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1
00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:04,438
It seems today
that all you see.
2
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:07,975
Is violence in movies
and sex on TV.
3
00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:11,545
But where are those
good old-fashioned values.
4
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:14,382
On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:18,252
Lucky there's a family guy.
6
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:21,389
Lucky there's a man
who positively can do.
7
00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:23,057
All the things that make us.
8
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:24,792
Laugh and cry.
9
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:30,098
He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy!
10
00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:36,604
Okay, Brian,
I'm goin' to the IGA.
11
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,506
Don't let Peter
get into the cookie dough.
12
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:40,241
Yeah, sure.
13
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,447
Uh, Brian?
14
00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:48,716
I'm just gonna go
into the kitchen and...
15
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:49,883
look at somethin'.
16
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:50,851
Peter, I know
what you're doing.
17
00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:54,488
I'm just gonna
look at somethin'.
18
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:58,259
Oh! What a very
interesting thing.
19
00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:00,794
Brian, can I give you money
and you write me a check
20
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:02,005
so I can order something from
21
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:03,531
this Abercrombie & Fitch
catalog?
22
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,175
What do you want to order?
Oh, wait, let me guess.
23
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:06,967
Him.
24
00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,369
He got you, Stewie!
25
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:10,104
Well, um, if
it were you...
26
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:13,141
You-you would take the magazine
and you'd put it on the floor
27
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:16,244
and pee on it 'cause you're
a dog and you're stupid,
28
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:19,280
and-and you have a weird
toenail halfway up your elbow.
29
00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:21,249
Nice comeback.
30
00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:22,795
Geez, that one
was all over the place.
31
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:24,318
I should have been
quicker than that.
32
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:25,486
I should've said, "Really?
33
00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:27,255
Why would I order
your ex-boyfriend?"
34
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:28,756
And then I'd go like this.
35
00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,124
Aw, that's so good!
36
00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:31,559
Why didn't I say that?!
37
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,026
If only I had a time machine,
38
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,038
I could go back in time
and have that comeback ready.
39
00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:36,164
Wait a minute.
40
00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:37,631
I do have a time machine!
41
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,578
Brian, can I give you money
42
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,256
and you write me a check
so I can order something
43
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:53,914
from this Abercrombie
& Fitch catalog?
44
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,892
What do you want to order?
Oh, wait, let me guess:
45
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:57,117
Him.
Really?
46
00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:58,852
Why would I order
your ex-boyfriend?
47
00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:01,855
He got you, Brian!
48
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,393
Why didn't I think
of this before?
49
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,328
Now I can always have
the last word.
50
00:02:07,395 --> 00:02:09,963
Like that ground control guy
during the moon landing.
51
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,933
That's one small step for man,
52
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,303
one giant leap for mankind.
53
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:16,837
Roger that, Neil.
54
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:19,873
We came in peace for
all the peoples of the Earth.
55
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,809
We read you, Neil.
56
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,411
We chose to go to the moon,
57
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:26,714
not because it is easy,
but because it is hard.
58
00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:28,349
Had a lot of
help down here, Neil.
59
00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:30,518
We have slipped
the surly bonds of Earth
60
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:32,686
and touched the face of God.
61
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:33,854
Yeah, if you could just
62
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:35,789
grab some rocks, Neil,
throw 'em in a bag,
63
00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:37,358
we'll get you home
safe and sound.
64
00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:41,862
This is silly fun.
65
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:44,865
I can go back in time and change
anything in Brian's life.
66
00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:50,003
Aw, don't feel
bad, Peter.
67
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:51,705
Hey, I know what'll
cheer you up.
68
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,808
Hey, where the hell's
my banana thing?
69
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,677
It's peanut butter
jelly time.
70
00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:58,512
Peanut butter
jelly time.
71
00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:00,047
Peanut butter
jelly time.
72
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:01,582
Where he at?
Where he at?
73
00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:04,218
Oh... Oh, my God.
74
00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:06,654
Oh, Stewie, that
is so funny!
75
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,290
Oh... I did not
see that comin'!
76
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:11,024
But... that was my thing.
77
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:13,060
I'm pretty sure it was
the Internet's thing.
78
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:14,738
Peanut butter jelly,
peanut butter jelly.
79
00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:16,664
Peanut butter jelly
with a baseball bat.
80
00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:21,902
Hey, you remember
a few months ago
81
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,605
when you scored that date with
that Victoria's Secret model
82
00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:26,139
and then ended up
sealing the deal?
83
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,575
Oh, yeah. That was amazing.
84
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:28,652
What was the date of that?
85
00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:32,313
August 15th. August
15th! You betcha!
86
00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:38,051
Now, I have to
leave enough time...
87
00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:39,119
Talking to yourself?
88
00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:41,322
Gyah...! Brian, Brian!
Hello!
89
00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:44,091
Stewie, I know you've been going
back in time to embarrass me.
90
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:46,960
Oh, what-what,
that... come on!
91
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:48,672
Oh, okay, then-then
where are you going now?
92
00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,898
Well, I have a-a-a very
important mission.
93
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,742
Uh-huh. Let me see that
panel. No, no, don't touch that!
94
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:53,810
Come on, let me
see that! Don't...
95
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,274
Move out of the way!
No, you can't...
96
00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,513
I'm not gonna let you do
this... You just touched my boob.
97
00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:57,671
I'm gonna tell Mom.
98
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:33,541
What happened?
99
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,476
Where are we?
I don't know.
100
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:38,412
It's like...
we're not anywhere.
101
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:40,156
Stewie, what the hell
did your machine do?!
102
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:41,615
Just calm down,
calm down, Brian.
103
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:44,418
I've got the return pad.
104
00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:45,886
All right, step on.
105
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,956
What happened?
106
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,591
Good Lord!
107
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:52,259
This is impossible!
108
00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:54,428
What? Well, the return pad works
109
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:56,129
by first locking onto
our coordinates
110
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:58,165
along the curve of the
space-time continuum.
111
00:04:58,231 --> 00:05:00,434
But it can't.
Why not?
112
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,636
Well, the only explanation is...
113
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,505
we've somehow been transported
114
00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:06,440
outside the space-time
continuum.
115
00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:08,041
I don't-I don't understand.
116
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:09,209
Non-existence.
117
00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:11,044
No past, no future.
118
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:12,513
No universe.
119
00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:14,815
But still
somehow a large,
120
00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:17,050
brightly-colored promo
for The Cleveland Show.
121
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,820
Hey, y'all,
it's The Cleveland Show!
122
00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,154
Huh. That's weird.
123
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:23,657
Black guys usually
don't promote themselves.
124
00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:30,474
Come on, Stewie, can you
fix that damn thing or not?
125
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:31,765
Well, it's not
broken, Brian.
126
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,034
It operates according
to the laws of physics,
127
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:36,570
but we're outside the
space-time continuum,
128
00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:38,839
so there are no laws
of physics... watch.
129
00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:43,577
How the hell'd
you do that?
130
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,045
No laws of physics, Brian.
131
00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:46,179
We create our own physics.
132
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:47,247
See, watch this.
133
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,018
Bum-bah, duh-duh,
bum-bah, duh-duh.
134
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:53,220
Bum-bah, duh-duh,
bum-bah, duh-duh...
135
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:55,689
Heart and soul Bum-bah,
duh-duh, bum-bah, duh-duh
136
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,434
I fell in love with you
Bum-bah, duh-duh, bum-bah, duh-duh.
137
00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:59,503
Heart and soul Bum-bah,
duh-duh, bum-bah, duh-duh.
138
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:01,438
The way a fool would do
Bum-bah, duh-duh, bum-bah, duh-duh.
139
00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:03,464
Madly Bum-bah,
duh-duh, bum-bah, duh-duh.
140
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:06,734
Because you held me tight
Bum-bah, duh-duh, bum-bah, duh-duh.
141
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,870
And stole a kiss in the night
Bum-bah, duh-duh, bum-bah...
142
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:11,338
Did I tell you?
143
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:12,940
Yeah, that was good.
We were good.
144
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:14,951
Yeah, th-that's why it
sucks that we're alone here.
145
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:16,544
Because if-if-if
there were people here,
146
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,345
they would say,
"That was good.
147
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:19,523
You guys should
do that more."
148
00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:20,624
Oh, yeah, they totally
would, but look-look,
149
00:06:20,648 --> 00:06:21,582
I still want to
go home, Stewie.
150
00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:22,950
How do we get
outta here?
151
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:25,586
Well, if I overload
the return pad's reactor,
152
00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:27,020
it might release enough energy
153
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:29,757
to blow us back into the
universe, but it's too risky.
154
00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:31,058
But it could
get us home?
155
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,226
Well, maybe, but
it'll break my thing.
156
00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:35,529
And if I overload that reactor,
we could both die.
157
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:36,897
Well, you at least
have to try.
158
00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:40,568
And if you don't, I am gonna
spend the rest of eternity
159
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,746
chuckling at a joke that
I am not gonna share with you.
160
00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:45,773
Oh, oh, man.
161
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,307
What? What's the joke?
162
00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:49,309
Oh, yes!
163
00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:52,145
What? What is it?
You-you can't say that!
164
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:53,747
But it got said!
165
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:55,115
Wha-what? What?!
By who?!
166
00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:56,484
All right, fine, fine!
167
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:57,551
I'll try it,
you bastard!
168
00:06:57,618 --> 00:06:59,086
Now, step onto
the return pad.
169
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,554
Now brace yourself.
170
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:03,524
Hopefully, the explosion
will propel us into reality.
171
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:30,784
We made it.
Yeah, we made it.
172
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,696
Okay, now tell me the
joke. Oh, it's nothing really.
173
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,230
It's just this bit about
a planned parenthood clinic
174
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,355
on Halloween.
175
00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:37,625
Next.
176
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,763
Brian, I am about to
show you something
177
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,565
that's gonna
blow your mind!
178
00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:46,567
Do you know what the
big bang theory is?
179
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,335
Yeah, the theory that
the universe started
180
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:49,937
with a massive outward explosion
181
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:52,606
from a singularity of infinite
mass and infinite density.
182
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:54,474
Check out the big brain
on Brian.
183
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,209
Good. Now, take a look.
184
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,912
The universe's cosmic
background radiation,
185
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,781
a kind of echo
of the big bang,
186
00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:04,317
precisely matches the energy
spectrum of my return pad!
187
00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:05,886
Well, what does
that mean?
188
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:09,189
It means my return pad's
explosion was the big bang.
189
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:11,992
But the big bang happened, like,
billions of years ago.
190
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:14,928
No, no... we were outside
the space-time continuum.
191
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:18,065
Time and space didn't
exist until my explosion.
192
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,734
Which means I created
the universe, Brian.
193
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:22,235
That doesn't make any sense.
194
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,280
You were born in the universe.
How could you create it?
195
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:26,273
It's called a "temporal
causality loop."
196
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:29,009
The universe created me,
so I could create it,
197
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:31,144
so it could create
me and so on.
198
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,512
That's...
199
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:34,882
that's the most incredible
thing I've ever heard.
200
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:36,483
So, wait, that-that
means that...
201
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:38,619
I kinda created
the universe, too.
202
00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:41,121
No, no, no, no.
203
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:44,024
You're, you're sort of the
Art Garfunkel of the universe.
204
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:51,331
Hey, Lois, check out what I
spelled with my Alpha-Bits.
205
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:53,601
Oh, my God.
206
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,969
Yeah! Now watch.
207
00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:00,473
Oh, maybe later,
208
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:01,580
you'll want
the real thing.
209
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:05,545
I prefer the Alpha-Bits.
210
00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:07,280
Well, I'm off
to the farmers' market.
211
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:09,750
I've gotta pick up some
plutonium for a new return pad.
212
00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:12,452
In case I decide to make
another universe later.
213
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:14,087
Plutonium at the
farmers' market?
214
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,389
Yeah, I'm only using
organic plutonium now.
215
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:18,025
Think globally:
Buy locally.
216
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:20,227
Hey, slut,
get me out of this.
217
00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:25,332
Hello there, Yusuf.
Hey, Stewie!
218
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,700
What can I get you?
219
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:27,944
Oh, just a little
of the good stuff
220
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:29,245
for a new time machine
return pad.
221
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,437
Coming right up.
222
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:32,873
So, how's the whole
terrorism thing goin'?
223
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:35,809
Well, the good news is
my son died in a car bombing.
224
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:38,545
The bad news is
he borrowed my car!
225
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:45,285
Oh, God!
226
00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:47,420
Oh, that's
the other reason I come here.
227
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:50,023
Okay, so here
is your plutonium.
228
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,292
I hope you kill
my bitch wife with it.
229
00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:54,127
Whoa, whoa. Where's
that comin' from?
230
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,897
Eh, I'm just a little upset
because she left me.
231
00:09:56,964 --> 00:10:00,000
I guess she didn't know
what "jihad."
232
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:02,736
Come on!
Oh, sorry!
233
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:08,308
So...
234
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:11,211
Stewie Griffin invented
a time machine.
235
00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:39,172
Bertram!
236
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,407
Hello, Stewie.
237
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,009
You don't realize it yet,
238
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,712
but your life is about
to cease to exist.
239
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,313
What are you talking about?
240
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:49,149
I am going to kill
one of your ancestors,
241
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:51,885
effectively erasing you
from history!
242
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,320
Here! Play with this!
243
00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:55,488
At least you can spend
your final moments
244
00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:57,390
doing something you enjoy.
245
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,793
You know, it's funny, I had
actually stopped playing
246
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,660
with that toy, but now that
I see you with it,
247
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,055
I kinda want to play
with it again.
248
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,565
Look at me! I'm mowing the lawn!
249
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,574
What the hell's
all that noise?
250
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:15,809
Brian, it was Bertram!
251
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:16,977
He's gone into the past,
252
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,411
and he claims he's
going to...
253
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,815
Stewie, what's going on?!
254
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:27,154
Peter, what was that?!
255
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,870
Quick, Brian, into
the time machine!
256
00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:45,638
Stewie, what the hell
was that?!
257
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,440
Those were ripples
in time, Brian,
258
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,843
emanating from some
point in the past.
259
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:52,012
And there's only
one explanation.
260
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:54,581
Bertram told me he planned
to kill one of my ancestors.
261
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,449
He must have succeeded,
262
00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,618
thereby changing the
past and erasing... me.
263
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:00,687
But what has that got
to do with...?
264
00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:02,522
I created the universe, Brian!
265
00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:05,158
Bertram didn't know that by
removing me from history,
266
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,360
I wouldn't be there to be
accidentally thrown outside
267
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,096
the universe and subsequently
create it.
268
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:11,031
So the universe never existed!
269
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:12,599
Well, we have
to stop him!
270
00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:15,468
Yes. Unfortunately, Bertram
took the return pad with him,
271
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:17,404
so we'll only get
one shot at this.
272
00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:18,471
Ah, here it is.
273
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,407
Now we'll have to
travel back in time
274
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:22,776
to a point shortly before
Bertram's arrival.
275
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,011
Get ready, Brian.
276
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:39,092
How long until
Bertram arrives?
277
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:41,528
I can't be certain, but
I'd say about 15 minutes.
278
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:42,796
Where do you
think we are?
279
00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:43,964
I don't know.
280
00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:46,099
Looks like...
the Renaissance.
281
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:47,234
It does.
282
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,402
This doesn't count
as our trip to Italy.
283
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,138
Brian, look!
There's the Mona Lisa.
284
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,841
And it's unfinished!
285
00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:57,010
We must be in Leonardo
da Vinci's studio!
286
00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:58,245
Quick! Someone's coming!
287
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:08,788
That must be Leonardo da Vinci!
288
00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:10,891
Stewie, he looks
just like you!
289
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:13,160
Da Vinci must be
my ancestor.
290
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:14,962
Good Lord!
291
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,763
That's who Bertram's
here to kill!
292
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,198
So that means
you're Italian.
293
00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:19,432
Of course!
294
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,377
My love for SpaghettiOs
and smoking on the toilet.
295
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:22,402
It all makes sense.
296
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:23,536
Ew.
297
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:33,213
My God, da Vinci
is your ancestor!
298
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,747
But why would
Bertram go back
299
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,283
this far
to get rid of you?
300
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:38,261
Ah, you're forgetting I
initially encountered Bertram
301
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,854
as a sperm in one
of the fat man's balls,
302
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:43,023
so he couldn't get rid
of the fat man
303
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,892
or any recent ancestor
on my father's side.
304
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:47,094
Bertram had to go back
enough generations
305
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,062
to make sure he
was snuffing out
306
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,630
the ancestral source
of my genius
307
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:52,099
without affecting his own.
308
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,001
And apparently, it's
Leonardo da Vinci.
309
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:56,469
Boy, I'm-a sick of da pizza.
310
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:58,805
Well, we've gotta stop Bertram.
What are we gonna do?
311
00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:00,908
Don't worry, Brian,
I'll come up with something.
312
00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,042
Remember, I'm a genius.
313
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:03,243
Like Thomas Edison.
314
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:05,879
Thomas, what are
you doing?!
315
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,580
Experimenting.
316
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,918
Brian, look!
317
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:17,124
Mama mia!
What is this-a?!
318
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,792
Leonardo da Vinci, I presume.
319
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,029
Who are you-a,
little-a lisping baby?
320
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:25,232
Your assassin,
you overrated caricaturist!
321
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:29,569
Stewie!
322
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,338
That's my name,
don't wear it out.
323
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,075
See, that's
brand-new to him.
324
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:40,573
Ey!
325
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:41,640
Ey!
326
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:20,180
You're about to be yesterday's
hopscotch chalk
327
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:22,315
on a sidewalk, Stewie!
328
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:23,416
Erased!
329
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,118
Yeah, no, I-I got
the metaphor,
330
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:26,619
but, Bertram, if
you erase me,
331
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:27,854
you'll destroy
the universe!
332
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,256
What are you talking about?
333
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,857
Listen to him, Bertram!
It's true!
334
00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:33,826
Brian and I were trapped outside
the space-time continuum
335
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,495
and the only way for us
336
00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:38,265
to get back was to overload
my old return pad!
337
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:40,467
The resulting explosion
was the big bang!
338
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,669
So if you kill me,
you're killing yourself
339
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,205
and everything else that ever
existed or will exist!
340
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,341
Worth it!
341
00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:54,214
You fool!
342
00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:16,603
Hey, Bertram,
343
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:18,638
what's your favorite kind
of bottled water?
344
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,474
Mine's Arrowhead.
345
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:28,481
Wow, that was...
346
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:29,649
dramatic.
347
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:35,054
My God, he's really dead.
348
00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:36,656
This is it.
349
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:37,824
Yeah.
350
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:41,060
But why hasn't the universe
ceased to exist?
351
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:42,129
I don't know.
352
00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:43,730
Unless...
353
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,932
there's still a chance
of me being born.
354
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:47,367
But da Vinci is dead...
355
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,269
Yes, but we're still here.
356
00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:51,571
So I must have done, or will do,
357
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:53,973
something that will save
the universe.
358
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,543
If I can just figure out
what that is.
359
00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,612
Oh! Bertram just
voided his bowels.
360
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:00,847
That's it!
361
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:04,217
The genetic material needed
for my creation is inside me.
362
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:06,419
So I'll take da Vinci's place
and pass it on.
363
00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:08,588
Wait, how did you get
that from "bowels"? Huh?
364
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,335
I'm just wondering how
you got that from...
365
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:11,524
You know what?
I don't care.
366
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,701
Will, will that
work, though?
367
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:13,893
You taking
da Vinci's place?
368
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,995
Only one way to find out.
369
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:18,398
All right, I'm going
to send you back five minutes
370
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:20,133
after we disappeared
in the time machine.
371
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,334
If all goes well,
372
00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:23,670
the universe should be
intact this time.
373
00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:25,071
Good luck, old friend.
374
00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:28,107
Hopefully, I'll be leaving you
a future to return to.
375
00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:30,009
I'm gonna miss you, Stewie.
376
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:31,344
Good luck.
377
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,031
You did it, Stewie.
378
00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:53,833
You did it.
379
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,582
Uh... can I help you?
380
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,418
Are you Brian Griffin?
381
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,485
Yes.
382
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,321
I'm-a from the Vatican,
and this is for you.
383
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:15,555
What is it?
384
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:17,657
The Vatican has been
holding this note for you
385
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:19,426
for about 500 years.
386
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,462
It was left to us by
Leonardo da Vinci himself,
387
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:24,797
with instructions
that it be delivered
388
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:29,869
to you on this exact-a
date at this exact-a time.
389
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:31,604
Dear Brian,
390
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,039
It's been a week
since you left,
391
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:35,342
and I'm pretty sure I've set
things right.
392
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,977
So I've built a cryogenic
stasis device,
393
00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:40,780
and am placing myself inside
it, leaving instructions for it
394
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,425
to be buried
in very specific coordinates
395
00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:44,851
in what will be future Quahog.
396
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:46,753
If everything goes according
to plan,
397
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:49,021
I will have spent
the next 500 years
398
00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:50,857
buried beneath our basement.
399
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,158
Oh, my God!
400
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:55,428
A tip is-a customary!
401
00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:21,421
Stewie!
402
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:26,058
Stewie! Stewie, you okay?!
403
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:29,061
You gotta
kiss him to wake him up.
404
00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:30,663
What?
I'm not gonna kiss you.
405
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:33,132
Stewie can't hear you.
He's not awake.
406
00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:34,767
Only a kiss will wake him up.
407
00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,102
Well, I better get Meg.
408
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:38,204
Oh, oh, oh, where am I?
Wha...?
409
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:39,606
Stewie, what the hell happened?!
410
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:41,508
Oh, well, shortly
after you left,
411
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:42,718
da Vinci's girlfriend
showed up,
412
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,844
so I injected her
with my DNA.
413
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,178
You had sex?
414
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,315
No, I put my DNA
inside her.
415
00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:49,382
Right. You had sex.
416
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:50,750
No, what are
you not getting?
417
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:52,952
I put a sample of my
DNA in a syringe
418
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:54,521
and I injected her
on the staircase,
419
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:55,522
the couch and
the balcony.
420
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,023
Well, whatever
the case, thank God.
421
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,224
Yeah, I know. Oh, hey,
422
00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:00,860
I brought you something
from da Vinci's workshop.
423
00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,731
A candle?
I can get a candle now.
424
00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:06,909
You couldn't have grabbed me
one of his original notebooks?
425
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,911
You know, I didn't have
to bring you back anything.
426
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,870
It's almost like
you didn't.30918
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