All language subtitles for Last Man Standing s07e19 The Passion of Paul.e

[groans]:
Ah, come on.

The other machine was better.

It's not that complicated.

ED:
We... we've been...

-I told you that.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chuck sighs]

Ed, uh, Carol has to work
this weekend,

so I can go with you
to that funeral.

Thanks, Chuck. Thanks.

Yeah, VFW pal.

Cholesterol finished the job
the Viet Cong couldn't.

And so I can't use
my Nuggets tickets,

so, uh, do you want them?

No, no, thanks. Doinga little ice fishing by myself.

Just me sitting
on a cold bucket,

-freezing mynuggets.
-Ah.

[chuckles]
Hey, the lengths you'll go to

to find a sport
white people are better at.

[knocking]

Good morning, gentlemen.

-Reverend.
-Hey.

Clean up the language, boys.

We got a backward collar
in the room.

[chuckles] Hey, uh, how abouta cup of coffee, Reverend Paul?

You know everybody
always offers me coffee?

It's never, "Hey, how about
a beer, Reverend Paul?"

We don't have booze at work--

this isn't the church.

[all laugh]

Listen, I'm in a bit of a rush.You got some time, Mike?

Only the man upstairs knows
if I got more time, but...

Uh, wait.

Unless you've heard something.

-So, what's up?
-Uh, listen,

I am gonna need you to teach

the adult Sunday school class
this weekend.

You came all the way over here
to ask me that?

Why didn't you shoot me
an e-mail or just shoot me?

I find it harder
for people to say no

when they have
to look me in the eye.

No.

Not that hard.

Mike, you signed up to be the
backup Sunday school teacher.

No, no, no, no. I signed upto be the backup to the backup.

I'm, like, third
on the depth chart.

Well, first- and second-string
are out of town,

-so grab your helmet,
I'm putting you in. -[laughs]

Oh, you know,
I really can't this Sunday.

[sighs]

A close friend of Ed's
passed away.

And I'm going ice fishing.

You know, here's something
I rarely get to say

as a pastor, Mike.

I don't care.

I'll see you Sunday.

♪

-Mmm.
-Hey.

-Hi.
-[laughs]

Boy... that smells
almost as good as you look.

Aw.
[laughs]

Well, it's beef stew,

and if you don't think
it's stew-pendous,

I won't carrot all.
[laughs]

Oh, peas, honey.

Ah. You're joining in.
[chuckles]

-What do you want?
-Look.

You like to teach,
you love God-- how about

-I ask you...
-Nope.

No, let me finish.
Just, I want you...

Nope.

You volunteered to be the
substitute for the substitute.

Which would mean
I would never have to do this.

Wait a minute.
Look who's home.

I almost forgot. My favorite
daughter, right here.

And yet you forgot I was home.

He's buttering you up
before he asks you

to teach Sunday school for him.

Nope.

Come on. [stammers]
I'm just gonna ask

this one little favor.

Nope. I came home
to hang out with my sisters.

It's okay, Mike,
the fishing shack

will still be brutally cold
and lonely next week.

Haven't we always taught you
to help unto others?

Says the man
who's trying to ditch church

to go unto ice fishing.

If you need someone,

I hear Kyle is
a great Sunday school teacher.

Uh, no, no.
This is teaching adults.

Kyle's only taught
the children's class.

But adults are just children...

with more money
and less cartilage.

Well, good luck
tricking him into doing it.

Just kidding.
It will be very easy

tricking Kyle into doing it.

Ah, what's it gonna be,
ladies, huh--

Sandra Bullock,
uh, lost in space

or Sandra Bullock,
necklace thief, hmm?

I vote the astronaut.

Unless you have that
out-of-control-bus one.

No, the astronaut one is lame.

-One outfit for an entire movie?
-[chuckles]

-No, thanks.
-Uh, I vote necklace, too.

Sorry. Majority rules.

Wait. Doesn't Jen get to vote?

She can't vote.
She's not a citizen.

Here you go, Mandy.

You're the best, mèimei.

That means "little sister"
in Mandarin.

Sort of.

You have to try this, Kris.
It's Jen's special lemonade.

Ooh, ooh.
Jen, do you mind?

-Not at all.
-Oh, and can you be a doll

and make that popcorn
with the brown sugar butter?

Oh, I'm so happy I'm here.

We don't have dairy or sugar inRyan's House of Vegan Delights.

Popcorn coming right up.

Eve, would you like something?

Oh. No, Jen.

If I want something,
I can get it myself.

Hey, Kyle.
Thought we were having lunch.

Oh. I can't.

I'm preparing Mr. B'sSunday school lesson for class.

I'm at "staring
at a blank page" part.

Uh... well, what's the big deal?

You taught Boyd's class.
He said it was really fun.

He loves your puppet
of John the Bath Towel.

Yeah, but I-I'm not teaching
kids, I'm teaching adults,

which means no puppets,
no balloon animals, and...

I got nothin'.

Well, why don't you just use
something that adults like?

Okay.

Uh, adults like
charts and graphs, right?

No.

But they do like
to be entertained.

You know, what you need...
is accompaniment.

You mean, like, fries?

No.

Like, okay,
when I was in college,

I used to do
this morning radio show,

RyRy and The Crusher.

I was-I was RyRy.

And The Crusher--
he was a big fella--

would do the news,
and I would riff off him,

painting this awesome soundscapewith my keyboard.

Like, what are you teaching?

Uh, Noah's ark.

Perfect. Imagine this.

You're talking
about the great flood.

What if you could hear
the storm?

[imitates rain]

And then suddenly, crack!
A bolt of lightning.

-Whoa!
-Oh, yeah.

That, my friend,
is the power of accompaniment,

and that is
what I bring to the table.

Yeah, that'd be fantastic.

-You'd do that for me?
-Yeah, of course.

You helped me break up theconcrete slab behind the garage.

No, I didn't.

Oh, that's right.

You will Monday.

-[indistinct chatter]
-Okay.

If everyone wants
to find a seat?

Let's be quiet foxes.

Uh, where are my quiet foxes?

[electronic chiming]

Good morning, everybody.

I'm Kyle.
I get to lead

our discussion today
about Noah's ark.

[sound of people clapping]

Uh, thank you.
And assisting me

is my brother-in-law, Ryan.

[sound of crowd cheering]

Um, everybody knows the story
of Noah's ark,

how God sent a flood
to wash away the sins of man.

-[sound of thunder crashing]
-How it rained for 40 days

-and 40 nights.
-[sound of rain falling]

Noah's ark was adrift
in an endless ocean

among the crashing waves,

the howling wind
and the mighty storms...

...with two of every animal.

-Lambs...
-[sound of lamb baaing]

-horses...
-[sound of horse neighing]

-lions...
-[sound of lion roaring]

[trombone wah-wah'ing sadly]

Uh, that was supposed
to be an elephant.

[clears throat]
But the storm finally stopped,

-and all was quiet.
-[sound of bird squawking]

[sound of donkey braying]

You know, I think
Noah might even say:

"You want to cool it
with the sound effects?"

Maybe the story of...

Noah's ark doesn't need anythingto make it bigger.

Maybe it's too big
already, and...

and that's what's
keeping us from seeing

the small thing
that it's really about.

Starting over.

You know,
the chance to wash away

all the problems and mistakes
in our lives

and set foot on solid ground.

The chance to try again.

Because...
well, it's nice to know

that you can always make
a fresh start.

[sound of elephant trumpeting]

I knew I had an elephant.

Hey, Jen, I've
been meaning to talk to you.

Okay. What's up?

Well, it's
about the other night.

I didn't like what I saw.

Me, neither. Sandra Bullock
is not believable as a thief.

I barely find her believable
as Sandra Bullock.

No, I'm talking about Mandyand Kristin bossing you around.

I don't mind
doing things for them.

They're my big sisters.

[sighs]:
And they got you.

That's how they got me, too.

They know how much
you want them to like you.

I don't think they do know.

Because I want them
to like me a lot.

Here's what they don't tell you.

Left unchecked,
older sisters are monsters.

And by that I mean
they're horrible people.

[sniffing]

Did you make cookies?

No.

[oven bell dings]

Yes.

For who?

For me...

and you...

[mumbles]:
and maybe Mandy.

You made cookies for Mandy?

-I did.
-[groans]

Jen, Jen, Jen,
you want them to like you,

but it's also important
that they... respect you.

Okay? I-I can show you
how to stand up to them.

But won't that make them mad?

It may, mèimei.

Okay, I'll give it a try,

but I really don't think
they take advantage of me.

[dryer buzzes]

Whose laundry are you doing?

Mine...

and...

[high-pitched]:
maybe Mandy's.

Oh, my God, come on!

Hey. Before you get mad at me

for having Kyle
substitute teach for me,

brought you some rainbow trout.

So you think you can buy me offwith a few fish?

[scoffs]
Absolutely not.

There's also a nice bottle
of wine in there.

Well, bless you, my son.

-Good deal.
-Hey, listen,

and as far as
Kyle's teaching goes?

-Yeah?
-It was fantastic.

Well, of course it was.

That was whyhe was my first and only choice.

-He was amazing.
-Great.

That young man has a way
of peeling back

all the unnecessary layers
of religion

-and just speaks simply.
-He...

he has no problem
speaking simply.

Well, and that's a quality

that you and the congregation

should look for
in your next pastor.

Well, I hope
that's a long time coming.

Well, it's actually gonna be
a short time.

I'm leaving the church.

Jesus...

our Lord and Savior

would hate to hear that.

You're leaving the church?
How do you even do that?

I thought this, you know,
was like working for the mob.

-Mike, in Ecclesiastes three,
verse one, -Mm-hmm.

it says "To every thing
there is a season,

and a time to every purpose
under the heaven."

Actually,
that's a song by The Byrds.

Mike, I'm just feeling
a little burned out.

Every day my assistant
gives me a task list.

Listen to this.
"Building fund meeting.

"Budget reconciliation reports.

-Staff reviews."
-Yeah.

I get it, I get it. I literallyget this all the time.

You know how I dealt with that?

I fired my assistant.

Once a week
for about a half hour,

I get to preach.

And I love that.

And then it's back to this.

Get away from this.
You know, clear your head.

Do something else for a while.

I've been praying on this
for a while,

and I told God
that I was at a crossroads

-and I needed some guidance.
-[sighs]

And after watching Kyle...

it was like God saying,
"Here's your sign."

Wow.

So you think God used Kyle

to deliver you a sign.

I don't use Kyle
to deliver my lunch.

Mike, we're friends.

Trust me.This is the right thing for me.

-You're a good man, Reverend.
-Thank you.

And a great preacher.

Enjoy the fish.

If you run low on 'em...

I think you know what to do.

Hey, let's get this thing going.

Tonight we have

Julia Roberts as a prostitute

or Julia Roberts is dying.

This one says Toy Story 4,

but I don't know howDad would have that one already.

I think we should just let Jen
pick the movie.

She's not a citizen.
She can't pick.

Jen, do you want to watch

Julia Roberts working girl
or dying girl?

Hmm.

I want to play cards.

But it's movie night.

Why, because you said so?

Mèimeiwith the smack, smack.

Okay, fine. Cards, then.

Can I at least
get something to drink?

That looks good. What is it?

Oh, it's a drink from Hong Kongcalled "none-yo."

None yo business.

Wh-What's going on?

You're going on.

That makes no sense.

I know.
I'm lousy at this.

It takes practice.

Hate is a skill.

What are you telling her?

-You are such a troublemaker.
-Oh, yeah?

What are you gonna do about it?

[blows raspberry]

Nothing.

See?
Folds like a lawn chair.

Jen, I don't know what
she told you about us, but...

She called you monsters
and horrible people.

And that is why
Mom and Dad had her sent away.

You know, she's just bitter

because you've replaced her
in our hearts.

You don't have a heart.
You just have emojis.

Eve, in my culture,

we're taught to honor age
as a sign of wisdom.

I like doing things
for my elders.

-Huh?
-Your what, now?

No matter how infirm or frail,
they're still people.

So, I'll go get the ice cream

and the blanket for the old onesin case they get a chill.

-Like hell you will.
-No, no.

Mandy, she's just playing
to your ego.

I know.
And it's working.

I'll get my own damn ice cream.

I am gonna help her,

because I am not crazy
about this.

Well, on behalf
of little sisters everywhere,

welcome to the club.

Thank you.

What are you drinking, anyway?

"Yaint." Yaint getting any.

[exhales]

Wow. Mike.

This is just... grim.

Well, my concept
for building houses

on-on the ice
is don't make them too fancy.

There was this guy up here lastyear who really went all-out.

Two stories, furniture,
wood-burning stove.

-It was incredible.
-[chuckles]: So incredible

he forgot
that he built it on ice,

so when spring came...

God rest his soul, man.

Well, I appreciate the invite.

I'm gonna need some hobbies
once I retire.

Maybe shivering
will be a fun one.

[chuckles] Listen,
get all the gear ready to go.

I'm gonna head back
to the truck,

get the rest of our gear,
and by "rest of it,"

I mean booze.
And better socks.

So...

you're really gonna retire?

Yeah.

I think I'm just
getting a little stale.

But you have the best job
in the world, sir.

Well, testing out bounce houses

is probably thebest job
in the world.

Kyle, you don't have
to keep calling me sir.

And I just think I'm getting
a little old for this.

Moses was 120.

Yeah, you're right.

And Noah, he was 950.

And he built a big boat.

I'm in my 20s,
and I've been working

on the same jigsaw puzzle
since middle school.

Well, the ministry needs
a young person's energy.

I realized that

when I was watching
your Sunday school message.

Not so sure
everyone got my message.

What? You were excellent.

Who in that room
didn't get your message?

You.

Me?

Yeah, the message
was supposed to be

about how we can all start over.

You know, be renewed.

And you're saying
you can't do that,

so obviously you didn't get it.

Uh, sir.

Where is Mike with that booze?

Kyle, it's different
when the ministry is your job.

'Cause there's
a lot of job stuff

other than just preaching
the word.

Do you know why I like

-coming to Mr. B's fishing hut?-[scoffs]

You hate your fingers and toes?

My job at the store is
to tell people how great it is

to do stuff out in nature.

And if I don't do
that stuff myself,

then what I tell people
might start to feel...

stale.

Are you preaching at me, son?

Just talking.

So, what you're saying

is I should find my own
metaphorical ice fishing hut.

I'm not sure.

Because I have no idea
what that means.

A place where I could go

and remember why I became
a minister in the first place.

A place I could go to renew.

Then, yes.

[chuckles]

You happy now?

Now everybody in that class
got your message.

Well, not RyRy.

But I'll work on him on Monday

when I'm busting up
his concrete.

Kyle, have you ever thought
about going into the ministry?

No. No, never.

Uh, not often.

Sometimes.

It's occurred to me.

I think about it a lot.

Well, you should, son.
You'd be great.

We need people that can deliversimple, powerful messages

like the one you came up with
on Sunday.

[chuckles]
And today.

I'll pray on it.

God will let me know.

-Oh. I got one.
-Hey!

Well, there's your sign.

[both chuckle]

Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man,

talking about passion.

They say if you dosomething you love for a living,

you'll never work a day
in your life.

And no work
is a pretty sweet deal.

You get to feel what it's like
to be a congressman.

[chuckles]

But if you're not careful,turning your passion into a job

could make you fall out of love
with it.

That's why I've rejected offersfrom several prestigious firms

to become a gigolo.

Making your passion
your profession

means it's bound to become work.

Sure, you and your buddies

painting yourselves blue
for Halloween

might have been fun
that first time.

But when you're
coating on the layers

for your 6,000th Blue Man show
in Vegas,

you might regret
chasing that dream.

For me, the outdoors
has always been my sanctuary,

but in my effort to share it
with the world,

I spend a lot of time
chained to a desk.

When I start feeling like
putting my fist

through this computer
I'm talking into,

that's when it's time for me
to head back to nature.

I don't mean driving past naturein a Winnebago

and going, "Is that a tree?"

I need the real thing,

the kind that's so cold
it hurts your face.

That's how you know
you're really in it.

Henry David Thoreau said,

"All nature
is your congratulations,

and you have cause
to bless yourself."

In other words, go outside.

Hope I don't see you out there.

[shivers] Baxter out.

[chicken clucks]

Captioned by
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