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1
00:00:04,014 --> 00:00:07,333
So we're competing with
all the other Cloud 9's
2
00:00:07,333 --> 00:00:08,794
in the district and the branch
3
00:00:08,896 --> 00:00:11,795
with the most combined steps
by the end of the week wins.
4
00:00:11,964 --> 00:00:13,451
Oh, my God, are these Apple watches?
5
00:00:13,451 --> 00:00:15,836
Close. They're SuperCloud Step Trackers.
6
00:00:15,837 --> 00:00:17,638
Awesome. I was hoping to get something
7
00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:20,056
worse than an Apple watch.
Yes! Thank you.
8
00:00:20,059 --> 00:00:21,958
I've actually been meaning
to get a pedometer
9
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:22,725
for my morning runs.
10
00:00:22,728 --> 00:00:24,710
Wait, you mean when you walk down
11
00:00:24,713 --> 00:00:26,496
the street to get an everything bagel?
12
00:00:26,498 --> 00:00:28,464
It's at least a quarter mile.
13
00:00:28,466 --> 00:00:29,949
These are yours to keep for the week.
14
00:00:29,952 --> 00:00:32,869
You have to keep them on 24/7,
they are not waterproof,
15
00:00:32,871 --> 00:00:35,125
and you can't get them
too hot or too cold
16
00:00:35,176 --> 00:00:36,664
or they will burn your skin.
17
00:00:36,725 --> 00:00:37,753
Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and pass.
18
00:00:37,755 --> 00:00:39,024
Don't worry.
There's a wheel chair setting.
19
00:00:39,024 --> 00:00:39,950
Oh, I'm not worried.
20
00:00:39,950 --> 00:00:40,682
It just sounds terrible.
21
00:00:40,683 --> 00:00:43,185
Well maybe this will change your mind.
22
00:00:43,603 --> 00:00:47,371
- The number one store wins...
- What?
23
00:00:47,490 --> 00:00:49,131
You said you were
going to do... you know...
24
00:00:49,877 --> 00:00:52,484
- What is that?
- The thing that we...
25
00:00:52,485 --> 00:00:54,985
The thing we talked about
in the office this morning.
26
00:00:54,987 --> 00:00:56,755
What? You're talking
about firing Hannah?
27
00:00:56,756 --> 00:00:58,590
I thought we were going to pull
her aside after the meeting.
28
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,304
The store with the most combined steps
29
00:01:02,305 --> 00:01:05,296
by the end of the week wins
30
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:07,921
lunch with the Regional Vice President.
31
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:12,704
Come on store 1217!
Let's get to stepping!
32
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,605
- Ow!
- Ow!
33
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:18,359
My ankle. Oh, oh, it's bad.
Oh, it's... yeah, it's bad.
34
00:01:18,361 --> 00:01:22,781
It's bad! Ow, ow, ow, ow.
Son of a buttermilk!
35
00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:25,513
So Hannah, can I talk to you
outside for a second?
36
00:01:26,474 --> 00:01:28,859
Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com
37
00:01:31,608 --> 00:01:32,981
What's the point of the chat window?
38
00:01:32,983 --> 00:01:34,486
I think that's for us to text
39
00:01:34,487 --> 00:01:36,402
motivational messages to each other.
40
00:01:36,402 --> 00:01:38,210
I'm not sure our employees get that.
41
00:01:38,212 --> 00:01:41,716
Brett1217 just wrote #TheWalkingDead.
42
00:01:41,718 --> 00:01:44,941
Ugh. We are in dead last
and Bel-Ridge is in first.
43
00:01:44,942 --> 00:01:46,521
That's Colleen's branch.
44
00:01:46,522 --> 00:01:48,027
Oh, she probably thinks she's so great,
45
00:01:48,028 --> 00:01:50,615
walking around on her legs,
left foot, right foot.
46
00:01:50,615 --> 00:01:51,926
We get it, Colleen.
47
00:01:51,929 --> 00:01:53,043
What's up with you and Colleen?
48
00:01:53,045 --> 00:01:54,262
What's up with you and Colleen?
49
00:01:54,264 --> 00:01:55,362
Okay.
50
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,598
It's too bad we don't stand
a chance of winning.
51
00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,861
I mean, lunch with the Regional VP?
52
00:01:59,862 --> 00:02:01,743
That would have been good
for my management track.
53
00:02:01,745 --> 00:02:03,033
You do come alive at lunch.
54
00:02:03,034 --> 00:02:05,105
- I really do.
- Oh, screw it.
55
00:02:05,108 --> 00:02:06,825
Let's motivate these people
and go for the gold.
56
00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:07,921
Yeah, that's not going to happen.
57
00:02:07,923 --> 00:02:09,634
We're not really the "Get to Steppin'"
58
00:02:09,634 --> 00:02:11,617
kind of store.
Remember our last fire drill?
59
00:02:11,618 --> 00:02:13,486
Half the people got winded
and just didn't make it out.
60
00:02:13,487 --> 00:02:14,729
You know what? I'm with Dina.
61
00:02:14,730 --> 00:02:16,368
We're underdogs but a lot of the times
62
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:17,983
it's the underdogs that end up winning.
63
00:02:17,984 --> 00:02:19,387
That's not true. They just make movies
64
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:20,832
about the few underdogs that do.
65
00:02:20,834 --> 00:02:23,518
Like, for every Rudy
there are 10,000 short guys
66
00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:25,020
who just never make the team.
67
00:02:25,021 --> 00:02:27,688
I'm just saying, if you want
that lunch with the VP.
68
00:02:29,026 --> 00:02:31,193
All right, let's see what we can do.
69
00:02:31,533 --> 00:02:32,694
Oh, look at this.
70
00:02:32,695 --> 00:02:36,063
Colleen1420: Loving this
steps comp! Go Bel-Ridge!
71
00:02:36,066 --> 00:02:38,817
Oh, God. Message received,
you smug skank.
72
00:02:38,819 --> 00:02:40,367
She's a real monster, huh?
73
00:02:40,370 --> 00:02:43,070
Yeah. If I had to choose
between Colleen and Sandra...
74
00:02:43,073 --> 00:02:45,539
well, I mean, I'd kill them both.
75
00:02:52,848 --> 00:02:58,686
All right store 1217,
let's get ready for stepping!
76
00:02:58,687 --> 00:03:01,122
There she is! Speedy leg Sarah!
77
00:03:01,123 --> 00:03:04,859
Let's see them legs go, Girl!
Heather? Hot stepping heather?
78
00:03:04,860 --> 00:03:06,694
Heather with the hot steps?
79
00:03:06,697 --> 00:03:11,299
Freddy! Freddy on fuego! Fuego Freddy.
80
00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:12,834
Mateo, I can see you.
81
00:03:12,836 --> 00:03:14,769
Let's put some hustle in it, baby.
82
00:03:14,771 --> 00:03:19,758
Okay, I don't know what
"this" is but this is cashmere.
83
00:03:19,759 --> 00:03:21,759
So no, I will not be sweating today.
84
00:03:21,762 --> 00:03:25,180
Just take your sweater off!
No, no, sir. Not you.
85
00:03:25,181 --> 00:03:29,000
I was talking to my co-worker.
Please keep your clothes on.
86
00:03:30,152 --> 00:03:33,905
And getting 10,000 steps
a day reduces stress,
87
00:03:33,906 --> 00:03:37,859
it lowers your blood pressure
and increases your lifespan.
88
00:03:37,860 --> 00:03:41,295
Yeah, I don't care. I don't
plan on living past 30 anyway.
89
00:03:41,298 --> 00:03:44,317
30? You're, um, you're under 30?
90
00:03:44,817 --> 00:03:45,814
What?
91
00:03:46,569 --> 00:03:49,336
Nothing. Wow. Yeah. You look good.
92
00:03:49,338 --> 00:03:51,772
Come on, you have to take
this competition seriously.
93
00:03:51,775 --> 00:03:53,641
- I don't think I do.
- God, you're lazy.
94
00:03:53,644 --> 00:03:54,793
Why can't you be one of those
95
00:03:54,795 --> 00:03:56,578
inspirational guys in a wheelchair?
96
00:03:56,579 --> 00:03:58,629
Hm. All right.
97
00:03:59,915 --> 00:04:02,150
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
98
00:04:02,608 --> 00:04:05,402
Are you trying to... I mean,
you're not suggesting
99
00:04:05,405 --> 00:04:07,489
that going backwards
would take away steps.
100
00:04:07,490 --> 00:04:08,956
Of course not. Why would it?
101
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:12,060
Seriously, stop.
I know it's not happening
102
00:04:12,062 --> 00:04:15,153
it's just that it's a... it's
a safety issue at this point.
103
00:04:15,532 --> 00:04:18,384
Huh. I swear that number
was bigger before.
104
00:04:18,718 --> 00:04:22,149
Fine. I'll just double
my steps to make up for it.
105
00:04:23,874 --> 00:04:24,529
Move!
106
00:04:26,910 --> 00:04:30,507
- Glenn, do you need help?
- Hm? Oh, no I'm fine.
107
00:04:30,846 --> 00:04:34,081
Ah... it's just a little sprain
but I've got to use
108
00:04:34,084 --> 00:04:35,850
this thing all week long.
109
00:04:36,418 --> 00:04:38,853
Still, it's kind of cool, huh?
110
00:04:38,855 --> 00:04:41,055
It's like I'm a motorcycle man.
111
00:04:41,057 --> 00:04:44,558
Yeah, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom.
112
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:45,973
- So cool.
- Yeah.
113
00:04:46,562 --> 00:04:48,762
Are you sure you got it?
Oh, yeah. Easy peasy.
114
00:04:48,764 --> 00:04:52,723
Just... a bit of a hill here.
115
00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:55,720
Am I... I'm going backwards.
Put your other foot down!
116
00:04:55,721 --> 00:04:57,305
- I can't stop!
- Put your other foot down!
117
00:04:57,307 --> 00:04:59,374
No, I can't! I'm too scared!
118
00:04:59,375 --> 00:05:02,644
We only got a 148 steps
in the last hour?
119
00:05:02,646 --> 00:05:05,680
How is that even possible?
It's shockingly sedentary.
120
00:05:05,682 --> 00:05:07,982
Oh, there she goes again. Colleen1420.
121
00:05:07,983 --> 00:05:11,019
"Everybody's doing great!
Cloud 9 pride!"
122
00:05:11,021 --> 00:05:12,487
Oh, she is the devil.
123
00:05:12,488 --> 00:05:14,355
It's a shame this store
doesn't have a Colleen.
124
00:05:14,358 --> 00:05:16,190
I will burn my face off
if she takes my job.
125
00:05:16,192 --> 00:05:18,643
I just mean, nobody's even
trying because nobody cares
126
00:05:18,644 --> 00:05:21,963
about beating some random store
locations on a scoreboard.
127
00:05:21,964 --> 00:05:23,848
People need a nemesis
to compete against.
128
00:05:23,850 --> 00:05:26,000
So what are you saying?
If we start trash talking
129
00:05:26,002 --> 00:05:27,869
Bel-Ridge that's going
to inspire people?
130
00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:30,738
Maybe. All the best wars
are fought against someone.
131
00:05:30,740 --> 00:05:31,545
That feels random.
132
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:32,999
All wars are fought against someone.
133
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:33,971
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
134
00:05:33,971 --> 00:05:35,476
No, I'm saying "all" wars.
135
00:05:35,478 --> 00:05:36,867
Yeah, all the best wars.
136
00:05:36,867 --> 00:05:38,312
What are the best wars?
137
00:05:38,314 --> 00:05:41,665
1812, WWI, WWII, French Indy.
138
00:05:41,668 --> 00:05:44,151
Although, if they started
trash talking us first...
139
00:05:44,153 --> 00:05:47,572
Okay, what wars are you not
fighting against someone?
140
00:05:47,574 --> 00:05:49,324
War against poverty, war against drugs.
141
00:05:49,326 --> 00:05:51,259
- Boom. Don't come at me.
- Come on.
142
00:05:57,433 --> 00:06:01,101
"Ozark Highlands?
More like Slowzark Highlames."
143
00:06:01,103 --> 00:06:04,572
Ouch. I mean,
that's clever but it's mean.
144
00:06:04,574 --> 00:06:08,108
Bel-Ridge1420?
Why is Bel-Ridge attacking us?
145
00:06:08,110 --> 00:06:09,711
Because those guys are dicks.
146
00:06:09,713 --> 00:06:11,379
They always think
they're better than us.
147
00:06:11,380 --> 00:06:13,648
Come on, don't take it personally.
148
00:06:13,649 --> 00:06:16,367
It's just old-fashioned
sports banter like,
149
00:06:16,369 --> 00:06:18,119
"See you at the finish line, slow-poke!"
150
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,237
You know? "And their pear shaped
151
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,389
manager is a real looser."
152
00:06:22,391 --> 00:06:24,917
That's probably supposed to say "loser."
153
00:06:25,362 --> 00:06:27,362
They were most likely in a hurry.
154
00:06:27,363 --> 00:06:29,264
Maybe they should take their time.
155
00:06:29,266 --> 00:06:31,098
Well that is both personal and hurtful.
156
00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:33,367
Ugh, I can't believe
these guys are going to
157
00:06:33,370 --> 00:06:34,903
beat us at the step contest.
158
00:06:34,904 --> 00:06:37,737
It just proves their point
about how slow we are.
159
00:06:37,740 --> 00:06:39,706
- Mm-hmm.
- You know what we should do?
160
00:06:39,709 --> 00:06:42,209
We should all start trying
harder and beat them.
161
00:06:42,211 --> 00:06:44,579
- Oh, shut up, Sandra.
- No, no, no.
162
00:06:44,581 --> 00:06:46,990
Don't shut up, Sandra.
That's a really good point.
163
00:06:47,850 --> 00:06:50,518
Yes, no, sorry.
Yeah, good point, Sandra.
164
00:06:50,519 --> 00:06:52,720
Yeah, let's take it to Bel-Ridge
165
00:06:52,721 --> 00:06:55,590
- and win this whole thing.
- Yeah!
166
00:06:55,591 --> 00:06:57,091
We can do this! Come on!
167
00:06:57,093 --> 00:06:59,144
- Give me a C...
- Oh.
168
00:06:59,146 --> 00:07:00,845
Oh, jeez.
169
00:07:00,846 --> 00:07:03,163
No, no, no, no, no. Don't help him.
170
00:07:03,165 --> 00:07:04,492
He needs to learn.
171
00:07:06,613 --> 00:07:08,747
- Good hustle, Sayid.
- Marcus gave me
172
00:07:08,750 --> 00:07:11,408
six energy drinks. I feel great!
173
00:07:11,408 --> 00:07:12,875
- Great! Keep stepping.
- I can't believe
174
00:07:12,877 --> 00:07:14,442
- how well this is working.
- I know.
175
00:07:14,444 --> 00:07:16,110
I don't want to jinx it
but I'm already thinking up
176
00:07:16,112 --> 00:07:17,629
anecdotes to throw in
at lunch with the VP.
177
00:07:17,632 --> 00:07:19,214
Are you going to tell him
about the time Lionel Richie
178
00:07:19,216 --> 00:07:20,466
- came in the store?
- How does that
179
00:07:20,468 --> 00:07:21,716
- make me look good?
- I don't know.
180
00:07:21,718 --> 00:07:22,656
It's just a cool story.
181
00:07:22,656 --> 00:07:24,286
Man, my heart rate is flying.
182
00:07:24,288 --> 00:07:25,454
I have not stopped moving all day.
183
00:07:25,456 --> 00:07:26,721
Even when I went to the bathroom.
184
00:07:26,723 --> 00:07:27,889
By the way, we need someone
185
00:07:27,891 --> 00:07:29,228
- to clean up the bathroom.
- Great.
186
00:07:29,228 --> 00:07:30,625
Let's keep up the momentum.
187
00:07:30,627 --> 00:07:32,795
- Got it.
- Check. Sandra! Bathroom duty!
188
00:07:32,797 --> 00:07:36,432
Oh, excuse me, sir...
Can I get this in a...
189
00:07:36,433 --> 00:07:39,569
Um, excuse me, do you... do you work...
190
00:07:39,571 --> 00:07:43,538
Great job, Heather.
Walk and fold, walk and fold.
191
00:07:44,108 --> 00:07:45,992
- Mateo...
- Don't even.
192
00:07:45,994 --> 00:07:47,475
I'm not going to get
all gross just because
193
00:07:47,478 --> 00:07:48,995
Bel-Ridge said some dumb things.
194
00:07:48,997 --> 00:07:50,745
Relax, I'm not going to pressure you.
195
00:07:50,747 --> 00:07:53,499
I'm actually really impressed
at how chill you've gotten.
196
00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:55,418
You used to be so competitive
about everything.
197
00:07:55,420 --> 00:07:57,987
Well, I'd like to think
I've matured over the years.
198
00:07:57,988 --> 00:07:59,672
Yeah, totally.
199
00:07:59,673 --> 00:08:01,673
Back when you started you
probably would have been like,
200
00:08:01,675 --> 00:08:04,427
"Ah! When corporate sees how
few steps I'm taking
201
00:08:04,428 --> 00:08:07,028
they're going to think I'm not
the number one worker."
202
00:08:07,264 --> 00:08:09,598
Wait, they can track
our individual scores?
203
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,516
Well, I mean, they
didn't say they could,
204
00:08:11,519 --> 00:08:13,492
but they didn't say they couldn't.
205
00:08:13,855 --> 00:08:17,105
It's fine. Even if you're not,
like, a superstar it's...
206
00:08:17,108 --> 00:08:20,175
it's totally acceptable
to be a everyday,
207
00:08:20,177 --> 00:08:22,343
run-of-the-mill, average worker.
208
00:08:22,346 --> 00:08:25,675
Average? Are you insane?
209
00:08:27,035 --> 00:08:29,531
Damn it. I have to
make up for lost time.
210
00:08:29,786 --> 00:08:31,168
Stop talking to me!
211
00:08:42,216 --> 00:08:43,623
Look at me, Jonah.
212
00:08:43,835 --> 00:08:47,201
I'm an MVP player
injured before the big game,
213
00:08:47,203 --> 00:08:49,388
and I'm not even sure that,
like, my tracker
214
00:08:49,389 --> 00:08:51,539
is counting my steps properly.
215
00:08:51,542 --> 00:08:53,225
Maybe you just wanna... you
wanna swing your arm,
216
00:08:53,227 --> 00:08:54,844
you know, at the same time.
What do you mean?
217
00:08:54,846 --> 00:08:58,147
Like, swing your arm as...
as you're... you're moving.
218
00:08:58,149 --> 00:09:00,381
- Like this?
- Yeah, sure and then...
219
00:09:00,384 --> 00:09:02,317
but then use your other hand to steer.
220
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,720
Well I'm trying that,
but that part is hard.
221
00:09:04,721 --> 00:09:06,221
I mean, is this better?
Right-no, mostly.
222
00:09:06,222 --> 00:09:07,417
Or is this worse? I can't tell.
223
00:09:07,418 --> 00:09:09,057
You're doing good, you're just
224
00:09:09,059 --> 00:09:10,558
kinda... you're going around in circles.
225
00:09:10,561 --> 00:09:12,695
Well, I know I'm going
'cause I'm getting dizzy.
226
00:09:19,370 --> 00:09:21,703
Come on people, get off your asses.
227
00:09:21,706 --> 00:09:23,673
If you've got time to
talk you've got time to walk.
228
00:09:23,674 --> 00:09:26,259
When you sit, Bel-Ridge wins, okay?
229
00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:28,094
So let's move. Sandra, if you're looking
230
00:09:28,096 --> 00:09:29,678
for your lunch I put it up on the roof.
231
00:09:29,681 --> 00:09:31,245
That will give you
a couple hundred extra steps.
232
00:09:31,248 --> 00:09:33,215
- Go get 'em, tiger.
- But it's snowing,
233
00:09:33,216 --> 00:09:34,278
and I brought soup.
234
00:09:35,552 --> 00:09:38,053
Elias, I saw one of our carts
down at the gas station.
235
00:09:38,056 --> 00:09:39,605
I need you to walk over there
and take it back.
236
00:09:39,606 --> 00:09:42,224
- Which gas station?
- I don't remember!
237
00:09:42,225 --> 00:09:44,110
Check them all! Go!
238
00:09:44,111 --> 00:09:46,361
Go! Go! Go!
239
00:09:47,565 --> 00:09:49,782
Excuse me, do you have
any gender-neutral toys?
240
00:09:49,783 --> 00:09:50,899
I'm trying to be cool.
241
00:09:50,902 --> 00:09:52,201
Oh, definitely. Follow me.
242
00:09:52,202 --> 00:09:53,235
Oh, wasn't that the toy aisle?
243
00:09:53,236 --> 00:09:55,269
Oops! It was. Passed it.
244
00:09:55,272 --> 00:09:56,788
Guess we have to go all the way around.
245
00:10:05,716 --> 00:10:07,466
How are we still only in fifth place?
246
00:10:07,467 --> 00:10:08,951
Fifth is good, we moved up.
247
00:10:08,952 --> 00:10:10,251
You should be happy.
248
00:10:10,254 --> 00:10:11,803
Oh, what medal do you get for fifth?
249
00:10:11,806 --> 00:10:14,288
Mm? None. What you get
is a slap in the face
250
00:10:14,291 --> 00:10:15,725
and then dad makes you
walk behind the car
251
00:10:15,726 --> 00:10:19,269
- the whole way home.
- I am so sorry, Dina.
252
00:10:19,269 --> 00:10:20,711
We have to find a way
to make these people
253
00:10:20,712 --> 00:10:22,828
- push themselves harder.
- Everybody's already pushing
254
00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,895
themselves pretty hard, and most of them
255
00:10:24,897 --> 00:10:26,942
are not wearing deodorant.
256
00:10:26,945 --> 00:10:28,594
- It's bad.
- I'm with Amy on this one.
257
00:10:28,596 --> 00:10:29,894
I think she and I
are just less comfortable
258
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:30,807
being losers than you are.
259
00:10:30,808 --> 00:10:32,748
I'm just saying we're
on a good track, okay?
260
00:10:32,749 --> 00:10:34,203
No need to overdo it.
261
00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:37,068
I don't know, maybe he's right.
262
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:38,182
He could be right.
263
00:10:39,279 --> 00:10:41,523
- But he could be wrong.
- That's what I was thinking.
264
00:10:41,524 --> 00:10:43,768
This is just awful.
265
00:10:44,471 --> 00:10:47,040
What is wrong
with the people over there?
266
00:10:47,042 --> 00:10:48,538
This has gone too far!
267
00:10:49,594 --> 00:10:53,048
Yeah. Yeah.
This is definitely overboard.
268
00:10:53,048 --> 00:10:55,616
Are we absolutely sure it was Bel-Ridge?
269
00:10:55,618 --> 00:10:57,282
We could check the security footage.
270
00:10:57,283 --> 00:10:59,509
Sandra, they literally
signed it Bel-Ridge.
271
00:10:59,510 --> 00:11:00,967
What more proof do you need?
272
00:11:00,969 --> 00:11:04,895
They used the wrong
"you're," it's apostrophe R-E.
273
00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:08,277
- Yeah, 'cause they're stupid.
- Or maybe they were tired
274
00:11:08,278 --> 00:11:10,259
or it was dark out. Or whatever.
275
00:11:10,259 --> 00:11:12,269
B-but they were probably just stupid.
276
00:11:12,269 --> 00:11:14,677
Hey, is anyone else tired
of being humiliated by a bunch
277
00:11:14,678 --> 00:11:17,452
of idiots that don't even
understand basic contractions?
278
00:11:17,453 --> 00:11:19,197
- Yeah.
- I am.
279
00:11:19,197 --> 00:11:20,918
You know what we should do about it?
280
00:11:20,919 --> 00:11:22,663
Yeah, report them to the police.
281
00:11:22,664 --> 00:11:24,986
No, no that seems a little bit much.
282
00:11:24,988 --> 00:11:28,551
We should step it up in this
challenge and beat them.
283
00:11:28,552 --> 00:11:29,874
Yeah, enough is enough!
284
00:11:29,875 --> 00:11:32,892
- This just got very personal!
- Mm.
285
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,576
Let's end those sons of bitches!
286
00:11:34,577 --> 00:11:38,864
- Let's destroy Bel-Ridge!
- I am so sick of this [bleep]!
287
00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:47,238
- Sandra?
- Yeah?
288
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,039
Why don't you take your ten now.
289
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,709
- Okay?
- Okay, yeah.
290
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:57,024
So you got up at 4:00 a.m.,
got spray paint
291
00:11:57,024 --> 00:12:00,311
and shaving cream, came all
the way here to vandalize
292
00:12:00,312 --> 00:12:04,647
our own store, just to get
people to step more?
293
00:12:04,649 --> 00:12:05,898
Nope. 3:00 a.m.
294
00:12:05,899 --> 00:12:07,216
I had to take Parker
to my parent's house.
295
00:12:07,217 --> 00:12:08,717
I told them that Adam had been arrested
296
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,570
- and I had to bail him out.
- I played the impatient
297
00:12:10,572 --> 00:12:12,322
officer who kept calling
Amy saying that she needed
298
00:12:12,323 --> 00:12:13,572
to come get him because he was exposing
299
00:12:13,575 --> 00:12:15,557
- himself to the guards.
- You know,
300
00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:16,892
a part of me feels like you guys are
301
00:12:16,894 --> 00:12:18,528
taking this a little too far.
302
00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:20,363
Hey man, you're the one who was all,
303
00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:22,749
"Let's start a pretend
rivalry with Bel-Ridge."
304
00:12:22,750 --> 00:12:25,368
- "Let's do whatever it takes."
- See, I don't remember
305
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,253
the "let's do whatever it takes" part.
306
00:12:27,254 --> 00:12:32,875
Whew! Hey! Sorry I'm late.
307
00:12:32,876 --> 00:12:33,917
I walked to work.
308
00:12:34,245 --> 00:12:37,169
There is really no easy way
to cross a highway
309
00:12:37,849 --> 00:12:40,383
but I logged 8,000 steps.
310
00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:41,750
Yes!
311
00:12:41,753 --> 00:12:44,086
I'm going to do some laps
around the perimeter.
312
00:12:44,087 --> 00:12:46,673
- Go, Mateo!
- Here we go!
313
00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:49,424
What? He's getting in shape.
It's good for him.
314
00:12:49,427 --> 00:12:50,942
And really, this early there's barely
315
00:12:50,945 --> 00:12:52,528
any cars on the highway.
316
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,541
I'm sending a strongly worded
email to the Bel-Ridge manager
317
00:13:05,543 --> 00:13:09,245
about this morning.
Tell me if it's too mean, okay?
318
00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:11,464
"Good morning, Doug"...
exclamation point.
319
00:13:11,466 --> 00:13:13,966
"I was hoping to discuss
an unfortunate matter
320
00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:15,551
that happened at our store."
321
00:13:15,552 --> 00:13:17,720
Wow, you're really
going for the jugular, huh?
322
00:13:17,721 --> 00:13:19,221
Wha... is that too harsh?
323
00:13:19,224 --> 00:13:21,548
Is a knife through the heart too harsh?
324
00:13:21,549 --> 00:13:23,004
Yes, way too harsh!
325
00:13:23,004 --> 00:13:24,726
Well then maybe you ease into it.
326
00:13:24,729 --> 00:13:27,145
Flatter him a little bit. Butter him up.
327
00:13:27,148 --> 00:13:29,315
Okay, well, what do I say?
328
00:13:29,317 --> 00:13:31,466
All right, just write what I say.
329
00:13:31,469 --> 00:13:33,635
- Thank you.
- "Dear Doug,
330
00:13:33,638 --> 00:13:35,736
I think about you all the time."
331
00:13:36,908 --> 00:13:38,490
- Oh, that is nice.
- Yeah.
332
00:13:38,493 --> 00:13:40,826
"The other day I was at
the mall and I saw a jacket
333
00:13:40,828 --> 00:13:43,913
and thought, 'Doug would look
really great in that.'"
334
00:13:43,914 --> 00:13:45,998
Yeah, but we're going to talk
about the vandalism, right?
335
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:49,000
Oh, yeah. Oh, we're going
to dive right into it.
336
00:13:49,003 --> 00:13:51,243
Have you heard the new Adele song?
337
00:13:51,822 --> 00:13:54,005
You could just hit... do a simple reset.
338
00:13:54,008 --> 00:13:55,674
Hey, steppy-peeps.
339
00:13:55,677 --> 00:13:58,510
Seeing a lot of the mouths
moving, not so much the feet.
340
00:13:58,513 --> 00:14:01,346
My scanner's not working.
We can't figure out why.
341
00:14:01,349 --> 00:14:03,515
You don't think... wait,
do you think Bel-Ridge
342
00:14:03,518 --> 00:14:05,017
could have messed with it last night?
343
00:14:05,019 --> 00:14:07,306
No... I mean, maybe.
344
00:14:07,688 --> 00:14:11,106
It wasn't broken yesterday,
and it is broken today.
345
00:14:11,109 --> 00:14:12,524
I wouldn't be surprised.
346
00:14:12,527 --> 00:14:14,527
Those guys will stoop
to literally anything.
347
00:14:14,528 --> 00:14:17,312
Oh, my God. I brought a girl
back to my place last night
348
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:20,032
and after I fell asleep
she stole all my stuff.
349
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:21,484
Could Bel-Ridge have gotten to her?
350
00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:23,820
Yeah. That has Bel-Ridge
written all over it.
351
00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:26,655
I relapsed and started taking
Vicodin last night.
352
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:29,542
Well, you know what I like
to do when I'm that angry?
353
00:14:29,543 --> 00:14:32,711
I like to take
all that anger and turn it
354
00:14:32,713 --> 00:14:36,298
into pure raw leg energy.
355
00:14:36,301 --> 00:14:39,217
Just stomp it out. Try it.
356
00:14:39,220 --> 00:14:42,504
Ugh. Just stick it to
Bel-Ridge, you know?
357
00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:44,222
Step it out.
358
00:14:44,225 --> 00:14:45,892
- There you go. Keep going.
- Oh, wow.
359
00:14:45,894 --> 00:14:48,543
When I came to this morning,
somebody from Bel-Ridge
360
00:14:48,546 --> 00:14:50,730
had thrown up all over my entire body.
361
00:14:50,731 --> 00:14:52,841
I can't believe nothing is our fault.
362
00:14:58,405 --> 00:15:00,822
Elias, there is definitely
a cart out there.
363
00:15:00,825 --> 00:15:02,741
Probably just rolled farther
than I thought.
364
00:15:02,744 --> 00:15:04,576
Mateo, have you taken
your lunch break, yet?
365
00:15:04,578 --> 00:15:05,708
No time!
366
00:15:05,710 --> 00:15:07,229
Look, just try walking faster.
367
00:15:07,230 --> 00:15:08,914
It's probably outpacing you.
368
00:15:08,917 --> 00:15:10,416
Hey there.
369
00:15:10,418 --> 00:15:12,835
Can I return an item purchased
at another store?
370
00:15:12,836 --> 00:15:14,253
Yeah, sure, that's not a problem.
371
00:15:14,254 --> 00:15:17,405
Great, I got it in Bel-Ridge.
372
00:15:17,408 --> 00:15:18,924
Are you kidding me?
373
00:15:18,927 --> 00:15:20,927
No.
374
00:15:20,928 --> 00:15:24,580
A frickin' Bel-Ridge lover
wants us to take their garbage?
375
00:15:24,581 --> 00:15:27,917
- No, sir.
- Look, He's laughing at us.
376
00:15:27,918 --> 00:15:29,268
I'm not laughing.
377
00:15:29,269 --> 00:15:31,269
I think he's just, like, a smiley guy.
378
00:15:31,272 --> 00:15:32,687
Thing are getting ugly.
379
00:15:32,690 --> 00:15:35,256
I think we need to
turn down the heat a bit.
380
00:15:35,259 --> 00:15:37,777
No, no, no. You got to keep the heat up.
381
00:15:37,778 --> 00:15:40,196
Hey, you know what?
If you love Bel-Ridge so much...
382
00:15:40,197 --> 00:15:43,236
- Then you should marry it.
- No, dude, I was going to say
383
00:15:43,238 --> 00:15:44,600
then you should just go back there.
384
00:15:44,601 --> 00:15:46,284
Sick burn, though.
You're getting really good.
385
00:15:46,287 --> 00:15:48,102
- Just don't interrupt me.
- It's fine.
386
00:15:48,105 --> 00:15:49,956
It's... it's totally under control.
387
00:15:53,250 --> 00:15:56,928
The Bel-Ridge store was
vandalized last night.
388
00:15:56,929 --> 00:15:58,697
- Ohh.
- Wait, what?
389
00:15:58,698 --> 00:16:00,097
Someone broke into their break room
390
00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:03,384
and covered everything
in hot deer urine.
391
00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:06,203
The smell was so bad
they had to burn their couches.
392
00:16:06,206 --> 00:16:07,205
I got a question.
393
00:16:07,620 --> 00:16:10,653
How did they know it was
deer urine and also hot?
394
00:16:10,654 --> 00:16:12,484
Well, apparently the vandals left a note
395
00:16:12,485 --> 00:16:15,046
next to a Super Soaker they used.
396
00:16:15,547 --> 00:16:17,662
No one here was involved, right?
397
00:16:17,822 --> 00:16:21,642
Uh, no. We totally didn't
cover their entire break room
398
00:16:21,669 --> 00:16:23,321
in steaming hot deer urine.
399
00:16:23,322 --> 00:16:25,907
Okay, it's not that
I think that you're lying,
400
00:16:25,908 --> 00:16:28,826
but your tone and your
phrasing are really weird.
401
00:16:28,828 --> 00:16:31,224
Glenn, come on. Obviously they did it.
402
00:16:31,225 --> 00:16:33,798
Marcus is always bragging about
his Super Soaker collection.
403
00:16:33,801 --> 00:16:35,634
Whatever, Bel-Ridge started it.
404
00:16:35,635 --> 00:16:37,469
What should we do with them next?
405
00:16:37,759 --> 00:16:39,209
Oh, we could go egg their cars.
406
00:16:39,211 --> 00:16:41,528
- Oh, yeah.
- We should slash their tires.
407
00:16:41,529 --> 00:16:42,379
Yeah!
408
00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:44,258
That would just make them walk more.
409
00:16:44,259 --> 00:16:45,605
We should "I, Tonya" them.
410
00:16:45,606 --> 00:16:47,769
Okay, guys. We're even now.
411
00:16:47,770 --> 00:16:49,720
Let's just focus on the steps challenge.
412
00:16:49,721 --> 00:16:51,871
Hey, if they didn't want
to get into a war
413
00:16:51,874 --> 00:16:53,874
then they shouldn't have
started talking trash about us.
414
00:16:53,875 --> 00:16:56,225
- Bingo.
- Well maybe it wasn't them.
415
00:16:56,227 --> 00:16:59,395
Maybe it was actually Kirkwood
who wanted us to think
416
00:16:59,398 --> 00:17:01,690
it was Bel-Ridge so that
we would fight each other
417
00:17:01,691 --> 00:17:02,649
and Kirkwood could win.
418
00:17:02,650 --> 00:17:05,568
What a crazy big
conspiracy that would be
419
00:17:05,570 --> 00:17:08,154
to win a regional workplace
step competition.
420
00:17:08,156 --> 00:17:10,324
Does anyone know how to
make a Molotov cocktail?
421
00:17:10,326 --> 00:17:12,326
Vodka, ginger beer, and lime.
422
00:17:12,757 --> 00:17:14,118
Don't ask me how but I can
423
00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:16,279
totally get us anthrax in two hours.
424
00:17:16,281 --> 00:17:17,998
We should burn down their entire store
425
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,398
and blame it on homeless people.
426
00:17:19,401 --> 00:17:21,709
- Yeah!
- Guys, it wasn't Bel-Ridge!
427
00:17:22,587 --> 00:17:24,171
It was... it was me.
428
00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:25,756
- What?
- Oh, my God.
429
00:17:25,758 --> 00:17:29,009
I am the one who posted
those messages on the board
430
00:17:29,010 --> 00:17:30,576
and vandalized the front of the store.
431
00:17:32,748 --> 00:17:35,932
- Why would you do that?
- I wanted to win.
432
00:17:35,934 --> 00:17:37,820
Amy, Amy, Amy.
433
00:17:38,951 --> 00:17:40,713
This is wildly disappointing.
434
00:17:41,307 --> 00:17:43,022
Dina helped!
435
00:17:43,025 --> 00:17:45,476
Oh, you're going to believe
the admitted liar? Come on.
436
00:17:45,478 --> 00:17:48,427
Wait a minute.
So you made me take deer urine
437
00:17:48,430 --> 00:17:51,315
all the way down to
their store, heat it up
438
00:17:51,317 --> 00:17:53,752
in their microwave and then dump it
439
00:17:53,753 --> 00:17:55,868
all over an innocent couch?
440
00:17:55,871 --> 00:17:57,621
How do you even think of this stuff?
441
00:17:57,623 --> 00:17:59,623
- You're sick, Amy!
- No, I didn't... that wasn't...
442
00:17:59,625 --> 00:18:02,232
- You turned us into monsters!
- Hold up.
443
00:18:02,778 --> 00:18:04,294
Did you also lie about corporate?
444
00:18:04,296 --> 00:18:05,914
Do they not know I'm a superstar?
445
00:18:06,464 --> 00:18:08,678
- They might.
- I haven't slept.
446
00:18:09,050 --> 00:18:10,470
I haven't eaten.
447
00:18:10,791 --> 00:18:13,959
I got clipped by a KIA
on the highway, Amy!
448
00:18:14,122 --> 00:18:16,472
Ugh! Excuse me.
449
00:18:16,474 --> 00:18:18,480
- You look skinny.
- Thank you!
450
00:18:27,486 --> 00:18:29,473
Okay, tell me how this sounds.
451
00:18:30,355 --> 00:18:32,072
- "Dear Doug, I am so sorry..."
- Whoa!
452
00:18:32,074 --> 00:18:35,011
You're going to go there after
the whole deer urine thing?
453
00:18:35,326 --> 00:18:37,551
You might as well just say,
"Deer Urine Doug."
454
00:18:37,552 --> 00:18:39,663
Okay, no "Dear."
455
00:18:39,664 --> 00:18:44,483
- Um, how about, "My..."
- Beloved.
456
00:18:44,486 --> 00:18:48,505
- "Beloved Doug." Yeah.
- Much better.
457
00:18:49,208 --> 00:18:52,759
Oh, boy. People are mad at you.
458
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,595
Well, thanks for having my back, Dins.
459
00:18:54,596 --> 00:18:56,008
Hey, you spearheaded this thing.
460
00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:57,263
Captain goes down with the ship.
461
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:58,300
Oh, come on. You know what?
462
00:18:58,301 --> 00:19:00,550
Nobody's even thinking about it.
463
00:19:01,854 --> 00:19:03,769
That could be about anything.
464
00:19:04,355 --> 00:19:06,056
You know, I spoke to Glenn
and it turns out
465
00:19:06,057 --> 00:19:09,009
the regional VP has nothing to
do with promoting managers.
466
00:19:09,010 --> 00:19:13,779
So really this whole slide
into fascism was for nothing.
467
00:19:13,781 --> 00:19:15,015
Nah, it was fun.
468
00:19:15,017 --> 00:19:16,348
Excuse me, which was is break room?
469
00:19:16,351 --> 00:19:18,018
- It's just through the doors.
- Thanks.
470
00:19:18,019 --> 00:19:21,371
The worst part about this
is that Colleen wins again.
471
00:19:21,373 --> 00:19:23,189
Seriously, what's the deal
with this woman?
472
00:19:23,191 --> 00:19:25,291
Did she, like, kill somebody you love?
473
00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:27,527
Let's just say the St. Louis
Ornithology Society
474
00:19:27,528 --> 00:19:29,230
is nothing but a popularity contest.
475
00:19:29,748 --> 00:19:31,214
Hey, who was that guy?
476
00:19:31,217 --> 00:19:33,651
Just now? I don't know,
doesn't he work here?
477
00:19:33,969 --> 00:19:35,384
I've never seen him. Have you?
478
00:19:35,386 --> 00:19:37,054
No. Wait, you don't know him?
479
00:19:37,056 --> 00:19:39,291
I mean, you were talking to him
like he was an old pal.
480
00:19:39,557 --> 00:19:41,057
I told him where the break room is.
481
00:19:41,059 --> 00:19:42,392
Yeah, but it was how you said it.
482
00:19:42,394 --> 00:19:43,759
It seemed like it was an inside joke.
483
00:19:43,761 --> 00:19:45,545
- What would be the joke?
- I don't know.
484
00:19:45,547 --> 00:19:48,397
- Between you and that guy.
- Well maybe he's new.
485
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,223
Or, like, from another branch
or something.
486
00:19:51,552 --> 00:19:53,153
Oh, [bleep].
487
00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:55,072
- Whoa.
- What happened in here?
488
00:19:55,074 --> 00:19:57,713
My beautiful break room.
489
00:19:58,410 --> 00:20:00,059
Jerusha made this.
490
00:20:00,061 --> 00:20:03,059
- Amy, why would you do this?
- No, I didn't do this!
491
00:20:03,060 --> 00:20:04,596
This was actually Bel-Ridge.
492
00:20:04,596 --> 00:20:06,616
It's true. I just got a text
from Colleen.
493
00:20:06,618 --> 00:20:10,002
It says, "Clean up on aisle
'your break room."
494
00:20:10,005 --> 00:20:11,061
Damn, she's funny.
495
00:20:11,063 --> 00:20:12,710
- We need to retaliate.
- Mm-hmm.
496
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:15,575
No, guys. Wasn't this the retaliation?
497
00:20:15,576 --> 00:20:18,243
You hit them, they hit us back.
We're even now.
498
00:20:18,246 --> 00:20:21,347
Uh-uh. We hit them at a four,
but they hit us at a seven.
499
00:20:21,349 --> 00:20:23,472
So now we owe them. Like, three.
500
00:20:23,473 --> 00:20:25,519
But if we get them back
they're just going to get us
501
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,086
back and then where does it end?
502
00:20:27,088 --> 00:20:28,638
When we get them back after that.
503
00:20:28,641 --> 00:20:30,436
He's right.
That's the natural end of this.
504
00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:33,277
Or we could just turn
the other cheek, right, Glenn?
505
00:20:33,278 --> 00:20:35,194
What, so they can slap the other cheek?
506
00:20:35,197 --> 00:20:37,364
No, Amy,
you don't back down from a bully.
507
00:20:37,365 --> 00:20:39,532
I got to agree.
If we don't hit them back
508
00:20:39,535 --> 00:20:41,451
they're going to think
they can walk all over us.
509
00:20:41,452 --> 00:20:43,287
I say we all go over there and destroy
510
00:20:43,288 --> 00:20:44,451
- their break room.
- Yeah.
511
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,772
Let's destroy their whole store!
512
00:20:47,992 --> 00:20:49,960
I think we just got to go
513
00:20:49,961 --> 00:20:51,877
with the mob on this one.
514
00:20:53,615 --> 00:20:57,116
All right, screw Bel-Ridge!
Let's go get those dicks!
515
00:20:57,118 --> 00:20:58,134
Yeah!
516
00:20:58,136 --> 00:20:59,552
Let's escalate this thing
517
00:20:59,555 --> 00:21:01,588
and assume they'll let it go after that!
518
00:21:01,589 --> 00:21:03,070
Yeah, let's escalate.
519
00:21:03,071 --> 00:21:05,558
So should we drive separately
or maybe carpool?
520
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,707
I can drive people there but
I got to go home right after.
521
00:21:07,708 --> 00:21:09,048
Should we get lunch on the way?
522
00:21:09,048 --> 00:21:10,337
Oh, that's a good idea.
523
00:21:10,338 --> 00:21:12,902
My anthrax hookup is not
replying to my text.
524
00:21:13,128 --> 00:21:15,365
Does anybody else have an anthrax guy
525
00:21:15,367 --> 00:21:17,367
Give him a minute, you just texted him.
40735
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