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CHARLES: The best first impressions

are the ones that are misleading.

I mean, you can be whoever you want

and whoever they want you to be.

Gloria, for example, the one with the bubblegum,

she didn't need much in the way of preparation.

A couple of music mags thrown about,

the odd shelf full of stuffed toys.

After all, she had no fixed impressions of me,

so why bother going beyond surface detail?

Because that's the trouble with first impressions.

You always have to keep them up.

You can never be overprepared.

That's my motto.

I mean, one minute, you're in with a chance with one,

and then the next, you go and say the wrong thing, and it's all over.

It's a whole different ballgame up here. Girls, that is.

I mean, back where I come from,

any experience with something with only two feet was considered a plus.

But down here in London, it's all about something else.

Getting a girl can be like...

Well, waging a full-scale campaign.

Sometimes at night, I lie out on the roof naked and talk to the stars.

And you know what?

You're a Virgo, right?

Gemini.

It's not that. I mean, I really like you.

I can sort of will myself out of my body

and float across the room.

Taurus.

I don't think I know you well enough.

Leo?

It's not that I'm complaining, mind you.

It's just that, well...

Something quite serious has just happened to me.

GEOFF: Hey, how do you know she's even gonna be here?

I overheard her.

She was talking to this blonde girl.

Very attractive. Single, too.

Uh-oh. The riffraff's out tonight.

How's it goin', Avi? I'm all right.

Listen, guys, private party tonight.

Some posh do, you know what I mean?

WOMAN: What did you say? You're leaving me?

Baby, please, don't even think about it.

Don't even try to think about it.

You just can't do it.

Okay.

Why don't you go get yourself a drink of water?

Come back, relax.

And let me tell you what'll happen if you ever leave me.

CHARLES: Well, there she is.

Now, accents are very important.

They can say a lot about a person, especially yourself.

I think I'll opt for something upmarket.

Hello.

Hi.

An American. Well, we can drop the accent bit.

I notice that you don't have a drink.

Are you giving this party? Certainly not.

Parties of this kind are not given. They're received.

"Man comes and drinks the wine, lies beneath,

"and after many a summer dies the swan."

Tennyson said that.

Look, how about that drink? No, thanks. I've got one.

No, I meant maybe somewhere else.

I mean, look at all these people.

I mean, obviously, most of them are gatecrashers.

I mean, who's giving this party anyway?

I am, actually, and I don't remember inviting you.

Well, the name's Highway.

Charles Highway.

Yep.

You're well away there, Charles. Well away.

That's Rachel Noyce.

No way!Yes, thanks, Geoff.

No way!

GEOFF: I really don't know why you bother.

Why don't you just give Gloria a call?

No, I've done that teenage thing. Oh, here we go.

You spend 15 to 20 minutes trying not to come,

and then when you do, you have to give...

BOTH: A pretty credible performance.

She went back to her boyfriend.

That's not the point.

Anyway, there's an education in a girl like Rachel.

I look at Rachel, and I think mystery,

the promise of something more.

That's all. Just more.

Hi. JENNY: Hi.

Dad's been calling again.

He wants us to go back home for that bloody anniversary dinner they're giving.

CHARLES: Can't we fob him off?

We can try.

What, all of us together?Oh, no.

It's every man for himself in this situation. Hmm. Thanks.

What's that noise? Norman.

I didn't mean cut it down now.

All right?

Norman.

Norman, when I said now...

Jenny, my sister, and Norman, my brother-in-law.

CHARLES: The Tauber Academy caters for students of all ages,

ranging from toddlers,

most of whom are obviously insane,

to the Oxford scholarship candidate.

MRS. TAUBER: So you'll be wanting to try for Oxford?

Yes, that's right.

Then, uh, you'll be wanting to take the examinations in, uh, November.

Yes.

I see.

Then you'll be wanting to enroll straightaway.

Correct. Yes.

A-level passes.

English, grade A. Biology, grade A. Logic, grade A.

Curious subjects.

Mind you, I don't think we'll have much trouble fitting you in.

A bit old for Cambridge, aren't you?

Phone call for you downstairs, Mrs. Tauber.

Well, have them put it through up here.

It's on the pay phone.

He said it was urgent.

Good old Geoff.

CHARLES: Now, I'm surprisingly ineffective on the telephone,

so I find that there are four basic requirements I need

on making the first call.

Number one, visual stimulants.

Number two, other stimulants.

Number three, mood music.

And, most importantly, number four,

a tight and effective shooting script.

RACHEL: Hello? CHARLES: Hello. Good morning.

Can I speak to Rachel Noyce, please? Yeah?

Ah. Um, hello, Rachel. It's Charles Highway.

Uh, you may remember me.

We met at the party you very kindly gave last week.

I remember. Good.

Well, um, I was just ringing,

um, actually, to, uh, find out what are you up to?

I'm late for work right now, and I can't talk. Bye.

And requirement number five, never, ever give up.

Hello? CHARLES: Um, where's that, then?

Sorry? Where is it you work?

At a nursery school.

Oh, well, like, uh, little kids, you mean?

That's the preferable age group, yes.

And what's that called?

It's called the Tauber Academy.

Oh, I don't believe it.

What a fantastic coincidence.

How's that? Well, I'm going there.

Where? The Tauber Academy,

cramming for Oxford.

RACHEL: You're going to Oxford?

You needn't sound so shocked. So, look,

what with tomorrow being my first day and everything,

um, maybe later we could meet for a drink.

No, thanks. Look, I'm really late.

Well, what about tea tomorrow, after classes end?

Look, think of it as making up for the other night.

Well... Great. I'll see you at 4:00 then. Bye.

Take care of them, for God's sake, will ya?

All right? You see where you're going?

Just put it down there. The door... The door on your right. The black door.

What is it exactly that Norman does?

CHARLES: Now, on approaching the first date,

two things are very important.

One, presentation.

Not half bad, I don't mind telling you.

And two, personality.

You know, it's a hundred-to-one chance

I'll even get her into the house, let alone the bedroom.

But still, you never know.

So, a few half-finished poems

scattered around to show sensitivity, talent.

Some highbrow reading material.

Shows my more serious side.

But we'll remove these, however,

since they're as good as having a large poster in your bedroom which says,

"Well, the big thing about me is I wank a hell of a lot."

Hi, there.

Great lover, and you?

Sent out of the classroom again, Bright?

CHARLES: Hello.

DEFOREST: Hey, Rachel.

I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I might drop by.

Hi.Hello.

RACHEL: Deforest, this is Charles Byway.

Highway, please. Sorry.

Deforest Honiger. You're the gatecrasher, right?

Uh, amongst other things, I suppose so, yes.

It's good to see you. And you.

I like this jacket a lot. It's very nice.

Hmm, thank you very much.

Go straight through. DEFOREST: Yes.

Thank you.

Ah, here they are.

What did you order?

MAN: Chicken flambe.

How are you? Good to see you.

MAN: The meringue is freshly made.

Sir, thank you very much, sir.

Charles, what are you doing?

Oh, just getting a breath of fresh air.

Well... Well, come on back.

I'm not going back in there.

Are you all right?

Yeah, sure. I'm fine.

Okay.

Well, look, I should go back.

Uh-huh. Okay.

I had a friend who once used to try hypnotizing girls into bed.

NORMAN: Well, you should have bleeding asked me, shouldn't ya?

JENNY: Asked you? It's not as though you weren't there!

Oh, bollocks!

NORMAN: Is that you, Charles?

Uh, yeah.

Oh, well, come on in the lounge.

CHARLES: My parents usually refer to Norman as "the bastard."

This generally means someone who has stopped worshiping his wife.

Norman wasn't, however, what's known as a real bastard

for the simple reason he makes money.

Real bastards are penniless bastards.

It fell off the back of the lorry.

Now, normally retails at 30 quid a barrel, this stuff 10 quid.

Oh, yeah.

You know, a bloke I know, he drank four pints of this stuff,

fell out of his bedroom window.

Got his head impaled on the railings.

Christ.

Yeah, well, I feel like getting pissed anyway.

Why?

You know, I met this girl.

So?

Well, you know...

A little bit scary.

You, uh... Have you done it yet?

Oh, God, look at you.

Is it any wonder?

I mean, she does do it, does she?

How old is she?

She's not your type, Norman.

You have been out with her?

Lord.

Listen, you put yourself in her place, all right? All right?

Say you're her and she's you.

Now, this girl keeps ringing you up, right?

But you got plenty of other girls on the go, so you play it easy, right?

Hmm. Now, what would she have to say to get you interested?

So that you'd drop all the others and pull her?

I mean, if she wanted to get you goin', she wouldn't say, "Oh, Charles, fuck me."

She'd say, "Oh, Charles, fuck you. Fuck off."

Just to get you going, right?

What are you saying, that I phone up Rachel and then tell her to fuck off?

Oh, gee, leave it, huh?

I see you wankers, tripping over your cocks, falling over backwards.

Makes me sick. They don't like it either.

You wanna know my secret?

Norman's law?

Be flash.

Act like you couldn't give a fuck. She'll be begging for it.

CHRIS: Rachel.

Chris, where have you been?

I went for a slash, and the bog's flooded.

Charming. Hi. Hi.

I'm sorry about the other day.

That's okay. No problem.

Deforest does things like that. He just shows up.

Ah, it's nothing. Anyway, I'm allergic to velvet and crowded rooms.

They make me nervous.

What, you, nervous?

Well, even the best of us have our occasional weak points.

I, on the other hand, tend to make up for it with wit, charm

and the ability to forge my brother-in-law's signature on his credit card.

So how about that drink?

I have to take Chris home.

After that.

Won't your brother-in-law get mad?

The credit card's probably not his, anyway.

Okay. Maybe a quick one.

Oh, no!

What? I've completely forgot.

I have to go to a girlfriend's tea party.

I'd cancel, but it's sort of in my honor. How about tomorrow?

Say 6:00, Kensington Place. Yeah?

Taxi!

CHARLES: I don't care what anyone says.

Poetry, if you can bring yourself to recite some, never fails.

Like flowers, they'll do anything.

You have to have the hands of a surgeon to perform this one.

CHARLES: I'll have a kiwi Fogcutter for two, please.

Telephone for you, Charles.

Hello?

Charles, I'm really sorry, but I can't make it.

CHARLES: What?

I didn't have your number, so I couldn't reach you at home.

Charles, are you there?

Uh, yeah. Hey, it's no problem.

I've bumped into some friends anyway,

so, you know, it's no big deal.

Hey, Leanne, stop that, will you, please? Sorry.

I'm really sorry.

Charles? Uh, yeah.

Hey, have you been to the Hay's Galleries?

What? The Hay's Galleries.

I just happen to have some tickets there for an exhibition

this, um, Sunday.

I thought you might like to... Well, you know.

Look, Charles, I'd like to.

It's just that things are a bit difficult for me at the moment, you know?

Yeah, sure.

Bye, then. Yeah, bye. Hey, wait! Let me give you my number.

JENNY: The Hay's Gallery?

Look, girls don't want to be overawed.

They want to have fun, a good time.

A good time? Yeah, like you.

So, act naturally.

Well, that's crap. Who's ever got time to act naturally with a girl?

It's very transparent, Charles.

Do you recognize this place?

This is where Charles Highway first got rejected.

And once again here.

And once again here.

Now, can you see it?

There's a definite pattern being set, isn't there?

But why? Could there be anyone more lovable?

Or sexy?

Or mysterious? I don't think so.

And how does Charles suffer this rejection?

He's not looking well, but he's keeping up a brave front.

If you ask me, pretty soon, he's gonna be turning up at Khyber.

Norman! Well.

Really.

He left a very large tip.

We have the most electrifying classes.

The boy's a genius.

Surely with these kind of references, there must be some hope.

But we'll have to wait and see.

The Hay's, 3:00, Sunday.

CHARLES: Needless to say, I went to the gallery the day before

to be fully prepared.

I mapped out an approximate route,

noted points of general interest

and I had a thorough look through all the paintings.

Especially the ones that I thought might provoke the right kind of mood.

RACHEL: My father left when we were living in Paris.

CHARLES: When was that? Nine years ago. I was 10.

Ten? So, you're the same age as me?

Don't sound so shocked.

Oh, no. It's just I thought you were older, that's all.

Charmingly older.

Do go on. You were at the bit where you father pushed off.

Cruelly left you, right? Yeah.

Well, I moved here with my mom.

She got married again. Yeah?

What about your dad?

My dad's an artist. Um, he lives in New York with his new girlfriend.

He's still trying to be the parent, you know?

He asked me if I was on the pill.

Really? Does he worry about that sort of thing?

He doesn't even like me being at Tauber's.

Why?

Well...

I'm not gonna stay there much longer anyway.

There's this modeling agency in New York.

Modeling? What?

Only seems to be a profession that specializes in illiterates, that's all.

Well, maybe that was a bit harsh.

Maybe I'm just trying to put you off.Why?

It just doesn't seem like you, that's all.

There. See? It's true. You see?

You great huge yob, it's true!

What the fuck's it doing in there?

Because you're a great, fat animal,

and I knew you'd tear it up, that's why!

You murderer!

Jennifer, go to bed, now!

JENNY: You go to bed, you bastard!

NORMAN: Oh, fuck!

Charles!

Charles.Uh, yeah?

You been messing about with my record collection?

Well, I've been putting the records back in the right sleeves,

if that's what you mean. Don't, all right?

It's confusing. Okay.

Ow!

So, fancy a game of cards?

Do you want some of this stuff? CHARLES: No.

I've lost my appetite.

I remember reading that the soul recoils from food at such a moment as this,

but what can you do?

Will you stop loafing about for a start? I beg your pardon?

Did you make your move yet? Well, you can't just go charging in.

It's all about timing.

Timing, at this moment, is of the utmost importance.

If you're off by even one day, then the whole thing can get screwed up.

Oh, well, excuse me. What are you waiting for, a telegram?

Just get in there.

Listen, now let me tell you something.

Rachel's not some meaningless, casual sex situation.

No. She's way out of that league.

Anyway, I'm not quite sure how she sees me.

I think she thinks I'm just a bit of a laugh.

Obvious what your next step's got to be, isn't it?

What's that?

You've got to do something, uh,

something sexy.

Like what?

I know just the thing.

WOMAN ON TV: So you're naturists?

Thanks for coming over and telling me.

Naturists? What in heaven's name does she mean?

It looks rather fun.

What pretty girls.

I wish I could join in.

Oh, good. That one's for me.

Thank you, yes, I'd love to come over.

It was strange,

but I didn't feel a bit embarrassed.

I suppose it was because the others were so natural.

I'm going to kill Norman.

This is kind of funny.

Hmm. This is the life! How free one feels.

CHARLES: Well, I... I thought it went across rather well.

You know, soul before aesthetics.

Content before style, love before sex.

Though I think, in some cases, that sex is a possible consideration before love.

Sorry, uh,

Charles. Dad.

What are you doing up in town?

I'm here for a meeting. Business, you know.

Um, we had to come up.

Oh, you're with Mom.

No. Unfortunately, your... Your mother couldn't make it.

Thank you, dear.

Yes, this is Ms. Reynolds, from our office.

This is Charles. He's my son.

And, um... Uh, Rachel.

Rachel Noyce. Hi.

My dad and Miss... Vanessa.

Vanessa.

Vanessa, yes.

I would have rang you and Jenny, uh,

but we've had a very heavy workload, Charles, very heavy.

Oh, that's okay.

I had no idea you were an art lover, Dad.

Oh. Oh, yes, it's been a...

It's been a secret passion of mine for years.

I would like to be here more often, but there you go.

VANESSA: One of life's cruel tragedies.

I'll call you later.

It's just that... Well...

I think about you a hell of a lot, that's all.

CHARLES: A few days later, I bumped into Rachel,

totally unprepared. No pad, no pencil.

I was forced to improvise.

Well, not half bad.

An invitation to dinner at the mum's.

So what do you think?

A bit boring, right?

Well, that's okay.

Because if there's one thing that mothers don't want to see in you

is whatever it is that their daughters do.

Good evening.

Hello.Oh, hi.

Come on. Oh, sure.

By the way, we never mention my father, okay?

Oh, sure. No sweat.

Don't worry. I'm really good at these sort of things.

Hello. I'm... I'm sorry. I've completely forgotten your name.

Charles. Charles, that's right.

We... We haven't seen you since your disappearing act that day.

Rachel said you had some family problems or something.

I'm sorry? That day at tea, you know?

Blink, you're there. Blink again, you're not.

Uh, yes. Family problems. That's right.

Well, I hope everything's okay.

Rachel says you're thinking about going to Oxford.

Mmm. Thinking about it, yes. Which college?

I haven't decided yet.

Well, you never know. Maybe we'll end up at the same one.

Yes, maybe we will.

Right, maybe. Good to see you again.

Yes, and you.

DEFOREST: Excuse me.

Four days ago, she showed up in a car.

MAN: Do we have to?

Mmm? Mmm.

...bouncing around in the States. Yeah, but didn't you think...

I can't believe you liked that.

RACHEL: I thought it was... I thought it was very, very...

DEFOREST: It was really garish and loud.

Just bouncing around. It was just confusing.

RACHEL: What are you doing?

Look, what's the story here?

What are you talking about?

I mean, it's a setup, right?

Instead of this time, it's not just Deforest.

This time, your whole bloody family are in on it.

No, it's not like that at all.

DEFOREST: Rachel.

Rachel.

Rachel?

Rachel.

No. Wait, wait, wait. Don't go just yet.

And don't tell me it's gonna be difficult. It is.

What are you doing this weekend?

Why?

Well, it's my parents' wedding anniversary.

We could spend the weekend down there. It won't be that awful.

No, it might be, actually.

A wedding anniversary?

We could be talking about one of the major social events of the decade.

CHARLES: Needless to say, I made detailed plans for the weekend,

starting with an intimate train ride down to the country.

If I get the coin in the cup,

I'll be in bed with Rachel by

midnight.

MAN: Boy!

HERBERT: The bonds of love and loyalty.

It's real, it's a true pleasure

to be able to still celebrate those good, old-fashioned values

at a time when it seems that most people have forgotten them.

To Gordon and Charlotte.

The next 25 years.

ALL: Gordon and Charlotte.

NORMAN: Bit much your father bringing his tart, though, isn't it?

CHARLES: Hmm. You know about that, do you?

Who doesn't? Here you go. Cheers.

So, that's the famous Rachel, is it?

Yeah.

Not bad. Cheers.

More sherry, Sir Herbert? Or maybe something stronger?

Why not?Mmm-hmm.

Tell me, who is that tall fellow?

Oh, you mean Norman.

Yes, well, that, would you believe, is my son-in-law.

HERBERT: Really? Mmm.

I only bring him out on special occasions. He's not really house-trained.

I saw Johnny Valentine when he was...

Because the war cut my activities short, pretty much.

I was evacuated.

Mmm.

NORMAN: Very nice drop. Very nice drop indeed. Yeah.

Got the good stuff tonight, eh?

Ah. That must be an important night, eh? Yeah.

Usually we only get the piss and vinegar stuff down here.

Piss and vinegar.

Not very nice.

Ah, it's a very nice drop, Mum, very nice indeed, yeah.

NORMAN: Mmm. Lovely, Mom.

Tosser.

Does it bother you?

What?

Your father and what's her name, Vanessa.

Uh, well, a bit, yeah.

You know, I kind of thought it wouldn't, you know, before,

but he seems to be having such a good time.

You know, he never looked better.

But then, look at my mom.

She wanders around the garden in her pullover and Wellies

looking like a slightly effeminate farm hand.

Could I ask you a question?

Depends.

Have you slept with Deforest?

Well, come on, have you?

It's my right to know. I demand to know.

Hello. Hello.

Deforest?

Deforest?

Look, are you all right? Can I get you something?

I'd like to have a word with you.

So what happened?

Rachel, what did he say?

How did he know you were here?

My mother must have told him.

Oh, great!

Look, I better go back to London with him.

You can't.

I have to.

But you said you'd stay here for the weekend.

You can't just cave in to him like that.

I'm not.

Well, I know what's gonna happen.

You'll walk out of here in a moment.

I'm never gonna see you again.

CHARLES: So begins a stage in my descent into manhood.

A period that I would call my all-time low.

Listen, kid. It must have been tough for you, too.

NORMAN: Come on. Drop your cock, grab your socks.

Somebody upstairs I want you to meet.

A fucking mess in here. What?

Come on. Don't be a wanker all your life.

Now, remember, keyword for you is flash.

Come on! Come on!

Look who I bumped into.

Yeah, I was down the road getting a few provisions,

then there she was, on her way home.

Said she should come back for a cup of tea, didn't I?

Hi.

Hi.

Here, look. Bugger all this tea. Why don't we all go out, eh?

Out? Yeah, out. You remember out.

Come on. Upstairs. Get some tights on.

I haven't seen you at school much.

No, well, the exams. I've been studying.

I was busy.

Sorry about Norman dragging you back down here and everything. I didn't...

That's okay.

I was gonna call you anyway.

Yeah? What for?

Uh, listen,

I've just remembered I've got something on downstairs.

I won't be a sec. Do you want a drink or something?

Sure. Yeah?

CHARLES: I've been reading, um,

well, a lot of metaphysical poets recently.

But there's this one Elizabethan love couplet, um,

"Love seeketh only self to please,

"To bind another to its delight,

"Joys in another's loss of ease,

"Builds a Heaven in Hell's..."

No, um...

"Builds a Hell in Heaven's..."

"Despite."

Pardon? "And builds a Hell in Heaven's despite."

Then it goes,

"Love seeketh not itself to please

"To bind another to its delight,

"Joy in another's loss of ease,

"And builds a Heaven in Hell's despite."

How did you know that?

Blake's one of my favorite poets.

I'm glad you're here.

So, um, how's Deforest?

He's okay.

Really?

No, not really.

I thought I may as well make one of you happy.

What, me?

If you still want me.

CHARLES: Two times two is four.

Three times two is six.

Four times two is...

Four times two is... Is...

Is eight!

Yes, it is. Oh, thank you, God.

Income tax returns.

Ladies with handlebar mustaches.

Football in the rain.

Norman in Wellies.

Two thirteens are 26.

Three thirteens are... Ah!

The fingernails in my back! Give me strength!

Charles?Mmm?

There's something I have to tell you.

Mmm-hmm.

I have to go away with my mother.

What? Why?

I promised her.

Well, it's out of the question.

Can't your mother go on her own? Oh, I have to.

You can't. We've only just...

Well, you know.

Hmm. You can't.

Well, why don't I phone her up?

You know, and say, "To hell with it.

"You're a big girl now, and you just wanna come stay with me."

No. She doesn't like you.

Hmm.

What about Deforest?

What about him?

Why don't we say that he's taking you away?

My mother already knows we split up.

Then it's perfect.

It could be your get-back-together holiday.

Think of how happy it'll make her.

CHARLES: And so we planned and lied and lied and planned.

A date was set.

Somewhat dramatically, it fell on both Rachel's birthday

and the day of my exams.

A double celebration.

A new chapter in my life was about to open.

Living with someone.

The fusing of two personalities into one.

The shredding of all defenses.

Laying oneself completely naked in front of someone else

and saying,

"Here I am at my worst.

"Now, love me."

MAN: Just to remind you, you have three hours to complete this paper.

You may begin now.

Yeah!

Happy birthday, Rachel.

Happy birthday.Happy birthday.

CHARLES: Guess what? RACHEL: What?

I've got my older woman.

CHARLES: I learned the pleasures of cleanliness,

taking three or four baths a day.

It was days of frantic avowals and wordy, mutual praise.

We were beautiful and brilliant.

Our children would undoubtedly be beautiful and brilliant.

Our bodies functioned only in orgasm.

To Rachel, sex was Disneyland,

and I was the ride.

I can never get these damn things on.

Well, it helps if you don't undo it first.

Oh. Oh, I see.

All right?

Yes. Thank you.

Oh, I'm sorry. That's okay.

No, I was just gonna take a bath. I'll wait.

Charles, come in.

RACHEL: Guess what.

What?

Jenny's gonna have a baby.

Of course. That's what all the shouting's been about.

Isn't it great?

Yes, I suppose so.

I wonder what made Norman change his mind.

He probably decided it's the right time.

Too logical.

Guilt, more likely.

In six months, I'm gonna be an uncle.

GEOFF: She said it was the right time.

Yeah.

What, for her to have a baby?

No, that's not what she meant.

It's not what she said,

it's more the way she said it.And how was that?

Well, you know.

Real loaded.

Girls love babies, that's all. Doesn't mean anything.

I mean, have you seen what happens

when you put a baby in a roomful of women?

It's frightening.

She had her period.

Well, girls tend to.

Yeah, but it was in bed.

I woke up, and it was like that scene from The Godfather.

You know, the one with the horse's head.

I don't know what you're complaining about.

It's a small price to pay for great sex.

CHARLES: Okay, so you're probably all thinking

that this is where I start coming off all unsympathetic, right?

But I can't help it.

I mean, there's nothing like a piece of good news in somebody else's life

to put your own into perspective.

Right?

Um...

Charles?

What are you doing?

CHARLES: Oh, I'm just gonna have a bath.

Well, let me in.

Yeah, I'll be out in a minute.

CHARLES: And so it seems all things come to an end.

Rachel's mum has decided to return a few days early...

RACHEL: I'll call you later.

Coinciding with the less-surprising news that I'd passed my exams.

An interview with the college don had been scheduled

for the very next day.

I'd better prepare for my interview tonight.

Okay.

Bye.

Oh.

Shoes.

You left them under the bed.

Bye.Bye.

CHARLES: Hello. Haven't seen you for a long time.

I know.

I was just in the neighborhood, so I thought...

No, it's good to see you.

You want to come in?

GLORIA: Anyway, by the end, I was getting so bored with this jealousy thing,

I just said to myself, "Enough's enough."

So what did you do?

So I told him,

"It's finished."

What did he say?

He didn't.

He just hit me.

Another one of Norman's bloody deliveries.

What?

Don't even ask.

Oh, yeah, uh, I won't be a second, okay?

Rachel! My mother found out about us staying here.

Rachel, no. How?

I don't know.

Anyway, it all came out.

Shit!

RACHEL: I could've lied to her, but I figured, why should I?

You better have a drink.

Now, I don't have to lie about anything, even you. Right.

What's going on?I'm just trying to find a bottle

that doesn't have Norman's lip marks all over it.

No, I mean your back.

Uh... Oh, no.

Oh, I was just about to have a bath.

I slipped. It's nothing.

Let's go downstairs.

What about the drinks? Bring them with you.

Right.

What happened here?

Huh? Oh, Geoff came around with his new girlfriend earlier.

Left the place in a bit of a state.

Nice girl, though.

You would've liked her.

Here, let me help.

You smell strange.

Really?

It's sex.

What? You smell of sex.

It exudes from every pore.

You're not gonna believe this.

There doesn't seem to be any left.

Yeah, there is. I saw them this morning.

Uh, are you sure?

I'm positive.

Oh, yes. Here it is. Must have slipped out.

Charles, you've got bubble gum at the end of your...

It's already been used.

Uh, yeah.

I thought you said you found a new one.

Yeah, I lied.

Why?

Uh...

What's wrong?

Look, um...

There's something I need to talk to you about.

Your back.

You didn't fall on the floor, did you?

Did you? Rachel.

Did you?

No.

Rachel... Just fuck off!

Look, I'm sorry.

It's just that I have been feeling a bit strange recently.

So you had to go and fuck someone else?

It's not about that. It's not about that. It's...

Well...

Well, it's about us and, um, well, what's been happening to us.

And what's that?

I don't know how to say this without sounding like a...

Well...

You know, these last two weeks,

they've been very special to me, and, uh...

Well, I wouldn't want to change them for the world,

you know,

but I wish I could stop changing,

but I can't.

I've tried, and I can't, and I...

Just cut it out.

Tell me what you mean, but spare the bullshit.

What are you talking about?

All this stuff you think makes you look so smart.

I thought you knew you could just cut it out.

You're not the only one who can do it.

All those stories about my father leaving us in Paris,

going with a mistress,

it's bullshit.

I don't even know who my father is.

DR. KNOWD: Come in.

Hi. Hi.

Sit.

Uh... Yes, thanks.

Mr. Highway.

Yeah.

Do you like literature?

What sort of a question is that?

Oh, excuse me.

Only I've read your paper a couple of times,

and I'm still not quite sure.

For example, in the literature paper,

you complain that "Yeats and Eliot,

"in their later phases, opted for the cold certainties

"that can only work outside the messiness of life.

"They prudently repaired to the artifice of eternity."

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Yawn, yawn, yawn.

Again, in the criticism paper,

you jeer at Lawrence's

"unreal sexual grandiosity,"

using yet another author's arguments,

Middleton Murray this time, from his Women In Love.

Then, in the very next line,

you scold his "over-facile equation of art and life."

On Blake, you seem quite happy to paraphrase,

the "fearful symmetry stuff

"about autonomous verbal constructs

"necessarily unconnected with life."

Oh, God.

But in your essay paper,

you come on all excited about "the urgency

"with which Blake educates and refines our emotions,

"sidestepping the props and splints of artifice."

You ever tried sidestepping a splint, by the way?

Or educating someone urgently, for that matter?

We won't be a minute.

Well, I won't go on.

Literature has a kind of life of its own, you know.

You can't just use it for your own ends.

Like to take a look at these? See if you agree?

No.

I want you to do a great deal of thinking over the next few months,

to work out if you really wanna come here.

Come here? Yeah, I'm gonna take you.

If I don't, you're only going to get worse.

I'll look on you as my special case,

but for Christ's sakes, stop reading all those critics.

Stop talking all that bullshit.

Just say whether you like what you read or not.

Work out what it is you do like.

Come on.

Is Rachel home, please?

MARIA: No, she's not.

When will she be back?

MRS. SETH-SMITH: Who is it, Maria?

Uh, it's me, Mrs. Seth-Smith.

Charles. Charles Highway.

I was looking for Rachel, actually.

She's not here. You just missed her.

Well, perhaps you could give her these for me?

I'm not sure the flowers will keep.

I'm sorry?

She's left for New York.

I don't know when she'll be back.

Didn't she tell you? She's on her way to the airport now.

Excuse me. Could you tell me which gate is the flight to New York?

That one. Thank you very much.

CHARLES: Twenty years old.

Excuse me.

CHARLES: I ended up going to Oxford,

sidestepping Dr. Knowd, though,

and going to a different college.

But some things never seem to change.

You hope that they will, but they never do.

Although, there can be the odd surprising exception.

And Rachel?

I bumped into her some time later,

at the Hay's, of all places.

She was living full-time in New York now,

though not with Deforest, you'll be glad to hear.

We spent the whole afternoon together,

laughing at some of the more feeble etchings.

Later, as we were about to leave,

we passed through the main hall.

Standing there, the light shining down,

I thought Rachel had never looked lovelier.

It made me think of that Blake quote.

You know the one, about love being eternal.

And for a moment,

I thought about saying it now.

The only trouble was

I couldn't remember it.