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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,883 --> 00:00:05,802 All right, Mom. Thanks for dropping me off. 2 00:00:05,803 --> 00:00:07,514 Shall I wait for you? 3 00:00:07,515 --> 00:00:11,146 No, um, Mohammed's gonna do his katb‐ketab right after prayer, so... 4 00:00:11,147 --> 00:00:13,652 I don't understand. Why is he getting married before you? 5 00:00:13,653 --> 00:00:15,739 Okay. I got to go. Hey. 6 00:00:15,740 --> 00:00:18,578 Maybe you can find a girl in there. 7 00:00:18,579 --> 00:00:20,874 I'm not gonna flirt with girls at the mosque. 8 00:00:20,875 --> 00:00:24,590 Why not? The girls in there are high quality. 9 00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:27,303 The mosque is for praying, it's not for picking people up. 10 00:00:27,304 --> 00:00:29,850 It's, like, a bunch of families too, and you can't just 11 00:00:29,851 --> 00:00:33,775 walk up to a Muslim girl and, like, start spitting game or something. 12 00:00:33,776 --> 00:00:36,864 Wh‐What am I supposed to say? Like, "Hey, can I get your father's number?" 13 00:00:36,865 --> 00:00:38,409 Yes. Why not? 14 00:00:38,410 --> 00:00:40,998 I‐I got to go. I'm gonna be late. 15 00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:44,714 Ramy, do you want to stay alone forever? 16 00:00:44,715 --> 00:00:47,302 No, Mom, I‐I don't. 17 00:00:47,303 --> 00:00:50,433 Just 'cause I'm not with someone doesn't mean I'm gonna be alone forever, okay? 18 00:00:50,434 --> 00:00:53,858 I‐I'm... I'm just figuring it out, okay? 19 00:00:55,820 --> 00:00:56,822 Hey. 20 00:01:59,405 --> 00:02:00,867 Halal? 21 00:02:02,620 --> 00:02:05,292 Listen, man, I don't know what you're talking about. I just... 22 00:02:08,423 --> 00:02:10,863 Actually, I think we should just go catch prayers, 'cause... 23 00:02:43,536 --> 00:02:46,917 I think God knows what's in my heart. I don't think I have to... 24 00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,159 What the‐‐. 25 00:03:31,100 --> 00:03:33,342 Welcome, beloved... 26 00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:37,475 Today you are here as family and as intimate companions 27 00:03:37,476 --> 00:03:42,027 to witness the joining of Mohammed and Yasmeen. 28 00:03:42,862 --> 00:03:44,573 You're gonna die alone, bro. What? 29 00:03:44,574 --> 00:03:45,742 Yeah. He's right, Ramy. 30 00:03:45,743 --> 00:03:47,411 You're running out of options. Dude... 31 00:03:47,412 --> 00:03:49,082 There's only two hot Muslim girls left in town, 32 00:03:49,083 --> 00:03:50,543 and they'll be gone by the end of the year. 33 00:03:50,544 --> 00:03:52,254 Are you talking about Fatima and Hadiya, bro? 34 00:03:52,255 --> 00:03:54,175 Yeah. They are not hot. 35 00:03:54,176 --> 00:03:56,262 To me they are. You need to get your eyes checked. 36 00:03:56,263 --> 00:03:58,810 Go and get some LASIK. They're not hot. 37 00:03:58,811 --> 00:04:01,147 You need to go outside of the network if you want to find quality. 38 00:04:01,148 --> 00:04:03,276 Dude, I'm fine. It's not a big deal. 39 00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:05,532 My cousin had to do that. It took forever, man. 40 00:04:05,533 --> 00:04:07,451 Finally, my aunt found him a girl in Ohio. 41 00:04:07,452 --> 00:04:09,581 - Look... - Yeah, but now he lives in Ohio. 42 00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:10,750 Ohio sucks. Shh! 43 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:13,506 Okay‐Sorry. It's just... 44 00:04:13,507 --> 00:04:16,261 Look, you need to find a girl ASAP, okay? 45 00:04:16,262 --> 00:04:18,933 ASAP. You're getting old, bro, 46 00:04:18,934 --> 00:04:21,271 and your hairline is not looking good. It's fine... 47 00:04:21,272 --> 00:04:23,693 You're gonna be on Muslim Match, swiping through divorced chicks. 48 00:04:23,694 --> 00:04:25,655 You're gonna be raising other people's babies. 49 00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:28,326 All right, can we just stop, man? All right? I... There's nothing... 50 00:04:28,327 --> 00:04:30,372 - Bro, it's way worse than I thought. - Listen! 51 00:04:30,373 --> 00:04:33,086 - Stop, stop. It's fine. Listen... - It's not fine. You got a situation. 52 00:04:33,087 --> 00:04:35,550 - Your curls are not gonna save you. - Okay, listen... 53 00:04:35,551 --> 00:04:37,094 There's only so much they can cover. 54 00:04:37,095 --> 00:04:39,265 I don't have to find a Muslim girl, all right? 55 00:04:39,266 --> 00:04:41,896 I've actually been seeing this girl Chloe for a little bit, and it's going well. 56 00:04:41,897 --> 00:04:44,192 No! Are you out of your mind? He must be! 57 00:04:44,193 --> 00:04:46,154 White girls suck, bro. You can't keep dating 'em. 58 00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:48,241 One, they're always walking around barefoot. 59 00:04:48,242 --> 00:04:49,870 That's crazy. They have no morals. 60 00:04:49,871 --> 00:04:51,957 No morals. And they're always jumping in stuff. 61 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,920 Always. What do you mean, "jumping in stuff"? 62 00:04:53,921 --> 00:04:56,174 They're just jumping in stuff that's none of their business, man. 63 00:04:56,175 --> 00:04:59,180 They skinny‐dip. You don't want a wife that skinny‐dips. 64 00:04:59,181 --> 00:05:02,854 You want a wife that swims at normal times, with proper attire. 65 00:05:02,855 --> 00:05:05,527 Not this nakedness. You need to find someone 66 00:05:05,528 --> 00:05:08,365 who knows where you came from and what you believe in. 67 00:05:08,366 --> 00:05:10,369 And someone who's hot. 68 00:05:11,455 --> 00:05:14,711 Just have your parents hook it up. They keep tabs on everyone. 69 00:05:14,712 --> 00:05:17,049 That's what I did. It's the best decision I made. 70 00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:18,511 Shh! 71 00:05:18,512 --> 00:05:20,305 I'm sorry, baby. 72 00:05:20,306 --> 00:05:21,851 She's so hot. 73 00:05:21,852 --> 00:05:23,395 My mom did that. 74 00:05:23,396 --> 00:05:26,025 These guys are idiots. Hey. 75 00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,821 But everything they said is true. 76 00:05:27,822 --> 00:05:29,575 White girls suck. 77 00:05:29,576 --> 00:05:32,582 You don't want to do that. You don't want to go down that road. 78 00:06:17,838 --> 00:06:19,633 What are you doing? I was just... 79 00:06:19,634 --> 00:06:22,137 Are you... Is that the condom that we just used? 80 00:06:22,138 --> 00:06:25,310 Yeah, I was just, you know... Cleaning it? Or... 81 00:06:25,311 --> 00:06:28,859 I was just checking if there was any holes in it. You know... 82 00:06:28,860 --> 00:06:30,070 Why would there be a hole? 83 00:06:30,071 --> 00:06:32,408 You ever see the way they ship these things? It's, like, on a truck. 84 00:06:32,409 --> 00:06:34,746 There's, like, a bunch of dudes. And, like, who are those dudes? 85 00:06:34,747 --> 00:06:36,374 Like, I don't know them, you don't know... You know? 86 00:06:36,375 --> 00:06:39,255 So this just... just to make sure that there isn't a faulty one. 87 00:06:39,256 --> 00:06:42,094 And you do this, like, every time we have sex? 88 00:06:42,095 --> 00:06:44,684 Yeah, I mean, it just... it just takes a sec. 89 00:06:45,351 --> 00:06:48,398 I don't know why, but I feel, like, kind of offended. 90 00:06:48,399 --> 00:06:50,110 Chloe, this doesn't have to get weird, okay? 91 00:06:50,111 --> 00:06:51,864 Oh, I'm making it weird? 92 00:06:51,865 --> 00:06:53,534 No, no. There's... There's nothing to worry about. 93 00:06:53,535 --> 00:06:55,370 It's just... It's just so that we don't have to worry. 94 00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:57,207 Even if, like, something crazy happened, 95 00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,295 you know I'm on the Pill, right? 96 00:06:59,296 --> 00:07:02,301 And if the Pill didn't work, we'd do the responsible thing 97 00:07:02,302 --> 00:07:04,263 and, like, take care of it. 98 00:07:04,264 --> 00:07:07,311 Yeah, but we can't just take care of it, right? 99 00:07:07,312 --> 00:07:10,067 I mean, we don't even really know what it is. 100 00:07:10,068 --> 00:07:11,987 I mean, look, I'm‐I'm totally 101 00:07:11,988 --> 00:07:14,450 pro women getting to choose what to do with their bodies. 102 00:07:14,451 --> 00:07:16,955 I am. But I'm Muslim, so I'm just 103 00:07:16,956 --> 00:07:20,838 pro us not having to make that choice. 104 00:07:20,839 --> 00:07:23,259 No, like, you're Muslim, I thought, in the way that I'm Jewish. 105 00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:25,055 Like, it's a cultural thing. 106 00:07:25,056 --> 00:07:27,102 I didn't know that you were Muslim‐Muslim. 107 00:07:28,145 --> 00:07:29,606 Yeah. You drink. 108 00:07:29,607 --> 00:07:31,443 Religious Muslims don't drink. 109 00:07:32,278 --> 00:07:34,742 I actually... don't drink. 110 00:07:35,786 --> 00:07:39,208 The other night we out at the bar, and you bought the entire table drinks. 111 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:41,462 Yeah, but mine was a Coke. 112 00:07:41,463 --> 00:07:43,049 Tonight I asked you, "Do you want another glass of wine?" 113 00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:44,594 You were like, "No, I'm at my limit." 114 00:07:44,595 --> 00:07:46,890 Well, I was at my limit. 115 00:07:46,891 --> 00:07:48,978 My limit's just none, 116 00:07:48,979 --> 00:07:50,773 'cause I'm Muslim. 117 00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:52,317 Oh. Okay. 118 00:07:52,318 --> 00:07:55,783 So you get girls drunk 119 00:07:55,784 --> 00:07:58,204 and stay sober so you can sleep with them. 120 00:07:58,205 --> 00:07:59,958 What? That feels kind of date‐rape‐y. 121 00:07:59,959 --> 00:08:02,589 That's not what I do. That's not date‐rape‐y. 122 00:08:02,590 --> 00:08:05,218 If anything, I'm taking alcohol out of the equation. 123 00:08:05,219 --> 00:08:07,264 I'm like a designated driver. 124 00:08:07,265 --> 00:08:09,101 I'm your... like a‐like, a friend. 125 00:08:09,102 --> 00:08:11,691 So why are you hiding everything from me? 126 00:08:12,651 --> 00:08:15,823 Look, Chloe, it's just... 127 00:08:15,824 --> 00:08:19,371 I've met girls who seem open‐minded, 128 00:08:19,372 --> 00:08:21,752 and then they're not. 129 00:08:21,753 --> 00:08:24,423 - And you think that's me. - No, I... no, I just... 130 00:08:24,424 --> 00:08:28,724 I thought maybe you'd be into the idea of me being culturally different 131 00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:32,190 but hate that I actually believe in God. 132 00:08:32,691 --> 00:08:34,904 I don't care that you're Muslim. 133 00:08:35,948 --> 00:08:37,784 I care that you've been lying to me. 134 00:09:33,688 --> 00:09:36,694 This Muslim Tinder is awesome. 135 00:09:37,445 --> 00:09:40,075 Dude, why did you swipe "no" on her? 136 00:09:40,076 --> 00:09:43,164 You're swiping "no" on all the girls that have scarves. 137 00:09:43,165 --> 00:09:46,546 Dude, no, it's just, she's not my vibe. You're a fuckin' racist. 138 00:09:46,547 --> 00:09:49,343 How is that racist? Head scarf's not a race, 139 00:09:49,344 --> 00:09:51,055 it's‐it's something that people wear. 140 00:09:51,056 --> 00:09:55,146 Oh, I love when they're all covered from their head to their toe like that. 141 00:09:55,147 --> 00:09:58,111 Yo, that mystery is sexy. That's disgusting. 142 00:09:58,112 --> 00:10:01,201 Have you ever dated a Muslim girl? 143 00:10:02,621 --> 00:10:06,001 No, I haven't, and... that's‐that's why I'm doing this. 144 00:10:06,002 --> 00:10:08,507 I'm trying to meet someone, you know, different. 145 00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:11,470 You're such a racist. How is that racist, dude? 146 00:10:11,471 --> 00:10:14,686 Islam's not a race, it's‐it's something you believe in. 147 00:10:14,687 --> 00:10:16,313 You don't believe in shit. 148 00:10:16,314 --> 00:10:18,652 - Right. Don't... Right. - I don't... I don't like her. 149 00:10:18,653 --> 00:10:21,198 How do you know? How do you know? If I went right, that would be racist. 150 00:10:21,199 --> 00:10:22,785 You're looking at a picture. That would be racist, 151 00:10:22,786 --> 00:10:24,539 'cause I don't like her. You're looking at a picture. 152 00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:27,002 That's the whole point of this thing. You're a shallow fuck. 153 00:10:27,003 --> 00:10:28,631 Thank you. 154 00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:39,194 Yep, yep. 155 00:10:49,047 --> 00:10:52,678 You know, uh, Mohammed's katb‐ketab was really nice the other day. 156 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:54,808 Yeah, she's cute. 157 00:10:54,809 --> 00:10:56,101 Big nose. 158 00:10:59,527 --> 00:11:02,658 I thought you were gonna come, Dena. 159 00:11:03,618 --> 00:11:05,079 Nah. 160 00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:09,336 Well... it was really cool, 161 00:11:09,337 --> 00:11:13,846 just... seeing him so happy, you know, that he found someone. 162 00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:16,058 When Allah wills it, it is easy. 163 00:11:19,817 --> 00:11:21,903 Yeah, so I was thinking... 164 00:11:21,904 --> 00:11:25,160 maybe it's time that Allah wills it for me. 165 00:11:28,668 --> 00:11:30,461 What? Habibi! 166 00:11:30,462 --> 00:11:33,135 You know, like, to... be with someone? 167 00:11:35,264 --> 00:11:36,767 Are you fucking kidding me? 168 00:11:38,646 --> 00:11:41,025 You had one lonely day 169 00:11:41,026 --> 00:11:43,279 at a wedding, and now you want Mom to set you up? 170 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,659 - This has nothing to do with you. - Of course it does. 171 00:11:45,660 --> 00:11:49,207 If you get married, they're gonna start putting pressure on me to start a family 172 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:52,715 and stare at my stomach like it's the answer to their midlife crisis. 173 00:11:52,716 --> 00:11:55,053 I don't need that shit right now. Calm down. 174 00:11:55,054 --> 00:11:57,057 - You don't even have a real job. - What? 175 00:11:57,058 --> 00:11:59,353 You do nothing at a start‐up that does nothing. 176 00:11:59,354 --> 00:12:03,654 Habibti, they are starting up. Give them a chance. 177 00:12:03,655 --> 00:12:05,658 - Thank you, Mom. - Ramy... 178 00:12:05,659 --> 00:12:07,202 What are you doing? 179 00:12:07,203 --> 00:12:08,496 Being with a Muslim woman 180 00:12:08,497 --> 00:12:09,666 is not an easy thing. 181 00:12:09,667 --> 00:12:12,295 You have to take her seriously, hmm? 182 00:12:12,296 --> 00:12:15,552 She's not like, uh, the others, hmm? 183 00:12:15,553 --> 00:12:18,725 Are you sure you are ready for something like that? 184 00:12:21,356 --> 00:12:23,860 My little man became a big man! 185 00:12:23,861 --> 00:12:26,490 Bullshit. You're just filling this void 186 00:12:26,491 --> 00:12:29,413 inside of you with a woman, and it's ruining my life. 187 00:12:29,414 --> 00:12:32,293 Fuck you, Ramy. Stupid bitch. 188 00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:35,551 Dena! I mean, she's... she's out of control. 189 00:12:35,552 --> 00:12:37,221 So who is she? Yeah. 190 00:12:37,889 --> 00:12:41,855 I actually haven't met anyone yet. I... I thought that you guys could hook it up. 191 00:12:41,856 --> 00:12:43,692 "Hook it up"? 192 00:12:43,693 --> 00:12:45,654 Yeah. Do you know anyone? 193 00:12:45,655 --> 00:12:46,990 Who do I know? 194 00:12:46,991 --> 00:12:49,453 I don't know anyone. I know who you know. 195 00:12:49,454 --> 00:12:52,835 We'll find you a girl, whoever you want. 196 00:12:52,836 --> 00:12:55,884 Do you want her covered, uncovered? You tell me. 197 00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:57,804 Um... 198 00:12:59,641 --> 00:13:00,643 uncovered. 199 00:13:01,436 --> 00:13:02,773 Good choice. 200 00:13:05,653 --> 00:13:07,740 Mom, please don't call me that anymore. Yeah. 201 00:13:07,741 --> 00:13:10,747 We have to find you one before you lose your hair like... 202 00:13:33,208 --> 00:13:36,213 So, have you lived in Jersey your whole life? 203 00:13:36,214 --> 00:13:38,969 No, no. You're here for her, not me. 204 00:13:38,970 --> 00:13:41,600 I'm just the chaperone. Pretend I'm not even here. 205 00:13:42,434 --> 00:13:46,400 Okay. Nour, uh, you're from Jersey? 206 00:13:46,401 --> 00:13:48,113 Born and raised. 207 00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:55,084 My mom said that, uh, you're an accountant. 208 00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:58,340 Yeah. My mom said you worked in a start‐up or something. 209 00:13:58,341 --> 00:14:01,180 Ye‐‐ Too much small talk. More personal. 210 00:14:03,268 --> 00:14:05,062 So how did you pick this restaurant? 211 00:14:05,063 --> 00:14:07,569 You think because I'm Egyptian, I like to eat Egyptian food? 212 00:14:08,403 --> 00:14:12,118 You know, I just figured you probably had a lot of homemade Egyptian food, 213 00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:15,374 but I really wanted you to taste it when it's made by... 214 00:14:15,375 --> 00:14:17,086 the Russian guys in the kitchen here. 215 00:14:18,340 --> 00:14:20,343 Yeah, no, the bread here is actually... 216 00:14:20,344 --> 00:14:23,558 - Yo! Fuckin' Ramy! Look at this guy! - This motherfucker! 217 00:14:23,559 --> 00:14:24,810 How you doin'? 218 00:14:24,811 --> 00:14:26,063 Bro, we haven't seen you in forever! 219 00:14:26,064 --> 00:14:27,775 - How's it going? - You too good to call my sister? 220 00:14:27,776 --> 00:14:29,904 Get out of here! Yo, how you doin? 221 00:14:29,905 --> 00:14:32,033 My name's Joey. This is Johnny. How's it going? 222 00:14:32,034 --> 00:14:34,412 Hi. I'm Nour. You guys try the falafels yet? 223 00:14:34,413 --> 00:14:36,626 They're bomb as shit. Come on. Bomb as fuckin' shit. 224 00:14:36,627 --> 00:14:39,214 I wouldn't lie about that. Unbelievable. What are you guys up to? 225 00:14:39,215 --> 00:14:41,134 What's going up? Just... hanging out. 226 00:14:41,135 --> 00:14:44,099 Ah, no. What you're actually doing is coming with us to Dante's. 227 00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:46,103 We got a big group. Gonna dance a little bit. 228 00:14:46,104 --> 00:14:48,692 Sure, yeah. Maybe we'll just, like, meet you there later. 229 00:14:48,693 --> 00:14:50,571 You want to meet these people at Dante's? 230 00:14:51,573 --> 00:14:54,452 No, no, no. I‐I was just... Listen to me. 231 00:14:54,453 --> 00:14:57,083 You don't want to go to Dante's on a Friday. 232 00:14:57,084 --> 00:14:59,506 What you want to do is go to P. J.'s. 233 00:15:00,340 --> 00:15:02,511 Very hard to get into. Tell the guy 234 00:15:02,512 --> 00:15:04,849 at the door you know Masoud. 235 00:15:04,850 --> 00:15:07,020 He'll get you in. All right, thanks. 236 00:15:07,021 --> 00:15:09,608 You know, it sounds like it's really hard to get into. 237 00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:11,194 It is. And I feel like 238 00:15:11,195 --> 00:15:13,032 they really need you right now. 239 00:15:13,033 --> 00:15:16,956 Yeah, uh, you know, they probably need a connection to get in. 240 00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:18,626 That's true. 241 00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:21,465 It took me many years to get an "in" at P. J.'s. 242 00:15:21,466 --> 00:15:23,678 No, no, listen. It's no problem. Wait, wait. What's happening? 243 00:15:23,679 --> 00:15:26,475 No, no. I insist. I'll be your chaperone. 244 00:15:26,476 --> 00:15:29,439 Huh? Let's go. Little funny. All right. Okay. 245 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:32,279 Be good, Ramy. 246 00:15:33,657 --> 00:15:35,619 Relax a little bit, man. 247 00:15:35,620 --> 00:15:38,332 You're carrying a lot of tension. 248 00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:40,336 You seem like a good guy, 249 00:15:40,337 --> 00:15:43,426 but she's not gonna see the real you if you're so wound up. 250 00:15:44,345 --> 00:15:45,388 Okay. 251 00:15:46,432 --> 00:15:48,143 Wow. 252 00:15:48,144 --> 00:15:50,439 Oh, so your cousin's a... 253 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,986 - Yeah. - Really interesting guy. 254 00:15:52,987 --> 00:15:55,449 He's not really my cousin. He's just one of those, you know... 255 00:15:55,450 --> 00:15:57,704 - Oh, like an Arab cousin? - Yes. 256 00:15:57,705 --> 00:16:00,502 Yeah, just, like, anyone that your dad's ever met. 257 00:16:00,503 --> 00:16:04,134 Yeah. His dad fixed my dad's transmission two years ago, so... 258 00:16:04,135 --> 00:16:07,098 Oh, yeah, no, that's definitely a cousin. He might even be an uncle, 259 00:16:07,099 --> 00:16:10,062 just 'cause the transmission's such a big part of the car. 260 00:16:10,063 --> 00:16:12,652 I mean, that's... that's family forever. 261 00:16:15,868 --> 00:16:18,036 Look, I know it was terrible, 262 00:16:18,037 --> 00:16:21,669 but the day the Muslim ban happened, I had a really good day. 263 00:16:21,670 --> 00:16:24,592 Oh, come on. Like, personally, you know? 264 00:16:24,593 --> 00:16:27,723 It was just, like, one of those days. Remember, the weather was great. 265 00:16:27,724 --> 00:16:29,475 I killed it at this meeting. 266 00:16:29,476 --> 00:16:33,025 I found a Metro card that had $120 on it. 267 00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:34,695 Okay, wow. That doesn't happen. 268 00:16:34,696 --> 00:16:36,323 Yeah, that sounds like a really good day. 269 00:16:36,324 --> 00:16:38,035 It was weird, 'cause I'm watching the news 270 00:16:38,036 --> 00:16:41,291 and this guy on TV is like, "This is a terrible day for all Muslims." 271 00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:44,715 I'm like, "Well, not all Muslims." 272 00:16:44,716 --> 00:16:47,888 You know what? You're right. Because I have this, um, uncle 273 00:16:47,889 --> 00:16:50,351 that lives in Libya, and he was supposed to come live with us, 274 00:16:50,352 --> 00:16:53,816 and then the Muslim ban happened, and he's still in Libya. 275 00:16:53,817 --> 00:16:56,154 See? It was a good day for you too. Yeah. 276 00:16:56,155 --> 00:16:57,950 And he was supposed to take my room too. 277 00:16:57,951 --> 00:17:00,747 Oh! He was gonna make you a refugee? 278 00:17:00,748 --> 00:17:03,252 Yeah, and that room is, like, really important to me. 279 00:17:03,253 --> 00:17:04,880 'Course. I have a lot of memories in there. 280 00:17:04,881 --> 00:17:06,383 NSYNC posters. Mm. 281 00:17:06,384 --> 00:17:08,345 My dad gave us the sex talk in that room. 282 00:17:08,346 --> 00:17:10,140 Oh, man. What was yours like? 283 00:17:10,141 --> 00:17:13,313 It was, like, pretty standard Arab dad talk, you know? 284 00:17:13,314 --> 00:17:15,986 He got us all in the room, and then he said, 285 00:17:15,987 --> 00:17:19,284 "Girls, no boys. Boys, no boys," 286 00:17:19,285 --> 00:17:21,162 and then he just walked out the room. Wow. 287 00:17:21,163 --> 00:17:23,292 That's, like, really efficient. It's, like, everything, 288 00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:26,423 but he found a way to just... zone in on it. 289 00:17:26,424 --> 00:17:30,306 So, for something my mom helped set up, this wasn't too bad. 290 00:17:30,307 --> 00:17:33,478 Yeah. I mean, Tinder doesn't really have shit on our moms. 291 00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:42,205 We should do this again. Yeah, definitely. 292 00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:45,921 Right? 293 00:17:51,223 --> 00:17:52,810 Get home safe, okay? 294 00:17:53,687 --> 00:17:55,566 What, I don't get a good‐night kiss? 295 00:17:56,568 --> 00:17:59,364 I just... I wasn't sure if you did that. 296 00:17:59,365 --> 00:18:02,078 - If I kissed? - I mean, I'm sure you kiss. 297 00:18:02,079 --> 00:18:04,626 I just didn't know if, you know, because we're, like, a... 298 00:18:23,162 --> 00:18:25,457 Let's get in my car. 299 00:18:25,458 --> 00:18:27,379 Okay. 300 00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:45,414 Whoa, whoa. 301 00:18:45,415 --> 00:18:47,711 You all right? Yeah. 302 00:18:47,712 --> 00:18:49,339 Okay, good. 303 00:18:50,341 --> 00:18:51,969 Do you have a condom? 304 00:18:51,970 --> 00:18:54,266 Uh, yeah, but, um... 305 00:18:55,477 --> 00:18:58,231 What, you don't want to have sex? Yeah, but I‐I... 306 00:18:58,232 --> 00:19:01,322 I didn't know if‐if you could, you know, just 'cause we're not married. 307 00:19:02,157 --> 00:19:04,285 Oh, I‐I didn't even know you were that strict. 308 00:19:04,286 --> 00:19:07,333 I mean, yeah, we can get married. Um, my cousin does, like, 309 00:19:07,334 --> 00:19:09,797 nikahs over the phone if you want to do, like, a temporary marriage. 310 00:19:09,798 --> 00:19:11,424 There's this imam she uses... No, no, no. I'm not... 311 00:19:11,425 --> 00:19:13,178 I don't think we should try and, like, trick God or whatever. 312 00:19:13,179 --> 00:19:15,600 I just think maybe we should, 313 00:19:15,601 --> 00:19:17,228 you know, slow down? 314 00:19:17,229 --> 00:19:19,398 Oh, okay. Yeah, we can take it slow. Yeah? 315 00:19:19,399 --> 00:19:20,693 Yeah, of course. Okay. 316 00:19:20,694 --> 00:19:22,697 Yeah, there are other things we can do. Okay. 317 00:19:22,698 --> 00:19:23,698 Yeah. 318 00:19:34,388 --> 00:19:35,808 Yeah, right there. 319 00:19:36,852 --> 00:19:38,062 Yeah. 320 00:19:42,070 --> 00:19:43,699 Choke me while I finger myself. 321 00:19:45,034 --> 00:19:47,163 - What? - I want you to choke me. 322 00:19:49,627 --> 00:19:51,964 Um... Use both hands. 323 00:19:51,965 --> 00:19:54,344 Um... okay. 324 00:19:54,888 --> 00:19:56,181 Are you sure? Yeah. 325 00:19:57,183 --> 00:19:58,520 Okay. Harder. 326 00:20:00,064 --> 00:20:01,357 Okay. 327 00:20:01,358 --> 00:20:03,069 Like, actually harder. It's not a massage. 328 00:20:03,070 --> 00:20:05,365 Yeah, yeah, okay. Um... 329 00:20:05,366 --> 00:20:08,079 Yeah. 330 00:20:13,007 --> 00:20:14,009 I... 331 00:20:17,349 --> 00:20:19,060 No, no. Hey. 332 00:20:19,061 --> 00:20:20,855 Don't stop. 333 00:20:20,856 --> 00:20:22,274 What? I don't want to do this. 334 00:20:22,275 --> 00:20:24,696 No, what? Why? I'm not into choking. I don't... 335 00:20:24,697 --> 00:20:26,366 I don't want to choke you. 336 00:20:26,367 --> 00:20:27,601 Oh, God. 337 00:20:29,164 --> 00:20:31,586 God, you're so full of shit. What? 338 00:20:34,174 --> 00:20:37,096 It's not the choking that's the problem. Look, it's just our first date, 339 00:20:37,097 --> 00:20:38,849 and I feel like maybe this is happening... 340 00:20:38,850 --> 00:20:40,688 What, you don't hook up on the first date? 341 00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:44,151 Yeah, that's what I thought. 342 00:20:44,152 --> 00:20:47,491 Look, this is, like, just throwing me for a loop a little bit. 343 00:20:47,492 --> 00:20:49,453 I didn't think that a girl like you was gonna want to, like... 344 00:20:49,454 --> 00:20:51,417 A girl like me? 345 00:20:53,547 --> 00:20:55,340 Look, we had this, like, really nice night, 346 00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:58,346 and you felt weirded out by the idea of kissing me. 347 00:20:58,347 --> 00:21:00,225 I get it if you don't want to have sex, but... 348 00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:02,605 I'm, like, in this little Muslim box in your head, 349 00:21:02,606 --> 00:21:06,572 and I'm the wife or the mother of your kids, right? 350 00:21:06,573 --> 00:21:08,159 I'm not supposed to cum. 351 00:21:09,453 --> 00:21:10,705 Okay, I'll choke you. 352 00:21:10,706 --> 00:21:12,207 God just get out of my car. No, I‐‐. 353 00:21:15,632 --> 00:21:16,885 Just... 354 00:21:59,469 --> 00:22:01,223 I don't know what I'm doing, man. 355 00:22:03,018 --> 00:22:04,478 Like... 356 00:22:04,479 --> 00:22:08,403 I look at my parents and how strong they are 357 00:22:08,404 --> 00:22:11,827 and how they just know everything's gonna be okay, always, 358 00:22:11,828 --> 00:22:13,455 'cause they have God. 359 00:22:15,168 --> 00:22:17,088 And I believe in God. 360 00:22:18,424 --> 00:22:21,221 I really do, man. There's too many signs. 361 00:22:22,473 --> 00:22:26,189 Like, one time this girl texted me 362 00:22:26,190 --> 00:22:29,279 two minutes after I jerked off to her Facebook photo. 363 00:22:30,114 --> 00:22:32,535 We didn't talk for months, and then out of nowhere, 364 00:22:32,536 --> 00:22:34,247 she texted me "'Sup?" 365 00:22:35,918 --> 00:22:38,548 Like, you're gonna tell me this shit isn't all connected? 366 00:22:42,598 --> 00:22:44,059 I know it is. 367 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,024 And, yeah, I have sex even though I'm not married, 368 00:22:48,025 --> 00:22:51,740 and I'm probably gonna try mushrooms one day. 369 00:22:51,741 --> 00:22:53,953 So what? That means I'm not a good Muslim? 370 00:22:53,954 --> 00:22:56,249 Like, I can't do it 'cause I don't follow 371 00:22:56,250 --> 00:22:59,296 all the rules and the fucking judgments 372 00:22:59,297 --> 00:23:02,805 that are always just being put on us? 373 00:23:04,099 --> 00:23:05,560 And then... 374 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:09,901 I do the same thing. 375 00:23:09,902 --> 00:23:13,660 I put the same fucking judgments on everyone around me. 376 00:23:17,417 --> 00:23:21,759 I'm just, like, trying to be... good. 377 00:23:27,478 --> 00:23:29,148 Do you... 378 00:23:29,149 --> 00:23:33,157 Do you really think God cares if I wash between my toes? 379 00:23:42,383 --> 00:23:44,179 You jerk off too much. 380 00:23:45,389 --> 00:23:46,768 It's no good. 381 00:23:48,772 --> 00:23:50,191 No good at all. 382 00:23:52,946 --> 00:23:54,992 And wash between your toes. 30551

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