Original subtitles

CAROLINE: The year this story takes place

is the year nearly everything happened to me.

It was the year I moved from the city

to a backwards hick town to finish high school.

It was the year an industrial fire

wouldn't stop burning just outside of town...

WOMAN ON TV: In other news, the industrial fire continues to rage.

CAROLINE: ...the year my dad first discovered an itch

that much later became cancer,

and later still took all his hair and then his life.

It was the year a serial killer wearing a white suit

roamed the county, leaving pretty young kids

dead in his wake.

[SCREAMING]

But mostly it was the year where I tried

to become someone else for a while

and for the first time

I went crazy insane for love.

And it seemed like the whole world was about to end.

But in the beginning,

I didn't see any of this in my future.

I just crossed an X on my calendar

and suddenly I was once again the new girl

at a new school where no one would talk to me.

[AIRPLANE ENGINE WHIRRING]

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

[WAND BURBLING]

[BEEPS]

MAN: Whoa. You have anything metal on you?

I don't think so.

Well, you must.

What's this?

A bowling ball.

Mine now.

CAROLINE: Have you ever entered a room

where you just knew everyone hated you?

Now multiply that by roughly a million

and you'll understand my high school experience.

When I know people hate me,

instead of trying to change their minds,

I get defensive and weird

and become the exact girl they think I am.

But this school wasn't just mean and gossipy.

It was full-on scary.

To give you an idea, let me tell you

the legend of Laura Lee.

Is it -5?

CAROLINE: Laura Lee was a student at our school

who danced nights at a strip club.

[PEOPLE CHEERING]

Nobody talked to her, but the entire football team

would heat up coins with butane lighters

and flick them at her as she walked through the hallways.

Burning currency bounced off her like hail.

[COINS CLINKING]

[CHEERING]

But what's amazing is that this poor girl's

attendance record was perfect.

I mean, here she is dancing every night

until 2:00 or later and dodging fiery coins

and still she makes it to twice as many classes

as most people.

This is full-on triumph of the human spirit,

but you never see this shit onOprah.

And then last March some girls were playing in a field...

When they found her body.

All over her legs, splotchy and scorched,

were the burned imprints of various coins.

[SCREAMS]

REPORTER: Few details are known about

investigation, the ongoing

say they are looking but police sources

say they are looking for a male suspect wearing a white suit.

CAROLINE: And that was life at Hargrove High.

[WHISTLE TWEETS]

People, get to class now!

Thank you.

Hey.

Want to come smoke weed with us after class?

Um, sure. That'd be cool.

It will be.

[COUGHING] Jesus Christ.

[SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]

What's your name again?

Caroline.

I'm Paul.

Charles, Craig and Thurston.

Yeah, we've met.

PAUL: So why would you ever move to a place like this?

Ugh, well, my dad works for this huge development--

Dude, you're not even inhaling.

I'm inhaling.

You're basically making out with it, you got your goober all over it.

There's a girl in here.Ow.

[BOYS ARGUING]

CAROLINE: I was now attending the most drugged-out high school

in the whole country, honest to God.

These guys smoked pot,

sniffed glue, snorted crystal,

did Ecstasy in toilets...

anything to kill the boredom.

But Thurston...

he had reasons of his own.

[VAN DOOR OPENS]

♪ The face that you saw

♪ In the door

♪ Isn't looking

♪ At you anymore

♪ The name that you call

♪ In its place

♪ Isn't waiting

♪ For your embrace

♪ The world that You love to behold

♪ Cannot hold you

♪ Anymore

♪ In a matter of time...

Hey, Thurston.

♪ It would slip From my mind

♪ In and out of my life

[SIGHS]

Okay, guys.

Guys...

These papers are just--

[CHUCKLES]

Do you really hate school that much?

Is it me?

Is it because I let you call me Barry?

[STUDENTS CHUCKLE]

Look, you know, I just--

just moved back to this town.

And I gotta tell you, this place has become a real shithole.

[KIDS LAUGH]

BARRY: But I was you.

I know you've got real thoughts

going on inside of there.

So for tomorrow, no reading.

I want you to write me a three-page essay

on the historical or religious figure

who you most admire.

Okay?

Tell me who it is that you think you are.

CAROLINE: I don't know why the idea came to me when it did,

but I instantly knew it would make life more interesting.

Don't we all want to be somebody different sometimes,

someone smarter and sexier,

and bolder than we really are?

Or maybe I just looked and saw

someone that was as lonely as me.

After my mom died and we started moving all the time,

it was like my dad and I had all this love to give

but no one to give it to.

Or maybe I just went a little crazy.

[CHILDREN GIGGLING] Thomas!

CAROLINE: For a while there it seemed like

craziness was in the air.

We were all just breathing it in.

[DOOR CLOSES]

You wanted to see me?

Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about something.

Go ahead.

Well, I wanted to tell you

that I'm new here and so far I hate it.

Okay, but if you work hard--

The guys here...

are so immature and sexist.

And the girls are worse.

They eat it up, no self-respect.

[CHUCKLES]

And it's just all so different

from where we're supposed to be

at this point in women's history, you know?

[CHUCKLES]

I wish I could argue.

I went to this party

where they were passing out Rohypnol.

[WHISPERS] That's the date-rape drug.

I know what roofies are.

How old are you?

I'm not gonna answer that.

35?

34?

Ballpark, yeah.

A babe in the woods.

Anyway...

I wanted to let you know you're not alone.

Here's my paper.

Just point your foot and kick it.

Just don't bail like a pansy.

Oh!Ooh, shit

Fuck! Fuck.

[LAUGHS]

You okay?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Pretty smooth, huh?

I don't even like skateboarding.

Yeah, well, you should go walk it off.

Yeah.

Well, are you-- can I walk it off with you?

So...

do you even remember meeting me at that party?

Of course I do.

I'm really sorry about--

Oh, yeah. No, it's okay.

[SIGHS]

So, Miss Wexler...

Mm-hmm?

...what do you think of our fine town thus far?

Um...

We're waiting.

I think it's a stupefyingly

friendly place full of wholesome,

God-fearing, gun-bearing folk.

It's not all that bad.

You just gotta give people a chance.

Are you-- are you high?

There's more incest in this town than in an Atom Egoyan film.

Who?

I said there's a lot of incest here.

Ah yes, incest--

a game the whole family can play.

Uh, I should go.

Yeah, well,

as always, it was a treat

having you on the program, Miss Wexler.

Bye.

Until next time.

Okay.

CAROLINE: The first time I met Thurston

he approached me at a party,

trying his best to be charming.

And then I guess things went wrong for him.

He believed he was the unluckiest person alive.

How was school today, Lily?

Kids in my class are stupid.I doubt that.

Tyler Jenkins can't even read.

The Jenkins are crackers.

Watch your French, Thurston.

I'm sure Tyler's trying.

Mom, he is a cracker.

He has six toes.

I'm sure there's some advantage to that, like maybe swimming.

[DISTANT BARKING]

[CRYING]

Thurston?

I don't know.

Thurston...

No, don't.

Don't.

It's not your fault.

Well, I'm not doing the dishes.

[SIGHS]

Thomas.

I love you more than oxygen.

Please come rescue me from these fools.

[SIGHS]

[RINGS DOORBELL]

Hi, Mr. A.

Caroline.

Can I come in?

No.

The mat says "Welcome."

I hate that mat.

You know, there's a serial killer

running around with a white suit on.

You really shouldn't joke about things like that.

You're the one who won't let me in.

I might die.

Thanks.

Very nice.

Thank you.

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

Who's this?

That's my wife.

Where is she?

She's in the other room.

Oh.

Yeah, we're crazy in love.

It's wonderful.

Um, I should leave.

I'm kidding. It's my sister.

That's why she looks like me with long hair.

Funny.

Caroline...

to tell you the truth, I know what you're doing.

I read your paper.

You didn't like my paper?

I have a hard time believing that Monica Lewinski

is the historical figure you most admire.

I was critical.

I said her problem was she lacked discretion.

She had a good thing going and she blew it.

Can I give you a lift home? You should really leave.

Ooh, can I have some wine?No. no, absolutely not.

No. Hey.

This is like when people describe a car crash

happening in slow motion.

You need to relax.

I am the one seducing you.

Besides...

I find you very handsome.

CAROLINE: My mom once told me

that if you ever want to make a man happy,

flatter his vanity.

Tell him he's handsome.

She said not to bother calling him

interesting or clever,

because that's what their bosses and colleagues are for.

But every man carries a secret dream

of being handsome and desperately yearns

to be recognized as such.

[BELLS RING]

So I read your papers and overall they are an improvement.

But...

Punctuation and structure are still-- still a mess.

So to remedy this I will be offering private tutorials after class

to anyone who's interested.

The, um, schedule will begin

in reverse alphabetical order,

which means that...

Wexler, Caroline, you're up tonight.

[CAROLINE MOANING]

Oh, I'm sorry.

This is so wrong.

Oh, relax.

I don't want to be a father figure.

Oh, my God. I already have one of those, thank you.

Do you promise me you won't tell anybody?

I promise.

Promise?I promise. I promise.

[MOANING]

CAROLINE: Before we go any further,

I should tell you the story of Thurston and Rolly.

Hey.

You can't smoke in here.

Why? Those people are smoking.

Yeah, but this is my house

and I get to decide who can smoke.

And you can't smoke.

Hey, man, you probably shouldn't be doing that.

MAN: Why not?

It's my house I'm throwing them at.

All right.

♪ This scar is a fleck

♪ On my porcelain skin

♪ Tried to reach deep

♪ But you couldn't get in

♪ Now you're outside me

♪ You see all the beauty

♪ Repent all your sins... Hi.

Hi.

♪ It's nothing but time

♪ And a face That you'll lose

♪ I chose to feel it--

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Fantastic.

Fan-fucking-tastic, man.

Yeah.

What a great girl-- smart, funny,

has big lips.

You think she has a boyfriend?

Oh, who gives a shit?

A girl like that is born with a boyfriend, I guess.

So you steal her away.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah. Fuck yeah.

It's not always so easy though.

Man, if you're fated to be with the girl,

you gotta fight for her.

Yeah, but I don't really believe in that shit.

What?

You don't believe in fate?

No.

You believe in love, don't you?

I mean, yeah, I guess.

If you believe in love,

you have to believe in fate.

Trust me, okay?

I think about this shit all the time.

[CRASHES]

[ENGINE CHUGGING]

Oh, man.

Thurston, wake up.

Wake up.

Oh, shit.

[BOTH MOANING]

Okay.

[CRIES]

What's wrong?My leg.

Are you all right?My leg.

I think it's fucked up real bad.

Oh.What?

Oh.

[MOANING]

Okay, listen. I've got drugs in my pocket.

You've got to hide them before the police come

or I'm royally fucked. Thurston!

Sorry, yeah. No, okay.

God damn it.

MAN: Are you boys all right down there?

I called for the police. They're on the way.

Oh, no, we're okay, Thank you.

Call back and tell them not to come.

You need any help?

Uh, no, thank you.

What?Mind your own fucking business.

Go.

CAROLINE: Thurston told me that standing there

in the middle of the forest, all the life

suddenly went out of him,

and he was demoted from hero to victim.

But with that shift of responsibility came a great peace.

What Thurston didn't know was that a man in a grey suit--

not the killer at all but just some poor guy

in the wrong place at the wrong time--

was doing everything he could to save Rolly's life.

Later the doctors said Rolly

had been hemorrhaging internally

and there was nothing anyone could have done.

[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

And though he could hear the distant sirens,

Thurston knew that an ambulance

can only go so fast.

And even in the midst of all this

he was dreaming of us building a cabin in the mountains,

away from it all.

But that would have to wait,

because his life was a miracle of bad luck.

And that's how Thurston fell in love

and watched his friend die on the same night.

Wake up.

Wake up, wake up, wake up.

Please stop.

It's Sunday.

It's the Lord's day.

It's the day Lord rested. Please.

No, it's not. Guess what I did.What?

Made breakfast for you.

What did you make?Happy eggs.

Why are they happy?

'Cause they're for you,

mon professeur de les oeoufs.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

BARRY: Aww.Aww.

[COUGHING]

That coffee's terrible, babe.

Well, excuse me, I've never made coffee before.

Really? You're in the gifted program.

It should be easy.

Sorry, Mr. A.

Mmm, the eggs are good though.

Right?

All right, don't get cocky.

[RINGS DOORBELL]

Good morning, sir. Is Caroline home?

No. no, she spent the night with some friends.

She has friends?

What's your name, son?

Oh, I'm sorry. Sometimes I misplace my manners.

My name's Thurston.Thurston, Mr. Wexler.

Nice to meet you, sir.Glad to meet you.

Uh...

can I ask you something, Mr. Wexler?

Sure.

Do you feel like your daughter's happy here?

Are you, are you trying to sell me something?

What? Why?

No, I just-- can I come in?

No.

Oh, sorry. Yeah, that's weird.

I sometimes just wonder if Caroline's

integrating well with people.

Huh.

I'm gonna close the door now, okay, Thurston?

Right. Well, nice to meet you, sir.

See, we've already done that,

so you can just go.

Okay.Okay.

All right.All right, have a good day.

Yeah, you too.Okay, bye.

Bye. It was nice to meet you.

Uh-huh.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

Today we're going to go over the scientific process.

I see the usual crew of jokers are AWOL,

so maybe we'll actually get something accomplished.

The first step of any experiment

is to assemble the necessary tools.

Charles, you got papers?

Check.

Next, review your thesis statement.

What exactly are you trying to prove?

I am completely confident

that something in this kitchen will get us high.

Now let the experimenting begin.

Pure vanilla extract.

[LAUGHING]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[BELL DINGS]

Well, now that you're all done,

write up your results and clean your workspace.

I hope this did something to expand your young minds.

We gotta go to class.

Why?

If you guys skip Ms. Budge's class, you're gonna be screwed.

Guys, I don't feel too good.

Hey...

do you guys think that maybe we could

talk about what happened to Rolly sometime?

Sure, man.

Is there anything you want to say?

I don't know, I just--

his funeral was--

The funeral was bullshit.

It was fucked, right?Yeah.

It's weird. I didn't even know his name was Roland.

I keep having this dream

where I see him standing outside my window.

CRAIG: I am way too high to be dealing with this right now.

PAUL: Plus, we need to go, man.

Yeah, sure.

Sorry, just a bad stoner moment.

Let's go to class.

Before I start, I want to talk about something

that's been affecting our community.

Now I know you're all young

and indestructible...

but another girl in Hargrove County has gone missing,

so these curfews are for your own good.

Craig, Craig.

Yeah?

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Then pay attention.

Oh, my God.

What?

Oh, my God. Angie, go and get the school nurse now!

What, what, what are you talking about?

Everybody...

just give him, give him some room to breathe.

What's wrong with you people?

MISS BUDGE: Craig!

Oh.

MISS BUDGE: Craig!

[BELL RINGS]

The doctor said it was some kind of

drug-induced seizure.

You know, there's a real problem at this school

and no one has the courage to talk about it.

[KNOCKS]

Yes?

I'm here for him.

Oh, is it time for your tutorial already?

Mm-hmm.

So you tutor now?

Are you some kind of superteacher?

He goes way above the call of duty.

Yeah, well, he can't help you today,

'cause he promised he'd help me with the track team.

Isn't that right, Barry?

That's right.

Um, I've been waiting here

and I would like to be tutored.

Well, you're gonna have to learn

to live with disappointment.

Fuck you, gym bitch.

What did you say?Caroline.

What?

I'm sorry, Miss Wexler,

but we're going to have to reschedule.

Don't bother.

She called me a bitch.

CAROLINE: After that I rode out to the old satellite dish

where I sat and pondered what turns of fate had brought me

to such a reprehensible place in life.

♪ Red oak

♪ Sugar

♪ And Korean dogwood...

I knew that Mr. Anderson was nervous

about our relationship,

though our age difference was only two years more

than the one between my father and my mom.

♪ Lit by mission moonlight

♪ King is on that hillside...

Before long, the sound of the wind and the grass

lulled me into slumber.

And though dreams are by definition strange,

the dream I slipped into was particularly odd,

because it was not my own but someone else's.

I dreamt that Thurston and I were living

in a mountain cabin far from the world.

I churned butter while he chopped wood.

And we lived only for love.

One blue day Thurston hired an airplane

to write my name in the sky.

But either the pilot was drunk

or I had married an illiterate,

because the word that he spelled was just

an illegible jumble of consonants and vowels.

I knew then that our love was not some idealized state

but a union of secrets and flaws.

And it broke my heart to think such things.

[PHONE RINGING]

[COUGHS]

Hello.

Hi, baby.

How's the track team doing?

Yeah, look, I'm sorry about that.

It's just, you know, things are starting

to look a little suspicious.

Have you fucked her yet?

No. No.

We're at some cheap old restaurant

where they keep bringing out sparklers

and singing "Happy Birthday."

Caroline, look, I'm a single guy

living in a small town of gossips.

I gotta go out with somebody sometime.

Yeah, well, how would you like it if I did that?

Yeah, you probably should.

You're saying I should date some high school idiot?

Yeah. I don't know.

Look, it's really loud in here,

and you're cracking up.

Oh, no no no. Don't do this.

I can't-- Caroline, you're cracking up.

I promise you, I'll call you later, okay?

[DISTANT BARKING]

Okay, just a second.

Hi. Is Thurston home?

Yes.

Come on in.

Thank you.

Lily, go tell Thurston

that his friend...

Caroline.

...Caroline is here.

I hope you don't mind me saying this,

but you are a beautiful young lady.

Oh, thank you.

I love your hair.

Do you? It's usually horrible.

Mine's like straw.

No, it's so pretty.Oh.

Oh, okay. Well, I'll leave you two.

Hey.Hey.

I hope my mom's didn't say anything embarrassing.

Oh, no. She's nice.

Although she did say you still wet the bed, so...

What?

I'm just kidding. A bad joke.

Oh, well, 'cause, I mean,

I do still wet the bed and I was wondering how you knew that.

Mmm.

Yeah.

Well, we've got a real

Algonquin Table of wit going on here, don't we?

What table?

Anyway, I think you're cute,

and I want to go out with you.

Really?

Yes. Yeah. Okay, let's go.

Okay. Hey, Mom, I'll be back in a bit.

CAROLINE: Nice to meet you.

[BOTH GIGGLE]

[FIREWORKS EXPLODING]

So do you have any condoms?

Uh, no.

I didn't-- I didn't think to bring any.

Oh.

Well, I guess you're gonna miss out then.

Fuck.

Uh...

Well, we could go get some from Paul's.

I'm just fucking with you. I have some in my bag actually.

Okay.

Great.

Okay, here. Just put it on fast.

Okay.

Do you mind if we put on some music or something?

I'm kind of a little--[BELT JINGLES]

I'm just kind of nervous.

Thurston, there is a seat belt stabbing into my ovaries.

I think it might be a little late for romance and stuff.

Okay.

All right, fine.

[SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Okay, here goes.

Okay?

Come on.

Just--

[BOTH MOAN]

[THURSTON MOANS]

Yay.

I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

[GRUNTS]

[CAROLINE CLEARS THROAT]

Well...

[BELT JINGLING]

[THUDS]

What the fuck? Did you hear that?

I don't know.[THUDS]

What the fuck?

Someone is throwing shit at the car.

Do you think you could

go figure out what the fuck that was?

[THUDS]

Do you mind playing the role of the man here maybe?

Let's just get the fuck out of here.

Fine.

[DOOR CLOSES]

How did it go?

I don't know.

We had sex.

Oh.

Oh, dear.

So for those of you finished with Jane Austen,

feel free to start with Faulkner.

Otherwise, read read read.

Caroline, could I see you after class, please?

I don't know if I have time.

Make time.

So how was Miss Budge in the sack?

Did she wear her whistle?

Actually I spent half of the evening talking her out

of suspending you for calling her "gym bitch."

Look, for the first time you're acting your age

and it really doesn't suit you.

Well, right back at you, Mr. Polanski.

Look, this is great.

You're...

great.

But you've got to be aware that people are watching me.

Does it make you feel special?

Could we stop with the sarcasm, please?

Sorry.

I want to spend the weekend with you at my place.

I'll cook dinner. We'll play board games.

Really? Just us alone?

Yeah, no gym teachers for miles.

Ooh, good.

Here.

What's that?

This is my novel--

well, the first 70 pages anyway.

My agent is the only one who's read it.

He thinks it's the best thing I've ever done.

I'm so inspired when I'm with you.

I want you to read it, tell me what you think.

I think you should

lock the door.

Oh yeah, Miss Wexler?

Lock it, Shakespeare.

[LOCK CLICKS]

Ugh, slut.

What did you call me?

I think I just called you a slut, slut.

Why?

Because everyone knows that you've banged,

like, 40 different guys since you came here.

Really? 40?

Okay, let's just say I have banged 40 guys--

what's the problem?

You're just jealous 'cause you've been brainwashed

by puritanical assholes who believe sex is a sin.

But then again,

your little gerbil-sized brain

has been reprogrammed by the media

to believe sex is the be all, end all.

So now you're stuck, right?

'Cause on the one hand you love to fuck

but afterwards you feel overwhelmed by guilt and you're not sure why.

Maybe it's because sex is neither as good or as evil

as you've built it up to be.

Shut up, slut.

Jenny, seriously...

Listen to me.

The highlight of your entire life

is gonna be your yearbook photo.

You are already nostalgic

for shit that has not even happened yet

'cause you have so precious little to look forward to.

You're gonna spend the first half of your life planning your wedding

and you're gonna spend the second half regretting it.

And if I were you-- and thank God I'm not,

'cause you have terrible hair--

I would stop and I would reconsider

your whole value system,

because everything you know is wrong.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[CRYING]

I'm such a bitch.

CAROLINE: Okay, so I guess I've avoided

talking about myself for long enough.

All I really know is that I'm just about

the moodiest girl in the world.

♪ I can't see Anything at all

♪ All I see is me

♪ That's clear enough That's what's important

♪ To see me

♪ My eyes can focus My brain is talking

♪ It looks Pretty good to me ♪

I swear to God, sometimes I get super depressed.

A year after my mom died I found a photo album

with all these pictures of my family.

[KIDS PLAYING]

It was weird to see us so happy,

still looking forward to something,

no idea what was about to happen.

Anyway, for two weeks afterwards I was so depressed.

I couldn't even leave my room, I was so sad.

My dad took me to a doctor who said I was suffering

from lack of serotonin to the brain.

They gave me pills and I zombied out for six months

and watched game shows.

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING]

I know you probably think

I'm a manipulative bitch for sleeping with two guys,

but try looking at it this way...

the sexual revolution is just like any other revolution.

There's gonna be casualties.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Good evening, Mr. Wexler.

She's busy studying.

Well, can I just say a quick hello?

Absolutely not.

Well, it's just I--

I brought her all these cupcakes.

My mom baked them, and I thought

it would be a nice gesture.

Well, I'm not paying for those.

No no, it's a gift.

I'll make sure she gets them.

Closing the door, Thurst--Wait, hey...

she could at least have the courtesy to say something.

I mean, you can't treat people like this.

Get your foot out of our doorstep.

Do you hear that, Caroline? You can't treat me like this!

Stop making a fuss. Get your foot out of my doorway.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm just...

I'm just all fucked up.

I know, son.

Now get off my property.

I got rid of him for you.

Thanks, Daddy.

You're not-- you're not meeting him

on this weekend of yours, are you?

No. I told you, it's all girls.

'Cause I know it's none of my business,

but I really just don't want you seeing this guy.

Dad, I just asked you to get rid of him.

Show a little trust.

His mom makes really good cupcakes.

What do you mean, it didn't work?

Just like I said.

I don't think her father likes me.

Why wouldn't he like you?

I don't know.

I can't believe they kept the cupcakes.

I'm gonna go over there and take care of this.

Mom, no.

I don't think that's a very good idea, Enid.

Look, if I do this for you, you promise me

you never treat a woman like your father did.

You never cheat on her.

You treat her like homespun gold.

Yeah, of course, Mom.

Watch Lily for me.

Wait, you're not gonna do anything embarrassing, are you?

I'm your mother.

I don't do anything embarrassing.

I'm too shagadelic for that.

Good Lord.

One, two, three.

Hide!

99, 98,

97, 96...

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Candygram!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

This weed is wheelchair shit.

Seizures all around tonight, boys.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hi. Mr. Wexler?

Yeah.

I'm Enid Goldberg.

Thurston's mom.

Oh. Oh.

I made you some more cupcakes.

I thought we could talk.

Sure. Yeah. Of course.

Would you like to come in and have a drink?

Yes.

Thank you so much.

Yeah. [GIGGLES]

If you tell anyone I did that,

I'll kill your whole family.

Okay.

[GIGGLES]

What?

You haven't told anyone about us, have you?

Ah! Stop being so paranoid.

I should find Lily.

Stop being so paranoid.

Yeah, man. Just put on some music.

[LIGHT GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING]

It happened about four years ago.

She, she was diagnosed with breast cancer

and throat cancer,

even though she never smoked a day in her life.

And then she passed on about six months after that.

Oh, that's too much.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

You know, the frightening thing is

that Caroline looks exactly like her.

I mean exactly.

Caroline is beautiful.

[LAUGHS] Thank you.

But it's very scary being the father

of a teenage daughter like her.

[LAUGHS]

Do you want some more?

Oh no.

Oh, well, maybe a little bit.

And what about your husband?

Oh, he passed... a few years ago.

He died?

Well, I don't know,

but I like to think so.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Okay.I hope he's dead in hell.

Oh no. Enid, come on.

Why not?

Yeah, why not?

He was a musician...

and that is really romantic when you are 17,

but he was always gone on tour.

And then a few years ago

he just stopped coming home.

[LAUGHING]

I don't know why I'm laughing.

Yes, I do.

I'm drunk.

Well, I have absolutely no idea

why anybody would stop coming home to you.

My son Thurston--

Yes.

He's a really smart boy.

He's just had a hard time.

I'm sorry.

I judged him too quickly.

Would you like to dance with me?

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

LILY: Do you ever think about God?

THOMAS: Sometimes in church.

What do you think he looks like?

Kind of like Santa Claus,

but with a beard made of clouds and stuff.

And instead of being fat,

he's got really good abs.

Yeah, I think you're right.

[BRANCH SNAPS]

That's them. Run.

Keep up.

Did you just hear something?

Have you ever thought about growing a mustache?

I'm not 100% sure I can.

Maybe after my birthday.

Hey, Thomas, what do you think

the end of the world will look like?

Do you think it's just like when you shut off the TV?

Thomas?

Thomas!

Thomas!

Baby, do you not want to go to school today?

Huh-uh.

Are you sure?

Okay.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

You look beautiful.You had your mom

come to my house to beg for another date?

That is so pathetic.Yes, I agree.

You're such a weirdo.Yes, I know this.

What is your problem?I don't know. I don't know.

Well, you're fucked,

because my dad is forcing me to go out with you,

so let's just get this over with, all right?

Pick me up at 8:00.

Okay.

I'll call you.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hey, baby.

Hello. I am so fucking happy right now.

My book is coming along great and it's all because of you.

Now get over here.

Caroline, your friend is here.

Coming.

Ugh, I gotta go out with this loser,

but afterwards I'll come right over, okay?

You have a date? Who is it with?

Come on, you gotta tell me.

Why? Are you jealous

Yeah, of course I'm jealous.

Some guy is taking out my girl.

Who is it? Come on, tell me.

Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me.

Thurston Goldberg.

No way.

[LAUGHS]

That is fantastic.

You gotta read one of his papers sometime.

They are classic.

I gotta go.

All right, look, ditch him fast.

I got wine. I got candles.

Okay, be there soon.

All right, come on, hurry.Okay, bye.

I guess I don't really know that much about golf.

No?I've been mini-golfing before,

but that's...Not quite the same.

No. No, it's not.

How's your mom?Oh, great.

Yeah?Yeah, she cut my hair today actually.

Cut your hair?Yeah.

Yeah, look at that. Well, she did a good job. That's nice.

You think so?Oh, Yeah.

I think she screwed the back up.The back? Let me see.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Are we going out or what?

I guess we're going out.I ain't going.

All right, thanks for the beer.All right. See you later, son.

See you.

[KEYBOARD KEYS CLICKING]

[THUDS]

[THUDS]

Okay, where are we going? What are we doing?

Okay, well, first of all

I think that we probably should not have sex together tonight.

I think that's maybe where we went wrong last time.

Okay. That wasn't going to happen anyway.

Look, I know you like me.

I know that that sounds strange

because of how cruel you are to me but--

That does sound strange.

But I think that's why you had sex with me so fast.

And by the way, that was my first time so--

You're kidding.

I will get better

as our relationship progresses.

What?

Thurston... oh my God,

why is everyone in this town so delusional?

The girls around here?

The highlight of their pathetic lives

is gonna be their yearbook photo.

That's not true.

They'll spend the first half of their lives

planning their weddings and they'll spend

the second half regretting them.

No, they'll have kids and be surprisingly happy.

Everybody just cheats on each other.

No, I would never ever cheat on you.

All right, date's over. You're insane.

Okay.

Well, can I at least talk to you tomorrow at school?

Tomorrow's Saturday, moron.

Right.

Look, you can...

call me, okay?

If you want.

Okay.

Why don't you just give me your face for a second?

Why?

Ugh, all right. Okay, thank you.

Bye.

Okay.

Happy Saturday.

I got it.Yeah, you got it.

Sorry I'm tardy, Mr. A.

Come in quick.

CAROLINE: That night I tried to pretend

we were a regular couple.

♪ I've been told

♪ I'm living a lie

♪ I've been told

♪ All my life

♪ I've been told

♪ I'm living a lie

♪ I've been told

♪ All my life...

But when it was over, I felt more like a fake than ever.

So I crept downstairs to finish reading his manuscript.

[TYPEWRITER CLICKS]

The story follows a boy named Larry

as he comes of age in a small town.

Larry is convinced that he's a genius.

And like most geniuses, he has trouble fitting in

and so spends nearly all his time

high on cheap drugs.

As he grows older, Larry moves to the city

and gets engaged to a beautiful stockbroker.

I gotta tell him.

But owing to his misspent youth

and drug-addled brain,

he never achieves the success he believes

the world owes him.

One day Larry comes home early from work

and catches his fiancée and his best friend

on a Twister board.

His Twister board.

In a rage he buys a gun

and decides to become a serial killer,

but realizes he doesn't have the nerve

and so tries to kill himself...

[CRYING] My Twister board, Todd.

...but chickens out of that too.

Larry then moves back to his home town

where he begins indulging in strange behavior.

Like sometimes he drives through the streets all night

hunting for ghosts long past.

And other times he calls old friends

and pretends to be a telemarketer

with a bad fake British accent.

He asks them questions like...Do you believe in God?

How much do you earn in a year?

What do you think the end of the world will look like?

Are you happy?If so, why?

How can you be happy?Don't you watch the news?

Finally, as in all good tales,

Larry is saved by the love

of an ethereal young woman.

She is his muse,

every guy's wet dream,

whose sole purpose is to service his every need.

And only when with this clichéd,

vapid little moron,

does he feel like the genius he knew he'd become.

All that in 70 pages.

[BLOWS]

Ugh.

So?

What do you think?

Of what?

My book. What do you think?

Oh, God.

[CHUCKLES]

I think it's very well written.

Yeah, that's what my agent said too.

I just--

Am I the...

ethereal young woman?

Well, it's, you know, it's fiction,

so it's a bit of an oversimplification,

but essentially, yeah.

Okay.

Shall I just say everything I thought?

Yeah, of course.

Tell me. Come on, I can take it.

Okay.

Well, Larry...

is semi-engaging

in that pseudo-creepy,

self-pitying,

lonely male kind of way..

but if you have the audacity,

the inaccuracy...

to describe me as ethereal,

as some flawless,

perfect thing,

then fuck you.

No, fuck you.

You don't know anything about me.

The only reason you think I am ethereal

is because all we do is have sex,

and flirt, and have sex.

There is more to you than that.

I know that!

I know, but I'm not here to save you.

I'm the main character of my life.

Calm down.

Don't fucking tell me--

Ooh.Shit.

Um, I'm sorry.

That was an accident.Was it?

Yeah, just give it to me.

Where's your soap?

I don't know. It's down by the washing machine.

Just don't, don't worry about it.

No, no, no, I do this for my dad all the time.

I'll be back in a second, okay?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Mean bitch.

[SIGHS]

[WIND CHIME CHIMING]

Caroline, don't worry about the shirt.

Let me fix you a nice breakfast.

Caroline?

All I'm, no, All I'm saying is

that I had a spiritual revelation.

I stepped outside my body and I saw things

that I didn't like.

Did you see Rolly?

No, Rolly's dead, dude.

That's a completely different plane of existence.

Right.

This is bullshit, man.

You took some drugs and you had a fucked up time.

End of story.

Take off the creepy tie.

If I was from Tibet, you'd believe me though, right?

If I was a young Navajo boy on a vision quest

doing a little peyote, my words would be prophetic.

Okay, though, but isn't it possible

that inhaling Lysol had something

to do with your awakening?

All I know is that some people spend their entire lives

searching for the experience I gained

with a few simple household products.

[LAUGHS]

And that is nothing to scoff at.

Hey, where are you going, man?

To be honest, it tires me just looking at you.

That's the problem, you see God once

and suddenly you have divine permission

to act like an asshole.

Hey, look.

♪ When I'm on

♪ Will you leave me on?

♪ When I'm on

♪ Will you leave me on?

♪ And when I'm down

♪ Will you let me Get under?

♪ Take cover

♪ Can't hide Without a house

♪ Newspapers blow over

♪ Can't walk Past the driveway

♪ Without asking For direction ♪

♪ So full Of stupid questions

♪ When the daylight's Like fluorescent light

♪ I'm gonna take my time Night by night

♪ When the daylight's Like fluorescent light

♪ I hang my hands Over your eyes

♪ To hide

♪ Why not only rescue me?

♪ I watch that telethon

♪ Got hung up

♪ On the word I can't get over

♪ Take cover

♪ Take pleasure

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

Okay, guys, how about a little participation next class?

I really don't like the sound of my own voice that much.

Miss Wexler, could I see you for a minute?

Can't. I have to go.It's important.

Look, I really need to talk to you.

This is humiliating for me.

[SIGHS] I'll come see you.

When?Tonight.

I'll cook dinner?

Hey, Thurston. What's up?

Hey, Jenny.

You look really hot today.

Thanks. I gotta go.

Oh, my parents are going away this weekend.

Okay.

Yeah, my parents are going away

and I was thinking about maybe having a Christmas party.

Do you want to come?

Yeah, sure. Whatever.

Okay, perfect. I'll text you.

Yeah, okay.Bye!

Yes.

Concern turned to panic today

for residents of Hargrove County...

CAROLINE: That afternoon we made the mistake of watching the news.

Do you guys know this girl?

Not really. I have friends who know her,

but I've never talked to her.

REPORTER: In other news, the industrial fire continues to rage...

CAROLINE: The killer had taken another victim,

a cheerleader my age.

He plucked her from a charmed life

and left no clues.

Meanwhile, the industrial fire was still raging,

growing bigger every day.

As the toxic breeze carried fumes our way,

some people had taken to wearing masks.

But I knew their real purpose was

to provide the illusion of defense.

♪ They put angels in the electric chair... ♪

There are some things which are destined to occur

and nobody in the world can do anything to stop it.

♪ And, oh, How we to and fro

♪ To and fro, to and fro

♪ Oh, how we to and fro

♪ To and fro, to and fro

♪ This is our torched estates

♪ This is our torched estates This is our torched estates

♪ This is our torched estates

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[DIALS]

[PHONE RINGING]

Mm.

Oh shit.

Shit. Oh shit, I'm supposed to be somewhere right now.

Oh no, I'm not letting you go anywhere.

Come here.[LAUGHS]

You're mine.

When did you get so forceful?

Bonjour.Oh. Oh.

[LAUGHING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Yes.

Impressed?

No.

[CLATTERS]

[DIALS]

No. Are you crazy?

Hold on a minute. The line's going--

Okay. Okay, talk soon.

[BEEPS]Hello.

[BRITISH ACCENT] Do you have a minute to answer

a few quick questions regarding our survey against cancer?

I guess, if it's quick. It will be, ma'am.

What is the annual income of your household?

I'm not comfortable sharing that.

Well, is it above $150,000?

Yes.

Well, do you consider yourself a happy person?

God yeah.

Sure, as much as anyone.

Hey, hon.

Uh, just one final question--

what do you think the end of the world will look like?

Who are you talking to?

What?

Barry, is that you?

TODD: Is that Barry? Hang up the phone.

JUDY: Barry, are you okay?

Hang it up, don't call-- Everyone's worried--

Just tell if you're okay--Hang it up.

[CLICK]

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

[STUDENTS CHATTERING]

Hey, Mr. A.

I really like your new hair.

You look like Brad Pitt.

Jenny, would you close the door after you?

Thurston, I need to have a word, go ahead and have a seat.

Okay.

What do you know?

Excuse me?

Do you know or not?

About your hair? It looks good.

You don't know, do you?

I've been having sex with Caroline.

What?

I'm screwing her.

Fucking, banging, whatever it is

you kids call it these days, that's what I'm doing to her.

See, the thing is

she never even really liked you at all, anyway.

It was just that we needed a cover.

And I know it's terrible and I'm sorry.

I know what you're thinking right now as well.

You're thinking at the bottom of your heart

you knew it was too good to be true.

Well, turns out you were right.

Yeah.

Get it there.

Huh?Yeah, looks good. One more.

There's a black one. [LAUGHS]

LILY: That's nice.

Kind of cool.

We can--Yeah. [LAUGHS]

We'll put it here.Looks like a meatball.

[DOOR CLOSES]

LILY: Hey, Thurston.

Get out of my house!ENID: What?

Get the fuck out of my house!

No, don't touch me!What's happening?

How could you do it? Why would you do it?!

Thurston, it's over.

I dumped him for you. It's over.

I don't care. Just get out of my house, you slut.

Don't you fucking call me that!

Language, people.

She's been cheating on me the entire time!

I've just been a cover!

Is that true?

Yes, but it's--

No, not the whole time. It's over.

Oh! I don't want to hear your fucking excuses!

Just get the fuck away from me!

Oh, I'm so sorry, Enid.

I was just trying something stupid.

I think you'd better go.

Could you...

tell Thurston I'm sorry?

Okay.

Bye, Lily.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Yeah, I tell you, this serial killer guy--

he's got it all wrong.

I mean, you want to know how I'd kill someone?

Stab the fucker with an icicle--

Wham!

Right through the heart.

Where's the evidence?

It's melted.

What if your weapon's water?

It's like 80% of the human body and 2/3 of the earth's surface,

and it just ended your life.

And you didn't even drown.

Holy fucking shit, it's the get-along gang.

I was about to finish the keg myself.

[MUMBLING]

You fucking pimp, dude.

No. No, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.

Come on, man. You need to, you need to--

All right.I miss the old you, man.

I miss the old Craig.

Do you miss old Craig?There he is. There he is.

He's back. Old Craig is back, man.

[THUDS]

What did you say to him?

What did you say to him?!

Caroline...

we are meant to be together.

Oh, my God.

You are fucking crazy.

You know, what I find infuriating

is that you of all people are bowing to social pressure now.

Social pressure? Are you kidding me?!

You think I'm someone I'm not.

[HALTINGLY] I am going.

If you leave, I'll kill him.

I mean, I don't mean that, I just--

but I might kill myself.

I don't know. I just--

I'm really really confused right now, Caroline.

I'm gonna pretend you never said that.

[VOICEMAIL] This is Thurston, so leave a message.

[BEEPS]

Thurston, I'm so sorry about what happened.

If you are at the party, just stay at the party.

I'm on my way right now.

I screwed up. I know I screwed up.

I just, I, please please

please don't do anything stupid.

I love y--[BEEPS]

Fuck.

JENNY: Hey, Thurston.

What?Hey.

Hey.Hey, what's up?

Hey, do you want, do you want to see the rest of my house?

Is it okay if I smoke in here?

Yeah. Do you want to--

sorry, do you want to see the rest of my house?

Yeah, sure.

Okay.

So this is my--Did you do all the decorations?

This is my bathroom.

And then this is my dad's office.

And this is some other stuff.

And...

this is my bedroom.

Whoa.

You sure...

really like unicorns, huh?

Yes, I love unicorns.

Cool.

Thurston, I think you're so hot.

Wait, this is--

this feels very wrong.

Totally. Let me get the lights.

[CRYING]

Ugh!

Barry, you're a pussy.

You're a pussy, Barry.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Oh shit!

[GROANING]

ENID: Lily, come watch TV with me.

Come watch the tube.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUTTERING]

This is wrong. This is wrong.

This is wrong. This is wrong.

This is oh-so wrong.

You try to be good but you can't,

because it's all wrong. It's all wrong.

It's all so fucking wrong!

[PEOPLE SCREAM]

[CHEERING]

[PHONE RINGS]Shit. Hello.

Caroline, it's me.

I've shot myself.

The bullet skimmed my leg.

I think it's pretty bad.

Barry, I can't even hear you. You're cracking up.

Yeah, I know I'm cracking up!

I just shot myself, for Christ's sake!

Sorry, I can't hear you.

What?

No no no, Caroline. No.

Fuck you.

Caroline?

Lily, where are you?

Don't do this to me.

[GLASS SHATTERING]

[KIDS YELLING]

This is fucking beautiful.

Wait, wait, wait.

We should-- we should stop.

Why?

Because...

I don't know.

[TIRES SCREECH]

[LOUD CRASH]

[GAGGING]

It wasn't my fault.

I know. I know.

The road's bad.

It's hard to see.

No. It wasn't my fault.

I was raised to hate.

[SIRENS APPROACHING]

Wait. Wait.What?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry...

But I, I really have to go.

I have to go.[DOOR OPENS]

They caught him! They caught the killer!

Barry.

They finally caught him.

Oh. Caught who?

The killer.

Oh.

How?

I think he, like, crashed his car.

What happened to you?

Oh, nothing. Nothing.

Do you want to come in and have some dinner?

I have, I have so much to share.

Barry, I--

I think you should let me take you to the hospital.

Okay.

Um, but will you after?

You're in shock.

Just say you'll have dinner with me after.

Of course.

That would be a dream.

Okay.

You ready?Yeah.

Does it hurt?

Oh, yeah, it hurts.

What happened?

I shot myself.

You found them like this?

♪ There you stood

♪ On the edge Of your feather

♪ Expecting to fly...

CAROLINE: When the serial killer died that night

everyone in the hospital cheered

and there was even talk of a parade,

though it never happened.

From then on the whole town considered me a hero,

but all I had really done was crash

my car into the right person.

♪ By the summer

♪ It was healing

♪ We had said goodbye...

That was the year that everything happened.

I'm not saying if it was good or bad.

♪ All the years We'd spent with feeling

♪ Ended with a cry...

I mean, you can never really tell what's good

until later, anyway.

Until you look back and think about things

and they have time to grow in your mind.

♪ They

♪ Ended with a cry

♪ I tried so hard to stand...

But sometimes you make a choice in that moment

and you know in your heart

it's going to change everything.

♪ So hard to laugh

♪ As I stumble

♪ And reach for the love

♪ I had found

♪ Knowing it was gone

♪ If I never lived without you

♪ Now you know I'd die...

Hi.

♪ If I never said I loved you...

You need to know he's out of my life

and I'm sorry

I screwed everything up.

[CHUCKLES]

Are you kidding me?

You saved me.

♪ Now you know I'd try

♪ Babe...

People will tell you nothing matters,

the whole world's about to end soon anyway.

But those people are looking at life the wrong way.

I mean, things don't need to last forever

to be perfect.

♪ Live through this

♪ And you won't look back

♪ Live through this

♪ And you won't look back

♪ There's one thing I want to say

♪ So I'll be brave

♪ You were what I wanted

♪ I gave what I gave

♪ I'm not sorry I met you

♪ I'm not sorry

♪ There's nothing to save

♪ Live through this

♪ And you won't look back

♪ Live through this

♪ And you won't look back