid? 18 00:02:08,302 --> 00:02:09,912 And that's supposed to be more spiritual 19 00:02:09,955 --> 00:02:12,610 than-than our ancestors dancing on the northern lights 20 00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:15,700 while they watch down on us? 21 00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:21,100 Qallunaat Christmas makes me feel like such a loser. 22 00:02:21,530 --> 00:02:23,273 It's your lucky day. 23 00:02:23,317 --> 00:02:25,971 Every year, Captain Pendleton makes a big show 24 00:02:26,150 --> 00:02:27,712 at our Christmas party. 25 00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:30,889 He pardons an inmate in the holding cell. 26 00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:33,414 It's been a slow year, and he didn't have anyone to pardon, 27 00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:36,373 so... you're it. Congrats. 28 00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:38,270 Wait. What?! 29 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,812 Okay, so, you-you're pulling in your own brother 30 00:02:40,856 --> 00:02:43,815 on a bullshit charge just to let me go? 31 00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:46,253 Now, come on, Yuka. 32 00:02:46,296 --> 00:02:48,516 I mean, I know you're a sellout, 33 00:02:48,559 --> 00:02:50,822 but bullshit you are not. 34 00:02:50,866 --> 00:02:52,737 How can you stand working 35 00:02:52,781 --> 00:02:55,740 for that lying sack of shit every day? 36 00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:58,221 It's tough, Jack. Just the sound of his voice 37 00:02:58,265 --> 00:03:00,490 makes me want to punch something. 38 00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:03,270 Yeah, well, unless you're the lead sled dog. 39 00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:05,446 Guess the view's pretty much the same. 40 00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:10,190 I'm sorry for dragging you in, Jack, but... 41 00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:11,756 Nah. 42 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,758 You won't be alone for a couple hours and... 43 00:03:15,151 --> 00:03:17,660 you'll get some turkey. What? 44 00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:19,329 Really? 45 00:03:20,765 --> 00:03:22,811 What about some pie? I want some pie. 46 00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:25,944 If you're lucky. If I'm... 47 00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:30,775 Fuck Santa Claus! 48 00:03:30,819 --> 00:03:33,996 Cheer up, Jack. You'll be back on that barstool in an hour. 49 00:03:55,539 --> 00:03:57,498 Whoa. 50 00:03:57,541 --> 00:03:59,587 What the hell is that? 51 00:04:01,660 --> 00:04:03,250 I don't know. 52 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:07,159 I mean, it's too much of a point to be the northern lights. 53 00:04:07,203 --> 00:04:09,597 Must be a low polar orbit satellite. 54 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,381 No, no, no. 55 00:04:11,425 --> 00:04:13,427 It must be for you, 56 00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:17,300 'cause "Yuka" means "shining" and "brilliant" in Inuit, right? 57 00:04:17,344 --> 00:04:18,910 Although not 58 00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:22,000 so fucking brilliant when you fuckin' arrest me. 59 00:04:25,439 --> 00:04:28,600 All right! Gather around. 60 00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:29,660 Time for a little Secret Santa here! 61 00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:33,621 And it's no secret that I'll be your Santa again. 62 00:04:33,664 --> 00:04:35,492 Can I get a "ho ho ho"? 63 00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:37,590 Ho! Ho! Ho! 64 00:04:37,102 --> 00:04:39,844 You people'd have to go 1,500 miles to the North Pole 65 00:04:39,888 --> 00:04:41,846 to find a better Santa than me. 66 00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:43,935 Would you take that, dear? 67 00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:45,676 Doesn't the base know it's Christmas Eve? 68 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,939 Hey, Santa, how about our own power grid for Christmas? 69 00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:49,463 Eat shit, Buzz. 70 00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:52,740 That does it. Mayor's on the naughty list! 71 00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:54,163 You heard him. Bad boy. 72 00:04:54,206 --> 00:04:56,184 - All right, all right. - Arch Houghton? Where's Arch? 73 00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:58,298 Okay. 74 00:04:58,341 --> 00:05:00,256 - There you go. - Merry Christmas. 75 00:05:02,258 --> 00:05:04,869 I got you, too. Get over here. 76 00:05:04,913 --> 00:05:06,828 Hey, look... She busted her brother! 77 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:10,571 Your Christmas is saved, Lane! 78 00:05:12,700 --> 00:05:13,835 Jack! Jack! Jack! 79 00:05:13,878 --> 00:05:15,793 Jack! Jack! Jack! PENDLETON All right. 80 00:05:15,837 --> 00:05:17,380 Jack! Jack! Jack! All right, all right. 81 00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:18,946 Take it easy. Take it easy. Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack! 82 00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,320 She's got work to do. Mayor? 83 00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:22,191 Yes, sir. Get over here. 84 00:05:22,234 --> 00:05:24,367 He knows what it is. Booze for him... 85 00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:27,936 This guy needs it in here. 86 00:05:27,979 --> 00:05:29,372 Look at that, honey. 87 00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:30,765 Great. 88 00:05:30,808 --> 00:05:32,375 Three cheers for the mayor! 89 00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:34,508 Hip, hip, hooray! 90 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:22,599 So, when do I get pardoned? 91 00:06:23,644 --> 00:06:25,776 I'll come back and get you 92 00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:28,605 after Captain Pendleton's done hearing himself talk. 93 00:06:28,649 --> 00:06:30,955 So is that when I get pie... after that? 94 00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:32,827 'Cause I'm kind of hungry now. 95 00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:34,829 Yes. Don't worry. 96 00:06:34,872 --> 00:06:37,920 You'll get your pie. 97 00:06:37,135 --> 00:06:39,137 I promise. 98 00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:41,183 It won't be long. 99 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,917 As I have been since I started this tradition 100 00:07:19,961 --> 00:07:23,268 some... 20 years ago? 101 00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:29,318 You know, every Christmas Eve... 102 00:07:29,361 --> 00:07:31,276 I like to look out that window there, 103 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,845 and I envision those... those Three Wise Men 104 00:07:34,889 --> 00:07:38,370 just looking up at that Star of Bethlehem. 105 00:07:38,414 --> 00:07:41,243 Same stars that my ancestors looked at 106 00:07:41,286 --> 00:07:43,811 when they first arrived to tame 107 00:07:43,854 --> 00:07:47,336 and make this the great 49th state of Alaska. 108 00:07:47,379 --> 00:07:50,121 Before that... what was there out here? 109 00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:51,949 Bunch of bears and Eskimos? 110 00:07:51,993 --> 00:07:54,380 That's about it. 111 00:07:54,820 --> 00:07:56,780 Tonight, above all nights, 112 00:07:56,824 --> 00:07:58,652 I thank Jesus... 113 00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:00,915 for my responsibilities He has bestowed upon me. 114 00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:02,482 First, 115 00:08:02,525 --> 00:08:04,832 to my duty to defend my country 116 00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:06,834 and work to support our neighbors 117 00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:09,530 at the Cheney Air Force Listening Station 118 00:08:09,970 --> 00:08:11,795 with their state-of-the-art LRD radar. 119 00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:14,537 We may just be a modest little community down here. 120 00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:18,620 Little outpost 151, but we support 121 00:08:18,106 --> 00:08:21,413 that high-tech station with our low-tech values. 122 00:08:21,457 --> 00:08:23,111 Yes. Am I right? 123 00:08:23,154 --> 00:08:24,982 - Yeah. - Yeah! Now, I know 124 00:08:25,260 --> 00:08:27,115 it's a hassle when they get a little greedy 125 00:08:27,158 --> 00:08:30,118 with our power grid, but they rely on us for supplies, 126 00:08:30,161 --> 00:08:31,859 and we offer police protection 127 00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:34,775 outside that base 365 days out of the year. 128 00:08:34,818 --> 00:08:36,211 Yeah! Yes! 129 00:08:37,821 --> 00:08:39,910 Tonight we got a duty 130 00:08:39,954 --> 00:08:43,566 to a... a greater superior officer. 131 00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:46,395 So, on this night, night before His birthday, 132 00:08:46,438 --> 00:08:49,441 He would have us remember that He wants us to be kind 133 00:08:49,485 --> 00:08:51,966 to strangers and visitors and stuff. 134 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,577 "I was hungry, you gave me something to eat." 135 00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:57,449 "I was thirsty and you 136 00:08:57,493 --> 00:08:59,539 "gave me something to drink. 137 00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:02,803 I was a stranger, and you said, 'Come on inside here.'" 138 00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:04,892 And all the folks said, "When-when was this?" 139 00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:08,460 And you said, "When you were being nice to a stranger", 140 00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:10,680 you were being nice to me." Right? 141 00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:12,160 But the point is, you all know 142 00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:13,572 what I'm saying. Unless you've been living 143 00:09:13,596 --> 00:09:15,206 in a cave somewhere, you know 144 00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:17,557 every year, I am kind to a stranger 145 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,559 as long as they ain't killed nobody, 146 00:09:19,602 --> 00:09:21,865 or tried to terrorist-attack that Air Force base. 147 00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:23,432 That would be a red line. 148 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,523 So tonight, once again, 149 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,470 I would like to pardon a stranger. 150 00:09:30,910 --> 00:09:32,789 Yuka, dear, could you please go fetch the stranger 151 00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:35,900 to be kind to? 152 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:37,402 Of course I won't call him a stranger, 153 00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:39,491 seeing it was your brother Jack you brought in here, 154 00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:41,189 and I've known Jack since about ever. 155 00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:45,889 I shouldn't say that. 156 00:10:10,305 --> 00:10:13,900 Jack? 157 00:10:13,134 --> 00:10:15,136 Hey, Jack? 158 00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:19,401 Goddamn grid. 159 00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:25,712 Jack? 160 00:10:25,755 --> 00:10:27,670 Jacko. 161 00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:30,542 Wake up. 162 00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:48,735 How'd you get in there? 163 00:10:57,439 --> 00:10:59,746 Who are you? 164 00:11:04,315 --> 00:11:06,361 I want to be pardoned. 165 00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:11,279 Just like you... 166 00:11:11,322 --> 00:11:13,803 will want to be pardoned. 167 00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:18,680 Meet Sergeant Yuka Mongoyak, 168 00:11:18,112 --> 00:11:19,679 a woman with a knack 169 00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:22,638 for detecting the most subtle of mistruths. 170 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:26,642 On this night, a night of the most powerful of myths, 171 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,471 that skill will be tested like never before. 172 00:11:29,514 --> 00:11:31,473 She's about to learn 173 00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:33,736 that the truth can take many different forms, 174 00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,912 depending on how you look at it. 175 00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:40,134 Because tonight, Sergeant Yuka's vantage point 176 00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:42,353 is at the very heart... 177 00:11:42,397 --> 00:11:45,139 of The Twilight Zone. 178 00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:48,751 You're traveling through another dimension, 179 00:11:48,795 --> 00:11:51,885 a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. 180 00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:55,149 It is the middle ground between light and shadow, 181 00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:57,891 between science and superstition. 182 00:11:57,934 --> 00:12:00,284 And it lies between the pit of one's fears 183 00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:02,852 and the summit of one's knowledge. 184 00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:06,551 You are now traveling through a dimension of imagination. 185 00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:10,425 You've just crossed over into The Twilight Zone. 186 00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:45,808 Hey! 187 00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:50,421 Hey. What is taking so long? 188 00:12:50,465 --> 00:12:52,554 Someone's in here, Captain! 189 00:12:52,597 --> 00:12:55,339 Is Jack screwing around again? I don't know 190 00:12:55,383 --> 00:12:57,559 who this is in cell three, or how he got here. 191 00:12:57,602 --> 00:12:59,517 What the hell are you talkin' about? 192 00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:01,128 I got all these people up here. 193 00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:03,430 They're waiting for me. 194 00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:08,700 He wants to be pardoned. 195 00:13:08,744 --> 00:13:10,659 What the fuck is this? 196 00:13:10,702 --> 00:13:14,402 An elf escape from Santa's workshop? 197 00:13:15,403 --> 00:13:17,144 Who... 198 00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:19,363 who-who is... 199 00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:20,930 who the hell is this, 200 00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:22,845 and wh-why... why is he wearing a suit? 201 00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:24,891 You're throwing a party. 202 00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:26,893 I'm dressed for the best party. 203 00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:28,503 One thing, though, 204 00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:30,113 and I hate to be the one, but... 205 00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:33,769 I actually came from the North Pole, and... 206 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,205 there's no workshop up there. 207 00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:37,381 Just a bunch of snow. 208 00:13:38,643 --> 00:13:40,820 Came from the North Pole? 209 00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:42,822 Yeah, I just... flew over it 210 00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,214 on my way over here. 211 00:13:44,258 --> 00:13:46,564 I've been everywhere. 212 00:13:46,608 --> 00:13:48,305 I'm actually a... 213 00:13:48,349 --> 00:13:50,307 I'm an extreme tourist. 214 00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:52,483 It's a thing. Have you heard about it? 215 00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:56,226 Mayor put you two up to this? 216 00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:57,924 Don't look at me. 217 00:13:57,967 --> 00:14:00,578 No, I actually have my own YouTube channel. 218 00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:03,103 It's called The Aggro Traveler's Bucket List. 219 00:14:03,146 --> 00:14:05,757 I legally had my name changed in California 220 00:14:05,801 --> 00:14:07,542 to A. Traveler. 221 00:14:08,804 --> 00:14:11,670 I visit the hardest places to get to. 222 00:14:11,111 --> 00:14:13,260 Most people, they end up on Thanksgiving 223 00:14:13,690 --> 00:14:15,376 at Montage Kapalua Bay, and they're like, 224 00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:18,205 "I should've gone to Iglaak, Alaska, 225 00:14:18,248 --> 00:14:20,729 "to be pardoned by Captain Lane Pendleton 226 00:14:20,772 --> 00:14:22,905 on Christmas Eve. Duh." 227 00:14:24,776 --> 00:14:26,256 Are you shittin' me? 228 00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:27,867 I mean, they-they've heard about this? 229 00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:29,912 They've heard about me all the way up here? 230 00:14:29,956 --> 00:14:31,435 Are you kidding me? 231 00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:34,699 Any aggro traveler anywhere in the world knows 232 00:14:34,743 --> 00:14:37,528 about Captain Lane Pendleton's Christmas Eve pardons. 233 00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:42,969 That to be here in Iglaak on Christmas Eve sits... 234 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:46,494 high on any extreme tourist bucket list. 235 00:14:46,537 --> 00:14:48,713 Ride a train to the top of Jungfraujoch. 236 00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,585 Dive off Stari Most bridge. 237 00:14:50,628 --> 00:14:53,588 Kiss Dee Dee Ramone's tombstone at Hollywood Forever Cemetery. 238 00:14:53,631 --> 00:14:55,938 Get pardoned by Captain Lane Pendleton 239 00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:58,332 on Christmas Eve in Iglaak, 240 00:14:58,375 --> 00:14:59,463 Alaska. 241 00:15:00,769 --> 00:15:02,510 I did not realize. 242 00:15:02,553 --> 00:15:04,770 I could see it, though. 243 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,350 I could. Would that mean, um... 244 00:15:06,790 --> 00:15:08,995 Captain Pendleton, would you... 245 00:15:09,380 --> 00:15:11,301 would you pardon me tonight? 246 00:15:12,346 --> 00:15:14,261 Yeah... 247 00:15:14,304 --> 00:15:16,350 Well, let me think about that 248 00:15:16,393 --> 00:15:18,134 one... 249 00:15:20,354 --> 00:15:22,225 Have you committed any crime? 250 00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:26,186 Only waiting so long to come here. 251 00:15:26,229 --> 00:15:28,840 Y-You know, you said you got a YouTube. 252 00:15:28,884 --> 00:15:31,495 Maybe you can video me-me pardon you, 253 00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:34,672 and put it on the show, if you want.Yeah. Absolutely. 254 00:15:34,716 --> 00:15:36,196 You know what, I'll video it... 255 00:15:40,260 --> 00:15:42,280 Just a phone. 256 00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:44,595 I'll throw it up online, 257 00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:46,423 and that way all the extreme tourists 258 00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:48,730 can see for themselves just how truly charming 259 00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:51,124 you and this town are. Well, it's a good town. 260 00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:53,387 If you do this tonight, Captain, 261 00:15:53,430 --> 00:15:56,694 there'll be a lot more people just like me here next year. 262 00:15:56,738 --> 00:15:59,959 Yeah, you know that-that show Alaskan Trooperson Nat Geo, 263 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:01,786 they just totally blew us off. 264 00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:04,398 I think it's just 'cause the Air Force base up the road 265 00:16:04,441 --> 00:16:06,520 doesn't like people poking around. 266 00:16:06,950 --> 00:16:07,792 What kind of phone is this? 267 00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:09,751 Jesus, look at that thing. 268 00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:11,405 Who makes that? 269 00:16:11,448 --> 00:16:13,320 It's a Russian design. 270 00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:17,411 It's Russian-made? 271 00:16:17,454 --> 00:16:19,413 The Russians don't makeanything. 272 00:16:19,456 --> 00:16:21,981 They steal everything. No, no, 273 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:25,288 that actually already has an 8K video resolution. 274 00:16:25,332 --> 00:16:26,986 It's a beta, but... 275 00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:29,205 I'm sure if I said it was for Captain Pendleton, 276 00:16:29,249 --> 00:16:31,251 I could get you one. 277 00:16:31,294 --> 00:16:33,253 Well, they're just across our front yard there, 278 00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:35,864 across the Chukchi Sea, the Russians. I know. 279 00:16:35,907 --> 00:16:37,909 They know all about you. 280 00:16:41,217 --> 00:16:44,300 All right, well, doesn't look like it's gonna be Jack's night, 281 00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:46,222 so give him his phone back, unlock him. 282 00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:48,137 I gotta pardon this guy. 283 00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:50,400 Captain. 284 00:16:50,444 --> 00:16:53,316 We should run a 10-29 active warrants search. 285 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:56,145 Now? There's not gonna be anybody there tonight. 286 00:16:56,189 --> 00:16:58,452 It's all done online. 287 00:16:58,495 --> 00:17:01,194 Well, what is your concern, Sergeant? 288 00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:03,544 You said it. Russian-made things are crap. 289 00:17:03,587 --> 00:17:04,893 This is not 290 00:17:04,936 --> 00:17:06,155 a Russian phone. 291 00:17:06,199 --> 00:17:08,270 Why is he lying? 292 00:17:08,700 --> 00:17:10,116 This could be a 10-96. 293 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,857 All right, you check it out, 294 00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:15,686 and I'll pardon him? But what if we get a hit? 295 00:17:15,730 --> 00:17:18,472 We'll arrest him again. 296 00:17:26,262 --> 00:17:27,872 You have I.D.? 297 00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:41,973 Ooh. Bright. 298 00:18:06,850 --> 00:18:09,000 Right down here, we call this "The Corridor." 299 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,900 I got to tell you, this is incredible. 300 00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:12,743 The crowd's gonna be excited to see you. 301 00:18:35,331 --> 00:18:36,898 Hey, lookee here, 302 00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:38,595 lookee here, the Good Lord has brought us 303 00:18:38,639 --> 00:18:41,381 an honest-to-goodness stranger 304 00:18:41,424 --> 00:18:43,209 to actually pardon here tonight. 305 00:18:43,252 --> 00:18:44,906 Now, Jack Mongoyak 306 00:18:44,949 --> 00:18:46,516 is back there sleeping it off, 307 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:47,909 but I'm not too worried. 308 00:18:47,952 --> 00:18:49,867 We'll just pardon him next year. He'll be back. 309 00:18:49,911 --> 00:18:52,174 Meanwhile, 310 00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:54,176 this guy may be a stranger, everybody, 311 00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,873 but he's... he's a great guy. 312 00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:59,940 In fact, he's... he's a little bit of a celebrity. 313 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,791 He's got a-a show 314 00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:01,923 on the YouTube. 315 00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:03,359 Yeah. 316 00:19:03,403 --> 00:19:06,493 Yeah. And-and it's about visiting cool places. Right? 317 00:19:06,536 --> 00:19:08,147 So I figure since he's here tonight, 318 00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:10,105 we must be... cool, too. 319 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,107 And I'm not talking about the weather. 320 00:19:14,762 --> 00:19:17,286 Let me, just do this here. 321 00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:19,462 All right. 322 00:19:19,506 --> 00:19:22,813 Hey, this is A. Traveler, and I am finally, 323 00:19:22,857 --> 00:19:24,424 finally here. 324 00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:25,947 I am so far up north, 325 00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:28,790 I'm a hundred miles from the Arctic Circle 326 00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:30,256 here in Iglaak, Alaska. Everyone say "hello!" 327 00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:32,997 Hello! 328 00:19:33,410 --> 00:19:34,912 Now, it is Christmas Eve. 329 00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:37,263 That means you know who this is. 330 00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:40,614 And I'm not talking about no Santa Claus. 331 00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:43,312 It's Captain Lane Pendleton, everyone! 332 00:19:44,879 --> 00:19:46,315 No, no... 333 00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:49,231 Houghton. Sir, would-would it be okay if I... 334 00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:51,407 got a selfie with the troopers? What the hell! 335 00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:52,800 All right! Thank you. 336 00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:54,889 I want to know how he got in the cell. 337 00:19:54,932 --> 00:19:56,630 Did you put him in there? No. 338 00:19:56,673 --> 00:19:59,415 Everybody say "Iglaak" on three, okay? One, two, 339 00:19:59,459 --> 00:20:00,416 three. 340 00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:01,809 Iglaak! 341 00:20:01,852 --> 00:20:04,333 There was that set of keys missing from last winter, 342 00:20:04,377 --> 00:20:07,750 and we never changed the locks, because Lupino lost them 343 00:20:07,118 --> 00:20:09,599 in six feet of snow, and we figured no one'd find them. 344 00:20:09,643 --> 00:20:11,253 All right, all right, 345 00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:12,796 let's do this thing. Houghton, grab the chair. 346 00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:16,606 And, ladies and gentlemen, attention! 347 00:20:17,825 --> 00:20:20,880 Where's the chair? HOUGHTON Back there. 348 00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:23,265 All right, all right, come on back here. 349 00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:25,490 Merry Christmas, John. 350 00:20:25,930 --> 00:20:26,660 It's Sergeant Yuka Mongoyak. 351 00:20:26,703 --> 00:20:27,922 Yeah. 352 00:20:27,965 --> 00:20:30,229 Party's in full swing. 353 00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:32,274 The pardoning just started, which is why I called. 354 00:20:32,318 --> 00:20:34,150 Have you had any guests check in? 355 00:20:34,580 --> 00:20:37,148 May go by the name of A. Traveler, wearing a black suit, 356 00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:38,759 five-nine, not from here. 357 00:20:38,802 --> 00:20:41,675 City type. Thank you, just... 358 00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:43,851 I.D. says California. 359 00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:50,205 No? 360 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,554 Okay. 361 00:20:53,770 --> 00:20:55,341 All right, well, you have a nice Christmas. 362 00:20:55,384 --> 00:20:58,692 With the power vested in me... 363 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,696 I hereby declare you pardoned 364 00:21:02,739 --> 00:21:05,786 from our jail cell in Iglaak... 365 00:21:05,829 --> 00:21:07,701 Alaska. And, of course, from all of us, 366 00:21:07,744 --> 00:21:09,529 Merry Christmas, sir. 367 00:21:11,487 --> 00:21:12,793 Thank you. 368 00:21:12,836 --> 00:21:15,120 Can I... can I say something? 369 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:16,840 Um... 370 00:21:16,884 --> 00:21:19,669 on part of my journey up here, 371 00:21:19,713 --> 00:21:22,411 I rode the Trans-Siberian Railway 372 00:21:22,455 --> 00:21:24,892 nonstop for eight days, 373 00:21:24,935 --> 00:21:27,286 from Moscow to Vladivostok. 374 00:21:27,329 --> 00:21:29,462 And along that ride, 375 00:21:29,505 --> 00:21:31,594 so many people came up to me 376 00:21:31,638 --> 00:21:35,903 to ask me about that tough American sheriff in Iglaak 377 00:21:35,946 --> 00:21:37,774 that they all admired. 378 00:21:37,818 --> 00:21:39,733 Now, they even said 379 00:21:39,776 --> 00:21:42,390 that the North Koreans told the Russians 380 00:21:42,830 --> 00:21:45,129 that if they ever were gonna attack the United States, 381 00:21:45,173 --> 00:21:48,176 that they'd have to go around Captain Pendleton 382 00:21:48,219 --> 00:21:51,266 and the entire town of Iglaak, Alaska! 383 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:54,800 That's right. That's right. 384 00:21:54,510 --> 00:21:56,970 That's the truth! 385 00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:57,794 Crank up the music. 386 00:21:57,838 --> 00:21:59,840 Merry Christmas. This is Sergeant Yuka Mongoyak 387 00:21:59,883 --> 00:22:02,799 with the Alaska State Troopers Iglaak Post. 388 00:22:02,843 --> 00:22:04,410 Sorry to trouble you on Christmas Eve, 389 00:22:04,453 --> 00:22:06,499 but I'm inquiring to see if there are any personnel 390 00:22:06,542 --> 00:22:08,675 considered AWOL from your Air Force base? 391 00:22:08,718 --> 00:22:10,981 Shall we get this party going? 392 00:22:11,250 --> 00:22:12,766 Yeah! 393 00:22:14,594 --> 00:22:16,987 Or have any alerts been issued on suspicious individuals 394 00:22:17,310 --> 00:22:18,598 in the area? 395 00:22:19,860 --> 00:22:21,470 I appreciate your help. 396 00:22:21,514 --> 00:22:22,645 You, too. 397 00:22:22,689 --> 00:22:25,126 Merry Christmas. 398 00:22:45,451 --> 00:22:48,628 Captain Pendleton just pardoned me... 399 00:22:48,671 --> 00:22:50,804 and you're looking to put me back in jail? 400 00:22:53,502 --> 00:22:56,592 You haven't believed a single word out of my mouth, have you? 401 00:22:56,636 --> 00:22:58,812 Captain Pendleton does, but... 402 00:22:58,855 --> 00:23:00,466 not you. 403 00:23:02,293 --> 00:23:04,861 Now, that's the first honest thing you've said. 404 00:23:06,733 --> 00:23:09,300 Don't you want to open up the present that I brought for you? 405 00:23:12,478 --> 00:23:15,698 What you'd like most for Christmas? 406 00:23:17,483 --> 00:23:19,528 I don't believe in Christmas. 407 00:23:23,140 --> 00:23:25,142 You believe in what you believe. 408 00:23:25,186 --> 00:23:27,754 Isn't that what Christmas is all about? 409 00:23:49,863 --> 00:23:51,473 Jack? 410 00:23:52,692 --> 00:23:54,410 Hey, Jack? 411 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:55,956 What? What? 412 00:23:55,999 --> 00:23:57,392 I brought you 413 00:23:57,436 --> 00:23:59,525 some turkey and stuffing. Okay, thanks. 414 00:23:59,568 --> 00:24:02,484 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 415 00:24:02,528 --> 00:24:05,139 When the fuck am I getting out of here, Yuka? 416 00:24:05,182 --> 00:24:07,315 Are you fucking me over? 417 00:24:07,358 --> 00:24:09,622 And by the way, do you see any pie on here? 418 00:24:09,665 --> 00:24:11,754 Turkey now, pie later. 419 00:24:13,103 --> 00:24:14,453 Bullshit. 420 00:24:18,650 --> 00:24:19,588 Hey, Jack? 421 00:24:27,740 --> 00:24:30,730 What would you say is the thing I'd want most for Christmas? 422 00:24:30,773 --> 00:24:32,601 Fuck Christmas. 423 00:24:32,645 --> 00:24:34,473 Okay, yeah, but... 424 00:24:34,516 --> 00:24:36,300 what if? 425 00:24:36,344 --> 00:24:38,410 I don't know. 426 00:24:39,652 --> 00:24:42,524 Maybe to be one of them. 427 00:24:46,963 --> 00:24:50,880 I honestly don't know if you know who you are anymore. 428 00:24:50,924 --> 00:24:52,882 I know who I am. 429 00:24:52,926 --> 00:24:54,971 And I'm proud of who I am. 430 00:24:55,150 --> 00:24:56,625 At least I'm doing something. 431 00:24:56,669 --> 00:24:58,235 Yeah, theirway. 432 00:25:38,928 --> 00:25:40,713 Everybody! 433 00:26:17,401 --> 00:26:19,882 Where is your Christmas spirit, Yuka? 434 00:26:19,926 --> 00:26:22,580 You having a good time? You want a drink? 435 00:26:22,102 --> 00:26:23,930 No, I'm good, thank you. 436 00:26:26,628 --> 00:26:28,587 10-97 on "A. Traveler." 437 00:26:28,630 --> 00:26:31,677 Well, he's a good guy. 438 00:26:33,548 --> 00:26:35,637 I knew there wouldn't be any priors on him. 439 00:26:36,682 --> 00:26:39,162 Do you want to release Jack when he sobers up? 440 00:26:39,206 --> 00:26:42,339 I mean, we brought him in intending to release him. 441 00:26:42,383 --> 00:26:44,951 I know he's drunk, but come on. 442 00:26:44,994 --> 00:26:48,389 Everyone is. It's Christmas. 443 00:26:48,432 --> 00:26:50,304 He wasn't disorderly in the first place 444 00:26:50,347 --> 00:26:52,872 or resisted arrest. 445 00:26:52,915 --> 00:26:56,440 Give me a chance for a twofer pardon. 446 00:26:56,484 --> 00:26:58,878 Never done one of those before. 447 00:26:58,921 --> 00:27:00,662 Yes, Captain. 448 00:27:00,706 --> 00:27:02,664 Very jolly of you. 449 00:27:03,709 --> 00:27:05,188 All right, go fetch him. 450 00:27:05,232 --> 00:27:06,668 Let's do it. 451 00:27:06,712 --> 00:27:07,669 Thank you. 452 00:27:07,713 --> 00:27:10,454 Dance break! 453 00:27:20,856 --> 00:27:23,250 No. There's still more song left. 454 00:27:23,293 --> 00:27:24,991 Fucking Air Force base. 455 00:27:25,340 --> 00:27:26,470 Come on, now. 456 00:27:26,514 --> 00:27:28,211 This town exists because of that base. 457 00:27:28,255 --> 00:27:29,691 At this time next year, 458 00:27:29,735 --> 00:27:33,303 we will not be sharing a power grid. 459 00:27:33,347 --> 00:27:34,870 Stop your campaigning. 460 00:27:34,914 --> 00:27:36,872 We already reelected you last month. 461 00:27:36,916 --> 00:27:38,134 God. 462 00:27:38,178 --> 00:27:39,832 I'm getting so sick of you, Colchack. 463 00:27:39,875 --> 00:27:43,270 The Air Force does not ask to tap into our power grid. 464 00:27:43,313 --> 00:27:45,707 If it wasn't for them, we wouldn't be here, so shut up. 465 00:27:45,751 --> 00:27:47,361 John, John, you've had too much to drink. 466 00:27:47,404 --> 00:27:50,320 Stop talking about the fucking grid and fix it! 467 00:27:50,364 --> 00:27:52,610 Do something! PENDLETON Hey! 468 00:27:52,105 --> 00:27:53,715 Hey, relax. It'll come back on. 469 00:27:53,759 --> 00:27:55,935 It always does, everybody. Geez. 470 00:28:00,983 --> 00:28:02,115 All right. There you go. 471 00:28:02,158 --> 00:28:03,638 Et voilà. 472 00:28:03,682 --> 00:28:04,876 Now, listen, before you crank up 473 00:28:04,900 --> 00:28:06,293 the Christmas karaoke over there, 474 00:28:06,336 --> 00:28:07,947 it does occur to me that we've got a... 475 00:28:07,990 --> 00:28:12,168 another prisoner back there to offer a Christmas pardon to. 476 00:28:12,212 --> 00:28:14,475 What do y'all think? 477 00:28:14,518 --> 00:28:15,694 Yeah. Yeah, let's do it. 478 00:28:15,737 --> 00:28:17,826 It's a twofer! 479 00:28:17,870 --> 00:28:20,176 All right, all right. Arch, go grab 480 00:28:20,220 --> 00:28:21,569 Jack Mongoyak, bring him out here. 481 00:28:21,612 --> 00:28:23,484 I wouldn't pardon Jack Mongoyak. 482 00:28:28,402 --> 00:28:31,884 You're missing some tools from your snow machine shed. 483 00:28:33,929 --> 00:28:36,105 No, not that we're aware of. 484 00:28:36,149 --> 00:28:37,454 Now you know. 485 00:28:37,498 --> 00:28:39,892 About a thousand dollars' worth. 486 00:28:39,935 --> 00:28:42,721 They're in the trunk of Jack Mongoyak's car. 487 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,986 Back at the bar where Sergeant Mongoyak picked him up. 488 00:28:47,290 --> 00:28:49,466 Jack's never stole a thing in his life. 489 00:28:49,510 --> 00:28:51,120 Fine. 490 00:28:51,164 --> 00:28:53,383 Don't believe me. 491 00:28:54,515 --> 00:28:56,125 I-Ida? 492 00:28:56,909 --> 00:28:58,780 You mind running 493 00:28:58,824 --> 00:29:01,740 down the road and checking on Jack's car? 494 00:29:01,783 --> 00:29:03,742 Sure thing, Captain. 495 00:29:06,266 --> 00:29:09,800 Can I finish the song now? 496 00:29:10,836 --> 00:29:12,881 Um... 497 00:29:12,925 --> 00:29:14,665 How-How'd you know about the tools? 498 00:29:14,709 --> 00:29:15,971 Captain, 499 00:29:16,150 --> 00:29:18,408 just 'cause he said it doesn't mean it's true. 500 00:29:18,452 --> 00:29:20,933 Like everything else he's said tonight. 501 00:29:20,976 --> 00:29:23,457 And if Trooper Lupino finds the tools, 502 00:29:23,500 --> 00:29:25,938 I'd guess you stole them and put them there. 503 00:29:25,981 --> 00:29:28,331 And if they're not there... 504 00:29:28,375 --> 00:29:31,334 wh-what would make you say such a thing? 505 00:29:34,163 --> 00:29:36,775 It's 'cause I know things... 506 00:29:36,818 --> 00:29:39,690 about this town. 507 00:29:39,734 --> 00:29:43,850 And I know things about you people. 508 00:29:46,959 --> 00:29:48,917 Rita, 509 00:29:48,961 --> 00:29:51,746 you're on a strict two-drink limit, 510 00:29:51,790 --> 00:29:53,792 but that's your fifth glass of eggnog. 511 00:29:53,835 --> 00:29:56,533 Not counting the two shots of Patrón you had 512 00:29:56,577 --> 00:29:57,796 before you left the house. 513 00:29:57,839 --> 00:29:59,580 So what? 514 00:29:59,623 --> 00:30:01,408 It's Christmas. 515 00:30:01,451 --> 00:30:03,149 And Jacques, 516 00:30:03,192 --> 00:30:05,629 do you think your ex-wife will be expecting 517 00:30:05,673 --> 00:30:07,607 those delinquent child support payments in her stocking? 518 00:30:07,631 --> 00:30:09,000 What the hell are you talking about? 519 00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,244 That's not true. That's not even true. 520 00:30:11,287 --> 00:30:14,247 And, Mr. Colchack, your bid on the construction 521 00:30:14,290 --> 00:30:15,920 of the airfield runway out beyond the lagoon 522 00:30:15,944 --> 00:30:18,330 was the lowest of all three bidders. 523 00:30:19,780 --> 00:30:21,689 You piece of shit. 524 00:30:21,732 --> 00:30:24,830 I knew it. Mayor Matheson over here 525 00:30:24,126 --> 00:30:26,128 awarded the project to the Russian company 526 00:30:26,172 --> 00:30:28,652 across the Bering Strait. That has not been determined. 527 00:30:28,696 --> 00:30:30,437 Now, see, I warned you about this asshole! 528 00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:32,470 How could you reelect him? 529 00:30:32,910 --> 00:30:34,745 Like you didn't go down on all the Air Force brass 530 00:30:34,789 --> 00:30:37,226 to get that bid for the cargo loading apron at the base, 531 00:30:37,270 --> 00:30:39,533 Buzzy. Going down on? 532 00:30:39,576 --> 00:30:40,902 Now, that'ssomething you know about. 533 00:30:40,926 --> 00:30:42,710 Hang on to this, honey! You wish, bitch! 534 00:30:42,753 --> 00:30:44,233 Rita! Hey, hey! 535 00:30:45,452 --> 00:30:47,236 For crying out loud! 536 00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:49,640 Hey, don't you touch me! 537 00:30:58,117 --> 00:31:00,467 - - The party's over. - Let go of me! Thanks. 538 00:31:00,510 --> 00:31:02,401 The party's over, everybody. Come on. Break it up. 539 00:31:02,425 --> 00:31:04,688 Grab your coats and get your drunk heinies 540 00:31:04,732 --> 00:31:08,400 out of here. Everybody. 541 00:31:08,830 --> 00:31:09,868 Take it easy. 542 00:31:09,911 --> 00:31:11,173 Merry Christmas. 543 00:31:11,217 --> 00:31:13,219 Drive home safe. Let's go. 544 00:31:15,221 --> 00:31:16,613 Get him home safe. 545 00:31:16,657 --> 00:31:19,510 All right. Merry Christmas. 546 00:31:46,948 --> 00:31:49,516 How the hell did he get in that cell? 547 00:31:49,559 --> 00:31:51,474 And how'd you know all these things? 548 00:31:51,518 --> 00:31:53,850 A. Traveler. 549 00:31:53,128 --> 00:31:54,738 Is that even your real name? 550 00:31:54,782 --> 00:31:57,698 Hey, 15, this is Post. 551 00:31:57,741 --> 00:32:00,614 Y-You got a 10-71 on those tools yet? 552 00:32:00,657 --> 00:32:04,960 Post, this is 15. It's 10-23. 553 00:32:04,139 --> 00:32:05,575 There were no tools in Jack's car. 554 00:32:05,619 --> 00:32:08,491 Repeat, negative on stolen tools. 555 00:32:08,535 --> 00:32:10,885 Everyone's having a drink. 556 00:32:10,929 --> 00:32:13,235 See? 557 00:32:13,279 --> 00:32:15,411 He's lying. Wait a minute. 558 00:32:15,455 --> 00:32:18,588 You did know right where to go with Matheson and Colchack 559 00:32:18,632 --> 00:32:20,590 to set them off. 560 00:32:20,634 --> 00:32:22,636 How? 561 00:32:22,679 --> 00:32:25,291 Well, they've hated each other 562 00:32:25,334 --> 00:32:27,641 ever since Buzz tried to feel up Dottie Matheson 563 00:32:27,684 --> 00:32:29,686 ten years ago at this very party. 564 00:32:29,730 --> 00:32:31,253 That is an unsubstantiated rumor, 565 00:32:31,297 --> 00:32:33,342 and how did you know that?! 566 00:32:33,386 --> 00:32:35,344 How's he know that? What, are you... 567 00:32:35,388 --> 00:32:38,304 What are you, friend? 568 00:32:39,305 --> 00:32:41,829 You a Russian spy? Man in Black? 569 00:32:41,872 --> 00:32:43,265 If you're Santa Claus, 570 00:32:43,309 --> 00:32:45,930 you're a little late delivering your toys. 571 00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:48,879 I'm Special Agent Douglas Heyes 572 00:32:48,923 --> 00:32:51,560 from the Anchorage field office. 573 00:32:51,990 --> 00:32:52,405 Iglaak is a small town, 574 00:32:52,448 --> 00:32:54,146 but there exists widespread corruption 575 00:32:54,189 --> 00:32:57,180 that could affect the security of the United States of America. 576 00:32:57,620 --> 00:33:00,239 You have any Bureau identification? 577 00:33:00,282 --> 00:33:04,156 Undercover special agents don't have I.D., Sergeant. 578 00:33:04,199 --> 00:33:07,246 Who's under investigation? 579 00:33:12,512 --> 00:33:16,810 I'll tell you who's under investigation. 580 00:33:18,126 --> 00:33:20,128 You are. 581 00:33:25,133 --> 00:33:27,614 And you're going right back into that cell 582 00:33:27,657 --> 00:33:31,661 until we can confirm with the Bureau in Anchorage. 583 00:33:52,639 --> 00:33:54,597 Hey. Yo. 584 00:33:54,641 --> 00:33:56,382 What's the story with my pie? 585 00:33:56,425 --> 00:33:58,123 Yo, Captain, I'm supposed to be getting 586 00:33:58,166 --> 00:34:00,810 some pie. 587 00:34:00,125 --> 00:34:02,823 I know the reasons you don't trust me. 588 00:34:02,866 --> 00:34:05,478 But we'll work well together once Captain Pendleton's removed 589 00:34:05,521 --> 00:34:07,480 and you replace him. 590 00:34:07,523 --> 00:34:09,351 When you're the lead sled dog. 591 00:34:09,395 --> 00:34:11,179 Jack, you're pardoned. 592 00:34:11,223 --> 00:34:13,355 Hell no. 593 00:34:13,399 --> 00:34:15,749 It's 30 below, I-I'm too drunk to drive, 594 00:34:15,792 --> 00:34:18,491 and I'm not leaving till I get some motherfucking pie. 595 00:34:34,550 --> 00:34:37,727 You've reached the Federal Bureau of Investigation, 596 00:34:37,771 --> 00:34:39,251 Anchorage Field Office. 597 00:34:39,294 --> 00:34:40,556 If this is an emergency, 598 00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,863 please use our directory to contact 599 00:34:42,906 --> 00:34:44,256 a field agent directly. 600 00:34:46,171 --> 00:34:49,870 We're sorry, but there is no agent 601 00:34:49,130 --> 00:34:51,890 that matches the information provided. 602 00:34:51,132 --> 00:34:54,400 Our hours are Monday through Friday, 700 a.m... 603 00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:56,500 I'll go see. 604 00:34:59,530 --> 00:35:01,550 Yuka. 605 00:35:03,570 --> 00:35:05,755 I'll go with you. 606 00:35:22,424 --> 00:35:24,383 What the actual fuck? 607 00:35:24,426 --> 00:35:27,473 What the actual what? 608 00:35:27,516 --> 00:35:28,735 Did you see that?! 609 00:35:30,215 --> 00:35:33,430 Get those guns off me. Yuka? 610 00:35:33,870 --> 00:35:35,785 Yuka, did you not see that? JACK I saw something. 611 00:35:35,829 --> 00:35:36,873 Right? 612 00:35:36,917 --> 00:35:39,441 Yeah, he looked like a fucking snail. 613 00:35:39,485 --> 00:35:42,357 He had antennae coming out his h-head. 614 00:35:43,967 --> 00:35:45,926 Yuka, you're awfully quiet. 615 00:35:45,969 --> 00:35:48,276 What do you believe? PENDLETON She saw it. 616 00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,600 She saw it. We all saw it. 617 00:35:50,104 --> 00:35:52,106 She may not be saying anything, but she saw it! 618 00:35:52,150 --> 00:35:54,630 No one saw anything because that's insane. 619 00:35:54,674 --> 00:35:57,242 It's probably shadows from your flashlights or something. 620 00:35:57,285 --> 00:35:59,679 Antennae? 621 00:35:59,722 --> 00:36:01,942 You two are tripping on cheese log. 622 00:36:04,988 --> 00:36:07,556 Take off the hat. 623 00:36:19,394 --> 00:36:23,442 Now, I've been nothing but nice to you. 624 00:36:23,485 --> 00:36:26,488 Nothing but nice. 625 00:36:26,532 --> 00:36:27,794 So, you need to consider 626 00:36:27,837 --> 00:36:30,405 if it's worth the irreversible remorse 627 00:36:30,449 --> 00:36:33,600 to further address me... 628 00:36:39,327 --> 00:36:42,461 with such rude intentions. 629 00:36:47,248 --> 00:36:50,773 Especially when I know things... 630 00:36:50,817 --> 00:36:53,776 about you, Captain Pendleton. 631 00:36:53,820 --> 00:36:56,692 All you need to know is I got you locked up in my jail. 632 00:36:56,736 --> 00:36:58,303 And to be exact, 633 00:36:58,346 --> 00:37:00,696 this jail is officially considered 634 00:37:00,740 --> 00:37:02,829 Alaska State Trooper Post 151. 635 00:37:02,872 --> 00:37:06,441 What's the primary purpose of Post 151? 636 00:37:06,485 --> 00:37:08,182 To serve the public good. 637 00:37:08,226 --> 00:37:09,662 By the support and protection 638 00:37:09,705 --> 00:37:11,794 of an acknowledged temporary vulnerability 639 00:37:11,838 --> 00:37:15,145 outside of the Cheney Air Force Listening Installation. 640 00:37:15,189 --> 00:37:17,583 It's the point at which the Air Force facilities' power grid 641 00:37:17,626 --> 00:37:20,281 connects and is shared with the town of Iglaak's. 642 00:37:20,325 --> 00:37:21,891 Okay. 643 00:37:21,935 --> 00:37:25,286 That's enough. There's a camouflage shed somewhere nearby 644 00:37:25,330 --> 00:37:27,650 that houses the connection point between the Air Force base 645 00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:29,290 and the town's power grid. 646 00:37:29,334 --> 00:37:32,162 He's experiencing a mental breakdown of some kind. 647 00:37:33,425 --> 00:37:35,905 So, if a hostile force were to invade, 648 00:37:35,949 --> 00:37:37,907 they'd just have to destroy 649 00:37:37,951 --> 00:37:39,518 that one shed? PENDLETON That location 650 00:37:39,561 --> 00:37:41,433 is classified information. 651 00:37:41,476 --> 00:37:45,350 Classified is actually the most... 652 00:37:45,393 --> 00:37:48,701 lucrative type of information. 653 00:37:48,744 --> 00:37:51,747 Isn't it, Captain Lane Pendleton? 654 00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:56,970 That's right, she doesn't know. 655 00:37:58,363 --> 00:38:00,800 Captain Pendleton has sold the information 656 00:38:00,843 --> 00:38:03,455 to our neighbors across the Chukchi Sea. 657 00:38:03,498 --> 00:38:04,586 The Russians. 658 00:38:04,630 --> 00:38:06,420 Nothing you've said has been the truth. 659 00:38:06,660 --> 00:38:07,197 You want the truth? 660 00:38:07,241 --> 00:38:09,156 You can't handle the truth. 661 00:38:10,897 --> 00:38:12,918 I'm sure anyone can understand the captain's motivation. 662 00:38:12,942 --> 00:38:14,727 There is no motivation 663 00:38:14,770 --> 00:38:16,337 'cause there has been no corruption. 664 00:38:16,381 --> 00:38:17,643 20 years 665 00:38:17,686 --> 00:38:19,558 as the big cheese in Iglaak, Alaska. 666 00:38:19,601 --> 00:38:21,908 It's not a location, nor is 667 00:38:21,951 --> 00:38:24,345 Alaska State Trooper an occupation, 668 00:38:24,389 --> 00:38:26,913 where anyone can make any real money 669 00:38:26,956 --> 00:38:29,890 or actually make any real impact on the world. 670 00:38:29,132 --> 00:38:30,395 You shut your mouth. 671 00:38:30,438 --> 00:38:33,600 Especially someone like you, Lane Pendleton, 672 00:38:33,490 --> 00:38:34,700 would have made a great impact. 673 00:38:34,500 --> 00:38:35,269 You shut your mouth. 674 00:38:35,313 --> 00:38:36,314 The best impact. 675 00:38:39,926 --> 00:38:42,581 I'm gonna put a hole in this insect. 676 00:38:42,624 --> 00:38:45,975 But you gave up on that idea. 677 00:38:46,190 --> 00:38:47,542 You gave up on yourself, you just... 678 00:38:47,586 --> 00:38:48,848 gave up. 679 00:38:48,891 --> 00:38:52,155 I never gave up on anything. 680 00:38:53,722 --> 00:38:55,811 I'm Agent Marius Constant from the National. 681 00:38:55,855 --> 00:38:57,378 Reconnaissance Office. 682 00:38:57,422 --> 00:38:59,902 Captain will save a lot of money and headache 683 00:38:59,946 --> 00:39:01,643 and maybe lives if he just confesses 684 00:39:01,687 --> 00:39:04,298 that he told the Russians about the location of the shed. 685 00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:06,390 He's lying! 686 00:39:06,820 --> 00:39:07,693 At this very minute, 687 00:39:07,736 --> 00:39:09,869 Russian Spetsnaz forces are on their way to sabotage 688 00:39:09,912 --> 00:39:12,175 what I know is the location 689 00:39:12,219 --> 00:39:13,176 of the shed. 690 00:39:13,220 --> 00:39:15,400 Thing is, 691 00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:17,500 my people are going to intercept them. 692 00:39:22,925 --> 00:39:24,623 I'm going there right now, 693 00:39:24,666 --> 00:39:27,277 to warn the Americans or the Russians. 694 00:39:30,672 --> 00:39:32,718 He stays here. 695 00:39:46,819 --> 00:39:48,429 I thought he'd never leave. 696 00:39:48,473 --> 00:39:50,692 Now we can talk. 697 00:39:50,736 --> 00:39:53,347 So, I'm just trying to prove to everybody here 698 00:39:53,391 --> 00:39:55,915 what you've known for all these years, 699 00:39:55,958 --> 00:39:58,526 that he doesn't care about this area, 700 00:39:58,570 --> 00:40:00,963 this land, or your people. 701 00:40:01,700 --> 00:40:02,400 That he's a liar. 702 00:40:09,450 --> 00:40:12,105 See, I told you I knew what you wanted for Christmas. 703 00:40:13,149 --> 00:40:16,152 So this is my gift to you. 704 00:40:16,196 --> 00:40:20,374 Soon, you're gonna be the one giving the orders around here. 705 00:40:54,974 --> 00:40:57,933 Don't be afraid of me, Yuka. 706 00:40:57,977 --> 00:40:59,195 I mean, you don't know this... 707 00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:01,230 And how would you know... but... 708 00:41:01,670 --> 00:41:03,243 you and I are a lot alike. 709 00:41:03,286 --> 00:41:04,984 We have a lot of bosses above us. 710 00:41:05,270 --> 00:41:08,248 There's always a bigger boss to be in awe of or afraid of. 711 00:41:08,291 --> 00:41:10,337 But you and I, 712 00:41:10,380 --> 00:41:12,426 we're worker ants 713 00:41:12,470 --> 00:41:14,602 who get the job done. 714 00:41:14,646 --> 00:41:16,380 Today I will. 715 00:41:16,820 --> 00:41:17,692 You won't. 716 00:41:17,736 --> 00:41:20,303 But you know what? I'll keep my promise, though. 717 00:41:20,347 --> 00:41:22,100 I'll put in a good word. 718 00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:23,263 You'll be running this place. 719 00:41:23,306 --> 00:41:24,743 But working for us. 720 00:41:24,786 --> 00:41:26,788 Captain Pendleton, this is Post. 721 00:41:26,832 --> 00:41:28,224 10-19. Return to base. 722 00:41:28,268 --> 00:41:29,530 10-39. Urgent. 723 00:41:29,574 --> 00:41:30,879 10-39. Urgent. 724 00:41:35,754 --> 00:41:37,407 Pendleton, can you hear me? 725 00:41:38,713 --> 00:41:40,106 Our intelligence indicated 726 00:41:40,149 --> 00:41:41,934 that you would be vulnerable to attack, 727 00:41:41,977 --> 00:41:44,545 somewhere in this vicinity, 728 00:41:44,589 --> 00:41:46,250 on this day. 729 00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:48,941 So, in order to ensure the success of the invasion, 730 00:41:48,984 --> 00:41:51,552 Pendleton needed to lead us to the power source 731 00:41:51,596 --> 00:41:53,902 of the Air Force early discrimination system 732 00:41:53,946 --> 00:41:55,774 in order to remove it. 733 00:41:55,817 --> 00:41:57,384 And you let Pendleton go. 734 00:41:57,427 --> 00:41:59,691 Is it because maybe you thought it'd get rid of him 735 00:41:59,734 --> 00:42:01,823 or give you his job or both? 736 00:42:01,867 --> 00:42:03,695 You'll never have to worry 737 00:42:03,738 --> 00:42:05,305 about Captain Pendleton again. 738 00:42:05,348 --> 00:42:08,787 Or, Christmas, for that matter. 739 00:42:08,830 --> 00:42:11,877 What's with the gun, Yuka? 740 00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:14,923 I mean, why do you want to kill me? 741 00:42:14,967 --> 00:42:17,143 You knew what I was. 742 00:42:17,186 --> 00:42:19,145 I did nothing but lie to you. 743 00:42:19,188 --> 00:42:20,799 Only, 744 00:42:20,842 --> 00:42:23,976 once I said something that might benefit you, 745 00:42:24,190 --> 00:42:26,369 you chose to ignore it. 746 00:42:26,413 --> 00:42:28,763 See, that's not a lie. 747 00:42:28,807 --> 00:42:32,270 You willingly accepted the lie. 748 00:42:32,710 --> 00:42:34,464 That's worse. 749 00:42:34,508 --> 00:42:35,508 Now it's too late. 750 00:42:47,652 --> 00:42:49,349 No. 751 00:42:50,568 --> 00:42:52,400 It's not too late. 752 00:42:54,702 --> 00:42:56,704 Just arrived at the mesosphere. 753 00:43:00,447 --> 00:43:01,796 Captain Pendleton, respond! 754 00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:03,755 Do not go to the shed! 755 00:43:07,149 --> 00:43:10,196 All units respond. 756 00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:13,895 Does anyone have a 20 on Captain Pendleton? 757 00:43:13,939 --> 00:43:16,550 Captain Pendleton, this is Post. 10-19. 758 00:43:16,594 --> 00:43:20,249 Repeat, 10-19. Do not go to the shed. 759 00:43:21,294 --> 00:43:22,861 Fuck! 760 00:43:31,391 --> 00:43:33,393 Hey, bro. 761 00:43:33,436 --> 00:43:35,395 You know, if you could, 762 00:43:35,438 --> 00:43:40,520 you know, like, use your magic and open my cell, too... 763 00:43:55,502 --> 00:43:57,250 Whoa. 764 00:43:57,690 --> 00:43:59,201 That's a cool trick, man. 765 00:43:59,245 --> 00:44:00,986 Thanks. 766 00:44:11,866 --> 00:44:14,390 Arch! 767 00:44:14,434 --> 00:44:16,741 Arch! 768 00:44:16,784 --> 00:44:19,265 Any 20 on Captain Pendleton? 769 00:44:19,308 --> 00:44:21,484 Yeah. A while ago, I saw him going south on Nixon, 770 00:44:21,528 --> 00:44:22,790 but, just now, 771 00:44:22,834 --> 00:44:24,444 he tore off toward County Highway. 772 00:44:24,487 --> 00:44:27,550 No! Get off me! Break it up, ladies! 773 00:44:27,990 --> 00:44:30,363 Break it up! Get the fuck off me! Get off! 774 00:45:46,221 --> 00:45:48,876 Captain Pendleton! 775 00:45:50,922 --> 00:45:52,662 Captain Pendleton! 776 00:45:55,100 --> 00:45:56,797 Step away from the structure 777 00:45:56,841 --> 00:45:59,626 with your hands raised above your head. 778 00:46:01,106 --> 00:46:05,153 You brought a Remington shotgun to a Russian invasion? 779 00:46:07,250 --> 00:46:08,417 Put the gun down, Sergeant. 780 00:46:08,461 --> 00:46:11,290 He lied about that, too. 781 00:46:11,333 --> 00:46:13,118 Lane Pendleton, 782 00:46:13,161 --> 00:46:16,121 you're under arrest. 783 00:46:25,652 --> 00:46:27,436 Really, Yuka? 784 00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:29,134 Out here? 785 00:46:32,572 --> 00:46:35,183 Now? 786 00:46:36,968 --> 00:46:38,926 You're here. 787 00:46:38,970 --> 00:46:42,234 So the Traveler wasn't lying about what you did. 788 00:46:42,277 --> 00:46:47,650 You came to meet your Russian contacts to tip them off. 789 00:46:59,164 --> 00:47:02,360 Well, maybe... 790 00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:04,952 it'll be better with you guys running things. 791 00:47:29,934 --> 00:47:32,371 Let me guess. 792 00:47:37,376 --> 00:47:39,639 You're getting my job. 793 00:47:42,555 --> 00:47:45,340 Is that what he told you? 794 00:47:47,516 --> 00:47:51,390 Yeah. Yeah, see... 795 00:47:51,433 --> 00:47:53,914 it's only a lie 796 00:47:53,958 --> 00:47:57,222 if we choose to believe it. 797 00:48:57,804 --> 00:48:59,327 That's pretty good. 798 00:48:59,371 --> 00:49:03,700 Definitely worth the wait. 799 00:49:11,470 --> 00:49:14,380 The most dangerous lies come in the form 800 00:49:14,810 --> 00:49:16,301 of beautifully wrapped gifts. 801 00:49:16,344 --> 00:49:18,912 On this evening, Sergeant Yuka discovered 802 00:49:18,956 --> 00:49:23,300 that there's no difference between myth and mistruth. 803 00:49:23,470 --> 00:49:27,700 She unwrapped her fateful present far too late 804 00:49:27,510 --> 00:49:30,315 on this dark and silent night 805 00:49:30,358 --> 00:49:32,752 in The Twilight Zone. 53465

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