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1
00:00:11,004 --> 00:00:13,988
Sorry. It was a
one-time offense, man.
2
00:00:14,012 --> 00:00:16,007
Won't happen again!
3
00:00:23,004 --> 00:00:24,999
Come on, man. All
I did was jaywalk.
4
00:00:25,023 --> 00:00:27,986
Stop! No! Please!
5
00:00:28,010 --> 00:00:30,013
'No! No!'
6
00:00:34,004 --> 00:00:36,001
whirr.
7
00:01:01,002 --> 00:01:02,021
I'm the Batman!
8
00:01:28,012 --> 00:01:29,013
Vroom.
9
00:01:54,018 --> 00:01:57,009
♪ The Batman ♪
10
00:02:11,015 --> 00:02:11,999
'Tonight all of Gotham'
11
00:02:12,023 --> 00:02:14,996
again finds itself
terrorized by Joker.
12
00:02:15,020 --> 00:02:17,984
Only this time, instead
of breaking the law
13
00:02:18,008 --> 00:02:19,981
he's enforcing it.
14
00:02:20,005 --> 00:02:21,986
'Donning the costume
and mocking the methods'
15
00:02:22,010 --> 00:02:23,996
of his constant
rival The Batman.
16
00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:27,022
Joker has inexplicably
turned to fighting crime.
17
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:28,981
The crazed catch?
18
00:02:29,005 --> 00:02:30,985
'It seems the
offenses he targets'
19
00:02:31,009 --> 00:02:33,980
'barely qualify
as crimes, at all.'
20
00:02:34,004 --> 00:02:35,987
'And as Kimberly
Smith, the 78-year-old'
21
00:02:36,011 --> 00:02:38,987
'grandmother of ten, learned
after absentmindedly driving'
22
00:02:39,011 --> 00:02:41,982
'for three blocks with
her turn signal flashing'
23
00:02:42,006 --> 00:02:43,978
'while the crimes may be minor'
24
00:02:44,002 --> 00:02:46,017
'Joker's punishment
of them is anything but..'
25
00:02:49,004 --> 00:02:50,997
Imitation is the
sincerest form of flattery.
26
00:02:51,021 --> 00:02:53,999
But why do you suppose
the tribute, Master Bruce?
27
00:02:54,023 --> 00:02:56,990
Cheap knockoff is more like it.
28
00:02:57,014 --> 00:02:58,978
But what troubles me most
29
00:02:59,002 --> 00:03:01,988
is that my antidote failed
to cure Joker's jaywalker.
30
00:03:02,012 --> 00:03:03,992
A new strain of Joker gas.
31
00:03:04,016 --> 00:03:07,001
How very ghastly indeed!
32
00:03:17,004 --> 00:03:20,987
Whoosh Huh? J-Joker?
33
00:03:21,011 --> 00:03:22,018
Where?
34
00:03:25,003 --> 00:03:26,996
I don't know what you're
after but you will be stopped.
35
00:03:27,020 --> 00:03:31,981
The only thing I'm after,
mayor, are the bad guys.
36
00:03:32,005 --> 00:03:33,405
Then how do you
justify what you did
37
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,998
to three of Gotham
PD's finest today?
38
00:03:36,022 --> 00:03:37,994
'And for what, speeding?'
39
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:40,978
'It was a police chase.'
40
00:03:41,002 --> 00:03:43,006
No one's above the law.
41
00:03:46,016 --> 00:03:47,997
"Bill for services rendered?"
42
00:03:48,021 --> 00:03:50,998
"One million dollars." What?
43
00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:54,985
Crime-fighting ain't
charity work, you know.
44
00:03:55,009 --> 00:03:56,984
And if the city doesn't comply?
45
00:03:57,008 --> 00:04:00,023
Then Gotham pays... dearly!
46
00:04:03,003 --> 00:04:05,004
Ahem! Sorry.
47
00:04:06,020 --> 00:04:10,021
I must say, mayor, of all the
scum I've taken down so far
48
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,019
it was your wife who
disappointed me the most.
49
00:04:15,016 --> 00:04:16,992
My wife? Sheila?
50
00:04:17,016 --> 00:04:18,995
What have you done to Sheila?
51
00:04:19,019 --> 00:04:21,997
Eleven items at a
ten-item grocery checkout.
52
00:04:22,021 --> 00:04:24,004
She had it coming.
53
00:04:25,006 --> 00:04:27,001
- Huh?
- Ha ha ha!
54
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:30,996
Sheila.
55
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,000
'Sheila!'
56
00:04:41,022 --> 00:04:43,020
- 'Well, well, well.'
- Huh?
57
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,990
Graffiti!
58
00:04:46,014 --> 00:04:48,990
That's a pretty
serious offense, girls.
59
00:04:49,014 --> 00:04:50,998
But that's why I
became a crime fighter.
60
00:04:51,022 --> 00:04:53,996
To take out garbage like you.
61
00:04:54,020 --> 00:04:56,010
- Unh!
- Ah!
62
00:04:59,011 --> 00:05:01,987
The costume party's over, Joker.
63
00:05:02,011 --> 00:05:03,980
Joker? Didn't you hear?
64
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,999
The clown prince of
crime's checked out.
65
00:05:06,023 --> 00:05:08,979
He just couldn't take anymore.
66
00:05:09,003 --> 00:05:09,994
'Couldn't take The Batman.'
67
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:12,987
Always there to thwart
his latest scheme.
68
00:05:13,011 --> 00:05:16,001
Well, it was really
starting to drive him mad.
69
00:05:17,004 --> 00:05:17,995
But then Joker thought
70
00:05:18,019 --> 00:05:19,987
if he couldn't beat The Bat
71
00:05:20,011 --> 00:05:22,013
he'd be The Bat.
72
00:05:24,006 --> 00:05:25,988
Then Gotham has
one Batman too many.
73
00:05:26,012 --> 00:05:28,983
Which means one
of us has gotta go.
74
00:05:29,007 --> 00:05:31,009
My thoughts exactly.
75
00:05:32,001 --> 00:05:33,008
Click
76
00:05:35,012 --> 00:05:37,004
boom
77
00:05:39,023 --> 00:05:41,012
click
78
00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:09,002
clang.
79
00:06:19,010 --> 00:06:19,993
Unh!
80
00:06:20,017 --> 00:06:22,006
Thwack
81
00:06:24,015 --> 00:06:25,016
thud.
82
00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:39,013
New-and-improved
Batman beats original recipe.
83
00:06:40,017 --> 00:06:42,988
But that doesn't mean
our rivalry has to end.
84
00:06:43,012 --> 00:06:45,023
You see, The
Batman needs a Joker.
85
00:06:46,001 --> 00:06:47,979
Someone who gives him purpose.
86
00:06:48,003 --> 00:06:50,163
Which means if I'm going to
make it as The Dark Knight.
87
00:06:51,001 --> 00:06:53,979
I'm going to need
a Joker of my own.
88
00:06:54,003 --> 00:06:57,007
'And who better a foil
than you, old friend?'
89
00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:02,018
Ugh!
90
00:07:06,002 --> 00:07:06,990
Joker venom.
91
00:07:07,014 --> 00:07:10,019
'Just the thing to inject
a bit of humor into you.'
92
00:07:14,003 --> 00:07:16,978
hiss Don't fret, Batman.
93
00:07:17,002 --> 00:07:18,985
You'll soon make a great Joker.
94
00:07:19,009 --> 00:07:22,002
Just don't forget to smile.
95
00:07:36,008 --> 00:07:38,981
That is quite a nasty bite, sir.
96
00:07:39,005 --> 00:07:41,978
- Really, Alfred, it's nothing.
- Nothing?
97
00:07:42,002 --> 00:07:42,991
Who knows what
chemical concoction
98
00:07:43,015 --> 00:07:44,983
that madman cooked up for you.
99
00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:46,997
Look, if the snake's
venom was harmful
100
00:07:47,021 --> 00:07:48,991
I'm sure I'd know it by now.
101
00:07:49,015 --> 00:07:52,979
But to tell the truth,
Alfred, I feel great.
102
00:07:53,003 --> 00:07:54,014
Even a bit chipper.
103
00:07:55,019 --> 00:07:57,983
Even so, we should
let your lab results
104
00:07:58,007 --> 00:07:59,979
'inform us whether
anything dangerous'
105
00:08:00,003 --> 00:08:01,994
'is currently coursing
through your veins.'
106
00:08:02,018 --> 00:08:04,984
I think the only dangerous
thing you're gonna find
107
00:08:05,008 --> 00:08:06,979
are my cholesterol levels.
108
00:08:07,003 --> 00:08:08,988
- Heh heh heh.
- Sir?
109
00:08:09,012 --> 00:08:11,995
Uh, nothing, Alfred.
Just a bad joke.
110
00:08:12,019 --> 00:08:13,985
Well, I'd better
get to the hospital
111
00:08:14,009 --> 00:08:17,979
and see about sneaking a blood
sample from Mayor Grange's wife.
112
00:08:18,003 --> 00:08:20,980
Uh, sir, all things considered,
until we know your results
113
00:08:21,004 --> 00:08:22,994
I must insist you
remain in the Batcave.
114
00:08:23,018 --> 00:08:24,996
Sorry, Alfred, right
now I'm the only hope
115
00:08:25,020 --> 00:08:26,992
of Joker's victims
getting an antidote.
116
00:08:27,016 --> 00:08:28,998
'And, besides, Mayor
Grange could probably'
117
00:08:29,022 --> 00:08:30,986
'use some support.'
118
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:34,006
Seeing an old friend might
bring a smile to his face.
119
00:08:40,011 --> 00:08:42,991
I can't begin to imagine what
you're going through, mayor.
120
00:08:43,015 --> 00:08:46,982
It's been a real
tough stretch, Bruce.
121
00:08:47,006 --> 00:08:49,022
Your arm? You hurt yourself?
122
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,021
Cut myself shaving.
123
00:08:53,017 --> 00:08:55,018
I'm kidding. Heh heh heh.
124
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:57,996
Uh, yes, well..
125
00:08:58,020 --> 00:08:59,978
I am glad you came, Bruce.
126
00:09:00,002 --> 00:09:01,981
I was hoping I could
get your advice.
127
00:09:02,005 --> 00:09:03,990
Joker's demanding a
large ransom and the city
128
00:09:04,014 --> 00:09:08,023
well, just doesn't have
that kind of money available.
129
00:09:09,001 --> 00:09:10,997
If it means helping Gotham
and easing your burden
130
00:09:11,021 --> 00:09:13,982
I can write you a
check right now.
131
00:09:14,006 --> 00:09:15,994
You, you'd do that?
132
00:09:16,018 --> 00:09:17,993
No.
133
00:09:18,017 --> 00:09:20,012
Yes.
134
00:09:21,017 --> 00:09:22,992
I'm not sure that's
funny, Bruce.
135
00:09:23,016 --> 00:09:27,008
No, uh, I-I'm being
very serious, sir.
136
00:09:28,014 --> 00:09:31,003
Are you sure
everything's alright?
137
00:09:33,001 --> 00:09:37,003
Uh, maybe I am a
little bit out of sorts.
138
00:09:38,005 --> 00:09:40,000
Why don't we see
how Sheila's doing?
139
00:09:42,005 --> 00:09:44,020
I wanna warn you,
it's pretty shocking.
140
00:09:49,002 --> 00:09:50,990
Oh, that's terri..
141
00:09:51,014 --> 00:09:53,008
Umh..
142
00:09:56,008 --> 00:09:58,008
Bruce, please.
143
00:09:59,018 --> 00:10:00,983
Sorry. Oh!
144
00:10:01,007 --> 00:10:02,287
I don't know what's
come over me.
145
00:10:07,002 --> 00:10:09,009
Excuse me. Ha ha ha! Sorry.
146
00:10:12,018 --> 00:10:13,022
Hey!
147
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:14,993
Uh.
148
00:10:15,017 --> 00:10:17,020
The Joker venom.
149
00:10:23,010 --> 00:10:25,983
'The results of the lab
analysis are grim, Alfred.'
150
00:10:26,007 --> 00:10:26,993
Very grim.
151
00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:29,990
It seems Joker's new venom
attacks the nervous system
152
00:10:30,014 --> 00:10:31,995
and forces the body
into gradually increasing
153
00:10:32,019 --> 00:10:34,979
'fits of laughter
until finally... '
154
00:10:35,003 --> 00:10:36,979
Joker said he
wanted an archenemy
155
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:38,982
but he didn't say a
pulse was required.
156
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:40,996
That's rich!
157
00:10:41,020 --> 00:10:43,999
You crack me up, Al.
158
00:10:44,023 --> 00:10:46,004
Ah heh..
159
00:10:49,001 --> 00:10:49,999
So, I devised this antidote.
160
00:10:50,023 --> 00:10:52,983
'All I need is a sample
of Joker's original venom'
161
00:10:53,007 --> 00:10:53,989
'in order to complete it.'
162
00:10:54,013 --> 00:10:56,988
Which would
require finding Joker.
163
00:10:57,012 --> 00:10:59,992
And soon, at the poison's
current rate of progress.
164
00:11:00,016 --> 00:11:03,004
'I have an hour left to live.'
165
00:11:04,014 --> 00:11:07,013
And now only 59
minutes, 39 seconds.
166
00:11:08,020 --> 00:11:11,006
Fifty, fifty-nine
minutes, 27 seconds.
167
00:11:12,023 --> 00:11:16,004
Things can't get any
worse now, can they?
168
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:22,008
Beep beep beep
169
00:11:23,010 --> 00:11:25,010
kaboom.
170
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,006
Tweet, tweet!
171
00:11:46,011 --> 00:11:47,988
Pull yourself together, sir.
172
00:11:48,012 --> 00:11:49,982
I'm sorry, Alfred.
173
00:11:50,006 --> 00:11:53,011
This venom is
driving me batty. Batty!
174
00:11:57,009 --> 00:11:58,020
The Batwave.
175
00:11:59,023 --> 00:12:01,998
Break-in at, at the
Gotham museum of art.
176
00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:03,023
Joker?
177
00:12:04,001 --> 00:12:04,982
The crime clown has a different.
178
00:12:05,006 --> 00:12:05,993
MO these days.
179
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:07,987
Isn't the museum hosting
a collection of priceless.
180
00:12:08,011 --> 00:12:09,989
Faberge eggs this week?
181
00:12:10,013 --> 00:12:11,981
You don't think..
182
00:12:12,005 --> 00:12:13,984
Mm-hmm. Penguin.
183
00:12:14,008 --> 00:12:15,983
As much as I hate to suggest it.
184
00:12:16,007 --> 00:12:18,987
Oswald Cobblepot will
have to get a free pass tonight
185
00:12:19,011 --> 00:12:20,997
as your focus must
be on finding Joker.
186
00:12:21,021 --> 00:12:22,990
If Joker's playing Batman
187
00:12:23,014 --> 00:12:24,987
he'll be there to
take down Penguin.
188
00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:26,993
I can hit two birds
with one stone.
189
00:12:27,017 --> 00:12:29,011
Get it? Birds!
190
00:12:32,013 --> 00:12:34,003
Good one, sir.
191
00:12:35,012 --> 00:12:37,982
'Break-in at the
Gotham museum of art?'
192
00:12:38,006 --> 00:12:39,993
This looks like a job for..
193
00:12:40,017 --> 00:12:42,000
The Batman.
194
00:12:50,004 --> 00:12:52,023
Vroom vroom vroom.
195
00:13:00,014 --> 00:13:04,993
Uh, these precious eggs
are gonna hatch me a fortune.
196
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:06,989
The perfect crime.
197
00:13:07,013 --> 00:13:12,022
No fuss, no muss,
and no... 'Penguin!'
198
00:13:14,004 --> 00:13:15,016
Batman.
199
00:13:21,014 --> 00:13:22,019
Swish swish swish.
200
00:13:25,009 --> 00:13:26,011
Ugh!
201
00:13:34,003 --> 00:13:36,008
Quack! Huh?
202
00:13:37,022 --> 00:13:40,021
- 'Joker?'
- I'm The Batman.
203
00:13:42,008 --> 00:13:43,980
You see, the thing is..
204
00:13:44,004 --> 00:13:44,993
You're not!
205
00:13:45,017 --> 00:13:47,991
The eggs, Penguin,
or I scramble you.
206
00:13:48,015 --> 00:13:49,981
Are you out of your gourd?
207
00:13:50,005 --> 00:13:50,999
I'm in the middle of a heist!
208
00:13:51,023 --> 00:13:52,990
You don't see me barging in
209
00:13:53,014 --> 00:13:55,989
on your "gas all of
Gotham" schemes, do you?
210
00:13:56,013 --> 00:13:58,978
It is called
professional courtesy.
211
00:13:59,002 --> 00:14:01,992
Sorry, Pengie, but bringing down
Gotham's second-biggest criminal
212
00:14:02,016 --> 00:14:04,995
means my biggest bounty yet.
213
00:14:05,019 --> 00:14:06,992
Second-biggest?
214
00:14:07,016 --> 00:14:07,996
Says who?
215
00:14:08,020 --> 00:14:14,018
Whoosh screech Hyah!
216
00:14:25,008 --> 00:14:26,022
Arr-rrgh!
217
00:14:39,001 --> 00:14:40,020
- Joker!
- Batman?
218
00:14:42,005 --> 00:14:45,020
If it isn't dumb and dumber.
219
00:14:49,003 --> 00:14:51,996
Okay, now you two are
startin' to creep me out.
220
00:14:52,020 --> 00:14:54,985
This is no longer funny, Joker.
221
00:14:55,009 --> 00:14:58,023
Hand over the venom.
222
00:15:01,017 --> 00:15:03,999
But you're so close to
completing your evolution.
223
00:15:04,023 --> 00:15:06,993
Ah, well, it seems you two
have something to settle.
224
00:15:07,017 --> 00:15:09,023
- So, I'll just...
- Not so fast, Penguin.
225
00:15:10,001 --> 00:15:11,018
The eggs!
226
00:15:27,011 --> 00:15:29,003
Ugh, ugh, uh!
227
00:15:36,005 --> 00:15:37,010
Yes!
228
00:15:39,011 --> 00:15:41,021
That is one expensive omelet.
229
00:15:46,015 --> 00:15:49,021
Since I can't leave
here empty-handed..
230
00:15:53,019 --> 00:15:55,980
You do not want that, Penguin.
231
00:15:56,004 --> 00:16:00,005
If you want it,
Batman, I want it.
232
00:16:09,019 --> 00:16:10,982
Aah!
233
00:16:11,006 --> 00:16:12,007
Quack!
234
00:16:14,021 --> 00:16:16,002
Huh?
235
00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:23,022
Whirr whirr Wait!
236
00:16:25,009 --> 00:16:26,012
Ah!
237
00:16:28,023 --> 00:16:28,999
Uh-uh-uh.
238
00:16:29,023 --> 00:16:32,019
Comedy is timing, you know?
239
00:16:39,020 --> 00:16:42,010
Hyah! Ooh!
240
00:16:47,014 --> 00:16:48,016
Ha!
241
00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:55,985
Well, now, what could it
be that you want so badly?
242
00:16:56,009 --> 00:16:58,985
Ooh, no. That is
not a good idea.
243
00:16:59,009 --> 00:17:00,016
Says you!
244
00:17:03,003 --> 00:17:03,992
Ow!
245
00:17:04,016 --> 00:17:06,022
Priceless.
246
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,007
Ow! Unh!
247
00:17:10,015 --> 00:17:11,018
Aah!
248
00:17:15,002 --> 00:17:16,996
Aa-aa-aah!
249
00:17:17,020 --> 00:17:18,996
Unh! Mmm!
250
00:17:19,020 --> 00:17:22,991
Well, guess I'll
just hang out here.
251
00:17:23,015 --> 00:17:26,015
Well, that's a good one, Pengie.
252
00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:38,013
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
253
00:17:40,001 --> 00:17:40,983
You know, what's funny.
254
00:17:41,007 --> 00:17:43,016
This situation
reminds me of a joke!
255
00:17:45,004 --> 00:17:45,997
A doctor told his patient
256
00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:48,979
"I have bad news
and worse news."
257
00:17:49,003 --> 00:17:49,984
Ugh!
258
00:17:50,008 --> 00:17:51,985
"Oh, dear! What's the bad news?"
259
00:17:52,009 --> 00:17:53,011
Asked the patient.
260
00:17:54,014 --> 00:17:54,996
The doctor replied
261
00:17:55,020 --> 00:17:57,982
"you only have
24 hours to live!"
262
00:17:58,006 --> 00:17:58,991
Aah!
263
00:17:59,015 --> 00:18:00,981
"That's terrible,"
said the patient.
264
00:18:01,005 --> 00:18:03,022
"But how can the other
news possibly be worse?"
265
00:18:10,014 --> 00:18:13,982
The doctor replied, "Well,
I've been trying to contact you
266
00:18:14,006 --> 00:18:15,022
since yesterday!"
267
00:18:28,009 --> 00:18:30,022
That joke always slays 'em.
268
00:18:49,023 --> 00:18:52,015
You really know how
to squelch a laugh.
269
00:18:57,008 --> 00:19:00,014
Stop me if you've heard
this one before, Joker.
270
00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:04,017
A man walked into a bar.
271
00:19:06,002 --> 00:19:06,990
Ow!
272
00:19:07,014 --> 00:19:08,020
And said.
273
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,008
"Ow!"
274
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,983
Good one, Batman.
275
00:19:21,007 --> 00:19:23,007
"Said, ow."
276
00:19:26,001 --> 00:19:28,000
Who knew you had it in you?
277
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,023
That's the Joker I know.
278
00:19:40,020 --> 00:19:41,994
Hey, what's so funny?
279
00:19:42,018 --> 00:19:44,006
Ehhh..
280
00:20:18,003 --> 00:20:20,008
♪ The Batman ♪
18940
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