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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,883 --> 00:00:05,802 All right, Mom. Thanks for dropping me off. 2 00:00:05,803 --> 00:00:07,514 Shall I wait for you? 3 00:00:07,515 --> 00:00:11,146 No, um, Mohammed's gonna do his katb?ketab right after prayer, so... 4 00:00:11,147 --> 00:00:13,652 I don't understand. Why is he getting married before you? 5 00:00:13,653 --> 00:00:15,739 Okay. I got to go. MAYSA: Hey. 6 00:00:15,740 --> 00:00:18,578 Maybe you can find a girl in there. 7 00:00:18,579 --> 00:00:20,874 I'm not gonna flirt with girls at the mosque. 8 00:00:20,875 --> 00:00:24,590 Why not? The girls in there are high quality. 9 00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:27,303 The mosque is for praying, it's not for picking people up. 10 00:00:27,304 --> 00:00:29,850 It's, like, a bunch of families too, and you can't just 11 00:00:29,851 --> 00:00:33,775 walk up to a Muslim girl and, like, start spitting game or something. 12 00:00:33,776 --> 00:00:36,864 Wh?What am I supposed to say? Like, "Hey, can I get your father's number?" 13 00:00:36,865 --> 00:00:38,409 Yes. Why not? 14 00:00:38,410 --> 00:00:40,998 I?I got to go. I'm gonna be late. 15 00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:44,714 Ramy, do you want to stay alone forever? 16 00:00:44,715 --> 00:00:47,302 No, Mom, I?I don't. 17 00:00:47,303 --> 00:00:50,433 Just 'cause I'm not with someone doesn't mean I'm gonna be alone forever, okay? 18 00:00:50,434 --> 00:00:53,858 I?I'm... I'm just figuring it out, okay? 19 00:00:55,820 --> 00:00:56,822 Hey. 20 00:01:03,168 --> 00:01:04,921 (CHATTER) 21 00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:26,799 (CHATTER) 22 00:01:27,967 --> 00:01:29,680 (WATER RUNNING) 23 00:01:30,932 --> 00:01:32,977 (GARGLING) 24 00:01:36,150 --> 00:01:37,152 (CHATTER) 25 00:01:56,067 --> 00:01:57,080 (SPEAKING ARABIC) 26 00:01:59,405 --> 00:02:00,867 Halal? 27 00:02:02,620 --> 00:02:05,292 Listen, man, I don't know what you're talking about. I just... 28 00:02:08,423 --> 00:02:10,863 Actually, I think we should just go catch prayers, 'cause... 29 00:02:40,947 --> 00:02:43,535 (SPEAKING ARABIC) 30 00:02:43,536 --> 00:02:46,917 I think God knows what's in my heart. I don't think I have to... 31 00:02:53,806 --> 00:02:55,893 (WATER RUNNING) 32 00:02:59,233 --> 00:03:00,778 (SPEAKING ARABIC) 33 00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,159 What the?? 34 00:03:11,215 --> 00:03:13,219 (MAN CHANTING PRAYERS) 35 00:03:25,035 --> 00:03:27,372 (THEME MUSIC PLAYS) 36 00:03:31,100 --> 00:03:33,342 Welcome, beloved... (SPEAKING IN ARABIC) 37 00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:37,475 Today you are here as family and as intimate companions 38 00:03:37,476 --> 00:03:42,027 to witness the joining of Mohammed and Yasmeen. 39 00:03:42,862 --> 00:03:44,573 You're gonna die alone, bro. What? 40 00:03:44,574 --> 00:03:45,742 Yeah. He's right, Ramy. 41 00:03:45,743 --> 00:03:47,411 You're running out of options. Dude... 42 00:03:47,412 --> 00:03:49,082 There's only two hot Muslim girls left in town, 43 00:03:49,083 --> 00:03:50,543 and they'll be gone by the end of the year. 44 00:03:50,544 --> 00:03:52,254 Are you talking about Fatima and Hadiya, bro? 45 00:03:52,255 --> 00:03:54,175 AHMED: Yeah. They are not hot. 46 00:03:54,176 --> 00:03:56,262 To me they are. You need to get your eyes checked. 47 00:03:56,263 --> 00:03:58,810 Go and get some LASIK. They're not hot. 48 00:03:58,811 --> 00:04:01,147 You need to go outside of the network if you want to find quality. 49 00:04:01,148 --> 00:04:03,276 Dude, I'm fine. It's not a big deal. 50 00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:05,532 My cousin had to do that. It took forever, man. 51 00:04:05,533 --> 00:04:07,451 Finally, my aunt found him a girl in Ohio. 52 00:04:07,452 --> 00:04:09,581 Look... MO: Yeah, but now he lives in Ohio. 53 00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:10,750 Ohio sucks. WOMAN: Shh! 54 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:13,506 Okay?Sorry. It's just... 55 00:04:13,507 --> 00:04:16,261 Look, you need to find a girl ASAP, okay? 56 00:04:16,262 --> 00:04:18,933 ASAP. You're getting old, bro, 57 00:04:18,934 --> 00:04:21,271 and your hairline is not looking good. It's fine... 58 00:04:21,272 --> 00:04:23,693 You're gonna be on Muslim Match, swiping through divorced chicks. 59 00:04:23,694 --> 00:04:25,655 You're gonna be raising other people's babies. 60 00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:28,326 All right, can we just stop, man? All right? I... There's nothing... 61 00:04:28,327 --> 00:04:30,372 Bro, it's way worse than I thought. RAMY: Listen! 62 00:04:30,373 --> 00:04:33,086 Stop, stop. It's fine. Listen... MO: It's not fine. You got a situation. 63 00:04:33,087 --> 00:04:35,550 Your curls are not gonna save you. RAMY: Okay, listen... 64 00:04:35,551 --> 00:04:37,094 There's only so much they can cover. 65 00:04:37,095 --> 00:04:39,265 I don't have to find a Muslim girl, all right? 66 00:04:39,266 --> 00:04:41,896 I've actually been seeing this girl Chloe for a little bit, and it's going well. 67 00:04:41,897 --> 00:04:44,192 No! Are you out of your mind? He must be! 68 00:04:44,193 --> 00:04:46,154 White girls suck, bro. You can't keep dating 'em. 69 00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:48,241 One, they're always walking around barefoot. 70 00:04:48,242 --> 00:04:49,870 That's crazy. They have no morals. 71 00:04:49,871 --> 00:04:51,957 No morals. And they're always jumping in stuff. 72 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,920 Always. What do you mean, "jumping in stuff"? 73 00:04:53,921 --> 00:04:56,174 They're just jumping in stuff that's none of their business, man. 74 00:04:56,175 --> 00:04:59,180 They skinny?dip. You don't want a wife that skinny?dips. 75 00:04:59,181 --> 00:05:02,854 You want a wife that swims at normal times, with proper attire. 76 00:05:02,855 --> 00:05:05,527 Not this nakedness. You need to find someone 77 00:05:05,528 --> 00:05:08,365 who knows where you came from and what you believe in. 78 00:05:08,366 --> 00:05:10,369 And someone who's hot. 79 00:05:10,370 --> 00:05:11,454 (RAMY SCOFFS) 80 00:05:11,455 --> 00:05:14,711 Just have your parents hook it up. They keep tabs on everyone. 81 00:05:14,712 --> 00:05:17,049 That's what I did. It's the best decision I made. 82 00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:18,511 Shh! 83 00:05:18,512 --> 00:05:20,305 I'm sorry, baby. 84 00:05:20,306 --> 00:05:21,851 She's so hot. 85 00:05:21,852 --> 00:05:23,395 My mom did that. 86 00:05:23,396 --> 00:05:26,025 These guys are idiots. Hey. 87 00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,821 But everything they said is true. 88 00:05:27,822 --> 00:05:29,575 AHMED: White girls suck. 89 00:05:29,576 --> 00:05:32,582 You don't want to do that. You don't want to go down that road. 90 00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:36,462 You're sleeping in my bed 91 00:05:36,463 --> 00:05:39,051 Even when I'm not at home 92 00:05:39,052 --> 00:05:41,724 I have to make some money 93 00:05:41,725 --> 00:05:44,366 While you're in sheets all alone 94 00:05:44,367 --> 00:05:46,393 (SILENCE) 95 00:05:51,995 --> 00:05:53,916 (RUSTLING) 96 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,795 [CHLOE: Ramy? Um... (CHUCKLES] 97 00:06:17,838 --> 00:06:19,633 What are you doing? I was just... 98 00:06:19,634 --> 00:06:22,137 Are you... Is that the condom that we just used? 99 00:06:22,138 --> 00:06:25,310 Yeah, I was just, you know... Cleaning it? Or... 100 00:06:25,311 --> 00:06:28,859 I was just checking if there was any holes in it. You know... 101 00:06:28,860 --> 00:06:30,070 Why would there be a hole? 102 00:06:30,071 --> 00:06:32,408 You ever see the way they ship these things? It's, like, on a truck. 103 00:06:32,409 --> 00:06:34,746 There's, like, a bunch of dudes. And, like, who are those dudes? 104 00:06:34,747 --> 00:06:36,374 Like, I don't know them, you don't know... You know? 105 00:06:36,375 --> 00:06:39,255 So this just... just to make sure that there isn't a faulty one. 106 00:06:39,256 --> 00:06:42,094 And you do this, like, every time we have sex? 107 00:06:42,095 --> 00:06:44,684 Yeah, I mean, it just... it just takes a sec. 108 00:06:45,351 --> 00:06:48,398 I don't know why, but I feel, like, kind of offended. 109 00:06:48,399 --> 00:06:50,110 Chloe, this doesn't have to get weird, okay? 110 00:06:50,111 --> 00:06:51,864 Oh, I'm making it weird? 111 00:06:51,865 --> 00:06:53,534 No, no. There's... There's nothing to worry about. 112 00:06:53,535 --> 00:06:55,370 It's just... It's just so that we don't have to worry. 113 00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:57,207 Even if, like, something crazy happened, 114 00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,295 you know I'm on the Pill, right? 115 00:06:59,296 --> 00:07:02,301 And if the Pill didn't work, we'd do the responsible thing 116 00:07:02,302 --> 00:07:04,263 and, like, take care of it. 117 00:07:04,264 --> 00:07:07,311 Yeah, but we can't just take care of it, right? 118 00:07:07,312 --> 00:07:10,067 I mean, we don't even really know what it is. 119 00:07:10,068 --> 00:07:11,987 I mean, look, I'm?I'm totally 120 00:07:11,988 --> 00:07:14,450 pro women getting to choose what to do with their bodies. 121 00:07:14,451 --> 00:07:16,955 I am. But I'm Muslim, so I'm just 122 00:07:16,956 --> 00:07:20,838 pro us not having to make that choice. 123 00:07:20,839 --> 00:07:23,259 No, like, you're Muslim, I thought, in the way that I'm Jewish. 124 00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:25,055 Like, it's a cultural thing. 125 00:07:25,056 --> 00:07:27,102 I didn't know that you were Muslim?Muslim. 126 00:07:28,145 --> 00:07:29,606 Yeah. CHLOE: You drink. 127 00:07:29,607 --> 00:07:31,443 Religious Muslims don't drink. 128 00:07:32,278 --> 00:07:34,742 I actually... don't drink. 129 00:07:35,786 --> 00:07:39,208 The other night we out at the bar, and you bought the entire table drinks. 130 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:41,462 Yeah, but mine was a Coke. 131 00:07:41,463 --> 00:07:43,049 Tonight I asked you, "Do you want another glass of wine?" 132 00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:44,594 You were like, "No, I'm at my limit." 133 00:07:44,595 --> 00:07:46,890 Well, I was at my limit. 134 00:07:46,891 --> 00:07:48,978 My limit's just none, 135 00:07:48,979 --> 00:07:50,773 'cause I'm Muslim. 136 00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:52,317 Oh. Okay. 137 00:07:52,318 --> 00:07:55,783 So you get girls drunk 138 00:07:55,784 --> 00:07:58,204 and stay sober so you can sleep with them. 139 00:07:58,205 --> 00:07:59,958 What? That feels kind of date?rape?y. 140 00:07:59,959 --> 00:08:02,589 That's not what I do. That's not date?rape?y. 141 00:08:02,590 --> 00:08:05,218 If anything, I'm taking alcohol out of the equation. 142 00:08:05,219 --> 00:08:07,264 I'm like a designated driver. 143 00:08:07,265 --> 00:08:09,101 I'm your... like a?like, a friend. 144 00:08:09,102 --> 00:08:11,691 So why are you hiding everything from me? 145 00:08:12,651 --> 00:08:15,823 Look, Chloe, it's just... 146 00:08:15,824 --> 00:08:19,371 I've met girls who seem open?minded, 147 00:08:19,372 --> 00:08:21,752 and then they're not. 148 00:08:21,753 --> 00:08:24,423 And you think that's me. RAMY: No, I... no, I just... 149 00:08:24,424 --> 00:08:28,724 I thought maybe you'd be into the idea of me being culturally different 150 00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:32,190 but hate that I actually believe in God. 151 00:08:32,691 --> 00:08:34,904 I don't care that you're Muslim. 152 00:08:35,948 --> 00:08:37,784 I care that you've been lying to me. 153 00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,832 (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYS) 154 00:09:33,688 --> 00:09:36,694 STEVE: This Muslim Tinder is awesome. 155 00:09:37,445 --> 00:09:40,075 Dude, why did you swipe "no" on her? 156 00:09:40,076 --> 00:09:43,164 You're swiping "no" on all the girls that have scarves. 157 00:09:43,165 --> 00:09:46,546 Dude, no, it's just, she's not my vibe. You're a fuckin' racist. 158 00:09:46,547 --> 00:09:49,343 How is that racist? Head scarf's not a race, 159 00:09:49,344 --> 00:09:51,055 it's?it's something that people wear. 160 00:09:51,056 --> 00:09:55,146 Oh, I love when they're all covered from their head to their toe like that. 161 00:09:55,147 --> 00:09:58,111 Yo, that mystery is sexy. That's disgusting. 162 00:09:58,112 --> 00:10:01,201 Have you ever dated a Muslim girl? 163 00:10:02,621 --> 00:10:06,001 No, I haven't, and... that's?that's why I'm doing this. 164 00:10:06,002 --> 00:10:08,507 I'm trying to meet someone, you know, different. 165 00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:11,470 You're such a racist. How is that racist, dude? 166 00:10:11,471 --> 00:10:14,686 Islam's not a race, it's?it's something you believe in. 167 00:10:14,687 --> 00:10:16,313 You don't believe in shit. 168 00:10:16,314 --> 00:10:18,652 Right. Don't... Right. RAMY: I don't... I don't like her. 169 00:10:18,653 --> 00:10:21,198 How do you know? How do you know? If I went right, that would be racist. 170 00:10:21,199 --> 00:10:22,785 You're looking at a picture. That would be racist, 171 00:10:22,786 --> 00:10:24,539 'cause I don't like her. You're looking at a picture. 172 00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:27,002 That's the whole point of this thing. You're a shallow fuck. 173 00:10:27,003 --> 00:10:28,631 Thank you. (SIGHS) 174 00:10:33,265 --> 00:10:35,144 (MAYSA CHUCKLES) 175 00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:39,194 Yep, yep. 176 00:10:43,536 --> 00:10:45,080 (DENA CHUCKLES) 177 00:10:49,047 --> 00:10:52,678 You know, uh, Mohammed's katb?ketab was really nice the other day. 178 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:54,808 Yeah, she's cute. 179 00:10:54,809 --> 00:10:56,101 Big nose. 180 00:10:56,102 --> 00:10:57,233 (SPEAKING IN ARABIC) 181 00:10:59,527 --> 00:11:02,658 FAROUK: (SPEAKS ARABIC) I thought you were gonna come, Dena. 182 00:11:03,618 --> 00:11:05,079 Nah. 183 00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:09,336 Well... it was really cool, 184 00:11:09,337 --> 00:11:13,846 just... seeing him so happy, you know, that he found someone. 185 00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:16,058 When Allah wills it, it is easy. 186 00:11:16,059 --> 00:11:17,896 (VIDEO GAME BEEPING) 187 00:11:19,817 --> 00:11:21,903 Yeah, so I was thinking... 188 00:11:21,904 --> 00:11:25,160 maybe it's time that Allah wills it for me. 189 00:11:28,668 --> 00:11:30,461 What? Habibi! 190 00:11:30,462 --> 00:11:33,135 You know, like, to... be with someone? 191 00:11:35,264 --> 00:11:36,767 Are you fucking kidding me? 192 00:11:38,646 --> 00:11:41,025 You had one lonely day 193 00:11:41,026 --> 00:11:43,279 at a wedding, and now you want Mom to set you up? 194 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,659 This has nothing to do with you. DENA: Of course it does. 195 00:11:45,660 --> 00:11:49,207 If you get married, they're gonna start putting pressure on me to start a family 196 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:52,715 and stare at my stomach like it's the answer to their midlife crisis. 197 00:11:52,716 --> 00:11:55,053 I don't need that shit right now. Calm down. 198 00:11:55,054 --> 00:11:57,057 You don't even have a real job. RAMY: What? 199 00:11:57,058 --> 00:11:59,353 You do nothing at a start?up that does nothing. 200 00:11:59,354 --> 00:12:03,654 Habibti, they are starting up. Give them a chance. 201 00:12:03,655 --> 00:12:05,658 Thank you, Mom. FAROUK: Ramy... 202 00:12:05,659 --> 00:12:07,202 What are you doing? 203 00:12:07,203 --> 00:12:08,496 FAROUK: Being with a Muslim woman 204 00:12:08,497 --> 00:12:09,666 is not an easy thing. 205 00:12:09,667 --> 00:12:12,295 You have to take her seriously, hmm? 206 00:12:12,296 --> 00:12:15,552 She's not like, uh, the others, hmm? 207 00:12:15,553 --> 00:12:18,725 Are you sure you are ready for something like that? 208 00:12:18,726 --> 00:12:19,937 MAYSA: (SPEAKING IN ARABIC) 209 00:12:21,356 --> 00:12:23,860 My little man became a big man! 210 00:12:23,861 --> 00:12:26,490 Bullshit. You're just filling this void 211 00:12:26,491 --> 00:12:29,413 inside of you with a woman, and it's ruining my life. 212 00:12:29,414 --> 00:12:32,293 Fuck you, Ramy. Stupid bitch. 213 00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:35,551 MAYSA: Dena! I mean, she's... she's out of control. 214 00:12:35,552 --> 00:12:37,221 So who is she? Yeah. 215 00:12:37,889 --> 00:12:41,855 I actually haven't met anyone yet. I... I thought that you guys could hook it up. 216 00:12:41,856 --> 00:12:43,692 "Hook it up"? 217 00:12:43,693 --> 00:12:45,654 Yeah. Do you know anyone? 218 00:12:45,655 --> 00:12:46,990 Who do I know? 219 00:12:46,991 --> 00:12:49,453 I don't know anyone. I know who you know. 220 00:12:49,454 --> 00:12:52,835 We'll find you a girl, whoever you want. 221 00:12:52,836 --> 00:12:55,884 Do you want her covered, uncovered? You tell me. 222 00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:57,804 Um... 223 00:12:59,641 --> 00:13:00,643 uncovered. 224 00:13:01,436 --> 00:13:02,773 Good choice. 225 00:13:05,653 --> 00:13:07,740 Mom, please don't call me that anymore. Yeah. 226 00:13:07,741 --> 00:13:10,747 We have to find you one before you lose your hair like... 227 00:13:19,848 --> 00:13:22,311 (QUIET STRING MUSIC PLAYS) 228 00:13:23,773 --> 00:13:26,069 (HOOKAH BUBBLING) 229 00:13:27,531 --> 00:13:28,741 (COUGHS) 230 00:13:33,208 --> 00:13:36,213 So, have you lived in Jersey your whole life? 231 00:13:36,214 --> 00:13:38,969 No, no. You're here for her, not me. 232 00:13:38,970 --> 00:13:41,600 I'm just the chaperone. Pretend I'm not even here. 233 00:13:42,434 --> 00:13:46,400 Okay. Nour, uh, you're from Jersey? 234 00:13:46,401 --> 00:13:48,113 CHAPERONE: Born and raised. 235 00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:55,084 My mom said that, uh, you're an accountant. 236 00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:58,340 Yeah. My mom said you worked in a start?up or something. 237 00:13:58,341 --> 00:14:01,180 Ye?? Too much small talk. More personal. 238 00:14:03,268 --> 00:14:05,062 So how did you pick this restaurant? 239 00:14:05,063 --> 00:14:07,569 You think because I'm Egyptian, I like to eat Egyptian food? 240 00:14:08,403 --> 00:14:12,118 You know, I just figured you probably had a lot of homemade Egyptian food, 241 00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:15,374 but I really wanted you to taste it when it's made by... 242 00:14:15,375 --> 00:14:17,086 the Russian guys in the kitchen here. 243 00:14:17,087 --> 00:14:18,339 (LAUGHS) 244 00:14:18,340 --> 00:14:20,343 Yeah, no, the bread here is actually... 245 00:14:20,344 --> 00:14:23,558 Yo! Fuckin' Ramy! Look at this guy! JOHNNY: This motherfucker! 246 00:14:23,559 --> 00:14:24,810 JOEY: How you doin'? 247 00:14:24,811 --> 00:14:26,063 JOHNNY: Bro, we haven't seen you in forever! 248 00:14:26,064 --> 00:14:27,775 How's it going? JOEY: You too good to call my sister? 249 00:14:27,776 --> 00:14:29,904 Get out of here! Yo, how you doin? 250 00:14:29,905 --> 00:14:32,033 My name's Joey. This is Johnny. How's it going? 251 00:14:32,034 --> 00:14:34,412 Hi. I'm Nour. You guys try the falafels yet? 252 00:14:34,413 --> 00:14:36,626 They're bomb as shit. Come on. Bomb as fuckin' shit. 253 00:14:36,627 --> 00:14:39,214 I wouldn't lie about that. Unbelievable. What are you guys up to? 254 00:14:39,215 --> 00:14:41,134 What's going up? Just... hanging out. 255 00:14:41,135 --> 00:14:44,099 Ah, no. What you're actually doing is coming with us to Dante's. 256 00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:46,103 We got a big group. Gonna dance a little bit. 257 00:14:46,104 --> 00:14:48,692 Sure, yeah. Maybe we'll just, like, meet you there later. 258 00:14:48,693 --> 00:14:50,571 You want to meet these people at Dante's? 259 00:14:51,573 --> 00:14:54,452 No, no, no. I?I was just... Listen to me. 260 00:14:54,453 --> 00:14:57,083 You don't want to go to Dante's on a Friday. 261 00:14:57,084 --> 00:14:59,506 What you want to do is go to P. J.'s. 262 00:15:00,340 --> 00:15:02,511 Very hard to get into. Tell the guy 263 00:15:02,512 --> 00:15:04,849 at the door you know Masoud. 264 00:15:04,850 --> 00:15:07,020 He'll get you in. All right, thanks. 265 00:15:07,021 --> 00:15:09,608 You know, it sounds like it's really hard to get into. 266 00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:11,194 It is. NOUR: And I feel like 267 00:15:11,195 --> 00:15:13,032 they really need you right now. 268 00:15:13,033 --> 00:15:16,956 Yeah, uh, you know, they probably need a connection to get in. 269 00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:18,626 (SNAPS FINGERS) That's true. 270 00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:21,465 It took me many years to get an "in" at P. J.'s. 271 00:15:21,466 --> 00:15:23,678 No, no, listen. It's no problem. Wait, wait. What's happening? 272 00:15:23,679 --> 00:15:26,475 No, no. I insist. I'll be your chaperone. 273 00:15:26,476 --> 00:15:29,439 Huh? Let's go. Little funny. All right. Okay. 274 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:32,279 (CHATTERING) JOEY: Be good, Ramy. 275 00:15:33,657 --> 00:15:35,619 Relax a little bit, man. 276 00:15:35,620 --> 00:15:38,332 You're carrying a lot of tension. 277 00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:40,336 You seem like a good guy, 278 00:15:40,337 --> 00:15:43,426 but she's not gonna see the real you if you're so wound up. 279 00:15:44,345 --> 00:15:45,388 Okay. 280 00:15:46,432 --> 00:15:48,143 Wow. (CHUCKLES) 281 00:15:48,144 --> 00:15:50,439 Oh, so your cousin's a... 282 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,986 Yeah. RAMY: Really interesting guy. 283 00:15:52,987 --> 00:15:55,449 He's not really my cousin. He's just one of those, you know... 284 00:15:55,450 --> 00:15:57,704 Oh, like an Arab cousin? NOUR: Yes. 285 00:15:57,705 --> 00:16:00,502 Yeah, just, like, anyone that your dad's ever met. 286 00:16:00,503 --> 00:16:04,134 Yeah. His dad fixed my dad's transmission two years ago, so... 287 00:16:04,135 --> 00:16:07,098 Oh, yeah, no, that's definitely a cousin. He might even be an uncle, 288 00:16:07,099 --> 00:16:10,062 just 'cause the transmission's such a big part of the car. 289 00:16:10,063 --> 00:16:12,652 I mean, that's... that's family forever. 290 00:16:15,868 --> 00:16:18,036 RAMY: Look, I know it was terrible, 291 00:16:18,037 --> 00:16:21,669 but the day the Muslim ban happened, I had a really good day. 292 00:16:21,670 --> 00:16:24,592 (LAUGHS) Oh, come on. Like, personally, you know? 293 00:16:24,593 --> 00:16:27,723 It was just, like, one of those days. Remember, the weather was great. 294 00:16:27,724 --> 00:16:29,475 I killed it at this meeting. 295 00:16:29,476 --> 00:16:33,025 I found a Metro card that had $120 on it. 296 00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:34,695 Okay, wow. That doesn't happen. 297 00:16:34,696 --> 00:16:36,323 Yeah, that sounds like a really good day. 298 00:16:36,324 --> 00:16:38,035 It was weird, 'cause I'm watching the news 299 00:16:38,036 --> 00:16:41,291 and this guy on TV is like, "This is a terrible day for all Muslims." 300 00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:44,715 I'm like, "Well, not all Muslims." 301 00:16:44,716 --> 00:16:47,888 You know what? You're right. Because I have this, um, uncle 302 00:16:47,889 --> 00:16:50,351 that lives in Libya, and he was supposed to come live with us, 303 00:16:50,352 --> 00:16:53,816 and then the Muslim ban happened, and he's still in Libya. 304 00:16:53,817 --> 00:16:56,154 See? It was a good day for you too. Yeah. (CHUCKLES) 305 00:16:56,155 --> 00:16:57,950 And he was supposed to take my room too. 306 00:16:57,951 --> 00:17:00,747 Oh! He was gonna make you a refugee? (CHUCKLES) 307 00:17:00,748 --> 00:17:03,252 Yeah, and that room is, like, really important to me. 308 00:17:03,253 --> 00:17:04,880 'Course. I have a lot of memories in there. 309 00:17:04,881 --> 00:17:06,383 NSYNC posters. Mm. 310 00:17:06,384 --> 00:17:08,345 My dad gave us the sex talk in that room. 311 00:17:08,346 --> 00:17:10,140 Oh, man. What was yours like? 312 00:17:10,141 --> 00:17:13,313 It was, like, pretty standard Arab dad talk, you know? 313 00:17:13,314 --> 00:17:15,986 He got us all in the room, and then he said, 314 00:17:15,987 --> 00:17:19,284 "Girls, no boys. Boys, no boys," 315 00:17:19,285 --> 00:17:21,162 and then he just walked out the room. Wow. 316 00:17:21,163 --> 00:17:23,292 That's, like, really efficient. It's, like, everything, 317 00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:26,423 but he found a way to just... zone in on it. 318 00:17:26,424 --> 00:17:30,306 So, for something my mom helped set up, this wasn't too bad. 319 00:17:30,307 --> 00:17:33,478 Yeah. I mean, Tinder doesn't really have shit on our moms. 320 00:17:33,479 --> 00:17:35,108 (LAUGHS) 321 00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:42,205 We should do this again. Yeah, definitely. 322 00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:45,921 NOUR: Right? 323 00:17:51,223 --> 00:17:52,810 Get home safe, okay? 324 00:17:53,687 --> 00:17:55,566 What, I don't get a good?night kiss? 325 00:17:56,568 --> 00:17:59,364 I just... I wasn't sure if you did that. 326 00:17:59,365 --> 00:18:02,078 If I kissed? RAMY: I mean, I'm sure you kiss. 327 00:18:02,079 --> 00:18:04,626 I just didn't know if, you know, because we're, like, a... 328 00:18:23,162 --> 00:18:25,457 Let's get in my car. 329 00:18:25,458 --> 00:18:27,379 Okay. 330 00:18:32,180 --> 00:18:34,519 (BOTH MOANING, PANTING) 331 00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:45,414 Whoa, whoa. (CHUCKLES) 332 00:18:45,415 --> 00:18:47,711 NOUR: You all right? Yeah. 333 00:18:47,712 --> 00:18:49,339 NOUR: Okay, good. 334 00:18:50,341 --> 00:18:51,969 Do you have a condom? 335 00:18:51,970 --> 00:18:54,266 Uh, yeah, but, um... (CHUCKLES) 336 00:18:55,477 --> 00:18:58,231 What, you don't want to have sex? Yeah, but I?I... 337 00:18:58,232 --> 00:19:01,322 I didn't know if?if you could, you know, just 'cause we're not married. 338 00:19:02,157 --> 00:19:04,285 Oh, I?I didn't even know you were that strict. 339 00:19:04,286 --> 00:19:07,333 I mean, yeah, we can get married. Um, my cousin does, like, 340 00:19:07,334 --> 00:19:09,797 nikahs over the phone if you want to do, like, a temporary marriage. 341 00:19:09,798 --> 00:19:11,424 There's this imam she uses... No, no, no. I'm not... 342 00:19:11,425 --> 00:19:13,178 I don't think we should try and, like, trick God or whatever. 343 00:19:13,179 --> 00:19:15,600 I just think maybe we should, 344 00:19:15,601 --> 00:19:17,228 you know, slow down? 345 00:19:17,229 --> 00:19:19,398 Oh, okay. Yeah, we can take it slow. Yeah? 346 00:19:19,399 --> 00:19:20,693 Yeah, of course. Okay. 347 00:19:20,694 --> 00:19:22,697 Yeah, there are other things we can do. Okay. 348 00:19:22,698 --> 00:19:23,698 NOUR: Yeah. 349 00:19:34,388 --> 00:19:35,808 Yeah, right there. 350 00:19:36,852 --> 00:19:38,062 Yeah. 351 00:19:39,398 --> 00:19:41,318 (PANTING) 352 00:19:42,070 --> 00:19:43,699 Choke me while I finger myself. 353 00:19:45,034 --> 00:19:47,163 What? NOUR: I want you to choke me. 354 00:19:49,627 --> 00:19:51,964 Um... Use both hands. 355 00:19:51,965 --> 00:19:54,344 Um... okay. 356 00:19:54,888 --> 00:19:56,181 Are you sure? Yeah. 357 00:19:57,183 --> 00:19:58,520 Okay. Harder. 358 00:20:00,064 --> 00:20:01,357 Okay. 359 00:20:01,358 --> 00:20:03,069 Like, actually harder. It's not a massage. 360 00:20:03,070 --> 00:20:05,365 RAMY: Yeah, yeah, okay. Um... 361 00:20:05,366 --> 00:20:08,079 NOUR: Yeah. (GRUNTING) 362 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,876 (MOANING) 363 00:20:13,007 --> 00:20:14,009 I... 364 00:20:15,303 --> 00:20:16,723 (GASPING) 365 00:20:17,349 --> 00:20:19,060 No, no. Hey. 366 00:20:19,061 --> 00:20:20,855 NOUR: Don't stop. 367 00:20:20,856 --> 00:20:22,274 What? I don't want to do this. 368 00:20:22,275 --> 00:20:24,696 NOUR: No, what? Why? I'm not into choking. I don't... 369 00:20:24,697 --> 00:20:26,366 I don't want to choke you. 370 00:20:26,367 --> 00:20:27,601 Oh, God. 371 00:20:29,164 --> 00:20:31,586 God, you're so full of shit. What? 372 00:20:34,174 --> 00:20:37,096 It's not the choking that's the problem. Look, it's just our first date, 373 00:20:37,097 --> 00:20:38,849 and I feel like maybe this is happening... 374 00:20:38,850 --> 00:20:40,688 What, you don't hook up on the first date? 375 00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:44,151 Yeah, that's what I thought. 376 00:20:44,152 --> 00:20:47,491 Look, this is, like, just throwing me for a loop a little bit. 377 00:20:47,492 --> 00:20:49,453 I didn't think that a girl like you was gonna want to, like... 378 00:20:49,454 --> 00:20:51,417 A girl like me? 379 00:20:53,547 --> 00:20:55,340 Look, we had this, like, really nice night, 380 00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:58,346 and you felt weirded out by the idea of kissing me. 381 00:20:58,347 --> 00:21:00,225 I get it if you don't want to have sex, but... 382 00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:02,605 I'm, like, in this little Muslim box in your head, 383 00:21:02,606 --> 00:21:06,572 and I'm the wife or the mother of your kids, right? 384 00:21:06,573 --> 00:21:08,159 I'm not supposed to cum. 385 00:21:09,453 --> 00:21:10,705 Okay, I'll choke you. 386 00:21:10,706 --> 00:21:12,207 God just get out of my car. No, I?? 387 00:21:12,208 --> 00:21:13,586 (DOOR SLAMS SHUT) 388 00:21:13,587 --> 00:21:15,631 (ENGINE STARTS) 389 00:21:15,632 --> 00:21:16,885 Just... 390 00:21:21,005 --> 00:21:23,121 (SAD MUSIC PLAYS) 391 00:21:59,469 --> 00:22:01,223 I don't know what I'm doing, man. 392 00:22:03,018 --> 00:22:04,478 Like... (CHUCKLES) 393 00:22:04,479 --> 00:22:08,403 I look at my parents and how strong they are 394 00:22:08,404 --> 00:22:11,827 and how they just know everything's gonna be okay, always, 395 00:22:11,828 --> 00:22:13,455 'cause they have God. 396 00:22:15,168 --> 00:22:17,088 And I believe in God. 397 00:22:18,424 --> 00:22:21,221 I really do, man. There's too many signs. 398 00:22:22,473 --> 00:22:26,189 Like, one time this girl texted me 399 00:22:26,190 --> 00:22:29,279 two minutes after I jerked off to her Facebook photo. 400 00:22:30,114 --> 00:22:32,535 We didn't talk for months, and then out of nowhere, 401 00:22:32,536 --> 00:22:34,247 she texted me "'Sup?" 402 00:22:35,918 --> 00:22:38,548 Like, you're gonna tell me this shit isn't all connected? 403 00:22:42,598 --> 00:22:44,059 I know it is. 404 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,024 And, yeah, I have sex even though I'm not married, 405 00:22:48,025 --> 00:22:51,740 and I'm probably gonna try mushrooms one day. 406 00:22:51,741 --> 00:22:53,953 So what? That means I'm not a good Muslim? 407 00:22:53,954 --> 00:22:56,249 Like, I can't do it 'cause I don't follow 408 00:22:56,250 --> 00:22:59,296 all the rules and the fucking judgments 409 00:22:59,297 --> 00:23:02,805 that are always just being put on us? 410 00:23:04,099 --> 00:23:05,560 And then... 411 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:09,901 I do the same thing. 412 00:23:09,902 --> 00:23:13,660 I put the same fucking judgments on everyone around me. 413 00:23:17,417 --> 00:23:21,759 I'm just, like, trying to be... good. 414 00:23:27,478 --> 00:23:29,148 Do you... 415 00:23:29,149 --> 00:23:33,157 Do you really think God cares if I wash between my toes? 416 00:23:42,383 --> 00:23:44,179 You jerk off too much. 417 00:23:45,389 --> 00:23:46,768 It's no good. 418 00:23:48,772 --> 00:23:50,191 No good at all. 419 00:23:52,946 --> 00:23:54,992 And wash between your toes. 420 00:23:57,455 --> 00:23:59,458 (WOMEN LAUGHING) 421 00:23:59,459 --> 00:24:01,480 (BITTERSWEET MUSIC PLAYS) 422 00:24:29,603 --> 00:24:31,565 Daylight sun born on a Sunday 423 00:24:31,566 --> 00:24:33,610 Pray right and soar to the sun rays 424 00:24:33,611 --> 00:24:35,531 See how, no me, just we now 425 00:24:35,532 --> 00:24:37,535 For you, all the dues that I can pay 426 00:24:37,536 --> 00:24:39,581 The whole world wanna bathe in the champagne 427 00:24:39,582 --> 00:24:41,501 Be wild, so cheap and free now 428 00:24:41,502 --> 00:24:44,131 Can't lead but blame all the campaigns, what a damn shame 429 00:24:44,132 --> 00:24:45,551 Whole game really manmade 430 00:24:45,552 --> 00:24:47,429 But our mother made us, I will motivate us 431 00:24:47,430 --> 00:24:49,433 If a brother say you will never live another day 432 00:24:49,434 --> 00:24:51,980 Be a man with a brave soul, get a hold of your own space 433 00:24:51,981 --> 00:24:54,276 No one will save you, you're my favorite 434 00:24:54,277 --> 00:24:56,280 Be modest, we're no saviors 435 00:24:56,281 --> 00:24:59,369 But you shine in a space that might awaken many in a blinder day 436 00:24:59,370 --> 00:25:01,207 So pray you can find a way to say 437 00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:04,379 (CHORUS SINGS SOFTLY IN BACKGROUND) 438 00:25:04,380 --> 00:25:06,217 I call my son Sun cuz he shine like one 439 00:25:06,218 --> 00:25:08,179 Call my son Sun cuz he shine like one 440 00:25:08,180 --> 00:25:10,266 Call my son Sun cuz he shine like one 441 00:25:10,267 --> 00:25:12,145 Call my son Sun cuz he shine like one 442 00:25:12,146 --> 00:25:14,024 Call my son Sun cuz he shine like one 443 00:25:14,025 --> 00:25:16,279 Yeah, I call my son Sun cuz he shine like one 444 00:25:24,630 --> 00:25:26,633 Nighttime son born on a Sunday 445 00:25:26,634 --> 00:25:28,720 I write rhymes so I stay in my right mind 446 00:25:28,721 --> 00:25:30,683 Two aunts that will say you are night's eye 447 00:25:30,684 --> 00:25:32,687 And the right mom, as a kind, we are quite blind 448 00:25:32,688 --> 00:25:34,064 What a sight, you are right 449 00:25:34,065 --> 00:25:36,151 I'm on another plane going to its' heights climb 450 00:25:36,152 --> 00:25:38,030 And when I hit the stage, laying in the light lime 451 00:25:38,031 --> 00:25:40,326 I'm a young man, grown, when I fight time 452 00:25:40,327 --> 00:25:43,750 Old wisdom, young fathers don't listen at all 453 00:25:43,751 --> 00:25:46,255 Picture me as your soldier, your martyr 454 00:25:46,256 --> 00:25:48,342 Your soul is my honor 455 00:25:48,343 --> 00:25:50,764 You go, boy! Hear that? You go, boy! 456 00:25:50,765 --> 00:25:52,350 In a don't?be?you ploy 457 00:25:52,351 --> 00:25:55,273 Pray that it won't be cruel, boy, don't do it if it doesn't feel true 458 00:25:55,274 --> 00:25:56,860 Be you, boy! 459 00:25:56,861 --> 00:25:58,740 (CHILD COOS) 460 00:25:58,790 --> 00:26:03,340 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 36500

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