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(♪♪♪)

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(CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYING)

COLIN:
I just don't want anybody
to get hurt, that's all.

Nobody's gonna get hurt, okay?

I mean, this is just
a bunch of rich people.

They're losing
an amount of money

so insignificant to 'em
that they're willing

to gamble it all away.

I mean, I'd say

the error factor is pretty low
in this situation.

Yeah, but pointing a gun
at people.

I mean, I've never even held
a gun before.

Which is why I removed
the bullets.

You did?

Absolutely.

Now, come on.

Enough of the chit-chat.

We've got a job to do.

- Just wait a second.
- Oh, come on. No.

No, shush.

Look, all I'm asking is we think
about this for a minute.

Collie, you've had enough
minutes already.

A couple of more
is not gonna do any good.

There's no sense
of being afraid now.

Who said anything
about being afraid?

Collie. Come on.

People like you and me.

The world... the world goes
out of its way

to keep us exactly where we are.

I mean, look at us.

Look at the situation we're in.

Now, I don't like
what we have to do here.

- You like it plenty.
- All right, maybe we do.

But my personal predilection
towards stealing

has nothing to do with the fact

that our backs
are against the wall.

And if we're ever gonna
get what we want,

We have no choice
but to take it.

Opportunity
does not knock twice.

A lot of money in there.

TERRY:
Lotta money.

Lotta rich people.

(♪♪♪)

(indistinct shouting)

Code red! Code red! Code red!

TERRY:
All right, partners!

Put your hands in the air.

This is a robb...

Thank God, you're here!

Wait.

Who are you two?

♪ It's Christmas time! ♪

♪ Grab your coat ♪

♪ It's getting cold ♪

♪ Just look
at the falling snow ♪

ANNA:
Christmas movies aren't cheesy.

Who raised you?

MANNY:
Okay, maybe they're not cheesy.

But come on, Anna,
they're not serious movies.

ANNA:
Well, yeah,
they're not supposed to be.

I mean, Christmas movies
are all about wish fulfillment.

We watch them
and we're taken to a place

where dreams come to life.

I mean, Christmas is
an entire holiday

centered around getting
the things that we want.

Could be spending time
with loved ones

or I don't know, finally
making out with your crush.

I thought you'd never ask.

All I'm saying is that
in my experience,

wishes rarely come true.

But with Christmas and movies,
they make us feel like maybe,

sometimes, they can.

And that is why I love
Christmas movies so much.

Hmm.

Is that what you're working on?

- A Christmas movie?
- What? No.

I mean...

I mean, I am working on a movie,
but it's not a Christmas movie.

- MANNY Can I read it?
- Not a chance.

Um, okay,
so you're writing a movie

that no one can read.

Well, I'll let people read it.

Eventually.

Probably.

Sure.

Well, in the meantime,

why don't you go work
on that at home?

I know you can't beat
the company

you get to keep here,

but it's gonna take me
a while to clean up

after these beautiful
holiday drunks.

Well, I'd love to close out,
but um...

- Someone's in there?
- Yeah.

Yo, hombre!

We're closed.

Get a move on
or we'd have to lock you

in there till morning.

Yeah, yeah.

Place got crappy service.

That crappy service, anyway.

And... and them bathrooms, man?

You should be ashamed
of yourself, man.

That's not for people.

People shouldn't use
those bathrooms.

I went in there, and I was...
I was like,

"I'm not a person,
'cause that bathroom is nasty."

That was beautiful.
Was that Shakespeare?

So, I am guessing

that you two can't be bothered
with giving me another round?

Sorry, Manny,
I forgot to tell you.

- Credit card machine's down.
- Sorry?

You're gonna have to pay
with cash, sir.

(♪♪♪)

ANNA:
Here you go.

Although, hey, you mind
swapping out a 10 for two 5s?

A 10.

Oh, you still owe me 5.

Actually, you know what?
You keep that.

I'll give you 10.

You give me 20.

And we're good.

Although, a tip.

It's Christmas.

- Happy holidays.
- Thank you.

FOSTER:
Hmm.

Huh.

Just a little trick
my dad taught me.

Hey.

Everybody's got a little larceny
operating in them.

Oh, Bing Crosby.
White Christmas.

Nice. See?

We make a great team.

Now, about that making out.

PAUL:
Hey, you two. Back to work, huh?

That's it.

Working my boss voice,
how'd that sound?

Pretty good?

Like a manager... Man...
Managerial?

Man... Managerial?

Man... Managera...
Like a manager guy?

Pretty good, right?
Uh, kinda.

PAUL:
Okay.

I just heard you guys talking
about Christmas movies,

and no one said
the best one of all time.

No? Still?

- Die Hard? Come on.
- Oh, dude.

- Come on.
- PAUL: What?

- What's wrong with Die Hard?
- It rules.

- PAUL: Yeah.
- It reinvented the action genre.

Yes. Thank you.
ANNA:
It made Bruce Willis a star.

But we have to stop

with this whole Die Hard
is a Christmas movie argument.

- Why?
- It's played out.

And there are so many
other great Christmas movies

that we could be talking
about instead.

Gonna have to hit the disagree
button on this one.

Big time.

Babe, back me up on this,
come on.

Oh. No.

I never see no Die Hard.

What? Are you serious?

What? Am I living a li... You...

I have no idea
what's going on right now.

I know, baby,
but you're used to it.

(CHUCKLES)

Baby, I'm just teasing.

I'm just trying to stay
on Anna's good side,

so when she's out there
in Hollywood making movies,

she'll invite us to her
red carpet.

CHIP ON SPEAKER:
Everyone! Kitchen!
Meeting! Now!

This guy, dude.

Hey.

Now, that sounded managerial.

- Managerial.
- Managerial. Managerial.

What crawled up his butt?

This guy sucks ass.

Here's your cut of the tip
we got earlier.

No. You earned it.

Hmm.

Alright, fine.

But I'm only taking 5.

Why are you being nice?

It's weird.

MANNY:
I'm always nice.

Or maybe I just want
Teddy to get his new bike.

(♪♪♪)

(indistinct chatter & laughter
in background)

Okie dokie.

So, the restaurant is closing
effective immediately.

- EMPLOYEE 1: What?
- EMPLOYEE 2: Is he kidding?

- Are you serious?
- EMPLOYEE 3: What is this guy...

- EMPLOYEE 4: This is crazy.
- CHIP: Yeah.

So, go ahead and clear
all your belongings

and say your goodbyes,
and uh, your final paycheck

will arrive in the mail.

- What?
- NIKKI: Huh?

Oh. We ain't got a mailbox.

ANNA:
What's happening?

Look, it's not hard
to understand, Anna.

Costs are up.

Business is down.

And I'ma get out of here

while I still got
a shirt on my back.

But it seems like
business has been great.

Like, I'm busting me buttocks

all day every day back here
behind the grill.

- ANNA: Yeah.
- Oh. Oh, wow.

Colin, I had no idea
you were an accountant.

Do you... do you have some other
hidden talents

you've been hiding from us?

Uh, you're like a dancer
or maybe a wizard?

Hmm? No.

- COLIN: No.
- No?

Well, then, why don't you
leave the business decisions

to the person that
owns the business?

That's me.

And I say, we're closed.

End of story.

You dirty, cheap bastard.

It's Christmas, you son of a...

You can't give us the boot
on Christmas.

Oh, yeah? Says who?

Says...

- The government.
- CHIP: Oh.

CHIP:
The government. Ah.

Well, why don't you call up
the government

and see how far you get
with that?

Or what I could do is take
this pan

- and shove it up your...
- Terry. Terry.

No, no, Terry.

No.

Yeah, well, also, you said
you were gonna make me manager,

like last week. What...

Was that...

Okay, Paul.
You're a manager.

- Okay.
- And you're fired.

- Sick, dude.
- CHIP: Yeah.

Well, what about our bonuses?

Is that gonna come with
our paycheck?

Are you serious? Wow.

Anna, you know, there's
no trophies for participation.

There's no medal for
second place.

And silver?

And there's sure as hell
no bonuses when you fail.

It's your restaurant, Chip.

If anyone's failed here,
I'm pretty sure it's you.

EMPLOYEES:
Yeah.

Oh.

Like I'm gonna be lectured
about failure from you, Manny.

What are you,
a 30-year-old busboy?

Let's just get him. Okay?

You get one
and I'll get the other.

COLIN:
Terry. Christ.

So... so that's it?
We're all unemployed?

You just...
you just tossin' us out?

Yeah. Oh.

Uh, but tomorrow,
I'm still hosting

my annual holiday poker game
and I'll need staff to work it.

So, given the circumstances,
I'm assuming

that you all
still need the cash, right?

(sighs)

CHIP:
Yeah. I thought so.

All right. Yay!

It's a win-win for everybody.

(indistinct whispering)

COLIN:
This guy...

Told ya.

(♪♪♪)

(TYPING ON PHONE)

(♪♪♪)

What the hell?

Something of interest
to you there?

ANNA:
Oh. No. No.

I... I was just gonna make
the cash drop.

CHIP:
Oh.

Well, make the drop, and go.

You know,
you shouldn't do this to people.

Not on Christmas.

You know, I used to be a boxer?

ANNA:
Yes.

Pretty good one.

Once upon a time.

Golden gloves and everything.

ANNA:
Good for you.

I'm sure a pair
of gold boxing gloves

have been incredibly useful
to you in life.

What?

No, you ding-dong.

Golden gloves doesn't mean
that gloves are gold.

It means that you're a champion.

It means that you did
your time in the ring

and you came out on top.

Yeah.

You know what I learned
throughout

that whole arduous process?

How to get punched a lot?

CHIP:
How to get punched a lot. Yeah.

That's exactly what I learned.

You know, Iron Mike Tyson said,

"Everybody's got a plan until
they get punched in the face."

Trick is, when you do get
punched in the face,

you gotta keep standing.

You gotta keep fighting.

Huh?

Because no one makes it
to gloves

lying on the mat,
waiting for the ref to count

their sorry ass out.

Pooh.

Remind me.

You inherited this restaurant
from your dad, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, he built it
from the ground up.

Why?

Just pointing out

that some of us have to
fight harder than others.

Thank you.

Pointing that out.

(grunts)

PAUL:
Okay, so, should we just kill
this guy or what?

Eh.

What I'd like to do?

I'd like to grab that slimy
bastard by the neck

and squeeze and squeeze
until his face

goes bright red like
a ripe tomato

and one of those eyes
in his bulging face goes...

(imitates pop)
out of his head.

Okay.

That's like real specific and...
and horrifying.

- Cheers, love.
- I'll cheers to that.

- I love that.
- Yeah.

PAUL:
Seriously though, babe.
What are we gonna do?

We need that bonus
for the apartment.

Bad.

I don't know.

I mean, it ain't like
anyone's hiring

restaurant staff in January.

Don't even say January.

We live in a truck with no heat
or bathroom.

It's not a great sitch.

Oh, I know.

Well, if you guys need a place
to stay,

I mean, you're always welcome
to jump in.

Ow!

What, mate? (indistinct speech)

I appreciate ya, Colin.

But Paul and I will...
we'll figure it out.

I don't know.

It ain't the first time
we ran into some bad luck.

PAUL:
Yeah.

Some good luck would be nice.

Change of pace.

ANNA:
Hey, can I ask you guys
a question?

Have any of you noticed
your paychecks

being a little light?

TERRY:
No.

I saw something weird
on Chip's computer and it...

Probably nothing,
but I took my last paycheck

and I calculated out
all the social security, taxes,

all that and I'm pretty sure
I'm like 14 bucks short.

14 whole dollars?

Oh, wow.

Our financial woes are solved.

I'm not saying it's gonna solve
all our problems,

you mouthy leprechaun.

I'm just wondering
where the money is going.

Is anybody else curious?

- Not really.
- ANNA: Anyone?

Okay. Whatever.
I'm getting another beer.

(chuckles)

No, Anna. Anna.

Uh, no, seriously, Anna, Anna.

Yes.

TERRY:
While you're up there,
would you...

No.

Geez. Would you look at that?

We're all on the same
sinking ship.

And now, more than ever,
we need to...

MANNY:
Terry.

You talk too much.

Oh, ow.

Just take that, chump.

So this is it, huh?

One last shift.

Wait.

Are you actually going to
show up tomorrow?

And serve Chip?

And all those tosses
he calls friends?

PAUL:
Did you miss the part just now
where we live in a truck?

We need the money, dude.

Bad.

Look. I mean, does it suck?

We have to work on Christmas Eve
serving a bunch of rich jerks

as... as they blow more money
in one night

than we'll see in months.

Yeah, yeah.

It does, but we ain't
got the luxury of being picky.

Dude, I wouldn't mind
blowing 10Gs in one go.

It'd be nice.

With all those buy-ins,
there's gonna be

like 60K in that place
tomorrow night.

Imagine walking around
with that kind of dough.

Yeah.

Imagine that.

Oh, well, look at the time.

Uh, Colin, we best be going.

Um, we got that uh,
early appointment

to get that...
that rash of yours.

- You got a rash, dude?
- What? What? No. No.

- Ew.
- Oh.

Collie, Collie, come on.

Yeah, me too. Me too.

Well, minus the rash.

I... I ain't got a rash.

Baby, come on, let's go.

Baby, get your jacket.
Let's go.

(♪♪♪)

PAUL:
What are those two up to?

Maybe Anna's finally realizing
Manny has a crush on her.

PAUL:
He does?

- PAUL: How long?
- Let's go.

PAUL:
Okay.

And if you were to steal money
that's already been stolen?

Who could you report that to?

(♪♪♪)

You're gonna catch
your death out here.

Hey.

What are you doing up?

What? You run out
of old Cheers episodes

to fall to fall asleep to?

Hey, easy on your old man.

I watch more than just Cheers.

I also watch Columbo.

Oh.

My back.

One of them nights.

Sorry.

So tell me.

Unless you've got the world's
smallest bicycle,

I don't think I see Teddy's
Christmas gift anywhere.

I lost my job today, dad.

You what?

Chip closed the restaurant.

No notice. No nothing.

He's not even giving us
our holiday bonus.

On Christmas?

He's doing this on Christmas?

Sweetie, I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have said that
thing about the bike.

I... I didn't know what I...

The year that kid has had.

Do you know how long it's been
since his deadbeat dad

even picked up a phone
to call him?

- Something like six months.
- Eight.

It has been eight months.

Hey.

Teddy's gonna have
a good Christmas.

- He's gonna be fine.
- No, he just wants a bike.

That is it.

And I was gonna use
some of that money to take

a filmmaking class,

but I can't spend
that kind of money now.

Who knows when I'm gonna
get more work?

And you gotta take care
of your crippled old man.

I'll get a job.

Whatever it takes,
I'll get a job.

You already got a job, dad.

You take care of Teddy.

I don't think you realize
how much childcare

can cost these days.

Plus, I claim you as a dependent
on my taxes,

you're a nice write-off.

Look.

We're gonna be okay.

We will.

There's one thing I learned

is that no one looks after
people like us.

No one. That's why.

That's why we take care
of each other.

That's right.

Coming in?

I'm turning into
a snow globe out here.

No, you go ahead.
I need another minute.

Take your time.

Florida.

That's where we should get
some jobs.

Florida.

(WALKING STICK CLICKING)

(♪♪♪)

(CAR WHIRRING)

(clears throat)

(♪♪♪)

(CAR DOOR CLOSES IN BACK)

SONNY:
Hey, Billy.

I want you to wait
out here for me.

And most importantly, hey,

I want you to stay awake,
you understand?

No sleeping on the job.

I'll stay awake, Uncle Sonny.

- You can count on me.
- SONNY: I can count on you?

Look at you.

Like you're sleeping already.

How do... how do I look?

You kids, all you kids
look perpetually bored.

It's your faces.

You got no muscle.

Why don't you do some
face exercises

while you're waiting for me?

Sure. Yeah, okay.

Okay, Uncle Sonny.
I'll do some, uh, face-ups.

(♪♪♪)

(yawns)

Sonny Carmichael!

The man we've been waiting for!

I'm glad you could make it,
brother.

Glad I could make it?

You practically blackmailed me
into being here.

I thought I was gonna wake up
with a horse's head in my bed.

(laughs)

Well, you know how these
things are.

I mean, you know, one guy
misses one year,

another guy misses the next.

And before you know it,

our tradition's not
a tradition anymore.

Well, you owe me.

I had to hire Marie's
dimwit nephew to drive me here.

It was the only way I could
get another Christmas Eve off.

Where is everybody?

Oh, you know, they're...
they're around.

Well, I'm sorry about that.

Well, why don't you let me
make it up to you, huh?

With a drink.

- Oh, lookie here.
- Hey.

It must be Christmas,
because my eyes are getting

a full glimpse of
Mr. Sonny Carmichael Esquire.

Louis, you know I'd love
to see you more often,

but wouldn't it be wrong of me

to clean you out
more than once a year?

Oh, so that's how it's gonna be?

You started it, huh?

You started it.

Hi, Sonny.

Long time no see.

CHUCK:
How's it hangin', Sonny?

Hey, Anna.

A drink for our esteemed guest,
Mr. Carmichael.

I'll have a vodka orange juice,
sweetheart.

- ANNA: So a screwdriver?
- Anna.

ANNA:
What?

He's been ordering the same
drink for like 50 years.

I figured he might want to know
it has a name.

(laughing)

SONNY:
Feisty.

I like that.

I'll have a screwdriver, please.

Coming right up.

Let me get these empties
out of the way.

I assume another round
for everyone?

- CHUCK & LOUIS: Yep.
- Thank you.

Why... why are you
collecting em... empties?

Where's Manny?

Couldn't tell ya.

Maybe he's running late.

Running late.

My favorite night of the year.
My busboy's running late.

(chuckles)

What are you gonna do, Chip?

Fire him?

Again?

I'll be back with those drinks.

Gentlemen. And lady.

You know how we do it here.

This is old school
five-card draw.

None of that Texas hold 'em,
college dorm room nonsense.

We play down, and we play dirty,

and we play until
there's a winner.

And only one winner.

So you may go home and tell
your significant others

that you broke even,
but you better be sure.

You either win or you lose.

So, now that we're talking
about the wager,

it's time to buy in, hmm.

And much like the cards
we're about to play,

let's get that cash up
on the table.

Hmm, hmm. Oh yeah.

One more makes an even 60K.

Oh my goodness.

Oh.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to go put this,

uh, well, in a safe place.

(laughing)

CHUCK:
In a safe.

Yeah.

(FOOT FALLING)

(SAFE CLICKING)

Wow.

(♪♪♪)

Can I help you with something?

Hey, no, I'm... I... I'm good.

I was... I was wondering,
do you... do you like,

do you need anything
or are you good?

CHIP:
Oh, oh, thanks.

Yeah, yeah. I do need something.

I need you to serve my guests.

And I need to know why
I don't hear grease frying

or see any food being prepped.

Yeah. The uh, McMahon brothers
no show today.

What? Are you kidding?

First Manny and now
those Irish knuckleheads?

PAUL:
Yeah.

You did fire everybody
yesterday.

Like all of us.

CHIP:
Yeah. Can you cook?

Not at all.

Okay, well, figure it out.

How hard can it be?
Right?

You just uh, cook up anything
that's not vile if overcooked

or uh, deadly if undercooked.

Right?

- Yeah.
- Huh?

You got it?
Do you?

- Yeah.
- CHIP: You got it.

PAUL:
Okay. Mm-hmm.

Okay, yeah.

- Get to work!
- Yeah.

There we go.

It's cooking... cooking time.

Hello, kitchen.

Hello?

(STATIC ON PHONE)

NIKKI:
Pst.

Yeah. Oh hey.

Yeah, he's gone, ghost is clear.
Come on.

You can do this like fast,
right?

It's not gonna take you
a long time.

Hell, I don't know.

I guess we'll find out.

Just keep Chip distracted
and out of my hair

and I'll do my thing.

(CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYING)

All right.

Let the games begin.

♪ Christmas is coming ♪

♪ The snowflakes
will be falling ♪

♪ It's the most wonderful
time of year ♪

♪ So hang up your stockings ♪

♪ Put the tinsel on the tree ♪

♪ Because Christmas is coming
our way ♪

(♪♪♪)

♪ So baby, light a fire,
and we'll toast the night away ♪

♪ Because Christmas is coming,
Christmas is coming ♪

♪ Christmas is coming our way ♪

That's why
I don't go to Vegas anymore.

I just don't do it.

It's amateur hour.

- HECTOR: Hell.
- They did it to themselves.

You know, Vegas turned
into a theme park.

You can't tell if you're
on the strip,

if you're at Disneyland.

Don't you agree, Sonny?

Were... weren't we about
to discuss

Sonny's new partnership?

That was the whole point
of Elvis' comeback concert.

It was supposed to be
a Christmas special.

But the King said...

(vocalizes)

Oh, no, no, no, no
ain't no family friendly BS.

It's gonna be
a rock 'n' roll show."

(ALL CHUCKLES)

It's that... it's you...

HECTOR:
Now keep in mind, he ain't
performed live in seven years.

- EDEN & LOUIS: Yeah.
- HECTOR: He was in the army.

Then he spent all that time
making them bad movies

and bad music
to go along with it.

- I saw that concert.
- HECTOR: You did?

Yeah, I remember

sitting around watching
with my family.

All of us gathered around
the TV like it was church.

Hector, you're the expert.

You think Elvis is dead?

Well, yeah, he's...
he's dead now.

But he wasn't dead then.

(laughing)

He's dead now. (laughing)

(Hector coughs)

Wasn't dead then.

Hey, so about that job.

Uh, I'm told that it's with
the governor's brother.

Is that... is that right?

It's nothing. Just work stuff.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, it can't be...
it can't be nothing.

We're talking about
the governor's brother, right?

That's not nothing.

Look, I don't want to talk shop.

I just need to play cards
with my friends.

Yeah, no, no. Yeah, me too.

It's your bet, Chip.

No, I know.

- I'm just wondering.
- Why?

Why are you so curious to know
what I'm up to with anyone?

And particularly,
the governor's brother.

Wh... whoa.

Come on.

Let's... let's relax, all right?

I'm just making conversation.

Yeah, and you brought
the topic up a few times.

Mm-hmm.

You're getting
a little pushy about it.

We all see it, mm-hmm.

Hey, come on.

Hey.

Hey, far be it for me to...
to spoil a good time, right?

I mean, uh, hey, if...
if I crossed the line,

Sonny, I apologize.

Please.

From the... from the bottom
of my heart, I apologize.

- Okay.
- CHIP: All right.

Yeah, come on.

Let's uh, let's take a break,
huh?

Let's uh, let's take a break.

Uh, you guys have
more drinks, right?

We'll get...
we'll get Anna back in here,

get some more drinks,
and I'll get some food, right?

I'll bring some food, huh?

Come on.

We'll... we'll keep
the good times going.

- We're having fun.
- We're having fun.

CHIP:
Aren't we? Come on,
we're having fun, Sonny.

Right? This is fun.

All right. Let's keep it going.

I'll be right back.

Elvis has left the building.

(laughs)

CHUCK:
What is he, dead?

(retches, SPITS)

(♪♪♪)

I can't. I can't.

You hear me?

I can't do this.

I'm trying.

Do you hear me out there trying?

He's not taking the bait.

He's catching on to me.

Are you listening to me?

BENNET ON PHONE:
You know the deal, Mr. Baker.

You get us Sonny Carmichael...

or we get you on tax evasion.

Oh. Ehhh.

(pants)

(taking deep breaths)

Okay, okay, here we go.

Oh, oh.

- Ooh!
- PAUL: Hey. Hey.

Hey, boss man, how's it going?

CHIP:
What are you doing?

I just... I was just getting
the pizza here,

making sure the order's right.

Looks pretty good.

Why did you order pizza?

We're a restaurant, Paul!

Yeah, no, you told me
to make food and it went bad.

And there's a grease fire
over there.

It's... I put it out,
everything's fine.

There was an extinguisher.

It's good,
but this is off-limits.

So, if everyone loves pizza,
yeah, we'll do pizza.

It's gonna be great.

I am super screwed.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's a lot of that
going around.

Okay.
Here's what we're gonna do.

Okay?

You're gonna go out there
and you're gonna

bring pizza on the good plates
to our guests.

Do you think you can
handle that?

- Yeah.
- Hm?

Yeah.

Okay.

(SHOES SQUEAKING)

Do you think
you can handle that now?

PAUL:
Yeah, that's all I can do, boss.
Yeah.

Mm-hmm. It's good.

That's what I'm afraid of.

You handling it.

(grunts)

That guy.

(LIGHT FLICKERING)

(♪♪♪)

MAN 1 ON VIDEO:
The cam,
right on the cam follower,

and you're gonna feel
and hear very slightly

and very gently a little tick,
and you'll go right past it

but you'll remember that number.

You'll write that number down.

You keep doing that,
you'll have a set of numbers.

He went back to the game.

Got all the time.

MAN 1 ON VIDEO:
combinations to get in here.

PAUL:
How's it going?

NIKKI:
How's it look like it's going?

PAUL:
Not well.

Well, okay.
Keep working on it.

I'll be back.

MAN 1 ON VIDEO:
all four sides.

Like clutch cut with a grinder
or a metal saw.

Hell, no.

I ain't subscribing to
your channel.

They're gonna be playing poker
for at least a few hours.

That gives us plenty of time
to crack open the safe,

get that money, and get out.

I don't know about this, man.

I'm not the guy for this, right?

Like I couldn't even open

my high school locker
and I knew the code for that.

I knew the numbers
and I was still bad at it.

This is not a good idea.

I know, baby. I know.

That's why I'll handle the safe.

You just have to run
interference

and make sure no one bothers me
while I'm doing my thing.

Yeah, I mean...

Yeah.

Okay. I guess I could do that.

And worst-case scenario,

if I can't crack
the safe's lock, well... well

I can always take a page from
my cousin's playbook.

O... okay.

So, like as much as I love
your cousin's appetite

for blowing shit up,
that's 100% last resort.

Dynamite...

(GRRUNTING)
You're ruining my dream.

Stealing a lot of money.

Like a ton of money.

Like go to jail for a while
kind of money.

Do you know what
I'm talking about?

Like, this is some
Ocean's Eleven-style shit.

We are way over our heads
on this.

More like Ocean 7-Eleven,
the way we're going.

PAUL:
Awesome one, dude.

Was that... You just came up
with that right now?

It was a great joke.

(sighs)

NIKKI:
Remember this day?

PAUL:
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, actually, yeah.

Specifically, this is the day
you told me

that you'd only hump in
the truck once

and one time only,
and that was a lie.

Baby, I am being serious.

Remember when I told you
that day about Florida?

Yes, you saw God in the ocean
or something,

and there was like... Your dad
was there.

- You'd never seen a dolphin.
- What? No! No, no, no!

I didn't literally mean I saw
gods in the ocean.

Baby. All right.

Let me try and explain this.

Growing up, my... my daddy was
convinced that the only way

to feel the Lord's presence
was inside

of a house of worship.

And believe me, I tried.

Tried, but the only thing

I ever felt at church
was boredom.

And hot in the summers.

And that summer,
my daddy took us

down to Florida.

Man, we drove straight through.

No stops.

We couldn't afford another
night in the motels.

Our first day there, we...
we went straight to the beach.

I remember it like it was
yesterday.

I remember looking out
at that clear blue water

and I'm digging my little toes
in the sand.

Baby, get over here.

I'd never seen anything so...
so vast and overwhelming before.

It was like the sky, you know,
only upside down.

In that moment, standing there,

confronted with all the beauty
of our world,

in that moment is when I felt

God's presence
for the first time.

Not inside a church
or bible studies.

It was right there.

Out in the open.

I've been chasing that feeling
ever since.

That feeling that there's
something more to this life.

But I've been so stuck.

Stuck in these dead-end jobs.

Stuck just... just trying to keep
my head above water.

Baby, we're stuck.

We're stuck just trying
to survive.

Do you even know what
you're listening for?

PAUL:
Yeah, it's like the video said.

Like... Or even in the movies.

You know what I mean?
It's like the right click.

Where it goes like, click,
click, click, click, clack.

We need that,
we need that clack.

(SAFE CLICKING)

Dude, you know what?

I bet the combo is
Chip's birthday. Right?

Doesn't he kind of seem
like the password

is my birthday kind of guy?

Do you know
what his birthday is?

No.

No, I don't. Okay.

(SIGHS) Hey, but I think we need
to be honest.

We need to face the facts here.

We're not good at safe cracking
or like major crime.

You think?

I'm sorry, baby.

It's just... it's right there.

All that money is behind
this stupid, sloppy metal.

Ugh.

- And we can't get to it.
- PAUL: Yeah.

That's... that what a safe is.

You know, it's like the...
the whole point.

So stupid, stupid.

Worst-case scenario.

We gotta do it, baby.

Babe...

What choice do we have?

We either blow off this door
or we live in a van forever.

We live in a van and we wake up

on Christmas morning
with no money,

no jobs, and nowhere to take a...

Hell, I can't live
like this no more.

Ok... Okay.
And then... and then what?

We do an explosion in here?

We blow this thing off?

People are right there.

They'll... they'll be in here
in a second.

Then how do we leave?

How do we get out of here?

We make a run for it.

Hope we got a little bit of
Christmas luck on our side.

No.

No way, dude.

That's not gonna work.

Let's go.

Do you trust me?

Uh-oh.

Why?

I came up with a plan.
It's kind of like a...

It's not great.

It's like a break in case
of emergency.

Okay. See?

Now, when you say plan,
that makes me a little nervous.

PAUL:
Oh, yeah. Me too.

I'm very nervous.

This plan is medium to bad.

Do you remember that dude,
Bronco, that I live with?

The drug dealer?

PAUL:
I didn't know he was
a drug dealer at the time. Okay?

I thought he just had
a lot of pills

and was a fun, chill dude,
and I...

when I found he was selling
drugs, I moved out, okay?

I thought you moved out,

so we could move into
the van together.

PAUL:
I did. It was... It was a...

It was both of the things
together that...

(indistinct speech)

(PHONE RINGING IN DISTANCE)

PAUL:
What is this?

What?

What is this?

Hello?

God.

There's something weird
going on here.

That thing's been ringing
all day.

It's been only clicks.
I don't know what it is.

I'm gonna go.

All right, take this.

Figure it out. Bronco's gonna
help us with this.

Okay?

ANNA:
Whoa, hey!
Whoa, you scared me.

PAUL:
Sorry. Sorry.

Uh, you... uh hey.

ANNA:
What are you...

- What are you doing in there?
- PAUL: In here?

I was doing like um, a napkin.

It was like a napkin inventory.

It's... it was for like uh,
just like a napkins thing,

you know? It's fine.

You realize that
the restaurant's closing, right?

We're not gonna need
any more napkins.

Yeah, that's... that's exactly
what I said just a minute ago.

I was like, "What do we need
to do that for", you know?

Um, hey, what... so what...
what are you doing back here?

Shouldn't... shouldn't you
be behind the bar,

doing like bar...
bartending stuff for the...

Yeah, yeah.

I was, so, why do you care?

I... I... I'm not caring.

I don't... I don't care.

I care a little bit.

Chip just asked for, um,
whiskey shots

for his poker squad, so, um...

What? When did he order that?

Weren't you doing
napkin inventory?

Yeah, it was right
before my napkin time.

It was...

Anna, I just really love it
if you could just pour me

those shots for...
please, God, you know,

could you do...
could you do that for me?

- Sure. Yep.
- Thank you.

ANNA:
I... I just um...

I've gotta go.

I should... I just, I have to do,
I have to do a thing first.

So you're not gonna do
the shots?

I just... Yeah.

So, I'm gonna do it myself.

Like I could do everything
around here.

Awesome. Thanks, Anna!

ANNA:
You're welcome!

(♪♪♪)

Pfft! No!

It got in my mouth.

Come on, please.

Do it again.

That's a good one.

Did I do this one?

Shit.

That's good.

(indistinct speech)

That's when I realized
she was still in the room!

She had been there
the entire time!

(LAUGHS) Easy.

- SONNY: Is she still there?
- Hey, who's ready for shots!

- PAUL: Right?
- Shots?

No. No one ordered shots.

- No shots.
- PAUL: Oh yeah.

I... I know,
but it's... it's a party, right?

It's Christmas.

No, no, no...
no one ordered shots.

It's an adult party.

It's not for kids.

- Good, no, we're good.
- CHUCK: You know what?

I'll take a shot, what the hell.

There we go!

All right! Shot for you!

- Shot for you!
- SONNY: No, thank you.

I said shot for you.
Come on, we're all doing it.

It's gonna be super fun.

Shot for the big man.
Shot for the lady.

- I'll pass.
- Oh, it's... it's right there.

- LOUIS: Yeah, hit me.
- PAUL: Oh, see?

This is what...

Why can't everybody be
more like this guy?

- PAUL: And a shot for papa.
- Get out of here.

Get out of here, get out of
here, get out of here. ♪

PAUL:
I will. Just have a shot.
It's really nice.

HECTOR:
To new times with old friends.

- SONNY: Hear, hear.
- EDEN: Hear, hear.

CHUCK:
And a happy holidays
to you all, too.

- And a night off from my wife.
- Wait!

Just sorry, if you guys...
if you all...

Everyone has to do the shot.

It's... it's bad luck
if you don't... if you don't...

Will you disappear, you wacko?

Before you disappear,
you get my drift?

Yeah, but if you guys
all don't...

Get out!

Yeah. Okay.

Just enjoy your drinks.

It's Christmas Eve.

I... I just... he... he...
asked him nicely,

but he wasn't leaving.

CHUCK:
To a night off from his wife.

(laugh)

- LOUIS: Salud.
- Salud.

SONNY:
All right.

(TRAY CLATTERS)

NIKKI:
Baby!

Hang on.

NIKKI:
What are you doing?

There's something weird
going on here.

I'm trying...

Oh, okay.

Did you do whatever it was
that you went to do?

Kind of.

I guess not all the way,
but sort of.

80 percent.

So is it time?

Yeah.

If it's not now,
it never will be.

Let's do it.

Okay. (KISSES)

Come on.

- Boom!
- PAUL: Let's do it.

- I love you.
- PAUL: I love you.

(SIGHS)

Hey, so I'm glad you guys
are all here.

I'm uh, gonna pick your brain
about something.

I um... I got this friend
I'm helping, uh,

move some materials that
he's gathered.

You know, getting things in.

Getting them out.

He needs logistics help.

But not a lot of questions.
If you know what I mean?

He uh, could be lucrative.

- SONNY: Again?
- Yeah.

We're doing this again?

Do... doing what?
What do you mean?

You know what I mean.
You know what I mean.

CHIP:
No, I'm sorry. I don't.
I don't know what you mean.

SONNY:
You're still sticking your nose
into my business.

Why are you so desperate to
know when I'm...

HECTOR:
Hey, hey, Sonny.

Relax, man.

Take it easy.

Hector,
what the hell are you doing?

Hey, you guys ever think...

Chuck. Hey.

Rainbow.

LOUIS:
Hey, hey, hey.

EDEN:
What? (GASPS)

Damn it, Chip.

I had enough of this.

What is going on here?

I don't know what's going on.

You tell me right now

what you're up to
or I swear to God.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Sonny.

I do not know what is
going on here, okay?

I had nothing to do with this.

Nothing.

(EXPLOSION)

(♪♪♪)

You were saying?

Code red! Code... code red!
Code red!

Code red, red, red, red, red!
Code red!

TERRY:
All right, partners.

Put your arms in the air.

This is a robbery.

Oh, thank God, you're here.

Wait. Whoa.

Who... who are you... you two?

(CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYING
IN BACKGROUND)

So nothing matters?

Hell, that's not what
I'm saying at all.

You're talking about fatalism.

You're saying that, because
anything's possible

and it's all out of our control,

we should just live
however we want.

Forget about the consequences.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

See, that's where you're wrong,
because I'm...

Okay. Okay.

Let me put it like this.

I hate it when some people
say things like,

"Oh, well, you might get
knocked over by a bus tomorrow,

so you might as well eat
a dozen cheeseburgers

or smoke a carton
of cigarettes today."

See, that's bollocks.

You know, boy.

Guessing if I say no,
you're gonna tell me anyway.

TERRY:
Hey.

Well, the answer is simple.

Why didn't you see
the bus coming?

I'm pretty sure the bus
is just a metaphor.

I'm not sure about that at all.

People want to believe that
our lives

are so out of our control
that we are powerless

to step out of the way
of a charging bus.

A bus? A bus?

I mean, imagine.

You're walking down the street,
busy, open area.

You step off the curb
and wham, you get creamed by

a fucking behemoth
of public transport.

I mean, that... that is not fate.

That's you being a blind,
dopey idget.

Is there a point in any of this?

There is.
There is, little brother.

There is.

We see the bus coming.

Huh?

No? Think about it.

Huh?

Just think about it.

Can't smoke in here.

Why not?

Because you can't.

Yeah, but why not?

Because it's prohibited.

It's what?

It's pro-hi-be-ted.

Oh.

Well, since you used
such a fancy word.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER IN
BACKGROUND))

(♪♪♪)

Okay.

On the left, answer me this.

How long have you been breaking
your bollocks in this country

and getting nothing
to show for it?

- Too long.
- TERRY: Yeah.

You are a talented chef, Collie.

And despite coming
from a country

where we boil, steam
the living flavor

out of everything,

you have a gift for
preparing food.

Now, you came here to
pursue your dream.

I came here to help you
pursue your dream.

You came here, because

you got in over your head
with the Mitchell boys.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, in part,
but only in part.

I want to see you succeed.

I want to be part of making
your dream a reality.

Huh?

But all the work we do,

mainly your work,
we aren't getting any closer.

Nor are we getting any younger.

Now, this job ripped
from under us, huh?

We're even further away
than we've ever been.

Yeah, but Terry,
what you were suggesting, look...

TERRY:
Look, I know. Look, I know.
I know.

Look, I know.

I've done a lot of bad things
in my life,

but some of those things
were justifiable.

Some of them, well, you know,
they were for fun.

But no, no, no.
Collie, listen.

That bus.

That bus is coming.

And we ought to stand there
and let it mow us down

or we do something about it?

One last bad thing.

That's all I'm asking for.

And we get everything we want.

One last bad?

Oh, yeah.

I see it.

Come to me, Collie.

All right, all right.

TERRY:
Yes!

(SMACKIING THE TABLE)

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Our voices.

They're gonna know it's us.

Not if we talk
with an American accent,

they won't.

Listen to me.

I sound like John Wayne
in Rio Bravo.

That makes you Robert Mitcham.

No, I'd be Dean Martin.

Robert Mitchum stars
in El Dorado.

Basically the same movie
as Rio Bravo,

but just with different
people around John Wayne.

Look, just think American.

Okay?

You'll be walking into a place
with a gun in your hand.

You're already most
of the way there.

(EXPLOSIION IN DISTANCE)

The hell was that?

Come on.

Code red! Code red!

TERRY:
All right, partners.

You put your hands in the air.

- This is a rob...
- Oh, thank God, you're here.

Wait.

Who... who are you two?

COLIN:
I told you this was a bad idea.

TERRY:
All right.

Hey, are those of you who
can raise your hands,

raise your hands.
And you drop...

Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.

- Terry?
- TERRY: Nope.

Uh, no siree, partner.

Now keep those hands.

- Raise them for the sky...
- Oh my God, Terry.

You have the world's
worst timing.

Even worse than your
John Wayne impersonation,

which is really bad.

TERRY:
Enough.

Oh, listen.

I want everybody's money
right here, right now.

And I want all the money
that's in the safe now.

I cannot possibly fathom
the depths of your stupidity.

But you are out of your minds
if you think

that you're leaving here
with that cash.

TERRY:
Oh!

(grunts)

Here we go.

Listen, Chip,

if the next bloody words
out of your mouth aren't,

"Oh, I'd be happy
to show you to the safe

and open it for you,
right this way."

So help me, God.

I don't know, but I am going
to blow the head off you

right now, I've had enough.

(yell)

Hey!

There's another person
in this room with a gun.

And I'd like to know what
the hell's going on in here.

Mainly, Chip,
why are your own employees

robbing you at gunpoint?

TERRY:
You wanna know why?

Because this cheap, low-down,
no-good, bottom-feeding,

rotten, miserable, heartless
vampire of a human being

closes his restaurant
two days before Christmas.

Two days!

Fires his entire staff
and cuts all our bonuses.

That's why!

You're closing your restaurant?

What a suspicious thing to do
and not tell anyone.

I was gonna tell you tonight.

I was gonna tell everyone
tonight.

That's why I was so determined
to get you all here.

Last hurrah.

SONNY:
But why hide it?

And why is it that every time
I'm in this restaurant,

and we both know I'm here often,
it's absolutely packed.

Seems like a strange thing for
a place going out of business.

Costs are skyrocketing,
wages keep going up.

And there's still the matter

of you poking your nose
into my business all night long.

And how is it that
it's a cool 68 degrees in here

and you're all sweating
like a pig?

Oh, pigs don't sweat.

It's why they roll
around in mud.

You see their sweat glands are,
it doesn't matter.

No more games, Chip.

You're gonna tell me
what you know that I don't.

And you're gonna tell me
right now.

I'm gonna tell you
something, Sonny.

Okay.

How about this?

You're nothing but a sleazy,
low-life, common,

white-collar racketeer.

And you have made my restaurant

the restaurant that my father
built with his bare hands.

You've made it into your center
for corruption.

You come in here
and you do your dirty deals

and no one asks any questions.

And to top it all off,
you tip like a bum.

So, Mr. Sonny Carmichael,

you are going to begin spilling
all that you know

about your corrupt venture
with the governor's brother.

And you're gonna do it right now

or we're gonna have a problem.

(laughs)

I think we already do.

CHIP:
Hmm.

Hmm. Yeah.

SONNY:
Yeah.

- You son of a bitch.
- COLIN: Hey! Look out!

(grunting)

You think you're the only one
in here with some fight in him?

(groans)

(grunts)

(groans)

I'm Golden Gloves, Sonny.

You want a piece
of Golden Gloves?

Huh? Is that what you want?
Yeah?

(laughs)

Whoa!

(laughs)

(laugh)

Your old man bought you those
Golden Gloves.

(grunts)

- Haha, no, you don't!
- No, no, no, no.

Back you go!

You're a fake!

And you know it!

(grunts)

(screams)

(♪♪♪)

(grunting)

(growling)

No, no, no, no, no, no, don't!

Don't let him!

Come on!

- COLIN: T!
- TERRY: What?

We've got to help Chip!

Help Chip? Are you nuts?

He's our only way into the safe.
Remember?

Uh, fine!

(grunts)

I'm letting the old fella
give him a couple more digs

before finish.

Yeah, keep going.

Look, I'll jump
at the old fella,

you just do whatever it is that
you do to persuade Chip

to open the safe
so we can get the...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

- Where are Nikki and Paul going?
- COLIN: What?

And what's that in their hand?
The money.

They've got the money.
They've got the money.

Well, well, well.

Fancy meeting the two
of you here.

- Hand it over, kiddo.
- Hell no.

Listen, the two of you are,

well, not friends,
but nice acquaintances,

and I don't wanna have
to hurt you.

But I need that money.

And you think we don't?

Yeah, because we blew that
safe up just to see if we could.

And well, we could.

You blew the safe open.

That's what all
that smoke's about.

What did you think this was?

COLIN:
Listen, listen, guys, guys.

We're all reasonable people.
We can work this out.

How about... what if
we shared the money?

- COLIN & TERRY: No.
- No way, dude.

Paul, I need you to give me
the money.

I need you to
get off our way, dude.

Okay, baby. Let's scoot.
We're gonna this way.

- TERRY: Paul, don't...
- Terry.

- Paul, look, Paul!
- You don't...

(grunting)

TERRY:
Give me the money.

(overlapping speech)

- All right, guys, enough!
- NIKKI: Don't fight.

- That's our money.
- TERRY: Paul, get off me.

NIKKI:
That is our money!

(overlapping speech)

Baby, that's our money.

TERRY:
Don't worry, Colin, I got it.

COLIN:
Guys, guys, please, relax.

Let's stop, lads.

Guys.

- Guys.
- NIKKI: Come on, baby.

Guys, enough!

Guys!

Guys!

(Nikki screams)

(GUNSHOTS)

(gasps)

(pants)

(♪♪♪)

COLIN ON HEADPHONES:
That's enough.

Guys, enough! Guys!

(GUNSHOT ON HEADPHONES)

Shots fired.

I for sure heard shots fired.

- You wanna move in or...
- I don't know.

We barely have anything
on Carmichael.

What do you think we should do?

Well, if somebody gets killed
and we're just sitting here.

Fine.

Let's go save some
stupid people from themselves.

Colin! Have you lost your mind?

You're gonna get someone killed!

He told me it wasn't loaded!

(VENTS CREAKING)

What?

(screams)

(Anna coughs, grunts)

Anna?

How... how did... how did you...

ANNA:
Wait.

What?

Well, you see, I can explain.

TERRY:
All right.

I've had enough of this.

Now, I'm taking this one here.

No, you're not.

Paul, don't make me... don't...

- PAUL: We... we need...
- TERRY: Come on.

No.

TERRY:
Ah! Get the money!

Colin! Just don't stand there,
get the...

FBI!

I knew it!

Hands up.

And not one of you
move a single muscle.

I'm confused by
your contradictory directives.

Do we put our hands
in the air or...

or do we not move a muscle?

Put your hands up.

And stay where you are.

Y'all had a hell of a party.

Excuse me. Officer? Or agent?

I'm sorry, but we...
we can explain.

Can you?

No. Probably not.

Well, you're all very lucky,

'cause we're here
for one person.

Sonny Carmichael.

You are under arrest.

You have the right to
remain silent.

Sonny, I've always loved you.

I'll be waiting for you.

You're a peach.

Have my wife call the lawyer.

You have the right
to an attorney.

If you cannot afford one,

the court will provide
one for you.

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Arrested for what?
Answer me that.

Uncle Sonny, oh my God.
I... I'm so sorry.

I dozed off for like a second
and now you're in handcuffs.

That's bad.

Yeah. I told you to stay awake,
didn't I?

Didn't I tell you to keep
your eyes open?

CHIP:
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

So, uh...

So you and... you and me,
we're good, right?

I... I did what I said I would
and so I'm free and easy, right?

You no good snitch!

Chip, when I make bail,
and I'm gonna make bail,

you better be a thousand miles
away from here in some cave.

And even then,
I'm gonna find you.

Mr. Baker,

you've given us nothing
but a mess.

Well, it's your opinion.

The deal was
for you to get a confession

out of Mr. Carmichael.

And you failed miserably
at that.

That's unkind.

And as for the rest of you,
here's the deal.

I don't understand
what happened here tonight.

I don't want to understand.

If I continue my investigation
on this,

there'll be more arrests.

There'll be more paperwork.

We don't want that, do we?

No.

The money never left
the premises.

So, nothing was ever stolen.

Great.

Now go home, all of you.

(Nikki clears throat)

BENNET:
Oh, one more thing.

Merry Christmas.

- Oh, Merry Christmas.
- EVERYONE: Merry Christmas.

Dude.

NIKKI:
Hello.

Hey, baby.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

NIKKI:
Okay.

Someone might be getting
a little too grim here.

I think the Lake Theatre
is playing

It's a Wonderful Life.

How about we go see that?

Get all nice and warm.

Totally. Yeah.

The movie about the dude
who loses like a...

a ton of money
right before Christmas

and then decides
to kill himself.

That's...
that's actually perfect.

We should...
we should definitely do that.

True.

But in the end, he...

Well, there's that whole bit
about angels

getting their wings, but...

But I actually don't know
how that movie ends.

PAUL:
Nobody does.

It's like with bells
or something, and then wings.

And it's like six-hours long
with commercials.

It's like, who's watching...
who's watching that

for six hours?

Like, you know, people have jobs
that like have...

We don't, though.

- We don't.
- NIKKI: Okay.

(overlapping speech)

Baby, baby, the point is,
no matter what we do,

no matter... no matter what movie
we watch,

we still have each other, right?

Listen,

I know we're kind of screwed
at the moment,

and I'm just as scared
as you are.

But if we waste the year now,
if we waste this entire holiday,

all we'll do is lose more
than we already have.

Hey, we still have each other,
right?

Come on.

Say it.

PAUL:
We still have each other.

It's probably the dumbest thing
you've ever said in your life.

And you have said some
really dumb things.

We still have each other.

And how the hell are we gonna
open a restaurant with that?

How are we even gonna
pay our bills?

Huh? Think about that?

No, you didn't.

All right. All right.

I get it okay.

Excuse me for trying to find
some holiday cheer.

God. It was this close.

I mean, it was this close.

I had it in me hand.
I had it.

We had it. We could smell it.

We could taste it.

Then the bloody roof
comes open and...

(grunting)

God, it's always the same,
Colin.

It's always the same.

It's always the sa...

I thought those were against
the rules, love?

(chuckles)

(LIGHTER CLICKS)

What the hell.

It's Christmas.

(INDISTINCT LYRICS
IN BACKGROUND)

Now that is

how you spread holiday
feckin' cheer.

Ho, ho, ho.

PILOT ON SPEAKER:
Good morning.
And Merry Christmas.

We're ready to depart.

Flying time is roughly
eight hours to Paris.

Weather?

Well, it looks like you've got
clear skies ahead.

Enjoy your flight.

(♪♪♪)

What the...

Morning, sir.
We are ready for takeoff.

I kindly ask that you fasten
your seatbelt

and I'll stow away
this tray table.

Oh yeah, I... I will. I will.

I just...
I just have to finish one...

There has to be a mistake.

Has to be a mistake.

No.

No, no, no.

Oh, oh, oh, they... they took it!

- Sir, are you okay?
- They took it! Oh.

They took... they took it.

Okay, well.

We are ready to push
back for takeoff.

Unless you'd like to
remain here.

No, no, I can't...
I can't stay here.

Okay, well great.

Well, sit back, relax, and enjoy
your flight to Paris.

I can't sit here.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT:
Let me get this tray for you.

(panting)

I can't sit here.

And Merry Christmas.

(♪♪♪)

Hey, can I ask you guys
a question?

I saw something weird
on Chip's computer, and it...

Probably nothing,
but I checked my last paycheck

and I calculated out
all the social security, taxes,

all that, and I'm pretty sure
I'm like 14 bucks short.

14 whole dollars?

Oh, wow!

Our financial woes are solved.

I'm not saying it's going to
solve all our problems,

you mouthy leprechaun.

I'm just wondering where
the money is going.

Is anybody else curious?

- Not really.
- ANNA: Anyone?

Okay. Whatever.

I'm getting another beer.

No, Anna, Anna, Anna.

No, seriously, Anna.
Anna!

Yes?

TERRY:
While you're up there,
would you?

No.

- Geez, would you look at that?
- Terry!

MANNY:
You talk too much.

Ow.

Just take that and chill,
will ya?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER
IN BACKGROUND)

MANNY:
I'm curious.

You asked if anyone was curious.

I am.

Have you made sense
of any of this yet?

All my checks are short.

Maybe it's nothing,
but I don't know, a couple bucks

from every employee
spread over enough years.

BARTENDER:
What'll it be?

ANNA:
Uh, another beer.

MANNY:
I'll have a martini.

What?

Nothing.

I didn't know I was sitting
next to 007.

Well, there's a lot of things
you don't know about me.

Well, for instance,
do you know how

I got to be
a 30-year-old busboy?

I kind of figured
it's none of my business.

Is there a story there?

It's more like
a cautionary tale.

But what you're seeing here,
these are regularities,

and they don't happen
by accident.

For instance,

let's say you're
a business owner,

and let's say you do your
payroll in-house, as Chip does.

- ANNA: Mm-hmm.
- You can create a program

that skims just a little
off the top

of each and every paycheck
you write.

ANNA:
Hmm.

And if you add up
all those paychecks,

all that skimming,

and spread it out over
a bunch of years...

It could add up to something.

So wait, how did you become
a 30-year-old busboy?

Just because you're good
at a thing,

doesn't mean that thing's
good for you.

Look, I've made some mistakes,

but I've paid my debt
to society.

To all of society?

What, did you have to use
one of those big novelty checks?

What I'm saying is,
I'm on a different path now.

Okay.

Well, let's imagine you're
back on your old path.

You've created this program
that's rigging the numbers,

so that money is taken out,
but no one can tell

that it's missing.

Where would you stash
all that money?

My guess?

It'd be held in
a privately-held account.

The offshore variety.

(indistinct chatter
in background)

MANNY:
You okay?

Since we're talking about
old paths,

When I got pregnant with Teddy,
my ex just left.

Suddenly, we had nothing.

And now Chip is gonna do
the same thing.

He's taking what he wants
from us,

and he's just gonna walk away.

Yeah, most people are like that.

Most people.
Not everyone.

But this money that he's taking

from us, if he is stashing it
in an offshore account, I...

Look, money can be taken
from anywhere.

Anywhere.

What you need is someone
who knows their way

around such things.

ANNA:
And if you were to steal money
that's already been stolen?

MANNY:
Who could he report it to?

(♪♪♪)

ANNA:
Let me get these empties
out of the way.

I assume another round
for everyone?

HECTOR:
Yep.

Why... why are you
collecting empties?

Where's Manny?

Couldn't tell ya.
Maybe he's running late.

Running late?

My favorite night of the year
by the busboy's running late.

(chuckles)

What are you gonna do, Chip?

Fire him?

Again?

(laughs)

All right, so uh, gentlemen,
and lady?

I'll be back with those drinks.

(♪♪♪)

(♪♪♪)

- Hey, hey.
- Whoa, whoa, you scared me.

Sorry, hey.

Hey, what... what are you doing
back here?

Shouldn't... shouldn't you be
on the bar doing

like, bar... bartending stuff
for the...

Yeah, yeah.

I was.

So, why do you care?

Chip just asked for
um, whiskey shots

for his poker squad.

So, yeah, could you...

When... when did he ask for that?

I thought you were doing your...
your napkin inventory.

I was... it was like...

it was right before
my napkins time

he asked for...

Anna, I'd just...
I'd really love it

if you could just
pour me the shots.

Can you do that for me?

Sure. Yep.

I... of course.
I just gotta go.

PAUL:
So you're not gonna do that? ♪

No, there's this thing that
I have to do first.

PAUL:
I'll just do it.

So like... like I do
everything around here.

Great. Awesome.

- PAUL: Thanks, Anna.
- You're welcome, Paul.

(♪♪♪)

(grunts)

(♪♪♪)

TERRY:
Now keep those hands raising.

Oh my God,

Terry, you have the world's
worst timing.

Even worse than your
John Wayne impersonation.

Which is really bad.

TERRY:
Enough! Oh, listen.

I want everybody's money
right here, right now.

And I want all the money
that's in the safe now, okay?

- You came.
- Of course.

(chuckles)

No.

Have you been hearing
what's going on over there?

I think the Irish brothers
are robbing Chip's poker game.

Are you sure
that's exactly what's happening?

Look at that. You got in.

ANNA:
Yeah, turns out,

the internet can teach you how
to do pretty much everything.

Well, maybe not everything.

CHIP:
Sonny, you want a piece
of Golden Gloves, huh?

SONNY:
Oh yeah.

CHIP:
Is that what you want? Yeah?

(grunting, laughing
in background)

SONNY:
Your old man bought you
those Golden Gloves.

What the hell's going on
out there?

I think Chip and Sonny
are fighting.

Can't believe
I actually used to work here.

We're done.

ANNA:
That's it?

Set up everything exactly
like we discussed.

Everything else
is in your hands.

And you gave yourself a cut,
right?

No.

What?

No, Manny, this can't be
for nothing.

It's not.

TERRY:
The money,
they've got the money,

they've got the money!

We gotta go.

Yeah.

ANNA:
Come on.

You know, a week ago,
if somebody would've asked me

what I was doing for Christmas,

I probably wouldn't
have said this.

ANNA:
Yeah.

Crawling threw an HVAC like
Bruce Will... dammit.

- What? What's the matter?
- No, no, it's nothing.

It's just, if Paul were here,
do you know what he'd say?

- This is just like...
- Don't even say it.

TERRY:
Give me that money.

(indistinct shouting)

What the hell is
going on down there?

MANNY:
Knowing these people?

Probably something
really stupid.

COLIN:
Guys, let go! Guys!

(GUNSHOTS)

(GASPS)

ANNA:
We gotta go.

(♪♪♪)

(grunts)

(gasps)

(Anna coughs)

(♪♪♪)

Anna?

How... how did... did you...

What?

(grunts)

Well, you see...

I can explain.

(♪♪♪)

(PHONE RINGING)

Who is bothering me
on Christmas morning?

Maybe it's Chip.

Needs someone to
bail him out of jail.

Dick.

No.

- What?
- No way!

PAUL:
What?

NIKKI:
I mean,

I know it's a cliché to say
it's a Christmas miracle,

but this?

This is a Christmas miracle!

What are you do...
is this...

- NIKKI: Baby?
- PAUL: Wait, wait, wait, wait.

(screams)

PAUL:
Is this for real?

"From your secret
payroll Santa."

Secret payroll Santa.
What is that?

Secret payroll Santa!

Payroll.

What... did Anna like...

She must have.

Oh my God. We have $20,000.

We have $20,000!

(screams, laughs)

Okay, um...

Let's... let's go.

Let's go somewhere.
Let's go, let's go.

Do you wanna go to Florida?
Like, right now?

- Yes. Yes.
- PAUL: Let's go, right?

But we should do
something else first.

Oh. Yeah, big time.

Mm, let's go.

TERRY & COLIN:
Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé!

Olé! Olé!

We're gonna serve breakfast,
gourmet breakfast!

All day long!

Oh, oh, I love Denver omelettes!

Possibly a little more gourmet
than that.

But if my brother
wants Denver omelettes,

he gets Denver omelettes.

We're really doing this,

aren't we,
little brother Collie!

We're really doing this,
big brother Terry!

NIKKI:
Oh, hey!

Merry Christmas,
we're moving to Florida!

Wooh!

Merry Christmas back at ya,
you crazy kids!

Hey, do you think?

Payroll Santa?

Oh!

Something tells me payroll Santa

came down all our chimneys
this Christmas!

(laughing)

Come on!

(DOOR CLOSES)

(ENGINE STARTS)

(TYPING ON PHONE)

(♪♪♪)

JAKE:
Coming back inside?

Teddy's losing his mind
about the bike.

The kid's already out front
trying to ride it.

ANNA:
I'm coming.

Just had to take care of some
last-minute gifts.

You really made him pay, huh?

Well, technically,
I made him pay back.

Good.

Let someone like him
know what it feels like

to be someone like us.

Hey, uh,
I heard you had some help.

That little job of yours.

No.

No one else.

JAKE:
Anna.

I'mma make sure that
Teddy isn't riding his bike

into traffic.

ANNA:
Little early for a date,
aren't you?

Yeah, well,

you know, I was thinking
about Teddy's gift, and um,

you can't have a bike
without a bell on it.

Is that so?

That's right.

(BELL RINGING)

I mean, after all, you're the
Christmas movie extra.

So isn't something good
supposed to happen

every time the bell rings?

You tell me.

(♪♪♪)

♪ It's December 2nd ♪

♪ The snow begins to fall ♪

♪ Babe, I'm getting ready ♪

♪ Gonna have ball ♪

♪ So babe, let's hang
our stocking ♪

♪ And put those presents
beneath the tree ♪

♪ 'Cause, baby, it's that time
of year again ♪

♪ Christmas is here ♪

♪ It's time for celebrations ♪

♪ The holidays are coming ♪

♪ I'm gonna grab another drink
if that guy, cheeky, winky ♪

♪ No, it's time
to have some fun ♪

♪ We'll get
the champagne flowing ♪

♪ And toast away another year ♪

♪ 'Cause, baby,
it's that time of year again ♪

♪ Christmas is here ♪

♪ Come on, baby,
let's raise our glasses ♪

♪ Because Christmas time
is here ♪

♪ It's time for singing
and dancing ♪

♪ Baby, let's spread
the Christmas ♪

♪ No, spread
a little Christmas ♪

♪ Christmas cheer ♪

♪ Come on, baby,
let's raise our glasses ♪

♪ Because Christmas time
is here ♪

♪ It's time for singing
and dancing ♪

♪ Baby, let's spread
a Christmas cheer ♪

♪ Come on, baby,
let's raise our glasses ♪

♪ Wooh ♪

♪ Don't you know
it's Christmas time ♪

♪ No, it's time for singing
and dancing ♪

♪ Baby, let's spread
a Christmas cheer ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Spread a little Christmas ♪

♪ Christmas cheer ♪

♪ No, no, no, no, no, no ♪

♪ Yeah, oh ♪

♪ Christmas cheer ♪

♪ No, no, no, no, no ♪

♪ Christmas, Christmas cheer ♪

♪ Oh whoa, no, no, no ♪