Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:01,567 --> 00:00:02,967
Okay.
2
00:00:03,001 --> 00:00:05,537
I know you guys have to do
a security sweep
3
00:00:05,571 --> 00:00:07,505
before the president
gets here,
4
00:00:07,539 --> 00:00:09,274
but I'm a law-abiding citizen,
5
00:00:09,308 --> 00:00:11,109
who is single, patriotic,
6
00:00:11,210 --> 00:00:14,346
and willing to move
to Washington.
7
00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:16,420
I can't believe the president
of the United States
8
00:00:16,448 --> 00:00:17,415
is coming here!
9
00:00:17,449 --> 00:00:18,517
I am so excited! .
10
00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:19,684
Hey, hey, relax. .
11
00:00:19,719 --> 00:00:22,019
It's not like
he's a backstreet boy.
12
00:00:22,054 --> 00:00:23,822
I am a campaign manager. .
13
00:00:23,856 --> 00:00:25,791
To me, he is a backstreet boy. .
14
00:00:25,825 --> 00:00:29,261
Okay, then he's...
he's Howie d. .
15
00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:34,432
My niece... big fan.
16
00:00:34,466 --> 00:00:35,734
Mike, you don't have a niece. .
17
00:00:35,768 --> 00:00:39,070
Let's just drop it, okay? .
18
00:00:39,104 --> 00:00:41,006
By the way, you're welcome. .
19
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,607
What for? .
20
00:00:42,641 --> 00:00:44,008
How do you think
it came to pass
21
00:00:44,043 --> 00:00:46,378
that you'll be accompanying
the mayor to meet the president? .
22
00:00:46,412 --> 00:00:49,648
He's coming to endorse
the mayor's campaign,
23
00:00:49,682 --> 00:00:50,882
which I'm running. .
24
00:00:50,983 --> 00:00:53,385
Plus, I invited him
and made all the arrangements. .
25
00:00:53,419 --> 00:00:55,553
Oh, the things
people tell themselves. .
26
00:00:55,588 --> 00:00:57,355
No, I graciously
stepped aside,
27
00:00:57,389 --> 00:01:00,192
'cause I knew how important
this was to you. .
28
00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:02,427
Thank you, Mike.
That is very nice of you. .
29
00:01:02,461 --> 00:01:04,329
That's the kind of guy I am. .
30
00:01:04,363 --> 00:01:05,896
So, how many world leaders
31
00:01:05,931 --> 00:01:08,433
has your boyfriend
introduced you to?
32
00:01:08,467 --> 00:01:11,403
Mike, you know
he's a commercial director. .
33
00:01:11,437 --> 00:01:12,677
If you play your cards right,
34
00:01:12,705 --> 00:01:14,472
he might introduce you
to those guys
35
00:01:14,607 --> 00:01:17,008
who go, "whassup!"
36
00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:46,905
Stuart, you know he's been
standing like that all day? .
37
00:01:46,939 --> 00:01:49,174
Of course he has.
He's not allowed to move. .
38
00:01:49,208 --> 00:01:51,576
No matter what you do,
he'll just stand like a statue. .
39
00:01:51,644 --> 00:01:53,278
Really? .
40
00:01:53,312 --> 00:01:56,114
Watch this. .
41
00:01:56,215 --> 00:02:00,719
Excuse me, do you mind
if I flick your ear? .
42
00:02:00,753 --> 00:02:02,654
No? Okay. .
43
00:02:02,688 --> 00:02:06,324
Flick. .
44
00:02:06,358 --> 00:02:08,592
Flick, flick, flick. .
45
00:02:08,627 --> 00:02:10,428
You want some more? .
46
00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,464
Flick, flick, fli... aaah! .
47
00:02:12,498 --> 00:02:15,466
Wait. I was thinking of
the guards at Buckingham Palace. .
48
00:02:15,501 --> 00:02:16,834
These guys will kill you. .
49
00:02:16,868 --> 00:02:19,171
For the love of God,
let me keep the finger! .
50
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:20,172
Agent Duncan? .
51
00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:21,706
Don't flick his ears. .
52
00:02:21,740 --> 00:02:25,410
Here's the list of nonessential
personnel you requested. .
53
00:02:25,444 --> 00:02:27,145
Nonessential personnel? .
54
00:02:27,179 --> 00:02:28,346
For security reasons,
55
00:02:28,380 --> 00:02:30,882
all extraneous staff
must vacate the premises
56
00:02:30,916 --> 00:02:33,485
five hours prior
to the president's arrival.
57
00:02:33,519 --> 00:02:36,287
I was afraid
this was gonna happen. .
58
00:02:36,321 --> 00:02:38,290
Just because
you're on this list
59
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,425
doesn't mean
you're not important
60
00:02:40,459 --> 00:02:41,959
in your own little way. .
61
00:02:41,994 --> 00:02:44,228
You're on here. .
62
00:02:44,262 --> 00:02:45,430
What?!
63
00:02:45,464 --> 00:02:48,132
I've been geek-listed?! .
64
00:02:48,166 --> 00:02:50,335
If it makes you
feel any better,
65
00:02:50,369 --> 00:02:52,437
you're on the v.I.P. Geek list. .
66
00:02:52,471 --> 00:02:53,471
Oh-ho! Losers.
67
00:02:55,407 --> 00:02:56,474
I'm sorry, Mike,
68
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:59,044
but Caitlin can't come
to meet the president. .
69
00:02:59,078 --> 00:03:00,578
Sir, I-I promised her. .
70
00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:01,879
You should have seen her. .
71
00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:03,548
She was as excited
72
00:03:03,582 --> 00:03:06,685
as a fan in the front row
of a backstreet boys concert. .
73
00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:10,621
I took my niece. .
74
00:03:10,656 --> 00:03:13,391
The secret service said that
I could only bring one person
75
00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:15,626
to my meeting with
the president, and look at me!
76
00:03:15,660 --> 00:03:16,895
I'm a wreck, Mike. .
77
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:18,730
You're the only one
that can calm me down.
78
00:03:18,764 --> 00:03:21,399
I just don't get it, sir.
You've met a president before. .
79
00:03:21,433 --> 00:03:24,035
It was bush!
That doesn't count! .
80
00:03:26,105 --> 00:03:27,271
Here we go. .
81
00:03:27,305 --> 00:03:30,408
Ohh. His endorsement
is critical. .
82
00:03:30,442 --> 00:03:33,478
What if I say the wrong thing? .
83
00:03:33,512 --> 00:03:35,446
What if I slap him? .
84
00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:40,218
W... why... why...
85
00:03:40,252 --> 00:03:44,689
why would you slap...
The president?
86
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,091
I don't know. .
87
00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:48,627
You tell yourself,
"don't slap the president,
88
00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:50,161
don't slap the president." .
89
00:03:50,195 --> 00:03:51,562
The next thing you know,
90
00:03:51,597 --> 00:03:53,965
you're backhanding him
like a mouthy caddie. .
91
00:03:55,634 --> 00:03:56,901
Uh, Caitlin... .
92
00:03:56,936 --> 00:03:58,703
Listen, um... .
93
00:03:58,737 --> 00:04:02,273
Apparently, there's been
a little change of plans,
94
00:04:02,307 --> 00:04:05,843
and you won't be going
with the mayor tonight... .
95
00:04:05,878 --> 00:04:07,779
When he meets the president. .
96
00:04:07,813 --> 00:04:09,614
Sorry.
97
00:04:09,648 --> 00:04:10,815
I can't believe it. .
98
00:04:10,849 --> 00:04:13,217
So the mayor's
gonna meet with him alone? .
99
00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:16,621
Well, there is one person. .
100
00:04:16,655 --> 00:04:17,421
Who?
101
00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:20,758
Me. .
102
00:04:23,128 --> 00:04:24,496
What are you doing? .
103
00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:26,031
Oh, I just figured
104
00:04:26,065 --> 00:04:29,667
it might... Soften the blow
a little bit... .
105
00:04:29,701 --> 00:04:31,970
If I yawned when I said that. .
106
00:04:32,004 --> 00:04:33,505
You jerk! .
107
00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:37,642
See? If you yawn
when you say that... .
108
00:04:43,215 --> 00:04:45,283
Well, I didn't get
to meet the president tonight,
109
00:04:45,317 --> 00:04:47,552
but it's worth it, because
I get to hang out in a bar
110
00:04:47,586 --> 00:04:50,488
where all I have to do
for a good time
111
00:04:50,522 --> 00:04:53,457
is call the love machine
at 555-0194. .
112
00:04:53,492 --> 00:04:55,260
Hey, that's our number.
113
00:04:55,294 --> 00:04:57,896
I was drunk.
I did it on a whim. .
114
00:04:57,930 --> 00:04:59,563
It's right here, too.
115
00:04:59,598 --> 00:05:02,033
I wasn't having much response
116
00:05:02,067 --> 00:05:03,501
with that one.
117
00:05:03,535 --> 00:05:06,805
Caitlin, come on.
Let's get us some drinks. .
118
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,873
Hey, blondie, nice dress. .
119
00:05:08,907 --> 00:05:12,409
It would look better
on my bedroom floor. .
120
00:05:12,444 --> 00:05:13,811
Oh, please. .
121
00:05:13,846 --> 00:05:16,313
Do you honestly believe
any woman in her right mind
122
00:05:16,348 --> 00:05:18,449
would fall for a pathetic line
like that? .
123
00:05:18,483 --> 00:05:19,650
Get out of here!
124
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,856
Carter! He liked my dress. .
125
00:05:24,890 --> 00:05:27,759
You know, if I were straight,
126
00:05:27,793 --> 00:05:30,394
I could clean up in this place. .
127
00:05:30,429 --> 00:05:31,429
You? .
128
00:05:31,463 --> 00:05:32,663
Oh, yeah. .
129
00:05:32,698 --> 00:05:36,434
Before I came out,
I was quite the lady killer. .
130
00:05:36,468 --> 00:05:40,071
Eighth grade was very good
to Carter Heywood.
131
00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:41,539
I had a moped. .
132
00:05:41,574 --> 00:05:43,040
Well, things have changed. .
133
00:05:43,074 --> 00:05:44,175
Not for me.
134
00:05:44,209 --> 00:05:46,678
I don't have any hang-ups
talking to women,
135
00:05:46,712 --> 00:05:49,280
'cause I don't want
to sleep with 'em.
136
00:05:49,314 --> 00:05:52,984
I can just be free to be me,
to be sexy, to improv.
137
00:05:53,018 --> 00:05:55,820
Nikki, Nikki,
sweet, beautiful Nikki. .
138
00:05:55,854 --> 00:05:58,990
Gorgeous green eyes,
smooth, smooth hair. .
139
00:05:59,024 --> 00:06:00,791
Eechh! What are you doing?
140
00:06:00,826 --> 00:06:02,226
I'm improv-ing. .
141
00:06:02,261 --> 00:06:06,531
You want to get on the back
of my moped, don't you? .
142
00:06:06,565 --> 00:06:07,965
Why don't you just admit
143
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,902
this is the one subject
you are not an expert on?
144
00:06:10,936 --> 00:06:14,238
I mean, I could do better
with the women in here than you. .
145
00:06:14,273 --> 00:06:16,207
Well, if you're so sure
of yourself,
146
00:06:16,241 --> 00:06:17,942
what say
we make it more interesting?
147
00:06:17,976 --> 00:06:18,943
5 bucks? .
148
00:06:18,977 --> 00:06:20,311
You're on. .
149
00:06:20,345 --> 00:06:22,680
So the first person
to pick up a woman
150
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,382
and have sex with her wins.
151
00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:26,484
Carter, can't we just
get her number? .
152
00:06:26,518 --> 00:06:27,718
That would make it less icky.
153
00:06:34,192 --> 00:06:36,393
James, I have a project. .
154
00:06:36,428 --> 00:06:39,564
Some people
trade baseball cards. .
155
00:06:39,598 --> 00:06:42,633
Other people
collect matchbooks.
156
00:06:42,668 --> 00:06:45,002
I have one real passion.
157
00:06:45,037 --> 00:06:48,205
Paul, I've seen your collection
of Denny's menus. .
158
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,474
Two real passions. .
159
00:06:50,508 --> 00:06:54,345
In here are pictures of me
with every living president
160
00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:56,114
except for the current one. .
161
00:06:56,148 --> 00:06:57,815
That's where you come in. .
162
00:06:57,849 --> 00:07:00,852
You're still on the list
of essential personnel, right? .
163
00:07:00,886 --> 00:07:02,386
Well, sure. Aren't you?
164
00:07:02,420 --> 00:07:03,988
I took a pass.
165
00:07:04,022 --> 00:07:08,993
James, I want you
to be my official photographer. .
166
00:07:09,027 --> 00:07:11,295
Wow! Are you serious?! .
167
00:07:11,329 --> 00:07:14,331
As serious
as a grand slam breakfast.
168
00:07:14,366 --> 00:07:16,400
I'm honored, but why me? .
169
00:07:16,434 --> 00:07:18,503
You still have that camera
that your grandmother left you? .
170
00:07:18,537 --> 00:07:19,904
Yeah. .
171
00:07:19,938 --> 00:07:22,873
Because you're the best! .
172
00:07:24,509 --> 00:07:28,646
Here, Caitlin,
I bought you another drink. .
173
00:07:28,681 --> 00:07:31,448
These things
don't taste like anything. .
174
00:07:31,483 --> 00:07:32,549
What's in 'em? .
175
00:07:32,584 --> 00:07:34,551
Mostly fruit juice and soda. .
176
00:07:34,586 --> 00:07:35,653
No, no! .
177
00:07:35,687 --> 00:07:38,422
Not near the open flame.
178
00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:41,191
Stuart, you realize
no matter how drunk you get me,
179
00:07:41,226 --> 00:07:43,827
my bra is not gonna end up
on that moose head.
180
00:07:43,862 --> 00:07:44,996
I don't care. .
181
00:07:45,030 --> 00:07:46,630
What concerns me more
182
00:07:46,665 --> 00:07:49,833
is what you having your bra on
represents. .
183
00:07:49,868 --> 00:07:52,302
Support? .
184
00:07:52,337 --> 00:07:54,204
Constraint... .
185
00:07:54,239 --> 00:07:55,773
Restriction. .
186
00:07:55,807 --> 00:08:00,111
As if your whole being is
being held in by elastic bands
187
00:08:00,145 --> 00:08:02,846
and repressive
synthetic fibers. .
188
00:08:02,881 --> 00:08:04,782
Actually, it's red lace. .
189
00:08:04,816 --> 00:08:05,950
Is it really? .
190
00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:12,023
Well, what I'm more concerned
about are your panties,
191
00:08:12,057 --> 00:08:15,560
which must be made
of polyester or... What? .
192
00:08:15,594 --> 00:08:17,128
Drop it, Stuart. .
193
00:08:17,162 --> 00:08:19,797
You gotta relax for a change.
You're too uptight. .
194
00:08:19,831 --> 00:08:21,332
You're out with some friends,
195
00:08:21,366 --> 00:08:23,100
the president
is not gonna show up. .
196
00:08:23,134 --> 00:08:24,368
Just cut loose. .
197
00:08:24,403 --> 00:08:27,305
You know what? You're right.
198
00:08:35,747 --> 00:08:40,418
Now... You are gonna see
how a real man handles women. .
199
00:08:40,452 --> 00:08:42,653
Huh. .
200
00:08:42,687 --> 00:08:46,023
Just one more sip
of my daiquiri.
201
00:08:48,627 --> 00:08:51,962
You know, your hair
looks like Audrey hepburn's
202
00:08:51,997 --> 00:08:54,098
in "breakfast at Tiffany's." .
203
00:08:54,132 --> 00:08:55,265
Excuse me?
204
00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:57,034
Carter Heywood.
205
00:08:57,068 --> 00:08:58,469
Carol swain.
206
00:08:58,503 --> 00:09:01,539
Carol... Like coffee caramel. .
207
00:09:01,573 --> 00:09:05,543
Sweet, soft, Christmas Carol. .
208
00:09:05,577 --> 00:09:06,877
What?
209
00:09:06,911 --> 00:09:09,347
I have a moped. .
210
00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:17,288
I can really get the president
with this. .
211
00:09:17,322 --> 00:09:19,256
Now, you say
she's an automatic? .
212
00:09:19,290 --> 00:09:21,826
Rapid-fire, 36 shots,
then you got to reload. .
213
00:09:21,860 --> 00:09:23,060
Perfect. .
214
00:09:23,095 --> 00:09:26,430
Now, remember,
when you shoot the president,
215
00:09:26,465 --> 00:09:29,133
you aim at his head
and you just keep firing. .
216
00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:30,635
Don't jerk, just squeeze. .
217
00:09:30,669 --> 00:09:31,702
Bang! Bang! Bang! .
218
00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:33,137
What's going on here? .
219
00:09:33,171 --> 00:09:34,171
Nothing! .
220
00:09:34,205 --> 00:09:36,173
Are you essential personnel? .
221
00:09:39,211 --> 00:09:41,645
Could you remove your hand
from your wrist? .
222
00:09:43,182 --> 00:09:45,316
Sugar. .
223
00:09:49,654 --> 00:09:51,388
Take care, Paul. .
224
00:09:53,224 --> 00:09:56,527
So, I've been noticing you. .
225
00:09:56,562 --> 00:10:00,297
And I've been noticing you
noticing me noticing you. .
226
00:10:00,331 --> 00:10:01,598
Yeah. .
227
00:10:01,633 --> 00:10:04,802
What were you checking out
exactly, my body?
228
00:10:04,903 --> 00:10:07,338
'Cause I couldn't help
but notice
229
00:10:07,372 --> 00:10:09,307
that yours is pretty hard. .
230
00:10:09,341 --> 00:10:12,543
Our mothers
play bridge together. .
231
00:10:12,577 --> 00:10:14,312
What?
232
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:17,548
I'm Janine stalfort
from westport.
233
00:10:17,582 --> 00:10:21,218
Nikki, we went
to junior high together! .
234
00:10:21,252 --> 00:10:22,920
Oh, my God. .
235
00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:24,788
Oww! .
236
00:10:26,825 --> 00:10:27,791
My bad. .
237
00:10:27,826 --> 00:10:29,393
Okay, that one
238
00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:32,763
was a little close to his neck.
239
00:10:32,797 --> 00:10:36,300
Stuart, I am having
so much fun! .
240
00:10:36,334 --> 00:10:38,369
Where'd you get the wallet? .
241
00:10:38,403 --> 00:10:39,703
Oh, I found it. .
242
00:10:39,738 --> 00:10:40,771
Where? .
243
00:10:40,805 --> 00:10:42,673
In that guy's jacket. .
244
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,809
Okay, I'm cutting you off. .
245
00:10:47,045 --> 00:10:49,146
Oh, just like Mike. .
246
00:10:49,180 --> 00:10:50,381
What do you mean? .
247
00:10:50,415 --> 00:10:53,183
He cut me off...
From the president.
248
00:10:53,217 --> 00:10:57,154
I had the meeting all set up,
and he just cut me off. .
249
00:10:57,188 --> 00:11:00,057
And now,
he's making the bar spin.
250
00:11:00,091 --> 00:11:02,259
I think you have the wrong idea
about Mike. .
251
00:11:02,293 --> 00:11:04,495
No, Mike is bad. .
252
00:11:04,529 --> 00:11:06,497
He's b-b-bad.
253
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,266
Caitlin,
the mayor made the switch.
254
00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:11,335
Mike did everything he could
to talk him out of it. .
255
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:12,636
He did? .
256
00:11:12,671 --> 00:11:15,907
Ooh, he's so good. .
257
00:11:15,941 --> 00:11:18,309
Oh, oh, oh. Where is Mike?
258
00:11:18,343 --> 00:11:19,410
I miss him. .
259
00:11:19,444 --> 00:11:22,480
You know... I'm gonna call him. .
260
00:11:30,321 --> 00:11:32,189
Oh! Oh!
261
00:11:32,223 --> 00:11:33,458
Caitlin!
262
00:11:35,594 --> 00:11:36,727
That's me.
263
00:11:36,761 --> 00:11:38,628
Mike Flaherty.
264
00:11:38,663 --> 00:11:40,264
Mike, it's Caitlin. .
265
00:11:40,298 --> 00:11:41,832
Now, listen to me.
266
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:45,736
I want to see you.
I want to see you right now. .
267
00:11:45,770 --> 00:11:50,674
Uh, I'm kinda busy right now.
268
00:11:50,708 --> 00:11:53,543
Mike, I-I need to see you. .
269
00:11:53,578 --> 00:11:56,247
You're good. I'm bad.
270
00:11:56,281 --> 00:12:01,218
I'm very... Very bad. .
271
00:12:05,423 --> 00:12:07,290
All right, listen,
uh... .
272
00:12:07,325 --> 00:12:10,761
Just stay where you are
and... and stay bad. .
273
00:12:10,795 --> 00:12:12,429
Stay very, very bad.
274
00:12:12,463 --> 00:12:13,864
I gotta go. .
275
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:16,601
But the president will be here
in an hour!
276
00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:20,605
You're on your own. .
277
00:12:32,283 --> 00:12:33,250
Hi. .
278
00:12:33,284 --> 00:12:34,318
Where to?
279
00:12:34,353 --> 00:12:36,487
Caitlin, where are you? .
280
00:12:36,521 --> 00:12:38,222
You're at a bar. .
281
00:12:38,256 --> 00:12:39,690
Okay. What bar? .
282
00:12:39,724 --> 00:12:41,759
She doesn't know
the name of it,
283
00:12:41,793 --> 00:12:44,295
but it's between
a Starbucks and a gap. .
284
00:12:44,329 --> 00:12:45,629
Right. .
285
00:12:45,663 --> 00:12:47,798
All right, I'm on my way. .
286
00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:50,935
Uh-huh. .
287
00:12:50,969 --> 00:12:53,570
You're here. .
288
00:12:53,605 --> 00:12:57,742
Could you be
a little more specific? .
289
00:12:57,776 --> 00:12:59,610
Oh, sure.
It's right around the...
290
00:13:02,748 --> 00:13:05,249
only one way to get that out. .
291
00:13:09,254 --> 00:13:10,654
Agent Duncan... .
292
00:13:10,689 --> 00:13:12,756
Why do you think
they call it "house arrest"? .
293
00:13:12,790 --> 00:13:14,091
We're not in a house. .
294
00:13:14,125 --> 00:13:16,160
Would you really take a bullet
for the president?
295
00:13:16,162 --> 00:13:18,496
I can't answer any questions. .
296
00:13:18,530 --> 00:13:20,297
Why not? Is it a rule?
297
00:13:21,332 --> 00:13:22,800
Can I get that? .
298
00:13:22,834 --> 00:13:25,203
Please. .
299
00:13:25,237 --> 00:13:28,438
Hello?
300
00:13:28,473 --> 00:13:30,908
James, where are you? .
301
00:13:36,514 --> 00:13:38,849
How are things on the outside? .
302
00:13:38,883 --> 00:13:41,418
Pretty much the same
as they were a half-hour ago. .
303
00:13:41,452 --> 00:13:42,653
How's my wife? .
304
00:13:42,688 --> 00:13:44,622
Good. I think
she's still at the movie.
305
00:13:44,656 --> 00:13:45,956
I brought you a snack cake,
306
00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:48,225
but they wouldn't let me
bring it in to you. .
307
00:13:48,260 --> 00:13:51,061
Smear it on the window. .
308
00:13:51,863 --> 00:13:53,263
Smear it on the window. .
309
00:13:59,370 --> 00:14:00,871
Oh, yeah. .
310
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:02,539
Oh, yeah.
311
00:14:02,574 --> 00:14:03,807
Paul? .
312
00:14:03,842 --> 00:14:07,511
Oh, that's the stuff. Oh, yeah.
313
00:14:07,545 --> 00:14:08,912
Paul! .
314
00:14:11,249 --> 00:14:12,483
Listen, I'm really sorry
315
00:14:12,517 --> 00:14:14,952
we're not gonna get that picture
with the president. .
316
00:14:14,986 --> 00:14:16,554
The hell we're not. .
317
00:14:16,588 --> 00:14:18,889
The secret-service man said
if we go near the president,
318
00:14:18,923 --> 00:14:19,890
they could kill us! .
319
00:14:19,924 --> 00:14:22,492
Oh, oh, the secret-service man's
gonna kill me. .
320
00:14:22,527 --> 00:14:24,327
Oh, I don't wanna die so young. .
321
00:14:24,362 --> 00:14:26,697
My whole family's
gonna be devastated. .
322
00:14:26,731 --> 00:14:28,431
All right, all right! I'm in! .
323
00:14:30,034 --> 00:14:33,370
So, was she in there? .
324
00:14:33,405 --> 00:14:34,471
Yeah. Yeah.
325
00:14:34,506 --> 00:14:35,839
I came back out
326
00:14:35,873 --> 00:14:39,677
'cause, you know,
I'd just rather be with you. .
327
00:14:39,711 --> 00:14:42,179
You know, if you want
to know the truth, man,
328
00:14:42,213 --> 00:14:44,114
I think
it's pretty sleazy of you
329
00:14:44,148 --> 00:14:46,216
to try to score
with a drunk woman. .
330
00:14:46,251 --> 00:14:48,919
You don't get it. .
331
00:14:48,953 --> 00:14:50,187
See, the thing is,
332
00:14:50,221 --> 00:14:53,257
I find her, and I tell her,
"we can't do this,"
333
00:14:53,291 --> 00:14:55,426
because she is
in no condition,
334
00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:57,694
and it just wouldn't be right. .
335
00:14:57,728 --> 00:14:59,796
And then, the next day,
336
00:14:59,830 --> 00:15:02,999
she remembers
how sensitive I was,
337
00:15:03,034 --> 00:15:04,702
and boom! I'm in. .
338
00:15:04,736 --> 00:15:07,070
Isn't that
just taking advantage of her
339
00:15:07,105 --> 00:15:08,305
in a different way? .
340
00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:10,474
What's with
all the leading questions? .
341
00:15:10,508 --> 00:15:12,843
What is this,
like "taxicab confessions"? .
342
00:15:12,877 --> 00:15:15,712
Uh... No. .
343
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:21,085
Oh, man.
344
00:15:21,119 --> 00:15:24,188
I'll tell you, they say
that passing a kidney stone
345
00:15:24,222 --> 00:15:26,657
is the male equivalent
of giving birth. .
346
00:15:26,691 --> 00:15:28,993
Well, that night,
I had triplets!
347
00:15:32,497 --> 00:15:33,864
Agent Duncan?
348
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:37,901
Agent Duncan? .
349
00:15:37,936 --> 00:15:39,003
Yeah! .
350
00:15:39,037 --> 00:15:41,072
A-and then... .
351
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:44,041
The process of filling out
the insurance forms...
352
00:15:44,075 --> 00:15:44,942
oh, my gosh,
353
00:15:44,976 --> 00:15:46,577
is that tedious
354
00:15:46,611 --> 00:15:50,013
with the everything
in triplicate.
355
00:15:57,488 --> 00:16:00,257
Well, here's my number. .
356
00:16:00,291 --> 00:16:01,125
Oh! .
357
00:16:01,159 --> 00:16:03,694
O-o-okay. Thank you. .
358
00:16:03,728 --> 00:16:05,596
Thank you so much. .
359
00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:06,596
Wait, wait, wait. .
360
00:16:06,631 --> 00:16:08,632
Where do you think
you're going? .
361
00:16:08,666 --> 00:16:13,003
Uh, listen, Carol,
I got to come clean.
362
00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:14,271
I'm gay. .
363
00:16:14,305 --> 00:16:16,673
Oh, please,
I've heard that before. .
364
00:16:16,707 --> 00:16:20,210
Guys see the prison tattoo,
and suddenly they're gay. .
365
00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:22,380
Prison tattoo? .
366
00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:25,549
He threw that brick at himself.
367
00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:27,852
I've been waiting 45 minutes.
368
00:16:27,886 --> 00:16:29,854
I don't think Mike's coming. .
369
00:16:29,888 --> 00:16:32,389
Yeah, it's getting pretty late. .
370
00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:37,661
Maybe we should put you
in a cab. .
371
00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:38,696
Good idea. .
372
00:16:38,730 --> 00:16:39,697
You know what?
373
00:16:39,731 --> 00:16:41,732
I am going back to city hall,
374
00:16:41,766 --> 00:16:44,701
and I am giving him
a piece of my mind. .
375
00:16:44,736 --> 00:16:46,137
Wow. .
376
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:48,772
That mascara's really
bringing out your forehead. .
377
00:16:48,806 --> 00:16:50,274
That's sweet. .
378
00:16:50,308 --> 00:16:51,408
You're good, Stuart. .
379
00:16:51,442 --> 00:16:55,812
You... Deserve... A... Reward. .
380
00:16:55,847 --> 00:16:57,281
You don't mean... .
381
00:16:57,315 --> 00:16:58,815
Not... .
382
00:16:58,850 --> 00:17:01,985
Aah. .
383
00:17:02,019 --> 00:17:04,955
Ohh. .
384
00:17:04,989 --> 00:17:07,458
Ooohhh!
385
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:13,831
Moose! Moose! Moose! Moose! .
386
00:17:13,865 --> 00:17:15,699
Moose! Moose! Moose! Moose! .
387
00:17:15,733 --> 00:17:18,235
Moose! Moose! Moose! Moose!
Moose! Moose! .
388
00:17:18,269 --> 00:17:19,637
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! .
389
00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:28,412
Big bird's left the nest. .
390
00:17:30,015 --> 00:17:31,982
Big bird's left the nest.
391
00:17:33,051 --> 00:17:34,885
Paul, the president's here. .
392
00:17:40,391 --> 00:17:41,358
Hey! Hey!
393
00:17:41,392 --> 00:17:42,693
I'll take care of this. .
394
00:17:42,727 --> 00:17:43,794
Come here! .
395
00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:44,795
Wha...
396
00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:46,430
what are you doing?! .
397
00:17:46,464 --> 00:17:47,531
Just go with it. .
398
00:17:50,602 --> 00:17:53,804
Janelle.
399
00:17:53,838 --> 00:17:57,675
Caitlin, have you been
making out with a clown? .
400
00:17:57,709 --> 00:17:59,009
No. .
401
00:17:59,043 --> 00:18:02,012
Where's Mike? .
402
00:18:02,046 --> 00:18:03,614
He's out looking for you. .
403
00:18:03,648 --> 00:18:06,283
Oh, really? Mike is good. .
404
00:18:06,317 --> 00:18:07,851
Is he in there? .
405
00:18:07,885 --> 00:18:12,355
No, he's out looking for you.
406
00:18:12,390 --> 00:18:15,458
I'm not wearing a bra. .
407
00:18:21,399 --> 00:18:24,001
Sir? .
408
00:18:25,303 --> 00:18:26,369
Are you okay? .
409
00:18:26,404 --> 00:18:27,404
No, I'm a wreck.
410
00:18:27,438 --> 00:18:29,306
I'm about
to meet the president.
411
00:18:29,341 --> 00:18:30,941
I mean, slap the president. .
412
00:18:30,976 --> 00:18:33,177
Damn! .
413
00:18:33,211 --> 00:18:35,946
Oh. Oh, sir, calm down.
You will be fine. .
414
00:18:35,980 --> 00:18:37,881
Just... just follow my lead. .
415
00:18:37,915 --> 00:18:40,750
Sir! The president
of the United States. .
416
00:18:45,490 --> 00:18:49,393
I don't feel so good.
417
00:18:51,429 --> 00:18:54,598
Damn.
418
00:18:57,002 --> 00:18:59,637
Da-a-a-mn! .
419
00:19:05,343 --> 00:19:09,213
Mom, for the last time,
I am not gay.
420
00:19:09,247 --> 00:19:13,583
I sleep with men.
I sleep with lots of men.
421
00:19:13,617 --> 00:19:16,320
I'm a slut, for God's sakes. .
422
00:19:16,354 --> 00:19:19,689
Okay. .
423
00:19:19,724 --> 00:19:22,760
Love you, too.
424
00:19:22,794 --> 00:19:25,662
Carol, for the last time,
I'm gay. .
425
00:19:25,696 --> 00:19:28,799
No, I don't want
to meet your parents.
426
00:19:29,834 --> 00:19:32,803
Okay, one dinner,
but that's it. .
427
00:19:34,505 --> 00:19:36,340
I love you, too.
428
00:19:38,442 --> 00:19:43,280
Caitlin, uh, I was driving
around in this cab all night.
429
00:19:43,314 --> 00:19:46,784
I missed you,
and I missed the president,
430
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:49,987
and I missed,
uh, Paul beating up James. .
431
00:19:50,021 --> 00:19:53,023
And, anyway, I'm just...
I'm sorry.
432
00:19:53,058 --> 00:19:55,458
Mike, what are you
talking about? .
433
00:19:55,493 --> 00:19:58,728
You called me. .
434
00:19:58,763 --> 00:20:01,565
You were bad? .
435
00:20:01,599 --> 00:20:06,203
You were very, very bad?
436
00:20:06,237 --> 00:20:08,972
Mike, granted last night
was kind of a blur,
437
00:20:09,007 --> 00:20:10,607
but I think you're reading
438
00:20:10,641 --> 00:20:13,711
a lot more into a perfectly
innocent phone call.
439
00:20:13,745 --> 00:20:14,878
.
440
00:20:14,912 --> 00:20:18,515
Mike, you are so hot... .
441
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,784
And I am so bad. .
442
00:20:20,818 --> 00:20:24,454
And my bra's on a moose.
443
00:20:24,488 --> 00:20:26,090
.
444
00:20:26,124 --> 00:20:27,524
Note to self...
445
00:20:27,558 --> 00:20:30,494
backstreet boys album signin,tower records,
446
00:20:30,528 --> 00:20:31,795
bring sleeping bag.
447
00:20:34,632 --> 00:20:36,567
For my niece!
448
00:20:43,775 --> 00:20:44,775
Stuart.
449
00:20:44,809 --> 00:20:46,109
I want to thank you. .
450
00:20:46,144 --> 00:20:48,912
If you hadn't cut me off
at the bar last night,
451
00:20:48,946 --> 00:20:50,346
who knows how much more
452
00:20:50,381 --> 00:20:52,750
I would've thrown up
on the president. .
453
00:20:52,784 --> 00:20:54,050
Don't beat yourself up. .
454
00:20:54,084 --> 00:20:55,952
So you cut loose.
Nobody got hurt. .
455
00:20:55,986 --> 00:20:57,254
You surprised me. .
456
00:20:57,288 --> 00:20:59,490
You were actually
a real gentleman. .
457
00:20:59,524 --> 00:21:01,991
Well, don't let it get around,
458
00:21:02,026 --> 00:21:03,793
but I could be a class act.
459
00:21:03,828 --> 00:21:05,862
I really appreciate...
460
00:21:08,533 --> 00:21:12,135
are you... Wearing my bra? .
461
00:21:12,170 --> 00:21:15,639
Until the day I die.
462
00:21:17,508 --> 00:21:20,143
- Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.
-
31852
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof