Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

[♪♪♪]

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLARING]

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLARING]

[WARNING BELL CLANGING]

[♪♪♪]

[RUBEN WHISTLING]

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]

[BOY SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[WHISTLING]

[METALLIC SCREECHING]

- Hey. - Help me!

Help me!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[WHISTLING]

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLARES]

[RUBEN PANTING]

My nightmares are getting stronger and stronger.

Characters from famous paintings continue to attack me.

This time, it was Velázquez's Infanta Margarita

and Frank Duveneck's Whistling Boy.

I haven't had a good night's sleep in three weeks now.

WEATHER REPORTER: ...20 degrees and highs near 27.

Mostly sunny and dry for the weekend.

Lowest relative humidity: 25 percent.

REPORTER [ON TV]: Breaking news: 30 minutes ago, Paris police announced

that the priceless fan owned by Egyptian pharaoh Cleopatra

was stolen from the Louvre Museum.

Witnesses reported that a young woman in black

broke the glass case containing the fan,

and then escaped by doing a backflip out of the window

and speeding off in a red Mercedes

in the direction of the Place de la Concorde.

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTS]

Oops.

- [GASPS] - Bonjour, madame.

Mademoiselle.

Well, mademoiselle,

you didn't come to Paris to steal that fan, did you?

No, Detective Kowalski.

I just wanted to give you something to do.

[CHATTERING GIBBERISH]

- [MAN SCREAMING] - [TIRES SQUEALING]

[CAT YOWLING]

[SCREAMS]

[♪♪♪]

Oh, Margaret, this city is just so romantic.

Oh, George.

I wish we could stay in Paris forever.

MARGARET: How about another bottle of wine?

[IN FRENCH] Waiter, please!

MAN: Look out!

[CROWD YELLING]

- [HORN HONKING] - [GRUNTING]

- [SIREN WAILING] - [LAUGHS]

Impressive.

[HORN HONKS]

[BABY CRYING]

[CHATTERING GIBBERISH]

[GASPS]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Mom, I'm old enough.

- I can take care of myself. - [MAN YELLS]

♪ You broke my heart 'Cause I couldn't dance ♪

♪ You didn't even Want me around ♪

♪ But now I'm back ♪

♪ To let you know that I can Really shake 'em down ♪

♪ Do you love me? ♪

♪ I can really move ♪

♪ Now, do you love me? ♪

BACKUP: ♪ I'm in the groove ♪

LEAD: ♪ Oh, do you love me? ♪

BACKUP: ♪ Do you really love me? ♪

ALL: ♪ Now that I can dance ♪

BACKUP: ♪ Dance ♪

- [GRUNTS] - LEAD: ♪ Watch me now ♪

- ♪ Whoo! Work, work ♪ - ♪ Ah, shake it up ♪

- ♪ Shake it up ♪ - ♪ Work, work ♪

♪ Yeah, shake it Shake it now ♪

- ♪ Work, work ♪ - ♪ Oh ♪

♪ Just a little bit Of soul now ♪

- [HORN HONKING] - [GRUNTS]

♪ Yeah Now I can mash potatoes ♪

- ♪ I can mash potatoes ♪ - ♪ I can do the twist ♪

♪ I can do the twist ♪

♪ Well, now, tell me, baby ♪

♪ Tell me, baby ♪

♪ Do you like it like this? ♪

♪ Do you like it Like this? ♪

- ♪ Tell me ♪ - ♪ Tell me ♪

- ♪ Oh, tell me ♪ - ♪ Tell me... ♪

[MEOWS]

[CLATTERING]

[♪♪♪]

[BOTH GRUNT]

[SEWING MACHINE RATTLING]

[PEOPLE SPEAKING FRENCH ON TV]

[HORNS HONKING]

[♪♪♪]

[WOMAN LAUGHING]

[♪♪♪]

[HORN HONKING]

- [TIRES SQUEALING] - [GRUNTS]

[PLAYING BLUESY TUNE]

[PANTING]

[YELLS INDISTINCTLY]

[MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]

[SHIP HORN BLARES]

♪ But now I'm back ♪

♪ To let you know that I can Really shake 'em down ♪

- ♪ Do you love me? ♪ - ♪ I can really move ♪

- ♪ Now, do you love me? ♪ - ♪ I'm in the groove ♪

♪ Oh, do you love me? ♪

♪ Do you really love me? ♪

♪ Now that I can dance ♪

♪ Dance ♪

♪ Tell me ♪

♪ Tell me ♪

- ♪ Tell me ♪ - ♪ Tell me ♪

♪ Oh, whoa, ah ♪

♪ Aah... ♪

♪ Do you love me? ♪

♪ Do you love me? ♪

♪ Now, do you love me? ♪

♪ Do you love me? ♪

♪ Well, do you love me? ♪

- ♪ Do you love me? ♪ - [GRUNTING]

♪ Now that I can dance? ♪

[WHIRRING]

[ROPE CREAKING]

[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]

[PANTING]

[SIGHS]

[SNIFFS]

Mademoiselle,

you were sent to steal the Regent Diamond.

Not bad for a Frenchman.

I'm not French.

[IN FRENCH] Obviously.

Why the fan?

[IN ENGLISH] Because beauty shouldn't be locked away.

Some beauties must be locked away.

Well, then choose wisely,

- mon chéri. - No, no, no!

- Don't! - [CHUCKLING]

Damn.

[♪♪♪]

[CELL PHONE DIALING]

[LINE RINGING]

[PHONE RINGS]

Polyart Clinic. May I help you?

Good afternoon. This is Mimi.

Could I speak to Dr. Brandt?

Mimi who?

Just Mimi.

- [PHONE CHIMES] - Hello? Yes?

I'll be straightforward, doctor.

I have a problem that's getting in the way of my work.

Narcolepsy? Tourette's? ADHD?

Kleptomania.

Uh-huh.

So you're stealing from your employer.

Not quite.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[ALARM BLARING]

[ENGINE REVS]

So hanging around wasn't an option.

Are you sure?

[IN FRENCH] Absolutely.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Oh, great.

Hi, sweetie.

Cut the crap, huh? Where's my diamond?

Last time I checked, it was in the Louvre.

Well, the last time I checked,

I was paying you cash for it, huh?

Something came up.

A fan?

[LAUGHS]

Mimi...

I would not want to be in your shoes right now.

MIMI: So, see,

I have to get better, and quick.

I read in a magazine that you're the best shrink

to treat artistic souls.

I don't know about the best.

Well, it wasn't a very good magazine.

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

[BUZZES]

[WATER SPLASHES]

Hello? You there?

Yeah, doc.

I'll see you soon.

♪ Ow-ooh! ♪

♪ Who's that I see walking In these woods? ♪

♪ Why, it's Little Red Riding Hood ♪

♪ Hey, there Little Red Riding Hood ♪

♪ You sure are Looking good ♪

♪ You're everything A Big Bad Wolf could want ♪

[TIRES SQUEALING]

♪ Listen to me ♪

♪ Little Red Riding Hood ♪

♪ I don't think Little big girls should ♪

♪ Go walking in these Spooky old woods alone ♪

♪ Ow-ooh ♪

♪ What big eyes you have ♪

♪ The kind of eyes... ♪

I don't want to be Little Red Riding Hood.

Come on. It's only a therapy.

Yesterday, I was Little Red Riding Hood.

Thank you, Fernando.

Bye-Bye Joe, you are here because you can't keep quiet

in delicate situations.

Playing this role is exactly what you need.

[GROANS]

Well, okay, doc. I'll do it.

So, Bye-Bye Joe,

you will be Little Red Riding Hood.

Membrano Bruno, you will be the thunder,

the wind, and the wolf.

Fernando, you will be the bells,

Granny and Luke, the hunter.

Okay, now you know your roles, so let's start.

We can hear Little Red Riding Hood

walking through the forest.

Squish, squish, squish.

Uh-huh. Squish, squish, squish.

Excellent. Places, everyone.

And let's start.

A dark and stormy night.

A terrible wind roars.

[INHALES]

[IMITATING WHISTLING WIND]

The bells of the nearby church ring.

Ding-dong.

Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest.

[BYE-BYE JOE IMITATING FOOTSTEPS]

Somewhere in the distance, a wolf howls.

- [HOWLS] - FERNANDO: Ding...

While in a cottage, at the edge of the forest,

Granny is asleep.

[SNORING]

[HOWLS]

The same forest is also home to Luke, the hunter.

- [FERNANDO YODELING] - BYE-BYE JOE: Shoo, shoo, shoo...

[MEMBRANO BRUNO GROWLS]

Thunder rumbles powerfully nearby.

BYE-BYE JOE: Shoo, shoo, shoo...

[PANTING]

- [WHIMPERING] - [HOWLS]

Ding.

[ALL SYNCHING RHYTHMICALLY]

[ALL CHANTING]

[MAN SCREAMING]

[MIMICKING WIND BLOWING]

Good evening, Mr. Barutanski.

BARUTANSKI: Hi, Mortimer.

SINGER: ♪ Couldn't look you In the eye ♪

♪ You're just like An angel ♪

♪ Your skin makes me cry ♪

♪ You float like a feather ♪

♪ In a beautiful world ♪

♪ I wish I was special ♪

♪ You're so very special... ♪

REPORTER [ON TV]: ...activating the alarm system.

- Four Kalashnikovs. - Mike Kowalski,

a private detective from Washington, D.C.,

managed to save the priceless fan

by leaping into the river Seine,

where the thief had thrown it. At the news conference,

the managing director of the Louvre Museum...

I know that guy. Kowalski.

[SCOFFS]

- Is he one of yours? - No.

His father, Gerhard, used to work for the Company.

We worked on subliminal programming together,

which focused on experiments with 16 mm film.

That was one hell of a project.

Good old-fashioned rivalry with the Russians.

[♪♪♪]

Hey. Wait a second.

I knew it.

That's exactly the same forward jump

with a backward somersault.

Hockey, I ran across an interesting girl.

I have to get to know her.

No way.

Can't be her.

But there's got to be...

Bingo.

Stunt double! "Mimi."

So your name is Mimi.

Are you a member of the Stuntmen's Association?

It's no good, Hockey. Mimi isn't a joiner.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Yes?

EVA: The same shirt again.

Mom.

Is it my fault? Did I raise you this way?

International broadcast, same shirt as in November.

You have the memory of an elephant.

Don't humor me, young man.

Hey, Mom, you want humor?

Father's Day is coming up. Care to tell me something?

- [MOSQUITO BUZZING] - No. What are you getting at?

My father's identity.

Not again. We have already discussed this.

- We haven't discussed anything. - I don't want to...

You just keep silent. Who was he, Rasputin?

No. It's not funny.

One suspect is out. Four billion remain.

Mike, this issue is closed, as far as I am concerned.

- Sorry for pestering you, but... - That's okay, Mom.

All right, son.

I will talk to you tomorrow. Take care.

- [LINE CLICKS] - [MOSQUITO BUZZING]

Will do, Mom.

[♪♪♪]

It was his fault, Hockey.

He drew first blood.

[♪♪♪]

- [QUACKS] - [BIRD CHEEPS]

Not a very good forgery.

Hey. I'm not a forgery.

What are you, then, darling?

[CHUCKLES]

[♪♪♪]

[BYE-BYE JOE CLEARS THROAT]

I'm the real thing, baby.

Bye-Bye Joe.

I know. I know.

Statues don't speak.

Impressive, doctor.

Art is the key to the troubles of the mind.

Membrano Bruno is two-dimensional,

but he eats too much,

which is getting in the way of his banking business.

[GRUNTING]

Too many sausages.

Too many sausages.

He's trying to carve his craving for food

into stone, to contain it.

"Possess your problems to conquer them."

Exactly.

I read it in a magazine.

[WHISTLING]

Fernando is dealing

with his particular obsession

by creating variations on a three-note melody.

What's his obsession?

RUBEN: The signature he leaves

after each successful security breach.

[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]

So, what about me, doc?

Ventriloquism?

[CHUCKLES]

Your compulsion to steal comes from a deeper need.

You are missing something in your life.

I want you to paint it.

How can I paint it if I don't know what it is?

Trust in the brush.

It will reveal all.

If you say so.

[♪♪♪]

WOMAN [WHISPERING]: Come closer, Ruben.

[♪♪♪]

Come closer.

If I frightened you, forgive me,

and come to Paris to see me sometime.

[ECHOING]

[GASPING]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[WOMAN VOCALIZING]

I've been waiting for you, Ruben.

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]

[CAT YOWLING]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Ruben, you said that everything started

after your father's funeral a month ago.

[CHOIR SINGING SOMBER MELODY]

...body to the ground.

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes,

and dust to dust.

RUBEN: I went back to his house.

[♪♪♪]

I hadn't been to his lab in years.

All my childhood memories suddenly hit me.

Daddy, can I go outside and play with the snails?

No, Ruben. Maybe later.

This time is our cartoon time.

But, Daddy, please.

[SOBBING]

Ruben, men don't cry.

[♪♪♪]

It was Rusalochka.

My favorite cartoon.

Ah. The Little Mermaid.

But for some reason, I couldn't watch it.

I felt anxious, and I had to escape.

Remember the Sea Witch?

Do you think she has any connection

to your next visit to Botticelli's Venus?

I don't want to talk about that.

Ruben, look at me!

If you don't let me help you, you're going to kill yourself.

Or someone else.

[BIRD SCREECHES]

RUBEN: When I entered the room,

she was already waiting for me.

[WIND WHISTLING]

[WOMAN VOCALIZING]

- [WOMAN SHRIEKING] - [GRUNTING]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[GASPING]

[GRUNTS]

[LAUGHTER]

[ALL LAUGHING]

And I bet doc's voice recorder belonged to Sigmund Freud.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Get serious, guys.

Don't you want to help him?

But what can we do about it?

I feel like you already have a plan.

Yes. As a matter of fact, I do.

And it involves all of you.

But there's only one thing that we're any good at.

Exactly.

Doc is a tipo simpático.

But what's in it for us?

Don't you want to know if your therapy is working?

MEMBRANO BRUNO: Let's check it out.

[♪♪♪]

Guys, cameras and alarm system are prepped.

Great stuff, Fernando. I'm impressed.

Don't forget, Joe.

Statues don't speak.

BYE-BYE JOE: Yeah, yeah, I got it. Statues don't speak. Thanks.

And your mother is normal?

What do you mean, "normal"?

Well, I... I mean,

is she three-dimensional?

Yeah, she is three-dimensional.

[IN FRENCH] Two tickets, please!

[IN FRENCH] Two?

Two.

Yes, sir.

Your French is really good. Is your mother French?

BYE-BYE JOE: I understand. Yeah, thanks. Yeah, all right.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, George,

he doesn't really look like he's thinking that hard.

No.

I reckon you look smarter than that.

I look smarter than that

when I look in the mirror in the morning.

I mean, he's all muscle, no brains.

So overrated, this statue.

Come on, let's get the hell out of here.

[GROANS]

All fat, no brains.

MAN [OVER PA]: Dear visitors, in 10 minutes,

Musée d'Orsay will be closed.

We hope you enjoyed your visit.

Please be so kind as to go to the nearest exit.

[IN FRENCH] Right now.

[♪♪♪]

Listen, man.

I've been thinking.

If your mother is three-dimensional,

then what is your father like?

He's a one-dimensional guy.

What? He's a dot?

What are you talking about, Bye-Bye Joe?

He's not a dot. He's a line.

- Mm-hm. - He's a tall guy.

Uh-huh.

Huh.

Oh. Heh.

I wouldn't mind her in my dreams.

[♪♪♪]

♪ 'Cause I got that Boom-boom ♪

♪ That all the boys Are chasing ♪

♪ All the right junk ♪

- ♪ In all the right places ♪ - [MIMI CHUCKLING]

♪ I see those magazines ♪

♪ Working on Photoshop ♪

♪ You know that stuff Ain't real... ♪

Breaking news: Paris, Musée d'Orsay.

The famous masterpiece Olympia, by Edouard Manet,

has been stolen.

French authorities are still unsure

how the burglars entered the museum

or how they disabled the security cameras.

The museum has offered a 100,000-euro reward

for information leading to the apprehension

- of the robbers. - [GROANS]

A long time ago, Gerhard told me that Napoleon III,

the moment he saw the painting,

personally cut up Olympia with his saber.

But I'm sure he took care not to harm the cat.

- [BOTH LAUGHING] - [CELL PHONE RINGING]

- Ciao, Mike. - KOWALSKI: Ciao, Marina.

What do you have for me?

Your mystery woman, Mimi,

she worked for three years at the Viareggio Circus in Roma.

Acrobat, the best around.

They kept her on,

even though she was a kleptomaniac.

Kleptomaniac.

That's why she took the fan.

And she left a year ago.

To put her illness to better use.

I'm sending you a copy of her poster.

Thank you, Marina. Great job.

I know. You owe me some serious dinner.

And dessert.

Such a ladies' man.

[♪♪♪]

KOWALSKI: So that's Mimi.

[BEEPING]

[♪♪♪]

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

KOWALSKI: And you went over last night's security tapes, I presume?

Oui, the camera were frozen.

Merci, Francois.

I'd like to see the archive tapes

one month back.

Whoa. What's he doing?

Oh, he's bleeding.

Mm. Performance art?

[♪♪♪]

[KEYBOARD CLACKING]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Not now. I'm busy.

- Not now. - Close your eyes, doc.

We've got a surprise for you.

Mimi.

Please.

[SIGHS]

MIMI: Bye-Bye Joe, give me a hand.

[♪♪♪]

Wow. Nice painting.

[CLAPPING]

[MIMI CHUCKLES]

See, doc?

Possess your problems to conquer them.

[♪♪♪]

[DOORBELL RINGING]

[YOUNG BOY SINGING SOMBER SONG IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[RINGING CONTINUES]

[IN GERMAN] Good morning! One moment, please!

- I... - [SHUSHING]

Hoppla, we're alive!

[ENGINE STARTS]

[♪♪♪]

[TIRES SQUEALING]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Oh, you are just in time, Ruben.

MAN: Gunfight!

Gunfight!

CROWD [CHANTING]: Gunfight! Gunfight!

Gunfight! Gunfight! Gunfight!

MAN: Gunfight! Gunfight!

Gunfight! Gunfight! Gunfight!

Gunfight! Gunfight! Gunfight!

What are you waiting for?

Draw!

Draw what?

I don't have a gun.

Oh, but you do.

- And not only one. - But...

CROWD: Draw your guns! Draw your guns! Draw your guns!

[CHANTING] Gunfight! Gunfight! Gunfight!

Gunfight! Gunfight! Gunfight!

- Wake up, wake up, Monsieur Brandt. - [YELPING]

It seems like you have a nightmare.

[PANTING]

Where are we?

In an airplane, Monsieur Brandt.

- We are flying to Arles. - [GRUNTS]

That's where you've been sent.

[WHISTLING]

[TICKING, CHIMES]

It's time. We are over Arles now.

Hey! What are you doing?

Don't be afraid, Monsieur Brandt.

You've been sent to my address.

Are you crazy? Put me down!

These are the rules.

If the address is legible,

the parcel must be delivered, Monsieur Brandt.

No!

[♪♪♪]

[MAN SINGING IN HUNGARIAN]

[CLICKS OFF MUSIC]

What happened, doc?

You look like a man who wants something.

Van Gogh's Postman and Warhol's Double Elvis.

- Both? - No.

I need all 13 paintings that are tormenting me.

If you're willing to help,

we should all move to my villa on the island of Bisevo.

It's in the Adriatic.

The airport in Rome isn't far away.

Sure, doc.

Let's have a party.

[♪♪♪]

[MAN SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Peanuts? Or le bonbon?

Both, my dear.

[MAN CONTINUES SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Sooner or later, everyone stops...

[COUGHS]

...smoking.

[WOMAN SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

BYE-BYE JOE: Wow. Nice body.

- Hey, look. I didn't know Lenin was the fuhrer. - Lenin, the leader of the Russian revolution, lived here

I thought it was the other guy.

[SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE CONTINUES]

[TAPPING]

And he said, "I don't want to be Little Red Riding Hood!"

[ALL LAUGHING]

- [CROWS] - NEWSMAN [ON TV]: Our top story tonight,

the so-called Collector strikes again.

After Paris, Budapest, Rio, Florence,

St. Petersburg, and Sydney,

the serial art robbers have hit New York's Guggenheim Museum.

At present, the estimated value of stolen masterpieces

has reached $2 billion.

The Chicago-based Union Cartel Insurance Company

has raised the reward for capturing

the so-called Collector to $20 million.

[SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[IN ENGLISH] Twenty million?

For that kind of money,

we have to screw around with drugs and the police

for two years.

Oh, well, it's my fault.

I simply never thought you could live off art.

My grandpa used to say:

"Vincenzo, stick to drugs and prostitution.

You know, a man can make an honest living there."

[LAUGHS] Uh-uh.

No more!

We should enter this fucking field of art.

REPORTER [ON TV]: Domestic violence in Hollywood films

made between the 1930s and the mid-'80s

was usually displayed as a show of masculinity,

or even romanticized.

Well-known examples of such films are My Baby Left Me,

Kiss Me Gently, The Barber of Blitvia...

Oh, we need more information.

Giuseppe, call Boris.

♪ Oh, baby, baby, oops I did it again... ♪

Yes. Of course, Giuseppe.

I'll do my best.

But you know my price.

[LAUGHS]

Come on, doc.

You're exaggerating.

No, Mimi. I'm serious.

You're getting closer every day.

I feel it too.

So, doc, what's the next job?

The Uffizi.

Florence.

[♪♪♪]

Breaking news. A few minutes after midnight,

thousands of tourists on the streets of Florence, Italy,

noticed strange strobe lights coming from the Uffizi Gallery.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[BELLS TOLLING]

KOWALSKI: Someone erased last night's security footage

from the Uffizi.

However, I checked through the archives,

and, look, remember the guy

who went crazy in front of Olympia?

- The performance artist? - One and the same.

[♪♪♪]

- MARINA: Angelo, Diavolo, sit. - CHILD: Daddy, Daddy?

MAN: I'm coming, dear.

So if you slow down the strobe light from the Uffizi,

it repeats a message in Morse code.

Hmm.

- Eye, eye, eye. - Mm-hmm.

Like the three eyes on the Musée d'Orsay.

[♪♪♪]

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING FAINTLY]

[♪♪♪]

[KNOCKING]

- [TRAIN WHISTLE BLARES] - [WHEELS SQUEALING]

[♪♪♪]

[GROWLING]

[SIGHS]

[PANTING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[DRIVER SPEAKING ITALIAN ON SPEAKERS]

[WATER SPLASHES]

[PANTING]

BYE-BYE JOE: Here we go! Yeah!

[♪♪♪]

Whoa! Bloody hell!

MIMI: Doc...

...who attacked you?

The... The guy from Hopper's Nighthawks.

Well, let's go to Chicago.

- [HORN BLARING] - [SIREN WAILING]

[MAN SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Kowalski's already speaking.

[MAN HUMMING]

If we don't crack this case soon,

we'll never see those paintings again.

Is this why we're paying you so much?

With all due respect, Mr. Graham,

we are dealing with a collector here,

and not a serial thief.

He's taking paintings which couldn't be sold,

not even on the black market.

Mr. Kowalski, I've been in this business for 45 years,

and I can tell you that in six months,

someone will put Olympia up for sale in South Blitvia!

No.

Someone is building a collection.

As a collector myself, I understand how they think.

Once the collection is complete, he or she will stop.

You follow your instincts,

and we will follow our experience.

We are raising the reward to $100 million!

[EXCLAIMS IN RUSSIAN]

[IN ENGLISH] A hundred million!

I must call Vincenzo.

WOMAN [ON PA]: This is the final boarding call,

Flight 87B to Rome, Gate 4.

Please proceed to Gate 4 immediately.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[BABY BABBLES]

[♪♪♪]

[BARKING]

[♪♪♪]

[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON PA]

[ALARM BLARING]

[ALARM STOPS]

Bye-Bye Joe, send it to Hotel Bellevue.

Uh-huh.

MAN [ON SPEAKERS]: Eight, seven,

six, five, four,

three, two, one.

Ruben, Kowalski recognized me.

You can't come to Rome with us.

[ALARM BLARING]

[SIREN WAILING]

WOMAN [ON PA]: Flight 72A to Berlin,

please proceed to Gate 3 immediately.

[JET ENGINE WHOOSHING]

KOWALSKI [ON PHONE]: Ciao, Marina. Did you hear?

Yes, I did. Hopper.

We can get the painting now.

Listen, tomorrow morning,

Flight 87B from Chicago

will be landing in Rome, 7:15 your time.

The picture is in a yellow tube with Mimi.

MARINA: Our Mimi? Is she the Collector?

She's connected.

And she's not alone.

Okay, Mike.

I'll organize a welcome party.

[BABY CRYING]

[IN FRENCH] There are four of them. The woman has the tube.

[♪♪♪]

WOMAN [ON PA]: Good afternoon, passengers.

This is the pre-boarding announcement...

[♪♪♪]

[ALL GRUNTING]

[IN ITALIAN] Step back!

Rome the city of love

[CROWD CLAMORING]

REPORTER: At this very moment, they are opening the tube

containing the stolen Hopper, Nighthawks.

MAN [IN ITALIAN]: Lieutenant, let me see the painting!

REPORTER: This is the end of the Collector's short-lived career.

Damn! What do we pay Boris for?

[PEOPLE LAUGHING ON TV]

[INHALES, THEN LAUGHING]

REPORTER: What an epic failure for the Roman police department.

Boss, look!

[EXCLAIMS IN ITALIAN]

[IN ENGLISH] That's Mimi!

REPORTER: ...a famous painting,

they get a cat-and-mouse poster.

All right, Mimi. Two mil for you.

♪ Oh, baby, baby Oops, I did it again ♪

♪ I played with your heart ♪

♪ Got lost in the game ♪

♪ Oh, baby, baby, oops ♪

♪ You think I'm in love ♪

♪ That I'm sent from above ♪

♪ I'm not that innocent ♪

Long time, no see, Cooper.

I needed some solitude.

Took my yearly trip to the mountains.

Sometimes I wonder why I come back at all.

[CHUCKLES]

For the booze.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah. Reasonable assumption.

[NEWS THEME PLAYS ON TV]

REPORTER [ON TV]: Who is the mysterious Collector?

Let's review now the entire catalog

of stolen masterpieces.

Can't listen to this shit anymore.

Enjoy catching up, Cooper.

REPORTER: Hopper. Botticelli.

Velázquez. Magritte.

Picasso. Gauguin. Manet.

Hopper. Botticelli.

Velázquez. Magritte.

Picasso.

♪ Oh, baby, baby Oops, I did it again ♪

♪ I played with your heart... ♪

Keep the change, darling.

Oh. Thanks, Kris.

- Generous, as always. - [CHUCKLES]

MAN: Can I get a refill, please?

♪ I'm not that innocent ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪

COOPER: I know who the Collector is.

I will tell you the details in person.

So please, meet me this evening,

my place, at 7:30.

124 Penn Street, South East.

Okay, Mr. Cooper. See you soon.

[LINE RINGS]

- Hey, Mike. - Ciao, Marina.

Could you look up a name for me, please?

John Cooper, 124 Penn Street, South East, Washington, D.C.

♪ That I'm sent from above... ♪

Wait, Cooper. What about our drink?

- Got to hurry. - Yeah, I overheard you.

Come on.

Won't you help out an old friend?

Acquaintance.

Look, you don't want to do this alone.

Huh?

We'll split the money, fifty-fifty.

Just tell me who the Collector is.

That's... It's not his fault.

I'd never betray my friends.

Friends?

Now, if you'll excuse me.

♪ 'Cause to lose All my senses ♪

♪ That's just So typically me ♪

♪ Oh, baby, baby Oops, I did it again... ♪

- [THUNDER RUMBLING] - [DOORBELL RINGS]

Mr. Cooper?

Mr. Cooper?

[♪♪♪]

Mr. Cooper?

[GLASSES CRUNCH]

[OBJECT THUMPS]

[CAR ENGINE STARTS]

[MEOWS]

- [THUNDER RUMBLING] - [CAT MEOWS]

Yesterday's Spy, A Perfect Spy, An American Spy...

Enjoying Art.

[LINE RINGING]

- [MAN SINGING IN ITALIAN] - [PHONE CHIMES]

- Hey, Mike. - Ciao, Marina.

Can you look up another name for me, please?

Gerhard Brandt. B-R-A-N-D-T.

- Former CIA agent. - MARINA: Just a second, Mike.

Hello. You there?

- Of course. - Okay.

Gerhard Brandt. Born in Berlin, 1938.

Grew up in East Berlin.

Former Stasi colonel.

Expert in psychotechnics.

Psychotechnics?

Practical applications of psychology.

- Like political propaganda? - Smart boy.

Retired from the CIA in 1967,

he moved with his wife Helga and 2-year-old son Ruben

to Washington, D.C.

What did he do for the CIA?

Experiments with subliminal perception,

for the Special Activities Division,

where John Cooper worked too.

His wife died in a car accident in 1975.

And here, an obituary.

He died of a heart attack one month ago.

Last known address?

842 Bladensburg Road.

Thanks. Call the cops to Cooper's house.

Okay. What's the crime?

Murder.

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS]

[THUNDER CRASHING]

[♪♪♪]

[RAIN PATTERING]

[IN RUSSIAN] What's up, Kowalski? Let's go!

[ENGINE STARTS]

[ROOF WHIRRING]

Oh...

So you want to play.

[TIRES SQUEALING]

[♪♪♪]

[TIRES SQUEALING]

Whoa!

[HORNS BLARING]

Bring it on!

[LAUGHS]

[EXCLAIMS]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING LOUDER]

[CLICKS QUIETLY]

[♪♪♪]

CROWD [CHANTING]: Gunfight! Gunfight! Gunfight!

[CRYING] I don't want a gunfight.

Tom is my friend.

Hey, hey, hey.

[♪♪♪]

[CLICKING]

Andy Warhol's Elvis?

BOY: John, it's just a game.

[PROJECTOR CLICKS]

Double Elvis among these kids.

Kid, kid, kid...

Double Elvis again.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...

Twenty-two, 23, 24, 25.

Elvis again.

The Sea Witch from The Little Mermaid.

Sea Witch, Sea Witch, Sea Witch, Sea Witch...

Botticelli's Venus?

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...

Twenty-two, 23, 24, 25.

Botticelli again.

"Bremen Town Musicians."

Cat, cat, cat,

and the Olympia.

[PHONE VIBRATES]

Marina, you won't believe this.

The Collector's identity is hidden in Gerhard's laboratory.

MARINA [ON PHONE]: Oh, my God. What did you find?

KRIS: Thanks for the information.

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTS]

MARINA: Mike? Mike?

[IN ITALIAN] Excuse me, Marina! What is going on?

[IN ITALIAN] I don't know. Mike is fighting with someone. He'll call me when he is done.

[GRUNTING]

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTS]

[KNIFE SCRAPES]

[PANTING]

[SIREN WAILING]

- [SIREN PASSING] - [SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

[CHOIR VOCALIZING]

Oh, my goodness.

[LINE RINGS]

EVA [ON PHONE]: Hi, Mikey. I just bought you a new shirt.

Mike?

Mom...

...what does the name Gerhard Brandt mean to you?

Mom?

I asked you a question.

What does the name Gerhard Brandt mean to you?

EVA: He was your father.

[♪♪♪]

He was a scientist,

experimenting with the subconscious.

Did he use cartoons?

[SIGHS] Only on your half-brother, Ruben.

He wanted to make him a great artist.

That's why Ruben had nightmares.

I...

I had to leave your father...

[SNIFFLES]

...to save your dreams.

Fernando?

Renoir?

Pierre-Auguste Renoir?

For 40 years, I've been discovering

that the queen of all color is the color black, Ruben.

You're different.

You're a painter, Pierre-Auguste.

I don't really like black.

You'll learn to like it.

I don't want to learn to like it.

Come, I'll teach you

to throw yourself into the blackness,

like a lemming into the Sea of Norway.

I don't want to throw myself into the blackness.

Come freely. We'll jump together.

We'll disappear into the black.

I don't want to disappear into the black.

I'll talk you into it, Ruben.

Here, for a starter,

have a bit of...

[ECHOING] ...black.

[♪♪♪]

The next painting is Bazille's Portrait of Renoir.

[SIGHS]

[HARMONICA PLAYING]

They got it.

Mimi's with them.

They're getting into a vintage Tatra.

VINCENZO [ON PHONE]: I need Mimi at any cost.

The rest can die.

- [TIRES SQUEALING] - [SIRENS WAILING]

[♪♪♪]

[GROWLING]

[HARMONICA CONTINUES PLAYING]

[ALL LAUGHING]

[♪♪♪]

- Watch out! - Damn it!

- [GRUNTING] - [GUNSHOTS]

[♪♪♪]

Giuseppe, tell Vincenzo not to worry.

We got this covered, okay?

Hey, hey.

♪ Here comes a little birdie ♪

♪ Come on here to Daddy ♪

[HONKING]

♪ Turn, turn, turn ♪

Oh, bloody hell!

Bloody hell!

Oh, Jesus!

- Oh, my God! - Watch out!

Joe, take the copter. The truck is mine.

BYE-BYE JOE: All right, all right, I've got it.

Here we go.

[YELLING]

Come on, Joe. Come on.

How you doing?

Give it to me. Give it to me, baby.

[LAUGHS]

You big banana head.

Have a nice day, mate.

[MAN SCREAMING]

I'm... I'm the pilot. I'm just the pilot.

Okay, okay, okay, I know. Just let me take a parachute.

No problem, no problem. I'll jump, I'll jump.

Boys, it's time to get down.

[MACHINERY BEEPING]

All right, let's have a party.

Hey! We're gonna smash into the overpass.

♪ Bye-bye, guys ♪

[ALARM BLARING]

Watch out!

[HONKING]

[ALL GRUNT]

Here you go.

♪ Oh, that won't be easy, baby ♪

BYE-BYE JOE: Mimi!

Shite!

County buggery fucktole bumshite!

Oh, my God!

[SCREAMS]

[♪♪♪]

[CHEERING]

[♪♪♪]

Hi, guys!

[WOMAN VOCALIZING]

[♪♪♪]

Ruben!

I'm free!

I'm free!

Ruben?

[KEYBOARD CLACKING]

KOWALSKI: Well, well, well.

Frank Duveneck's Whistling Boy was the 11th,

and Bazille's Renoir was the 12th.

The last one is...

Double Elvis!

And the Double Elvis is finally being put on display.

A pop art exhibition in Tokyo.

Hockey, the end of the game is very, very near.

[♪♪♪]

Thanks, Boris.

Giuseppe, tell Filippo to mobilize all the people.

Yes, boss.

[LINE RINGING]

[♪♪♪]

Next robbery is Tokyo Pop Art Exhibition.

Do you understand?

[IN SPANISH] Yes, yes, yes,

I got it. The next robbery is in Tokyo, at the pop art exhibition.

[IN FRENCH] Ah, Tokyo! Don't worry, sir! Everything is under control!

Goodbye!

[IN RUSSIAN] As far as I understood... take it easy, ninocka, take it easy... I should go to Tokyo. I'll be there.

[ROOSTER CROWS]

[IN HUNGARIAN] What do you mean I don't understand? I understand. The next job will be in Tokyo. Right?

Not now. I'm busy.

Not now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tokyo. I'll be there.

[IN ITALIAN] Could you repeat it, please? I didn't understand. Toronto?

Tokyo.

[SPEAKS ITALIAN] Ah, Tokyo! I like being in Tokyo! See you the day after tomorrow!

[SYMPHONY PLAYING]

Places, everyone. And let's start.

It's just so peaceful here, Margaret.

I love it!

George, shush.

Be quiet.

The performance has already started.

Look.

The taking of this painting

is part of the performance art piece.

In the future, everyone here will be world-famous

for 15 minutes.

- [CROWD GASPS] - [DRUMROLL]

[CROWD GASPS]

[WOMAN SOBBING]

[MEMBRANO BRUNO VOCALIZING]

Oh, my goodness.

- What...? What is going on? - Shh!

Miss, please.

Just a little respect

for the performance artists.

[MAN SINGING GIBBERISH]

Those were our 15 minutes of fame.

Thank you so much.

Sayonara.

MAN: That is the Collector!

[CROWD GASPS] Get him!

[GUN COCKS]

Mimi! Got it!

- [GUNSHOTS] - [CROWD CLAMORING]

[GRUNTS]

Pleased to meet you.

You son of a motherless goat.

[COUNTING IN GERMAN]

Here.

Whoo!

[JUKEBOX PLAYING]

What goes up...

must come down.

Wheel spins, take a look around.

What a fascinating example

of interdisciplinary performance art.

Bravo!

♪ La, la-la, la-la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la ♪

♪ There are times In this life of mine ♪

Here you go! Get some of that, son! Here we go!

[CROWD CHEERING, CLAPPING]

Have some of this. Get some here.

Come on. Come and get it.

♪ Even the bad times Are good ♪

Here.

♪ Soon as I get to you Baby ♪

♪ You just gotta hold me ♪

♪ And even the bad times Are good ♪

♪ Even the bad times Are good ♪

Here!

- Would you like? - What?

To take that shower now.

[LAUGHS]

[WHISTLES, THEN GRUNTS]

Upsy-daisy.

I've got this covered.

Bloody hell!

Jesus! Oh, my God!

Here. Have some of this, you bloody idiot.

Get some of this! Get it!

That's it.

Eat dirt, my friend. Eat dirt.

Oh, bloody hell! Here, get some of this.

And some of this, you bloody idiot.

Get it! That's it.

[CROWD CHEERING AND CLAPPING]

BYE-BYE JOE: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you. Thank you so much.

Cheers. It's been wonderful.

Have a lovely time.

Bye-bye. See you next time.

Good night. Sayonara.

[♪♪♪]

[MUSIC DISTORTS, STOPS]

[HEARTBEAT THUMPS]

[ICE CLINKING]

[RUMBLING]

[CUFFS CLINKING]

[GLASS SHATTERS]

[GRUNTING]

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLARING]

[PANTING]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Subtitles by explosiveskull