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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:02,534 Who read the papers? 2 00:00:05,767 --> 00:00:09,634 Not the sports.... 3 00:00:09,667 --> 00:00:13,033 Not fashion.... 4 00:00:13,067 --> 00:00:17,334 And not the comics.. 5 00:00:17,367 --> 00:00:21,534 Guys, as city officials, you need to be better informed.. 6 00:00:21,567 --> 00:00:24,868 You gotta make time for the gossip column.. 7 00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:27,667 "City hall's own Caitlin Moore 8 00:00:27,701 --> 00:00:29,767 "is being considered as a guest host 9 00:00:29,801 --> 00:00:31,400 on the 'live with Regis' show.". 10 00:00:31,434 --> 00:00:33,400 That's crazy.. 11 00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,667 No one can fill Kathie Lee's shoes.. 12 00:00:37,634 --> 00:00:39,601 From her tv debut on "name that tune" 13 00:00:39,634 --> 00:00:41,901 through her stint on "good morning America," 14 00:00:41,934 --> 00:00:44,767 she has blossomed into the definitive woman of the '90s.. 15 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:50,033 This is "biography" on "Gay & E". 16 00:00:50,067 --> 00:00:52,701 Okay, I guess you all read about it.. 17 00:00:52,734 --> 00:00:55,033 A producer saw me speak at a fundraiser 18 00:00:55,067 --> 00:00:57,100 and asked if I wanted to audition.. 19 00:00:57,133 --> 00:00:58,467 What do you guys think? 20 00:00:58,501 --> 00:01:00,133 I think you'd be great.. 21 00:01:00,167 --> 00:01:01,567 You'd be wonderful.. 22 00:01:01,601 --> 00:01:02,701 Unbelievable.. 23 00:01:02,734 --> 00:01:05,367 You're awfully quiet, Charlie.. 24 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:06,834 What do you think?. 25 00:01:06,868 --> 00:01:09,467 What, you'd be singing and dancing and stuff? 26 00:01:09,501 --> 00:01:10,934 I guess.. 27 00:01:10,968 --> 00:01:13,167 Tell a few jokes, try some witty banter?. 28 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:14,434 Yeah, that's right. 29 00:01:14,467 --> 00:01:17,033 I think it would kill the morning talk show format 30 00:01:17,067 --> 00:01:18,367 as we know it.. 31 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,634 You'll be w... 32 00:01:19,667 --> 00:01:21,133 you'll sparkle!. 33 00:01:21,167 --> 00:01:22,634 You'll sparkle! 34 00:01:22,667 --> 00:01:24,334 I can't believe you just said that!. 35 00:01:24,367 --> 00:01:25,734 It's nothing personal, 36 00:01:25,767 --> 00:01:28,167 it's just that these tv people, they're clever.. 37 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:29,634 They can think on their feet.. 38 00:01:29,667 --> 00:01:32,434 Hey, I can think on my feet, mister.... 39 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:35,667 Wrong... Head.. 40 00:01:35,701 --> 00:01:37,701 That stings.. 41 00:02:04,267 --> 00:02:05,467 We got a problem, guys.. 42 00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:07,267 Construction crew found some bones 43 00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:09,067 underneath the West Side highway.. 44 00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:13,234 For the last time, she moved to Florida!. 45 00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,567 They think they're dinosaur bones.. 46 00:02:15,601 --> 00:02:17,434 Paleontologists want to excavate, 47 00:02:17,467 --> 00:02:19,400 construction workers want to plow ahead. 48 00:02:19,434 --> 00:02:20,801 I need you two to mediate.. 49 00:02:20,834 --> 00:02:23,234 You know I always love to do extra work, 50 00:02:23,267 --> 00:02:25,567 but I have a deep-seated fear of bones. 51 00:02:25,601 --> 00:02:29,133 I'll have the crew rub some barbecue sauce on them.. 52 00:02:29,167 --> 00:02:32,133 The fact is Stuart and I don't work very well together.. 53 00:02:32,167 --> 00:02:34,267 It's nothing personal, it's just I... 54 00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:37,567 I detest him with every fiber of my being.. 55 00:02:37,601 --> 00:02:40,968 Hey, if you're still mad about that trust-fall exercise, 56 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,701 get over it. 57 00:02:42,734 --> 00:02:44,767 I was confused.. 58 00:02:44,801 --> 00:02:48,334 What was confusing about "catch Paul"? 59 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,734 Stuart, that was out of line, 60 00:02:51,767 --> 00:02:54,801 but Paul, you should've seen it coming the second time.. 61 00:02:54,834 --> 00:02:56,234 Get on it.. 62 00:02:56,267 --> 00:02:58,300 Well, Charlie, because of you, . 63 00:02:58,334 --> 00:03:01,467 Caitlin's decided to go through with the audition.. 64 00:03:01,501 --> 00:03:03,667 Just because I gave her one honest opinion?. 65 00:03:03,701 --> 00:03:05,534 What is it about women?. 66 00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:08,701 Guys don't mind hearing the truth, yeah?. 67 00:03:08,734 --> 00:03:11,634 Exactly. It's like if you asked me about that tie, 68 00:03:11,667 --> 00:03:14,234 I'd say, "are you moonlighting down at the pier" 69 00:03:14,267 --> 00:03:15,634 making balloon animals?". 70 00:03:17,701 --> 00:03:20,067 It's no big deal, right?. 71 00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:22,934 Whatever!. 72 00:03:27,267 --> 00:03:30,300 Uh, sir, I'm concerned you've been working 73 00:03:30,334 --> 00:03:32,100 a little too hard lately. 74 00:03:32,133 --> 00:03:34,534 I appreciate your concern, Carter, but I'm fine.. 75 00:03:34,567 --> 00:03:35,868 Okay.. 76 00:03:35,901 --> 00:03:37,567 Could you pass me a cream?. 77 00:03:37,601 --> 00:03:39,934 Will you get off my back?!. 78 00:03:39,968 --> 00:03:41,501 Sir, you need a vacation.. 79 00:03:41,534 --> 00:03:44,000 Now, I have an excellent travel agent. 80 00:03:44,033 --> 00:03:45,734 I'll handle the whole thing. 81 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,400 I'll think about it, Carter.. 82 00:03:47,434 --> 00:03:49,868 But just make sure it's not like the time 83 00:03:49,901 --> 00:03:51,534 you took me on a gay cruise.. 84 00:03:51,567 --> 00:03:54,167 Sir, it was the staten island ferry. 85 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,567 I don't care who he was, 86 00:03:55,601 --> 00:03:57,801 he should keep his hands to himself!. 87 00:04:05,601 --> 00:04:07,734 Okay, guys, let's get down to business.. 88 00:04:07,767 --> 00:04:10,167 You'll both get equal time to make your case.. 89 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,467 We shouldn't hold traffic up for a bunch of fossils.. 90 00:04:13,501 --> 00:04:16,334 Done.. 91 00:04:16,367 --> 00:04:17,868 Construction guy wins.. 92 00:04:17,901 --> 00:04:19,267 Forget the bones. 93 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,868 I was told I'd get equal time.. 94 00:04:21,901 --> 00:04:25,167 And I was told this suit could be machine washed.. 95 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:27,701 Fine, go fix the road, but this could be 96 00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:30,634 the greatest archaeological find of the century. 97 00:04:30,667 --> 00:04:32,634 I'm talking major media... 98 00:04:32,667 --> 00:04:34,334 cover of time.... 99 00:04:34,367 --> 00:04:35,968 Newsweek.... 100 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,701 Fossil monthly.. 101 00:04:37,734 --> 00:04:40,367 Can you excuse us for a second?. 102 00:04:42,367 --> 00:04:44,834 Did you hear that? We could be famous... 103 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:48,200 like that guy who discovered the dinosaur bones in Utah.... 104 00:04:48,234 --> 00:04:50,167 You know, Dr. what's-his-name.. 105 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,501 Yeah, yeah, yeah, that guy, that guy.. 106 00:04:52,534 --> 00:04:54,601 Yeah, I want to be just like him! 107 00:04:54,634 --> 00:04:56,868 Paul... We're a team.. 108 00:04:56,901 --> 00:04:58,567 We're a team.. 109 00:04:58,601 --> 00:05:01,868 Maybe they'll name a dinosaur after us... 110 00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:05,467 you know, a bronto-paulus or a pterodacty-Paul.. 111 00:05:05,501 --> 00:05:06,968 Bondek-asaurus.. 112 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:10,067 Ooh, a swing and a miss. 113 00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:12,100 I can't believe you got the mayor 114 00:05:12,133 --> 00:05:14,100 to get on that plane last night.. 115 00:05:14,133 --> 00:05:16,033 After his 12th airport Martini, 116 00:05:16,067 --> 00:05:19,601 I was able to convince him that the big tube was a magic castle.. 117 00:05:19,634 --> 00:05:22,534 So, you, uh, still want my help with this audition?. 118 00:05:22,567 --> 00:05:24,701 Oh, definitely. I've got to do well. 119 00:05:24,734 --> 00:05:26,601 I want to put Charlie in his place.. 120 00:05:26,634 --> 00:05:28,167 Okay.. 121 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,400 Let's start with the coffee cup.. 122 00:05:30,434 --> 00:05:33,934 Kathie Lee's mug was an extension of her.. 123 00:05:33,968 --> 00:05:36,267 If you can be comfortable with the cup, 124 00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:38,434 Regis will be comfortable with you.. 125 00:05:38,467 --> 00:05:40,501 Now.... 126 00:05:40,534 --> 00:05:43,200 Say hello to the cup.. 127 00:05:43,234 --> 00:05:45,501 What?. 128 00:05:45,534 --> 00:05:47,133 It's a performance exercise.. 129 00:05:47,167 --> 00:05:48,133 Come on.. 130 00:05:48,167 --> 00:05:49,133 Hello, cup!. 131 00:05:49,167 --> 00:05:51,968 Hello, cup. Hello, cup.. 132 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,234 Hello, cup! Hello, cup!. 133 00:05:54,267 --> 00:05:56,534 Hello, cup! Hello, cup!. 134 00:05:56,567 --> 00:05:57,567 Hello... 135 00:05:59,334 --> 00:06:01,067 don't feel bad. 136 00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:05,033 I've always found that mug to be a little standoffish.. 137 00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:09,200 You don't have to go through with this.. 138 00:06:09,234 --> 00:06:12,067 It is happening, and I want you to be there to see it.. 139 00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:13,467 Okay.. 140 00:06:13,501 --> 00:06:15,467 Bye, cup.. 141 00:06:16,901 --> 00:06:18,534 Next order of business... 142 00:06:18,567 --> 00:06:20,901 Regis loves a cohost who can sing, 143 00:06:20,934 --> 00:06:23,334 and kathie Lee had an amazing voice. 144 00:06:23,367 --> 00:06:27,100 ♪ if... They... Could... See me now ♪ 145 00:06:27,133 --> 00:06:29,067 ♪ that little gang of mine 146 00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:32,033 ♪ I'm eatin' fancy chow and drinkin' fancy wine ♪ 147 00:06:32,067 --> 00:06:35,334 ♪ I'd like those stumblebums to see for a fac ♪ 148 00:06:35,367 --> 00:06:38,734 ♪ the kind of top-drawer, first-rate chums I attrac ♪ 149 00:06:38,767 --> 00:06:40,968 sir, what are you doing? 150 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,734 I had the audio-visual nerds 151 00:06:42,767 --> 00:06:45,501 set up this video-conferencing screen here. 152 00:06:45,534 --> 00:06:48,634 I wanted to keep an eye on things.. 153 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,767 So.... 154 00:06:51,801 --> 00:06:55,167 What's up? 155 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:58,667 I'm auditioning as guest host for "live with Regis." . 156 00:06:58,701 --> 00:07:01,901 With your natural charisma, you'd be a first-rate host.. 157 00:07:01,934 --> 00:07:04,734 You, Caitlin, were born to be on national tv.. 158 00:07:04,767 --> 00:07:06,734 Thank you, sir. 159 00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:17,033 Stuart!. 160 00:07:18,467 --> 00:07:20,000 He's gone.. 161 00:07:20,033 --> 00:07:21,000 Oh!. 162 00:07:21,033 --> 00:07:22,033 Oh, Mr. mayor.. 163 00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:24,100 Oh, I forgot that you were there.. 164 00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:26,901 Well, I'm always here for my staff, Paul.. 165 00:07:26,934 --> 00:07:28,300 What's on your mind?. 166 00:07:28,334 --> 00:07:30,300 Well, Stuart and I were supposed to go 167 00:07:30,334 --> 00:07:32,534 to a photo shoot down at the dinosaur site.. 168 00:07:32,567 --> 00:07:35,601 At the last minute, he tells me that the location has changed. 169 00:07:35,634 --> 00:07:36,934 I don't trust Stuart. 170 00:07:36,968 --> 00:07:39,567 I have the feeling that he's trying to box me out 171 00:07:39,601 --> 00:07:41,801 so he can take the glory all to himself. 172 00:07:41,834 --> 00:07:45,734 Stuart, where were you?!. 173 00:07:45,767 --> 00:07:48,767 The gym. 174 00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:51,100 I was down at the bone collector 175 00:07:51,133 --> 00:07:54,934 because you told me that's where the paleontologists meet.. 176 00:07:54,968 --> 00:07:55,934 Honest mistake.. 177 00:07:55,968 --> 00:07:58,234 It's a gay bar!. 178 00:07:58,267 --> 00:08:01,400 Is that lipstick on your collar? 179 00:08:01,434 --> 00:08:03,434 I may have lipstick on my collar 180 00:08:03,467 --> 00:08:05,667 and suffered a minor misunderstanding 181 00:08:05,701 --> 00:08:07,767 in the men's room, but that's okay.. 182 00:08:07,801 --> 00:08:10,033 That's okay 'cause you, Stuart bondek, 183 00:08:10,067 --> 00:08:11,534 you're gonna get yours! 184 00:08:11,567 --> 00:08:14,200 Paul lassiter is tired of being the office joke.... 185 00:08:14,234 --> 00:08:16,534 The office fool.... 186 00:08:16,567 --> 00:08:18,701 The office.... 187 00:08:18,734 --> 00:08:20,367 Jackass.. 188 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,167 Thank you.. 189 00:08:25,367 --> 00:08:27,534 Walter, I like being your sidekick 190 00:08:27,567 --> 00:08:29,634 because it's a kick being by your side.. 191 00:08:30,667 --> 00:08:32,267 This is all my fault.. 192 00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:34,968 You know, every time I'm honest with a woman, 193 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,367 it turns out bad.. 194 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,534 Why? What happened last time?. 195 00:08:38,567 --> 00:08:41,467 This is it. 196 00:08:42,868 --> 00:08:44,934 Caitlin, we're losing the audio.. 197 00:08:44,968 --> 00:08:47,601 Can you adjust your Mike a bit?. 198 00:08:47,634 --> 00:08:49,801 Oh, right, sorry.. 199 00:08:49,834 --> 00:08:51,801 Oh, my God, she lost a button! 200 00:08:51,834 --> 00:08:52,901 I can't look! 201 00:08:52,934 --> 00:08:54,300 I'll keep you updated.. 202 00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:55,734 Has anyone noticed?. 203 00:09:00,267 --> 00:09:02,033 Tough to tell.. 204 00:09:03,601 --> 00:09:06,200 I like this one. Let's call her back.. 205 00:09:06,234 --> 00:09:09,033 What?! They haven't even listened to her!. 206 00:09:09,067 --> 00:09:11,934 This isn't an audition! It's a peep show! 207 00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,167 I know.. 208 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,267 It's horrible.. 209 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,534 Can we get a zoom on camera three? 210 00:09:25,267 --> 00:09:28,868 Charlie, you've got to talk Caitlin out of doing that show.. 211 00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:31,734 She should know that the star of that audition was her breasts.. 212 00:09:31,767 --> 00:09:34,267 You saw Caitlin's breasts?. 213 00:09:34,300 --> 00:09:38,534 Why do I have to be the one to talk to her?. 214 00:09:38,567 --> 00:09:41,067 You saw Caitlin's breasts?. 215 00:09:41,100 --> 00:09:43,667 She's only doing this to prove something to you.. 216 00:09:43,701 --> 00:09:45,701 Look, I'll be right beside you.. 217 00:09:45,734 --> 00:09:48,767 They want me to guest host the show tomorrow. 218 00:09:48,801 --> 00:09:50,834 I guess I killed at the audition.. 219 00:09:55,801 --> 00:09:59,968 About that... Charlie and I need to tell you something.. 220 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,701 What? Me? Now? 221 00:10:01,734 --> 00:10:04,000 I'll be right there.. 222 00:10:05,801 --> 00:10:08,734 Why don't we talk in my office?. 223 00:10:08,767 --> 00:10:10,400 Bondek, this sounds juicy!. 224 00:10:10,434 --> 00:10:11,801 Wheel me over there!. 225 00:10:14,434 --> 00:10:17,400 So you made the first cut, huh? You're gonna be live with Regis. 226 00:10:17,434 --> 00:10:18,634 I don't like to brag, 227 00:10:18,667 --> 00:10:20,734 but I guess I have certain qualities 228 00:10:20,767 --> 00:10:22,200 the producers responded to.. 229 00:10:22,234 --> 00:10:24,534 A couple.. 230 00:10:24,567 --> 00:10:27,434 Look, you proved to me that you're good.. 231 00:10:27,467 --> 00:10:30,167 There's no real reason to go through with this, is there?. 232 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:31,868 Actually, there is. 233 00:10:31,901 --> 00:10:35,000 I've never told anyone this before, 234 00:10:35,033 --> 00:10:36,634 but back in high school, 235 00:10:36,667 --> 00:10:39,467 I tried out for "Jesus Christ, superstar." 236 00:10:39,501 --> 00:10:41,033 I practiced for weeks, 237 00:10:41,067 --> 00:10:43,968 and when I finally auditioned, I froze up and forgot my lines.. 238 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,267 Did you look at the script?. 239 00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:47,367 No, I pulled the fire alarm and ran. 240 00:10:48,701 --> 00:10:51,100 Christine Scott ended up getting the part 241 00:10:51,133 --> 00:10:52,734 and I wound up stage manager.. 242 00:10:52,767 --> 00:10:55,133 Of course, I did bring the last supper in 243 00:10:55,167 --> 00:10:56,467 53% under budget. 244 00:10:56,501 --> 00:10:58,767 I'm guessing most of the apostles 245 00:10:58,801 --> 00:11:00,067 filled up on rolls?. 246 00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:02,334 This may seem silly to you, 247 00:11:02,367 --> 00:11:05,267 but this is my chance where I can finally prove to myself 248 00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,734 that I can do it... I can be Christine Scott. 249 00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:09,834 I mean Christine Scott back then, 250 00:11:09,868 --> 00:11:12,300 because I heard she turned into a real whore.. 251 00:11:12,334 --> 00:11:14,868 That's a beautiful story. 252 00:11:14,901 --> 00:11:17,501 I'm sure you'll be great.. 253 00:11:34,501 --> 00:11:36,200 You'll be reporting to me. 254 00:11:36,234 --> 00:11:38,534 I am the top dog, the big cheese, 255 00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:39,801 the jumbo shrimp.. 256 00:11:39,834 --> 00:11:41,534 Where's Mr. bondek?. 257 00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:43,934 Mr. bondek's aunt took ill 258 00:11:43,968 --> 00:11:47,334 with a sudden case of osteoporosis. 259 00:11:48,868 --> 00:11:51,000 Paul! 260 00:11:51,033 --> 00:11:52,968 I should've known something was fishy 261 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,834 when you offered to buy me a soda!. 262 00:11:54,868 --> 00:11:57,334 We were supposed to work together as a team, but no.. 263 00:11:57,367 --> 00:11:59,801 No, all you want to do is make me the office fool!. 264 00:11:59,834 --> 00:12:02,033 Well, for once, I'm the guy in charge, 265 00:12:02,067 --> 00:12:05,067 and you're the guy chained to the soda machine!. 266 00:12:07,868 --> 00:12:09,634 Gentlemen.. 267 00:12:09,667 --> 00:12:11,000 Is there a problem here?. 268 00:12:11,033 --> 00:12:12,667 No. Why do you ask?. 269 00:12:12,701 --> 00:12:14,200 When you came in this morning, 270 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,534 you weren't handcuffed to a vending machine.. 271 00:12:16,567 --> 00:12:19,267 Look, guys, this is a big, high-profile project.. 272 00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:22,400 If you can't work together, I'll give it to someone else.. 273 00:12:22,434 --> 00:12:23,400 Oh, no.. 274 00:12:23,434 --> 00:12:25,067 No, no, no, no, no.. 275 00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:26,901 We'll work together.. 276 00:12:26,934 --> 00:12:32,667 You need to restock orange crush.. 277 00:12:38,334 --> 00:12:43,901 This steak is delicious, isn't it, Carter?. 278 00:12:43,934 --> 00:12:48,334 Would you please pass the salt?. 279 00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:50,033 Do we have to do this again?. 280 00:13:00,734 --> 00:13:03,868 Sir... lt's midnight here. 281 00:13:03,901 --> 00:13:07,000 I've worked a long day, and this is getting ridiculous.. 282 00:13:07,033 --> 00:13:08,901 Oh, Carter, relax.. 283 00:13:08,934 --> 00:13:10,801 We're on vacation!. 284 00:13:10,834 --> 00:13:12,100 No, you' on vacation, 285 00:13:12,133 --> 00:13:14,367 and all you've done is sit in your room.. 286 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,400 Now, uh, this is for your own good.. 287 00:13:16,434 --> 00:13:19,033 No, no, wait... 288 00:13:19,067 --> 00:13:20,200 yes!. 289 00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:34,234 Never do that to a person. 290 00:13:34,267 --> 00:13:37,133 I just want you to get out and meet people.. 291 00:13:37,167 --> 00:13:40,033 Carter, you're used to seeing me as mayor... 292 00:13:40,067 --> 00:13:42,534 confident, outgoing, fun at parties.. 293 00:13:44,133 --> 00:13:47,968 But deep down, I'm a very shy man. 294 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,667 I didn't know that.. 295 00:13:50,701 --> 00:13:55,267 This is the first vacation I've taken since my divorce.. 296 00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:58,400 Maybe I'm just afraid to be alone.. 297 00:13:58,434 --> 00:14:03,667 If you like, I'll... Stay with you a little longer.. 298 00:14:08,267 --> 00:14:09,701 I don't want you to think 299 00:14:09,734 --> 00:14:12,534 that being alone is a completely negative thing.. 300 00:14:12,567 --> 00:14:15,000 A very wise man once wrote, "in solitude, 301 00:14:15,033 --> 00:14:19,167 a strong mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself.". 302 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:22,000 Of course, Henry David Thoreau held a different... 303 00:14:22,033 --> 00:14:24,968 you know, I'm gonna go get tanked at the pool bar.. 304 00:14:44,667 --> 00:14:50,167 Now here are Regis philbin and Caitlin Moore!. 305 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,501 Thank you very much.. 306 00:14:51,534 --> 00:14:53,834 Hello, everybody, and welcome to our show.. 307 00:14:53,868 --> 00:14:56,167 Our guest host today is New York's very own 308 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,934 Caitlin Moore. Here she is, everybody.. 309 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,667 Well, Caitlin, how is everything?. 310 00:15:04,701 --> 00:15:06,501 Fine.. 311 00:15:06,534 --> 00:15:09,033 We got a woman of few words here.. 312 00:15:09,067 --> 00:15:10,400 She's freezing up.. 313 00:15:10,434 --> 00:15:13,067 It's Christine Scott all over again.. 314 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:14,801 That whore!. 315 00:15:16,868 --> 00:15:18,701 How's the mayor?. 316 00:15:18,734 --> 00:15:21,534 Oh, well, this week, he's been more helpful than usual.. 317 00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:23,868 He was out of the office a lot and, um.... 318 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,334 That's pretty funny.. 319 00:15:28,367 --> 00:15:30,634 What are you working on at city hall?. 320 00:15:30,667 --> 00:15:32,100 We're trying to get the Yankees 321 00:15:32,133 --> 00:15:34,467 to stop serving alcohol after the seventh inning.. 322 00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:37,434 Oh, yeah, I guess the fans get pretty much out of control, huh?. 323 00:15:37,467 --> 00:15:39,601 Fans? I'm talking about the players.. 324 00:15:39,634 --> 00:15:42,200 R. 325 00:15:42,234 --> 00:15:44,067 What do you think of this girl?. 326 00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:45,601 Full of moxie, isn't she?. 327 00:15:45,634 --> 00:15:46,601 Yeah!. 328 00:15:46,634 --> 00:15:47,601 Thank you.. 329 00:15:47,634 --> 00:15:49,200 Thank you.. 330 00:15:49,234 --> 00:15:50,534 That's really great.. 331 00:15:50,567 --> 00:15:52,067 Nice to have you here.. 332 00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:53,234 Mm, thank you. 333 00:15:53,267 --> 00:15:55,367 [ Bleep ]. 334 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:59,567 Did she just say [Bleep]?. 335 00:15:59,601 --> 00:16:01,567 She did. She said [ bleep ]. 336 00:16:01,601 --> 00:16:05,234 This is so [Bleep] embarrassing.. 337 00:16:05,267 --> 00:16:07,267 Did I say [Bleep]?. 338 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,167 This is a [Bleep] disaster.. 339 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,300 This is [Bleep] great. 340 00:16:11,334 --> 00:16:15,434 ♪ if... They... Could... See me now ♪ 341 00:16:15,467 --> 00:16:17,767 ♪ that little gang of mine 342 00:16:17,801 --> 00:16:20,934 ♪ eatin' fancy chow and drinkin' fancy wine... ♪ 343 00:16:20,968 --> 00:16:22,934 wait, wait... 344 00:16:22,968 --> 00:16:26,334 she may pull out of this.. 345 00:16:34,067 --> 00:16:37,767 Lassiter... Australian for dork.. 346 00:16:37,801 --> 00:16:39,734 Hey, look, the reporters are here.. 347 00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:41,934 Let's give them a look at us in action.. 348 00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:44,534 Hey, Indiana bones... What's the update?. 349 00:16:44,567 --> 00:16:47,133 It's slow going on that third vertebra.. 350 00:16:47,167 --> 00:16:50,167 We have to be careful not to break the skeleton.. 351 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:51,767 What, are you kidding me? 352 00:16:51,801 --> 00:16:53,234 I saw "Jurassic park." . 353 00:16:53,267 --> 00:16:56,467 You couldn't bring those things down with bazookas.. 354 00:16:58,234 --> 00:17:00,501 What my partner here is saying 355 00:17:00,534 --> 00:17:03,801 is we'd like to see some results before we're extinct.. 356 00:17:03,834 --> 00:17:06,501 Zing! Boom! Boom!. 357 00:17:06,534 --> 00:17:10,367 Guys, I think we may have a little problem.. 358 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,934 Yeah, yeah, we got a little problem.. 359 00:17:12,968 --> 00:17:15,934 The problem is I don't see a giant dinosaur.. 360 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:18,601 So you take your little brush and your little hammer 361 00:17:18,634 --> 00:17:20,400 and get back in the hole.. 362 00:17:22,234 --> 00:17:25,567 Okay, it was bad, but it wasn't that bad.. 363 00:17:25,601 --> 00:17:28,234 What are you drinking out of that cup that you talk to?. 364 00:17:28,267 --> 00:17:29,400 You're right.. 365 00:17:29,434 --> 00:17:30,467 It was a disaster.. 366 00:17:30,501 --> 00:17:31,968 There's no use pretending.. 367 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:41,467 Congratulations!. 368 00:17:41,501 --> 00:17:43,367 Oh, get off it! I was the worst!. 369 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:44,701 What's the big deal?. 370 00:17:44,734 --> 00:17:47,067 You don't want to host the show anyways.. 371 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,434 It's not the show.. 372 00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:50,968 It's that I got another chance and I choked, 373 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,400 just like in high school.. 374 00:17:52,434 --> 00:17:54,200 It's not like high school.. 375 00:17:54,234 --> 00:17:55,567 You didn't freeze.. 376 00:17:55,601 --> 00:17:57,634 You just swore 50 or 60 times.. 377 00:18:00,067 --> 00:18:01,033 You're right. 378 00:18:01,067 --> 00:18:02,968 I never should've done this. 379 00:18:11,267 --> 00:18:12,501 Regis? Excuse me.. 380 00:18:12,534 --> 00:18:14,000 Hi. Charlie Crawford. 381 00:18:14,033 --> 00:18:17,901 Charlie, yeah, listen... coffee, light, no sugar.... 382 00:18:17,934 --> 00:18:20,901 And bring me a cruller, too, will ya?. 383 00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:22,667 No, I'm from city hall.. 384 00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:24,133 Oh, yeah.. 385 00:18:24,167 --> 00:18:26,934 Hey, this must be about my helicopter permit 386 00:18:26,968 --> 00:18:28,334 for my apartment.. 387 00:18:28,367 --> 00:18:30,501 No, I... I work with Caitlin Moore.. 388 00:18:30,534 --> 00:18:32,634 She's really upset about the show. 389 00:18:32,667 --> 00:18:35,667 I was hoping maybe you can give her a call, you know, 390 00:18:35,701 --> 00:18:38,033 invite her back, give her another try? 391 00:18:38,067 --> 00:18:39,634 Charlie, no problem.. 392 00:18:39,667 --> 00:18:40,734 Sure.. 393 00:18:40,767 --> 00:18:42,133 Really? 394 00:18:42,167 --> 00:18:44,801 I'll invite her back. And you can have my job.. 395 00:18:44,834 --> 00:18:47,534 And why don't we replace gelman with a monkey?. 396 00:18:47,567 --> 00:18:48,868 Hey.. 397 00:18:48,901 --> 00:18:49,934 Okay? 398 00:18:49,968 --> 00:18:51,901 I was just hoping for the call. 399 00:18:51,934 --> 00:18:54,234 Caitlin is really upset about the show.. 400 00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:56,167 She's been dreaming of this day 401 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,767 ever since Christine Scott got all the glory 402 00:18:58,801 --> 00:19:01,200 and she got stuck making the last supper.. 403 00:19:01,234 --> 00:19:02,601 It's a chick thing.. 404 00:19:02,634 --> 00:19:06,367 Look, the only thing that's gonna make her feel better 405 00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,133 is a phone call from you.. 406 00:19:08,167 --> 00:19:09,601 What is it, Charlie?. 407 00:19:09,634 --> 00:19:11,267 You want a piece of me?. 408 00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:12,701 N-n-not really, no.. 409 00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:13,901 Why not?. 410 00:19:13,934 --> 00:19:16,667 You afraid you might get your dress dirty, Alice?. 411 00:19:16,701 --> 00:19:18,133 You don't want to poke me.. 412 00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:20,234 Don't want to poke you?. 413 00:19:20,267 --> 00:19:21,767 Why not?!. 414 00:19:21,801 --> 00:19:23,467 All right.. 415 00:19:23,501 --> 00:19:26,868 You better phone a friend.. 416 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,601 Hey.... 417 00:19:34,634 --> 00:19:36,267 What happened to your face? 418 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:39,934 I got into a massive fistfight with Regis philbin.. 419 00:19:39,968 --> 00:19:41,234 Did he bite you?. 420 00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,467 Actually, in all the confusion, 421 00:19:43,501 --> 00:19:45,767 I think I might have bit myself.. 422 00:19:45,801 --> 00:19:48,734 Guess who just called me about the show.. 423 00:19:48,767 --> 00:19:50,834 The fcc? 424 00:19:50,868 --> 00:19:51,934 Regis philbin!. 425 00:19:51,968 --> 00:19:53,334 He said I was great! 426 00:19:53,367 --> 00:19:56,033 I was, quote, "a breath of fresh air." . 427 00:19:56,067 --> 00:19:58,434 So I guess this is all over now, huh?. 428 00:19:58,467 --> 00:19:59,934 This isn't all over 429 00:19:59,968 --> 00:20:02,167 until you say, "Caitlin is entertaining." 430 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,400 Caitlin is entertaining.. 431 00:20:04,434 --> 00:20:05,567 And, "from now on, " 432 00:20:05,601 --> 00:20:07,734 I'll keep my opinions to myself.". 433 00:20:07,767 --> 00:20:10,534 From now on, I'll keep my opinions to myself.. 434 00:20:10,567 --> 00:20:11,934 And, "in the morning, " 435 00:20:11,968 --> 00:20:14,567 I usually stuff a tube sock down my pants.". 436 00:20:16,167 --> 00:20:18,701 I kne it!. 437 00:20:20,667 --> 00:20:22,367 Thanks, Charlie.. 438 00:20:25,133 --> 00:20:29,767 Hey, you got Regis philbin to call Caitlin.. 439 00:20:29,801 --> 00:20:31,801 You're like a knight in shining armor 440 00:20:31,834 --> 00:20:33,067 defending the fair maid.. 441 00:20:33,100 --> 00:20:35,400 Don't sissy up my fistfight.. 442 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,534 Well, I think what you did for Caitlin is wonderful. 443 00:20:40,567 --> 00:20:42,200 I'm not looking for praise.. 444 00:20:42,234 --> 00:20:45,367 Bottom line is when philbin left there, he knew who was boss.. 445 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:46,367 Yeah, right.. 446 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:47,767 By the way, Carter, 447 00:20:47,801 --> 00:20:51,968 how do I get a permit for a [Bleep] helipad?. 448 00:20:58,033 --> 00:21:00,367 You are about to witness the realization 449 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,601 of a major achievement for New York.. 450 00:21:02,634 --> 00:21:05,033 This would not have been possible 451 00:21:05,067 --> 00:21:08,033 without the tireless efforts of visionaries 452 00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:10,334 who so often go without credit. 453 00:21:10,367 --> 00:21:14,033 I am, of course, referring to myself and Mr. lassiter.. 454 00:21:15,801 --> 00:21:19,367 Let's take a look at our dinosaur.. 455 00:21:29,634 --> 00:21:32,100 Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog. 33527

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