Original subtitles

♪ IN THE HOT DESERT SUN ♪

♪ A MAN'S HEART GROWS COLD ♪

♪ SAND-FILLED WINDS RUST HIS SOUL ♪

♪ TILL HIS HEART LIKE A ROCK WITH NOWHERE TO ROAM ♪

♪ BUT AIMLESSLY ON AND ON ♪

♪ WHEN LIFE'S BEEN NOTHING BUT A DIRTY DEAL ♪

♪ AND THE DIRTIER IT GETS ♪

♪ THE BETTER HE FEELS ♪

♪ THEN HE'S GONE TOO FAR ♪

♪ HE'LL PLANT NO SEED ♪

♪ HE'S JUST A TARNISHED TUMBLEWEED ♪

♪ OOH OOH, OOH ♪

♪ TUMBLEWEED ♪

♪ WHAT IS IT A TARNISHED MAN WANTS ♪

♪ WITHIN HIS TARNISHED HAND ♪

♪ HIS BONY FINGERS HOLDING FAST ♪

♪ TO LUSTFUL THINGS THAT NEVER LAST ♪

♪ DRIVEN ON BY ENDLESS GREED ♪

♪ THIS TARNISHED TUMBLEWEED ♪

♪ HE'S A TARNISHED TUMBLEWEED ♪

♪ OOH OOH, OOH ♪

♪ TUMBLEWEED ♪

[ Man Narrating ] OUR PASSIONS ARE LIKE FIRE AND WATER...

GOOD SERVANTS BUT POOR MASTERS.

THE LEGEND OF CHILE VERDE TELLS OF MEN AND WOMEN...

WHO BECAME SLAVES TO THEIR PASSIONS.

THEY PAID THE PRICE HERE UNDER THE BLISTERING, BURNING, BLAZING,

SCORCHING, ROASTING, TOASTING, BAKING, BOILING,

BROILING, STEAMING, SEARING, SIZZLING,

GRILLING, SMOLDERING,

VERY HOT NEW MEXICO SUN.

FOR THERE IS A SAYING IN THESE PARTS:

THOSE WHO LUST IN THE DUST SHALL DIE IN THE DUST. [ Groaning ]

MY GIN! OH, MY GOD.

I'M GONNA DIE FROM THIRST OUT HERE. [ Braying ]

OH, NO!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

[ Cawing ]

ONLY A FEW MORE LITTLE MILES. A FEW ITSY-BITSY, EENY-WEENY LITTLE MILES,

AND THEN YOU COULD DROP DEAD, YOU MISERABLE HUNK OF SHIT.

[ Braying ]

[ Sighing ] OH! OH, YEA,

THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF...

THROUGH THE SHADOW OF DEATH VALLEY...

OH, CHRIST, I USED TO KNOW IT.

- [ Braying ] - WATER. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? WATER!

AGUA. GRACIAS, MARIA.

MADRE DE DIOS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHO ARE YOU? WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?

I SAID, WHO ARE YOU?

PUT THAT DOWN. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

IT'S ME, ISN'T IT?

YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE YOUR FILTHY WAY WITH ME UNDER THE HOT DESERT SUN, AREN'T YOU?

YOU'RE GOING TO RAVAGE ME LIKE I'VE NEVER BEEN RAVAGED BEFORE,

YOUR HOT SWEAT SLIDING OVER MY BODY AS WE ROLL IN THE DUST,

[ Moaning ] AS YOU VIOLATE MY INNERMOST PARTS,

AS YOU POUND AGAINST ME IN ORGASMIC ANIMAL PASSION.

OH, GOD, YOU'RE DISGUSTING.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON'T LEAVE ME OUT HERE, MISTER.

OH, I BEG YOU. MY ASS IS ON ITS LAST LEGS.

I'LL DIE. I'VE GOT NOTHING TO EAT.

[ Gunshot ] [ Bird Screeching ]

THANKS.

[ Whistles ]

PLEASE, MISTER, DON'T GO. I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME.

MISTER! MISTER! YOO-HOO!

OH, MISTER, I'M LOST. YOU'VE GOTTA HELP ME. PLEASE!

OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU. [ Panting ]

I'M ROSITA VELEZ. EVERYONE CALLS ME ROSIE. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

YOU WOULDN'T BE HEADED TOWARDS CHILE VERDE, WOULD YA?

PASSING THROUGH CHILE VERDE?

[ Panting, Chuckling ] MIND IF I COME ALONG?

THANKS. I GOTTA BE CRAZY BEING OUT HERE ALL ALONE,

BUT I WAS DOING JUST FINE TILL I MET UP WITH THAT HARDCASE WILLIAMS AND HIS GANG.

YOU EVER HEAR OF HIM? PUERCOS, ANIMALES.

I'LL TELL YA, MISTER, I'VE HAD SOME TOUGH SCRAPES IN MY LIFE,

BUT THIS ONE'S BEEN THE WORST.

IT WAS YESTERDAY EVENING. I WAS FEELING GOOD.

I WAS HALFWAY TO CHILE VERDE, AND I HADN'T GOT LOST ONCE.

OH, GOOD AFTERNOON, GENTLEMEN.

TRUST IN THE LORD, AND HE SHALL PROVIDE.

COULD YOU TELL ME, IS THIS THE RIGHT ROAD TO CHILE VERDE?

[ All Laughing ] FUNNY LADY.

BEING A LEADER OF... MEN...

IS A VERY SOLITARY BUSINESS, MISS.

I'VE BEEN VERY CONCERNED ABOUT MY MEN'S LIBIDOS...

UNTIL YOU SO CONVENIENTLY CAME ON THE SCENE.

I'M AFRAID I DON'T UNDERSTAND, SIR. ARE YOU SPEAKING ENGLISH?

¿¿ ESO ES INGLES?

POONTANG, POONTANG.

THAT ANY CLEARER, LITTLE LADY?

MY CURSE IS THAT I'VE RECEIVED THE EDUCATION BEFITTING THE SON OF A BOSTON PREACHER,

MAY HE ROT IN HELLFIRE.

BUT I DO BELIEVE THAT YOU GET THE THRUST OF MY MEANING.

MY MEN ARE AS HORNY AS JACKRABBITS.

[ Chuckling ] ISN'T HE CUTE?

[ Screaming ]

[ Men Chuckling ] HURRY UP, BOYS. WE GOT A FORTUNE IN GOLD TO FIND.

HELP! HELP!

NO, WAIT, STOP!

I'M A... VIRGIN.

[ Horse Whinnies ] A VIRGIN? REALLY?

THAT DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE. THEN I'LL GO FIRST.

[ Sneezing ]

[ Continues Sneezing ]

I'VE HAD CARNAL KNOWLEDGE WITH 215 WOMEN AND TWO GOATS. [ Sneezes ]

AND A CHICKEN? HUH? [ Mutters ]

BUT NONE OF 'EM HAVE EVER MADE ME...

[ Sneezes ] SNEEZE BEFORE.

I'M SORRY, SIR. IT MUST BE MY PERFUME. IT'S IMPORTED.

FROM WHERE? [ Sneezes ]

"MOBERGE, FRANCE."

I YIELD, BOYS. SHE'S ALL YOURS.

IT WAS TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE.

THEY HAD THEIR WAY WITH ME FOR HOURS.

THEY JUST WOULDN'T STOP.

ANYONE LIKE TO TRY AGAIN?

HOW ABOUT YOU, YOU LITTLE MEXICAN CHIHUAHUA?

NO, LADY, POR FAVOR. PLEASE, GO AWAY. DON'T BOTHER ME.

- [ Speaking Spanish ] - WHAT A BUNCH OF DEADBEATS.

[ Braying ]

[ Coyote Howling ]

[ Farting ]

[ Moaning ]

[ Moaning Stops ]

HMM?

ALWAYS THE LITTLE ONES GOT SOMETHING TO PROVE.

- [ Moaning ] - [ Moaning ] OOH!

[ Moaning Continues ]

AHH! [ Bones Cracking ]

[ Sneezes ]

[ Sneezes ]

WHEN HE TRIED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME AGAIN,

I HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH A ROCK AND GOT AWAY.

SO TELL ME ABOUT YOU. YOU EVER BEEN TO CHILE VERDE?

ME NEITHER. I HEAR THEY GOT A CANTINA.

I'M GONNA GET ME A JOB SINGING THERE. I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A SINGER.

I'VE BEEN WORKING IN A HARDWARE STORE IN SANTA FE SINCE I WAS 14.

OKAY, SO I WAS A DANCE HALL GIRL, OKAY?

I HAD TO LOOK AFTER MYSELF.

I NEVER KNEW MY REAL PARENTS. MEN ARE CRUEL SONS OF BITCHES.

DID YOU KNOW YOUR DADDY? YOU PROBABLY NEVER HAD ONE.

[ Sighing ] OH, BOY, I'VE JUST BEEN TALKING AWAY ABOUT MYSELF.

YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO WORM A GIRL'S SECRETS OUT OF HER.

MAYBE I'LL FIND ME A RICH HUSBAND IN CHILE VERDE.

HOW MUCH FURTHER IS IT ANYWAY?

IT'S SO HOT.

I'D BE BETTER OFF TALKING TO CACTUS KAPLAN OVER THERE.

[ Braying ] OH, COME ON!

OH! I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE SOMETHING THAT BEGINS WITH "C." GIVE UP?

CHILE VERDE!

I CAME 200 MILES FOR THIS?

YOU STOPPING HERE LONG?

"MARGUERITA'S." IT SURE AIN'T THE SANTA FE OPERA HOUSE.

[ Gasps, Moans ]

OOH.

THIRSTY?

[ Screams ]

[ Screaming ]

TELL ME WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON AROUND HERE.

WE HEARD HORSES. WE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE HARDCASE WILLIAMS AND HIS GANG.

WORD'S OUT THEY'RE BACK IN THE TERRITORY. THEY SURE ARE.

MA'AM?

- SOMETHING WRONG? - NO, MA'AM.

I'M RICHARD BARKER. MOST FOLKS AROUND HERE CALL ME "RED DICK."

- ON ACCOUNT OF MY HAIR. - OH. I'M ROSIE VELEZ. I SING.

AND WHO MIGHT YOU BE, SIR?

HE DON'T TALK MUCH. WHERE IS EVERYBODY?

THEY'LL COME BACK AS SOON AS I GIVE 'EM THE SIGNAL.

WHO OWNS THIS DUMP ANYWAY? MARGUERITA VENTURA.

SHE NEED A SINGER? DID LINCOLN NEED JOHN WILKES BOOTH?

MARGUERITA DOES HER OWN SINGING.

IT'S OKAY. ESTA BIEN, AMIGOS.

HI, PARTNER.

HOW. HOLA.

HI, GRAMPS. BUENOS DIAS.

HI, HANDSOME.

[ Burps ] [ Men Chuckling ]

[ Men Chattering ]

GUESS YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL BOOTS WILL BE MOVING ON.

WHAT'D YOU SAY YOUR NAME WAS?

I DIDN'T. [ Door Crashing Open ]

[ Laughing ]

¿¿ QUIEN ES? WHO ARE YOU?

HEY, GRINGO. I ASKED YOU A QUESTION.

WHAT'S A MATTER? YOU EARS NO DAMN GOOD? I ASK YOU A QUESTION.

MAYBE YOU EARS, THEY NEED A WASHING.

- "JES," A WASHING. - [ Crowd Gasping ]

AY, AY, AY.

AHHH! THAT'S BETTER, HUH?

YOU RIDE IN HERE WITH YOUR WOMAN... WE HARDLY KNOW EACH OTHER.

QUIETE! PINCHE PUTA.

WE DON'T LIKE-A STRANGERS IN CHILE VERDE.

IT MAKES US, EH, NERVOUS.

SO, IF YOU TELL ME YOUR NAME, MAYBE...

MAYBE I LET YOU LIVE.

ADIOS, ROSE.

DRAW, YOU COWARD!

DON'T! HE'S A GUNFIGHTER.

YOU KEEP OUT OF THIS, WOMAN! IF HE DRAWS, YOU'RE A DEAD MAN.

ARE YOU SURE? SI.

SO, YOU THINK YOU'RE A GUNFIGHTER?

YOU LOUSY GRINGO.

THIS TIME I LET YOU GO, IF YOU TELL ME YOUR NAME.

IT'S A MATTER OF HONOR.

THESE PEOPLE... THEY ARE MY FRIENDS.

THAT'S THEIR PROBLEM.

AY, CHIHUAHUA!

[ Groaning ]

FREEZE, HOMBRE, OR I'LL BE WEARING YOUR ASSHOLE FOR A GARTER.

ALL RIGHT, PUT IT AWAY REAL SLOW.

HANDS UP. WHAT HAPPENED, BERNARDO?

HE SHOT MY AMIGOS.

DROP 'EM.

NICE PAIR OF JINGLE-BOBS. THANKS.

FAIR FIGHT? ACCIDENT? ACCIDENT. THEY MOVED.

- NO! - OH, SHUT UP, BERNARDO!

BERNARDO HAS THIS HABIT OF GETTING INTO THINGS THAT HE CAN'T FINISH.

MAYBE HE LEARNED HIS LESSON THIS TIME.

[ Whispering Mockingly ]

SO, UH, WHAT'S YOUR NAME, HANDSOME?

I'M ROSIE VELEZ. I SING.

IS THIS WITH YOU? WE RODE INTO TOWN TOGETHER.

SOON AS I'VE HAD A DRINK, I'LL BE LEAVING... ALONE.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, SHOW'S OVER!

TEQUILA.

DO YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE, SENOR?

I AM THE BEST FRENCH-KISSER IN CHILE VERDE.

IF I COME ACROSS A FRENCHMAN, I'LL BE SURE AND LET HIM KNOW.

-TURISTA. - WANNA BUY A GIRL A DRINK, COWBOY?

IF I TOLD YOU ONCE, I TOLD YOU A THOUSAND TIMES,

DO NOT ANNOY THE CUSTOMERS.

SORRY, MARGUERITA. IF ANY BLIND GUYS COME IN, THEN THEY'RE ALL YOURS.

YOU WOULDN'T BE HARDCASE WILLIAMS, WOULD YOU, BY ANY CHANCE?

WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING HIM TO COME... EXCUSE ME.

I'LL BE HAPPY TO BUY YOU A DRINK, MA'AM. WHAT'LL IT BE?

WELL, THANKS. GIN. THEY CALL ME BIG ED.

PLEASED TO MEET YOU, MA'AM.

NAME'S WOOD... ABEL WOOD.

ABEL WOOD? ABEL WOOD?

WHO IN THE HELL IS ABEL WOOD?

- FIXING TO STICK AROUND? - FIGURE I ALREADY WORE OUT MY WELCOME.

IF YOU'D LIKE TO FRESHEN UP BEFORE YOU LEAVE,

WE'VE GOT THE ONLY SHOWER WEST OF THE MISSISSIPPI OUT BACK. MIGHT BE NICE.

MARGUERITA. THE CUSTOMERS CALL ME MARGUERITA.

THE TERRITORY CALLS ME MARGUERITA.

MY REAL CLOSE FRIENDS... THEY CALL ME MISS VENTURA.

MISS VENTURA, I NEED A JOB REAL BAD.

HUH. WELL, LAS CRUCES AIN'T TOO FAR.

ARE YOU, UH, READY FOR THAT SHOWER, HMM?

IT TOOK ME FOUR DAYS TO GET HERE,

AND I AIN'T GOING NOWHERE UNTIL YOU'VE HEARD ME SING.

OH, WELL, IN THAT CASE, PIANO PLAYER!

THIS IS A LITTLE SONG WRITTEN FOR ME BY A VERY DEAR FRIEND OF MINE.

IT'S A STORY... TRY TO SING IT, HONEY, BEFORE ANY MORE OF US DIES.

WHAT'D YOU SAY YOUR NAME WAS, SUGAR? RED DICK.

HIT IT, DICK.

♪ THESE LIPS WERE MADE FOR KISSIN' ♪

♪ THESE HIPS WERE MADE FOR BLISSIN' ♪

♪ THESE ARMS WERE MADE FOR SQUEEZIN' YOU TIGHT EVERY DAY ♪

♪ OLE, EVERY NIGHT THESE LIPS ♪

♪ WERE MADE FOR SELECTIN' ♪

♪ ♪♪ THESE HIPS WERE MADE FOR CONNECTIN' ♪

♪ THESE LEGS WERE MADE FOR WRAPPIN' AROUND YOU SO TIGHT ♪

♪ OLE, EVERY NIGHT ♪

♪ WHEN YOU SEE ME ♪

♪ DANCIN' ON THE FLOOR YOU'LL AGREE ♪

♪ I'M CLASS TO THE CORE ♪

♪ WHEN YOU SEE ME DANCIN' WITH THE BOYS YOU'LL AGREE ♪

♪ YOU'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH POISE ♪

♪ THESE LIPS WERE MADE FOR TASTIN' ♪

♪ MY TIME WASN'T MADE FOR WASTIN' ♪

♪ SO I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE ♪

♪ JUST FOR FUN ANYONE WANNA COME ♪

♪ THESE LIPS WERE MADE FOR KISSIN' ♪

♪ TAKE A SIP AND YOU'LL KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN MISSIN' ♪

♪ YOU'LL FLIP WHEN THIS TAMALE WANTS TO MAKE YOU ♪

♪ STAY EVERY DAY OLE, EVERY NIGHT ♪

♪ WON'T YOU STAY EVERY DAY OLE, EVERY NIGHT ♪

♪ WE CAN PLAY EVERY DAY OLE, EVERY NIGHT WELL, ALL RIGHT ♪

HONEY, YOU SING LIKE YOU LOOK. [ Spits ]

NINFA, GET THAT SHOWER READY FOR MR. WOOD, HUH?

'CAUSE THAT MAN IS HOT AND STICKY.

OOH, I LOVE THOSE JINGLE-BOBS.

YEAH!

LET HIM GO... FOR NOW.

DO YOU THINK HE'S HERE AFTER THE GOLD? AY!

[ Sighing ] THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING BETTER THAN THIS.

THERE HAS GOT TO BE SOMETHING BETTER TO DO.

- WITH OR WITHOUT? - HUH?

DID YOU WANT WITH OR WITHOUT?

WITH. [ Chuckles ] YOU WOULD.

¿¿ ESTA PREPARADO, SENOR? YEP.

HEY, OVER HERE!

YOU BEEN HERE LONG? A MONTH, BUT I NO LIKE.

IN LAS CRUCES, I WAS A BIG ATTRACTION.

MEN COME FROM MANY MILES TO PAY THEIR RESPECTS.

HUH. I'LL BET.

THEN MY FATHER DIE, AND THESE MEN... THEY NO LONGER RESPECTING ME.

AY, LIFE... SHE'S A BITCH, SENOR.

THAT SHE IS.

THEN I HEAR ABOUT THE GOLD OF CHILE VERDE. HUH?

- WHAT GOLD? - NEVER MIND.

AY, CARAMBA.

ALWAYS SHOWER WITH YOUR BOOTS ON?

I DO EVERYTHING WITH MY BOOTS ON.

[ Both Moaning ]

OH, YEAH.

BLESS ME FATHER, FOR I HAVE SINNED.

MARGUERITA.

[ Sighs ] HE'S DECIDED TO STAY.

FINISHED, HONEY? YOU COULD EAT OFF THIS FLOOR, AND YOU PROBABLY WILL.

HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOUR LAST CONFESSION, MY SON?

ABOUT TWENTY YEARS. AY!

I JUST HAD TO GET A FEW THINGS OFF MY CHEST.

LET'S SEE. FIRST, THERE WAS, UM, THIS GIRL IN EL PASO,

HER MOTHER AND HER GRANDMOTHER.

PSSST! [ Kissing Sounds ]

THEREAREOTHER WAYS OF EARNING YOUR KEEP AROUND HERE, YOU KNOW.

I'D RATHER DIE FIRST.

WHY, SUGAR, YOU MUST'VE DIED A THOUSAND TIMES. [ Laughing ]

DON'T MESS WITH MARGUERITA. SHE'S BAD NEWS.

WHY DO YOU STAY HERE? I GOT NO PLACE ELSE TO GO.

WHY DON'T YOU DO WHAT I DID AND BUY A MULE?

WITH WHAT? THERE AIN'T NO WAY I'M EVER GONNA MAKE THAT KIND OF MONEY.

I USED TO DREAM THAT SOMEONE LIKE MR. WOOD WOULD COME ALONG...

AND TAKE ME AWAY FROM ALL THIS.

BUT I KNOW THAT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN NOW. DO YOU THINK HE CAME FOR THE GOLD?

THE GOLD?

DID I SAY "GOLD"? I MEANT "MOLD." DO YOU THINK HE CAME FOR THE MOLD?

WHAT GOLD?

MANY MEN LIKE HORSES, MY SON.

BUT DOC HOLIDAYREALLY LIKED HORSES, FATHER.

WHAT DO YOU THINK HE WAS DOING IN THE OKAY CORRAL THAT EARLY IN THE MORNING?

GET ME ANOTHER BOTTLE.

ROSIE, DON'T YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH?

I KNOW WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH. I FALL ON THE FLOOR.

HONEY, THIS STUFF ISN'T GONNA SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS.

AIN'T NOTHING GONNA SOLVE MY PROBLEMS EXCEPT...

YOU GOT A DRESS I CAN BORROW? SURE. COME ON.

[ Coyotes Howling ]

AY, MI AMORCITA, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

I WANT YOU ALWAYS. I DIE FOR YOU, AMOR.

FORGET IT, FORGET IT. BERNARDO, FORGET IT. I GOT OTHER PLANS.

YES, I KNOW YOUR PLANS. YOU WANT TO JUMP ALL OVER THAT STRANGER.

BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE HE HAS BEEN!

I SURE AS HELL KNOW WHERE HE'S GOING.

I AM GOING TO...

CUT HIS HEART OUT!

AND THEN THERE WAS THE TIME WITH THE TWO LOCKJAW INDIAN MAIDENS.

YOU MEAN CHOCTAW INDIANS, MY SON.

THERE ARE NO "LOCKJAW" INDIANS.

THERE ARE NOW.

MY FRIENDS, MEXICANS, MEMBERS OF THE CHILE VERDE ROTARY CLUB,

THE STRANGER IS TOO BIG FOR HIS DAMN BOOTS!

ARE WE GOING TO STAND FOR IT?

ARE WE?

WE ALL KNOW WHY HE'S HERE, DON'T WE?

DON'T WE? HE'S AFTER THE GOLD.

- [ Chattering ] - THE GOLD OF CHILE VERDE.

THAT IS WHAT THIS ABEL WOODS IS AFTER. ARE WE GOING TO GIVE IT TO HIM?

- ARE WE? - [ All ] NO!

- NO! [ Spanish ] - [ Yelling ]

I DO NOT LIKE THE WAY THEY ACT.

OH. [ Gunshots ]

LET THEM HAVE THEIR FUN.

[ Yelling ]

[ Nuns Whispering Prayers ]

FATHER, I HEAR A LOT OF FOLKS TALKING ABOUT GOLD. KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT?

[ Chuckling ] I KNEW THAT'S WHY YOU WERE HERE.

THE LEGEND OF THE GOLD KEEPS THIS TOWN ALIVE.

THAT IS WHY THEY ARE ALL HERE.

THESE ARE RUTHLESS MEN...

AND WOMEN.

TAKE CARE, MY SON. I ALWAYS DO.

MM, THEY'RE ALSO VERY STUPID.

SOME OF THEM HERE FOR YEARS, AND STILL THEY CANNOT SOLVE THE PUZZLE.

WHAT PUZZLE? THE LIMERICK.

UNTIL THE LIMERICK IS SOLVED, THE GOLD WILL NEVER BE FOUND.

JUST... JUST HOW DOES THIS LIMERICK GO?

"THERE WAS A YOUNG FELLOW FROM SCOTLAND...

"WHO ROBBED THE NEW MEXICO HOT LAND.

"IN A GRAVE SITUATION,

"TWO BUTES... HIS SALVATION...

HE BURIED THE GOLD, BUT IN WHAT LAND?"

YOU BELIEVE THIS LEGEND?

WHO WAS IT SAID, "SUPERSTITION IS THE RELIGION OF FEEBLE MINDS"?

SCHOPENHAUER? NO, I DON'T THINK SO. [ Chuckles ]

PLATO? NIETZSCHE?

IT DOESN'T MATTER. THEY BELIEVE THE LEGEND BECAUSE THEY WANT TO.

GREED.

THANKS, FATHER. THANK YOU, MY FRIEND.

VAYA CON DIOS.

BE WATCHFUL.

[ Horse Neighing ]

OOH, WHAT'S THE MATTER? OOH, THERE NOW.

HEY.

WE GOT HIM, WE GOT HIM! GRINGO, YOU'RE DONE FOREVER.

HANG THE GRINGO! GRINGO!

MM, NICE.

NICE. [ Men Shouting ]

WHAT'S ALL THAT NOISE OUT THERE?

IS THIS SATURDAY? MMM.

LYNCH NIGHT. LYNCH NIGHT!

[ Shouting ]

[ Shouting Continues ]

HANG UP THE STRANGER.

I AY, MADRE DE DIOS!

GET THE HORSE! WOULD SOMEBODY GO GET THE HORSE?

GO GET IT NOW!

SHOULD NOT WE DO SOMETHING? YES! BERNARDO!

THE SPURS ARE MINE! THEY'RE YOURS, MY ANGEL!

[ Shouting ]

BLESSED MOTHER, TELL ME, PLEASE.

WHY DON'T THEY EVER INVITEME TO THEIR PARTIES?

LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU, GRINGO!

ADIOS!

ADIOS.

[ Sighing ]

UNO, DOS,

TRES!

[ Whinnying ] [ Shouting ]

[ Chattering Disappointedly ] OH, THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS.

WELL, HONEY, YOU MISSED ALL THE FUN.

[ Chattering Continues ]

HERE, COME ON, STARLIGHT. COME ON, ATTABOY. DO YOUR STUFF. YEAH.

♪ [ Piano ] ♪ YEE-HAH!

I GOTTA PEE.

TEQUILA.

ME TOO.

COULDN'T STAY AWAY, HUH?

♪ [ Vocalizing ] ♪

♪ [ Continues ] ♪

♪ OH, LET ME ♪

♪ TAKE YOU ♪

♪ SOUTH OF MY BORDER ♪

♪ ♪♪ JUST NORTH OF MY GARTER ♪

♪ WHERE EVERYTHING'S ON ORDER FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE IT'S SWEET LIKE A POTION ♪

♪ FEEL THE HEAT FEEL THE MOTION ♪

♪ MARGUERITA'S HEART FROM HEAD TO HER SHOE ♪

♪ OH ♪

♪ LET ME TAKE YOU ♪

♪ SOUTH OF RIO GRANDE ♪

♪ FOR A FIERY TASTE OF BRANDY ♪

♪ AGED FOR A TANTALIZING TREAT ♪

♪ STOCK YOUR SADDLE BAGS WITH LOVIN' ♪

♪ PREPARE TO MOUNT THIS CHOLO OVEN ♪

♪ PREPARE TO MEET SWEET MARGUERITE ♪

♪ LET ME TAKE YOU SOUTH OF MY BORDER ♪

♪ WHERE THERE'S NO LAW, NO ORDER ♪

♪ WHERE IT SMOKES ♪

♪♪ ALL THE TIME

♪ TAKE THE BURNING FROM MY THIGHS ♪

♪ TAKE THE FIRE FROM MY EYES ♪

♪ AND YOU SEE THE VIEW FROM HERE IS JUST FINE ♪

♪ LET HER TAKE YOU SOUTH OF HER BORDER ♪

♪ IF YOU THINK YOU CAN AFFORD HER ♪

♪ I SAY ABEL CAN'T AFFORD TO SAY NO ♪

♪ BECAUSE MY LUST IS MY LIVIN' ♪

♪ I CAN'T STOP ONCE I START GIVIN' ♪

♪ GIVIN' IT TO YOU BLOW BY BLOW ♪

♪ NOW MARGUERITA'S DONE WITH TALKIN' ♪

♪ LET'S GO ♪

WELL? I THINK SOMEONE SHOULD BURY HIM.

NINFA, RED DICK, BURY HIM.

YOU PEOPLE GOT A STRANGE SENSE OF HUMOR.

YOUR SINGING CERTAINLY SET HIM ON FIRE.

GOOD NIGHT, MR. WOOD. GOOD NIGHT, BIG ED.

PLEASANT DREAMS. YOU TOO.

GOOD NIGHT, ABEL.

[ Burping ]

LOSE YOUR WAY, HONEY?

NO, IT'S THE COCKROACHES' SHIFT.

I SLEEP FROM 3:00 TILL 10:00.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS PLACE, YOU CAN GET. OH, YEAH?

I AIN'T GOIN' NOWHERE UNTIL I FIND THAT GOLD EVERYBODY'S BEEN SO CAREFUL NOT TO MENTION.

YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST BREEZE INTO TOWN AND DIG IT UP, HUH?

BUENA SUERTE, SOME OF US HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR IT FOR YEARS.

YOU CAN TELL.

[ Spits ]

GOOD NIGHT, NINFA.

[ Gasps ]

OH, ROSIE, I WANTED YOU FROM THE MOMENT I LAID EYES ON YOU.

YOU ARE GORGEOUS. SAVE THE SPEECHES, HONEY.

I AIN'T JULIET, AND YOU CERTAINLY AIN'T ROMEO.

OOH, WHAT A BODY. AT LEAST YOU'RE AWAKE.

OH, ROSIE, YOU GOT EVERYTHING A MAN COULD WANT.

LET'S SEE IF YOU HAVE WHAT I WANT.

ROSIE.

OH-OH, ROSIE. [ Gasps ]

ROSIE, THERE'S A TATTOO ON YOUR ASS. IT'S A BIRTHMARK.

WEIRDEST BIRTHMARK I EVER SAW.

[ Moaning, Giggling ]

[ Bones Cracking, Red Dick Gasping ]

[ Rooster Crowing ]

MORNING, BIG ED. SORRY, MA'AM.

OH, NO, NO, I-I'M SORRY. I-I WAS DAYDREAMING.

YEAH? WHAT ABOUT?

I'VE ALWAYS HAD THIS DREAM THAT I'D LOVE TO END MY DAYS IN ABILENE.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO ABILENE?

NO.

BUT I KNEW A GUY ONCE, LONG TIME AGO...

HE CAME FROM THERE.

BESIDES, I LIKE THE NAME.

AB-I-LENE.

SOUNDS NICE, HUH?

I SUPPOSE.

♪ AB-I-LENE ♪ ♪ [ Discordant Note ] ♪

POOR LITTLE GUY.

WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING? MAKE SURE HE GETS BURIED DECENT.

I'LL GO TELL THE PADRE.

-WHY WOULD ANYBODY WANT TO KILL HIM? - GOLD?

HIS BED WASN'T SLEPT IN LAST NIGHT. WHERE'D THE RED RUNT END UP?

- HE WASN'T WITH ME, MARGUERITA. - NINFA!

¿¿ SI? HE GET A FREEBIE OFF YOU LAST NIGHT?

WHO? DEAD DICK.

NO, I SWEAR. WE BURY BERNARDO AND GO TO BED.

TO SLEEP. APART.

GET THE COFFEE. SI.

SO, [ Sighs ]

THAT ONLY LEAVES ONE PERSON.

[ Chuckles ] DON'T LOOK AT ME. I SLEPT LIKE A LOG.

WHY NOT? YOU LOOK LIKE ONE.

- MAYBE HE SOLVED THE LIMERICK. -LIMERICK? WHAT LIMERICK? HUH?

BIG ED, YOU KNOW WHAT SHE CAME FOR. WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT UP!

I'M SORRY. I SAID, WHAT LIMERICK? WHAT LIMERICK?

I DON'T KNOW ANY LIMERICK. LEAVE HER ALONE.

HERE IS YOUR COFFEE, MARGUERITA.

YEAH, HERE'S YOUR COFFEE.

[ Gasps, Sighs ]

- [ Whimpering ] - NOW WHAT ABOUT THAT LIMERICK?

WHEN I'M FINISHED WITH YOU, HONEY, YOU'RE GONNA LOOK LIKE A PLATE OF FRIJOLES.

- OH, YEAH? - GIRLS, PLEASE!

- [ Grunting ] - [ Gasping ]

[ Screaming ]

- WHAT ABOUT THAT LIMERICK? - I CAN'T.

YOU BITCH.

EVER SINCE I CAME HERE, YOU'VE DONE NOTHING BUT TREAT ME LIKE SHIT.

WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

YEAH, I WAS A DANCE HALL GIRL, BUT WHAT MAKES YOU SO HIGH AND MIGHTY?

- YOU OWN A WHOREHOUSE. - OW!

A WHOREHOUSE! AND WITH ONLY THREE WHORES IN IT.

ONE OF 'EM'S JUST A SENILE OLD COW, NO OFFENSE, HONEY.

THE OTHER ONE'S SO NEW, SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHICH END TO USE.

SO WHAT DOES THAT MAKE YOU? THE ONLY WHORE IN CHILE VERDE!

- [ Grunting ] - [ Laughing ]

YEAH, I CAME HERE FOR THE GOLD,

'CAUSE I'VE BEEN POOR ALL MY LIFE.

YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG, HONEY. YOU'VE BEEN CHEAP ALL YOUR LIFE.

CHEAP?

THIS FURNITURE'S CHEAP.

[ Screaming ]

OW! OW!

[ Screaming ]

- CAN'T WE ACT LIKE LADIES? - [ Groaning ]

GET BACK HERE, YOU UGLY...

[ Screaming ]

[ Sneezes ]

WELL, WELL, IF IT ISN'T OLD THUNDER THIGHS.

JUST THE PERSON WE WERE LOOKING FOR.

SORRY WE DIDN'T GET HERE SOONER, ROSIE,

BUT WE HAD TO MAKE A LITTLE DETOUR AT DOC CARSTAIR'S.

- DIDN'T WE, CLARENCE? - [ Grunting ]

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

I THINK I CAN SAY WITH SOME MEASURE OF CERTAINTY...

THAT WE ARE THE MEANEST SONS OF BITCHES YOU EVER LAID THEM PRETTY EYES ON, MISS...

MARGUERITA. THIS IS MY CANTINA. CHARMED.

MY NAME IS HARDCASE WILLIAMS.

LET'S GO. WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME?

VENGEANCE IS MINE, SAYETH THE LORD. I WILL REPAY...

ST. PAUL'S EPISTLE TO THE ROMANS,

CHAPTER 12, VERSE 19.

OF COURSE, ST. PAUL NEVER HAD A DISCIPLE GOT HIS NECK BROKE...

BY A SLUT FROM A SANTA FE WHOREHOUSE.

OH, I LIKE THIS HOMBRE.

I AIN'T GOIN' ANYWHERE. IT WAS SELF-DEFENSE.

[ Grunting ] EASY, CLARENCE, EASY.

THERE'LL BE PLENTY OF TIME FOR THAT LATER.

THEN WHY DON'T YOU KEEP MOVING?

WHAT?

[ Grunting ]

I SAID, WHY DON'T YOU JUST KEEP MOVING?

ABEL, THANK GOODNESS. THESE MEN WANTED TO TAKE ME AWAY. AIN'T THAT GRAND?

SO, YOU GOT A BOYFRIEND, HUH, ROSIE?

LISTEN HERE, ROSIE'S BEAU! WE NEED HER TO FIND THE GOLD!

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE GOLD? SEARCH ME.

THAT'S WHAT WE AIM TO DO.

DO NOT BE AFRAID, MY SON. THEY WILL NOT SHOOT WHILE I AM BESIDE YOU.

HA! DON'T COUNT ON IT, FATHER.

IT'S A GOOD DAY FOR ME WHEN I GET TO KILL A PRIEST.

I'LL BE IN THE CHURCH.

WELL, HOW DO YOU WANNA DO THIS, MISTER...

WOOD... ABEL WOOD.

FLIP A COIN. WHEN IT HITS THE DIRT, START SHOOTING.

SOUNDS GOOD.

- FLIP AWAY. - I AIN'T GOT A COIN.

THINGS ARE HARD ALL OVER. ADIOS, MR. WOOD.

BUT REMEMBER: THE DAY OF THY DEATH IS BETTER THAN THE DAY OF THY BIRTH.

THAT'S... [ Clears Throat ] ECCLESIASTES,

CHAPTER SEVEN, VERSE FIVE.

VERSE ONE.

WHEN HE HITS THE DUST, BOYS, KILL HIM.

[ Chuckling ]

[ Gun Clicking ]

OKAY, GRINGO, IT'S TIME TO GET...

CHANG!

CHANG!

[ Gunshot ]

YOU MOTHER...

SHIT.

- [ Chuckling ] - [ Gunshot ]

VICTORY SHIFTS FROM MAN TO MAN.

DEUTERONOMY? HOMER.

[ Groaning ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Water Splashing ]

- [ Water Splashing ] - [ Horse Whinnying ]

- I'LL BE BACK. - I'LL COUNT THE HOURS.

OH, MR. WOOD. WHERE IS HE?

HE LET OUT AFTER ROSIE.

[ Screaming ] [ Whinnying ]

[ Groaning ]

HUH?

I DIDN'T WANT TO DISCUSS ANY PERTINENT INFORMATION BACK THERE, LITTLE LADY!

YOU DIDN'T THINK THE BOYS AND ME...

THE BOYS AND I...

REALLY CAME BACK JUST TO PAY OUR RESPECTS, DID YA?

DID YA?

I DIDN'T NOTICE THAT TATTOO ON YOUR ASS.

CHANG DID THOUGH.

HE HAS A PREFERENCE FOR SUCH THINGS.

MURDERED SWINE.

HE DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT IT...

TILL YOU WERE LONG GONE!

YOU BEEN SITTIN' ON GOLD ALL THIS TIME!

I'M NOT GONNA HURT YOU!

SO WHY DON'T YOU COME OUT IN THE OPEN?

WE'LL DISCUSS A BUSINESS PARTNERSHIP. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

IT'S MY ASS.

THERE'S ENOUGH THERE FOR BOTH OF US.

PROMISE YOU WON'T SHOOT?

ON MY MOTHER'S GRAVE.

IT AIN'T WORTH NOTHING, I SWEAR. WHAT?

MY TATTOO. IT'S ONLY HALF A MAP.

WITHOUT THE OTHER HALF IT'S COMPLETELY USELESS.

[ Stammering ] I'LL BE.

THAT'S WHY I CAME TO CHILE VERDE. DON'T KILL ME, PLEASE.

YOU PROMISED ON YOUR MOTHER'S GRAVE. SO I DID.

YOU'LL BE SORRY TO HEAR THAT OLD BITCH IS STILL ALIVE AND KICKING.

OH, PLEASE, LET ME LIVE.

I'VE NEVER BEEN TO PARIS.

C'EST LA VIE, ROSIE.

OH, LOOK.

[ Groaning ]

ROSIE! [ Echoing ]

OKAY, YOU ROTTEN PIG, YOU WERE PORKED. ROSIE!

[ Grunting ]

ABEL! ABEL, OVER HERE. COME QUICK!

ROSIE, YOU OKAY? OH, ABEL... ABEL, IT WAS TERRIBLE.

HE... [ Gasps ]

THEY'RE COMIN'! [ Chattering ]

HEY, TAKE IT EASY. SHE'S HEAVY.

PUT HIM IN MY ROOM.

[ Coyote Howling ] ♪ [ Guitar ] ♪

[ Sighs ]

THERE WAS A YOUNG FELLOW FROM SCOTLAND,

WHO ROBBED THE NEW MEXICO HOT LAND.

"IN A GRAVE SITUATION, TWO BUTES... HIS SALVATION."

"THEY BURIED THE GOLD, BUT IN WHAT LAND?"

TWO BUTES HIS SALVATION... BUTES.

TWO BUTES. [ Knocking ]

YEAH?

SORRY TO DISTURB YOU, MR. WOOD.

YOU MUST'VE HAD A HARD DAY CHASING OUTLAWS.

ALL THAT HEAVY LIFTING.

- WHAT COULD I DO FOR YOU, BIG ED? - I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU...

THAT YOU'RE THE FINEST MAN I EVER MET.

YOU'VE BEEN REAL NICE TO ME, AND I WON'T EVER FORGET IT.

THANKS, BIG ED.

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

OH, I HOPE YOU GET TO ABILENE ONE OF THESE DAYS.

THANKS.

[ Knocking ] YEAH?

I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT IF I FIND THE GOLD, HALF OF IT'S YOURS.

- WHY WOULD YOU DO A THING LIKE THAT? - BECAUSE YESTERDAY MORNING...

OH, HONEY...

THAT WAS THE BEST SHOWER I EVER HAD.

[ Whispers ] I'LL BE BACK...

LATER.

OH, IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE A MAN LIKE YOU CAME TO CHILE VERDE.

OH? HOW LONG?

A WEEK. [ Chuckles ]

MAYBE LONGER.

YOU DON'T GET MANY OF ME TO THE POUND.

HAVE A DRINK.

MM-HMM. OOH, GEEZ.

[ Slurping ]

MMM.

[ Knocking At Door ] YEAH?

CAN I COME IN?

YOU ALWAYS WANTED ME, HAVEN'T YOU?

EVER SINCE FATE FIRST BROUGHT US TOGETHER.

OH, SAY IT'S TRUE. I KNEW IT.

OH, ABEL, MY DARLING, SAY NOTHING.

LET'S JUST SAVOR THIS MOMENT.

[ Sighs ]

I'D LOVE TO SEE YOUR, UM, WOUND.

UM, BIG ED LOOKED AT IT JUST TEN MINUTES AGO.

WELL, ISN'T SHE THE LUCKY ONE?

WHY DON'T WE TAKE THESE OFF, SHALL WE? [ Zipper Unzipping ]

- SHOULDN'T WE TURN OUT THE LIGHTS? - DON'T BE SILLY.

HOW CAN I SEE WHAT I'M DOIN'? [ Gasps ]

GOODNESS. IT'S GETTIN' BETTER EVERY SECOND.

- Y-YEAH, IT IS. - OH, MY, MY, MY.

I BET THERE AREN'T MANY OF THOSE TO THE POUND EITHER.

[ Slurps, Sighs ]

YOU STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE. I'M GONNA GET YOU SOME FRESH BANDAGES, OKAY?

[ Stammers ] WELL, I AIN'T GOIN' NO PLACE...

UH, ANYPLACE.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I FIRST HEARD ABOUT THE LEGEND A COUPLE MONTHS AGO,

I REALIZED THEN THAT THIS TATTOO MIGHT HAVE SOMETHIN' TO DO WITH THE GOLD.

I SOLD EVERYTHING I HAD AND BOUGHT THAT STUPID MULE. [ Laughs ]

SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE HAS THE OTHER HALF OF THAT MAP ON THEIR BODY,

AND I NEED YOU TO HELP ME FIND 'EM.

IT COULD BE A... [ Whispers ] WOMAN.

I'LL SHARE EVERYTHING WITH YOU... EVERYTHING! WHAT DO YOU SAY?

WITH THE TWO HALVES OF THE MAP ANDTHE LIMERICK,

WE'LL HAVE ALL THE PIECES OF THE PUZZLE; WE CAN RIDE OUT OF HERE TOGETHER!

WE'LL BE RICH BEYOND MY... OUR... WILDEST DREAMS!

WELL, THAT'S THE WHOLE STORY.

I LOVE YOU WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING.

[ Whispering ] OH, ABEL, GIVE IT TO ME.

[ Crashing ]

[ Door Opens, Closes ]

THIS WILL ONLY TAKE A MOMENT,

AND THEN, OOH...

HEY, BE CAREFUL WITH THOSE SCISSORS.

- [ Gasps ] -OKAY, BIG BOY,

ONE MOVE OUTTA YOU, ONE LIE,

AND I'LL BE WEARIN' YOUR JINGLE-BOBS FOR EARRINGS. [ Scissors Snipping ]

[ Gasps ] NOT IF YOU FOLLOW MY DRIFT.

NOW, WHY DID YOU COME BACK HERE FOR ROSIE, HUH? IT WASN'T FORLOVE, WAS IT?

- SHE HAS A MAP. - WHAT MAP?

COULDN'T WE DISCUSS THIS UNDER MORE FAVORABLE

CIRCUMSTANCES? NO, YOU JUST KEEP TALKIN'.

- WHAT MAP? - SHE HAS HALF THE MAP TO THE GOLD...

TATTOOED ON HER ASS. OH, MY GOD.

HEY, GIMME THAT GUN UNDER YOUR PILLOW, HUH?

EASY, OR YOUR RAPIN' DAYS ARE OVER.

[ Knocking At Door ]

[ Man ] EVENIN'. WELL,

I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO STAY AWAY VERY LONG.

[ Knocking At Door ]

FATHER, YOU GOTTA HELP ME. I NEED A MAP. WHAT IS IT, MY SON?

OF CHILE VERDE? OF SCOTLAND.

I THINK I'VE SOLVED THE LIMERICK, FATHER. IF I'M RIGHT, I WON'T FORGET YOU.

I HAVE NO NEED FOR MONEY.

AH, HERE IT IS.

YOU THINK THE GOLD IS BURIED IN SCOTLAND? NO.

THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE... BUTE.

OH, WE'RE RICH, FATHER. THANK YOU! OH, MY SON, BE CAREFUL.

I'VE DRIFTED TOO LONG TO LET THIS CHANCE PASS. AMIGO,

QUE DIOS LO PROTEGE.

[ Hardcase ] HELP. HELP!

HELP, HELP!

HELP.

MR. WILLIAMS, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.

OH, THINK NOTHING OF IT. IT'S JUST AN EARLY-MORNING CONDITION. A LOT OF MEN GET IT.

- WILL YOU UNTIE ME? - OH, MY GOODNESS.

LADY, THIS IS NO TIME TO BE POINTING AN ACCUSING FINGER!

AT LEAST IT'S ONLY MY FINGER THAT'S POINTING!

MARGUERITA! MARGUERITA!

I AIN'T SEEN HER THIS MORNING.

UH, MAYBE MR. WOOD WOULD KNOW WHERE SHE IS.

WHAT IS ALL THIS SHOUTING?

DO YOU HAVE A GUN? OF COURSE.

WAIT! [ Man ] WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

[ Hardcase ] SON OF A BITCH, HE BEAT ME TO IT.

OH, THANK YOU, JESUS.

[ Horse Nickers ]

[ Hardcase ] YEAH-HOO!

[ Horse Whinnies ]

I THINK SHE'S COMIN' AROUND. THIS ONE ALSO.

[ Groaning ] OH, WHAT HAPPENED?

WHAT HAPPENED? OH, MY GOD. DON'T MOVE.

BIG ED, HONEY, DOES SHE HAVE A TATTOO ONHERASS?

SHE SURE DOES, JUST LIKE THE ONE ON YOURS.

WELL, ALMOST. ISN'T THAT CUTE?

TOGETHER... DO THEY MAKE ANY SENSE IF YOU PUT 'EM TOGETHER?

GEE, I-I DON'T KNOW. IT LOOKS LIKE SOME KIND OF A MAP.

WE KNOW THAT. A MAP OFWHAT?

SCOTLAND? [ Together ] SCOTLAND?

MY FOURTH HUSBAND... HE COME FROM SCOTLAND... HE HAVE A MAP JUST LIKE THIS ONE.

- ONLY HIS WAS ON THE WALL. - WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?

[ Big Ed ] PUT 'EM TOGETHER, AND IT SAYS "B-U-T-E."

BUTE. I DON'T GET IT.

OF COURSE! THE LIMERICK!

TWO BUTES... HIS SALVATION.

THERE WAS A YOUNG FELLOW FROM SCOTLAND, WHO ROBBED THE NEW MEXICO HOT LAND.

IN A GRAVE SITUATION, TWO BUTES, HIS SALVATION...

A GRAVE SITUATION... CACTUS KAPLAN'S GRAVE!

GIRLS, GIRLS! NO GOOD WILL COME OF THIS!

OUT OF MY WAY! I KNOW WHERE THE GOLD IS!

I LEAVE THISCASA DE PUTA AND BE WITHMUCHOPEOPLE!

[ Cries Out ]

WE'RE GONNA NEED EACH OTHER TO DEAL WITH THE MEN. COME ON. RIGHT.

GIDDAP! GIDDAP, COME ON! GIDDAP!

OH, FATHER, IT'S THE GOLD! MR. WOOD MAY BE IN DANGER! WHERE? WHERE DID THEY GO?

THEY SAID SOMETHING ABOUT CACTUS KAPLAN'S GRAVE.

AY, NO LO CREO.

[ Horse Whinnies ]

[ Panting, Grunting ]

COME ON! YAH!

[ Grunting ]

AH-HA-HA! AH-HA-HA!

YEE-HAH!

[ Laughing ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Laughing Continues ]

[ Gasping, Grunting ]

[ Gasps ] [ Hardcase ] AH-AH.

MM, NICE WORK. IWASGONNA HELP YOU,

BUT I SAW YOU WERE HAVIN' SO MUCH FUN, I DECIDED NOT TO DISTURB YOU.

HOW'D YOU FIND OUT? SAME WAY YOU DID.

NOW, THIS HERE WAS ONE SMART SON OF A BITCH.

HOW MANY PEOPLE WOULD RECOGNIZE THE MAP OF SCOTLAND ON TWO SEPARATE REAR ENDS?

TWO BUTES... ONE IN SCOTLAND, THE OTHER ONE HERE.

OR TWO BEAUTIES... THE LADIES.

[ Muttering ]

YOU BASTARD!

YOU FIGURED ALL THAT OUT, DIDN'T YOU, MR. WOOD?

- YOU'RE SMARTER THAN SHIT. - I BEEN AROUND.

I'M GLAD YOU USED THE PAST TENSE ON THAT.

GOOD SENSE OF TIMING. [ Cocks Gun ]

ADIOS. DO YOU WANT IT IN THE HEAD OR THE HEART?

[ Gunshot ]

HOLD EVERYTHING!

BACK OFF.

WELL, I'LL BE DAMNED.

- THERE'S ENOUGH HERE FOR EVERYBODY. - LIKE HELL THERE IS.

I BEEN LOOKIN' FOR THIS GOLD FOR YEARS, AND I AIN'T SHARIN' IT WITH NOBODY.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

IT WAS MY ASS THAT WAS TATTOOED... MINE!

OURS! DROP IT! [ Hardcase Sneezes ]

I KNEW IT! [ Sneezes ]

JUST GIVE ME ONE EXCUSE TO KILL YA... JUST ONE.

ALL MY LIFE I'VE BEEN RUNNIN' AROUND SANTA FE WITH A STRANGE BIRTHMARK ON MY BUTT.

YOU COULDA ADVERTISED IN THE PAPER OR SOMETHIN'!

I FIGURED IF I HUNG AROUND CHILE VERDE LONG ENOUGH,

THE OTHER HALF WOULD SHOW UP SOONER OR LATER,

BUT I NEVER IMAGINED IT WOULD BE ON SUCH A LOWLIFE, SLEAZY, NO GOOD...

SHUT UP! GET BACK!

THIS ISNOTFAIR!

OH, GO AHEAD.

IF THERE ARE NO OBJECTIONS,

I'D SURE LIKE TO SEE WHAT IT IS WE ALL CAME HERE FOR.

DAMN ME.

BULL... SHIT!

- I DON'T BELIEVE IT. - MIND IF I TRY?

BE MY GUEST.

[ Creaking, Snapping ]

[ Gasping ]

COME AND GET IT.

GET AWAY FROM THAT GOLD!

EVERYBODY MOVE AROUND A LITTLE BIT.

FATHER, AM I EVER GLAD TO SEE YOU.

DROP THE GUNS, PLEASE.

THIS IS STOLEN TREASURE.

I THINK WE KINDA FIGURED THAT OUT OURSELVES, YOU OLD FART.

CACTUS KAPLAN, RIGHT? HE ROBBED THE LAS CRUCES BANK.

A POSSE TRACKED HIM DOWN, SO HE BURIED THE GOLD WHEN HE FOUND HE COULD NOT ESCAPE.

WELL, HOW COME WE GOT TATTOOS ON OUR ASSES?

HE DEVISED THE LIMERICK,

AND HE PUT THE LAST... THE VITAL... CLUE...

ON HIS INFANT DAUGHTERS.

HE WANTED YOU SISTERS TO HAVE THE GOLD.

[ Together ] SISTERS? THE KAPLAN SISTERS?

OY VEY. YOU GIRLS WERE BROUGHT UP BY SEPARATE FOSTER FAMILIES.

HOW COME YOU KNOW ALL THIS?

WHEN I WAS A RABBI, I MARRIED LUPITA AND CACTUS KAPLAN.

LOOK, CAN WE START SHOOTING EACH OTHER NOW? NO OFFENSE, FATHER.

IT'S A VERY INTERESTING STORY, BUT I'D LIKE TO TAKE THE GOLD AND GET OUT OF HERE!

YOU HEARD THE FATHER. THE GOLD IS OURS. THAT'S HOW OUR DADDY WANTED IT.

I SOMEHOW DON'T FEEL THAT'S THE FATHER'S INTENTION.

FOR 33 LONG YEARS I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THE PIECES TO COME TOGETHER.

HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHAT IT'S BEEN LIKE...

WAITING IN THIS CESSPIT FOR 33 LONG YEARS?

[ Laughs ] SOME PEOPLE WOULD HAVE GIVEN UP.

SOME PEOPLE HAVE GONE CRAZY, BUT NOT ME. OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.

BECAUSE I KNEW... I KNEW THAT ONE DAY...

CACTUS'S LITTLE GIRLS WOULD COME RIDING INTO CHILE VERDE,

AND I WOULD BE RICH!

RICH ENOUGH TO CAST THE DUST OF THIS FORSAKEN LAND FOREVER FROM MY SANDALS.

OH, I'M GOING TO TRAVEL... LONDON, PARIS, VIENNA...

AND THEN... THEN ROME!

THE VATICAN!

I'M GOING TO BE A POPE!

THIS MAN'S OATS AIN'T ALL IN HIS FEED BAG.

OH, YE OF LITTLE FAITH.

IF THERE'S ONE THING I HATE, IT'S A PUSHY PRIEST.

[ All Cock Guns ]

I DON'T SUPPOSE ANYONE WANTS TO SPLIT THIS FOUR WAYS.

MARGUERITA. WHAT?

YOU'RE MY BIG SISTER. I CAN'T KILL YOU.

THERE'S ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF US. MMM. ¿¿ Y ESTOS?

LOS MATAMOS. HUH.

SHE SAYS THEY'LL KILL US. LUCKY THING I SPEAK SPANISH.

HOW DO I KNOW YOU'LL SHOOTTHEM?

TRUST ME.

OH, NO.

[ Sneezes ]

GO AHEAD AND SHOOT.

YOU CAN'T.

I KNOW WHY.

ABEL, ALL THOSE THINGS I SAID TO YOU LAST NIGHT WERE TRUE.

IS THAT WHY YOU WANTED TO KILL ME JUST NOW?

THAT WAS A TRICK TO FOOL HER.

THIS WOMAN'S UNBELIEVABLE. SHE JUST WANTS TO PUT YOU AWAY LIKE SHE DID RED DICK.

SHUT UP, YOU DECEITFUL SLUT! DON'T LISTEN TO HER.

I AIN'T LISTENING TO EITHER OF YOU. ABEL,

YOU AND ME... WE'RE TWO OF A KIND.

HA!

WHEN WE MADE LOVE, IT WAS FIREWORKS EXPLODIN'...

BIG, LONG ROMAN CANDLES SHOOTIN' OFF INSIDE ME.

- WHEN WAS THIS? - THE DAY YOU ARRIVED IN CHILE VERDE.

WE DID IT IN THE SHOWER, AND IT WAS THE...

[ Gasps ]

IN THE SHOWER? HOW COULD YOU?

SEEMED LIKE THE THING TO DO AT THE TIME.

YOU MEN ARE ALL THE SAME.

- YOU AIN'T GOT NO BRAND ON ME. - BUT I LOVE YOU.

[ Cries Out ] YOU BITCH!

WHERE WAS I? OH, YES.

ABEL, I LOVE YOU.

GOD KNOWS I'VE TOLD YOU ENOUGH TIMES. THEN PROVE IT.

THROW YOUR GUN DOWN.

I'LL BE DAMNED.

I REALLY MEANT IT.

OH, OH, ABEL.

ADIOS, SUCKER. [ Screams ] [ Gunshot ]

SHE WAS GONNA KILL YOU. I COULDN'T LET HER DO THAT.

SO, YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SAVED ME BEFORE.

TWICE. HALF OF THIS BELONGS TO YOU.

ALL I NEED IS ENOUGH TO GET ME TO ABILENE.

THANKS, BIG ED.

CALL ME EDNA. [ Rosie ] ABEL!

ABEL!

I HOPE YOU WON'T LET A LITTLE THING LIKE THIS COME BETWEEN US.

OH, SURE, WE'VE HAD OUR LITTLE UPS AND DOWNS,

BUT IT'S STILL NOT TOO LATE.

OH, ABEL, CAN'T WE STILL BE FRIENDS?

GIVE BIG ED EVERYTHING. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE GOLD.

OW!

[ Panting ]

BIG ED! BIG ED, HONEY!

I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR WANTING ME DEAD.

YOU ARE OLD, UGLY,

AND I'LL SEE YOU GET JUST WHAT'S COMIN' TO YA.

ABEL... ABEL, MY LOVE!

ABEL!

WHAT'S THE USE.

[ Gunshot Echoes ]

[ Cawing ]

OH, WELL. MAYBE HE'LL BE BACK TOMORROW.

AFTER ALL, TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY.

♪ IN THE HOT DESERT SUN ♪

♪ A MAN'S HEART GROWS COLD ♪

♪ SAND-FILLED WINDS ♪

♪ RUST HIS SOUL ♪

♪ TILL HIS HEART LIKE A ROCK ♪

♪ WITH NOWHERE TO ROLL ♪

♪ BUT AIMLESSLY ON AND ON ♪

♪ WHEN LIFE'S BEEN NOTHIN' BUT A DIRTY DEAL ♪

♪ THE DIRTIER IT GETS THE BETTER HE FEELS ♪

♪ THEN HE'S GONE TOO FAR ♪

♪ HE'LL PLANT NO SEED ♪

♪ HE'S JUST A TARNISHED TUMBLEWEED ♪

♪ OOH OOH, OOH ♪

♪ TUMBLEWEED ♪

♪ WHAT IS IT A TARNISHED MAN WANTS ♪

♪ WITHIN HIS TARNISHED HAND ♪

♪ HIS BONY FINGERS HOLDIN' FAST ♪

♪ TO LUSTFUL THINGS THAT NEVER LAST ♪

♪ DRIVEN ON BY ENDLESS GREED ♪

♪ THIS TARNISHED TUMBLEWEED ♪

♪ YOU KNOW, HOME AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A FOUR-LETTER WORD ♪

♪ AND SETTLIN' DOWN, WELL THAT'S JUST PLAIN ABSURD ♪

♪ I TELL YA NOTHING'S WHAT HE'S GOT ♪

♪ AND NOTHING'S WHAT HE'LL NEED ♪

♪ HE'S JUST A TARNISHED TUMBLEWEED ♪

♪ OOH OOH, OOH ♪

♪ TUMBLEWEED ♪

♪ TUMBLEWEED ♪