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1
00:00:03,371 --> 00:00:04,805
What's wrong with the TV?
2
00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:05,739
Nothing, Chris.
3
00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:07,246
All the shows are
in wide-screen now.
4
00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:09,110
So you can see all
the stuff on the sides
5
00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:10,511
that you
couldn't before.
6
00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:12,046
We now return
to The Brady Bunch.
7
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:13,114
See, look.
8
00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:14,648
Here's what you used to see.
9
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:15,649
Good night, Mike.
10
00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:16,850
Good night, Carol.
11
00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:18,752
And here's the stuff you missed.
12
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:30,431
It seems today
that all you see.
13
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:33,734
Is violence in movies
and sex on TV.
14
00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:37,037
But where are those
good old-fashioned values.
15
00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:40,040
On which we used to rely?
16
00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:43,777
Lucky there's a family guy.
17
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:47,047
Lucky there's a man
who positively can do.
18
00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:48,716
All the things that make us.
19
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:50,518
Laugh and cry.
20
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:55,523
He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy!
21
00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:04,298
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
22
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:05,733
Diane can't be with us today.
23
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:06,567
Where is Diane, Ollie?
24
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:08,302
She dead!
Thanks, Ollie.
25
00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:09,703
Yes, Diane is no longer with us.
26
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:11,505
She was shot by
an unknown assailant,
27
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,007
after she herself committed
a series of gruesome murders.
28
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,477
I'd like to welcome
our new co-anchor, Joyce Kinney.
29
00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:18,179
Welcome, Joyce.
Thanks, Tom.
30
00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:20,614
Wow, you sound crazy nervous.
31
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,516
In local news,
there was a hit-and-run
32
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,752
by a drunk driver today
at Quahog Park.
33
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:25,953
Two children are missing.
34
00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:28,856
I was just there.
35
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,191
Oh, boy.
36
00:01:30,258 --> 00:01:31,892
Don't let Brian see this.
37
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:33,661
It says here that Rush Limbaugh
38
00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:35,496
will be signing books
at the Quahog Mall.
39
00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:37,198
I have very good hearing!
40
00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:39,400
He's awful.
41
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,101
But I thought
Rush Limbaugh is
42
00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:43,237
a fictional character
played by Fred Savage.
43
00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:44,472
Where'd you
hear that?
44
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:45,306
Fox News.
45
00:01:45,373 --> 00:01:46,407
Then it's a lie.
46
00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,075
Everything Fox News
says is a lie.
47
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:49,343
But this one's true, Mom.
48
00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:51,111
You saw it with your own eyes
49
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:52,946
and then you reported it
on Fox News.
50
00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:56,450
Even true things, once said
on Fox News, become lies.
51
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:57,885
Why's Limbaugh
coming here?
52
00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:01,155
Don't they have bookstores
at the Nazi fascist...
53
00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:03,591
fascist fat camp
where he, where he go...
54
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:05,259
Where he, where he is
a counselor?
55
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:06,694
I tell you what, Brian,
56
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,638
if you want, we'll give you
another crack at that.
57
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:11,199
This guy single-handedly
set political discourse back
58
00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:12,533
a hundred years.
59
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:13,943
You know what? I'm
gonna go down there
60
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,136
and give that bastard
Limbaugh a piece of my mind.
61
00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:19,273
But first I'm gonna sit here and
stare at this brown paper bag
62
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,342
I'm pretty sure has food in it.
63
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:26,646
No!
64
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:27,680
Ah, oh, well.
65
00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:35,423
Look at him.
66
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,991
His side screwed up our country
for a generation.
67
00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:39,203
I hate everything
about that man.
68
00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:40,728
I'm gonna go
tear him a new one.
69
00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,930
I'm gonna go find some
hardcover photography books
70
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,799
of tasteful nudes.
71
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:48,902
Oh, my God, yes,
that is tasteful!
72
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,741
Hey, my friend,
who should I make this out to?
73
00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:55,543
Listen, Limbaugh, my
name is Brian Griffin,
74
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,511
and I have got
something to say to you.
75
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,313
Our republic has
been bastardized
76
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,549
and royally screwed up
thanks to you jackasses.
77
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:02,416
You suck!
78
00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:03,551
And you're terrible.
79
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,286
And... and-and
you've div...
80
00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:07,255
You've been divorced
several times.
81
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:09,323
Yes, uh, valid points
you're raising, my friend,
82
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:10,891
and I respect you
for raising them.
83
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,526
But may I ask you a question?
84
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:13,227
Okay.
85
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,395
Have you ever read
86
00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:15,563
anything I've written?
87
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,030
Well, no, I haven't.
88
00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:18,899
But I've read things
other people have written
89
00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:21,201
about the things you've written,
and I do not approve
90
00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:22,629
of the things
I've read from others
91
00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:24,080
about the things
they've read from you.
92
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,138
Not one bit, sir.
93
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,875
For crying out loud, Brian,
read my book.
94
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:28,942
Judge for yourself.
95
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:32,079
I'd sooner spend a night
watching European porn.
96
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,415
- Provo! Provo!
- Ah-shnork! Ah-shnork!
97
00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:36,149
Provo!
Ah-shnork!
98
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,752
- Provo! Provo!
- Ah-shnork! Ah-shnork!
99
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,221
Kaloooooof!
A'gerta!
100
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:46,860
Stupid right-wing dick.
101
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,762
Yeah, you...
Hey, y-you want to sign my book?
102
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:51,365
Yeah, you can sign my ass book.
103
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,233
Is what would've been
awesome to say.
104
00:03:56,404 --> 00:04:00,274
Oh, no. It's a multiracial
TV gang, including white guys.
105
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:02,810
Well, well,
what do we got here?
106
00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:05,245
Let's beat him up,
but not because of his color,
107
00:04:05,313 --> 00:04:07,448
'cause that doesn't
matter to us.
108
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:03,737
Thanks, Rush.
109
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,284
Ah, it was nothing.
I mean, you'd have
110
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,350
done the same
thing for me.
111
00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:08,208
Uh, yeah, of course.
112
00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,378
Hey, you-you
dropped something.
113
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:12,212
You think you might
give it a read now?
114
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:14,448
Uh, well...
115
00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:16,555
What-What if I stick a piece
of bologna in the book,
116
00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:18,118
and I don't tell you which page?
117
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,329
Would you read it, then, Brian?
118
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:21,555
Would you read it to find
the page with the bologna?
119
00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:24,091
Okay, look, I'll read
four pages of your book tonight.
120
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,192
All right?
Four pages.
121
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:26,293
That's it.
122
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:27,795
And maybe more
if tonight's episode
123
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:29,563
of The Office
ends up sucking.
124
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:34,468
Four pages. Done.
125
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:36,069
Moving on.
126
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:39,407
I know my staplers
by sound and by weight.
127
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:42,175
And that stapler, good sir,
is a "Schrute."
128
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:45,479
Ha! Look at John Krasinski
look at the camera.
129
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,147
He can't believe
this guy!
130
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,084
Aw, but there were gonna be
more high-jinks in Scranton.
131
00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,153
Scranton.
132
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,254
Dunder Mifflin.
133
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:57,858
Funny words
are funny.
134
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:16,009
Oh, my God.
135
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:18,111
Rush Limbaugh
was right all along.
136
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:21,248
Conservative Republicanism
is the answer.
137
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,183
Good. Good for Brian.
138
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:24,351
Brian, look at this.
139
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:26,119
Now, this is a
tasteful nude.
140
00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:30,123
It's called "A Saucy Outing
In Tottenham Court Square."
141
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:39,767
Brian, are you reading the
new Rush Limbaugh book?
142
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,769
Yeah, I picked it up
at the mall yesterday.
143
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:43,155
I-I can't believe
I'm saying this,
144
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:46,239
but this might be
the best book I've ever read.
145
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:47,407
Brian, you got
to be joking.
146
00:06:47,475 --> 00:06:48,942
No, I mean it, Lois.
147
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:51,378
You know, I've never actually
read any of Limbaugh's stuff,
148
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:53,113
but this book
makes an excellent case for
149
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:55,483
personal accountability,
fiscal responsibility
150
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:56,650
and steak eatership.
151
00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:58,886
But you're a
hard-core liberal.
152
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:01,421
Rush Limbaugh is a
right-wing extremist.
153
00:07:01,489 --> 00:07:03,624
He stands for
everything you despise.
154
00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:05,258
My loyalty is to reason, Lois.
155
00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:07,728
And as a reasonable person,
I reserve the right
156
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:09,429
to change my mind
when presented with
157
00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:11,264
new information
that alters my perspective.
158
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:13,801
And I got to tell you,
I had this guy all wrong.
159
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,970
I mean, some of the stuff
in here is... hey, bologna!
160
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:22,342
Thank you, friends.
161
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:24,778
It's always a pleasure
to meet regular, real Americans.
162
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:25,746
Love the
Hummer, Rush.
163
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:26,980
How do you like it?
164
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,348
It is the best.
165
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,784
I'm not saying you'd have to be
gay to drive something else.
166
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,319
But if you drive
something else,
167
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:35,088
you're probably a guy who likes
to pleasure other men sexually.
168
00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:37,991
Hey, it's my new
friend, Brian!
169
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:38,826
Hi, Rush.
170
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,761
Listen, I-I have to tell you,
171
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:43,296
I read your book
and it was very persuasive.
172
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:44,632
I knew you'd like it,
173
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,476
and I'm glad you enjoyed
it, Brian, I really am.
174
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:47,935
Oh, I-I more than enjoyed it.
175
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:50,203
Ev-Every page
just spoke to me.
176
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:52,372
And-And, you know,
talking to you now, I just,
177
00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:53,774
I-I want to find
the right words
178
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,543
to describe how much
I agree with you.
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00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:56,810
I got the
words, Brian.
180
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:58,912
"Thank you, Rush,
for doing my thinking for me,
181
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,681
"'cause I lack
the ability to think
182
00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:02,616
critically and independently."
Yes, that!
183
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,093
You should be proud
of yourself, Brian.
184
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:05,886
I mean, you sound like
a thoughtful American.
185
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:08,388
Well, listen, I'd really love
to pick your brain some more
186
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:09,833
and hear some of
your other thoughts
187
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,200
about what's going on
in this country.
188
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,961
I can do even better
than that, Brian.
189
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:27,908
Never thought
I'd set foot
190
00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:29,977
inside Republican
National Headquarters.
191
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,078
This is amazing.
192
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:32,312
And it gets better, Brian.
193
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:34,848
Come on, I'm gonna introduce you
to some of my pals here.
194
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:37,150
Brian, meet George W. Bush.
195
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,251
Hey, Georgie!
196
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:40,387
Uncle Rush!
197
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:42,389
Hey! Whoo!
198
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:43,757
You are getting heavy.
199
00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:46,193
I know.
I'm 64 and three-quarters.
200
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,595
You sure are, slugger.
201
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,396
Hey, you got one for me?
202
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:50,674
What? What are you
talking about?
203
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:52,332
Oh, come on, Uncle Rush.
204
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:53,910
I-I don't know what
you're talking about, really.
205
00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:55,235
Come on!
206
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:58,972
Oh. Wait a second.
207
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,207
Yay! Yippee!
208
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,308
Thanks, Uncle Rush!
209
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,576
Don't tell my dad.
210
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,578
Hey, there, Rush.
How you doing?
211
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:05,813
Hey, John.
212
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,559
Hey, I'd like you to meet
my friend, Brian.
213
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,049
Brian, John McCain.
214
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:10,884
Gosh, it sure is
a pleasure, Mr. McCain.
215
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:12,620
How do you two know each other?
216
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,622
Oh, Rush and I used to
solve mysteries together
217
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:15,889
back in the day.
218
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,028
I don't understand, John.
219
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,997
The groundskeeper said he saw
the mummy burning the flag.
220
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,799
But mummies don't
hate America.
221
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,200
They sure
don't, Rush.
222
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,602
But Democrats do.
223
00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:30,137
Ruh-roh.
224
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,371
Remocrats.
225
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,307
Oh, it's okay, Hot Dog.
226
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:38,111
But I think it's time we unravel
the mummy and the mystery.
227
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:42,983
I don't get
it, John.
228
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,285
How's a pig gonna help
us lure the mummy?
229
00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:48,588
Rush, I've never known
a Democrat to pass up pork.
230
00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:57,597
Gotcha!
231
00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:00,367
Now let's find out
232
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,036
who you really are.
233
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,838
It's old man Barney Frank!
234
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,807
And I would have
gotten away with it, too,
235
00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:09,076
if it weren't for you
meddling Republicans.
236
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:10,844
Thanks for all your help,
Globetrotters.
237
00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:13,080
That was a cold swish.
238
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,314
Put her there.
239
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,049
Aw, no, no, no, no.
240
00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:24,792
Look, Brian, all I'm saying is,
it's not normal for people
241
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:27,494
to change their political views
so radically overnight.
242
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,963
Lois, no offense,
but you don't exactly know
243
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:31,298
what you're talking about.
244
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:32,809
I mean, you're-you're not
exactly a fountain
245
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,334
of political knowledge yourself.
246
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:36,904
You want to know
what I think is happening here?
247
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,806
Oh, this should be
rich and overtaxed.
248
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,241
I think you just got to be
in the "out" group.
249
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:44,011
Whoever's on top, whoever's
in power, whoever's successful,
250
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,113
you got to be
on the other side
251
00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:48,481
or you don't feel like
the smartest guy in the room.
252
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:50,383
All you are, my dear,
is a contrarian.
253
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:52,652
Oh, please, you could
not be more off base.
254
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,288
Oh, yeah? Let me ask, what did
you think of the movie Titanic?
255
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,124
Horrible. One of the
worst movies ever made.
256
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,926
Mm-hmm. How about
Slumdog Millionaire?
257
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,427
Overrated. Just
a terrible movie.
258
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:01,494
Cocktail.
259
00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:03,096
Actually, not
a bad film.
260
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,098
You know, as classically
structured cinema,
261
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,300
Cocktail was one of the
best films of its era.
262
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:08,969
You make me sick, Brian.
263
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:11,371
Look, Lois, if I were you,
I'd stow that attitude,
264
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:13,874
because Rush Limbaugh is
coming over for dinner tonight.
265
00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:20,480
Lois, this dinner
looks delicious.
266
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:21,715
Oh, well, thank you.
267
00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:22,783
Dig in, everyone.
268
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,084
Whoa, hang on, hang on.
269
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:25,791
I think you're forgetting
the grace, Lois.
270
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:30,690
Dear God who definitely
exists, we, your people,
271
00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:33,160
who have been on this
planet for 6,000 years
272
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:36,096
and not a second more, wish
to thank you for this bounty,
273
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:38,031
and for keeping Congress
predominantly white
274
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:39,266
through Christ
our Lord, amen.
275
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:43,036
So, Rush, I see you
made it here okay,
276
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:46,039
driving on roads built with
public funds, by the government.
277
00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:47,674
Yeah, what about
that, Rush?
278
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:49,910
I guess the government's
pretty good, like Lois says.
279
00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:52,512
Actually, I took the toll
roads. Privately built.
280
00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:55,148
Way smoother than the
crumbling public road system.
281
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,217
Yeah, Lois. Government sucks
at doing stuff.
282
00:11:57,284 --> 00:11:59,186
Oh, no, toll roads
sound great.
283
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,822
Too bad only the very rich
can afford to use them.
284
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:02,956
I agree with Lois.
285
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,524
Well, maybe more
people could
286
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:06,860
if the government wasn't taxing
the bajeezus out of them.
287
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,395
Now I agree with Rush.
288
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:10,697
I'm too a'stupid
to make up my own mind.
289
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,933
Yeah, okay. Whatever
you say, Rush.
290
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,968
So... nice
weather today.
291
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:16,303
Yeah,
unseasonably cool.
292
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,972
I guess we can forget that
whole global warming myth.
293
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:21,775
Global warming is not a myth,
you son of a bitch!
294
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:23,519
Look, what the hell
are you so hostile for?
295
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:25,512
Because you brainwashed
our dog.
296
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:26,880
Hey, listen,
sister, I just...
297
00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:31,384
I'm sorry.
298
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:35,055
Look, all I did was expose Brian
to a different way of thinking.
299
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:37,090
He embraced... Oh, God,
I'm gonna move over here.
300
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:38,992
He embraced it
on his own, Lois.
301
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:40,460
Well, after Rush
opened my eyes,
302
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:43,396
I am seeing the world
in a whole new way now.
303
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:46,266
To quote a famous troublemaker,
"I have a dream..."
304
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:53,473
I dream of Republicantown.
305
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,775
Where men to the
right of the aisle.
306
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:57,244
Don't back down.
307
00:12:57,310 --> 00:13:00,881
The streets are aglow
with the smell of apple pies.
308
00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:04,617
And babies come out of the
womb in coats and ties...
309
00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:05,986
Nice place, huh, Rush?
310
00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:07,487
It's a paradise, Brian.
311
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:11,124
Trees grow
from Republican sod.
312
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:14,661
And everyone prays to
a proper right-wing god.
313
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:16,763
Republican Catholics?
314
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,565
Yes, indeed, there are.
315
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,033
Republican Muslims?
316
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,835
Well, let's not
go too far.
317
00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:23,036
No Muslims?
318
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:24,271
Nah, too many
tall buildings.
319
00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:27,007
They've outlawed
all abortions.
320
00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:28,976
Late or early.
321
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,979
It's a sin we can't abide.
322
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:36,483
What if you find
a fetus left abandoned?
323
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,286
We just take it and
we jam it back inside.
324
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:43,390
Oh, yes, 'cause I dream
of Republicantown.
325
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:47,027
The place where the happiest
smile is Cheney's frown
326
00:13:47,094 --> 00:13:50,530
I'll bet you a buck you won't
find a damn thing wrong.
327
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,799
'Cause when
you come down to it.
328
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:55,869
This is where we all belong.
329
00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:56,937
Who else lives here?
330
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:58,338
Oh, big names, Lois.
331
00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:01,574
We're watching
Republican stars.
332
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:05,545
Like sweet Mickey Rourke and
his gorgeous right-wing scars.
333
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:07,247
Chuck Norris is one.
334
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:09,049
And he's got
a right-wing beard.
335
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:10,951
Jon Voight is another.
336
00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:12,953
He's just
right-wing weird...
337
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:15,822
His, uh... his daughter's
pretty hot, though.
338
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:17,590
At one time, Brian.
At one time.
339
00:14:18,926 --> 00:14:21,628
But how about
global warming?
340
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,796
It's a snow job.
341
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,366
By Obama and his crew.
342
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:30,670
But aren't all his
findings backed by science?
343
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:33,473
Careful, Lois, now
you're sounding like a Jew.
344
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:34,407
Oy.
345
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:37,777
We dream of Republicantown.
346
00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:41,481
Where Clinton is viewed
as a crazy commie clown.
347
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:45,252
A place where America's
growing free and strong.
348
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:48,121
'Cause when you come down
to it, this is where.
349
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:54,627
We... all... belong.
350
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:59,099
Well, I got to tell you, I'm
not buying any of this crap.
351
00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,434
Rush, we want our dog back.
352
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:02,669
Whoa, hang on, Lois.
353
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,680
What are you saying?
I don't have a mind of my own?
354
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,306
That's insulting.
And-and you know what?
355
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:07,607
I don't, I don't
like the way
356
00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:09,342
you've been talking
to Rush this evening.
357
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,244
You know, I-I thought
you were my friends.
358
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:13,613
But if you can't accept me
now that we disagree
359
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,491
about certain things, then
maybe you aren't the friends
360
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:17,050
I thought you were.
I'm moving out.
361
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:19,019
What?! No! Again?
362
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,553
I'm gonna go stay
with Rush Limbaugh.
363
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,022
Right, Rush?
364
00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:23,523
I'm gonna
stay with you.
365
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,092
Uh... yeah, yeah, sure.
366
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:26,226
That-That's fine.
367
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,695
Oh, this is a bad idea.
368
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,198
But I guess sometimes
Fox has bad ideas, huh?
369
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,467
Let's all just sit here
for a moment
370
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:37,037
and remember that
this was a thing.
371
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:46,013
Morning, Rush.
372
00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:47,656
Hey, thanks again
for letting me stay here.
373
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,516
Oh, it's not really
any trouble, Brian.
374
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,584
What do you figure,
just a few days?
375
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:52,651
Aw, man, who knows?
376
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,521
It's just so good
to be out of there.
377
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:56,427
Hey, you know, I've been
reading all your books
378
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,458
and I so 100% agree with you.
379
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:00,293
I mean, what is going
on with this country?
380
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,129
I mean, wake up, America.
381
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:04,998
I mean, these taxes, right?
I mean, am I right?
382
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,299
About the taxes?
You know?
383
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:07,443
Yeah, taxes are pretty high.
384
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,269
Is-is-is that
a new coffee machine?
385
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:11,471
Oh, yeah, I took the liberty
of replacing your old one
386
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:13,138
with a new, American-made
coffee machine.
387
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:16,876
In fact, I got
you a bunch
388
00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:18,511
of new, topnotch,
American-made stuff.
389
00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:21,614
What else did you buy?
390
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:24,151
Oh, a couple things:
That light fixture...
391
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:26,619
new heat regulator
on your stove...
392
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:28,588
your man-bra...
393
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,023
your garbage disposal...
394
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,558
your dishwasher...
395
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:32,325
and your new cat.
396
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:35,328
Moo.
397
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,734
And you're listening to
the Rush Limbaugh Show.
398
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,870
I want to take a moment
to give a shout-out
399
00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:47,140
to my good friend Ken Lay,
faked his own death,
400
00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:49,042
listening in on
a ham radio somewhere
401
00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:50,310
in international waters.
402
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:51,678
Smooth sailin', Kenny Boy.
403
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:53,246
Hey, Rush?
404
00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:54,914
Is it okay to
hang out in here?
405
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:57,084
Wh... All right, fine, just
don't say anything, okay?
406
00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:01,588
So, friends, we were
talking about Nancy Pelosi.
407
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:02,555
How do we stop her?
408
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:04,157
How do we stop
the Pelosi agenda...
409
00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:05,458
Hey, I'll tell you how.
410
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,827
You strap her to a board,
put a cloth in her mouth
411
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:09,696
and pour water over it
to simulate drowning.
412
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:10,762
Yeah! Small government!
413
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:13,366
And why don't we take
a short break here, folks.
414
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:14,667
We'll be right back.
415
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:15,802
Brian, are you nuts?
416
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,946
What the hell kind of show
you think I'm doing here?
417
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:20,049
Wha-What? What are you...
Come on. Pelosi's a monster.
418
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:22,475
And she's addicted to crack.
Come on, you're with me on this.
419
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,077
Of course she's
addicted to crack,
420
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,478
but you can't just say that.
421
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,880
You got to lead people there
with an intelligent argument
422
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:29,716
so they arrive at it
on their own.
423
00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:31,627
Hey, come on, man. We got to
tell people how it is.
424
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:32,928
We got to get them
on board with us.
425
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:35,622
Brian, look, there is no
victory unless people know why
426
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:38,158
they were wrong to disagree
with you in the first place.
427
00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:40,026
Boy, do you sound soft.
428
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,528
What the hell's
your problem, Brian?
429
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:42,795
My-my problem?
430
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:44,531
My... right now my
problem seems to be
431
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,199
that I am talking
to a Pelosi-lover.
432
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,600
What?!
Yeah, that's right.
433
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:48,735
You love Pelosi.
434
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:50,770
You know what?
It's time for you to go.
435
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:52,004
Right now.
Hey, fine.
436
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,941
I don't have to sit here and
waste my time with a softie.
437
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,252
You-you call
yourself a Republican?
438
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:57,977
Republicans don't shy
away from a fight.
439
00:17:58,044 --> 00:17:59,546
And I'm gonna
prove it to you.
440
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:13,893
Who are you?
441
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,128
How did you get in here?
442
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:16,463
Shut up, Pelosi.
443
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,331
Are you here to take my baby?
444
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:20,300
No, I'm here to strap
you to a board,
445
00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:22,569
put a cloth in your mouth
and pour water over it
446
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,079
to simulate the
sensation of drowning.
447
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,438
Yeah! Traditional values!
448
00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:37,184
Griffin, you been bailed out.
449
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:41,421
Oh, Rush, thank God.
450
00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:42,789
Boy, you got down
here quick.
451
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:45,392
Yeah, I keep Strom Thurmond's
corpse in the front seat
452
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,527
so I can use the
carpool lane. Oh.
453
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:49,128
Okay, well, come
on, let's go home.
454
00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:50,397
Great idea.
455
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:51,898
Time for you to go home.
456
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,099
Home to the Griffins.
457
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,001
Wh... What do you mean?
458
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:56,736
That's where you
belong, Brian.
459
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,205
You're not really
a conservative.
460
00:18:58,271 --> 00:18:59,448
What are you...
That's not true.
461
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:00,540
I am conservative.
462
00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:01,687
I support the death penalty
463
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,181
to show people
that killing is wrong.
464
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:04,644
And that's great, Brian.
465
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,813
Look, I-I make a living
persuading others
466
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,147
to join my side.
467
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:09,982
But I'd never,
ever want somebody
468
00:19:10,049 --> 00:19:11,351
to be something they're not.
469
00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:12,552
You're a liberal, Brian.
470
00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:14,387
I mean, what about
that four-year-old
471
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:15,822
that was executed in Texas?
472
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:18,391
There was a four-year-old
executed in Texas?
473
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:22,061
Not really, but you see, Brian,
your concern betrays you.
474
00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:23,530
I know your type.
475
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:25,332
It's not a coincidence
you turned your back
476
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:27,310
on your democratic principles
just when the Democrats
477
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:28,577
became the political
establishment.
478
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:30,246
All you want is something
to fight against.
479
00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:32,372
I mean...
480
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:34,507
I suppose we shouldn't
be executing children.
481
00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:35,408
You see?
482
00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:37,009
You're not really one of us.
483
00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:38,778
Oh, my God...
484
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,713
Lois was right.
485
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:44,517
Right there. See, the fact that you
would give a woman credit for anything...
486
00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,386
it means you're
a liberal, Brian.
487
00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:50,156
It's time for you to spread
your two left wings and fly.
488
00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:53,493
Does this... does this mean
I'll never see you again?
489
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,795
Oh, I'll be around.
490
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,597
Wherever there's
a rich white guy
491
00:19:57,664 --> 00:20:00,333
in need of another tax break,
I'll be there.
492
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,335
Wherever there's
a brain-dead woman
493
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:04,036
in need
of expensive life support
494
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:06,939
her husband doesn't want,
I'll be there.
495
00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:09,376
Wherever there's a country
that needs to be invaded
496
00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:13,145
for reasons that don't exactly
pan out, I'll be there, too.
497
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,548
Oh, yes, I will be around.
498
00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:27,660
Hey, Limbaugh.
499
00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:31,097
I think you're a boneheaded,
fascist,
500
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:33,032
corporate-shilling blowhard.
501
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:34,834
Look, you little smartass,
502
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:37,870
I think you are a godless,
socialist, pot-smoking,
503
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:39,205
maggot-infested member
504
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:40,552
of the blame-America-first
crowd,
505
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:42,709
and I think you want
the terrorists to win.37167
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