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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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The Christmas card
we'll be giving the mayor.
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00:00:06,968 --> 00:00:09,767
"Howdy, cowpoke, you're 7"? .
3
00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:12,968
You wait till Christmas Eve,
it's slim pickin's. .
4
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,667
But I am going to write
the best message
5
00:00:15,701 --> 00:00:17,033
so that this year
6
00:00:17,067 --> 00:00:20,968
the mayor gives me
the old "pat and squeeze." .
7
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,767
Uh, Paul we talked about
good touching and bad touching. .
8
00:00:26,334 --> 00:00:29,167
This is bad. .
9
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,801
Did you set up the mayor's
holiday press appearance? .
10
00:00:31,834 --> 00:00:34,000
He'll be at the u.N.
Singing Carols
11
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:36,634
with children
from 50 different countries. .
12
00:00:36,667 --> 00:00:39,200
You're flying kids in
from all around the world? .
13
00:00:39,234 --> 00:00:41,767
No, I'm using a first-grade
class from Brooklyn. .
14
00:00:43,601 --> 00:00:46,067
Here you go, Paul. .
15
00:00:47,434 --> 00:00:49,934
"May your Christmas
be a happy one." .
16
00:00:49,968 --> 00:00:53,367
Oh, he wrote "mayor"...
Instead of "may your." .
17
00:00:54,501 --> 00:00:57,133
We're going funny this year? .
18
00:00:57,167 --> 00:00:58,667
It's not that funny. .
19
00:00:58,701 --> 00:01:00,534
Are you kidding me?! It's huge! .
20
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It's a pun! .
21
00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:05,667
It doesn't get
any funnier than this!
22
00:01:05,701 --> 00:01:09,367
Charlie, there's a picture
of you in today's paper
23
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,567
at a black-tie dinner. .
24
00:01:11,601 --> 00:01:13,667
Why wasn't I invited? .
25
00:01:13,701 --> 00:01:15,000
You were invited, sir,
26
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but you told me not to bother
you with stuff like this. .
27
00:01:17,634 --> 00:01:19,801
And you know your rule
about social events...
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no models, no mayor. .
29
00:01:21,334 --> 00:01:24,167
From now on,
I want to be kept up-to-date,
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even about things
I don't want to know about. .
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If I'm not interested in it...
I'd better hear about it. .
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00:01:33,234 --> 00:01:34,534
Don't worry, pal. .
33
00:01:34,567 --> 00:01:37,467
Mayor always gets a little weird
around the holidays. .
34
00:01:37,501 --> 00:01:40,801
Bad. .
35
00:02:06,934 --> 00:02:09,467
The Christmas press conference
is my favorite. .
36
00:02:09,501 --> 00:02:11,868
Saying "happy holidays"
to the entire city...
37
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that's what being mayor
is all about. .
38
00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:15,434
What about the free mansion
39
00:02:15,467 --> 00:02:17,400
and running red lights
in the limo? .
40
00:02:17,434 --> 00:02:18,868
On any other day, yes. .
41
00:02:18,901 --> 00:02:21,033
But today,
it's all about Christmas. .
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00:02:21,067 --> 00:02:22,701
Oh, look, before I go in there,
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00:02:22,734 --> 00:02:26,100
is there anything I don't want
to know that you should tell me?
44
00:02:26,133 --> 00:02:29,901
I'd shy away from that Rudolph
joke you've been telling. .
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It might be offensive
to women... And men... .
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And reindeer. .
47
00:02:34,534 --> 00:02:36,334
And then Rudolph says,
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00:02:36,367 --> 00:02:39,300
"hey, that's not the only thing
that glows." .
49
00:02:41,067 --> 00:02:43,501
Okay, uh, uh, here...
here's the mayor. .
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00:02:43,534 --> 00:02:45,968
Sir, could you give us
any information
51
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about the shipment of toys
52
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:50,100
that was confiscated
this morning?
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00:02:50,133 --> 00:02:53,100
I haven't been briefed
on that one. .
54
00:02:53,133 --> 00:02:56,100
Uh, the confiscated toys
were illegal knockoffs
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00:02:56,133 --> 00:02:57,801
smuggled in from overseas. .
56
00:02:57,834 --> 00:03:00,334
Rest assured that Santa
is not a suspect,
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00:03:00,367 --> 00:03:04,868
although we are questioning
several disgruntled elves. .
58
00:03:04,901 --> 00:03:07,434
You should be good from here.
Sorry about that. .
59
00:03:07,467 --> 00:03:08,601
Where were the toys seized?
60
00:03:08,634 --> 00:03:11,534
Kennedy... Airport. .
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00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,801
Again, sorry. .
62
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What kind of toys were they?
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I got this one. .
64
00:03:17,901 --> 00:03:22,234
So... Rudolph and Mrs. claus
are in a hot tub. .
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00:03:23,601 --> 00:03:26,067
Hey, Angie, let me ask you
a question...
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00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:28,300
ever do any volunteer work
over the holidays? .
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00:03:28,334 --> 00:03:31,901
Take a look at my paychecks...
this is volunteer work. .
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00:03:31,934 --> 00:03:33,400
Watch it, Caitlin. .
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00:03:33,434 --> 00:03:35,334
Carter's gonna try
to rope you in
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00:03:35,367 --> 00:03:37,667
to helping out
at the old fogies' home.
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00:03:37,701 --> 00:03:40,567
Stuart was banned from
the nursing home last Christmas.
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00:03:40,601 --> 00:03:43,734
I told them all
I was their grandson. .
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00:03:45,033 --> 00:03:48,434
I made over $400.
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00:03:48,467 --> 00:03:50,567
Carter, I would love to help,
75
00:03:50,601 --> 00:03:53,467
but every year
I make some nice donations. .
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00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:55,100
That's how I handle charity.
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00:03:55,133 --> 00:03:56,734
Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin... .
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Here we go.
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00:03:58,634 --> 00:04:01,634
Caitlin, if you want to be
charitable during the holidays,
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00:04:01,667 --> 00:04:03,267
give your time. .
81
00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:06,501
That's a far more valuable gift
than money or material things. .
82
00:04:06,534 --> 00:04:09,167
So you don't want
the leather jacket I got you? .
83
00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:13,868
Though leather's
a different story.
84
00:04:13,901 --> 00:04:15,534
1,000 holiday jokes,
85
00:04:15,567 --> 00:04:18,300
not one that will work
for the mayor's card. .
86
00:04:18,334 --> 00:04:21,400
No, no, no. .
87
00:04:24,234 --> 00:04:26,534
"Yule log."
88
00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:30,100
Paul, you don't need a joke
to get approval from the mayor. .
89
00:04:30,133 --> 00:04:32,701
You have so many other qualities
that he admires. .
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00:04:32,734 --> 00:04:34,767
Like what?
91
00:04:36,767 --> 00:04:39,067
I'd go with "yule log." .
92
00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:41,334
All right,
let's get the meeting started.
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I just got word
that tomorrow...
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00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,000
hey, guys, sorry I'm late. .
95
00:04:45,033 --> 00:04:48,300
Sir, what are you doing here?
This is just a staff meeting. .
96
00:04:48,334 --> 00:04:51,033
Well, I thought
it might boost morale
97
00:04:51,067 --> 00:04:53,667
if I hung out
with you desk jockeys.
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00:04:53,701 --> 00:04:56,534
I'm already inspired. .
99
00:04:56,567 --> 00:04:59,767
Besides, this way I'm assured
to be... ln the loop. .
100
00:04:59,801 --> 00:05:02,534
Don't worry, Charlie.
It's still your meeting. .
101
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Okay. .
102
00:05:03,567 --> 00:05:05,567
Well, it looks like...
103
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:12,167
the Christmas photo op
at the u.N. Has fallen through,
104
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,400
so we've got to come up
with a new idea. .
105
00:05:14,434 --> 00:05:18,834
We're in crisis mode, people!
It's time to jump into action!
106
00:05:18,868 --> 00:05:20,868
Paul, make a pot of coffee!
107
00:05:20,901 --> 00:05:22,300
Stuart... .
108
00:05:22,334 --> 00:05:24,000
Prepare for coffee! .
109
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:33,167
Sir, I applaud your instincts
to get Paul out of the room,
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00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:36,334
but I've got the situation
under control. .
111
00:05:36,367 --> 00:05:38,400
Well, here's my idea...
112
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we do an event
in central park...
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me, reindeer...
the whole shebang. .
114
00:05:43,467 --> 00:05:46,567
We can't get enough security
on such short notice. .
115
00:05:46,601 --> 00:05:50,033
Well, how about skating
in rockefeller center...
116
00:05:50,067 --> 00:05:52,667
me, reindeer...
the whole shebang. .
117
00:05:52,701 --> 00:05:54,767
Well, I like
the "shebang" area,
118
00:05:54,801 --> 00:05:57,234
but rockefeller center's
already booked.
119
00:05:57,267 --> 00:05:59,934
I see. I come in
with a couple home-run ideas,
120
00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:03,167
and you shoot them down
because you're threatened by me! .
121
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,501
That's not true. .
122
00:06:04,534 --> 00:06:06,767
Whoa! Calm down. .
123
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:12,734
It's not you against me.
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00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,400
Paul, grab Stuart. .
125
00:06:15,434 --> 00:06:18,067
We're starting a splinter group
in my office. .
126
00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:20,601
It's us against Charlie. .
127
00:06:24,033 --> 00:06:26,767
See how rewarding
charity work can be? .
128
00:06:26,801 --> 00:06:30,133
Writing checks never caused
my hands to prune up. .
129
00:06:30,167 --> 00:06:31,634
Maybe we should be
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00:06:31,667 --> 00:06:34,501
a little more concerned
with helping people
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00:06:34,534 --> 00:06:37,868
and a little less concerned
with skin care, hmm? .
132
00:06:45,734 --> 00:06:48,200
Do you really enjoy doing this? .
133
00:06:48,234 --> 00:06:49,734
Of course! .
134
00:06:49,767 --> 00:06:52,467
That's why I've come back here
over the last five years. .
135
00:06:52,501 --> 00:06:54,133
You'll start to enjoy it, too. .
136
00:06:54,167 --> 00:06:56,834
The harder the job, the more
rewarding the experience. .
137
00:06:56,868 --> 00:06:59,033
Hey, I need someone
to shovel the walk
138
00:06:59,067 --> 00:07:00,834
and someone to play checkers.
139
00:07:00,868 --> 00:07:04,534
I'll take checkers. .
140
00:07:04,567 --> 00:07:07,334
Gentlemen,
this is the splinter group. .
141
00:07:07,367 --> 00:07:10,100
First rule of splinter group...
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00:07:10,133 --> 00:07:13,801
you do not talk about...
Splinter group. .
143
00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:16,234
Now... .
144
00:07:16,267 --> 00:07:19,634
A Christmas photo op...
we need ideas.
145
00:07:19,667 --> 00:07:21,634
Paul, what do you got? .
146
00:07:21,667 --> 00:07:22,801
Nothin'.
147
00:07:22,834 --> 00:07:24,467
Stuart? Nothin'. .
148
00:07:24,501 --> 00:07:27,133
Back to Paul. Still nothin'. .
149
00:07:27,167 --> 00:07:30,167
All right, now.
What's Christmas all about? .
150
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,234
Children... Opening presents...
151
00:07:32,267 --> 00:07:34,968
I'll give out presents
to children... .
152
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,968
But their parents
give them presents. .
153
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,200
If they don't have parents? .
154
00:07:38,234 --> 00:07:40,033
Oh, that would be great. .
155
00:07:42,167 --> 00:07:43,567
Oh, yes! Orphans!
156
00:07:43,601 --> 00:07:46,667
I'll show up at an orphanage
dressed as Santa,
157
00:07:46,701 --> 00:07:48,467
and I'll hand out presents! .
158
00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:51,200
Here's Charlie... act dumb. .
159
00:07:56,868 --> 00:07:58,901
And the Oscar goes to...
160
00:08:00,601 --> 00:08:02,701
Paul lassiter. .
161
00:08:02,734 --> 00:08:04,934
What's up, gang? .
162
00:08:04,968 --> 00:08:07,601
Just havin' a little powwow.
What's on your mind?
163
00:08:07,634 --> 00:08:10,601
I made a list of some possible
events for the photo op. .
164
00:08:10,634 --> 00:08:12,701
Well, great! Let's hear 'em! .
165
00:08:12,734 --> 00:08:15,501
We can have you handing out
gift baskets in Times Square. .
166
00:08:17,667 --> 00:08:20,834
There's a church that runs
a soup kitchen, and I thought...
167
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:22,567
pull! .
168
00:08:27,367 --> 00:08:28,968
Am I missing something? .
169
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,767
Gong! .
170
00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:32,834
Maybe I should just
leave you guys
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00:08:32,868 --> 00:08:35,934
to your little powwow.
172
00:08:35,968 --> 00:08:38,467
Paul, remember you asked me
for next Friday off? .
173
00:08:38,501 --> 00:08:40,000
Yeah. Gong!
174
00:08:42,067 --> 00:08:44,367
* "joy to the world" playing *
175
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:48,000
ha! .
176
00:08:48,033 --> 00:08:49,534
King me! .
177
00:08:49,567 --> 00:08:50,934
Well-played, Mr. kaplan. .
178
00:08:50,968 --> 00:08:53,367
Thank you, Carter. .
179
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,734
More hot cocoa? .
180
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:56,234
Love some. .
181
00:09:17,334 --> 00:09:19,701
Sir, you might want to
take a look at this fax. .
182
00:09:19,734 --> 00:09:21,667
Put it on the back burner,
Charlie.
183
00:09:21,701 --> 00:09:23,234
I've got some news for you. .
184
00:09:23,267 --> 00:09:25,434
The Christmas photo op
problem is solved. .
185
00:09:25,467 --> 00:09:26,667
Tomorrow morning,
186
00:09:26,701 --> 00:09:29,868
I'm going to be at an orphanage
handing out toys. .
187
00:09:29,901 --> 00:09:32,067
It's Christmas Eve.
When did you get toys? .
188
00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:34,701
Well, now,
this is the genius part...
189
00:09:34,734 --> 00:09:38,000
we sent over the toys
that we just confiscated. .
190
00:09:39,801 --> 00:09:41,901
Now, what's your news? .
191
00:09:41,934 --> 00:09:45,200
Police say the confiscated toys
may be filled with drugs. .
192
00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:51,601
Boy, those kids
can't catch a break, can they? .
193
00:09:57,501 --> 00:09:59,133
Yeah, okay. .
194
00:09:59,167 --> 00:10:01,567
Well, I just got off
with the messenger service. .
195
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,000
We're too late...
the toys have been delivered. .
196
00:10:04,033 --> 00:10:06,033
This is a nightmare! .
197
00:10:06,067 --> 00:10:07,934
Take it easy, sir.
It's not that bad.
198
00:10:07,968 --> 00:10:12,300
Charlie, I just sent orphans
a shipment of Teddy bears
199
00:10:12,334 --> 00:10:15,267
with a street value
of $6 million. .
200
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,801
Thank God you're back
in the saddle, Chuck. .
201
00:10:21,834 --> 00:10:24,300
The mayor never saw me
for what I really am. .
202
00:10:24,334 --> 00:10:27,000
A shameless kiss-ass? .
203
00:10:27,033 --> 00:10:29,000
You see, you get me. .
204
00:10:29,033 --> 00:10:31,067
Guys, we need ideas. .
205
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:33,868
We'll just call them,
say there's been a mix-up,
206
00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:35,734
take the toys back. .
207
00:10:35,767 --> 00:10:38,801
Good, Paul... tomorrow we'll
have the mayor on the front page
208
00:10:38,834 --> 00:10:41,167
ripping toys out of the arms
of crying orphans. .
209
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,601
Maybe after we'll have him
down a bottle of scotch
210
00:10:43,634 --> 00:10:45,334
and pass out under the tree.
211
00:10:45,367 --> 00:10:49,133
I miss my dad. .
212
00:10:49,167 --> 00:10:52,834
Why don't we just say that
the toys have drugs in them? .
213
00:10:52,868 --> 00:10:55,734
Even better, Paul...
tomorrow's headline will read
214
00:10:55,767 --> 00:10:58,767
"the mayor wishes everyone
a white, uncut Christmas." .
215
00:11:00,501 --> 00:11:03,801
All right, here's the plan...
216
00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:06,434
we're gonna sneak in there
when the kids are asleep,
217
00:11:06,467 --> 00:11:08,267
take the toys,
check 'em for drugs,
218
00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:10,667
then put 'em back
before the press arrives. .
219
00:11:10,701 --> 00:11:13,234
Oh, yeah, perfect... I can see
the headlines tomorrow...
220
00:11:13,267 --> 00:11:15,033
"mayor gives orphans toys." .
221
00:11:15,067 --> 00:11:18,634
Actually, that works. .
222
00:11:29,167 --> 00:11:32,000
Is that for me? .
223
00:11:32,033 --> 00:11:33,767
Of course it is. .
224
00:11:33,801 --> 00:11:36,267
Oh, look... John Forsythe! .
225
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,100
Ow! .
226
00:11:41,133 --> 00:11:42,901
Ow! .
227
00:11:42,934 --> 00:11:44,334
Oh! .
228
00:11:44,367 --> 00:11:46,167
Are you done shoveling,
Caitlin? .
229
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,968
Look, it's miserable out there.
230
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,601
I can't even feel my hands. .
231
00:11:49,634 --> 00:11:51,601
Is there any work
I can do inside? .
232
00:11:51,634 --> 00:11:53,968
Why don't you see if anyone
wants tea by the fire? .
233
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,234
Bless you. .
234
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:04,067
Excuse me, sir,
would you like some tea? .
235
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:07,067
You know what I'd love? .
236
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:10,400
Mulled cider
with a splash of Brandy.
237
00:12:10,434 --> 00:12:12,000
I don't believe this! .
238
00:12:12,033 --> 00:12:14,000
You drag me here
so I could work like a dog
239
00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:15,901
while you sit here
doing nothing!
240
00:12:15,934 --> 00:12:18,767
I do plenty! I'll have you know
I put wood on that fire!
241
00:12:18,801 --> 00:12:20,901
I chopped that wood!
242
00:12:20,934 --> 00:12:22,801
I am out of here! .
243
00:12:22,834 --> 00:12:24,200
Hey, Caitlin.
244
00:12:24,234 --> 00:12:26,133
Caitlin, don't leave. .
245
00:12:26,167 --> 00:12:27,400
Cait...
246
00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:30,200
Caitlin! .
247
00:12:30,234 --> 00:12:31,534
Aahhh! .
248
00:12:31,567 --> 00:12:32,834
Oh, my God!
249
00:12:32,868 --> 00:12:33,901
Caitlin! .
250
00:12:33,934 --> 00:12:36,334
Are you okay? .
251
00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:51,767
Wow! I've never seen anybody
pick a lock before. .
252
00:12:51,801 --> 00:12:53,334
Here you go.
253
00:12:53,367 --> 00:12:56,701
I didn't know
Wendy's made a credit card.
254
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:59,367
I've never been
in an orphanage before. .
255
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:02,534
Yeah, we may complain
about our little problems,
256
00:13:02,567 --> 00:13:04,567
but it's nothing
like the disappointment
257
00:13:04,601 --> 00:13:06,267
these kids face every day. .
258
00:13:06,300 --> 00:13:08,267
Come on...
let's steal their toys.
259
00:13:11,267 --> 00:13:13,267
Paul, what are you doing? .
260
00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:15,400
Doing this for the kids. .
261
00:13:15,434 --> 00:13:18,033
You know, Santa always drinks
the milk, eats the cookies.
262
00:13:18,067 --> 00:13:22,300
I'm pretty sure
he doesn't swipe... .
263
00:13:22,334 --> 00:13:23,968
Tv guide. .
264
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,868
"Cybill tells her story." .
265
00:13:25,901 --> 00:13:27,801
Give me this. .
266
00:13:27,834 --> 00:13:29,033
No, no, no. .
267
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:41,234
Why are you taking
our presents, Santa claus? .
268
00:13:41,267 --> 00:13:43,934
Well, um... .
269
00:13:43,968 --> 00:13:46,467
These presents are broken,
270
00:13:46,501 --> 00:13:49,400
so I'm taking them back
to my workshop, my dear.
271
00:13:49,434 --> 00:13:52,334
I'll fix them up there
and then bring them back here. .
272
00:13:52,367 --> 00:13:54,501
That's from "the grinch." .
273
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,901
Oh, you've seen that? .
274
00:13:56,934 --> 00:14:00,300
Who ate all the cookies?
275
00:14:00,334 --> 00:14:03,067
Santa.
276
00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:05,067
I think
I better call the police. .
277
00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:07,167
No, no need for that.
Just go back to bed. .
278
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,334
When you wake up,
you can open your presents. .
279
00:14:10,367 --> 00:14:13,000
But I can't go to sleep
without a bedtime story.
280
00:14:13,033 --> 00:14:15,367
I got a great Christmas story
right here. .
281
00:14:23,734 --> 00:14:26,434
"From modest beginnings
in Memphis, Tennessee,
282
00:14:26,467 --> 00:14:28,534
"to fame and fortune
in Hollywood,
283
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:30,834
cybill Shepherd
has seen it all." .
284
00:14:33,801 --> 00:14:37,634
"Now you can see cybill
in her syndicated talk show,
285
00:14:37,667 --> 00:14:40,868
"'men are from Mars,
women are from Venus.'
286
00:14:40,901 --> 00:14:42,968
consult your local listings." .
287
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,734
The end. .
288
00:14:44,767 --> 00:14:48,634
Cybill has been through so much. .
289
00:14:48,667 --> 00:14:51,234
Shhh. Let's take her
to her room
290
00:14:51,267 --> 00:14:53,067
and get out of here. .
291
00:14:56,701 --> 00:15:00,300
We want a story, too. .
292
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:03,033
Okay. .
293
00:15:13,767 --> 00:15:17,434
"This week
on e! 'Celebrity homes, '
294
00:15:17,467 --> 00:15:21,067
Jeff goldblum's
Santa fe getaway." .
295
00:15:22,501 --> 00:15:24,400
Thank you.
296
00:15:24,434 --> 00:15:27,767
Caitlin, I'm sorry
you bumped your head. .
297
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:31,334
At least the snow
kept the swelling down. .
298
00:15:31,367 --> 00:15:32,601
Thanks, Carter. .
299
00:15:32,634 --> 00:15:35,968
That totally takes my mind
off the frostbite.
300
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:38,667
I'm also sorry
about the way I behaved.
301
00:15:38,701 --> 00:15:41,868
I give you this big lecture
about volunteering,
302
00:15:41,901 --> 00:15:45,334
and I spent the whole day
playing board games and gabbing.
303
00:15:45,367 --> 00:15:47,434
I did nothing for these people. .
304
00:15:47,467 --> 00:15:48,534
Nothing? .
305
00:15:48,567 --> 00:15:50,334
You talked to us
306
00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:53,367
and played games with us,
like you do every year. .
307
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,567
You're our favorite. .
308
00:15:55,601 --> 00:15:57,434
What about me?
309
00:15:57,467 --> 00:15:59,901
I shoveled the damn walk. .
310
00:15:59,934 --> 00:16:02,467
Who cares
who shoveled the walk?
311
00:16:02,501 --> 00:16:05,501
I haven't been out that door
in eight years. .
312
00:16:05,534 --> 00:16:08,033
Honey, we appreciate
what you did,
313
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:09,868
but if you really want to help,
314
00:16:09,901 --> 00:16:12,501
just spend some time with us
the way Carter does. .
315
00:16:12,534 --> 00:16:14,767
That's all I have to do
to make you happy? .
316
00:16:14,801 --> 00:16:16,033
Yes! .
317
00:16:16,067 --> 00:16:17,767
Great! I'm up for anything. .
318
00:16:17,801 --> 00:16:20,300
Good... I have all
the "Jerry Lewis telethons"
319
00:16:20,334 --> 00:16:21,834
on videotape. .
320
00:16:21,868 --> 00:16:25,501
Let's start at 1984
and work our way up. .
321
00:16:25,534 --> 00:16:29,834
Actually, I think
I'll shovel the walk some more. .
322
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,601
I think I'll help her. .
323
00:16:38,667 --> 00:16:40,133
Where's Charlie? .
324
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:42,534
There's no way
I can hand out these toys. .
325
00:16:42,567 --> 00:16:45,434
He said he has a plan, and he'll
be right back... just cover. .
326
00:16:45,467 --> 00:16:47,000
Okay. .
327
00:16:47,033 --> 00:16:50,901
Well, let's have another
"holding your breath" contest!
328
00:16:50,934 --> 00:16:53,901
Billy won the last one
with two minutes. .
329
00:16:53,934 --> 00:16:55,868
Where is Billy? .
330
00:16:57,834 --> 00:17:00,334
What are you smiling about?
331
00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:02,834
I just came up with a zinger
for the mayor's card. .
332
00:17:02,868 --> 00:17:04,133
You ready? .
333
00:17:04,167 --> 00:17:06,534
"On the foot of city hall,
334
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,801
you're the big mistletoe." .
335
00:17:08,834 --> 00:17:11,801
What do you think? .
336
00:17:11,834 --> 00:17:13,200
What do you think I think? .
337
00:17:13,234 --> 00:17:16,067
Oh, God, I wrote it in pen! .
338
00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:17,767
Sorry I'm late. .
339
00:17:17,801 --> 00:17:19,701
Where did you go?
340
00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:22,400
I went to the police station
and picked up Clyde. .
341
00:17:22,434 --> 00:17:24,133
He's a drug-sniffing dog. .
342
00:17:24,167 --> 00:17:26,667
Keep doing what you're doing.
Everything's covered. .
343
00:17:26,701 --> 00:17:28,801
Okay... .
344
00:17:28,834 --> 00:17:30,501
Let's hand out some toys! .
345
00:17:30,534 --> 00:17:33,200
Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! .
346
00:17:33,234 --> 00:17:36,601
Okay, first up...
"to Timmy, from Santa."
347
00:17:36,634 --> 00:17:38,200
Timmy, here. .
348
00:17:38,234 --> 00:17:39,634
Ho-ho-ho... .
349
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,567
But first, as per tradition,
350
00:17:41,601 --> 00:17:44,701
we will wave the present
in front of Clyde the reindeer
351
00:17:44,734 --> 00:17:46,634
for a Christmas blessing. .
352
00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:49,567
This one's clean.
353
00:17:49,601 --> 00:17:52,367
Timmy, merry Christmas!
Ho-ho-ho! .
354
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,100
"To Bonnie, from Santa."
355
00:17:54,133 --> 00:17:55,801
Bonnie!
356
00:17:57,334 --> 00:18:00,167
Bonnie. .
357
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,834
What'd I give you?
What'd I give you? .
358
00:18:02,868 --> 00:18:04,667
Oh, easy-bake oven! .
359
00:18:04,701 --> 00:18:06,834
Oh, I used to love...
360
00:18:08,501 --> 00:18:13,367
watching my sister bake
while I played sports. .
361
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:16,434
Let's speed this up, huh? .
362
00:18:16,467 --> 00:18:18,300
This one's clean. .
363
00:18:18,334 --> 00:18:20,801
Merry Christmas, Carlos! .
364
00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:22,534
Ho-ho-ho! .
365
00:18:22,567 --> 00:18:24,667
And finally, "for Cindy." .
366
00:18:24,701 --> 00:18:25,934
Ah, Cindy. .
367
00:18:29,267 --> 00:18:31,868
We gotta keep this one. .
368
00:18:31,901 --> 00:18:33,734
But I want my present! .
369
00:18:33,767 --> 00:18:35,868
Trust me, you don't want
to open this box. .
370
00:18:35,901 --> 00:18:37,634
Why? What will I get?
371
00:18:37,667 --> 00:18:40,901
15 to 20. .
372
00:18:40,934 --> 00:18:43,667
This is
the worst Christmas ever! .
373
00:18:43,701 --> 00:18:45,133
What's going on, Charlie? .
374
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:46,467
Okay... .
375
00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:48,501
The truth is...
376
00:18:48,534 --> 00:18:50,534
the truth is... .
377
00:18:50,567 --> 00:18:54,300
That Christmas
isn't about presents and toys. .
378
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:57,033
Sometimes
during the holiday season,
379
00:18:57,067 --> 00:18:59,934
we forget
about what's truly important...
380
00:18:59,968 --> 00:19:04,334
friends and fam... lliarity,
381
00:19:04,367 --> 00:19:06,067
and the holiday spirit. .
382
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:08,567
You know, Cindy,
383
00:19:08,601 --> 00:19:11,767
sometimes
the best Christmas gifts
384
00:19:11,801 --> 00:19:14,167
are the ones you can't buy. .
385
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:15,467
Here, Cindy,
386
00:19:15,501 --> 00:19:17,834
you can share my gift. .
387
00:19:17,868 --> 00:19:19,667
And mines, too. .
388
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:21,934
Thank you, Santa. .
389
00:19:21,968 --> 00:19:24,200
Ah, you're welcome, Cindy. .
390
00:19:24,234 --> 00:19:25,834
Hey! .
391
00:19:25,868 --> 00:19:28,601
Why don't we all go outside
and have a snowball fight? .
392
00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:30,300
Yay! Yay! Yay! .
393
00:19:30,334 --> 00:19:32,067
Ho-ho! .
394
00:19:32,100 --> 00:19:33,968
Ho-ho-ho! .
395
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:37,567
Ho-ho-ho-ly crap!
That was a close one! .
396
00:19:37,601 --> 00:19:40,968
Nice work, sir.
That was an amazing speech. .
397
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,834
Ah-h, I guess it was okay. .
398
00:19:42,868 --> 00:19:44,567
Okay?! It was great! .
399
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:46,934
Two of the reporters
were crying. .
400
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:50,834
Three, but one of 'em
had her own stuff going on.
401
00:19:50,868 --> 00:19:53,267
I don't know
how you do it, sir. .
402
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:56,801
You have this ability
to speak to an audience
403
00:19:56,834 --> 00:19:59,467
and make each person feel like
you're talking just to them. .
404
00:19:59,501 --> 00:20:01,968
Yeah, I can handle the details,
405
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,100
but I could never do
what you do.
406
00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:06,400
I guess that's why
you're the mayor.
407
00:20:06,434 --> 00:20:09,000
I've always found
public speaking
408
00:20:09,033 --> 00:20:12,334
easier than talking
with a person one-on-one.
409
00:20:12,367 --> 00:20:15,734
I just can't deal
with the awkward silences... .
410
00:20:15,767 --> 00:20:19,367
So I end up blurting out
something inappropriate. .
411
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:20,734
Oh. .
412
00:20:20,767 --> 00:20:22,467
Yeah. .
413
00:20:28,334 --> 00:20:31,567
I have a low sperm count. .
414
00:20:31,601 --> 00:20:36,067
Well, maybe Santa
can bring you more. .
415
00:20:36,100 --> 00:20:37,767
Oh. .
416
00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:40,334
What do you say
we join the snowball fight? .
417
00:20:40,367 --> 00:20:42,167
That's a good idea. .
418
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:43,501
Ho-ho-ho! .
419
00:20:48,701 --> 00:20:51,033
I saw that, Paul!
You're a dead man! .
420
00:20:51,067 --> 00:20:54,167
Ah, come on, Charlie...
it's all in good fun.
421
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,567
Stuart, you're fired!
422
00:20:59,667 --> 00:21:01,834
I've lost confidence
in this mistletoe thing.
423
00:21:01,868 --> 00:21:04,767
I'll switch my name
with Stuart's. .
424
00:21:04,801 --> 00:21:07,067
Merry Christmas, everybody! .
425
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:09,100
Here you are, sir. Ah. .
426
00:21:12,100 --> 00:21:14,567
Oh, Stuart's
right in the middle. .
427
00:21:14,601 --> 00:21:19,667
"On the foot of city hall,
you're the big mistletoe." .
428
00:21:19,701 --> 00:21:22,968
It's a pun! It doesn't get
any funnier than that! .
429
00:21:30,501 --> 00:21:32,934
Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.
31466
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