Original subtitles

Behold, one of the Seven

Great Wonders of the Ancient World.

Does anyone know the name of this majestic sight?

Come, now. Your parents spend a great deal of money

to send you to this institution.

As Virgil once wrote, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

You're a new face,

and judging by that unseasonable cap,

plenty bold?

Um, the Great Pyramid of Giza, my man.

Ha. At least someone's been paying attention.

Lights, please.

This architectural marvel was the tallest structure

in the world for over 3,000 years.

But for all we know about them,

the pyramids remain a mystery to this day.

How were they built?

Why?

For the sole purpose of burying the kings of Egypt,

or by some higher power for a reason as yet unknown?

And if we dare to consider the latter, by whom?

Aliens, bro.

To think supernatural forces or alien life do not exist

in some form or fashion is both shortsighted

and deeply narcissistic.

Does anyone here believe such things are possible?

Or are you all taking this class simply to mock me?

I believe.

Yes.

I am quite certain you do.

♪

The Salvatore School is in crisis.

Our home is in disarray.

"Disarray" means dirty dishes

or breaking curfew, not all of our friends being gone.

Which is the very issue we must address.

As we remain here,

we are the leaders of our respective factions.

We must decide what to do about our troubling new guest.

Uh, Ben. That's his name.

Ben does not pose a direct threat, as of yet,

but his mere presence

could destabilize our school even more.

He is afflicted by a condition

I do not yet understand.

With all due respect,

all we need to understand is that he's a monster magnet.

And as much as I love inclusion,

we've got to take care of our own

before we lose anybody else.

Kaleb had to go home,

and he can't come back while Ben's here.

So Ben's got to go. That's my vote.

Duly noted. In counterpoint,

I may be able to find an inspired solution

for what made Kaleb and Ethan attack Ben.

If he remains here for me to study him.

That is my vote.

Also, noted. But for the record,

I do not consider Ethan a friend anymore.

So I guess that means it's up to you.

Oh, hell no. I-I'm not qualified. I...

You are the alpha. That is the only qualification necessary.

So, are you with her...

...or with me?

Both?

Speaking as the guy who used to...

punch new kids in the face,

I totally get distrusting outsiders.

But I also think this place

is way better for having Cleo here,

and she wouldn't be if we'd kicked her out.

I need to talk to Ben before I vote.

Figure out if the risk is worth the reward.

"If you pray twice a day beneath a false face,

you'll be as blue in the face as I am. Who am I?"

Let's face it. We're screwed.

How did I ever let you convince me

that giving the sphinx all of our coins

for this mumbo jumbo was a good idea?

It's the second time that that bewhiskered scam artist

has betrayed me. Well, if memory serves,

you were trying to bring about the end of the world

the first time, so, eh, probably not the best example.

Ugh, details. Would you two stop?

Everything in the sphinx's first riddle came true.

Maybe not exactly how we expected it to, but love

was definitely the greatest destroyer of all, trust me.

Perhaps you should trust me instead.

Dr. Dolittle's desperate,

and his poor judgment is gonna be

the death of us all.

We're already dead, Ted.

I-I'm s-struggling to recall

when any plan you've ever made has worked, and...

...bubkes.

Look who's talking.

How did that whole monster apocalypse

of yours work out, huh?

As I was saying, we have no reason to believe

this riddle is gonna be any different.

If we can solve it, unlike the last one.

Which is why we need to work together.

Three heads are better than one, right?

Not when his is one of them.

So until you can

riddle me that and convince me otherwise...

...I'm taking a nap.

Well, bad news.

It's on me to decide whether or not you can stay at the school.

Ben?

Uh, look, you don't know me well enough

to know how bad relying on my judgment is,

so maybe you should wake up.

It's still here.

Ben.

What the hell was that?

The story of my life.

This is astounding.

Does that mean you know what it is?

Not exactly.

But certain elements...

Uh, this writing, for example.

Not visible to the naked eye,

but scrawled in blood

in multiple languages, speaking of the gods.

But the gods of a dozen different cultures.

Maybe more.

Look, I know you're supposed to be the expert, but...

gods don't exist.

Nor do vampires.

At least as far as most people are concerned.

Myths are but one

discovery away from becoming our reality.

Did Virgil say that, too?

No, I did.

At first glance, I assumed this was a forgery,

but my preliminary analysis points to it being ancient.

I'll have to run many more tests

to divine its purpose and origin,

but out of curiosity, why bring this to me

instead of your headmaster?

Oh, Dr. Saltzman and I had a fight,

so I'm taking the semester off.

I see.

A supernatural Rumschpringe?

If you say so.

It pains me to hear that.

I dearly miss the Salvatore School.

I only toil at this all too human palace of privilege

because the university funds my research.

Uh, which, speaking of...

...I should do a thermal sweep.

Extraordinary. Someone's inside.

And miraculously, they're alive.

Trust me, it'd be much more of a miracle

if Lizzie Saltzman were dead.

Hope.

What's happened to you?

You're supposed to be so brilliant. You tell me.

Can we speed this up?

Places to go, people to kill.

I am moving as fast as I can.

Well, it's not fast enough.

I've tried everything to destroy

that artifact, and nothing has worked.

So if you can't, either, and you're just stalling...

Merely release Elizabeth from it.

She's a siphon witch.

She should be able to remove any magic that protects it.

Mm, yeah, well, I guess I forget to mention that I, uh,

killed her and she's technically in transition.

She'd be a Heretic, a vampire who is also a witch,

able to siphon an endless amount of magic,

which sounds like a lot.

So I did a sleep spell on her

and I'm waiting for her to starve.

Speaking of transitions...

...I didn't realize

becoming the Tribrid would make you cruel.

Oh, my humanity is off, so...

like I said, I'd move faster if I were you.

Pentelic marble should do the trick.

If I'm right about the origins

of the artifact you've brought,

the marble may be able to absorb its powers,

as it was said to centuries ago in ancient Greece.

Eureka. I've found it.

Hmm. A bowl.

Only until one looks inside.

Okay. Not a bowl.

It's a trap.

This is a chambre de chasse.

I'm from New Orleans.

You can skip the lecture.

That's French

for "stupid witch escape room."

Which means I'm going to escape.

And when I do, I'm gonna kill you, too.

Then hopefully Elizabeth and I will be gone before you can.

What's with the rush?

Where's everybody going?

I may have inspired Finch to take the entire school

on an impromptu field trip.

It will help her, too. She's been very depressed

since Josie left.

I know the feeling, but did you tell them about the monster?

Then this place is gonna be

just as dangerous when they get back.

Milton, I know how much you miss Lizzie and Josie.

Kaleb is my boyfriend now.

I miss him, too.

Then maybe you should change your vote.

Maybe Hope was right about what it takes

to be a leader, and we just hadn't been pushed

far enough to realize it yet.

Her humanity is off.

Ours is our only advantage.

So perhaps you should help me

trap this monster instead, and trust that I will find

a solution to return our friends.

Don't worry.

This barrier spell Cleo put up should keep the monster out.

Which means we got plenty of time for that story of yours.

Why bother? We're living it.

I don't know. Maybe because last night,

you said something about

"monsters were the least of our problems"?

Because they're nothing compared to gods.

Sounds epic.

Tell me more.

It won't change anything.

Well, I'll be the judge of that, remember?

My mother used to tell me a story,

many nights when I was a child.

As she told it, our people loved the gods.

One in particular, in her case.

And I was the proof of that love,

which explained my invincibility in battle.

I fought to keep our village safe,

but I had no use for the gods.

They never revealed themselves to me,

nor did I ever ask anything of them.

Ashur.

Wake up.

I am finally home.

Until the day that Ashur,

my best friend and lover, fell ill.

Hey... And I realized

that both of those things would need to happen were Ash to live.

Why do I get the feeling like this story

is about to ruin my day?

Aw, that's sweet,

but we haven't even reached the ruinous part yet.

Oh, boy.

Fear not, Jed. For when we do,

you will know exactly what to do with me.

Ouch!

Oh. Hey, Professor.

Are you okay?

You look like you've seen a ghost.

Something far worse than that, I'm afraid.

Who are you and what do you want?

Uh, my name's Jen.

I loved your lecture today.

I wanted to talk more.

Ah, I see.

Well, uh, hmm...

If knowledge of the supernatural world is what you seek,

then you must help me to open this.

But I must warn you, Jennifer...

It's just "Jen." Zip!

In doing so, you will take a step

into a larger and far more frightening world.

Yeah, I don't know.

I'm kind of trying to avoid that whole thing right now.

Ah.

Um, is this the latch?

Holy crap.

Curse my delicate hamstrings.

I may not have been fast enough.

Elizabeth?

Elizabeth.

Can you hear me?

Dude.

Ugh. That is so gross.

Yet I'm still hungry.

Okay, that was embarrassing.

Still getting the hang of my new powers, so bear with me.

Speaking of.

Don't leave this room.

I'm saving you for dessert.

Whatever you say, dude.

Oh, my God. Fangs.

I'll give you a closer look when I get back.

Right after I kill Hope Mikaelson.

♪ You hide, I'll seek

♪ Come play...

May as well start with the obvious.

Daddy issues.

♪ Just close your eyes

♪ I'll take

♪ What I need

♪ Come out, come out, wherever you are ♪

Fine.

♪ Come out, come out, wherever you are ♪

This doesn't look like it's going well.

Not yet, but only so many keys.

That's not what I meant.

I escaped the artifact, obviously.

Mm. Completed my transition.

See my fangs?

Hmm. Well, lucky for me, becoming a vampire

has, uh, heightened your stupidity,

because now you're stuck here, too.

What it's heightened is my urge to do

what I should have done in the first place: kill you.

I'm practically an expert on mental prisons by now,

so I'll give you a hint:

getting out is always about

getting to the root of your problems.

And the truth is...

...you've always been my problem.

Which means I get to leave whenever I want.

Then why bother to come in here?

I thought I owed you a goodbye.

You can't kill me.

Maybe not in here.

But out there, in the real world,

where you're completely defenseless?

That's another story.

It was a big tree, Hope.

I made more than one stake.

♪ Come out, come out, wherever you are... ♪

Including cute ones.

You're lying.

No. You're dying.

And this time, I won't lose my nerve.

♪ Go too far

Vampire powers are so fun.

♪ Come out, come out, wherever you are. ♪

This is impossible.

I give up.That's not an option.

This is your plan, remember?

Okay, "If you pray twice a day

"beneath a false face,

"you'll be as blue in the face as I am.

Who am I?"

Wait.

I know the answer.

You're a gullible moron

who's doomed us to remain in Limbo forever.

Knock it off, Ted. Things are bleak enough

without you saying stuff like that.

He's right.

I am a desperate man.

I'm dead.

I can't help my daughters, Hope is on a rampage,

and my students are dealing with all of it alone.

Maybe the mistakes I've made in the past

and continue to make

means that this is the fate that...

that I deserve, but not you.

I used to feel that way being a foster kid.

Bouncing around from house to house all the time.

I mean, if no one ever wants you to stay,

there's got to be something wrong with you, right?

But then, Rafael walked into my life

feeling the same way.

He blamed it on his anger issues,

felt he was, uh, doomed because of them.

So doomed he didn't even bother to unpack

the four things he owned from his suitcase.

Then I realized how wrong he was.

I mean, he had to be.

He was one of the best people I had ever met.

Which meant I was wrong about myself.

And once I convinced him of that, and myself,

we unpacked our bags together.

Became brothers.

Look, however the three of us got here, our sins

don't define us unless we let them.

I promise, you're just one good moment away from believing it.

So, why not make this...

...that moment?

Hands together.

Pray twice a day.

Like the hands of a clock.

That must mean the clocktower.

Oh, we can work with that.

Welcome back, Ted.

I know what I would do.

If someone I loved was hurting, I-I'd march

right up to the gods' palace or whatever, and be like, "Dude,

are you my dad or what?"

That's exactly what I did.

Hopefully, my plea didn't sound that ridiculous,

but what father wouldn't want to help their son, right?

Mine, as it turns out.

The gods of our village lived atop a high mountain.

I brought Ash to the threshold

beyond which mortals could not pass.

There, I cried out to my father

for the first time. Father!

Not for his love, but his help. Where are you?

But he never came.

And so I took matters into my own hands,

as I had my whole life.

But Ash was not a god as I supposedly was.

And that is how I learned my mother's story was true.

Holy crap.

So, what'd you do?

I claimed my birthright.

Stole it, actually.

I can't imagine that went over well.

It did not.

Do you know what separates men from gods?

Togas?

Magic.

Magic that I hoped would save Ash's life.

But it was too late.

Ash...

By the time I returned with the fire

this world would come to know as magic...

...Ash was dead.

I am so sorry.

And I think I know what happens next.

The gods cursed you, made monsters to hunt you down.

Gods didn't create monsters.

I did.

Out of spite, I gave the magic I stole to the village.

I figured, that way, people could help themselves

instead of worshipping these fickle, uncaring sky bullies.

I was foolish to think that, too.

Why? What did they do with it?

What humans always do.

They sought the same power and privilege the gods abused.

They didn't want to stop worshipping the gods.

They wanted to be them.

And in their lust for that power,

monsters were born.

Along with many of the world's ills.

I'm cursed to this day because I trusted them.

Perhaps I deserve it.

Like hell.

Look, I can't uncurse you or whatever,

but I can give you a place to stay

while we figure out how to.

A new home.

You got my vote, is what I'm saying.

I'm grateful.

But...

I can't accept.

Well, you can't leave, either.

Barrier spell, remember?

The blood of a god flows through my veins.

Magic cannot hold me.

Farewell, Jed.

Oh, God.

He is so dead.

No crap, dude. You killed him.

Most vampires make that seem a lot less painful.

Can I just get some space?

I don't want to get a contact high.

Dude.

I am just as surprised as you are, Jennifer.

Thank you.

But I assume there's a reason you saved my life?

I need your help.

Because as much as I want to kill Hope Mikaelson,

I can't.

See what I mean?

I literally can't kill her.

Try this.

If you can't kill 'em...

...maim 'em.

Son of a bitch. What is wrong with me?

I have a theory, but as with all theories...

...it must be tested.

Okay, h-- Why did I do that?

It's bad enough that I can't kill her.

Now I'm protecting her?

I think it's time you told me

exactly how you became a vampire.

It doesn't matter.

She won't be one for much longer.

I found the answer.

Where's Ben?

Oh, Ben? Yeah, he just, uh,

waltzed through that barrier

because he's a freaking demigod.

Then that is not all that makes him special.

His blood was on one of the creature's quills.

Oh, that's weird.

I have wolf ears and I can't hear anything.

Monsters can.

That is how they track him.

If I can spell a solution to mute this frequency,

maybe I can free Ben from his curse.

You know these are made out of wood?

Ben's lucky he's not a vampire.

But MG is.

And I've just sent him to find the monster.

Where you at?

It's cool.

You don't have to answer.

Not as long as your heart is beating.

Damn, Ben.

You could've gotten yourself killed.

Actually, I couldn't.

Jed said you voted against me,

so why do you care?

Old habits die hard, I guess.

Run.

I'm surprised you escaped.

You usually suck at games, 'cause they're fun.

Turns out you showing up was the hint I needed.

You made yourself my problem, Lizzie.

All I needed to do was find your key.

She won't be a problem any longer.

I know. Motus.

Because now that she's a vampire,

I know exactly how to kill her.

Technically, I'm a Heretic.

The Bibrid to your Tribrid. Incendia.

Do you have a pencil I could borrow?

Hope, Elizabeth can do you no harm.

In fact, I'd be willing to wager

she'll do anything you say.

Like hell.

I'll take that bet. Stop talking.

Whose blood was in your system when you died?

Answer him.

Beats me.

Whatever vampire donated their blood

to the school's first-aid kits.

What is happening?

It was my blood.

Which I'm guessing means you're sired to me.

Just when I thought this day couldn't get any worse.

Where'd the artifact go?

I don't know.

Especially as it weighs over 500 pounds.

That's not the only thing missing.

That stoner chick's gone, even though I compelled her to stay.

Well, then it sounds like you suck at compulsion.

It was my first one, okay?

Now, will you please let me stop hopping around

on one leg like a drunken bunny?

Being mind-controlled is a major violation of my agency.

Fine.

Though you did just try to compel someone,

and I make the rules, remember?

Right. Mm.

Son of a... Please.

I am as shocked as you both

that your dynamic could become even stranger.

But we cannot let

an immensely powerful artifact that may have ties to the gods

loose into the world.

Okay. I'll find it.

But I'm only doing this because I don't want her

stuffing me in it.

Know the feeling. Sucks.

Sweet. Now I can blow this Popsicle stand

before she gets back.

I've heard becoming a vampire heightens your emotions.

I assume it's true for Heretics?

Beats me.

Mine have always been a little heightened.

Because you're a good person, Elizabeth.

So please, before you leave, consider this:

Hope is in a very dark place,

and she's going after an innocent student.

Need a hand?

Already got one.

And that monster's got Ben. Uh, most of him, at least.

Story of his life.

And I think I've figured out what his deal is.

You are our concern, MG.

You must get back to the school at once.

The monster's quills are made of...

This thing can't kill me, but it can sure as hell kill you.

Go!

Not our style of leadership, right?

Speaking of style.

I-I mean, that looks dope, but what's it gonna do?

It will protect Ben so long as he wears it.

If I am right.

Booyah. I know submissive behavior when I see it.

You nailed it, Cleo.

It looks like it's...

thanking you.

It seems like my curse is also its curse.

So I guess I should thank you, too.

Yeah, I don't know, dude. You're still missing an arm.

I'll mend.

You're just full of surprises, aren't you?

You mind telling me why you're stealing that thing?

Or better yet,

why my locator spell didn't work on you.

I had to follow your scent.

Uh, it's a long story, man.

Well, I'm immortal, so...

Immortality's a bitch, huh?

I mean, not really. But I am.

So start answering my questions

or I'm gonna rip your arms off

and beat you to death with them.

Well, I'm a pacifist.

So I don't really want to hurt you.

Don't worry. You won't.

Sorry, tiny angry dude, but...

you don't want to know the things that you think you do.

First of all, ow.

Second of all, now I really need to know.

Then for what it's worth, I really wish you didn't.

Hey, bitch.

Okay, whatever you two are, I want no part of it.

Not an option, apparently.

Well...

...then it's time to get high.

Well, you don't see that every day.

What the hell is she?

If I had to guess? A god.

This is probably gonna hurt.

Always does.

That's the point.

Yeah, because you're Prometheus.

People don't think I'm smart,

but the grades I get aren't for lack of trying.

I do the reading.

Especially when it comes to something as badass as the gods.

It's more just "bad," in my experience.

You're the bastard son of a god.

I mean, you stole fire...Magic.

Whatever. From the gods and gave it to the people.

That sucks it didn't work out, but...

that's a baller move.

♪ Stark, black night

♪ I'll go...

So the gods punished you

by chaining you to a rock so eagles could eat your liver.

And cursed you to heal by sunrise

so you could feel that same pain again the next day.

Forever.

♪ Oh, I can see it now...

So, there was a rock and chains, but no eagles.

Just monsters.

That is my story and my curse.

And theirs, too, apparently.

The myths that persist today are a gross oversimplification.

The names are all wrong, for example,

because you could never pronounce my real one.

♪ Without you, it wouldn't be right... ♪

But I've come to prefer Ben.

It's simple, like Jed.

And I like simple.

Well, then, buddy, I'm your guy.

You can't be, because I can't stay.

The hell you can't.

Look, once a month, I wake up in chains, too.

Covered in what I pray is my own drool.

Being cursed is pretty much a requirement

for being at the Salvatore School.

♪ Oh, I'll face all these things, but without you... ♪

Give it a shot.

I suppose remaining here beats

passing through the small intestine of a gorgon again.

Why the long face?

You said you wanted to destroy that thing.

Mission accomplished.

Gods exist.

If Aurora ever found that out...

Well, that's your problem.

Actually, it's not.

Which is why I'm so depressed.

As much as I don't want it, I need your help.

That's better than killing me, I think.

Care to elaborate?

Truth is, as powerful as being the Tribrid makes me,

I've been waltzing into traps,

being blindsided ever since I shut off my humanity.

I care so little about, well, everything,

that I have been reckless, so...

While I shudder at the thought, I need a partner in crime

to take Aurora down.

More like a canary in the coal mine.

Going after gods and bitchy vampires?

Hard pass.

You're sire-bonded to me.

You can't pass.

Hope?

Just imagine how annoying

Heretic me will be.

See how heightened my desperation is right now?

That's gonna get old real quick.

Not to mention, all my friends are gonna come looking for me

the second they find out what happened.

Not if you do what I tell you.

Which you have to.

Pukwudgie.

Excuse me?

Aw, he's a good little Pukwudgie,

a woodland sprite from Native American lore.

They can be quite peaceful and playful,

when not beholden to a curse.

Did you see how he teleports?

I think we may have finally found out

what Ethan's monster side is.

Uh, speaking of,

does this mean that him and Kaleb

can come back to the school?

It does.

Though I thought you and Ethan were no longer friends.

I was quick to judgment today.

Good thing you and Jed weren't.

You're a good leader, Cleo.

The kind I've always wanted to be.

That makes sense, because at every turn, I asked myself,

what would the MG I know and respect do?

Seriously?

You are a fine leader, too, Milton.

No matter what Hope said.

Thanks.

I am a little on tilt with Lizzie being gone.

Now with the monster problem handled,

I can finally go find her.

I was gone for like five minutes.

And that is the ugliest emotional support animal

I have ever seen.

Lizzie, where have you been?

Hug first. Talk later.

You should probably sit down.

A lot's happened on my end.

You think he bought it?

If there's one thing I've always

been able to do, it's manipulate Milton Greasley.

Even in astral-projection form.

As far as he's concerned, I am going to spend some time

with my mom to get accustomed to being a vampire,

and you are too dangerous to be around.

At least that last part's true.

But I hate that you made me lie to him.

Get over it. This could be the beginning

of a beautiful, mutually beneficial relationship.

Hope, for the last time,

I don't want to do this.

I haven't even gotten my head around being immortal,

much less being immortal and on a suicide mission.

So mutually beneficial, my ass. There is nothing in this for me.

Sure, there is.

Because once Aurora is dead,

I'll make you promise not to kill me

and I will send you on your way.

You'll be free-ish.

Do you really expect me to believe that?

I could make you. It's easier.

Don't bother.

Codependency is my crutch.

And if I have to help you kill anyone,

Aurora's pretty high up on my list.

Great.

You drive while I nap.

Ted was right.

The riddle was leading us here, which...

not exactly what I was expecting.

Okay, so, new riddle.

What the hell is this place?

Well, like you said, the sphinx has never lied to us, so...

someone in here must know their way out of Limbo.

Yeah. And if not,

at least we can get a drink.

Yes.

Three bourbons.

Coming right up.

You're new to this establishment,

so that'll be three coins.

Bet you wish you had some more

of those coins now, mate, hmm?

What's the matter, gents?

Never seen a jinni before?

Blue in the face.

Bingo.

On second thought, hold those drinks,

'cause we're gonna need three wishes instead.

Then you've come to the right place.