Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[BALL BOUNCING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[SPRINKLERS CLICKING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[DOG BARKING]

[EXHALES]

[BRTEATHES HEAVILY]

Peanut butter.

[SIGHS]

And so it begins.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Ugh!

Kelci! Sammy! Becca!

Everybody up! We'’re late!

[SMACKING]

[EXHALES]

[GIGGLING]

What...

Give me that.

[LAUGHING]

Come on, Mom. He likes it.

All right. Fine.

He can have peanut butter sandwiches.

You guys get dog food for lunch.

Becca? Honey? Wake up.

Rise and shine. We'’re late. Let'’s go. Let's go.

BECCA: Oh! Why didn'’t you wake me?

I gotta pack my soccer bag and...

Oh, you didn'’t forget to wash my jersey, did you?

Oh, of course, honey.

I did not forget to wash your jersey.

That'’s ridiculous.

Let me go get your... Let me go get your jersey

which I did not forget to wash.

[SIGHS]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[BREATHING]

Oh. Okay.

Ugh!

[SIGHS]

Becca, don'’t forget your lunch.

Here. Did you have breakfast?Mom, where'’s my jersey?

Oh. Here.

Freshly laundered jersey coming up.

I don'’t need the hanger.

I got an early game today, okay?

And it'’s your turn to be snack mom.

So please don'’t be late.Yes, I know. I know.

Sammy...Hey, mister, I see that. I see that.

Here. Take this.SAMMY: I didn'’t do anything.

Just go.

[SLURPING]

KELCI: Hey, Mom, Mango'’s drinking coffee.

Hey! Hey! Off! Down!

Bad dog! Out!

Kelci, move it. You'’re late for school.

Fine.

[EXHALES]

All right.

GIRL: Good shot, you guys.

♪ As you can see, I'’ve got everything I need

♪ Everybody wants to be like me

♪ I'’ve got more money Than you'’ve ever seen

♪ I'’ve spent more green Than your family tree

♪ I want more

♪ Just give me more

♪ I want more

♪ Just give me more-ore-ore-ore-ore-ore ♪

[SLAMS DOOR SHUT]

So whose butt are we kicking today?

Mar Vista.

Is my makeup natural enough for soccer?

It'’s fine.

Oh, and, darling, if we lose today,

you'’re still my daughter.

It'’ll just be, uh, a little harder to love you.

That'’s fair.

COACH: Okay, girls.

We all have different strengths in life.

Mine are gourmet cooking,

Thai massage, and coaching soccer.

Unfortunately for me,

none of your strengths are playing soccer.

Now, we know that,

in spite of all of my efforts,

we'’re going to lose today.

Oh, yes.

These Malibu girls outplay us on every level.

Now, there'’s only one thing for us to do.

Forfeit?

I wish you would'’ve mentioned that before we got here.

It'’s gonna be a little strange if we just up and left.

No.

What you girls are really good at

-is losing gracefully, huh? -Oh. Thanks, Coach.

I'’m gonna be the best loser I can be.

That'’s the spirit, Becca.

That'’s the way to be a winner...

at losing.

GIRL: Kelly, keep it going!

GIRL: You guys need to be focused. Come on.

TIFFANY: Oh, my God!

I knew something smelled weird.

Oh. Wow, Tiffany. I'’m surprised to see you here.

I thought your mom ate her young.

That'’s so not true.

Tiffany'’s mom hardly eats anything.

At least my mom'’s here.

COACH: Those are not very nice girls.

But they are terrific soccer players.

[PHONE RINGING]

[OPENS DOOR]

I have to get the phone.

Hair Studio. This is Wendy.

Yes, Miss Humperdink.

Okay.

I'’ll put you down with Harry at three.

Thanks. See you then. Bye.

You are going to love this new look.

Does it come with a new house? A new car? A new tuchus?

All the above.

But first, I do your roots.Deal.

Years doing special effects, and they want me to interview

for a measly little slash-and-splatter film.

Like I couldn'’t do an arterial spray with my eyes closed.

Oh, Harry, I just wish you knew how to make a dramatic entrance.

Well, I told them to take their job and shove it right up

-their... - Family business.

Exactly. I mean, get a bottle of ketchup, for God'’s sake,

if all you want is blood.

You are an artist.Exactly.

I am an artist.

Here we go.I...

can transform. I can create.

I...ALL: Can terrify!

Yes, we know.Thank you.

But first, your 11:00 is here.

Oh, bless her.

[EXHALES] Well, some transformations

are more challenging than others.

Come on, Davies. Game time.

Game time?

Becca'’s early game. Oh, I suck so bad.

What... What are you doing?

Can you man the phones? I gotta go.

Wait. Wait. At least let me just...

rinse you out!

[GIRLS CHEERING]

[CLAPPING] Come on! Here we go! Here we go! Here we go!

Yeah. Come on. Back up the other way.

Remember what we said. Be the ball. Be the ball.

Hey... Yeah, there goes the ball.

Oh, that is so disappointing!

[GIRLS SCREAMING]

Okay, that'’s right, Becca. Yeah. Do what you do best.

Better. Better.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Oh, fantastic run, Becca! Fantastic run!

[WHISTLING]

GIRLS: Come on! Come on!

Yeah! Good job, Laurie! All right, Kim!

[WHISTLING]

You guys look great out there! Whoo!

Hey, woman.Oh, hey.

Your girl'’s doing real good today.

Yeah.Mm-hmm.

What'’s the score?

It'’s not pretty.Oh.

What?

Um...

Oh, God. Oh, God. I thought I got all those.

Yeah. That'’s nothing.

The other day, I found a Cheeto in my bra.

Did you eat it?[SIGHS] What do you think?

WENDY: That'’s it, Laurie!

[CLAPPING] All right, Becca!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Ow!

[CROWD BOOING]

[REFEREE WHISTLES]

BECCA: Aw, man!MAN: Red card. Yeah.

Oh.

What a shame.

Somebody got a red card.

TIFFANY'’S MOM: At least she's getting discipline somewhere,

'’cause you know she's not getting it at home.

Oh, speaking of not getting it at home,

did I tell you about Cheryl and her aromatherapist?

[CHUCKLING]

[SIGHS]

I know you'’re not gonna listen to a woman

who gets fat from her butt injected into her face!

WENDY: Oh, Dee Dee.

You'’re raising three kids without a dad,

and you'’re doing a good job. Becca'’s just having a bad day.

It'’s not just her getting red-flagged.

Carded.

It'’s not just her getting red-carded. It'’s everything.

She gets U'’s on her report card now.

Last week, she got detention for fighting.

-Did she win? -[SIGHS] And her therapist,

which, by the way, I cannot afford,

says that she'’s at a crossroads, and...

you know, whatever road she heads down,

I'’m afraid she might never come back.

I just...

I don'’t want to lose my sweet little girl, you know?

Come here.

Hey, good work out there.

Cheer up, girls.

You only lost by six goals.

What, are you texting them a pep talk?

I mean, I'’m no coach, but those girls...

They just endured an inning of torture out there.

They'’re called halves.Well...

whatever they'’re called, why don'’t you walk over

to your team and give them a little encouragement?

How'’s about you stick to bringing juice boxes

and cheering at the wrong time,

and leave the coaching to someone

who was captain of his soccer team

his fifth and sixth years of junior college?

What, they wouldn'’t give you a seventh year?

No. It'’s against the rules.

Hey, he may be terrible,

but you think playing zone is, like, some new diet,

so could you maybe butt out, please?

Okay, maybe I don'’t know much about coaching soccer...

Coaching soccer?

Last time you were snack mom,

you brought a pack of gum and half a roll of Life Savers.

That was all I had in my purse.

Look, I just think you girls deserve better than that.

Well, we had better, and then he died.

You can'’t replace him, so just stop trying, okay?

Sweetheart...This isn'’t aHallmark moment, mom.

[EXHALES]

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ I know what it takes

♪ To make me beautiful

♪ I know what it takes

♪ To make me smile

♪ And I want you to see

♪ We were meant To be together

♪ Someday you say You'’ll come around

♪ But I can hear the sound Of your voice fading

Oh, hey, sweetie. I'’m sorry. I didn'’t mean to wake you up.

I was just, uh...

Your dad loved coaching you.

It'’s not the same without him.

Yeah, I know.

Nothing is, is it?

I don'’t want to play anymore.

I'’m gonna quit the team.

What?

No. You love soccer. It makes you happy.

Right.

I'’m so happy.

♪ And as hard as it seems

♪ This is not gonna be

WENDY: Becca says she'’s gonna quit the team.

Yeah, right. And I'’m gonna stop watching my neighbor

mowing his grass with his shirt off.

You don'’t quit what you love.

I think she'’s serious.

That would be terrible.Oh, yeah.

Soccer'’s the only thing that means anything to her

anymore. If she quits that, what else is there?

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

You know Dad couldn'’t miss this for nothing.

WENDY: Oh, no.

He'’s not here.

This is not his visitation day.

Wendy.Wally.

Dee.It'’s Friday, Wally. Friday.

Not Saturday.

We worked out a schedule so that you could see Laurie,

and I would not have to see you.

You know what?What!

You look good, baby.

All right. I'’ll see you.

Okay. Fantastic.

Don'’t even try it.[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Huddle up!

I have a very important announcement to make.

Some might say life-changing.

Uh, Coach, I have something I want to say.

Becca, please.

Don'’t you try and stop me.

You know, girls, life is like a box of chocolates.

Sometimes it'’s bitter,

sometimes it'’s sweet.

Sometimes it'’s bittersweet.

The point is, as many of you know,

my day job is as a crucial member

of the Score sports team.

I am quite literally the glue

That holds the clothing line together.

Doesn'’t he just supply the zippers?

Very quiet, please.

Very quiet.

Now, I'’ve just been informed I'’m being transferred to Milan.

After Saturday, I won'’t be here to coach the team.

That'’s the bitter chocolate.

Now, some of you may know

that Lorenzo Vincenzo

is a brilliant superstar

with Italy'’s great Nazionale Italiano soccer team.

Or he was...

Until a knee injury forced him to retire.

Lorenzo the Great?

One and the same.

Now, I met Lorenzo on a company retreat.

We bonded,

and because I...

impressed him so much,

that he would be honored

to coach my team for me.

Lorenzo Vincenzo is coming? He'’s coaching us?

Until regionals.

Until regionals,

and then he has to start a promotional tour.

When are you leaving?

I mean...

When is he coming?

Sunday.

[SCREAMING IN EXCITEMENT]

That would be the day after Saturday.

-Oh, my God! -Let'’s have a welcome party. We

can do it at my place, right, mom?

A welcome party? Does this mean you'’re still on the team?

We can have the party, right, Mom?

Oh, well, of course.

I just cleaned last Christmas, so that'’s...

Awesome!And my mom can cook.

BECCA: Oh, great.

[CHUCKLING]

Oh, my God! Lorenzo'’s coming!

I think I'’m gonna throw up or faint or both.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, my God!

Thank you, Vincenzo Lorenzo.

I think you mean Lorenzo Vincenzo.

Oh, whatever.

COACH: Those poor guys.

They are gonna really miss me.

Lorenzo Vincenzo'’s coming.

I am so excited, I just might throw up.

WENDY: There'’s a lot of that going on.

WENDY: Oh, don'’t worry. If he hurls on you,

you get a ten percent discount.

It'’s unbelievable.

I mean, a genuine superstar will be teaching them.

This is life changing. I am so jealous.

Well, I can probably get you on the team, hotshot.

Do you think you can fit yourself

into a pair of junior girls'’ shorts?

For Lorenzo, I'’d eat my shorts.

You have got to introduce me to Vincenzo.

He'’s your type?

He'’s everybody's type.

Well, whether or not he'’s my type,

I was chosen to pick him up at his hotel.

Well, then, you are picking up a living legend.

He was the best soccer player in Europe till he got injured.

I didn'’t know you were so into soccer.

Are you kidding me? Huge into soccer.

I played a ton when I was young.

And, of course, I realized you can'’t exactly pay the rent

playing intramural sports, so, uh, I gave it up.

I cried like a baby when he ruined his knee.

You also cried like a baby when they took "Friends" off the air.

Yes, because that was sad.

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]

MAN: Thank you very much.

MAN: Hey, honey, is that Lorenzo Vincenzo?

WOMAN: Yeah, it is.

MAN: Oh, wow!

BOY: Hey, Lorenzo!

Lorenzo, right here!Can we have your autograph?

You'’re our favorite player.Yes. Ah. Okay.

[IN ACCENT] Ah. Okay. What'’s your name?

Sean.Sean.

Your numero uno

favorite hero,

Lorenzo

Vincenzo.

That'’s me.Thank you.

I sign your shirt. This a big L. This a big V.

There'’s my initials. There'’s my number.

Ciao. God bless. Ciao.[KIDS] Thank you.

[KIDS] Bye. You'’re cool.

WENDY: Uh, Mr. Vincenzo? Si.

Hi, I'’m Wendy Handler.

Wendy. Hello. Okay. Wendy.

Your name...

This is my cell number.

Lorenzo, he like some company, huh? Andiamo.

Well, if you like company, you'’ve come to the right place.

I know 13 girls who can'’t wait to meet you.

Thirteen...girls?

[BREATHES DEEPLY] God bless America.

They are so excited for you to coach them.

Coach? The... These girls... they don'’t know how to do...

Oh, no, no, no. Let me start over.

These are 14-year-old girls,

and you'’re gonna be coaching them soccer.

Soccer.

[CLEARS THROAT] Ah, no. No.

Lorenzo does not coach the little girls soccer. No.

But, w-well, Coach Kenny told...

told me that you would.

Kenny from Score Sports. Zipper Kenny.

Zipper. Ah, si, si.

I know this, uh... this Kenny you speak of.

He'’s, uh, stupido.

Oh, si, si.Very stupido.

I tell him, "Si, si, si," to make him go away.

Wait. Oh, no. Stop. Wait. So... So stop!

So you'’re not gonna be coaching them?

I am gonna have an entire team of girls

who are gonna be so disappointed.

My own daughter will be devastated.

Too bad, so sad.

Wait. No. Lorenzo, stop!

I'’ll do anything!

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

Anything?

[CLEARS THROAT]

[SNAPS FINGERS] Okay, Lorenzo have an idea.

[WENDY WHISPERS] Okay.

First, we start with a squeeze...

Then another squeeze...

[MURMURING]

Va bene.So...

We need to get the saddle and the maid'’s uniform.

[EXHALES]

[SNIFFLES]

The slap of love.

It'’s very nice.

Oh, stop it! Stop it!LOZENZO: Hey.

[CLANGING]

WOMAN: Get those bags out.

No. Stay away from me, you crazy American.

You keep her away from me! She tried to kill...

[YELLING IN PAIN]

Oh, my knee!

Can I help you...

Get away from me, you crazy American woman!

I just want to help.

No, no, no, no, no.

This woman, she... Ahhhh!

I... So, does this mean you'’re definitely not coaching?

Closer.

Yes?

No!

I'’m not coaching.

[SIGHS]

[PHONE RINGS]

[PHONE RINGS]

WENDY: Hi, sweetie.

Where are you? Is he with you?

WENDY: No, honey. I'’m afraid he's not.

I knew it.

BECCA: I knew it was too good to be true.

WENDY: Please don'’t talk that way.

What way? Don'’t talk about reality?

BECCA: I knew he wouldn'’t come.

I really, really wanted this to happen,

and that should'’ve been the first clue it never would.

[SIGHS]

BECCA: Nothing works out for me anymore.

Seems like after Dad died,

everything'’s just a big nothing.

[SIGHS] I can'’t believe I even thought this was gonna happen.

[EXHALES]

BECCA: Hello?

Mom! Hello!

Mom, are you even listening?

What? Yes. Yes, of course I'’m...

Of course I'’m listening. I just...

I don'’t see why you're so upset.

[SCOFFS]

Big surprise. You don'’t even care about me.

Oh, of course I care about you.

I just don'’t see why you can't wait a few more hours.

A few hours? Wait. He'’s coming?

Duh! He'’s coming.

Of course he'’s... I didn'’t say he wasn't coming.

He'’s just... He's not at the hotel yet, you know.

His flight was delayed. It was so delayed.

You know, one of the wings fell off.

Oh, my God. Is he okay?

No. I mean, it wasn'’t an important wing.

It was a back wing, you know, so...

He'’s coming!

[GIRLS SCREAMING]

I'’m just gonna go pick him up.Okay. I gotta go. Bye.

-A wing fell off? -And then Dr. Phil says,

"Lady, you have got to get your act together

"and stop lying."

Excuse me. We'’ve got to talk.

I am in the middle of a great Dr. Phil story.

I'’m sure. Come on.

Which... I'’ll be right back.

Where are you taking me?

To the dungeon. We need Harry for this.

Har... For what?

What... what...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Tell me what'’s going on.

I need to look like him.

Eh. You know, Wendy, there are a lot of great

anti psychotics out on the market today,

many with only mild side effects.

You and Harry need to help me be him.

Nausea, dry mouth.I'’m not kidding. Shh!

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

HERRY: Enter.

[OPENS DOOR]

Greetings, my lovelies.

What brings you to my little lair?

Mmm. Lorenzo Vincenzo.

Please, Harry. Meeting Lorenzo means the world to Becca,

and I just... I can'’t watch her be disappointed again.

Oh, come on.

You can'’t be serious about this.

Well, if anyone can do it, Harry can.

Mm-hmm.

When you turned Brooke Shields into a zombie

for "Help, My Step-mom'’s a Zombie,"

I mean, she was utterly unrecognizable.

Really? I always thought the brain matter was

-a little too spongy. -[SIGHS] You'’re crazy.

You'’re crazy, Wendy. You can'’t fool your daughter

and her entire soccer team.

He has got a point there, love.

Monsters are easy. People are hard.

No, but when we worked together on Broadway...

Broadway? Turning you into a cat

is very different than...

than passing you off as a man

up close and personal.

Come on.Mm-hmm.

I know. You'’re right. I mean, what was I thinking?

When was the last time you did anything

other than blood and guts?

It hasn'’t been that long.

Well, maybe not in years.

But you are getting older.

I mean, people lose a little something.

You know what? Let'’s just forget I ever said anything.

So thank you anyway, and I'’ll see you back at work.

Just stop there one moment, you little minx.

Hmm. I'’m gonna say something to you

that my father said to me many, many years ago.

"Get out"?No. Before that.

I'’m gonna turn you into a man if it'’s the last thing I do.

[SOFTLY] Oh, Harry.

Thank you, Harry! Oh!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[PHONE RINGING]

HARRY: Oh, yeah. That'’s good. [PHONE RINGING]

Huh! It'’s Becca.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello.BECCA: Mom?

Hi, honey. Yeah. I'’m at the airport right now.

I can barely hear you.

[HAIR DRYER WHIRRING]

What?

[IN CHILDISH VOICE] Why, Daddy, there you are.

Grandfather, I was on an aircraft.

I told you I'’d call the minute his plane landed, didn'’t I?

Can you hurry up? I mean, everybody'’s already eating.

Relax. I'’m almost done.

-Done? -You know, I'’m almost done

-picking him up. -That'’s... That's what I mean,

you know. His plane has almost landed.

WENDY: So I guess I'’ll see you in just a little bit, then.

Okay. Bye.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ My head'’s all good

♪ Baby, you'’ll be mine

♪ Just look at me now

♪ Baby, I can Blow your mind

♪ I'’m as fast as a shark

♪ You can'’t catch me

♪ Hurts so good

♪ You know I'’m bad As bad can be

♪ I'’m a modern man

♪ Let me be your boy toy

♪ A modern man Let me be your boy toy ♪

[EXHALES]

Wow.

Amazing.

WENDY: Does it really work?Oh, yeah.

You are a genius.

Tell me something I don'’t know.

Cargo pants are out.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[CLEARS THROAT] Ahem.

GIRL: He'’s here!GIRL 2: Oh, wow!

So, uh, Coach Lorenzo, he got the question.

If you so happy you getting a new coach,

how come I no get a handshake

or a single "Hello, Coach Lorenzo"?

ALL: Hello, Coach Lorenzo.

Ah, bene. This-a more like the welcome I expecting.

Hello this-a. Oh, yes. A-wow that.

How exciting it is-a.

Pretty ladies. Hi. Hi. Hi.

He looks like Al Pacino.

Or the Burger King guy.

GIRL: Nice to meet you. Hi.

Coach Lorenzo, we are honored having you coach our girls.

Oh, no, no, no. It is I who am honored

to be coaching these-a ragazzas.

Grazie.I'’m... I'm Becca Handler.

My mom picked you up from the airport.

Oh, si, si. What a delightful woman.

So beautiful, charming,

organized, punctual.

Great taste in the clothing.

Smells like the sweet rain of the springtime.

Uh, you'’re talking about Wendy Handler...

Yea-high, thin, and thinks she'’s really funny?

Ah, hilarious, this woman.

You'’re so lucky to have her for mother.

I'’m just saying.

Come to think of it, where is Wendy?

Why...She, she, she... She'’s getting more

of the munchies for these-a little ragazzas.

They'’re growing. They need to get strong-a.

[CHUCKLING] You know, you surprised us.

But in a good way.Yeah.

Well, I, I, I...I start to make-a da knock-knock-knock

on the front door, but then Lorenzo, he change his mind.

I go around the back, I see the gate,

I come inside, and-a boom, I'’m here.

This, my Galaxy girls, is soccer lesson numero uno, okay? So,

always, you go straight for the goal.

Like you gonna knock-knock knock-knock on the front door,

and then boom, you go through the side door, the back door.

I don'’t care which way you going,

just so long as it'’s not the way the other team expecting.

And this is a-football lesson numero uno.

Capisce?

[BREATHES] Si.

[YAWNING]

DEE: You must be exhausted from your flight.

Si, si.But I try to coming and meet,

I must, my new a-students.

So now I go to my hotel,

I get a little of the bright-eye, bushy-tail sleeping,

and then I come back tomorrow for practice.

DEE: Let me drive you, Coach.No. No.

Always when I in a new time zone, I must-a walk...

a-walk for miles, or else Coach Lorenzo,

He cannot, uh... how you say... sleep.

You girls, you better get out of here,

go home and get some rest.

You know why? Because tomorrow I gonna work-a your butts

like never before in the practice!

Okay?

All right-a. Ciao.

See you tomorrow.ALL: Ciao!

Ciao, Lorenzo.

Ciao.

[GROANING]

What am I doing?

WENDY: Hey.

It'’s over already? What did I miss?

As usual, I was the life of the party.

WENDY: As usual. Bye, girls.

A certain Italian was looking at me like I was a basket

of breadsticks from the Olive Garden.

Oh, really?

Don'’t tell me you didn't want to rip his shirt off.

Yes. Yes, I did.

[LAUGHING]

And his goatee and his nose, too, yes.

Good night.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Hey.Oh, my God.

Yeah?He'’s so amazing!

He'’s so real! I mean, you know, it'’s just...

I mean, so not about being a big star at all.

I can tell right away he'’s gonna be the best coach ever.

I can'’t believe it.I wouldn'’t be too hasty.

Huh?I said won'’t these be tasty?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CLOSES DOOR]

Dr. ELLEN: Good work. Good work, Becca.

[PHONE RINGING]

Oh, I gotta take this.

Oh, I hate it when she works on the weekends. It'’s...

Here. Meet me in the car.

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

You know, she almost quit the team.

Yes. I, um...

How do you feel about that?

Well, you know, I'’m glad she didn't,

but I'’m worried that she wanted to.

So you'’re conflicted.

Of course I'’m conflicted. Shouldn'’t I be conflicted?

You tell me.No, you tell me.

Should I be worried?

Uh, what do you think?

No, I want to know what you think.

Uh, really?

Well, you know when we talked about before

that Becca'’s at a crossroads?

Well, I think this coach would put her on the right path,

and I think it'’s really important.

You do?

Do you?

I think...

we'’re done here.

Are we?

I'’ll, uh, just...

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

Oh, yeah.

Well, our... our time'’s up anyway, so...

[CHUCKLING]

Okay.

GIRL: Hey, kick it over here.

Yes, I have new cars coming in by next Tuesday.

WENDY: Oh, this is crazy. What was I thinking?

This is not gonna work. This is not gonna work.

No. I am Lorenzo. I am Lorenzo.

I am-a Lorenzo.

Ciao, bambolinas.

Coach Lorenzo'’s here.

Hey!

Yes-a! So very nice.

DEE: Hi. I'’m Dee Dee.

We met the other night at the party.

Oh, I could never forget such a lovely face.

And how you doin'’, sir? I'’m Dee Dee's husband.

Oh, Lorenzo stay away.

[LAUGHTER]

DEE: Take a picture? Please?Yes-a!

DEE: That'’s wonderful.Arms around Coach Lorenzo.

And when we count to three, we say what?

Formaggio.

One, two, three.

ALL: Formaggio! [CLICKS]

[CHUCKLING] That'’s wonderful.

Ah!

DEE: Thank you.LORENZO: Very exciting.

We here to start the practice.

Lorenzo, you'’re the greatest dribbler I'’ve ever seen.

Can you show us?

Yeah, show us some of your footwork.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

I love to dribble more than anything in this life,

but I hurt my leg last year.

I can no longer do the thing

I love more than anything in this world. But...

you can.

I will teach all of you how to be champions.

Where? Out there,

in here,

and most important,

in here, okay?

Well, Coach, we'’re just here to learn,

so show us any way you can.

I, uh...

I...

DEE: Coach Lorenzo, what'’s wrong?

LORENZO: I'’m sorry. I...

I cannot do this. I...

I cannot coach you.

You see, I, uh...

I am not what you think. You see, I...

DEE: Why not? Why can'’t you coach us?

-I'’m not, uh... -TONY: Uh, because

Coach Lorenzo'’s assistant coach is late.

Sorry. Sorry about that.Yes. Bene. Bene.

Yeah.

Try not to be late anymore. Yes, no?

It won'’t happen again.

This is your assistant coach, Tony DaSilva. Yes.

How are you?BECCA: Tony,

you do Coach Lorenzo'’s hair?

Um, well, your... your...

No. Actually, your mom, uh, asked me to, uh,

come and help out since I speak Italian,

and Coach'’s English might be a little tough to follow.

It'’s not so bene. Non capisco.

Italian... American girls-a, yes-a.

My mom thought of that?

Yeah. Your mom thought of that.

All right. Let'’s get to work.

The coach gave me his instructions here.

Uh, let'’s see. Start out each practice

with leg stretches and ball hops.

Right, Coach?Si. Yes. Yes. Right.

So what you standing around for?

You waiting I should send you an invite?

www.getyourbuttsonthefield.com!

Let'’s go, let's go, let'’s go!

Let'’s go! Go!

Yeah.GIRL: Let'’s do it.

Hey, mille grazie.

Just, uh, let me lead the stretches,

and then you announce you'’re running them

through a split cross drive drill.

A split cross drive drill?

No. Just... Just... Just follow my lead,

and you'’ll be fine, Wendy.

I mean, Coach Lorenzo.

Grazie.

Attenzione!

Come closer.

In a momento,

we'’re gonna form the two lines-a,

and Coach Tony here is going to warm up the muscles.

And then we'’re going to do a split cross drive drills.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

GIRL: Go, go, go, go!

GIRL 2: Got it!

GIRL: Good one!

GIRL: Hey.Got it.

GIRL: Oh!GIRL 2: Nice!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Whoo!Send it back!

Girls...

GIRL: Good one!

Whoa!

BECCA: Great!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

BECCA: Come on, guys, let'’s do it.

Yeah, guys, footwork!

GIRL: Side toe! Side toe!

GIRL: Oh, beauty! Beauty!

Whoo!

How fantastico!

[WHISTLING]

Fantastico, girls! Nice work!

Okay, here'’s your sum-up and final thoughts.

[IN ORIGINAL VOICE] How can I ever repay you?

I'’ll think of something.

[IN ACCENT] Okay, girls.

Hey, come closer.

How many of you are kicking only with the right foot?

Okay. Next practice, you not even allowed

to touch the ball with your right foot.

Only the left. Capisce?

ALL: Capisce.

Uh?ALL: Capisce!

A defender who got no idea which-a way you gonna kick,

and then a-boom, suddenly she got

a-twice as many things to worry about.

Right?ALL: Right, yeah.

ALL: Right!

Okay. Now, get out. Go home. See you later.

Great practice today, Coach.

Hey, you do a nice job today, too.

I can tell you must have the soccer in your blood.

Oh, yeah. My dad used to coach the team.

Yes, I hear this-a from Coach Tony.

Um, can I tell you something crazy?

Nothing you say to Lorenzo is crazy.

Well, I just have the strangest feeling

like I know you from someplace.

You crazy. It'’s impossible.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CLOSES DOOR]

You know, you'’re always the last mom to show up.

Honey, I'’m so sorry. I know. I...

I got caught up at work. It was...

Yeah, well, it'’s always busy at work, Mom.

I promise you I will make it up to you, okay?

Whatever you want.

I wanna invite Coach Lorenzo over for dinner.

N... No!

Why not?[CHUCKLING]

I mean, there'’s no way he's gonna have time to just,

you know, lounge around eating dinner with us

in our dining room, eating.

And like you know what he can and cannot do.

I mean, you haven'’t been to one practice since he started.

Oh, my God! A spider!

[SCREAMING] Oh, my...

Oh! Uh...

[YELLING] Kill it! Kill it!

I think you got it. You got it. You got it.

Godzilla could not have survived that.

Throw it out the window! Throw it out the window!

Throw it out the window, Mom!

All right!

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

I hate spiders.

WENDY: Ahem. Look at that.

Right.

Please try not to kill this one.

Thank you.

Is that him?Mm-hmm.

Wow. He'’s good.

Yeah.Okay.

Here. See him shifting? Unexpectedly?

How he whirls and kicks from behind?

Throws those defenders way off balance.

Geez. I had no idea he was this amazing.

Look at him jump.

Guys I know in dance would'’ve gone nuts over him.

I'’ll bet they would've.

Hey, can I borrow this DVD?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

All right, honey. I'’ll see you after practice.

Mom, how come you never bother coming to practice anymore?

Well, I have a ton of err...

I mean, I have a ton of errands today. I'’m...

Yeah, okay. Well, just don'’t forget

the mother-daughter dinner tonight, please?

Yeah, of course. I'’ll meet you there.

On time?Yes, of course.

When have I ever not been on time?

Okay, all the time. But this time, I promise.

I promise.Okay.

BECCA: Bye.Okay, bye. I love you.

[SIGHS]

Tell Becca she'’s still leaning too much

on her left foot before she kicks.

No way. Her strides are just too short.

Becca!

Uh, take a-longer strides, eh?

Too choppy-choppy for the kick. Try it.

BECCA: Thanks, Coach.Yeah.

You, uh, didn'’t do what I told you to do.

Yes, because it was obvious to me

she wasn'’t timing her approach, so...

No, that was a compliment, not a complaint.

Oh. Oh. That... What?

Oh. Grazie.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

[CALL RECEIVED BEEP]

Si.I mean, yes. It'’s Wendy.

He'’s got a girlfriend.WENDY: Who?

Wally. Who else?

I ran into them at the supermarket.

She was wearing sweatpants that said "Juicy" on the butt!

What kind of message does that send?

I'’m so sorry.

DEE: It'’s irresponsible is what it is.

Look, Dee... Flaunting it all over town!

You rejected him so many times.

That doesn'’t mean that I want another woman

getting her hands on my husband.

Ex-husband. But we'’re not divorced yet.

There'’s a child involved, for heaven'’s sake.

This man was the love of my life.

You know, I bet he met her on the Internet.

I'’m so sorry, honey. I really am.

No, it'’s fine. It's fine.

Two can play at that game.

There are plenty of guys dying to get a little of this.

Uh, si, si. Uh, pepperoni-a.

Uh... Ciao.

Ordering pizza.

Laurie lost her sweater again, and I just thought that...

since I was coming over here,

I might bring you a little something.

Cupcakes?Oh.

You have, uh, beautiful cupcakes,

but Lorenzo, he, uh, eating the no carbs.

South Beach.Of course.

I don'’t know what I was thinking.

So sorry.

A man with your physique clearly does not eat cupcakes.

[LAUGHING] Grazie.

It'’s incredible watching you work with our girls.

They really want to make you happy.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

We all want to make you happy, if you know what I mean.

Oh, I already so happy.

Look, it'’s like I have little bluebird on my shoulder

singing "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay."

You just must be exhausted from practice.

Why don'’t you let me take you back to your hotel?

No, I prefer walking.

You know Lorenzo. Strong like horse, so...

I just bet you are.

Oy.

Oy.

[DEE MOANING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[DEE MOANING]

Oh.

Si.

What the heck?

Oh.

You checking up on me, Wally?

Nah, I just didn'’t think it was appropriate

to be filming a "Girls Gone Wild" video

at our daughter'’s soccer field.

But it'’s okay to take a hussy to the grocery store.

Ginger'’s not a hussy.

She'’s a paralegal, and she'’s nice to me.

And, yet, here you are.

We'’ve come to get the coach.

Yeah, come on. Let'’s get out of here.

I got to be home by ten,

or my wife'’s gonna take away my Xbox again.

No, no, no.Come on, Coach!

Don'’t you have your mother/daughter dinner?

Coach, the girls won'’t mind if you crash our party.

Man'’s night out.

No, no, no. The coach, he want to stay,

but it is boy'’s night out, and coach is a boy, so...

What happened to your eye?

Oh. Yes, si.

The thought of leaving you

makes the coach very sad.

Coach, come on.

Si,but go I must,

and so ciao.

I call you.

[MEN CHEERING]

All right, Coach!

I gotta be home by ten.

ALL: Whoo-hoo!

DEE: Idiots.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[INDISTINCY CHATTER]

MEN: Oh, yeah. Yeah!

No, wait. Wait. Wait.

Jessica Alba.

Courtney Cox.

And Rachael Ray.

Rachael Ray?She knows how to cook.

Huh?Yeah! That'’s a list!

Yeah! Yeah!

What about you, Coach?

Three women on a deserted island. Who would you pick?

Okay, okay. Uh...

Tina Turner. Uh...

Emily Dickinson.

And maybe Hillary Clinton.

Dude, is Emily Dickinson hot?

Oh, she most smoking hot.

How do you say this, uh?

Smolder.

Bene.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[CAMERA CLICKS]

♪ Rushing people Swish and sway

♪ In the breeze

♪ The writing'’s on the wall

♪ Unified field open up

[PHONE BEEPS]

Maybe she had car trouble.

Well, I'’m sure she had an emergency at work.

You know my mom.

Saving lives, one hair appointment at a time.

Well, whatever it was,

I'’m sure it was pretty important.

[PHONE BEEPING]

Yes. Mi excuse.

[PHONE BEEPING]

MAN: Whoa. Nice phone.

Hmm!

Uh, Lorenzo must, uh... how you say... going. I must going.

No. So...

you wouldn'’t put Dee Dee on that list, huh?

Oh, no, no. No.

Not Dee Dee. No.

Why not?

She ain'’t pretty enough for you?

Oh, no. She pretty.

How do you say? Beautiful! Uh... poppers.

So...

You do wanna get with her?

Um... Excuse me. Miss.

Maybe having some water, please.

For the peanuts...One water, coming up.

WALLY: You know, what would you do with Dee Dee

on that deserted island?

LORENZO: Hmm... a little of this and that.

And maybe then, backgammon. Board games.

Maybe some talking.

Wood carving. I don'’t know.

Mm-hm.

Maybe finger-painting. You know. Scrapbooking.

Hey.

Hey. What can I get for you guys?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[GLASS BREAKING]

Yes.

LORENZO: So I use the company jet.

Ah! This for me.Yes.

What is this?Water.

Lorenzo drinks vodka.

Are you saying you want a...Vodka.

But you said...Lorenzo drinks vodka.

But...Vodka.

Vodka.

[WHISPERING] Vodka.

Grazie.

Ahem.

So these two women, I have...

Lorenzo really must go.

Now... now wait a minute.

Before you go, you gotta tell us.

What'’s it like being on a field

with a thousand screaming women around you?

Oh, very exciting. But first...

Lorenzo, I must go into the bathroom.

-Oh, okay. -But when you get back,

you'’re gonna tell us everything, right?

I hope this is better, sir.Oh. Grazie.

Ach-tooey!

WENDY: It'’s vodka! Oh, I sorry.

Scusi. Scusi.Stop. Stop. Don'’t touch.

No, I mean it!Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

That no-good two-timin'’ my Dee Dee?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[CLANGING]

Look, now. Do you like the beer or the wine?

The vino.

I like the vino.

Okay. I think I got it now.

Here'’s your water.

[SPLASHES]

[BREATHES]

Grazie.

Pazza!

[SPEAKING ITALIAN]

Isn'’t that Coach?

Yeah. Wasn'’t he wearing a warm-up suit,

like, 30 seconds ago?Yeah.

Did you see this woman? She'’s crazy.

She dump the water. Look at my hair.

I look like a strega.

And I got some more for you.

Augh!Thank you.

Bene. Bene.

Anybody else? Huh?

You want to see crazy? Huh?

Come... yeah. This is crazy.

Hey. This is nice! I miss it.

My hair. It'’s like the mousse, huh?

Good night!

[OPENS DOOR]

How are we gettin'’ home?

That'’s a good question

Hey, the photographer'’s gonna leave.

Let'’s take a picture.

Oh, no. You guys go ahead.

Come on, Becca.

Are you sure?

Oh, yeah, trust me.

Remember, orphans are very tough.

All right.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

This is too rich.

You know what to do.

Gee, how does it feel to be stood up by your own mom?

My mom had an emergency at work.

[SARCASTICALLY] You know, work...

what the rest of the world does to pay the bills.

I'’ve heard of it.

But I'’ll probably never have to do it. [LAUGHS]

Oh, you'’re in luck. Your mom'’s here.

Now you can take a photo.

[TIFFANY CHUCKLING]

GIRL: Oh, you guys.

What is she doing?

Oh, hi, Mom.

Wha...

Oh, her?

She'’s just jealous

because even though you'’re made of a mop and a plate,

you still have more human parts than her mom.

And I think her rage

comes from being aware that

her mother'’s high demands may

temporarily make her a high achiever.

But deep down, she knows she'’ll peak in high school

and then spend the rest of her life

wondering why nobody else thinks she'’s so special.

It'’s sad.

Okay.

Your nose cost more than their car.

[TIFFANY CHUCKLING]

Red card.

TIFFANY: Let me get her.

Mom, get off of me.

WENDY: Hey, what'’s going on?

Hey, hey. What are you doing?

Stop it.

You suck, Mom.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Keep the ball on the ground, Becca.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

All right, Laurie, back up.

Shoot! Shoot to the goal!

Shoot! Shoot!

Whoo!Yeah.

[APPLAUDING]

Whoo!

[REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE]

[SCREAMING IN EXCITEMENT]

♪ You got a free ride So you can'’t say no

♪ Feel the sunshine Making you sweat.

♪ Ladies are waiting In the sunshine ♪

Laurie is kicking meteors,

and Becca'’s, like, passing like,

well, what'’s her name, some sort of meat product.

Mia Hamm?Yeah.

[CLAPPING]

TONY: Yeah.

They'’re great, it'’s just that, uh,

they'’ve kind of plateaued.

Plateaued?

Yeah, there'’s still something missing from their game, Wendy.

TONY: Yes!

[APPLAUSE]

Good game, good game. Good game, good game.

Hey, Coach.

Oh, hello.

Where is the smile?

You win today, no?

Barely.

Ahh, you either win or lose. There is no barely win.

Well, we barely beat a team

that Malibu beat by five goals last week.

We got a lot of work to do before regionals.

So you got a lot of work to do, capisce? Hey.

Lorenzo tell you something you'’re never gonna forget, okay?

And I learned this the hard way.

Nothing worth having comes easy.

Bene?Okay.

Okay.Okay.

You go.Thanks, Coach.

I see you at home.What?

I said I'’d like to go to Rome.

Not today.

But, you know, someday.

[WHISPERING] What am I doing?

[INDISTINCY CHATTER]

♪ You can'’t shake the past, Even if you broke free

♪ Where would you run to?

♪ You don'’t like The road you'’re on

♪ There'’s nothing left to see

♪ The pain in your eyes Has been blinding you

♪ Still, you keep moving on, Fighting on

♪ Nowhere

♪ Why don'’t you run?

♪ Can'’t you see You can be here with me ♪

Hello.Hello.

May I see your driver'’s license, please?

Oh, prego, prego.

Really?

[WHISPERING] It'’s an old picture.

Mmm.

TV NARRATOR: Behind the Record Book.

The Lorenzo Vincenzo Story.

Known for his signature moves, the great Lorenzo was one

of the top ten players in the world.

His team would win three National Championships

and two World Cups.

But his unpredictable temper got him in trouble

during the last World Cup,

resulting in a six-month suspension.

Coupled with a chronic knee injury,

it would keep him on the sidelines of the game.

But his talent was undeniable.

Why do creepy guys always get the moves?

He'’s like a creepy, hairy Justin Timberlake.

TV NARRATOR: We caught up with Lorenzo

in an exclusive interview during a career high point.

Uh, I don'’t know why God gives me this great gift

for the soccer, right?

Uh, but, I feel the football

like Michelangelo feel the painting,

like David Hasselhoff feel the Baywatch,

like Verdi feels the music-a.

It'’s very nice.

Feel the music-a.

[WHISPERING] Feel the music.

Feel the music-a.

[WHISPERING] Feel the music-a.

[BALL BOUNCING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Flirting with disaster

♪ You'’re the one I'm after

♪ Think I found my destiny

♪ Luxury and danger

♪ Rationing, my stranger

♪ Hold me close Don'’t let me be

♪ I can fly on the wings Of my heart

♪ Deep inside, I'’ve been falling apart

♪ All alone

♪ There'’s a magic in you

♪ And I'’ll be

♪ Under your spell Of your love ♪

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Nice.

Goal for Mom.

LAURIE: Check it out.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Flying on the wings Flying on the wings

♪ Flying on the wings Of my heart

♪ I can fly

♪ On the wings of my heart

♪ Deep inside

♪ I'’ve been falling apart

♪ All alone

♪ There'’s a magic in you

♪ And I'’ll be

♪ Under your spell

BECCA: That was really cool.

It looked like you were dancing.

What about your knee? I thought you couldn'’t...

Listen, champions, they do what they love

in spite of the pain, yes?

Sometimes maybe even because of it.

But remember this always,

and you will have the heart of the champion, yes?

Okay. You guys, girls, you come with me

I have many wonderful things for to teach you, yes?

Right, find the rhythm, girls.

Feel the music, girls.

Yes, a-find the rhythm.

Feel the music, yes.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

TONY: Here'’s the play.

Becca here, Laurie,

what about, uh...Faith...

Oh, is this a bad time? I can come back.

No, no, no.No, no, sit.

I actually have to go use the, uh...

How do you say in Italian? Little boys'’ room.

Little boys'’ room, yes, go.

Okay, now, please, uh,

sit, uh, sitting down, yes.

Okay.

So, you'’re, uh, leaving

for a promotional tour after regionals?

Ah, yes. This is true.

I must, you know, make the bacon, of course.

Um, well, I, uh,

I kind of have something for you.

Oh.

It'’s kind of like a souvenir.

I mean, it'’s not, like, a snow globe, or anything.

Oh, that'’s too bad. Lorenzo loves these snow globes.

And also the tiny souvenir shot glass,

and the key chain

with his own name on it because it'’s nice, yes.

Well, I think, I'’ll keep that in mind.

Okay.

This is, um,

like a thank you gift, I guess.

I didn'’t have time to wrap it, but...

This was my dad'’s. It'’s real silver.

No.

I'’m so sorry, Bambina, I cannot accept this...

Oh, no, please. It'’s just sitting in a box.

Uh...

It'’s a prezioso memory of your pappa, you know,

maybe something the mamma should have,

not someone you barely know.

No, my mom doesn'’t care. She doesn'’t get me.

Aww, Lorenzo don'’t know about this...

this mamma of yours, she lose pappa, too, no?

Yeah.

And, uh, now she working very hard

to take care of all the babies.

Yeah. She'’s always working.

She must love this job, then, if she...

No, no. She loved her old job.

She was a dancer.

But it hardly paid, and it wasn'’t steady.

She had to quit when my dad died

to get a regular paycheck.

Well, this sound like someone who care.

I mean, this sound like someone who care very much.

But there is more, yes?

It'’s just I'm so mad at her all the time.

Don'’t ask me why, it'’s just...

I look at her, and all I think of is my dad.

The accident, and...

You wondering.

You wonder why she survived and he did not?

I'’m sure she ask herself this question too.

Please don'’t go next week.

Please don'’t go.

I'’ll always be here for you, yes.

[CAR HONKS]

That'’s my ride, I'm sorry.

Well, you... you go. Ciao.Thank you.

What happened?

I want out, Tony.

I'’m counting the seconds until regionals

so I can stop all this craziness

than break my daughter'’s heart.

What was I thinking?

You were thinking you didn'’t want her to have

another disappointment in her life.

No, I just wanted to spend time with her.

I did this for me, not her.

It was selfish and wrong,

and now I'’m going to hurt her all over again when he leaves.

[SIGHS]

Careful, your face will drip off.

[CHUCKLES]

Wendy, listen to me.

You are a great mother.

Okay? Those kids are lucky to have you.

Anybody would be lucky to have you in their life.

Um, what...

Oh, God, I'’m so sorry. You'’re gay, I was...

What? No. No, no, no. Not gay.

I... Uh...

Look, I know everyone assumes

because of the hairdresser thing,

and because I'’m so witty and well-dressed.

But, um,

I'’ve actually always imagined kissing you.

Maybe not with the goatee and...

You mean, this doesn'’t do anything for you?

Not really, no.

How surprising.

But...

Oh, what the hell.

Oh, this just takes the cake and the biscuit.

Oh, ciao, bambolina, now it'’s...

Listen, Luigi,

announcement...

You and I are through, okay?

Oh, and by the way,

he came on to me first.

You know what? You are one crazy Italian freak.

Baby, no.

Wait, wait. Where you go?

You came on to her first.

Only because I had to find my eyebrow. I had to get it back.

Really?Yeah.

All right. You know what? I got to go.

Oh, don'’t be like...

Sorry, just don'’t think I can handle...

Wait. Where are you going?

Come. Come back to me.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Hi, honey.

Hey, Mom.

Yeah.

Could you give me chills?

Yeah.

Remember the last time you asked for chills.

You nervous about the regionals tomorrow?

A little.

We can beat Malibu Majestic.

We all feel it now.

You know, I was thinking,

maybe we could take a dance class sometime.

You know, it'’d be kind of fun, taking a class together.

Yeah, that'’d be really nice.

I got to warn you, though.

My moves are even more embarrassing than you remember.

Not possible.

Mom?

Yeah.

I'’m sorry if I say things sometimes,

and if I hurt you when we talk.

I'’m really sorry.

It'’s okay. I know.

Come here.

I don'’t suppose this means you'’ll be taking down

those "Keep Out" signs at the door.

Don'’t push it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Finals.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Look at me.

I'’m up early.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

Mango?

Mango!

WENDY: Mango!

HARRY: Hello. You know who I am, so leave a message.

Don'’t be a coy little... [BEEPS]

Harry, it'’s me, listen.

I need a new nose.

I'’m coaching the regionals today,

and the dog ate my nose.

Okay, call me.

[DISCONNECTS CALL]

Oh.

Hey.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the Cal South State Cup Regional

Finals, where the best female soccer teams come

to battle it out and claim the cup.

Two teams to watch today

are the three-time champions, the Majestics,

the hot-shot team from Malibu,

and the Mar Vista Galaxy,

who'’ve had a surprising comeback this season

under the Italian superstar, Coach Lorenzo Vincenzo.

It seems like this rivalry

is turning into a real grudge match.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

WOMAN: She'’s the main striker.

WOMAN: 2: You'’re on field six.

WOMAN: See you out there in the red.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

WENDY: Hey, I'’ll see you at kick-off.

BECCA: Okay.

Have a good game.Thanks.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[CAR DOOR OPENS]

[EXHALES]

Lorenzo. There'’s Lorenzo!

Lorenzo.Ciao, Bella.

Ah, si.

Lorenzo Vincenzo.

That'’s me.

Okay.Thank you.

Hey! Welcome, Mr. Vincenzo.

Welcome to the Cal South Games.

Biggest soccer tournament west of the Mississippi.

MAN: Hey, hey, Lorenzo!

Well, I know, uh... I know your team'’s

probably real anxious to meet you,

so let'’s get you over to field number 12, shall we?

Si,anxious to see me.Yeah.

Okay, yeah, we go. I sign deal for that.

Uh, you know, my people, they say I'’m must stay all day

to hand out the awards to the Bambinas.

Right, well, it means a lot to the kids

to be handed a trophy by someone of your stature.

Of course.

Just remember, I have to leave early, huh?

[CHUCKLING]

Can'’t we go in yet?

Nope, not till Mommy'’s got her nose.

What?

I mean, got your nose. [SMACKS LIPS]

Actually, I'’ve got your nose, Wendy.

Oh, I could kiss you right now.

Uh, put your costume on, and then, we'’ll talk.

Okay.Kiddies,

come with Uncle Harry, please.

All right, go, go, go.

Let'’s go get some junk food.

KIDS: Bye, Mom.

WENDY: See you at kick-off, bye.

Bye.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SQUEAKING]

The nose make the man, no?

ANNOUNCER: And in the semis,

Galaxy and the Crush are really going at it

on field seven. Galaxy is playing really well

under Lorenzo Vincenzo'’s coaching.

There'’s a shot past the keeper, and it'’s good.

That'’s two for Galaxy.

Looks like a Galaxy game.

This puts Galaxies in the finals,

where they'’ll be playing their old nemesis, Malibu Majestic.

Should be a very interesting game.

This really looks like a comeback season for the Galaxy.

We heard Lorenzo Vincenzo is coaching you guys.

-Well, you heard right. -Yeah, you'’ll sure need him

to have half a chance against our team.

Too bad you don'’t have our secret weapon.

ANNOUNCER: Very special here today,

the highest scoring defender

In the history of American women'’s soccer,

and a gold medal winner at the 2004 Olympic games.

Please welcome Malibu Majestic coach,

Joy Fawcett.

[APPLAUSE]

Great.

Oh, yeah.

My daddy pulled a few strings.

Oh, yeah, didn'’t he have to do that

so you wouldn'’t have to repeat seventh grade again?

No, we still had to repeat that.

You don'’t even know how to try. Ugh!

What? The second time was fun.

Mr. Vincenzo, your team is waiting for you with open arms.

Have a good game.ANNOUNCER: Lorenzo Vincenzo.

Uh, game?

[APPLAUSE]

Ciao, ciao.What'’s up?

Scusi.

You want me to sign shirt?

[ALL LAUGHING]

BECCA: No. What are you talking about?

[WHISTLE BLOWS] Oh, come on.

LORENZO: Uh...

[EXHALES]Oh, yeah.

I just want you to know, despite what you thought before,

you'’re the only dude I ever wanted to kiss.

Oh, I am a genius.

You look exactly like Lorenzo Vincenzo.

Ah! I am Lorenzo Vincenzo.

Oh, that'’s the spirit.

Come on, kids.

Pazzo, pazzo, pazzo, pazzo.

[SPEAKING ITALIAN]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Here you go.

BOY: Dad, can I have one of those?

MAN: Yeah, sweetie.

Can I have your autograph?

LORENZO: Oh, sure. Your pen.

LORENZO: I love this picture.

This is from Brut and Bronze

and nothing by Fabergé.

This was different.

None of that cologne.

Of course, hairy chest.

Love hairy chest.GIRL: I love it.

Very nice. You like my chest?I love it.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

And I like to just squeeze, I like to squeeze and let go.

Like, sometimes when I bang, I have the, uh, crush.

In America, what is with the bark on the ground?

In Italy, we don'’t have the bark.

You want a heart, too?

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

Ciao.

[OPENS DOOR]

Oh, there you are.

[KEYPAD DIAL TONE]

[CELLPHONE RINGING]

Pronto.

Hello, is this the great Lorenzo?

Ah, si.

This is Julia Robert...son.

Julia Robertson.

Ah, Julia.

What can I do for you?

Well... [BREATHES DEEPLY]

I'’m a big, big fan, and I just saw you on the tournament.

I look good, no?Uh, very good.

And I just did something very, very bad.

You see, I thought the great Lorenzo might like some company,

so I booked us a room

at the hotel across the street.

Yes, yes. This is...

very, very bad.

For you, I have a very special punishment.

I will need a zookeeper'’s uniform

and a birth device.

Well, that'’s exactly what I'’m into.

I'’m in room, uh, 648.

I'’ll see you in five minutes.Okay.

[DISCONNECTS CALL]

That'’s nice.

[CLOSES DOOR]

Buon giorno,Galaxy girls.

How many times is that guy gonna change?

He'’s Italian.

Prego.

Hey, Coach, are you okay?

Si,uh, why would I not be okay?

You'’re acting kind of weird.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Hey, uno momento, signore.

Okay, okay.

Everyone puts the hands here.

Remember, you are champions in the heart, yes?

ALL: Si.

Okay.

Now, when you go out there and play on this field today,

you playing with all your heart, si?

ALL: Si.

So, how you say do the math?

What you waiting for, I send you a message

-on your MySpaces? Let'’s go play soccer!

ALL: One, two, three, Galaxy!

[CHEERING]

MAN: Go get '’em!

I'’m not ready...

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

The great but very lonely Lorenzo

is here to punish you, my very, very bad girl.

[CHUCKLING]

[DOOR OPENS]

I ordered the meatloaf sandwich, but, uh, you'’ll do.

Or maybe...

[SLAMS DOOR]

[MOANING] Aah, aah, oh!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

ANNOUNCER: Ahh, there'’s a nice pass

in this final game of the tournament

[CHEERING] ANNOUNCER: Oh,

and Malibu Majestic steals the ball.

Moving down-field with a vengeance.

Nice defense from Galaxy.

Come on, yes. Dance,

dance, dance on the field.

Will you take over for a sec?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Come on, girls, we can do this!

TONY: Let'’s go!

ANNOUNVER: Very good guard control.

Closing in on the Malibu goalie.

TONY: Shoot! Shoot!

ANNOUNCER: Oh, and here'’s the shot.

A little weak. They rushed that.

They'’re going to have to do better than that

to beat the three-time lead champs Malibu.

GIRL: Over here.GIRL: Stay with her.

Hey.Hey.

BECCA: Go around.

Becca!

WENDY: Go, Becca, go!

I'’m here.

ANNOUNCER: Galaxy drives.

Malibu gets it back.

Going down the offense.

Nice footwork.

Moving over to the right.

Oh, and such a nice pass.

This is where it gets dangerous for Galaxy.

With Malibu this close in, anything can happen.

[CROWD CHEERING]

ANNOUNCER: And there it goes across the middle.

Keeper back and ready.

And there'’s a shot.

And it'’s good.

Malibu scored the first goal of the game.

And they'’re on top, 1-0.

Galaxy in a tough situation here.

Where'’s Coach Lorenzo when we need him?

Yeah, where is that guy?

[EXHALES]

You okay?Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'’m going to go get some water, some stuff.

I'’ll be back.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

WOMAN: Go. Good one.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

WOMAN: Yeah.

WOMAN 2: Come on.

[APPLAUSE]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

ANNOUNCER: Looks like Malibu has heard the wake-up call

and are taking the Galaxy threat seriously.

They'’re turning up the heat.

BECCA: Take it left.

[REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE]

ANNOUNCER: There'’s a whistle for the first half.

Malibu Majestic is up.

Bravo, bravo in the first half.

TONY: Good job, guys. Good job.

Looking good, girls, all right.

Bene,good job.

Way to hustle.

Looking good, yes.

MAN: Okay. Okay.

Bene,nice work.

Get some water, hydrating.

BECCA: You heard him, get some water.

[PEOPLE APPLAUDING]

ANNOUNCER: Is something going on at the sidelines?

Who are you?

ANNOUNCER: I can'’t quite make it out, but, uh,

am I seeing double?

I am Lorenzo Vincenzo.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Eh?

No, because I...

am Lorenzo Vincenzo.

Eh?

Who are you?

We are a-both Lorenzo Vincenzo.

Bravo, yes. Bravo.

Let'’s a-play soccer, eh?

Ahem, I think it'’s time to give it up.

[CAMERA CLICKS]

Aah!

[CAMERAS CLICKING]

Ow, my nose.

My nose.

I know that voice.

Oh.

This is weird.

[CHUCKLING]

Aah!

WOMAN: Whoa.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

I'’ll do it.

Oh.

[GROANING]

Aah.

Aah.

The crazy woman.

Oh, my God.

Aah.

I'’m so sorry.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Why?

Sweetie...

I knew it was totally crazy, but I just...

I couldn'’t bear telling you I'’d blown the chance

for you to be coached by someone you really look up to.

I knew it would crush you, and I just...

I couldn'’t let that happen.

Then everything was just a big, huge lie?

I'’m really sorry.

I can'’t believe you let me embarrass myself that way.

And by the way, you'’re a terrible kisser.

HARRY: Well, Sure fooled them.

SAMMY: Can I get a hot-dog?

Go and get some hot dogs. I'’ll be right over.

HARRY: Should we clean you up?

Yeah, yeah. I'’ll get it.

TONY: We'’ll be fine.

Thanks.

[EXHALES]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

I guess you can'’t really blame them.

[SNIFFLING]

You know what?

Apologies only go so far.

Sometimes, people need a little, uh...

coaching.

It'’s time to lead them for real, Wendy.

You'’re on.

Wait a minute, I...

Hey.

Hey, wait a minute, everybody.

I'’ve got something I want to say.

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

Hey, girls, get back here.

You'’re not done yet.

WOMAN: All right.

WOMAN: Just listen, you guys, come on.

Listen up, all you Galaxy girls.

I got one last thing to say to you, okay?

I'’m really sorry this whole thing went so far.

I didn'’t mean for it to. I was...

I was afraid of losing my daughter,

so I made a very bad decision.

But please, don'’t walk away from this game today

because I was an idiot.

You all thought that you were playing well

because you finally had a great coach again.

But really, it was you guys all along.

Your skills and your hearts,

that is what got you here today.

You just needed a little something extra, a little magic,

and so you believed in this famous guy Lorenzo,

but...

it doesn'’t matter what I think,

or what Lorenzo thinks, or what anyone else thinks.

The question now is...

do you believe you'’re champions?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

BECCA: Let'’s play soccer.

WENDY: Well?

You gonna... You want an invitation?

I should send you an Evite?

Let'’s go play soccer.

[APPLAUSE]

TIFFANY: Just get the job done.

I don'’t care if you have to pull their hair out.

Get it done. One, two, three.

ALL: Malibu!

Okay, you guys, we can beat Malibu.

We can, all right?

We just got to run hard, and make sure you stay on side,

and mark up on number two and three , okay?

We got this.

[ALL IN AGREEMENT]

ALL: Galaxy!

WOMAN: Let'’s go, girls.

[FREFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE]

ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to the second-half action.

Galaxy really needs to move forward and score

if they want to stay in this game.

Get the ball, Becca.

ANNOUNCER: Malibu has the momentum,

they seem to be ready to score another goal

and just end the match.

They play good for little girls.

ANNOUNCER: Galaxy girls feeling the pressure,

keeping a good defense.

I'’m sorry I nearly crippled you.

Nah.

I'’m sorry I give you the squeeze

when you no want the squeeze.

ANNOUNCER: I tell you, both teams are playing hard.

Okay to squeeze now?

Still no squeeze. Va bene.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

ANNOUNCER: Here'’s the pass from Galaxy,

taking it down into Malibu territory.

Aah!Aah!

ANNOUNCER: Ouch, there'’s a collision.

Malibu girls down. Hope they'’re okay.

WENDY: Vicki! Go, go, go, go, yeah!

ANNOUNCER: Galaxy is picking up the pace.

Moving forward, crushing the Malibu team.

They are really starting to open up the game, now.

WENDY: Come on! Feel the rhythm.

ANNOUNCER: And there'’s a nice ball into the corner.

WENDY: Center it. Center it.

That'’s got your name on it, Laurie.

That'’s got your name on it. Let'’s go!

ANNOUNCER: Passing back over to Becca Handler.

She chips it up into the box.

In for the header,

and there it is, it'’s a goal!

Nicely done.

Galaxy has tied it up 1-1...

Looks like anybody'’s game from here.

Galaxy really starting to look confident.

WALLY: That'’s our baby girl.

That'’s our baby girl.

[LAUGHTER]

No, don'’t you start with...

With what? Hmm?

ANNOUNCER: This is a new experience for Malibu.

They'’re showing a little frustration now.

Ref, they just can'’t go out here and play.

And if you would read the application,

it clearly states Lorenzo Vincenzo

is coaching this team today.

And this, whatever, is not Lorenzo Vincenzo.

And that...

is an automatic forfeit.

WOMAN: All right, girls.

It'’s over here.

Excuse me.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Um...

I'’m afraid she's right.

I'’m sorry.

LORENZO: Hey...

Scusi.

Lorenzo

is here to coach the team,

just like the application says.

Otherwise, these Galaxy ragazzas

no get a chance to finish what they start.

Eh?

Yeah.

That settles it.

Let the game continue!

[CHEERING]

WENDY: Okay, Galaxy girls. Quick, huddle up.

Becca, I need you here. Laurie, I need you here.

I want you guys to drive for the goal here, pass to Tamara here.

Unless Lorenzo the Great has a better idea.

No, no, this is exactly what I would do.

ANNOUNCER: Some unusual activity in the sidelines...

Let'’s go out there. All right, let'’s do it!

for the second time this game.

But it looks like they'’re resuming play.

Wait. Let me get this straight.

So she'’s your mom, and she'’s a dude.

No, Tiffany, she'’s just my mom.

But she'’s twice the person you'’ll ever be.

Hey, just because you scored one goal,

don'’t get all "Rudy" on me.

You know this is the same play

we run at the championship against Brazil.

I know.

You know, we lost that game.

-Still a good play. -ANNOUNCER: Coming off the

free kick, the pressure is really on

for these two terrific teams.

Imagine, a whole season comes down to one point.

TONY: Come on girls! We can do this!

Let'’s go!

[CHEERING]

TONY: Go all the way! Shoot!

ANNOUNCER: Both teams playing very aggressively.

They both want this.

A lot of contact going after every 50/50 ball.

Both teams looking to score.

Remember the moves, right? Remember the moves!

Feel the music, right?

Slide it out, slide it out.

I'’m open.

ANNOUNCER: And there'’s a pass to Becca Handler.

Oh, and there'’s a Lorenzo Vincenzo signature move.

Very nicely done.

Take it down all the way!

ANNOUNCER: Galaxy position looks very strong.

Moving forward.

Go, go, go! Laurie, that was...

ANNOUNCER: There'’s the fast break.

That one'’s got your name on it!

ANNOUNCER: And the keeper moving out, trying to cut the angle.

She dribbles forward.

She shoots.

The keeper deflects the ball, hits the post. It'’s good!

It'’s over the line, it'’s a goal!

[REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE]

ANNOUNCER: Mar Vista Galaxy has defeated Malibu Majestic

to win the Cal State Finals.

[CROWD CHEERING]

ANNOUNCER: This is an incredible end game for the Galaxy.

What a comeback season.

Unbelievable.

Fantastic.

This is what soccer is all about.

[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING]

Thanks a lot. You guys were a big help.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SCRAMING WITH EXCITEMENT]

[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING]

You don'’t have to be anyone else, Mom.

Just be yourself, okay?

All right. Come here.

I'’m so proud of you.

We won!

ALL: Galaxy! Galaxy! Galaxy! Galaxy! Galaxy! Galaxy! Galaxy!

Good game.

You, too.

You guys had a great season, too.

Hey. Don'’t push it.

All together now, Galaxy girls.

Wait. Someone'’s missing.

Lorenzo!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Everybody say, "Formaggio."

ALL: Formaggio.

[CAMERA CLICKING]

Hey, you don'’t have to do that.

I know, I know.

BECCA: Mom, you have...

I have all the time in the world left.

Yeah. See you soon.

♪ Here we are

♪ We'’ve come this far ♪

Let'’s go! Whoo!

BECCA: You sure you got everything, Mom?

Water, sunscreen,

maybe a spare nose?

WENDY: Very funny, Becca.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ You know I can'’t pretend

♪ It'’s not an accident

♪ I have become somebody else

♪ There'’s so much I want to say

♪ You see me every day

♪ I wish that I could Shout it out

♪ You gotta run

WENDY: Aah! Are you crazy?

Get out of here.A-sorry.

Mi dispiace.

Mi scusi.

♪ You gotta know

♪ You can'’t have anything

♪ You gotta be

♪ The best that you can be

♪ But don'’t change for me

♪ Some things I try to hide

♪ You see through my disguise

♪ When you are Tearing down the wall

♪ You'’re gonna figure out

♪ I know without a doubt

♪ These things Don'’t matter much at all ♪

[DOG BARKING]

WOMAN: Aah! Oh, you again.

I sorry again. I tell you, I already sorry.

No, see, I don'’t understand the door language.

♪ You gotta believe

♪ You can make it up that hill

♪ You gotta know

♪ You can have anything

♪ But you gotta be

♪ The best that you can be

♪ Don'’t change me

♪ But don'’t change for me

♪ Sorry

♪ Is not a word I want to use

♪ So easily

♪ I need to know that life won'’t pass

♪ You by

♪ You gotta run

♪ This word Ain'’t standing still

♪ You gotta believe

♪ You can make it up that hill

♪ You gotta know

♪ You can have anything

♪ The best that you can be

♪ Well, don'’t change for me You gotta know

♪ This world Ain'’t standing still

♪ You gotta believe

♪ You can make it Up that hill

♪ You gotta know

♪ You gotta know You can have anything

♪ You gotta be

♪ The best that you can be

♪ But don'’t change for me

♪ I have become somebody else ♪