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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Wait a minute.
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It's 10:00
and there's 9 doughnuts left. .
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Where the hell is Paul? .
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00:00:08,674 --> 00:00:10,775
Ever since he won
the million dollars,
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00:00:10,809 --> 00:00:12,577
he's having trouble sleeping. .
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That's because
it's stuffed in his mattress. .
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Good morning! .
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Morning, Paul.
You're late again. .
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Am I late, Mike? .
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00:00:21,620 --> 00:00:26,191
Or am I... Right on time? .
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00:00:26,225 --> 00:00:27,725
No, you're late. .
12
00:00:27,759 --> 00:00:31,429
And, uh, thanks
for the free beta rental. .
13
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What's it like to be rich? .
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You know, it's funny. .
15
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On the way in, I was asked
the same thing by my chauffeur. .
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They're called
"bus drivers," Paul.
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Okay, first of all,
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congratulations are in order
to James,
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who's the only New York
city hall employee
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to finish the marathon. .
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What was your time?
22
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26 hours.
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I'd like to remind everyone
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the mayor's expecting you
to join him on Thursday
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at his Connecticut estate
for Thanksgiving dinner. .
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And, Stuart, this year,
no giggling at the words
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breast meat, stuffing...
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wishbone, candied yam,
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and for some reason,
gravy boat.
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Stop it. .
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And to make this fun, we'll all
bring a different dish.
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I'll bring my famous Turkey! .
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Then I'll bring
my famous stomach pump! .
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When Nikki and I were dating,
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she used to cook great meals
for me all the time.
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I got some of that
tuna casserole you love
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in the fridge. .
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Anyway... .
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Gravy boat.
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00:02:06,959 --> 00:02:09,026
So, Paul, I saw you
on "millionaire." .
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Spend any of your winnings yet? .
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As a matter of fact, I have. .
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Oh. New suit? .
44
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No, but I've had it
professionally dry-cleaned. .
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Nice. .
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Thank you. .
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We'll see you all Thursday.
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Thursday, it is. .
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All right. You all saw. .
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She smells the money. .
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She wants
a piece of Paulie pie.
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Paul, you're married!
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I can't help it. .
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She's undressing me
with her eyes. .
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Well, she sure left in a hurry. .
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She must've got
to the underwear.
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Sir, I wanted to talk
to you about...
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whoa!
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Mike. Mike, come over here. .
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00:03:03,015 --> 00:03:04,382
Look at this paper.
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00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:07,151
Yeah, I can
see that from here, sir. .
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Senator grady is retiring.
I'm running for his office. .
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He still hasn't given me
his endorsement. Here, look. .
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Uh... .
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Yeah, sir.
That's just an outrage. .
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You know what you should do? .
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You should put your shoes
and socks back on,
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go down to his office,
and demand an endorsement. .
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We could really use it.
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I can't talk to that man, Mike. .
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How about just putting
your shoes back on?
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I'm a man of principle,
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and what grady did
was unforgivable. .
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It embodies everything that is
wrong with our political system. .
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00:03:40,085 --> 00:03:41,752
Sir, he stole your chair. .
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We were at the white house
at some dinner.
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I went to the bar,
and when I came back,
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grady was in my chair,
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sitting, talking to Bob dole. .
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And the next thing you know,
he's senator
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and my political career
is down the crapper! .
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Sir, you're the mayor
of New York. .
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Don't remind me. .
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My whole career, this man
has been upstaging me.
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00:04:02,741 --> 00:04:05,043
I build a road,
he builds a highway.
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00:04:05,077 --> 00:04:08,813
I take up jogging,
he wins the nobel peace prize. .
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00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:11,249
You know what they say, sir...
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life gives you lemons... .
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Put your shoes back on. .
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00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:24,362
Uh, excuse me.
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00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:26,597
I was told senator grady
was here tonight.
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Mike... .
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What are you doing here?
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I run the campaign.
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I'll handle
the grady endorsement. .
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No, I'm not here for that. .
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No, I just came here
to pick up...
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00:04:36,742 --> 00:04:39,144
sailors. .
99
00:04:39,178 --> 00:04:41,079
Look, this guy
is old school, okay? .
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He's not gonna respond well
to a woman. .
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Just let me handle it. .
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No! .
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All right, Caitlin.
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I didn't want to have to play
this card,
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but there's a very good reason
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that I need to speak
to senator grady alone. .
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Why? .
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He's my biological father.
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Mike! .
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He's carrying a bomb.
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00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:02,766
I'm gonna talk to him,
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and have
his endorsement in 30 seconds. .
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Senator grady? .
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Could you send this back? .
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Oh, I'm not a waitress.
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I work for Randall Winston. .
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How about that. .
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It just needs
a couple more minutes. .
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Oh. I can't eat meat
this red either. .
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Like I always say,
"rare is for coins."
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I'll take this
back to the kitchen.
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Mike, I could use
a little help here.
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I'd say about
three more minutes
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on an open flame. .
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Watch and learn. .
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Excuse me, senator grady. .
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Leave me alone. .
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00:05:39,271 --> 00:05:42,507
You don't understand.
I'm Mike Flaherty. .
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00:05:42,541 --> 00:05:45,643
Oh. Well, in that case,
leave me alone, Mike Flaherty. .
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No, I... you see, Caitlin and I
work together
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down at city hall. .
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You know, back in the '70s,
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my wife, rose, and I worked
together down in city hall. .
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00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:58,990
Oh, I heard about
your wife's passing. .
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Me too.
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00:06:00,025 --> 00:06:01,092
I'm so sorry.
137
00:06:01,126 --> 00:06:02,026
I'm sorrier. .
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00:06:02,060 --> 00:06:04,128
Look at you two squabbling,
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00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:05,663
just like rose and me. .
140
00:06:05,697 --> 00:06:08,666
It warms my heart
to see young people in love. .
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00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:11,169
Uh! We're not in love. .
142
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Oh. You're not? .
143
00:06:12,137 --> 00:06:17,876
No... We're crazy in love.
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00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,176
I can't help it.
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00:06:19,211 --> 00:06:22,046
I am just nuts
about this... Little woman. .
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I feel the same way. .
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Whoa! Nails, nails, nails! .
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Thanks for last night. .
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Thanks for this morning. .
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00:06:36,762 --> 00:06:38,462
Thanks for the elevator. .
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00:06:38,496 --> 00:06:40,130
Thanks for the hallway. .
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00:06:40,165 --> 00:06:42,500
Thanks for
the janitor's closet. .
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00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:45,436
Thank the janitor, 'cause I
peeled off at the bathroom. .
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Oops.
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00:06:51,377 --> 00:06:52,844
Heh heh. .
156
00:06:52,878 --> 00:06:55,446
How can you date that woman?
She's a sex-crazed idiot. .
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00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:58,248
Asked... And answered. .
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00:06:58,283 --> 00:07:00,618
What do you talk about
when you're not having sex? .
159
00:07:00,652 --> 00:07:03,287
It hasn't really come up.
160
00:07:03,321 --> 00:07:04,722
Stuart forgot his lunch. .
161
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:07,058
Uh-oh. I'm gonna miss
"Jerry springer." .
162
00:07:07,092 --> 00:07:09,293
That man is a genius.
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00:07:09,327 --> 00:07:10,595
I'm just curious. .
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Is there anyone
who you find dim? .
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Whom. .
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00:07:14,299 --> 00:07:15,566
Excuse me? .
167
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:20,705
You improperly used the pronoun
"who" instead of "whom,"
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00:07:20,739 --> 00:07:25,443
which makes you a person whom I
find dim. Ironic, n'est-ce pas?
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00:07:25,477 --> 00:07:27,478
Caitlin, listen,
about Thanksgiving,
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I think I should bring
the Turkey. .
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00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,882
My grandmother taught me
everything she knows. .
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00:07:31,917 --> 00:07:35,086
But Nikki had her heart set
on bringing it.
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I thought of a way
of breaking it to her
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00:07:37,523 --> 00:07:39,690
where she's not
gonna be insulted. .
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00:07:39,724 --> 00:07:42,459
Hey, Nik,
have you gained weight? .
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00:07:42,494 --> 00:07:44,595
What? .
177
00:07:44,629 --> 00:07:46,063
Oh. I'm sorry. .
178
00:07:46,097 --> 00:07:48,599
Maybe your new haircut
makes you look a little fat. .
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00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:52,069
What?!
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00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:54,272
I'm bringing the Turkey,
not you. .
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Whatever, jerk!
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Mike... .
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00:08:04,850 --> 00:08:06,050
Hi, honey. .
184
00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:07,885
How was your day? .
185
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,654
That's not funny. .
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00:08:09,688 --> 00:08:13,590
We never laugh anymore. .
187
00:08:13,625 --> 00:08:15,660
What happened to us?
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00:08:15,694 --> 00:08:18,529
I had everything under control
last night. .
189
00:08:18,563 --> 00:08:22,333
Yeah, word around the kitchen
is you're up for head waiter. .
190
00:08:22,367 --> 00:08:24,368
Senator grady
obviously sees you and me
191
00:08:24,402 --> 00:08:26,104
as a younger version
of rose and him. .
192
00:08:26,138 --> 00:08:27,772
So we're gonna get
the endorsement. .
193
00:08:27,806 --> 00:08:30,407
We only have to pretend
we like each other for one meal. .
194
00:08:30,442 --> 00:08:31,575
One meal.
195
00:08:31,610 --> 00:08:34,078
I don't think I can do it. .
196
00:08:34,112 --> 00:08:36,280
So I broke down
and I called grady. .
197
00:08:36,314 --> 00:08:39,350
He's gonna be joining us
for our Thanksgiving weekend. .
198
00:08:39,384 --> 00:08:42,487
We're all gonna be shacking up
together in the country. .
199
00:08:42,521 --> 00:08:44,088
An entire weekend? .
200
00:08:44,122 --> 00:08:47,257
Your mother will
look after the kids.
201
00:08:47,292 --> 00:08:49,494
I'll tell you one thing,
this is one situation
202
00:08:49,528 --> 00:08:51,963
where that man is not going to
be able to one-up me.
203
00:08:51,997 --> 00:08:54,331
I have an exciting
senate campaign to talk about. .
204
00:08:54,366 --> 00:08:56,066
What's happened
to him lately? Ha! .
205
00:08:56,101 --> 00:08:58,569
Actually, sir,
his wife just died.
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00:08:58,604 --> 00:09:01,004
I cannot catch a break! .
207
00:09:10,615 --> 00:09:11,715
Oh, Caitlin, Michael. .
208
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:13,851
Did you have trouble
finding the place? .
209
00:09:13,885 --> 00:09:16,754
No, sir. Your directions
were right on the money. .
210
00:09:16,788 --> 00:09:18,722
It somewhere in Connecticut. .
211
00:09:18,757 --> 00:09:20,925
So, is the guest of honor
here yet? .
212
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:24,728
You mean senator spotlight-grabbing,
chair-stealing bastard? .
213
00:09:24,763 --> 00:09:26,397
You know, he prefers Joe. .
214
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:31,402
Well, if it isn't
the happy couple. .
215
00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:32,803
It isn't. .
216
00:09:32,838 --> 00:09:34,938
We will be as soon
as the senator gets here. .
217
00:09:34,973 --> 00:09:36,107
Don't touch me. .
218
00:09:36,141 --> 00:09:38,876
Sounds like a couple. .
219
00:09:38,910 --> 00:09:41,712
And remember, don't anybody
tell Paul about this, okay? .
220
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:42,880
He's got a big mouth. .
221
00:09:42,914 --> 00:09:44,414
Who has a big mouth? .
222
00:09:44,449 --> 00:09:47,417
Tell me. I want to know.
I want to tell other people.
223
00:09:47,452 --> 00:09:48,919
Paul, where's Claudia? .
224
00:09:48,954 --> 00:09:51,022
Ah, she's with her mother. .
225
00:09:51,056 --> 00:09:53,323
Why? .
226
00:09:53,358 --> 00:09:56,027
Why do you ask, Caitlin?
227
00:09:56,061 --> 00:09:58,629
I was curious.
228
00:09:58,663 --> 00:09:59,797
I'll bet you were. .
229
00:09:59,832 --> 00:10:01,332
Hey, janelle... .
230
00:10:01,366 --> 00:10:04,635
Give you 5 bucks if you go to
the bus stop and get my bag.
231
00:10:04,669 --> 00:10:07,605
I'll give you 10 if you go
and bring it in yourself
232
00:10:07,639 --> 00:10:09,006
between your bony knees. .
233
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:11,008
It's a deal! .
234
00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:13,310
Ah, there's my favorite couple. .
235
00:10:13,344 --> 00:10:15,980
Senator grady,
glad you could make it. .
236
00:10:16,014 --> 00:10:17,347
Here, have a seat. .
237
00:10:22,921 --> 00:10:25,723
He took my chair again. .
238
00:10:25,757 --> 00:10:27,257
Let it go, sir. .
239
00:10:27,292 --> 00:10:30,828
Remember, he just lost
his wife of 30 years. .
240
00:10:30,862 --> 00:10:33,564
That helps a little. .
241
00:10:35,366 --> 00:10:37,668
So, how are you, senator grady? .
242
00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:41,138
It's my first Thanksgiving
without rose. .
243
00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:44,775
Hundreds of seemingly
insignificant things
244
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,677
trigger waves of grief
245
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:50,581
that stab at my blackened heart
like daggers. .
246
00:10:52,117 --> 00:10:54,818
So, like, medium? .
247
00:10:58,190 --> 00:10:59,623
Sorry we're late. .
248
00:10:59,657 --> 00:11:03,026
We stopped at an antique shop
to copulate. .
249
00:11:03,061 --> 00:11:05,095
That means "have sex."
250
00:11:05,129 --> 00:11:06,630
I know what it means. .
251
00:11:06,665 --> 00:11:09,467
And unlike you,
I didn't learn about it
252
00:11:09,501 --> 00:11:11,401
from my word-a-day vibrator. .
253
00:11:11,436 --> 00:11:13,604
He's just upset
because I'm smarter than he is. .
254
00:11:13,638 --> 00:11:14,939
No, you are not. .
255
00:11:14,973 --> 00:11:17,641
Care to prove that with
a friendly game of strip chess? .
256
00:11:17,676 --> 00:11:20,644
Uh, honey, we have a house
full of rooms to christen,
257
00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:22,713
and we were gonna play
dirty clue.
258
00:11:22,747 --> 00:11:25,783
I have a feeling the culprit
is gonna be major Johnson
259
00:11:25,817 --> 00:11:27,852
in the library
with the handcuffs.
260
00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:30,554
Yeah.
261
00:11:30,589 --> 00:11:33,457
Whoo!
262
00:11:33,492 --> 00:11:35,026
I have nothing to prove here. .
263
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:37,128
If it makes you feel better,
by all means,
264
00:11:37,162 --> 00:11:38,796
believe you're smarter than me. .
265
00:11:38,830 --> 00:11:40,564
Smarter than i.
266
00:11:40,598 --> 00:11:42,233
I'll see you on the chessboard.
267
00:11:46,404 --> 00:11:47,504
James, what's that? .
268
00:11:47,539 --> 00:11:49,807
The Turkey. It's farm-fresh.
269
00:11:49,841 --> 00:11:53,110
James, it's farm breathing. .
270
00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:54,712
He's adorable.
I named him sparky. .
271
00:11:54,746 --> 00:11:56,681
Come on.
Let's wring that sexy neck. .
272
00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:58,349
Wait! .
273
00:11:58,383 --> 00:11:59,517
How can you do that? .
274
00:11:59,551 --> 00:12:01,486
The key is to get
a firm grip on the beak. .
275
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,387
You can really
work up some torque. .
276
00:12:03,422 --> 00:12:04,422
Come on!
277
00:12:06,057 --> 00:12:09,894
Michael, Caitlin was just
telling me how you two met. .
278
00:12:09,928 --> 00:12:13,797
Oh, right.
Well, I'll never forget that.
279
00:12:13,832 --> 00:12:17,034
Rose and I could never agree
on how we met.
280
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:20,872
I bet you have two completely
different stories, too. .
281
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:25,509
Come on, Mike. Tell me yours. .
282
00:12:25,543 --> 00:12:28,112
Oh, well, uh, uh...
yeah, well, we met,
283
00:12:28,146 --> 00:12:29,680
uh, in, uh... .
284
00:12:29,714 --> 00:12:31,448
Cassis, France. .
285
00:12:31,482 --> 00:12:32,816
No help. .
286
00:12:32,851 --> 00:12:35,920
It was. It was in cassis,
287
00:12:35,954 --> 00:12:39,189
as unnecessarily hard to believe
as that may sound. .
288
00:12:39,224 --> 00:12:42,559
Uh, I was vacationing. .
289
00:12:42,594 --> 00:12:45,396
She said you were there
for your grandmother's funeral. .
290
00:12:47,465 --> 00:12:51,001
Yeah, it was a package deal,
you know? .
291
00:12:51,036 --> 00:12:51,936
Six days... .
292
00:12:51,970 --> 00:12:54,238
Seven nights... .
293
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,039
One funeral. .
294
00:12:57,008 --> 00:12:58,909
So, there I was.
295
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:03,848
I'm on the beach,
and I'm in my black speedo,
296
00:13:03,882 --> 00:13:06,516
out of respect for Nana,
297
00:13:06,551 --> 00:13:11,121
when Caitlin goes...
goes parasailing by. .
298
00:13:11,156 --> 00:13:14,058
She said you met
in an emergency room. .
299
00:13:14,092 --> 00:13:16,660
Yeah, see, that's where we went
300
00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:19,429
after she slammed
into the hotel. .
301
00:13:19,464 --> 00:13:22,166
Hard to believe,
two years later,
302
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:23,333
here we are. .
303
00:13:23,368 --> 00:13:25,669
She said you met six weeks ago. .
304
00:13:25,703 --> 00:13:29,573
See? Well, there you go. .
305
00:13:29,607 --> 00:13:33,110
Two completely different
stories. .
306
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,915
Still playing strip chess? .
307
00:13:37,949 --> 00:13:39,516
Where you been? .
308
00:13:39,550 --> 00:13:40,651
The pantry. .
309
00:13:40,685 --> 00:13:43,754
And that's the last room
I do alone. .
310
00:13:43,788 --> 00:13:47,390
You walked right into my trap. .
311
00:13:47,425 --> 00:13:50,061
Your pawn is now mine. .
312
00:13:50,095 --> 00:13:51,195
Ha ha ha ha ha. .
313
00:13:51,229 --> 00:13:53,030
Finally. .
314
00:13:53,064 --> 00:13:54,431
Whoa, whoa, whoa! .
315
00:13:54,465 --> 00:13:55,866
Start with a shoe. .
316
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:58,268
Foot fetish.
317
00:13:58,302 --> 00:14:00,204
I like it. .
318
00:14:00,238 --> 00:14:01,438
Where were we? .
319
00:14:01,472 --> 00:14:03,974
Oh, that's right. Checkmate. .
320
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,809
Oh, my God! .
321
00:14:05,844 --> 00:14:08,846
Nude up, dum-dum. .
322
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,782
You may be smarter than me... .
323
00:14:11,816 --> 00:14:13,317
But I'm bigger. .
324
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:14,585
Come on!
325
00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:19,056
You wanna bring it on?!
326
00:14:19,090 --> 00:14:22,392
I'm gonna like this. .
327
00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:24,995
Okay, run, run!
Be free! Be free! .
328
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,364
Carpe diem, you stupid bird. .
329
00:14:27,398 --> 00:14:28,999
Oh, he's not stupid. .
330
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:32,403
He just knows he'll freeze
to death out there. .
331
00:14:32,437 --> 00:14:36,306
What we need to do is we need
to find him a hiding place
332
00:14:36,341 --> 00:14:39,176
and just keep him there
until... Spring. .
333
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,478
Oh, my God.
He's coming. He's coming. .
334
00:14:41,512 --> 00:14:43,080
Uh, uh, okay! .
335
00:14:43,114 --> 00:14:46,917
Sparky, this way!
Come on, sparky! .
336
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,493
You guys know where sparky is? .
337
00:14:56,527 --> 00:14:57,694
Haven't seen him. .
338
00:14:57,729 --> 00:14:58,695
Me either. .
339
00:14:58,730 --> 00:15:01,198
Hello. .
340
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:02,933
If you do see him, be careful. .
341
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:04,935
When turkeys get cornered,
they freak out. .
342
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:07,371
They start pecking
at anything that moves. .
343
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:09,473
Sorry, sparks,
you're on your own. .
344
00:15:14,346 --> 00:15:18,715
Oh, senator, here, have a seat. .
345
00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:21,252
Thank you, Randall. .
346
00:15:21,286 --> 00:15:24,288
He took my chair again. .
347
00:15:24,322 --> 00:15:26,857
Sir, you gotta ask yourself
what's more important...
348
00:15:26,892 --> 00:15:28,292
being a senator for six years
349
00:15:28,326 --> 00:15:30,294
or sitting in that chair
for one hour. .
350
00:15:30,328 --> 00:15:31,762
You're right, Mike. .
351
00:15:31,796 --> 00:15:34,965
Okay, Buster scoot.
352
00:15:36,835 --> 00:15:40,237
Paul, you have some crumbs
on your sleeve. .
353
00:15:40,271 --> 00:15:41,572
Thank you. .
354
00:15:41,606 --> 00:15:44,742
Help me out. She's all over me.
355
00:15:44,776 --> 00:15:46,610
I'm startin' to weaken.
356
00:15:46,645 --> 00:15:48,178
Paul, just think of your wife.
357
00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:51,481
I am, but she doesn't
look anything like that! .
358
00:15:51,516 --> 00:15:52,950
Chow time! .
359
00:15:52,984 --> 00:15:54,351
Ohh!
360
00:15:54,386 --> 00:15:55,886
I watched sparky run and play.
361
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,556
I don't think I can bear to see
him on that serving dish. .
362
00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:01,491
Actually, I have
a little confession to make. .
363
00:16:01,525 --> 00:16:04,261
Growing up on a farm
slaughtering animals
364
00:16:04,295 --> 00:16:05,796
never bothered me before,
365
00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:08,531
but maybe it was something
you said, Nikki,
366
00:16:08,566 --> 00:16:11,701
maybe it was the glint
in sparky's eyes. .
367
00:16:11,736 --> 00:16:13,670
Anyway, the bottom line is
368
00:16:13,704 --> 00:16:17,107
we're having tuna casserole
for dinner, okay?
369
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,976
James, that is so sweet.
370
00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:20,811
I'm kidding! Dig in! .
371
00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:26,083
I just want to make sure
our stories are consistent. .
372
00:16:26,117 --> 00:16:27,751
You never know
what he's gonna ask. .
373
00:16:27,785 --> 00:16:31,655
What? Like, uh, what first
attracted you to me? .
374
00:16:31,689 --> 00:16:34,324
Can we start
with an easier one? .
375
00:16:34,359 --> 00:16:37,294
Like when do we plan
to get married? .
376
00:16:37,328 --> 00:16:38,962
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. .
377
00:16:38,997 --> 00:16:41,231
We've been in this fake
relationship a few days. .
378
00:16:41,266 --> 00:16:42,900
You're already
fake smothering me. .
379
00:16:42,934 --> 00:16:47,271
Fine. Then when did
we first have sex? .
380
00:16:47,305 --> 00:16:48,172
First date. .
381
00:16:48,206 --> 00:16:49,173
We did not!
382
00:16:49,207 --> 00:16:51,442
I wait until the third date. .
383
00:16:51,476 --> 00:16:53,043
Not with me, you didn't. .
384
00:16:55,279 --> 00:16:57,448
Here he comes! We're on. .
385
00:16:57,482 --> 00:16:59,283
You know, Caitlin,
386
00:16:59,317 --> 00:17:01,218
this pie is the same color
as that sweater
387
00:17:01,252 --> 00:17:03,520
you got for your birthday
last August 4th
388
00:17:03,554 --> 00:17:05,055
from your aunt Ida, age 62. .
389
00:17:06,257 --> 00:17:08,459
You are right,
Michael Patrick Flaherty. .
390
00:17:08,493 --> 00:17:11,462
And didn't I wear it to your
favorite movie, "Chinatown"? .
391
00:17:11,496 --> 00:17:15,699
Bet your size 6 1/2 shoes. .
392
00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:18,101
That was our first date. .
393
00:17:18,136 --> 00:17:20,871
We had sex that night. .
394
00:17:22,573 --> 00:17:25,042
Yes, Mike, who could forget
395
00:17:25,076 --> 00:17:28,078
those three fantastic minutes? .
396
00:17:28,112 --> 00:17:30,714
You guys are just too cute. .
397
00:17:30,749 --> 00:17:32,883
And we're deeply,
deeply in love. .
398
00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:35,052
So, how about that endorsement? .
399
00:17:35,086 --> 00:17:38,289
Who could say no
to such an adorable couple? .
400
00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:41,425
Couple? They're not a couple.
401
00:17:41,459 --> 00:17:44,295
Paul, they're puttin'
the pies out. .
402
00:17:44,329 --> 00:17:47,298
She's just cozyin' up to Mike
to make me jealous. .
403
00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:49,433
Uh, Paul, we really a a couple.
404
00:17:49,467 --> 00:17:53,203
Caitlin... I'm flattered... .
405
00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:55,272
But I'm also married. .
406
00:17:55,307 --> 00:17:59,443
We can never be an us. .
407
00:17:59,477 --> 00:18:00,810
No, no, no. .
408
00:18:00,845 --> 00:18:03,913
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. .
409
00:18:03,948 --> 00:18:06,484
Don't betray the moment
with words. .
410
00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:09,352
Shh. .
411
00:18:09,387 --> 00:18:12,256
Shh. .
412
00:18:14,192 --> 00:18:16,293
What does he mean
you aren't a couple? .
413
00:18:16,327 --> 00:18:17,294
Are you two faking? .
414
00:18:17,328 --> 00:18:19,829
Faking? Of course not. .
415
00:18:19,864 --> 00:18:23,166
How could you fake
passion like this? .
416
00:18:31,009 --> 00:18:32,675
Whoa, was that an earthquake? .
417
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,947
Cait... cait...
oh, there you are. .
418
00:18:36,981 --> 00:18:39,182
Listen, we can still
turn this thing around.
419
00:18:39,217 --> 00:18:41,318
Mike, he's in the room
next door packing. .
420
00:18:41,352 --> 00:18:42,119
It's over. .
421
00:18:42,153 --> 00:18:43,220
No. No. It's not over. .
422
00:18:43,254 --> 00:18:45,689
There must be something
we can do.
423
00:18:47,893 --> 00:18:49,993
We can have sex. .
424
00:18:50,028 --> 00:18:52,396
How's that gonna help? .
425
00:18:52,430 --> 00:18:53,163
Wait a minute. .
426
00:18:53,198 --> 00:18:55,532
Let me rephrase the question. .
427
00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:57,368
Yeah. .
428
00:18:57,402 --> 00:18:59,536
No, I mean, fake sex.
He's in the room next door,
429
00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:01,071
so all we have to do
is make it...
430
00:19:03,508 --> 00:19:05,309
sound real. .
431
00:19:05,343 --> 00:19:07,811
He'll believe us,
we'll get the endorsement. .
432
00:19:07,845 --> 00:19:09,012
That's good thinking. .
433
00:19:09,046 --> 00:19:10,647
He's gonna leave. Now, come on.
434
00:19:10,681 --> 00:19:13,684
Oh, Mike. .
435
00:19:13,718 --> 00:19:14,785
Oh, Mike.
436
00:19:14,819 --> 00:19:17,654
I'm better than that. .
437
00:19:17,688 --> 00:19:20,690
Oh, Mike! .
438
00:19:20,725 --> 00:19:22,826
Oh, Mike! .
439
00:19:22,860 --> 00:19:24,361
There you go. .
440
00:19:24,395 --> 00:19:25,829
Oh, Caitlin. .
441
00:19:25,863 --> 00:19:27,197
Oh, Caitlin! .
442
00:19:27,231 --> 00:19:29,399
Oh, Mike. Oh, Mike. .
443
00:19:29,434 --> 00:19:31,201
It feels so good. .
444
00:19:31,235 --> 00:19:33,971
Yeah, you like that, huh?! .
445
00:19:34,005 --> 00:19:36,373
Yes! Yes! Don't stop! .
446
00:19:36,407 --> 00:19:38,642
Oh, I won't, officer! .
447
00:19:38,676 --> 00:19:39,743
What? .
448
00:19:39,777 --> 00:19:41,311
Nothin'. .
449
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,347
Oh, Caitlin! .
450
00:19:43,381 --> 00:19:44,748
Oh, Caitlin! .
451
00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:45,916
Oh, Mike! .
452
00:19:45,950 --> 00:19:47,050
Oh, Mike! .
453
00:19:47,084 --> 00:19:49,453
Who's your deputy mayor? .
454
00:19:49,487 --> 00:19:51,955
Yes! Oh, yes! .
455
00:19:54,492 --> 00:19:57,961
Oh, yes! Oh, yes!
456
00:20:08,506 --> 00:20:12,876
So, you two aren't a couple. .
457
00:20:12,910 --> 00:20:15,312
No, and we feel terrible. .
458
00:20:15,346 --> 00:20:17,981
Please accept our apologies. .
459
00:20:18,016 --> 00:20:20,050
Why did you come in here
anyway, senator? .
460
00:20:20,084 --> 00:20:26,857
Well, rose and I
used to... Swing. .
461
00:20:26,891 --> 00:20:30,693
This may not have turned out
the way we wanted,
462
00:20:30,728 --> 00:20:34,398
but, uh, you gotta admit,
it was pretty amazing.
463
00:20:34,432 --> 00:20:37,801
Mike, I was faking. .
464
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:42,439
Sure you were.
465
00:21:13,705 --> 00:21:16,139
He-e-e-e-e-re's jamesy. .
466
00:21:17,509 --> 00:21:20,144
Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.
32849
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