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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:03,400
Hey, Caitlin.
You're a little late.
2
00:00:03,434 --> 00:00:04,801
I had breakfast with Tim.
3
00:00:04,834 --> 00:00:06,467
I don't think that's all. .
4
00:00:06,501 --> 00:00:07,667
What are you implying?
5
00:00:07,701 --> 00:00:09,834
I'm implying
your sweater's on backwards. .
6
00:00:18,734 --> 00:00:21,901
Can you do that again? .
7
00:00:23,234 --> 00:00:25,968
I should've gotten a peek
at something. .
8
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,701
Hey, babe. These are for you. .
9
00:00:28,734 --> 00:00:31,834
Violets! They're my favorite.
How did you know? .
10
00:00:31,868 --> 00:00:33,267
We took that drive
11
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,400
and you pointed to a field
of violets and said,
12
00:00:35,434 --> 00:00:36,868
"those are my favorite." .
13
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And you remembered. .
14
00:00:40,234 --> 00:00:42,734
He gets that for remembering?
15
00:00:42,767 --> 00:00:45,634
I went out with a girl
on Saturday.
16
00:00:45,667 --> 00:00:47,367
I didn't get anything
17
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:50,901
for remembering to mail her bra
back to her. .
18
00:00:50,934 --> 00:00:53,601
How many stamps did that take? .
19
00:00:53,634 --> 00:00:55,067
Six. .
20
00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:56,934
Nice. .
21
00:01:22,167 --> 00:01:24,434
Isn't Caitlin's new boyfriend
great? .
22
00:01:24,467 --> 00:01:26,467
He's witty,
charming, well-read. .
23
00:01:26,501 --> 00:01:29,133
Something about that guy
rubs me the wrong way. .
24
00:01:29,167 --> 00:01:30,434
What? .
25
00:01:30,467 --> 00:01:32,868
He's witty,
charming, well-read. .
26
00:01:34,434 --> 00:01:36,367
He's one of these annoying
know-it-alls
27
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,501
who's always reminding you
how smart he is. .
28
00:01:38,534 --> 00:01:41,467
As Tennyson once wrote...
29
00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:44,801
knowledge comes,
but wisdom lingers. .
30
00:01:44,834 --> 00:01:47,868
See? Annoying. .
31
00:01:47,901 --> 00:01:49,200
Good news, everyone.
32
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:51,767
Tim has generously commissioned
an artist
33
00:01:51,801 --> 00:01:53,234
to sculpt a bust of me. .
34
00:01:53,267 --> 00:01:55,234
Now the city will remember me
35
00:01:55,267 --> 00:01:57,601
long after
I'm cryogenically frozen. .
36
00:01:57,634 --> 00:01:59,133
We're having it made
37
00:01:59,167 --> 00:02:01,801
out of the finest alabaster
from Italy. .
38
00:02:01,834 --> 00:02:04,767
As long as I don't end up
looking like charlton heston. .
39
00:02:04,801 --> 00:02:06,300
Why would that happen? .
40
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:08,834
Because
I look like charlton heston.
41
00:02:08,868 --> 00:02:11,501
I don't see it. .
42
00:02:11,534 --> 00:02:17,200
Picture me in a loincloth
being hosed down by apes.
43
00:02:17,234 --> 00:02:20,634
I'm sorry, sir.
I can't get past the loincloth. .
44
00:02:20,667 --> 00:02:22,701
Thanks again, Tim.
45
00:02:22,734 --> 00:02:25,501
I look like charlton heston. .
46
00:02:25,534 --> 00:02:28,434
Why wouldn't he get a portrait
like every other mayor? .
47
00:02:28,467 --> 00:02:29,934
I, like the romans,
48
00:02:29,968 --> 00:02:32,334
believe that a bust
is the perfect way
49
00:02:32,367 --> 00:02:34,901
to immortalize
a leader's accomplishments. .
50
00:02:34,934 --> 00:02:36,667
And I, like the taxpayers,
51
00:02:36,701 --> 00:02:39,067
think a bust
is a waste of money. .
52
00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:41,300
Art is never a waste of money,
53
00:02:41,334 --> 00:02:43,701
and I think
portraits are boring.
54
00:02:43,734 --> 00:02:47,234
I'll take your word
on what's boring.
55
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:51,467
Charlie, can I talk to you? .
56
00:02:51,501 --> 00:02:53,567
One second, honey.
57
00:02:53,601 --> 00:02:56,567
Charlie, I'm sensing
you have a problem with Tim. .
58
00:02:56,601 --> 00:02:58,534
Me? No. I think he's great. .
59
00:02:58,567 --> 00:02:59,634
Oh, come on.
60
00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:02,267
I can tell
something's bothering you. .
61
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:04,667
Just be honest.
I won't be upset. .
62
00:03:04,701 --> 00:03:07,167
Okay, he's not my favorite guy. .
63
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,734
How could he not be
your favorite guy?! .
64
00:03:09,767 --> 00:03:12,234
Why does this matter? .
65
00:03:12,267 --> 00:03:14,567
It's important to me
that you get along. .
66
00:03:14,601 --> 00:03:16,601
Why don't you come to dinner
with us tonight?
67
00:03:16,634 --> 00:03:18,467
I don't want to be
the third wheel. .
68
00:03:18,501 --> 00:03:21,467
Think of us as a tricycle. .
69
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:27,300
That's not the threesome analogy
that usually gets me on board.
70
00:03:27,334 --> 00:03:28,501
I'm serious.
71
00:03:28,534 --> 00:03:31,234
I haven't felt this way
in a long time.
72
00:03:31,267 --> 00:03:32,400
I mean, who knows? .
73
00:03:32,434 --> 00:03:33,667
He may be the father
74
00:03:33,701 --> 00:03:36,133
of my Douglas, David,
Donald, and Otis. .
75
00:03:36,167 --> 00:03:37,934
You've already named your kids? .
76
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:40,000
What can I say? I'm a planner. .
77
00:03:40,033 --> 00:03:41,267
Come on. .
78
00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:43,634
One dinner. .
79
00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:49,167
Look at him.
He just wants to be your friend. .
80
00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,267
That Charlie guy
rubs me the wrong way. .
81
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:53,267
Why? .
82
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:54,601
He's one of those macho guys
83
00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:57,434
who makes you feel bad
because you read books. .
84
00:03:58,501 --> 00:04:00,868
It's like emerson once wrote...
85
00:04:00,901 --> 00:04:03,868
knowledge is the antidote
to fear. .
86
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,667
That is annoying. .
87
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,567
The job title
is "efficiency consultant,"
88
00:04:12,601 --> 00:04:14,501
and it's
a one-month assignment.
89
00:04:14,534 --> 00:04:17,334
I really appreciate
your setting up this interview. .
90
00:04:17,367 --> 00:04:19,834
Just don't tell anyone
you're my sister. .
91
00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:21,968
We wouldn't want
anybody to think
92
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,100
you're getting
special treatment. .
93
00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:26,300
But don't worry.
You're a shoo-in. .
94
00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:27,501
You said the same thing
95
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,400
when I auditioned
for "West Side story."
96
00:04:29,434 --> 00:04:31,901
I'm sorry.
That was out of my hands. .
97
00:04:31,934 --> 00:04:33,934
You were the director. .
98
00:04:33,968 --> 00:04:35,234
We have been over this. .
99
00:04:35,267 --> 00:04:37,634
You didn't capture
Maria's inner torment. .
100
00:04:38,701 --> 00:04:41,067
Uh, Paul lassiter,
Stuart bondek,
101
00:04:41,100 --> 00:04:42,634
this is sherri fields. .
102
00:04:42,667 --> 00:04:43,901
How do you do? .
103
00:04:43,934 --> 00:04:46,601
And like the two of you,
I also just met her. .
104
00:04:47,834 --> 00:04:49,534
It's nice to meet you. .
105
00:04:49,567 --> 00:04:53,133
So, sherri, tell us a little bit
about yourself. .
106
00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:54,667
Well, I, uh...
107
00:04:54,701 --> 00:04:57,734
sherri spent five years
managing a law office. .
108
00:04:57,767 --> 00:05:01,434
Thanks... Sherri. .
109
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,701
It says here
that you're fluent in Spanish. .
110
00:05:03,734 --> 00:05:06,400
"It says"?
Do you think she made that up?! .
111
00:05:06,434 --> 00:05:07,434
Next. .
112
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,334
Do you have any other skills
we should know about? .
113
00:05:12,367 --> 00:05:15,100
Hey! I know what you mean
by "special skills,"
114
00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:16,968
and you are way out of line! .
115
00:05:17,033 --> 00:05:19,734
Does she have any computer
skills like quicken or excel? .
116
00:05:19,767 --> 00:05:21,467
Oh. .
117
00:05:21,501 --> 00:05:24,100
Do you? .
118
00:05:24,133 --> 00:05:25,367
Yes. .
119
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,801
What can't she do?
Welcome aboard. .
120
00:05:31,701 --> 00:05:33,033
Irasshaimase! .
121
00:05:33,067 --> 00:05:34,734
Irasshaimase! Irasshaimase! .
122
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:36,701
Irasshaimase! .
123
00:05:36,734 --> 00:05:39,434
"Irasshaimase"
is Japanese for "welcome." .
124
00:05:39,467 --> 00:05:40,934
Really?
125
00:05:40,968 --> 00:05:43,734
I always thought it meant
"don't eat the eel." .
126
00:05:43,767 --> 00:05:46,300
Isn't Charlie funny? .
127
00:05:46,334 --> 00:05:48,767
Hysterical. .
128
00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:53,000
Thank you. .
129
00:05:53,033 --> 00:05:54,400
So, here we are. .
130
00:05:54,434 --> 00:05:58,033
My two favorite guys,
my favorite restaurant...
131
00:05:58,067 --> 00:05:59,267
good times. .
132
00:06:02,968 --> 00:06:06,400
Yep, good times. .
133
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:09,100
So, you both have
a lot in common. .
134
00:06:09,133 --> 00:06:11,501
You... you both grew up
here in the city. .
135
00:06:11,534 --> 00:06:12,801
What high school? .
136
00:06:12,834 --> 00:06:14,100
Weston high. .
137
00:06:14,133 --> 00:06:17,834
Weston... you had
an excellent shop program.
138
00:06:17,868 --> 00:06:20,133
I went to Fairmont. .
139
00:06:20,167 --> 00:06:22,267
Hmm. Did you get
a lot of action? .
140
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,334
It was all boys.
141
00:06:23,367 --> 00:06:25,634
I know. .
142
00:06:26,868 --> 00:06:29,767
The California roll is great. .
143
00:06:29,801 --> 00:06:31,133
If I remember correctly,
144
00:06:31,167 --> 00:06:33,868
we beat you in soccer
five years straight. .
145
00:06:33,901 --> 00:06:37,267
And we stole the wheels
off your team bus
146
00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:38,767
five years straight. .
147
00:06:38,801 --> 00:06:42,734
Of course, the spicy tuna
has its merits. .
148
00:06:42,767 --> 00:06:44,467
Can I get some extra wasabi? .
149
00:06:44,501 --> 00:06:45,467
Me too.
150
00:06:45,501 --> 00:06:46,901
I love spicy food.
151
00:06:46,934 --> 00:06:49,234
I could eat this stuff
straight. .
152
00:06:49,267 --> 00:06:50,634
So can I. .
153
00:06:51,601 --> 00:06:53,067
Bet I can down this first. .
154
00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:54,067
You're on. .
155
00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:56,167
You're acting like children. .
156
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,167
No, we're not.
Mark, get set, go. .
157
00:07:07,868 --> 00:07:10,200
Sherri, you don't understand. .
158
00:07:10,234 --> 00:07:15,100
As press secretary, I have to
expense my high-profile lunches. .
159
00:07:15,133 --> 00:07:17,601
High-profile? At taco tent? .
160
00:07:17,634 --> 00:07:18,968
Sorry, no sale. .
161
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,234
Look, it's also come
to my attention
162
00:07:21,267 --> 00:07:23,701
that you've been hoarding
office supplies.
163
00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:26,434
I have never been so insulted.
164
00:07:26,467 --> 00:07:30,067
I categorically deny
that accusation! .
165
00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:33,234
Then how do you explain this? .
166
00:07:37,267 --> 00:07:39,701
That's not my hockey stick. .
167
00:07:39,734 --> 00:07:42,000
Why are you giving Paul
such a hard time? .
168
00:07:42,033 --> 00:07:44,701
Why do you call phone-sex
numbers from city hall? .
169
00:07:44,734 --> 00:07:46,801
Carry on. .
170
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:49,234
This office
is hemorrhaging money,
171
00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:50,767
and it's going to stop. .
172
00:07:50,801 --> 00:07:55,100
Let's say you forget
this whole office-supply thing. .
173
00:07:55,133 --> 00:07:59,400
A "buy one, get one free"
frozen-yogurt coupon
174
00:07:59,434 --> 00:08:04,367
might mysteriously find its way
into your possession. .
175
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,267
You're trying to bribe me
with a free frozen yogurt? .
176
00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:10,501
Well, you're gonna have to pay
for the first one. .
177
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,334
Done. .
178
00:08:24,667 --> 00:08:26,067
I win. .
179
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,834
I can't feel my legs,
but I'm the winner. .
180
00:08:31,868 --> 00:08:34,601
Yes, you are clearly a winner.
181
00:08:37,334 --> 00:08:38,868
Charlie, you look green. .
182
00:08:38,901 --> 00:08:41,334
It's coming out of my pores. .
183
00:08:41,367 --> 00:08:44,200
Irasshaimase! Irasshaimase! .
184
00:08:46,133 --> 00:08:48,834
This obviously isn't working.
Can we please get out of here? .
185
00:08:48,868 --> 00:08:51,000
We can't just leave.
Charlie's sick. .
186
00:08:51,033 --> 00:08:52,634
He'll be fine. Let's go.
187
00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:55,801
I don't feel right leaving him.
We haven't even eaten yet.
188
00:08:55,834 --> 00:08:58,601
I've lost my appetite.
I'll see you.
189
00:08:58,634 --> 00:08:59,968
Tim, wait. .
190
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,601
Irasshaimase! Irasshaimase! .
191
00:09:01,634 --> 00:09:03,868
Shut up! .
192
00:09:06,434 --> 00:09:09,100
What are you doing?
What if Stuart comes?
193
00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:11,434
900 numbers are blocked
starting tomorrow. .
194
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,767
He's at the office
pulling an all-nighter. .
195
00:09:15,501 --> 00:09:18,501
Here's a little thank you
for getting me the job. .
196
00:09:18,534 --> 00:09:20,968
Oh! Miles Davis!
Oh, man, I love this. .
197
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,067
Come on, let's go hang it
in my room right now. .
198
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:25,167
Oh, this is great.
199
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,067
I can't believe that sherri's
blocking the phone-sex lines.
200
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,033
I don't know
what she has against us. .
201
00:09:30,067 --> 00:09:32,501
She gets along with Carter.
They're best friends. .
202
00:09:32,534 --> 00:09:36,067
- Ooh.
- Oh, thank you so much, sherri. .
203
00:09:38,467 --> 00:09:39,667
Sherri?! .
204
00:09:39,701 --> 00:09:41,834
This was a terrific surprise. .
205
00:09:41,868 --> 00:09:43,234
Yeah, well...
206
00:09:43,267 --> 00:09:46,133
I've wanted to
give it to you for a long time.
207
00:09:46,167 --> 00:09:49,234
I don't believe this. .
208
00:09:49,267 --> 00:09:51,834
You should get out of here
209
00:09:51,868 --> 00:09:54,300
before Stuart comes home. .
210
00:09:55,767 --> 00:09:59,300
I hope the noise
didn't disturb the neighbors. .
211
00:09:59,334 --> 00:10:01,834
Ah, it only lasted
a few seconds. .
212
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,567
Poor guy. .
213
00:10:03,601 --> 00:10:06,567
That's very common. .
214
00:10:09,133 --> 00:10:11,000
How's it going, sir? .
215
00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:16,234
Take your filthy paws off me,
you damn dirty ape!
216
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:19,267
I'm sorry. I don't see it. .
217
00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:21,801
You should get
your eyes checked.
218
00:10:23,934 --> 00:10:25,167
Caitlin...
219
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:28,834
I brought you cupcakes
from magnolia bakery. .
220
00:10:28,868 --> 00:10:30,067
Go away. .
221
00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:32,100
With sprinkles. .
222
00:10:32,133 --> 00:10:35,734
Make it fast.
223
00:10:35,767 --> 00:10:37,634
I'm sorry about last night. .
224
00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:41,133
Why did you have to turn it
into a competition? .
225
00:10:41,167 --> 00:10:42,968
It's a guy thing. .
226
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,934
Why do whales beach themselves? .
227
00:10:45,968 --> 00:10:47,701
Why?
228
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:50,367
I don't know. Ask Tim. .
229
00:10:53,067 --> 00:10:54,734
Hey, Caitlin.
230
00:10:54,767 --> 00:10:55,968
Charlie.
231
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,133
Tim.
232
00:10:57,167 --> 00:11:00,267
I brought you these...
233
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:03,467
who brought you those? .
234
00:11:03,501 --> 00:11:06,267
Hmm... No sprinkles. .
235
00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:10,567
Listen...
236
00:11:10,601 --> 00:11:12,067
I'm sorry.
237
00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:14,868
I left last night because I felt
like I was competing for you,
238
00:11:14,901 --> 00:11:16,367
and now I'm sure of it.
239
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,367
Charlie wants you. .
240
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,434
No, he doesn't. .
241
00:11:20,467 --> 00:11:24,200
You may not see it but I can,
and it makes me uncomfortable. .
242
00:11:24,234 --> 00:11:25,567
What are you saying?
243
00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:28,601
I'm crazy about you,
but I gotta be honest.
244
00:11:28,634 --> 00:11:31,767
I can't be with you
if Charlie's in the picture.
245
00:11:31,801 --> 00:11:34,801
Tim! .
246
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,033
Let him go. .
247
00:11:44,734 --> 00:11:46,267
Trust me.
248
00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:47,634
I know. .
249
00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,534
Well, thank you very much. .
250
00:11:57,868 --> 00:12:00,467
Because of how you acted
Tim thinks you're into me. .
251
00:12:00,501 --> 00:12:02,167
You and me? That's crazy. .
252
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,567
But he's really upset. .
253
00:12:03,601 --> 00:12:05,901
Why did you have to be
competitive? .
254
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:09,167
When a Fairmont kid
challenges you
255
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,567
to a wasabi-eating contest,
256
00:12:11,601 --> 00:12:13,467
you don't back down. .
257
00:12:13,501 --> 00:12:16,467
And you're the one
that dragged me to that dinner. .
258
00:12:16,501 --> 00:12:18,467
Now I know that was a mistake. .
259
00:12:19,834 --> 00:12:22,067
I can't believe
Carter slept with a woman. .
260
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:23,734
What could have
made him change?
261
00:12:23,767 --> 00:12:25,200
Paul, it's obvious.
262
00:12:25,234 --> 00:12:30,267
I've become a heterosexual
role model for Carter. .
263
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:32,400
His gayness was no match
264
00:12:32,434 --> 00:12:35,367
for my awesome
chick-a-riffic lifestyle.
265
00:12:36,234 --> 00:12:38,801
I've turned him on to women. .
266
00:12:38,834 --> 00:12:40,968
Or turned him off to men. .
267
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,634
Hey, guys. What's going on?
268
00:12:45,667 --> 00:12:48,567
Paul and I
have something to tell you. .
269
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,234
We know about you and sherri. .
270
00:12:50,267 --> 00:12:51,667
You do? We do. .
271
00:12:51,701 --> 00:12:53,234
And we think it's great. .
272
00:12:53,267 --> 00:12:54,501
That is such a relief.
273
00:12:54,534 --> 00:12:57,133
I was confused about
how to handle the situation. .
274
00:12:57,167 --> 00:13:00,400
Of course.
I mean, this is so new to you.
275
00:13:00,434 --> 00:13:01,701
I've tried this before.
276
00:13:01,734 --> 00:13:03,934
I couldn't get her
into the right position. .
277
00:13:07,334 --> 00:13:10,434
Well, these things take time,
Carter. .
278
00:13:10,467 --> 00:13:13,100
You gotta walk before you run. .
279
00:13:13,133 --> 00:13:15,767
Don't say anything
to anybody else about it, okay?
280
00:13:15,801 --> 00:13:17,968
I don't want to jeopardize
sherri's job. .
281
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,801
Your secret about sleeping
with sherri is safe with us. .
282
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:21,801
Thanks. .
283
00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:23,300
What? .
284
00:13:23,334 --> 00:13:26,501
W-wait a minute. .
285
00:13:26,534 --> 00:13:29,234
You guys think
I'm sleeping with sherri? .
286
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,267
No, no, no. Sherri is my...
287
00:13:32,901 --> 00:13:36,267
yeah, yeah, you got me. .
288
00:13:36,300 --> 00:13:39,801
You can't pull one over on us,
Carter. .
289
00:13:39,834 --> 00:13:43,567
No, you can't.
You guys are way too sharp. .
290
00:13:46,133 --> 00:13:48,267
Hi, I'm not sure
I'm in the right place.
291
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,267
I was contacted
by a chip scarsdale,
292
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:51,534
who wanted me to lecture
293
00:13:51,567 --> 00:13:53,801
on Roman art
and its cultural significance. .
294
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:57,300
Chip's right over there.
295
00:13:59,467 --> 00:14:02,534
Tim, we have to talk. .
296
00:14:02,567 --> 00:14:05,834
You're wrong about me.
She's my friend, and that's it. .
297
00:14:05,868 --> 00:14:08,567
How come I always feel like
you're competing against me? .
298
00:14:08,601 --> 00:14:10,534
Because I don't like
being shown up. .
299
00:14:10,567 --> 00:14:13,067
You come into city hall
and you impress everyone
300
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,067
with your money
and your intelligence
301
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:17,200
and your knowledge
of Portuguese marble. .
302
00:14:17,234 --> 00:14:20,601
No, it's Italian alabaster.
There's a huge difference. .
303
00:14:20,634 --> 00:14:23,667
You just can't not do that,
can you? .
304
00:14:23,701 --> 00:14:24,968
Sorry. .
305
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:28,100
It's just that
when I feel threatened,
306
00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:30,634
I tend to get
a little pedantic. .
307
00:14:32,033 --> 00:14:35,133
It's just not easy for me
to date Caitlin
308
00:14:35,167 --> 00:14:39,133
when she's friends with
this cool guy with great hair. .
309
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,234
My secret? .
310
00:14:43,267 --> 00:14:46,334
Alcohol-free gel. .
311
00:14:46,367 --> 00:14:47,634
It gives enough hold? .
312
00:14:47,667 --> 00:14:51,601
You tell me. .
313
00:14:51,634 --> 00:14:52,767
The point is,
314
00:14:52,801 --> 00:14:55,667
Caitlin wants to be with you
not me. .
315
00:14:55,701 --> 00:14:57,400
Really? Yes.
316
00:14:57,434 --> 00:14:58,634
I'm not the one
317
00:14:58,667 --> 00:15:00,634
she wants marriage
and kids with. .
318
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,000
She really said that? .
319
00:15:02,033 --> 00:15:04,901
You, with the four boys,
the house in Connecticut. .
320
00:15:04,934 --> 00:15:07,033
Wow. .
321
00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:09,667
Yeah, she's a planner. .
322
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:17,934
I just don't think it's saying
what I want it to say. .
323
00:15:17,968 --> 00:15:20,968
Decades from now, when people
look at this sculpture,
324
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,367
I want them to see a leader,
a visionary,
325
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:29,567
a man... Who would triumph
in a grueling chariot race.
326
00:15:29,601 --> 00:15:31,701
I don't think I follow. .
327
00:15:31,734 --> 00:15:33,167
Come into my office. .
328
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,267
We're going to watch
a little biblical epic. .
329
00:15:38,634 --> 00:15:40,868
Hey, Carter. Is Caitlin in yet? .
330
00:15:40,901 --> 00:15:42,300
No. Didn't you hear?
331
00:15:42,334 --> 00:15:44,167
Tim broke up with her
last night. .
332
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:45,167
What? .
333
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:46,567
They were going too fast. .
334
00:15:46,601 --> 00:15:47,767
How's she taking it?
335
00:15:47,801 --> 00:15:49,400
I think she'll be okay.
336
00:15:49,434 --> 00:15:53,100
I told her to put it behind her
and get a fresh start. .
337
00:15:59,734 --> 00:16:01,901
That's not what I had in mind. .
338
00:16:01,934 --> 00:16:04,100
Aren't you gonna say something
about my hair? .
339
00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:07,133
Why, did you do
something different with it? .
340
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:08,601
Oh, this is just great! .
341
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,067
First Tim dumps me,
342
00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:12,734
and now I look like
I should be in aerosmith. .
343
00:16:14,601 --> 00:16:16,067
I don't know what went wrong. .
344
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:19,234
You have to learn to communicate
with your stylist.
345
00:16:19,267 --> 00:16:21,767
I'm talking about Tim. .
346
00:16:21,801 --> 00:16:23,534
He got this crazy idea
347
00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:25,834
that I'm dying to get married
and have kids.
348
00:16:25,868 --> 00:16:27,601
I mean,
where did that come from? .
349
00:16:27,634 --> 00:16:30,267
Well, this is a funny story. .
350
00:16:31,667 --> 00:16:34,634
Last night
Tim and I were having drinks,
351
00:16:34,667 --> 00:16:37,801
and I-I may have mentioned
marriage and kids. .
352
00:16:37,834 --> 00:16:39,367
What about the house
in Vermont? .
353
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,634
That wasn't me.
I said Connecticut. .
354
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:45,567
You can't say stuff like that
to a guy I just started dating! .
355
00:16:45,601 --> 00:16:47,634
It'll scare him off!
356
00:16:47,667 --> 00:16:50,267
Carter, stop staring
at my hair! .
357
00:16:54,767 --> 00:16:57,701
So... .
358
00:16:57,734 --> 00:17:01,200
How'd you like
your first straight evening out? .
359
00:17:01,234 --> 00:17:04,534
All-you-can-eat chicken wings
and a lap dance for only $45. .
360
00:17:04,567 --> 00:17:05,868
What's not to like? .
361
00:17:05,901 --> 00:17:08,567
This is just the beginning. .
362
00:17:08,601 --> 00:17:09,868
Tomorrow night...
363
00:17:09,901 --> 00:17:13,634
a calendar signing
for the women of wrestling. .
364
00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:17,033
Those broads are totally hot. .
365
00:17:18,934 --> 00:17:20,000
What do you think? .
366
00:17:20,033 --> 00:17:22,200
About what? .
367
00:17:22,234 --> 00:17:23,834
Being straight. .
368
00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:27,567
Think you might be interested
in signing up full-time? .
369
00:17:27,601 --> 00:17:29,067
I-I'm not sure. .
370
00:17:29,100 --> 00:17:31,300
Tell you what... .
371
00:17:31,334 --> 00:17:33,667
Let's make a list
372
00:17:33,701 --> 00:17:38,200
of the pros and cons
of being gay. .
373
00:17:38,234 --> 00:17:40,133
Okay. .
374
00:17:40,167 --> 00:17:42,267
Pro...
375
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:45,734
a keen sense of style. .
376
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:52,367
Con... sleeping with men. .
377
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:55,200
Pro...
378
00:17:55,234 --> 00:17:58,033
women don't mind taking clothes
off in front of you. .
379
00:17:58,067 --> 00:18:00,067
Con... sleeping...
380
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:01,701
okay, okay, look.
381
00:18:01,734 --> 00:18:03,334
Stuart...
382
00:18:03,367 --> 00:18:05,934
I can't take this. .
383
00:18:05,968 --> 00:18:09,167
This is all a misunderstanding.
Sherri is my sister. .
384
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,334
Oh. .
385
00:18:10,367 --> 00:18:12,901
People don't turn straight
overnight.
386
00:18:12,934 --> 00:18:14,400
I'm a gay man. .
387
00:18:14,434 --> 00:18:15,701
That's who I am. .
388
00:18:15,734 --> 00:18:17,334
That's what
I'm comfortable with. .
389
00:18:17,367 --> 00:18:19,901
Look, I know I should've told
you about sherri
390
00:18:19,934 --> 00:18:21,167
at the very beginning,
391
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,033
but let's try to be honest
with each other. .
392
00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:25,534
Okay. .
393
00:18:25,567 --> 00:18:27,534
Okay. Okay. .
394
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:33,968
And now that we're
being honest... .
395
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,467
Have you ever seen Caitlin
take her clothes off? .
396
00:18:36,501 --> 00:18:38,767
Yes, I have. .
397
00:18:38,801 --> 00:18:41,667
What's she look like naked? .
398
00:18:41,701 --> 00:18:43,767
Honestly? .
399
00:18:45,067 --> 00:18:48,334
You'll never know. .
400
00:18:57,634 --> 00:18:59,667
What are you doing here?
401
00:18:59,701 --> 00:19:01,100
Caitlin told me to meet her. .
402
00:19:01,133 --> 00:19:02,434
Same thing. .
403
00:19:02,467 --> 00:19:04,267
Why are women so confusing?
404
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:05,501
I don't know. .
405
00:19:05,534 --> 00:19:08,467
Why do whales beach themselves? .
406
00:19:08,501 --> 00:19:11,100
Actually, there are
two competing theories. .
407
00:19:11,133 --> 00:19:12,901
Not now. .
408
00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:14,567
What's going on? .
409
00:19:14,601 --> 00:19:17,834
Sit down. .
410
00:19:17,868 --> 00:19:18,834
Yes? .
411
00:19:18,868 --> 00:19:20,734
What happened to your hair? .
412
00:19:20,767 --> 00:19:23,000
The two of you happened
to my hair,
413
00:19:23,033 --> 00:19:26,067
and right now we're gonna
set the record straight. .
414
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:29,701
You break up with me based on
information from this idiot? .
415
00:19:34,367 --> 00:19:36,634
She's got a point. .
416
00:19:36,667 --> 00:19:40,200
And you... where do you get off
playing couples counselor?
417
00:19:40,234 --> 00:19:41,834
I was just trying to help. .
418
00:19:41,868 --> 00:19:45,167
What if a girlfriend started
about marriage and babies? .
419
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,701
Well, I've always had good luck
with faking my own death. .
420
00:19:51,234 --> 00:19:55,334
So, Caitlin, you don't want
any of those things? .
421
00:19:55,367 --> 00:19:57,200
Someday... not right now. .
422
00:19:58,267 --> 00:20:00,167
We have something special,
423
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,334
and I'd just like to see
where it goes. .
424
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,100
You're right.
425
00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:08,334
I should have never listened
to this idiot. .
426
00:20:08,367 --> 00:20:09,834
Hey. .
427
00:20:09,868 --> 00:20:11,367
She called you an idiot. .
428
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,000
It's different. She knows me.
429
00:20:14,033 --> 00:20:15,601
I'm just repeating what she...
430
00:20:15,634 --> 00:20:16,601
shut up! .
431
00:20:16,634 --> 00:20:18,067
Both of you, shut up! .
432
00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:20,234
Do you want to be my boyfriend? .
433
00:20:20,267 --> 00:20:22,234
Yes, please. .
434
00:20:22,267 --> 00:20:24,133
All right. You're my boyfriend. .
435
00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:26,601
And you?
You're my friend friend. .
436
00:20:26,634 --> 00:20:27,601
Got it? .
437
00:20:27,634 --> 00:20:28,601
Yeah. Yeah. .
438
00:20:28,634 --> 00:20:29,601
Got it. .
439
00:20:29,634 --> 00:20:32,000
You, come with me. .
440
00:20:33,934 --> 00:20:34,901
What should I do? .
441
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,300
You just sit there
442
00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:38,634
and think about what you did. .
443
00:20:45,234 --> 00:20:48,934
She's not the boss of me. .
444
00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:08,868
Oh, hey, Charlie. .
445
00:21:10,601 --> 00:21:13,868
Oh, my God! Look who it is! .
446
00:21:13,901 --> 00:21:16,534
Oh! I've been a fan...
447
00:21:16,567 --> 00:21:19,901
oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sir.
448
00:21:19,934 --> 00:21:23,234
I thought
you were charlton heston. .
449
00:21:23,267 --> 00:21:27,834
That's all right, Paul.
I get that all the time. .
450
00:21:29,634 --> 00:21:32,100
Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.
32048
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