All language subtitles for Lunatics s01e06.e

[upbeat music]

[Becky sings] ♪ Kraftaholik ♪

♪ Kraftaholik ♪

♪ Kraftaholik ♪

♪ It's Kraftaholik, with Becky ♪

Hi, Beckinators, it's me, Becky Douglas.
And Merma.

So, this week on Kraftaholik,

a lot of you guys have been requesting
dorm-room DIY.

In particular, jewelry boxes.

So, get yourself a plastic jewelry box.

[Becky] Nancy's been helping out
with Kraftaholik

and it's been going so well.

My subscribers have gone up heaps.

And all the comments I'm getting
are so positive.

And you, too, could have a jewelry box
as amazing as this.

Whoopsies.

Hi! Can you see me through there?

So, I know a lot of you guys
have been requesting another video.

I'm doing the daily videos,
but I'm thinking I might do twice daily.

What do you think, Beckinators?
What do you think?

[Becky] And I'm also doing regular
social media story updates, too.

That's where I do more
"college life" advice and stuff like that.

You guys are my reason
for waking up in the morning.

You guys are my life, okay?

Like my videos. Subscribe.
Tell your friends.

Do it all, because I love you.

I literally love you guys, so much.

So, after the fan incident,

I had to have this chunk of hair cut out
from my head...

just to release me from the blades.

Lucy keeps reminding me
that it's just a matter of time

before my hair grows back,

because I've got
a little bald patch there,

but I'm just keeping it in a side-pony.

I can sort of cover that patch
a little bit.

So, yeah.

Everyone in the dorm is being really nice.

Like, even Jack's being nice to me.

-[knock at door]
-[Jack] Knock, knock.

Hey, Becky, how's your head?

Oh, the head's pretty good.

I'm just, um,
yeah, keeping it in a side pony.

And, just, yeah.

It hurts heaps, but, like,
I'm just taking painkillers.

-That's good, that's good.
-Just until the scalp heals.

-I'll see you in the common room, okay?
-Cool.

-All right.
-Well, thanks for... Yeah.

Thanks for dropping in.

That was nice of him.

[Becky] Lucy's been pretty busy lately.

She's got this new group of friends.

Lucy! Hey, guys!

-Hi.
-What are you guys doing for lunch?

I'm hungry as.

Yeah, so the three of us
are gonna go shopping.

[Lucy] But, uh, I'll see you tonight.

Oh, cool, yeah.

All right, see you tonight.

[Becky] College has been so fun, lately.

Like, I don't see a lot of Lingers,
but I text him heaps.

He's kind of like my main friend,
you could say.

I've got this cool group of friends, too.

Hey, guys! There you are.

[Becky] They're so loud and funny.

Anyone want a pretzel, or...?

I'll just leave them there,
if anyone wants them.

We have the best time.

I've organized a lot
of social events for us.

My silent disco went off, it was so fun.

My friends just love dancing
and showing off.

Basically, I'm loving life right now.

[theme music playing]

[Quentin] So, money's been tight,
so I've had to sell my whip, my Tesla.

Dad made me.

Been cruising around
in Harrison's hatchback,

which has been... interesting.

Haven't been in a hatchback
in a few years, but it's all good.

[Quentin] Mr. and Mrs. Kwong, how are you?
Quentin Cook.

-Hello.
-[Quentin] Nice to see you.

-This is my junior assistant, Harrison.
-Hello.

[Quentin] Shoes off? Shoes off, I assume?

[Mrs. Kwong] Shoes off, yes.

[Quentin] Cool, all right.
Let me pop those off.

Get your shoes off.

[Quentin] Yeah, since I turned 30,

I took over as CEO
of Reg Cook Real Estate.

Dad's officially handed that role
over to me. So...

-So, respect vibes from you, please, mate.
-Yeah, of course.

Oh, this piece of granite...

Is that not the biggest piece of granite
you've ever seen in your life, Harrison?

-[Quentin] What a beauty.
-It's stunning.

High five, Frank.

Give us another high five. Yeah, cool.

Did you have to get that craned in?

-No.
-With a helicopter, no?

-[Mr. Kwong] No.
-Oh, okay.

Let's go have a look at your guest room
up here, is it?

-[Mr. Kwong] Yes.
-[Quentin] Cool.

[Quentin] With all the recent
financial issues with the development,

it's important that I land some listings
in the next few weeks.

So, it's "go hard or go home" time for me.

You didn't shit in there, did you?

Um, I did have to use the bathroom, yeah.
Sorry about that.

Number one rule:
You don't shit in my house.

I apologize for that.

Sorry, Mr. Kwong.

[speaking foreign language]

I can smell it from here.

You don't want me to shit in your house,
do you?

No. It was a bit of an emergency, so...

[complains in foreign language]

Why can't we get your dad?
Where's Brian?

He's retired.

Dad called you about that. I'm CEO now.

You're in safe hands with me, mate.

I don't think I like you.

[Quentin] Not all clients are easy.
Like, some are quite challenging.

And you've really gotta work hard
to earn your commission.

[Quentin] But if you have people skills,

and you're able to read people,
like I can,

that's what sales is about.

Happy days.

So, this is the copy that I was thinking
of doing for the glossy brochure, as well.

This will go online. It's a...

"Put your own stamp on this tired old gem,

or demolish and create
your own dream home on this rare plot."

What the fuck?

That's just a draft at the moment, so...

Do you want to change something, or...

Do you know how much
I spent on this house?

We raised four kids in this house.

-Yeah.
-[Quentin] That's right.

What's wrong with this house?
Don't you like it?

I wouldn't personally say it's tired.

I mean, it could do
with a little freshen-up.

But I just think it's planting that seed
in people's minds

that they might want
to knock it down, or...

-Yeah.
-[Mr. Kwong] I don't like you.

I only like your dad.

Quentin is a very good
real estate agent, so...

What we find is it's sometimes better
for the vendor to just "keep out of it"

and let us do our job.

Fuck that.
You can fuck off my house now.

No, it's all good. It's all good.

Chill.

[sighs]

Well, that feels a lot better.

[Jana] I just had my colonic irrigation
this morning.

I do it once a month.

I was never that keen on colonics...

I didn't like the idea
of a foreign body up my asshole.

Oh, isn't that fascinating?

Yeah, you can tell it's very old.

[Jana] We flushed out
a crayon this morning.

I must have swallowed it as a child.

The colon tends to hold on to things
in the walls.

I never used to draw with crayons
as a child.

So, I must have popped it in my mouth
at some point.

Maybe at a friend's house.

I have to ask my mom.

We don't always find something

but a couple of years ago,
we got this plastic grape

that I swallowed in a department store
as a child.

And that's been in me for 40-plus years.

And this piece of Lego
a couple of months ago, too.

I used to love Lego as a girl,
so that makes sense.

Okay, show me the photos please,
one more time.

No, not that one.

No, that's not her.

Riley, you're going through them too fast.

You're flicking them in my face.
I can't see.

No, no, that's not her.

That's a male.

[Jana] The Zimbabwean trackers

that I've hired to find
my childhood aardvark, Natasha,

are having some trouble finding her.

No, no, the snout is much more petite.

We've narrowed down the search area.

Because aardvarks tend to not stray
too far from their colony.

So, it's only a matter of time.

I don't know, do I need to go to Zimbabwe

to try to draw her out
telepathically myself?

Maybe I do.

I thought these trackers
were going to be able to find her.

I'm dumbfounded that they can't.

Okay, keep looking, boys.
Give me a call tomorrow.

You've already shown me that photo.

So, I don't know
why you're showing me that again.

If you can't tell the difference
between the shots that you've shown me,

and those you haven't,
then what hope have we got?

For God sakes.

[Jana] I will pursue the search
for as long as it takes.

I want her back.

And I usually get what I want.

Yes, Mum, it was a Crayola crayon.

Crayola. A blue one.

Well, I don't know. I'm not the mother.

Well, it's been in my colon
for forty years.

I must have swallowed it.

I don't know.

You should have been watching me
more carefully, Mum.

[store music playing]

[cash register beeping]

[cash register beeps]

[Keith] We've had a very long talk.

A big heart-to-heart and...

I'm going to say to you lot
and to you, as well, Marilyn,

I do appreciate
how understanding you have been

and how, how well you've... taken it.

So, thank you, Marilyn. Yeah.

Just everyone's different, aren't they?

Everyone's got their little quirks.

You don't get to be my age
without having seen it all.

It's fine.

To put it into perspective,

Marilyn caught me
penetrating a vacuum cleaner,

with my penis in the vacuum hose. So...

I don't think you need to explain it
any further.

[Keith] Mm-hm.

Well, that's true, yes.

I have explained to Marilyn my condition.

I am an objectiphile.

I do fall in love
with objects very easily.

And it's a compulsion that is so strong,

it's quite hard to control at times.

What happened with the vacuum was...

wasn't...

It was a fling. It was a dalliance.

It wasn't love. It was...

I felt love.

And the only thing I've ever truly loved

is Karen, the cash register.

It's a...

And, of course, my lovely wife, Patika.

I'm removing the vacuum cleaner
from the store,

out of harm's way.

And lips are sealed on this matter now.

And, um, we've decided
we're going to work together as a team

and make this store great.

Mm.

She has requested one condition.

And that is we no longer wear

the youth-slogan staff t-shirts
as uniforms.

So, I have reluctantly agreed to that.

That's all I ask.

And then mum's the word
on the whole incident.

[Keith] Mm.

Technically, if you tell anyone,
I could fire you.

So, that's... Just putting that out there.

-[store music playing]
-[cash register beeps]

What?

Nothing. I didn't say anything.

June, have you dusted this bench,
like I asked?

Attention, staff.

The t-shirts will no longer be worn,
as of tomorrow.

So, back to old uniforms.

New rule.

Hi, Patika. How are you?

Good.

This register is playing up again.

Oh, glad to hear you're doing well.

[Lucy] So, is Lingers definitely
going to meet you tonight?

Because he always says he will,
but he never shows up.

Yeah, he's definitely meeting me.

I haven't seen him in weeks. I can't wait.

You should invite him
to the scavenger hunt.

Yeah, I definitely will.
I want him to come to the scavenger hunt.

I'm gonna ask him.
I don't know what he'll say, but...

I'm so tired, though, Becky.

Like, I honestly don't know
how I'm gonna make it through tonight.

That's 'cause you went out last night
with your friends.

-Naughty.
-Sorry, Mum.

Lucy...

I'm really starting to fall for Lingers.

I can kind of tell. You've got his name
written over everything.

I know. [giggles]�

It's kind of embarrassing.

-It's kinda cute.
-It's a cute name.

-It's very cute.
-I like it.

[sobs]

[sobbing] I just love him so much.

Becks, it's okay.

I'm okay. It's happy tears.

I'm just, I'm just really into him.

I mean, it's a good thing.

It's been a very long time
since you've liked a guy this much.

Yeah, he might be my first.

Sex? Becky!

No! Kiss.

My God.

We said we'd stay virgins
until the end of college.

I can't believe you though that.
That's so embarrassing.

I was gonna say.

No, I just really like shy guys.

And he's such a cute shy guy that...

I'm thinking I might say
the "L" word to him today.

-Really?
-Yeah.

That's so sweet.

-Can we pray that he loves me back?
-Yeah, of course. Okay.

Alright.

[both whispering]

[Quentin] I just wanna
go on a fucking bender.

Like, just get rat-assed
for, like, five days.

You know when you get like that?

Well, mate, if you want me to call them
and change their minds--

No, fuck it! I don't need him.

I don't need his fucking listing.

The guy's a dickhead.

Yeah, we both should have taken
a shit in his house.

Dude, shut up.

Respect me, please.
I'm your fucking superior.

I just feel like-- You know, like,

when your whole fucking life's,
like, laid out before you, like...

Like, since I was, like, nine years old,

I just knew that I would grow up
and have, like, an important job,

money, good looks, like...

get a hot girlfriend, get married,

-have hot kids.
-Yeah.

I feel like I just want more out of life,
you know?

Yeah, man.

Like, more than just being a good-looking,
shit-hot real-estate agent.

-Yeah.
-You know?

Like, be honest with me, dude.

Like, If you had a massive ass,
the size of mine,

would you consider getting
ass-reduction surgery?

Are you considering that?

No, I'm just asking for a mate.
I'm just, like... thinking.

I don't know, mate.
I just feel like fucking getting loose.

-No, I feel that.
-Play some of your fucking music.

The fucking silence is making me want
to shoot myself in the dick.�

-Oh, here we go.
-[EDM music playing]

I fucking love your shit, man.

Oh, this is actually one of your best.

Yeah, man.

Have you ever thought
about putting, like, vocals on it?

Like, chuck some vocals over that beat?

I'm more into the instrumental-type thing.
Vocals aren't really my scene.

[singing] ♪ I don't know what I'm doing ♪

-Yeah, I sound like that, really.
-Yeah, I guess.

-Is that weird?
-No, no. No.

♪ I don't know what I'm doing ♪

♪ But I just wanna party ♪

-Do you like that?
-Yeah.

-Does it sound all right?
-Yeah.

♪ I don't know what I'm doing doing ♪

♪ But I just wanna party party ♪

And then you go high.

♪ But I just wanna party ♪

Fuck, dude! It's actually, like, sick.

Like going into a nightclub,

and you just, like, heard that shit
come on, like the melody, that beat,

-and then that fucking voice...
-Yeah.

It's a fucking banger.

I would be straight to the D-floor, mate.

Dude, we should fucking record it.

Yeah, man. I'd be cool with that.

Dude... Fuck! Concept.

We go to your place,
get all your recording gear.

Come to mine, set up.

We record that, like,
before I forget the melody.

Get that, make a fucking track out of it.

Yeah, right on.

Fuck, dude!
This is actually gonna be sick!

[Quentin sings]
♪ But I just want to party ♪

-[Quentin] That is awesome.
-[Harrison] Cool, man, yeah.

-Try that, okay?
-Darling, put it on my eyes.

Ready? Move forward.
Move your head down.

Ah, there we go.

Is that comfortable?

What am I seeing here?

If you look straight in front of you,
if you look on the screen,

there'll be a video called "Victoria 1."

So, how do I click?

Bring your hand up to the right of you.
There's a button.

Ah, I see.

Ah, "Victoria 1." There it is.

Oh, I can't believe how real this looks.

It looks, I feel as though
I'm really there!

-Awesome, eh?
-Did you film this last week?

[Kylie] Yeah, we did.

-Just out in the courtyard.
-I can't believe it.

There's my darling Victoria.

Hello, Victoria.

Hello. Mommy's here.

[Jana] Kylie has filmed Victoria
so that I can see her while she's away,

getting her surgery done in Thailand.

-Jana. Careful, don't go too far.
-Feels so soft.

-Why?
-The table's right in front of you.

Come backwards.

-There we go.
-I just want to pet her.

You can do it, if you want.
Just put your hand up over here.

On the side.

And then double-tap.

Ah, okay.

[Jana] So, I'm sad that Victoria is going
to come back as a male dog.

Even though I know
I won't see my Victoria again,

it makes me happy to know
that I can pet her in VR.

Hello, my darling.

Oh, I can see you, Kylie.

-Kylie, I can see you in the background.
-[Kylie] Yeah.

Hello, Kylie.

-[Kylie] Hey, baby, come inside.
-Oh, my darling.

-Hello.
-[Kylie] How are you?

-How are you?
-[Craig] Good, thank you.

[Jana] Today is the day that

Kylie's fiance, Craig,
moves into my house.

No, no, Craig. Be careful, man.

Very, very hilarious.

If I slip over and break my hip,
it'll be your fault.

-Hi, Jana. Oh.
-Hi.

I just wanted to thank you very much for
having us for the next couple of weeks.

-[Kylie] Thank you.
-She practically begged me. So...

I had to say yes.

[Jana] He's staying here
till the wedding.

To be honest, I can't stand him.

In the same room, I'm assuming.

-[Craig] I'd hope so.
-You must not wake me up at any point.

No going to the toilet
during the night, either.

Kylie holds, so you'll have to, as well.

-Okay, thanks again, Jana.
-Thanks, Jana.

No problem.

[Jana] If they think I'm going to be
all fake and happy about the wedding,�

they've got another thing coming.

I'm not. I can't be bothered.

As long as Kylie focuses on her job...

That's what I pay her for.

She can have the weekend off
for the wedding,

and that's it.

Comes back to work.
I don't have time to fluff around.

Hello. Hello, my darling.

How are you?

Yes.

Hello, Kylie.

Hello, Kylie.

Hello.

Hello, Kylie.

Hello, Kylie.

Hello, Kylie.

Jana's here.

[Keith] I mean, I would like to see you
in something in a gingham.

I quite like the pleats, there,
and that is an elastic waist.

So, that will give a little bit of help
around the love-handle area.

And I sort of quite like that peasant top.

That's making a comeback
in your age group.

So, I will put that--
That's part of my pull.

So, I will put that there.

I'd die for that.
And I'd die for your "bingo" look.

We've got that sorted.
That's your bingo look.

And with the slacks, of course.
With those slacks.

And I think your semi-casual look,
we've locked down.

Would you consider something like this?

I think it's borderline age-appropriate.

We do need to accessorize
with something around the, um...

[telephone rings]

Just trying to think.
If I can grab your bag...

Just to imagine a "choker" kind of thing.

Just going around there.

Just...

Just squeeze that...

Excuse me, Keith,
there's a phone call for you.

-Yeah, so I think...
-I can take over here, if you like.

I think, get all of this stuff. YOLO.

I'll take over, if you like.

Keith Dick speaking.

Oh, Leanne! Hi, Leanne, how are you?

Yeah, it's been ages.

Yeah, yeah. No. Yeah, as you well know.

Oh, now, that would be fantastic.

Okay, great! Well, we'll wait
to hear from you this afternoon, then.

Okay, thanks, Leanne.

Yeah, great. You, too.

See you, love.

Uh, Alex Perry are considering
stocking in My Dick.

I repeat... All staff, listening up!

Alex Perry are considering
stocking in My Dick.

We will be hearing this afternoon.

A round of applause, please, for me.
Thank you!

-[applause]
-Whoo!

[Keith] Isn't it exciting news?

Yes! Give me some applause.

Great news.

[Patika] Keith, we need to talk.

-Isn't that exciting news?
-Listen, Keith. Listen.

I have been doing the books,

and we need to seriously
watch our spending.

We are spending way too much.

Not enough to justify with our sales.

It's not very bad-bad, but it's bad.

We're building the business, though.

These things
don't happen overnight, darling.

I'm telling you, if you continue this way,
we are going to have a problem.

I'm letting you know.

Alex Perry are going
to stock in the store.

Can't you be happy for me for once?

Jesus Christ.

I'm sorry.
You spend way too much on renovation.

Sales are much lower than as projected.

You may need to consider staff cuts.

I'm not sacking people.
It hasn't got to that point.

Listen, the new cash register system
is four weeks away.

This one is playing up.

It's not printing reports.
We need to replace it.

But if we rent,
it's a one-year commitment.

We need a new cash register system
that works to tide us over.

-I don't know what to do.
-Well, it's a no-brainer. Karen.

-You've got to be kidding me.
-She's at your brother's place.

She's perfectly fine.
They built those things to last.

I'll go pick her up this afternoon,
bring her in.

-Problem solved.
-I'm not going through all that again.

Oh, look, it's ancient history.

I've had bloody counseling. I'm over it.

I feel nothing for that machine anymore.

You're calling it "Karen," still.

Yeah, that's just out of habit.

Problem solved.

I'll go around your brother's,
give him a call.

I'll let him know I'll pick up Karen.

I mean, "the register," and we're good.

We're all good. Problem solved.

So, what exactly have you been doing?

Been really busy. Studying.

-Partying. Whatever.
-Cool.

Oh, yeah, awesome.

So, do you reckon you're gonna come
to scavenger's tonight?

What is it?

My dorm does all these really cool
social events.

Like, I did this silent disco.

It was really fun.

We're doing this scavenger hunt tonight.

Everyone gets in teams
and just, like, runs around.

And then there's like a list,
and everyone just wreaks havoc.

It's really fun.

Is there any alcohol?

Alcohol? Yeah.
There'll be alcohol, I think.

I don't drink, but, yeah.

So, you'll be on my team, if you come.

Okay, I will come.

[sobs]

Sorry, I'm just... I'm crying.

It's happy tears. I'm just really excited
that you're coming.

Okay. Sorry.

I didn't mean to, like...

Ooh! That was weird.

I'm just, yeah,
pretty happy you're coming.

Um, Lingers...

You know how I write my own songs?

-Yeah.
-Yeah, well, can I sing you a song?

-How long is it?
-Three minutes, 24 seconds.

Oh, I should go.

Oh, no, stay, stay, stay.
Stay to the first chorus.

There's something that I want you to hear
in this next chorus.

[music track starts]

[Becky sings] ♪ In every way ♪

♪ And all through the day ♪

♪ And in my dreams ♪

♪ And in my silly old ways ♪

♪ I'm thinking 'bout you ♪

♪ You think 'bout me too ♪

Time's up. I'm out.

♪ I came to say I love you ♪

[music continues]

-[music stops]
-[Becky sobs]

[sobbing]

[Quentin] Uh, Harrison, do that thing
that makes me sound, like, sick.

-Is it on?
-[Harrison] Yep.

[muffled] Is it on?

[in auto-tuned voice]
♪ I'm lit as fuck ♪

♪ Through the working week, they say ♪

♪ But you should see me ♪

♪ On Saturday ♪

♪ Saturday ♪

How fucking good does this sound?

-It's so good.
-It sounds fucking shit-hot.

Like, do you like the lyrics?
I'm 90% happy with them, but I don't know.

You could say something, maybe, like,
"Who cares about inspections."

-Or, like, "Who cares about auctions?"
-Yeah, that's good shit.

Like, make it really real estate specific.

Yeah, like, real estate.

Like, I'm this. like, real estate dude
who just goes ham on Saturday night.

Yeah, you are that dude, bro.

Right, I pretty much am that dude.
I'm not even lying.

This is fucking sick.

Let's try it again.

♪ I'm lit as fuck ♪

♪ Through the working week, they say ♪

♪ But you should see me ♪

♪ On Saturday ♪

♪ Saturday ♪

Oh, fuck.

Cut me in.

♪ I don't know what I'm doing ♪

♪ But I just wanna party ♪

♪ I don't know what I'm doing ♪

♪ But I just wanna party ♪

Fuck! How much
am I fucking nailing this, boys?

-You were born to do this, dude.
-[Quentin] Fuck!

Yeah, you've always wanted
to use your voice for stuff like this.

-And this is your chance.
-Yes!

Oh my good golly,
I was just about moved to tears.

Oh, I'm so fucking excited.

-I could get, like, gigs and DJ and shit.
-Like, fucking singing live

-in front of people.
-Fuck yeah, dude.

You could charge dickloads
for appearance fees.

Harrison, get that,
plug your shit in here.

Make that music play out of here.

-Yeah, yeah, easy.
-Oh, shit.

I'm not a DJ, but can you show me
how to, like...

-Check this out.
-Obviously, I don't know how to DJ.

Quentin, check this out.

Some of these DJs are getting, like,
40 grand, just for their gigs.

-Like each. Then look here...
-Forty fucking grand?

Steve Aoki's net worth...

He's, like, $450 million U.S. dollars.

-Even if we charge half of that.
-What the fuck?

This is it, boys!

This is the answer
to all our financial shit.

Like, I'll fucking DJ.
Can I sing live vocal?

-Yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah, man.
-Yeah, and get gigs and shit.

Charge fucking 40 grand.

There's all
our fucking financial shit solved.

-Too fucking easy.
-I fucking knew it would come to me.

We've fucking cracked it, boys!
We've cracked it.

Yes!

♪ Party party party ♪

♪ I've got inspections ♪

♪ On Saturday ♪

♪ Too many auctions ♪

♪ On Saturday ♪

[high-pitched vocalizing]

♪ Sell ♪

Get it, bro.

♪ Sell ♪

♪ Sold ♪

[Jana] Oh, here he is! My dog, my boy dog.

I can't wait to see-- Oh, God.

She looks so diff--
Oh, he looks so different.

Hello, my darling, my boy.

Oh, my boy dog.

My man dog.

[Jana] Today marks the return of Victor.

Victoria is no longer.

He's returned from Thailand.

The sex-change operation
has gone exceedingly well.

He is now the dog
that he's always wanted to be.

He's comfortable in his own fur.

And he has a newly constructed penis.

Oh, there it is. There it is.

Under the bandage--
It's bandaged for a couple of weeks.

But that's definitely a penis.

[Kylie] Oh, my goodness.

[Jana] Feel under there, Kylie.
Put your hands under and feel the penis.

-Oh, yeah.
-Can you feel it?

That's definitely a penis.

I can't wait to see it
when the bandages come off.

The excitement of Victor's return

has been tainted by the news
that I learned from Craig and Kylie.

They will be trying for a baby.

I'm paying her as an employee

and she's lying around
with her legs in the air, having sex...

in my guest bed.

I think it's a terrible idea.
You're not even married, for God sakes.

Well, we want kids,
and we're actually trying at the moment.

Have you had him tested?

The amount of times
he goes to the toilet at night,

I wouldn't be surprised
if he's got an STI or some sort.

-Jana...
-I don't.

[Jana] Maybe you do, and you don't know.

Don't give it to Kylie.

What do you want a baby for, anyway?
They're annoying.

Well, you know I want kids.
We've spoken about this before.

I don't know what you want, Kylie.

You told me you wanted him
to build you a treehouse last week.

But I do.

I'll build you that treehouse one day.

Victor! Victor, come here.

Come here, Victor. Victor!

[Jana] Come here.

Okay, Victor.

Kylie wants to have a baby.

Do you think it's a good idea?

[thumping]

No, she doesn't think it's a good idea.

She doesn't think you should have a baby,
so that's that.

Don't have a baby.

I don't really care what he thinks at all.

-We're really excited, Jana.
-Stop making noise!

I've told you before not to make noise�
while I'm talking!

[Jana] I will fire you so fast.

Well, Kylie, you might think
you're the only one who can have a baby.

But you're wrong.
I'm going to have a baby.

You heard me. I'm having a baby.

[Kylie] But how?

I'm going to get some semen online
and I'm going to inseminate myself.

And I'm going to have a baby
before you have yours.

And my baby is going to be
cuter than yours,

because I'm going to get semen
from a hot man.

Hotter than him.

So have a think about that.

-She's crazy.
-Oh, my goodness.

Hi, Beckinators! It's me, Becky.

How are my beautiful followers?
I love you guys so much.

So, it's scavenger hunt tonight,
and me and Lucy are getting ready.

-Go, Lucy! Go, Lucy! Go, Lucy!
-[Lucy giggles]

I'll see you guys at scavenger
for an update.

Bye-bye!

Okay, cool. Done with that.

-Beck?
-Yeah?

You know this Lingers thing?

Mm-hm?

Are you sure he hasn't friend-zoned you?

No, I just think I was moving
too quickly for him.

Like, the song might have been
a bit of a step too far.

Oh, yeah, okay. Just... just be careful.

So, I was thinking, maybe tonight,
when I see Lingers,

I might ask him to be my cuddle-buddy.

-Really? That's cute.
-Yeah.

Yeah, just keep it simple like that.

Like, I think maybe saying the "L" word
was a bit much.

So, if I say that, it can just be, like,
cuddles in front of the TV,

or, like, long hugs, standing up.

Or, just, whatever he's into.

Yeah, I mean, if you feel
like he's gonna be cool with that,

then I don't see why not.

Becky, don't cry.

[sobbing] Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I'm being stupid. I'm fine.

-I'm fine.
-[Lucy] It's okay.

-I'm fine.
-[Lucy] Good.

Yeah. I like him.

[indistinct chatter]

[laughs] What?

[laughs]

All right, so, everyone...
We're gonna be doing teams of four.

If you can't figure that out,
teams of five.

Here we go, everyone.

The scavenger hunt.

Standard college behavior.
It's about to begin!

Hey, Beckinators.

All right, I'll check in
with yous all later. Bye!

Over and out.

-What's up, girl?
-Lingers, hi!

Can I sit next to you, or...?

Uh, no. No room.

Well, I'll just sit on the arm.

How's it going?

-Hi, Nancy.
-Hi, Becky.

Let's get this started.
You know what I mean?

-You know.
-You know what I mean?

So, our team is Nancy, Lucy, you and me.

So, who's gonna be team captain?

It probably should be you,
'cause you're the boy.

-I don't care.
-Can't be me 'cause I can't run that fast.

I don't care.

So, um, Lingers,
I wanted to ask you something. Um...

Just, like, you know how we met up,
and that was a bit weird

how I did the song and stuff,
like, well...

I just wanted to ask you, um...

-Oh, I just sent you a message.
-[phone chimes]

-Check it.
-Oh.

Why are you sending me messages?

[silently] Fuck off.

[Jack] Of course.

So, it's stockpiled.

Know what I'm talking about?

[sobbing]

[Lucy] Becky!

-Becky, what's wrong?
-Don't worry about her.

She always does this.

-Come on.
-I want to see what's wrong with her.

Like, literally,
she's been a vibe-kill all week.

She's still my sister.

I know she's your sister, but come on.

[sobbing loudly]

Oh, my God. Becky's running in the grass.

[kids laugh]

[Jack] What a freak!

Hey, don't hit your head!

[Lucy] Becky, are you okay?

No!

[laughter]

On her head!

I'm good, I'm good.
I'm okay, it didn't hurt.

[boy] Damn!

There we are.

Farewells.

Everything comes to an end.

[Keith] We've taken the drastic step
of laying off some...

Not "dead wood," but staff
whose contribution to the store

was not leading to sales.

-You'll find another job.
-You'll get another job.

You're a credit
to the fashion retail industry.

You'll be sorely missed. Chin up, mate.

You've had a good innings.

Don't bloody stand in it, mate!

Out of the way! You'll waste it.

-Come back and visit us, won't you?
-[man] Will do.

-You're always welcome.
-We don't want him lurking around.

Bye.

[Keith] All right. Back to work.

[Keith] We've resolved
the cash register crisis

by me bringing in�
my old cash register, Karen.

[Keith] So, that's been
a bit of a money-saver.

It's the Sharp XE-A203 model.

It's an absolute workhorse.

You throw in your code, department...

-[drawer opens]
-and then that comes out like that.

So, gently closing the drawer
once you've finished.

That's your receipt, straight to
your customer, and there we go.

Get the plastic off this thing.

Unpack this.

[Keith] The staff have been very excited
about the new stock.

We've set up our homeware range.

So, pouffes and lazyboys. Some cushions.

It's part of diversifying
the store's range,

heading towards being
an actual department store.

Don't bloody break it, June.

Swinging back and forwards
like that's gonna...

We're trying to bloody sell the thing.

Get out of there, actually.
Get out of it. Get out of the seat.

[Keith] Off! Off! Get off.

Bloody hell.

How am I gonna sell the thing
if you've wiped your feet all over it?

We have been told
that we've been rejected by Alex Perry.

Mm. Yes.

Leanne, the rep from Alex Perry,
who I'm extremely good friends with,

has notified us that
they will not be stocking here at My Dick.

So, that's been a bit of a blow
for all of us.

You're sort of blocking the light, there.
I can't really see.

[Keith] I've been working very hard
on my own label,

which I'm calling "Keith by Keith Dick."

It's a youth streetwear label,
so it's very edgy and current.

Stand closer to me
to give me the pins, please.

Thanks, darling.
That's fantastic, thank you.

[Keith] I think stocking big names
in the store

would be fantastic.

But I think, long term,

having my own label
would be a dream come true.

I mean, you get the movement
and the noise as well,

when you go up with the arm.

[store music playing]

How are you, ladies. Happy browsing.

[Keith] All you really have in life
is hope.

And I'm hopeful, I'm optimistic...

that we'll ride out
this current financial issue

and we'll ultimately
get the customers we deserve.

That My Dick will be
the department store du jour

that it's destined to be.

[theme music playing]

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