Original subtitles

- PREVIOUSLY ON BELOW DECK...

- I FIND PEOPLE ATTRACTIVE THAT ARE OUTGOING AND ATHLETIC.

- DID I HIT IT? - YOU HIT IT.

- YES.

- I'M LIVING IN A CABIN WITH ANOTHER GIRL.

- THEN YOU SHOULD BE [bleep] HER.

- THERE IS SOME TENSION BETWEEN US.

- AND, LIKE, I FEEL LIKE THAT BOTHERS YOU.

- I FEEL LIKE I'M STUCK IN THE MIDDLE BETWEEN YOU TWO,

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

- KNOWING THAT SAM ISN'T RELIABLE,

I NEED KAT RIGHT NOW.

KAT, CHECK THE DOOR ONE MORE TIME.

KAT, COME WITH ME.

THERE IS SOMETHING ON THAT MIRROR.

- SHE'S HAVING ME DO EVERYTHING, AND I'M TIRED.

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- MORNING, EDDIE. - MORNING, DAVE.

- HELLO.

- THIS MORNING, I GOT AN EMAIL

FROM THESE GUYS THAT ARE COMING.

- OH, JESUS.

- "HELLO HONOR CREW, WE ARE FIVE SINGLE GUYS

WHO ARE LOOKING TO LIVE IT UP IN A BIG WAY."

- [laughs] - "WE WANT TO PLAY HARD

DURING THE DAY AND PLAY EVEN HARDER AT NIGHT."

- HELL, YEAH. FIVE HOT, SINGLE GUYS?

ALL ABOARD.

- "WE DEFINITELY WANT TO HIT SOME NIGHTCLUBS

"AND THEN HAVE THE PARTY ROLL BACK ONTO THE BOAT.

I HOPE YOU'RE READY FOR US. L."

- WHO'S L? - LAURENCE.

- LAURENCE.

[upbeat music]

- [chuckling]

- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAVE!

- OH, [bleep]. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAVE.

- [laughs] - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BUDDY.

- THANKS, GUYS. - HOW MANY?

- 26 YEARS YOUNG.

- IT'S MY 26TH BIRTHDAY, AND I'M ALONE ON A BOAT.

THERE'S A HUNDRED OTHER PLACES

I COULD IMAGINE THAT I'D LOVE TO BE.

- YOU TALK TO YOUR MAN ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?

- ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?

- YEAH, WE MET A COUPLE WEEKS PRIOR TO MY BIRTHDAY,

AND WE STARTED DATING ON MY BIRTHDAY.

- RANDOM.

- TREVOR AND I STARTED DATING TWO YEARS AGO TODAY.

WE MET AT A CLUB,

AND IT WAS "LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT" TYPE OF THING,

AND IT'S BEEN FIREWORKS EVER SINCE.

- SO HE LIVES IN L.A. WITH YOU? - YEAH.

- WHAT DOES HE DO FOR WORK? - UM, INDEPENDENT STUFF.

HE'S IN ENTERTAINMENT. - RIGHT ON.

- WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE CHARTER GUESTS?

HOW YOU DOING, ADRIENNE?

- WELL, I JUST PUT TOGETHER-- HERE, READ THE FIRST LINE.

- THIS GUY, LAURENCE, HE'S VEGAN, ORGANIC.

HE LIKES ORGANIC DARK BEER. - [laughs]

- GOOD LUCK FINDING THAT HERE IN THE ISLANDS, BY THE WAY.

- [laughs] - AND "LIKE HIS COFFEE

LIKE HIS WOMEN, DARK." - DARK.

- SO HE'S A VEGAN, WOMANIZING, CHAUVINISTIC PRICK.

[laughter]

- SOUNDS LIKE MY BEST [bleep] FRIEND.

- LAURENCE, MIKE, KEVIN, JOHN, AND MITCH.

- WHO DISLIKES CHEESE, BUT BUTTER IS OKAY?

- WHO DISLIKES MOST SEAFOOD?

- WHAT THE HELL'S A GREYHOUND? - A DOG.

- HE LIKES GREYHOUNDS. THAT'S ON HIS PREFERENCE SHEET.

- [laughs]

- ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET HIM A DOG?

- THAT WOULD BE SO FUNNY. - WE SHOW UP WITH A--

- KEVIN, WE GOT YOU SOMETHING HERE.

- A PUPPY. [laughter]

- CREW, WE HAVE ONE HOUR UNTIL THE GUESTS ARRIVE.

[indistinct chatter]

- FOUND 'EM. - THESE ARE THE ONES I GO WITH.

MM-HMM.

- I'VE GOT GOLD ONES LIKE THAT, BUT--

WHENEVER I HAVE A CHANCE TO JUST GET SOME DOWNTIME

WITH CJ, I'LL TAKE IT.

IT'S JUST REALLY NICE AND SORT OF COMFORTING

TO HAVE HIM THERE, AND I FEEL LIKE

I'D BE REALLY UNHAPPY IF I DIDN'T HAVE CJ ON THE BOAT.

- READY TO CHARM THESE GUYS' PANTS OFF?

- I THINK, IN THE LAST FEW DAYS,

MY FEELINGS FOR SAM ARE SORT OF MATURING A LITTLE BIT,

SO INTERESTED TO SEE WHERE THIS GOES.

- LET'S DO THIS.

- COME ON, LADIES, WE GOT WORK TO DO.

WHERE'S YOUR OTHER HALF?

[indistinct chatter]

- ABOUT TO GREET THE GUESTS.

- HOW WE DOING, GUYS? - GOOD, HOW YOU DOING? I'M MIKE.

- MIKE, CAPTAIN LEE.

- CAPTAIN LEE, VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.

- HI, CAPTAIN, I'M LAURENCE.

- HOW YOU DOING? I'M MIKE.

- EDDIE. NICE TO MEET YOU.

- BUNCH OF GUYS COMING ON.

PRETTY MUCH, I'VE GATHERED

THAT WHAT THEY WANT TO ACHIEVE IS TO SCORE.

- HOW ARE YOU? - GOOD. I'M MIKE.

- ADRIENNE.

- ADRIENNE, VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.

- THESE GUYS WALK ON BOARD,

AND IT'S LIKE, "HI, I'M SO-AND-SO."

I'M LIKE, "HI, YOU'RE GAY,"

AND THEN IT'S LIKE, "HI, SO-AND-SO."

"HI, THAT'S A FAKE TAN."

"HI, I'M SO-AND-SO,"

"YOU'RE A LOT SHORTER THAN I THOUGHT."

I WAS LOOKING FOR, LIKE, SOME REALLY, LIKE,

PHYSICALLY HOT GUYS, AND ALL I'M GETTIN' IS A SCAM.

- THIS IS OUR SKY LOUNGE.

THIS IS WHERE A LOT OF PEOPLE SPEND A LOT OF TIME.

- CAN YOU IMAGINE IF WE GET NO WOMEN,

AND THERE'S JUST FIVE GUYS WITH ALL THIS?

- IT WOULD BE A TRAVESTY.

- WE TRIED TO MEET GIRLS LAST NIGHT,

WE GOT--JUST-- WE GOT NOTHING.

WE TRIED TO RECRUIT, YOU KNOW, TO PREPARE FOR TONIGHT.

- WELL, NOW, YOU'RE ON THIS THING.

IT'S A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT... - NO, NO, IT WASN'T OUR FAULT.

THERE WAS JUST NOTHING TO PICK FROM.

THERE WAS NOTHING THERE.

- HOPEFULLY, WE'LL HAVE BETTER LUCK IN ST. BARTS.

- YEAH, HOPEFULLY. - [giggles]

[laughter] - CAN YOU IMAGINE?

- COULD YOU IMAGINE HOW MUCH MORE FUN THIS WOULD BE

IF WE HAD A WHOLE GRIP OF HOT GIRLS

AND SOME RAP MUSIC GOING LIKE A VIDEO?

- IS A "GRIP" THE PROPER TERM FOR A GROUP OF GIRLS?

- A GRIP IS, LIKE, I THINK, A LOT.

- OKAY. - I THINK WE SHOULD GET

A GRIP OF FOOD AND THEN A GRIP OF SUN

AND THEN A GRIP OF WOMEN.

- IT'S FIVE GUYS. THEY LIKE TO PARTY.

THEY WANT TO PARTY HARD.

- MAYBE THEY WANT TO GO OUT TO, LIKE, THE STRIP CLUBS.

- WE'VE REALLY GOT TO WATCH OUR GIRLS 'CAUSE--

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? - YEAH.

- IF THEY DON'T GET ANY LUCK,

THEY MIGHT THINK THEY CAN PULL SOMETHING,

BUT REMEMBER, IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY

TO MAKE SURE THEY'RE SAFE.

- I'LL STRAIGHT SHANK A BITCH, BRO.

- WE HAVE SOME GOOD APPETIZERS AND STUFF COMING UP FOR YOU.

SHE'S GETTING YOU A-AN-A-- [laughs]

I WAS LOOKING AT YOUR CIGAR.

- IS THAT RUDE OF ME TO SAY THAT?

- I MIGHT BE, BUT, YES, THAT'S [bleep] RUDE.

CAN I BORROW SOME OF YOUR FAKE TANNER FOR MY FAKE TITS?

[laughs]

- JOHN CROP IN THE HOUSE.

DAMN, THE ADONIS.

- JOHN'S MY FAVORITE PHYSICALLY.

HE'S SUCH A MASCULINE, LIKE, MAN'S MAN.

FRICKIN' BURLY, LIKE, HUNKY DUDE.

I'M SINGLE. LIKE, I WANT TO FIND SOMEBODY

ON OR OFF THE BOAT OR ANYWHERE,

BUT I'M NOT GONNA ACT ON THAT PROBABLY.

YOU KNOW, WE'VE GOT A SWIM PLATFORM

WE CAN PUT DOWN FOR YOU, BUT IT'S GONNA--

- SHOOT FIRST, ASK QUESTIONS LATER.

- OKAY, BEFORE YOU JUMP-- [laughter]

- ATTENTION, ALL CREW, WE HAVE...

- THAT'S AWESOME.

- A GUEST THAT JUST JUMPED OFF THE SIDE BRIDGE.

- DON'T PUSH ME. DID HE JUST JUMP?

- HASN'T EVEN BEEN AN HOUR,

AND ALREADY THEIR [bleep] AIRBORNE.

- WHOO-HOO! [laughter]

[indistinct chatter]

[upbeat music]

- SWIM PLATFORM IS SECURE.

- ALL RIGHT, LOOKS LIKE

IT'S OUR TURN TO GET THROUGH THE BRIDGE HERE.

- IT'S NOT AS EASY GOING IN BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET LINED UP,

- YEAH.

- SO I HAVE TO STICK MY NOSE UP THERE,

KICK THE STERN AROUND,

GET MY MARK, AND THEN GO THROUGH.

- LEE'S ALWAYS NERVOUS WHEN HE DRIVES THE BOAT

THROUGH THE BRIDGE.

THE BOAT'S GOT 7 FEET ON EACH SIDE

COMING INTO THE BRIDGE.

YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE A MULTIMILLION-DOLLAR MACHINE,

AND YOU HAVE A CONCRETE DOCK AND BRIDGE ON THE OTHER SIDE.

IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG,

IF YOU LOSE A MOTOR, IF YOU LOSE A RUDDER,

YOU CAN GET SIDEWAYS, YOU'LL COST

HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF DAMAGE.

- I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW HE'S GOING THROUGH HERE.

I REALLY DON'T. [chuckles]

- YOU DON'T THINK HE'S GONNA MAKE IT?

- NO. - [laughs]

- YOU WOULDN'T TAKE IT THROUGH?

- I AM [bleep] TERRIFIED FOR HIM.

[chuckles] THAT'S TIGHT.

- OH, MY GOD, LOOK HOW NARROW THAT IS.

- THAT'S, LIKE-- HOW DO THEY GET THROUGH THAT?

- THERE ARE TWO BOATS SNEAKING IN.

- GOD DAMN IT! - WHAT'S GOING ON?

- BACKING OUT.

- [bleep] IDIOT. [bleep] CHARTER--

- SON OF A BITCH!

ANYBODY GET THE NAME OF THAT MORON IN THE SEA RAY?

I WANT A PIECE OF HIS ASS. THAT WAS SCARY.

- 10 METERS PORT SIDE. - GOT IT.

- FORE CORNER CLEAR. - COPY THAT, THANK YOU.

I'D LIKE TO FIND THAT BOY

AND JUST POUND HIM TILL HE CAN'T SEE.

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

[indistinct chatter]

- THIS IS NICE. - YEAH, THIS IS JUST--

THE WEATHER AND THE AIR JUST FEELS SO GOOD.

- THERE'S NOTHING WRONG IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW, IS THERE?

- YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT, I COMPLETELY FORGOT

THAT I OWN A VITAMIN COMPANY AND THAT I, LIKE,

DON'T HAVE LOVE IN MY LIFE... [laughter]

AND I HAVE A DOG THAT'S, LIKE, [bleep] EVERYWHERE.

- OH, [bleep], I HAVE THREE KIDS.

[laughter] - OH, [bleep].

- I HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY KIDS I HAVE.

I WAS A SPERM DONOR.

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS CONTACT THE PLACE,

AND THEY'LL TELL ME IF I HAVE KIDS.

- WAIT, WAIT A SECOND.

YOU WERE A SPERM DONOR 20 YEARS AGO?

- IT WAS ACTUALLY THE BEST JOB I EVER HAD.

IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT. - JERKING OFF?

- YEAH, THINK ABOUT WHAT A GREAT JOB THAT IS.

[laughter] YOU SHOW UP.

YOU'RE A BROKE COLLEGE KID. YOU GOT NO MONEY.

THEY'VE GOT PORN READY. [laughter]

YOU BLAST, AND YOU GET A PAYCHECK.

THE ONLY REASON I LOST MY JOB WAS I--

- HOW DO YOU LOSE YOUR JOB AT THAT, SERIOUSLY?

- I'LL TELL YOU HOW, LOW SPERM COUNT.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH. - YOU'RE WELCOME.

- REALLY? - THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- YEAH. - YOU'RE WELCOME.

- HOW MUCH DID YOU GET PAID PER LOAD?

- IT WAS 40 BUCKS A SHOT.

- THAT'S PROBABLY 80 BUCKS NOW.

- $40 TO PROVIDE YOUR SPERM?

- 20 YEARS AGO. THAT'S 80 BUCKS NOW.

- THAT'S A LOT OF CASH.

- WE'RE GONNA CALL YOU "DOUBLE SHOT."

- ALL THESE GUYS WANT TO TALK ABOUT IS SPERM.

WELL, THEY CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.

NOW, THEY CAN CONSIDER THEMSELVES SEAMEN.

- I WENT IN, AND FOR THE FIRST TIME OF MY LIFE,

I TRIED TO DO IT JUST DRY. [laughter]

- AND I WAS IN THERE FOR, LIKE, 10 OR 15 MINUTES,

AND I ABSOLUTELY COULDN'T DO IT. THEY LET ME GO.

- YOU GOT FIRED AS A SPERM DONOR.

- YEAH. [laughs]

[Skype alert]

- TREVOR?

- YEAH. - WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR?

- I WAS WONDERING IF YOU KNEW WHERE MY MAN WAS.

[knocking at the door] - [whispering] HEY.

BIRTHDAY BOY, YOU HAVE A CALL FROM YOUR MAN LOVER ON SKYPE.

- WHILE IN THE MARINES, I WAS STATIONED IN WEST AFRICA.

WE DIDN'T ALWAYS HAVE THE BEST COMMUNICATION,

AND SO I WENT THROUGH LONG PERIODS OF TIME

WHERE I DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE TO TALK TO, FRIENDS OR FAMILY,

SO I'M USED TO IT, BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY EASIER.

HELLO?

- [blows horn] [laughter]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

- ALL RIGHT, I'LL LEAVE YOU GUYS TO IT.

- THANK YOU.

LOOK AT ALL THIS. [laughs]

- CAN YOU MAKE A WISH? - YES.

- [blows out candles] [laughter]

SO WE'RE DONE WITH THE BIRTHDAY, RIGHT?

- NOT QUITE, IT'S NOT MIDNIGHT YET.

- AND THEN WE GOT-- - [laughs]

- OH, AND ROSES.

- TWO YEARS OF HARD DAYS AND GOOD DAYS

AND SAD DAYS AND HAPPY DAYS.

I DON'T WANT TO BE AWAY FROM YOU FOR ONE MORE DAY EVER,

AND I WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU WOULD BE MY MAN?

- [laughs]

- YOU'RE INSANE, OF COURSE.

[laughter]

- DID I JUST GET ENGAGED?

I THINK I JUST SAID YES. I DON'T KNOW.

"OF COURSE," I SAID, "OF COURSE."

"YES," YOU SAY "YES." YOU DON'T SAY, "OF COURSE."

HE'S GONNA KILL ME.

- [gasps] SHUT UP! - [laughs]

- YOU PROPOSED?

OH, MY GOSH.

DAVE!

THEY'RE JUST SMITTEN FOR EACH OTHER,

AND IT MAKES ME SAD THAT MY OWN RELATIONSHIPS

ARE SO NOT THAT.

- I LOVE YOU, ANGEL.

- SWEET DREAMS. - GOOD NIGHT.

THERE'S A STRIP CLUB CALLED PLATINUM.

- YES!

- SOMETHING'S JUST NOT RIGHT ABOUT HER.

- YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUR LEADER,

AND THEN YOU GO TO BED FOR HALF THE DAY

WHEN I WAS THE ONE UP TILL 5:30?

AND ALL YOU'RE GONNA DO IS SIT HERE

AND JUSTIFY IT.

I'M PISSED OFF,

AND I'M GONNA CONTINUE TO BE PISSED OFF.

- COME HERE, BUDDY.

BRING IT HERE. REAL THING, MAN.

- [laughs] - CONGRATULATIONS, DUDE.

CONGRATULATIONS, MAN.

- THANKS, MAN. YOU DESERVE IT.

DAVE IS A REALLY HAPPY GUY, AND HE'S A LUCKY GUY,

AND DAVE'S BOYFRIEND IS A LUCKY GUY

TO HAVE SOMEBODY LIKE DAVE.

I MEAN, THEY'RE PERFECT TOGETHER, IT'S GREAT.

- YOU MUST BE ON CLOUD NINE, DUDE.

- I KNOW. - THAT'S AWESOME.

- I GOT IT.

- COOL.

- [blows] - THEY ARE SLOWLY COMING UP,

SO I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN THEY'RE ALL UP.

- [laughs] HOLD ON.

[blows]

TOO SMALL.

YOU JUST TELL ME WHEN THEY'RE READY, BABY.

- ALL RIGHT, SO WHERE ARE WE GOING TONIGHT?

- WE SHOULD PROBABLY GET SOME HELP.

- DO YOU THINK EDDIE AND DAVID COULD SHOW US AROUND TONIGHT?

- UM, YEAH.

DAMN IT! WHY CAN'T I TAKE THEM OUT?

- ED, DAVE, ED, DAVE, SAM?

- DAVE AND EDDIE ARE GONNA SUCK AT HELPING THEM PICK UP GIRLS.

IF THEY WERE SMART, THEY'D BRING ANOTHER GOOD-LOOKING GIRL

OUT WITH THEM TO FLIRT WITH THEM AT THE BAR,

SO THE OTHER GIRLS WOULD GET JEALOUS

AND THEN COME HOME WITH THEM.

- ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. WHAT DO WE GOT TONIGHT?

- HOW'S IT GOING, GENTLEMEN?

- WHAT'S GOING ON? - ALL RIGHT.

- HE'S COMING OUT WITH US? - YEAH.

- I'M A DECKHAND, BUT I'M HAPPY TO GO OUT.

IT'S WHATEVER THE GUESTS WANT.

- WHERE ARE WE GONNA GO? - WHERE WE GOING?

- WELL-- - WE'RE LOOKING FOR HOT WOMEN.

- HOT WOMEN. - BLISS.

- BLISS?

BLISS OR TANTRA COULD BE GOOD. - TANTRA WOULD BE GOOD.

BUT THERE'S A STRIP CLUB CALLED PLATINUM,

WHICH PROBABLY WOULD BE THE EASIEST, BUT--

- YES!

- I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S THE TYPE OF WOMEN--

- MIGHT NOT BE THE KIND OF GIRLS THAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

- I THREW IT OUT THERE. "LET'S GO TO A STRIP CLUB."

THESE GUYS BIT.

I WAS JOKING. WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

I DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH A BUNCH OF STRAIGHT GUYS

AT A STRIP CLUB. I'M GONNA BE BORED.

- WE'LL FIGURE OUT THE BEST THING,

AND WE'LL MAKE IT GREAT. I PROMISE THAT.

- AWESOME. - THANK YOU, GUYS.

- THERE IT IS. - YOU'RE AWESOME.

- THIS IS NOT GONNA, LIKE, BE DISASTROUS

BY ANY MEANS, IS IT?

- IF IT'S THERE-- - IF IT'S THERE,

WE'RE GONNA KILL IT. [laughs]

- I'M GONNA PARTY!

- BYE. - GENIUS.

- WE'LL BE BACK IN ABOUT TWO MINUTES.

- HAVE FUN. - SEE YA.

- BYE.

- LIKE, WHY DO WE HAVE A BUNCH OF GOOD-LOOKING GUYS

AND NO GOOD-LOOKING GIRLS? THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE OPPOSITE.

- WE GO OUT TO THE STRIP CLUB TO PICK UP GIRLS,

AND IT'S NOT REALLY DIFFICULT

TO PICK UP GIRLS AT A STRIP CLUB.

- YOU KNOW, STRIP CLUBS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A FUN PLACE,

FULL OF, YOU KNOW, IMAGINATION, AND, YOU KNOW,

I START TO VEER OFF, THINKING ABOUT TREVOR,

AND THEN I OPEN MY EYES, AND BOOBS!

- THAT'S DAVE.

IT'S WAS KIND OF UNCOMFORTABLE, YOU KNOW?

GIRLS ARE COMING UP TO DAVE AND I

INSTEAD OF THE CHARTER GUESTS

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, WE'RE YOUNGER AND MAYBE BETTER-LOOKING...

- MY NAME'S VIOLET. - VIOLET?

- ESPECIALLY DAVE.

- THE-- IN THE BLACK AND WHITE DRESS.

- IT WAS A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE AT TIMES, BUT, I MEAN,

ALSO AT THE SAME TIME, IT WAS A LOT OF FUN, YOU KNOW,

KIND OF STANDING UP THERE, YOU KNOW, JUST, LIKE,

POINTING AT GIRLS, LIKE...

[deep voice] "YOU, COME ON UP HERE.

GET YO' ASS UP HERE, GIRL. YEAH, OVER THERE."

YOU KNOW, IT WAS-- I DID FEEL QUITE, UH,

PIMP-ISH. [laughs]

- THEY HAD THE WORST LINES EVER, LIKE,

"DO YOU GUYS WANT TO COME BACK TO OUR BOAT?"

I'M LIKE, "YOU SOUND LIKE A RAPIST, DUDE."

LIKE, "HEY, PRETTY LADY, YOU WANT TO SEE MY BOAT?

IT'S HUGE."

- OOH, LOOK AT THAT. NICE ARSE.

- [chuckles]

NOTED. - I'M TELLING YOU.

- ALL RIGHT, MAN.

[club music]

- YOU DON'T FIND WORTHWHILE WOMEN AT STRIP CLUBS.

GO TO A FARMERS' MARKET, GO TO CHURCH,

OR GO TO YOGA.

- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, BROTHER?

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, BROTHER?

- WHICH ONE DO YOU LIKE?

NOT LAURENCE. NOT MITCH, HE HAS KIDS.

- YEAH, [bleep] THAT.

- SO YOU LIKE JOHN? - YEAH.

THAT'S MY DAD'S NAME.

IS THAT WEIRD?

- SHUT UP. - I SWEAR.

- YOUR DAD'S NAME IS JOHN? - YUP.

- [laughs] - I DATED SOME--

- YOU GUYS ARE ACTING LIKE THAT'S SO WEIRD.

JOHN'S, LIKE, THE MOST COMMON NAME

IN THE [bleep] WORLD. [laughter]

- CJ AND SAM, I'M COMPLETELY JEALOUS OF,

AND OF COURSE THEY'RE GONNA BE HOOKING UP.

I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT THE WHOLE POINT

OF SHARING A ROOM WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX IS.

YOU WORK TOGETHER, YOU LIVE TOGETHER,

YOU EAT TOGETHER, YOU DINE TOGETHER,

YOU HAVE SEX TOGETHER.

- DUDE, THAT GUY'S FRICKIN' YOKED.

- WHAT DOES "YOKED" MEAN? - LIKE, JUST MASSIVE.

- YEAH, NO KIDDING. IT'S SO HOT.

- THE GUY SHE LIKES IS JOHN. - HE'S SO HOT.

I'M GONNA DRESS UP AND GO HIDE IN HIS ROOM

AND WAIT FOR HIM. [laughs] - WHO?

- JOHN. [both laugh]

- ARE WE GONNA HAVE A LITTLE CATFIGHT OVER JOHN?

- JUST SPREAD THE LOVE, YOU KNOW? SPREAD IT ALL AROUND.

- SPREAD IT ALL AROUND. - [laughs]

- WHAT'S YOUR USUAL TYPE?

- JOHN.

CJ'S TOTALLY JEALOUS THAT I HAVE A BIG CRUSH ON JOHN

BECAUSE CJ HAD NO COMPETITION UNTIL NOW.

GOOD NIGHT.

- GOOD NIGHT, SWEETIE.

- BLISS WAS REALLY DEAD WHEN WE GOT THERE.

I THINK GUYS OUTNUMBERED GIRLS ABOUT THREE OR FOUR TO ONE.

THESE GUYS ARE STRIKING OUT LEFT AND RIGHT,

BUT LAURENCE SEEMED TO MAKE A CONNECTION.

[dance music]

SOMETHING'S JUST NOT RIGHT ABOUT HER.

♪♪ ♪♪

- DAVE, EDDIE, COME IN.

- GO FOR DAVE AND EDDIE.

- WHAT'S THE PROGRESS THERE? WHERE ARE YOU AT?

- WE'RE JUST PULLING UP TO THE TENDER NOW.

- ANY EXTRA GUESTS?

- CORRECT. TWO EXTRA GUESTS.

- ROGER. OF THE MALE OR FEMALE SPECIES?

- UM...FEMALE. - [chuckles]

- THEY'RE GONNA BE BOMBED.

- AT LEAST WE GOT SOMETHING TO KEEP US OCCUPIED NOW.

- WHOO. - OH.

- I DID A LITTLE SIDE STEP.

- HI. LADIES, THERE'S NO SHOES ON THE BOAT,

JUST SO YOU KNOW, OKAY?

- HOW ARE YOU? - GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

- BUZZED. WE'RE ALL WASTED. - OH, THAT'S AWESOME.

- IT IS AWESOME.

[indistinct whispering]

- HELLO. - [laughs] HELLO.

- WHAT'S THAT?

YOU WANT SOME ICE?

YEAH, JUST A CUP WITH ICE?

YEAH.

- THANK YOU. - NO PROBLEM.

IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME, WITHIN A THREE-SECOND LOOK, THAT,

DUDE, THAT'S A DUDE, BRO.

- I'M SO SENSITIVE.

I ACTUALLY-- I BROUGHT THEM TO THE TABLE,

AND I WAS GONNA GIVE THE GIRL FROM BRAZIL A SHOT,

BUT THEN, WHEN I WAS SEDUCING HER,

I THOUGHT SHE WAS UNDER MY POWERS,

AND THEN SHE, LIKE, KI--

SHE BLEW A KISS TO SOME GUY RIGHT NEXT TO ME.

I'M LIKE, "I'M DONE." I'M LIKE--I'M SO EXPERIENCED...

- WHERE DID YOU MEET HER?

- I'M SUCH AN ADVANCED PLAYER

THAT I IMMEDIATELY JUST GOT UP AND IGNORED HER.

JUST STRAIGHT TALK TO THE CHEEK. JUST PUT HER ON IGNORE MODE.

- "SEE YOU LATER." - YEAH.

LET JOHN HANDLE THAT. - HAVE A NICE DAY.

- YEAH, "JOHN, SCOOP THAT UP." - OKAY.

- ONE MAN'S TRASH IS ANOTHER MAN'S TREASURE.

- AND THEN WHAT ABOUT THE FRENCH-SPEAKING GIRL?

- THAT'S HER LESBIAN GIRLFRIEND I THINK.

I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S GETTING ANYTHING.

- WELL, LET'S FIND OUT.

- I DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONE TO TELL YOU THIS,

BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THAT TALL, SKINNY ONE'S A DUDE, DUDE.

- LOOK AT JOHN. IS THAT GONNA BE A THREESOME?

- THINGS WENT FROM BAD TO WORSE.

- [speaking Portuguese]

[moaning]

- [gasps]

- [speaking Portuguese]

- NAKED IN HERE. - ME?

- BOTH OF YOU AND ME.

- HEY, DUDE, THAT'S A DUDE. - THAT'S A DUDE.

- THAT'S A DUDE. - THAT'S A DUDE.

- YOU GUYS REALLY THINK SO?

- CAN I HAVE FIVE GLASSES OF BOTTLED WATER?

- YES. - HERE, I GOT IT.

- NO, I THINK THEY'RE OVER HERE.

- OH, THEY ARE OVER THERE.

- ARE YOU A MODEL? YOU COULD BE.

- WHEN YOU LOOK AT HER--

OKAY, SO IT'S ADAM'S APPLE,

AND IT'S HER FACIAL STRUCTURE.

- I KNOW THE FACIAL STRUCTURE. - SHE'S A SKINNY MAN.

- TUB NEEDS TO AT LEAST BE 104 DEGREES.

- I THINK THE TUB IS HOT NOW. - YOU DO?

- I CAN SEE HER ADAM'S APPLE FROM ACROSS THE DECK.

THEY CAN'T NOT KNOW, RIGHT?

- I'VE GOTTEN HIT BY MORE BROCCOLI TONIGHT

THAN I HAVE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

- LOOK AT JOHN. IS THAT GONNA BE A THREESOME?

- I DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONE TO TELL YOU THIS,

BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THAT TALL, SKINNY ONE'S A DUDE, DUDE.

- I'M NOT SURE.

I MEAN, ARE YOU GUYS SURE THAT'S A MAN?

- PRETTY SURE.

- [laughing] LIKE, DUDE, THAT IS A DUDE, BRO.

- DID SHE HAVE AN ADAM'S APPLE? DID YOU GUYS CHECK?

- IT WAS PROMINENT ENOUGH TO NOTICE.

- OH, BOY.

- SHE'S EITHER THE HOTTEST MODEL IN BRAZIL,

OR SHE'S A MAN, MAN. - [laughs]

- HE'S IN FOR A BIG SURPRISE, I THINK.

- NO, NO, I GOT TO BE HONEST, THINGS WENT FROM BAD TO WORSE.

[laughter]

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- SHH.

- THEY'VE DISAPPEARED INTO HIS CABIN...

TOGETHER.

- [speaking Portuguese] - [giggling]

- MM. - BEAUTIFUL.

[kissing and moaning]

- SAM HAS A HUGE CRUSH ON JOHN.

LET'S JUST SAY I'M EXCITED TO TELL HER THIS.

I THINK THAT THE CHARTER GUESTS

WERE REALLY HAPPY WITH THE NIGHT.

THEY HAD ENDLESS COCKTAILS, ENDLESS SHOTS,

WOMEN THAT DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH,

MEN DRESSED AS WOMEN, YOU KNOW?

WHERE CAN YOU GO WRONG?

WE'VE GOT A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING THERE.

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- UM, YEAH, BUT THIS HO...

- UNLIKE ANY OTHER HO? - WAS A DUDE, DUDE.

- [laughing] SHUT THE [bleep] UP.

- I'M NOT EVEN JOKING.

- HE BROUGHT HOME A DUDE?

- YEAH, BUT IT GETS WORSE, BABE.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, OUT OF NOWHERE, I'M REALIZING

THAT THIS CHICK'S A DUDE.

JOHN AND THE SHE-MAN AND THE OTHER CHICK

DISAPPEAR OFF THE SUN DECK,

AND THEY START WALKING DOWNSTAIRS.

- WHAT THE [bleep]?

THE ONE GUY THAT I LIKED

HAD TO GO AND...

LEAD A [bleep] TO HIS STATEROOM. I JUST--

HE WAS JUST DRUNK.

HE HAD A LAPSE IN JUDGMENT, ALL RIGHT?

- HEY, BRO, I WAS THERE.

- ALL RIGHT, SO-- - I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU.

SORRY, I LIKE TO USUALLY WAKE YOU UP WITH, LIKE,

CARESSING YOUR BACK... - WHAT TIME IS IT?

- AND WHISPERING SWEET NOTHINGS.

- CJ'S LYING. THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

CJ IS TRYING TO MAKE JOHN LOOK BAD

SO THAT HE LOOKS BETTER.

- LIFE IS EASY, SAM. YOU'RE ONLY 24 YEARS OLD.

- THAT SOMETIMES THE DUDE THAT YOU'RE INTO IS INTO DUDES, DUDE.

[laughter]

- [bleep], MAN.

- I HAVEN'T-- NO ONE'S SEEN HIM.

MAYBE HE'S IN AN STD CLINIC.

DOES ANYONE KNOW IF HE GOT ANY ACTION?

- I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

- [sighs] - WAVE RUNNER?

- I JUST--IT JUST FEELS SO GOOD JUST TOUCHING MY GREASY BODY

LIKE THIS, THOUGH, WITH THIS PERFECT BREEZE.

WAIT, NO. COME BACK.

- IS THERE ANY WAY THAT YOU CAN, UM, GET UP?

- OKAY, THANK YOU.

- OH, THANKS. - [chuckles]

SAM JUST TOLD ME.

STOKED. - I AM STOKED.

- YEAH, I KNOW. - ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST.

- SO HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN THIS GUY?

- WE MET TWO YEARS AGO.

HE WAS THE ASSISTANT DIRECTOR FOR ONE OF MY FIRST MOVIES,

A LITTLE VAMPIRE MOVIE THAT I DID.

- OH, COOL. - WHAT DOES HE DO NOW?

- HOW HE MAKES OUR INCOME IS,

LIKE, IN THE ADULT ENTERTAINMENT.

HE'S ACTUALLY BEEN DOING PORN FOR ABOUT EIGHT YEARS.

HE'S THE ONE THAT ACTUALLY--

THE SEX IS FANTASTIC. [chuckles]

- HOLY [bleep].

- [chuckles] YOU LIKE THAT, ALEKS?

- GIRLS, COME ON.

- AND I KNOW IT SOUNDS WEIRD, I MEAN,

BUT I DON'T REALLY HAVE HANG-UPS.

I WAS IN THE INDUSTRY FOR A VERY BRIEF TIME

WHEN I WAS REALLY HARD UP, WAITING TABLES.

UM-- [laughter]

- YOU WERE REALLY HARD UP? - BAD VERBIAGE I SUPPOSE.

- IT'S HARD TO RECONCILE BECAUSE DAVE

IS SUCH A PROPER, YOU KNOW, CONSERVATIVE,

LIKE, YOU KNOW, STICKS TO HIS WAYS.

HE'S A MARINE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, YOU KNOW?

AND THEN SAYING, "OH, YEAH, I DID GAY PORN,"

LIKE, OUT OF NOWHERE.

I'M LIKE, "WHAT, YOU DID PORN?"

- WELL, IT'S NOT SOMETHING I'M PROUD OF,

AND IT'S NOT SOMETHING I LIKE TO DWELL ON.

I LIVE WITHOUT REGRETS.

YOU KNOW, I MET TREVOR BECAUSE OF IT.

I WOULDN'T BE HERE WITH YOU GUYS HAD I NOT

EVER GONE INTO THE INDUSTRY,

SO IT'S A VERY BITTERSWEET TYPE OF THING.

- WELL, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU, DAVE.

- YEAH, I'M HAPPY FOR YOU TOO, DAVE.

- THANKS, GUYS. - IT'S ALL GONNA WORK OUT.

- [laughs] - ALL RIGHT.

- GOOD TALK, CAPTAIN AMERICA.

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- HEY, JOHN. - JOHN.

- WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?

- [chuckles] - WHAT HAPPENED, JOHN?

- I ENDED UP BEING A BABY-SITTER.

- THAT'S GOOD, THOUGH, THAT YOU TRIED ANYWAY.

- NO, I JUST-- I JUST WAS TIRED, I WAS LIKE--

I ENDED UP BEING A GENTLEMAN AND SAID, "GET ON THE BOAT,

I GOT TO GO TO BED."

- I ACTUALLY THOUGHT SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL,

AND I ASKED HER TO THE TABLE,

AND I WAS, LIKE, CAUGHT UP

IN THE ROMANCE OF THE WHOLE THING.

- REALLY?

- I THINK WE'RE MAKING A LOT OF ASSUMPTIONS

BY SAYING "SHE."

- I WAS IN. - SO YOU WERE ATTRACTED TO HER?

- THIS GUY REALLY NEEDS TO STOP TALKING.

- WHEN SHE ASKED ME WHAT MY NAME WAS,

I SAID, "I'M SKIP FOREPLAY." [laughter]

- YEAH.

- BASED ON WHAT I UNDERSTAND ABOUT THESE GUYS THUS FAR,

I DON'T THINK WE NEED TO PUT THE COMFORTERS ON THE BEDS.

JUST MAKE THEM NAP-READY. - OKAY.

- THAT WAY, IF THEY WANT TO LAY DOWN LATER,

THEY DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MOVING ALL THAT STUFF.

YEAH I DID. I HAD A LITTLE SOMETHING.

- ARE YOU OKAY? YOU'RE NOT FEELING WELL?

- THANK YOU.

NO, I JUST DIDN'T GET ANY SLEEP LAST NIGHT.

- OH.

- I'M JUST GONNA CRASH FOR A FEW MINUTES,

AND HOPEFULLY, THAT WILL ENERGIZE ME FOR LATER.

- OKAY. - MM-KAY.

- I WENT TO BED AT 5:30,

AND SHE WAKES ME UP TO COME WORK,

SO SHE CAN GO TO BED.

- SORRY. - PARDON ME.

- THE BOAT IS NOT CLEAN,

AND THERE'S TONS OF WORK TO DO,

BUT SHE'S THE SUPERIOR,

SO SHE GETS TO TAKE HER NAP.

- EXCELLENT. TIME TO PLAY.

- WE GOOD? - ALL RIGHT.

LET'S GO HAVE SOME FUN.

[upbeat rock music]

- NEXT. - GOT IT.

- WHOO!

♪♪ ♪♪

- HEY, SAM? - YEAH.

- WOULD YOU MIND CHECKING ON THEM QUICKLY?

- SURE.

♪♪ ♪♪

- WHO'S SLEEPING? - ADRIENNE.

ADRIENNE'S LAYING DOWN TO TAKE A NAP.

SHE'S TOTALLY ABUSING ME

TO TAKE OVER HER RESPONSIBILITIES,

AND SHE'S CLEARLY SHOWING THAT SHE SUCKS AT HER POSITION.

[laughs] CAN I GET YOU ANOTHER WATER?

- DON'T YOU THINK THAT, HAD TASKS

BEEN BETTER DELEGATED, IT WOULD HAVE RUN BETTER?

- I JUST LIKE THINGS TO GO SMOOTHLY,

AND, LIKE, I WAS RUNNING AROUND SWEATING

WITH MY HEAD CUT OFF, AND--

- UNNECESSARY CLEANING.

LIKE, I VACUUMED ALL DAY YESTERDAY,

AND NOBODY WAS HERE ALL DAY, AND IT STILL TOOK ME AN HOUR.

- YEAH.

WELL, IT DOESN'T TAKE ME AN HOUR TO VACUUM THE BOAT.

I JUST HAVE TO SAY THAT.

I'M DOING A THREE-PERSON JOB.

SAM IS JUST--

I MEAN, I'M PICKING UP THE SLACK FOR SAM.

[dramatic music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- SHE'S FINE, SHE'S JUST PISSED THAT YOU WERE ASLEEP.

- OH. - SHE'S TIRED.

AND SHE DIDN'T--SHE THOUGHT THAT IT WAS HYPOCRITICAL

THAT YOU WERE SLEEPING, AND WHEN WE HAVEN'T BEEN ALLOWED TO--

- MY INTENTION IS TO LET HER SLEEP LATER

KNOWING THAT THEY'RE GONNA BE GONE FOR DINNER.

SO SHE DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

- WELL, SAVE IT FOR WHEN SHE'S PINNED

IN A CORNER SOMEWHERE, I GUESS.

I DON'T KNOW.

- YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUR LEADER?

AND THEN YOU GO TO BED FOR HALF THE DAY

WHEN I WAS THE ONE UP TILL 5:30?

AND ALL YOU'RE GONNA DO IS SIT HERE AND JUSTIFY IT.

- I, FIRST OF ALL, DON'T NEED

TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO ANY OF THEM.

YOU KNOW, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

- WELL, CAN YOU TELL ME WHY EVERYTHING IS LEFT A MESS

FOR ME TO CLEAN UP?

NO? - I--

- IF YOU CAN'T, THEN JUST SAY IT.

OWN UP TO IT.

- I'M NOT APPRECIATING YOUR TONE RIGHT NOW.

- OKAY, MY APOLOGIES.

- I'M ASKING TO HAVE A CALM CONVERSATION.

- [imitating] UNTIL YOU CAN TALK TO ME

IN A CLEAR, CALM, VOICE,

WE'RE NOT GONNA HAVE THIS CONVERSATION.

OH, I'M SORRY, ANGEL. PLEASE.

CAN'T EVEN DEAL.

I'LL JUST CONTINUE TO CLEAN UP LIKE YOU SAID.

I'M PISSED OFF, AND I'M GONNA CONTINUE TO BE PISSED OFF.

SORRY I BOTHERED YOU WITH AN ISSUE.

- OBVIOUSLY, SHE'S PISSED OFF AT ME,

BUT I CANNOT LOSE HER, OR I'M SCREWED.

[bird caws]

- I'M, LIKE, SO STRESSED OUT.

PAST TWO DAYS, I'VE DONE SERVICE.

I'VE DONE TURNDOWNS.

HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO CARRY US FOR?

- I'M LATE. - WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?

[upbeat music]

- WHAT, IS THAT CHICKEN SOUP?

- THIS IS LENTIL. - OH, MMM.

- IT'S MENTAL LENTIL SOUP. [chuckling]

- IS THAT ENGLISH FOR MENTAL? - YEAH.

- OH! [laughs] SAY IT AGAIN.

"MET-ILL"? - "MENT-OHL."

[laughter]

IT'S MENTAL LENTIL. [laughter]

- HOW WOULD YOU SAY METAL THEN? - HUH?

- HOW WOULD YOU SAY METAL LENTIL?

- "MET-OHL." - WHAT'S--

- "MET-OHL LENT-OHL." - IT'S THE SAME THING, RIGHT?

- NO. - RIGHT?

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

- IT'S THE SAME WORD. - COME ON.

- THAT'S THE SAME THING. - MENTAL.

LIKE, "MENT-OHL," "MENT-OHL." [chuckles]

- "MENT-OHL" SOUP.

- IT'S MENTAL LENTIL. - [chuckles]

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- ALL MEMBERS OF CREW, ALL MEMBERS OF CREW

TO THE AFT DECK.

- I LIKED IT. THANKS, MAN.

- IS IT ALL ENDING?

- IT APPEARS TO BE. - SURE.

- I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO MY NORMAL LIFE.

- NO, SERIOUSLY, EVERYTHING, 100% FANTASTIC.

THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH. - THANK YOU.

- YEAH. - VERY APPRECIATED.

- GOOD WORK, GUYS.

YOU GUYS TOTALLY EXCEEDED OUR EXPECTATIONS.

- YEAH, 100% EXCEEDED.

- I DID EVERYTHING I POSSIBLY COULD

TO MAKE THEIR CHARTER COMPLETELY EXCEPTIONAL...

- THANK YOU SO MUCH. - THANK YOU.

THEY EARNED EVERY DOLLAR. PROFESSIONAL BUT FUN, YOU KNOW?

- EXCEPT FOR THE [bleep]. THAT WAS NOT MY FAULT.

- THANKS AGAIN. - BYE.

- I DON'T WANT TO GO! - THANK YOU.

all: BYE.

- OKAY, GUYS.

CHANGE CLOTHES, AND LET'S FLIP IT, OKAY?

- HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT, PERHAPS,

US GETTING WET JUST FOR A MILLISECOND BEFORE WE FLIP?

- COME ON, BUST INTO ACTION. - JUST, LIKE, A HALF A MINUTE?

- PROBABLY NOT GONNA WORK. - DAMN.

WORTH A SHOT, RIGHT?

- IT WAS WORTH A SHOT. - ALL RIGHT.

LET'S DO THIS.

[upbeat music]

- CUOR DI LEONE, I JUST WANTED YOU TO BE ADVISED

THAT WE WILL BE COMING INTO OUR HOME SLIP.

WE'VE GOT SEVEN MINUTES TILL THE BRIDGE OPENS.

- WELL, THERE'S ABOUT TEN OF US GOING IN.

- GUYS, LET'S GET READY.

WE GOT THE OPENING. LET ME KNOW WHEN I'VE CLEARED.

- 10 METERS, PORT SIDE.

- ALL RIGHT, I WANT RADIO SILENCE FROM HERE ON

TILL WE GET TO THE DOCK, PLEASE.

BOW IS NOW CLEARING THE LAST GREEN CHANNEL MARKER

ON THE PORT SIDE.

- THANK YOU.

[upbeat music]

- ALEKS, ALEKS. KAT.

- GO AHEAD, MY LOVE.

- CALLING TO HAVE A MINUTE TO CHAT QUICKLY.

- WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO MEET?

- I'M, LIKE, SO STRESSED OUT.

PAST TWO DAYS, I'VE DONE SERVICE.

I'VE DONE TURNDOWNS, AND I'VE BEEN STUCK

IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM.

HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO CARRY US FOR, YOU KNOW?

IT'S NOT MY JOB TO TELL SAM WHAT TO DO.

- MM-HMM.

SAM'S NOT HOLDING HER WEIGHT, OBVIOUSLY.

- I'VE HAD A LOT OF STRESS WORKING ON YACHTS,

BUT THIS HAS BEEN THE EXTREME FOR ME.

I CAN'T TALK TO ADRIENNE

BECAUSE SHE JUST, LIKE, JUST DOESN'T GET IT.

LIKE, HOW DO YOU TELL YOUR SUPERIOR

THAT SHE'S NOT DOING WHAT SHE'S SUPPOSED TO DO?

- I UNDERSTAND THAT, BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.

IT'S A CUTTHROAT BUSINESS. THERE'S A LOT OF PRESSURE.

YOU KNOW, WE TURNED AROUND.

WE DID A GREAT TRIP THAT ONE TRIP

AND THEN PROVISIONING, AND WE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO THINK.

WE ALL BUSTED OUR ASSES.

I BUSTED MY TOE. [laughs]

- I KNOW. [laughter]

- I FEEL FOR HER.

I SEE HER RUNNING UP AND DOWN, DOING SERVICE

AND DOING LAUNDRY, YOU KNOW, PICKING UP THE SLACK.

SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE,

OR, YOU KNOW, IT'S GONNA BACKFIRE.

TALK TO ME AGAIN IF YOU NEED TO AFTER THE TRIP,

AND, IF ANYTHING, WE'LL GET IT RESOLVED

BECAUSE IT'S BULL[bleep], OKAY?

- THANK YOU.

- ALL RIGHT!

- ALL CREW, ALL CREW.

ALL CREW, MEET ME DOWN IN THE CREW GALLEY.

- I THINK WE'VE GOT CHARTERS COMING TOMORROW OR SOMETHING.

[laughter]

- ARE THERE ANY 50s IN THAT STACK?

- IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY.

- IT'S 6 GRAND OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

- I'M FEELING VERY, VERY OPTIMISTIC.

- I WANT TO GET OFF AND HAVE A COUPLE OF DRINKS.

HELL, I'VE BEEN ON THE BOAT FOR THREE DAYS.

YOU KNOW, GO HAVE SOME FUN.

[dramatic music]

- 650 IS THE CUT FOR EVERYBODY

IN CASE YOU'RE ALL DYING IN EAGER ANTICIPATION.

- SHOULD'VE GOTTEN IN THAT HOT TUB.

[laughter]

- IT WAS A [bleep] TIP.

WE PUT IN ALL THIS WORK TO THESE GUYS,

AND THEN WE GET A 9% TIP.

$1,300 WOULD HAVE BEEN 20%.

- SO HOW DID YOU GUYS THINK THE CHARTER WENT,

JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY?

- THE TIP CAME OUT, AND I FELT BUMMED ABOUT IT.

I REALLY DID.

I FEEL A LITTLE UNDERAPPRECIATED

THROUGH THE TIP.

I REALLY LIKED THE CHARTER GUYS, BUT 650?

I REALLY EXPECTED MORE FROM THEM.

- YOU'VE GOT TO SHINE A LITTLE LIGHT

AT THE END OF THAT TUNNEL THERE, LEE, YOU KNOW?

LIKE, IF YOU WERE TO TELL ME,

"SAM, YOU CAN JUMP IN THE OCEAN

AS SOON AS YOU'RE DONE IRONING THOSE SHEETS,"

I GUARANTEE YOU THEY'D GET DONE TWICE AS FAST.

- REALLY? - YEAH.

- IF YOU GUYS WANT TO TAKE A SWIM AFTER WE'RE DONE,

I DON'T CARE.

- WHAT ABOUT A COLD BEER AFTER WE'RE DONE?

- YOU CAN HAVE A COLD BEER AS WELL.

- ALL RIGHT, I'M GETTING MY STUFF DONE!

- WHOO! [laughter]

- WE WORK REALLY HARD, YOU KNOW?

IT'S--WE TAKE OUR JOB SERIOUSLY,

BUT WHEN IT'S TIME

TO HAVE FUN AND PARTY,

WE KNOW HOW TO GET IT DONE.

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- ALL RIGHT, LET'S CLEAN. LET'S GET--

- DUDE, I'M NOT [bleep] CLEANING THE BATHROOMS...

- I'LL CLEAN.

- TO CLEAN THEM TWO DAYS FROM NOW.

- YEAH, I KNOW, THAT IS STUPID.

I'LL DO, LIKE, A SWISH WITH A BRUSH.

- WHY CAN'T SHE JUST LET US NOT WORK?

- I NEED YOU TO BE WORKING RIGHT NOW.

YOU'RE NOT. - WE'RE ABOUT TO BE.

- GET UP, AND GET SOME STUFF DONE.

- WE HAVE! I'VE BEEN [bleep] WORKING ALL DAY.

- I UNDERSTAND. WE'RE NOT DONE YET.

- I KNOW, BUT [bleep].

- PLEASE STOP ARGUING WITH ME.

- I WANT TO VERY, VERY BADLY,

SHOVE THE PITCHFORK UP ADRIENNE'S ASS.

- THIS IS A DEMONIC ROOM!

[screams]

- [laughs] SHH, SHH, SHH.

- WE WORK 15 HOURS A DAY.

WE'RE STUCK ON THIS BOAT.

CAN SHE AT LEAST PUT HERSELF IN MY SHOES

FOR TWO SECONDS OF HER LIFE?

LIKE, WHY DOES SHE TELL US TO WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK,

BUT SHE DOESN'T [bleep] DO ANYTHING?

- ARE BOTH YOU GUYS IN THERE? - YEP.

- IT'S DONE ASIDE FROM VACUUMING,

AND I ALREADY DID THE OTHER HEAD.

SO-- - AND WE JUST DID THIS ONE.

- SHE'S GOING TO CHECK MY WORK RIGHT NOW.

- I DON'T WANT TO CLEAN.

- I HAVE CLEANED MY FAIR SHARE OF TOILETS

AND IRONED MY FAIR SHARE OF SHEETS,

AND SCREW BOTH OF THEM.

- UGH. - SAM!

WILL YOU COME HERE PLEASE?

- YES, CAN I FINISH FOLDING THE TOWEL IN MY HAND?

- NO, COME HERE NOW.

- OH, MY GOD.

- COME HERE. - I'M COMING.

- TELL ME YOU CLEANED THIS ENTIRE BATHROOM,

AND YOU STILL LEFT THAT.

- WELL, I GUESS SO. YEAH.

- OKAY, THAT IS WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.

THERE'S STILL SPOTS ON THE MIRRORS.

YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU DETAILED THIS BATHROOM COMPLETELY,

AND THAT'S STILL THERE.

- YEP. THAT'S WHAT I'M TELLING YOU.

- OKAY. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

- GREAT.

YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU COME DOWN HERE TO INSPECT,

YOU COULD JUST BRING A RAG AND KNOCK IT OUT.

ONCE AGAIN, LIKE, FIGURE OUT HOW TO LEAD BY EXAMPLE.

YOU'RE MAKING A COMPLETE ASS OUT OF YOURSELF RIGHT NOW.

YOU DON'T EVER PICK UP A RAG YOURSELF, ADRIENNE.

WELL, IT SEEMS TO BE RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT, NOW DOESN'T IT?

- I'M ASKING YOU TO DO THIS, SO YOU LEARN.

THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE HERE TO DO.

- YEAH, WELL, I'M NOT REALLY HERE TO LEARN, ACTUALLY.

I'M JUST HERE TO HAVE FUN,

BUT THAT'S CLEARLY NOT HAPPENING, SO--

ALL RIGHT, SO-- - THANK YOU.

I'LL COME BACK DOWN AND CHECK IT IN A FEW MINUTES.

I'LL BRING YOU A VACUUM.

- [bleep] CRAZY BITCH.

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- WE FINISHED CLEANING THE BOAT,

AND, NOW, I JUST NEEDED TO, LIKE,

UNWIND AND RECHARGE, AND JUMPING

IN THE OCEAN IS WHAT DOES IT FOR ME.

- GO.

- OW! I LANDED ON MY ASS.

- [laughs] - HOLY [bleep], THAT HURTS.

- ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA GET READY.

- YOU'RE OFFICIALLY WEARING THE LABEL.

- OH, MY GOD, IT'S SEE-THROUGH.

[upbeat music]

- IT'S TIME OFF, TIME TO DRINK.

- MY GOD, LOOK AT ALL THE FISH!

[club music]

- ♪♪ OH ♪♪

♪♪ OH, YEAH ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪

- I'M READY TO JUST KEEP DRINKING.

♪♪ ♪♪

- CJ IS VERY ATTENTIVE, AND WHEN WE GO OUT,

IT'S KIND OF, LIKE, SUPER FLIRTY,

LIKE, MUTUAL THING, WHERE WE BOTH KIND OF LIKE EACH OTHER.

- I MEAN, BASICALLY, WE'VE BEEN FLIRTING LIKE CRAZY

FOR WEEKS NOW.

IT'S EITHER GONNA HAPPEN TONIGHT,

OR IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN TONIGHT,

AND IF I WAS A GAMBLING MAN,

I'M GONNA SAY IT'S GONNA HAPPEN TONIGHT.

- ♪♪ WE GONNA TOUCH THE SKY ♪♪

♪♪ WE GONNA TOUCH THE SKY PUT YOUR HANDS UP ♪♪

- IT'S REALLY HOT IN HERE, AGAIN.

I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S JUST 'CAUSE WE'RE TALKING

ABOUT CJ OR NOT.

[upbeat music]

- ADRIENNE, I JUST GOT THE ITINERARY.

YOU AROUND? - [chuckles]

- COME WITH ME. - SERIOUSLY.

- YOU DON'T MIND TAP WATER? - HEY!

- HEY, HOW ARE YOU DOING? SIT DOWN.

YOU DON'T MIND TAP WATER. - WHAT'S GOING ON?

- YOU DON'T MIND TAP WATER. SIT DOWN.

- IT'S VERY IMPORTANT TO SIT DOWN

AND GO OVER THE ITINERARY, GO OVER THEIR PREFERENCE SHEETS.

- DINNER ON YACHT. THAT MEANS THIS YACHT.

[laughter]

- THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THEY COME IN THE DAY

BEFORE OUR CHARTER GUESTS SHOW UP

WHEN WE USUALLY GO OUT TO DINNER, HAVE DRINKS,

AND WE'RE NOT ALL IN GOOD SHAPE.

- MASSAGES ON THE DECK... - FOR ME?

- FOR THOSE WHO DON'T GO FISHING.

- YOU GOING FISHING?

NO, YOU'RE NOT. YOU GET A MASSAGE.

- I GET A MASSAGE! - WELL DONE.

WE ARE DOING SOME ADVENTURE ACTIVITY THAT INVOLVES SAILING.

ARE YOU SAILING? - I DON'T KNOW.

- YOU'RE NOT. YOU GET ANOTHER MASSAGE.

[laughter]

DO YOU COOK? - DO NOT COOK.

- YOU GET ANOTHER MASSAGE!

[laughter]

THANK YOU.

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

[kissing and moaning]

[tense music]

♪♪ ♪♪

[indistinct radio chatter]

- I'M LATE.

- I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK, "WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?"

I JUST FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN HIT BY A BUS FULL OF VODKA,

AND IT'S MADE ME DO BAD THINGS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE IT.

- NEXT TIME ON BELOW DECK...

- SIMON IS A PREVIOUS CHARTER CLIENT OF MINE.

- ADRIENNE HAS FRIENDS? WHAT?

- HEY, YOU. - HI, ADDIE.

- DID THERE USED TO BE SOMETHING WITH THEM?

- WHETHER BOUNDARIES WILL BE CROSSED, I DON'T KNOW.

[horn blows]

- SOMEBODY REMOVE THIS PART OF THE SHIP FOR ME.

IT'S BLOCKING MY SUN. [giggles]

- IT'S LIKE WHITE TRASH RICH PEOPLE.

- MY SAKE IS NOW HOT.

- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

- KAT WANTS TO GO TO THE BAR.

TAKE IT BACK AROUND.

- I'M CONCERNED THAT SHE'S GONNA LOSE HER JOB,

AND I GUESS THAT'S WHAT'S GONNA HAVE TO HAPPEN.

FOR MORE BELOW DECK, GO TO BRAVOTV.COM.