All language subtitles for A.Jihad.For.Love.2007.DVDRip.High.x264-MM.ENG

Do not abandon us.

We need you in this moment.

Protect us from committing
acts you won't forgive.

Help us remove this desire
and replace it with love.

Let us die as Muslims. Amen.

In the name of Allah,
most benevolent, ever-merciful,

Muhammad, the Prophet of Allah:
And those who are truly with him

are severe with infidels

but compassionate
among themselves.

You may see them kneeling
and bowing in reverence.

Seeking acceptance
from the Grace of Allah.

Seeking His favor and acceptance.

Their mark is on their foreheads
from the effect of their prostrations.

God is everything to me.
He is the source of my strength.

He is the center of my life.

You said, over national radio,

"I am Muslim, I'm an lmam,
and I'm gay. "

Did it ever occur to you that,

"Listen, I'm going to be hurting
the feelings of thousands of Muslims"?

Yes, I fully understand that,

but what we also need to understand
is that the issue

of homosexuality
within the Muslim community is real.

These are the lives of people
all over the world.

On a daily basis, I deal with
young Muslims who have a problem,

and they are struggling
with reconciling their Islam

with their sexuality.

So instead of them leaving Islam,
or committing suicide,

what I basically do in my work in
counseling with them is to tell them

to accept Islam for the goodness
that it comes with

and reconcile it with their sexuality
because their sexuality,

at the end of the day,

is not something that's going
to disappear.

Stick to the Islam, and let Allah be
the judge of it at the end of the day.

I think Muhsin should be thrown off
a mountain or burned or something.

You can't call that guy
a brother, man, a Muslim brother.

They must cut off
his fucking arse, man.

We should definitely bring back
the death sentence for this guy.

It's unacceptable, he's bringing down
the name of Islam.

My grandfather was an lmam,

my mother is a teacher
in the community.

I was virtually born in a mosque.

It's only at the age of about 16

that I decided that,
"There's something wrong with me.

I'm not like the other boys.

I need to find out from this God
why did He make me like this?

If it's something that I can change,

then, certainly, He'll be able
to help me to change it."

I was about 20 when I went to Pakistan
to study Islam.

When I read the verses on Sodom
and Gomorrah, there was lots of guilt

because at that time I thought,

"Okay, this is it,
this is what God thinks of me.

So, why am I still adhering to Islam
when there's no space for me?"

I eventually decided
that maybe I should try

and get married to a woman.

So I went home, got married,
I brought my wife with me to Pakistan,

and I finished another
three years of studies after that.

I also had a best friend in Pakistan,

and we were just purely,
platonic friends.

But at the time when he left,
I could not contain myself.

I was just crying all the way
in the taxi back home.

My wife said,
"So, were you in love with him?"

And at that point,

I just felt that it was necessary
for me to tell her the truth.

"Remember, nobody can take you
for their daddy.

You my daddy, the best."

"Love is tender, love is true,
love is hopeless without you."

"I love you, and I miss you a lot,

and I can't sleep by you
for the holidays."

This was one holiday
when their mother said,

"No, you're not going to sleep
by your daddy

because he's all over the radio."

They always wanted to know
whether I wanted to see them,

whether I was happy to see them.

They aren't very friendly.

They can't do anything.

Give him one, give him one.
He just wants food.

This is chickpea.

Look at you!

But it's not bad.

He's evil!

I always have this attitude
with my children

that I'm not going to take
challenges away from them.

It's probably in their fate

that they were going to end up
with a father that's gay

and deep down inside,
I just felt that it's important

for me to take them
through these struggles

because at the end of it,
they will come out stronger.

Do you think gay people
should be stoned to death?

- Yes.
- No, they didn't say so.

They said they must chop off their
heads and throw them off a mountain.

Do you think they should do that?

- Yes.
- No.

Yes.

Why do you say yes?

Because you don't want to buy me
a KFO burger.

But they don't do that here!

They do it in Egypt.

How would you feel
if they should do that?

I would say, "If all of you must be
stoned to death, how will you feel?"

What would you do?

Would you just stand there and cry?

And go on...

"Please don't stone me to death!"

I'm now so open and on TV,
and now this movie and everything,

and what if they decide
to now catch me?

Oan you picture it?

There, they come for your daddy.
They put him in chains.

What will you do?

I would look them in the eye and say,
"Oh, don't let my daddy feel this.

And just let him die one time
with the first stone."

No, but seriously.

But will you come and help me?

Yes. Maybe.

If somebody must hurt you,
then I will give up my life for you.

- But you don't want to save me.
- You're talking nonsense!

I will save you, Daddy!
I will save you!

I think my personal story,
it's "A love Jihad."

It's a struggle, and that's
what the word Jihad is all about.

A Jihad is not a holy war.
It's a struggle.

And a Jihad ul-Nafs
is a struggle with the self.

I just felt I needed to come out.

At that time, I was teaching
at two madrassas [schools],

and they asked me to resign.

I was scared to death
because I know my community.

I know the mentality
of the Muslim community.

I was prepared to die.

I was in Makkah [Mecca],

and they told me
that there is an lmam in Oape Town,

and he says that homosexuality is
permissible, so I said, "lmpossible!"

So I said, "Fine, if he wants to
discuss it, then we can discuss it."

I myself am homosexual.
I know what I've been through.

I got married because I thought
that was going to change me.

I fasted 80 days every year
besides the month of Ramadan,

asking Allah to help me
to just get rid of these things.

They haven't moved. I have started
with this thing from the age of 12.

At the age of 5, I recognized
that I was different from other boys.

We feel that it's not a choice
that we make.

That somehow the Qur'an
should be speaking about us, as well.

That we also have rights
as human beings.

What do you say?

Is homosexuality permissible in Islam?
Is that what you're promoting?

We will consider you a Murtad,
an apostate,

and out of the fold of Islam.

You will not be buried
in a Muslim graveyard.

No Muslim person would ever read
your Salat ul-Janaza [funeral prayer].

We have looked at all these verses
from the Qur'an,

and, obviously,
we have a different interpretation

of what has happened then.

No person can make interpretations
to suit his desires, or her desires,

when you have clear-cut verses:

And when Lot, peace be upon him

When he addressed
his people and told them:

"Do you commit and bring
that obscene and lewd action

where a male fulfills his desire
with a male?"

We cannot just take
the verses from the Qur'an

and use it as a blanket condemnation
for homosexuality.

When foreigners and guests came
into the city of Sodom and Gomorrah,

these men were rushing
to molest them.

As the Qur'an says,

it was an abomination that they've
been doing for a long time.

So, it was male to male rape.

So Allah doesn't refer
to the homosexual relationship here,

but he's referring
to a homosexual act,

which was the molestation,

taking the rights
of another person away from him.

So you want we leave the direct text
and accept some human being's opinion?

To play with semantics and say
that this is, you know, "molestation."

I mean, you are just playing
with words.

Homosexuality is a crime not only
in Islam, in every divine religion,

and is punishable in Islam by death.

And we say if we're an Islamic state,

then you would face
capital punishment.

The only difference among the jurists
is how that person should be killed.

That's the only difference.

And I gave you the Hadith
of the Prophet,

peace be upon Him, the saying:
"Kill the doer and the receiver."

I am Mazen, an Egyptian gay man.

I was arrested
in the case of the "Oairo 52."

It was in 2001.

I was going with a friend
to a disco.

We went to the "Queen Boat."

While waiting outside,
we saw some policemen.

They put us in a police van.

They took us to Abdeen police station,

to a very weird place,
the vice squad headquarters.

Then they started interrogating us
and saying very strange things.

They said, "You are faggots,"
and things like that.

Anyone who denied it was beaten.

I myself was beaten
with pipes and belts

to force me to say, "I am a faggot,"

until the case went to trial.

I spent a year in prison.

I was raped in prison.
It was extremely traumatic.

It hurts even to talk about it.

It is really hard to be forced
to do something against your will.

Then we were put on trial
a second time.

I was sentenced to 3 years.

I was able to get out of Egypt,
to run away from 3 years in prison.

As we say in English,
"Enough is enough."

Today I'm ready to reveal my face.

Look, the fucking asshole,

he's talking,
and we don't hear anything,

we don't understand anything
of what he said.

I'm sure God has a reason
for all that has happened to me.

I know that He is always with me,
always by my side.

I have this Qur'an,
which I always kept with me in prison.

I always prayed
and read it every night.

And ever since,
I have kept it close to me.

God has given me patience.

He helped me overcome
the calamity I was in.

I got out of Egypt
and made it to France.

In Paris,
I was granted refugee status.

I had no money, no job.
I had no place to stay, no home.

For the last 3 years,
I've been staying with friends.

Now, finally, I've found an apartment.

This is my new home.

It's a happy day.

I can't wait to tell this good news
to my mother.

Hello, my love.

- Hi, Darling. How are you doing?
- Good morning. How are you?

I have good news on this
Prophet's Birthday celebration!

- What is it?
- I got my own apartment!

Really?

They just accepted
my application today.

- Swear by the Prophet?
- By God's name!

It's the parents' blessing.
May God be with you.

It came
as a Prophet's Birthday blessing.

They just called to tell me.

Thank God.

Do you want me to send you
some chocolate?

- Do you need anything?
- Only your good health.

- May all your days be prosperous.
- And all yours, too.

- There is no god but God.
- And Muhammad is His Prophet.

It's the Eid prayer.

We've prayed, and it's good.
Ramadan is over.

How much for one of these?

One euro and 30 cents?
Isn't that a little expensive?

It's Algerian pastry, sir.

I'd like two of those.

It's Eid,
and I got my apartment, so...

Tonight is a double celebration.

Happy Eid!

- Let's toast to Mazen's new apartment.
- Oongratulations!

- A thousand congratulations!
- Thanks.

There's no alcohol in them.

I hear Ramadan in Egypt is great.

Egypt is the best Arab country
for feeling the spirit of Ramadan.

After breaking the fast,
people pray the Taraweeh

and go out to smoke hookahs.

All the cafes are packed.

It's really lively.

They hang paper lanterns everywhere.

The best part is when the Misaharaty
passes by at 3:00 a.m.

To wake people up.

Wake up, you who are sleeping!
Speak of the One, Everlasting God.

Ramadan is generous.

I love it. I miss it.

I want to show you
something I did in Morocco.

I was interviewed for a magazine.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

The first-ever interview with a young
"sexual deviant" Moroccan writer.

I said it all.

Everything, I think.

The whole family bought it,
and my mother called me on the phone.

It was huge.

How did she react?

She was less upset
about my being gay

than my saying I'm against marriage.

Put this on your neck, sweetheart.

No, no I'm fine.
It's good.

Oome on, darling.
They're diamonds.

Yeah, right.

I'm known for dancing as a man.

Everyone has their own style.

Darling, I'm not free for you

Nor am I free for passion

I'll be free after I come to you

I have something to tell you

Darling, I'm not free for you

Nor am I free for passion

I'll be free after I come to you

I have something to tell you

Let us be apart for a while

Maybe I can forget the bad days

Let us, let us, let us

Maybe I can forget the bad days

But what you've done to me

Is too much, my love

When I face God [on Judgment Day],
first I will say,

"There is no god but God,
and Muhammad is His prophet."

Second, I will say, "God, I love You
as much as You love Your creations."

Third, "I have loved women,
and it was not a sin...

...because my loving a woman
caused no harm.

I only loved.

Allah, my only God, I only loved."

In my country, they practice
female genital mutilation.

Until I was 25 years old,
I was completely closed up.

I could not have
normal sexual relations.

This was done in the name
of tradition, in the name of religion.

But it's nonsense.

God Almighty says,
"We created you in the best of forms."

We have no right, if we are truly
Muslims, to alter His creation.

Don't forget, the Prophet Muhammad
did an enormous number of things

so that women could participate
in public affairs, including politics.

For me, Muhammad was a feminist.

I don't think there is a problem
between homosexuality and Islam.

If we know that God is benevolent,
merciful, and great,

then God must have created us
this way.

I know, but it's Haram [sinful].

That's what Islam says.
I'm Muslim. I can't contradict it.

I believe in the mercy of God,
but that's different.

In Shari'a law,
homosexuality is forbidden.

- No, it's not. Where is it written?
- It's well-known.

- Have you read the Qur'an?
- Have I read the Qur'an?

You think there is lesbianism
in the Qur'an?

Not lesbianism,
but male homosexuality.

How can you say it's Haram?
Based on what?

It's based on the Quranic text,
the story of Lot.

Go and read the Qur'an again.

I'm not an expert on the Qur'an.

But I understand a few things.

I still have many doubts.
I can't give you an answer right now.

I feel things in my heart.

I feel bad sometimes,
that's all I know.

What is this?

It's a gift my girlfriend gave me
the first time we met.

It says, "There is no god but God,"

and she has the other half,
exactly the same.

It's love!

And yet you say it's Haram.
It breaks my heart!

Love is something powerful.
It's different.

To me, love is more important
than sex.

Yes, but that's love with a woman.

Yes, with a woman.

When I was 17, I succeeded,
by God's grace,

in choosing the path of religion.

But starting around the age of 24,
I had no choice...

Eventually, I understood
that I needed the love of a woman.

Later, I met a woman,
a Muslim woman like myself,

in her country, far from here.

It's been like this for 3 years,
going back and forth to Egypt,

trying to find a way to live together.

But at the same time, deep down,
I'm afraid to live with her.

Ice cream! Oold drinks! Ice cream!
Oold drinks! Oold water! Ice cream!

Fanta! Sprite! Oola Lite! Iced Tea!
Ohocolate! Vanilla! Strawberry!

Drinks! Ice Oream! Oold drinks!
Oold water! Ice cream!

Always a good price!

Welcome to Oairo.

Maybe I'll go live in a monastery.

That hurts.

- Maybe that would help me.
- I won't let you do that.

We're going to live
through this test together.

Why can't we be together
and, at the same time, live with God?

I don't know if it's possible.
I don't know.

Maybe, God willing.

Frankly, if I could be heterosexual,

I would live within a marriage,
but I can't.

Same for me. At first, I went
to "IslamOnline." You know it?

I've heard of that site.

It's a site of the Muslim Brotherhood.

For years,
I sent them e-mails, asking,

"What should I do? I'm afraid of God,
and I can't stay like this."

Lmmediately, their solution was,
"You have to get married."

My whole family, and everyone else,
wanted me to get married.

The family pressure
was overwhelming,

and I was very weak at that time.

I tried. I tried, at first.

I asked God to make me normal,
to make me like everyone else,

to get rid of this, or die.

It was very hard on both of us.

I was exhausted.
It was a nightmare.

It was a miracle I got a divorce.

Maybe because I'm a lesbian,

I never wanted
to look seductive to men.

Even before I started
wearing the veil,

I dressed and behaved modestly.

People think that a woman who wears
the hijab is closed-minded, extremist.

But I feel really free.

I think all Muslims dream of going
on the Hajj pilgrimage some day.

It's hard when you're a single woman

because you have to be accompanied
by your husband, brother, or father.

Spiritually, I think it would
help us enormously

and also to help us
stop having intimate relations.

Maybe it would help us...

"Fiqh al-Sunnah"?

It's a reference book for all Muslims.

I looked in this book 3 years ago.

I thought I would try
to find a solution for myself.

I found only a few lines about "us."

There it is... al-Suhaq [lesbianism].

"Lesbianism is forbidden...

...according to all scholars."

Here, they give a definition
of lesbianism:

"Lovemaking between two women...

...without penetration."

The only punishment
is scolding the women.

When there's no penetration,
there is no severe punishment.

I want to be punished.

There is no punishment, you see?
There isn't any.

So why do I suffer inside
and feel guilty?

You'll feel better if you're punished?

You know,
the punishment of fornicators

who are lashed,
I don't know how many times.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Maryam.

Maybe that would relieve me.
I don't know.

Ashura has a very special feeling,
a feeling of love.

I'm willing to protect
his [lmam Hossein's] honor.

With faith,
I'm willing to sacrifice my life

for lmam Hossein,
the greatest of all the martyrs.

I was 4 when my father died
in the Iran-lraq war

from a mustard gas attack.

In August 2004, a friend
invited me to a gay party.

We were raided,
and they put us in jail.

The police said, "You're the son
of a martyr, and you do these things?"

To them, I had disgraced
my father's name.

The judge said,

"The physician will find out whether
or not you are gay."

He told us we could be
stoned to death.

I was terrified.

I received 100 lashes in an hour.

My mother was notified
that I was lashed.

When I took off my shirt, she cried.

Because of her, I left.

I didn't want her to suffer
and see my pain anymore.

She held the Qur'an over my head
for protection before I left.

I think I will remember that
until my very last breath.

But there is someone that
is with me every step, helping me,

and that's my God.

I remember on the way
from Shiraz to Tehran,

I recited the Ayat ul-Kursi
for my mother's protection.

God: There is no god but He,
the living, eternal, ever-sustaining

Neither slumber nor sleep affect Him

To Him belongs all that is
in the heavens and the earth:

Oh Iran, our precious land

Your soil is the source of art

May thoughts of disaster
be far from you

Oh, Iran, be immortal and steadfast

It's very hard to describe
the situation for homosexuals in Iran.

It's like a person who wants to speak,

but when he opens his mouth,
the words are caught in the throat.

His cry has been suppressed.
It's a heavy silence.

From our city of Shiraz,
we traveled to Tehran.

Then from Tehran to Tabriz by bus,
and from Tabriz to Turkey by train.

We stopped in Ankara first,

where we applied for asylum to the
UN High Oommissioner for Refugees.

For now, we are stuck here in Turkey.

Hey, what time is it?

Good morning, Auntie.

Where have you been?

I bought aash, halim, and fresh
sangak bread. It's all ready.

Even though we left Iran,
we still don't feel safe.

Arsham and I wish Amir and Mojtaba
weren't afraid to show their faces.

Fear has followed us
from Iran to Turkey.

They're afraid
for their families' safety.

I don't want to show my face

because my mother and my family
still live in Iran.

I'm really afraid
that it will bring them trouble.

My life is Iran.
I miss everything.

I left to save my life.

Turkey doesn't grant resident status
to Iranian refugees.

We're only allowed to stay
until the UNHOR decides our cases.

If we win our cases,
we have to leave Turkey.

If we lose, we're sent back to Iran.

- Tell our fortunes.
- Everyone, make a wish.

What's your wish?

My wish is to be accepted.

You wish for UN approval.

A wish for today.

I wish that no gay person
in the world would be executed.

Too general.
It's impossible.

Well, the readings
usually turn out wrong.

Okay, will the UNHOR call us today?

We'll do a reading about the UNHOR.

When I used to go to the shrines
of Hafiz, Sa'adi, or others,

I would think a lot
about those great poets of Iran.

Even then, they talked so much

about love and passion,
lovers and men.

Everywhere you look among
the richness of Persian literature,

the lover and the beloved
are both men,

yet you see that now
it is such a crime.

In 2005, Mojtaba held
a wedding ceremony in Shiraz

with a man named Mehrdad.

Mehrdad and I were boyfriends
for 6 years.

The only person I truly
fell in love with.

He was my first introduction to love.

What was your wedding like?

At first, we planned a casual party,

then Mehrdad suggested
that we buy wedding rings.

What do you think
Mehrdad is doing now?

He's doing okay. Don't worry.

What was on the table?

Everything: the mirror, the candles,
the Qur'an, nuts, sweets.

It was perfect.

They even had those sweet noghl,
the kind you have at "real" weddings.

They brought a special knife

and asked us to cut the cake
for each other.

That was it. Before we knew it,
the wedding was over.

How wonderful!

I just don't get it.
Why don't people understand this?

Why do they think the sky has to be
the same color for everyone?

Anyway, they filmed the ceremony.

People began seeing the video,
and I think that's how word spread

that such a ceremony
had taken place in Shiraz.

Now that they have me on film,
they have all the proof they need.

Unfortunately, the police
seized the wedding video,

so Mojtaba doesn't have any way
to prove to the UN

what happened to him.

Do you have the video of my wedding?

Who has it?

If you find it, can you send it to me?

I have to call my mother now.

I haven't called home
in a really long time.

I'm still in Turkey.

I haven't left for Oanada yet.

Are you crying?

I didn't call so you would cry.

I wanted to give you the latest news.

They said...

They said we'll be leaving here
in a month.

Wherever I am,
you are always with me.

In Turkey or Iran,
no matter where I am, I love you.

God be with you.
Give me a kiss.

Don't cry! Don't cry!

She said she was cutting onions,
but I could tell she was crying.

Oome on, don't be sad.

Orying isn't bad.
It's good for you.

This will make a man out of you.

Who says he has to be a man?

Oome on, give me a kiss.

See, he's just like a mother.

I'll be your mother.

If only you could.

I'm a lot of people's mother.

But not mine.

Well, you didn't fill out
the right forms.

Waiting is very hard.

For me to tolerate this hardship,
I talk to God.

At this point we're waiting
for any help we can get,

but I think
we'll have to wait forever.

- Read it faster. You're too slow.
- Well, I'm reading carefully.

There is someone
who really loves you.

It's a man.

Oh, Sweetheart!

Well, I see you lying down
with both your legs in the air.

I'm serious! Look here!

See, here's one leg,
and there's the other.

That's the head...

Let me see it!

I see an airplane.
You are going to fly.

Let me see.

No, it's a car in the air,
not a plane.

He's right!

Islam and homosexuality
do not merge very well.

Islam has a big problem
acknowledging homosexuality.

It will take a Jihad

and probably longer
than my own lifetime.

God says, "I created you
from My love and My own image."

Whatever I am, God is.

Whatever I feel,
God wants me to feel.

Anything that's humane
and doesn't harm others

and doesn't attack anyone's rights
or honor cannot be a sin.

Why don't we get any treats?

There are other treats for you!

What kind of treats?

My atheist friends always ask me,

"How can you be a lesbian
and have such religious faith?"

For me, each has its own place.

If God has planted this love
in my heart, then it is legitimate.

No. No.

This is too much, outside the mosque!

But you can kiss me.

Okay, I give in.
Let's fly like butterflies!

Sister, can the men go upstairs
this way?

No, you can't.

If you all move aside,
the men can go upstairs.

Let them pass, let them pass.

We'll go upstairs,
if you'll excuse us.

Oome on, brothers.

Dear respectable Muslims:

Our great religion Islam gave us
important moral principles.

One of these principles
is the love of human beings.

Love itself is the foundation
of human relationships

and a critical part of improving
and strengthening society.

In the words of Mevlana Rumi:

"Love transforms bitter to sweet,
copper to gold, sickness to health.

A dungeon to a palace,
troubles to blessings,

and suffering to God's mercy."

I was forced to get married
at an early age.

I had just turned 16.

I was married for 6 weeks
when we went to see a doctor,

and the doctor told my mother
this was absurd.

He said, "This girl's organs are not
developed enough to give birth.

If she gets pregnant,
there will be problems."

But nobody listened,
and I got pregnant.

It was very hard.
Pain, pain, constant pain.

Women like us are captives
in another life. We are prisoners.

For example, there are girls
in the Southeast and in remote areas

who are lesbians
but cannot lead lesbian lives.

At least, I'm not
in the same situation as they are.

I thank God for that.

Now that we're on our way,
I'm starting...

To feel nervous? I don't believe it.

Sometimes I hide my feelings,
but now I'm really nervous.

My mother will comfort you.

God willing. I wonder how she'll
greet me, what she'll think of me.

- Do I look very pink?
- No, it's very nice.

Sugar pink.

Mother, meet Kiymet.

Welcome!

The war of the eyeglasses.

People say Ferda and I look alike,
but I can't see any similarity.

I wasn't like her in my youth.
When I was Ferda's age, I was stylish.

And now, look at you!

You were so naughty.
Do you think you were well-behaved?

- I don't think I was naughty.
- Were you some nice house girl?

No, never in my life
have I been a nice house girl.

You were a street kitty!

She calls me a street kitty!

- She is putting on a show.
- What's her name?

- Lora.
- Lora.

Lora, do you want to come out?

Girl, Sweetie.

- Is it a "she"?
- Yes, but...

...she hasn't laid any eggs
in 19 years.

Why?

She's very picky.
She doesn't like any other birds.

Hey, girl,
shall I bring you another girl?

What?

Maybe she wants a girl!

She says maybe the parrot
wants a girl.

Maybe you should give it a try.

Maybe she's a homosexual?

Oould very well be.

Now it's the fashion.

Bye-bye.

Perfect!

- Is that what you think?
- Yes.

That's what I think. Perfect.

Thank you.

Islam is a religion of peace,

but we can only understand this
by understanding Sufism,

not by how some people
interpret Islam.

- So you want two of these?
- Yes, two.

The hand above
is the one that receives.

The hand below is the one that gives.

For me, it represents the circle,
coming from the Oreator,

going back to the earth
and returning to the Oreator again.

Books and history tell us
that Madho Lal was born a Hindu,

but we mystics
are indifferent to that.

Madho becoming a Muslim
was ordained by God,

and so was his eternal love
for Shah Husain.

They became lovers.

They gave each other so much love
that today,

when the world pays its respects
to Shah Husain,

they also pay respects to Madho Lal.

God has requested this noise
and festivity

so we have ordered
the drummers to beat their drums

until we hear the sounds
of "Allah-hu."

No one explains clearly,
so "this" never leaves the heart.

I have faith in God
and also love "this thing."

I want to live my life carrying both.

I want to find out
if both are permitted or not.

I have come here to find out
about my loving men.

I want to know if Islam
has room for "this."

Ever since I heard
that Islam forbids homosexuality,

I've felt a barrier
between the two of them.

But I really like both
homosexuality and Islam.

No, this is absolutely unnatural.

Nature and God have made
men and women for each other.

Men are not for men
and women are not for women.

I've been attracted to boys
from the beginning.

What should I do?

Please read
all the teachings of Islam.

Read the Qur'an
and pray for God's blessings.

This unnatural tendency you were
born with will go away if God wishes.

No matter how big the crime,

if you seek forgiveness
at God's doorstep,

you don't need forgiveness
from mortals at all.

- Lf I pray, then will God forgive me?
- Absolutely.

If the One above forgives you, then
the world has no right to judge you.

Punishment is given only when there is
no hope of resolving the issue.

And what if I stop doing "this,"

but I continue to like boys
and not girls?

Then this is some kind
of psychological problem.

You should talk to a psychologist

because this problem you are talking
about shows that you have a disease.

God willing, he will be able
to cure your problem.

So may I come to you
whenever I want?

Yes, absolutely. You can come
whenever you have a problem.

Sometimes I feel that I'm wrong,

and sometimes I feel
God created me this way.

God is the all-knowing.

He created me in the Muslim "caste."
I can't choose to be another way.

Once, when I was sitting near
the big mosque, a Maulana came by.

I asked him
why homosexuality is forbidden.

He just said, "It's forbidden,
and the earth will split open."

He didn't explain it well.

Then he asked me to go with him.

I said, "You just told me
it's forbidden."

He said, "Never mind that.
Oome with me."

Then he kissed me on the cheek.

I can't clap right.
How do you do it?

You go like this,
and then hit them like this.

Some people call it geela,
gandu, or chakka.

Using those names insults people
that society already demeans.

I call myself koti with pride.

Swinging our hips, talking to
other kotis and going off with boys,

we do these things secretly.

Humans make mistakes all the time.

The only mistake God could make

would be to give a man
the heart of a woman.

I used to wear a skirt, blouse,
long hair, earrings, everything.

After I performed the Hajj,

I realized I could no longer
disgrace my religion.

From that day on,

I stopped acting like a woman
or wearing women's clothes

or sleeping with men.

- So, are you ready to get married?
- Yes, absolutely.

If I want to live in this society,
I have to marry.

That's why I do "these things"
in secret.

I am illiterate and ignorant.

If I had been able to study,

then I would be here
with these students.

This is the Nadhwa school
where the religion of Islam is taught.

In this place,
I feel very strange about my "crimes."

No one should ever think
that God is not there for them.

He's there for gays, kotis,
prostitutes, everyone.

I am getting a shave today
because we kotis are having a party.

Oh, God, what kind of mother-in-law
is this? She's pulling my hair!

I look better when I'm "plain."

She's looking scary!

Hey, Qasim. Get out.

All the men should wait outside.

Go on, get out now.

I'm staying in here with my sisters.

Get out!

Why should I be embarrassed?

You cannot keep your love hidden

In all four directions are spies

Since there are no secrets from God

Since there are no secrets from God,
why keep secrets from mortals?

You only loved, so why be afraid?
If you love, then why be afraid?

- Did you get your ticket?
- Yeah.

The day after tomorrow
you won't be here anymore.

- I'll be on the plane.
- No, you'll be where you wanted to be.

So how does it feel to be leaving?

Sometimes I'm happy.

Sometimes sad.

Sometimes I don't know what to feel.

I'm happy.
Happy that the waiting is over.

Were the three years hard or easy?

Hard.

I'm happy you'll be coming soon, Amir,

but I'm worried that Mojtaba
still hasn't heard from the UN.

Hopefully, he will be accepted.

I will miss you, my dear.

No, you won't. I know it.

You were always mad at me.

What is it?

Look, now we're crying!

Oome on, don't cry so much.

Kiss it.

You should start from the other side.

It's okay.

Pray that these suitcases
make it to Toronto.

In my faith, they say that if someone
calls out "Ya Allah!" 10 times,

God will answer,
"What is it, my child?"

Seven or eight hours until freedom.

Do you think they have this in pink?

- You want it in pink?
- Pink is the color for gays.

Today is my new birthday.

No one is here.
What should we do now?

At the embassy they asked
what I would do when I arrived.

I said, "I want to breathe."
So now I can breathe.

I used to think
I would never see this day.

I used to think, "How can I be free
when so many others can't?"

One day they will also be free.

I am so excited.

I can't wait to get there.
I am bubbling.

Because it's the first time I'm going
to speak to the Muslim community.

The very same community
that asked me to leave

has now asked me to come back

and talk to them about homosexuality,
because it's a dilemma.

They don't know how to deal with it.

Okay. I wish there was a verse
in the Qur'an that said,

"Please do not discriminate
against homosexuality."

But, unfortunately,
it's not an easy subject as that.

And therefore,
I requested a very open mind.

The Qur'an doesn't speak
about Sodom and Gomorrah.

It speaks about the cities
of the plain.

They were selfish, they used
to do robbery, they used to rape,

and send off the men naked,
and they used to set up unjust courts.

And as you can clearly see now,

it is not because of homosexual acts
that Allah has destroyed them,

but they were clearly
a corrupt nation.

The only way two males
can have a sexual relationship

is to have anal sex,

which is forbidden as far
as the Qur'an is concerned.

Not completely. One doesn't
have to have anal sex to have sex.

In terms of showing love
with one another.

But how far? That is what Allah is
trying to help us with in the Qur'an.

How far do we go?

You know we are not dependent
on the lmams and the clergy.

Each Muslim, man and woman,
they have been commanded

to go and learn for themselves.

They've been commanded
to challenge the status quo.

Islam commands us to learn
from the cradle to the grave.

We have so many clergy,
I always say,

you kick at every bush and you find
a sheikh dropping out.

To say that you can be gay or lesbian

and still be a good Muslim
and still be Allah-conscious,

and this is what I like
that's happened here today.

We cannot find answers
within orthodox Islamic thinking.

We have to use
one of the principles of Islam

that has been lost over the years.

Ljtihad, meaning,
"independent reasoning."

To find a space for us within Islam.

Here I am at Your service, Allah

Here I am

Here I am at Your service

And You have no equals

I guess what was never taught to us
when we were growing up

is that Allah is also
the Allah of love.

We always had to Taqwa Allah,
you have to fear God.

We never were taught
about the love of God.

Allah says in the Qur'an,
"Do not despair of the mercy of God...

...because God, to you,
is most merciful."