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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,723 --> 00:00:07,742
♪ is violence in movies
and sex on TV. ♪
3
00:00:07,809 --> 00:00:11,195
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,262 --> 00:00:14,148
♪ on which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,232 --> 00:00:17,768
♪ Lucky there's a family guy. ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ all the things that make us ♪
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00:00:22,707 --> 00:00:24,008
♪ laugh and cry. ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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♪ Family Guy 9x04 ♪
Halloween on Spooner Street
Original Air Date on November 6, 2010
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== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
12
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Trick or treat?!
13
00:00:40,739 --> 00:00:43,074
Chris, what in God's name
are you doing?
14
00:00:43,142 --> 00:00:44,909
Y... You can't go out
dressed like that.
15
00:00:44,977 --> 00:00:46,844
Why not?
I'm Bill Cosby.
16
00:00:46,912 --> 00:00:50,414
Okay, but, I mean, y...
You can't go out like that.
17
00:00:50,482 --> 00:00:52,783
Well, come on, Mom,
don't I look like him?
18
00:00:52,851 --> 00:00:56,137
(imitating Bill Cosby
with slurred mumbling)
19
00:00:56,205 --> 00:00:59,707
Well, yes, but, Chris, you can't
just walk around in blackface.
20
00:00:59,775 --> 00:01:00,842
It's racist.
21
00:01:00,909 --> 00:01:02,343
Now, go upstairs and put on
22
00:01:02,411 --> 00:01:04,278
that Indian chief costume
I bought you.
23
00:01:04,346 --> 00:01:05,980
Aw, I don't want to!
24
00:01:06,048 --> 00:01:09,350
(slurred muttering)
25
00:01:16,375 --> 00:01:18,226
Peter, what's with
all the eggs?
26
00:01:18,293 --> 00:01:20,444
Oh, well, every Halloween,
me, Joe and Quagmire
27
00:01:20,512 --> 00:01:22,213
do this thing where
one of us is it,
28
00:01:22,281 --> 00:01:23,564
and then the other two of us
29
00:01:23,632 --> 00:01:25,366
nail the crap out of him
with awesome pranks.
30
00:01:25,434 --> 00:01:27,034
Well, who's it this year?
31
00:01:40,332 --> 00:01:41,165
Damn it.
32
00:01:47,306 --> 00:01:48,172
(gasps)
33
00:01:49,541 --> 00:01:51,592
(screaming)
34
00:01:51,677 --> 00:01:52,977
Guys, guys, be careful!
35
00:01:53,045 --> 00:01:54,478
This isn't my box!
36
00:01:54,546 --> 00:01:56,180
Oh, yeah, sure.
Then whose is it?
37
00:01:56,248 --> 00:01:57,515
MAN:
It's mine.
38
00:01:57,583 --> 00:01:59,567
I'm Dick Pump,
and I'd appreciate it
39
00:01:59,635 --> 00:02:02,670
if you hooligans didn't get
your eggs all over my parcel.
40
00:02:02,738 --> 00:02:04,305
Sorry. I keep getting
your mail, Dick.
41
00:02:04,373 --> 00:02:05,573
Hey, what's in there, anyway?
42
00:02:05,641 --> 00:02:07,141
Embarrassing stuff.
43
00:02:13,348 --> 00:02:16,017
Wow,
that was terrific, Jessica.
44
00:02:16,084 --> 00:02:17,868
It was good for me, too.
45
00:02:17,936 --> 00:02:19,170
(screams)
46
00:02:19,237 --> 00:02:22,256
(laughing)
Got you again, Quagmire.
47
00:02:22,324 --> 00:02:24,191
You said you were that
waitress from Friendly's!
48
00:02:24,259 --> 00:02:25,927
- I lied.
- You jerk!
49
00:02:25,994 --> 00:02:27,528
I didn't feel anything.
50
00:02:27,596 --> 00:02:28,679
But you did!
51
00:02:28,747 --> 00:02:31,282
Happy Halloween, (bleep).
52
00:02:33,418 --> 00:02:35,019
Hey, hey, get away!
53
00:02:35,086 --> 00:02:36,287
Just get away from me, Peter!
54
00:02:36,355 --> 00:02:37,688
Hey, take it easy, Quagmire.
55
00:02:37,756 --> 00:02:38,990
Nobody wants to hurt you.
56
00:02:39,057 --> 00:02:39,924
Right, Joe?
57
00:02:41,092 --> 00:02:42,493
Gotcha!
58
00:02:42,561 --> 00:02:43,995
Ha!
Hepatitis-C!
59
00:02:44,062 --> 00:02:45,680
Joke's on you.
I already got it.
60
00:02:45,747 --> 00:02:47,315
Meningitis!
61
00:02:47,382 --> 00:02:48,316
I'm a carrier.
62
00:02:48,383 --> 00:02:49,333
Gonorrhea!
63
00:02:49,401 --> 00:02:50,484
Patient Zero.
64
00:02:50,552 --> 00:02:52,203
You're gonna have to do
better than that.
65
00:02:53,622 --> 00:02:54,672
I don't know, Joe.
That's it.
66
00:02:54,740 --> 00:02:56,324
We're out of known diseases.
67
00:02:56,391 --> 00:02:57,758
Unless...
68
00:03:20,849 --> 00:03:24,035
All right, what this is has no name,
so you can't have it.
69
00:03:24,102 --> 00:03:26,270
(mosquito buzzing)
70
00:03:30,175 --> 00:03:32,643
(chuckles)
We got him.
71
00:03:32,711 --> 00:03:34,578
Halloween is fun.
72
00:03:37,949 --> 00:03:40,151
What was that?
73
00:03:47,576 --> 00:03:48,793
(gasps)
Oh, my God.
74
00:03:48,860 --> 00:03:50,161
I knew this day would come.
75
00:03:50,228 --> 00:03:52,063
Rupert, we're under attack
by monsters!
76
00:03:52,130 --> 00:03:53,331
Dear God!
77
00:03:53,398 --> 00:03:54,598
Oh, but wait,
there's Superman.
78
00:03:54,666 --> 00:03:55,666
He'll save us.
79
00:03:55,734 --> 00:03:57,368
Superman!
Superman!
80
00:03:57,436 --> 00:03:59,036
Wait, wait.
Where are you going?!
81
00:03:59,104 --> 00:04:00,388
Ah, to hell with him.
82
00:04:00,472 --> 00:04:02,039
We'll have to deal with
these marauders ourselves.
83
00:04:02,107 --> 00:04:03,341
Rupert, man your station.
84
00:04:05,210 --> 00:04:09,030
All right, you undead bastards,
time to send you back to hell!
85
00:04:09,097 --> 00:04:11,732
(Stewie yelling, kids screaming)
86
00:04:15,220 --> 00:04:17,154
Hey, Stewie,
you all set to go trick-or-treating?
87
00:04:17,222 --> 00:04:18,689
Whoa, what the hell
are you doing?!
88
00:04:18,740 --> 00:04:20,224
We're under attack, Brian!
89
00:04:20,292 --> 00:04:22,827
By zombies and vampires
and a Mexican princess!
90
00:04:22,894 --> 00:04:24,562
Stewie, those aren't monsters,
they're kids.
91
00:04:24,629 --> 00:04:25,663
They're trick-or-treaters.
92
00:04:25,731 --> 00:04:27,832
Trick-or-treaters?
93
00:04:27,899 --> 00:04:29,700
Yeah. It's what kids do
on Halloween.
94
00:04:29,768 --> 00:04:31,001
They dress up in costumes,
95
00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:32,653
and they go around
asking for candy.
96
00:04:32,721 --> 00:04:34,422
How do you not know
about trick-or-treating?
97
00:04:34,489 --> 00:04:36,424
Well, how do you not know
that your reflection
98
00:04:36,491 --> 00:04:38,259
in the patio door
isn't another dog?
99
00:04:38,326 --> 00:04:40,494
Hey!
That guy is a dick.
100
00:04:41,663 --> 00:04:42,697
Hey, get out of here!
101
00:04:42,764 --> 00:04:44,481
This is my house!
102
00:04:44,533 --> 00:04:46,717
Oh, my God, Brian.
What happened?
103
00:04:46,785 --> 00:04:48,052
Who did this to you?
104
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,388
Did you do this?!
You son of a bitch!
105
00:04:56,862 --> 00:04:58,112
Okay, see you later, Mom.
106
00:04:58,180 --> 00:04:59,980
Oh, where are you off to,
sweetie?
107
00:05:00,048 --> 00:05:01,999
You gonna go see
three movies in a row
108
00:05:02,066 --> 00:05:03,918
so it seems like
you're out doing something?
109
00:05:03,985 --> 00:05:07,354
No, Mom. I'm going to my first
big high school Halloween party.
110
00:05:07,422 --> 00:05:10,157
Oh, that's nice.
What are you dressed as?
111
00:05:10,225 --> 00:05:11,525
I'm a slutty cat.
112
00:05:11,593 --> 00:05:13,060
I'll be back late.
Don't wait up.
113
00:05:15,246 --> 00:05:16,997
Quack, quack.
114
00:05:17,065 --> 00:05:19,650
Oh! My little ducky.
115
00:05:19,718 --> 00:05:21,819
You look so adorable.
116
00:05:21,887 --> 00:05:23,387
Oh, no, no.
You see these holes?
117
00:05:23,455 --> 00:05:24,839
I got bit by a vampire.
118
00:05:24,906 --> 00:05:26,207
I'm a vampire duck.
119
00:05:26,274 --> 00:05:28,342
But I'm a modern vampire duck
who hangs around
120
00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:30,828
with Anna Paquin and drives
around in a black Mercedes.
121
00:05:30,896 --> 00:05:31,946
What is that?
122
00:05:32,013 --> 00:05:33,114
It's True Blood.
123
00:05:33,181 --> 00:05:34,582
Yeah, no one knows
what that is.
124
00:05:34,649 --> 00:05:36,283
Rich, gay people do.
125
00:05:42,574 --> 00:05:45,626
Brian, are you sure
none of these are real monsters?
126
00:05:45,710 --> 00:05:46,877
Stewie, it's gonna be fine.
127
00:05:46,945 --> 00:05:48,195
Look, here's our first house.
128
00:05:48,263 --> 00:05:49,630
There you go.
129
00:05:49,714 --> 00:05:53,384
A Cornish game hen for you,
a Cornish game hen for you.
130
00:05:53,452 --> 00:05:55,719
Everybody gets a hen.
131
00:05:55,787 --> 00:05:57,721
Would you like some gravy?
132
00:05:57,789 --> 00:06:00,224
Sure you'd like some gravy.
133
00:06:02,010 --> 00:06:05,346
Oh, my God, Brian, you were right.
Halloween is the best.
134
00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:06,981
Look how much candy I have.
135
00:06:07,065 --> 00:06:08,298
Oh, where should we go next?
136
00:06:08,350 --> 00:06:09,817
Ooh, look, there's Mort's house.
137
00:06:09,901 --> 00:06:12,135
Oh, but I hope he doesn't have
some gross Jewish candy,
138
00:06:12,187 --> 00:06:14,438
like... like Rugelach or...
or Hamentashen
139
00:06:14,489 --> 00:06:16,657
or Hachahachahacha.
140
00:06:16,741 --> 00:06:19,026
Right, Brian?
Brian?
141
00:06:19,094 --> 00:06:20,161
Brian, where are you?
142
00:06:22,998 --> 00:06:25,282
Hey, kid, nice costume.
143
00:06:25,350 --> 00:06:27,718
Really? Oh, my God,
thank you so much.
144
00:06:27,786 --> 00:06:29,553
My mother bought it for me,
and I was worried
145
00:06:29,621 --> 00:06:31,822
it might be a tad banal,
but if you big kids like it,
146
00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:33,057
then it must be pretty cool.
147
00:06:33,124 --> 00:06:35,526
That's a nice bag
of candy you've got.
148
00:06:35,594 --> 00:06:36,710
Oh, thank you.
149
00:06:36,778 --> 00:06:38,179
You know,
it's actually a pillowcase.
150
00:06:38,246 --> 00:06:40,130
They're sort of thrifty
around my house, you know.
151
00:06:40,198 --> 00:06:41,532
Well, now it's ours.
152
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,818
Uh, well, no.
But how about this?
153
00:06:43,885 --> 00:06:46,320
You can have the apple
and the raisins
154
00:06:46,388 --> 00:06:48,656
and the cheese and crackers
with the little red stick.
155
00:06:48,723 --> 00:06:50,808
I don't... I don't know
how that's candy, but...
156
00:06:51,977 --> 00:06:54,461
Thanks, duck boy.
(laughter)
157
00:06:59,184 --> 00:07:00,167
Hey, get back here!
158
00:07:00,235 --> 00:07:01,585
Hey, that's my candy!
159
00:07:01,653 --> 00:07:03,971
Damn you, that's my candy!
160
00:07:04,039 --> 00:07:06,307
Oh, how could this day
get any worse?
161
00:07:06,374 --> 00:07:07,558
(mosquito buzzing)
162
00:07:08,627 --> 00:07:10,360
(screams)
163
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:18,048
Brian!
Brian, help me! Brian!
164
00:07:18,132 --> 00:07:19,082
Hey, there you are.
165
00:07:19,167 --> 00:07:20,400
Brian, where were you?
166
00:07:20,468 --> 00:07:22,302
Well, that jerk dog
from our patio door
167
00:07:22,370 --> 00:07:23,870
somehow got inside a hubcap.
168
00:07:23,938 --> 00:07:25,639
I just wanted to alert
the owner of the car.
169
00:07:25,706 --> 00:07:26,823
I left a note
on his windshield.
170
00:07:26,891 --> 00:07:28,008
Wh...
What is wrong with you?
171
00:07:28,075 --> 00:07:29,476
You abandoned me!
172
00:07:29,544 --> 00:07:31,845
And some larger
children took my candy.
173
00:07:31,913 --> 00:07:33,113
All... All right, look,
just calm down.
174
00:07:33,181 --> 00:07:35,282
It's still early.
We'll get you more candy.
175
00:07:39,103 --> 00:07:40,403
Brian, this isn't working.
176
00:07:40,488 --> 00:07:42,439
What do you want me to do,
Stewie? It's late.
177
00:07:42,523 --> 00:07:44,224
Everybody's stopped
giving out candy.
178
00:07:44,292 --> 00:07:46,159
Well, then let's get
my candy back, Brian.
179
00:07:46,227 --> 00:07:48,495
Let's track down the punks who
stole it and make them pay.
180
00:07:48,563 --> 00:07:49,629
Look, Stewie,
I don't think that...
181
00:07:49,697 --> 00:07:51,131
Brian, please.
182
00:07:51,199 --> 00:07:53,500
This is my first Halloween,
and... and it's ruined.
183
00:07:53,568 --> 00:07:54,834
(sighs)
All right, all right, fine.
184
00:07:54,902 --> 00:07:55,869
We'll look for them.
185
00:07:55,937 --> 00:07:57,504
Good, because so far,
186
00:07:57,572 --> 00:08:00,407
Halloween's a bigger letdown
than being a Mets fan.
187
00:08:00,474 --> 00:08:02,242
ANNOUNCER: Opening day,
and here's the first pitch.
188
00:08:02,310 --> 00:08:03,210
(bat cracks)
189
00:08:03,277 --> 00:08:05,345
And the season's over.
190
00:08:08,916 --> 00:08:11,451
Ah, you were a good sport
this year, Quagmire.
191
00:08:11,519 --> 00:08:13,853
Ah, well, you know, Peter,
it's all in good fun, right?
192
00:08:13,921 --> 00:08:15,789
You know, my grandfather
used to have a saying...
193
00:08:15,856 --> 00:08:17,691
(speaking Japanese)
194
00:08:22,129 --> 00:08:23,930
Holy crap, you speak Ebonics?
195
00:08:23,998 --> 00:08:25,465
No, no, Peter, it's Japanese.
196
00:08:25,533 --> 00:08:27,534
Wait, are they,
are they the angry eye ones
197
00:08:27,602 --> 00:08:29,402
or the tired eye ones?
198
00:08:29,470 --> 00:08:33,106
Uh, I'm not sure I underst...
Uh, the first one, I guess.
199
00:08:33,174 --> 00:08:34,474
I...
I don't know.
200
00:08:34,542 --> 00:08:36,810
My grandfather on my
mom's side was Japanese.
201
00:08:36,877 --> 00:08:38,812
Wait a minute, you're...
You're part Japanese?
202
00:08:38,879 --> 00:08:39,879
Sure am.
203
00:08:39,947 --> 00:08:41,281
My grandfather was a pilot
204
00:08:41,349 --> 00:08:43,483
for the Imperial Air Force
during World War Two.
205
00:08:43,551 --> 00:08:45,852
Flew a kamikaze mission
in the Battle of Midway.
206
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:47,787
He's part of the reason
I became a pilot.
207
00:08:47,855 --> 00:08:49,789
Wow.
How come I never met him?
208
00:08:49,857 --> 00:08:51,057
He was a kamikaze pilot.
209
00:08:51,125 --> 00:08:53,026
Yeah, no, I heard you,
he was a Karma Chameleon,
210
00:08:53,094 --> 00:08:54,694
but how come I never met him?
211
00:08:54,762 --> 00:08:55,795
Because he died, Peter.
212
00:08:55,863 --> 00:08:58,415
Oh, my God, when?
And how?
213
00:09:00,551 --> 00:09:02,435
Hey, Joe, what are you doing?
214
00:09:02,486 --> 00:09:04,521
I thought we were gonna go
to The Clam and get wasted.
215
00:09:04,589 --> 00:09:06,523
Ugh, I can't.
I'm on duty tonight.
216
00:09:06,591 --> 00:09:07,791
And Halloween's got to be
217
00:09:07,858 --> 00:09:09,526
the worst night of the year
to be a cop.
218
00:09:09,594 --> 00:09:12,929
All you do is drive around,
confiscate beer from teenagers
219
00:09:12,997 --> 00:09:16,099
and occasionally handcuff
a drunk woman in a sexy costume.
220
00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:17,217
Aw, cool!
221
00:09:17,285 --> 00:09:18,451
Hey, I got a great idea.
222
00:09:18,519 --> 00:09:19,719
How about
we ride around with you
223
00:09:19,787 --> 00:09:21,154
and steal beer from teenagers?
224
00:09:21,222 --> 00:09:22,722
I don't know, you guys.
225
00:09:22,790 --> 00:09:24,975
This is my job, and I can't
have you fooling around,
226
00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:26,176
getting into trouble.
227
00:09:26,243 --> 00:09:28,178
Hey, when the hell
do I get into trouble?
228
00:09:28,245 --> 00:09:30,880
Well, didn't you get lost
in the grocery store last week?
229
00:09:30,948 --> 00:09:32,816
(wailing)
230
00:09:36,020 --> 00:09:37,887
- Are you okay?
- No!
231
00:09:37,955 --> 00:09:41,324
I came in with my wife
and now I can't find her!
232
00:09:41,392 --> 00:09:43,360
Oh, I'm sure
she's here somewhere.
233
00:09:43,427 --> 00:09:44,911
Come on,
I'll help you find her.
234
00:09:44,979 --> 00:09:46,713
Okay.
235
00:09:46,781 --> 00:09:49,749
(over P.A.): Will Lois Griffin please
come to the courtesy booth.
236
00:09:49,817 --> 00:09:51,334
We have a little gift for you.
237
00:09:51,402 --> 00:09:53,286
(giggles)
238
00:09:53,354 --> 00:09:55,538
I'm Lois...
Oh, for God's sakes, Peter.
239
00:09:55,623 --> 00:09:57,273
Yay, Lois!
240
00:10:00,461 --> 00:10:02,262
This is so cool.
241
00:10:02,330 --> 00:10:03,830
Our first high school
Halloween party.
242
00:10:03,898 --> 00:10:05,532
Do you think
we'll get to make out?
243
00:10:05,599 --> 00:10:08,051
These things always end up
in make out sessions.
244
00:10:08,119 --> 00:10:09,452
Hey, you know what, you guys?
245
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,087
My cousin went to
a Halloween party
246
00:10:11,155 --> 00:10:12,756
and made out with a guy,
and she's hideous.
247
00:10:12,823 --> 00:10:14,324
I mean, really hideous.
248
00:10:14,392 --> 00:10:15,425
How'd your cousin do it?
249
00:10:15,493 --> 00:10:17,277
She wore a mask.
Don't you get it?
250
00:10:17,345 --> 00:10:19,379
If we wear our masks
and we don't take them off
251
00:10:19,447 --> 00:10:21,731
for the whole party, the boys
won't know who we are,
252
00:10:21,799 --> 00:10:23,466
and we'll have a better
chance of hooking up.
253
00:10:23,534 --> 00:10:24,584
Good idea!
254
00:10:24,652 --> 00:10:25,835
We are so gonna hook up!
255
00:10:25,903 --> 00:10:26,870
I think we look hot.
256
00:10:26,954 --> 00:10:27,987
Totally hot.
257
00:10:28,039 --> 00:10:29,422
Ugly bitches!
258
00:10:29,490 --> 00:10:31,174
Moo!
259
00:10:33,377 --> 00:10:34,728
JOE:
So what's the story, Quagmire?
260
00:10:34,795 --> 00:10:37,831
Do you observe any particular
Japanese customs?
261
00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:39,949
QUAGMIRE: Oh, yeah, I'm very
in touch with my Asian roots.
262
00:10:40,017 --> 00:10:42,335
You notice I take my shoes off
whenever I enter my house.
263
00:10:42,403 --> 00:10:43,837
PETER:
Oh, yeah.
264
00:10:43,904 --> 00:10:45,738
I do five hours of math
homework every night
265
00:10:45,790 --> 00:10:47,090
even though I'm
no longer in school.
266
00:10:47,174 --> 00:10:48,341
Ah.
267
00:10:48,409 --> 00:10:49,909
Sometimes I drink
out of a wooden box.
268
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:51,744
- Ooh.
- Ah, very Asian.
269
00:10:51,796 --> 00:10:54,013
I was a very cute baby and
now I'm a joyless adult.
270
00:10:54,081 --> 00:10:55,932
- Ah.
- They are unhappy.
271
00:10:56,016 --> 00:10:59,269
DISPATCHER: All units, we've got
a domestic disturbance at Fifth and Maple.
272
00:10:59,336 --> 00:11:02,355
This is Officer Swanson responding,
I'm on my way.
273
00:11:02,423 --> 00:11:04,891
All right you guys,
these domestic dispute situations
274
00:11:04,959 --> 00:11:07,744
can get pretty dicey, so I need
you to stay in the car, okay?
275
00:11:07,812 --> 00:11:09,279
No joking around.
276
00:11:11,115 --> 00:11:13,266
All right, sir, sir, ma'am.
I just need you to tell me
277
00:11:13,334 --> 00:11:14,234
clearly and calmly,
what happened.
278
00:11:14,301 --> 00:11:16,219
One at a time, please.
279
00:11:16,287 --> 00:11:18,822
This whore gets her stubby little
fingers into my wallet! That's larceny!
280
00:11:18,906 --> 00:11:21,624
He puts one of those cigars in his mouth
and he turns into a different person!
281
00:11:21,692 --> 00:11:22,992
PETER:
No freakin' way.
282
00:11:23,060 --> 00:11:24,961
Guys, I told you
to wait in the car.
283
00:11:25,029 --> 00:11:27,747
Domestic abuse is a
very delicate matter.
284
00:11:27,815 --> 00:11:30,667
Joe, this isn't domestic abuse,
this is hilarious.
285
00:11:30,735 --> 00:11:32,202
And another thing...
286
00:11:32,269 --> 00:11:34,003
I'm tired of massaging
your foot knuckles!
287
00:11:34,071 --> 00:11:37,157
You call that a massage,
with your baby carrot fingers?!
288
00:11:37,224 --> 00:11:38,291
- Go to hell!
- Come here!
289
00:11:38,359 --> 00:11:39,659
Get over here!
290
00:11:39,727 --> 00:11:41,761
Stay away from me!
You keep him away from me!
291
00:11:41,812 --> 00:11:43,463
You little...!
292
00:11:43,514 --> 00:11:44,748
(both yelling)
293
00:11:44,815 --> 00:11:45,982
Get over here!
294
00:11:46,066 --> 00:11:47,984
I'm gonna jump over you
and I'm gonna...!
295
00:11:48,068 --> 00:11:49,169
Come back here!
296
00:11:49,236 --> 00:11:50,520
All right, that's enough, you two.
297
00:11:50,604 --> 00:11:51,637
This is serious.
Stop it.
298
00:11:51,689 --> 00:11:53,807
(all yelling)
299
00:11:53,874 --> 00:11:57,160
Oh, quick, Quagmire,
give me your iPod.
300
00:11:57,244 --> 00:12:00,113
(comedic, carnival-like music
playing. yelling continues)
301
00:12:00,181 --> 00:12:01,998
WOMAN:
I swear to God!
302
00:12:02,082 --> 00:12:03,950
You keep him away from me!
303
00:12:05,503 --> 00:12:07,287
JOE:
Got 'em.
304
00:12:08,839 --> 00:12:10,123
Aw, they got tuckered out.
305
00:12:10,191 --> 00:12:12,559
Of course they did, they ran
like two miles for them.
306
00:12:17,264 --> 00:12:18,598
Okay, there they are, Brian.
307
00:12:18,666 --> 00:12:20,533
And they've still got my candy.
308
00:12:20,601 --> 00:12:23,002
You distract them, and I'll run
up from behind and grab it.
309
00:12:23,070 --> 00:12:24,270
Stewie, don't be ridiculous.
310
00:12:24,338 --> 00:12:26,322
They're kids, and I'm an adult.
311
00:12:26,390 --> 00:12:29,142
I'll just go over there and calmly
ask them to give back the candy.
312
00:12:29,210 --> 00:12:30,843
Hi, fellas.
313
00:12:30,895 --> 00:12:32,946
Hey, look, it's Snoopy.
314
00:12:33,013 --> 00:12:35,014
Hey, Snoopy,
where's Woodstock?
315
00:12:35,082 --> 00:12:37,050
Ah, that...
That's a good one.
316
00:12:37,117 --> 00:12:39,385
Uh, listen, my friend,
Stewie, he's just a baby,
317
00:12:39,453 --> 00:12:41,087
and you guys took
his candy earlier.
318
00:12:41,155 --> 00:12:43,089
What do you say
you just give it back,
319
00:12:43,157 --> 00:12:44,524
and we all forget
this ever happened?
320
00:12:44,592 --> 00:12:45,825
Sure, why not?
321
00:12:45,893 --> 00:12:47,594
Your friend's candy is
right around the corner.
322
00:12:47,661 --> 00:12:48,912
All right. Terrific.
323
00:12:53,868 --> 00:12:55,201
Hey, hey, what are you doing?
324
00:12:55,269 --> 00:12:56,269
Stop it!
(spray can hissing)
325
00:12:56,337 --> 00:12:57,637
Hey, let me go! No! No!
326
00:12:57,705 --> 00:12:58,872
(Brian screaming)
327
00:13:01,375 --> 00:13:03,776
Oh my God, you look so cute.
328
00:13:03,844 --> 00:13:05,428
What is that, spray paint?
329
00:13:05,496 --> 00:13:06,913
Yeah.
Those little punks want a war.
330
00:13:06,981 --> 00:13:08,281
And now they've got one.
331
00:13:08,349 --> 00:13:10,716
Hey, here's someone who
might understand how you feel.
332
00:13:12,886 --> 00:13:15,622
Hey, how you doing.
First day being pink?
333
00:13:15,689 --> 00:13:16,823
Yeah.
334
00:13:16,891 --> 00:13:18,324
Welcome to hell.
335
00:13:28,212 --> 00:13:30,046
All right, Brian,
we're getting my candy back,
336
00:13:30,114 --> 00:13:31,798
and here's how
it's gonna go down:
337
00:13:31,883 --> 00:13:34,251
First, we track down those teenage
hoodlums and kill them all.
338
00:13:34,302 --> 00:13:35,886
Yeah, okay, fine,
let's kill 'em.
339
00:13:35,953 --> 00:13:38,488
Wha...
Really? No way.
340
00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:42,242
No, I was only half serious.
We can't do that.
341
00:13:42,310 --> 00:13:45,028
Oh, my God...
Pink Brian is crazy Brian.
342
00:13:45,096 --> 00:13:46,563
Oh, man.
343
00:13:46,631 --> 00:13:48,298
I know, I know we can't.
344
00:13:48,366 --> 00:13:50,117
I just feel bad they
stole your candy.
345
00:13:50,184 --> 00:13:52,919
Well, now I know how Peter feels
when Mort steals his paper.
346
00:13:56,491 --> 00:13:59,526
Come on, that's right,
you bastard.
347
00:14:01,462 --> 00:14:02,429
Stop right there!
348
00:14:04,499 --> 00:14:06,133
Give me the paper!
349
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,218
No! No! Don't hurt me,
you bastard.
350
00:14:08,286 --> 00:14:10,103
Mort, give me the paper.
351
00:14:10,171 --> 00:14:12,005
No, I'm reading it in here.
352
00:14:12,073 --> 00:14:13,707
You can have the
real estate section.
353
00:14:13,775 --> 00:14:15,075
It's for schmucks, anyway.
354
00:14:22,683 --> 00:14:24,451
Okay, your turn
to spin the bottle,
355
00:14:24,519 --> 00:14:26,353
guy dressed like Bill Clinton.
356
00:14:26,420 --> 00:14:28,355
(chuckles)
Yeah, dressed like.
357
00:14:34,228 --> 00:14:36,797
All right, let's go make
some Whitewater.
358
00:14:42,086 --> 00:14:44,604
Okay, Slutty Cat,
you're up next.
359
00:14:44,672 --> 00:14:46,540
Oh my God,
this is totally working.
360
00:14:46,607 --> 00:14:48,241
Nobody knows who we are.
361
00:14:53,831 --> 00:14:56,733
All right. Slutty Cat
and Optimus Prime.
362
00:14:56,801 --> 00:14:58,001
Into the closet.
363
00:14:58,069 --> 00:15:00,070
(giggling)
364
00:15:00,137 --> 00:15:02,656
Oh, my God,
you're gonna hook up.
365
00:15:02,723 --> 00:15:03,690
With a boy.
366
00:15:03,758 --> 00:15:05,826
I know. I can't believe it.
367
00:15:05,893 --> 00:15:08,528
Oh, I feel as pretty
as Scarlett Johansson.
368
00:15:08,596 --> 00:15:10,347
PHOTOGRAPHERS:
Scarlett! Scarlett Johansson!
369
00:15:10,414 --> 00:15:12,766
Scarlett Johansson! Scarlett!
Scarlett Johansson!
370
00:15:12,850 --> 00:15:13,617
Scarlett!
Scarlett!
371
00:15:15,419 --> 00:15:16,686
Laura Linney.
372
00:15:18,823 --> 00:15:20,123
Whoops.
373
00:15:20,191 --> 00:15:21,725
(kissing sounds)
374
00:15:21,792 --> 00:15:23,143
Come on, you guys.
375
00:15:23,211 --> 00:15:24,811
It's been well
over seven minutes.
376
00:15:24,879 --> 00:15:26,162
(passionate moaning)
377
00:15:26,230 --> 00:15:27,297
Let's go.
378
00:15:27,365 --> 00:15:29,916
Other people want
to use the closet.
379
00:15:29,984 --> 00:15:31,167
You guys...
380
00:15:31,235 --> 00:15:32,469
(gasps)
381
00:15:32,537 --> 00:15:34,871
Oh.... my... God.
382
00:15:39,410 --> 00:15:40,610
Chris?
383
00:15:40,678 --> 00:15:41,795
Meg?
384
00:15:41,879 --> 00:15:44,681
(screaming)
(screaming)
385
00:15:44,749 --> 00:15:46,783
Oh, my God,
what are you doing here?!
386
00:15:46,851 --> 00:15:48,118
Trying to grab some boob!
387
00:15:48,185 --> 00:15:49,269
From your sister?!
388
00:15:49,337 --> 00:15:50,820
I didn't know it was you!
389
00:15:50,888 --> 00:15:52,622
Well, who did you think it was?!
390
00:15:52,690 --> 00:15:54,291
Some bitch! Who cares?!
391
00:15:54,358 --> 00:15:55,559
(retching)
392
00:15:55,626 --> 00:15:57,260
Oh, my God!
393
00:15:57,328 --> 00:15:58,695
Oh. We did so much!
394
00:15:58,763 --> 00:16:00,513
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
395
00:16:00,581 --> 00:16:02,432
We're disgusting!
396
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:04,734
We're a disgrace to our family!
397
00:16:04,802 --> 00:16:07,304
Oh, maybe I can get in on this.
398
00:16:13,044 --> 00:16:16,012
Oh, it's good to finally
be off duty.
399
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:18,882
Wow, I never knew about
this place, Quagmire.
400
00:16:18,949 --> 00:16:21,084
Yeah, this is
the Air Force graveyard,
401
00:16:21,152 --> 00:16:23,186
where old military planes
come to die.
402
00:16:23,254 --> 00:16:24,671
That one over there
is my favorite.
403
00:16:24,739 --> 00:16:26,773
It's an old Japanese Zero.
404
00:16:26,841 --> 00:16:29,276
Wow, no calories and all
that Japanese taste?
405
00:16:29,343 --> 00:16:30,810
That's the kind of plane
my grandfather used to fly
406
00:16:30,878 --> 00:16:32,762
- in the war.
- Cool.
407
00:16:34,699 --> 00:16:38,101
Man, this thing looks like it
still might be in working order.
408
00:16:44,492 --> 00:16:46,059
You guys want to go for a ride?
409
00:16:46,127 --> 00:16:47,444
- Ah, sure.
- Hell, yeah.
410
00:16:49,947 --> 00:16:53,016
Wow, I always thought the
Japanese flew flying saucers.
411
00:17:16,340 --> 00:17:18,308
All right, there they are.
412
00:17:18,376 --> 00:17:20,410
All right, boys,
it's candy time.
413
00:17:20,478 --> 00:17:21,578
Let's dig in.
414
00:17:27,802 --> 00:17:29,686
Okay, Brian, let's do this.
415
00:17:29,754 --> 00:17:30,920
Give me a boost.
416
00:17:35,359 --> 00:17:36,859
Hello.
417
00:17:39,130 --> 00:17:41,348
Hey, it's that stupid kid.
418
00:17:41,415 --> 00:17:43,149
Yes, it's that stupid kid.
419
00:17:43,217 --> 00:17:45,552
Now, listen very closely,
'cause here's how it's gonna go down.
420
00:17:53,094 --> 00:17:54,728
(roaring)
421
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,518
(cheering)
422
00:18:01,585 --> 00:18:03,753
Guys, guys, guys,
423
00:18:03,821 --> 00:18:06,823
I don't want to toot my own horn
here, but I think that was me.
424
00:18:09,777 --> 00:18:10,910
(yells)
425
00:18:12,813 --> 00:18:16,316
Well, there's only one thing
to do now: Go to plan B.
426
00:18:16,384 --> 00:18:19,269
Mom!
427
00:18:20,905 --> 00:18:23,373
I am so sorry, Mrs. Griffin.
428
00:18:23,441 --> 00:18:25,592
I have no idea what
got into my son.
429
00:18:25,659 --> 00:18:28,661
Well, just have him return
the candy and everything's fine.
430
00:18:28,729 --> 00:18:33,767
Justin, you give this young man
his candy back, right now.
431
00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:35,251
All right, here.
432
00:18:36,420 --> 00:18:37,821
Thanks.
433
00:18:37,888 --> 00:18:39,522
Now, we want Justin's candy.
434
00:18:39,590 --> 00:18:40,473
What?
435
00:18:40,541 --> 00:18:41,875
You heard me.
436
00:18:41,942 --> 00:18:43,910
Take Justin's bag of candy
and pour it into Stewie's.
437
00:18:43,978 --> 00:18:45,145
All of it.
438
00:18:45,229 --> 00:18:46,946
And if I think you're
holding back on me,
439
00:18:47,031 --> 00:18:48,331
we're gonna have
a serious problem.
440
00:18:48,399 --> 00:18:49,733
Well, all right.
441
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,167
That's what I'm talking about.
442
00:18:51,235 --> 00:18:52,435
Yeah, serious problem.
443
00:18:54,805 --> 00:18:56,439
Good.
Now, go in your purse,
444
00:18:56,507 --> 00:18:58,608
take out $40
and put it in the bag.
445
00:18:58,676 --> 00:19:01,044
All right, Lois,
you're kind of scaring me now.
446
00:19:01,111 --> 00:19:03,313
I... I don't have $40.
447
00:19:03,380 --> 00:19:05,398
All right, I understand.
448
00:19:05,466 --> 00:19:07,751
I'll be back tomorrow
for the $80.
449
00:19:07,818 --> 00:19:09,619
And I'm taking
your welcome mat.
450
00:19:19,513 --> 00:19:22,849
Whoa, Quahog looks
beautiful from up here.
451
00:19:22,917 --> 00:19:24,651
Yeah, this thing handles
pretty smooth, doesn't it?
452
00:19:24,718 --> 00:19:26,569
Feels right.
453
00:19:26,637 --> 00:19:29,239
Feels kind of like something
I was meant to fly, you know.
454
00:19:29,306 --> 00:19:30,440
Hey, there's Quahog Harbor.
455
00:19:32,376 --> 00:19:34,861
Look at all those
old naval vessels.
456
00:19:34,945 --> 00:19:36,830
Yeah, look at 'em all.
457
00:19:39,650 --> 00:19:41,584
Whoa, whoa, easy, Quagmire.
What are you doing?
458
00:19:41,652 --> 00:19:43,186
I don't know, Peter.
459
00:19:43,254 --> 00:19:45,588
It's like something just
awakened inside me.
460
00:19:45,656 --> 00:19:48,108
I can feel my grandfather's
Japanese blood
461
00:19:48,175 --> 00:19:49,342
coursing through my veins.
462
00:19:54,932 --> 00:19:56,299
Quagmire, what the hell's
the matter with you?
463
00:19:56,350 --> 00:19:57,433
What are you nuts?
464
00:19:57,501 --> 00:19:58,468
Shut up, roundeye!
465
00:20:01,305 --> 00:20:04,023
Oh, my God! Stop, Quagmire!
I don't want to die.
466
00:20:04,091 --> 00:20:05,225
Please don't kill us!
467
00:20:05,309 --> 00:20:10,613
(shouting in Japanese)
468
00:20:10,681 --> 00:20:12,348
Banzai!
469
00:20:12,399 --> 00:20:14,317
- Oh, God!
- No!
470
00:20:17,154 --> 00:20:19,188
(screaming)
471
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:20,907
You know what they call this
in my country?
472
00:20:20,991 --> 00:20:22,358
- What?! What?!
- Payback.
473
00:20:31,085 --> 00:20:33,503
(panting):
What the hell was that?
474
00:20:33,571 --> 00:20:35,555
Prank's on you, (bleep).
475
00:20:35,623 --> 00:20:36,873
I'm not Japanese.
476
00:20:36,941 --> 00:20:38,625
- You're not?
- No.
477
00:20:38,692 --> 00:20:41,261
That was for making me have sex
with Joe, you sons of bitches.
478
00:20:41,345 --> 00:20:43,313
You guys actually had sex?
479
00:20:43,380 --> 00:20:45,532
Yeah, I kind of went
rogue with that one.
480
00:20:51,702 --> 00:20:53,803
Brian, you took me out on my
first Halloween tonight,
481
00:20:53,871 --> 00:20:55,672
and you showed me
an exciting time.
482
00:20:55,740 --> 00:20:57,807
And for that,
I'm going to let you
483
00:20:57,875 --> 00:20:59,809
- pick out some candy from my bag.
- Oh, thanks.
484
00:20:59,877 --> 00:21:02,362
And keep in mind, we can't use
any actual brand names
485
00:21:02,430 --> 00:21:04,197
due to advertising concerns.
486
00:21:04,265 --> 00:21:06,933
Right, okay, I'll have
a Mr. Whip-o Bar,
487
00:21:07,001 --> 00:21:08,235
a Kooky Nut Pop,
488
00:21:08,302 --> 00:21:09,703
some Jim 'n M's,
489
00:21:09,770 --> 00:21:11,605
uh, a Zip Zap,
490
00:21:11,672 --> 00:21:13,039
a Choco Buddy,
491
00:21:13,107 --> 00:21:15,408
uh, a Sixty-Four-
Thousand-Dollar Bar,
492
00:21:15,476 --> 00:21:16,977
a Notafinger
493
00:21:17,044 --> 00:21:18,645
and a Dawkin's
Peanut Butter Disc.
494
00:21:18,713 --> 00:21:20,313
God, I hate television.
495
00:21:21,782 --> 00:21:23,817
Brian, why are you pink?
496
00:21:23,885 --> 00:21:25,185
(sniffs)
497
00:21:25,253 --> 00:21:27,187
Why do you and Meg smell
like sweat and shame?
498
00:21:27,255 --> 00:21:30,924
Uh, well...
You see, um... We, uh...
499
00:21:30,992 --> 00:21:33,143
You know what?
I don't care.
500
00:21:33,210 --> 00:21:35,195
I hooked up with
a chick tonight,
501
00:21:35,263 --> 00:21:37,364
and I am pretty darn
proud of myself.
502
00:21:37,431 --> 00:21:39,065
You're right, Chris.
503
00:21:39,133 --> 00:21:40,867
I hooked up
with a guy tonight...
504
00:21:40,935 --> 00:21:42,002
a high school guy...
505
00:21:42,069 --> 00:21:44,037
and I think maybe
he'll call tomorrow.
506
00:21:44,105 --> 00:21:46,706
You may be disappointed.
507
00:21:46,774 --> 00:21:49,925
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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