Original subtitles

"I'm from a planet called 'Earth'... I'm human."

"Whoo! Ha! Have I got your attention now?!"

Hi, my name is Ben Browder and I'd like to welcome you to this special presentation:

Farscape...

what the frell is that?

Now, some of you may be aware that Farscape is our attempt to entertain you with something a bit out of the ordinary.

But that may be all that you know about us, and that's why we made this special.

This presentation It's a crash course primer on Farscape.

For those of you who don't know the show but who may plan on watching our third season

So, I'm coming to you live, at least at the time that we shot this, from one of our sets...

in beautiful Sydney, Australia, which is where Farscape is filmed.

Grab your pens and pencils and come with me.

My characters name is John Crichton.

He's an astronaut and he's a test pilot.

He was conducting a mission... of his own design, in the Farscape One module.

- Canaveral

Things went horribly wrong.

He gets sucked through a wormhole,

dumped in a distant part of the universe, right into the middle of a battle.

- Canaveral, I've been hit!

And he ends up on a ship...

- That's big.... That's really big.

...a really, really big, living ship,

called Moya.

-Oh, hell.... Can anybody hear me? Canaveral?!

He soon discovers Moya's populated by a band of escaping prisoners.

There's two of them-- make that escaping 'alien' prisoners.

I've always wondered what a hero should say when he meets extraterrestrial life-forms.

- Hi. My name's John... John Cri--

Well, that wasn't it.

These aliens don't like him. They don't trust him.

Well, you'll get the idea.

I'm Rygel the 16th, Dominar to over six hundred billion people.

-I don't need to talk to you.

- I'm not here to harm you. Hell, I wouldn't know 'how' to harm you.

- We can no more trust you than we can trust 'that'.

"That" is another alien.

That, changes everything.

- Hi, uh, my name's John Cr--

What is your rank and regiment? And why are you out of uniform? ...

- Rank and regiment, now!

Boy meets girl.

... girl kicks boys ass.

I love my job.

Ladies and gentlemen, the beautiful, the talented...

Miss Claudia Black.

Thank you. Hello.

I play officer Aeryn Sun,

and she is born and bred to be a soldier.

The minute this one comes into her life, she's thrown out of the Peacekeepers.

Peacekeepers-- those are the bad guys.

Are they?

- Yes, they are. - That's debatable.

- No, it's not. - Let's not talk about it right now.

No, no. We're gonna talk about D'Argo.

Big guy-- movie trailer voice.

ET-- Extra Tentacles.

And these two hit it off right from the start.

- Get your hands offa me!

- I have no idea what goes on in that tiny little brain of yours, D'Argo!

- I have no idea why you do anything that you do!

- Well, catch a clue pal, 'cause I'm tired of stickin' my hand out,

… only to have you snap at it!"

- Everytime I let down my guard... you disappoint me.

- Sorry... I'm only human.

Well, it didn't happen overnight, but gradually

they discovered they had things they could learn from one another.

Very mature...

important things.

- One, two, three…

- Again I win!

- No, I win. Paper wraps rock.

- Oh, paper cannot possibly beat rock.

- It does-- paper beats rock.

- Rock rips through paper.

- Well, D'Argo, that's not how it works. Paper beats rock.

- It's unrealistic!

- Well, it's the rules!

Yeah, but they also learned that they can depend on each other

for friendship and moral support.

- The time has come for farewells, my friend.

- Oh, this is not happening. Just feel free to wake me up any time, D'Argo.

- Well, now I can only speak truth, and that comes as good and bad news.

- All right. Give me the bad news first.

- The bad news is that you're married,

… and you must endure as a statue for 80 cycles in a strange world.

- What's the good news?

- Chiana and I are having 'fantastic' sex.

Hm. Let's move on to another one of your great friendships

Zhaan…

The bald, blue mama

Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan.

Tenth level Pa'u Priestess.

Eight hundred years old.

Not bad for eight hundred years 'young.'

She's spiritual...

...but she can also get... physical.

When she's not being...

totally mental.

- I have always wondered what could 'possibly' go on in there.

- Not a lot.

- I'm a guy.

- Come on, Zhaan...

- what are you afraid of?

- Take my head.

- Our two spirits will pass into each other...

… until we inhabit a single consciousness....

- Too late to be afraid.

- Move into me.

This is called 'Unity'

…the melding of two minds.

And there's one more thing about her.

- You're a plant?

- Always have been, John. Why, does it bother you?

-No it doesn't... bother me. I just never... suspected

- you're a vegetable?!

Sleek... sexy vegetable.

- I've heard of your kinds practices.

- Your... appetites.

- Such as?

- I've... heard of something known as the

…Fourth Sensation.

- I have experienced this... not lately.

One of the advantages to travelling around the Uncharted Territories

is that we get to meet all kinds of new races and species,

and sometimes we adopt one.

If they're young, female, attractive.

That had nothing to do with it.

Of course not.

Her name is Chiana. If we hadn't taken her in, she would have been imprisoned by her own people, the Nebari.

That's them; they're gray.

She's amoral.

She's underage.

Sexy.

- I don't respect authority. I do what I want...

… when I want to do it.

- Did you ever kill anyone?

- No.

- Then help me understand the collar and the cuffs.

- Among my people you... you conform.

- You don't do the things I...

… I did.

- What will they do with you now?

- Mental cleansing into a...

…into an obedient zombie.

- Chiana

- I'd rather be dead!

Chiana will try anything once.

Sometimes she lands on her feet...

… sometimes she lands on her ass.

- Chiana

- You did it!

- I did it?!

- I did it!

But, she has kind of grown on us.

- Yeah, I'm goin' down to the planet. You wanna hang?

On some... more so than others.

- Yeah.

-Cool. Can I come in?

- Whoa, ho, ho! Bad time! Ah, good-good time, sorry, ah... wrong time!

Can we talk about you now?

What about me?

You're contaminated.

Irreversibly, thanks to you.

- Exactly how much time have you spent with this human?

- Not a lot.

- Not much at all.

- Because, as you know, Peacekeeper High Command has very clear parameters

… regarding contact with unclassified alien life-forms.

- You may have very well exceeded those parameters, Officer Sun

- No Sir… - which would make you irreversibly contaminated.

- No Sir, I… - Take them away. Take them all away!

You see, this is why you don't want to be a Peacekeeper

they hit people and they shoot things.

But it's fun to shoot things.

- No…

- Oh, God!

- Thank you! So much better!

They generally don't fire at their own shipmates, though.

Hey, technically, you fired at me first.

Technically, you said I was fat.

I said that you were going to be old and fat, that's different.

Oh, that's even better, isn't it?

Don't forget that I have saved your life on more than one occasion.

- Aeryn

- Come on, Aeryn... come on.

- Gilina

- On the ground now!

- Sorry about the mess.

And I have helped you with your attitude problem.

Oh, now I've got an attitude problem!

You've always had an attitude problem.

Really?

- We're stuck together...

- and as long as we are, we might as well be...

- What? Family? Friends?

- I want neither.

- Well, somebody's got to be there when you need it.

- No offense human...

- but what could I possibly need from you?

Oh, I don't know... manners? Personality? Stock tips?

- Chin up! Eyes locked!

John has no idea what it takes to be a soldier.

- Can't you see she's gonna pass out?"

- Clearly you do not understand.

- She knows exactly who we are and would consider it her duty to lie to us.

- Point taken. But if she drops...

… you're not gonna get your answers

- This is my world, John... don't interfere.

Little Miss Tough Chick of the Universe.

That's me.

But things are different now.

How so?

Well...

they've kissed.

So what?

So, they're in love.

Have you forgotten how it ended?

Oh, no, no, no. See, you're getting ahead of yourself.

Let's talk about the relationship.

No one wants to talk about the relationship except to you.

I think what people really want to know about is all the...

Cool things. - Exactly.

Cue the cool stuff.

- What the hell am I looking at?

- They spit fire? How come nobody tells me they spit fire?!

- I must eat!"

- What is the 'matter'... with you people?!

- Twenty…

- Ten…

- Hurry!

- Five…

- Got it!

- Got it!

Sorry, for interrupting.

You know... flossing could help you with that gingivitis.

And as you can tell by the critics kind words,

we're obviously struck a chord with...

lights?

Oh, pilot, the lights-- up.

Lights! Pilot, we're on TV.

Oh, I can't remember what you wanted me to say.

Tell them about Moya.

Ah, well, ah... she's a Leviathan, ah... biomechanoid... ah...

What Pilot's trying to say is that Moya is half mechanical, half biological,

and she's a beautiful ship.

Why don't we show them some clips?

Yes, that would be easier.

Leviathans are peaceful beasts of burden.

They're designed without weapons.

Each Leviathan has a Pilot aboard as their lifetime navigator and caretaker.

Ours is called, "Pilot".

When one of my species is bonded to a Leviathan, we give our lives to the service of others.

Ship first. Then those who travel aboard her.

No matter what those aboard do to you?

My species is incapable of space flight on our own.

If we wish to journey beyond our home planet, this... is the tradeoff we make...

for the chance to see the galaxy.

I consider it... a perfectly equitable arrangement.

Obviously, Moya couldn't survive without Pilot's loyal service.

He's always calm, the voice of reason.

That's not strictly true. I'm not always calm.

- Pilot

- John

So, Pilot, some bad, hair days, huh?

Some were Moya protecting her unborn child.

Have you told them about Talyn?

Moya gave birth to a baby named Talyn.

It turned out to be a hybrid - part Leviathan, part Peacekeeper warship.

It was not an easy birth.

The offsprings free. It's free!

How's Moya?

She's okay. We're okay!

Look.

- That's Moya's child? - Yes

But it's covered in weapons.

That's right kids, the Peacekeepers had designed a Leviathan gunship,

emphasis on "gun".

What's Talyn doing?

Young boy... dangerous toy.

So, basically Talyn is a confused kid in need of some guidance.

Unfortunately, what he got was Captain Bialar Crais,

renegade Peacekeeper.

He's taking over Talyn!

Leave my ship now!

We have to stay and explain is to the Plokavian authorities!

No, Aeryn, we have to leave-- now!

I can't let you do this!

Go!

Talyn is not mature enough to Starburst!

If you attempt this, you will damage him! You may die!"

Thank you, Priest, but I know that.

We'll be fine...

where no one can follow us. You... or the Peacekeepers.

Crais, you listen to me, now! You stop what you're doing and you leave the ship, now!

Officer Sun... if by some strange quirk we manage to encounter each other again,

I hope that our relationship... away from the Peacekeepers... will be a much... different one next time.

You cannot take a child from it's mother!

You forget... it was done to me... and it was done to you.

Goodbye, Officer Sun.

Talyn's going into Starburst!

Banished by the Peacekeepers.

...and with nowhere else to go, Crais fled aboard Talyn.

But over time he's proven to be an ally

... or so Aeryn thinks.

Why do you make it sound like Aeryn likes Crais?

There's a lot of history between them. It's a very complex relationship.

Relationship. No, they don't have a relationship. Crichton and Aeryn have a relationship,

and that's what we're supposed to be talkin' about.

All right. Fine. Over time Crichton and Aeryn developed a very solid working partnership.

Cover me!

Sorry about the mess.

Partnership. I like the partnership part,

but that's not what I'm talkin' about and you know it. Roll this.

Haven't you ever just clicked with a guy?

What?! 'Clicked'?!

Yeah, you know... found a guy attractive.

Yes, but it... I didn't let it

In the beginning I found you... interesting.

Okay, so she finds him interesting.

Interesting? Lawdy, lawdy, Miss Claudie! She wants him! Watch this.

Whoa! You okay?

Yes, you?

Yeah, just... peachy

You comfortable? Can I get you a pillow?

All right, so there's a little chemistry between them.

Chemistry... you don't want to admit it, do you? They are meant for each other.

Remember the hair scene? Roll the hair scene.

Wait! Do you remember how it ended?

Doesn't matter how it ended.

They were made for each other.

Would you like... to learn how to do this, or are you content to continually display your ineptitude.

My ineptitude? You mean my improvisation, the kind that bails your sorry milita...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry...

what's that smell?

Wh-what?

Your hair... it smells

Zhaan gave me something.

All right... it smells good...

I like it.

Well, it's not for you to like.

Oh. Then... what's it for?

For me to like.

And you don't like... that I like it?

Personal indulgences can fracture a small crew.

I would never tell them...

that you scented your hair.

Mm... no!

What? Aeryn... Aeryn, no!

I will not be a slave to your hormones!

My hormones! Hey, I was lips, you were tongue!

So

You're gonna try to tell me that they're not meant for each other?

How can they possibly be?

What about the fact that he's completely insane?

That's not John's fault.

Oh, you're not gonna blame it on…

Yes... Scorpius.

Scorpius.

Write this down: S-C-O-R-P-I-U-S. Scorpius.

What species are you?

And who are you working for?

Get... stuffed.

No... please.

Whatever you've heard, forget it. Frelling lies.

This show is about me, Dominar Rygel The Sixteenth, ruler of over six hundred billion loyal Hynerian subjects.

Idolized, revered... adored! Watch!

I like my wives pregnant, and my ships cold to the touch.

That way my feet stay warm, and my slumber is uninterrupted.

Wives plural?

Big fella.

When I am through with you Dominar...

death himself will pray for you.

I thought you might say something like that.

Start acting like professionals...

that's what we do to people who don't

- Good work, Ryge.

Rygel, you are needed on Command.

I am?! What for?

A quick decision may be required if the Peacekeepers arrive.

Hmm, a quick and correct decision... I accept this vital responsibility!

I want a close up.

Call that a close up?

Too close!

Amateurs.

So, who do you really think runs Moya?

Me!

Who do the others turn to when vexed by a problem?

Me!

Who has the biggest… - Rygel

What are you doin'?

Nothing, nothing.

What kind of lies are you tellin'?

Ah... um, the right kind.

My boy, Buckweat. Biggest liar in the Uncharted Territories.

You went there to sell us out, Rygel.

You bet your shiney blue ass I did

Can I have this?! Can this be mine?!

We can all have anything we want now, right?

- Rygel

- What just happened? - It's a perfectly natural bodily function

And it's odorless.

So your loyal subjects tell you!

You fart helium?!

Sometimes... when I'm nervous…

Rygel's an obnoxious gas-bag, and who's gonna shell out for that?

He's right, I'm unloved, unwanted, unpopular…

unconscious...

I have agents, I have lawyers!

Rygel, Spielberg on line one.

Puppets are so gullible.

So, what were we talking about?

Scorpius.

Scorpius. Evil, ugly, mutant, half-breed,

Peacekeeper genius who rose through the ranks to wrest control of Captain Crais's ship.

Did I say evil?

You did. Good.

You are unfit for duty by any measure.

I personally intend to see you stripped of rank and office.

So you can take command of my ship?

I already have.

Get off my ship!

Why must you force me... to display my physical superiority to your kind as well?!

You see, Crichton and his module have navigated a wormhole

and Scorpius wants that knowledge

and he doesn't care how he gets it.

Give me Crichton now, and I'll get you all the information he possesses

Torture alone would be ineffective.

Only the Aurora Chair can extract the information we need.

Sieze him.

Segment his mind, as many layers as it takes...

No... no... please...

Crichton will tell us.

You stay the hell out of my mind, you fr

Unbeknownst to any of Crichton's shipmates, Scorpius had actually implanted a neurochip into Crichton's head

… during a brutal interrogation.

His friends save him,

but during most of the second season they have no idea

that the chip is in his head, slowly taking over his brain,

… and most charming personality.

What the frell was that for?!

It was nothin', just clearin' my head.

You're out of your mind, John.

- I know…

Images of Scorpius would pop up, torturing and confusing him.

Why don't you leave me alone, Scorpy?

Because the wormhole technology locked in your brain, makes you... to my knowledge,

unique in the galaxy.

Unique.

And unique... is always valuable.

And through all this insanity there is one thing which kept John sane.

His relationship with Aeryn.

Yes.

You see, of all the relationships onboard Moya none is more intense, complex or as frustrating

as John and Aeryn.

Well, my character was born to be a soldier.

She believes that emotions are baggage

something that can get you killed.

And then one day along comes this...

man, this Human,

who speaks a language she does not understand.

It's a language about caring, about trusting, about

Love

It'll never work.

It's never that easy.

Never will be.

But it is... damn interesting.

- what!…

If Scorpius gets me...

I know... sh-shoot you.

No. No, no, no... shoot him.

Look, we have talk.

Not here, you'll get us both killed.

A-Aeryn... I have to tell you how I feel, I have to tell you.

No you don't.

- I do.

No you don't.

about last night.

Yes, it's fine, John. It's just not top priority right now.

Are you always gonna do this?

Do what?

Keep the entire world at a distance... keep everybody away?!

I'm so scared.

Is this your... female?

I am no one's female!

Oh, and when exactly is that gonna change, Aeryn?!

I told you you wouldn't like what I had to say!

I don't!

Last time we stood here... we didn't say goodbye.

It wasn't goodbye as it turned out

Here's hoping history repeats itself.

You see, that's what people wanna see

passion, romance, a great love story; Romeo and Juliet.

It ended so well for them.

This could be different.

How so?

Don't tell me there's a happy ending.

We've barely started.

Freeze!

Down! Get down!

Don't move! Or I'll fill you full of...

little yellow bolts of light!

You wanna be the next to mess with me? Well, get in line!

It doesn't get better than this, baby!

But you say that you want to go back to this place, Earth...

a place that you tell me has so much disease and suffering.

Well, you guys don't have chocolate.

No, I am widening my perspective! That is what I do,

that's what makes me, me!

God, another critter.

Freeze!"

You didn't kill 'em.

Guess I'm not that kind of a guy.

All right, you're almost there,

you almost have everything you need to know to start Season Three.

Pilot, are you ready?

Yep

Okay, the evil Scorpius has planted the chip inside John Crichton's head.

He's goin' nuts... he's hallucinating Scorpy all over the place.

D'Argo is off lookin' for his son, and Aeryn is....

You know what? Put away the pens and pencils, sit back and enjoy.

Pilot, roll the tape.

I am in control, I am in control of me!

Stop it, stop it!

I can't!

There's no one here, John! You made youself bleed!

Scorpy! I see him, I see him!

Well, fight it!

She cannot see us, John.

Aeryn...

what do you see... in the mirror...

what do you see?

There is no mirror. There is no Scorpius...

look!

You must confront your fears... with strength.

John... I have Ka D'Argo's son.

Surrender to me... or the boy dies.

Last time I saw my son

was the night my wife was murdered.

I sent him away to be safe and...

he ends up a slave.

And if you hadn't, he'd be dead by now, D'Argo.

All he'll care about is that you came back for him.

There's a ship approaching.

Father?

Jothee...

Jothee! It's you, it's really you!

Father... you're choking me!

How did you escape Scorpius?

He let me go.

He... what?

W-why?

This chip in my head, this chip... part of me, now...

wants it to control me.

So, I'm gonna go to Scorpy and have him take it out.

'Least by swapping myself for Jothee, I can do you some good.

You have no idea how patient I have been for this moment.

Since I got you here, tell me...

what the frell did you put in my head?

A tiny chip.

A tiny seed that's been growing in your brain.

Touching every aspect of your... personality...

Are you ready to go down now and save Crichton?

Moya should prove a distraction

And we go down there, burst through the front doors and storm the place.

It's what we do best.

How long has Scorpius held Crichton?

Four arns.

Then I recommend you bring down a basket, without any holes...

so that Crichton's liquid remains are not lost.

He's already dead, Aeryn.

Scorpius, tell me something.

Why are you so interested in this Human?

There's nothing impressive about the species.

Try not to move so much!

It's kinda hard not to flinch here, Scorpy, with Frau Blucher ticklin' my prostate.

Crais, I'm coming aboard Talyn.

Look, Crais, we're all going to die if you don't help us.

Will other lives be lost in this attack?

You can have anything you want, anything.

Aeryn Sun...

are you... offering yourself?

So, while John's friends were planning his rescue,

Scorpius was planning to have a chat with the neuroclone in John's head.

Oh, don't stop now, Scorpy.

Roll me over and baste the other side.

Are you going to take out the implant?

No...

I'm going in.

This is a place inside your memory, John.

Yes-- we're inside your brain...

and, no... I'm not Scorpius,

but he is.

Hello, John.

Have you obtained the wormhole information?

I believe I've burrowed far enough.

Is he ready to have the chip removed?

Oh, yes.

You don't expect me to help you save Crichton do you?

I thought you would want to.

Listen!

I don't want to shame you, but I am not going back to that planet.

I only just got my freedom back,

I'm not gonna risk losing it again.

May the goddess be with you all.

Scorpius wants your brain...

he said nothing about your eyes.

So soft...

What the frell is that?!

That's Moya.

You're clear to land, Rygel. Get in there now!

His friends have no choice but to blow the hell out of everything...

to get John out before Scorpy could extract his chip.

Don't shoot Crichton. I need him alive.

They should'a got there sooner,

'cause John's mind was already a mess.

Leave him.

Come to me... come to me.

Go down to the depository, hide in a container. T

hat should protect us from Talyn's attack.

I'm gonna go to Scorpius.

Frell you are.

D'Argo, carry him!

This way!

They're in the depositing room!

Zhaan, we've got company!

Rygel! Rygel!

Almost there, Zhaan.

Right, into the container.

I didn't plan on becoming a deposit.

Let's go! Come on!

Destroy the entire building.

Talyn firing in 15 microts.

Locking on now.

- 10… 9…

All right, they're in! Let's go, go, go!

- Fire

Cheer up! We got Crichton back, and Aeryn and D'Argo and Jothee...

Perfect.

Shhh.... he's here, he um... he's here, and um... he blames me.

Blames me for killing Scorpius.

So, I've been, I been trying to... but I can't, I can't

To what, John?!

- D'Argo…

kill me.

D'Argo, please...

kill me.

Luckily, nobody ever listens to a damn thing that John says.

Instead they found a medical facility, where they could remove the chip from John's head.

Splendid news for the patient. I think... I found a biological match.

I've got three specimens, that's the best I can do.

There are over five-thousand different species frozen here.

This is an abomination against nature.

I mean, they're already dead, anyway.

No, Aeryn, they're still alive.

Ah, that's a technicality.

No, I'm not accepting anything from someone who's alive.

They're all accident victims and the like.

Hey, I mean, we freeze 'em a microt before death

'cause the parts last longer that way.

You have interrupted the course of nature.

None of 'em would survive restoration.

That is the Doc's rules for accepting a donor.

No matter what happens,

you have worked your way...

into my heart.

You've shown me that I have one.

- I love you.

I love you too.

Mm. You are so... my girl.

There's no Scorpius here...

There's only me.

Crichton.... Stark he is no more...

his body shelters some horrific evil.

Crichton... Crichton is gone.

John Crichton to Scorpius.

You just called yourself John Crichton. Are you really John anymore?

Ah... little lady.

How's the skull fracture?

Given no other choices, I will shoot you down.

Oh... I doubt it.

You really would shoot your friend down, wouldn't you?

You know the answer.

Well then... lowering landing gear."

Terribly sorry.

Ejecting... now!

I suggest separate before touchdown!

- Official Sun, Su… sun… Su…

Aeryn... Aeryn, can you comply?!

The harness is jammed!"

You have to get out of the damn chair.

I don't have any choice.

Come on, please. Do something, do something.

I hope you meant what you said in the Neural Cluster.

I did.

- Aeryn

God... what have I done?

Be at peace, Aeryn.

For all of them-- her oldest comrades and her newest friends,

It was time to mourn...

May the Goddess sanctify your spirit.

- Ahmet.

...and a time to come together.

Everyone else is preparing to move on.

I know. Tragedy often heralds flight.

If you are in agreement, Pa'u Zhaan,

it would be an honor and a pleasure...

to share the future with you.

I want this chip out.

Are you sure you don't want your friends here?

No, I don't want 'em here.

After the Doc's cut the tendrils that have hijacked your brain...

Speech... close to... neural implant.

I'm gonna talk gibberish!

Remove chip... then attempt... replace.

Hello, Doctor! So good to see you again.

You no longer serve a purpose!

I only hope...

the wormhole technology I've waited so patiently for, makes more sense.

I condemn you, John Crichton... to live.

So that your thirst... for unfulfilled revenge...

will consume you.

Well that's it, you're up to speed for the begining of third season of Farscape.

We hope you watch and enjoy the show.

thanks for joining us.