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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Let's get right into it, okay?
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The first order
of business is... .
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Hi. Hi. .
4
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Who the hell are you?
5
00:00:11,277 --> 00:00:13,578
Clarice is a reporter
from my hometown paper. .
6
00:00:13,613 --> 00:00:15,313
She's doing a big story on me. .
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Seriously, who are you? .
8
00:00:18,851 --> 00:00:21,986
She graduated from willowgrove
high, my Alma mater. .
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00:00:22,020 --> 00:00:25,356
Of course, back then,I wasn't known as Paul lassiter. .
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00:00:25,391 --> 00:00:27,792
People used to call me
the big "L." .
11
00:00:27,826 --> 00:00:30,728
In fact, they used to
have a symbol for me. .
12
00:00:33,432 --> 00:00:36,468
Around here, we just call him
the big "a." .
13
00:00:36,502 --> 00:00:39,203
You know what they called me
in grade school? .
14
00:00:39,238 --> 00:00:40,938
"Leaky."
15
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I'm afraid to ask. .
16
00:00:42,642 --> 00:00:44,743
Oh, it's not what you think.
17
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I used to wet my pants. .
18
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Okay, people,
first order of business...
19
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:51,015
by "first order of business,"
20
00:00:51,049 --> 00:00:53,218
Mike is referring
to the first thing
21
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that Mike is gonna talk about. .
22
00:00:55,488 --> 00:00:57,489
The city has an image problem. .
23
00:00:57,523 --> 00:01:00,825
By "the city,"
he means New York city. .
24
00:01:06,098 --> 00:01:07,799
As I'm sure you all heard,
25
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a woman went into labor
in the middle of Times Square
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and no one stopped to help her. .
27
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Maybe nobody noticed her. .
28
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She was on the jumbotron. .
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So to try
to repair the damage,
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tomorrow
we're holding a ceremony
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to honor five good samaritans
from New York.
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I'd like to nominate
my aunt Ida from Wisconsin. .
33
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Okay, James, there's
two things wrong with that idea. .
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She lives in Wisconsin? .
35
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And? .
36
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She killed her husband?
37
00:02:07,326 --> 00:02:10,060
Carter, you want to catch
the game tonight at O'Leary's? .
38
00:02:10,095 --> 00:02:12,464
Sorry, Mike,
Alex and I have a date. .
39
00:02:12,498 --> 00:02:13,631
Again? .
40
00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:16,133
What does that guy have to offer
that I don't? .
41
00:02:17,636 --> 00:02:19,871
Besides that.
42
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I'm in love with him. .
43
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Yuck. .
44
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You don't like Alex.
That's ridiculous. .
45
00:02:26,211 --> 00:02:28,813
You called him a pretentious,
name-dropper. .
46
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Guy can't have a nickname? .
47
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Hey, Alex. .
48
00:02:33,019 --> 00:02:34,519
Hey, Mike. .
49
00:02:34,553 --> 00:02:36,854
Hey, Alex. .
50
00:02:36,889 --> 00:02:41,259
So, this is city hall.
This is where it all happens. .
51
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The nerve center. Headquarters. .
52
00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:46,697
So, you ready to go, Carter? .
53
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Make it quick. I'm writing
this amazing screenplay. .
54
00:02:50,035 --> 00:02:52,237
Oh, yeah, so is my dry cleaner. .
55
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You guys should collaborate. .
56
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He could have your script ready
by Thursday after 4:00. .
57
00:02:57,810 --> 00:02:59,077
Oh, that reminds me,
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00:02:59,111 --> 00:03:01,179
you want to see that Italian
movie tonight? .
59
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Ah, sí, mio amore. .
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00:03:03,482 --> 00:03:06,051
Sí, mio amore.
61
00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:09,054
Mike,
why don't you come with us? .
62
00:03:09,088 --> 00:03:10,689
Oh, no, I'll pass. .
63
00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:13,158
Oh, come on, Mike! Why not?
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00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:16,227
I'm getting checked for ticks. .
65
00:03:17,596 --> 00:03:20,931
And that's
how the candy machine works. .
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00:03:20,966 --> 00:03:22,400
Oh, there's janelle. .
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00:03:22,434 --> 00:03:23,868
She's one of my underlings. .
68
00:03:23,902 --> 00:03:26,537
Janelle, have you met
my reporter friend Clarice? .
69
00:03:26,572 --> 00:03:29,006
She's doing
a major newspaper story on me. .
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00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:31,275
Oh, is it gonna be
in the "Metro" section
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or the "big, dumb,
white guy" section?
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That's a good one.
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I'm sort of her mentor.
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00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:40,918
James, the good-samaritan dinner
is black tie. .
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00:03:40,953 --> 00:03:42,787
You want me to rent you a tux? .
76
00:03:42,822 --> 00:03:44,555
Sure, Stuart, that'd be great. .
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Okay. What should I do
about your neck? .
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What? .
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00:03:51,396 --> 00:03:52,697
Come on, James,
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we both know you have
an abnormally large neck. .
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00:03:56,368 --> 00:04:00,405
Is there someplace special
you go, a custom tailor? .
82
00:04:02,441 --> 00:04:04,942
Maybe a big-and-fat-neck store? .
83
00:04:04,976 --> 00:04:08,112
Do you think that's why
I can't find a girlfriend? .
84
00:04:08,146 --> 00:04:10,681
No, that's just because
you're a geek. .
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00:04:12,951 --> 00:04:15,753
Hey, Mike,
are you having better luck
86
00:04:15,788 --> 00:04:18,456
finding good samaritans
than I am? .
87
00:04:18,490 --> 00:04:20,991
You know, I thought I had
something here with this guy. .
88
00:04:21,026 --> 00:04:22,960
He pulled a woman
from the pool at the "y"
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00:04:22,994 --> 00:04:24,361
and gave her mouth-to-mouth. .
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Sounds good. .
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She wasn't drowning. .
92
00:04:28,867 --> 00:04:30,601
Oh, here's a guy. Look at this. .
93
00:04:30,636 --> 00:04:33,137
He took time out
from running a homeless shelter
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00:04:33,171 --> 00:04:35,873
to donate a kidney
to a woman he didn't even know. .
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00:04:35,908 --> 00:04:37,308
That's perfect. .
96
00:04:37,342 --> 00:04:40,244
It says, "he's dedicated
his life to wiping out... ."
97
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Democracy." .
98
00:04:43,716 --> 00:04:46,818
You know, Caitlin,
there's something on my mind,
99
00:04:46,852 --> 00:04:49,687
and normally
I'd talk to Carter about this,
100
00:04:49,721 --> 00:04:53,057
but I can't talk to Carter
because it's about Carter. .
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00:04:53,092 --> 00:04:54,926
So I need you to be Carter. .
102
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Okay, shoot.
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Carter would never say,
"okay, shoot." .
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00:04:59,832 --> 00:05:01,800
That puts me on the spot! .
105
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:03,734
He'd say something like,
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00:05:03,769 --> 00:05:06,904
"is something wrong?
You seem pensive." .
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00:05:06,938 --> 00:05:10,508
Is something wrong?
You seem pensive. .
108
00:05:10,542 --> 00:05:12,076
No, I-I'm fine. .
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Okay, then! See ya. .
110
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No, no, come on!
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I'm putting up a front! .
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What kind of Carter are you? .
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Five seconds
to tell me what's wrong
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or I'm out of here. .
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Okay, it's this guy...
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it's this guy, Alex,
that Carter's seeing. .
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He rubs me the wrong way,
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and it's driving me nuts. .
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Have you given him a chance?
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I don't have to! .
121
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He's cocky.
He's a control freak. .
122
00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:38,703
He always thinks he's
the smartest guy in the room. .
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00:05:38,737 --> 00:05:41,606
Wow, he sounds like
a real Mike. .
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If you really are a friend,
you'll get to know this guy. .
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You're right. Thanks. .
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00:05:46,411 --> 00:05:49,647
And you know what?
You're a good Carter. .
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00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:51,983
Well, it's just a matter
of getting in touch
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00:05:52,017 --> 00:05:53,751
with your inner gay black man. .
129
00:05:55,754 --> 00:05:58,422
So, how does Carter
usually wrap these things up? .
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00:05:58,456 --> 00:05:59,957
Oh, he'd just leave. .
131
00:06:01,927 --> 00:06:04,228
Actually, first,
he'd take his shirt off. .
132
00:06:06,899 --> 00:06:08,699
Or he'd just leave. .
133
00:06:13,305 --> 00:06:16,707
Why is James wearing a scarf?
134
00:06:16,741 --> 00:06:19,410
I'm playing a gag on him. .
135
00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:21,446
The fat-neck gag? .
136
00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:22,613
You know it? .
137
00:06:22,647 --> 00:06:23,814
Know it? I love it. .
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00:06:23,849 --> 00:06:25,783
It was a classic
in the service. .
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00:06:25,817 --> 00:06:27,618
Did you get the child's tie? .
140
00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:31,289
Please. Can you do the fat-neck
gag without the child's tie?
141
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Wait, watch this.
I've got a good one. .
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Hey, James! .
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Yes, sir? .
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Your neck is fat! .
145
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And this is the bullpen area. .
146
00:06:44,903 --> 00:06:46,737
Now, I do most of my thinking
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00:06:46,771 --> 00:06:48,772
back there
in my private office,
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but every once in a while,
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I like to come out here,
make an appearance. .
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Ah, there's my colleague,
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00:06:54,513 --> 00:06:57,148
the mayor of New York.
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00:06:57,182 --> 00:06:59,183
I'm sorry, Paul,
no more interviews today. .
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Well, actually, sir,
she's here to interview me. .
154
00:07:01,586 --> 00:07:04,688
Oh, really? .
155
00:07:04,723 --> 00:07:07,926
Ah, well, I'll just leave you
to your interview.
156
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,594
I've got a big,
important thing to do.
157
00:07:12,664 --> 00:07:16,734
Paul, when did you first know
you wanted to get into politics? .
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00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:19,036
Well, actually,
my interest in public service
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began at a very young age. .
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Me too. .
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Did you need any special
training to do your job? .
162
00:07:28,947 --> 00:07:31,916
Actually, I went to the Columbia
school of journalism.
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00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:34,586
Yale. .
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00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:36,988
And what exactly
is your title here? .
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Mayor. Press secretary. .
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00:07:38,691 --> 00:07:41,192
Sir, if you're
gonna keep interrupting,
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you might as well
just do the interview yourself. .
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You're probably right. .
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Oh. .
170
00:07:46,998 --> 00:07:48,333
Well, okay, just remember
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00:07:48,367 --> 00:07:51,836
that you're gonna be talking
to my entire hometown. .
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00:07:51,870 --> 00:07:55,239
Oh, please, Paul,
we're all on the same team! .
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00:07:55,273 --> 00:07:58,909
So, your honor, how do you like
working with Paul? .
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Oh, it's a blast!
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00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:14,692
.
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Roberto, no!
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Isn't this amazing? .
178
00:08:29,207 --> 00:08:33,444
Oh, yeah. This is the best
gay Italian love story
179
00:08:33,478 --> 00:08:35,112
I've seen in a while. .
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00:08:35,147 --> 00:08:37,714
You having
a hard time following it, Mike? .
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00:08:37,749 --> 00:08:40,351
Well, as far as I can tell,
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00:08:40,385 --> 00:08:44,355
funny-mustache guy
walked his cow across town
183
00:08:44,389 --> 00:08:47,391
and sold it to baggy-pants guy. .
184
00:08:47,426 --> 00:08:50,461
Yeah, but do you understand
what the journey represents? .
185
00:08:50,495 --> 00:08:53,831
About three hours of my life. .
186
00:08:53,865 --> 00:08:56,334
Makes you realize
how provincial Hollywood is. .
187
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They'd be afraid
to show male nudity like this.
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00:08:59,037 --> 00:09:01,339
Roberto, no! .
189
00:09:01,373 --> 00:09:03,207
Whoa! .
190
00:09:03,241 --> 00:09:06,643
Well, that explains
the baggy pants.
191
00:09:06,678 --> 00:09:08,812
Holy cow! .
192
00:09:14,919 --> 00:09:19,056
Well, that movie was like
watching paint dry,
193
00:09:19,091 --> 00:09:22,326
especially
the paint-drying scene.
194
00:09:22,361 --> 00:09:25,529
Mike, what the paint
represented was, uh... .
195
00:09:25,563 --> 00:09:27,531
Oh, you're right, it stunk. .
196
00:09:27,565 --> 00:09:29,033
Thank you. Grazie. .
197
00:09:29,067 --> 00:09:31,969
See? I knew the two of you
would get along.
198
00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:33,737
I'm gonna go hit the head. .
199
00:09:33,771 --> 00:09:34,972
Ah! .
200
00:09:39,077 --> 00:09:42,013
Hey, listen, Alex,
I owe you an apology.
201
00:09:42,047 --> 00:09:45,949
I got a feeling I didn't
really give you a fair chance.
202
00:09:45,984 --> 00:09:47,184
Mike, I understand. .
203
00:09:47,219 --> 00:09:49,387
Since Carter and I
have been hanging out,
204
00:09:49,421 --> 00:09:51,922
you probably feel
like you're losing a friend. .
205
00:09:51,956 --> 00:09:55,026
But please, I want you
to feel like you're gaining one. .
206
00:09:55,060 --> 00:09:58,362
Thank you. I appreciate that.
207
00:09:58,397 --> 00:09:59,863
I'm serious.
208
00:10:07,005 --> 00:10:09,106
I'd like
to get to know you better, Mike. .
209
00:10:09,141 --> 00:10:12,309
Okay. .
210
00:10:12,344 --> 00:10:15,413
Maybe we can go out sometime,
just the two of us. .
211
00:10:15,447 --> 00:10:21,318
Well, y-y-you know,
I don't do anything in twos... .
212
00:10:21,353 --> 00:10:23,720
Except have sex. .
213
00:10:25,790 --> 00:10:28,893
With... with... with women. .
214
00:10:28,927 --> 00:10:32,529
You seem like a fun guy, Mike. .
215
00:10:32,563 --> 00:10:34,198
You like fun? .
216
00:10:34,232 --> 00:10:36,834
Fun... fun... fun...
fun... fun... fun...
217
00:10:36,868 --> 00:10:38,402
fun... fun... fun is fun. .
218
00:10:38,436 --> 00:10:41,806
Fun... fun... fun is fine.
Fun... fun... fun is fabulous. .
219
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,741
Well, not fabulous.
Uh, we should get Carter. .
220
00:10:44,776 --> 00:10:47,111
Hey, Mike, you okay? .
221
00:10:47,145 --> 00:10:49,880
Yeah, I'm just...
I'm, um... I'm fine. .
222
00:10:49,915 --> 00:10:53,650
It's just, I'm warm with
the hot, uh... uh... uh, heat. .
223
00:10:53,685 --> 00:10:59,123
You're a pistol, aren't ya?
224
00:10:59,157 --> 00:11:00,991
I like that. .
225
00:11:01,026 --> 00:11:03,393
Bang, bang.
226
00:11:12,471 --> 00:11:16,106
Mike! I know you're interviewing
good samaritans today,
227
00:11:16,140 --> 00:11:19,076
and I did something
that puts me in the running. .
228
00:11:19,110 --> 00:11:22,680
Rewinding the porn before
you return it doesn't count. .
229
00:11:22,714 --> 00:11:25,082
Never mind, then. .
230
00:11:25,117 --> 00:11:26,817
Uh, Carter, can I...
231
00:11:26,851 --> 00:11:29,153
can I see you for a second? .
232
00:11:29,187 --> 00:11:31,188
Sure, Mike. What's up? .
233
00:11:31,223 --> 00:11:32,756
Did you have fun last night?
234
00:11:32,791 --> 00:11:35,226
Carter, this is gonna
be painful for you to hear,
235
00:11:35,260 --> 00:11:37,361
and there's no easy way
for me to say it,
236
00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:39,063
so I'm just gonna blurt it out. .
237
00:11:39,097 --> 00:11:41,232
Your boyfriend
hit on me last night.
238
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:44,768
That's right, just let it out. .
239
00:11:44,803 --> 00:11:47,271
Let it out.
There's no shame in laughing.
240
00:11:47,306 --> 00:11:48,639
I'm serious, you know. .
241
00:11:48,673 --> 00:11:51,375
We were alone,
and the guy was all over me. .
242
00:11:51,409 --> 00:11:54,578
Okay, Mike, okay.
Tell me exactly what happened. .
243
00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:56,514
He sat next to me,
244
00:11:56,548 --> 00:12:00,651
and he... he asked me
if I liked fun. .
245
00:12:00,685 --> 00:12:01,752
And? .
246
00:12:01,786 --> 00:12:04,856
And he called me a pistol. .
247
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:05,990
So? .
248
00:12:06,024 --> 00:12:07,325
So... s-s-so...
249
00:12:07,359 --> 00:12:10,995
so, he wants
to have fun with my pistol!
250
00:12:13,198 --> 00:12:16,234
Listen, you didn't see
the look in his eye.
251
00:12:16,268 --> 00:12:19,237
I'm telling you,
you put us in a vineyard,
252
00:12:19,271 --> 00:12:21,072
you add foreign subtitles,
253
00:12:21,106 --> 00:12:25,075
it's funny-mustache guy and
baggy-pants guy all over again.
254
00:12:25,109 --> 00:12:27,077
Mike,
Alex knows you're straight! .
255
00:12:27,111 --> 00:12:28,812
Why would he hit on you? .
256
00:12:28,847 --> 00:12:31,448
Why do people
play the lottery, Carter?! .
257
00:12:31,483 --> 00:12:35,052
The odds are slim, but they
got to go for the jackpot!
258
00:12:37,122 --> 00:12:38,489
I'm telling you, Carter,
259
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,291
he's bad news,
and you better dump him.
260
00:12:40,325 --> 00:12:43,294
Mike, who I date
is no business of yours. .
261
00:12:43,328 --> 00:12:45,763
If you have
a problem with Alex,
262
00:12:45,797 --> 00:12:48,599
then you have
a problem with me. .
263
00:12:48,633 --> 00:12:49,934
And one more thing,
264
00:12:49,968 --> 00:12:53,738
if Alex were gonna cheat on me,
he could do a lot better. .
265
00:12:53,772 --> 00:12:56,040
L-listen, mister...
266
00:12:56,074 --> 00:12:59,610
I drive gay men wild! .
267
00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:03,713
And that's off the record. .
268
00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:10,421
Well, first of all,
congratulations. .
269
00:13:10,455 --> 00:13:13,490
You five are the semifinalists
for the good-samaritan award. .
270
00:13:13,525 --> 00:13:16,160
One of you will be named
good samaritan of the year
271
00:13:16,194 --> 00:13:18,129
and receive a check
for $10,000. .
272
00:13:18,163 --> 00:13:21,365
Hell-o-o, new boat! .
273
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,834
Please! I saved 16 kids! .
274
00:13:23,868 --> 00:13:28,939
Ah, you walked by a school
that burst into flames. .
275
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,507
You got lucky.
276
00:13:30,541 --> 00:13:33,176
I know, instead of just
giving one of you the award,
277
00:13:33,211 --> 00:13:35,112
why don't we make it
a 5-way tie? .
278
00:13:35,146 --> 00:13:38,482
So we each get 10 grand? .
279
00:13:38,516 --> 00:13:40,383
No, you'd have to split it. .
280
00:13:40,418 --> 00:13:45,388
Screw that! I've devoted my life
to helping the poor. .
281
00:13:45,423 --> 00:13:46,724
It's payday! .
282
00:13:46,758 --> 00:13:48,592
Look, let's just shape up here. .
283
00:13:48,627 --> 00:13:50,560
Any one of you
could be replaced. .
284
00:13:50,595 --> 00:13:52,863
By who?!
285
00:13:52,897 --> 00:13:56,467
I got a guy out here
who rewinds porn. .
286
00:13:58,971 --> 00:14:01,071
You wanted to see me, Mike? .
287
00:14:01,106 --> 00:14:03,607
Yeah, it's, uh...
it's about the budget.
288
00:14:03,641 --> 00:14:06,410
I've been, uh,
going over the initial figures,
289
00:14:06,444 --> 00:14:07,945
and I want you to, uh... .
290
00:14:07,979 --> 00:14:09,246
Hide behind my desk
291
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:11,949
while I try to make Alex
come on to me. .
292
00:14:14,886 --> 00:14:17,655
Well, if I move
some numbers around,
293
00:14:17,689 --> 00:14:21,692
I might be able to dig up
an extra... you're nuts! .
294
00:14:21,727 --> 00:14:24,428
It's the only way I can prove
to Carter that I'm right.
295
00:14:25,464 --> 00:14:26,763
There he is. Hide! .
296
00:14:30,068 --> 00:14:32,736
Hey, big fella. .
297
00:14:36,875 --> 00:14:38,209
Come on in. .
298
00:14:38,243 --> 00:14:40,410
Hey, Mike, what's up? .
299
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:46,484
Oh, I'm sorry.
300
00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:49,686
I was just distracted
for a minute. .
301
00:14:49,721 --> 00:14:53,157
Have you, uh...
you been working out? .
302
00:14:53,191 --> 00:14:54,658
You wanted to talk? .
303
00:14:54,692 --> 00:14:56,227
Yeah, sure, sure. .
304
00:14:56,261 --> 00:14:57,594
Talk... .
305
00:14:57,629 --> 00:14:58,996
Laugh... .
306
00:14:59,030 --> 00:15:03,634
You know,
whatever seems... Fun... .
307
00:15:03,669 --> 00:15:05,336
You pistol. .
308
00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:10,707
Uh, so I went to the Knicks game
last Saturday.
309
00:15:10,742 --> 00:15:12,609
I bet you did. .
310
00:15:12,644 --> 00:15:15,413
Boy, that sprewell's
got the sweetest... .
311
00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:17,948
Ass. .
312
00:15:17,982 --> 00:15:20,184
Well, I was gonna say
"jump shot."
313
00:15:20,218 --> 00:15:22,486
I bet you were. .
314
00:15:26,324 --> 00:15:28,858
Oops. .
315
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:39,603
Uh, maybe I ought to go, huh? .
316
00:15:39,637 --> 00:15:40,871
So soon? .
317
00:15:40,905 --> 00:15:42,306
Well, call me crazy, Mike,
318
00:15:42,340 --> 00:15:45,242
but I get the impression
that you're hitting on me. .
319
00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:48,345
So you want to sleep with me,
is that what you're saying? .
320
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:49,213
No. .
321
00:15:49,247 --> 00:15:51,582
Why did you hit on me
last night?
322
00:15:51,616 --> 00:15:56,287
I didn't.
I was just being friendly.
323
00:15:56,321 --> 00:15:57,655
I love Carter. .
324
00:15:57,689 --> 00:15:58,823
Oh. .
325
00:15:58,857 --> 00:16:01,826
Well... That's good.
That's great. .
326
00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:06,230
Speaking of Carter,
how about, just for fun,
327
00:16:06,264 --> 00:16:09,433
we never tell him about this? .
328
00:16:12,170 --> 00:16:14,638
Well, I think
I'm starting to see
329
00:16:14,672 --> 00:16:17,241
where our relationship
went wrong. .
330
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:21,979
Mr. mayor, I have to
get this off my chest. .
331
00:16:22,013 --> 00:16:24,314
What you did yesterday
made me mad!
332
00:16:24,349 --> 00:16:25,850
I've waited my whole life
333
00:16:25,884 --> 00:16:28,285
to show my hometown
that I made good,
334
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,722
but you just couldn't let me
have my moment, could you?
335
00:16:33,525 --> 00:16:37,794
Clarice was here to write
an article about me, not you! .
336
00:16:37,828 --> 00:16:39,496
Me Paul lassiter!
337
00:16:39,530 --> 00:16:41,464
Paul, you're right. .
338
00:16:41,499 --> 00:16:46,803
What I did yesterday was
insensitive and unprofessional.
339
00:16:46,838 --> 00:16:48,239
I apologize. .
340
00:16:53,645 --> 00:16:56,580
Oh. .
341
00:16:56,615 --> 00:16:58,615
Okay then. .
342
00:17:00,986 --> 00:17:05,689
And that, Clarice... .
343
00:17:05,723 --> 00:17:08,992
Is how you handle
a disgruntled employee.
344
00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:17,500
Flaherty.
345
00:17:17,535 --> 00:17:20,037
Mike Flaherty. .
346
00:17:22,673 --> 00:17:26,310
Having fun with your pistol? .
347
00:17:26,344 --> 00:17:29,046
So, did you patch things up
with Carter? .
348
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:31,148
No, no, he's still mad at me,
349
00:17:31,183 --> 00:17:33,284
and I can't really blame him.
350
00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:36,686
I couldn't wait to find
something wrong with Alex. .
351
00:17:36,721 --> 00:17:39,323
Maybe you didn't want to believe
it was possible
352
00:17:39,357 --> 00:17:41,825
for someone to find the love
of their life so quickly. .
353
00:17:41,859 --> 00:17:43,227
What are you saying? .
354
00:17:43,261 --> 00:17:45,829
That because I've never
been able to find true love,
355
00:17:45,863 --> 00:17:47,698
there's
something wrong with me,
356
00:17:47,732 --> 00:17:49,766
and I'm gonna
end up dying alone? .
357
00:17:49,801 --> 00:17:51,368
No! .
358
00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:52,736
Good, 'cause... .
359
00:17:52,770 --> 00:17:56,073
That's the furthest thing
from my mind. .
360
00:17:56,107 --> 00:17:58,409
You know, I have to admit,
361
00:17:58,443 --> 00:18:01,478
I'm a little jealous
of Carter myself. .
362
00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:05,482
Do you think that everyone
has one true soul mate,
363
00:18:05,517 --> 00:18:08,752
and that when you see them,
you'll know?
364
00:18:08,786 --> 00:18:10,554
I hope so. .
365
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:13,456
Me too. .
366
00:18:18,662 --> 00:18:20,597
Oops.
367
00:18:30,575 --> 00:18:32,876
Paul, Paul, I need your help.
368
00:18:32,910 --> 00:18:37,448
I have to get this tie around
my enormous jabba-the-hutt neck. .
369
00:18:37,482 --> 00:18:41,719
No problem. See, you're not
paying for the workmanship. .
370
00:18:41,753 --> 00:18:44,588
You're paying
for the word "Taiwan." .
371
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,823
No matter what I say,
promise not to stop
372
00:18:46,858 --> 00:18:48,726
until the tie
is around my neck.
373
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:51,328
I promise. .
374
00:18:51,363 --> 00:18:53,096
Ack...
375
00:18:53,131 --> 00:18:55,299
C-changing my mind! .
376
00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:58,001
Stop, please!
For the love of God, Paul!
377
00:18:58,035 --> 00:18:59,403
I'm begging you, stop! .
378
00:18:59,437 --> 00:19:03,340
Save it, junior. Paul lassiter
is a man of his word! .
379
00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:04,174
Aaggh! .
380
00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:05,842
Hey, Carter. .
381
00:19:05,876 --> 00:19:07,677
Uh... .
382
00:19:07,712 --> 00:19:10,814
Listen, I just want to tell you
I'm sorry about earlier. .
383
00:19:10,848 --> 00:19:13,817
Earlier when you told me
to dump Alex,
384
00:19:13,851 --> 00:19:17,020
or earlier
when you tried to seduce him?
385
00:19:17,054 --> 00:19:19,623
Nikki told you. .
386
00:19:19,657 --> 00:19:20,924
No, Alex did. .
387
00:19:20,958 --> 00:19:23,427
How does Nikki know about it? .
388
00:19:23,461 --> 00:19:28,231
Uh, anyway,
the thing is, I'm sorry. .
389
00:19:28,266 --> 00:19:31,569
Well, I suppose your heart
was in the right place.
390
00:19:31,603 --> 00:19:32,970
I think I just liked it
391
00:19:33,004 --> 00:19:35,138
when we were both
failures at relationships. .
392
00:19:35,173 --> 00:19:36,874
It gave us something in common. .
393
00:19:36,908 --> 00:19:38,408
Now I'm gonna be all alone. .
394
00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:40,311
No, we can still hang out! .
395
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:43,914
Yeah, but you'll be
all happy and stuff. .
396
00:19:43,948 --> 00:19:45,882
No, not all the time!
397
00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:48,084
Alex and I will fight!
I'll be depressed! .
398
00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:50,254
You're just saying that
to cheer me up.
399
00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:51,755
I got to tell you, though,
400
00:19:51,790 --> 00:19:54,024
I think this Alex
is a pretty good guy. .
401
00:19:54,058 --> 00:19:55,693
Are you sure he's gay, though?
402
00:19:55,727 --> 00:19:58,462
'Cause I did the whole
pencil drop... nothing.
403
00:19:59,797 --> 00:20:03,133
Mike, the samaritans want
their money in advance,
404
00:20:03,167 --> 00:20:06,436
and sister calahan
is demanding unmarked bills. .
405
00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:08,338
All right, that's it. .
406
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:12,176
Okay, listen,
you are not good samaritans! .
407
00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:13,377
You're bad samaritans!
408
00:20:13,411 --> 00:20:14,545
Mike, choking!
409
00:20:14,579 --> 00:20:15,745
James, please. .
410
00:20:15,780 --> 00:20:18,515
Now get your good-samaritan
asses back in here,
411
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:21,051
and be the kind of heroes
this city needs. .
412
00:20:21,085 --> 00:20:22,186
Aaaaaggghh! .
413
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:26,423
There you go! .
414
00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:29,326
Thank you! That's it!
Good samaritans! .
415
00:20:29,361 --> 00:20:31,829
Good God, man! .
416
00:20:31,863 --> 00:20:35,198
This is a child's tie! .
417
00:20:38,970 --> 00:20:44,007
All right,
who took his wallet?! .
418
00:20:48,947 --> 00:20:51,815
And then, in 1989,
I went through...
419
00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:53,250
can we turn on a light? .
420
00:20:53,284 --> 00:20:54,652
Shh, shh, shh. .
421
00:20:54,686 --> 00:20:56,320
It's better this way. .
422
00:20:56,354 --> 00:20:58,455
As I was saying, in 1989,
423
00:20:58,489 --> 00:21:01,624
I started working
for congressman shumer,
424
00:21:01,659 --> 00:21:04,928
but even then,
I knew that what I really wanted
425
00:21:04,963 --> 00:21:07,798
was to work
in the mayor's office. .
426
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,466
Me too. .
427
00:21:12,269 --> 00:21:15,005
Hey, you guys
want to hear a scary story? .
428
00:21:17,509 --> 00:21:20,143
Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.
31358
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