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1
00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:05,438
It seems today
that all you see.
2
00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:08,975
Is violence in movies
and sex on TV.
3
00:00:09,042 --> 00:00:12,545
But where are those
good old-fashioned values.
4
00:00:12,612 --> 00:00:15,382
On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,448 --> 00:00:19,252
Lucky there's a family guy.
6
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:22,389
Lucky there's a man
who positively can do.
7
00:00:22,455 --> 00:00:24,057
All the things that make us.
8
00:00:24,124 --> 00:00:25,792
Laugh and cry.
9
00:00:25,858 --> 00:00:31,098
He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy!
10
00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:37,604
Okay, Brian,
I'm goin' to the IGA.
11
00:00:37,670 --> 00:00:39,506
Don't let Peter
get into the cookie dough.
12
00:00:39,572 --> 00:00:41,241
Yeah, sure.
13
00:00:46,045 --> 00:00:47,447
Uh, Brian?
14
00:00:47,514 --> 00:00:49,716
I'm just gonna go
into the kitchen and...
15
00:00:49,782 --> 00:00:50,883
look at somethin'.
16
00:00:50,950 --> 00:00:51,851
Peter, I know
what you're doing.
17
00:00:51,918 --> 00:00:55,488
I'm just gonna
look at somethin'.
18
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:59,259
Oh! What a very
interesting thing.
19
00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:01,794
Brian, can I give you money
and you write me a check
20
00:01:01,861 --> 00:01:03,005
so I can order something from
21
00:01:03,029 --> 00:01:04,531
this Abercrombie & Fitch
catalog?
22
00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:06,175
What do you want to order?
Oh, wait, let me guess.
23
00:01:06,199 --> 00:01:07,967
Him.
24
00:01:08,034 --> 00:01:09,369
He got you, Stewie!
25
00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:11,104
Well, um, if
it were you...
26
00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:14,141
You-you would take the magazine
and you'd put it on the floor
27
00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:17,244
and pee on it 'cause you're
a dog and you're stupid,
28
00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:20,280
and-and you have a weird
toenail halfway up your elbow.
29
00:01:20,347 --> 00:01:22,249
Nice comeback.
30
00:01:22,315 --> 00:01:23,795
Geez, that one
was all over the place.
31
00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:25,318
I should have been
quicker than that.
32
00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:26,486
I should've said, "Really?
33
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:28,255
Why would I order
your ex-boyfriend?"
34
00:01:28,321 --> 00:01:29,756
And then I'd go like this.
35
00:01:29,822 --> 00:01:31,124
Aw, that's so good!
36
00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:32,559
Why didn't I say that?!
37
00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:34,026
If only I had a time machine,
38
00:01:34,093 --> 00:01:36,038
I could go back in time
and have that comeback ready.
39
00:01:36,062 --> 00:01:37,164
Wait a minute.
40
00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:38,631
I do have a time machine!
41
00:01:49,108 --> 00:01:51,578
Brian, can I give you money
42
00:01:51,644 --> 00:01:53,256
and you write me a check
so I can order something
43
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,914
from this Abercrombie
& Fitch catalog?
44
00:01:54,981 --> 00:01:56,892
What do you want to order?
Oh, wait, let me guess:
45
00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:58,117
Him.
Really?
46
00:01:58,185 --> 00:01:59,852
Why would I order
your ex-boyfriend?
47
00:01:59,919 --> 00:02:02,855
He got you, Brian!
48
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:06,393
Why didn't I think
of this before?
49
00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:08,328
Now I can always have
the last word.
50
00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:10,963
Like that ground control guy
during the moon landing.
51
00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:13,933
That's one small step for man,
52
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,303
one giant leap for mankind.
53
00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:17,837
Roger that, Neil.
54
00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:20,873
We came in peace for
all the peoples of the Earth.
55
00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:22,809
We read you, Neil.
56
00:02:22,875 --> 00:02:24,411
We chose to go to the moon,
57
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:27,714
not because it is easy,
but because it is hard.
58
00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:29,349
Had a lot of
help down here, Neil.
59
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:31,518
We have slipped
the surly bonds of Earth
60
00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:33,686
and touched the face of God.
61
00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:34,854
Yeah, if you could just
62
00:02:34,921 --> 00:02:36,789
grab some rocks, Neil,
throw 'em in a bag,
63
00:02:36,856 --> 00:02:38,358
we'll get you home
safe and sound.
64
00:02:41,127 --> 00:02:42,862
This is silly fun.
65
00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:45,865
I can go back in time and change
anything in Brian's life.
66
00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:51,003
Aw, don't feel
bad, Peter.
67
00:02:51,070 --> 00:02:52,705
Hey, I know what'll
cheer you up.
68
00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:55,808
Hey, where the hell's
my banana thing?
69
00:02:55,875 --> 00:02:57,677
It's peanut butter
jelly time.
70
00:02:57,744 --> 00:02:59,512
Peanut butter
jelly time.
71
00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:01,047
Peanut butter
jelly time.
72
00:03:01,113 --> 00:03:02,582
Where he at?
Where he at?
73
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:05,218
Oh... Oh, my God.
74
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:07,654
Oh, Stewie, that
is so funny!
75
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,290
Oh... I did not
see that comin'!
76
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,024
But... that was my thing.
77
00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:14,060
I'm pretty sure it was
the Internet's thing.
78
00:03:14,126 --> 00:03:15,738
Peanut butter jelly,
peanut butter jelly.
79
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,664
Peanut butter jelly
with a baseball bat.
80
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,902
Hey, you remember
a few months ago
81
00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:25,605
when you scored that date with
that Victoria's Secret model
82
00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:27,139
and then ended up
sealing the deal?
83
00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:28,575
Oh, yeah. That was amazing.
84
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:29,652
What was the date of that?
85
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:33,313
August 15th. August
15th! You betcha!
86
00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:39,051
Now, I have to
leave enough time...
87
00:03:39,118 --> 00:03:40,119
Talking to yourself?
88
00:03:40,186 --> 00:03:42,322
Gyah...! Brian, Brian!
Hello!
89
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:45,091
Stewie, I know you've been going
back in time to embarrass me.
90
00:03:45,157 --> 00:03:47,960
Oh, what-what,
that... come on!
91
00:03:48,027 --> 00:03:49,672
Oh, okay, then-then
where are you going now?
92
00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:51,898
Well, I have a-a-a very
important mission.
93
00:03:51,964 --> 00:03:53,742
Uh-huh. Let me see that
panel. No, no, don't touch that!
94
00:03:53,766 --> 00:03:54,810
Come on, let me
see that! Don't...
95
00:03:54,834 --> 00:03:56,274
Move out of the way!
No, you can't...
96
00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:57,513
I'm not gonna let you do
this... You just touched my boob.
97
00:03:57,537 --> 00:03:58,671
I'm gonna tell Mom.
98
00:04:31,203 --> 00:04:34,541
What happened?
99
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:36,476
Where are we?
I don't know.
100
00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:39,412
It's like...
we're not anywhere.
101
00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:41,156
Stewie, what the hell
did your machine do?!
102
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:42,615
Just calm down,
calm down, Brian.
103
00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:45,418
I've got the return pad.
104
00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:46,886
All right, step on.
105
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,956
What happened?
106
00:04:50,022 --> 00:04:51,591
Good Lord!
107
00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:53,259
This is impossible!
108
00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:55,428
What? Well, the return pad works
109
00:04:55,495 --> 00:04:57,129
by first locking onto
our coordinates
110
00:04:57,196 --> 00:04:59,165
along the curve of the
space-time continuum.
111
00:04:59,231 --> 00:05:01,434
But it can't.
Why not?
112
00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:03,636
Well, the only explanation is...
113
00:05:03,703 --> 00:05:05,505
we've somehow been transported
114
00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:07,440
outside the space-time
continuum.
115
00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:09,041
I don't-I don't understand.
116
00:05:09,108 --> 00:05:10,209
Non-existence.
117
00:05:10,276 --> 00:05:12,044
No past, no future.
118
00:05:12,111 --> 00:05:13,513
No universe.
119
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:15,815
But still
somehow a large,
120
00:05:15,882 --> 00:05:18,050
brightly-colored promo
for The Cleveland Show.
121
00:05:18,117 --> 00:05:20,820
Hey, y'all,
it's The Cleveland Show!
122
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:22,154
Huh. That's weird.
123
00:05:22,221 --> 00:05:24,657
Black guys usually
don't promote themselves.
124
00:05:29,529 --> 00:05:31,474
Come on, Stewie, can you
fix that damn thing or not?
125
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:32,765
Well, it's not
broken, Brian.
126
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,034
It operates according
to the laws of physics,
127
00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:37,570
but we're outside the
space-time continuum,
128
00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:39,839
so there are no laws
of physics... watch.
129
00:05:43,309 --> 00:05:44,577
How the hell'd
you do that?
130
00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:46,045
No laws of physics, Brian.
131
00:05:46,112 --> 00:05:47,179
We create our own physics.
132
00:05:47,246 --> 00:05:48,247
See, watch this.
133
00:05:50,149 --> 00:05:52,018
Bum-bah, duh-duh,
bum-bah, duh-duh.
134
00:05:52,084 --> 00:05:54,220
Bum-bah, duh-duh,
bum-bah, duh-duh...
135
00:05:54,286 --> 00:05:56,689
Heart and soul Bum-bah,
duh-duh, bum-bah, duh-duh
136
00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:58,434
I fell in love with you
Bum-bah, duh-duh, bum-bah, duh-duh.
137
00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:00,503
Heart and soul Bum-bah,
duh-duh, bum-bah, duh-duh.
138
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,438
The way a fool would do
Bum-bah, duh-duh, bum-bah, duh-duh.
139
00:06:02,462 --> 00:06:04,464
Madly Bum-bah,
duh-duh, bum-bah, duh-duh.
140
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:07,734
Because you held me tight
Bum-bah, duh-duh, bum-bah, duh-duh.
141
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,870
And stole a kiss in the night
Bum-bah, duh-duh, bum-bah...
142
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:12,338
Did I tell you?
143
00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:13,940
Yeah, that was good.
We were good.
144
00:06:14,006 --> 00:06:15,951
Yeah, th-that's why it
sucks that we're alone here.
145
00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:17,544
Because if-if-if
there were people here,
146
00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:19,345
they would say,
"That was good.
147
00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:20,523
You guys should
do that more."
148
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:21,624
Oh, yeah, they totally
would, but look-look,
149
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:22,582
I still want to
go home, Stewie.
150
00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:23,950
How do we get
outta here?
151
00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:26,586
Well, if I overload
the return pad's reactor,
152
00:06:26,653 --> 00:06:28,020
it might release enough energy
153
00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:30,757
to blow us back into the
universe, but it's too risky.
154
00:06:30,823 --> 00:06:32,058
But it could
get us home?
155
00:06:32,124 --> 00:06:34,226
Well, maybe, but
it'll break my thing.
156
00:06:34,293 --> 00:06:36,529
And if I overload that reactor,
we could both die.
157
00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:37,897
Well, you at least
have to try.
158
00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:41,568
And if you don't, I am gonna
spend the rest of eternity
159
00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:43,746
chuckling at a joke that
I am not gonna share with you.
160
00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:46,773
Oh, oh, man.
161
00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:48,307
What? What's the joke?
162
00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:50,309
Oh, yes!
163
00:06:50,376 --> 00:06:53,145
What? What is it?
You-you can't say that!
164
00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:54,747
But it got said!
165
00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:56,115
Wha-what? What?!
By who?!
166
00:06:56,182 --> 00:06:57,484
All right, fine, fine!
167
00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:58,551
I'll try it,
you bastard!
168
00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:00,086
Now, step onto
the return pad.
169
00:07:00,152 --> 00:07:01,554
Now brace yourself.
170
00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:04,524
Hopefully, the explosion
will propel us into reality.
171
00:07:30,349 --> 00:07:31,784
We made it.
Yeah, we made it.
172
00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:33,696
Okay, now tell me the
joke. Oh, it's nothing really.
173
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,230
It's just this bit about
a planned parenthood clinic
174
00:07:35,254 --> 00:07:36,355
on Halloween.
175
00:07:36,422 --> 00:07:38,625
Next.
176
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:43,763
Brian, I am about to
show you something
177
00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:45,565
that's gonna
blow your mind!
178
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,567
Do you know what the
big bang theory is?
179
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,335
Yeah, the theory that
the universe started
180
00:07:49,401 --> 00:07:50,937
with a massive outward explosion
181
00:07:51,003 --> 00:07:53,606
from a singularity of infinite
mass and infinite density.
182
00:07:53,673 --> 00:07:55,474
Check out the big brain
on Brian.
183
00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,209
Good. Now, take a look.
184
00:07:57,276 --> 00:07:59,912
The universe's cosmic
background radiation,
185
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,781
a kind of echo
of the big bang,
186
00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:05,317
precisely matches the energy
spectrum of my return pad!
187
00:08:05,384 --> 00:08:06,886
Well, what does
that mean?
188
00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:10,189
It means my return pad's
explosion was the big bang.
189
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:12,992
But the big bang happened, like,
billions of years ago.
190
00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:15,928
No, no... we were outside
the space-time continuum.
191
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:19,065
Time and space didn't
exist until my explosion.
192
00:08:19,131 --> 00:08:21,734
Which means I created
the universe, Brian.
193
00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:23,235
That doesn't make any sense.
194
00:08:23,302 --> 00:08:25,280
You were born in the universe.
How could you create it?
195
00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:27,273
It's called a "temporal
causality loop."
196
00:08:27,339 --> 00:08:30,009
The universe created me,
so I could create it,
197
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:32,144
so it could create
me and so on.
198
00:08:32,211 --> 00:08:33,512
That's...
199
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:35,882
that's the most incredible
thing I've ever heard.
200
00:08:35,948 --> 00:08:37,483
So, wait, that-that
means that...
201
00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:39,619
I kinda created
the universe, too.
202
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:42,121
No, no, no, no.
203
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:45,024
You're, you're sort of the
Art Garfunkel of the universe.
204
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:52,331
Hey, Lois, check out what I
spelled with my Alpha-Bits.
205
00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:54,601
Oh, my God.
206
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:56,969
Yeah! Now watch.
207
00:08:59,739 --> 00:09:01,473
Oh, maybe later,
208
00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:02,580
you'll want
the real thing.
209
00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:06,545
I prefer the Alpha-Bits.
210
00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:08,280
Well, I'm off
to the farmers' market.
211
00:09:08,347 --> 00:09:10,750
I've gotta pick up some
plutonium for a new return pad.
212
00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:13,452
In case I decide to make
another universe later.
213
00:09:13,519 --> 00:09:15,087
Plutonium at the
farmers' market?
214
00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:17,389
Yeah, I'm only using
organic plutonium now.
215
00:09:17,456 --> 00:09:19,025
Think globally:
Buy locally.
216
00:09:19,091 --> 00:09:21,227
Hey, slut,
get me out of this.
217
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:26,332
Hello there, Yusuf.
Hey, Stewie!
218
00:09:26,398 --> 00:09:27,700
What can I get you?
219
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:28,944
Oh, just a little
of the good stuff
220
00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:30,245
for a new time machine
return pad.
221
00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:31,437
Coming right up.
222
00:09:31,503 --> 00:09:33,873
So, how's the whole
terrorism thing goin'?
223
00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:36,809
Well, the good news is
my son died in a car bombing.
224
00:09:36,876 --> 00:09:39,545
The bad news is
he borrowed my car!
225
00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:46,285
Oh, God!
226
00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:48,420
Oh, that's
the other reason I come here.
227
00:09:48,487 --> 00:09:51,023
Okay, so here
is your plutonium.
228
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:53,292
I hope you kill
my bitch wife with it.
229
00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:55,127
Whoa, whoa. Where's
that comin' from?
230
00:09:55,194 --> 00:09:57,897
Eh, I'm just a little upset
because she left me.
231
00:09:57,964 --> 00:10:01,000
I guess she didn't know
what "jihad."
232
00:10:02,702 --> 00:10:03,736
Come on!
Oh, sorry!
233
00:10:08,307 --> 00:10:09,308
So...
234
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:12,211
Stewie Griffin invented
a time machine.
235
00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:40,172
Bertram!
236
00:10:40,239 --> 00:10:41,407
Hello, Stewie.
237
00:10:41,473 --> 00:10:43,009
You don't realize it yet,
238
00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:45,712
but your life is about
to cease to exist.
239
00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:47,313
What are you talking about?
240
00:10:47,379 --> 00:10:50,149
I am going to kill
one of your ancestors,
241
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:52,885
effectively erasing you
from history!
242
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:54,320
Here! Play with this!
243
00:10:54,386 --> 00:10:56,488
At least you can spend
your final moments
244
00:10:56,555 --> 00:10:58,390
doing something you enjoy.
245
00:10:58,457 --> 00:11:00,793
You know, it's funny, I had
actually stopped playing
246
00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:02,660
with that toy, but now that
I see you with it,
247
00:11:02,695 --> 00:11:04,055
I kinda want to play
with it again.
248
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:06,565
Look at me! I'm mowing the lawn!
249
00:11:13,706 --> 00:11:15,574
What the hell's
all that noise?
250
00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:16,809
Brian, it was Bertram!
251
00:11:16,876 --> 00:11:17,977
He's gone into the past,
252
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:19,411
and he claims he's
going to...
253
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,815
Stewie, what's going on?!
254
00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:28,154
Peter, what was that?!
255
00:11:41,233 --> 00:11:43,870
Quick, Brian, into
the time machine!
256
00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:46,638
Stewie, what the hell
was that?!
257
00:11:46,705 --> 00:11:48,440
Those were ripples
in time, Brian,
258
00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:50,843
emanating from some
point in the past.
259
00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:53,012
And there's only
one explanation.
260
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:55,581
Bertram told me he planned
to kill one of my ancestors.
261
00:11:55,647 --> 00:11:57,449
He must have succeeded,
262
00:11:57,516 --> 00:11:59,618
thereby changing the
past and erasing... me.
263
00:11:59,685 --> 00:12:01,687
But what has that got
to do with...?
264
00:12:01,754 --> 00:12:03,522
I created the universe, Brian!
265
00:12:03,589 --> 00:12:06,158
Bertram didn't know that by
removing me from history,
266
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:08,360
I wouldn't be there to be
accidentally thrown outside
267
00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:10,096
the universe and subsequently
create it.
268
00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:12,031
So the universe never existed!
269
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:13,599
Well, we have
to stop him!
270
00:12:13,665 --> 00:12:16,468
Yes. Unfortunately, Bertram
took the return pad with him,
271
00:12:16,535 --> 00:12:18,404
so we'll only get
one shot at this.
272
00:12:18,470 --> 00:12:19,471
Ah, here it is.
273
00:12:19,538 --> 00:12:21,407
Now we'll have to
travel back in time
274
00:12:21,473 --> 00:12:23,776
to a point shortly before
Bertram's arrival.
275
00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:25,011
Get ready, Brian.
276
00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:40,092
How long until
Bertram arrives?
277
00:12:40,159 --> 00:12:42,528
I can't be certain, but
I'd say about 15 minutes.
278
00:12:42,594 --> 00:12:43,796
Where do you
think we are?
279
00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:44,964
I don't know.
280
00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:47,099
Looks like...
the Renaissance.
281
00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:48,234
It does.
282
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,402
This doesn't count
as our trip to Italy.
283
00:12:50,469 --> 00:12:52,138
Brian, look!
There's the Mona Lisa.
284
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:54,841
And it's unfinished!
285
00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:58,010
We must be in Leonardo
da Vinci's studio!
286
00:12:58,077 --> 00:12:59,245
Quick! Someone's coming!
287
00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:09,788
That must be Leonardo da Vinci!
288
00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:11,891
Stewie, he looks
just like you!
289
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,160
Da Vinci must be
my ancestor.
290
00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:15,962
Good Lord!
291
00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:17,763
That's who Bertram's
here to kill!
292
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:19,198
So that means
you're Italian.
293
00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:20,432
Of course!
294
00:13:20,499 --> 00:13:22,377
My love for SpaghettiOs
and smoking on the toilet.
295
00:13:22,401 --> 00:13:23,402
It all makes sense.
296
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:24,536
Ew.
297
00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:34,213
My God, da Vinci
is your ancestor!
298
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,747
But why would
Bertram go back
299
00:13:35,814 --> 00:13:37,283
this far
to get rid of you?
300
00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:39,261
Ah, you're forgetting I
initially encountered Bertram
301
00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:41,854
as a sperm in one
of the fat man's balls,
302
00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:44,023
so he couldn't get rid
of the fat man
303
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:45,892
or any recent ancestor
on my father's side.
304
00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:48,094
Bertram had to go back
enough generations
305
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,062
to make sure he
was snuffing out
306
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:51,630
the ancestral source
of my genius
307
00:13:51,697 --> 00:13:53,099
without affecting his own.
308
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:55,001
And apparently, it's
Leonardo da Vinci.
309
00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:57,469
Boy, I'm-a sick of da pizza.
310
00:13:57,536 --> 00:13:59,805
Well, we've gotta stop Bertram.
What are we gonna do?
311
00:13:59,872 --> 00:14:01,908
Don't worry, Brian,
I'll come up with something.
312
00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:03,042
Remember, I'm a genius.
313
00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:04,243
Like Thomas Edison.
314
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:06,879
Thomas, what are
you doing?!
315
00:14:06,946 --> 00:14:08,580
Experimenting.
316
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:11,918
Brian, look!
317
00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:18,124
Mama mia!
What is this-a?!
318
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,792
Leonardo da Vinci, I presume.
319
00:14:20,859 --> 00:14:23,029
Who are you-a,
little-a lisping baby?
320
00:14:23,095 --> 00:14:26,232
Your assassin,
you overrated caricaturist!
321
00:14:29,635 --> 00:14:30,569
Stewie!
322
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:32,338
That's my name,
don't wear it out.
323
00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:36,075
See, that's
brand-new to him.
324
00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:41,573
Ey!
325
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:42,640
Ey!
326
00:16:18,510 --> 00:16:21,180
You're about to be yesterday's
hopscotch chalk
327
00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:23,315
on a sidewalk, Stewie!
328
00:16:23,382 --> 00:16:24,416
Erased!
329
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:26,118
Yeah, no, I-I got
the metaphor,
330
00:16:26,185 --> 00:16:27,619
but, Bertram, if
you erase me,
331
00:16:27,686 --> 00:16:28,854
you'll destroy
the universe!
332
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,256
What are you talking about?
333
00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:31,857
Listen to him, Bertram!
It's true!
334
00:16:31,923 --> 00:16:34,826
Brian and I were trapped outside
the space-time continuum
335
00:16:34,893 --> 00:16:36,495
and the only way for us
336
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:39,265
to get back was to overload
my old return pad!
337
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:41,467
The resulting explosion
was the big bang!
338
00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:43,669
So if you kill me,
you're killing yourself
339
00:16:43,735 --> 00:16:46,205
and everything else that ever
existed or will exist!
340
00:16:48,006 --> 00:16:49,341
Worth it!
341
00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:55,214
You fool!
342
00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:17,603
Hey, Bertram,
343
00:17:17,669 --> 00:17:19,638
what's your favorite kind
of bottled water?
344
00:17:20,872 --> 00:17:22,474
Mine's Arrowhead.
345
00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:29,481
Wow, that was...
346
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:30,649
dramatic.
347
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:36,054
My God, he's really dead.
348
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:37,656
This is it.
349
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:38,824
Yeah.
350
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:42,060
But why hasn't the universe
ceased to exist?
351
00:17:42,128 --> 00:17:43,129
I don't know.
352
00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:44,730
Unless...
353
00:17:44,796 --> 00:17:46,932
there's still a chance
of me being born.
354
00:17:46,998 --> 00:17:48,367
But da Vinci is dead...
355
00:17:48,434 --> 00:17:50,269
Yes, but we're still here.
356
00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:52,571
So I must have done, or will do,
357
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:54,973
something that will save
the universe.
358
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,543
If I can just figure out
what that is.
359
00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:00,612
Oh! Bertram just
voided his bowels.
360
00:18:00,679 --> 00:18:01,847
That's it!
361
00:18:01,913 --> 00:18:05,217
The genetic material needed
for my creation is inside me.
362
00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:07,419
So I'll take da Vinci's place
and pass it on.
363
00:18:07,486 --> 00:18:09,588
Wait, how did you get
that from "bowels"? Huh?
364
00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:11,335
I'm just wondering how
you got that from...
365
00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:12,524
You know what?
I don't care.
366
00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:13,701
Will, will that
work, though?
367
00:18:13,725 --> 00:18:14,893
You taking
da Vinci's place?
368
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,995
Only one way to find out.
369
00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:19,398
All right, I'm going
to send you back five minutes
370
00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:21,133
after we disappeared
in the time machine.
371
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,334
If all goes well,
372
00:18:22,401 --> 00:18:24,670
the universe should be
intact this time.
373
00:18:24,736 --> 00:18:26,071
Good luck, old friend.
374
00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:29,107
Hopefully, I'll be leaving you
a future to return to.
375
00:18:29,175 --> 00:18:31,009
I'm gonna miss you, Stewie.
376
00:18:31,076 --> 00:18:32,344
Good luck.
377
00:18:50,996 --> 00:18:53,031
You did it, Stewie.
378
00:18:53,098 --> 00:18:54,833
You did it.
379
00:19:09,147 --> 00:19:10,582
Uh... can I help you?
380
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:12,418
Are you Brian Griffin?
381
00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:13,485
Yes.
382
00:19:13,552 --> 00:19:15,321
I'm-a from the Vatican,
and this is for you.
383
00:19:15,387 --> 00:19:16,555
What is it?
384
00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,657
The Vatican has been
holding this note for you
385
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:20,426
for about 500 years.
386
00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:23,462
It was left to us by
Leonardo da Vinci himself,
387
00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:25,797
with instructions
that it be delivered
388
00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:30,869
to you on this exact-a
date at this exact-a time.
389
00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:32,604
Dear Brian,
390
00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:34,039
It's been a week
since you left,
391
00:19:34,105 --> 00:19:36,342
and I'm pretty sure I've set
things right.
392
00:19:36,408 --> 00:19:38,977
So I've built a cryogenic
stasis device,
393
00:19:39,044 --> 00:19:41,780
and am placing myself inside
it, leaving instructions for it
394
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,425
to be buried
in very specific coordinates
395
00:19:43,449 --> 00:19:45,851
in what will be future Quahog.
396
00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:47,753
If everything goes according
to plan,
397
00:19:47,819 --> 00:19:50,021
I will have spent
the next 500 years
398
00:19:50,088 --> 00:19:51,857
buried beneath our basement.
399
00:19:51,923 --> 00:19:53,158
Oh, my God!
400
00:19:53,225 --> 00:19:56,428
A tip is-a customary!
401
00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:22,421
Stewie!
402
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:27,058
Stewie! Stewie, you okay?!
403
00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:30,061
You gotta
kiss him to wake him up.
404
00:20:30,128 --> 00:20:31,663
What?
I'm not gonna kiss you.
405
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:34,132
Stewie can't hear you.
He's not awake.
406
00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:35,767
Only a kiss will wake him up.
407
00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:37,102
Well, I better get Meg.
408
00:20:37,168 --> 00:20:39,204
Oh, oh, oh, where am I?
Wha...?
409
00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:40,606
Stewie, what the hell happened?!
410
00:20:40,672 --> 00:20:42,508
Oh, well, shortly
after you left,
411
00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:43,718
da Vinci's girlfriend
showed up,
412
00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:45,844
so I injected her
with my DNA.
413
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:47,178
You had sex?
414
00:20:47,245 --> 00:20:49,315
No, I put my DNA
inside her.
415
00:20:49,381 --> 00:20:50,382
Right. You had sex.
416
00:20:50,449 --> 00:20:51,750
No, what are
you not getting?
417
00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:53,952
I put a sample of my
DNA in a syringe
418
00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:55,521
and I injected her
on the staircase,
419
00:20:55,587 --> 00:20:56,522
the couch and
the balcony.
420
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,023
Well, whatever
the case, thank God.
421
00:20:58,089 --> 00:20:59,224
Yeah, I know. Oh, hey,
422
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:01,860
I brought you something
from da Vinci's workshop.
423
00:21:03,194 --> 00:21:05,731
A candle?
I can get a candle now.
424
00:21:05,797 --> 00:21:07,909
You couldn't have grabbed me
one of his original notebooks?
425
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,911
You know, I didn't have
to bring you back anything.
426
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:11,870
It's almost like
you didn't.
30922
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