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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:01,567 --> 00:00:05,803 Claudia's had to have an emergency appendectomy. 2 00:00:05,838 --> 00:00:09,974 What, did you dip the appendix in melted butter?. 3 00:00:10,009 --> 00:00:12,744 My wife goes under the knife, and you have the audacity... 4 00:00:15,114 --> 00:00:17,482 damn.. 5 00:00:17,516 --> 00:00:21,052 Moving on. The groundbreaking for the performing-arts center 6 00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:22,821 at the site of the old produce market 7 00:00:22,855 --> 00:00:24,188 is right on schedule.. 8 00:00:24,223 --> 00:00:27,458 Is it true some farmers refuse to move their stalls?. 9 00:00:27,493 --> 00:00:28,793 Well, act... . 10 00:00:28,828 --> 00:00:30,962 Looks like she's got you on the rope there, boss.. 11 00:00:30,996 --> 00:00:32,264 Why don't I take over?. 12 00:00:32,298 --> 00:00:34,666 That's a good question, sue.. 13 00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:37,802 All the farmers fully support the mayor's project.. 14 00:00:37,836 --> 00:00:41,006 Each and every farmer is more than happy to move.. 15 00:00:43,776 --> 00:00:45,176 Might want to bib up. 16 00:01:12,505 --> 00:01:13,772 For those who missed it 17 00:01:13,806 --> 00:01:15,973 at yesterday afternoon's press conference, 18 00:01:16,008 --> 00:01:18,043 our very own Paul lassiter was hit in the face 19 00:01:18,077 --> 00:01:19,444 with a rotten tomato.... 20 00:01:19,478 --> 00:01:21,246 That is hysterical! Ha ha ha! 21 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:22,747 and that's a bad thing.. 22 00:01:22,781 --> 00:01:24,616 Oh, I'm sorry. So sorry.. 23 00:01:24,650 --> 00:01:26,651 Honestly! Honestly, what kind of a guy 24 00:01:26,685 --> 00:01:29,487 throws a tomato at another man and runs? 25 00:01:29,521 --> 00:01:32,657 I'll tell you what kind... a coward! A wuss!. 26 00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:34,793 Boy, what I wouldn't give for five minutes alone 27 00:01:34,827 --> 00:01:36,961 with that guy.... 28 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,568 He'll be here at noon.. 29 00:01:43,602 --> 00:01:47,038 Good! You tell him he is lucky... 30 00:01:47,072 --> 00:01:50,842 lucky... I am taking an early lunch! 31 00:01:50,876 --> 00:01:53,043 James, we're meeting with this farmer, 32 00:01:53,078 --> 00:01:54,979 trying to get him to move his stand. 33 00:01:55,013 --> 00:01:56,681 I'm gonna want you in there with me.. 34 00:01:56,716 --> 00:01:58,216 There's a lot riding on this.. 35 00:01:58,250 --> 00:02:00,919 Wow. Thanks, Mike. I-I'm honored... 36 00:02:00,953 --> 00:02:02,020 flattered. 37 00:02:02,054 --> 00:02:04,055 I really don't know what to say.. 38 00:02:04,089 --> 00:02:06,457 Don't let it go to your head, Jethro.. 39 00:02:06,491 --> 00:02:09,528 You're the only one around here who speaks hick.. 40 00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:11,228 This tomato farmer's killing us.. 41 00:02:11,263 --> 00:02:13,230 He's got a 10-year lease and he won't budge, 42 00:02:13,265 --> 00:02:14,966 and the mayor breaks ground today. 43 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,701 I passed the site on my way to work, 44 00:02:16,735 --> 00:02:18,769 and there's a crew of construction workers 45 00:02:18,871 --> 00:02:21,039 standing around catcalling women.. 46 00:02:21,073 --> 00:02:22,507 One of them even knew my name.. 47 00:02:22,541 --> 00:02:24,976 Actually, that was me.. 48 00:02:26,679 --> 00:02:29,013 I like to go to construction sites 49 00:02:29,047 --> 00:02:30,715 to try out new material.. 50 00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,685 Lastly, the mayor's been sampled 51 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,921 in a soon-to-be-released rap song.. 52 00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:39,724 They took a sound bite from that recycling speech I wrote. 53 00:02:39,758 --> 00:02:42,394 "I want you to put your little cans in the big can!". 54 00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:44,462 Here's their interpretation of it. 55 00:02:44,496 --> 00:02:45,597 . 56 00:02:45,631 --> 00:02:47,832 ♪ I want your big cans ♪ 57 00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:49,300 ♪ I want your big cans ♪ 58 00:02:49,334 --> 00:02:52,804 ♪ I want your big cans, big cans, big cans♪ 59 00:02:52,838 --> 00:02:55,373 . 60 00:02:55,407 --> 00:02:57,976 Has the mayor heard this yet? 61 00:02:58,010 --> 00:03:01,679 ♪ I want your big cans, I want your big cans ♪ 62 00:03:01,713 --> 00:03:05,817 ♪ I want your big cans, big cans, big cans ♪ 63 00:03:05,851 --> 00:03:08,320 Stuart, you left a few things at my place last night.. 64 00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:09,687 Oh.. 65 00:03:09,721 --> 00:03:12,757 Your toothbrush... Your socks.... 66 00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:16,194 And your saddle. 67 00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:22,633 You guys are unbelievable.. 68 00:03:22,668 --> 00:03:26,037 How about for once you push two twin beds together 69 00:03:26,071 --> 00:03:29,507 and do it on your anniversary like a normal couple?. 70 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:33,511 Are we making you jealous, married boy? 71 00:03:33,545 --> 00:03:36,281 Claudia is not the only woman I've ever been with, 72 00:03:36,315 --> 00:03:38,183 believe you me.. 73 00:03:38,217 --> 00:03:40,051 There's one more.. 74 00:03:40,085 --> 00:03:42,586 Trust me. I've sowed my wild oat.. 75 00:03:42,621 --> 00:03:44,255 Oh, yeah?. 76 00:03:44,289 --> 00:03:45,990 Tell us about it.. 77 00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:48,293 Well, it was at a Boston concert 78 00:03:48,327 --> 00:03:49,960 in Chicago back in '79.... 79 00:03:49,995 --> 00:03:52,830 And I'm working on my second wine cooler.. 80 00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:55,634 And this girl in a red leather jacket comes up.. 81 00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:56,801 She's all over me.. 82 00:03:56,836 --> 00:03:58,336 Never even got her name.. 83 00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:00,171 Red leather jacket, huh?. 84 00:04:00,206 --> 00:04:00,905 Yeah.. 85 00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:02,540 Wait... front row?. 86 00:04:02,574 --> 00:04:03,941 Left side of the stage.. 87 00:04:03,976 --> 00:04:07,111 Right in front of the bass player.... 88 00:04:07,145 --> 00:04:09,347 Oh, my God.. 89 00:04:10,883 --> 00:04:12,249 Oh, my God! 90 00:04:13,752 --> 00:04:15,887 You're my oat!. 91 00:04:15,921 --> 00:04:17,855 Ha ha ha ha ha!. 92 00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:19,491 Hey, Stuart! 93 00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:22,359 I had sex with your girlfriend!. 94 00:04:25,297 --> 00:04:26,931 Sir, we're meeting with the man 95 00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:28,900 who wrote the "big cans" song.. 96 00:04:28,934 --> 00:04:31,102 His name is smooth daddy. He's a popular rapper.. 97 00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:32,337 Please, Carter! 98 00:04:32,371 --> 00:04:34,472 I'm not completely out of touch!. 99 00:04:34,506 --> 00:04:35,740 Sorry.. 100 00:04:35,774 --> 00:04:37,875 Anyway, he's about to release a new cd... 101 00:04:37,909 --> 00:04:41,011 a new what?. 102 00:04:41,046 --> 00:04:42,580 A new album, sir, 103 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:45,616 and we're trying to get him to change the song.. 104 00:04:45,651 --> 00:04:48,152 Sir? Smooth daddy's here.. 105 00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:51,022 Okay, sir, the main thing here is not to offend him 106 00:04:51,056 --> 00:04:53,558 by playing into any rapper stereotypes, huh?. 107 00:04:53,592 --> 00:04:55,626 Heh. Sup?. 108 00:04:55,661 --> 00:04:57,495 Thanks for coming! 109 00:04:57,529 --> 00:04:58,730 I got something for you.. 110 00:04:58,764 --> 00:05:00,898 Gun!!. 111 00:05:07,006 --> 00:05:08,873 Word is you like these.. 112 00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:10,975 Oh, cohiba! 113 00:05:11,009 --> 00:05:15,246 I'm, uh, Carter Heywood. I'm head of minority affairs.. 114 00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:17,648 Sup?. 115 00:05:17,682 --> 00:05:19,918 Yeah, so.... 116 00:05:19,952 --> 00:05:22,220 Wow... titaniums. That's nice.. 117 00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:23,387 You play?. 118 00:05:23,422 --> 00:05:25,523 Yeah! You should come out to Westchester.. 119 00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:26,791 You and I can hit the links.. 120 00:05:26,825 --> 00:05:28,459 How about Saturday?. 121 00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:30,929 We can talk about changing the lyrics in your song. 122 00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:32,397 I don't think so.... 123 00:05:32,431 --> 00:05:34,899 Gun!! 124 00:05:37,135 --> 00:05:38,570 but Sunday's good.. 125 00:05:38,604 --> 00:05:40,671 Great! We're on!. 126 00:05:40,705 --> 00:05:43,775 All right. Catch you... Later.. 127 00:05:45,210 --> 00:05:46,577 Thanks, Carter.. 128 00:05:46,611 --> 00:05:48,646 If you weren't here, that could've been.... 129 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,549 Awkward.. 130 00:05:51,583 --> 00:05:54,919 Mr. stepnowski... howdy. Thanks for coming in. 131 00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:57,221 I'm not moving my tomato stand.. 132 00:05:57,255 --> 00:06:00,224 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! You haven't heard our offer yet.. 133 00:06:00,259 --> 00:06:02,727 We're willing to pay your entire relocation cost, 134 00:06:02,761 --> 00:06:05,262 we'll give you tax abatement for the first year, 135 00:06:05,297 --> 00:06:07,631 and, to sweeten the pot.... 136 00:06:07,666 --> 00:06:09,834 A picture of the mayor of New York City 137 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:14,105 personally autographed to you.... 138 00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:16,407 A loyal supporter. 139 00:06:16,441 --> 00:06:19,544 Flaherty, my lawyer says I got an ironclad lease. 140 00:06:19,578 --> 00:06:21,646 I make good money where I am. 141 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:22,813 I'm not leaving. 142 00:06:22,847 --> 00:06:24,682 I hear ya.. 143 00:06:26,818 --> 00:06:29,554 Key chain... Coffee mug.. 144 00:06:31,123 --> 00:06:32,556 That's it, now.. 145 00:06:32,590 --> 00:06:35,326 And don't go telling the mayor that I did this.. 146 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,428 Mr. stepnowski, I promise you, 147 00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:40,665 you will sell just as many vegetables downtown.. 148 00:06:40,699 --> 00:06:42,266 The tomato's a fruit.. 149 00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:44,268 You go calling it a vegetable, 150 00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:46,337 you might as well put me in a miniskirt, 151 00:06:46,371 --> 00:06:47,705 call me a woman.. 152 00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:50,141 Fruit it is.. 153 00:06:50,175 --> 00:06:51,475 Hey, Mike.. 154 00:06:51,509 --> 00:06:53,744 Sorry I'm late. I... 155 00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:56,080 stepnowski.. 156 00:06:56,115 --> 00:06:58,082 You know the vegetable guy?. 157 00:06:58,116 --> 00:06:59,383 Fruit guy, Mike.. 158 00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:04,255 Back in Wisconsin, stepnowski and I 159 00:07:04,289 --> 00:07:06,591 used to compete in the pig contests. 160 00:07:11,463 --> 00:07:14,966 I'm sorry... pig... pig contest?. 161 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,267 Where we come from, 162 00:07:16,301 --> 00:07:19,336 we take that kind of thing pretty serious, mister.. 163 00:07:21,573 --> 00:07:27,245 I would've taken you back at swinefest '93.... 164 00:07:27,279 --> 00:07:29,013 But, nah, you disappeared... 165 00:07:29,047 --> 00:07:32,516 vanished without a trace, never to be heard from again. 166 00:07:32,550 --> 00:07:35,452 I went to college.. 167 00:07:35,487 --> 00:07:38,356 Well, you left behind quite a legacy.. 168 00:07:38,390 --> 00:07:40,924 No matter how many fairs I won, 169 00:07:40,959 --> 00:07:42,960 I was always second best... 170 00:07:42,994 --> 00:07:46,263 always in the shadow of "hog boy" hobert.. 171 00:07:46,297 --> 00:07:48,299 Hog boy?. 172 00:07:48,333 --> 00:07:52,003 Hey, hey... I bet you would like a rematch.. 173 00:07:52,037 --> 00:07:53,671 You bet I would!. 174 00:07:53,706 --> 00:07:56,440 No rematch, Mike! I'm done with pigging!. 175 00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:58,276 We win, you move your vegetable stand.. 176 00:07:58,310 --> 00:07:59,543 Fruit stand.. 177 00:07:59,578 --> 00:08:01,379 Whatever.. 178 00:08:02,814 --> 00:08:05,250 Hey, sweet cheeks.. 179 00:08:05,284 --> 00:08:08,052 How are the memories?. 180 00:08:08,086 --> 00:08:09,821 Scorching.. 181 00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:13,925 Scorching. 182 00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:21,165 Hey, uh, listen, Deirdre.... 183 00:08:21,199 --> 00:08:24,869 There's this, um, one thing I wanted to ask you.. 184 00:08:24,903 --> 00:08:27,038 It's kind of silly, but, uh.... 185 00:08:27,072 --> 00:08:28,605 You know when you, uh.... 186 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:29,908 Had sex with Paul? 187 00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:31,608 Right.. 188 00:08:31,643 --> 00:08:33,878 It's a really dumb question, but.... 189 00:08:33,912 --> 00:08:36,647 For some reason, I just kinda wanna know.... 190 00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,215 How was he?. 191 00:08:38,249 --> 00:08:40,184 Yeah. I mean, I know the answer already, 192 00:08:40,218 --> 00:08:42,086 but I just wanna hear you say that.... 193 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,421 He rocked my world.. 194 00:08:43,455 --> 00:08:46,256 Oh, God!!. 195 00:08:46,291 --> 00:08:48,392 Trust me, James, you can do this.. 196 00:08:48,426 --> 00:08:51,362 This is farming, Mike. You don't know this world. 197 00:08:51,396 --> 00:08:53,931 I don't give you advice about running the city, do I?. 198 00:08:53,965 --> 00:08:55,934 That's why I'm very little help to you.. 199 00:08:55,968 --> 00:08:57,801 It's a pig contest, okay?. 200 00:08:57,836 --> 00:08:59,470 What is the big deal?. 201 00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:01,438 We take city funds, we go out, 202 00:09:01,473 --> 00:09:04,375 we buy the biggest, fattest pig we can find, 203 00:09:04,409 --> 00:09:05,776 and we win this thing.. 204 00:09:05,810 --> 00:09:07,144 It's not like that, Mike.. 205 00:09:07,178 --> 00:09:09,113 These are true competitions.. 206 00:09:09,147 --> 00:09:11,716 These are full-fledged pig-offs!. 207 00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:14,752 This is the only way we're gonna get this guy to move.. 208 00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:16,955 Now, you've beaten him, what, five times?. 209 00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:19,157 What exactly is the problem? 210 00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:26,430 I was a good pigger, Mike.. 211 00:09:31,035 --> 00:09:34,171 Hell, I was the best.. 212 00:09:34,206 --> 00:09:36,740 But I flew too high too fast... 213 00:09:36,775 --> 00:09:38,743 couldn't handle the success.. 214 00:09:38,777 --> 00:09:42,213 Of course, that's when the drinking started.. 215 00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:46,718 Cider?. 216 00:09:49,354 --> 00:09:52,490 Two jugs a day. 217 00:09:52,524 --> 00:09:56,194 I squandered everything I won... 218 00:09:56,228 --> 00:10:00,264 everything my manager hadn't stolen.. 219 00:10:00,298 --> 00:10:05,202 Then came the bus crash.. 220 00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:08,339 Wait a minute... I saw this.. 221 00:10:08,373 --> 00:10:11,475 Vhl... "behind the pigs." . 222 00:10:13,545 --> 00:10:17,181 This isn't funny, Mike, okay? I did something bad.. 223 00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:22,419 We're not talking "deliverance" bad, are we?. 224 00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:25,355 Look, Mike, I really don't wanna talk about this. 225 00:10:25,390 --> 00:10:27,791 I don't wanna talk about this, either, 226 00:10:27,826 --> 00:10:30,194 but I have got a pig-off in 24 hours!. 227 00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:32,029 Now, tell me what happened.. 228 00:10:32,063 --> 00:10:33,531 No. 229 00:10:33,565 --> 00:10:35,800 Tell me!. 230 00:10:42,474 --> 00:10:45,142 I hit a pig!. 231 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,748 That's it? That's the bad thing?. 232 00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:53,650 Tell you what... I'll make a deal with you.. 233 00:10:53,652 --> 00:10:54,852 You do this for me, 234 00:10:54,886 --> 00:10:57,254 when we build that performing-arts center, 235 00:10:57,288 --> 00:10:59,323 we will name it after you.. 236 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:00,691 It'll be called 237 00:11:00,725 --> 00:11:05,063 the James hobert performing arts center?. 238 00:11:05,097 --> 00:11:07,498 Around the office, it will.. 239 00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:24,081 Oh, my God. Look at this place.. 240 00:11:24,116 --> 00:11:26,384 It's a pigsty!. 241 00:11:29,888 --> 00:11:32,089 Can we just hurry up and pick a pig? 242 00:11:32,124 --> 00:11:34,458 I've got to get back to the city to.... 243 00:11:34,493 --> 00:11:36,727 Buy new shoes.. 244 00:11:36,761 --> 00:11:38,028 How about that one? 245 00:11:38,063 --> 00:11:40,765 Mike, you just don't take the first pig 246 00:11:40,799 --> 00:11:42,700 that waddles up to you.. 247 00:11:42,734 --> 00:11:45,402 This isn't a fraternity party. 248 00:11:48,073 --> 00:11:50,775 James, I don't know what kind of fraternity you went to, 249 00:11:50,809 --> 00:11:53,077 but that is an awful way to talk about women.. 250 00:11:53,111 --> 00:11:55,780 Who's talking about women? 251 00:11:57,616 --> 00:12:00,485 Let's just take this one.. 252 00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:04,522 No, no, no, no, no. That one's too smart.. 253 00:12:04,556 --> 00:12:06,524 Too lazy.... 254 00:12:06,558 --> 00:12:08,392 Too old.... 255 00:12:08,426 --> 00:12:11,462 Oh, bad body image.. 256 00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:12,997 Wait a minute, Mike.. 257 00:12:13,031 --> 00:12:14,732 Do you see what I see?. 258 00:12:17,235 --> 00:12:19,871 Another pig?. 259 00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:24,041 No, Mike, not just another pig... our pig!. 260 00:12:24,075 --> 00:12:26,677 Hey, buddy! Come here!. 261 00:12:26,712 --> 00:12:29,146 Yeah! What do you say about that? 262 00:12:35,453 --> 00:12:40,457 Oh, I get it... you're like a pig whisperer.. 263 00:12:43,127 --> 00:12:46,763 That mansion of yours sure is phat.. 264 00:12:46,798 --> 00:12:48,299 What?. 265 00:12:48,333 --> 00:12:49,533 You know, phat.. 266 00:12:49,568 --> 00:12:51,768 Oh, I see! "Phat" means "cool.". 267 00:12:51,803 --> 00:12:53,437 Yeah, yeah! That's right.. 268 00:12:53,472 --> 00:12:56,073 Well, then... After we were married, 269 00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:57,774 my wife got really cool.. 270 00:13:01,313 --> 00:13:04,515 In fact, she had to go to a cool camp.. 271 00:13:05,783 --> 00:13:08,519 She is really overweight. 272 00:13:09,755 --> 00:13:11,756 Oh, God.. 273 00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:13,758 Yeah, well, I should get going.. 274 00:13:16,327 --> 00:13:19,163 Fellas.. 275 00:13:22,367 --> 00:13:25,202 Did you see how he did that "fellas" thing? 276 00:13:25,236 --> 00:13:27,738 I want a posse.. 277 00:13:27,773 --> 00:13:29,674 Sir, you have one... 278 00:13:29,708 --> 00:13:31,909 me, Stuart, James, Paul.. 279 00:13:31,944 --> 00:13:36,113 That's kind of a lame posse, Carter.. 280 00:13:38,617 --> 00:13:41,218 Uh, sir, about smooth... 281 00:13:41,252 --> 00:13:43,087 I don't know if it's a good idea for you 282 00:13:43,121 --> 00:13:44,521 to be seen with him in public.. 283 00:13:44,556 --> 00:13:46,390 It may hurt you with your female voters.. 284 00:13:46,424 --> 00:13:47,658 What do you mean?. 285 00:13:47,692 --> 00:13:49,760 He took me out of his song, like we asked.. 286 00:13:49,794 --> 00:13:51,996 Sir, that wasn't his only song.. 287 00:13:52,030 --> 00:13:55,065 His last love ballad was called "you my ho." 288 00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:58,335 What's so offensive about that?. 289 00:13:58,370 --> 00:13:59,403 "Ho" means "whore." 290 00:13:59,437 --> 00:14:00,905 I did not know that.. 291 00:14:03,174 --> 00:14:04,875 Go! Come on! Yeah!. 292 00:14:04,909 --> 00:14:06,143 How's he doing?. 293 00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:09,012 Well, his form and style are excellent, 294 00:14:09,047 --> 00:14:11,949 but his execution... a little Canadian. 295 00:14:11,983 --> 00:14:15,953 I think the judges are gonna take off points for that.. 296 00:14:15,987 --> 00:14:17,555 Really?. 297 00:14:17,589 --> 00:14:20,791 It's a freakin' pig-off! How the hell do I know?!. 298 00:14:20,825 --> 00:14:22,926 Yay! Yay! Yay!. 299 00:14:25,397 --> 00:14:26,430 A 10? 300 00:14:26,464 --> 00:14:28,765 You're giving him a perfect 10 for that?. 301 00:14:28,799 --> 00:14:30,200 That's out of 12.. 302 00:14:30,235 --> 00:14:31,902 Why 12? 303 00:14:31,936 --> 00:14:35,306 'Cause the first pigging judge in Wisconsin had 12 fingers.. 304 00:14:35,340 --> 00:14:38,775 Get out of here. What a freak!. 305 00:14:38,810 --> 00:14:43,180 He was my pappy!. 306 00:14:45,950 --> 00:14:48,118 Okay, Mike, I'm ready. 307 00:14:48,152 --> 00:14:50,421 James, you look very handsome. 308 00:14:50,455 --> 00:14:51,988 I've seen this before, Caitlin.. 309 00:14:52,023 --> 00:14:53,824 You're just in love with the uniform.. 310 00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:56,827 Son, you're up.. 311 00:14:56,861 --> 00:14:58,729 Get out there and win this thing.. 312 00:14:58,763 --> 00:15:02,099 Win! Win! Win!. 313 00:15:02,133 --> 00:15:04,835 Win! Win! Win! Win!. 314 00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:06,137 Win! Win! Win!. 315 00:15:06,171 --> 00:15:07,538 Win! Win! Win!. 316 00:15:07,572 --> 00:15:09,773 Win! Win! Win!. 317 00:15:09,807 --> 00:15:12,109 Win! Win! Win!. 318 00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:13,810 Win! Win! Win!. 319 00:15:13,845 --> 00:15:16,280 Win! Win! Win! 320 00:15:16,314 --> 00:15:17,448 . 321 00:15:17,482 --> 00:15:18,516 Oh! Oh!. 322 00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:21,385 Come on! 323 00:15:21,419 --> 00:15:24,287 I can't do this, Mike! 324 00:15:24,322 --> 00:15:25,889 I can't! I can't! 325 00:15:25,923 --> 00:15:28,325 James, come back! James!. 326 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:30,461 Okay, what part of me expected a pig-off 327 00:15:30,495 --> 00:15:31,896 to go smoothly?. 328 00:15:31,930 --> 00:15:33,931 Don't talk to me.. 329 00:15:33,965 --> 00:15:35,566 Okay. All right.. 330 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,667 But I was thinking.... 331 00:15:37,702 --> 00:15:41,438 If I were a candy bar, what kind would I be?. 332 00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:44,741 Oh, I know... a snickers. You know why? 333 00:15:44,775 --> 00:15:47,778 'Cause snickers really satisfies. 334 00:15:47,812 --> 00:15:50,214 Paul, I'm kinda busy.. 335 00:15:50,248 --> 00:15:54,818 What? No zinger? No snappy comeback, huh?. 336 00:15:54,852 --> 00:15:57,721 You know why? 'Cause our dynamic has changed. 337 00:15:57,756 --> 00:15:59,957 I'm the unstoppable sex machine, 338 00:15:59,991 --> 00:16:01,625 and you're the office joke!. 339 00:16:01,659 --> 00:16:04,161 Come on! Come on! Insult me! Come on!. 340 00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:06,463 Come at me! Come on! Just try it!. 341 00:16:06,497 --> 00:16:07,497 Okay! 342 00:16:07,532 --> 00:16:08,833 Paul.... 343 00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:12,336 The guy who owns that all-you-can-eat buffet called.. 344 00:16:12,370 --> 00:16:13,704 He gives. 345 00:16:15,673 --> 00:16:18,876 That's funny. 346 00:16:18,910 --> 00:16:23,346 I had sex with your girlfriend.. 347 00:16:23,381 --> 00:16:25,349 You're a jackass!. 348 00:16:25,383 --> 00:16:29,019 A jackass who had sex with your girlfriend.. 349 00:16:29,053 --> 00:16:30,253 Are you finished? 350 00:16:34,158 --> 00:16:36,126 That's what when we were having sex.. 351 00:16:37,562 --> 00:16:40,531 So... Where's hog boy?. 352 00:16:40,565 --> 00:16:43,900 Oh, he'll be right back.. 353 00:16:43,934 --> 00:16:47,237 He just wanted to, uh... Catch the end of the, uh.... 354 00:16:47,272 --> 00:16:49,439 Sheep shot put.. 355 00:16:53,378 --> 00:16:57,681 Yeah, I knew he'd turn tail. That's a forfeit, Flaherty.. 356 00:16:57,716 --> 00:17:00,618 Me and my tomatoes are staying put.. 357 00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:01,852 Not so fast! 358 00:17:01,886 --> 00:17:03,887 I'd like to make a substitution.. 359 00:17:03,921 --> 00:17:06,824 Are you substituting under the flanders rule 360 00:17:06,858 --> 00:17:08,258 or the McMahon rule?. 361 00:17:08,292 --> 00:17:09,760 What's the difference?. 362 00:17:09,794 --> 00:17:14,231 Under flanders, you gotta rassle a pig buck naked. 363 00:17:14,265 --> 00:17:15,799 I'm going with McMahon. 364 00:17:19,070 --> 00:17:24,307 Mike, what are you doing? He'll wipe the floor with you.. 365 00:17:24,342 --> 00:17:26,644 And look at this floor!. 366 00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:28,345 You're right, you're right. 367 00:17:28,379 --> 00:17:30,848 I'm gonna go find James. You stall him.. 368 00:17:30,882 --> 00:17:32,182 But how?. 369 00:17:32,216 --> 00:17:35,719 You know, the flanders thing sounds good.. 370 00:17:39,123 --> 00:17:40,056 Yo, Randy.. 371 00:17:40,091 --> 00:17:41,758 Hey, smooth!. 372 00:17:41,792 --> 00:17:43,694 Brought you a copy of the new cd.. 373 00:17:43,728 --> 00:17:44,494 The new what?. 374 00:17:44,529 --> 00:17:47,064 The new album.. 375 00:17:47,098 --> 00:17:49,366 Hey, phat!. 376 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,635 Listen, my people think it's bad for my image 377 00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:53,370 to be seen hanging out with you.. 378 00:17:53,404 --> 00:17:54,805 It's not personal.. 379 00:17:54,839 --> 00:17:56,073 It's a business thing.. 380 00:17:56,107 --> 00:18:00,611 Well, I guess this is it, then. 381 00:18:00,645 --> 00:18:03,647 Randy, listen... I want you to have this. 382 00:18:05,783 --> 00:18:08,685 Thank... thank you, smooth.. 383 00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:18,062 Catch you later, homo!. 384 00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:28,038 That's "hom-ey." . 385 00:18:29,473 --> 00:18:31,475 Right! 386 00:18:31,977 --> 00:18:34,444 James... 387 00:18:34,479 --> 00:18:36,546 I know what you're gonna say, Mike. 388 00:18:36,581 --> 00:18:37,815 I'm brave and I'm strong, 389 00:18:37,849 --> 00:18:40,284 and if I look deep inside myself, I can do this.. 390 00:18:40,318 --> 00:18:42,386 You're not a kid anymore, James. 391 00:18:42,420 --> 00:18:44,588 I'm gonna give it to you straight.. 392 00:18:44,622 --> 00:18:47,691 The biggest city in the world is counting on you.. 393 00:18:47,725 --> 00:18:49,693 Not m not the mayor... you.. 394 00:18:49,727 --> 00:18:51,929 Now, put your little issues aside, 395 00:18:51,963 --> 00:18:54,231 go out there and do your job. 396 00:18:59,637 --> 00:19:02,806 I-I... I was just trying something new.. 397 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:07,244 You're brave, you're strong, and whatever else you said.. 398 00:19:07,279 --> 00:19:08,245 Okay?. 399 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,214 Today is the day 400 00:19:10,248 --> 00:19:14,985 that the hog boy... Becomes the hog man.. 401 00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:22,359 Oh, we're screwed!. 402 00:19:22,394 --> 00:19:24,861 Either step up or forfeit!. 403 00:19:24,896 --> 00:19:26,696 Okay, okay, okay!. 404 00:19:26,731 --> 00:19:28,732 Address the pig.. 405 00:19:28,766 --> 00:19:30,734 Right.. 406 00:19:30,768 --> 00:19:33,703 Hello, pig.. 407 00:19:33,738 --> 00:19:37,140 No, no, no... address the pig. Stand beside him.. 408 00:19:37,174 --> 00:19:40,477 Okay, little piggy. Go to market. 409 00:20:34,131 --> 00:20:35,131 Yay! Yay! Yay!. 410 00:20:51,582 --> 00:20:54,851 But how, how, how k... could you sleep with Paul?. 411 00:20:54,885 --> 00:20:56,219 Look, I was drunk... 412 00:20:56,253 --> 00:20:58,655 I didn't know a soul in Boston.... 413 00:20:58,689 --> 00:21:00,857 No, no, no. No, it was Chicago.. 414 00:21:00,925 --> 00:21:03,360 It was a Boston concert in Chicago.. 415 00:21:03,394 --> 00:21:05,529 It was a Chicago concert in Boston! 416 00:21:05,563 --> 00:21:07,598 I've never even been to Chicago!. 417 00:21:07,632 --> 00:21:09,365 Then maybe it wasn't you. 418 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:10,567 I guess not.. 419 00:21:10,601 --> 00:21:11,968 Huh.. 420 00:21:12,002 --> 00:21:13,070 Huh. 421 00:21:13,104 --> 00:21:16,205 I was wondering how you lost 300 pounds.. 422 00:21:17,541 --> 00:21:20,144 Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog. 29884

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