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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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So, what do I need to know
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for this
law-enforcement conference? .
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According to the report
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there's been a 12% increase
in crime. .
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00:00:11,434 --> 00:00:14,467
Nonsense! On the other side
of this bulletproof glass
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is the safest city in America. .
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You want to put an end
to crime? .
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Start caning criminals.
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Stuart,
we've been through this. .
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It is very difficult to find
quality bamboo in New York. .
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These numbers are misleading.
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I live in New York.
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I'm not seeing
an increase in crime. .
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Damn! My driver's
on the sauce again. .
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You want me to make sure
everything's all right, sir? .
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We're all right. .
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He hasn't touched
the good stuff. .
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Everybody out! .
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Move! .
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You heard the man. .
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You don't look like
a scotch man. .
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They caught the guy
who limojacked us. .
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Yeah, but the press is having
a field day with it. .
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We've gotta show
we're tough on crime. .
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That's why
I talked to the police
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and arranged for us all
to go on a drive-by. .
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I think you mean "drive-along." .
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What's the difference? .
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Well, sir, a "drive-by" is when
you put on a ski mask,
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cruise by a building,
and shoot at it with guns. .
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Oh. .
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A "drive-along" is when
you put on a police hat,
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cruise by a building,
and shoot at it with guns. .
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Sir? .
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Yeah.
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Charlie, Cara's on the phone. .
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Oh, that woman
will not leave me alone. .
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Tell her I'm having my appendix
taken out. .
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You already used that one. .
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Tonsils? .
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What do I have left? .
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A liver, both kidneys,
and a heart. .
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Let's go kidney. .
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Oh, Caitlin,
did you finish the analysis
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of the crime reports
from last year?
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I was gonna do it last night,
but Tim took me to dinner. .
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We stuffed ourselves.
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I'll just tell the press
we're soft on crime, but full.
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I'll get to it right now. .
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There's my cute,
little limojacking victim. .
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Oh!
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I can't believe you faced down
a dangerous criminal
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and you weren't even shaken. .
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Well, some of us are
just born brave. .
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He was unarmed,
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and he dropped us off
at a diner. .
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The only brave thing you did
was eat that sausage Patty.
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I brought you something for
surviving that horrible ordeal. .
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Oh! .
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A new bikini? .
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Thank you. Thank you. .
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I am flying you to St. Thomas
tonight. .
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Just pack for a week.
I'll pick you up around 8:00. .
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You can't just take off.
We've got that drive-along. .
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Well, unless it stops
in the Caribbean,
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I'm not gonna be on it. .
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Ever since
you've been dating Tim,
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you've been blowing off work. .
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Excuse me, I haven't taken
a day off in a year and a half. .
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Besides, Tim has been begging
to take me away. .
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Of course he has. .
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He needs someone old enough
to buy beer. .
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You know, I am sick
of your little jokes
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about
Tim's youthful appearance. .
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Fine. Go on your trip. .
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Just make sure he doesn't jump
in the pool unsupervised. .
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At least he doesn't take
first dates to the water park
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so he can check out their body
before he Springs for dinner. .
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Ooh, this is getting ugly.
We'd better go. .
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Like Tim is so romantic. .
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He would've taken you
to the water park,
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but you gotta be this tall
to get on the rides. .
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Oh, please,
your idea of romance
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is opening the door
to the airplane bathroom. .
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A lot of guys wouldn't do that. .
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A lot of guys
don't get the chance. .
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You're jealous because
you're incapable of having
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a meaningful relationship.
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I'm not willing
to put my life on hold
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just because
someone brings me a bikini. .
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That was petty and childish,
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and I will not dignify it
with a response... .
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Except to say that the
rolling stones are overrated,
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and you stink at baseball. .
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You have bad taste in shoes. .
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This is the first real fight
I've had with Caitlin. .
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Ever since
she's been dating Tim,
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she's a different person. .
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00:05:04,067 --> 00:05:08,000
To deal with a woman,
you have to be willing to talk. .
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When I was married,
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we always kept
the lines of communication open. .
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Sir, your wife left you
without saying "goodbye." .
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And then we communicated... .
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Through attorneys. .
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This is my first real fight
with Charlie. .
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Since I've been dating Tim,
he's been a total jerk. .
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You know, Caitlin,
when people fight that way,
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it's often a manifestation
of an underlying sexual tension. .
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Why do you have to be
such a know-it-all?
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I hate when you interrupt. .
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You did the same thing
when I was on the phone. .
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It wouldn't be a problem
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if you didn't call
your mom every minute. .
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Don't bring my mother
into this! .
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Why don't you guys kiss
and get it over with? .
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Caitlin's steamed
because she's blowing off work,
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and I called her on it. .
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He's steamed because
Tim and I are in a great place,
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and all he has is work.
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I shouldn't let her go
to St. Thomas mad.
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I'll be the bigger person
and apologize. .
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It'll drive him nuts
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to have this
hanging over his head
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while I'm in St. Thomas.
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I should just do the right thing
and tell him I'm sorry. .
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Your boyfriend's short. .
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Bite it! .
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Come on, grandma,
put it in drive. .
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Hey, knock it off! .
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Haven't you ever been
in a police car before? .
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Not in the front seat. .
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Look at all this cool stuff...
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satellite tracking,
m.D.T., picture of a hooker... .
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That's my wife. .
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She's a handsome woman. .
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Are we there yet? .
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For the last time...
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this is a ride-along.
There is no "there." .
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Just 40 years
of life-threatening work
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followed by
a lame city pension. .
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You comfortable, Mr. Mayor?
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I sure am.
Hey, who's the hooker? .
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That's his wife.
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2-income family...
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industrious. .
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Boring.
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I bet Carter and Stuart
are seeing more. .
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I can't believe Caitlin implied
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that you and I
are like a couple. .
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It's ridiculous. .
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Can't two guys be friends
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without people getting
the wrong idea? .
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Hey, can I have some cocoa? .
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Yeah. Yours is the red one,
mine is the blue. .
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You have
the right to remain silent.
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I already did that.
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I can't believe
I'm missing "survivor" for this. .
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So... .
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First time urinating
in an alley? .
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You look familiar. .
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Did you go to high school
in Wellington? .
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Yeah. .
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00:08:00,834 --> 00:08:03,300
You're Randall Winston. .
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Don't you recognize me?
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Chad follansbee. .
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My God... follansbee. .
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It's been years. .
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00:08:14,801 --> 00:08:17,868
We had some good times,
didn't we? .
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00:08:17,901 --> 00:08:21,901
Remember when headmaster o'keefe
was doing that dorm search
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and I slipped that joint
into your pocket? .
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Ooh, you saved my butt! .
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That was you? .
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Whatever happened to you? .
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After they found that on me,
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they shipped me off
to reform school. .
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By the time I got out,
no decent school would take me. .
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Uneducated and alone,
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I slipped into
the dark clutches of crime,
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and I've never been able
to break free. .
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Well, enough about the past. .
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Possible 1030 in progress.