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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:01,567 --> 00:00:04,167
Hey. How was your weekend?
2
00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:07,033
Nonexistent... the mayor
asked me to prepare a report.
3
00:00:07,067 --> 00:00:09,501
I spent the whole time
in this chair. .
4
00:00:09,534 --> 00:00:12,934
Wow... 48 hours
without female companionship.
5
00:00:12,968 --> 00:00:15,767
I never said that. .
6
00:00:15,801 --> 00:00:18,534
Tell him you're overworked.
He'll understand.
7
00:00:18,567 --> 00:00:21,000
Caitlin, things like
talking and understanding
8
00:00:21,033 --> 00:00:22,267
only work for women. .
9
00:00:22,300 --> 00:00:25,367
Guys don't do all that
"blah blah." .
10
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,000
Which reminds me,
11
00:00:27,033 --> 00:00:29,767
I went into your desk and took
a couple caffeine pills. .
12
00:00:29,801 --> 00:00:33,434
Those pills are for pms. .
13
00:00:37,334 --> 00:00:41,901
Well, they don't work.
14
00:00:41,934 --> 00:00:45,667
I'm still cranky. .
15
00:00:45,701 --> 00:00:48,067
This is ridiculous.
At least let me help you. .
16
00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:49,467
No, I gotta do it myself.
17
00:00:49,501 --> 00:00:51,901
I can't pawn off my work
on somebody else. .
18
00:00:51,934 --> 00:00:54,267
The mayor and the city
are counting on me. .
19
00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:57,167
We're all counting on you,
Batman. .
20
00:01:25,434 --> 00:01:26,667
Where's Paul? .
21
00:01:26,701 --> 00:01:28,167
The meeting starts at 10:00.
22
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,300
I'd like to point out
that I was on time. .
23
00:01:30,334 --> 00:01:32,701
Because I told you
the meeting started at 9:00. .
24
00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,934
Hey, guys.
25
00:01:35,968 --> 00:01:37,200
Paul, is that a new suit? .
26
00:01:37,234 --> 00:01:38,367
Yeah. How'd you know? .
27
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,234
The baggie with buttons
was a tip-off. .
28
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,934
Hey, watch it, watch it,
watch it with that coffee.
29
00:01:43,968 --> 00:01:45,968
I'm taking this thing back
tomorrow. .
30
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,400
Hold on... new suit,
your power tie...
31
00:01:49,434 --> 00:01:51,067
today's the bagel. .
32
00:01:52,234 --> 00:01:53,400
What's the bagel? .
33
00:01:53,434 --> 00:01:55,767
Every year Paul asks
the mayor for a raise,
34
00:01:55,801 --> 00:01:57,167
and every year he gets... .
35
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,200
The bagel. .
36
00:01:59,234 --> 00:02:00,400
Not this year! .
37
00:02:00,434 --> 00:02:02,701
This year I am not taking no
for an answer. .
38
00:02:02,734 --> 00:02:06,200
Nor am I taking
"are you kidding?,"
39
00:02:06,234 --> 00:02:10,434
"what, are you high?
," or "no hable ingls." .
40
00:02:10,467 --> 00:02:11,634
Sorry I'm late...
41
00:02:11,667 --> 00:02:14,667
it's my turn to lose
to the mayor in racquetball. .
42
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:15,767
Nice suit. .
43
00:02:15,801 --> 00:02:19,400
Hey! Is today the bagel? .
44
00:02:22,968 --> 00:02:24,667
Well, my plans are all set. .
45
00:02:24,701 --> 00:02:26,033
What plans? .
46
00:02:26,067 --> 00:02:28,667
Carter's got a hot date
for the gay ball. .
47
00:02:28,701 --> 00:02:30,601
It is not a gay ball. .
48
00:02:30,634 --> 00:02:35,634
It's a formal dance gala for
alternative-lifestyle artists.
49
00:02:35,667 --> 00:02:38,968
I'd go with "gay ball." .
50
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,868
It sounds less gay. .
51
00:02:43,567 --> 00:02:45,133
Better be home by midnight,
52
00:02:45,167 --> 00:02:47,601
or your miata
will turn into a pumpkin. .
53
00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:51,834
At least my dates don't show up
with a manager and a boombox. .
54
00:02:51,868 --> 00:02:54,534
Actually, Carter,
you don't have a date.
55
00:02:54,567 --> 00:02:57,000
Sean just called.
He had to cancel. .
56
00:02:57,033 --> 00:02:58,968
Canceled? Uh! It's tonight. .
57
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,534
How am I supposed to get
another date
58
00:03:01,567 --> 00:03:03,033
at such short notice?
59
00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:06,000
Carter, I'm flattered,
but, uh...
60
00:03:06,033 --> 00:03:08,167
I got too much work to do. .
61
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,734
How about you, Caitlin? .
62
00:03:10,767 --> 00:03:13,033
Do you know anybody? .
63
00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:15,100
You're kind of choosy. .
64
00:03:15,133 --> 00:03:18,000
Choosy? All I want is a guy
who's smart, well-traveled,
65
00:03:18,033 --> 00:03:19,267
rugged yet stylish,
66
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,734
who prefers to read proust
in French. .
67
00:03:21,767 --> 00:03:24,167
Let's just open the phone book
and pick a name.
68
00:03:25,334 --> 00:03:27,534
Angie, can you help? .
69
00:03:27,567 --> 00:03:29,767
Sure. I'll get Caitlin
the phone book. .
70
00:03:32,234 --> 00:03:34,767
Hey. .
71
00:03:34,801 --> 00:03:36,300
Why aren't you asking me
for help?
72
00:03:36,334 --> 00:03:38,968
Stuart, I don't trust
you to pick out produce. .
73
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:41,734
You don't know any gay people. .
74
00:03:41,767 --> 00:03:43,033
This is New York. .
75
00:03:43,067 --> 00:03:46,234
You can't swing a tank top
without hitting a gay guy.
76
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:49,267
I don't want just any guy.
He has to be special.
77
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:51,767
I said no. .
78
00:03:57,567 --> 00:03:59,000
Let it go.
79
00:04:03,968 --> 00:04:09,901
"43% of the 1999 surplus
equals $611,4..."
80
00:04:09,934 --> 00:04:12,200
we're 15 minutes late
for our 1:30
81
00:04:12,234 --> 00:04:14,234
at the 21 club on 52nd street. .
82
00:04:19,434 --> 00:04:21,200
Thanks.
83
00:04:21,234 --> 00:04:22,601
I'm too busy to go to lunch. .
84
00:04:22,634 --> 00:04:24,133
Oh, hey, guys. .
85
00:04:24,167 --> 00:04:26,400
You know what today is? .
86
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,167
Yes, sir. I know.
The report's due. .
87
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,634
No, it's the bagel. .
88
00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:36,200
This year my top three
rejection choices are
89
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:40,167
the fake-somber,
"I'm sorry, but no,"
90
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,467
the mislead...
91
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,667
"no,"
92
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:47,767
or my personal favorite,
the al Pacino...
93
00:04:47,801 --> 00:04:49,167
"hoo-ah!" .
94
00:04:50,434 --> 00:04:52,400
"No."
95
00:04:52,434 --> 00:04:54,167
I always liked
the Gary Coleman...
96
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:55,834
"what you talkin' 'bout,
Paul?!" .
97
00:04:55,868 --> 00:04:59,267
Yeah, that's good.
98
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:02,934
I feel like I could blow off
some steam before the bagel. .
99
00:05:02,968 --> 00:05:05,868
How about we play
a little racquetball? .
100
00:05:05,901 --> 00:05:07,367
Sir, I don't know. .
101
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:10,300
You have too much work?
Nothing I can't handle. .
102
00:05:10,334 --> 00:05:12,367
Good! Then I guess
you'll have time
103
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,367
to summarize
these reports for me. .
104
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,100
Great. Now I've got
even more work,
105
00:05:18,133 --> 00:05:20,000
which I can't do
because I'll be too busy
106
00:05:20,033 --> 00:05:21,534
trying to lose in racquetball. .
107
00:05:21,567 --> 00:05:24,100
Talk to him, or you'll be
complaining behind his back
108
00:05:24,133 --> 00:05:25,334
but smiling to his face. .
109
00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:27,634
Oh, and can you
pick up a can of balls? .
110
00:05:27,667 --> 00:05:29,367
Love to.
111
00:05:35,934 --> 00:05:38,734
Caitlin, I appreciate you
helping me find Carter a guy. .
112
00:05:38,767 --> 00:05:41,567
The linen hut is definitely
the right place to look. .
113
00:05:41,601 --> 00:05:44,000
Let's get to it. .
114
00:05:44,033 --> 00:05:46,067
Excuse me.
115
00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:48,601
I'm looking for the gay people. .
116
00:05:49,968 --> 00:05:52,767
You might want to be
more subtle.
117
00:05:52,801 --> 00:05:55,167
I'll lay out some bait.
118
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,868
♪ I'll tumble for ya
119
00:05:56,901 --> 00:05:58,534
♪ I'll tumble for ya
120
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:01,100
♪ I'll tumble...
121
00:06:01,133 --> 00:06:04,167
let me handle this.
I can tell when a man's gay. .
122
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,467
How? I send out "the look." .
123
00:06:06,501 --> 00:06:08,968
If I don't get the look back,
we move in for the kill. .
124
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,968
Let's give this one a try. .
125
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:28,701
Hi. I couldn't help noticing,
but you're gay, aren't you? .
126
00:06:28,734 --> 00:06:30,100
No, I'm not. .
127
00:06:30,133 --> 00:06:31,801
Excuse me, but, yes, you are. .
128
00:06:35,968 --> 00:06:38,701
A couple years of therapy...
129
00:06:38,734 --> 00:06:40,801
he'll figure it out. .
130
00:06:49,067 --> 00:06:50,934
Too good, sir. .
131
00:06:50,968 --> 00:06:54,767
Ahh. Come on, Charlie!
Put up a fight! .
132
00:07:00,033 --> 00:07:02,667
Too much tabasco, huh? .
133
00:07:02,701 --> 00:07:06,033
Maybe you should spend
a little more time practicing
134
00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:08,267
and a little less time
shuffling papers. .
135
00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:10,467
Shuffling papers. .
136
00:07:10,501 --> 00:07:12,467
Come on, Nancy boy. .
137
00:07:12,501 --> 00:07:14,334
Show me somethin'. .
138
00:07:36,767 --> 00:07:39,334
I thought you were left-handed. .
139
00:07:39,367 --> 00:07:41,200
Not anymore. .
140
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,367
I can't wait for you
to meet this guy. .
141
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:50,801
He's perfect! .
142
00:07:50,834 --> 00:07:53,501
If you don't take him, I will.
143
00:07:53,534 --> 00:07:56,067
I'll believe it when I see it. .
144
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,634
Back off. He's mine.
145
00:07:57,667 --> 00:08:00,567
Robert, this is Carter.
Carter, Robert. .
146
00:08:00,601 --> 00:08:01,901
Hey. Good to meet you. .
147
00:08:01,934 --> 00:08:03,968
Are those madeleines? .
148
00:08:04,033 --> 00:08:05,033
Yes. .
149
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:07,467
These cookies
remind me of proust. .
150
00:08:07,501 --> 00:08:10,467
"The taste was that of
the little piece of Madeleine, .
151
00:08:10,501 --> 00:08:12,234
"Which started
Sunday mornings at combray."
152
00:08:12,267 --> 00:08:15,300
I love proust! .
153
00:08:15,334 --> 00:08:16,901
But only
in the original French. .
154
00:08:16,934 --> 00:08:18,667
Yes! .
155
00:08:18,701 --> 00:08:21,434
What's this proust stuff?
Is that like gay porn? .
156
00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:23,601
Would you like to go
and get a cup of coffee? .
157
00:08:23,634 --> 00:08:24,634
Sure.
158
00:08:27,767 --> 00:08:29,634
Caitlin... .
159
00:08:31,133 --> 00:08:32,801
How's it goin'? .
160
00:08:32,834 --> 00:08:34,534
Why are you
in such a good mood? .
161
00:08:34,567 --> 00:08:37,267
Oh, I just beat the mayor
at racquetball. .
162
00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:39,367
It was exactly what I needed. .
163
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:42,767
Are you crazy?
Nobody beats the mayor.
164
00:08:42,801 --> 00:08:44,400
I don't know why. .
165
00:08:44,434 --> 00:08:45,934
He sucks. .
166
00:08:45,968 --> 00:08:47,934
Once my competitive instincts
kicked in,
167
00:08:47,968 --> 00:08:49,133
I couldn't help myself. .
168
00:08:49,167 --> 00:08:51,234
People let him win
to build his confidence.
169
00:08:51,267 --> 00:08:53,133
Caitlin, give the mayor
some credit. .
170
00:08:53,167 --> 00:08:54,868
He's not gonna lose
his confidence
171
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:56,834
over a couple of games
of racquetball. .
172
00:08:56,868 --> 00:09:00,534
For eight straight years
you've turned me down. .
173
00:09:00,567 --> 00:09:01,801
Well, no more. .
174
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:03,934
Mr. mayor, I want a raise. .
175
00:09:03,968 --> 00:09:06,734
Okay. .
176
00:09:09,267 --> 00:09:11,067
And a rowing machine. .
177
00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:12,834
Sure. .
178
00:09:12,868 --> 00:09:15,667
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
179
00:09:15,701 --> 00:09:18,067
Charlie, do something.
180
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:22,734
I'm gonna go take
some more of your pills. .
181
00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:27,133
You couldn't tell the mayor
he was overworking you. .
182
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:29,200
You had to keep it all pent up. .
183
00:09:29,234 --> 00:09:30,934
Now he can't say no to anybody. .
184
00:09:30,968 --> 00:09:33,667
This morning he bought $500
of beauty products
185
00:09:33,701 --> 00:09:35,467
from some pushy avon lady. .
186
00:09:35,501 --> 00:09:37,501
If he wants to buy
a little hand cream,
187
00:09:37,534 --> 00:09:38,901
what's the harm? .
188
00:09:38,934 --> 00:09:40,701
Do I smell apricot? .
189
00:09:40,734 --> 00:09:44,334
Yeah. Feel this.
I'm turning back the clock. .
190
00:09:44,367 --> 00:09:45,934
We have a major
budget negotiation,
191
00:09:45,968 --> 00:09:48,501
and the mayor's gonna cave in
just like he caved in to Paul. .
192
00:09:48,534 --> 00:09:50,534
The only thing Paul's gonna get
out of the mayor
193
00:09:50,567 --> 00:09:52,234
is a foaming citrus bath balm. .
194
00:09:54,501 --> 00:09:55,968
Hey, guys!
195
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:59,367
Charlie, you've gotta give
the mayor a rematch,
196
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,601
and you've gotta let him win. .
197
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:04,334
Fine. Paul, you got
that press release? .
198
00:10:06,334 --> 00:10:07,868
Thanks. .
199
00:10:07,901 --> 00:10:10,133
Hey. I met Robert.
You did a great job.
200
00:10:10,167 --> 00:10:12,567
I'm shocked, because
when I left the store,
201
00:10:12,601 --> 00:10:14,067
you were getting desperate. .
202
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:16,501
What are you talking about?
I had a plan. .
203
00:10:16,534 --> 00:10:18,868
You were on the loudspeaker
shouting,
204
00:10:18,901 --> 00:10:20,367
"will the man in tight pants
205
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:21,901
report to customer service?" .
206
00:10:21,934 --> 00:10:24,100
It was a stampede,
207
00:10:24,133 --> 00:10:26,467
but none of them were right
for Carter. .
208
00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:27,767
What does Robert do? .
209
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:29,767
He's an actor. .
210
00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:33,234
Really? Have I seen him
in anything? .
211
00:10:33,267 --> 00:10:37,601
Well, last night he played
the role of Carter's boyfriend. .
212
00:10:37,634 --> 00:10:39,100
You hired an actor?!
213
00:10:39,133 --> 00:10:40,767
I told him everything to say. .
214
00:10:40,801 --> 00:10:42,133
That proust stuff... mine. .
215
00:10:42,167 --> 00:10:43,968
Here's the kicker...
216
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,467
he's not even gay.
217
00:10:45,501 --> 00:10:48,634
I'm brilliant.
I thought of everything. .
218
00:10:48,667 --> 00:10:51,367
What if Carter likes him
and wants to see him again?
219
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,334
I didn't think of that. .
220
00:10:53,367 --> 00:10:55,934
Well, you said it yourself...
Carter is very choosy. .
221
00:10:55,968 --> 00:10:58,067
Chances are he won't want
to see him again. .
222
00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:00,601
It was a mahogany
roll-top writers' desk
223
00:11:00,634 --> 00:11:02,734
that I saw
on "antique roadshow." .
224
00:11:02,767 --> 00:11:04,667
You watch "antique roadshow"? .
225
00:11:04,701 --> 00:11:07,167
It's my favorite program. .
226
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,267
Hi, guys. .
227
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:10,634
The mayor wants to see you. .
228
00:11:10,667 --> 00:11:14,200
Probably wants to discuss
some high-level strategy. .
229
00:11:17,868 --> 00:11:21,501
What the hell are you doing?
I booked you for one night only. .
230
00:11:21,534 --> 00:11:23,667
But my agent told me
that if I can play gay,
231
00:11:23,701 --> 00:11:25,534
it'll open up
a lot of opportunities.
232
00:11:25,567 --> 00:11:28,000
I can't get training like this
anywhere else. .
233
00:11:28,033 --> 00:11:30,234
You can't lead Carter on
like this. .
234
00:11:30,267 --> 00:11:33,467
Now, you tell him it's over.
Just... Let him down easy. .
235
00:11:33,501 --> 00:11:34,734
You know what I'll do?
236
00:11:34,767 --> 00:11:36,968
I'll give him
a little of the breakup
237
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,067
of "the Bridges
of Madison county,"
238
00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:40,601
and then I'll bring it home
239
00:11:40,634 --> 00:11:42,934
with the raw emotion
of "the way we were." .
240
00:11:42,968 --> 00:11:44,934
Are you sure you're not gay? .
241
00:11:44,968 --> 00:11:47,033
That guarantees
my extra vacation. .
242
00:11:47,067 --> 00:11:51,100
And, uh, just sign right there
243
00:11:51,133 --> 00:11:52,667
to approve
my saltwater fishtank.
244
00:11:52,701 --> 00:11:54,767
Paul, somebody wants you
outside. .
245
00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,634
Who? .
246
00:11:56,667 --> 00:11:58,834
Everybody in here. .
247
00:12:01,567 --> 00:12:06,100
Somebody just lost
his rowing privileges. .
248
00:12:06,133 --> 00:12:08,400
Sir, if you're not too busy,
249
00:12:08,434 --> 00:12:09,734
I thought we could squeeze in
250
00:12:09,767 --> 00:12:11,434
a little rematch
this afternoon. .
251
00:12:11,467 --> 00:12:14,200
You should feel good
about yourself, Charlie. .
252
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,968
You beat a man twice your age
with a bad hamstring
253
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,234
fair and square.
254
00:12:19,701 --> 00:12:23,067
Charlie,
could you give us a second? .
255
00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:25,400
His hamstring was fine. .
256
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,033
Sir, that was very big of you. .
257
00:12:30,067 --> 00:12:33,267
That's the kind of guy I am. .
258
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:35,234
What did I do? .
259
00:12:35,267 --> 00:12:37,133
You let Charlie beat you
at racquetball,
260
00:12:37,167 --> 00:12:39,467
and you're selflessly
letting him savor victory. .
261
00:12:39,501 --> 00:12:41,400
Everyone in the office
is talking about it. .
262
00:12:41,434 --> 00:12:42,634
Are they? .
263
00:12:42,667 --> 00:12:44,334
Yes! I mean, can't you see it? .
264
00:12:44,367 --> 00:12:46,734
You've never lost.
You must have thrown this one. .
265
00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:50,467
Well, of course I did. .
266
00:12:50,501 --> 00:12:54,033
And obviously there's
a good reason why I did that? .
267
00:12:54,067 --> 00:12:56,567
Clearly you sensed
that Charlie was down
268
00:12:56,601 --> 00:12:58,634
and needed a little ego boost. .
269
00:12:58,667 --> 00:13:00,567
You see right through me.
270
00:13:01,434 --> 00:13:04,834
Whoo! Way to go, Mr. mayor.
271
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:06,767
I am on fire. .
272
00:13:06,801 --> 00:13:11,000
Just let him win. .
273
00:13:11,033 --> 00:13:13,434
Just let him win. .
274
00:13:13,467 --> 00:13:16,434
Ugh! .
275
00:13:18,567 --> 00:13:21,100
Nice shot, sir. .
276
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:22,400
Thank you. .
277
00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:24,400
That was a horrible shot. .
278
00:13:24,434 --> 00:13:25,767
Charlie's better than that. .
279
00:13:25,801 --> 00:13:27,767
Wait a second. .
280
00:13:27,801 --> 00:13:29,834
He's trying to let me win. .
281
00:13:29,868 --> 00:13:32,767
He's trying to bethe bigger man.
282
00:13:32,801 --> 00:13:34,400
I'm the bigger man.
283
00:13:34,434 --> 00:13:36,834
I'll show him how to lose. .
284
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:47,634
Excellent play, Charlie. .
285
00:13:47,667 --> 00:13:51,634
Eat that, sucker. .
286
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,701
Hey, Carter, I got... oh. .
287
00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:57,033
What are you doing here?
288
00:13:57,067 --> 00:13:58,701
Carter and I
just finished dinner. .
289
00:13:58,734 --> 00:13:59,968
He's out getting ice cream. .
290
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,734
You're supposed to break up
with him.
291
00:14:01,767 --> 00:14:03,467
I was going to,
but my agent called.
292
00:14:03,501 --> 00:14:06,467
I'm up for the part
of a gay hit man. .
293
00:14:06,501 --> 00:14:08,100
Nobody manipulates my roommate,
294
00:14:08,133 --> 00:14:11,033
especially some guy I hired
to pretend to be his boyfriend. .
295
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:12,734
No. When Carter gets back,
296
00:14:12,767 --> 00:14:15,100
tell him you're going
to Costa Rica
297
00:14:15,133 --> 00:14:16,601
to save the rain forest.
298
00:14:16,634 --> 00:14:18,100
Carter will love that. .
299
00:14:18,133 --> 00:14:19,634
Hey, guys.
300
00:14:19,667 --> 00:14:21,133
I got mint chocolate chip. .
301
00:14:21,167 --> 00:14:25,834
Can you believe we have
the same favorite ice cream?
302
00:14:25,868 --> 00:14:28,801
I checked the freezer
and improvved. .
303
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:30,767
Hey, Carter...
304
00:14:30,801 --> 00:14:35,767
Robert has something
he has to tell you. .
305
00:14:35,801 --> 00:14:37,400
What is it? .
306
00:14:37,434 --> 00:14:39,067
My name isn't Robert. .
307
00:14:40,267 --> 00:14:43,200
It's... Eduardo artiste,
308
00:14:43,234 --> 00:14:47,133
and I am an openly gay hit man. .
309
00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:49,567
Wow. .
310
00:14:49,601 --> 00:14:51,567
What a shocking ending
311
00:14:51,601 --> 00:14:55,067
to a brief but wonderful
relationship. .
312
00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:56,567
Adios, Eduardo. .
313
00:14:56,601 --> 00:14:58,601
What the hell's going on here?
314
00:14:58,634 --> 00:15:01,367
I couldn't find you a date,
so...
315
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,801
I hired an actor. .
316
00:15:10,934 --> 00:15:12,334
Ooh! .
317
00:15:12,367 --> 00:15:14,133
Oh, my God. .
318
00:15:14,167 --> 00:15:15,934
He's gotten worsesince yesterday. .
319
00:15:18,367 --> 00:15:20,567
Come on, Charlie. Concentrate. .
320
00:15:20,601 --> 00:15:22,133
Find the will to lose. .
321
00:15:51,267 --> 00:15:54,133
Great match, sir.
You were too good today. .
322
00:15:54,167 --> 00:15:55,467
Yep, too good. .
323
00:15:55,501 --> 00:15:58,000
Mayor wins racquetball...
everything back to normal. .
324
00:15:58,033 --> 00:16:00,434
You couldn't let me lose,
could you, Crawford? .
325
00:16:00,467 --> 00:16:02,267
You had to be the bigger man. .
326
00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:03,734
With all due respect, sir,
327
00:16:03,767 --> 00:16:06,868
this whole racquetball thing
has gotten a little weird. .
328
00:16:06,901 --> 00:16:09,934
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I've got some more work to do. .
329
00:16:09,968 --> 00:16:13,167
Yeah, go do work!
That's what you're good at! .
330
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:14,634
What is wrong, sir? .
331
00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:17,634
Can't you be bad at anything?!
332
00:16:19,767 --> 00:16:23,667
I'm pretty bad at knowing what
the hell you're talking about!
333
00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:28,601
Carter,
you can't ignore me forever. .
334
00:16:28,634 --> 00:16:31,067
Let me get you a cup of coffee. .
335
00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:33,868
Will it be coffee or tea
acting like coffee? .
336
00:16:33,901 --> 00:16:35,601
Would you relax? .
337
00:16:35,634 --> 00:16:37,634
Do you know what it's like
to be with someone
338
00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:39,634
who's there
because he's being paid?! .
339
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:42,701
Bad example. .
340
00:16:42,734 --> 00:16:46,567
But I have never been more livid
in my entire life!
341
00:16:46,601 --> 00:16:47,667
Carter, easy, easy.
342
00:16:47,701 --> 00:16:48,901
I don't want to hear you!
343
00:16:48,934 --> 00:16:51,334
I don't want to see you!
Stay out of my life!
344
00:16:51,367 --> 00:16:53,267
Carter, don't get so riled up. .
345
00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:56,567
We all know Stuart can be
insensitive from time to time,
346
00:16:56,601 --> 00:16:57,934
but that's who he is. .
347
00:16:57,968 --> 00:17:00,100
Thanks, Paul. .
348
00:17:00,133 --> 00:17:02,701
Yes, he's a selfish, crude,
vindictive bastard. .
349
00:17:02,734 --> 00:17:05,334
Okay. I can take it from here. .
350
00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:07,801
And every once in a while
he thinks it's funny
351
00:17:07,834 --> 00:17:10,567
when he sews an anchovy
into the lining of your jacket
352
00:17:10,601 --> 00:17:12,501
so you get kicked off
the airplane
353
00:17:12,534 --> 00:17:14,734
because you're making
all the passengers sick! .
354
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:15,901
Easy, Paul.
355
00:17:15,934 --> 00:17:17,467
I don't want to hear from you!
356
00:17:17,501 --> 00:17:19,667
I don't want to see you!
Stay out of my life! .
357
00:17:23,267 --> 00:17:25,234
Heh heh heh. .
358
00:17:25,267 --> 00:17:29,901
So, uh, was it worth it,
Stuart? .
359
00:17:31,067 --> 00:17:32,801
Did you get a big laugh
at my expense?
360
00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:34,534
I was just trying
to do you a favor. .
361
00:17:34,567 --> 00:17:35,834
By humiliating me? .
362
00:17:35,868 --> 00:17:37,133
How do you think I felt
363
00:17:37,167 --> 00:17:39,267
when I offered help
and you laughed? .
364
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:42,567
In what world would I go to
Stuart bondek to find me a guy?! .
365
00:17:42,601 --> 00:17:46,167
You don't know the first thing
about me or what I want. .
366
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,667
So I suppose
it was just a coincidence
367
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:51,734
that Robert liked Miles Davis,
"antique roadshow,"
368
00:17:51,767 --> 00:17:53,300
and mallomar cookies. .
369
00:17:53,334 --> 00:17:55,801
You think you know me so well...
what's my favorite book? .
370
00:17:55,834 --> 00:17:57,000
"Grapes of wrath." .
371
00:17:57,033 --> 00:17:58,200
Favorite monopoly piece? .
372
00:17:58,234 --> 00:17:59,200
The shoe. .
373
00:17:59,234 --> 00:18:00,501
Favorite movie? .
374
00:18:00,534 --> 00:18:02,434
You claim it's "citizen Kane,"
375
00:18:02,467 --> 00:18:04,234
but it's really "meatballs." .
376
00:18:07,434 --> 00:18:09,701
Oh, my God.
377
00:18:09,734 --> 00:18:11,200
34 years old,
378
00:18:11,234 --> 00:18:14,501
and the person
who knows me best
379
00:18:14,534 --> 00:18:18,868
is an emotionally stunted
porn enthusiast.
380
00:18:18,901 --> 00:18:23,100
I prefer
"adult-film aficionado." .
381
00:18:24,467 --> 00:18:26,834
And you're 35. .
382
00:18:27,968 --> 00:18:30,000
Look, I'm sorry about Robert. .
383
00:18:30,033 --> 00:18:33,234
It was a stupid idea. .
384
00:18:33,267 --> 00:18:35,267
Are we okay? .
385
00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:36,367
Yeah. .
386
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,334
Yeah, yeah, we're okay. .
387
00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:43,701
Favorite strongman event? .
388
00:18:43,734 --> 00:18:45,067
The log toss. .
389
00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:46,434
Damn! .
390
00:18:46,467 --> 00:18:48,133
Come on! .
391
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,868
Sir, is this a bad time? .
392
00:18:53,901 --> 00:18:55,767
No. What's on your mind? .
393
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:59,567
Uh, about what happened
before...
394
00:18:59,601 --> 00:19:02,868
why... Won't... This... Break?! .
395
00:19:02,901 --> 00:19:04,801
Sir, if I may? .
396
00:19:04,834 --> 00:19:09,501
The key is to get it
right above the handle. .
397
00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:17,167
Feel like a big man now,
Mr. racket breaker? .
398
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:21,367
Sir, I think maybe it's time
that we try to communicate. .
399
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:22,567
What are you, a girl? .
400
00:19:26,534 --> 00:19:29,000
What do you want from me? .
401
00:19:29,033 --> 00:19:31,033
You ask me to play
racquetball... I play. .
402
00:19:31,067 --> 00:19:32,667
You pile work on me... I do it. .
403
00:19:32,701 --> 00:19:34,667
Not once do I complain
or ask for help. .
404
00:19:34,701 --> 00:19:36,033
Did it ever occur to you
405
00:19:36,067 --> 00:19:38,367
that I wanted you
to ask me for help...
406
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,033
that I'd like to feel needed? .
407
00:19:40,067 --> 00:19:41,567
That's what's bothering you? .
408
00:19:41,601 --> 00:19:44,601
Maybe. .
409
00:19:44,634 --> 00:19:46,634
You gave me a chance
when no one else would.
410
00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:48,734
I wanted to show you
you didn't make a mistake. .
411
00:19:48,767 --> 00:19:50,734
The truth is, sir,
412
00:19:50,767 --> 00:19:53,367
I can't do this job
without your help.
413
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,167
I mean, I'm stressed out.
I haven't slept. .
414
00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:00,267
Oh, you're just saying that
to make me feel good. .
415
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:04,033
No. I'm losing hair.
I'm developing an ulcer. .
416
00:20:04,067 --> 00:20:06,767
Well, that's fantastic! .
417
00:20:06,801 --> 00:20:08,534
Don't get your hopes up,
418
00:20:08,567 --> 00:20:12,000
but my cholesterol levels
are dangerously high. .
419
00:20:13,267 --> 00:20:15,567
Well, so it's decided, then. .
420
00:20:15,601 --> 00:20:19,534
From now on, we're
going to help each other...
421
00:20:19,567 --> 00:20:21,000
work as a team.
422
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,601
I'm glad we had this talk. .
423
00:20:27,634 --> 00:20:28,934
Do me a favor? .
424
00:20:28,968 --> 00:20:30,100
If Caitlin asks,
425
00:20:30,133 --> 00:20:32,367
we settled this
by arm-wrestling. .
426
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:37,367
Ooh, you are losing hair. .
427
00:20:38,968 --> 00:20:41,000
I just purchased
a dwarf barracuda,
428
00:20:41,033 --> 00:20:43,767
so I need you to sign this
so I can be reimbursed. .
429
00:20:43,801 --> 00:20:45,667
Hoo-ah! .
430
00:20:45,701 --> 00:20:47,367
No. .
431
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,601
Sir, you can't return
a dwarf barracuda. .
432
00:20:50,634 --> 00:20:52,968
It's gonna take
all my pay raise
433
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,234
t-to pay for it. .
434
00:20:54,267 --> 00:20:55,601
Talk to him, Charlie. .
435
00:20:55,634 --> 00:20:58,367
What you talkin' 'bout, Paul? .
436
00:21:05,801 --> 00:21:07,167
Just let him win. .
437
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,367
Just let him win. .
438
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,634
That's long enough.That's long enough. .
439
00:21:11,667 --> 00:21:14,234
Ooh. .
440
00:21:16,767 --> 00:21:18,534
Best two out of three? .
441
00:21:18,567 --> 00:21:20,667
Sure. .
442
00:21:20,701 --> 00:21:22,200
Huh! .
443
00:21:22,234 --> 00:21:23,834
Just let him win. .
444
00:21:23,868 --> 00:21:25,133
Just let him win. .
445
00:21:26,133 --> 00:21:27,367
I mean... .
446
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,467
Just let him win. .
447
00:21:30,868 --> 00:21:33,300
Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.
32268
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