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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,073 --> 00:00:18,073 Subtitles by explosiveskull 2 00:00:18,075 --> 00:00:19,041 [man 1] Here we go. 3 00:00:19,043 --> 00:00:21,876 - One, two... - [drumsticks clacking] 4 00:00:21,878 --> 00:00:24,645 - [man 2] You guys wanna story? - [men cheering] 5 00:00:24,647 --> 00:00:25,881 Yeah, I got a story. A fuckin' doozy. 6 00:00:25,883 --> 00:00:28,349 [man 3] Is this the one where you say you own Facebook? 7 00:00:28,351 --> 00:00:29,351 [man 2] Starts like this. 8 00:00:29,353 --> 00:00:30,652 On the seventh day, God rested. 9 00:00:30,654 --> 00:00:32,454 - [man 4] I love God. - [man 1] He's my favorite god. 10 00:00:32,456 --> 00:00:33,555 [man 2] Yeah, but he's God, so he knew 11 00:00:33,557 --> 00:00:35,490 that if after six days of crazy you gotta rest 12 00:00:35,492 --> 00:00:36,924 - on Sunday, right? - [man] I'd rest every day. 13 00:00:36,926 --> 00:00:38,659 [man 2] But what about those poor bastards 14 00:00:38,661 --> 00:00:40,429 going through six days of crazy, 15 00:00:40,431 --> 00:00:42,997 not knowing that the seventh day is gonna be a day of rest, 16 00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:44,933 or just another day at the shit store? 17 00:00:44,935 --> 00:00:46,835 Those are the poor bastards we should toast. 18 00:00:46,837 --> 00:00:48,170 [all] To the shit store! 19 00:00:48,172 --> 00:00:50,439 [man 2] Who knows, maybe a couple of angels come along 20 00:00:50,441 --> 00:00:52,374 and nudge him in the right direction. 21 00:00:52,376 --> 00:00:53,641 But I'm getting ahead of myself. 22 00:00:53,643 --> 00:00:56,811 This is the story of Frank and Nancy Teagarten. 23 00:00:56,813 --> 00:00:58,613 Their seven days started on the morning 24 00:00:58,615 --> 00:01:00,651 they dropped their daughter off to college. 25 00:01:02,953 --> 00:01:05,653 [Frank] Wow. 26 00:01:05,655 --> 00:01:07,923 Seems just like yesterday I was pushing you on the swings 27 00:01:07,925 --> 00:01:09,590 in Gardner Park. 28 00:01:09,592 --> 00:01:11,025 [Nancy] Yeah. 29 00:01:11,027 --> 00:01:13,861 And now, look at our college girl, 30 00:01:13,863 --> 00:01:16,732 on her way to becoming a veterinarian. 31 00:01:16,734 --> 00:01:19,601 Now, baby. We're just a phone call away, 32 00:01:19,603 --> 00:01:22,570 five-hour car ride away, 50-minute plane ride away. 33 00:01:22,572 --> 00:01:24,638 You know we're there for you, anything you need. 34 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:25,539 You have our numbers. 35 00:01:25,541 --> 00:01:28,610 Yes, I practically have them memorized. 36 00:01:28,612 --> 00:01:29,611 - [Nancy] Good. - But, don't call 37 00:01:29,613 --> 00:01:32,680 after 10:00 p.m. 'cause we'll probably be asleep. 38 00:01:32,682 --> 00:01:34,448 That was a joke. You know that was a joke, right? 39 00:01:34,450 --> 00:01:37,119 [laughs] I love your jokes, Daddy. 40 00:01:37,121 --> 00:01:39,787 - [Nancy] Do you like your bed? - Yeah. 41 00:01:39,789 --> 00:01:41,822 We should have gotten her a better mattress. 42 00:01:41,824 --> 00:01:42,891 How come we didn't think of that? 43 00:01:42,893 --> 00:01:44,992 You know what this room needs, is a Medeco lock. 44 00:01:44,994 --> 00:01:46,594 Medeco makes a very sturdy lock. 45 00:01:46,596 --> 00:01:47,661 - Yeah. - And what's with this 46 00:01:47,663 --> 00:01:48,963 co-ed dorm? Why are we doing that? 47 00:01:48,965 --> 00:01:50,798 She's in a co-ed dorm, whose idea was that? 48 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,501 That's wrong. 49 00:01:52,503 --> 00:01:54,438 I love you guys so much. 50 00:01:55,606 --> 00:01:56,741 Thank you. 51 00:01:58,875 --> 00:02:00,474 Thank you for everything. [sobs] 52 00:02:00,476 --> 00:02:03,481 [somber music] 53 00:02:07,851 --> 00:02:09,419 [bell tolling] 54 00:02:35,579 --> 00:02:36,845 ["REVOFEV" by Kid Cudi playing] 55 00:02:36,847 --> 00:02:37,849 [engine starts] 56 00:02:42,852 --> 00:02:45,619 ♪ Let go, life does get tough ♪ 57 00:02:45,621 --> 00:02:47,189 ♪ No need to stress ♪ 58 00:02:47,191 --> 00:02:49,857 ♪ Hold you back too much ♪ 59 00:02:49,859 --> 00:02:52,827 ♪ Let's go I heard They found a solution ♪ 60 00:02:52,829 --> 00:02:56,598 ♪ Where will you be For the revolution? ♪ 61 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:59,834 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ 62 00:02:59,836 --> 00:03:03,505 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ 63 00:03:03,507 --> 00:03:07,809 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ 64 00:03:07,811 --> 00:03:09,480 ♪ I say to kids ♪ 65 00:03:10,781 --> 00:03:13,547 ♪ Wake up Things might get rough ♪ 66 00:03:13,549 --> 00:03:17,819 ♪ No need to stress Keeps you down too much ♪ 67 00:03:17,821 --> 00:03:20,721 ♪ Wake up I heard They found a solution ♪ 68 00:03:20,723 --> 00:03:24,161 ♪ Where will you be For the revolution? ♪ 69 00:03:27,731 --> 00:03:31,134 ♪ Where will you be For the revolution? ♪ 70 00:03:34,937 --> 00:03:36,804 - It's gonna be okay. - Which part? 71 00:03:36,806 --> 00:03:38,042 All of it. I promise. 72 00:03:40,143 --> 00:03:42,180 [winch whirring] 73 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:45,079 Can I help you? 74 00:03:45,081 --> 00:03:47,749 - Sorry, guys. Gotta hook it up. - [Nancy] Shit! 75 00:03:47,751 --> 00:03:48,950 What, now? 76 00:03:48,952 --> 00:03:50,017 Hey, man. 77 00:03:50,019 --> 00:03:51,553 I'm just doing my job, all right? 78 00:03:51,555 --> 00:03:52,521 [Frank] We, uh... 79 00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:54,255 we just dropped our daughter off at college, 80 00:03:54,257 --> 00:03:55,624 and we've been really, really busy, 81 00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:57,691 and I'll send a payment in a few days. 82 00:03:57,693 --> 00:04:00,128 [driver] Look, it's not me, it's Volvo, okay? 83 00:04:00,130 --> 00:04:02,596 They don't fuck around when it comes to a lease, okay? 84 00:04:02,598 --> 00:04:04,298 I just need a little more time. 85 00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:06,600 [Frank] There... there is a backstory here. 86 00:04:06,602 --> 00:04:09,237 Always is, brother. Always is. 87 00:04:09,239 --> 00:04:10,905 Would you like to hear it? 88 00:04:10,907 --> 00:04:11,942 [driver sighs] 89 00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:18,112 All right, shoot. 90 00:04:18,114 --> 00:04:20,081 I started a medical company. 91 00:04:20,083 --> 00:04:23,117 Put everything we had into it, making a medical innovation 92 00:04:23,119 --> 00:04:25,886 that's been adding years to people's lives. 93 00:04:25,888 --> 00:04:28,256 We rolled the dice hard, but we believed in it. 94 00:04:28,258 --> 00:04:29,658 Then there was a problem. 95 00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:31,893 Small, but enough for some news stories. 96 00:04:31,895 --> 00:04:33,895 They started calling us "controversial," 97 00:04:33,897 --> 00:04:35,564 which is the toughest word in our business, 98 00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:36,831 and it's been... 99 00:04:36,833 --> 00:04:38,732 bad dominoes ever since. 100 00:04:38,734 --> 00:04:40,802 Now, our daughter doesn't know at all about this. 101 00:04:40,804 --> 00:04:43,304 We've been holding it together until she went off to college, 102 00:04:43,306 --> 00:04:45,273 and now we're gonna hold it together 103 00:04:45,275 --> 00:04:46,844 until we get back on our feet. 104 00:04:48,111 --> 00:04:49,643 What do you make? 105 00:04:49,645 --> 00:04:51,612 - What, salary? - Product. 106 00:04:51,614 --> 00:04:54,949 Artificial heart valves designed for transfemoral placement, 107 00:04:54,951 --> 00:04:56,251 - which means... - Dual leg artery. 108 00:04:56,253 --> 00:04:57,751 I know. 109 00:04:57,753 --> 00:04:59,789 You know what I used to do before this repo shit? 110 00:05:00,624 --> 00:05:01,657 - Paramedic. - Oh? 111 00:05:01,659 --> 00:05:04,626 Yeah. People used to be glad to see me show up. 112 00:05:04,628 --> 00:05:06,961 Yesterday, I had to take three child seats 113 00:05:06,963 --> 00:05:08,730 out of the back of a Lexus, 114 00:05:08,732 --> 00:05:10,064 lay them out on their lawn, 115 00:05:10,066 --> 00:05:11,699 like I was setting up for some 116 00:05:11,701 --> 00:05:14,102 goddamn baby Lollapalooza concert, 117 00:05:14,104 --> 00:05:15,737 The Wiggles or some shit. 118 00:05:15,739 --> 00:05:17,338 - Remember them? - No. 119 00:05:17,340 --> 00:05:19,206 Fuckin' Yum Yum Fruit Salad. 120 00:05:19,208 --> 00:05:20,307 I got kids. 121 00:05:20,309 --> 00:05:21,311 It was sad. 122 00:05:23,914 --> 00:05:26,381 Shit. Okay, look. 123 00:05:26,383 --> 00:05:27,581 I'll tell 'em you weren't here. 124 00:05:27,583 --> 00:05:31,052 But the most I can get you is days, not weeks. All right? 125 00:05:31,054 --> 00:05:32,821 So, if I were you, 126 00:05:32,823 --> 00:05:34,823 I'd find a way to put some loot in my suit. 127 00:05:34,825 --> 00:05:37,124 Sell some crack, or I'll be back! 128 00:05:37,126 --> 00:05:38,292 [laughs] 129 00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:40,330 [laughing awkwardly] 130 00:05:43,333 --> 00:05:45,570 - [Frank] Thank you. - [Nancy] Thank you! 131 00:05:46,369 --> 00:05:47,968 Finally a break. 132 00:05:47,970 --> 00:05:50,975 [upbeat music] 133 00:05:56,313 --> 00:05:58,013 [Frank] What about the, uh, 134 00:05:58,015 --> 00:05:59,413 lamp in the den? 135 00:05:59,415 --> 00:06:01,182 It's broken. 136 00:06:01,184 --> 00:06:03,050 So, we sell it, uh, 137 00:06:03,052 --> 00:06:04,352 as is, or we fix it? 138 00:06:04,354 --> 00:06:07,122 We don't fix things, Frank, we only ruin them... 139 00:06:07,124 --> 00:06:08,756 [Bert] Hi guys. 140 00:06:08,758 --> 00:06:10,992 - Having a yard sale? - [Frank] Uh, no, Bert. 141 00:06:10,994 --> 00:06:13,828 Our living room puked all over our yard. 142 00:06:13,830 --> 00:06:15,396 - What? - Bye. 143 00:06:15,398 --> 00:06:16,698 [dog whines] 144 00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:17,766 [Nancy] Oh, look, Frank. 145 00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:21,770 A 2,000-dollar Breville Oracle espresso machine. 146 00:06:21,772 --> 00:06:24,372 And we just had to have it. 147 00:06:24,374 --> 00:06:28,710 But, we never even took it out of the damn box. 148 00:06:28,712 --> 00:06:30,944 Just be happy that the thing is still in the box, 149 00:06:30,946 --> 00:06:33,814 it's worth 2,000 dollars, one-eighth of that is, 150 00:06:33,816 --> 00:06:35,083 it's a... it's a car payment. 151 00:06:35,085 --> 00:06:37,018 Why did we get all this stuff? 152 00:06:37,020 --> 00:06:39,787 Stuff, stuff, stuff everywhere, 153 00:06:39,789 --> 00:06:43,158 and I can't even afford to get my roots done 154 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:44,893 or get a bikini wax. 155 00:06:44,895 --> 00:06:47,061 Hey, guys! You're having a yard sale? 156 00:06:47,063 --> 00:06:48,730 [Nancy] Hi, Jason. 157 00:06:48,732 --> 00:06:50,999 No, Jason, our house got hit by a tidal wave. 158 00:06:51,001 --> 00:06:52,066 Just ours. 159 00:06:52,068 --> 00:06:53,434 Uh. It's a freak of nature. 160 00:06:53,436 --> 00:06:55,002 [Jason chuckles] Well, I'm glad it was yours. 161 00:06:55,004 --> 00:06:56,905 'Cause, salt water, it's like kryptonite 162 00:06:56,907 --> 00:06:58,006 for the wheelchair. 163 00:06:58,008 --> 00:07:00,441 Jason, are you making a handicap joke? 164 00:07:00,443 --> 00:07:02,210 [stutters] I'm sorry, I thought... 165 00:07:02,212 --> 00:07:03,845 'Cause... 166 00:07:03,847 --> 00:07:05,913 I'm the one in the... Uh, Rachel called me. 167 00:07:05,915 --> 00:07:07,081 It sounds like she made it off fine. 168 00:07:07,083 --> 00:07:08,383 So, the two of you were trying to make 169 00:07:08,385 --> 00:07:09,484 the long-distance thing work? 170 00:07:09,486 --> 00:07:12,153 The odds are against it, Jason, and she's ambitious 171 00:07:12,155 --> 00:07:14,189 and you live at home. 172 00:07:14,191 --> 00:07:16,023 - [Nancy] Frank? - [Frank] Yes? 173 00:07:16,025 --> 00:07:18,225 Don't pay any attention to him, Jason. 174 00:07:18,227 --> 00:07:20,261 [whispers] He's been drinking. 175 00:07:20,263 --> 00:07:21,963 Well, I'd better be off to work, so... 176 00:07:21,965 --> 00:07:24,131 Hey, Jason, do you wear your Staples uniform 177 00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:25,766 under your clothes like Superman, 178 00:07:25,768 --> 00:07:27,235 or do you go home and change at your mom's, 179 00:07:27,237 --> 00:07:29,069 where you live, with your mom? 180 00:07:29,071 --> 00:07:33,307 [Nancy speaking in Spanish] 181 00:07:33,309 --> 00:07:37,177 [Frank speaking in Spanish] 182 00:07:37,179 --> 00:07:39,013 Can't understand the, the whispered Spanish. 183 00:07:39,015 --> 00:07:41,516 Mr. Teagarten, I'd really like to get along with you, 184 00:07:41,518 --> 00:07:43,251 even if Rachel and I are eventually just friends, 185 00:07:43,253 --> 00:07:44,319 nothing more, 186 00:07:44,321 --> 00:07:46,888 'cause I... I think you guys are amazing people. 187 00:07:46,890 --> 00:07:48,323 Thank you, Jason. 188 00:07:48,325 --> 00:07:50,891 - Have a nice day. - Yeah. 189 00:07:50,893 --> 00:07:52,860 [Frank] Enjoy the ride. [grunts] 190 00:07:52,862 --> 00:07:54,862 It's like, 'cause of the wheelchair. 191 00:07:54,864 --> 00:07:56,965 That's... 192 00:07:56,967 --> 00:07:58,335 - Have a nice one. - [cell phone ringing] 193 00:08:00,537 --> 00:08:02,170 [cell phone beeps] 194 00:08:02,172 --> 00:08:04,872 Nigel, how's it going over there in London, huh? 195 00:08:04,874 --> 00:08:06,473 Are they still driving backwards? 196 00:08:06,475 --> 00:08:07,842 What are you talking about? 197 00:08:07,844 --> 00:08:09,110 [laughs] 198 00:08:09,112 --> 00:08:10,811 You know what I mean. 199 00:08:10,813 --> 00:08:12,814 You know, sideways, 200 00:08:12,816 --> 00:08:14,282 the cars... [sighs] 201 00:08:14,284 --> 00:08:15,350 the street? 202 00:08:15,352 --> 00:08:16,850 Have you been drinking? 203 00:08:16,852 --> 00:08:17,951 Oh, that's hilarious. 204 00:08:17,953 --> 00:08:20,121 Seriously. [laughs] 205 00:08:20,123 --> 00:08:21,889 Listen to me, I am gonna be traveling 206 00:08:21,891 --> 00:08:23,057 for a while, all right? 207 00:08:23,059 --> 00:08:24,324 I'm gonna be gone to Nepal, 208 00:08:24,326 --> 00:08:25,826 I'll be gone for about four months, 209 00:08:25,828 --> 00:08:26,727 I'll be off the grid. 210 00:08:26,729 --> 00:08:28,162 Oh, that's weird. Hey, listen, Nigel, 211 00:08:28,164 --> 00:08:29,163 while I have you on the phone, 212 00:08:29,165 --> 00:08:31,833 I think I need to ask you for more money... 213 00:08:31,835 --> 00:08:32,833 to watch the house. 214 00:08:32,835 --> 00:08:34,501 'Cause I'm over there like three days a week. 215 00:08:34,503 --> 00:08:35,703 What are you talking about? 216 00:08:35,705 --> 00:08:37,872 [Nigel] It's not that hard to watch my house. 217 00:08:37,874 --> 00:08:39,207 I live right next door to you. 218 00:08:39,209 --> 00:08:40,974 I should... I can get the kid down the street 219 00:08:40,976 --> 00:08:42,010 to do it for free, 220 00:08:42,012 --> 00:08:43,812 just so he can go in and watch cable. 221 00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:45,012 Jesus. 222 00:08:45,014 --> 00:08:47,181 What did he say about more money? 223 00:08:47,183 --> 00:08:48,351 I don't think he's into it. 224 00:08:50,085 --> 00:08:51,455 I'm going to Nigel's for a minute. 225 00:08:54,291 --> 00:08:55,359 [keys jingle] 226 00:08:57,927 --> 00:09:00,931 [foreboding music] 227 00:09:07,103 --> 00:09:08,472 [door creaking] 228 00:09:20,517 --> 00:09:21,518 No. 229 00:09:22,484 --> 00:09:24,586 [cell phone ringing] 230 00:09:24,588 --> 00:09:26,320 [cell phone beeps] 231 00:09:26,322 --> 00:09:28,323 - Hello, this is Frank. - [inaudible dialogue] 232 00:09:28,325 --> 00:09:30,424 Oh, hi. Uh... 233 00:09:30,426 --> 00:09:32,961 Yes, I am going to pay you soon. 234 00:09:32,963 --> 00:09:34,062 Uh, no, I don't know when, 235 00:09:34,064 --> 00:09:37,265 but your credit card is very important to me, so I... 236 00:09:37,267 --> 00:09:40,034 Oh, yes, I know that, but... [sighs] 237 00:09:40,036 --> 00:09:41,602 Well, I do wanna work with you, so how about this? 238 00:09:41,604 --> 00:09:42,538 I'll send you the credit card, 239 00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:45,106 and you just shove it up your fucking ass. 240 00:09:45,108 --> 00:09:46,241 - Does that work? - [inaudible dialogue] 241 00:09:46,243 --> 00:09:47,507 [cell phone beeps] 242 00:09:47,509 --> 00:09:50,513 [foreboding music] 243 00:09:55,384 --> 00:09:56,950 Yes. 244 00:09:56,952 --> 00:09:58,288 Yes. Yes. 245 00:10:02,325 --> 00:10:03,491 [Nancy] Absolutely not. 246 00:10:03,493 --> 00:10:05,093 It's a Chateau Latour. 247 00:10:05,095 --> 00:10:06,928 It's worth 800 dollars. 248 00:10:06,930 --> 00:10:08,328 Have you lost your mind? 249 00:10:08,330 --> 00:10:10,198 Wait a minute. 250 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,333 Since when did you start smoking? 251 00:10:12,335 --> 00:10:13,468 - Just now. - [scoffs] 252 00:10:13,470 --> 00:10:14,935 Great timing. 253 00:10:14,937 --> 00:10:16,670 Just when we can't afford it. 254 00:10:16,672 --> 00:10:18,673 Nigel has hundreds of bottles of wine. 255 00:10:18,675 --> 00:10:19,741 He doesn't need more wine. 256 00:10:19,743 --> 00:10:22,043 He needs a punch in the face, but not more wine. 257 00:10:22,045 --> 00:10:23,578 [Nancy] Would you please have some decency? 258 00:10:23,580 --> 00:10:26,213 You're supposed to be looking after his property, 259 00:10:26,215 --> 00:10:28,482 not parting it out like an old Chevy. 260 00:10:28,484 --> 00:10:30,117 - What? - I mean, what's next? 261 00:10:30,119 --> 00:10:33,987 You gonna put an... an ad on Craigslist and rent it out? 262 00:10:33,989 --> 00:10:35,122 [sighs] 263 00:10:35,124 --> 00:10:37,157 Rent out his house? 264 00:10:37,159 --> 00:10:39,863 Rent out Nigel's house? On Craigslist? 265 00:10:40,696 --> 00:10:41,963 That's insane. 266 00:10:41,965 --> 00:10:43,931 [Nancy] Stop changing the subject. 267 00:10:43,933 --> 00:10:46,633 Put that bottle of wine back. 268 00:10:46,635 --> 00:10:48,001 Right now. 269 00:10:48,003 --> 00:10:49,572 Shame on you, Frank! 270 00:10:50,407 --> 00:10:51,472 [Nancy sighs] 271 00:10:51,474 --> 00:10:53,573 ♪ Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy ♪ 272 00:10:53,575 --> 00:10:57,578 ♪ Hurdy gurdy gurdy, he sang ♪ 273 00:10:57,580 --> 00:11:00,314 ♪ Here comes the Roly Poly Man ♪ 274 00:11:00,316 --> 00:11:03,517 ♪ He's singing songs of love ♪ 275 00:11:03,519 --> 00:11:06,721 ♪ Roly poly, Roly poly, roly... ♪ 276 00:11:06,723 --> 00:11:08,655 I love this album. 277 00:11:08,657 --> 00:11:10,426 Are they still called albums? 278 00:11:11,127 --> 00:11:14,161 Albums... 279 00:11:14,163 --> 00:11:17,598 C, D, D, D. 280 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,568 C, D, D, D. 281 00:11:20,570 --> 00:11:22,270 [laughs] 282 00:11:22,272 --> 00:11:24,072 You know the Filipinos? 283 00:11:24,074 --> 00:11:25,238 Bob and Teresa? 284 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:27,040 From the Philippines. 285 00:11:27,042 --> 00:11:30,144 They used to strap coca tree bark to their bodies 286 00:11:30,146 --> 00:11:31,578 before they went to battle. 287 00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:35,516 The coca then, would leech into their bloodstream, 288 00:11:35,518 --> 00:11:37,517 and get them amped up 289 00:11:37,519 --> 00:11:40,188 to help them overcome the fear of war. 290 00:11:40,190 --> 00:11:43,190 Frank, we're at war. 291 00:11:43,192 --> 00:11:46,194 I don't think we can get our hands on that kind of bark. 292 00:11:46,196 --> 00:11:48,729 - We ran out of vodka. - [clattering] 293 00:11:48,731 --> 00:11:51,531 I wonder what Rachel will listen to in college. 294 00:11:51,533 --> 00:11:53,668 What music will... 295 00:11:53,670 --> 00:11:56,069 transport her back to her youth, 296 00:11:56,071 --> 00:11:58,473 back to a time when her whole life was in front of her. 297 00:11:58,475 --> 00:12:00,208 [inhales deeply] 298 00:12:00,210 --> 00:12:02,242 - I don't know. - [cork squeaking] 299 00:12:02,244 --> 00:12:04,277 I only know I'm sad about that vodka. 300 00:12:04,279 --> 00:12:05,281 [cork pops] 301 00:12:07,182 --> 00:12:08,251 Fuck it. 302 00:12:09,619 --> 00:12:11,151 Latour, baby! 303 00:12:11,153 --> 00:12:12,355 [Nancy gulping] 304 00:12:13,455 --> 00:12:16,493 Whatever happens probably will. 305 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:19,629 - Let's finish it inside. - Yeah. 306 00:12:20,330 --> 00:12:22,063 Yeah. 307 00:12:22,065 --> 00:12:25,032 Starts getting better tomorrow. 308 00:12:25,034 --> 00:12:27,234 [singing] ♪ When I'm stuck with a day ♪ 309 00:12:27,236 --> 00:12:30,338 ♪ That's grey, and lonely ♪ 310 00:12:30,340 --> 00:12:32,473 [both singing] ♪ I just stick out my chin ♪ 311 00:12:32,475 --> 00:12:34,375 - ♪ and grin... ♪ - [Nancy thuds] 312 00:12:34,377 --> 00:12:36,676 - [Frank] Oh! - [Nancy] ♪ And say ♪ 313 00:12:36,678 --> 00:12:41,415 ♪ The sun will come out Tomorrow ♪ 314 00:12:41,417 --> 00:12:45,486 [both singing] ♪ Mañana! Mañana! ♪ 315 00:12:45,488 --> 00:12:48,455 ♪ Te quiero, mañana! ♪ 316 00:12:48,457 --> 00:12:53,093 ♪ You're only a day ♪ 317 00:12:53,095 --> 00:12:57,365 ♪ Away! ♪ 318 00:12:57,367 --> 00:13:00,300 [Frank laughs] You fell on your ass, baby. 319 00:13:00,302 --> 00:13:03,306 [rock music] 320 00:13:07,076 --> 00:13:08,445 [record player crackling] 321 00:13:09,412 --> 00:13:10,513 [door opens] 322 00:13:14,216 --> 00:13:15,651 [birds chirping] 323 00:13:29,699 --> 00:13:31,168 [Carl] Excuse me! 324 00:13:31,835 --> 00:13:34,635 Hi. [chuckles] 325 00:13:34,637 --> 00:13:37,371 What, what can you tell me about this house? 326 00:13:37,373 --> 00:13:38,506 I'm sorry? 327 00:13:38,508 --> 00:13:42,376 There was a rental ad for this house on Craigslist, 328 00:13:42,378 --> 00:13:44,511 but no one's answering the doorbell. 329 00:13:44,513 --> 00:13:46,447 An ad on Craigslist? 330 00:13:46,449 --> 00:13:47,518 [Carl] Yeah. 331 00:13:48,551 --> 00:13:50,218 For Nigel's house? 332 00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:53,420 No, somebody named Frank? 333 00:13:53,422 --> 00:13:56,690 The ad's gone, it was flagged for profanity. 334 00:13:56,692 --> 00:13:58,593 Okay, wait. Back the fuck up. 335 00:13:58,595 --> 00:14:00,394 Let's start over. What? 336 00:14:00,396 --> 00:14:01,795 [Carl] Well, there was an ad, 337 00:14:01,797 --> 00:14:04,298 "For rent, big, beautiful fucking house 338 00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:05,833 furnished up the ass." 339 00:14:05,835 --> 00:14:07,604 Obviously, I was intrigued. 340 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:12,309 Are, are you okay? 341 00:14:14,444 --> 00:14:16,180 Not even in the ballpark. 342 00:14:17,147 --> 00:14:18,581 [cart rattling] 343 00:14:19,648 --> 00:14:20,850 [cart thuds] 344 00:14:27,757 --> 00:14:29,857 Four dollars? 345 00:14:29,859 --> 00:14:32,593 Four dollars for a zucchini. 346 00:14:32,595 --> 00:14:35,596 And these people won't even grease the wheels 347 00:14:35,598 --> 00:14:38,535 - of their shopping cart. - [cart clattering] 348 00:14:39,301 --> 00:14:40,403 [Nancy] Fuckers. 349 00:14:49,512 --> 00:14:50,777 [Heidi] Nancy? 350 00:14:50,779 --> 00:14:52,246 Are you okay? 351 00:14:52,248 --> 00:14:53,684 Oh, you. [chuckles] 352 00:14:54,617 --> 00:14:56,284 Heidi, hi. 353 00:14:56,286 --> 00:14:59,420 I'm fine, it's just that I saw a spider, 354 00:14:59,422 --> 00:15:01,322 and I tried to get it. [laughs] 355 00:15:01,324 --> 00:15:03,290 My foot got stuck. 356 00:15:03,292 --> 00:15:06,429 Um, are those box wines in your cart? 357 00:15:07,763 --> 00:15:10,198 [laughs] 358 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,966 No, I'm juicing. 359 00:15:11,968 --> 00:15:14,267 [gasps] How are Chip and the kids? 360 00:15:14,269 --> 00:15:16,938 Oh, Chip pulled some strings and got Carter into Yale. 361 00:15:16,940 --> 00:15:19,573 He won't light up the world but he won't blow it up, either. 362 00:15:19,575 --> 00:15:20,708 Oh. [chuckles] 363 00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:23,743 Oh, totally off subject, did you hear about Lisa Chang? 364 00:15:23,745 --> 00:15:24,978 No, Lisa? 365 00:15:24,980 --> 00:15:26,914 She and Andrew split up, younger woman, 366 00:15:26,916 --> 00:15:28,348 yadda yadda, you know the drill. 367 00:15:28,350 --> 00:15:32,752 But, Lisa is working at Macy's now. 368 00:15:32,754 --> 00:15:34,421 - [gasps] - [Heidi] At the perfume counter. 369 00:15:34,423 --> 00:15:37,424 - Oh, my god. - Oh, my god. 370 00:15:37,426 --> 00:15:39,794 She's waving those little smelly cards 371 00:15:39,796 --> 00:15:41,364 on people's faces. 372 00:15:42,398 --> 00:15:43,499 She gained ten pounds. 373 00:15:44,533 --> 00:15:46,567 And she's about to gain more. 374 00:15:46,569 --> 00:15:48,803 Because you have to be rich to be skinny. 375 00:15:48,805 --> 00:15:52,573 All the cheap foods are the ones that pork you up. 376 00:15:52,575 --> 00:15:55,543 The sugars, the carbs, the corn syrup. 377 00:15:55,545 --> 00:15:56,876 I do not understand why 378 00:15:56,878 --> 00:15:59,847 the more preservatives and chemicals 379 00:15:59,849 --> 00:16:02,683 they put in the food, the cheaper it is. 380 00:16:02,685 --> 00:16:05,419 And the food that just comes out of the earth, 381 00:16:05,421 --> 00:16:07,021 it's so expensive. 382 00:16:07,023 --> 00:16:08,521 - Bastards! - [cart clatters] 383 00:16:08,523 --> 00:16:10,524 It's those hippies, 384 00:16:10,526 --> 00:16:12,459 they seed their sow going, 385 00:16:12,461 --> 00:16:16,764 "Hey dude, look at this zucchini, man. 386 00:16:16,766 --> 00:16:20,034 It's so beautiful, a gift from Mother Earth. 387 00:16:20,036 --> 00:16:22,303 How much should we charge for it?" 388 00:16:22,305 --> 00:16:23,838 "Uh, I don't know, 389 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:25,740 uh, 4.20? 390 00:16:25,742 --> 00:16:27,377 [laughs] 391 00:16:29,878 --> 00:16:31,945 [chortles] 392 00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:34,283 [both laugh] 393 00:16:37,019 --> 00:16:39,555 Okay, bye. Goodbye. Nice to see you. 394 00:16:40,623 --> 00:16:41,988 - Bye. Bye. - Bye. 395 00:16:41,990 --> 00:16:43,056 [Nancy] Bye. 396 00:16:43,058 --> 00:16:44,527 [cell phone rings] 397 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,330 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 398 00:16:48,665 --> 00:16:49,664 Oh, Frank. 399 00:16:49,666 --> 00:16:52,436 I think I'm having an anxiety attack, and... 400 00:16:55,370 --> 00:16:56,505 Wait, what? 401 00:16:58,374 --> 00:17:00,607 [car approaching] 402 00:17:00,609 --> 00:17:02,345 [tires screeching] 403 00:17:04,914 --> 00:17:06,414 [car door opens] 404 00:17:06,416 --> 00:17:07,848 [car door closes] 405 00:17:07,850 --> 00:17:09,253 [keys jingle] 406 00:17:10,419 --> 00:17:11,420 [door opens] 407 00:17:13,723 --> 00:17:14,825 Is this a joke? 408 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:19,960 - But when? - [Frank] The check? 409 00:17:19,962 --> 00:17:21,628 No, the ad. 410 00:17:21,630 --> 00:17:23,830 Oh, it must have been last night when we were drinking. 411 00:17:23,832 --> 00:17:26,032 I thought you did it. It was all your idea. 412 00:17:26,034 --> 00:17:27,902 My idea? 413 00:17:27,904 --> 00:17:30,771 Frank, I said it to make a point 414 00:17:30,773 --> 00:17:33,874 about how we don't do anything stupid like that. 415 00:17:33,876 --> 00:17:35,108 Don't you remember? 416 00:17:35,110 --> 00:17:36,810 I don't remember us polishing off 417 00:17:36,812 --> 00:17:39,012 that Chateau Latour, but we did that too, right? 418 00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,380 [Nancy] I remember that. 419 00:17:40,382 --> 00:17:42,415 I remember pulling the cork, 420 00:17:42,417 --> 00:17:43,651 it made that pop sound 421 00:17:43,653 --> 00:17:45,786 like the crunch sound Eve probably made 422 00:17:45,788 --> 00:17:47,291 when she bit the apple. 423 00:17:47,823 --> 00:17:48,857 Baby. 424 00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:51,826 It's six months in advance, his name is Carl, 425 00:17:51,828 --> 00:17:54,064 and for what it's worth, I think he was sent from God. 426 00:17:56,131 --> 00:17:59,799 Frank, do you understand what this means? 427 00:17:59,801 --> 00:18:03,636 It means an entire year of Rachel's tuition. 428 00:18:03,638 --> 00:18:05,742 Thank you, Jesus! 429 00:18:07,877 --> 00:18:09,909 - [gasps] - Does this mean... 430 00:18:09,911 --> 00:18:11,614 we're gonna celebrate? 431 00:18:12,915 --> 00:18:14,682 Heck yes! 432 00:18:14,684 --> 00:18:16,953 But I gotta do something first. 433 00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:19,388 I'll be right back. 434 00:18:20,523 --> 00:18:22,024 [retreating footsteps] 435 00:18:23,993 --> 00:18:26,996 [romantic music plays] 436 00:18:30,666 --> 00:18:31,967 [doorbell rings] 437 00:18:38,006 --> 00:18:39,042 [Carl] Hi, Frank. 438 00:18:39,641 --> 00:18:40,741 Hey. 439 00:18:40,743 --> 00:18:42,842 Is that Dave Brubeck on the stereo? 440 00:18:42,844 --> 00:18:44,412 - No. - [Carl] Ah. Too bad, 441 00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:45,480 I love Brubeck. 442 00:18:45,482 --> 00:18:48,482 Especially back when Stan Getz was on tenor sax. 443 00:18:48,484 --> 00:18:50,184 Getz did the soundtrack for Micky One, 444 00:18:50,186 --> 00:18:51,952 which is my favorite Warren Beatty film. 445 00:18:51,954 --> 00:18:54,855 I wanna say '65, '66. 446 00:18:54,857 --> 00:18:57,057 Warren Beatty was a handsome boy. 447 00:18:57,059 --> 00:18:58,792 Got all the lady women, right? 448 00:18:58,794 --> 00:19:00,594 But you know, Micky One's not for everyone. 449 00:19:00,596 --> 00:19:01,694 You have to be patient. 450 00:19:01,696 --> 00:19:04,498 Unlike Star Wars, that really trucks along, right? 451 00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:05,899 Same with Dances With Wolves. 452 00:19:05,901 --> 00:19:06,966 Kevin Costner, he was... 453 00:19:06,968 --> 00:19:09,103 [man clears throat] 454 00:19:09,105 --> 00:19:12,071 Uh, Carl, that was bizarre, and I didn't follow any of it. 455 00:19:12,073 --> 00:19:13,507 Is everything okay? 456 00:19:13,509 --> 00:19:14,707 Oh, it's... 457 00:19:14,709 --> 00:19:16,210 I love the house. 458 00:19:16,212 --> 00:19:17,811 - [chuckles] - [Carl] I'm being rude. 459 00:19:17,813 --> 00:19:20,213 - This is my good buddy, Joe. - [Joe clears throat] 460 00:19:20,215 --> 00:19:23,552 Well, less of a buddy and more of a parole officer. 461 00:19:24,786 --> 00:19:25,919 I beg your pardon? 462 00:19:25,921 --> 00:19:30,523 Frank, uh, as a new neighbor, I'm "legally required" 463 00:19:30,525 --> 00:19:33,793 to tell you that I'm a registered sex offender. 464 00:19:33,795 --> 00:19:34,994 Come again? 465 00:19:34,996 --> 00:19:37,063 Wow, really? [laughs] 466 00:19:37,065 --> 00:19:38,031 Really what? 467 00:19:38,033 --> 00:19:40,166 I... I was kidding. You said "come again" 468 00:19:40,168 --> 00:19:42,837 and I'm a sex offender. It was a joke. 469 00:19:42,839 --> 00:19:44,938 [Joe] Carl's a class three offender. 470 00:19:44,940 --> 00:19:48,742 He has to notify any resident within a designated area. 471 00:19:48,744 --> 00:19:50,478 So we'll be going house to house. 472 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:51,912 It's kind of like trick or treating, 473 00:19:51,914 --> 00:19:53,746 except for we don't get candy, 474 00:19:53,748 --> 00:19:55,982 we tell people I'm a pedophile. 475 00:19:55,984 --> 00:19:58,219 I'm sorry, I'm having trouble with my ears. 476 00:19:58,221 --> 00:20:01,821 There's a really loud sound to them, like a... 477 00:20:01,823 --> 00:20:04,959 like a roaring crashing ocean, so... 478 00:20:04,961 --> 00:20:06,659 What the fuck did you just say? 479 00:20:06,661 --> 00:20:08,261 [Nancy] Baby, tell little Frank 480 00:20:08,263 --> 00:20:09,963 that I'm here, that I'm ready. 481 00:20:09,965 --> 00:20:11,065 Baby, get away from the door! 482 00:20:11,067 --> 00:20:12,132 [screams] 483 00:20:12,134 --> 00:20:14,501 [speaking in Spanish] 484 00:20:14,503 --> 00:20:15,769 Wow. Frank. [chuckles] 485 00:20:15,771 --> 00:20:17,474 You really did well. 486 00:20:19,207 --> 00:20:21,774 [Frank] I did not see that coming. 487 00:20:21,776 --> 00:20:24,944 [Nancy] Good. I'm glad you didn't plan this. 488 00:20:24,946 --> 00:20:27,280 [Frank] Gotta burn down the house to cook the pig. 489 00:20:27,282 --> 00:20:28,348 [Nancy] What? 490 00:20:28,350 --> 00:20:30,717 [Frank] I'm saying, "I did not see that coming." 491 00:20:30,719 --> 00:20:32,019 [Nancy] Oh, look. 492 00:20:32,021 --> 00:20:33,654 They're going to the Templeman's. 493 00:20:33,656 --> 00:20:35,222 Nice people, the Templeman's. 494 00:20:35,224 --> 00:20:37,590 Their lawn is always so green. 495 00:20:37,592 --> 00:20:39,792 I've always wondered what they use. 496 00:20:39,794 --> 00:20:41,228 Maybe you can call Carl. 497 00:20:41,230 --> 00:20:43,931 You know, the fucking, fucking sex offender, 498 00:20:43,933 --> 00:20:45,135 and ask him to ask them. 499 00:20:46,735 --> 00:20:48,769 [Frank inhales] 500 00:20:48,771 --> 00:20:51,070 Probably magnesium sulfate. 501 00:20:51,072 --> 00:20:53,706 [Nancy] You realize we're going to jail, right? 502 00:20:53,708 --> 00:20:55,842 [Frank] No. Nigel will never press charges, 503 00:20:55,844 --> 00:20:57,978 I've pulled his fat out of the fire too many times. 504 00:20:57,980 --> 00:21:00,180 Like last month, his smoke detector was beeping, 505 00:21:00,182 --> 00:21:02,683 I changed the nine-volt, didn't even charge him. 506 00:21:02,685 --> 00:21:04,117 [Nancy] Snap out of it, motherfucker. 507 00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:06,252 We're going to jail. 508 00:21:06,254 --> 00:21:08,621 Don't, uh, forget your prescriptions 509 00:21:08,623 --> 00:21:10,324 and anything else you might need for the next few weeks. 510 00:21:10,326 --> 00:21:12,559 [Nancy] Frank, help me. 511 00:21:12,561 --> 00:21:14,129 Hold this bag. Hold this bag. 512 00:21:16,866 --> 00:21:19,066 Do you really need all these panties and such, hun? 513 00:21:19,068 --> 00:21:21,734 No. I'm gonna hide them in the attic. 514 00:21:21,736 --> 00:21:24,238 I don't want him going all over my lingerie. 515 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:25,772 The word is "cumming," honey. Cumming. 516 00:21:25,774 --> 00:21:26,773 [Nancy] I don't give a damn. 517 00:21:26,775 --> 00:21:30,644 I do not want his DNA on my private things. 518 00:21:30,646 --> 00:21:32,980 Baby, we really don't know what he did. 519 00:21:32,982 --> 00:21:34,951 Then you should hide your panties, too. 520 00:21:44,593 --> 00:21:46,659 Hi. 521 00:21:46,661 --> 00:21:49,896 [Carl] Look, I, I, I know I should have said something, 522 00:21:49,898 --> 00:21:52,132 but it... it's not like I told you 523 00:21:52,134 --> 00:21:54,734 I wasn't a registered offender. 524 00:21:54,736 --> 00:21:56,235 Oh, my god, he just said that. 525 00:21:56,237 --> 00:21:57,771 I saw his lips move and everything. 526 00:21:57,773 --> 00:21:58,972 [Frank] Carl. 527 00:21:58,974 --> 00:22:01,140 Part of me would like to punch you in the face right now, 528 00:22:01,142 --> 00:22:03,777 but another part of me would like to kick you in the balls. 529 00:22:03,779 --> 00:22:04,845 Which do you prefer? 530 00:22:04,847 --> 00:22:08,382 Uh, thanks. I... I normally don't get a choice. 531 00:22:08,384 --> 00:22:11,151 But I, I don't know anything about your house. 532 00:22:11,153 --> 00:22:14,754 Well, how do I know your house is as nice as this house? 533 00:22:14,756 --> 00:22:16,857 Our house is gorgeous. 534 00:22:16,859 --> 00:22:19,393 Carl, you don't have a choice. 535 00:22:19,395 --> 00:22:22,128 Our house could be a shack cantilevered over 536 00:22:22,130 --> 00:22:24,130 hell's septic tank, and it wouldn't matter. 537 00:22:24,132 --> 00:22:25,398 You either move into our house, 538 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:29,002 or you're back on the street, because you cannot stay here. 539 00:22:29,004 --> 00:22:32,905 I guess I could just get my 25 grand back 540 00:22:32,907 --> 00:22:34,340 and find another place. 541 00:22:34,342 --> 00:22:35,811 [inhales deeply] 542 00:22:41,050 --> 00:22:42,217 You know what? 543 00:22:43,019 --> 00:22:44,184 Fine with me. 544 00:22:44,186 --> 00:22:47,287 Because I'm not even sure that I want you in my house, 545 00:22:47,289 --> 00:22:50,758 sleeping in our bed, inside our sheets, 546 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,260 where I sleep naked all the time. 547 00:22:53,262 --> 00:22:54,328 [Nancy grunts] 548 00:22:54,330 --> 00:22:56,930 And what if he finds our home videos? 549 00:22:56,932 --> 00:22:59,032 Didn't I tell you not to film that? 550 00:22:59,034 --> 00:23:01,702 [stammers] Maybe I can make this work. 551 00:23:01,704 --> 00:23:03,936 Let me... let me run something by you. 552 00:23:03,938 --> 00:23:06,339 The Swedish Duxiana mattress. 553 00:23:06,341 --> 00:23:09,376 I haven't been able to sleep one night in it. 554 00:23:09,378 --> 00:23:13,079 I'm not really interested in mattresses normally, 555 00:23:13,081 --> 00:23:16,817 but this is my one time for this mattress, 556 00:23:16,819 --> 00:23:18,152 and I'm not even a mattress guy. 557 00:23:18,154 --> 00:23:20,020 - You want the mattress, Carl? - [Carl] Yeah. 558 00:23:20,022 --> 00:23:21,288 Are you out of your fucking mind? 559 00:23:21,290 --> 00:23:22,822 You're not getting the mattress. 560 00:23:22,824 --> 00:23:24,191 Have you ever had your head examined? 561 00:23:24,193 --> 00:23:25,959 What's in there, Pop-Tarts? 562 00:23:25,961 --> 00:23:27,927 "I'm not even a mattress guy." 563 00:23:27,929 --> 00:23:29,229 - [stammers] - Jesus H. Christ, Carl. 564 00:23:29,231 --> 00:23:32,299 You are not getting the fucking mattress! 565 00:23:32,301 --> 00:23:34,337 [Carl] Why are we going through the backyard? 566 00:23:35,137 --> 00:23:36,736 Why is the sky blue? 567 00:23:36,738 --> 00:23:38,004 [Carl] Uh, 'cause sunlight 568 00:23:38,006 --> 00:23:40,240 is refracted by dust particles in the air 569 00:23:40,242 --> 00:23:43,242 and blue is the dominant color of the spectrum? 570 00:23:43,244 --> 00:23:45,212 Did you learn that in the fifth grade, 571 00:23:45,214 --> 00:23:46,780 or from a fifth grader? 572 00:23:46,782 --> 00:23:47,850 [Carl] Ouch. 573 00:23:50,386 --> 00:23:52,051 [Nancy] Baby, only you would think 574 00:23:52,053 --> 00:23:55,923 of turning Nigel's pool into our own private drive-in. 575 00:23:55,925 --> 00:23:57,790 [Frank] Maybe I'm losing my mind. 576 00:23:57,792 --> 00:23:59,492 [both] Aww. 577 00:23:59,494 --> 00:24:01,427 [Nancy] Look at her. 578 00:24:01,429 --> 00:24:03,864 That was Rachel's fifth-grade play. 579 00:24:03,866 --> 00:24:05,299 She was so good. 580 00:24:05,301 --> 00:24:07,835 Rachel was the best thing in it. I'm being objective. 581 00:24:07,837 --> 00:24:08,802 I mean, compared to Rachel, 582 00:24:08,804 --> 00:24:10,771 the rest of these kids were all laughable. 583 00:24:10,773 --> 00:24:14,744 Their screechy voices, so hard on the ears. 584 00:24:16,011 --> 00:24:18,145 [Nancy] Ah, and there it is. 585 00:24:18,147 --> 00:24:22,515 Janice's grand, unforgettable party. 586 00:24:22,517 --> 00:24:24,818 Your sister only threw that party 587 00:24:24,820 --> 00:24:26,753 to prove how rich she is. 588 00:24:26,755 --> 00:24:30,022 You know, I was in a 98 cents store today. 589 00:24:30,024 --> 00:24:32,158 [sighs] I bet you anything that Janice 590 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:35,261 would never set foot in one of those. 591 00:24:35,263 --> 00:24:37,297 That's only because she married Dan, 592 00:24:37,299 --> 00:24:40,501 not because she's any smarter than you. 593 00:24:40,503 --> 00:24:43,236 Do you remember when we went together? 594 00:24:43,238 --> 00:24:45,505 You were craving Baby Ruths. 595 00:24:45,507 --> 00:24:48,308 I just had to have that Baby Ruth. 596 00:24:48,310 --> 00:24:50,844 On a hunch, we bought that pregnancy test 597 00:24:50,846 --> 00:24:53,347 and eight months later, 598 00:24:53,349 --> 00:24:55,918 along came our little Rachel. 599 00:24:56,417 --> 00:24:57,917 To Baby Ruths. 600 00:24:57,919 --> 00:24:59,386 - To Baby Ruths. - [Frank moans] 601 00:24:59,388 --> 00:25:00,956 [cell phone ringing] 602 00:25:02,925 --> 00:25:03,926 [cell phone beeps] 603 00:25:05,226 --> 00:25:06,292 [in an English accent] Hello? 604 00:25:06,294 --> 00:25:07,360 [inaudible dialogue on phone] 605 00:25:07,362 --> 00:25:08,965 Mr. Teagarten's not at home. 606 00:25:09,465 --> 00:25:11,063 I'm sorry? 607 00:25:11,065 --> 00:25:12,965 He owes you money? 608 00:25:12,967 --> 00:25:15,836 Well, I'm his butler, not his accountant, 609 00:25:15,838 --> 00:25:16,936 you fucking ass. 610 00:25:16,938 --> 00:25:18,273 - [inaudible dialogue on phone] - [cell phone beeps] 611 00:25:18,974 --> 00:25:20,009 [clears throat] 612 00:25:21,109 --> 00:25:22,876 That was Mastercard. 613 00:25:22,878 --> 00:25:26,346 Frank, why don't we sell our funeral plots? 614 00:25:26,348 --> 00:25:27,848 We can get what, 615 00:25:27,850 --> 00:25:30,149 2,000 dollars at least, right? 616 00:25:30,151 --> 00:25:33,355 Shit, baby, I'm sorry. School wanted a dorm deposit. 617 00:25:34,290 --> 00:25:35,289 Well, how lovely. 618 00:25:35,291 --> 00:25:38,325 I actually have to pee really badly right now, 619 00:25:38,327 --> 00:25:40,594 and I would normally do it right here in the pool, 620 00:25:40,596 --> 00:25:42,799 but I don't wanna make our problems any worse. 621 00:25:44,332 --> 00:25:45,334 [door closes] 622 00:25:48,070 --> 00:25:49,304 [doorbell rings] 623 00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:52,475 Is that you, Carl? 624 00:25:55,476 --> 00:25:57,144 [man 1] What's up, pervert? 625 00:25:57,146 --> 00:25:58,478 [Frank] What the hell is going on here? 626 00:25:58,480 --> 00:25:59,579 - [thwacks] - [Frank grunts] 627 00:25:59,581 --> 00:26:02,182 [Frank] Nancy, Nancy, call 911! 628 00:26:02,184 --> 00:26:03,517 [man 2] Who you talking to? 629 00:26:03,519 --> 00:26:04,885 [Frank] Uh, nobody. 630 00:26:04,887 --> 00:26:06,118 There's nobody else here. 631 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:07,553 - [thwacks] - [Frank grunts] 632 00:26:07,555 --> 00:26:10,559 [suspenseful music] 633 00:26:13,094 --> 00:26:14,930 Oh, my god. 634 00:26:16,398 --> 00:26:20,166 [Nancy] Run, run, ISIS has come! 635 00:26:20,168 --> 00:26:22,935 I am... I am neutral! 636 00:26:22,937 --> 00:26:25,606 Put me down! Put me down! 637 00:26:25,608 --> 00:26:28,811 [tense music] 638 00:26:30,145 --> 00:26:31,244 [engine revs] 639 00:26:31,246 --> 00:26:33,115 [tires screech] 640 00:26:37,986 --> 00:26:40,989 [suspenseful music] 641 00:26:44,426 --> 00:26:47,194 [gun cocks] 642 00:26:47,196 --> 00:26:49,562 [man 3] You know what this bitch was doing when I grabbed her? 643 00:26:49,564 --> 00:26:52,299 Staring at a little girl in a leotard. 644 00:26:52,301 --> 00:26:54,001 [muffled] I'm looking at my daughter. 645 00:26:54,003 --> 00:26:56,002 [man 2] The law won't protect our community 646 00:26:56,004 --> 00:26:57,439 from deviants like you. 647 00:26:57,973 --> 00:26:59,075 We will! 648 00:27:00,975 --> 00:27:03,079 So if we see you anywhere near... 649 00:27:03,646 --> 00:27:06,245 112 Blue Jay... 650 00:27:06,247 --> 00:27:08,014 - [gunshot] - [Nancy] Oh, my god! 651 00:27:08,016 --> 00:27:09,619 [crows cawing] 652 00:27:14,255 --> 00:27:15,992 [Nancy] We just escaped death. 653 00:27:17,192 --> 00:27:18,392 They thought you were Carl, 654 00:27:18,394 --> 00:27:20,694 because Carl gave out Nigel's address. 655 00:27:20,696 --> 00:27:22,095 [Frank yelling] They thought I was Carl 656 00:27:22,097 --> 00:27:24,063 because he gave out Nigel's address. 657 00:27:24,065 --> 00:27:26,366 That's what I just said, why are you screaming? 658 00:27:26,368 --> 00:27:27,667 [Frank] The gunshots! 659 00:27:27,669 --> 00:27:29,339 My ears are, you know. 660 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:32,539 You know how you know when your life 661 00:27:32,541 --> 00:27:34,473 is out of control? 662 00:27:34,475 --> 00:27:36,542 When there's a ringing in your ears 663 00:27:36,544 --> 00:27:39,078 and you don't know if it's a creditor calling 664 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,181 or a kidnapper has fired a shotgun 665 00:27:41,183 --> 00:27:43,253 - six inches from your head. - [horn blaring] 666 00:27:48,256 --> 00:27:50,723 Is that Spanx over tights? 667 00:27:50,725 --> 00:27:52,725 Yes, I'm double spanking. 668 00:27:52,727 --> 00:27:55,031 Do you have to scream it to the world? 669 00:27:56,031 --> 00:27:57,563 'Cause right about now, 670 00:27:57,565 --> 00:28:00,166 I'd like to have a pair of really tight Spanx 671 00:28:00,168 --> 00:28:03,136 around my fucking neck! 672 00:28:03,138 --> 00:28:05,973 [Nancy] No, Janice would never understand. 673 00:28:05,975 --> 00:28:07,139 But she's your sister. 674 00:28:07,141 --> 00:28:09,177 She will ask too many questions. 675 00:28:09,978 --> 00:28:11,511 Our car broke down. 676 00:28:11,513 --> 00:28:12,611 Right. 677 00:28:12,613 --> 00:28:14,213 And I'm barefoot 678 00:28:14,215 --> 00:28:16,383 because we have the Flintstones car. 679 00:28:16,385 --> 00:28:18,488 and I peddled it like Wilma. 680 00:28:22,123 --> 00:28:23,490 [Frank] What's your guess on his net worth? 681 00:28:23,492 --> 00:28:25,424 I'd say at least a hundred million. 682 00:28:25,426 --> 00:28:26,526 It's as high as two hundred million. 683 00:28:26,528 --> 00:28:28,028 No, that's too high. 684 00:28:28,030 --> 00:28:30,030 At least a hundred million. 685 00:28:30,032 --> 00:28:31,498 He's definitely well fed. 686 00:28:31,500 --> 00:28:32,366 Please, let's go. 687 00:28:32,368 --> 00:28:35,434 She... she'll never buy our bullshit. 688 00:28:35,436 --> 00:28:38,238 And you can't tell her, or anybody else for that matter. 689 00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:41,607 That's how this falling from grace thing works. 690 00:28:41,609 --> 00:28:45,145 People find out, they look away, they avert their eyes. 691 00:28:45,147 --> 00:28:47,047 Especially our friends. 692 00:28:47,049 --> 00:28:48,447 Are they really our friends, then? 693 00:28:48,449 --> 00:28:49,348 Nancy, I'm too tired 694 00:28:49,350 --> 00:28:51,119 to have a deep conversation right now. 695 00:28:53,488 --> 00:28:54,523 But, no. 696 00:28:55,357 --> 00:28:56,455 [Nancy] No, Frank. 697 00:28:56,457 --> 00:28:58,625 Why are you forcing me to do this? 698 00:28:58,627 --> 00:29:01,194 I cannot take this shit right now. 699 00:29:01,196 --> 00:29:02,796 I'm gonna get an anxiety attack. 700 00:29:02,798 --> 00:29:04,063 Not Betty. 701 00:29:04,065 --> 00:29:07,099 [Frank] Okay, I understand you didn't wanna stay at Janice's, 702 00:29:07,101 --> 00:29:08,702 but now you don't wanna stay at this sister's house? 703 00:29:08,704 --> 00:29:10,302 Look, we have nowhere to go. 704 00:29:10,304 --> 00:29:12,539 Carl's in our house, we can't go back to Nigel's 705 00:29:12,541 --> 00:29:14,407 'cause those psychos said they'd kill us, 706 00:29:14,409 --> 00:29:16,643 we don't have any credit cards, you're barefoot, 707 00:29:16,645 --> 00:29:17,711 and I feel like hell. 708 00:29:17,713 --> 00:29:19,078 [Nancy] Of course, you do. 709 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:20,680 'Cause we're almost there. 710 00:29:20,682 --> 00:29:22,148 That is hell. 711 00:29:22,150 --> 00:29:23,617 It's like we're in Kansas, 712 00:29:23,619 --> 00:29:26,386 and we're about to get sucked into a tornado 713 00:29:26,388 --> 00:29:28,621 and drop into an inferno 714 00:29:28,623 --> 00:29:32,192 where Oompa Loompa's on speed are the gatekeepers. 715 00:29:32,194 --> 00:29:33,626 [Frank] Baby, I'm gonna need some time 716 00:29:33,628 --> 00:29:35,529 to sort through all those analogies. 717 00:29:35,531 --> 00:29:37,664 Besides, it's not that bad. 718 00:29:37,666 --> 00:29:39,532 Just smile a lot. 719 00:29:39,534 --> 00:29:42,234 See? Smile. Like this. 720 00:29:42,236 --> 00:29:44,171 Let's see how long that lasts. 721 00:29:44,173 --> 00:29:45,508 [doorbell rings] 722 00:29:49,544 --> 00:29:51,778 - [Nancy] Hi, Tristan. - [Frank] Hi, Tristan. 723 00:29:51,780 --> 00:29:53,113 Why is she barefoot? 724 00:29:53,115 --> 00:29:54,580 - Uh, Tai Chi. - Uh... 725 00:29:54,582 --> 00:29:56,116 It's... it's very relaxing. 726 00:29:56,118 --> 00:29:57,651 Uh, can we come in? 727 00:29:57,653 --> 00:30:00,220 - I guess you could come in. - [door closes] 728 00:30:00,222 --> 00:30:03,255 Dad, Uncle Frank and Aunt Nancy are here. 729 00:30:03,257 --> 00:30:05,157 That's a really cool walkie-talkie. 730 00:30:05,159 --> 00:30:06,393 Yeah, well, not to me. 731 00:30:06,395 --> 00:30:09,195 My fucking dad won't spring for the Ace 10s, 732 00:30:09,197 --> 00:30:10,797 which are way more badass. 733 00:30:10,799 --> 00:30:12,799 - Hm. - Navy SEALs use Ace 10s. 734 00:30:12,801 --> 00:30:14,800 They also use cool martial arts like Krav Maga 735 00:30:14,802 --> 00:30:15,868 and cool shit like that. 736 00:30:15,870 --> 00:30:19,106 Tai Chi's for homos, but you probably knew that. 737 00:30:19,108 --> 00:30:20,773 Smile, Frank. 738 00:30:20,775 --> 00:30:22,675 Oh, hi, Trey. 739 00:30:22,677 --> 00:30:23,777 I wish. 740 00:30:23,779 --> 00:30:27,446 My walkie-talkie is dead as a used dick. 741 00:30:27,448 --> 00:30:28,848 [Trey] You have any nine-volt batteries? 742 00:30:28,850 --> 00:30:30,216 - Me? - Can I search you? 743 00:30:30,218 --> 00:30:31,318 - What? - Nothing. 744 00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:34,120 Dad, for god sakes, what is this, a Beckett play? 745 00:30:34,122 --> 00:30:35,754 When did this turn into Waiting for Godot? 746 00:30:35,756 --> 00:30:38,390 That is quite a reference for a young lad. 747 00:30:38,392 --> 00:30:40,359 Yeah, I'm Vladimir and he's Estregon. 748 00:30:40,361 --> 00:30:42,364 - It... it's Estragon. - [Tristan] Bullshit. 749 00:30:43,197 --> 00:30:44,463 Dad, chop-chop, 750 00:30:44,465 --> 00:30:46,566 the small talk's getting a little thin out here. 751 00:30:46,568 --> 00:30:47,901 [Bob] All right, I'm coming, I'm coming, 752 00:30:47,903 --> 00:30:49,435 don't get your panties in a wad. 753 00:30:49,437 --> 00:30:51,570 All hail, Lord Douchington. 754 00:30:51,572 --> 00:30:52,672 - [Frank grunts] - Hi, Bob. 755 00:30:52,674 --> 00:30:53,839 [Bob] Hey, you made it. 756 00:30:53,841 --> 00:30:55,242 How's the trip? 757 00:30:55,244 --> 00:30:57,376 - Found everything okay? - [Trey] Douche. 758 00:30:57,378 --> 00:30:59,378 Hey, that's TV for a week, pal. 759 00:30:59,380 --> 00:31:01,117 - Señor Douche. - Yeah... 760 00:31:03,252 --> 00:31:04,350 God. 761 00:31:04,352 --> 00:31:05,618 Delightful. 762 00:31:05,620 --> 00:31:07,587 Hey, so, Nance, how come you're barefoot? 763 00:31:07,589 --> 00:31:08,888 You ain't going hippie on me, are you? 764 00:31:08,890 --> 00:31:10,322 [laughs] Yeah. 765 00:31:10,324 --> 00:31:11,924 Um, I'm like... 766 00:31:11,926 --> 00:31:14,261 Wilma Flintstone. 767 00:31:14,263 --> 00:31:15,529 Fred was the one who drove. 768 00:31:15,531 --> 00:31:17,563 Wilma just rode shotgun. 769 00:31:17,565 --> 00:31:18,865 She drove sometimes. 770 00:31:18,867 --> 00:31:21,635 So, uh, they're termite tending your house? What? 771 00:31:21,637 --> 00:31:23,336 Well, yeah, we tried to sleep in the den, 772 00:31:23,338 --> 00:31:24,370 but there were all these fumes, 773 00:31:24,372 --> 00:31:26,639 and then it was like we were back in the '60s. 774 00:31:26,641 --> 00:31:27,840 [laughs] 775 00:31:27,842 --> 00:31:28,908 Well, I wouldn't know. 776 00:31:28,910 --> 00:31:30,476 I'm way younger than you are. 777 00:31:30,478 --> 00:31:32,215 Hey, but I do know the tending game. 778 00:31:32,813 --> 00:31:34,047 We got spiders. 779 00:31:34,049 --> 00:31:36,715 When those spider eggs pop, those little spiders come out, 780 00:31:36,717 --> 00:31:38,818 they start biting everything like crazy. 781 00:31:38,820 --> 00:31:40,453 Smile, Frank. [laughs] 782 00:31:40,455 --> 00:31:42,422 - [chuckles] - [Bob] Oh, yeah. 783 00:31:42,424 --> 00:31:43,956 - Do I sound defensive? - [door closes] 784 00:31:43,958 --> 00:31:45,658 - No. - Is Betty coming down? 785 00:31:45,660 --> 00:31:47,359 I was telling Frank on the phone, 786 00:31:47,361 --> 00:31:48,962 she's laid up with diarrhea. 787 00:31:48,964 --> 00:31:51,830 She accidentally made a sandwich out of cat food. 788 00:31:51,832 --> 00:31:53,899 Well, don't worry about us. We had dinner already. 789 00:31:53,901 --> 00:31:54,967 I think I'm gonna go see 790 00:31:54,969 --> 00:31:56,770 - how she's... - Hey, hey, hey. You... 791 00:31:56,772 --> 00:31:58,605 You don't wanna go up there right now. 792 00:31:58,607 --> 00:32:01,340 She's on the throne, blowing brown, 793 00:32:01,342 --> 00:32:02,442 if you catch my drift. 794 00:32:02,444 --> 00:32:03,510 I caught it, yeah. 795 00:32:03,512 --> 00:32:04,578 Hey, but like I said, 796 00:32:04,580 --> 00:32:06,512 you two are welcome to bunk in the twins' room. 797 00:32:06,514 --> 00:32:09,648 [Tristan] Our room? Why not your room? 798 00:32:09,650 --> 00:32:11,518 Because you two can sleep on the couch tonight. 799 00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:12,552 Over. 800 00:32:12,554 --> 00:32:15,688 [Tray] Ever hear of a Motel 6? Over. 801 00:32:15,690 --> 00:32:17,192 Ah. Hilarious. 802 00:32:18,224 --> 00:32:18,857 [Bob] I'm just gonna show you to the room, 803 00:32:18,859 --> 00:32:20,760 hopefully, we won't get lost. 804 00:32:20,762 --> 00:32:22,398 [whispers] Let's do this every month. 805 00:32:28,803 --> 00:32:30,403 Sorry, fellas. 806 00:32:30,405 --> 00:32:31,805 Sorry enough to go away? 807 00:32:31,807 --> 00:32:33,740 - Wow. - [Tristan] The bed is small. 808 00:32:33,742 --> 00:32:35,375 If you're gonna do any stuff in it, 809 00:32:35,377 --> 00:32:37,480 just wash the sheets after. 810 00:32:38,746 --> 00:32:39,812 Will do. 811 00:32:39,814 --> 00:32:42,581 It's gross. 812 00:32:42,583 --> 00:32:44,684 Are we talking about the same thing? 813 00:32:44,686 --> 00:32:46,418 - I'm serious. - I'm sure you are. 814 00:32:46,420 --> 00:32:47,921 - Do we have a problem? - [Frank] I don't think so. 815 00:32:47,923 --> 00:32:49,755 Are we done now? 816 00:32:49,757 --> 00:32:51,790 Yeah, I think we're done. 817 00:32:51,792 --> 00:32:54,828 Did you know that you can hack into baby monitors? 818 00:32:54,830 --> 00:32:56,596 We're teaching our neighbor's baby 819 00:32:56,598 --> 00:32:57,931 how to say the N-word. 820 00:32:57,933 --> 00:32:59,165 [gasps] 821 00:32:59,167 --> 00:33:00,834 Uh, Nancy, would you join me outside for a cigarette please? 822 00:33:00,836 --> 00:33:01,969 Please. Yeah. 823 00:33:01,971 --> 00:33:04,471 [Nancy] You understand now what I was talking about? 824 00:33:04,473 --> 00:33:06,572 Except Oompa Loompas are not on speed, 825 00:33:06,574 --> 00:33:09,041 - they are on angel dust. - [lighter clicks] 826 00:33:09,043 --> 00:33:10,976 How did we get so lucky with Rachel? 827 00:33:10,978 --> 00:33:12,979 Well, we communicated with her directly, 828 00:33:12,981 --> 00:33:14,713 not through some CB Radio. 829 00:33:14,715 --> 00:33:16,619 Let's start there and reverse engineer it. 830 00:33:19,053 --> 00:33:20,787 I was thinking, 831 00:33:20,789 --> 00:33:22,021 we rented Nigel's house to Carl 832 00:33:22,023 --> 00:33:23,656 but we had to move him over to our house, 833 00:33:23,658 --> 00:33:26,292 which means that Nigel's house is still empty. 834 00:33:26,294 --> 00:33:27,793 I say we rent Nigel's house again... 835 00:33:27,795 --> 00:33:28,662 - Frank! - ...only this time 836 00:33:28,664 --> 00:33:30,696 to somebody who isn't a sex offender. 837 00:33:30,698 --> 00:33:34,000 Or, why don't we just handcuff ourselves 838 00:33:34,002 --> 00:33:37,337 and walk straight into the police station, Frank? 839 00:33:37,339 --> 00:33:39,071 This place is filled with spider webs. 840 00:33:39,073 --> 00:33:40,706 Well, as you can see, they don't clean. 841 00:33:40,708 --> 00:33:43,409 The original Craigslist ad is still on my phone. 842 00:33:43,411 --> 00:33:45,044 I say we post it again. 843 00:33:45,046 --> 00:33:47,646 [Nancy] Are you not listening to me, Frank? 844 00:33:47,648 --> 00:33:50,916 Absolutely no fucking way. 845 00:33:50,918 --> 00:33:52,685 This is where we draw the line. 846 00:33:52,687 --> 00:33:54,687 Baby, I don't know what's on the other side of that line, 847 00:33:54,689 --> 00:33:56,423 but I do know what's on this side of that line, 848 00:33:56,425 --> 00:33:57,890 and it is bleak. 849 00:33:57,892 --> 00:33:59,392 Okay, here's the original Craigslist ad. 850 00:33:59,394 --> 00:34:00,559 - [Nancy] Don't you dare. - We delete some 851 00:34:00,561 --> 00:34:02,695 of the bad words, I think you were drunk at the time. 852 00:34:02,697 --> 00:34:04,697 I was drunk at the time? 853 00:34:04,699 --> 00:34:07,733 And it is done. 854 00:34:07,735 --> 00:34:09,335 You just posted it again? 855 00:34:09,337 --> 00:34:11,871 [Nancy yells] Frank, you just smoked a spider! 856 00:34:11,873 --> 00:34:14,043 [retches] 857 00:34:15,777 --> 00:34:16,909 Give me the Heimlich! 858 00:34:16,911 --> 00:34:18,913 - [retches] - [Nancy yelling] 859 00:34:20,549 --> 00:34:22,782 - [baby crying] - [man shouts indistinctly] 860 00:34:22,784 --> 00:34:23,949 [man 1] What the hell is going on? 861 00:34:23,951 --> 00:34:25,617 You woke up my baby! 862 00:34:25,619 --> 00:34:27,887 [Bob] Frank, I get it, you smoked a spider. 863 00:34:27,889 --> 00:34:29,889 But can you keep it down? 864 00:34:29,891 --> 00:34:30,956 [Frank gags] 865 00:34:30,958 --> 00:34:32,294 Hit me in the back. 866 00:34:33,561 --> 00:34:34,964 [yelps] Not with the... 867 00:34:36,931 --> 00:34:40,532 [man 1] Natalie, tell your kids to stay off my baby monitor. 868 00:34:40,534 --> 00:34:42,701 [Bob] It's your fault for having a baby monitor. 869 00:34:42,703 --> 00:34:44,036 It's an attractive nuisance. 870 00:34:44,038 --> 00:34:45,505 [Nancy] Oh! There it is. 871 00:34:45,507 --> 00:34:47,139 [shovel banging] 872 00:34:47,141 --> 00:34:48,808 [Nancy pants] 873 00:34:48,810 --> 00:34:51,076 Oh, Frank, are you okay? 874 00:34:51,078 --> 00:34:52,645 Do you want another cigarette? 875 00:34:52,647 --> 00:34:54,146 [Frank groans] 876 00:34:54,148 --> 00:34:55,884 - [Nancy] Are you all right baby? - [Frank groans] 877 00:35:01,056 --> 00:35:04,060 [foreboding music] 878 00:35:16,638 --> 00:35:18,940 [imitates sobbing] 879 00:35:20,442 --> 00:35:21,907 Dad, come quick. 880 00:35:21,909 --> 00:35:23,946 Why is Uncle Frank doing this to me? 881 00:35:26,647 --> 00:35:28,648 What the hell? Oh, my god! 882 00:35:28,650 --> 00:35:30,386 - Yes? - Frank! 883 00:35:31,018 --> 00:35:33,018 - [sobs] - My god! 884 00:35:33,020 --> 00:35:35,054 What is going on? 885 00:35:35,056 --> 00:35:37,623 Nancy, are... are you naked? 886 00:35:37,625 --> 00:35:39,893 No, I'm not naked. It's a shirt. 887 00:35:39,895 --> 00:35:41,795 [Betty] Tristan, what are those? 888 00:35:41,797 --> 00:35:44,831 It's Aunt Nancy's Spanx, Uncle Frank made me wear them. 889 00:35:44,833 --> 00:35:45,898 Now stop this. 890 00:35:45,900 --> 00:35:47,000 - Frank, how could you? - What? 891 00:35:47,002 --> 00:35:48,134 He's just a boy. 892 00:35:48,136 --> 00:35:49,636 I'm so scared right now. 893 00:35:49,638 --> 00:35:51,036 Oh, shit. 894 00:35:51,038 --> 00:35:52,605 Jesus Christ. 895 00:35:52,607 --> 00:35:53,873 Betty. 896 00:35:53,875 --> 00:35:56,041 [Tristan] She just stuck her tongue out at me. 897 00:35:56,043 --> 00:35:59,114 - [Tristan sobbing] - Frank, downstairs, now. 898 00:36:03,884 --> 00:36:05,087 Who are you? 899 00:36:10,125 --> 00:36:11,224 [Nancy] You know what, Frank? 900 00:36:11,226 --> 00:36:14,793 It's not pleasant to be mistaken for a sex offender, 901 00:36:14,795 --> 00:36:19,199 and molesting your nephew in less than 24 hours. 902 00:36:19,201 --> 00:36:21,099 But right now, 903 00:36:21,101 --> 00:36:22,902 I feel sorry for my sister. 904 00:36:22,904 --> 00:36:25,804 I am actually really worried for her. 905 00:36:25,806 --> 00:36:27,507 As you should be. 906 00:36:27,509 --> 00:36:30,009 Pretty soon, some court-appointed therapist 907 00:36:30,011 --> 00:36:31,746 is gonna be white knuckling with those two kids. 908 00:36:33,147 --> 00:36:34,681 I see that your sister calmed down enough 909 00:36:34,683 --> 00:36:35,815 to lend you her wig, huh? 910 00:36:35,817 --> 00:36:39,117 Oh, yeah, I don't know whose wig it is in that house. 911 00:36:39,119 --> 00:36:41,022 [Frank] Well, it helps us hide from the kidnappers. 912 00:36:42,623 --> 00:36:44,157 [Frank] Hey, are you Wayne, the guy that answered the ad? 913 00:36:44,159 --> 00:36:45,224 Yeah, yeah. 914 00:36:45,226 --> 00:36:46,726 - I'm Frank. - Yeah. What are you two, 915 00:36:46,728 --> 00:36:47,893 in the witness protection program? 916 00:36:47,895 --> 00:36:49,862 Uh, no, we were just sunning ourselves in the backyard. 917 00:36:49,864 --> 00:36:51,130 - Is that your truck, Wayne? - [Wayne] Yeah. 918 00:36:51,132 --> 00:36:52,165 [Frank] Oh, that's fantastic. Step inside 919 00:36:52,167 --> 00:36:54,002 and we'll just take a look at the house, okay? 920 00:36:58,072 --> 00:37:00,273 The ad said, uh, the house comes furnished. 921 00:37:00,275 --> 00:37:03,041 Uh, yup. It only needs a mattress. Long story. 922 00:37:03,043 --> 00:37:04,576 The previous tenant took it. 923 00:37:04,578 --> 00:37:05,645 Short story. 924 00:37:05,647 --> 00:37:08,681 Okay, then. I wrote you a check. 925 00:37:08,683 --> 00:37:10,817 You, uh, that's it? You don't wanna have a look around? 926 00:37:10,819 --> 00:37:13,085 Listen, not to be an asshole. You wanna rent the place or not? 927 00:37:13,087 --> 00:37:15,054 I mean, I got shit tons of stuff to do. 928 00:37:15,056 --> 00:37:17,757 Yes, uh, no, uh, sure. 929 00:37:17,759 --> 00:37:19,291 It's just that normally there's a process. 930 00:37:19,293 --> 00:37:21,293 We learned the hard way to ask questions. 931 00:37:21,295 --> 00:37:22,561 [crackling noise] 932 00:37:22,563 --> 00:37:24,697 Did you hear that? 933 00:37:24,699 --> 00:37:26,101 - [crackling noise] - What's that? 934 00:37:27,302 --> 00:37:28,567 Good lord. 935 00:37:28,569 --> 00:37:29,469 Oh, there's something on my face. 936 00:37:29,471 --> 00:37:31,971 No, don't touch your face! Don't panic. 937 00:37:31,973 --> 00:37:33,706 You're covered in spiders. 938 00:37:33,708 --> 00:37:35,041 Jesus, baby don't move! 939 00:37:35,043 --> 00:37:36,245 [screams] 940 00:37:37,244 --> 00:37:39,244 Ah! They're crawling in my body! 941 00:37:39,246 --> 00:37:40,179 [Frank] Hey, come here. Come here. 942 00:37:40,181 --> 00:37:42,949 Frank, you saw them! Get them, get them! 943 00:37:42,951 --> 00:37:45,117 They're biting me, they're biting me! 944 00:37:45,119 --> 00:37:46,786 [screams] 945 00:37:46,788 --> 00:37:49,322 They're biting me! Ah! Get the Spanx! 946 00:37:49,324 --> 00:37:51,590 Get the Spanx! Get 'em! 947 00:37:51,592 --> 00:37:52,858 [screams] 948 00:37:52,860 --> 00:37:55,128 [sobbing] 949 00:37:55,130 --> 00:37:57,130 Take them out! [screaming] 950 00:37:57,132 --> 00:37:58,267 [Frank grunts] 951 00:38:00,335 --> 00:38:01,967 Let's go to the hospital! 952 00:38:01,969 --> 00:38:03,869 Take me to the hospital! 953 00:38:03,871 --> 00:38:05,040 [Nancy screams] 954 00:38:06,107 --> 00:38:07,576 Get my Spanx! 955 00:38:10,344 --> 00:38:11,844 [Nancy] Oh, my god. 956 00:38:11,846 --> 00:38:13,179 Oh, my god, I'm burning! 957 00:38:13,181 --> 00:38:15,148 [indistinct shouting] 958 00:38:15,150 --> 00:38:16,016 - [tires screech] - [engine revs] 959 00:38:16,018 --> 00:38:17,884 [Nancy] Oh, Frank, what have I done? 960 00:38:17,886 --> 00:38:19,018 Tell my Rachel I love her. 961 00:38:19,020 --> 00:38:20,853 [Frank] You're not gonna die, you're not gonna die. 962 00:38:20,855 --> 00:38:22,654 You hear me? Woah! Woah! 963 00:38:22,656 --> 00:38:24,724 Stop scratching yourself, don't antagonize it, 964 00:38:24,726 --> 00:38:25,824 for god sake's. 965 00:38:25,826 --> 00:38:27,159 Nancy, you're gonna be fine, 966 00:38:27,161 --> 00:38:28,795 the doctors will give you an ointment. 967 00:38:28,797 --> 00:38:30,096 Look, I'm steering the wheel. Hold on, hold on. 968 00:38:30,098 --> 00:38:31,598 - [car honks] - [Frank] God I hate spiders, 969 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:32,799 don't you? Wait, there's another one. 970 00:38:32,801 --> 00:38:34,333 - [car honks] - [Frank] Whoa! 971 00:38:34,335 --> 00:38:36,772 ["River Gone Wild" by Rick Boston playing] 972 00:38:48,315 --> 00:38:51,050 ♪ Kickin' up a storm Black clouds of gray ♪ 973 00:38:51,052 --> 00:38:53,853 ♪ Interstate 40's Backing up fast ♪ 974 00:38:53,855 --> 00:38:56,788 ♪ Look to the east No relief in sight ♪ 975 00:38:56,790 --> 00:38:59,391 ♪ Pull yourself together 'Cause I gather we might ♪ 976 00:38:59,393 --> 00:39:02,228 ♪ The river's gone wild ♪ 977 00:39:02,230 --> 00:39:04,166 ♪ The river's gone wild ♪ 978 00:39:05,065 --> 00:39:06,898 [siren wailing] 979 00:39:06,900 --> 00:39:08,603 [clipper buzzing] 980 00:39:13,674 --> 00:39:14,741 Oh! 981 00:39:14,743 --> 00:39:16,241 [laughs] 982 00:39:16,243 --> 00:39:18,710 - Tyler, how are you? - [chuckles] 983 00:39:18,712 --> 00:39:20,279 Uh, Frank, how are you? 984 00:39:20,281 --> 00:39:21,913 I'm on the right side of the grass my man, 985 00:39:21,915 --> 00:39:23,983 what's the haps? 986 00:39:23,985 --> 00:39:26,686 No offense Frank, but how did you get in here? 987 00:39:26,688 --> 00:39:29,221 This is a restricted access garage. 988 00:39:29,223 --> 00:39:31,657 Well, I still have my Jensen parking pass, 989 00:39:31,659 --> 00:39:34,862 and I have an interview today up on 16 with, uh, Gretina. 990 00:39:36,331 --> 00:39:38,167 Gretina's not on 16 anymore, Frank. 991 00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:40,233 What floor are they on? 992 00:39:40,235 --> 00:39:41,704 [Tyler] They moved to Seattle. 993 00:39:43,404 --> 00:39:44,971 [laughs] Well, don't remind me, 994 00:39:44,973 --> 00:39:46,105 'cause I'm dying for a Starbucks, 995 00:39:46,107 --> 00:39:48,007 but the meeting is on Skype. 996 00:39:48,009 --> 00:39:50,212 I'm gonna Skype to uh, Seattle. 997 00:39:53,748 --> 00:39:54,947 Oh, don't, don't. 998 00:39:54,949 --> 00:39:56,916 Don't Tyler, don't give me that look. 999 00:39:56,918 --> 00:39:58,287 I know that look. Please. 1000 00:40:00,355 --> 00:40:02,422 Everything's fine. Everything with us is okay. 1001 00:40:02,424 --> 00:40:03,357 Oh, honey, 1002 00:40:03,359 --> 00:40:05,724 you remember Tyler Rector from Jensen Med? 1003 00:40:05,726 --> 00:40:06,793 Baby, can you hear me? 1004 00:40:06,795 --> 00:40:08,097 [indistinct yelling] 1005 00:40:15,869 --> 00:40:16,871 How can I help? 1006 00:40:18,873 --> 00:40:20,405 [Frank] So that's the long and short. 1007 00:40:20,407 --> 00:40:23,809 But the, uh, silver lining is that at least for now, 1008 00:40:23,811 --> 00:40:25,712 uh, we don't have to worry about Rachel's college. 1009 00:40:25,714 --> 00:40:26,882 But, we're homeless. 1010 00:40:28,482 --> 00:40:32,317 Wow, that's, uh, that's quite a story. 1011 00:40:32,319 --> 00:40:34,954 So all this started with one mistake? 1012 00:40:34,956 --> 00:40:37,889 [Nancy] With a bunch of smaller ones shooting off it. 1013 00:40:37,891 --> 00:40:41,828 Kind of like when a spider egg pops, 1014 00:40:41,830 --> 00:40:44,297 and all these little spiders 1015 00:40:44,299 --> 00:40:46,933 come and bite you in the ass. 1016 00:40:46,935 --> 00:40:48,270 Are you gonna eat that? 1017 00:40:48,936 --> 00:40:50,406 Mm. No, please. 1018 00:40:51,072 --> 00:40:52,074 Thank you. 1019 00:40:53,340 --> 00:40:55,174 Listen, guys. 1020 00:40:55,176 --> 00:40:57,375 I know someone. His name's Randall. 1021 00:40:57,377 --> 00:41:00,378 Let me give him a call, Frank. He might have something for you. 1022 00:41:00,380 --> 00:41:01,514 It'd be a start. 1023 00:41:01,516 --> 00:41:03,014 [Frank] Tyler, that would be great. 1024 00:41:03,016 --> 00:41:06,085 And we also still have Wayne's check. 1025 00:41:06,087 --> 00:41:08,420 We can always, uh, cash that. 1026 00:41:08,422 --> 00:41:11,924 Frank, if you cash that check, then it's no longer one mistake. 1027 00:41:11,926 --> 00:41:13,025 It becomes a pattern. 1028 00:41:13,027 --> 00:41:14,326 [Nancy] Exactly. 1029 00:41:14,328 --> 00:41:16,395 That's what I've been trying to tell him. 1030 00:41:16,397 --> 00:41:19,364 But, Tyler, desperation is a bitch. 1031 00:41:19,366 --> 00:41:21,199 Thank you so much 1032 00:41:21,201 --> 00:41:24,237 for everything that you've done to help us. 1033 00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:27,340 So, you guys have your work cut out for you. 1034 00:41:27,342 --> 00:41:30,946 Just remember, grass can grow through concrete. 1035 00:41:32,212 --> 00:41:35,447 Did he say your ass can grow through... 1036 00:41:35,449 --> 00:41:37,315 No, no, no. No, no, look, the phrase is, 1037 00:41:37,317 --> 00:41:40,920 "Grass can grow through concrete." 1038 00:41:40,922 --> 00:41:43,355 Can I give you that, please? Do you mind if I? 1039 00:41:43,357 --> 00:41:44,426 Thank you. 1040 00:41:45,192 --> 00:41:48,196 [upbeat music] 1041 00:41:49,563 --> 00:41:52,000 [Nancy] Nancy, you're gonna be all right. 1042 00:41:53,467 --> 00:41:54,902 - [screams] - [tires screech] 1043 00:41:55,335 --> 00:41:56,402 [sighs] 1044 00:41:56,404 --> 00:41:58,471 Don't panic, Nancy. 1045 00:41:58,473 --> 00:42:00,873 You're gonna take a hot bath. 1046 00:42:00,875 --> 00:42:02,474 You're gonna get fresh clothes, 1047 00:42:02,476 --> 00:42:04,811 you're gonna do your hair and makeup. 1048 00:42:04,813 --> 00:42:06,478 You're three minutes from being yourself. 1049 00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:09,415 - [tires screech] - [Nancy] What the fuck? 1050 00:42:09,417 --> 00:42:11,384 Uh, thank you for taking this lunch, 1051 00:42:11,386 --> 00:42:13,286 - I know you're busy. - [Randall] No, of course. 1052 00:42:13,288 --> 00:42:14,253 Tyler called me, 1053 00:42:14,255 --> 00:42:15,355 told me a little bit about your background. 1054 00:42:15,357 --> 00:42:17,523 Well, I hope he exaggerated in all the right places. 1055 00:42:17,525 --> 00:42:20,058 - [laughs] - [cell phone ringing] 1056 00:42:20,060 --> 00:42:22,128 - That's my wife, I'm sorry. - [cell phone beeps] 1057 00:42:22,130 --> 00:42:24,496 - Hi, honey. - Damn it, Frank. We're cursed. 1058 00:42:24,498 --> 00:42:28,034 I am at Nigel's house, and everything is gone. 1059 00:42:28,036 --> 00:42:32,204 [Nancy] They took my purse, my phone, Nigel's furniture. 1060 00:42:32,206 --> 00:42:36,275 That guy Wayne was all wrong, and we knew it. 1061 00:42:36,277 --> 00:42:39,311 Oh, fuck it, they stole everything! 1062 00:42:39,313 --> 00:42:42,315 I see, uh... That's, uh, yes. 1063 00:42:42,317 --> 00:42:44,016 [stutters] That's great. 1064 00:42:44,018 --> 00:42:46,384 Thanks for calling, and we'll celebrate later, okay? 1065 00:42:46,386 --> 00:42:47,887 - I'll see you. Bye. - [Nancy] No, don't hang up. 1066 00:42:47,889 --> 00:42:49,322 Don't hang up! 1067 00:42:49,324 --> 00:42:51,456 - You okay? - Uh, yeah, it's all good. 1068 00:42:51,458 --> 00:42:54,427 My wife just got an article published in, um... 1069 00:42:54,429 --> 00:42:55,831 Omni magazine. 1070 00:42:56,464 --> 00:42:57,697 Great. 1071 00:42:57,699 --> 00:43:00,269 Omni must be feeling good too. Be back up and running. 1072 00:43:01,002 --> 00:43:02,067 I'm sorry? 1073 00:43:02,069 --> 00:43:04,172 They folded about two decades ago. 1074 00:43:05,272 --> 00:43:07,105 Wow. [laughs] 1075 00:43:07,107 --> 00:43:10,375 Man plans and God laughs, right? I mean... 1076 00:43:10,377 --> 00:43:12,578 Everybody's got a plan until you get... 1077 00:43:12,580 --> 00:43:14,313 punched in the face. 1078 00:43:14,315 --> 00:43:17,183 Jesus. Sorry, uh, Frank. 1079 00:43:17,185 --> 00:43:18,384 Uh, I'm sorry. I... 1080 00:43:18,386 --> 00:43:20,987 No, no. I'm Frank, you're... 1081 00:43:20,989 --> 00:43:22,054 - Randall. - [Randall] Randall. 1082 00:43:22,056 --> 00:43:23,956 Right. Uh, I'm sorry. 1083 00:43:23,958 --> 00:43:25,226 Uh, can we start over again? 1084 00:43:25,592 --> 00:43:26,594 Sure. 1085 00:43:28,663 --> 00:43:30,395 Hi, I'm Frank. 1086 00:43:30,397 --> 00:43:33,401 [foreboding music] 1087 00:43:39,607 --> 00:43:41,076 [clacking] 1088 00:43:42,176 --> 00:43:43,244 [keys jingle] 1089 00:43:49,016 --> 00:43:50,585 [clacking] 1090 00:43:51,552 --> 00:43:53,219 [grunts] For god's sake! 1091 00:43:53,221 --> 00:43:56,123 Carl, I just need to get a few things. 1092 00:43:56,991 --> 00:43:58,126 [sighs] 1093 00:44:11,706 --> 00:44:14,343 - [banging] - [Nancy grunting] 1094 00:44:17,679 --> 00:44:19,081 [crashes] 1095 00:44:19,980 --> 00:44:21,616 [Nancy whimpers] 1096 00:44:22,150 --> 00:44:23,151 [grunts] 1097 00:44:26,321 --> 00:44:28,123 [groans] Oh, my god. 1098 00:44:30,525 --> 00:44:32,625 You come in my house, you come in my house. 1099 00:44:32,627 --> 00:44:34,460 You like that? You like that, bitch? 1100 00:44:34,462 --> 00:44:36,264 [screaming] 1101 00:44:37,699 --> 00:44:40,498 [Carl] Is that Nancy? Ah! 1102 00:44:40,500 --> 00:44:44,103 I'm sorry, my gosh, did you change your hair? 1103 00:44:44,105 --> 00:44:48,040 [club dance music] 1104 00:44:48,042 --> 00:44:49,608 [Carl] I'm so sorry about the pepper spray, 1105 00:44:49,610 --> 00:44:51,444 I thought you were an intruder. 1106 00:44:51,446 --> 00:44:53,112 Not that you look like an intruder. 1107 00:44:53,114 --> 00:44:54,246 I'm against profiling, 1108 00:44:54,248 --> 00:44:57,315 not that I necessarily would want sushi from a redhead, 1109 00:44:57,317 --> 00:45:01,420 I prefer an Asian child, if you know what I mean. 1110 00:45:01,422 --> 00:45:03,355 Why didn't my key work? 1111 00:45:03,357 --> 00:45:05,590 I had the locks changed. 1112 00:45:05,592 --> 00:45:06,659 [Nancy] You what? 1113 00:45:06,661 --> 00:45:08,561 You can't change our locks. 1114 00:45:08,563 --> 00:45:11,429 - Carl? - Oh, uh, um... 1115 00:45:11,431 --> 00:45:13,199 This is not your house, Carl. 1116 00:45:13,201 --> 00:45:14,699 Um, I... Look... 1117 00:45:14,701 --> 00:45:16,402 [Nancy] What are you wearing? 1118 00:45:16,404 --> 00:45:18,036 What, this? 1119 00:45:18,038 --> 00:45:20,641 You know what, I, uh, I got you guys a key. 1120 00:45:21,308 --> 00:45:22,474 Um. 1121 00:45:22,476 --> 00:45:24,677 - Uh, there you go. - [jingling] 1122 00:45:24,679 --> 00:45:25,677 What the... 1123 00:45:25,679 --> 00:45:28,313 [Carl] The wood's so you don't misplace it. 1124 00:45:28,315 --> 00:45:30,081 [Nancy] Carl. 1125 00:45:30,083 --> 00:45:32,150 This is not a gas station. 1126 00:45:32,152 --> 00:45:34,085 What is wrong with you? 1127 00:45:34,087 --> 00:45:36,188 You know, whatever. 1128 00:45:36,190 --> 00:45:38,659 I just need to get some stuff from my closet. 1129 00:45:40,261 --> 00:45:41,362 Your closet? 1130 00:45:43,531 --> 00:45:45,398 What... what is this? 1131 00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:47,299 - I mean, what is this? - [clanking] 1132 00:45:47,301 --> 00:45:48,400 Where's my stuff? 1133 00:45:48,402 --> 00:45:50,268 What have you done with my closet? 1134 00:45:50,270 --> 00:45:52,070 I made it into a panic room. 1135 00:45:52,072 --> 00:45:54,040 You can't do that, Carl. 1136 00:45:54,042 --> 00:45:55,775 Remember, this is not your house. 1137 00:45:55,777 --> 00:45:57,675 Did you ever see the Jody Foster movie? 1138 00:45:57,677 --> 00:45:59,612 And please put a shirt on. 1139 00:45:59,614 --> 00:46:03,248 [stammers] I've been really nervous lately. 1140 00:46:03,250 --> 00:46:05,483 Uh, people have been ringing the doorbell all day 1141 00:46:05,485 --> 00:46:07,485 asking about the yard sale and, uh, 1142 00:46:07,487 --> 00:46:10,155 and then I was really scared when I saw the... 1143 00:46:10,157 --> 00:46:12,358 the video on the internet of you and Frank 1144 00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:14,393 being kidnapped with a shotgun. 1145 00:46:14,395 --> 00:46:15,728 There's a video on the internet? 1146 00:46:15,730 --> 00:46:17,195 Nancy, you're the best part of it. 1147 00:46:17,197 --> 00:46:18,764 You came across really real. 1148 00:46:18,766 --> 00:46:22,134 I was real, you dumb fuck. 1149 00:46:22,136 --> 00:46:24,136 [lock clicks and beeps] 1150 00:46:24,138 --> 00:46:25,741 Uh, we're locked in. 1151 00:46:26,773 --> 00:46:28,541 Did you say, 1152 00:46:28,543 --> 00:46:31,543 "catalytic converters"? 1153 00:46:31,545 --> 00:46:33,846 Frank, I know it's not a sexy business, 1154 00:46:33,848 --> 00:46:37,183 but catalytic converters are like mini treasure chests. 1155 00:46:37,185 --> 00:46:38,284 We snip them off the cars, 1156 00:46:38,286 --> 00:46:41,186 smelt them down and sell off the expensive metals. 1157 00:46:41,188 --> 00:46:43,855 Palladium, rhodium, platinum. 1158 00:46:43,857 --> 00:46:45,791 Most cases, cat cons are worth more 1159 00:46:45,793 --> 00:46:47,226 than the junk cars themselves. 1160 00:46:47,228 --> 00:46:48,761 [chuckles] 1161 00:46:48,763 --> 00:46:52,130 You mean I would crawl underneath the car 1162 00:46:52,132 --> 00:46:54,099 and snip them? 1163 00:46:54,101 --> 00:46:55,237 That's... that's the job? 1164 00:46:56,103 --> 00:46:57,203 [clicks tongue] 1165 00:46:57,205 --> 00:46:59,672 Listen, Frank. I'm gonna be honest. 1166 00:46:59,674 --> 00:47:03,342 I could use the extra hand but I don't need the extra hand. 1167 00:47:03,344 --> 00:47:05,311 Tyler told me you needed a leg up, 1168 00:47:05,313 --> 00:47:06,378 this is what I got. 1169 00:47:06,380 --> 00:47:09,681 - [Nancy grunting] - I'm really glad you're here. 1170 00:47:09,683 --> 00:47:10,815 Me gusta. 1171 00:47:10,817 --> 00:47:12,717 - [shrieks] - [groans] 1172 00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:15,654 [groans] Oh, jeez. That was... 1173 00:47:15,656 --> 00:47:17,489 [grunts] 1174 00:47:17,491 --> 00:47:18,425 That was... 1175 00:47:18,427 --> 00:47:21,494 If you ever try anything like that again, 1176 00:47:21,496 --> 00:47:23,228 I am gonna kick your ass 1177 00:47:23,230 --> 00:47:26,467 up and down this panic room like an air hockey puck! 1178 00:47:27,435 --> 00:47:28,666 - Oh, okay. - [sighs] 1179 00:47:28,668 --> 00:47:29,768 [groans] 1180 00:47:29,770 --> 00:47:32,170 [laughs] 1181 00:47:32,172 --> 00:47:34,340 Thank you, Virgincita de Guadalupe 1182 00:47:34,342 --> 00:47:37,813 for making Carl such a breathtaking moron. 1183 00:47:39,714 --> 00:47:42,417 You forgot about the attic hatch, 1184 00:47:42,917 --> 00:47:45,217 Einstein. 1185 00:47:45,219 --> 00:47:47,556 Uh. Hey, I... I'm sorry about the... 1186 00:47:48,422 --> 00:47:49,587 misunderstanding. 1187 00:47:49,589 --> 00:47:52,190 I guess I misread your signals. 1188 00:47:52,192 --> 00:47:53,458 What signals? 1189 00:47:53,460 --> 00:47:56,395 God, your legs are so strong. 1190 00:47:56,397 --> 00:47:58,329 I guess it's from running track, huh? 1191 00:47:58,331 --> 00:47:59,632 I saw your medals. 1192 00:47:59,634 --> 00:48:01,300 How did you find my medals? 1193 00:48:01,302 --> 00:48:02,800 They were hidden in the garage. 1194 00:48:02,802 --> 00:48:04,402 [Carl] Yeah, way back there. 1195 00:48:04,404 --> 00:48:06,237 And you should really hide them better. 1196 00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:07,873 But you were the fastest on the team, 1197 00:48:07,875 --> 00:48:09,641 but what I don't understand is, 1198 00:48:09,643 --> 00:48:11,809 in the relay, why did you run fourth? 1199 00:48:11,811 --> 00:48:13,945 Shouldn't the fastest runner go first? 1200 00:48:13,947 --> 00:48:15,614 Maybe you weren't the fastest. 1201 00:48:15,616 --> 00:48:17,683 I was the fastest. 1202 00:48:17,685 --> 00:48:19,317 That's not the way it works. 1203 00:48:19,319 --> 00:48:21,587 When you're the fastest, you... 1204 00:48:21,589 --> 00:48:23,889 Oh, what am I doing, why am I talking to you? 1205 00:48:23,891 --> 00:48:26,491 Please help me out. 1206 00:48:26,493 --> 00:48:28,494 Uh, the bottom line is, I'm interested. 1207 00:48:28,496 --> 00:48:30,695 And, uh, I... I work hard, 1208 00:48:30,697 --> 00:48:33,734 and I take any job I do, uh, very seriously. 1209 00:48:34,435 --> 00:48:36,235 Okay. 1210 00:48:36,237 --> 00:48:38,404 Here comes the cold water. [inhales deeply] 1211 00:48:38,406 --> 00:48:39,804 We can only offer you 1212 00:48:39,806 --> 00:48:41,607 about a third of what you were making. 1213 00:48:41,609 --> 00:48:43,541 Tyler told me your ballpark salary. 1214 00:48:43,543 --> 00:48:45,677 You did very, very well. 1215 00:48:45,679 --> 00:48:46,714 A third? 1216 00:48:47,681 --> 00:48:49,315 Listen, I wish it was different. 1217 00:48:49,317 --> 00:48:50,715 I used to make high-end five figures 1218 00:48:50,717 --> 00:48:52,951 over at Brent Talbot, then the fan hit the shit. 1219 00:48:52,953 --> 00:48:56,355 Now, I got a sales staff of guys longing for the days 1220 00:48:56,357 --> 00:48:57,456 of Hugo Boss suits 1221 00:48:57,458 --> 00:48:59,991 and paychecks with commas in them. 1222 00:48:59,993 --> 00:49:02,228 Frank, you think I like crawling around in the dirt 1223 00:49:02,230 --> 00:49:03,561 snipping smoke sacks? 1224 00:49:03,563 --> 00:49:04,697 [scoffs] Shit. 1225 00:49:04,699 --> 00:49:07,465 Some days I look at one of those cat cons and think... 1226 00:49:07,467 --> 00:49:09,634 I'll just wrap my lips around it, 1227 00:49:09,636 --> 00:49:12,273 take a deep breath, go meet some dead relatives. 1228 00:49:12,839 --> 00:49:14,005 How old are you? 1229 00:49:14,007 --> 00:49:16,275 - Sixty-five? - [laughs] 1230 00:49:16,277 --> 00:49:17,610 Sixty-six? 1231 00:49:17,612 --> 00:49:18,811 Anyways. 1232 00:49:18,813 --> 00:49:22,348 Guys your age, you gotta adapt or die. 1233 00:49:22,350 --> 00:49:24,483 That's the new America. Trust me. 1234 00:49:24,485 --> 00:49:25,720 I miss the old one, brother. 1235 00:49:27,587 --> 00:49:29,420 [clicks tongue] Uh, will you excuse me? 1236 00:49:29,422 --> 00:49:31,357 I... I'm... 1237 00:49:31,359 --> 00:49:33,360 fairly positive I need to use the bathroom. 1238 00:49:34,694 --> 00:49:36,395 [Nancy] Get your hands off my ass. 1239 00:49:36,397 --> 00:49:37,529 You said push. 1240 00:49:37,531 --> 00:49:39,398 [Nancy] I said push, not fondle. 1241 00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:40,532 Watch the thumb. 1242 00:49:40,534 --> 00:49:42,768 [stutters] Do you do squats? 1243 00:49:42,770 --> 00:49:44,406 It feels like you do squats. 1244 00:49:45,639 --> 00:49:46,771 [Carl groans] 1245 00:49:46,773 --> 00:49:48,273 - [Nancy grunts] - [Carl] You made it. 1246 00:49:48,275 --> 00:49:49,708 Now, lift me up. 1247 00:49:49,710 --> 00:49:51,809 [grunts] I get claustrophobic. 1248 00:49:51,811 --> 00:49:54,045 No, no. 1249 00:49:54,047 --> 00:49:56,315 First you have to tell me what you did. 1250 00:49:56,317 --> 00:49:58,483 And no lies, no bullshit. 1251 00:49:58,485 --> 00:50:00,819 You have to tell me, or I'll leave you there. 1252 00:50:00,821 --> 00:50:01,753 You'll rot. 1253 00:50:01,755 --> 00:50:04,523 And I'll just come and sprinkle some lime 1254 00:50:04,525 --> 00:50:05,860 just to mask the smell. 1255 00:50:06,694 --> 00:50:07,696 I... [sighs] 1256 00:50:08,362 --> 00:50:09,364 You... 1257 00:50:10,063 --> 00:50:11,699 you might not understand. 1258 00:50:12,799 --> 00:50:14,565 True. 1259 00:50:14,567 --> 00:50:15,903 It's a roll of the dice. 1260 00:50:19,706 --> 00:50:21,009 [sighs] 1261 00:50:22,476 --> 00:50:24,543 I was swimming in the ocean, 1262 00:50:24,545 --> 00:50:26,445 I was in the water for a couple hours. 1263 00:50:26,447 --> 00:50:28,646 I... 1264 00:50:28,648 --> 00:50:32,617 I had to pee, I took off my shorts, 1265 00:50:32,619 --> 00:50:35,020 then I felt something brush against my leg. 1266 00:50:35,022 --> 00:50:38,424 I knew it was a shark. I knew in that moment, 1267 00:50:38,426 --> 00:50:40,761 and I know it to this day it was a shark, and... 1268 00:50:41,761 --> 00:50:43,561 [sighs] 1269 00:50:43,563 --> 00:50:45,697 I started swimming to shore, 1270 00:50:45,699 --> 00:50:47,733 trying not to panic. 1271 00:50:47,735 --> 00:50:50,034 I saw that there were some kids 1272 00:50:50,036 --> 00:50:51,936 swimming there and... 1273 00:50:51,938 --> 00:50:54,440 So I was carrying three of them, 1274 00:50:54,442 --> 00:50:58,110 trudging and tripping and yelling for help. 1275 00:50:58,112 --> 00:50:59,378 The kids were screaming, 1276 00:50:59,380 --> 00:51:01,846 I thought they had seen the shark. 1277 00:51:01,848 --> 00:51:03,584 They hadn't, they, um... 1278 00:51:05,118 --> 00:51:08,455 they were frightened of me, a naked guy. 1279 00:51:09,757 --> 00:51:10,959 Yeah. My life... 1280 00:51:11,592 --> 00:51:13,025 [laughs] 1281 00:51:13,027 --> 00:51:15,063 [sighs] ...got pretty hard after that. 1282 00:51:17,732 --> 00:51:18,933 It's true, isn't it? 1283 00:51:21,502 --> 00:51:22,570 Yeah. 1284 00:51:23,971 --> 00:51:25,670 It is. 1285 00:51:25,672 --> 00:51:27,408 You say all these 1286 00:51:28,007 --> 00:51:31,509 crazy stupid things. 1287 00:51:31,511 --> 00:51:34,615 But when you suddenly say something without bullshit, 1288 00:51:35,850 --> 00:51:38,416 now I know it's true and good. 1289 00:51:38,418 --> 00:51:40,953 But just in case, I'm gonna leave you there 1290 00:51:40,955 --> 00:51:42,621 until after I take my shower. 1291 00:51:42,623 --> 00:51:45,023 Oh, you know what, there's some, uh... 1292 00:51:45,025 --> 00:51:47,692 shampoo in my purse on the kitchen counter. 1293 00:51:47,694 --> 00:51:50,462 Oh, I... I refilled your birth control pills. 1294 00:51:50,464 --> 00:51:51,864 You were running low. 1295 00:51:51,866 --> 00:51:52,867 Ha! 1296 00:51:54,601 --> 00:51:55,837 [truck horn blows] 1297 00:51:57,003 --> 00:51:59,438 No, no, no. 1298 00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:00,508 No! No! No! 1299 00:52:01,609 --> 00:52:04,612 [upbeat music] 1300 00:52:20,795 --> 00:52:21,963 [muffled screams] 1301 00:52:24,665 --> 00:52:26,764 [man 1] All you perverts out there watching, 1302 00:52:26,766 --> 00:52:28,900 this might happen to you. 1303 00:52:28,902 --> 00:52:30,802 [gunshots] 1304 00:52:30,804 --> 00:52:32,603 You might die! 1305 00:52:32,605 --> 00:52:33,572 What the? 1306 00:52:33,574 --> 00:52:35,940 Holy shit, it's him. The guy from the video! 1307 00:52:35,942 --> 00:52:37,675 - No, this is a mistake. - [gunshot] 1308 00:52:37,677 --> 00:52:38,677 [man 2] Die! 1309 00:52:38,679 --> 00:52:40,645 Dude, you're like the number one trending pervert 1310 00:52:40,647 --> 00:52:41,813 on the internet right now. 1311 00:52:41,815 --> 00:52:44,650 My god, why is this happening? 1312 00:52:44,652 --> 00:52:47,688 [upbeat music] 1313 00:52:52,058 --> 00:52:53,694 - [tires screech] - [horn honks] 1314 00:52:57,498 --> 00:52:58,733 - [Frank] Stop! - [banging on truck] 1315 00:52:59,732 --> 00:53:00,799 Stop the truck, Wayne. 1316 00:53:00,801 --> 00:53:02,099 Shit, you again? 1317 00:53:02,101 --> 00:53:03,067 You have my furniture. 1318 00:53:03,069 --> 00:53:05,704 Oh, it's not yours, that house wasn't yours, 1319 00:53:05,706 --> 00:53:07,639 and the furniture definitely wasn't yours. 1320 00:53:07,641 --> 00:53:09,141 Pull over, Wayne, I need that furniture. 1321 00:53:09,143 --> 00:53:10,175 You know what you gonna need? 1322 00:53:10,177 --> 00:53:12,076 You're have a need to go to a fucking hospital, 1323 00:53:12,078 --> 00:53:13,478 that's what you're gonna need. 1324 00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:14,846 I'm gonna put you in jail, Wayne. 1325 00:53:14,848 --> 00:53:17,248 Oh, you don't have the balls to call the cops. 1326 00:53:17,250 --> 00:53:19,851 Fuckin', you suck at this crime stuff. 1327 00:53:19,853 --> 00:53:20,985 You know what I'm gonna do, 1328 00:53:20,987 --> 00:53:22,855 - Wayne? - Oh, you ain't gonna do shit. 1329 00:53:22,857 --> 00:53:24,956 I'm gonna throw a rock at you. I pitched in college. 1330 00:53:24,958 --> 00:53:28,462 Oh, you probably caught in college. Dickhead. 1331 00:53:30,531 --> 00:53:31,596 Oh, shit. 1332 00:53:31,598 --> 00:53:33,834 Argh! Son of a bitch. 1333 00:53:35,168 --> 00:53:36,235 [honking] 1334 00:53:36,237 --> 00:53:37,503 [Wayne grunts] 1335 00:53:37,505 --> 00:53:38,570 [groans] 1336 00:53:38,572 --> 00:53:39,871 - [Wayne] Shit! - [driver] Holy shit, 1337 00:53:39,873 --> 00:53:40,973 - are you okay? - What the fuck? 1338 00:53:40,975 --> 00:53:43,041 - You hit a fucking pedestrian! - [bike bell chimes] 1339 00:53:43,043 --> 00:53:44,579 - [thuds] - [both grunt] 1340 00:53:45,813 --> 00:53:48,212 [Wayne] What the fuck? 1341 00:53:48,214 --> 00:53:49,516 Sorry, Wayne. 1342 00:53:51,217 --> 00:53:52,650 [Wayne] Hey! 1343 00:53:52,652 --> 00:53:53,819 Frank! 1344 00:53:53,821 --> 00:53:56,123 Get back here, you asshole! 1345 00:53:56,924 --> 00:53:58,226 [clacking] 1346 00:54:03,697 --> 00:54:05,032 [winch whirring] 1347 00:54:06,799 --> 00:54:10,034 - What fresh hell is this? - [car honking] 1348 00:54:10,036 --> 00:54:12,103 [Nancy] Ay Dios mio! No, no, no, I didn't... 1349 00:54:12,105 --> 00:54:13,107 [gasps] 1350 00:54:16,911 --> 00:54:18,546 [panting] 1351 00:54:21,681 --> 00:54:23,484 [humming] 1352 00:54:25,118 --> 00:54:28,121 [foreboding music] 1353 00:54:29,556 --> 00:54:31,658 [Frank] Shit, shit. Now what? 1354 00:54:41,735 --> 00:54:43,271 [crows cawing] 1355 00:54:45,306 --> 00:54:46,837 - [Nancy] Frank! - [Frank] Shit! 1356 00:54:46,839 --> 00:54:48,172 [Nancy] Panic room, car gone. 1357 00:54:48,174 --> 00:54:49,574 Keep walking, cops. 1358 00:54:49,576 --> 00:54:50,842 I found Nigel's stuff, don't look over. 1359 00:54:50,844 --> 00:54:52,277 It's in the back of the truck. Don't look over. 1360 00:54:52,279 --> 00:54:53,681 [police 1] Excuse me. 1361 00:54:54,647 --> 00:54:55,746 Hi. 1362 00:54:55,748 --> 00:54:57,185 Are you Mr. Bathgate's neighbors? 1363 00:54:58,018 --> 00:54:59,116 [Frank] Yes, officer. 1364 00:54:59,118 --> 00:55:01,686 Yeah, we got a report of a burglary at his house, 1365 00:55:01,688 --> 00:55:03,121 uh, suspicious activity. 1366 00:55:03,123 --> 00:55:04,723 Have you seen anything? 1367 00:55:04,725 --> 00:55:06,960 A burglary? What, at Nigel's house? 1368 00:55:08,194 --> 00:55:09,761 Good sweet Christ, 1369 00:55:09,763 --> 00:55:12,630 what is happening to our sweet little neighborhood? 1370 00:55:12,632 --> 00:55:15,933 - Uh, are you okay sir? - [Frank] No. 1371 00:55:15,935 --> 00:55:19,606 I'm devastated beyond reason. 1372 00:55:24,712 --> 00:55:25,880 Sweet Christ. 1373 00:55:27,147 --> 00:55:28,882 [Frank] No, I wasn't into that. 1374 00:55:29,717 --> 00:55:31,083 [Nancy] Never? 1375 00:55:31,085 --> 00:55:32,884 [Frank] Not really. 1376 00:55:32,886 --> 00:55:34,820 Not even in a school play or anything? 1377 00:55:34,822 --> 00:55:36,320 No, I was never into drama. 1378 00:55:36,322 --> 00:55:39,090 I mean, sure, in the third grade I played a teacup. 1379 00:55:39,092 --> 00:55:40,826 Uh, why... [chuckles] 1380 00:55:40,828 --> 00:55:42,728 ...all the questions about acting? 1381 00:55:42,730 --> 00:55:43,962 You think I came across as fake? 1382 00:55:43,964 --> 00:55:46,364 I think there's better acting every time Larry King says, 1383 00:55:46,366 --> 00:55:47,965 "Till death do us part." 1384 00:55:47,967 --> 00:55:49,300 [Frank] Well, that's very funny. 1385 00:55:49,302 --> 00:55:50,436 You wanna hear something else that's funny? 1386 00:55:50,438 --> 00:55:53,304 There's a video of us getting kidnapped on YouTube. 1387 00:55:53,306 --> 00:55:54,341 [Nancy] I know. 1388 00:56:01,781 --> 00:56:03,882 You don't know how many times I've fantasized 1389 00:56:03,884 --> 00:56:06,253 about getting rid of you for at least two months, 1390 00:56:07,253 --> 00:56:09,320 but now that I'm going toyail, 1391 00:56:09,322 --> 00:56:12,757 I... I'm gonna be devastated without you. 1392 00:56:12,759 --> 00:56:15,059 Wait, you're going back to college? 1393 00:56:15,061 --> 00:56:17,998 You know that when I say "yail" I mean prison. 1394 00:56:22,835 --> 00:56:24,168 [truck door closes] 1395 00:56:24,170 --> 00:56:26,204 [Frank] He lives in his mother's house. 1396 00:56:26,206 --> 00:56:28,373 And by that I mean his mother's garage. 1397 00:56:28,375 --> 00:56:30,241 I'm sure Jason's home, you know, 1398 00:56:30,243 --> 00:56:32,444 rubbing his mother's feet or something. 1399 00:56:32,446 --> 00:56:34,212 We know you're in there, Jason. 1400 00:56:34,214 --> 00:56:36,049 [rattling] 1401 00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:41,319 - [Nancy] Hi. - [Jason] Oh! 1402 00:56:41,321 --> 00:56:43,255 Hey, hi, Mr. and Mrs. Teagarten. 1403 00:56:43,257 --> 00:56:44,889 Is that I... 1404 00:56:44,891 --> 00:56:46,757 Actually, I wasn't hiding. Is, is everything okay? 1405 00:56:46,759 --> 00:56:47,992 Why wouldn't it be, Jason? 1406 00:56:47,994 --> 00:56:49,061 Well, it's just that you've never been to my house before 1407 00:56:49,063 --> 00:56:52,264 in like two years. And it's what, um, 10:00 p.m. 1408 00:56:52,266 --> 00:56:55,300 Actually, it isn't okay, and you can help. 1409 00:56:55,302 --> 00:56:56,867 Rachel's always saying that you're some kind of 1410 00:56:56,869 --> 00:56:57,969 computer genius. 1411 00:56:57,971 --> 00:56:59,837 Aw. She says I'm a computer genius? 1412 00:56:59,839 --> 00:57:01,139 That's very... that's very sweet. 1413 00:57:01,141 --> 00:57:02,340 I'm sure it was like a throwaway, 1414 00:57:02,342 --> 00:57:03,541 or like an aside, you know, 1415 00:57:03,543 --> 00:57:04,576 "He's a computer genius," you know, just like saying... 1416 00:57:04,578 --> 00:57:05,677 Oh, you know what, I bet it's 'cause she knows 1417 00:57:05,679 --> 00:57:08,380 it's on my dream boards to become a computer genius. 1418 00:57:08,382 --> 00:57:09,447 I'll bet that's where that came from. 1419 00:57:09,449 --> 00:57:11,248 Did she actually say that, or like in an e-mail, 1420 00:57:11,250 --> 00:57:12,750 or was it to... in person to you just... 1421 00:57:12,752 --> 00:57:14,485 Jason! This isn't about you. 1422 00:57:14,487 --> 00:57:17,391 We need your help with a video of me and Nancy. 1423 00:57:19,426 --> 00:57:20,491 Okay. 1424 00:57:20,493 --> 00:57:22,293 So you want... 1425 00:57:22,295 --> 00:57:25,996 me to make a video of you guys? 1426 00:57:25,998 --> 00:57:27,199 - Oh, get your mind - No. 1427 00:57:27,201 --> 00:57:28,067 out of the gutter. 1428 00:57:28,069 --> 00:57:30,103 Good lord, Jason, you take the cake. 1429 00:57:32,873 --> 00:57:35,172 It's so much more fucked up than that. 1430 00:57:35,174 --> 00:57:37,208 [gunshots] 1431 00:57:37,210 --> 00:57:38,976 - Look at this. - [man 1] You might die! 1432 00:57:38,978 --> 00:57:41,246 This is insane. When did this happen? 1433 00:57:41,248 --> 00:57:43,782 It feels like in another lifetime. 1434 00:57:43,784 --> 00:57:45,282 Yet also like Tuesday. 1435 00:57:45,284 --> 00:57:46,851 Okay, well, we have to call the police. 1436 00:57:46,853 --> 00:57:47,987 No! No police. 1437 00:57:47,989 --> 00:57:50,020 It was a misunderstanding but everything's okay now. 1438 00:57:50,022 --> 00:57:52,023 It was a hiccup. 1439 00:57:52,025 --> 00:57:53,991 A hiccup? You being kidnapped? 1440 00:57:53,993 --> 00:57:55,826 A hiccup. It was a hiccup. 1441 00:57:55,828 --> 00:57:57,161 A hiccup. You don't call 911 1442 00:57:57,163 --> 00:57:58,496 every time you have the hiccups do you, no. 1443 00:57:58,498 --> 00:57:59,864 I mean, maybe you do, but I don't. 1444 00:57:59,866 --> 00:58:02,067 Listen, Jason. 1445 00:58:02,069 --> 00:58:03,501 We don't want Rachel to see this. 1446 00:58:03,503 --> 00:58:05,369 - [Jason] Mm-hm. - She would only worry. 1447 00:58:05,371 --> 00:58:08,306 That's why we must take this down. 1448 00:58:08,308 --> 00:58:10,141 [Jason] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shouldn't be a problem. 1449 00:58:10,143 --> 00:58:11,909 Although, these guys should be punished though, 1450 00:58:11,911 --> 00:58:14,311 'cause they cannot do that. We'd... Especially to you guys. 1451 00:58:14,313 --> 00:58:15,348 - I mean... - [computer chimes] 1452 00:58:16,449 --> 00:58:17,549 Oh, my god, okay, that's actually 1453 00:58:17,551 --> 00:58:18,650 Rachel Skyping me now. 1454 00:58:18,652 --> 00:58:20,918 We're not here. She'll know there's something wrong. 1455 00:58:20,920 --> 00:58:22,920 We, we would only be here with you if we were desperate. 1456 00:58:22,922 --> 00:58:25,056 No, no, I wanna see her little face, 1457 00:58:25,058 --> 00:58:26,925 even if it's for just a second. 1458 00:58:26,927 --> 00:58:28,527 We can hide, she won't know we're here, 1459 00:58:28,529 --> 00:58:29,527 please, please, please. 1460 00:58:29,529 --> 00:58:31,798 - All right, go ahead. - [Jason] Really? Okay. 1461 00:58:33,167 --> 00:58:34,266 - [button clicks] - [computer chimes] 1462 00:58:34,268 --> 00:58:36,201 Yo! Hey, Rach. What's up? 1463 00:58:36,203 --> 00:58:38,203 I can only talk for a few minutes. 1464 00:58:38,205 --> 00:58:40,204 Jessie is a great roommate, 1465 00:58:40,206 --> 00:58:41,973 but she's throwing her third party 1466 00:58:41,975 --> 00:58:43,377 in four days, and she's... 1467 00:58:44,578 --> 00:58:46,311 Jason? 1468 00:58:46,313 --> 00:58:47,411 Are you okay? 1469 00:58:47,413 --> 00:58:49,380 What? I'm fine. That's... 1470 00:58:49,382 --> 00:58:51,349 How about you? 1471 00:58:51,351 --> 00:58:52,416 [sighs] Well, actually, 1472 00:58:52,418 --> 00:58:53,617 I'm a little worried. 1473 00:58:53,619 --> 00:58:56,054 My mom called, and I tried calling her back, 1474 00:58:56,056 --> 00:58:57,922 and she's not picking up. 1475 00:58:57,924 --> 00:58:59,958 Oh, uh, that's, you know. 1476 00:58:59,960 --> 00:59:01,458 It's... It's her... 'Cause her phone, 1477 00:59:01,460 --> 00:59:03,061 it's, um, her phone is broken. 1478 00:59:03,063 --> 00:59:04,061 [Rachel] You saw her? 1479 00:59:04,063 --> 00:59:06,063 Yeah. Oh, they had a yard sale yesterday, so. 1480 00:59:06,065 --> 00:59:07,933 - [Rachel] A yard sale? - No, that's.. 1481 00:59:07,935 --> 00:59:09,201 I'm sorry, "yard sale," what is... 1482 00:59:09,203 --> 00:59:11,001 No, they were... 'cause they were in the yard, 1483 00:59:11,003 --> 00:59:13,270 so I ran into them cause I took a shortcut, 1484 00:59:13,272 --> 00:59:16,208 um, to... to... to go work at Staples, 1485 00:59:16,210 --> 00:59:18,009 where I am the assistant manager. 1486 00:59:18,011 --> 00:59:19,210 [Rachel] This is weird. 1487 00:59:19,212 --> 00:59:22,179 Mom always calls me right back. This isn't like her. 1488 00:59:22,181 --> 00:59:23,248 Well, it's... 1489 00:59:23,250 --> 00:59:25,951 Could be 'cause she's... she's singing and dancing, 1490 00:59:25,953 --> 00:59:28,085 and, and also blowing someone. 1491 00:59:28,087 --> 00:59:29,186 [stammers] Uh, her birthday. 1492 00:59:29,188 --> 00:59:30,454 Isn't it her birthday pretty soon? 1493 00:59:30,456 --> 00:59:32,960 Oh, of course, poor Mom. 1494 00:59:34,261 --> 00:59:35,960 Jason, 1495 00:59:35,962 --> 00:59:38,230 I should surprise her. 1496 00:59:38,232 --> 00:59:40,197 I'll come home for her birthday, she'll love that. 1497 00:59:40,199 --> 00:59:42,500 Yeah, yeah, they both would. Yeah, they would both love that. 1498 00:59:42,502 --> 00:59:44,034 For sure. You should come on down. 1499 00:59:44,036 --> 00:59:45,170 I'll try Dad, he'll love it. 1500 00:59:45,172 --> 00:59:47,938 I'll get tulips. Tulips are her favorite flowers, 1501 00:59:47,940 --> 00:59:50,507 and I'll invite all her sisters, and everyone will be there 1502 00:59:50,509 --> 00:59:51,912 - and everyone will be... - [cell phone ringing] 1503 00:59:56,148 --> 00:59:57,884 That's funny, do you hear that? 1504 00:59:59,418 --> 01:00:00,985 It's my dad's ringtone. 1505 01:00:00,987 --> 01:00:03,290 [cell phone ringing] 1506 01:00:04,491 --> 01:00:06,056 Yeah, okay, you know what, Rachel? 1507 01:00:06,058 --> 01:00:07,525 I really... I gotta tell you something. 1508 01:00:07,527 --> 01:00:09,126 - Actually, your parent... - [thuds] 1509 01:00:09,128 --> 01:00:10,895 [electricity powers down] 1510 01:00:10,897 --> 01:00:13,665 [Frank] Jason, you really are a little quisling. 1511 01:00:13,667 --> 01:00:14,933 You know that? 1512 01:00:14,935 --> 01:00:16,000 [Jason] Okay, he... 1513 01:00:16,002 --> 01:00:17,569 - he was from Norway. - [Nancy sighs] 1514 01:00:17,571 --> 01:00:19,536 I felt terrible lying to Rachel. 1515 01:00:19,538 --> 01:00:20,672 I understand, 1516 01:00:20,674 --> 01:00:23,174 because you never know when the lies are going to stop. 1517 01:00:23,176 --> 01:00:24,476 But they just keep coming. 1518 01:00:24,478 --> 01:00:26,411 Pushing you out of the way. 1519 01:00:26,413 --> 01:00:28,516 Taking over your life completely. 1520 01:00:29,549 --> 01:00:32,217 [sighs] What a beautiful street. 1521 01:00:32,219 --> 01:00:33,550 Do you have raccoons? 1522 01:00:33,552 --> 01:00:35,520 Yeah, sporadically. [chuckles] 1523 01:00:35,522 --> 01:00:36,587 I love them. 1524 01:00:36,589 --> 01:00:37,922 Is that your guy's moving truck? 1525 01:00:37,924 --> 01:00:39,491 No. Well, yes. 1526 01:00:39,493 --> 01:00:41,393 We're just trying to sell a few things. 1527 01:00:41,395 --> 01:00:42,494 Sell from the back of a truck? [chuckles] 1528 01:00:42,496 --> 01:00:45,063 Uh, we're trying to, uh, finish off our yard sale. 1529 01:00:45,065 --> 01:00:45,963 For the truck and the computer, 1530 01:00:45,965 --> 01:00:48,233 using that, uh, Skype thing. Anyhow... 1531 01:00:48,235 --> 01:00:49,567 So, you mean like a virtual yard sale? 1532 01:00:49,569 --> 01:00:50,567 That's... Wow. 1533 01:00:50,569 --> 01:00:52,670 Did you come up with that idea, Mr. Teagarten? 1534 01:00:52,672 --> 01:00:55,040 What? Uh, yeah, sure. Anyway, thanks for your help... 1535 01:00:55,042 --> 01:00:56,541 That's genius! Do you see the potential? 1536 01:00:56,543 --> 01:00:58,409 Not one iota. We gotta run now. 1537 01:00:58,411 --> 01:01:00,445 Uh, wait, Mr. and Mrs. Teagarten, there's... 1538 01:01:00,447 --> 01:01:01,947 I think there's something I need to show you. 1539 01:01:01,949 --> 01:01:03,918 For the love of Christ, Jason! What is it? 1540 01:01:04,650 --> 01:01:09,219 [somber music] 1541 01:01:09,221 --> 01:01:11,956 [Jason] So the park was actually built in the '50s. 1542 01:01:11,958 --> 01:01:13,657 It's, uh, kind of fell on hard times, 1543 01:01:13,659 --> 01:01:15,592 was vacant for a while. 1544 01:01:15,594 --> 01:01:17,329 So some friends and I, we pooled our money 1545 01:01:17,331 --> 01:01:18,396 and bought it, 1546 01:01:18,398 --> 01:01:21,166 and we spent the last two years just fixing it up. 1547 01:01:21,168 --> 01:01:23,233 [Nancy] Jason, this is amazing. 1548 01:01:23,235 --> 01:01:24,436 [Jason] Thank you. 1549 01:01:24,438 --> 01:01:27,172 [clacking] 1550 01:01:27,174 --> 01:01:28,172 This is what I wanted to show you. 1551 01:01:28,174 --> 01:01:30,976 All of our trailer homes have a storage space, 1552 01:01:30,978 --> 01:01:33,744 'cause people are downsizing from like, 3,500 square feet. 1553 01:01:33,746 --> 01:01:36,648 These days, I guess it's like that everywhere. 1554 01:01:36,650 --> 01:01:39,416 So this is where your virtual yard sale comes in. 1555 01:01:39,418 --> 01:01:41,186 You can upload streaming video 1556 01:01:41,188 --> 01:01:44,355 and people can browse it, like in real time. 1557 01:01:44,357 --> 01:01:46,623 So you've got almost a live yard sale, 1558 01:01:46,625 --> 01:01:49,094 but you're bidding, like eBay online. 1559 01:01:49,096 --> 01:01:52,230 So you call it something like, YardBay. 1560 01:01:52,232 --> 01:01:53,297 [chuckles] 1561 01:01:53,299 --> 01:01:55,433 I'm sure you've thought all this through, but, um, 1562 01:01:55,435 --> 01:01:56,601 you know, I'd love to help, I... [stutters] 1563 01:01:56,603 --> 01:01:58,402 I could computer code it all for you. 1564 01:01:58,404 --> 01:02:01,005 [cell phone ringing] 1565 01:02:01,007 --> 01:02:02,306 - Hello? - [indistinct dialogue] 1566 01:02:02,308 --> 01:02:04,442 [in Japanese accent] No, Mr. Teagarten no here. 1567 01:02:04,444 --> 01:02:05,710 You have to call back a later. 1568 01:02:05,712 --> 01:02:07,078 [indistinct dialogue] 1569 01:02:07,080 --> 01:02:08,045 Oh, he in the shower now 1570 01:02:08,047 --> 01:02:10,283 washing his body with the shampoo and honey. 1571 01:02:11,284 --> 01:02:12,384 He have a shingles. 1572 01:02:12,386 --> 01:02:13,717 [indistinct dialogue] 1573 01:02:13,719 --> 01:02:14,721 [clears throat] 1574 01:02:16,188 --> 01:02:17,621 That was an old fraternity buddy of mine. 1575 01:02:17,623 --> 01:02:19,324 Clyde Drexler. [sniffles] 1576 01:02:19,326 --> 01:02:20,724 I mean, he's a fan of Clyde Drexler. 1577 01:02:20,726 --> 01:02:22,559 - Mm-hm. - The Trailblazers. 1578 01:02:22,561 --> 01:02:24,161 Um, anyway, uh. 1579 01:02:24,163 --> 01:02:26,163 Thanks for the tour, Jason. This was impressive. 1580 01:02:26,165 --> 01:02:28,099 Mobile homes and crap. 1581 01:02:28,101 --> 01:02:30,567 I'm sorry. That sounded patronizing. 1582 01:02:30,569 --> 01:02:32,270 - [Frank] Food for thought. - Yeah. 1583 01:02:32,272 --> 01:02:33,670 Uh, thanks for your help with the video. 1584 01:02:33,672 --> 01:02:34,773 Anytime. 1585 01:02:34,775 --> 01:02:36,510 [clacking] 1586 01:02:37,177 --> 01:02:38,179 [thuds] 1587 01:02:39,378 --> 01:02:41,679 Boy, Jason sure can talk. [Frank chuckles] 1588 01:02:41,681 --> 01:02:42,813 Okay, I better call Randall 1589 01:02:42,815 --> 01:02:45,382 and tell him I'll take that catalytic converter job. 1590 01:02:45,384 --> 01:02:46,583 [Nancy grunts] 1591 01:02:46,585 --> 01:02:49,255 [Nancy] Okay, I'm gonna... I'm gonna go get a Baby Ruth. 1592 01:02:50,424 --> 01:02:52,059 - [door opens] - A Baby Ruth? 1593 01:02:53,393 --> 01:02:54,595 [car approaching] 1594 01:02:59,232 --> 01:03:00,234 Shit. 1595 01:03:02,368 --> 01:03:03,403 [car door opens] 1596 01:03:04,571 --> 01:03:06,503 [Frank] Excuse me. 1597 01:03:06,505 --> 01:03:08,239 Hey, I'm sorry to bother you. 1598 01:03:08,241 --> 01:03:10,275 I... You have any change, or better yet, 1599 01:03:10,277 --> 01:03:11,675 do you mind if I use your cell phone? 1600 01:03:11,677 --> 01:03:12,777 It's kind of an emergency. 1601 01:03:12,779 --> 01:03:15,079 [Nancy] A Baby Ruth candy bar. 1602 01:03:15,081 --> 01:03:16,447 [cashier] Oh, Baby Ruth. 1603 01:03:16,449 --> 01:03:18,449 I thought you said Zagnut. 1604 01:03:18,451 --> 01:03:19,851 - [Nancy] Do you have one? - [cashier] Uh... 1605 01:03:19,853 --> 01:03:21,386 Yeah, let me check in the back. 1606 01:03:21,388 --> 01:03:23,123 [Nancy] I'll take two if you have 'em. 1607 01:03:24,790 --> 01:03:26,224 Buddy, cool off. [stammers] 1608 01:03:26,226 --> 01:03:28,425 I'm not trying to cause any problems here. 1609 01:03:28,427 --> 01:03:29,661 You act like you got 1610 01:03:29,663 --> 01:03:31,695 50 kilos back there or something. 1611 01:03:31,697 --> 01:03:32,864 [Nancy] Oh, by the way, how much are... 1612 01:03:32,866 --> 01:03:34,498 What? What the? 1613 01:03:34,500 --> 01:03:36,703 Frank! Frank! Frank! 1614 01:03:37,770 --> 01:03:39,672 [door opens] 1615 01:03:40,739 --> 01:03:42,042 [door closes] 1616 01:03:44,511 --> 01:03:47,148 [cashier] Hey! I found the king size, is that okay? 1617 01:03:48,348 --> 01:03:49,413 [Nancy screams] 1618 01:03:49,415 --> 01:03:51,715 [speaking Spanish] 1619 01:03:51,717 --> 01:03:52,817 [cashier] Hello? 1620 01:03:52,819 --> 01:03:54,485 The king size, okay? 1621 01:03:54,487 --> 01:03:56,420 [Nancy yells] 1622 01:03:56,422 --> 01:03:59,290 You try that again, motherfucker? 1623 01:03:59,292 --> 01:04:00,791 I'm gonna bust your fucking head open. 1624 01:04:00,793 --> 01:04:02,362 [siren wailing] 1625 01:04:04,563 --> 01:04:06,331 [police 1] Everybody put your hands where I can see 'em! 1626 01:04:06,333 --> 01:04:07,898 - [police 2] Down in the ground! - [police 3] On the ground! 1627 01:04:07,900 --> 01:04:09,400 [police 1] Get on the ground now! 1628 01:04:09,402 --> 01:04:12,170 [overlapping dialogue] 1629 01:04:12,172 --> 01:04:13,505 [helicopter whirring] 1630 01:04:13,507 --> 01:04:15,405 [dogs barking] 1631 01:04:15,407 --> 01:04:17,478 [sirens wailing] 1632 01:04:18,545 --> 01:04:20,277 [police 1] Whoo! Jackpot. 1633 01:04:20,279 --> 01:04:23,283 [foreboding music] 1634 01:04:25,719 --> 01:04:27,152 [sighs] 1635 01:04:27,154 --> 01:04:29,686 Turns out it was 120 kilos. 1636 01:04:29,688 --> 01:04:31,524 Teagarten. Frank Teagarten. 1637 01:04:32,792 --> 01:04:33,860 [clacks] 1638 01:04:35,362 --> 01:04:36,860 FBI wants to talk to you. Come on. 1639 01:04:36,862 --> 01:04:39,596 The FBI wants to talk to me? Why? 1640 01:04:39,598 --> 01:04:41,699 They think you're good lookin'. Come on. 1641 01:04:41,701 --> 01:04:42,770 [sighs] 1642 01:04:44,203 --> 01:04:45,205 Not you. 1643 01:04:46,806 --> 01:04:48,175 - [thud] - [police 4] Let's go. 1644 01:04:49,808 --> 01:04:51,211 [keys jingle] 1645 01:04:56,248 --> 01:04:57,384 Are you okay? 1646 01:04:59,920 --> 01:05:02,123 It seems to me you're as scared as I am. 1647 01:05:03,355 --> 01:05:05,125 Oh, I'm not scared for myself. 1648 01:05:07,893 --> 01:05:09,162 For my daughter. 1649 01:05:10,630 --> 01:05:11,732 We're done talkin'. 1650 01:05:17,670 --> 01:05:18,605 I have a daughter, too. 1651 01:05:20,373 --> 01:05:24,211 Our biggest fear in life was to disappoint her. 1652 01:05:25,878 --> 01:05:28,315 I'm so ashamed and... 1653 01:05:28,949 --> 01:05:29,947 and worried... 1654 01:05:29,949 --> 01:05:32,449 Don't be bitching to me about your rich life, 1655 01:05:32,451 --> 01:05:33,851 your spoiled brat daughter. 1656 01:05:33,853 --> 01:05:35,719 You know, you're gonna be out of here in a minute, 1657 01:05:35,721 --> 01:05:37,454 and she'll have her mommy back. 1658 01:05:37,456 --> 01:05:38,855 But now, thanks to you, 1659 01:05:38,857 --> 01:05:41,491 I'm stuck in here for god knows how long. 1660 01:05:41,493 --> 01:05:43,561 Yeah. I will get out, 1661 01:05:43,563 --> 01:05:48,866 but I will still be a good-for-nothing fuck up. 1662 01:05:48,868 --> 01:05:51,469 And that might not mean a lot to you, 1663 01:05:51,471 --> 01:05:54,672 since it looks like you've been a fuck up for a while, 1664 01:05:54,674 --> 01:05:57,942 but we only fucked up for one week. 1665 01:05:57,944 --> 01:06:00,480 One week, is all it took for us to... 1666 01:06:00,980 --> 01:06:02,348 ruin her life. 1667 01:06:02,882 --> 01:06:04,648 She's only 19, 1668 01:06:04,650 --> 01:06:06,619 - and... and now she's... - Are you kidding me? 1669 01:06:07,554 --> 01:06:08,552 [Shope] Your daughter's 19. 1670 01:06:08,554 --> 01:06:10,657 She's supposed to be taking care of herself. 1671 01:06:11,857 --> 01:06:12,926 My Rose... 1672 01:06:13,993 --> 01:06:15,328 she's only seven. 1673 01:06:16,395 --> 01:06:17,397 And now... 1674 01:06:18,697 --> 01:06:20,398 she's all alone in the world. 1675 01:06:20,400 --> 01:06:21,635 She's got nobody. 1676 01:06:22,569 --> 01:06:23,771 [sniffles] 1677 01:06:25,639 --> 01:06:27,438 Woman... 1678 01:06:27,440 --> 01:06:31,509 you have no idea what shame is. 1679 01:06:31,511 --> 01:06:32,679 [Nancy] Shit. 1680 01:06:33,380 --> 01:06:34,615 You win. 1681 01:06:35,815 --> 01:06:37,982 [sirens wailing] 1682 01:06:37,984 --> 01:06:39,416 [Milhouse] Hey, Frank. 1683 01:06:39,418 --> 01:06:41,552 I'm Special Agent Milhouse. 1684 01:06:41,554 --> 01:06:43,621 This is Special Agent Barnes. 1685 01:06:43,623 --> 01:06:45,757 - [Barnes] Weird night, huh? God. - [Milhouse] Yeah. 1686 01:06:45,759 --> 01:06:49,559 A 120 kilos of Norteno Cocaine. 1687 01:06:49,561 --> 01:06:51,996 - A hell of a bust. - Yeah. 1688 01:06:51,998 --> 01:06:54,799 You know that we had nothing to do with this, right? 1689 01:06:54,801 --> 01:06:55,933 [Milhouse] Oh! 1690 01:06:55,935 --> 01:06:57,634 So you think that we just send out 1691 01:06:57,636 --> 01:06:59,706 our whole field office just for fun? 1692 01:07:00,639 --> 01:07:01,838 This is what we know. 1693 01:07:01,840 --> 01:07:03,875 We've been tailing Shope for three days, 1694 01:07:03,877 --> 01:07:05,442 since he entered the United States. 1695 01:07:05,444 --> 01:07:07,311 Next thing we know, the three of you 1696 01:07:07,313 --> 01:07:10,081 are in a Kwik-E-Mart parking lot free for all. 1697 01:07:10,083 --> 01:07:12,349 So I think we've got a problem here, don't you? 1698 01:07:12,351 --> 01:07:13,884 Frank, if you wanna get out of here tonight, 1699 01:07:13,886 --> 01:07:14,951 you've gotta convince us, 1700 01:07:14,953 --> 01:07:17,355 you're not some big, rich drug lord. 1701 01:07:17,357 --> 01:07:18,523 Like, for real. 1702 01:07:18,525 --> 01:07:20,692 [cell phone ringing] 1703 01:07:20,694 --> 01:07:22,860 [Frank in Japanese accent] Hello? Mr. Teagarten no home. 1704 01:07:22,862 --> 01:07:24,695 His phone went through a snow blower, 1705 01:07:24,697 --> 01:07:26,931 and he chop his head right off. 1706 01:07:26,933 --> 01:07:29,936 [light music] 1707 01:07:32,038 --> 01:07:34,404 [Frank] I guess owing 300 bucks to MasterCard 1708 01:07:34,406 --> 01:07:37,875 helped convince them, we aren't Mr. and Mrs. El Chapo. 1709 01:07:37,877 --> 01:07:40,511 [Nancy] I can't help thinking about that little girl. 1710 01:07:40,513 --> 01:07:42,079 [Frank] Nancy, what are you gonna do? 1711 01:07:42,081 --> 01:07:43,114 Have her come live with us 1712 01:07:43,116 --> 01:07:45,382 in this fucking Perri Winkle truck? 1713 01:07:45,384 --> 01:07:47,388 [lighter clinks] 1714 01:07:48,554 --> 01:07:49,922 [Frank] God, this day sucked. 1715 01:07:51,757 --> 01:07:52,759 Carl. 1716 01:07:53,793 --> 01:07:55,893 He found my medals. 1717 01:07:55,895 --> 01:07:57,998 - How did he find them? - He's a sneaky motherfucker. 1718 01:07:59,031 --> 01:08:00,965 But those medals 1719 01:08:00,967 --> 01:08:03,735 made me remember that I used to win. 1720 01:08:03,737 --> 01:08:06,103 I used to have an edge. 1721 01:08:06,105 --> 01:08:09,676 This week, I've cried more than I have ever cried before. 1722 01:08:11,143 --> 01:08:13,744 And for things that I would have never cried about 1723 01:08:13,746 --> 01:08:14,882 in the old days. 1724 01:08:16,915 --> 01:08:19,850 It's like I've become this person... 1725 01:08:19,852 --> 01:08:21,754 I don't know, and I don't like. 1726 01:08:23,522 --> 01:08:24,590 Where is this headed? 1727 01:08:25,725 --> 01:08:27,425 [sighs] 1728 01:08:27,427 --> 01:08:30,560 - We need to talk to Dan. - Why? And beg for money? 1729 01:08:30,562 --> 01:08:31,628 That's not getting your edge back. 1730 01:08:31,630 --> 01:08:33,797 That's surrendering, not winning. 1731 01:08:33,799 --> 01:08:35,902 Guys like Dan, they take advantage of weakness. 1732 01:08:38,070 --> 01:08:39,105 I'll figure it out. 1733 01:08:41,141 --> 01:08:42,343 I think. 1734 01:08:44,177 --> 01:08:46,947 I bet Rachel used to take one of those buses to school. 1735 01:08:47,946 --> 01:08:49,180 Long ago. 1736 01:08:49,182 --> 01:08:51,082 Back in the time when she used to look up to me 1737 01:08:51,084 --> 01:08:52,486 like I was Superman. 1738 01:08:54,920 --> 01:08:56,586 [sobs] 1739 01:08:56,588 --> 01:08:57,757 Oh, Frank. 1740 01:08:59,625 --> 01:09:00,694 [Frank sniffles] 1741 01:09:02,629 --> 01:09:03,630 You crying? 1742 01:09:05,798 --> 01:09:07,564 You were crying. 1743 01:09:07,566 --> 01:09:09,567 - What a pussy. - [Frank] No, I'm not crying. 1744 01:09:09,569 --> 01:09:11,769 But if I was, it's because... 1745 01:09:11,771 --> 01:09:13,136 Good god. 1746 01:09:13,138 --> 01:09:14,639 It's because the two of you reek. 1747 01:09:14,641 --> 01:09:15,773 Fuck you. 1748 01:09:15,775 --> 01:09:18,509 Hey, you got ten bucks? For gas? 1749 01:09:18,511 --> 01:09:20,610 Wow, what timing you have, bum. 1750 01:09:20,612 --> 01:09:22,613 No. Actually, we don't have ten bucks for gas. 1751 01:09:22,615 --> 01:09:24,448 Liar. That's some high-end furniture 1752 01:09:24,450 --> 01:09:26,050 you got there, you rich asshole. 1753 01:09:26,052 --> 01:09:29,487 Rich? You have completely misread our situation, my man. 1754 01:09:29,489 --> 01:09:31,689 Oh, whoa, whoa. I'm not your man. 1755 01:09:31,691 --> 01:09:33,591 He's not your man, fish face. 1756 01:09:33,593 --> 01:09:34,792 [laughs] 1757 01:09:34,794 --> 01:09:36,927 I don't think anybody's ever called me fish face before. 1758 01:09:36,929 --> 01:09:38,528 - Good. - You believe this pile 1759 01:09:38,530 --> 01:09:40,765 of fish face, calling me "his man"? 1760 01:09:40,767 --> 01:09:43,734 I'm not your man, so, fuck you. 1761 01:09:43,736 --> 01:09:45,168 No, no. It's, uh... 1762 01:09:45,170 --> 01:09:46,770 it's more like fuck you. 1763 01:09:46,772 --> 01:09:49,006 I'm sorry, you're not understanding what we're saying. 1764 01:09:49,008 --> 01:09:50,608 Fuck you. 1765 01:09:50,610 --> 01:09:52,510 - What's your name? - Will. 1766 01:09:52,512 --> 01:09:53,577 [Frank] What's your name? 1767 01:09:53,579 --> 01:09:54,679 Colin. 1768 01:09:54,681 --> 01:09:55,949 Will, Colin... 1769 01:09:57,115 --> 01:09:58,181 fuck you. 1770 01:09:58,183 --> 01:09:59,716 [rattling] 1771 01:09:59,718 --> 01:10:00,887 [Colin] Fish face. 1772 01:10:06,692 --> 01:10:09,092 [Nancy] So, how long do we sit here for? 1773 01:10:09,094 --> 01:10:10,630 - [clanking] - [Frank] I'm not sure. 1774 01:10:11,129 --> 01:10:12,529 Hey! 1775 01:10:12,531 --> 01:10:13,831 What are you doing out there? 1776 01:10:13,833 --> 01:10:15,899 [rattling] 1777 01:10:15,901 --> 01:10:17,103 So, what do we got here? 1778 01:10:18,637 --> 01:10:20,270 - Where's the other bum? - [Colin] Maui. 1779 01:10:20,272 --> 01:10:22,172 - I could buy a couple of things. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1780 01:10:22,174 --> 01:10:23,908 You think this is some kind of a store? 1781 01:10:23,910 --> 01:10:25,510 What else would you be doing here? 1782 01:10:25,512 --> 01:10:28,078 Well, actually, it's kind of a incredible story. 1783 01:10:28,080 --> 01:10:29,980 - Nancy! - [Colin] How much for the paint? 1784 01:10:29,982 --> 01:10:31,616 Spray paint, I'd like to huff it. 1785 01:10:31,618 --> 01:10:32,984 [Frank] You wanna huff it? 1786 01:10:32,986 --> 01:10:34,719 You wanna huff the can of spray paint? 1787 01:10:34,721 --> 01:10:36,953 You're like the worst bum ever. 1788 01:10:36,955 --> 01:10:38,055 What is it, a pageant? 1789 01:10:38,057 --> 01:10:39,590 [Frank] And you came in last. 1790 01:10:39,592 --> 01:10:41,759 - Okay, five bucks. - Five bucks? 1791 01:10:41,761 --> 01:10:43,060 For a can of paint? 1792 01:10:43,062 --> 01:10:44,628 That's what I said. Five bucks, yes or no. 1793 01:10:44,630 --> 01:10:46,631 There's a line forming behind you. 1794 01:10:46,633 --> 01:10:47,864 Ah! I made you look, 1795 01:10:47,866 --> 01:10:49,634 - you fucking idiot. - [both laughing] 1796 01:10:49,636 --> 01:10:51,138 - Fuck off. - [liquid trickling] 1797 01:10:54,307 --> 01:10:56,040 Stop lookin' at me! 1798 01:10:56,042 --> 01:10:57,942 Get away from the gas tank, bum. 1799 01:10:57,944 --> 01:10:59,010 Fuck you! 1800 01:10:59,012 --> 01:11:00,144 [explosion] 1801 01:11:00,146 --> 01:11:02,046 [Will screaming] 1802 01:11:02,048 --> 01:11:03,050 [screams] 1803 01:11:03,850 --> 01:11:05,049 Stop and drop! 1804 01:11:05,051 --> 01:11:06,617 [Will shrieks] 1805 01:11:06,619 --> 01:11:08,920 - [Will] Why is this happening? - You're on fire! 1806 01:11:08,922 --> 01:11:11,154 Frank! Get this man an extinguisher! 1807 01:11:11,156 --> 01:11:12,223 - [Frank grunts] - [Will screams] 1808 01:11:12,225 --> 01:11:14,158 You're just gonna stand there? 1809 01:11:14,160 --> 01:11:15,626 He's on fire! 1810 01:11:15,628 --> 01:11:17,595 [Will] I don't need this shit in my life! 1811 01:11:17,597 --> 01:11:21,933 [Nancy screaming in Spanish] 1812 01:11:21,935 --> 01:11:23,167 [Will groaning] 1813 01:11:23,169 --> 01:11:24,268 [Wil] Oh, yeah. 1814 01:11:24,270 --> 01:11:25,670 Lie on me. 1815 01:11:25,672 --> 01:11:27,003 Yeah, get on me, girl. 1816 01:11:27,005 --> 01:11:29,840 Uh, yeah. Grind me out like a cigarette. 1817 01:11:29,842 --> 01:11:32,743 Oh! Yeah. Let me... Let me return the favor. 1818 01:11:32,745 --> 01:11:35,179 - I'm anything but a gentleman. - [Nancy] Are you kidding? 1819 01:11:35,181 --> 01:11:36,346 [extinguisher hisses] 1820 01:11:36,348 --> 01:11:37,848 That's my wife, bum. 1821 01:11:37,850 --> 01:11:39,350 [hissing] 1822 01:11:39,352 --> 01:11:41,051 [Nancy and Will coughing] 1823 01:11:41,053 --> 01:11:43,921 - She got on me, dude! - [Nancy coughs] 1824 01:11:43,923 --> 01:11:46,223 - [Colin] Hey! - [Will coughs] 1825 01:11:46,225 --> 01:11:48,629 Bum, put those lamps back. 1826 01:11:49,963 --> 01:11:53,264 - So, that's the basic concept. - Mm. 1827 01:11:53,266 --> 01:11:56,033 Sounds like a good idea. What, you're calling it, uh, 1828 01:11:56,035 --> 01:11:58,034 - YardBay? - YardBay. 1829 01:11:58,036 --> 01:11:59,769 Great name for a great idea. 1830 01:11:59,771 --> 01:12:01,137 Well, it's Frank's idea. 1831 01:12:01,139 --> 01:12:02,372 You hear that, bums? 1832 01:12:02,374 --> 01:12:04,308 The great idea was my idea. 1833 01:12:04,310 --> 01:12:06,844 Shovel swinging in your face would be a good idea. 1834 01:12:06,846 --> 01:12:09,246 [all laughing] 1835 01:12:09,248 --> 01:12:11,047 He already did that. 1836 01:12:11,049 --> 01:12:13,083 While smoking a spider. 1837 01:12:13,085 --> 01:12:14,251 [all laughing] 1838 01:12:14,253 --> 01:12:15,786 [Will] Oh, I believe it. 1839 01:12:15,788 --> 01:12:17,188 'Cause he's a huge dumbass. 1840 01:12:17,190 --> 01:12:18,855 Look at his fat fish face. 1841 01:12:18,857 --> 01:12:20,658 [Will laughs] 1842 01:12:20,660 --> 01:12:23,063 Frank is a banana split of shit. 1843 01:12:24,230 --> 01:12:25,095 I don't like that. 1844 01:12:25,097 --> 01:12:27,331 I hate to say it, but Frank is right 1845 01:12:27,333 --> 01:12:28,335 about one thing. 1846 01:12:29,168 --> 01:12:30,203 You got a good idea. 1847 01:12:30,870 --> 01:12:32,135 Okay? 1848 01:12:32,137 --> 01:12:35,305 But you gotta go in strong when you're dealing with rich people. 1849 01:12:35,307 --> 01:12:37,174 - Otherwise, they'll prey on you. - [metal clanks] 1850 01:12:37,176 --> 01:12:38,842 - [Will] I would know that... - [liquid trickling] 1851 01:12:38,844 --> 01:12:40,043 - ...because I used to be... - [lighter clicks] 1852 01:12:40,045 --> 01:12:42,078 - ...one of those people. - [explosion] 1853 01:12:42,080 --> 01:12:43,146 [Colin screams] 1854 01:12:43,148 --> 01:12:44,718 [Colin] Put me out, fish face! 1855 01:12:45,218 --> 01:12:46,716 [screams] 1856 01:12:46,718 --> 01:12:48,221 - [screaming continues] - [extinguisher hissing] 1857 01:12:50,722 --> 01:12:53,123 [Colin] All right, I'm out. I'm out. 1858 01:12:53,125 --> 01:12:54,692 - You okay? - Yeah. 1859 01:12:54,694 --> 01:12:55,792 What happened? 1860 01:12:55,794 --> 01:12:57,094 Oh. Cigarette. 1861 01:12:57,096 --> 01:12:58,996 Ah, yeah. Same thing happened to me. 1862 01:12:58,998 --> 01:13:00,997 - Feel stupid. - Yeah. 1863 01:13:00,999 --> 01:13:03,367 All right, well, goodbye, Frank. 1864 01:13:03,369 --> 01:13:05,135 Hope a train falls on your face. 1865 01:13:05,137 --> 01:13:06,836 [laughs] 1866 01:13:06,838 --> 01:13:09,375 Go siphon some gas and smoke a cigarette, bum. 1867 01:13:10,776 --> 01:13:11,811 Touché. 1868 01:13:13,312 --> 01:13:15,078 [Will] You sure you're all right? 1869 01:13:15,080 --> 01:13:16,413 - [Colin] Yeah. - [Will] I did the same thing, 1870 01:13:16,415 --> 01:13:18,448 and next thing you know, the flames just jump on you. 1871 01:13:18,450 --> 01:13:19,750 [Colin] You think it's the cigarette, or... 1872 01:13:19,752 --> 01:13:21,418 [Will] Fifty-fifty chance. 1873 01:13:21,420 --> 01:13:22,655 They were sweet. 1874 01:13:24,456 --> 01:13:25,726 Colin and Will. 1875 01:13:26,959 --> 01:13:27,961 Fuck them. 1876 01:13:30,730 --> 01:13:33,064 [lively music] 1877 01:13:33,066 --> 01:13:34,334 [whirring] 1878 01:13:39,938 --> 01:13:41,941 [Rachel] Why is there furniture on the lawn? 1879 01:13:45,911 --> 01:13:48,045 [Jessie] Maybe they were partying. 1880 01:13:48,047 --> 01:13:50,180 [Rachel] They're not like that, Jessie. 1881 01:13:50,182 --> 01:13:51,782 [car door closes] 1882 01:13:51,784 --> 01:13:52,716 You coming inside? 1883 01:13:52,718 --> 01:13:54,885 I wanna start setting up for the surprise. 1884 01:13:54,887 --> 01:13:56,420 Um, yeah, in a minute. 1885 01:13:56,422 --> 01:13:57,488 I, I got the spins, 1886 01:13:57,490 --> 01:13:59,924 I'm just gonna go back to bed for a little bit. 1887 01:13:59,926 --> 01:14:00,960 - Okay. - [car door closes] 1888 01:14:03,963 --> 01:14:05,432 [clacking] 1889 01:14:07,467 --> 01:14:08,835 [Rachel] That's weird. 1890 01:14:10,503 --> 01:14:12,202 [Carl] Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1891 01:14:12,204 --> 01:14:14,805 Hey. If you're here for the yard sale, 1892 01:14:14,807 --> 01:14:16,207 it's in the yard. 1893 01:14:16,209 --> 01:14:18,175 - Who are you? - [Carl] Who am I? 1894 01:14:18,177 --> 01:14:20,110 I'm a guy holding pepper spray. 1895 01:14:20,112 --> 01:14:21,912 Twelve ounces... 1896 01:14:21,914 --> 01:14:24,148 Three ounces of pepper spray at your eyes. 1897 01:14:24,150 --> 01:14:26,317 All right? Who are you? 1898 01:14:26,319 --> 01:14:29,353 I'm Rachel. I live here. 1899 01:14:29,355 --> 01:14:31,055 Oh, my god. 1900 01:14:31,057 --> 01:14:32,355 - Rachel? - [Rachel] Yeah. 1901 01:14:32,357 --> 01:14:34,091 Oh, I've heard so much about you. 1902 01:14:34,093 --> 01:14:35,359 [laughs] 1903 01:14:35,361 --> 01:14:36,363 I'm Carl. 1904 01:14:38,931 --> 01:14:40,163 Carl, 1905 01:14:40,165 --> 01:14:42,936 I think you're gonna need to explain to me what's going on. 1906 01:14:43,436 --> 01:14:45,072 [rattling] 1907 01:14:45,937 --> 01:14:47,037 Oh! 1908 01:14:47,039 --> 01:14:49,873 Baby, I think I figured something out, 1909 01:14:49,875 --> 01:14:51,341 and we're gonna call it, 1910 01:14:51,343 --> 01:14:52,712 "The Carl." 1911 01:14:55,013 --> 01:14:56,048 Feeling good? 1912 01:14:56,915 --> 01:14:58,448 If good means nervous. 1913 01:14:58,450 --> 01:14:59,716 [Frank] A Baby Ruth? 1914 01:14:59,718 --> 01:15:02,489 [Nancy] Sometimes a Baby Ruth is just a candy bar. 1915 01:15:06,926 --> 01:15:10,094 The tournament is canceled but I'm sure Dan is still here. 1916 01:15:10,096 --> 01:15:11,427 [Nancy] This has to work. 1917 01:15:11,429 --> 01:15:12,962 [Frank] You heard what those bums said, 1918 01:15:12,964 --> 01:15:15,466 we have to make these rich guys wanna give us money. 1919 01:15:15,468 --> 01:15:17,434 Make 'em need to give it to us. 1920 01:15:17,436 --> 01:15:19,336 It's fourth in goal, no time on the clock, 1921 01:15:19,338 --> 01:15:21,808 you got the ball, and I'll just follow your lead. 1922 01:15:24,544 --> 01:15:26,046 [truck door opens] 1923 01:15:28,548 --> 01:15:30,079 Keep it close. 1924 01:15:30,081 --> 01:15:31,815 [keys jingle] 1925 01:15:31,817 --> 01:15:32,852 Oh no, that's not... 1926 01:15:33,852 --> 01:15:34,952 "fuck you." 1927 01:15:34,954 --> 01:15:36,186 - That's... - [truck door closes] 1928 01:15:36,188 --> 01:15:37,423 ...somebody else. 1929 01:15:38,191 --> 01:15:39,359 Can you wash it? 1930 01:15:40,258 --> 01:15:41,261 That's fine. 1931 01:15:42,495 --> 01:15:44,994 I have to go to the locker room to clean up, 1932 01:15:44,996 --> 01:15:46,529 and put on my secret weapon. 1933 01:15:46,531 --> 01:15:47,967 - Meet you at the golf carts. - Okay. 1934 01:15:49,869 --> 01:15:51,034 [Rachel] Okay, well then, 1935 01:15:51,036 --> 01:15:52,970 where did they go after that? 1936 01:15:52,972 --> 01:15:54,939 [scoffs] I don't know. 1937 01:15:54,941 --> 01:15:57,878 I mean, it seems to change every 16 minutes. 1938 01:15:58,844 --> 01:16:00,510 Frankly, I'm worried. 1939 01:16:00,512 --> 01:16:02,579 And your mother, I mean, 1940 01:16:02,581 --> 01:16:05,015 maybe you know her better than me, 1941 01:16:05,017 --> 01:16:07,350 but she seems a little unhinged. 1942 01:16:07,352 --> 01:16:09,118 But the point is, 1943 01:16:09,120 --> 01:16:11,188 I think your surprise birthday party 1944 01:16:11,190 --> 01:16:12,622 is a wonderful idea. 1945 01:16:12,624 --> 01:16:14,291 Have you ever seen The Wedding Planner? 1946 01:16:14,293 --> 01:16:15,592 - [Rachel] Mm. - With J-Lo? 1947 01:16:15,594 --> 01:16:18,162 Uh, that's short for Jennifer Lopez. 1948 01:16:18,164 --> 01:16:20,230 Anyway, I love J-Lo, 1949 01:16:20,232 --> 01:16:22,533 and not just because she's a fellow Latina. 1950 01:16:22,535 --> 01:16:24,400 I love her for her dancing. 1951 01:16:24,402 --> 01:16:26,269 I love her for her singing. 1952 01:16:26,271 --> 01:16:27,938 I love her for her acting. 1953 01:16:27,940 --> 01:16:29,573 But I never liked her perfume. 1954 01:16:29,575 --> 01:16:31,074 It was gross. 1955 01:16:31,076 --> 01:16:33,077 Carl... [chuckles] 1956 01:16:33,079 --> 01:16:35,578 I don't think we're gonna have a party. 1957 01:16:35,580 --> 01:16:37,113 I need to call my Aunt Betty... 1958 01:16:37,115 --> 01:16:38,181 [Jessie] Okay. 1959 01:16:38,183 --> 01:16:40,417 I need, like, 12 billion aspirin 1960 01:16:40,419 --> 01:16:42,286 and one ounce... [mumbles] 1961 01:16:42,288 --> 01:16:43,354 [whispers] Oh, my god! 1962 01:16:43,356 --> 01:16:46,090 who is this hunk of stud hunk, oh... 1963 01:16:46,092 --> 01:16:48,058 Jessie, this is Carl. 1964 01:16:48,060 --> 01:16:49,426 He's... 1965 01:16:49,428 --> 01:16:51,261 I guess, staying with us. 1966 01:16:51,263 --> 01:16:52,997 [Jessie] Hi. 1967 01:16:52,999 --> 01:16:54,564 - I'm Jessie. - Hi. 1968 01:16:54,566 --> 01:16:56,000 Nice to meet you. 1969 01:16:56,002 --> 01:16:57,635 [stammers] Did you just 1970 01:16:57,637 --> 01:17:00,037 call me a "hunk of stud"? 1971 01:17:00,039 --> 01:17:01,572 If I was a shark, man, 1972 01:17:01,574 --> 01:17:02,672 I would just... 1973 01:17:02,674 --> 01:17:04,408 [hisses] ...chomp into you 1974 01:17:04,410 --> 01:17:06,213 like a little baby seal. 1975 01:17:11,918 --> 01:17:13,250 Please, God. 1976 01:17:13,252 --> 01:17:15,219 Don't let this be a fucking dream. 1977 01:17:15,221 --> 01:17:17,324 [coughing] 1978 01:17:18,624 --> 01:17:19,993 [laughs, coughs] 1979 01:17:22,495 --> 01:17:23,560 Hey, Andy. 1980 01:17:23,562 --> 01:17:24,694 Danny boy. 1981 01:17:24,696 --> 01:17:26,229 [Nancy laughs] 1982 01:17:26,231 --> 01:17:27,530 Mm. 1983 01:17:27,532 --> 01:17:29,099 Look at that, there's Nancy at the bar. 1984 01:17:29,101 --> 01:17:30,167 Ooh. 1985 01:17:30,169 --> 01:17:31,435 [Nancy] Salut. 1986 01:17:31,437 --> 01:17:33,369 Fancy Nancy. 1987 01:17:33,371 --> 01:17:34,438 - Hey, guys. - [all] Oh! 1988 01:17:34,440 --> 01:17:36,105 - Hi! - Hey, Frank. 1989 01:17:36,107 --> 01:17:38,074 - Yeah, she's having a few. - [Nancy laughs] 1990 01:17:38,076 --> 01:17:39,976 Right now, she couldn't see the hole in a ladder. 1991 01:17:39,978 --> 01:17:41,511 [all laugh] 1992 01:17:41,513 --> 01:17:43,180 We're both celebrating some good news. 1993 01:17:43,182 --> 01:17:45,181 Oh, yeah? What good news is that? 1994 01:17:45,183 --> 01:17:46,716 Some Silicon Valley news. 1995 01:17:46,718 --> 01:17:48,185 - Oh? - Ooh. 1996 01:17:48,187 --> 01:17:50,453 Hi, guys! 1997 01:17:50,455 --> 01:17:52,221 Oh, bummer! 1998 01:17:52,223 --> 01:17:54,358 They canceled your game. 1999 01:17:54,360 --> 01:17:55,359 [Dan] I know, I know. 2000 01:17:55,361 --> 01:17:57,694 - White balls, white snow... - Well, white balls 2001 01:17:57,696 --> 01:17:59,063 are better than blue. 2002 01:17:59,065 --> 01:18:01,064 - [all laugh] - You ever run track? 2003 01:18:01,066 --> 01:18:03,233 - Ever run track? Ever run track? - Mm-hm. Two. 2004 01:18:03,235 --> 01:18:04,435 [Dan chuckles] You mean with our feet? 2005 01:18:04,437 --> 01:18:05,568 That's why they have golf carts... 2006 01:18:05,570 --> 01:18:07,637 [Nancy] Hey, stop right there, baby. 2007 01:18:07,639 --> 01:18:11,140 I need you to pay attention and to focus, 2008 01:18:11,142 --> 01:18:14,110 because I'm about to organize you. 2009 01:18:14,112 --> 01:18:15,378 Uh, baby can we talk for a second. 2010 01:18:15,380 --> 01:18:16,447 No. 2011 01:18:16,449 --> 01:18:17,648 [Frank] No. Honey, I think... 2012 01:18:17,650 --> 01:18:20,516 I talk to you all the time, I'm sick of talking to you. 2013 01:18:20,518 --> 01:18:23,022 I wanna talk to them. Stop trying to control me. 2014 01:18:24,557 --> 01:18:26,092 Enjoy the moment, fellas. 2015 01:18:27,159 --> 01:18:28,725 Well, 2016 01:18:28,727 --> 01:18:32,363 I used to run four-person relays, 2017 01:18:32,365 --> 01:18:34,264 and this is how it works. 2018 01:18:34,266 --> 01:18:36,734 The second fastest runner 2019 01:18:36,736 --> 01:18:39,036 usually starts the race. 2020 01:18:39,038 --> 01:18:42,672 That fucker needs to get a good lead. 2021 01:18:42,674 --> 01:18:46,443 - Andy, smart, hard worker. - Mm-hm. 2022 01:18:46,445 --> 01:18:49,246 You've earned your money. 2023 01:18:49,248 --> 01:18:50,314 Yes. 2024 01:18:50,316 --> 01:18:53,684 So, I am going to make you... 2025 01:18:53,686 --> 01:18:56,052 - [Andy grunts] - ...the first runner. 2026 01:18:56,054 --> 01:18:57,253 - [Andy chuckles] - Come with me. 2027 01:18:57,255 --> 01:18:58,354 [chuckles] 2028 01:18:58,356 --> 01:19:01,759 The second runner needs to be solid, 2029 01:19:01,761 --> 01:19:04,228 and dependable. 2030 01:19:04,230 --> 01:19:05,328 That's you, Steve. 2031 01:19:05,330 --> 01:19:07,663 You've done well in Wall Street, 2032 01:19:07,665 --> 01:19:10,235 but you've never done anything... 2033 01:19:12,103 --> 01:19:14,238 - flashy. - [all laugh] 2034 01:19:14,240 --> 01:19:16,273 - [Nancy] I am so sorry, Rob, - Huh? 2035 01:19:16,275 --> 01:19:21,677 but the slowest runner always runs third. 2036 01:19:21,679 --> 01:19:23,514 I know that you're rich, 2037 01:19:23,516 --> 01:19:26,116 but it's family money, baby. 2038 01:19:26,118 --> 01:19:29,086 You need to be hungry. 2039 01:19:29,088 --> 01:19:30,653 Maybe today, 2040 01:19:30,655 --> 01:19:32,823 shock us, baby, please. 2041 01:19:32,825 --> 01:19:34,390 [Rob clears throat] 2042 01:19:34,392 --> 01:19:36,562 And you, my Danny boy. 2043 01:19:38,463 --> 01:19:41,064 - You're fourth. - I'm never fourth. 2044 01:19:41,066 --> 01:19:44,234 But the fourth runner it's always the fastest runner. 2045 01:19:44,236 --> 01:19:45,402 Ahh. 2046 01:19:45,404 --> 01:19:49,372 He's also the smartest runner. 2047 01:19:49,374 --> 01:19:52,643 Because he knows what it takes to win. 2048 01:19:52,645 --> 01:19:56,646 Either dig deep to make up for the lost time, 2049 01:19:56,648 --> 01:20:00,117 or run just fast enough to hold the lead. 2050 01:20:00,119 --> 01:20:04,087 I was always the fourth runner. 2051 01:20:04,089 --> 01:20:07,761 Because I was very, very good. 2052 01:20:08,660 --> 01:20:11,795 So, let's stretch. 2053 01:20:11,797 --> 01:20:14,230 Warm up. 2054 01:20:14,232 --> 01:20:16,332 And assume the position. 2055 01:20:16,334 --> 01:20:17,835 Okay, now I like this part. 2056 01:20:17,837 --> 01:20:20,269 [laughs] Isn't she something? 2057 01:20:20,271 --> 01:20:21,337 Stand up, baby. 2058 01:20:21,339 --> 01:20:23,439 So now what, we actually run? 2059 01:20:23,441 --> 01:20:26,609 Yes, and Frank is going to tell you 2060 01:20:26,611 --> 01:20:28,511 - what's at the finish line. - No. no, baby. 2061 01:20:28,513 --> 01:20:31,448 We have no more room for investors... 2062 01:20:31,450 --> 01:20:32,815 - [Andy] Come on, Frank. - [Nancy] Please, please, Frank. 2063 01:20:32,817 --> 01:20:35,885 I mean, you cannot trust those millionaires 2064 01:20:35,887 --> 01:20:38,421 from Silicon Valley. 2065 01:20:38,423 --> 01:20:40,524 Silicon is fake, 2066 01:20:40,526 --> 01:20:43,327 like the fake silicon boobs. 2067 01:20:43,329 --> 01:20:45,229 They're fake millionaires, they're nouveau rich! 2068 01:20:45,231 --> 01:20:46,462 It's just a pitch, it's a pitch. 2069 01:20:46,464 --> 01:20:48,398 - Now you have to tell him about - Ah, give it up. 2070 01:20:48,400 --> 01:20:49,565 - the pig. - Give it up. Say the pitch. 2071 01:20:49,567 --> 01:20:51,234 - Come on. - Tell them about the pig. 2072 01:20:51,236 --> 01:20:52,536 - The pig! - [Frank] All right, all right. 2073 01:20:52,538 --> 01:20:53,604 All right, all right. 2074 01:20:53,606 --> 01:20:54,607 Okay. 2075 01:20:55,406 --> 01:20:56,640 You know the phrase, 2076 01:20:56,642 --> 01:20:58,211 "Burn down the house to cook the pig"? 2077 01:20:59,378 --> 01:21:00,610 You don't have a lot of house left 2078 01:21:00,612 --> 01:21:01,780 but you have a lot of cooked pig? 2079 01:21:03,382 --> 01:21:04,848 All the bankruptcy filings in this country. 2080 01:21:04,850 --> 01:21:06,250 Right now, people have lost everything. 2081 01:21:06,252 --> 01:21:07,654 They gambled and they got wiped out. 2082 01:21:08,721 --> 01:21:10,253 Have I got your attention? 2083 01:21:10,255 --> 01:21:13,258 [foreboding music] 2084 01:21:13,726 --> 01:21:15,559 We... 2085 01:21:15,561 --> 01:21:17,860 help them sell the barbecued pork. 2086 01:21:17,862 --> 01:21:21,700 People browse yard sales from home. 2087 01:21:22,634 --> 01:21:24,137 It's called YardBay. 2088 01:21:25,905 --> 01:21:27,206 Yeah, baby. 2089 01:21:30,441 --> 01:21:31,444 I like it. 2090 01:21:32,178 --> 01:21:33,577 I like it. 2091 01:21:33,579 --> 01:21:34,677 Let's talk. 2092 01:21:34,679 --> 01:21:36,680 [Nancy] And the winner is... 2093 01:21:36,682 --> 01:21:37,948 Dan! 2094 01:21:37,950 --> 01:21:40,884 [Frank laughing] My wife is so fucking drunk. 2095 01:21:40,886 --> 01:21:42,418 [Nancy] Your acting was brilliant. 2096 01:21:42,420 --> 01:21:43,487 [Frank] Well, I couldn't have gotten home 2097 01:21:43,489 --> 01:21:44,787 if you didn't put me on third, baby. 2098 01:21:44,789 --> 01:21:46,189 [whispers] I feel great. 2099 01:21:46,191 --> 01:21:47,424 Oh, it really was, wasn't it? 2100 01:21:47,426 --> 01:21:49,225 [Nancy] I just did a "Carl." 2101 01:21:49,227 --> 01:21:52,461 My crazy made you look good, and now they want YardBay! 2102 01:21:52,463 --> 01:21:54,198 [Frank] I'm gonna call Jason. I need to have something 2103 01:21:54,200 --> 01:21:55,933 to show Dan over lunch tomorrow. 2104 01:21:55,935 --> 01:21:57,137 [Nancy] Yes! 2105 01:21:58,236 --> 01:21:59,869 [Nancy] Oh, Frank, is it over? 2106 01:21:59,871 --> 01:22:02,706 Are we finally out of this shitstorm? 2107 01:22:02,708 --> 01:22:04,942 I don't know how, but I think we did it, didn't we? 2108 01:22:04,944 --> 01:22:06,846 [Frank] Who said you can't unring a bell? 2109 01:22:08,347 --> 01:22:10,346 Mom, Dad... 2110 01:22:10,348 --> 01:22:11,415 Rachel. 2111 01:22:11,417 --> 01:22:12,849 [stammers] I'm with... 2112 01:22:12,851 --> 01:22:14,751 And I see you've met Carl. 2113 01:22:14,753 --> 01:22:16,452 Nancy, I've been so worried. 2114 01:22:16,454 --> 01:22:18,221 Carl told me everything. 2115 01:22:18,223 --> 01:22:19,890 I've tried piecing it together, but... 2116 01:22:19,892 --> 01:22:20,957 [stutters] 2117 01:22:20,959 --> 01:22:22,391 I don't know. 2118 01:22:22,393 --> 01:22:23,627 I called Aunt Betty. 2119 01:22:23,629 --> 01:22:25,362 She's on her way here. 2120 01:22:25,364 --> 01:22:26,329 Great. 2121 01:22:26,331 --> 01:22:29,699 - [cell phone ringing] - Honey, it's Nigel. 2122 01:22:29,701 --> 01:22:31,236 - Yes. - [Nancy] No. 2123 01:22:31,669 --> 01:22:32,568 Nige. 2124 01:22:32,570 --> 01:22:34,871 I'm sorry, did you just call me "Nige"? 2125 01:22:34,873 --> 01:22:36,006 [Frank] Uh, it's possible. 2126 01:22:36,008 --> 01:22:37,841 I knew a guy named "Adolf Dick" once, 2127 01:22:37,843 --> 01:22:39,775 - that's a tough name, isn't it? - [Nigel] Listen. 2128 01:22:39,777 --> 01:22:42,546 I just had an amazing conversation 2129 01:22:42,548 --> 01:22:43,680 with the police. 2130 01:22:43,682 --> 01:22:47,684 Who informed me that my house has been burglarized! 2131 01:22:47,686 --> 01:22:49,752 I am about to board this flight, 2132 01:22:49,754 --> 01:22:52,889 and come home and start ripping some new assholes. 2133 01:22:52,891 --> 01:22:54,558 - All right? - [Frank] No, no. 2134 01:22:54,560 --> 01:22:56,493 They caught the culprit, everything's back in the house. 2135 01:22:56,495 --> 01:22:58,362 It's all good in the hood, Nigel. 2136 01:22:58,364 --> 01:22:59,563 Oh. 2137 01:22:59,565 --> 01:23:01,797 Oh, the police found him? They didn't let me know that. 2138 01:23:01,799 --> 01:23:04,033 [Nigel] All right, listen. I want the perpetrators. 2139 01:23:04,035 --> 01:23:05,601 I want them prosecuted. 2140 01:23:05,603 --> 01:23:07,537 And I want them sent to jail, okay? 2141 01:23:07,539 --> 01:23:08,604 [Frank] No, no, Nigel. 2142 01:23:08,606 --> 01:23:11,707 The thief was hit by a car and a bike and a rock. 2143 01:23:11,709 --> 01:23:12,975 [Frank] Isn't that punishment enough? 2144 01:23:12,977 --> 01:23:16,613 You know, even 5,000 miles away, I can still smell the bullshit. 2145 01:23:16,615 --> 01:23:17,713 I'm getting on this plane. 2146 01:23:17,715 --> 01:23:19,649 Or, I could go take a picture of your living room 2147 01:23:19,651 --> 01:23:20,518 and send it to you. 2148 01:23:20,520 --> 01:23:23,319 And you could see how it's pristine. 2149 01:23:23,321 --> 01:23:24,988 [man speaking indistinctly on PA] 2150 01:23:24,990 --> 01:23:26,392 Yeah. Send it. 2151 01:23:27,593 --> 01:23:29,059 [groans] 2152 01:23:29,061 --> 01:23:31,297 [indistinct chatter] 2153 01:23:32,798 --> 01:23:36,533 Rachel, I understand that you must be mad. 2154 01:23:36,535 --> 01:23:39,368 Mom, I'm mad that you didn't trust me enough 2155 01:23:39,370 --> 01:23:40,973 to tell me what was going on. 2156 01:23:41,673 --> 01:23:42,708 And also... 2157 01:23:44,043 --> 01:23:46,542 I'm mad that I missed out on seeing 2158 01:23:46,544 --> 01:23:49,412 my amazing parents in action. 2159 01:23:49,414 --> 01:23:50,716 I wish I could've been there... 2160 01:23:51,950 --> 01:23:54,454 because I'll never stop learning from you, guys. 2161 01:23:55,954 --> 01:23:57,520 Rachel. 2162 01:23:57,522 --> 01:23:59,525 [car approaching] 2163 01:24:02,026 --> 01:24:04,396 Go upstairs to my closet. It's now a panic room. 2164 01:24:05,897 --> 01:24:07,930 Hey, pervert. 2165 01:24:07,932 --> 01:24:09,901 What did we tell you about coming back here? 2166 01:24:11,736 --> 01:24:12,802 [yelps] 2167 01:24:12,804 --> 01:24:13,806 [tray clinks] 2168 01:24:14,839 --> 01:24:16,038 Where's the main deviant? 2169 01:24:16,040 --> 01:24:17,107 [Rachel] Jason? 2170 01:24:17,109 --> 01:24:18,875 Don't worry, Rach. 2171 01:24:18,877 --> 01:24:20,911 - I got this. - [Nancy] No, Jason. 2172 01:24:20,913 --> 01:24:22,778 Don't mess with these guys. 2173 01:24:22,780 --> 01:24:25,515 Frank, we have a problema! 2174 01:24:25,517 --> 01:24:26,515 No, no, no. 2175 01:24:26,517 --> 01:24:29,819 Nobody speaks to Mrs. Teagarten like that. Huh. 2176 01:24:29,821 --> 01:24:31,387 [man 1] What you got there, ironsides? 2177 01:24:31,389 --> 01:24:33,357 - A cap gun? - Tasers. 2178 01:24:33,359 --> 01:24:34,623 I carry rent money. 2179 01:24:34,625 --> 01:24:35,725 [horn honks] 2180 01:24:35,727 --> 01:24:37,062 [tires screeching] 2181 01:24:38,396 --> 01:24:39,496 [car door opens] 2182 01:24:39,498 --> 01:24:41,665 Holy shit! Those are police tasers. 2183 01:24:41,667 --> 01:24:43,600 Oh, I want that fucker. 2184 01:24:43,602 --> 01:24:44,768 - Be prepared to meet your... - Give me one. 2185 01:24:44,770 --> 01:24:47,037 Hey, kids. What are you guys doing here? 2186 01:24:47,039 --> 01:24:48,505 All right, I'm just right in the middle 2187 01:24:48,507 --> 01:24:49,439 of something super important. 2188 01:24:49,441 --> 01:24:50,806 [Tristan] We really don't fucking care. 2189 01:24:50,808 --> 01:24:51,942 [Trey] Back off, you stupid fuck. 2190 01:24:51,944 --> 01:24:53,443 - [Tristan] Fight me! - Who are you kids? 2191 01:24:53,445 --> 01:24:54,411 Please leave me be... 2192 01:24:54,413 --> 01:24:56,645 - Suck a fat one! - My girlfriend is watching! 2193 01:24:56,647 --> 01:24:57,948 - Fucking pussy! - Take the tasers. 2194 01:24:57,950 --> 01:24:59,616 You wore me down. 2195 01:24:59,618 --> 01:25:00,620 Oh, shit. 2196 01:25:02,053 --> 01:25:04,653 - Who are you? - I'm plumber. 2197 01:25:04,655 --> 01:25:06,088 - [thwacks] - [both grunt] 2198 01:25:06,090 --> 01:25:08,457 Ready for some shock and awe, fuckers? 2199 01:25:08,459 --> 01:25:09,525 [Trey] Amen. 2200 01:25:09,527 --> 01:25:11,563 - [stun gun crackling] - [groaning] 2201 01:25:12,697 --> 01:25:14,698 [Trey] Kneel before your god. 2202 01:25:14,700 --> 01:25:16,666 You guys are wonderful children. Both of you. 2203 01:25:16,668 --> 01:25:18,103 - All right, guys. - [both squealing] 2204 01:25:19,471 --> 01:25:20,636 All right, we're good. 2205 01:25:20,638 --> 01:25:22,738 Dad, for once, we're having fucking fun in our lives, 2206 01:25:22,740 --> 01:25:24,006 because you never gave us a good childhood, 2207 01:25:24,008 --> 01:25:25,811 so can you just like, let us have fun? 2208 01:25:26,879 --> 01:25:27,943 [both groaning] 2209 01:25:27,945 --> 01:25:29,011 Pfft. 2210 01:25:29,013 --> 01:25:30,516 - [stun gun crackling] - [screaming] 2211 01:25:33,619 --> 01:25:35,885 [groaning] 2212 01:25:35,887 --> 01:25:36,952 Nice. 2213 01:25:36,954 --> 01:25:38,188 - All right. - Ay, mi amor. 2214 01:25:38,190 --> 01:25:39,555 - We're done. - That was amazing. 2215 01:25:39,557 --> 01:25:40,726 Thanks, baby. 2216 01:25:42,828 --> 01:25:45,429 Okay, I understand the impulse. 2217 01:25:45,431 --> 01:25:48,165 But let's have no more of this vigilante justice, okay? 2218 01:25:48,167 --> 01:25:50,033 We have to have law and order. Believe me, I would know. 2219 01:25:50,035 --> 01:25:52,435 [car engine revving] 2220 01:25:52,437 --> 01:25:53,772 [tires screeching] 2221 01:25:57,942 --> 01:25:59,943 All right, listen up. 2222 01:25:59,945 --> 01:26:02,415 We've got two minutes. Everything inside. 2223 01:26:04,749 --> 01:26:06,683 Sir, you really need to board. 2224 01:26:06,685 --> 01:26:08,020 Yeah, all right, all right, all right. 2225 01:26:11,222 --> 01:26:12,288 All right, uh, 2226 01:26:12,290 --> 01:26:15,091 pull my bags off the plane, I'm going to Nepal. 2227 01:26:15,093 --> 01:26:16,560 You can't be serious. 2228 01:26:16,562 --> 01:26:18,929 Yeah, hurry up. Come on, lady! Let's go. 2229 01:26:18,931 --> 01:26:20,229 Pull the trigger on my bags. 2230 01:26:20,231 --> 01:26:21,564 Uh... 2231 01:26:21,566 --> 01:26:24,167 Airport security to Gate B31. 2232 01:26:24,169 --> 01:26:26,569 Wait, why? 'Cause I called you "lady"? 2233 01:26:26,571 --> 01:26:27,570 You said the word "trigger." 2234 01:26:27,572 --> 01:26:29,706 It's not a great word around here, these days. 2235 01:26:29,708 --> 01:26:32,475 Oh, you called the pigs, you fucking stupid... 2236 01:26:32,477 --> 01:26:33,344 Oh, you... 2237 01:26:33,346 --> 01:26:35,211 That... He is a lady, that's his... 2238 01:26:35,213 --> 01:26:36,479 Oh, fuck! 2239 01:26:36,481 --> 01:26:38,081 - [ice rattles] - [glass clinks] 2240 01:26:38,083 --> 01:26:40,082 - [cork pops] - [trickling] 2241 01:26:40,084 --> 01:26:43,088 [lively music] 2242 01:26:54,633 --> 01:26:57,637 [lively music continues] 2243 01:26:59,504 --> 01:27:00,572 [car door opens] 2244 01:27:01,539 --> 01:27:02,973 [woman] Good luck. 2245 01:27:02,975 --> 01:27:04,174 [Nancy] Bye. 2246 01:27:04,176 --> 01:27:05,242 [Nancy] Oh, Frank. 2247 01:27:05,244 --> 01:27:08,144 [Frank] So, I can't talk you out of this, right? 2248 01:27:08,146 --> 01:27:09,912 No, honey, you can't. 2249 01:27:09,914 --> 01:27:11,917 Good. More than good. 2250 01:27:14,553 --> 01:27:17,089 [airplane engine whirring] 2251 01:27:25,263 --> 01:27:28,467 [light music] 2252 01:27:30,602 --> 01:27:31,671 [Nancy] Is this Rose? 2253 01:27:33,605 --> 01:27:35,872 Hi Rose, I am Nancy. 2254 01:27:35,874 --> 01:27:37,607 Where's my daddy? 2255 01:27:37,609 --> 01:27:39,009 Your daddy couldn't come. 2256 01:27:39,011 --> 01:27:40,010 But he sent me to get you, 2257 01:27:40,012 --> 01:27:42,311 and you're going to see him really, really soon. 2258 01:27:42,313 --> 01:27:43,380 Meanwhile, 2259 01:27:43,382 --> 01:27:46,582 I'm gonna be taking care of you. Is that all right? 2260 01:27:46,584 --> 01:27:50,052 Is he in jail? Sometimes he goes to jail. 2261 01:27:50,054 --> 01:27:53,622 You shouldn't worry about that, you must be so tired. 2262 01:27:53,624 --> 01:27:55,527 And what about hungry, are you hungry? 2263 01:27:57,295 --> 01:27:59,194 Thank you very much. 2264 01:27:59,196 --> 01:28:01,864 You're so brave that you came all that way. 2265 01:28:01,866 --> 01:28:03,899 - Were you scared? - A little. 2266 01:28:03,901 --> 01:28:07,002 [uplifting music] 2267 01:28:07,004 --> 01:28:09,842 [indistinct chatter] 2268 01:28:14,780 --> 01:28:16,246 [Trey] Turkey, turkey! 2269 01:28:16,248 --> 01:28:18,113 - [indistinct chatter] - [laughing] 2270 01:28:18,115 --> 01:28:20,116 [clinking] 2271 01:28:20,118 --> 01:28:22,685 O. Henry once said, that "Love and family 2272 01:28:22,687 --> 01:28:25,154 and country are nothing but shadows of words 2273 01:28:25,156 --> 01:28:27,056 when a man is starving." 2274 01:28:27,058 --> 01:28:29,059 Uh, and today, we are not starving. 2275 01:28:29,061 --> 01:28:30,760 Yeah. I'm glad you're all here. 2276 01:28:30,762 --> 01:28:32,362 [in sarcastic voice] "O. Henry once said, 2277 01:28:32,364 --> 01:28:34,898 that love and family and country 2278 01:28:34,900 --> 01:28:37,600 all together is..." 2279 01:28:37,602 --> 01:28:38,737 Uh... 2280 01:28:41,706 --> 01:28:43,609 You're right. I'm a douche. 2281 01:28:45,243 --> 01:28:46,943 [laughs] Yes! 2282 01:28:46,945 --> 01:28:48,377 Yes! 2283 01:28:48,379 --> 01:28:51,146 You most certainly are a douche. 2284 01:28:51,148 --> 01:28:53,617 [all laugh] 2285 01:28:53,619 --> 01:28:55,719 And that is the first step towards recovery. 2286 01:28:55,721 --> 01:28:57,086 - Thank you. - [glass clinks] 2287 01:28:57,088 --> 01:29:00,090 Okay, okay, here we go. 2288 01:29:00,092 --> 01:29:01,957 I'm thankful that we got rid 2289 01:29:01,959 --> 01:29:05,327 of our stuck up, useless friends. 2290 01:29:05,329 --> 01:29:07,896 Our new ones are a little strange, 2291 01:29:07,898 --> 01:29:10,800 but they are true friends. 2292 01:29:10,802 --> 01:29:15,404 I am so thankful that I married the love of my life. 2293 01:29:15,406 --> 01:29:20,743 And that I know my Frank and I can overcome anything, 2294 01:29:20,745 --> 01:29:22,347 as long as we are together. 2295 01:29:23,181 --> 01:29:24,346 [mouths] I love you. 2296 01:29:24,348 --> 01:29:26,686 [Nancy] Rose, Rachel. 2297 01:29:27,686 --> 01:29:30,686 Thank god for Baby Ruths. 2298 01:29:30,688 --> 01:29:31,988 [all laughing] 2299 01:29:31,990 --> 01:29:33,390 Okay, who's hungry? 2300 01:29:33,392 --> 01:29:34,858 Me. 2301 01:29:34,860 --> 01:29:36,027 For my new friend. 2302 01:29:36,828 --> 01:29:39,194 [laughing] 2303 01:29:39,196 --> 01:29:42,765 ♪ Welcome back You've been gone so long ♪ 2304 01:29:42,767 --> 01:29:44,199 [Frank] Well, that's our story. 2305 01:29:44,201 --> 01:29:46,403 Frank and Nancy lived in Jason's trailer court 2306 01:29:46,405 --> 01:29:47,738 for a while. 2307 01:29:47,740 --> 01:29:50,239 And Frank took the job snipping catalytic converters. 2308 01:29:50,241 --> 01:29:52,108 He's pretty darn good at it. 2309 01:29:52,110 --> 01:29:53,342 They rented the house to Carl, 2310 01:29:53,344 --> 01:29:55,811 and they all worked night and day on YardBay. 2311 01:29:55,813 --> 01:29:59,314 Last time we checked, it was getting pretty darn huge. 2312 01:29:59,316 --> 01:30:01,451 And it all started when they got drunk. 2313 01:30:01,453 --> 01:30:03,185 And because they were drunk, 2314 01:30:03,187 --> 01:30:06,021 drunk with love for their daughter. 2315 01:30:06,023 --> 01:30:07,323 And like the saying goes, 2316 01:30:07,325 --> 01:30:10,460 "A drunk man's actions are a sober man's thoughts." 2317 01:30:10,462 --> 01:30:13,098 They were drunk parents. 2318 01:30:13,964 --> 01:30:15,864 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 2319 01:30:15,866 --> 01:30:18,368 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 2320 01:30:18,370 --> 01:30:20,002 ♪ Welcome home ♪ 2321 01:30:20,004 --> 01:30:22,204 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 2322 01:30:22,206 --> 01:30:23,707 ♪ Welcome home ♪ 2323 01:30:23,709 --> 01:30:26,842 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 2324 01:30:26,844 --> 01:30:28,744 ♪ Oh ♪ 2325 01:30:28,746 --> 01:30:30,713 ♪ Oh ♪ 2326 01:30:30,715 --> 01:30:33,248 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 2327 01:30:33,250 --> 01:30:34,850 ♪ Welcome home ♪ 2328 01:30:34,852 --> 01:30:38,354 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 2329 01:30:38,356 --> 01:30:41,725 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 2330 01:30:41,727 --> 01:30:42,828 ♪ Oh ♪ 2331 01:30:43,428 --> 01:30:45,327 ♪ Oh ♪ 2332 01:30:45,329 --> 01:30:49,167 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 2333 01:30:50,468 --> 01:30:53,672 [lively music] 2334 01:30:53,674 --> 01:30:58,674 Subtitles by explosiveskull 165891