All language subtitles for Happys Place S01E12 Baby Doll 720p PCOK WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-Kitsune

- You're right.
- There y'all are.

Where you been?

Isabella has been
giving me some tips

on how to become a good mother.

[chuckling] Oh, really?

I got an A in childhood
socioemotional functioning

and cognitive development.

Plus, I did a lot
of babysitting.

Yeah.

And since I'm thinking
about becoming a mom,

I wanted to know
what it would be like.

And I thought
who better to ask?

[laughs]

How about asking someone
who's actually had a baby?

I don't know,
maybe somebody like me?

Bobbie,
you had Gracie decades ago.

Isabella just took that class.

I think Bobbie's
feeling left out.

I don't feel left out.

Are you sure?

I'll listen if you feel like
you've got something to offer.

Of course I've got
something to offer!

- Oh.
- Oh, see, Gabby,

that's the insecure attachment
style I was talking about.

Ah, mm.

See, if a child
doesn't feel protected,

it can lead to the need

for outside validation
in adulthood.

Mm-hmm, good example.

Thank you, Bobbie.
You've been very helpful.

OK,
here's all you need to know.

You tell them you love them in
the morning when they wake up.

You tell them you love them
when they go to bed.

And try not to drop 'em
in between.

Everybody's got advice.

You know, one book says
you should be strict.

Another book says
you should be easygoing.

Then you watch
a "Roseanne" rerun

and you think you
should scream at them.

Ignore all of that.

One thing I know for sure,
Gabby,

today, right now,
you'd make a great mom.

I agree 100%.

Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Hey, guys.

I bet you're wondering why
I'm walking in backwards.

And no, it's not because the
squats have been paying off.

Ring-a-ding, I'm a mom!

Oh, my God!

She stole a baby!

Dear diary, today was
an interesting day at work.

- * Sometimes it feels
like a big ol' fight ♪

♪ To get through the day ♪

♪ And sleep on
through the night ♪

♪ But here
you'll find a place ♪

♪ That'll surely
lift your spirits ♪

♪ You belong
at Happy's Place ♪

Gabby, what have you done?

Well, you remember last week
when you said that I would

be a great mother right now?

Well, now is now.
[chuckles]

This is my starter baby.

Morning, Gabby.
Cute kid.

Aw, you're sweet.

But it's not...

human.

It's an AI baby
that I ordered online.

Dear diary,

the child that will
free the robots has arrived.

- Aw.
- Oh, hello.

Wow.
I've heard of these.

It's so lifelike.

That kid is creeping...

right into my heart.
- [chuckles]

- So dang cute.
- Yeah.

Hey, Emmett.
Come say hi to Gabby's baby.

OK, why is it--

he--she--it--them.

Why?

Well, I wanted my baby
to meet the rest of my family.

And now that they have, we can
spend the whole day together.

[giggles]

Dear diary,
Alexa has found a body.

♪ ♪

Why did she go into the office
for privacy while she feeds it?

She's not actually
nursing that thing, is she?

OK, normally, I don't like
to tell you guys how to behave.

Yes, you do.

Gabby doesn't want
to show it,

but she's really nervous, OK?

How you respond
to this matters.

And we all said
that we'd support her

when she said she was
thinking about having a child.

Right, which we will,
when she has a child.

And not an iPad.

You can't say that joke
in front of Gabby, OK?

What if she's
not in the room?

Then we'll be
laughing our asses off.

Boy, someone was
certainly hungry.

Dear God.

Well, I don't know about
y'all, but I'm impressed.

Gabby's only been a mom
for one day,

and she's already knocking it
out of the ballpark.

Oh. Oh, gosh.
Oh, you know what?

You guys are the best.

I can't think of anyone
I'd rather watch my baby

for the day than you all.

[chuckles]
What's that now?

We totally support you,
Gabby.

So what Gabby needs,
Gabby gets.

OK, how can we help?

Well, I'm practicing
for worst-case scenarios.

This is the day that
my babysitter is unavailable.

Just imagine a new one.

I did.
Also unavailable.

Both my babysitters,
Stacy I and Stacy Y,

who I'm thinking
are best friends,

went to a concert out of state,

which is partly my fault
because I pay them so well.

[chuckles] I mean,
excuse me for being generous.

And the roads are closed
because of, um, lava.

Chains don't help with that.

Are we seriously
having this conversation?

Look, Emmett, I know
that this may seem silly,

but if I'm gonna do this,
I'm gonna be a single mom,

and I need to know
that I can count on you guys.

I can't do this alone.

You won't be alone.

We are all totally committed

to helping you
take care of the--

little one.

You're darn tootin' we are.

Now give me that little cutie,
and I'll take the first shift.

Oh, no, no, no,
I want to pick who goes first.

[chuckling] Um...

oh, well, Steve, you seem
to be avoiding my gaze.

No, I'm just concerned
about those babysitters.

With that lava
and those ticket prices.

Oh, oh, what's that, sweetie?

Oh, oh, you want to go
to your Uncle Steve?

Oh, OK.

Isabella is nice.

Takoda loves kids.

Bobbie has boobies.

[upbeat music]

Doesn't that hurt your arms?

Yes, it's agonizing.

Will you please take your baby?

No. I need to know
that you can do this.

You're just torturing me.

You will never let me
take care of your baby.

Yes, I would.

You keep a schedule,
you're very hygienic,

you're always aware
of your surroundings.

You're like a Roomba
with great hair.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I guess I could try.

Yes.

There ya go.

Aw.

- It's not that bad.
- No.

It's kind of nice, actually.

I could get used to--

it's wet.

You know what?

You're gonna have to do it.
Yeah, I got to take this.

It's a school we've
been trying to get into.

Are you changing that baby
or preparing it?

It's not really wet.

I just pretended it was
so I could

stop pretending it's real.

I hear ya.

I'm all about supporting Gabby,

but this is really strange.

Yeah.

But it is kind of cute,
don't you think?

Kind of cute?
What are you talking about?

Oh, oh.

No, you don't have to worry.
Gabby can't hear you.

She's still talking on the
phone with that fake school.

Good. Then I can stop
pretending to care.

Oh, no, baby.
The baby's hair is messed up.

No.
All better, yeah.

What the hell's
wrong with you?

It's just--

it's kind of nice, Gabby
wanting me to look after it.

I'll probably never have
one of my own because of,

you know,
everything going on up here.

That thing got to you,
didn't it?

[chuckles softly]
It's sweet.

Makes cute noises.
It's heated.

It's even got
that new baby smell.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

That's nice.

Is that cinnamon?

What are you staring at?

If I knew,
I wouldn't be staring.

Hey, if you don't mind,

I'd like to take a shot at it.

OK.

Come on.
Support its head.

Bye, baby. Bye.

- Out!
- OK.

I'm gonna name you Cinnamon.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Well, that'll do it.

[sighs]

Now we're both
food safety-compliant.

I know you're a little young
to be learning this stuff,

but I'm gonna teach you
how to make soup,

and you are gonna love it.

And look what we have here.

We have a carrot
and it's a little-bitty baby,

just like you.

Isn't that cute?

Both wearing bandannas
'cause they're bald.

I only did this 'cause
I thought Gabby was watching.

Here, take this thing
off my hands.

Ha! Fine.

[upbeat music]

[baby crying]

Bobbie, where's the baby?

Bobbie!

Oh.
I--I'm sorry.

[chuckles]
Had my earplugs in.

[baby crying]
You need me?

No, but we have
to find the baby.

Whoever has her
is doing a terrible job.

Well, I disagree.

I think the one who has her
is a total genius.

[baby crying]

This is not OK.

Oh, she's fine.

The only problem is the drawer
isn't soundproof.

I was gonna get Takoda
to check on it and fix it.

But what are the chances I'll
ever put another baby in there?

I mean we're supposed
to be proving that

we know how to handle a baby.

Newsflash, it's a doll.

Oh, remember this
from high school?

Think fast!
- [screams]

- [laughs]
- That was so wrong.

What happened?
I heard a scream.

Is the baby OK?

Oh, she's fine.
Just a little low on oil.

[laughs] She's kidding.

I was screaming because
I finally got to hold the baby.

Aw. I'm just--I'm so relieved
that you guys are taking this

seriously because it is
really important to me

that you get a good grade.

Good grade?
What do you mean?

Oh, didn't I tell you?

- No.
- [chuckles] Duh. Mommy brain.

No, see, the app has a program
that gathers information

from the baby's sensors
on how often it's held

and how long it takes
to change it

or soothe it, you know,
that kind of thing.

And then at the end of the
night, you get a grade.

Oh. [chuckles]
Hear that, Bobbie?

We're gonna get graded.
[chuckles]

Lucky you're a genius!

So would I get credit
for playing with a baby

if I, like, I don't know,
tossed it in the air?

At this age?
God, no.

Oh. [chuckles]

I mean, what if I put it
in the filing cabinet

under B for baby?

Oh. [chuckles]

[laughter]

Oh, gosh,
I needed that laugh.

It is just so nice
to be around adults. Ugh!

Oh, yeah.

Well, I can see that she
is in good hands, so have fun.

Yeah.

I want a new partner
for this project.

[downbeat music]

So we're getting graded.
That's fine.

I mean, that baby
couldn't have been in there

more than five, ten,

45 minutes.

OK, we'll just have to be

really, really good
from now on.

So, and I can't believe
I have to say this,

no more chucking the baby
across the room.

OK.
- Good.

That's good.

[baby crying]
- Ah.

Bad. That's bad.
What'd you do?

What'd I do?

You're stressing me out and
the baby's picking up on it.

Well, calm down.

Well, that's hard to do
when you're yelling at me!

I'm not yelling!

I'm not yelling, I'm just--
take its clothes off.

Maybe there's an off switch.

Ooh, ooh.

One of the ways
to soothe a baby

is to mimic the motion
and sound of the womb.

Seriously?

Go for it, Professor.

Whoa!

Whoa, whoa!

Whoa!
[baby crying]

It's working.
It's working.

Ooh, ooh.

Was that the womb
or Sea World?

See, this is why
we take it seriously.

Oh, the baby is caught
on my hair.

- What?
- Oh, oh.

She's caught in my hair. Help!
Ow, ow! Get it off of me!

- I'm trying.
- Get it off of me!

Oh, no, you're pulling my hair!
[baby crying]

What the heck are
you ladies doing in here?

Baby fight club.
What does it look like?

May I?

Gladly.
[baby crying]

Aw, what's the matter,
little baby?

Why you crying?

[singing in Lakota]

[baby cooing]
- What the heck?

[singing in Lakota]

Is there anything
you can't fix?

Well, I do have four kids
and an awesome voice.

I want to thank you all
so much

for looking after
little Erasmus.

Who?

The self-aware android
in "Dune"

who learned what it meant
to be human and care.

Exquisitely appropriate.

Sometimes the way you
use words just chaps my cheeks.

I have a feeling your cheeks
are chapped all the time.

Anytime you need me, Gabby,
I'm there.

It was nice
holding a little one again.

I'm gonna call my wife

and see if she forgot
what labor feels like.

OK, I can't stand
the suspense.

How did we do
with little Uranius?

OK, well,
let's see if this village

is qualified to raise a baby.

So what?
Did we do bad?

You got a 93.

Oh, a 93?
A minus!

Come on!

It's good.
It's really good.

Yes, I knew it.
Ow!

I'm happy, too,
but don't touch me.

OK.

- What are you doing?
- I'm giving you the baby.

I should never be a mother.

[downbeat music]

[knock at door]
- It's open.

Hey, Gabby.

You forgot your tips
from the bar and,

oh, yeah, your baby.

It's not a baby.

It's a pending charge on my
credit card I plan to dispute.

We don't understand
why you're so upset.

Yeah, we passed your test.

I know, I know.

You guys got a 93
and I only got a 71.

When did you get a grade?

Wait, how long have
you had this thing?

Three days.

And 71 was my best score.

See, I was hoping
that the app would

give you a lousy score, too.

So then I would know
that it was defective.

But nope.

It's just me.

No, no, no, no
no, it's not you.

The app is defective.

There's no way in the world
we should have gotten a 93.

I left that baby in the drawer
for 30 minutes.

Yeah, and then she winged it
across the room to me.

And when it got caught
on my hair,

she just grabbed it
and ripped it away.

God.

Yeah, yeah,
if that app was good,

they'd have
called the cops on us.

Oh, great.

Now how am I supposed to know
if I'm gonna be a good mother?

Hmm, I don't know.
Let me think.

I know. Have a baby!

No, I need to know first.

I have to know that I am
not gonna be like my mother.

Oh, honey,
that's not gonna happen.

Just the fact that
you're worrying about it

is a sign that
it probably won't.

- Probably won't.
- Yeah.

Which means it might.

Gabby, listen to me.

I also have
a very challenging mother,

so I understand
what you're feeling.

Oh, really?

Did your mother steal a dog

from the people
around the block

and give it to you
for your birthday?

Just to have them take it back
the first time you walked it?

And then have all the
people on your street

put a sign on your lawn that
said "caution, dog stealer"?

No, but she was
emotionally distant sometimes.

God, how do you cope?

Here's the point
I'm trying to make.

OK?
You already learned what not

to do when you become a mom.

But what if I never
learn that other part?

You know,
what you're supposed to do.

Honey,
you don't learn that part.

You feel it.

Well, Bobbie, I don't trust
myself to feel something

that I have never experienced.

You know what?
Maybe she's right.

Maybe she doesn't need
to have a baby.

- What?
- Yeah.

You're not serious, are you?

Oh, well,
I mean, it's a big deal.

Like I always say, better safe
than sorry, right, Gabby?

I guess, yep.

So we don't need this
anymore. [sighs]

What do you want me to do?

Put it in the trash?
Or do you recycle?

What?

I mean, it's not like

we can take an ad out
and say we want to sell a baby.

- Right, right.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Too bad it doesn't
have any organs

that we could sell
on the black market.

What is wrong with you?

OK.
No, no, no.

I-I see what you're doing and
you know, it's not gonna work.

Do whatever with that doll.

Because you know what?
I don't feel anything.

OK, well, I'll just
put it out on the curb.

OK.

Somebody will take it

or a dog will think it's
a chew toy or something.

Come on, Isabella.
- Really?

A doggy chew toy,
but I'm the sicko?

[baby crying]

Oh, stop!
Come back.

Give her to me.

OK.
Oh, there, there.

Gabby's here. Yeah.
[baby cooing]

I'm not gonna let
that bad lady hurt you.

You see that?
You felt what to do.

Those were the natural
reactions of a great mom.

Don't throw the baby out
is a pretty low bar, Bobbie.

OK, yeah.

But your instinct
was to protect the baby.

OK? Would your mother
have done that?

I want to believe you.
I really do.

But it is just so scary.

I don't know why people
put themselves through this.

Mama.

What?
Say that again.

Mama.

[gasps] Did you hear that?

She called me Mama.

Aw.

Well, I guess
you got your answer.

- Mm.
- That was crazy timing.

Do you think
it did that deliberately?

It saved itself.

[babbling indistinctly]

All right, Gabby,
we're out of here.

I don't think
she's listening.

Good.

- Bobbie?
- Yo.

My tips.

Oh.
Got them right here.

I'm gonna need those.

I'm gonna be a single mom.

You might want
to get two jobs.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪