All language subtitles for Lunatics s01e10.e

[Keith] Keith and family are about
to fly the cooperooni.

Hi, Keith Dick. New owner.

I live for fashion. I'm a clothes whore.

I am an objectophile.

[Patika] You need to give up your pie
in the sky dreams.

[all] My Dick, My Dick, My Dick!
My Dick, My Dick, My Dick!

[Becky and Lucy] We both decided
to go to college in America.

-College!
-College!

Hey, Beanstalk.

Go to hell!

[screaming]

[Becky] I set up my own YouTube channel.

Hi, Beckinators, it's party time.

[shouting] Get off of my sister,
you drug addict!

You are acting like a slut.

I'm moving out.

I am, in fact, a 7'3" girl.

[Dylan] I'm going to England.

-Dope...
-[Ken] Gavin's the future.

-...as... fuck.
-[Ken] The next Earl of Gayhurst.

Dope as fuck.

[Helen] We're trying to immerse Gavin
in Gayhurst culture.

Come here, you dumb cunts.

[Helen] We think it's slowly
really sinking in.

♪ If you wanna fuck
Let's fuck, fuck, fuck ♪

How silly can you be? Just get out.

My cousin Gavin does not want
to be the next Earl.

[Jana] I was put on this earth
to talk to the animals.

Oh, your breath is so beautiful.

[Jana] This is my personal assistant,
Kylie.

Squeeze me hard.
Squeeze me hard.

[Jana] I couldn't live without her.

Inseminating someone is not a big deal.

Natasha, my pet aardvark.

I wanted to bring her home.

Jana, I can't go to Zimbabwe with you.

[Jana] I need that aardvark
back in my life.

Natasha!

[crowd clapping, cheering]

Say that you love me.

I'm just in love with Craig.

Do you love Jana?

That's Miele throughout.

[Quentin] I dabble in DJing a bit.

Me and my brothers,
we've all got massive asses.

This is the development
that I'm working on.

-It's not good, Quentin.
-It is.

I can't build it for free.

Calm down, mate.

This is the answer
to all our financial shit.

I want to be Australia's
best real estate agent/DJ.

[making animal noises]

♪ But I just wanna party ♪

[in auto-tuned voice]
Someone please get the cockatoo

[Rhonda] Joyce hasn't been seen in public
for years.

This is all my stuff.

My boyfriend, Les, he's a truck driver.

He's threatened to call the council on me.

Rack off.

I'm getting evicted.

We're here to clear out the house.

[shouting] Get out of my house,
you deadshit!

It's Les!

[Joyce] Let's have a groupie!

I love you, guys.

[theme music playing]

[Joyce] Oh, great. You're early!

I've got my bloody rollers in.

[Les] Yeah, so a lot's changed
in the last few months.

Um, Joyce has been
a ray of sunshine to me.

We've moved in together,

and I've moved the collection here.

[Les] I'm a collector also.

And--

Yeah, we've combined
the two respective collections together.

[Joyce] Right.

Just drop that there.

Alright, when I say "Action,"
then you start on that, then you go to me.

[Joyce] So, go to that and then I'll say--
Alright. Action.

♪ La la la da da da ♪�

This is it. Welcome to the museum.

Les and Joyce's museum.

[laughing]

She's finally got her museum.

This is it. It's built
like a brick shithouse.

It's got all my stuff in it.

Come on in. We're open for business.

Here's all my stuff. Got it all organized.

All my toys in there.

I got my fish.�

I got my Tutankhamuns, my beads...

My Cabbage Patches.

My horsey, my TV Weeks.

Here's the good Rodzilla.

I've got a lot of Rodzillas,
but that's the good one.

Got my corncob hulls, my toothpicks,
my rubber band--

So much good stuff!

-It's all organized.
-It's been a big job, as you can see,

and we're charging a small entry fee.

But, eventually we'd like
to get bus tours in.

We're really going to try
and make a go of this.

He's my boyfriend,

and boyfriends are good at doing
all this kind of organization.

Yeah, we've got so much in common.

-Too much in common.
-That's what makes it awesome.

-It's friggin' awesome.
-Yeah. [laughs]

Right.

I'll give you some slack.

There you go.

[Les] Thank you.

[Joyce] You think it's a million?

I think so, love.

You know, there's a legend
that Joyce has told me

that if we get a million of these cranes,

um...they'll reach up to heaven.

[Les] We're trying to make them
reach up to the clouds.

and, uh, I might have
to get a rope or something

and throw it up
on the top of the structure here.

Yeah, it looks like a million from here.

Just a quick reminder,
ladies and gentlemen,

Les to the museum. Les to the museum.

-[dog barks]
-[Joyce] Here he comes.

And we're selling items
as well as buying them.

-That's another one sold.
-Yeah, well--

Just think of what you can
do with the money.

People are buying stuff like hotcakes.
I'm over it.

But, by selling stuff, we're not in debt.

We can buy more stuff for the collection.
It's just going to be better all around.

It's not fair.

Well, you're alright, love.

You're alright.

I've got lots of other friends too.

They've all loved the museum,
so they've moved in.

Here's little Tony.
He's in his room at the moment.

Doors locked, so I can't.
Tony, are you in there?

Are you, sweetheart?

Yeah, 'cause he's actually my son.

I'll leave 20 cents out for you, mate,

so you can get some pekoe
on your way home from school.

Yeah, just leave the change out for me.

I'll give Big Jessie a call too.

Just see if she's alright.

Hi, Big Jessie is that you?
Yeah, it's Joyce.

This is the message.
I'll leave a message for--

Sweetheart, I need you to get you
to come home and clean your room.

Yeah, cool-- It beeped.

It's cut out.

I bloody hate iPhones.
I prefer an Android.

[Joyce] Put all my teddies here,
my candles...

Yeah, and we've got Joyce's dad up here.

We found this. This is the horse
that was my dad's.

-Yeah.
-Yes, this is one of our precious items.

That's going to stay right here.

-That's the main precious one.
-Yeah.

Les said that if we ever found the teddy
that the deadshit man sold online,

that we might buy it back.

We'd definitely buy it back.

-Don't worry, we'll get it back.
-I hope so.

-Yeah, we will.
-Yeah.

It's Princess Diana Day.

Hello, how are you?

It's Shy Di here.

Where is Charles?

Charles, I can't see you.

I want to marry you today.

Mm. How are ya?
How are you going?

[Les] She has a lot of fun living here,

but I'm on the road a fair bit,
and she's here a lot on her own.

So, Rhonda's over here quite a bit,
her best friend,

and she's a really good Sheila.

Lady Di's here. Look out.

That's the Princess of Wales
to you, Rhonda.

It's actually me. It's Joyce.

[Rhonda] Oh, I know it's you.

-Hi.
-[Rhonda] Hi.

I got you a scrunchie.

-A silver one.
-Okay.

I haven't bloody seen you in ages.

I was here yesterday, you goose.

♪ Come inside, you stupid lady
You call me a goose ♪

♪ Come inside, you stupid lady ♪

♪ You think I'm a moose ♪

♪ Come inside, you stupid lady ♪

-[Joyce] ♪ You call me a moose ♪
-[Rhonda] ♪ Call me a goose ♪

[Joyce] Get in the house.

[Gavin] I turned the main light on.
Just check that out.

My bed.

Dylan, you'll be sleeping there.

Don't know where you're sleeping,
you have to ask my mum.

[Gavin] My cousins from England...

are staying...

for the holidays in Adelaide.

Fuck off.

[Gavin] I organized a couple
of lit-tivities for them.

[shouts] Gavin, fuck off.

[Gavin] I want to be a good host,

make sure they have a good time.

Mm.

So, if during the night,

you get a stiffy and you need to piss...

you stand up here...

Then, just make a fountain
out the window, like this.

Don't worry about stepping on me,

because I sleep like a log of shit.

[Gavin] Dylan, my cousin...

is my actual virtual best mate, now.

[Gavin] Mum. Mum, come here.

Reasons he is:

a fun cunt,

he gives no fucks...

-Fuck, it's a snake.
-[screams]

-[laughs]
-...and he's always up for fun shit.

Do you want to do drugs?

Mum, can we have the vitamin C, please?

Alright.

Check this out.

That one's for you.

You snort this.

Nek minute...
you start tripping hella ASAP.

[sniffing]

[Gavin] Snort it.

[sniffing]

Has yours kicked in yet?

I think I'm hallucinating.

Oh, yeah.

I, honestly, fucking love you.

[sniffs]

[sniffs]

Wow. Yeah.

[Gavin] Have you tried to fuck Ingrid?

Seriously, cunt, I'm going to come back
in a year's time,

and I'm going to try and slip the slug in.

So, back the fuck off.

Oh, by the way, show me the ruler.

See that? That's my dong size
six months ago...

and that's my dong size now.

It's not that different,

but every millimeter counts.

Cover your eyes up. Don't look.

Don't look at anything I'm doing.

[Gavin] Even though it's not Easter,

I've organized an Easter egg hunt.

See these?

I got them two years ago.

and I stored 'em.

And I've licked every single one of 'em,

'cause I don't want my mum to nick 'em.

You just scrape it off.

Okay. Go.

Hurry up. You're not going to get any.

You guys can have them.
I don't need any.

I'm not actually that hungry.

So, it's just a light spray
in your favorite color.

I've chosen a fire engine red.

So, while I'm working on that,

Lucy's working on the fringed edge.

She's cutting roughly one inch apart
strips along the bottom.

It's going to look amazing.

But, Beckinators...

you want to see
the final products, don't you?

-Sisters by chance...
-Sisters by chance...

-friends by choice.
-friends by choice.

[Becky] On today's Kraftaholik episode,

we're going to be making macramé masks,

razor mirrors and alfalfa bibles.

[Becky] The last six months
have been literally awesome.

Since me and Lucy made up,
we've been pretty much inseparable.

Yeah, it's like we were before.

Yeah, except I'm sort of
more chilled out now, don't you reckon?

Like, I'm all sort of, "Have fun,"

-and, just like... "Enjoy Uni life."
-Yeah.

Definitely. It's...

It's honestly like
she's a whole new person.

-Yeah.
-Yeah... and braces off too.

-New teeth.
-[both giggle]

[Becky] Everyone's complimenting me.

I'm thinking the mirror
should be, like, to the left,

because it's, like,
kind of a confronting thing.

Oh, hey, guys.

Hi. Jane, watch.

I'm really busy, but stay there.

-Hi, Lingers.
-[Tsun Ling] Hey, Becky.

Congrats on all this.

[Becky] Thanks.

Good to see you, Lingers.

[Becky] Since I came out as a freak,

I lost a lot of my fans on YouTube.

Then, the weirdest things
started to happen.

I've started to gain fans.

It was weird, people just liked me
for being me.

She's so huge right now.

I just unleashed the freak
and people liked it.

[pop music playing]

[emcee] Verity B.

[cheering]

[emcee] Ramon.

[applause continues]

[emcee] Albino!

Becky, the Beadster!

[cheering and applause]

[Becky] The Freak-Con national tour
has been a real game-changer for me.

It's been so good to meet my fans
face to face

and just, like, work with other bloggers

and people who are
just a little bit different, like me.

[emcee] Alright!

Everybody up, one by one, please.

And when you've had your photo taken,
please come off the stage.

[Becky] The other freaks and I
are just really close.

We've just, like, bonded so much.

I feel like I've found my people.
Like, they're my tribe.

[girls scream]

Verity, Verity, come down!

Who's gotta-- Who's got a phone?

[Becky] Oh, Aaron, my RA,
is, like, my manager now.

He's, like, helping me organize everything

and he comes
to all the Freak-Con events.

He's awesome.

Yeah, he is pretty awesome.

Yep, we're very close now.

Tell them.

Stop! [giggles]

Um, yeah.

So, basically, me and Aaron
are cuddle buddies at this stage,

but we are seeing what happens, and--

I can't believe you made me tell them.

Why? Get it out in the open.

'Cause it's just, like, weird.

-No, it's not weird.
-Okay.

[chuckles]

-[Brian] Lyn!
-I'm coming, I'm coming.

[Brian] Look, it's been a big life change,
that's for sure.

We're all in with Mum
at her place in Cronulla.

See you later, Grandma.

Have a good day.

[Brian] We've been
forced to sell our house

to pay off the debt
from Quentin's development.

Oi, Quentin, we're going.

[Brian] We're together.

We're family, we'll rise again.

It's just money.

Dad's back as CEO
of Reg Cook Real Estate too,

which has taken the pressure off me,
'cause I wasn't cut out for it.

Yes, you were.

-You were legendary.
-You were fantastic, sweetie.

-You did your best, mate.
-Yeah.

-The best you could.
-That's all you can do.

You've just got to try your best, eh?

[Brian] You did your best.

[Quentin] It may have cost the family
a lot of money...

-See you, Granny.
-[Grandma] Bye.

[Quentin] ...but the only way is up.

Bye, Grandma.

Dad's made Harrison
a full-blown real estate agent.

Harrison Gunn. Nice to see you.

[Quentin] A bit weird, if you ask me.
Like, he's only young.

Yeah, so we're going
for low ones at the moment.

It does have
such a fantastic curb appeal.

[Quentin] I'm not sure
if he can keep up with the big boys.

Okay, cool. How's my tie looking?

Yeah, really good.

[Quentin] The news is,
I've got a new assistant, Melinda.

She's awesome.

She's got a massive ass too,
like mine. So...

And she's my new missus.

Yeah, I only got the job
because he had the hots for me.

Well, I'm not an idiot.

[Melinda] Keep going, keep going.

[Quentin] So, we do
everything together, now,

like go to the gym,
we work out together...

Wait, should I do, like a squint? Or...

just, like, keep my eyes like normal?

-These are the options. Normal.
-Let's try again.

[camera shutter clicks]

No, squint.

[shutter clicks]

That's hot, babe.

-You really feel that in your core.
-Yeah, yeah.

Okay, one...

Two...

We're working on a few things together.

We've got a paleo/vegan restaurant
bar/nightclub thing

that we got in the works and--

We've got
this Augmented Reality Fitness app

which I can't say too much about.

It was her idea. We're working on that.

A lot of stuff on the horizon.

I love his looks, his body...

his butt,

his intelligence, his singing voice.

He's just full of hidden talents.

[Quentin] This is the sculpture garden

that me and my brothers
have set up at my grandma's place.

These various art pieces that I've done.

It's all QUNT art stuff.

It just makes you question life,
and like--

It's pretty confronting stuff.

I love this one, babe.

-Yeah. How good is it?
-It's so good.

-You're seriously talented.
-Yeah. Thanks, babe.

Yeah, this is sort of, like,
domestic life, questioning that stuff.

I've done heaps in the backyard.

I'm going to hold on to it,
because they're worth heaps

if you just keep your sculptures
for a few years,

the value goes up.

We should put something
on that sharp edge there.

[Melinda] We'll find you a buyer.

Big place,
lot of work done into that house.

You've told us, Mr. Kwong,
four kids, 30 years...

[Quentin] As working partners,
as real estate agents,

me and Melinda are nailing it.

[Mr. Kwong] I don't care
what you think, fatass.

I like her, not you.

And don't you sit on my toilet
while I'm out.

Alright. Well, that's cool.

We'll be in touch after the inspection.

-See you, Mr. Kwong. Bye, Mrs. Kwong.
-Bye.

Babe, just with this...

-Can make sure that's fluffed out?
-Yeah, sorry.

First impressions when people walk in--

-Yeah, yeah.
-I thought I told you that.

Let's get these brochures out.
You got the... floor plans?

Hello, my darlings.

Wait for me at the bottom,
and I'll come down.

Mercy!

Mercy, come and help me on the stairs.

[Jana] You could say I'm a new woman.

Yes, there's been a lot of changes.

I'm running my entire operation
out of the treehouse now.

I needed a change and I feel
more at home in Zimbabwe.

More relaxed, more me.

Hello, darlings, how are you?

Hello, my puppies.

How are you, darling?

Oh, sweetheart.

Alright, let's go over and set up.

You're my 9:00, and you're my 9:30.

And guess what? I'm pregnant.

That's right.

The Dutch semen fertilized me
and I'm due in March.

What better place to bring up a child
than a treehouse in Zimbabwe?

Alright.

Jana can hear you.

[dog whines]

Alright, he's telling me
that he did not like the journey here.

He's telling me that he did not want
to sit in the back of the car.

He would like to sit in the front.

What is that sound you're making, darling?

[whining continues]

Okay.

Alright, I don't know
how to tell you this,

but the devil is inside your dog.

[Jana] My pet psychic work
is thriving here.

Pets have problems no matter
where they live,

so I've been very, very busy.

You really want me to tell him that? Okay.

Simba is telling me that he hates you.

Hate is a very strong word, sweetheart.
Do you really hate him?

Yes, he hates you.

[Jana] Since Kylie left,
I've hired a new assistant, Mercy.

So far, she's been very good at her job.

Squeeze me tighter.
Very tight, very tight.

[Jana] I still keep up with
my celebrity clients back in Cape Town.

They're my bread and butter.

Alright, Jana can hear you.

I'm getting a T word.

T-T-Tongue.

Is it "tongue", "tail"?
It's "tail"? Yes, tail.

Right, he's asking me
what his tail is for.

Your tail is for wagging, sweetheart.

[Jana] You knew that Jana was coming,
didn't you?

[Jana humming]

It goes beyond cats and dogs in this area.

I'm dealing with many exotic animals.

Okay, he's telling me that
he would like Jana to sing him a song.

♪ You're a crocky crocodile ♪

♪ And you snap, snap, snap ♪

♪ And you want to eat the wildebeest ♪

♪ A nap, nap, nap ♪

Hello, my darling. You want to do
some painting for Jana?

-Would you like to paint for Jana?
-[camel groans]

[Jana] I have an exotic animal
art exhibition

opening in Johannesburg in January.

So, I've been very, very busy
putting that together.

Traumatized camel art is very valuable.

Yes, I'll be able to get
about 200,000 rand for this one.

Victor, the dog.

Where do I start with Victor, the dog?

Well...

He began to question
his gender identity again,

you know, he wanted to be a man.

Well, he decided that he wanted to be
a woman again.

I'd already paid for the operation
and he had a newly constructed penis--

[sighs]

We had an argument one night
and I put him outside,

and normally he sleeps
up in my room, and...

unfortunately, the hyenas came that night
and they killed him.

So, Victor's dead,
and I've been very, very, very sad.

Mercy!

Mercy, bring me Victor!

I've had Victor's pelt
made into a rug, so...

Pop it up. I want to show them a bit.

So that you'll always be near me.

There we go.

So soft.

Oh.

Pop it up on my lap.

There we go, Victor.

Hello, Victor.

Oh, you're so soft.

Jump under too, Mercy. Hop under.

So very nice and warm, isn't it?

Here you go.
You can use the tail to lift it up.

Hello, my darling.

Hello, sweetheart.

Oh, Victor...

[Keith] It was everything
they say it's gonna be,

the best day of your life.

Yes, it certainly was that.

I'd like to pronounce you
husband and wife.

[guests cheer]

[light applause]

[Keith] It was a civil service
'cause, unfortunately,

this country won't recognize
human-object relationships as legal.

But Karen and I made a commitment
to each other that day

to be together forever.
And that's all that matters.

-To Keith and Karen.
-To Keith and Karen!

[Keith] We had a fantastic week in Nusa.

It was a honeymoon to remember.

It's Karen, it's Keith. How are you?

Sunday morning sleep in. Loving life.

[Keith] We have our ups and downs,
like any couple.

That's marriage. It's not all roses.

Karen turning to face the camera.

I don't know why I have
to do everything for you.

Sorry, sweetie, I'm just...

I'm just tired.

[Keith] My Dick has gone
from strength to strength.

-How are we going, ladies. All good?
-Good.

Yes. Put those in the change room,
if you like.

Word of mouth is bringing in
the yummy mummies

and the young people in droves

and everyone's lapping up my label
Keith by Keith Dick.

Won't be long. Sorry.
We've got a bit of a queue happening here.

Won't be too long.

We've expanded our ottomans,
pouffes and Lazy Boys range

I've added coffee tables, rugs, blinds--

It's going off!

And Allan's looking after
our suit hire department.

Check it out.

Well, this is in this season.

Charcoal is in this season
in the pinstripe.

It's a subtle pinstripe.

Have you shown him the houndstooth?

[Patika] My life has changed, yes.

It's certainly been a roller coaster.

Thank you.

But Keith is very happy.

He's finally found peace with Karen.

And, strangely, it's a relief for me.

-Going well?
-Yes.

And we have saved my father's store.

I know he will be very proud of me.

This season... camo is in for girls.

-Yeah.
-So, it's camo, camo, camo.

What you can do,
is we're going into the cooler months.

You really want to cover
that sort of chin zone.

I think with you,
it's gonna be your favorite color.

-Because you are--
-Yeah.

You are-- You do tend to...

sway towards the neutrals, I've noticed.

It's a sort of piratey look,

but it does work quite well.

That's actually quite good
with your skin tone, too.

With a hoop earring, perhaps?

[Keith] I think in order to succeed
in retail,

you need to A: trust your vision,

and B: you've got to think big.

[Keith laughs]

Try and land it, Finn.

He landed it.

I've had this rail installed

to give the store a cool, youthy image.

Grind it, fellas.

Bella, walking towards me, please.

[Keith] The Keith by Keith Dick
new season collection

is in the design phase.

We'll be putting together a lookbook.

This is not going to work,
that's not gonna work. We need to--

That's too busy, that fabric's too busy.

I'll get you to plop that off. Thanks.

I do like the sheer--

I think we could go for more
of sort of a shower curtain style.

These are quite good.

With a green sock.

And if you could just reveal
the face at the front there.

These are the garments
for the young person of today,

who says, "I am me,

I am who I want to be.

Fuck the world!"

Excuse my French.

-Ma'am, how are you? Great.
-[woman] Good, thank you.

[Keith] And we've installed
a new service counter

to cope with the extra customers.

And Karen's back on the floor.

Here you go.

Isn't it lovely to work
with your wife all day

and then go home with her?

Get a load of new Snoopy,

just right next
to the orange My Little Pony there.

-It's new.
-Yeah, he's cute.

-Where did you get him?
-Just off eBay.

eBay? Oh, la, la.

Yeah, me and Les
are predominantly digital these days.

You have changed, Joyce.

Get lost, Rhonda.

Oh, my God.

Did that monkey's tail just move?

-Did you see it move?
-Did you see it?

I would believe that,

because every time
I go looking for the monkey.

I can't find it.

-Did you definitely see it move?
-Yeah.

Oh, my God!

I've always said to Joyce,
"Everything works out."

And her life now with Les--

You're a dream partnership.

The birds have stopped
listening to me as well.

They're not interested in me anymore.

Yeah, well. That's a good thing.

-Get in position, get in position.
-Alright.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to present to you...

the magnificent, the stunning...

the fabulous Joyce Jeffries!

Welcome to the Joyce and Les Museum.

Roll up, roll up,

come on in and see my stuff.

Come on in.

Come on, follow Joyce in.

Give me a beat please, Rhonda.

♪ This is my Kate Bush collection ♪

♪ Look at all of the things ♪

♪ Here's my fan
The China man fan ♪

♪ I love my fan ♪

[Joyce] My life is very fun now.

I get to show people all my stuff.

It's taken me a long time
to collect it, so...

good.

♪ Here are my videotapes ♪

♪ And there are my remote controls ♪

♪ Here are my Snoopys
And here are my corncobs ♪

♪ Smurfs, smurfs
Look at my Smurfs ♪

I started off in show business

and I've ended up in the business
of showing people my things

and making people happy,

and that's all you need to do.

So, shut up about that
and stop filming me.

[playing harmonica]

Ta-da!

You're a dumb cunt, aren't you?

Don't move if you're a dumb cunt.

He is one.

[Gavin] My auntie...

she thinks that I need...

more responsibility in my life.

So, she told my mum
to buy me a guinea pig.

So, I've got a guinea pig now.
It's called Gayhurst.

He gets so horny
because he lives on his own.

You want to fuck a chick guinea pig,
don't you?

Hey, Gayhurst, how would you feel
if my dog ate you?

You'd be pissed off.

I'm glad I'm not the Earl of Gayhurst,

because I'm just the dumb cunt nephew.

I didn't want to do it anyway.

Alright, Clementine.

Stand back there.

[Gavin] Basically, I just want to do
low-key fun shit

for the rest of my life.

Are you recording?

Are you ready, Dylan?

Yep.

[Dylan laughs]

Dope as fuck.

Dope as fuck.

Dope as fuck.

[indistinct chatter]

-[Jack] Hey, guys.
-Hi.

[Jack] You want some tea, or--

-No, thanks.
-Sure?

-Actually, yeah. With the sugar.
-[Jack] Okay.

[Jack] With sugar? I know.

-Me too.
-[Jack] You too? Alright.

Oh, get the mugs.

[Jack] Oh, yeah.

[Lucy] So, a lot of stuff has
happened with Jack.

I was dating him for about three weeks.

She was really into him.

I was, until I found out that he had
hooked up with my friend Taylor.

But it was totally his fault.

Like, he got her drunk.

Yeah. And then he told her
that all Australians smell

and that he was off me.

But, we got revenge on him.

[laughs]

So, before Jack was at this college

he went to a different one,
and he lived in a frat house

and had to do
a hazing ceremony to be accepted.

So, have you guys heard
of "the elephant walk"?

[giggles]

-It's so disgusting.
-Oh, it's so gross.

The guys stand in a line
holding each other's dicks

and walk around in a circle.

Yeah, it's like the elephant's trunks,

so the guys in the circle
are holding the "trunks".

-Yeah.
-It's so gross.

So, my friend Ellie,
her brother was there,

and he got a photo of Jack doing it
and he sent it to me.

And Lucy has threatened to post it online.

Show them the photo.

[Lucy laughs]

It's so gross.

[Lucy] It's so gross.

But, with just one click,

I can anonymously post it
onto our dorm's Facebook page,

and ruin his time at college.

Yeah, we wouldn't do it,
but he thinks that we might,

so he's being really nice to us.

[Lucy] It's been so good.

[girls giggle]

Alright, this one's with sugar.

-This is the regular one.
-Cool.

You guys want some Oreos too?

I'll have two.

-Right on.
-I'll have three, please.

Three?

-For you.
-No. Get it on the unicorn dish.

-Thanks, Jackie.
-Yeah, no worries.

Thanks, Jack.

Cheers!

Cheers for the family!

♪The boys, the boys ♪

♪ The boys, the boys, the boys ♪

♪ The boys, the boys
The boys, the boys, the boys ♪

Quentin, shut up.
It's your mum's birthday.

[Quentin] Captain Quntboss is here.

I can't fucking help it
when the Captain comes out.

It's out of my control, babe.

-Happy Birthday, Mum. We love you.
-Thank you, darling. Thank you so much.

-[Brian] Go easy, Lyn.
-Go easy, Mum.

But you know what I'd really like
for my birthday?

-What?
-My favorite song...

sung by my favorite man.

-I'm not seeing--
-Come on, Captain!

♪ Am I not pretty enough ♪

[Quentin] I think, pretty much,
if you've got family around you,

you can, like, get through anything.

[Quentin] That's what I've learned.

♪ Don't I make you laugh ♪

♪ I don't want my love to go to waste ♪

♪ I want you and your beautiful... ♪

Mum.

[all cheering]

Thank you!

-Thank you! You were so good.
-I fucking love you, Mum.

You want another song, or--

I'll leave you
to have a little look around.

[Quentin] I've also learned, like,
it's good to just accept

your physical and mental flaws.

How you going, Stewart?
Is it ticking a lot of boxes for you?

-Yes, it is.
-Yeah, cool, mate.

Have you seen the space upstairs?

-It's a fantastic--
-Excuse me, Quentin...

[cockatoo squawks]

Mr. Colton is ready to see a contract.

Oh, fantastic. Excuse me.

I'll leave them with you, babe.

How are you going, Mr. Colton?

Oh, sorry about that.

[Quentin talks to cockatoo]

[Quentin] Yeah, I was telling babe...

in life, I reckon,
you gotta pursue your creative dreams.

And, whatever you imagine,
it might not come true,

but it's just like
shit just kind of works out.

-Don't you reckon, babe?
-Yeah, babe.

I'll take my bird.

Hi, how are you going? Welcome to 25.

Have a look around.

Great to meet you.

Natasha!

Natasha!

Join in, please, Mercy.

-Natasha!
-Natasha!

-Natasha!
-Natasha!

-Natasha!
-Natasha!

[Jana] I'm still searching
for my aardvark.

I call out for her every single night.

I've been communicating
with her telepathically.

I know she's out there, but...

she just won't reveal herself.

Natasha!

It's Jana.

Where are you?

I leave an offering for her every night
of bread crumbs,

hoping that one day she'll come home.

I'm still holding out hope.

This is the first print run
of my new book, Where is My Aardvark?

It's coming out for Mother's Day.

Three times and then I'll be okay.

[Jana] My OCD comes back
from time to time.

I don't know why. It's just who I am.

I received this as well.

Kylie and Craig's wedding.

I didn't go, obviously.

I don't know why.
I always fall for the straight ones.

[Jana] But, I've very much moved on.

Moved on and forgotten all about her.

Okay. Let's put it on.

Thank you, Mercy.

Okay.

Tighten me up there please, Mercy.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Alright, where's my chair?

And my rug, please, on my lap.

[softly] Hello, my darling.

Hello, Victor, my man-dog.

How's my man-dog?

Your fur is so soft.

Oh, ooh!

Yes, Mummy loves you.

My man-dog.

My beautiful man-dog.

[Keith] Today is
an extremely exciting day for me.

Ellie. How are you, love?

[Keith] I'm going back to visit
my old department store

and I haven't seen everyone in yonks.

At first, my stress levels
were through the roof,

but I've got to say,
nothing beats running your own business.

This is my new my wife, Karen.

-We got married on the beach and...
-Wow.

...had the honeymoon out in Nusa,
which was an absolute dream.

[Keith] I've struck a deal
with the department store

to stock a small range
of the Keith by Keith Dick collection.

How good does it look?

[Keith] It's an incredible honor.

I feel like I've come full-circle
in a way.

[cheering]

[Becky shouts] Daddy!

Oh, my God!

[Becky] Yeah, I would say I've grown a lot

over the last two semesters of college.

I'm so different now to when I started.

-This is Aaron, the RA I told you about!
-Hello. How are you?

That's my boy!

You're going to love what you see.

This is incredible.

I know.

-[Dad] Watch your head.
-That's not a big deal!

Yeah, and on the ceiling, Dad.
Did you see the ceiling?

[Becky] I guess I've learned
not to sweat the small stuff.

And it's okay to be different.

You just gotta be you,
no matter how freak you are.

So, I've done a few songs.

This is my latest one,
so I'll show you guys.

♪ I think all day ♪

♪But in my way
I don't know what ♪

♪ Know what's beautiful ♪

♪ I stand so tall ♪

♪ But if I fall
Who will catch me ♪

♪ Am I beautiful ♪

♪"You're pretty," they say ♪

♪ You'll go all the way ♪

♪ Here's what I have to say ♪

♪ Be your own kind of beautiful ♪

You ready?

[Keith] My recent journey
has taught me a lot.

Yes, you've got to work hard,

but make sure you had fun along the way.

And it doesn't matter
what people think of you.

Who gives a rat's?

Just be yourself.

Here we go!

[cheering]

Yeah. You're going to get married.

[Joyce] You're getting married!
You're getting married!

[electronic music playing]

[Quentin] Follow your dreams.

♪ I don't know what I'm doing ♪

[Becky sings]
♪ Be your own kind of beautiful ♪

♪ Party, party, party ♪

[Becky sings]
♪ His teeth and face ♪

♪ His mirror tells him ♪

[Keith] Follow your heart.

-♪ That he's not, he's not beautiful ♪
-God have mercy. Where are you?

♪ She broke her heart ♪

-♪ That's when she started to think that ♪
-Hello, Kylie.

♪ She's not beautiful ♪

Alright. Mush, you damn dogs.

Come on. Mush.

♪ "You're handsome," they say ♪

[Keith] If you wanna be weird, be weird

So much fun.

[Keith] Doesn't matter how you're born
or who they think you're supposed to be.

Thank you very much.

♪ Be your own kind of beautiful ♪

[Keith] You do you.

You do you.

♪ Beautiful ♪

[applause]

[Dad] That was great.

-[Becky] Thank you.
-[Dad] Beautiful.

[theme music playing]

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