Original subtitles

- Previously on "Below Deck Mediterranean"...

- The chief stew and chef

is the hardest relationship to work.

I don't know.

- Looks like three levels of party.

- I know nothing about Oklahoma.

- Yeah, y'all pass me the chicken wings.

Whoo!

- For him to take Danny's side and not back me,

it's actually like a personal insult.

- Let's go have a good night. [people cheering]

- I'll do a vodka soda lime. - Cheers, Bobs.

- Yeah, man!

- I think my actions

have been underappreciated.

- I've given you so many fáááing second chances,

it's ridiculous.

Every time you go to take a fáááing piss,

you come and ask me, seriously.

You're here to work for me.

[ship horn blares]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[driving techno music]

♪ ♪

- Pretty strong. It's good.

- I think my actions

have been underappreciated,

and I want to correct that.

- You're being selfish.

I want you to think of Jen.

I want you to think of Bobby.

'Cause they're working their ass off.

Your timing's off.

Your approach is off.

Just listen to me.

Listen to me.

- What I want you to realize

is that you're the bottom guy.

You're the bottom of this boat.

- Bryan, just back off of me, man.

I'm sick of it.

- All right? - Done.

- Let's go. That's it. That's it.

What's up, Bobby boy?

- No more work talk.

[electronic music pounding]

♪ ♪

- We've started the beats party right now.

- Oh, [bleep].

♪ ♪

- How you doing?

This is a good ass right here. Oh, yeah.

- [laughs]

- You're not tall.

That's my height.

- Right here.

- I've got no heels on.

- You'd have to put your knees on this.

Then you'd be here.

♪ ♪ - I would love it.

- I just want to be all over Julia tonight.

I know she's got a boyfriend,

but her flirting is definitely saying otherwise.

[speaks indistinctly]

- Sháá.

- Sorry I lost my way last night.

I was trying to protect Daniel.

I should have been on your side rather than his,

but I'm sorry.

- I need you to, like, have my back more.

And I feel like I've had your back

every fáááing opportunity, Ben.

And you're throwing me under the bus

in front of a fáááing junior deckhand.

You can't fáááing

annihilate me and abuse me like that--

- I wasn't really abusive, honey.

Hannah's more emotional

than any chief stew I've ever met.

May we just put this under the bridge?

I do value Hannah's friendship.

I think she's a great girl.

So just stick with it, and I will be more supportive.

All right?

[techno music]

- [bleep].

♪ ♪

- I was in a fraternity called SAE,

which is the biggest fraternity in the nation.

I have a lot of experience with picking up chicks.

♪ ♪

- Whoo!

- The more I drink,

Ben's looking at lot better.

[laughs]

- Oh, man. Hey, babe.

- Did you just say you were gonna lightsaber Tiff tonight?

[laughter] - Oh, boy.

Bryan's wasted tonight.

Somebody's gonna be making a move.

It's gonna happen; I feel it.

"Ionian Princess."

She's a fáááing whore.

- It's time to go to bed.

- Did you really go to bed, Julia?

It's hot tub time.

- Good night, Bobby.

- Let's go.

All right, let's go.

Oh, yeah. Give it to me.

- Yeah, fááá it up.

- Baby. - Fááá, yeah, brother.

- Give it to me.

- Oh!

- [whispering indistinctly]

- What?

- I'm not a frat boy. - Yeah, you are.

- I'm not. - You are.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- He's actually not a bad kisser.

Let's do this again.

♪ ♪

No.

- Okay.

- I feel like you're slurring your words a little bit.

- I'm drunk.

I'll be right back.

There we go.

Bang Tiffany.

- Oh! [laughs]

This is why we don't have glass.

- What the fááá?

I probably would have hooked up with him,

but after that?

No. Sorry.

- Disgusting--I don't want to hang out with you.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- [yawns]

- It was a real fun night. - Yeah.

- Were you flirting with him? - With whom?

- No.

I was just dancing away.

- I think you're giving him the wrong message.

- How am I giving him the wrong message when I say...

- Because you're giving him-- - "Back up"?

Yeah, but what am I supposed to do?

Not give him any attention?

Bobby, he makes me laugh, and I love that.

But it's all innocent. I'm having fun.

- We were breaking it down last night,

ripping up the rug.

- Doing my little spin thingy. - Yep.

Dude, man, I like Julia.

Dude, she's fáááing so cool.

When she cuts out of her little shell...

- Yeah.

[upbeat music]

- God, she's so cute and funny.

Jules just needs to cut the cord there.

- The boyfriend? - With the boyfriend.

- I don't remember, really, what happened

in the hot tub last night,

but Tiff really wanted me to hook up.

- There you go. - There you go.

- The bonus.

- I was like, "I'm going to bed."

- I was just like, "You know what?

Pfft! Tiff, you're kind of boring."

I'm over it.

- He says, like, "Let's just fááá," once he has too many.

I'm like, "Meh."

- "You're a frat boy."

I was like... [sighs]

"You suck."

[both laughing]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Sure. I got you, girl.

Go, go, go. - Daniel, what are you doing?

- He's just helping me do this really fast,

and then we're gonna go up.

- Just next time, let me know, okay?

- All right, well, you have to supervise me

while I squeegee windows?

- Yeah, I do, actually. - Okay.

I grew up in a very aggressive environment,

and the only way that I was able to fight that

was to be positive.

- I don't want to.

- Bryan always has something to say.

And he's just bringing me down.

I'm holding my tongue a lot.

- That was holding your tongue?

- Uh...

- Got him! Another one down.

Uh! Ninja speed, dude.

- I could sense the tension there.

- I know. [laughs]

- Trying to get me worked up?

- I'm not trying to get you worked up.

You already know that.

If there's one thing I want to do on this yacht,

it's make you smile, all right?

Come on, Jen.

[upbeat music]

- Hannah, Ben, Bryan,

please come up to the bridge.

- Yup, copy that.

♪ ♪

- Cap'n.

- It's time for that information dissemination.

- All right. - How you doing?

- Sober. [laughter]

- What we've got this time around:

four guests, two couples...

- Oh, God. - Whoop, whoop!

- Alan Senior owns a laser manufacturing company,

and Alan Junior works for his father.

Alan Junior and Pamela will be celebrating

their seven-month anniversary on this charter.

That is a, like, relationship anniversary,

not a wedding anniversary.

- Sorry, wait.

They're celebrating their seven-month?

- Yeah.

- They're on a yacht.

They're spending lots of money.

Milk it. [laughs]

- We can, like, try and make it special.

Maybe getting, like, a local musician.

- It's gonna be awesome. - Yeah, it's gonna be great.

- Danielle's pretty. - [laughs]

- Pamela looks evil, which I like.

I like evil women.

- Why is this not a surprise to me?

[laughter]

- I bet, right?

- Hello. - What's up?

- So...

if you're not doing too much tonight,

it might be nice for you to come with me, you know,

for a beer and a couple of appetizers or what.

- Are we going from, like, screaming at me

to asking me on a date?

Like, I don't even know

what I'm supposed to do with that.

- Coming up... - Mayday, mayday.

- Holy crap.

- Are we going from, like, screaming at me

to asking me on a date?

- I fluctuate.

- He fluctuates.

He's hot, cold,

seems interested, isn't interested.

It's just--he's just all over the shop.

Honestly, I would like you

to have a little think about what you're doing.

- What do you mean?

- [sighs]

If we're gonna do this sort of thing,

I would love that.

I like you.

- Is that something that you might be interested in?

- Sure, I'll come hang out with you.

- I think it would be a really nice idea

to get her off the boat

and just have a human connection

and hopefully

smooth things over for the rest of the season.

I'm glad you made that decision.

That's very good.

That was very--the anticipation there was killing me.

- Imagine if you joined us up here.

- The bed could collapse.

- Oh, no. Ah!

[laughter]

- You're in my balls here. I got crushing...

- Oh, my God.

[all laughing]

- Ah!

You're tickling my feet, girl.

- This is so comfortable. Oh, God.

- That's my baked potato.

- Kind of-- there we go.

- If I hadn't joined yachting,

I can very much picture myself married

with 2.5 kids and a Labrador.

Um--and probably an alcohol problem.

Ready.

Ben, come on!

- Okay. - Have fun, guys.

- See you later.

- Just doing a bit of provisioning, guys.

Take care.

- Hannah and Ben look pretty good

for going shopping.

- [laughs] - I know.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, it's so nice to be off the boat.

- It does your head in, doesn't it?

You've got to find your breaks.

♪ ♪

- What was your name, again? - George.

- George, of course.

- What, are you gonna have wine? - Yeah.

- I'm gonna get a dry white wine, please.

- Just a good red wine.

- Red wine. - Yes, please.

- Thank you very much.

- Thank you, George.

- And what's "thank you"?

- "Efharisto."

- Would you stop hitting on him, please?

- What do you mean?

- I mean, come on.

It's very disrespectful.

- Really?

Thank you. - Wow.

Oh, wow. Thank you, sir.

- Thank you. - Oh, wow.

George, you're on top of your game tonight.

- Isn't he?

- There's distinct favoritism going around.

- I don't blame him.

Well...

- You've got the French flag on your collar.

- When in Europe...

Are you a snail person?

- Yeah.

My stepmum's really supportive.

My dad just turns around and goes, "How about next time,

you book your own fáááing flight?"

- [laughs]

Cheers, honey.

Let's talk about the crew.

Who's your favorite?

- Crew? Julia.

- Yeah? She's awesome, isn't she?

Well, I've always been a fan of the underdog,

so I'm think I'm gonna go for Dan. [laughs]

We have a secret connection.

- Is it that you both have a crush on me?

- Ah, I never even thought about it like that.

It's like the playing field is so level right now,

and I'm really enjoying just spending time with Hannah,

and it's really sweet.

She's a very different person,

and I think I am too.

- Thanks for dinner.

- Oh, no worries.

Cool.

- My relationship with Ben

is probably in the best place it's been.

- [speaking French]

- Thanks for dinner.

- It was a great. It was awesome.

You're welcome. Any time.

- Sleep well.

[driving electronic music]

[laughter]

- Back up!

- Oh, my God!

- [laughs] - You goosed me!

Oh, my God! - What does "goosed me" mean?

- You touched my butt hole.

- You stuck your ass out.

What else am I gonna do?

- Oh, my God. What's going on?

I have a chance with her?

Like, holy cow.

Good thing I just took a shower.

- Gross.

- "Gross"? You're the one that did it.

- "You're the one that did it."

[laughter]

Of course I've got a boyfriend,

but just because you're with someone,

you don't have to stop having fun.

You know, I'm quite bubbly. I'm quite outgoing.

I mean, I'll goose the captain if he was--

well, maybe not the captain.

But I'd goose anyone, whatever "goosing" means.

I'd stick my finger up anyone's bum

just as long as they're fully dressed.

I can't handle you guys.

- That's beautiful. - This is the toro.

- Where did you find this?

- This was caught right off Paros yesterday.

- Wow.

- Girls, girls, flower delivery.

[indistinct radio speech]

- All crew, all crew,

guests will be arriving in 30 minutes.

- Copy that.

- All right, guys, let's go.

- Oh, yeah. "Ionian Princess."

Is it big enough?

- Here we go, guys.

- Greetings. Welcome aboard.

- Alan Junior.

- Bryan. Nice to meet you. - Bryan.

- Ben. - Ben, pleasure.

- I heard the last time these chaps chartered,

it wasn't exactly smooth sailing.

- No, we can't put that on there.

- Don't look, Eddie. They're gonna love it.

- What's in there? - Grenadine.

It's a little strange.

- You can eat that, whatever that is.

- You don't want to come in here.

- Went to go puke. - Went to go puke?

- My sauce.

- Wait, what?

- So the food has to be spot on.

- I'm your chief steward.

I'm gonna take you around.

You can bring your champagne and come with me.

Okay, so this is the sun deck.

It's nice to kind of come up here,

have a little Jacuzzi, if you please.

- Dibs.

- Here's your upper saloon.

- Gorgeous.

- We're big eaters. - These are facts.

- And this is the galley.

- Chef, we're gonna become very good friends.

- Yes. - Great.

- Looking forward to seeing fresh seafood.

- Both the fish and the meat,

they're just much more flavorful

than anywhere else in the world.

It's really good. Welcome aboard.

- Thank you. - Cheers.

- Nice to meet you. - Good luck.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

- Never had guests say "good luck" to me before.

[upbeat electronic music]

- Bryan, Bryan. We can pull the gangway.

- Copy that.

♪ ♪

[ship horn blares]

♪ ♪

Okay, Captain, all lines are free.

All lines are free.

It's wide open back here.

♪ ♪

- Good job, guys.

- Aw!

- Can you let me know, like, two minutes before

you're gonna start taking stuff out?

- Pretty close.

- That's now?

- Uh, two minutes.

- [laughs] Okay.

- Okay, Bryan, we're ready to drop portside.

- Go, ahead, Bobby. It's dropping now.

Two shackles.

Blocking off.

- Thank you.

- Oh, look at this water.

- Make sure you communicate,

like, when they leave the boat.

- Okay.

Tiffany's situation's awkward right now.

It really is.

- Normally it's like you fall in the water

and you know there's Shark Alley right there.

- So sorry. This is a minced tora tuna

with a Greek pickle and in-season truffle.

- Oh, I can smell the truffle, right.

- Thank you. - Pleasure.

- Is it amazing? - I like that.

- I guess we should have told him I couldn't eat tuna.

Ben, so Alan is not allowed to have any tuna,

because he has high levels of mercury.

- We got back my last results,

and they're actually higher than they were, like,

three years ago, so...

- Don't let him eat it then. I'll get something else.

- No, no, he's just gonna pick it out.

- Okay.

- I don't know if he wants it acknowledged.

- Okay.

- I know Ben's gonna have a hissy fit.

Ben, Ben, Hannah.

But I'm used to being the bearer of bad news on boats.

Uh, Ben?

The head charter guy, Alan,

is not allowed to eat any tuna.

- Is there a mercury issue? - Yes.

- That would have been nice to know.

- I know. - Fááá.

- Coming up...

- What is going on?

Is there love on the Love Boat here?

- There's something, uh, fishy about it.

- He's hoping to get, like,

a little kiss mark right here.

- [shrieks] No!

- Uh, Ben?

The head charter guy, Alan,

is not allowed to eat any tuna.

- That would have been nice to know.

- I know. - Fááá.

This guy, he wished me luck

when he first came in.

Can we get another-- a platter?

A long one, please.

- I'm getting really antsy right now.

- Okay, Naxian octopus, garlic, cherry tomato,

and paprika.

- Thank you.

- Problem solved.

- There you go. - Ooh.

- That looks amazing. - [speaks indistinctly]

- So this is fresh-caught Naxian octopus...

- Wow.

- With garlic cherry tomatoes and truffle oil.

- Oh, thank you. - Okay?

- Ladies first. Go ahead.

- Take yours. You haven't eaten much.

Like three. Why don't you take three?

- That's good, plenty. Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

- Yeah? - Mmm.

- It's amazing. - Good job, Chef Ben.

[upbeat music]

- Okay, let's get toys in the water.

- Hello. So I have a huge favor.

Did you get my thing about me and Alan, by chance?

- Oh, yes.

Do you want to pop out here so it's not so noisy?

It's, like, an anniversary?

- We celebrate our anniversary every month.

- Yeah?

- We met in the Bahamas

seven months ago.

Like, I was getting off a charter.

He saw me.

We had one day together, February 13th.

- Yup.

- So I flew out February 14th,

so we didn't have Valentine's together.

So it's kind of a special thing, being on here together...

- Yeah, it's like-- - And our anniversary.

Yeah, so I thought it might be cute.

It'd be like a pretend Valentine's Day

that we never had.

- Okay. - Appreciate it.

- No, my pleasure.

- She wants to do, like, a fake Valentine's Day.

- Oh, gosh.

- I think we need to do the "love theme" menu.

- I don't use the L word.

- "Lust"? - Yeah, lust is better.

- They want an anniversary and a Valentine's Day

meshed together in one night,

so can we do, like, a red-themed dessert or something?

- A bread-themed?

- Red, red, red.

- Oh. Yeah, all right.

- Thank you.

I'm gonna get chocolate-covered strawberries,

two dozen red roses, candles...

and a bucket.

- A bucket? - Yeah.

So while I'm doing service, I can run in and throw up.

- So we can go Jet Skiing, SEABOBing.

- You got all the options,

and if you guys want to do some cliff-jumping,

we can do it here.

- Bob and I will make sure it's safe.

- Let's get in the water.

- All right, ready? - All right, let's do this.

- Let's do it. - Yeah.

- Enjoy yourself, guys.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Whoa!

[people cheering]

- I guess it's not crossing the line

when you're playing with the guests

if you're Bobby and Bryan.

- It's bullsháá.

The deck departments always split up,

because Bobby is Bryan's favorite.

Let's be honest; he doesn't like me or Daniel.

- Yeah!

[indistinct chatter]

- Okay, that's really cool, right?

If I were you, I'd freeze them individually like that,

and then we'll pop them later, all right?

- Cool. - Okay.

- Is it okay if I bring the shots when the guests get back?

- Okay, sure.

- Wrap them in clean film.

- Wrap them in clean film? - I would.

- I can't cook, but...

I know what delicious shots taste like.

All right.

- Tiffany shots. - Yay!

- As if we needed that. - Thank you.

- You're welcome. - Tiffany shots.

- Oh!

- Hannah and Julia

don't really understand Americans.

Like, these guests are just here to party.

- I don't know what's more dangerous,

the Tiffany shots or that cliff.

- I think Tiffany has come leaps and bounds.

I feel like I kind of trained her, molded her.

And personality-wise, she's still a bit weird to me,

but I can work with her.

[upbeat percussive music]

- Okay, so we'll leave these guys out for now,

'cause they might want to come back.

- All crew, all crew,

we've just received a mayday call

from a vessel by the name of "Moonwalk."

- Let's go!

- I can see it coming up to our starboard side.

They are taking on water. They're requesting assistance.

- Okay, copy that.

- Bobby. - Yeah.

Watch out. Watch out.

- [man yelling] - Back up. Back up.

- Holy sháá.

[people talking urgently]

- What's leaking?

They don't have any external pumps.

- This is good to pump.

[men speaking foreign language]

- It's not working.

Holy crap.

They're going down. - Start bailing.

- Watch out. Back up. Back up. Back up.

Gimme, gimme.

It's going fast.

- They should just try to beach it.

- Better get out of the boat.

- It's going quick, man.

- Mark, Mark, Bryan. We need backup.

We need to beach it.

- Copy that. Mayday, mayday.

Coast Guard, this is the yacht "Ionian Princess."

There is a 50-foot vessel

off our starboard side.

They are taking on water.

The vessel requesting assistance.

- Copy, "Ionian Princess."

We are on our way to assist.

- Oh, my goodness. - Oh, it's sinking.

- They've got to get out. - They're going down.

- Coming up...

- That is probably the worst espresso martini

I've ever had in my entire life.

Have you ever made an espresso martini before?

- I've made hundreds.

- I don't believe you on that.

- Mayday, mayday.

Coast Guard, this is yacht the "Ionian Princess."

There is a 50-foot vessel off our starboard side.

They are taking on water. We are requesting assistance.

- Copy, "Ionian Princess."

We are on our way to assist.

- Oh, my goodness. - Oh, it's sinking.

- They've got to get out. - They're going down.

- This is so sad. I could cry.

- Bryan, do you see any approaching traffic

from our stern?

- Approaching now, Captain.

[people yelling]

- Get off the boat, mate.

- They're gonna be all right.

- They're gonna tie this boat to that boat

and take them as close to shore as possible

and try to beach that boat.

- Jeez.

- [laughs]

- So what did we learn, Bobby?

- That a boat almost had to sink

for Danny to hustle.

- Yeah, I've never seen him move that hard.

[both laugh]

Maybe we should start sinking every once in a while,

get him moving.

- Oh, man!

- That's a million-dollar boat.

So, I mean, it can happen to anybody.

- Hey, but we'll keep you guys safe.

No worries about that.

- I hope you enjoyed this evening's entertainment.

[laughter]

- I want to put my life preserver on right now.

- Yeah, you might need to.

[upbeat music]

- They said, "If you hear any alarms,"

they say, "Go to the lowest deck."

- Really? - That's bullsháá.

Did you not see the "Titanic"?

All those people on the lower deck,

they were the ones all locked in.

I'm not going down there.

- I'm wearing this thing all night long.

- Bobby!

- You know when a dog does that?

- Yeah?

Yeah, Bobby, okay, okay.

- [laughs]

- Oh, Bobby!

[both laughing]

- You guys need more snacks?

- No. How about espresso martini?

- No problem.

- Hannah, Hannah, Tiff.

- Go ahead.

- They want one espresso martini.

- Okay, thank you.

- Wow. - Sunset.

This is fantastic, huh?

- Do you want to take that? - Yup.

- Can you ask if they want it creamier,

if they want it more bitter?

- [laughs]

- There you go.

We want to know if it's too sweet, too bitter,

too strong, too weak.

Let us know.

- Who made this? - Hannah.

It's coming back?

- Tell her I'll be down in a little while

to make a proper one and explain it to her.

- Yeah? - Yes.

- Okay, right. I got that.

- Just send that back and... - I got that.

Oh. [laughs]

Oh, dear.

- Honestly, that's probably the worst espresso martini

I've ever had in my entire life.

It must have been her first attempt.

- Hannah? - Yes, Julia?

- Don't take offense.

He's gonna come down in a bit

and show you how to make one.

- Ugh!

An espresso martini is like any cocktail.

They're very specific to people's tastes.

After 10:00 p.m., if anyone orders an espresso martini,

they get a decaf, and then they wonder why

they're gonna sleep too early.

I can't wait for my lesson.

[funky electronic music]

♪ ♪

Hello. I heard you were looking for me.

I'm just getting the stuff ready.

- Have you ever made an espresso martini before?

- I've made hundreds.

- I don't believe you on that.

- Obviously, I can't say anything,

because he's the guest and I'm the chief stew.

- We're working together on this.

- Okay.

- So far, so good.

Oh, that looks very nice.

- Voilà. Let's see how you like that one.

- That's good. And I'm blown away.

- So one extra shot of espresso.

Which I do believe, in the English language,

is "Can I have my espresso martini a bit stronger, please?"

- You are a true professional.

- Done.

Fáááer.

- Jen, we're just gonna clear the platform.

- Should I bring up this SEABOB?

- You think you can lift that yourself?

Lift with the legs. There you go.

- I can pretty much do anything in this world.

[laughs]

- Good job.

- So what do you guys want to do now?

Hot tub?

- Let's do it.

Let's--quick hot tub.

- Let's go change.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Yeah, that's perfect.

♪ ♪

- There you go. - Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- I see the way you two are looking at each other.

So what's going on?

Is there love on the Love Boat here?

- There's something, uh, fishy about it.

- He's hoping to get, like, a little--

like, a kiss mark right here on his cheek.

- I'd give her that kiss on the cheek in a heartbeat.

- [shrieks] No!

This is so awkward!

I'm beyond understanding this situation.

It's gone too far.

I've got espresso martinis to clean.

- That's my drink, Jules! Bring it back!

- I'll make you another one!

- So tomorrow I'm thinking, like, massages start at 4:30.

Cocktail hour

with the flutist and violinist.

And then dinner at, like, 8:30.

- Sure. - You okay with that?

- Yeah, of course. Whatever works.

- Sometimes he's a big flirt.

Sometimes he's very professional.

Sometimes he's yelling at me.

So... [laughs]

It's kind of hard to know where you stand.

Can we do some canapes and stuff

for the cocktail hour?

- Of course.

- Cool.

- Cewl. - Cewl.

Good night.

[phone line trills]

- [laughs] You all right?

How was work today?

- Yeah, just finished.

I just tidied up and that.

So just gonna go to bed in a bit.

- Um, this guy Bobby,

he's kind of trying it on a little bit.

Matty?

- I think with the distance

and not seeing each other for so long,

it kind of becomes frustrating, and if someone knows

that there's a guy creeping on his girlfriend,

it's a difficult situation, you know?

I miss you.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Matty?

[upbeat electronic music]

♪ ♪

- Good morning. - There she is.

- Looks great. Really savory.

- Yeah, yeah, it's good.

- We'll see if you can't get a good nap in today, dude.

- I'll be good in a little bit.

- What are you two whispering about?

- Nothing.

- Julia, Julia, Tiff.

- What do you need help with?

What?

- What are you two whispering about?

- I'm not the only here

that thinks she likes me.

It's like, obviously if the charter guests

are seeing that, then something's going on.

- You look very suspicious.

[chuckles]

- You know what they say:

boyfriends are speed bumps, not road blocks.

- Yeah. - Coming up...

- Ben, Ben, Hannah.

Just to confirm, we've got the main course coming.

Is that right?

- No, I thought we cleared it

that I was just gonna do two courses, right?

- Oh. Fááá.

- What's going on? What's the plan?

Just--just give me the breakdown.

- 7:30 to 8:30, cocktails and music,

where we're gonna do the canapes, obviously.

- Are we still doing the courses?

- This is what I'm gonna leave completely up to you.

- All right, let's fáááing do it.

- Hannah here from the "Ionian Princess."

How are you?

I'm really feeling a lot of pressure

in terms of the crew's tip.

I will arrange a tender to pick them up.

If I don't get this masseuse and two musicians on board,

that really affects the guests' night.

The massage will be from about 4:00 to 4:15,

and then we'll have cocktail hour.

- Perfect. - And we'll have dinner.

I have 50 bowls in the air at the same time.

- Hi. - Hi. Hannah. How are you?

- Fine. How are you? - Good, thanks.

If you just make your way up there...

- Yeah, sure.

- They can help you up there.

Okay, come in here.

- I cleared Daniel to work for you, so...

- Okay. Ha! I love it.

- I saw Daniel hustle yesterday with the boat sinking,

so he should get a little kickback.

- Hello, hello. - Hey, honey.

- Gonna be two courses tonight.

We are doing beef kababs with a red theme.

- All the chefs that I've worked with

and all the boats I've worked on,

we usually have a menu presented to the guests.

So Ben doesn't want to do that.

We did bring it up with him, but he's not keen.

So that's fine. That's his choice.

So that's for the canapes?

- Yes.

- Okay. Don't kill me.

I'm just gonna throw it out there, okay?

- Okay.

- It's a very, like, delicate

violinist/cocktail evening.

- I just thought--

- Do we have anything, like, a bit more delicate

instead of, like, "Oh, the violinist, the music."

[chomping noises]

[laughs] No?

- Yeah, sure.

So we'll do some smoked salmon.

- Yeah?

- Just, like, dainty little crostinis.

- Exactly. And then are we doing an entrée?

- I'm doing a buttered shrimp.

- Thank you.

- I'm not happy about this.

- I know.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- And this one streaming down like a candy cane?

♪ ♪

[violin music]

- Very nice.

- So our theme for this evening

is a love theme for your seven-month anniversary.

Enjoy the music... - Thank you.

- And the romance.

- It's so-- it's so romantic.

- Doing all right, bud?

- Can you pass me a platter, please?

A long one.

Thanks, Danny boy.

- Yeah, I'm all yours.

- Oh, mate, I appreciate that.

- Ready for canapes when you are.

[upbeat music]

Ladies.

- Here's to love.

- Girls, girls, ready with the canapes, please.

♪ ♪

- I'm gonna go and tell them they can be seated, okay?

- Yes, sir. - Roger that.

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

- Wow. - This is stunning.

- It's beautiful.

- See the love? - This is amazing.

- This looks amazing. - Yeah?

- Yeah. - [laughs]

- Aw! - Do you like it?

Oh, good.

- This is, like, beyond.

- Nothing says "happy anniversary"

like five dead shrimp.

Curried lentils, grilled shrimp, and that's it.

- Okay. - Thank you very much.

- Pleasure, pleasure, pleasure.

- All right, let's do some dessert.

I want to kill this dessert.

[romantic violin music]

- Okay, course number one.

- Oh, my goodness. - [chuckles]

- Looks amazing. - Yeah.

- Bon appetite. Enjoy. - Thank you.

- Bobby, you all right?

- No. - No? Why? What's wrong?

- I'm deliriously tired.

- You look a bit drunk.

- Work hard, play hard.

- True. Tomorrow night?

- Yeah. - [laughs] Yeah.

Fááá. What the hell?

You're getting a bit freaky.

All these hearts and stuff.

- I can't believe this is an appetizer.

- This is an appetizer?

- First course. That's what she said.

- I could get stuffed off of this,

so I don't want to eat all of it.

- Mm-hmm, is that sea salt?

- Nope, sugar. - Oh.

- You look done with that course.

- Yes. - Yes?

- Tell him this is not a reflection

that I didn't care for it.

I just don't want to be full.

- Okay, I'll let him know. - Okay.

Ben, Ben, Hannah.

We are all cleared for the entrée.

- Clearing everything, aren't we?

- We've got the mains coming, darling.

- I thought that was it, just two courses.

- Yeah, that's what Ben told us, and he changed it.

- I didn't know.

- Did you just get that message?

- What's that?

- That they're ready to clear entrées

or something like that?

- Thanks, mate.

- I thought literally that and a dessert...

Fááá, he's changed it so many times.

- He don't look like he's cooking three courses.

He looks like he's cooking a dessert, right?

- Ben, Ben, Hannah.

Just to confirm, we've got the main course coming.

Is that right?

- No, I thought we cleared it

that I was just gonna do two courses, right?

I want to step in and help Hannah,

but I step in, it's just gonna blow it up even more.

Motheráááá.

- No, hon, you just said that the prawns

we're gonna be served as the canapés.

- But, honey, I never said that, love.

I never--I never said that.

- So what did you say?

That we were gonna do--

- I said we were doing prawns for the main course.

I was gonna do kebabs to start,

and then we changed it to smoked salmon.

Why? What do they think?

- No, that's fine.

- Is there something you're not telling me?

- No.

- Is everything all right?

- Yeah.

- Sure you don't want me to throw these kebabs down?

- No, I don't think so. I think they're fine.

- Okay.

- Oh, fááá.

I swear to God he said he was doing the prawns

as the starter, right?

- I don't remember. - You don't remember?

- Mm-mm. So are we clearing the rest of them?

- I don't know. I need to--

I guess I need to speak to them.

- So are we clearing the rest of them?

- I don't know. I need to--

I guess I need to speak to them.

Oh, my God.

What am I supposed to say?

I just go, "So, guys, would you like another course,

or should we move into dessert?"

- Yeah.

- Okay. Okay.

Hey.

I just wanted to check how your appetite's going,

whether you would like another course

or whether you would like to move on to dessert.

- What's the next course?

- There is some meat and capsicum kebabs.

Like, on the skewers.

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Perfect.

- Thank you. - Pleasure.

Ben, Ben, Hannah.

Let's whip up those kebabs, please.

- Did you copy that, Ben?

- What?

- Have you got your radio? No?

She wants the kebabs on the grill to serve them.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- [sighs]

- What happened, babe?

- Uh, I didn't think

that the pieces of smoked salmon on toast was the entrée.

I thought that was the--

- The entrée?

Can you stop using the word "entrée," please?

Let's call them appetizers or starters and mains, okay?

Entrée, I don't even use that word.

- Well, we're in Europe, hey?

- Don't fáááing mess with me.

- Next on "Below Deck Mediterranean"...

- A dude charter.

- All five guys are single.

Bachelors looking for "target-rich environments."

- Oh, boy.

- We're going to party!

- Hey, Jen. - Oh.

- A mangine. [all laughing]

- If Ben is arguing with the chief stew,

do not take Ben's back.

We need to be a silent mouse.

- You come after me like a little bunny rabbit.

- Throw him over the boat and get it over with.

- It's like Tom and Jerry, bro.

You can be the cat. I'll be the mouse.

Guess who prevails.

- Incidentally, what was the "entrée" tonight?

- I don't know, mate. You know what?

You don't discuss your fáááing menus

till they come on the fáááing part anyway.

- Didn't we set the table up for two courses as well?

- Ben-- - Did we?

- Oh, fááá off.

- Captain?

[dramatic music]

So tonight a problem arose

with our chief stewardess.

♪ ♪

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